


Homelessons

by Emmiow



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Fluff, Homelessness, M/M, Prostitute, Prostitution, Smut, homeless, it's not as bad as it sounds eeek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-14 11:29:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 62
Words: 419,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7169225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmiow/pseuds/Emmiow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jongin finds himself homeless, he thinks all hope is lost. That is until he meets Taemin, a young prostitute who takes Jongin under his wing and gives him 'lessons' on how to survive street life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lesson 1: Parks, Not Alleyways

It had been the worst day of Jongin's life. Everything had happened so fast all his memories were a blur. He couldn't remember details. This morning seemed like a year ago.  
Now, he couldn't believe where he'd ended up. It was so damn cold his teeth were actually chattering. He cursed himself for not picking up his coat that morning as the loose jacket around his shoulders wasn't doing a thing to shield him from the icy wind. At least he was alone. The alleyway was quiet and the darkness of night made his silhouette seep into the shadows. Nobody would find him here.  
The reality of his situation dawned on him. Was he actually...homeless? He'd never thought in a billion years he'd be facing a situation like this one. He glanced down, feeling his tummy rumble and searched in his pocket for a half eaten candy bar. It wasn't there. Neither was his wallet. At least he still had his phone- although he had no one to call.  
He let his body slump down to the floor, residing himself to the fact that this alley would be his home for the night. It wasn't like he was going to go to sleep anyway so there was no point in trying to find anywhere comfier. Or was there anywhere comfier? Was this as comfortable as it got for a homeless person?  
Suddenly something made him jump. He glanced up, terrified, to see a small figure walking towards him. He contemplated running, fighting, or screaming...he'd thought nobody would have a hope of finding him here, but this person was clearly walking straight towards him.  
"Hey are you ok?" A soft male voice asked. A shadow fell over the person's face so Jongin couldn't make out anything of what he looked like. He was pretty sure it was a boy's voice though.  
Jongin was definitely not ok but he nodded anyway, just wanting to be left alone.  
"I haven't seen you around here before." The stranger said. There was nothing threatening about his tone but Jongin could help feeling a little scared anyway.  
"I...no...I haven't been here before..." Jongin managed to stutter.  
"You hungry?" The stranger asked.  
Jongin was hungry, starving in fact, but he shook his head. He didn't know this person, he could be anyone. Just because he appeared friendly- didn't mean he was. It might have been a trick. The food might be drugged...Jongin knew he was probably just paranoid, but he couldn't risk it.  
Seeming to notice Jongin's inner turmoil, the stranger stepped out from the shadows, revealing his face. "Oh sorry. I didn't realize you couldn't see me...that must have been pretty creepy" he laughed, "an ominous figure walking towards you in the dark...sorry."  
Jongin took a moment to take in the boy's appearance. He was sickly thin, wearing tight jeans with so many holes that there really seemed no point in them, a large coat which wasn't done up, and a loose top underneath. He had bleach blonde hair which obviously hadn't been dyed in a while because black roots were showing very visibly. His face was extremely pretty and angular. He actually looked friendly, innocent, angelic almost...not the type of face Jongin had expected to see this late in an alleyway.  
"Do I have something in my teeth?" The boy said, noticing how long Jongin had been staring at him.  
"Oh no no...sorry...no..." Jongin blabbered, feeling embarrassed.  
The boy knelt down on the floor next to him, and dug around in his pockets, pulling out half a sandwich. "Here" he said kindly, "Sorry it's only half."  
Upon seeing the food, Jongin couldn't resist. He snatched it away from the boy's hands and started to eat embarrassingly quickly. "Wow you really were hungry..." The boy laughed.  
Jongin gulped the last mouthful and made himself smile meekly. This stranger had been kind for no reason, the least he could do was show his gratitude. "You look like you need it more than I do." Jongin whispered, feeling guilty. Here he was taking charity from someone who was about half his size.  
"Look, I really came to tell you...you shouldn't try and sleep in this alleyway. It's not safe down here. Anyone could find you." The boy said, ignoring Jongin's guilty blabbering.  
"Oh...thanks...." Jongin mumbled, although had no idea where else he'd go.  
"You're new at this aren't you?" The boy asked, his voice leaving a trace of amusement.  
Jongin nodded.  
"Sorry to hear that. Well...you seem nice...I'd take you back to where I sleep but my friends don't like new people so..."  
"No no...it's fine. I'm fine." Jongin lied. He'd rather be on his own anyway.  
"Look. If you go down there," the boy said, pointing out of the alley, "And walk a few blocks down you'll reach a park. It's much lighter and less secluded. It has a few benches and trees...you'll be safer there than you are here."  
"Thanks." Jongin replied, truly grateful.  
The boy turned and was just about to leave, when he paused. "I'm Taemin by the way."  
"Hi" Jongin said, feeling like an awkward idiot. "I'm Jongin" he added quickly.  
"Hi." Taemin replied.  
And then he was gone, slinking down the alleyway and into the night, becoming one with the shadows.  
Feeling curious, Jongin couldn't resist following him, just to see what direction he was going. He watched as Taemin made his way out of the alleyway and across the street. Taemin was walking quickly and he clearly had a destination...but then all of a sudden stopped abruptly as a car pulled up next to him. Jongin strained his eyes but it was far too dark to see who was driving.  
Taemin appeared to talk to whoever was in the car for a few seconds, before walking towards the front window and leaning in. A few more moments passed, and then a hand reached out of the car and handed Taemin some notes.  
Oh.  
Ohhhh...  
Jongin watched in horror, knowing exactly what was happening, as Taemin stuffed the notes inside his pocket and walked around the car to get into the passenger seat. As they drove off, Jongin felt a pang of some horrible, sad emotion in his chest. That poor kid.  
Jongin tried to convince himself he'd misread the situation...maybe it wasn't what it looked like. He knew he'd only met Taemin for 5 minutes, but he seemed so kind, so innocent...surely it wasn't what it seemed to be...surely the sweet boy who'd just given him half a sandwich wasn't a...  
Jongin shook it off. He'd have to forget about it. He couldn't worry about strangers right now. He had to get out of this alleyway.  
\---

aloha! ^^ very very short first chapter, but at least it sets the main characters up :) there isn't going to be much of a running storyline to this fic, because I enjoy writing characters more than actual plot...so...xD anyway i hope you enjoy it despite the serious, sad topic.  
I wanted to write something about homelessness when I watched Professor Green's Hidden and Homeless programme. It really broke my heart in two, but it also gave me this idea. Just a little disclaimer; obviously, this is just a silly fanfiction and it will not be realistic! also i'm not trying to glorify a really sad thing that actually happens. So yes xD anyhoo. i don't want to offend anyone!~ //this fic is also on aff so i'm just posting it on here too cus xD what the hay~


	2. Lesson 2: Never On The Weekends

"I met this kid last night..." Taemin started, his voice dying out because he knew it was a bad idea as soon as he saw his friend tense. Too late now though.  
"Did you?" Key asked, narrowing his feline eyes.  
"Yeah" Taemin continued, "He seemed..."  
"Don't." Key interrupted, "Don't tell me he seemed nice or sweet or harmless or pitiful. Don't give me that shit. You're far too trusting and it's gonna get you killed one day."  
Taemin sighed because that was exactly what he'd thought Key would say. Not that he was going to let his friend get to him. "Whatever," he shrugged "But what if it was me, you know?"  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
"I mean you took a chance on me didn't you? You must've thought I was 'nice or sweet or harmless or pitiful' or something when you first saw me."  
"I'm a better judge of character than you are, I think that's been proved many times." Key snapped.  
Taemin couldn't argue with that. He knew Key was right. He could immediately think of about 10 incidences that he'd misjudged someone's character and it had landed him a whole world of pain. But he was better at it now. He wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. And the kid he'd met last night slumped in the alleyway, desperate for half a sandwich, was clearly no monster.  
"I'm more capable than you think Kibummie." Taemin retorted, shuffling uncomfortably on the hard floor of the derelict building they were currently squatting in. It wasn't the nicest place in the world...but it had a roof.  
"He's right you know." Another voice cut in, making Taemin and Key look up to see Minho walk in and slump down on the floor next to them. He emptied his bag and out flew some water bottles, bread, and that drug- 'spice'.  
Key grabbed the spice immediately, whilst Taemin dug into the bread.  
"Don't interfere," Key said, rolling the drug into a spliff, "I'm looking after Taemin, not you."  
"Excuse me!" Taemin huffed, outraged. Maybe in the past Key had looked after him, but he'd like to think he was capable by himself nowadays. It wasn't like he was a newbie at street life. He knew his way around. He knew how to stay out of trouble. He didn't need to be babysat anymore.  
"Oh puhlease..." Minho scoffed, "I look after you all and you know it."  
Key gave him a look like daggers but didn't argue because I mean, the guy just brought him drugs and the effects were already beginning to take hold.  
"So anyway what I was saying was..." Taemin continued, stopping when Key turned the death stare to him instead.  
"I don't want to here it," Key hissed, "Our group is full Taemin, do you understand? FULL. If you so much as breathe a word of where we are I'll kill you. I'm not having you taking stray little lost puppy boys here to ruin everything. We can't risk being found. We have a fucking roof! A ROOF. Do you want to jeopardize that? Is that what you want? No. More. People. Get it?"  
Although Key's words were harsh, Taemin wasn't even the slightest bit offended. He'd known Key for years. They were more than just friends- they were family. Key had been through everything with Taemin. He'd saved his life many times. They'd always had each other's backs and they always would have. Key was just like this. Call him what you like; melodramatic, standoffish, cold hearted, downright rude- he was many things, but above all he was true friend.  
"Whatever." Taemin replied, deciding to roll up some spice himself.  
Key was about to grumble, saying Taemin was a moody brat for replying 'whatever' to everything, but he couldn't help but smile as another figure entered the room.  
"Hey baby" Jonghyun cooed, scootching himself down next Key on the floor, "Can I have some?"  
"It's Minho's" Key replied, taking the spliff out of his mouth and giving it to Jonghyun.  
"Oh thanks" Jonghyun said, turning to Minho. "Did I interrupt something...?" He added, sensing the tense atmosphere.  
"Taemin met a kid last night, new to the streets, I think he wants to adopt him or something." Minho shrugged.  
Jonghyun just laughed and turned to his boyfriend. "Oh I bet that idea was popular with this one..." He said, playfully putting an arm around Key's shoulders and squeezing. Key shook him off and frowned, taking the spliff away from Jonghyun's lips and back to his own.  
"Onew wouldn't mind." Taemin interrupted. "I mean...Onew was always ready to help anyone who needed it."  
"Yeah well Onew's not here is he?" Key mumbled. He was having hard time staying fully conscious as the spice was working a bit too well.  
Key was right, Onew wasn't there. God know's where he was. Taemin innerly scolded himself for mentioning their former missing friend. Even his name was a sore point. He shouldn't have brought Onew up. It was a low blow.  
"Sorry." Taemin murmured, "Let's just go to sleep and forget I said anything."  
"You're not working tonight?" Key slurred, barely able to keep his eyes open.  
"No. I'm tired." Taemin replied, "You're not either...are you?"  
It was obvious Key was in no state to go anywhere but Taemin just wanted to make sure.  
"Of course he isn't" Jonghyun interrupted, "Let's all just go to sleep."  
Taemin nodded as he shuffled himself around towards Key and Jonghyun and climbed into his sleeping bag. Minho did the same, and they all huddled as close together as possible, hoping their combined body heat would take away from the cold. It wasn't just the warmth that made them sleep so close though. In a world where nothing was safe, it was comforting to be right next to your friends.  
\---  
Unsurprisingly, Jongin was not coping with street life well. So far he'd managed to get in a fight (he hadn't started it, honest), lose his phone and jacket (or have them stolen, who knows), eat out of the trash (and be sick straight after, thank you very much) and it had only been 3 days.  
3 days.  
He didn't know how much more of this he could take. He was completely alone and nobody seemed to be helping him. On the first night he'd seen a few other kids sleeping rough in the park. He regretted not going up to them, saying hi...then at least he might not feel so lonely right now. He also regretted being so awkward with that Taemin kid, the only person who'd shown him a shred of kindness so far. It saddened Jongin that he would probably never see Taemin again.  
It was hard. Too hard. But he just had to keep reminding himself that this was better. This was better than going home. Sleeping rough and having no one was better than sleeping in a bed and having someone who hates you. He couldn't go home. Maybe things would start to improve. Maybe the first 3 days were the worst. Jongin was kidding himself, and he knew it. But without hope- what's left?  
"Hey you." Jongin heard from a distance. He didn't turn round, presuming whoever was calling wasn't talking to him. He'd learned quickly not to look people in the eye.  
"HEY are you deaf??" The voice yelled. This time Jongin hesitantly glanced to his side to see a group of 4 guys walking towards him.  
The park was much more deserted than it had been the last 3 nights which was unnerving. He wondered if there was a reason, or if it was just a coincidence.  
Jongin started to back away as the group got closer. He thought about running, but he'd tried that the night before when the fight had happened and it hadn't gone down well.  
"Do you speak English??" One of the guys said, they were now standing around Jongin, uncomfortably close.  
"Urrr yeah...sorry..." Jongin mumbled. He wanted the ground to swallow him up.  
"He's pretty. It's a shame about that black eye." Another guy said, reaching to touch Jongin's cheek. Jongin pulled away at the speed of light, backing into one of the other guy's behind him.  
"Move." Jongin spat, as he tried to sidestep the man in front of him.  
"Aww he's feisty as well."  
"Don't worry, we won't hurt you."  
"You look like you could use some warming up..."  
Jongin couldn't tell who was speaking. His ears were ringing in panic. He knew the only way out was to fight, so he lifted his fist to take a swing at one of the guys at random, except before he knew it, both of his arms was grabbed and twisted behind him. Jongin screamed in pain because it hurt more than it should have. His mind was in overdrive, desperately trying to think about how he could break free.  
"What the fuck are you boys doing?" A strangely familiar voice said, making the group of men around Jongin jump. They loosened their grip on Jongin's arms just enough that they could turn to face the new arrival.  
Jongin had never been so happy to see anyone in his life.  
So happy, and so scared.  
Taemin was standing in front of them, casually leaning on a lamppost, smoking some kind of weird cigarette. Jongin wanted to scream at him to for god's sake run, but it was as if Taemin wasn't scared at all.  
"Where the hell have you been?" One of the guys asked Taemin, walking up to him and slinging a lazy arm around the blonde.  
"I'm late tonight. I don't live for you, you know. I have a life." Taemin stated, not making any effort to pull away from the creepy guy's arm around his shoulder.  
"Well you should," the guy said, laughing, "I thought I was your favorite?"  
"You're not." Taemin smirked, before turning his eyes to Jongin and softening when he saw the terrified expression on his face. "What? You couldn't find me so you perverts thought you'd just latch onto any old loser you find?"  
"Jealous?" The guy who currently had Jongin's arms trapped into a death grip leered.  
"Hardly." Taemin scoffed, shaking the arm around his shoulders away and walking towards Jongin, "Let the poor kid go. You've got me now."  
"Why can't we have you both?" Came the sick reply.  
"Don't flatter yourself," Taemin laughed "Like you have the stamina for us both."  
Jongin couldn't believe what he was hearing. This sweet, innocent little un-threatening kid was keeping his cool and managing to be a sassy brat against 4 looming thugs who could easily snap him like a twig.  
"Let the kid go." Taemin repeated, his eyes narrowing as he took another drag of the cigarette.  
There was an agonizing pause. Jongin had never felt so helpless in his life. Thankfully, he felt the grip on his arms loosen as he was pushed to the side. He thought he saw Taemin breathe a sigh of relief, but he could have imagined it. He debated running away -nothing was stopping him now- but he couldn't just leave Taemin alone with these creeps. It was wrong. Everything about this was wrong.  
"K then let's go." One of the guys said, grabbing Taemin's shoulder and pulling him away.  
Taemin wasn't letting himself be dragged like a dog so he squirmed his way out. "Yeah yeah ok give me two seconds will you? Goduh." He said, walking towards where Jongin stood.  
The guys groaned, but astonishingly they didn't protest as Taemin took Jongin by the arm and walked a few paces so they wouldn't be overheard.  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing newbie?" Taemin hissed.  
Jongin honestly had no idea what to say to that. He wasn't doing anything. He was minding his own business in a play park. "You told me to come here?" Jongin whispered.  
"Yeah but not on the weekends. Never on the weekends! Are you a total idiot?" Taemin snapped. He hadn't wanted to work tonight so he was feeling pretty pissed. But it wasn't like he could let those creeps do whatever they want with this new kid, so what was he suppose to do.  
"S...sorry..." Jongin stuttered. Taemin was just about to turn around and leave, when Jongin grabbed his arm to stop him. "Hey...let's run away." Jongin whispered.  
"What?"  
"We can outrun them, come on!" Jongin urged.  
"It's fine." Taemin replied, "I made a deal and now I have to stick to it. You go. I'll be fine."  
Jongin felt like shaking this stupid boy. Of course he wouldn't be fine. Nothing about this was fine.  
"Piss off!" Taemin hissed, feeling guilty immediately because he knew Jongin was just trying to be nice. But he wasn't in the mood and it was keeping his clients waiting. The longer they waited, the worse it would be. "Look," Taemin said again, "You obviously need to be babysat so meet me here tomorrow ok? Broad daylight, by this bench, tomorrow morning, 10 o clockish. Don't worry if I'm late. Ok?"  
"But..." Jongin started. He still didn’t think he should go. How could he leave Taemin with these monsters?  
"I'll be FINE." Taemin yelled, literally pushing Jongin's chest before walking away towards the impatient group waiting for him.  
Jongin watched them leave the park, feeling like trash. He prayed to god that Taemin would still be alive to meet him tomorrow.  
\---

he'll be fine aha.   
it would be a rather short story if he wasn't wouldn't it xD sorry why am I joking about this it's just I feel like there needs to be something light at the end because man this is depressing.


	3. Lesson 3: Don't Be Melodramatic

Taemin had said not to worry if he was late, but this was ridiculous. It was now 12 noon and Jongin had been sitting on the park bench for two hours, getting more and more anxious as every minute passed. What had he done? Why had he let Taemin leave with those creeps? How could he do something so cowardly? What if Taemin was dead? What if it was all his fault? How would he contact Taemin's friends to let them know? What if...   
"Hi newbie" Taemin said cheerfully, plonking himself down on the bench next to Jongin, "Wow! You look really bad, sleepless night?"   
Jongin almost laughed at the casualness of the greeting, too shocked to feel anything but confusion. Frankly this kid's attitude bewildered him. "Are you ok??????" He gasped, studying Taemin's features intently to access any damage. Astonishingly, Taemin looked just as he did the night before. He even had the same clothes on, although that was no surprise.   
"I told you, I'm fine." Taemin shrugged, allowing himself to peer at Jongin just as the latter had done to him, "You know that black eye looks icky. You should do something about that."   
"What happened to you last night??" Jongin squeaked, ignoring Taemin's comment.   
Taemin shrugged for a second time. "Nothing weird."   
"NOTHING WEIRD??????" Jongin yelled. His outburst drew attention from a few on-lookers so Taemin smiled back at them as if he didn’t have a care in the world.   
"Keep your voice down and don't be melodramatic," Taemin replied, "You're causing a scene."   
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??" Jongin shrieked. He was totally losing his cool but how could he stay calm when he'd been up all night, torturing himself about what awful things could be happening to Taemin. Now here the kid was, 2 hours late, having the cheek to act as if nothing had happened.   
"Nothing's wrong with me. I'm fine. I'm not telling you again." Taemin sighed, "And how are you?"   
"I...I'm fine..." Jongin mumbled, trying to calm himself down.   
"You're always so stuttery," Taemin laughed "Can't you talk normally?"   
"Sorry."   
"And you always apologize, there's no need. We're friends." Taemin said, smiling.   
Jongin didn't think they quite classified as friends, seeing as they knew absolutely nothing about each other (well, except for 'profession' maybe) but didn't disagree. He could use a friend.   
"Is that why you helped me last night?" Jongin asked, "Because we're friends?"   
Taemin shrugged. Apparently he did that a lot. "I don't know...let's not overanalyse things shall we. You seemed nice and you're obviously new at this. It's honestly not a big deal."   
"Not a big deal??" Jongin repeated. He was trying to keep a lid on his emotions but clearly failing. "It's a huge deal!! Selling yourself like that..."   
"I didn't sell myself." Taemin replied bluntly.   
"Wha?"   
"It was me instead of you- that was the deal. I didn't get paid last night."   
"Ohh..." Jongin sighed. Now he felt like the monster, yelling at someone who'd saved him like that. "I'm so sorry..."   
"Don't be." Taemin smiled, "Everything worked out fine. But I mean it wouldn't have if just happened to not be there. What would you have done?"   
Jongin had thought about that question a lot through his sleepless night. He was ashamed to say he'd come up with nothing. "...fight?" he said meekly.   
"How could you fight them if your arms were pinned down?" Taemin smirked. The kid had a good point.   
"...run?"   
"Are you fast?"   
No.   
Taemin laughed at the pause, knowing exactly what Jongin was thinking. "Aw you're pathetic" he teased. It was clear he was joking so Jongin merely sighed. "Sometimes it's better just to let creeps like that do whatever they want, then at least it'll be over quickly."   
Jongin thought that was the most terrible idea he'd ever heard, but chose not to express his feelings. Taemin had saved him after all.   
"How long have you been sleeping rough?" Taemin asked.   
"This is my 4th day."   
"Wow!" Taemin gasped. He'd expected it to be very little...but not that little. "So when I saw you the other day in that alley, that was your first night?"   
"Yeah. Thanks for the sandwich by the way." Jongin smiled, before adding a cheeky "I'm still waiting for the other half."   
"HA." Taemin scoffed, clearly amused, "You spoilt brat."   
"Sorry" Jongin smiled, adding, "What about you?"   
"What about me what?"   
"How long have you been living like this?" Jongin asked.   
Taemin heard Key's voice flash in his head for a second- don't tell him anything, you don't know him, you shouldn't trust him, he could hurt you. He knew his friend would disapprove of him even being here right now, never mind saving the kid last night.   
"You don't have to tell me." Jongin mumbled.   
"Oh no no I will. I've been living on the streets for a few years."   
Years?? Jongin was about to ask how many but then another even nosier question popped up into his head. "And how long have you been...how long have you been a...a..."   
"Rent boy?" Taemin laughed. He was finding Jongin's stuttering rather cute actually, although he'd never admit it.   
Jongin was glad Taemin had cut in because the word he would have used was 'prostitute' and maybe that was offensive.   
"I dunno...a few years...3 I think..." Taemin mused.   
3 years??????   
"...But the first year I wasn't doing it a lot so I'm not sure if that counts...why are you so interested? I wouldn't recommend it as a career choice." Taemin added, smiling at his own joke.   
"I'm not interested!" Jongin squeaked, a little too quickly. He wondered if he'd offended Taemin but thankfully this kid seemed to have a pretty thick skin.   
"Don't feel sorry for me." Taemin stated.   
"What? I don't." Jongin lied.   
"Yes you do. I'd know that face anywhere. Pity bugs me." Taemin huffed.   
"But don't you pity me?" Jongin asked, "Isn't that why you gave me your half a sandwich?"   
Taemin couldn't help but laugh. "No it wasn't," he argued "You're really pretty and it'd be a shame to see that face wither away."   
Jongin felt his cheeks burn and looked away because it was clear Taemin was just teasing and yet it still made him feel flustered. But I mean Taemin was gorgeous, and if a gorgeous boy calls you 'pretty' you're going to blush.   
If Taemin noticed, he didn't let on and decided to change the subject. "Where are you sleeping?"   
"Well I was sleeping in this park but..." Jongin began.   
"Just not on the weekends." Taemin butted in.   
"Yeah. I didn't sleep anywhere last night, I just walked around. That's it." Jongin replied.   
"Aishh that's no good." Taemin tutted, "I can show you some better places if you want?"   
Jongin nodded and they made their way out of the park and around the neighborhood. Taemin seemed to know his way shockingly well, cutting through corners and alley's like he'd done it a thousand times before. He probably had.   
First, they went to a nook under a bridge. Taemin had said it was crucial to have a roof over your head, so this was a good spot. It may have looked dirty and dank, but it was a whole lot nicer than the street. Their second destination was a small tunnel where Taemin had apparently spent a lot of time when he was new at sleeping rough. The last place was an underpass. It was dark and creepy but apparently it was the warmest spot, so Jongin settled himself there.   
"I'm sorry I can't take you back with me." Taemin sighed "...it's just my friends are...difficult. They won't like you. I mean it's not you, they don't like anyone."   
"That's ok. You've already been too kind to me." Jongin smiled. The last thing he wanted was for Taemin to feel bad when he'd just spent half the day traipsing around trying to help.   
Taemin sighed again. He wanted to say something for goodbye, but goodbyes were hard, so instead he just turned around and started walking away.   
"Will...will I see you again?" Jongin called.   
"Do you want to see me again?" Taemin asked, a smile creeping onto his lips.   
"Y...yes..."   
"Aw. Thanks. Then you'll see me again. I'll find you."   
Taemin was about to turn around again but Jongin stopped him. "But how can I find you?" he asked.   
Taemin hesitated for a few seconds. This was really not information he was comfortable with sharing, but what they hay, he'd come this far. "Do you know that club, 'The Illusion'?"   
"Um I think so?"   
"Well around the back of it there's a car park and it's a good place to...to attract clients. I'm often there. But it's not really safe so, only come there if you really need me, k?" Taemin said.   
"Ok." Jongin replied, feeling at least a little more secure. He couldn't bare the thought of never seeing Taemin again and he didn't want to leave it all in Taemin's hands. Having no control was not something he was getting used to.   
"Bye newbie." Taemin smiled, "Good luck."   
Jongin watched as Taemin walked away, his heart sinking a little further down every time Taemin took another step.   
"Bye" he whispered. 

\---

Jongin had no excuse. He didn't need to see Taemin. He'd managed to find some food, he'd had an ok night sleep in the underpass and he hadn't been bothered by any creepy guys again.   
But he was lonely. So goddamn lonely, and all he wanted to do was see Taemin's kind smile again. So he did what he'd been warned not to do, and went to search for him at the carpark around the back of that club, 'The Illusion' or whatever it was called.   
For the first few hours, it'd been nothing but disappointment. Jongin kept himself well hidden behind some bushes, watching as many guys and girls stood outside the back of the club, smoking, talking and getting drunk. None of them were Taemin. He also noticed a few cars pull in and drive painfully slowly past the little crowds, stopping and ushering in whoever took their fancy that night. Sometimes it was girls, sometimes boys. Thankfully, none of them Taemin.   
Still, Jongin was starting to feel very disappointed. It was getting so late, definitely past 1am, and still there was no sign. Maybe he wasn't coming tonight. Maybe he'd just missed him. Maybe...   
Jongin was just about to slink away in defeat when his eye caught a glint of bleach blonde hair stumbling around the building and into the car park. For a moment Jongin was unsure if it was Taemin or not. The blonde was dressed differently and was clearly intoxicated with something, swaying as he walked as if he'd topple over at any time. But it was Taemin, the same cheeky smile plastered on his lips, the same angular jaw line, the same holey jeans. It was his top half that was dressed strangely. The three times Jongin had met Taemin, the blonde was always wearing a huge baggy coat (sensible because it was freezing), but right now he had on the skimpiest grey tank top Jongin had ever seen. His ribs poked out of the low arm holes and Jongin even wondered if he'd glimpsed a nipple but decided not to be a pervert.   
Watching Taemin, Jongin couldn't believe he was the same boy. For a start the blonde couldn't walk in a strait line and kept falling over. But also there was just something else intrinsically weird about him; the smile on his lips looked unhinged, the way he slumped on the curb, the fact he kept eyeing the cars driving by was as if he was out of it in every regard. The Taemin Jongin knew was certainly not this one.   
Jongin watched as a boy he didn't recognize sat down next to Taemin on the curb and gave him something cigarette shaped. Despite this only being his 6th night- Jongin had seen plenty of drug taking. It was as if substance abuse was a totally normal way of life for these people. He couldn't judge. In fact he'd felt tempted to try some himself as weren't they suppose to make you feel happy and take you away from your situation? Weren't they an escape? Looking at Taemin right now, as he puffed on the 'cigarette', barely able to keep his eyes open as he slumped back onto the curb, it was obvious he wasn't there. But wherever his mind was- it didn't look like it would be in a happy place.   
Jongin couldn't leave Taemin like this. He knew it would only be a couple of moments before a car drove past and ushered Taemin inside, and then what could happen. Taemin wasn't the same capable boy he'd met a few nights ago.   
Keeping his head down, Jongin stepped out from behind his hiding place and walked straight and fast towards Taemin. He made very sure to keep his eyes down, not daring to look at anyone.   
Taemin didn't even glance up when Jongin knelt next to him on the floor. Luckily the person giving Taemin the extra drugs had long gone, but Jongin was still feeling extremely nervous about how onlooked they were.   
"Taemin? Are you ok??" Jongin whispered, putting a hand on Taemin's cheeks to tilt his head up.   
"HEY." A voice yelled at Jongin "No free touches."   
Jongin shook his head manically and managed to yell back "I'm a friend!"   
"Whatever you say" came the reply. Jongin had no idea if the person who'd yelled was trying to look out for Taemin, but they obviously didn't care that much as that was the last Jongin heard of them.   
Turning back to Taemin, he was getting more and more worried. The boy was in no state to be here, to be anywhere. He hardly even seemed to realize Jongin was next to him.   
"Hey I'm gonna help you up ok?" Jongin said, lifting up one of Taemin's arms and slinging it over his shoulders. Taemin looked at Jongin for the first time and smiled. He let himself be lifted up to a standing position, his whole weight supported by Jongin.   
"Hey handsome..." Taemin slurred "Are you looking for a ride?"   
Jongin stared at him in horror before managing to shriek "No! Taemin it's me. It's Jongin."   
"Oh HI newbie!" Taemin exclaimed, "I didn't recognize you all fuzzy."   
"What have you taken??" Jongin urged.   
"Ohhhh this and that you know..." Taemin murmured.   
"No I don't know!" Jongin hissed "We have to get you out of here."   
"What???" Taemin snapped. His demeanor changed like a switch had been flicked. "I'm not going anywhere."   
"You can't stay here!" Jongin stated, trying to drag Taemin away but the boy was having none of it and yanked himself away from Jongin, slumping back down to the floor.   
"I need some money. I can't go." Taemin stated.   
Jongin wasn't giving up the easily. "Taemin for gods sake. We'll just steal some food, come on!!!" he yelled, grabbing Taemin's waist to pull him.   
"Fuck off newbie," Taemin spat, "It's not food I want it's..."   
Drugs. Ohh.   
Taemin was just about to struggle. In fact he was just about to stick his fingernails in Jongin's cheek and hope it'd cause enough pain to let him go, but then a terrible nausea overtook him and he felt his body curl in on itself. He lurched forward, unable to control vomiting, before falling to the ground to be caught by Jongin.   
"Shit maybe you're right..." Taemin mumbled. He hated being sick. And he was feeling another one coming on.   
"Come on let's get out of here." Jongin said, grabbing Taemin up once more and walking them both a few paces.   
"Stop," Taemin croaked "I need to use the payphone. I'll call my friend and he'll come and get me."   
Jongin couldn't help feeling a pang of hurt that he wasn't considered trustworthy enough to look after Taemin, but he supposed they had known each other less than a week, so he dragged them both up to the phone around the corner of the club. Jongin had no change at all, so he was relieved to see Taemin fish around in the pockets of his jeans and pull out a few coins. Still supporting Taemin's weight fully, Jongin waited as he watched Taemin dial twice as he'd messed up the buttons the first time. He guessed Taemin's vision must have still been very blurry.   
"Hello?"   
Jongin could just make out the muffled voice on the other end of the line.   
"It's Taemin." Taemin mumbled.   
"Are you ok??"   
"No...ooo... I've had too much...I feel weird. Come and get me?"   
"Are you at a clients?"   
"No I'm behind The Illusion."   
"Ok I'll be there in 2 minutes. I'm just down the street. Go hide till I get there."   
"I don't need to. I'm with a friend."   
"A friend??"   
Jongin noticed the tone of the person on the other end go from worried to annoyed in a second.   
"Yeah a friend."   
"Pass him on to me."   
Taemin handed the phone over before slumping so his head to rest on Jongin's shoulder.   
"H...hello?" Jongin said.   
"If you hurt him, I'll kill you." Came the reply, and the receiver went dead.   
Jongin gulped and put down the phone, lifting Taemin's head off his shoulder. It was clear the boy was barely conscious, his eyes half lidded and his mouth drooping open. "Taemin!? Stay awake, come on open your eyes." Jongin squeaked, terrified Taemin would knock out completely. Not that he knew a lot about the effects of drugs but surely that wasn't a good sign.   
Taemin was clearly unable to reply, so Jongin hoisted him further up and carried him away from the payphone to the quietest corner of the car park, dreading the arrival of friend on the phone. He stared at Taemin for a few minutes, feeling like he just wanted to kidnap this poor kid then and there. He couldn't wrap his head around this boy. How could he seem so strong and capable one moment and then like this the next?   
Taemin's eyes had fallen tight shut, his body limp. Jongin bent over to check his breathing, in full panic now, but thankfully he could still see Taemin's chest rise and fall. It didn't make Jongin feel any less terrified though. He was just about to scream for help and run back to the pay phone to call an ambulance, when someone cleared their throat behind him.   
Jongin turned around, still carrying Taemin. He was making the blonde quiver because his arms were shaking so much.   
A feline looking boy faced the pair, a cigarette in one hand and a knife in the other. Even though he was pretty thin and not that tall, he still looked horribly menacing.   
Jongin was frozen for a second, clutching onto Taemin as hard as he could, when the stranger spoke. "Shit he's really out this time isn't he?" The boy said, putting the knife in the back pocket of his jeans and rushing towards Jongin. Jongin stepped back immediately, pulling Taemin away from the stranger.   
"Give him here." The boy snapped, grabbing Taemin's shoulders and yanking, "I'm the one he just called. Don't you recognize my voice, idiot?"   
Jongin did recognize his voice but that didn't mean he was about to just hand Taemin over to this scary boy.   
That was until the stranger re-pulled out his knife and held it close to Jongin's throat. "Let him go creep." The boy said, staring his feline eyes straight into Jongin's. Jongin hesitated but honestly, he'd never been so petrified, so he reluctantly let Taemin fall into the stranger's hands.   
"Wasn't so hard was it." The stranger hissed, lowering the knife at Jongin's throat so he could hold Taemin up properly. "What did you do to him?"   
"Nothing!" Jongin shrieked, "I found him like this!"   
It didn't appear that the boy believed Jongin, but that didn't matter. He obviously hated Jongin just as much as Jongin hated him.   
"Creep." The stranger spat and turned to leave, struggling to hold Taemin who was still lying limp in his arms.   
"Where are you taking him??" Jongin yelled.   
"None of your business." The boy replied, "And if I ever see you again, I really will slice you open."   
Jongin felt like a coward for not following as he watched Taemin being carried away. But honestly, he believed that terrifying boy. The look in his eyes had made Jongin not doubt for a second that he was capable of slicing someone open. And that was Taemin's friend...? That was the person Taemin had chosen to call when he was desperate...? What was this world Jongin had found himself in?   
He knew he couldn't just stand around in the car park any longer. Cars were still driving through, picking up people and occasionally dropping them off. He never wanted to come here again. He never wanted Taemin to come here again. He vowed to himself, if he saw that sweet strange boy again, he'd have to help in some way. This was no life.   
\---

 

UHOH >


	4. Lesson 4: Keep It Hidden

2 days past without word of Taemin. Jongin was frantic. Both nights he'd waited for hours, hidden in the car park in case Taemin came back. But there was no sign. He'd even called in to A&E a couple of times to see if anyone fitting Taemin's description had been brought in. The answer was always 'no' and Jongin didn't know whether that was a good thing or not. The 'friend' of Taemin's who'd taken him away didn't seem like the type who would run him to the hospital, even if he should have done. It scared the shit out of Jongin. He knew he hadn't had a choice leaving Taemin with that boy (or that's what he told himself to get through the day) but he couldn't help feeling like a failure. The thought that something awful may have happened to Taemin, that he'd overdosed, that he'd died, wasn't something Jongin could handle.   
It was morning on the third day. Jongin was sleeping, his face buried in a sleeping bag under a tree in the park. It wasn't the weekend, obviously. Jongin prefered the park to anywhere else. Grass was warmer and softer than concrete, and it was far lighter than the streets.   
"Wakey wakey Newbie", cooed a soft, familiar voice.   
For a second Jongin had no idea where he was, but that was often how it was when he first woke up. He peered out of his sleeping bag with tired, scrunched eyes before his heart almost stopped as he saw Taemin, crouching down beside him.   
"Morning cutie." Taemin smiled.   
Jongin looked Taemin up and down, examining what damage there might have been. You don't even want to know the terrible thing's he'd imagined. Thank god- none of them were true. Taemin was back to being Taemin, wearing the same holey jeans, the same coat undone, his smile no longer unhinged. There wasn't a bruise or a scratch on him, his eyes weren't heavy and half lidded and he looked as awake and alert as the first time they'd met.   
"Will you stop staring at me like that?" Taemin mocked, "It's so weird. No wonder Key kept calling you a creep."   
Jongin couldn't help feeling angry. "I've been worried sick about you idiot!" He hissed.   
"Aw have you?" Taemin said, smiling, "That's sweet."   
"SWEET?" Jongin spat "You could have died the other night Taemin! Don't you get that?"   
"Died?" Taemin laughed, "You're so melodramatic. I was high off my head, that's all."   
Ok now Jongin was really mad. "High off your head??? Can you hear yourself? You weren't HIGH, you were barely breathing by the time I handed you over to your 'friend'."   
Taemin noticed the change in tone on the word 'friend' and sighed. "Well you helped me didn't you? And then Key, my friend, helped me, so it all worked out fine didn't it?"   
Jongin hated it when people said that. "You're unbelievable," he stated, "One day everything isn't going to just work out fine. One day you're going to end up in a coffin."   
Taemin's demeanor seemed to change a little upon hearing those harsh words. "I'm sorry I made you worry ok?" he said. He meant it.   
Jongin didn't want to accept his apology so easily but for some reason it was hard to stay mad. Especially as the biggest emotion he was feeling right now was relief- not anger. "So that guy...is he really your friend?" Jongin asked.   
"Who Key? Yeah. He's like family." Taemin replied, before adding "Was he mean to you?"   
"He held a knife to my throat." Jongin stated.   
"Did he?" Taemin laughed, "Just ignore him. He's all bark and no bite."   
Jongin couldn't believe what he was hearing but he decided to let it go anyway. Taemin must have trusted that Key lunatic, and Jongin trusted Taemin so maybe that was enough.   
"Come on," Taemin said, standing up and wiping his knees down, "I'll buy you breakfast."   
"Breakfast?" Jongin repeated, shocked.   
"Yeah. There's a crappy café round the corner that's cheap as dirt. The owners are really nice, they'll let you sit there for hours even if you only buy a cup of coffee. I practically grew up there." Taemin replied, helping Jongin out of his sleeping bag.   
"I don't have any money right now..." Jongin mumbled.   
"Yeah I know" Taemin laughed, "I'll treat. I mean it's the least I can do after making you worry so much isn't it?"   
"Mmm." Jongin agreed.   
It was bizarre walking down the street with Taemin. They could have been any normal friends just going out for breakfast. Nobody would know they were homeless. Except maybe they'd suspect something was weird about Jongin- seeing as he looked pretty rundown. But Taemin looked fresh as a daisy, which was completely the wrong way round.   
"How do you look so good?" Jongin asked, as they walked down a bustling high street towards the cafe.   
Taemin snorted, loudly enough for a few passers by to look. "Stop flirting with me." Taemin laughed.   
"I'm not!" Jongin squeaked, his voice embarrassingly high.   
"I know I know," Taemin teased, "I presume you mean how don't I stink and look like you right?"   
"Yeah" Jongin said, feeling a pang of offense -he still had pride after all- but tried to shake it off.   
"Some of my clients aren't that bad," Taemin started, "Not like the ones you met the other night. Some of them are actually ok. They let me shower and sleep in their beds."   
"Oh." Jongin replied. He was being an awkward idiot again, but it was hard to know what to say to that.   
"Ur Newbie..." Taemin called, stopping in his tracks as Jongin kept walking. "We're here."   
Taemin hadn't been lying when he said the café was crappy. Jongin wouldn't even have known it was a café because the windows were so scummy you could hardly see through them. When they got to the counter, Taemin ordered a hot chocolate and some soup for himself before turning to Jongin.   
"What do you want baby?" Taemin asked playfully.   
Jongin paused for a second, trying to take in the word 'baby' before clearing his throat and peering down at a menu. "Um, same as you."   
"You can have whatever you like," Taemin said "It doesn't have to be cheap. I mean, everything in here is cheap so..."   
"Ok," Jongin replied "I'll have the grilled cheese."   
Taemin paid with a note, Jongin noticed, before ushering them towards a small table next to the window. When they sat down, he grabbed a napkin and rubbed it against the glass to see out better.   
"Window seats are always nice huh?" Taemin commented, peering out of the little hole he'd made to people-watch.   
Jongin stared at Taemin for a few minutes, musing on this weird boy. Taemin seemed so normal, sweet, kind one moment and so cold, brisk and bratty the next. Before he knew it he was speaking, unable to stop the words coming out of his lips; "You don't seem like a prostitute."   
For a second Taemin just looked blank and Jongin wondered if he was going to slap him. But he didn't. Out of nowhere, he started shrieking with laughter, holding his belly to contain the giggles. "OH DON'T I?" he squealed, "And what exactly does a prostitute seem like?"   
"Not you." Jongin replied, his lips curving into a smile because that was the cutest reaction he'd ever seen.   
"Why?" Taemin asked, "Am I not hot enough? You told me I looked good earlier."   
"You do. But no, I just mean...you seem too...nice?" Jongin said. Why was he so awkward.   
"Can't prostitutes be nice?" Taemin mused.   
"I've never met a nice prostitute before." Jongin shrugged.   
Taemin couldn't contain his giggles again. "And how many prostitutes do you know exactly?"   
"Well...one...you...ok." Jongin mumbled. He was making a fool out of himself again but Taemin didn’t seem to care.   
"Then all the prostitutes you’ve ever met have been nice." Taemin corrected, leaning back as his soup was placed in front of him.   
Jongin waited for his grilled cheese to also be delivered, before taking a mouthful and dying inside because he'd forgotten the joys of hot food.   
"So how much do you get paid?" Jongin asked, after gulping down another few mouthfuls. He had to remember to chew.   
Taemin raised and eyebrow and shrugged, slurping his soup loudly. "It varies," he said "Look can we talk about something else? Why are you so interested in learning about prostitution anyway?"   
"I'm not interested in learning about prostitution!" Jongin squeaked. God this was embarrassing. "I'm interesting in learning about you."   
"Why?" Taemin laughed.   
"We're friends."   
"Oh yeah," Taemin replied, as if he'd just remembered, "Well there are plenty of other things I could teach you about, rather than that. You could do with a few lessons actually."   
"Oh?"   
"Yeah. You suck at this street living. Like really, really suck. But that's ok, because I know a lot. I can help you." Taemin smiled, taking another sip of his soup.   
"How can you help me if I don't even know where to find you?" Jongin asked. He knew it was a bit of an ungrateful thing to say, but he couldn't bare the unreliability of their new friendship.   
"You can find me in that car park. I told you." Taemin replied.   
Jongin clenched his fists as he remembered that horrible place. "You shouldn't go back there."   
Taemin ignored him, "If I tell you where I live my friends'll kill me."   
"Kill you?!?" Jongin choked.   
"It's an expression idiot," Taemin frowned "I mean they'd be pissed at me. We could get kicked out if someone finds out we live there, and er, one of my friends has done a few not-so-legal things so he's on the run and yeah...wouldn't be a good idea to tell you."   
"Why?" Jongin pushed, "It's not like I'm going to tell anyone is it?"   
"Well maybe not but...hey, what about if we just have a meeting place? Like everyday we'll meet up at a certain time and a certain place. Like our little spot?" Taemin suggested.   
"No offense but you're not exactly the most reliable person on the planet." Jongin replied. He didn't like the sound of that. All he could imagine was him waiting for hours, worried to death about why Taemin was late.   
"Trust me," Taemin said "I'll be on time. How about that park bench? At 11am? Everyday. I'll be there."   
Jongin begrudgingly agreed. He was desperate to have a more concrete way of getting in touch, but it looked like that was as good as it was going to get. It wasn't like they had phones, and if Taemin really wasn't going to tell him where he was sleeping...it'd have to do.   
The two of them chatted for a long time over their breakfast about nothing in particular- not prostitution, that's for sure. The more Taemin spoke, the more Jongin hated himself for feeling so attached to someone he barely knew. Taemin was bubbly and smiley and cute and nothing added up. Even though Jongin could barely look after himself, he still just wanted to wrap this kid up in bubble wrap and protect him from all the horrible monsters out there.   
They stayed talking for almost 2 hours, until Taemin started glancing at the clock on the wall anxiously. "Ehh I have to go really soon," he said, "Will you be ok?"   
"Where are you going?" Jongin asked.   
"None of your business Newbie," Taemin joked before adding "I'll see you tomorrow though ok? I promise I'll be on time."   
Jongin sighed because there was no part of him that believed that, but what could he do. He watched as Taemin slipped on his coat, huffing like a child because this wasn't fair.   
"Why don't you ever do that up?" Jongin grumbled, gesturing to Taemin's coat.   
"The zip's broken." Taemin shrugged, and then he was gone. That was goodbye apparently. Jongin slumped lower in his seat, hoping that the café owner would be kind enough to let him stay even longer.   
Luckily, he was able to stay for another hour, before deciding he was pushing his luck and getting up to leave. It was only then he noticed a folded napkin on the table addressed 'Newbie', written in the crayons that every table had to keep children occupied. He opened it to see a smiley face drawn on the inside, next to $20. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed Taemin write it or slip in the money, but between the conversation and food, he'd been completely absorbed. God. Taemin really was too nice to be a prostitute.   
\---   
Taemin came to meet Jongin on the same bench as promised everyday for the next week. Taemin usually couldn't stay very long (he never said why) but it was hands down the highlight of Jongin's day. They talked about many things, not usually serious as Taemin didn't seem to want to talk about his personal life. It was strange how much they seemed to have in common; a love of animals, dragon ball, even dancing.   
"You used to wanna be a dancer?" Jongin asked one day, shocked when Taemin had mentioned it.   
"Is that weird?" Taemin replied.   
"No I just..."   
"What, did you think it was my lifelong dream to be a homeless rent boy?" Taemin laughed. It was a sick joke, so Jongin didn't smile back.   
"You don't talk a lot about your life before being homeless you know?" Jongin said, "I find it hard to imagine you being normal, growing up, wanting to be a dancer..."   
"Yeah well, that was a long time ago." Taemin mumbled, "I still like dancing though."   
"Do you?" Jongin asked, "Will you show me?"   
"NO!" Taemin yelled, "Of course not. I'm shy."   
Jongin snorted because Taemin was a lot of things but shy wasn't one of them. "You're not. C'mon, do it for me."   
"No." Taemin stated "Don't play the 'for me' card."   
"I'm not!" Jongin squeaked, an idea forming in his mind. "I used to do ballet actually..."   
"Huh!" Taemin said, "That's why you have such a good body."   
Jongin ignored him because everytime Taemin said something like that his mind when blank. It was very hard to ignore how attractive and adorable Taemin was, so Jongin was attempting to hide the huge crush he was developing on the blonde.   
"I'll show you some moves if you show me." Jongin smiled.   
"That sounds dirty." Taemin sniggered, "And no. Not here. We're in public, Newbie. People like us shouldn't draw attention to ourselves like that. We already look weird enough."   
Jongin didn't think they looked all that weird, but Taemin would know better than him. "We're never alone though, we always meet in public."   
"Is that a problem?"   
"No..." Jongin lied, "It's just, well I feel like you have this whole double life I know nothing about."   
Taemin laughed at him. Literally at him, not with him. "Oh you're so clingy my god. I told you I can't take you back to where I sleep. And it's not like I want to talk about my problems with you all day long is it? Why can't we just ignore them for a few hours and have some fun talking about useless shit?"   
"Because that's not really getting to know each other is it?" Jongin sighed. It was frustrating him that Taemin was so reluctant to talk about anything serious. "Like you have all those scary ass friends and..."   
"My friends are nice. You don't even know them." Taemin stated. He wasn't annoyed though, he could see how Jongin could easily think they were bad seeing as the only one of them he'd met had held a knife to his throat. But Taemin knew they were just looking out for him.   
"I know enough." Jongin mumbled.   
"No you don't." Taemin replied, "And I like it that way. You're a little escape in my day. I really look forward to coming to meet you, do you know that? Like last night, I was having a pretty shitty time honestly, but I was thinking 'ahh tomorrow I'll be on that bench talking to Newbie about crap' and it got me through it. So why the fuck would I want to wallow in my problems the only time I get to spend with you?"   
Jongin couldn't control the shocked look on his face because he hadn't expected Taemin to say any of that. A part of him had presumed that Taemin was only meeting him to be kind and look out for him, not because he actually enjoyed it just as much as Jongin.   
"Well ok. I see your point." Jongin agreed, "I look forward to seeing you too by the way."   
"I know you do," Taemin laughed, "I'm freaking adorable."   
\---   
The next day Jongin was feeling pretty happy as he waited for Taemin on the bench. Their talk the previous day had at least reassured Jongin that Taemin liked him more than he'd thought, that he wasn't just being charitable. Not that Jongin thought Taemin had romantic feelings towards him, they'd know each other all of 5 minutes, but still. It made Jongin happy.   
Except as time crept on however, Jongin's heart was beginning to sink. Taemin was usually a few minutes late, sometimes even an hour. But it was starting to feel like Jongin had been waiting on that bench for an eternity. He was just starting to really worry when he was broken out of his thoughts by a tall boy standing in front of him, cocking his head to the side quizzically.   
"Are you Newbie?" The boy asked.   
"Yeah?" Jongin replied, panicking because hell, was this another one of Taemin's scary friends?   
"Hi" the boy said, smiling kindly before sitting down on the bench, "I'm Minho, one of Taemin's friends."   
"Is he ok??" Jongin asked. He felt sick to his stomach with worry.   
"Oh yeah he's fine. He had something he had to take care of so he told me to come and say he wouldn't be able to meet you today. Also to give you this." Minho explained, rummaging around in one of his pockets to pull out a phone.   
Jongin's eyes widened as soon as he saw it. "He's giving this to me?"   
"Yeah" Minho replied, "He got really lucky last night. Some rich guy gave him a looot more money than usual, so he bought us all phones. He told me to tell you to for god's sake keep it hidden. I don't know who'd want to steal these cheap ass things but, well you know how people are around here."   
Jongin nodded. He did know. Far too well. If you let anything out of your sight for a second you could guarantee you'd never see it again. "Tell him thanks." Jongin said.   
"Tell him yourself" Minho joked "He put his number in already."   
Jongin turned on the phone and clicked on contacts. Sure enough there was a number, but it wasn't labeled as 'Taemin', rather 'Sex God". Jongin couldn't hold in the laughter because oh my god why.   
"What?" Minho asked, "What's he put himself down as?"   
Jongin shook his head, "You don't wanna know."   
"I probably don't." Minho smiled, "Sorry but, can I ask you something?"   
"Yeah?"   
"Taemin obviously really likes you, he talks about you all the time. Well not when Key's around but other than that..." Minho started, making Jongin blush and feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy feelings. Minho smiled at the reaction and carried on- "You know he's a rent boy right?"   
"Yeah?" said Jongin, taken a back.   
"But that's not why you like him is it?" Minho asked, "I mean you can't blame me for being protective. He's an airheaded prostitute and honestly he can be a shitty judge of character so..."   
Jongin didn't mind being asked. This Minho kid was obviously 10 times nicer than Key, and it was clear he had Taemin's best interests at heart.   
"No it's not why I like him. We're just friends. I'd never hurt him." Jongin replied, trying to sound as sincere as possible.   
"Ok." Minho said, "I believe you. You don't look like a creep."   
"Thanks." Jongin laughed before adding, "Did Taemin say anything specific about where he is right now?"   
"Ha." Minho scoffed, getting up, "You should know by now Taemin never says anything specific."   
Jongin sighed as he watched Minho pull out his own phone. Surprisingly he offered to exchange numbers, so Jongin now had two contacts in his phone- Sex God and Minho.   
They said goodbye and Jongin couldn't help feeling a little deflated as he watched Minho walk away. Where the hell was Taemin? His Taemin?   
\---

 

There really are two versions of Taemin lolol xD High Taemin and Cutiebear Taemin :')


	5. Lesson 5: Spice Isn't Nice

That night Jongin felt even more uneasy than usual. Having not seen Taemin and having no idea what the boy could possibly need to "take care of" was driving him insane. He couldn't sleep. It was the weekend so he wasn't in the park, rather he'd opted for the underpass Taemin had shown him. He didn't like it there. I mean he didn't like anywhere, but this place was especially creepy to him. He was just about to give up trying to get some shut eye and walk around, when his phone rang. The strange electronic music made the dark underpass even eerier.  
"Taemin?" Jongin answered, picking up the phone to see that 'Sex God' was calling him. He probably ought to change that name.  
Silence followed and Jongin began to panic. "Taemin?? Taemin?? Are you there???"  
"Ye-" a quiet voice started before hiccuping. A few muffled sobs followed and Jongin could tell Taemin didn't want him to know he was crying.  
"What's happened? Are you ok? Where are you?" Jongin asked frantically, standing up and making his way out of the underpass, leaving his sleeping bag discarded on the floor.  
Taemin didn't reply. Only a few more sobs and sniffles could be heard.  
"Taemin speak!" Jongin hissed, "You're scaring the shit out of me! Where are you?"  
"I...I'm fine..." Taemin mumbled, "I just wanted to hear your voice."  
"Taemin for gods sake where are you????" Jongin yelled, "Are you hurt?"  
"No...oo..." Taemin whined. Something in his voice told Jongin it was a lie.  
"Are you high?"  
"Nooo."  
"Are you drunk?"  
"Noooo."  
"Have you been beaten up?"  
"Nooooo."  
Jongin was getting unbearably frustrated. He took a few shaky breathes to try and calm his nerves before trying again. "Taemin please tell me where you are, " he begged, "Please?"  
The phone crackled as Taemin sighed loudly. "I don't know exactly where I am...some alley near the one where we first met... it's not safe down here..."  
That was it. Jongin was on his way. There were multiple shady alleyways on that side of town. Taemin had been right to tell Jongin to get out of there the first night they'd met. Since living on the streets Jongin had heard so many horror stories of the things that went on down there.  
"Newbie?" Taemin called, "Don't come. I'm fine. I just wanted to hear your voice that's all."  
"Yeah you can hear my voice as much as you like when you're not crying in an alleyway ok?" Jongin snapped, "Of course I'm coming. Which alley is it? What does the sign say at the end?"  
There was a pause before Taemin spoke again. "I dunno...I can't get up."  
"What???" Jongin shrieked, although he'd long given up on getting a straight answer from Taemin. He'd just have to see what state he was in when he got there.  
Jongin was getting closer to the shadier parts of town. His ears were ringing and his heart was pumping so loudly he felt it in his ears. He couldn't bare to think of what might have happened.  
Still with a Taemin on the other end of the line sobbing and not saying much, Jongin started to run down all the alleyways he knew of. He was starting to give up hope by the fourth, when he spotted a curled up figure lying in the distance of a deadended one, next to some dustbins.  
"TAEMIN???" Jongin yelled. He saw the figure shift as he started to run towards it.  
"Oh I can hear you in real life..." Taemin mumbled. Jongin watched as the figure tried to sit up only to crumble back down again. As he ran closer there was no doubt it was Taemin, but yet again, not the Taemin he knew.  
The blonde was curled in on himself, cradling the phone in one hand and letting the other fall limp on the pavement. He was shirtless, shivering and a scary amount of blood stained his chest. His holey jeans were undone and so torn that there was barely any fabric left. Jongin rushed to kneel next to him, trying to examine his face which was covered in a mop of bleach blonde hair.  
"Don't..." Taemin moaned, dropping the phone on the floor and covering his eyes.  
Jongin prized Taemin's hands down and brushed the excessive amount of hair away, taking a sharp intake of breath when he saw what his friend's face looked like.  
Taemin's cheeks were battered and scratched, one of his eyes purple and shut tight. Blood smeared over side of his mouth around a fat lip. No wonder he was mumbling so much.  
"Oh my god." Jongin gasped, feeling his heart brake in two as he wrapped both arms around Taemin to support his weight. Taemin seemed to take this as an opportunity for a hug rather than for practical measures and leaned in, hooking both of his arms around Jongin's back. Jongin let him for a few seconds before lifting Taemin up. "We need to get you to a hospital." Jongin said. He couldn't even hear his own voice as his heart was pumping so loudly.  
"Nooo..." Taemin moaned.  
Jongin ignored him and started to run out of the alleyway, craddelling Taemin's limp body in his arms.  
"No we can't...don't...Newbie...LISTEN." Taemin yelled, feeling helpless.  
Jongin stopped running when he heard the panic in Taemin's voice.  
"I'm fine...it's just some bruises...I'll heal in no time. It's happened before. We can't go to the hospital...if they find out who I am they'll..."  
Jongin knew Taemin had done illegal things in the past but it wasn't like there were wanted posters for him. "For God's sake they won't know it's you!!" he hissed "We can't just...you need a doctor!"  
"NO" Taemin yelled. It took all the strength he had left in him to be assertive. "If you're really my friend you won't do this. I'll never speak to you again if you do this."  
Jongin felt like his insides were being ripped apart. He could tell by the look in Taemin's eyes that he meant it. Jongin couldn't bare the thought. "Where else can I take you?"  
Taemin began to cry again. "I don't know..." he sobbed, "Just...just take me home."  
Jongin's eyes widened. He'd never been allowed to see where Taemin lived before but clearly these were extreme circumstances.  
Still being carried (there was no way in hell he could walk), Taemin directed Jongin to the derelict building he was currently squatting in. He knew he shouldn't be doing this. Key would be beyond pissed, but what choice did he have? He was in so much pain and it wasn't like he didn't trust Jongin.  
"Ok it's round the back of that warehouse..." Taemin mumbled, as they were drawing nearer to their destination.  
No wonder he'd never managed to work out where Taemin lived, Jongin thought, this place was so well hidden. The outside of the building was a mess, crumbling concrete walls and graffiti everywhere. Jongin even thought he'd seen a needle twinkle in the moonlight but he could have imagined it.  
Taemin had told him there were other people living on the first floor but he and his friends were squatting in the second. It was uncomfortable as hell walking past all the people living on the lower level to climb the steps to the second floor. Jongin had no clue what this building could have been used for before it was a ruin, but that didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was Taemin.  
The stairs took Jongin to a corridor with several rooms leading off it. Taemin had told him that he shared the one at the end, so that's where Jongin took them. He breathed a sigh of relief when he entered to find no one was there.  
"Put...put me down..." Taemin yelped, pointing to the pile of sleeping bags in the middle of the room, "Mine's the blue one."  
Jongin did as he was told, then got up at searched for some water, bandages, anything that could help patch Taemin up. But the room was a mess. There was no furniture obviously, just a few sleeping bags and rucksacks. Clothes were haphazardly thrown on the floor as well has beer cans, wine bottles, needles, drug packets and trash.  
"Where the fuck is the water??" Jongin panicked, glancing back at Taemin who'd already closed his eyes to try to go to sleep. "Wake up! We have to clean you up!"  
"No...just let me sleep. We can clean me up in the morning." came the slurry reply, "Pass me some weed will you? It's in Minho's bag..."  
"NO!" Jongin yelled, "Aren't you thirsty? Do you want those cuts to get infected?"  
"Key'll clean me up in the morning..." Taemin mumbled, "Let me go to sleep. I'm so tired..."  
"FUCK Taemin." Jongin yelled, "STOP IT. STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE JUST TIRED. SOMEONE'S BEATEN THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND..."  
"The water bottles are in that bag over there." Taemin interrupted, opening his good eye to gesture to a bag.  
Jongin huffed and dug around in it for the water bottles, before tearing off some of the fabric of his top and bloating it in water. He took the damp cloth up to Taemin's cheek and started dabbing away, making Taemin wince every now and again when it stung.  
"You suck at this..." Taemin hissed, "Key'll do it better."  
"Where is he?" Jongin asked, horrified at the thought of Taemin's most scary friend coming back to find them in this state.  
"I dunno." Taemin mumbled, "Working probably."  
"How long will he be gone?" Jongin asked, unzipping some of Taemin's sleeping back to get at the boy's chest. "Shit!" he hissed, when he saw the blood smeared on it coming from multiple scrapes and cuts. "What the fuck happened to you??"  
Taemin ignored his last question and went back to the first. "If he's working then probably a few hours...if not then I dunno."  
"I really hate you tonight, you know that don't you." Jongin spat, dabbing some more water onto Taemin's chest. He couldn't stand this shruggy, out of it, 'everything'll work out fine' version of Taemin.  
"Let me go to sleep Newbie..." Taemin whispered, "I'm clean enough now."  
Jongin continued for a second because he wasn't satisfied Taemin was clean at all, but after a few more wipes the water was running out and they still needed some to drink.  
He poured the rest of it in Taemin's mouth, mopping up the drips that spilled out because Taemin's lips were so puffy, before putting the bottle down next to them.  
"Wanna snuggle?" Taemin asked.  
"No." Jongin spat. He was so overwrought that he just felt angry with the world. He couldn't even look at Taemin anymore because the sight of his best friend lying there so helpless made too many tears sting in his eyes.  
"Come here..." Taemin whined.  
Jongin didn't even know where 'here' was so he ignored Taemin. "Go to sleep. It's what you want." he grumbled.  
"Ok."  
A few moments of silence followed and Jongin allowed himself to stare into space. He was trying to imagine he was anywhere else in the world, when something very unexpected happened.  
Instead of going to sleep, Taemin reached up an arm to grab Jongin's neck and pull him down. Taemin wasn't exactly Mr Strong so Jongin could've easily pulled away, but honestly he didn’t want to.  
Their faces were now inches apart, so close that Jongin could feel hot breath on his mouth. He stared into Taemin's eyes (or rather eye, as the puffy one still couldn't open), wondering what on earth was happening. If they were really just about to...?  
A warm set of lips grazed themselves onto Jongin's, making him feel electricity spark in his chest. He felt Taemin's hands on the back of his neck pulling him in as a soft tongue slipped it's way inside his mouth. He couldn't help but notice Taemin wince as kissing probably hurt because of his swollen lip, but selfishly there wasn't even a part of Jongin that wanted to pull away. Now their lips were connected, he felt complete.  
To Jongin's disappointment, Taemin ended the kiss far too soon. Jongin gazed into Taemin's eye once more, feeling too many emotions too express. It wasn't what he'd wanted their first kiss to be like. Not in a place like this, not with Taemin so vulnerable and in so much pain, not when they'd just been arguing...but at the same time, it was perfect. Anything Taemin did was perfect.  
"Night night Newbie..." Taemin whispered, shutting his eyes and letting his head fall back on the sleeping bag.  
Jongin scooched around so Taemin could use his chest as a pillow. He didn't say goodnight. He didn't say anything. The moment of kissing extacy had passed and now all he could think about was what would happen when Key came home. 

\---

Jongin hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep. His plan was to stay awake and watch Taemin to make sure he was ok. But fatigue had obviously overtaken him, because he was awoken with a terrifying start as his whole body was lifted up from the ground, a knife placed at his throat. It was an all too familiar feeling.  
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE??" Key screamed, clutching onto Jongin's top so tight it ripped.  
"I...I..." Jongin stuttered.  
Key didn't give him a chance to finish. "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU IF I EVER SAW YOU AGAIN, I'D SLIT YOUR THROAT. DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?"  
Jongin felt the knife press harder against his neck, feeling the cold sharp blade break the top layer of skin.  
"NO!" Jongin shrieked, "I came to help Taemin! He was hurt!"  
Key glanced down at the blonde lying asleep on the floor for the first time. He hadn't even noticed the bruises on his friend's face as he'd been so het up to see Jongin there.  
"Oh baby no..." Key gasped, his tone of voice changing immediately as he removed the knife from Jongin's throat and fell to his knees next to the sleeping boy.  
Jongin thought Key was the strangest person in the world. How could he sound like that, so nurturing and kind, only a second after threatening to kill someone?  
"What did you do to him?" Key hissed, turning back to Jongin. The look in his eyes was nothing but pure hatred.  
"I didn't do anything!!" Jongin shrieked, "He called me last night from an alleyway and when I found him he was like this! He told me to bring him back here so I did ok!?"  
Key muttered something under his breath and got up to rummage in his bag. "Fine then. You can fuck off now." He muttered, bringing some antiseptic solution out of his bag and dabbing it on a tissue to wipe Taemin's face off.  
"I'm not going anywhere." Jongin stated. He wasn't afraid of Key anymore (or at least was trying not to show it). He could remember what Taemin had said about him- 'all bark and no bite'.  
Key picked up his knife again but didn't do anything with it. He was too absorbed in his friend's sickly appearance and wondering why on earth wasn't he waking up from all the noise?  
"Holy crap he's actually unconscious." Key mumbled through gritted teeth, "Did he tell you what happened?"  
Jongin shook his head.  
"Ugh of course he didn't, the secretive little shit." Key moaned. He was just about to tell Jongin to fuck off again, when another figure entered the room. Thank god, it was Minho.  
"Hey guys...Oh...Newbie? What are you doing here?" Minho asked, hardly glancing at them before he sat down and lit a spliff.  
"Taemin's had the shit beaten out of him." Key hissed, making Minho snap his head round.  
Jongin scooched to the side so Minho could come and sit beside Taemin. He felt a pang of jealousy when Minho touched Taemin's forehead to brush some of the stray hairs away. It was stupid. Taemin was touched by guys every night, but Jongin didn't want to believe that was true.  
"Oh god Taeminnie!" Minho exclaimed, before sighing and turning to Jongin, "Is that why you're here?"  
"Yeah."  
"But you're about to fuck the hell off aren't you?" Key said to Jongin, narrowing his cat-like eyes.  
"Leave him alone Bummie." Minho sighed, turning back to Jongin, "Don't worry about him, he's all bark and no bite."  
Jongin said nothing. Even though he may have been told that twice now, a part of him still believed Key was capable of much more than they gave him credit for.  
"What are we gonna do with him?" Minho spoke again, looking down at Taemin sympathetically, "He's always getting into trouble."  
"Cus he's so fucking stupid." Key muttered, still working the antiseptic over Taemin's cuts and bruises. He started to man handle the boy out of the sleeping bag and changed his top. Then, to Jongin's horror said, "Look away creep."  
"Wha?" Jongin asked.  
"LOOK THE FUCK AWAY PERVERT." Key yelled.  
Jongin turned to Minho, asking what the hell was happening with his expression.  
"Just do it." Minho shrugged.  
Jongin put a hand over his face, making sure he could see through one of the gaps between his fingers. It seemed to have fooled Key though, because the feline boy turned to Taemin again and started to undo what was left of his jeans, pulling them down to tend to the bruises on his legs and...other areas.  
Jongin closed the gap on his fingers. He didn't want to see Taemin like that. This was hell.  
After a few minutes he heard Key get up and start rummaging in another bag, before returning to Taemin with another pair of jeans in his hands. "He'll have to wear Jong's." Key shrugged, "They'll be too wide but it'll have to do."  
"Speak of the devil." Minho replied, looking up as yet another boy walked in the room.  
"What the fuck?" The new arrival said. Jongin took his hands away from his face to see a short, muscular boy staring at him, to Taemin, then back again."What's happened to Tae?" He asked, "And why did he bring his boyfriend home?"  
"This is Newbie, not his boyfriend." Key spat, "And Taemin got beaten up. Obviously."  
"Shit what did he do?" The muscular boy asked.  
"WE DON'T FUCKING KNOW OK?!" Key yelled.  
"Wow calm it down babe." Came the reply.  
Minho laughed dryly. "Newbie, this is Jonghyun. Jonghyun, this is Newbie."  
Jonghyun smiled at Jongin tentatively. Jongin didn't smile back.  
"Mmmmpphmmmhmmmm..."  
All 3 of the boys snapped their heads towards Taemin, who was now blinking at them in confusion.  
"Baby!" Key gasped, "Are you awake?!"  
Taemin coughed a few times, bringing his hands up to his eyes to wipe the sleep away and wincing when he rubbed against the bruised one.  
"Oh Newbie you're still here..." Taemin mumbled, his eyes fixed on Jongin. He tried to sit up but his arms were shaky and it was clear he could hardly move.  
"Never mind him!" Key hissed, "What the FUCK happened to you last night?"  
Taemin completely ignored him. "Hand me something for the pain will you?" he mumbled.  
Minho rummaged around in one of the many bags and brought out a spice packet before rolling it into a spliff. Jongin was constantly shocked by street life, but this was unbelievable. He watched in horror as Minho passed the lit spliff to Taemin, who had to take puffs on it from the side of his mouth because of his swollen lips. Jongin was utterly speechless.  
After a moment of deafening silence as Taemin sucked the life out of his spice, Key spoke again. "Was it those creepy guys? Or those ex clients? Or those shitheads Minho owes money to? I'll fucking kill them Taemin you know I will."  
Taemin wasn't listening. He couldn't stop staring at Jongin, so happy that his friends had let him stay the night. Sadly Jongin's comforting presence still wasn't enough to keep his mind off the pain though. His bruises and scrapes felt even worse than they did the night before and sleep hadn't helped at all.  
"Haven't you got anything stronger?" Taemin asked, turning to Minho.  
Minho was just about to rummage into his bag again because hell, he'd got plenty stronger, when Jonghyun grabbed his arm. "No no think about it. We can't have him ODing on something in the state he's in."  
Minho nodded and stopped searching, trying to ignore the death stare he and Jonghyun were both receiving from Taemin. "This isn't doing it!" Taemin whined, "Everything hurts! Give me something stronger!"  
"Stop being a brat. Spice is all you're getting." Key interrupted, "Now fucking tell me who did this to you or so help me god..."  
"You'll what?" Taemin smirked, taking a long drag of his spliff, "Fuck off Key. If you're not gonna let me get high then I'm going back to sleep."  
Jongin found it the strangest thing to watch Taemin and Key interact. It was as if they hated and loved each other in equal measure. "I'm out of here." Key hissed.  
"Where are you going?" Jonghyun asked, grabbing Key's wrist before the boy could get up.  
"Food. I'll buy us some food. Give me money." Key replied, snatching his wrist away.  
Jonghyun and Minho unloaded their pockets and handed some change to Key, before they all looked pointedly at Jongin.  
"If you wanna eat you have to pay idiot." Key spat.  
"Stop being mean..." Taemin mumbled. His voice sounded so strange on the spice. It was higher and more melodic but not in a good way. He sounded like he didn't even know what he was saying, like he wasn't there.  
Jongin rummaged around in one of his pockets, pulling out the little money he had left and passing it to Key, who snatched it away and walked out slamming the door behind him.  
"Just ignore him." Jonghyun said, turning to Jongin, "He's all bark and..."  
"No bite." Jongin finished.  
Jonghyun laughed. He laughed as if it was actually funny, as if they weren't lying around their best friend's broken and bruised body.  
Minho started to rummage around in his bag again, pulling out some water bottles. He brought one up to Taemin's lips and then drank the rest himself. "Poor Taeminnie," he cooed as he stroked Taemin's hair. Taemin leaned in to Minho's hands and hummed happily, still taking drag after drag of that stupid drug.  
Jongin felt horribly possessive. In fact, he almost wanted to hit Minho for touching Taemin. Which was ridiculous. Minho was being nice. Minho was Taemin's friend. But just the way they were acting around each other made Jongin sick.  
"Do you have any more of those?" Jonghyun asked, gesturing to Taemin's spliff as he dug into Minho's bag.  
"Yeah, plenty." Minho replied, still stroking Taemin's hair.  
Jonghyun smiled and got out a few packets before noticing Jongin's eyes glaring into him. "It's helpful to have a drug dealer friend." he commented, answering a question that had never been asked.  
Jongin's eyes widened but before he had a chance to reply Minho cuffed Jonghyun round the head with the hand that wasn't playing with Taemin's hair. "Shut up!" Minho yelled, "I'm not a drug dealer!!"  
"Well what else would you call a person who sells drugs?" Jonghyun laughed.  
"I don't..." Minho started, suddenly seeming very flustered, "I mean, I do sometimes...but it's not a regular thing...and I don't...I'm not..."  
"Whatever you say frog boy." Jonghyun smirked, "It's not like I'm complaining is it?"  
Jongin couldn't even speak. This was all wrong. So wrong. Things were going back to normal...? They'd literally had a two minute conversation about what had happened to Taemin the night before then completely given up when the little shit wouldn't say anything. Jongin couldn't wrap his mind around the fact they were talking as if nothing was wrong. How could they just move on when Taemin was lying there in pieces? Was this just a normal occurrence to them, having their best friend beaten to a pulp?  
"Gimme another one..." Taemin mumbled, tugging on Minho's jacket to get his attention. The blonde was high as a kite and totally weird again, his eyes not focusing, his breathing erratic.  
Minho agreed and handed Taemin another, taking one for himself as well. The room was beginning to stink of smoke and a really weird chemically smell. It was oddly...enticing. Jongin couldn't help feeling left out, even though he was outraged in equal measure. He supposed taking drugs was the only coping mechanism these people had. Maybe this was why they could stay 'relaxed' and just ignore what had happened the night before.  
Jongin was certainly not feeling like himself. Frankly, he was way too tempted to join these lunatics in their escape. He couldn't handle the emotions he felt...he couldn't handle seeing Taemin like this...he couldn't handle where he was right now...  
"Can I have one too?" Jongin asked. He reached out his hand before his mind had a chance to scream at him 'no'.  
Minho was just about to give him one, when Taemin snapped his head up. "No...no...don't...no...." he gasped.  
Minho put the spliff back into his bag and shrugged.  
"Why not? You're all taking them?" Jongin grumbled.  
"No...you can't...it's not good for you...we're all addicted but...it's not good for you...I don't want to see you like that...it's not good for you..." Taemin slurred. He was having a hard time making the words come out in the right order, so this was as much sense as he was able to make.  
"I know it's not good for you!" Jongin hissed, "But I can't look at you a second longer if I don't take something."  
"Noooo...." Taemin whined, "It's just...it's bad...you'll get addicted and it'll be all my fault..."  
Jongin ignored Taemin and grabbed an empty wrapper of spice from the floor, trying to read the back of the packet. "What is this stuff anyway?" He asked, turning away from Taemin to Minho.  
"It's spice. It's a legal high. It's a mixture of herbs and synthetic cannabis. I dunno...we just take it because it makes you relaxed and changes your perception of the world..." Minho mumbled.  
"It's legal???????" Jongin shrieked. That was not what he'd been expecting at all.  
"Yeah. Well I mean a lot of the stuff we take isn't but...spice is. You can buy it in shops." Minho shrugged.  
"YOU WHAT???" Jongin yelled. He couldn't believe a drug like this which was so clearly harmful could ever be legal.  
"Yup. That's why it's easy to get..." Minho continued.  
"...No but...but...just cus it's legal doesn't mean it’s good...Newbie...Don't...I don't want you...I...it's not good for you..." Taemin butted in, he was hardly understandable though.  
Jongin cursed under his breath. The room was now so smokey he could hardly breathe and he couldn't even bare to look at Taemin. But looking at Minho or Jonghyun was no better, because they were slowly getting as high as Taemin was. And the room they were in was a tip so it wasn't like he could stare at the empty bottles of alcohol on the floor to make himself feel better.  
Jongin couldn't cope with this. Shouldn't they be doing more to help Taemin??? He should be in a hospital bed monitored 24/7, not lying in some dank, derelict building using drugs to take away the pain.  
That was it. If Taemin wouldn't allow him to get high, he'd have to go. He couldn't cope with this sober.  
"Nooo...Newbie...don't go..." Taemin called, as Jongin got up to leave.  
"I can't stay here looking at you like this." Jongin stated, "I need some air."  
"Nooo...no you don't...I'll stop smoking soon I promise...then when Key comes back all my favorite people will be in one room...that never happens...it'll be nice...stay...Newbie...stay..." Taemin whined.  
Jongin was already gone.  
\--- 

 

This was actually a lot more graphic than I intended it I'm so sorry O.O it's my first attempt at writing something so dark and yeah...i think I might have gotten a bit carried away eeek.  
Like jongin I almost flipped my lid when I found out spice is legal. Well it's legal in the UK anyway. I wish I was kidding O.O lolll take it from taemin kids, it's not good for you. /sorry I shouldn’t joke.  
ANYWAY IT'S OK EVERYTHING'S OK OUR BABIES WILL BE FINE. God im sorry about this chapter.


	6. Lesson 6: Possessiveness Is Worse

"Newbie, come on, pick up...Why'd you leave like that? Please come back...I promise Key won't stick a knife up to your throat again. He's just a pussycat you'll see. Come on, don't be grumpy and just come back..." 

"Hey me again. I probably sound really desperate calling you again don't I? I guess I'm getting a taste of my own medicine haha. Anyway. I'm worrying about why you're not replying...pick up will you?" 

"What the fuck Newbie? Why aren't you picking up? Where are you? I get that you needed some air but haven't you had enough?" 

"I don't fucking need you anyway so don't bother coming back. You're just a fucking child who can't deal when shit gets real." 

Taemin called Jongin on and off the next day. It was clear by the end message he'd gotten 'high off his head' again, so Jongin didn't take any notice. He knew Taemin didn't mean it. Taemin didn't mean anything when he was smoking that stuff.   
Jongin wanted to pick up, he really did. But he just couldn't. He couldn't face the reality of this situation for one more second. Or at least that's how he felt. Because even when you feel like you can't face it you have to carry on anyway. The choice is keeping going or die, and that's not much of a choice.   
Jongin was glad Taemin was calling though. It meant he was ok enough to pick up a phone at least. But still, Jongin couldn't answer. He needed time away. Time to think about this crazy world he'd found himself in. He knew if he wasn't very careful he could end up falling in love with drug addicted prostitute. But who was he kidding, that had happened already. He knew it was insane. They'd known each other all of 5 minutes. Well maybe 10 minutes by this point but still- not long. But Jongin was sure it wasn't just a crush. He was infatuated yes, but he also felt something much deeper for Taemin. Like their souls were connected somehow. And it was torturing him.   
Amazingly, he managed to fall asleep. He hadn't thought there was a chance in hell he would but he'd only had 3 measly hours the previous night (before Key woke him up ever so gently with a knife at his neck) but when you're that tired, sleep just takes over.   
It was annoying actually, because he'd probably only been asleep for an hour before his phone rang again. You don't have to be a genius to guess it was 'Sex God' again.   
Jongin didn't pick up and just let it go to voicemail. He was pretty sure it would be another angry message, seeing as this late Taemin would surely be high. 

"Hey, it's me... Everyone's left now so I'm on my own. Come see me will you? Don't be mad at me. I'm sorry for the message I left earlier I just...yeah. I'm in pain and I'm alone so the least you can do is come see me out of pity." 

Jongin couldn't ignore that. Taemin did sound alone and in pain. He'd even played the 'pity card' so Jongin knew it must've been bad.   
Without a seconds thought, he made his way back to that charming derelict building Taemin called home. It didn't take him long at all as he hadn't gone far. He was scared that something else terrible might happen and what if he was far away? Street life made even the most laid back people paranoid. Although maybe it's not paranoia if what you're scared of could happen...   
"I thought you hated pity." Jongin said as he walked through the door. Taemin was still lying in exactly the same position. If anything he looked worse than when Jongin had left him that morning. Key had put some bandages on his face (probably stolen them that day) and so one of his eyes was completely hidden.   
"I do, but it got you to come back didn't it?" Taemin smiled. He didn't seem annoyed or high which surprised Jongin.   
"So you manipulated me." Jongin commented.   
"Yeah. I'm pretty good at it aren't I?" Taemin smirked.   
"Yeah."   
"What's going on Jongin?" Taemin asked, his eyes furrowing with worry. It was practically the first time Taemin had ever called Jongin his real name as opposed to "newbie". It almost sounded weird and wrong.   
"I had to get out of here. Think a few things through." Jongin replied.   
"What kinda things?"   
"I dunno...I really..." Jongin paused for a second, debating whether to be honest or not. It was always better to tell the truth though, wasn't it? "I really like you and..." He carried on, "it's just a shock to see how you guys deal with you getting beaten, like its normal...and then you were all getting high and you're...different when you're high..."   
Taemin sighed because he didn't know if Jongin wanted an apology or not."What do you want me to say?"   
"Nothing."   
A horrible moment of tension followed. Taemin looked very sad and reached up to touch Jongin's cheek. Jongin let him because god, the contact felt like comfort.   
"What happened last night?" Jongin asked quietly, "Who beat you up? Why did they beat you up?"   
"It doesn't matter." Taemin stated, removing his hand from Jongin's cheek.   
"Yes it does Taemin..."   
"No." Taemin cut him off, "I don't wanna talk about it. Everything worked out f-"   
"DON'T YOU DARE." Jongin snapped. He was on the edge of a hissy fit and knew it. But if Taemin said "everything worked out fine" one more time he was going to lose it. "Don't you dare say everything worked out fine. Just because you're not dead doesn't make everything FINE."   
"Please stop yelling at me..." Taemin whispered.   
Oh god, Jongin thought as his heart sank. What was he doing? Yelling at someone who'd been beaten the night before? Leaving him for the whole day because he could deal with it? He needed to man up.   
"Come here..." Taemin said softly, so Jongin did, giving up on any attempts to make Taemin talk. He knew the blonde wouldn't say anything. It was useless to try and interrogate him.   
The hugged for a long time. Jongin wrapped his arms around Taemin's waist, burying his head into masses of unruly blonde hair. If he was honest, Taemin didn't smell good. Rather than sweat, he stank of that weird chemical. But Jongin was beyond caring. He was with Taemin, and nothing else matters when you're in love.   
Except maybe some things do. Because as he dug his head further in a Taemin's hair, he couldn't help remembering Minho stroking it so tenderly earlier. He tensed, and Taemin must've noticed because he pulled away to give Jongin a quizzical look.   
"You and Minho...you're really close aren't you?" Jongin mumbled, trying to sound as casual as possible.   
"Yeah?" Taemin shrugged, "I'm close with all my friends."   
This was something Jongin knew. But they way Minho had acted around Taemin was different from Key or Jonghyun. Despite Key being the most hands on, it was almost like he was just being...motherly? But the way Minho had looked down upon Taemin so affectionately whilst stroking his hair, the way Taemin had lent into the hand as if they'd done that a thousand times before...it was different. It didn't just seem like friendship.   
"Yeah but...you seem closer to him in some ways..." Jongin mumbled. He was trying to subtle but failing.   
"Yeah well we would be." Taemin shrugged, then added casually, "I lost my virginity to him."   
Jongin almost choked on his own spit. "What????" he yelled. This conversation couldn't be happening.   
Taemin laughed at him- he seemed to have a nasty habit of doing that. It's just Jongin's reactions all seemed so over the top and dramatic. It was hilarious. "Oh I'm sorry didn't you realize? I'm not a virgin..." Taemin joked.   
Jongin didn't smile back. He was so not in the mood for this shit. "You...so...were you together?" he managed to stutter.   
"Oh no...well you know how it is." Taemin mumbled.   
Jongin definitely did not know how it was, so did nothing but stare at Taemin blankly.   
"Well I mean I was new to the streets, just some stupid kid thinking about going on the game and you know...I didn't want to lose it to some pervert so...yeah. Me and Minho did it a couple of times. It was eons ago, back when sex was fun." Taemin said, smiling at his last comment as if this was all so amusing.   
"Did you love him?" Jongin asked. It was one of those stupid, insecure questions that popped out before you could stop them.   
"I love all of my friends." Taemin replied.   
"You know what I mean."   
"No I didn't luuuuurrrrve him. God you're so sensitive. I shouldn't have told you. We're just friends, we're all just friends. Well I mean except Jonghyun and Key- they're at it like rabbits- but the rest of us. And even if we weren't, I mean it's cute you being jealous and all, but don't get possessive on my ass."   
"I'm not getting possessive!" Jongin squeaked. It was a lie, but he couldn't help it.   
"Well good." Taemin replied, "Possessiveness is even worse than pity."   
Jongin couldn't control his expression. He was so tired, sunken, insecure and this conversation was really not helping.   
"Ow don't look at me like that. You know how much I like you." Taemin cooed.   
"Mmm." Was all the reply Jongin could muster.   
Taemin reached up for a kiss, but Jongin turned his head to the side. He didn't want it to be like this. Not when they'd just been talking about Minho. Not in this place. Not again.   
Except Taemin was never the type to take no for an answer, so he started placing light kisses along the edge of Jongin's jaw line. It felt like heaven and hell, and everytime Taemin's tongue brushed against Jongin's skin he felt shivers run all the way down his spine.   
Nobody could have resisted it, so as Taemin got closer to Jongin's mouth, Jongin turned his head back so their lips could properly connect once more. His self control now gone, Jongin parted Taemin's lips with his tongue (making sure not to touch the puffy side), and swirled it around inside. He was so caught up in the moment he didn't even notice Taemin's hands lace themselves under his top, fingers lightly grazing the smooth tanned skin underneath.   
When they pulled apart, Jongin's head was spinning. He decided there had been enough talking so he let himself curl around Taemin on the floor and try to go to sleep, forgetting in his daze that Taemin's friends could come back at any time.   
"You'll be cold out there." Taemin whispered, gesturing for Jongin to climb in his sleeping bag. When Jongin raised an eyebrow Taemin knew exactly what he meant- Like hell we're both going to fit in there.   
"No we will," replied Taemin to the silent question, "I'm pretty skinny. Get your ass in here."   
By some miracle Jongin did in fact fit. His body was pressed so close to Taemin's but the warmth and softness was the most comforting thing he'd felt in months.   
He let himself drift, wrapping both arms around Taemin's waist.   
He couldn't remember a better night's sleep. 

\---

It was weird, it really was. For the first few weeks knowing Taemin, Jongin hadn't been allowed to set foot in that derelict shithole the blonde called home. And yet now he finally had, Taemin never wanted him to leave.   
Jongin had visited Taemin everyday for the next week, staying hours on end and sometimes even through the night when Key wasn't there. Taemin was still bruised and battered so he wasn't feeling up to getting out, but surprisingly his friends seemed to know how to take care of him. Jongin watched as they brought him food, water, clothes, hugs, drugs...it was weird, like they'd done this a thousand times.   
By the end of the first week, Jongin was starting to feel a little more secure about Taemin's feelings towards him. They'd kissed a few times (5 times. Jongin had counted.) But they'd never talked about their feelings for one another and frankly, Jongin didn't want to. He felt embarrassed and stupid and he knew Taemin would probably laugh at him. Because Taemin always laughed at him. It was clear though, that Taemin never wanted Jongin to leave. Jongin didn't want to either. Although he'd had a lot of trouble adjusting to the place, it did have a roof and Taemin was there. So. Where else would he want to be?   
Jongin was just about to walk in the room, meeting Taemin for the first time that day, when he paused. Key was there. He could tell immediately because Key smoked a different kind of drug and it stank.   
Being the eavesdropper he was, Jongin pressed his head against the door.   
"Fuck you Key, you're not my mother."   
He heard hysterical laughter, presumably from Key, before- "I know I'm not your mother you little shit. But I am the boss around here whether you like it or not."   
"Are you? Minho'd disagree. And I seem to remember some guy named Onew we all seem to have forgotten about..."   
"Shut up. Don't. That's low Taemin and you know it."   
"What? He'd've been happy to allow Jongin to come live with us."   
"Well I'm not, I've told you a thousand times. You barely know the kid. He's weak and pathetic. He could run and tell anyone about the shit that happens here. Then where'd we end up? I mean for a start Minho'd go to prison...and I dread to think what'd happen to you."   
"He's not weak. And he's not pathetic. And he's not a snitch."   
"You're blind because you have some kind of deluded crush. You're a child Taemin, you don't know anything."   
"WE'RE ALMOST THE SAME AGE IDIOT. And it's just you who has the problem with Newbie, no one else does."   
"I don't have a problem with Newbie."   
Jongin heard more hysterical laughter, but this time it was coming from Taemin. "Yes you do!! You held a knife to his throat twice!!"   
"So? I have a problem with you getting attached to strangers that could hurt you, that could hurt all of us. You're a REALLY shitty judge of character Taemin. Like...fuck...you're terrible. I honestly don't know how you're still alive. Actually. Scratch that. I do know why you're still alive. Because of me. Because I've been the voice of reason in that stupid head of yours, telling you not to trust all the creeps in the world that want to hurt you."   
There was a moment of silence. Jongin wondered if Taemin was about to cry or something, but then- "I see your point."   
"Good."   
"But I don't agree with you. When Jong and Minho come home I'm asking them if they mind Newbie coming to live with us. If they don't mind, there's not a damn thing you can do about it."   
"Fuck you Taemin. Jong'll mind. I'll make Jong mind."   
"Jong can think for himself."   
With that, Jongin heard footsteps walking hard and fast to the door. It opened to reveal a very angry looking Key, who shoved past Jongin and stormed down the corridor.   
Taemin laughed when he saw Jongin's expression. It was probably horror mixed with confusion.   
"So I suppose you heard all of that did you?" Taemin smirked.   
"Yeah."   
"You're welcome, by the way." Taemin smiled, getting up to hug Jongin. He was still shaky on his legs but at least they worked.   
"Welcome? I never asked you if I could live here." Jongin replied. He didn't know why he was being difficult.   
"No but I want you to so..." Taemin stated, "Besides, it has a roof right? So it's better than what you have already. And I'm here..."   
Jongin smiled, "Well that's true...but urm, I don't think Key's going to come round and...I mean I'm not too keen on living with someone who hates me that much."   
"He doesn't hate you. He's a pussycat. He'll go off right now and have a hissyfit to Jonghyun, then he'll probably smoke something, then probably have another hissy fit, then Jonghyun'll tell him to stop being a fucking asshole and everything'll work out fine." Taemin blabbered.   
"Wow you know each other scary well." Jongin laughed.   
"Yup. It'll be like that for us one day." Taemin replied. He still had his arms wrapped around Jongin's waist. It was just nice to have contact. Just nice.   
"Will it?" Jongin asked, trying to contain the happiness that statement had made him feel.   
"Of course. I want to know everything about you." Taemin said.   
Jongin knew that wasn't true. He knew Taemin still wouldn't be prepared to talk about serious things, but it didn't matter. He was putty in Taemin's hands. Every nice, flirtatious thing the blonde said to him made him melt.   
"Let's go to sleep baby." Taemin cooed, "Key'll be too pissed to come back tonight and Jong'll be off with him so if Minho doesn't come back it'll just be me and you."   
Jongin nodded. He always wanted it to just be Taemin and him. 

\--- 

To Key's horror, Jonghyun and Minho had said they didn't care one flying fuck if Newbie wanted to live with them. In fact their actual words were; "Whatever makes Taemin not strop."   
So Jongin now had a roof. And a semi permanent place to stay. Even if it was a shithole. But the best thing about it was of course- Taemin. They got to spend far more time with each other and Jongin lapped it up.   
As Taemin was recovering from his beating though, things were starting to change. Taemin was going out later and coming back drunker. Sometimes he smelt of weed, sometimes sex, always shame.   
Jongin had never realized that Taemin actually didn't like being a prostitute. He knew that sounded incredibly childish, but he'd never thought of Taemin hating what he did. But that's because Taemin hardly ever talked about it. When Jongin brought the subject up, he'd always be shut down with a 'let's not talk about this' or a 'wanna snuggle?' But seeing Taemin come home everyday in the early hours of the morning high of his head and in pieces was braking Jongin's heart.   
"Hey you really, really stink you know that don't you?" Taemin asked one morning. Everyone had gone out leaving Jongin and Taemin alone. It was a rare opportunity as Taemin's friends were often around.   
"You're one to talk." Jongin hissed, "You stink of weed. All the fucking time. It does my head in."   
"Well true but. I mean you stink of sweat and I'd take weed anyday." Taemin scoffed.   
"What do you want me to do Taemin? I've tried that fountain but it's too damn cold..." Jongin moaned.   
"You're not gonna like it." Taemin stated.   
"Eh?"   
"You're not gonna like what I want you to do."   
"Eh?"   
"Ok now I want you to not give me those judgey 'I know better than Taeminnie' eyes when I say this ok?" Taemin asked.   
Jongin had no idea where this was going but agreed anyway.   
"So there's this guy called Heechul. He's a client...but he's actually more of a friend. He's nice. We've known each other for a really long time and he let's me get away with a lot. He's not a creep, honestly. Anyway. Well I'm sure he'd let us go over there and shower and whatever. He has a nice apartment and it'd be really easy. I go round there all the time." Taemin explained.   
"Fuck no Taemin." Jongin said, giving him the judgey 'I know better than Taeminnie' eyes he'd promised not to.   
"Hey come on," Taemin argued, "Do it for me. I want to be able to kiss you without having to hold my breath."   
"Oh god..."   
"Please Bie?" Taemin whined (It was a new nickname; Newbie to just 'Bie. Jongin wasn't sure if he liked it.)   
"That's creepy as hell...me going to someone you've..." Jongin started, but was cut off.   
"He's a friend Jongin, just a friend. You've really got to stop being such a damn prude about everything."   
It had taken a lot more persuasion, but Jongin had finally agreed. He was desperate for a shower and the idea of a nice apartment with soap and fluffy towels was too enticing. Plus Taemin often got what he wanted. Either he was extremely persuasive or Jongin was a pushover. Jongin feared it was the latter. 

\--- 

"Oh god I'm so nervous this is the creepiest thing I don't think we should do this what if he thinks I'm a..." Jongin blabbered, but then the door opened and he was cut off midway. A very ordinary looking man opened it. He wasn't that tall, with floppy dark brown hair and round features.   
"Hey Heechul," Taemin said, smiling as he walked inside the posh apartment. To Jongin's horror, Heechul leaned in and Taemin kissed him full on the mouth. It made Jongin's stomach turn. That horrible possessive feeling was creeping down his arms and into his fists again. He really wanted to punch whoever this guy was who thought he could just lean in and demand kisses. Although Taemin hadn't seemed bothered by it at all, which was even more disturbing.   
"This is Jongin," Taemin chirped, "He's not here for...you know...I was just wondering if we could use your shower?"   
"Yeah ok," Heechul shrugged, "You look awful by the way. What happened Taeminnie?"   
Taemin had momentarily forgotten that he still looked a bit bruised. Most of them had cleared up, but he hadn't seen Heechul in a while so it was probably just the contrast.   
"Oh...You know, it doesn't matter. I'm fine." Taemin replied. He was a pro at vague answers. Jongin hated it.   
"You don't look fine," Heechul replied, "But why do I bother asking when you're not gonna say anything anyway."   
Taemin just shrugged and dragged Jongin by the hand further inside the apartment. It was pretty nice, very neat and quite large. The layout was open plan, with the kitchen and living room being the same, and it had 2 doors leading off it- probably a bathroom and a bedroom.   
"You don't mind if I go in first do you?" Taemin asked, rummaging around in a cupboard and pulling out some fluffy towels. It was scary how at home he seemed here.   
"...no?" Jongin lied. He did mind. The thought of being left alone with Heechul was not an appealing one. And wasn't he the one more desperate for a shower anyway?   
"Thanks bub" Taemin smiled, before turning back to Heechel, "Do you have any blonde hair dye left over from last time? My roots are crazy bad."   
"Ummmm," Heechul mumbled, "Yeah I think so?"   
"Good. I'm gonna look like a new Taeminnie when I come out." Taemin chirped, before blowing Heechul a kiss and walking into the bathroom.   
God Jongin hated that kid sometimes.   
"So..." Heechul started. This was probably the most uncomfortable situation Jongin could ever imagine. "Are you homeless too?"   
"Mhm." Was all the reply Jongin could muster.   
"But you're not a..."   
"No!" Jongin shrieked, surprising himself by his own tone.   
Heechul just laughed. "Would you like a drink while you wait?"   
"Ummm..."   
"Taemin usually goes for the hot chocolate, but you can have anything...I have coffee, tea, soda..."   
"Um," Jongin said again, "Just a soda thanks."   
Heechul did as he was asked and rummaged around in the fridge, pulling out 2 sodas before handing one to Jongin.   
"Sorry the place is such a tip..." he mused, "Taemin didn't call so I didn't exactly know I was having company today..."   
Jongin glanced around the spotless apartment. Everything was shiny and there was no clutter. Honestly it wasn't the type of place Jongin had expected a client to live in. Although he guessed Heechul was a very unusual client.   
The distinctive sound of water started running and then weird loud 'ooohing' noises. For a second Jongin's mind went into overdrive thinking what the hell was Taemin doing. But then he realized the strange sounds were just singing.   
"He's got no shame does he?" Heechul laughed, "I mean, he's actually quite good at singing but still...it's always so loud."   
Jongin's hands clenched around his soda can because it was almost like they were talking about something else.   
Sensing the tension, Heechel cleared his throat. "Well um, I'm going to get some work done...you can watch the TV until Tae's finished if you like?" he said, then swiftly walked out of the kitchen area and into what Jongin presumed was the bedroom.   
Jongin was so relieved he actually felt his whole body unclench. It was so weird to be in a proper apartment. So comfortable. A fleeting thought popped into his head that he could see why Taemin did this, but it past just as quickly.   
Still listening to Taemin singing (he couldn't quite make it out but it sounded a bit like "Press your body on my body, do it fast, do it slow"), Jongin sat down on the couch and reached for the remote.   
He hasn't watched TV like this in a very long time but it didn't look like there was many interesting things on anyway. He ended up on the cartoon channel. It was oddly comforting watching something you did when you were a kid.   
"What are you watching?" A soft voice asked.   
Jongin had been so absorbed in the TV, he hadn't even noticed Taemin come in, naked except for a loose towel slung around his waist. His hair looked really weird as well, presumably because the dye was setting.   
"Get dressed idiot!" Jongin snapped.   
Taemin laughed at him. "Bathroom's all yours now. I've put a clean towel by the sink." Then without warning, he turned abruptly and walked into Heechul's bedroom, shutting the door softly behind him.   
Jongin was almost sick then and there. He debated a few possible ideas: running in there to kill Heechul, then kill Taemin, run away, or actually go in the shower.   
Even though his blood was boiling, he chose the latter. He needed a shower and whatever Taemin was doing was none of his business as the blonde kept making clear.   
Taemin had indeed left a towel on the sink. He'd also drawn all over the condensation in the mirror. There were a few smiley faces, some sad faces, a bumble bee he'd labeled 'Newbeeee' and a, er, penis.   
Of course.   
Jongin wiped them off, leaving just the bumble bee because he couldn't find it in him to destroy such a masterpiece, before getting in the shower.   
The hot water literally felt like heaven. This was probably the best feeling in the world and he was almost relaxing. But then he remembered Taemin slinking into Heechul's bedroom in nothing but a towel and started to feel livid again.   
The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. He knew he shouldn't be dwelling on it- there was no point. It was what it was. But at the same time rage was overtaking an rational sense in him.   
He showered himself as fast as he could, barely drying himself before getting dressed and storming out of there ready to run into the bedroom and punch that son of a bitch.   
Surprisingly though, Taemin and Heechul weren't in the bedroom. Taemin was drying his hair, fully clothed on the couch, whilst Heechul was sitting next to him running little circles on the blonde's thighs absentmindedly. The TV was still blaring the cartoons Jongin had left on.   
"I was hoping to hear you sing..." Taemin smirked, looking up at Jongin. His expression changed as soon as he saw the look in Jongin's eyes.   
"Don't you like my new hair? It's the same color, it's just the roots don't show anymore. Sadly I'm not a natural blonde." he laughed.   
Jongin didn't reply.   
"Well ok then grumpy Bie." Taemin shrugged, turning to Heechul. "I'll see you soon?"   
"Yup." Heechul replied, leaning in again.   
Taemin kissed him on the mouth once more but this time their lips only connected for a millisecond. Taemin knew something was wrong. Jongin was acting weird and it was clear why.   
"Thanks." Taemin said to Heechul, before grabbing Jongin's hand and leading him out of there as quickly as possible. He couldn't risk offending Heechul and if he wasn't careful Jongin would ruin this sweet deal he had going.   
Jongin allowed himself to be lead a few paces down the street before ripping his hand out of Taemin's grasp. He was boiling with anger and couldn't contain it anymore.   
"DID YOU JUST HAVE SEX WITH HIM SO WE COULD SHOWER???" Jongin yelled.   
Taemin turned to look at him with bored eyes. "Don't yell, you're causing a scene."   
"ANSWER ME!!!!" Jongin screamed. He couldn't take this anymore and could hardly think straight.   
"We didn't have sex," Taemin stated, "I mean I did something but you can't expect me not to pay for our showers right?"   
Jongin couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd been told this Heechul guy was a friend. Friends don't do that. "IT'S SICK!! TRADING SEX IS SICK."   
"Oh god babybie. It's just sex. It's no big deal." Taemin replied, rolling his eyes.   
"It is a big deal!!!!!" Jongin yelled, "It's...it's meaningful!!"   
"Have you ever had sex?" Taemin asked. He had the cheek to fold his arms like a stroppy teenager.   
"Well...no..." Jongin stuttered.   
"Then how do you know?"   
"I know what I feel..." Jongin whined, "I know that I want to be the only one who...who's allowed to...kiss you."   
"Shut up," Taemin snapped. He was sick of Jongin acting like such a pure little angel.   
"I don't even know if we're together!!" Jongin shrieked. Everything about this was killing him. How could you be with someone who never gave you a straight answer and wouldn't talk about anything serious?   
Taemin didn't reply. Jongin could tell he was getting mad too, but he couldn't stop now. "I mean we kiss all the time but..." He carried on.   
"We kiss all the time so you think you own me?" Taemin hissed, whipping his head round to stare at Jongin. The look in his eyes was not a look Jongin ever wanted to see again.   
"What?? No! Of course n-" Jongin started.   
"Because you fucking don't ok?" Taemin spat, "Nobody owns me. They might think they do but they don't."   
"I know! I know!" Jongin yelled, panicking now, "I don't think th-"   
"Yeah well you obviously think something and I'm not having it. Just because I kiss you, just because I call you baby, does not give you or anyone else rights over me do you understand?" Taemin hissed. He started to turn and walk away but Jongin grabbed his hand.   
"Taemin!! Listen to me! I'm not-" Jongin yelled, tripping when he lost his balance as Taemin yanked his hand away.   
"Fuck you. I'm outta here." Taemin cursed.   
Jongin watched as the boy he loved started to run away down the street. He wanted to be angry. He wanted to yell obscenities at Taemin for acting like that, for accusing him, for running away.   
But he couldn't. His voice was dead in this throat and now all he could feel was numbness and cold.   
\--- 

 

UhOhhhhhhh!! D'; lol a lot seemed to happen in this chapter out of nowhere aha xD I hope it makes sense.   
important things include; Minho and Taemin did it, possessiveness is worse than pity apparently, Key is not Taemin's mother but he is a pussycat, why is heechul there, Taemin draws bumble bees and penis's on mirrors.   
I hope you got that crucial information lol it's very important don't forget it. 

/also oh gosh thank you so much for the nice comments. they make me so happy because I am pathetic lol but they really do~ so thank you ;_;   
Anyway xD byyyyebyyyye lovely bearsssss


	7. Lesson 7: (M)aking Love

Jongin spent the rest of the day avoiding Taemin. He'd learned from experience that it was best to give the blonde some space when he was pissed. Taemin was the type to blow up and swear at you, say a bunch of things he didn't mean and then apologize afterwards. Plus Jongin was mad too, so he didn't really want to see Taemin anyway.   
He hated this life. It wasn't a life. And he hated Taemin's attitude. Taemin always told him that he was the childish one, when really it was completely the other way around. Taemin still wouldn't talk about anything serious. And while Jongin could understand him not wanting to think about his problems, how was anything ever going to get better if Taemin closed himself off from the world?   
It was also killing him that he didn't know if they were together or not. He couldn't stop replaying what Taemin had said- "just because I kiss you, just because I call you baby, does not give you or anyone else rights over me do you understand?"   
How could Taemin think that? Hadn't Jongin shown the blonde that all he wanted was love? And how could he not feel possessive? The boy he loved was a prostitute.   
Jongin was dreading going 'home' but he knew he'd have to. It wasn't that late in the day, maybe 5pm, but he'd been walking around for hours and his legs were too tired to keep at it. Taemin probably wouldn't be there anyway (which was a good thing) but Key, Jonghyun and Minho's schedules were always erratic. He never had a clue who'd be there and who wouldn't.   
Dreading the sight of Key, Jongin peered through a crack in the door. He hadn't thought anyone was in the room so had the shock of his life when he opened it and to see Jonghyun talking to a boy he didn't know. He'd never seen anyone else in the room. Never. It was always just himself, Taemin, Key, Jonghyun or Minho. Strangers weren't allowed.   
"Oh hi Newbie." Jonghyun greeted, raising an eyebrow when he noticed the sour expression on Jongin's face, "Rough day?"   
Jongin didn't reply, but instead started looking the new boy up and down. He had a round face and thick black hair. He looked tired and run down but there was a friendly smile planted on his full lips.   
"This is Onew," Jonghyun said, turning to the boy, "Onew, this is Newbie. He's Taemin's...er...friend."   
Jongin winced because the '...er friend' was painful. But he guessed Jonghyun was right. That's all they were.   
"Hi," Jongin said. It was awkward. But Jongin was often awkward. He'd heard Onew's name mentioned several times and he'd asked Taemin about it but hadn't gotten much of an answer. Apparently Onew had gone missing and they were all worried sick. That was it.   
And yet here he was.   
"I'm surprised Key let's you stay here," Onew commented.   
"I talked him round," Jonghyun butted in, "You know how he is."   
Onew laughed, "He's a lunatic."   
"He's a softy." Jonghyun argued.   
"Well maybe to you..." Onew smiled.   
Jongin didn't know how to react to this so he just stood there like an idiot.   
"Aren't you gonna sit down?" Jonghyun asked, pulling out a cigarette.   
Jongin wondered about it for a second, thinking he should probably go and leave them to catch up. But his legs were so frickin tired and he couldn't help feeling really damn curious about this Onew kid.   
"I thought you were missing?" Jongin asked bluntly, sitting himself down next to the stranger.   
"Not missing as such..." Onew replied, "I was more...on the run..."   
Jongin's mouth formed an 'o' shape because what was he suppose to say to that.   
"But you didn't tell us where you were!" Jonghyun inturupted, "Key'll kill you when he gets back, you know that don't you? And Taemin'll probably faint."   
"I've already told you, I couldn't tell you. It would've put you all in danger if you knew where I was." Onew snapped.   
"Who were you running from?" Jongin asked.   
"Scary people," Onew replied, "Really, really scary people."   
Jongin didn't push. Scary people was enough to know. "And now you're back for good?" Jongin asked.   
"No, I just...I missed my friends. I'll have to go as soon as I've seen everyone." Onew replied sadly before turning back to Jonghyun. "Do you think the others'll be really mad at me?"   
"Heck yes!" Jonghyun scoffed, "We've been worried sick about you."   
Onew nodded. He'd expected as much.   
"Where is Taemin anyway?" Jonghyun asked, turning to Jongin, "I thought he was with you at Heechul's?"   
"He was..." Jongin replied, "He just ur...he...we..."   
"Lover's tiff?" Onew joked.   
"Something like that." Jongin mumbled.   
"And let me guess, he ran away and you've no idea where he is?" Onew asked.   
"Mhm."   
"Taemin hasn't changed a bit I see..." Onew laughed, "I've known that kid for a looong time. Don't take any notice of him."   
Jongin watched as Onew reached into his pocket and brought out a small, white pill before swallowing it dry. He didn't look like the drug-type honestly. Although Taemin didn't look like a prostitute and Minho didn't look like a drug dealer so...   
"Do you want guys want one?" Onew asked, gesturing to his pocket.   
"No no no..." Jonghyun said, "They're way too strong for me."   
Jongin turned it down as well obviously. He was surprised Jonghyun had too though, seeing as he thought the boy took everything. Apparently not. What on earth could be so strong even Jonghyun didn't want it?   
"I thought you were giving up that shit." Jonghyun commented.   
"I thought you were too," Onew replied, a little shortly, "But you clearly haven't. This place stinks of spice."   
"Yeah well spice is a lot different from that stuff." Jonghyun snapped, "And I mean I did try but...it's hard you know. Breaking a habit is hard."   
Jongin was unsure if he should go or not, seeing as things were starting to feel like they were getting serious, but then again- isn't this what he wanted? Taemin would never give him a straight answer about fucking anything. Maybe these kids would.   
"How long have you guys known each other?" Jongin asked randomly.   
Onew and Jonghyun snapped their heads towards him simultaneously. It was almost funny, because they had such a look of confusion that Jongin had dared ask something.   
"I'm guessing Taemin hasn't told you much about us huh?" Jonghyun asked.   
"He really hasn't changed at all." Onew laughed.   
"He doesn't tell me anything. He shuts me down as soon as I want to talk about anything vaguely serious." Jongin replied honestly. He was dying to know more about his *boy*friend.   
"He won't like us telling you then," Jonghyun replied then added, "But when have we ever cared what Taeminnie thought anyway?"   
Onew laughed and nodded, "It sucks being the maknae."   
"I'm younger than Taemin." Jongin blabbed. Why he'd chosen to add that he didn’t know.   
"You are?" Jonghyun asked, "Wow so you're the new maknae. You shouldn't have told us. We'll treat you like shit now."   
It was a joke so Jongin laughed. The mood in the room seemed to be oddly light, despite the fact a missing friend had returned from nowhere and was taking hardcore drugs. But that was just street life.   
"So you wanna know how we all met?" Jonghyun asked.   
"Mhmm."   
"Do you wanna tell him or should I?" Jonghyun said, turning to Onew.   
"You're crap at telling stories." Onew replied, "I'm the daddy, I'll tell it."   
Jongin suppressed a snort because this Onew kid was so random. Also he was feeling a little giddy because Jonghyun had just lit some spice and the room was stinking again.   
"So long story short...Jonghyun, Key and Taemin were all in care together. Apparently they were little shit's back then too so they were often getting into trouble." Onew started, only to be interrupted by Jonghyun.   
"Hey we weren’t little shits. Being in care was awful. Anybody would have been a shit if that was their start in life."   
"Yeah Yeah don't be Mr Sensitive about it, let me tell it, you'll get too emotional." Onew snapped. Jonghyun shut up.   
"So," Onew continued, "Basically when they were old enough to leave they were going to be put in housing you know, for young adults, but the bastards in charge wanted to split them up so they ran away. A stupid thing to do really, because they had nowhere to go. But when you're young you don't really think things through."   
"We thought we'd be fine." Jonghyun butted in again, "I had a crappy job back then and Key was just out of school so he was looking for work. We thought we'd just rent a bedsit, look after Taemin until he left school and everything'd work out fine."   
"It didn't though did it?" Onew stated, "Because a month later, I found the three of you rummaging around in the trash for food."   
Jonghyun nodded, "Yeah...our 'plan' didn't exactly work out. I lost my job, Key couldn't find one, Taemin was off the rails even then and wasn't going to school. We had no money, nothing. And we couldn't go back into the care system without being split up so we were screwed."   
"So anyway I'd been living on the streets for a while already." Onew sighed. He seemed to be a little annoyed Jonghyun kept interrupting. "I was in with this 'gang' but I left them when I met Jonghyun, Key and Taemin. I'd lived on the streets for a long time so I taught them everything I knew about how to survive-"   
"You even got us to call you teacher at one point," Jonghyun grimaced, "So embarrassing."   
"Yeah well it saved your life didn’t it? You kind of owe me dinoboy." Onew laughed, "ANYWAY. Not long after we met Minho, who was already addicted as fuck to drugs and frankly he knew just about everywhere to get them. He's a very handy person to know. Key hated him at the start, but I'm sure that's no surprise to you."   
Actually that did surprise Jongin. They all seemed so close now it was hard to imagine them ever hating each other.   
"The five of us then found this dump, but I mean it was bliss- hello- a roof. But then that bad, bad crowd I used to be in found me again and...I owe them a lot, a lot...so I had no choice but to run away." Onew said. Apparently that was as much as he was going to share because he shrugged and popped another pill, waiting for Jongin to reply.   
Jongin didn't feel satisfied with that explanation at all. He should be grateful. It was a lot more than Taemin had ever told him, but still. He couldn't help hating how secretive everyone seemed to be.   
"So when did Taemin...when did he...how did he get into..." Jongin stuttered.   
"You wanna know when he started renting himself out?" Onew asked.   
"Mhm."   
"It was your boyfriend's fault." Onew said, turning to Jonghyun.   
"It wasn't Key's fault!!!" Jonghyun yelled, "Key never wanted Taemin to sell himself!"   
"I know that but it doesn't make any difference." Onew stated, before turning back to Jongin, "We were dirt poor Newbie, you have to understand that. Key was being helpful. He'd gotten a lot of offers in the past if you know what I mean, we all had, but none of us had ever done anything about it. One day we were just too desperate so Key sold himself and hey, it was fine, just a one off thing right? Wrong. It was so nice to have a tiny bit of money...although frankly we wasted a lot of it on drugs... but anyway Key started making it a regular thing. Then Jonghyun did it too..."   
"HEY!" Jonghyun yelled, "Shut up!"   
"What it's true though isn't it?" Onew replied, "Anyway. Taemin had always gotten a lot of offers as well. You know, he's pretty and he's just got that look about him. He's really a shitty judge of character as you probably know by now so he started dabbling in it too. Before you know it, you're me living with three prostitutes and a drug dealer."   
"OH BOO FUCKING HOO FOR YOU." Jonghyun screeched.   
"I'm joking you idiot, I know I'm no angel either." Onew laughed, "Correct me if I'm wrong though, that's what happened isn't it?"   
Jonghyun turned his face away from Onew. Maybe this was why they never talked about anything serious. When shit gets real it's hard to cope. It was no surprise that talking about the past wasn't the most comfortable thing ever.   
"Thanks...for telling me..." Jongin managed to say, feeling guilty he'd pushed and made Jonghyun so uncomfortable.   
"S'fine." Onew shrugged, "What about you? Why are you here?"   
Jongin really should have seen that question coming, but for some reason it felt like it came out of nowhere. Suddenly he could see Taemin's point of view. It wasn't nice thinking about painful things.   
"I'd rather not." Jongin muttered, feeling like the biggest hypocrite in the world. He wanted Taemin to be the first person he opened up to though, not some guy he barely knew.   
"It's fine. Let's talk about something more cheerful until the kid's come home shall we? I don't want them to come back and find Mr Mopey over there..." Onew smiled, gesturing to the silent figure of Jonghyun who was staring thunderously at the wall.   
Jongin talked to Onew for hours. It was really nice actually, he was straight forward and warm and incredibly open about some things. Jongin felt like the glue that held the group together had finally returned. He couldn't help feeling apprehensive about Taemin coming home though. After having a huge row, he knew Taemin would've either drowned his sorrows in drink or drugs. Plus he didn't know how the blonde was going to react to seeing Onew again.   
Jongin decided to make his excuses and go. This was none of his business. Onew wasn't his friend and he didn't want to interfere. This group had so much history, it was best for him to leave them to it for a bit.   
Or maybe he was just being a coward. Because he still felt pissed with Taemin and couldn't face the high version of the blonde he knew would come home. 

\---

Jongin decided not to go 'home' that night. With Onew back, he knew there would be drama and he couldn't face anymore yelling, knife wielding or getting high. Unsurprisingly Taemin sent him several messages. The later it got, the higher Taemin was, the angrier the messages. 

"Hey...it's me. Obviously aha. Have you kept my name as Sex God? Well anyway...earlier on today...me running away like that....it wasn't cool ok so I'm sorry...I know you're not like other guys who just want me for...anyway." 

"Fuck Jongin!! I've just come home and Onew's back. But you already knew that didn't you?!?! Apparently you two had a nice cozy little chat about private things from my past. Thanks for that. Anyway get your ass over here and stop being a big baby about everything." 

"Jongin why are you being such a fucking coward? Come back you asshole. You could cut the tension around here with a knife now Onew's come back. I could do with a friend honestly, but you've fucked off like you always do when anything gets real." 

Jongin thought it was pretty rich that Taemin was accusing him of running away when things got serious, but chose to ignore it. Taemin sent a few more messages but Jongin hardly even listened to them. Not that they could be understood anyway because Taemin's words were all mumbled and slurred.   
The next day, Jongin woke up aching like never before. He'd opted to sleep in the park and it was weird not having a roof again. It was strange how you become accustomed to things so quickly. He'd only been living with Taemin and his friends a few weeks but being with them felt so normal now.   
His first stop was obviously food. He didn't have any money so he stole some. That was another handy thing about living with other people. Taemin often had a little bit of money, so bought Jongin practically every bit of food he ate. But also Key was strangely giving when it came to food. It was a very unexpected character trait, especially as the scary feline boy still appeared to hate Jongin's presence in every way. But still, he always shared food around. Everyone got just enough.   
Second stop was obviously Taemin. Jongin wasn't looking forward to seeing him one bit. When he got into the room they all shared in that derelict shithole, he was surprised to see no one was around. He'd just have to wait. He wasn't leaving a message on Taemin's phone after the one's Taemin had sent him.   
The place looked even messier than usual which was probably Onew's doing. It also smelt slightly different. If anything- stronger. Not good. Not good at all.   
"Hey" Jongin heard. He whipped his head around to see a disheveled looking Taemin, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down at the floor sheepishly.   
"Hey." Jongin repled.   
"I didn't think I'd see you today," Taemin commented.   
"Your crazyass phone messages don't bother me," Jongin stated, "I don't take anything you say seriously when you're high."   
Taemin shrugged and sat down on the floor, crossing his legs as he started to fiddle with the laces on his shoes. "What did you think of Onew?" He asked. Jongin thought it was a pretty abrupt change of subject but that was Taemin for you.   
"He seemed nice, chatty...open." Jongin replied.   
"Is that a dig?" Taemin snapped.   
"Yeah."   
"Well it looks like you got all the information you needed anyway so." Taemin hissed, "Talking about me like that behind my back. It's fucking rude you know that don't you."   
"What am I suppose to do Taemin?" Jongin said wearily, "You won't tell me anything. You never talk about real things."   
Taemin muttered something under his breath, something Jongin didn't catch. He presumed it was a swear word. "It's not like you tell me a lot about serious shit either though is it Newbie?"   
"You've never asked. And you've never seemed all that interested frankly." Jongin stated.   
This comment seemed to hurt Taemin and he looked further down at the floor and scrunched his knees up to his chin. "I am interested." Taemin said, "That's not why I haven't asked you. I just don’t want to know honestly. I don't want to know your sad past. It'll bring us both down for nothing. Don't you ever just want to forget all your problems? It doesn't mean I don't care about you. Cus I do. I care about you a lot."   
"I know that." Jongin replied.   
A few seconds of silence followed and Taemin's whole demeanor seemed to soften. "Tell me then." He whispered, looking up to face Jongin.   
"Tell you what?" Jongin asked.   
"Tell me what happened to you, why you're here, why you needed that half a sandwich. I'm asking you now." Taemin replied softly.   
"Really?" Jongin said. He was being an idiot but he hadn't been prepared for Taemin to suddenly change his mind.   
"Mmm. Maybe you're right. If I wanna get to know you better then I have to know all of you, even the sad shit don't I?" Taemin replied.   
"Ok..." Jongin mumbled, taking a deep breath. Taemin shuffled next to him on the floor and grabbed Jongin's hand in his, connecting all their fingers.   
Jongin began.   
"I don't have a mom. Well I mean I do, of course I do, but I've never met her. I don't know where she is or why she left or even if she's alive. I've tried to track her down but never had any luck. I don't even know her name. My dad raised me and never told me anything. He wouldn't talk about her and he got really, really mad when I used to ask. Me and my dad we never really got on...Like are personalities didn't go. I wasn't a happy kid. Anyway, my dad re-married when I was about 15. I actually liked his new wife and I was stupidly excited because I felt like maybe I'd have a mother now. That sounds pathetic, I know it does but-"   
"It doesn't sound pathetic." Taemin interrupted.   
"No?"   
"No. Everyone wants a mother. Everyone wants to be looked after." Taemin replied.   
"I guess they do." Jongin continued, "So anyway, my step mum already had 2 sons. They were a little older than me, about 16 when I first met them. They were bad news, like fuck, they were awful. I hated them but I think they hated me more. We all moved in to the same house and it was hell. Everyone argued, all the time. All. The. Time. Like I've never been in a place where there's so much yelling. They used to beat me up but I gave as good as I got. Although you know, 2 against 1 isn't exactly fair. And I was sick to death of my dad not sticking up for me. I mean I know we'd never been close or anything, but I was his son right? Shouldn't he have protected me? Shouldn't he have been on my fucking side?"   
Taemin could see Jongin start to tense up and squeezed his hand tighter. "He should have been on your side."   
"Yeah. Well he wasn't. And this carried on for years literally. Until one day I confronted my dad about it because I felt like everyone was against me, nobody had my back. I told him that I had a right to be in this family as much as they did, and you know what he said to me?"   
"What?"   
"He said 'fuck off like your mother.' I was ruining the image of a perfect family he had in his twisted head. So I did. I fucked right off. I wasn't staying around there to be hated by everyone. Honestly I'm glad I did. Living on the streets is better than going home to a bunch of evil minded bastards who don't want to see you anyway."   
"You're right." Taemin agreed, "You're free now. It's better to be free. That's why me, Jong and Key ran away too. They were gonna split us up, so we ran. Did Onew tell you that bit?"   
"Yeah he told me. But I don't feel free." Jongin mumbled, "And you're probably the least free person I know."   
"Am I?"   
"Yeah. You're not free to do anything. You're always someone else's." Jongin hissed. Talking about his past had put him in a terrible mood. "This isn't freedom. I don't know what it is, but it’s not being free."   
"Maybe." Taemin muttered, he didn't want to get into an argument. Not again. "I'm glad you told me all of that...you know. It's hard to talk about it isn't it?"   
"Yeah." Jongin sighed, looking down to stare at their connected hands. He was surprised to find that even though he'd opened up, he still didn't feel any better. It was probably just like pouring salt into the wound though. Scars need time to heal. Everything was still too raw.   
"You're a really special person Jongin. Your family sounds insane to do that to you. You're wonderful, you really are. I'm serious." Taemin cooed, before adding "I'd know. I'm a very good judge of character."   
Jongin couldn't help but laugh. Yeah, like hell he was.   
"I mean it. I think you're amazing. Don't be insecure about my feelings for you." Taemin said abruptly, watching as Jongin stopped laughing to stare back down at their held hands.   
"...I'm not." Jongin lied.   
"Yes you are." Taemin said, lifting their hands up to kissed one of Jongin's fingers. It was such a small, cute gesture but it meant the world to Jongin. "I've told you a loads of times how much I care about you. I don't know how I can prove it to you anymore."   
"You don't need to." Jongin said, "I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for yesterday."   
"Me too." Taemin smiled, an idea suddenly forming. His innocent eyes grew wide and it was like a light bulb had flashed in his head. "Hey, do you wanna have sex with me?" he asked, as if that would make everything better.   
"WHAT?" Jongin shrieked. The randomness of this kid was the strangest thing in the world. One minute they're talking about deep shit, the next about Jongin's insecurities and then straight away- sex. Like it's normal. What the fuck.   
Taemin giggled, "Ow gawd don't look at me like that. I hate that face. It's judgey and condesending. I'm serious. Why not? It'll make you feel better. And we'll never have an opportunity like this again, having the place to ourselves. Everyone'll be out with Onew till the crack of dawn. Plus we're showered so yay you don't stink."   
Jongin just stared at Taemin in confusion because crap, this kid was actually serious.   
"I won't make even make you pay." Taemin added, before laughing his head off as if that was just so funny. A sick part of him was enjoying the reaction he was getting. Jongin's outraged face was so cute.   
Jongin however, was not enjoying this at all. "Shut up. I hate it when you say stuff like that. Stop treating this like it's a joke. Stop treating me like I'm a client."   
Taemin laughed at him for the 100th time. "You're so sensitive! I don't think this is a joke. And of course I don't think you're like a client?! You're my...we're....you're my best friend."   
"I want more."   
"I'm offering you sex Newbie. How much more do you fucking want?" Taemin laughed. It came out a little harsher than he'd intended it though.   
"You and me...to be together...properly." Jongin replied quietly.   
"Why?"   
"What do you mean why? Isn't it obvious I have the world's biggest crush on you?" Jongin snapped. This was frustrating and he was sick of Taemin finding everything funny.   
"Well yeah but us being properly together...it's weird Jongin! I'm a rent boy...it's weird."   
Jongin turned his head away in defeat, disconnecting their hands. None of this was fair. He knew he was being difficult, but what was he suppose to do? He was sure what he was feeling wasn't wrong- surely it would drive anybody crazy if the person they loved did what Taemin did, acted how Taemin acted, basically was Taemin.   
Taemin seemed to notice Jongin's inner turmoil and reconnected their hands. He leaned in closer and planted a small, quick kiss on the corner of Jongin's mouth before leaning his head on Jongin's shoulder and rubbing against it like a cat would.   
"Look Jongin, we don't have to do this. But I want to. It'll make you feel more secure and I want you to feel secure." Taemin cooed. He could tell he was winning because Jongin's pants were becoming very obviously tighter. It was hard to ignore as they were sitting next to each other cross-legged. Taemin took it as an opportunity to drag their connected hands downwards to Jongin's crotch and scrunch, hard.   
It felt like absolute heaven, but Jongin still made himself pull away. He knew sex wouldn't change anything about their situation; Taemin would still be a rent boy, they still wouldn't be properly together, and wasn't it using Taemin just a bit?   
Probably.   
...Yet his will power was dwindling...   
The boy he loved was offering him sex and that was pretty hard to say no to.   
Taemin waited for Jongin's reply, but it never came so he continued, edging himself closer once more. "I mean it's not really fair I'm giving out the good stuff to everyone but you right?" he laughed.   
Oh god. Why did he have to go and say stuff like that. "You're probably the more unromantic person on the planet." Jongin hissed, but didn't pull away this time even though Taemin's face was only inches away from his own, their noses brushing against each other.   
"Awww. I'm sorry." Taemin whispered, "I might be unromantic but I'm pretty good at...other things."   
With that, Taemin grabbed the back of Jongin's neck and pulled him in, finally connecting their lips in a heated, lustful kiss. It felt so good. So damn good. Jongin's body was doing that melting thing again and he couldn't stop himself. Before he knew it he was kissing back, far more passionately than ever before.   
By this point it was clear there was no going back. Jongin's head was screaming at him that this wasn't the right thing to do, that it would change nothing. But still. His body had other ideas.   
"So how do you wanna do this baby?" Taemin asked bluntly, pulling away to smirk.   
"Ummmmmmmm..." Jongin murmured. Having never had sex before he didn't really know. Although for some reason he'd never imagined himself bottoming. But then again, he was determined to show Taemin that he was not like other guys and Taemin probably never got a chance to top so..."Whatever you want. You can top if you really want to."   
"You don't sound too convinced about that." Taemin laughed, "Besides, that's very sweet but it's your first time. We'll do whatever you want."   
"I want it to be fun for you too." Jongin said honestly.   
"Oh please. Stop with the selfless act," Taemin joked, "It'll be fun for me either way because it's with you."   
Jongin nodded in response. Frankly he felt very relieved.   
Taemin tore himself away from Jongin and got up before starting to rummage through one of the bags. "What flavor would you like?" He asked casually, pulling out a line of condoms.   
Jongin's eyes widened because he hadn't thought this through at all. He still couldn’t believe this was really happening but it clearly was happening, and happening fast.   
And now he was being asked about condom flavor preferences. Ok then.   
"What, you don't think I'm gonna let us wear nothing do you? I haven't been checked in ages Newbie, I'm probably not clean."   
"But don't you...don't you make your clients wear protection?!" Jongin managed to stutter. This was horrifying it really was.   
"Well obviously I try and I mean the ones with any sense do, it's not like they wanna catch anything from a rent boy is it? But then you get these other guys and they're creeps honestly, always in such a fucking rush...it's not like I want to piss them off by demanding they use something is it?"   
Upon seeing the horrified look on Jongin's face he added, "Sorry I think I just over-shared. Maybe you're right aha, I am pretty unromantic. Anyway. Pick a flavor, any flavor."   
Jongin shuddered but said "You pick."   
"Ok. I like strawberry. It's not as chemically as the others you know?" Taemin chirped, pulling out 2 condoms.   
Jongin shuddered again.   
"I've never decherried anyone before." Taemin mused, "Are you sure you want your first time to be with some street slut?"   
"Please stop saying stuff like that you're killing me here." Jongin groaned. This was not romantic. This was not what they should be talking about.   
"Sorry. I'm just kidding." Taemin shrugged.   
"Well stop it. Stop joking around. This isn't funny to me." Jongin snapped.   
"Ok." Taemin replied, meaning it, "This isn't funny to me either. I'll stop. I'm sorry." He shuffled back to Jongin on the ground and kissed him once more. It was a short, sweet kiss but it seemed to signify the mood suddenly changing. And boy did it change fast.   
The look in Taemin's eyes was now filled with lust, his lips slightly parted, his cheeks flushed. He ran his fingers all through Jongin's hair (which felt like fucking heaven by the way) before kissing him again, this time much deeper.   
They'd never even properly made out before, so this was like an out of body experience for Jongin. They had seen each other naked already (by accident) because living in a small room with 5 guys meant that privacy was often lacking. Plus Taemin was not exactly shy. Not in any respect. He'd've literally walked around in nothing but his boxers if it wasn't so damn cold. He probably did in the summer.   
Jongin slipped a hand under the thin fabric of Taemin's top and grazed against his hipbone. He just wanted to feel every inch of Taemin, be consumed by Taemin, let Taemin be everywhere.   
Luckily that's exactly what was going to happen. Taemin started to move his mouth away from Jongin's lips down to his jawline, neck, and collarbone where he started gently running his tongue across the smooth, tanned skin. Everytime his lips made contact, shivers ran down Jongin's whole body making his toes curl. Already. He couldn't believe how hot and bothered he was and it had been a few minutes.   
"Did I ever tell you how handsome you are?" Taemin whispered. He wasn't trying being sultry or seductive, he just wanted Jongin to know.   
"Yes," Jongin blushed. He was just about to return the compliment by saying he thought Taemin was possibly the most beautiful human being in the world, but wasn't given a chance before their lips connected once more. It didn't matter. Taemin already knew it anyway.   
Jongin pushed them both down to the floor, clearing a space haphazardly with his hands so they wouldn't bash into any bags, wine bottles or trash. It wasn't exactly the coziest of places to have sex. In fact it was probably on the list of very not cozy places, but who cares. When you're in the moment, surroundings don't matter. All that matters is him.   
Satisfied the floor was clear enough for two people to roll around on, Jongin leaned over Taemin again who was staring up at him with twinkly eyes. The blonde grinned at him, bringing both his arms up to Jongin's neck, wrapping them around his shoulders to pull him down. They kissed for a little while longer, too long, because by the end their combined body heat felt like an inferno was burning.   
Inhibitions now gone, Jongin chucked his own top off before reaching for the hem of Taemin's and looking down at the blonde with a look that said 'Can I?'. Taemin smiled back up at him- it was strange to be asked. The nice kind of strange.   
"Of course you can," Taemin replied to the silent question, as he sat up and let his top half be undressed.   
Now kneeling in front of each other, Taemin put both his hands flat on Jongin's chest. Jongin wasn't muscley but there was definitely some toning there. Mostly he was just squishy though. He looked like a teddy bear. Taemin had never felt so attracted to anyone ever and started to work his mouth down from Jongin's lips again. This time though he didn't stop at the collar bone, but instead kissed all the way down to one of Jongin's nipples and started to suck on it. The moan he got in response was like music to his ears.   
Jongin's hands slid up to Taemin's shoulders as the blonde worked his way further down, stopping at Jongin's crotch. Two thin fingers started to unbutton his jeans and slide the zip down tantalizingly slowly, before a giggle erupted from plump, pink lips. Jongin was really, really hard. It was cute.   
Without asking permission, Taemin started to slide down Jongin's jeans and boxers together, revealing what was underneath. Taemin let himself stare unashamedly until Jongin tried to cover himself.   
"Hey!!" Jongin squeaked, feeling more embarrassed than he thought possible, "Stop it!"   
"Stop looking at you?" Taemin laughed, "Why? You're gorgeous."   
It wasn't often Taemin got the chance to be with someone he was actually attracted to. He was going to enjoy every second of this rare opportunity.   
"….thanks" was all the answer Jongin could manage.   
Taemin prized Jongin's hands away from covering his crotch and pushed them both down so he could fully take the offensive jeans off. Jongin's cheeks were burning because this really was humiliating, but then a wave of pleasure hit him and his embarrassment was completely forgotten.   
He glanced up to see Taemin straddling him, ripping a condom packet open with one hand and rubbing the base of Jongin's privates with the other. He slipped the protection on so fast it was like he'd done it a thousand times (he probably had) then bent down and blew on the tip.   
"Oh my g-!" Jongin moaned. It felt so good. Too good. And it was just one little blow of air.   
After a few seconds, Taemin started to take a little of the erection into his mouth and Jongin felt like he saw stars. He wanted to tangle his hands in Taemin's hair but wasn't sure if that was ok or not.   
Apparently it was, because Taemin grabbed one of Jongin's hands and placed it on his head, to which Jongin responded gratefully by curling the boy's unruly blonde locks around his fingers.   
Taemin was just about to take more into his mouth when Jongin halted.   
"Hey hang on no-" Jongin managed to splutter. He was in such euphoria it was surprising he could even speak. "I'm suppose to do this to you."   
"Are you??" Taemin squeaked, unable to contain his excitement. He hadn't been pleasured in a long time. He couldn't remember the last time somebody cared about him feeling good. It was actually a bit unsettling, but he shook the thought away.   
"Yeah. Lay down." Jongin smiled, before adding "Please."   
"PLEASE." Taemin scoffed, laughing because that was the most adorable thing ever. He'd never been asked to 'lay down please' before. "Your politeness is insanely cute."   
"Thank you." Jongin smiled, scunching his nose as he pushed himself on top of Taemin and kissed the blonde's nose before unbuckling those holey, was-there-a-point-to-them-anyway jeans to reveal that Taemin was pretty damn hard himself. And also not wearing any underwear.   
Jongin was just about to take Taemin fully into his mouth when Taemin grabbed his hair to pull him off.   
"So impatient Newbie." Taemin teased, ripping another condom packet open and sliding it onto himself. He was probably being paranoid but he couldn't risk it. Jongin was too precious.   
Jongin waited, pretty impatiently, before ramming himself down and taking so much of Taemin into his mouth he almost gagged. Taemin literally screamed. It felt amazing. There'd been no teasing involved, no agonizing wait- Jongin had just gone straight to the good stuff.   
This time it was Taemin who didn’t know where to put his hands. It was stupid. He'd blown a thousand people off and every time he'd had his head guided...but Jongin was different. He didn't want to be greedy or controlling, not when Jongin seemed to be doing everything he could to pleasure him.   
Jongin however did exactly the same thing as Taemin had a few minutes ago, and grabbed the blonde's hands, guiding them up to his hair. After a few minutes, the grip on his head was almost becoming uncomfortably tight as he bobbed up and down but it only encouraged him. He could tell Taemin was enjoying this a lot. The blonde was practically crying out and clearly couldn't control his hips, bucking them up every time the sensations got too intense.   
Not wanting Taemin to come too soon, Jongin pulled off and grinned up at his lover in anticipation.   
"...Are you sure you've never done that before?" Taemin panted, his chest rising and falling rapidly.   
"Nope." Jongin replied, "Was I good?"   
"Very."   
Feeling encouraged, Jongin pulled himself up and nuzzled into Taemin's neck before the blonde pulled away. He was so excited by this point and really just wanted to see what it would be like when Jongin was inside of him, so he dragged his hands away from Jongin's neck and down to his own entrance. He was just about to open himself up when Jongin grabbed his wrist.   
"No let me do it." Jongin whispered.   
Taemin didn't really like being opened. His clients were often not so gentle so he always preferred to do it himself given the option. He didn't think it would be much fun for Jongin to do it either, seeing as he was new at this and wouldn't know how much it could hurt if it was done wrong.   
"I'll be really gentle." Jongin soothed, when he noticed Taemin's hesitation.   
He wasn't lying. Jongin edged himself down, lying Taemin flat on the ground before spreading the blonde's legs slowly and peering inside. He felt a pang of anger when he saw how imperfect the little hole looked, purple bruises surrounding it and even a few scratches. It hurt his heart, it really did. For a moment he felt very guilty. Was he just as bad as Taemin's clients, trying to claim the boy as his territory or something? No. He shook it off. Of course it wasn't like that. This was an expression of love, not possession.   
Very slowly he edged one of his fingers a tiny way inside, pushing it deeper only when Taemin seemed comfortable. Taemin squirmed but it didn't hurt- Jongin really was being gentle.   
When it was time for the second finger, Jongin kissed and nibbled lightly all the way along Taemin's inner thigh, distracting him from any uncomfortable feelings.   
Jongin's touches felt a little strange to Taemin. They were so soft, so caring. He felt nurtured. It was bizarre. Given Jongin was so obviously turned on and desperate, it shocked Taemin that he could still find the willpower to be tender. It was almost making Taemin feel sad and he didn't know why. It's just the contrast between this and all the other sexual encounters he'd ever had was astonishing.   
Jongin was even gentle inserting the third finger in. He was desperately searching for Taemin's prostate but couldn't quite get the right angle so Taemin pressed himself down, knowing exactly where it was, and gasped in bliss when it was found.   
Knowing Taemin was enjoying it, Jongin continued to abuse the spot some more. The reactions he was getting were beautiful; the blonde writhing beneath him in extacy, wailing every so often when it all got too much.   
Jongin's willpower was dwindling though. I mean he wasn't a Saint. His crotch felt so heavy and hot and the pressure was almost unbearable.   
"Can I..." Jongin started, already removing his fingers and positioning himself because Taemin wasn't exactly going to say no.   
"Of course." Came the soft reply. Taemin thought it was genuinely the sweetest thing in the world to be asked. He'd never been asked.   
Their lips connected once more before Jongin started to push his way inside, slowly at first but then faster as Taemin's body seemed to relax around him, letting him go deeper. Jongin brushed against that spot on the first hit and it felt like nothing Taemin had ever experienced. This was so different from sex with strangers...it was so much better.   
Once fully inside, Jongin allowed himself to pull back and thrust in again. He was trying to go slow, he really was, but it was difficult. Even though he was already deep inside, he just wanted to go deeper. As deep as possible. He wanted Taemin to be all he could feel, all he could see and all he could taste.   
"You...can go...harder..." Taemin managed to say, knowing Jongin was only going slow for him.   
Jongin didn't need to be told twice. Within a second, as if a motor had been turned on, he started to move in and out of Taemin heavenly fast. Taemin felt pummeled- but the good kind of pummeled, not the abused kind. He felt open and exposed but not in an embarrassing way, in a wonderful way- like he and Jongin were truly one. He shut his eyes and let his whole body give into the sensations Jongin was giving him, unable to suppress the whines that were escaping from his lips.   
Even though it was fast, it was still gentle somehow. Taemin couldn't put his finger on why. He just felt like now he knew what 'making love' meant. Jongin wasn't just fucking him. This was truly love.   
"Jong...in..." Taemin yelled. He knew he was close. So close. Jongin's torso was rubbing up and down his erection as his spot was being hit on every single thrust. The double stimulation was pushing him over the edge. He gripped Jongin's back, nails accidentally digging into soft tanned skin, before a huge tidal wave of pleasure cascaded through every inch of him as he released. It was the best feeling he'd ever had. He rode it out for a long time, happy that Jongin hadn't stopped thrusting because the aftershocks as well as his spot being mercilessly hit was almost as good as the actually orgasm itself.   
Jongin came not a moment later, gasping as he thrust deep inside one last time, wanting to savor every second of this extacy. Once he'd ridden it out fully, he let himself gaze down at the beautiful blonde boy underneath him. He then bent down for a soft, sweet kiss before pulling out.   
Taemin felt weirdly lost as he felt Jongin leave his body. He let his eyes fall shut and tried not to feel sad but for some reason he couldn't help getting emotional. He sighed heavily, deep in thought as Jongin settled down next to him, hugging him from the side. Jongin's hands were now running little circles on Taemin's tummy as they cuddled. Taemin had never been hugged after sex before. It wasn't normal...it was...weird.   
And the way Jongin had been so gentle, tender, loving throughout. It made Taemin feel comforted and looked after. That's how it should be. That's how it should feel. Before he knew it, tears were spilling into his eyes and streaming down his cheeks so fast he couldn't stop them.   
"Baby oh no!" Jongin gasped, "Did I hurt you??"   
Taemin shook his head and curled himself to the side, hugging his knees as he tremored with sobs.   
"I'm so sorry Taemin...what's happening?!" Jongin asked again. He was starting to panic as he leaned over to try and see his lover's face.   
"N...no...no...nothing..." Taemin hiccuped, "It felt nice...just...just hold me."   
So Jongin did. He wrapped both of his arms around Taemin tightly, pressing himself close to his lover's back to spoon him. Even though he was still worried, he thought he probably knew why Taemin was crying now. He hadn't thought of the emotional effects sex might have to someone like Taemin beforehand, which was very stupid.   
"I can't deal..." Taemin whispered, as he continued to sob, "I really can't...I can't..."   
"Talk to me Minnie, we can deal with anything." Jongin soothed, clutching onto Taemin even tighter.   
"Nooo" came the wail in reply, "I can't deal Jongin I can't..."   
Jongin leant down to kiss Taemin's shoulder but the sweet gesture just made the blonde cry even more. This was so different, Jongin had been right. Sex was meaningful.   
"I..." Taemin sobbed, "I need something...I need...pass me the spice from over there with you...?"   
"No, no you don't need that stuff. We can deal with this by talking." Jongin replied, refusing to move his iron vice like grip on Taemin's waist as the crying boy started to struggle.   
After a few seconds of enforced hugging, Jongin of course let Taemin go. There was no use fighting it. Plus maybe he should pick his battles.   
He watched as Taemin crawled across the floor, still crying hard, to get at the bag where the majority of the drugs were kept. He pulled out a spliff with shaky hands, lit it and took the longest drag Jongin had ever seen.   
The drug seemed to calm Taemin momentarily as he took drag after drag in between shaky breaths, but after a few moments the tears started again just as heavily.   
"Come here..." Jongin said softly, opening his arms wide.   
Taemin crawled back towards him, pushing Jongin down on the floor and settling himself lying on his lover's chest. The spliff was still in between two of his fingers and every now and again some ash would drop off into Jongin's bare chest. It didn't matter. He knew Taemin was in no state to be told no to. But that didn't mean he was going to give up. Later, they were going to talk without that stupid spice whether Taemin liked it or not.   
Jongin started to stroke Taemin's hair, deep in thought, but again the kind gestures were only making the blonde sob harder.   
"Don't..." Taemin mumbled, taking another drag before burying his head into Jongin's chest. Tears were coming so fast Jongin actually felt a pool of them collect on one of his ribs.   
When Jongin didn't stop, Taemin reached up to take Jongin's hand away from his hair. He couldn't take this. The comfort felt alien and wrong. He didn't know why...but it was all twisted. The kinder Jongin was the worse he felt. It's just the experience he'd just had, sleeping with someone that he actually truly cared for, had changed him immediately. And now he couldn't handle his emotions. The spice wasn't even helping.   
Taemin got up again, tried to wipe away some tears although it was pointless as more were coming anyway, and rummaged in the bag for yet more drugs.   
Jongin went to him like lightning, catching the hand that was about to grab a tiny white pill.   
"Stop it," Jongin stated, "This won't make it better."   
Taemin was exhausted, too overwrought to fight it, so he dropped the pill back down in defeat.   
"Hey let's get you dressed," Jongin whispered, leaning over to find Taemin's clothes.   
Taemin was practically catatonic, staring blankly at the crumbling wall in front of him, only moving to take more drags. So Jongin decided he'd have to dress his lover, starting with his lower half and then up to his top. The last item of clothing was shoes, and just before Jongin slipped them on he bent down to kiss one of Taemin's toes, only to have it yanked away.   
"Stop..." Taemin gasped, staring right at Jongin now, "Stop being nice to me..."   
Jongin sighed. He didn't know what to do if he was honest, but he guessed he'd just have to go by instinct. "I love you Taemin, lovers are nice to each other."   
It obviously had been the wrong thing to say, as the blonde started to sob harder again. His spliff was running out, so he scrunched it on the floor (something Key hated him doing) and picked up another. Still taking puffs, he watched as Jongin also got dressed, feeling worse and worse that he was ruining such an amazing experience. He didn't want Jongin's first time to end like this. He didn't want to be this neurotic lunatic that his lover had to deal with.   
"I'm sorry" Taemin mumbled.   
"You have nothing to be sorry about." Jongin replied, smiling kindly as he put on his socks.   
"I don't want to ruin your first time."   
"Don't be silly. This was perfect. I love you."   
Taemin had to bite his lip because he was determined not to be pathetic and let those beautiful words make him cry again. "I love you too" was all he managed to whisper.   
\--- 

THEY MADE LLLLUUUURRRVE !! Did you see that coming? /lolcoming   
No but I think it was a little out of the blue sry :') that's Taemin for you. xD


	8. Lesson 8: Newbie & Taeminnie's Day Of Hell

Taemin was finding it very hard to have sex with strangers. He'd only had one client since sleeping with Jongin but frankly, it'd been hell. His outlook on the whole sex thing had changed so dramatically, he couldn't handle it. Sex no longer seemed like 'no big deal'. It was suddenly meaningful, and that sucked. Jongin had really fucked him up, in more ways than one.   
After his encounter with the client, he felt sick to the stomach. It was normal to feel a bit of shame, especially when the guy was particularly rough, but what he was feeling this time was like nothing he'd ever experienced. He couldn't stop replaying it over and over in his head, giving himself nightmarish thoughts about what Jongin would think if he knew all the things he'd done. How Jongin would react to seeing him blowing someone else off, letting that someone else come inside of him, kiss him, 'make love' to him. Except of course it's wasn't making love. That was now painfully clear. It was fucking. That's all he was useful for.   
And then after he'd tortured himself with thoughts of what Jongin would think, he began torturing himself still more, thinking over his self worth. He remembered how the previous client had been so warm to him at the beginning, telling him he was pretty, before fucking him rough and hard leaving every inch of him sore, then flinging a mere 20$ at his chest. He meant nothing to all of those creeps. He was just 20$ worth of nothing.   
"Are you ok baby?" Key asked one morning, noticing the stony silence of his friend.   
The two of them were alone in the derelict room which was rare. Taemin couldn't remember the last time it had just been him and Key. Jongin was usually around but had gone off to god knows where, Minho was always secretive about where he went so nobody knew anyway, and Jonghyun was out with Onew, trying to persuade him to stay longer.   
"Hey did you hear me?" Key tutted, "You're so away with the fairies today."   
"Oh sorry..." Taemin mumbled, "I was just thinking."   
"Did it hurt?" Key laughed.   
"Shut up. I'm serious." Taemin snapped.   
"Sorry. You seem to be doing a lot of thinking lately." Key commented.   
"Do I?"   
"Yeah. These last few days you've been acting all weird. Is it cus Onew's come back to visit? Cus it shocked the shit out of me too..." Key blabbed.   
"No it's not Onew. It's..." Taemin began, but couldn't help trailing off. He didn't know if he wanted to get himself started because the thoughts whirling around his head were too painful. Maybe he should just drown them out with spice. Although so far even drugs hadn't been working to shut his mind up. He'd even tried a sticking a needle in his arm but it hadn't felt good, or made him happy. "How do you and Jonghyun do it?" He asked abruptly.   
Key started to laugh his head off. "DO IT?!" he sniggered, "That's an awfully personal question Taemin."   
"You know what I mean you freak," Taemin hissed, "How do you DO being in a relationship?"   
"You're talking nonsense. What the fuck are you on?"   
"I'm on nothing! I'm asking you a perfectly normal question. You and Jonghyun are together...but how?? I mean you're both rent boys! It's so weird..." Taemin stated, folding his arms and glaring at his friend.   
Key was in the middle of trying to clean the place up (not that it was doing any good, everything was still looked as trashed as it did before he started) but stopped to come and sit down next to Taemin.   
"It's not that weird..." Key replied. He was lying though. It was hella weird. Being in a relationship and having sex with other people wasn't exactly normal. Or fun.   
"But I mean...how do you do it, how do you make it work?" Taemin asked.   
"We argue a lot, drink and take drugs. That's no secret." Key stated sadly.   
"But don't you feel bad? When you do it with other people? How can you look him in the eye knowing the night before you sold yourself?" Taemin asked. It was coming out as mean, but he didn't intend it like that. He genuinely just wanted an answer.   
"Well it's like you've always said Minnie, it's just sex. That's all it is. It means nothing."   
"But it doesn't mean nothing when it's with someone you care about..." Taemin replied, looking down at the floor. He didn't want his face to give away the awful emotions he was feeling.   
"No, I mean sex with strangers means nothing." Key corrected.   
"Mmm...." Taemin mumbled. This conversation was getting him nowhere. He didn't feel any better at all.   
"Why are you asking?" Key said, scootching closer to put an arm around his friend's shoulders. The gesture shocked Taemin because Key rarely showed any affection to anyone who wasn't Jonghyun. Key was a cold type of person, but he did have a softer side. You just had to be close enough to him to see it.   
"I'm asking cus..." Taemin stuttered, "...cus..."   
"You and Newbie did it?" Key finished.   
"Yeah."   
"I thought you would."   
"Are you mad at me?" Taemin asked. He knew how much Key didn't trust Jongin. It wasn't anything Jongin had done, it's just that he was new. New people were bad news as far as Key was concerned.   
"No I'm not mad at you," Key replied, "I expected it. I was mad at you when you brought him home but I've learned to live with it."   
"He's a lot nicer than you think he is."   
"Yeah well, whatever, it doesn't matter. I don't care as long as he doesn't do anything to hurt us." Key shrugged, "So is that why you're asking me about Jonghyun? Cus you and Newbie did it?"   
"Yeah...." Taemin started, "It's just it felt so different..and now..."   
"And now when you have to be with a client it feels wrong?" Key finished.   
Yes. That's exactly it.   
But Taemin couldn't say the words or he'd cry. A huge lump was already forming in his throat and he didn't want to be a big baby again.   
"You just have to tell yourself it's different. With strangers it’s a completely different thing. Just to earn money, just to survive. You've got to separate the two." Key said. He was trying to help, but it wasn't working.   
"What if I can't do that?" Taemin croaked, his voice cracking from trying to hold in the tears.   
"Then you're screwed Taemin." Key stated, rather unhelpfully.   
"I know." Taemin agreed, then added, "...it's not just that though. He keeps pressurizing me."   
"Does he?"   
"Yeah. Saying he wants us to be 'properly' together, whatever the fuck that means. And I know he thinks what we do is sick...and I know it is in a way but..."   
"We're just trying to survive." Key said, finishing off the sentence when it was clear Taemin couldn't.   
"Yeah" Taemin nodded, turning his head away as his vision started to blur with tears, "I really think I'm in love with him though."   
"Oh baby, I know, I know" Key soothed, squeezing Taemin's shoulders tighter, "Love hurts." 

\--- 

It wasn't just Taemin who was having a hard time. Jongin was feeling seven shades of shit himself. He found that he was wanting to get out more often, not to get away from Taemin, just to escape the situation. That cramped room they all shared really was not the nicest place to live. And Onew, who'd claimed he'd be going straight away as soon as he'd seen everyone, had actually stayed for 3 days already. Not that Jongin didn't like Onew, it was just 6 guys sharing such a tiny room wasn't exactly easy.   
Jongin just wanted to be alone with Taemin honestly. But on the rare opportunities that it was just the two of them, the atmosphere was often tense. Taemin was quieter since they'd had sex. Jongin had tried to talk to him many times about it but as expected always got a- "let's not talk about this" or a "wanna snuggle?"   
It wasn't just Taemin being quiet that made things tense though, Jongin wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine either.   
He'd always been possessive. Even as a child, he never liked to share his toys. It didn't come from a bad place. He was a worrier by nature and he'd always fret that the other kids wouldn't take care of his favorite toys or that they might break or damage them.   
That was just toys though. You were allowed to be as possessive as you liked with an object, without harming anyone or anything. But not with a human being. Everyone should be free. Nobody should be owned. Jongin knew this and yet still couldn't help how he felt. It was driving him crazy. Everytime Taemin left to go out he wanted to ask, "Where are you going?", "What are you doing?", "Who are you going to see?" blah blah blah. He tried to tell himself that he was just being protective but he knew he was kidding himself. And in any case Taemin wouldn't see it like that.   
He did try and hide his feeling although it was really hard and he was failing epicly. He'd bit his tongue far too many times because he didn't want another row, and didn't want to be screamed at again that he was trying to 'own' Taemin or something. Which as far as he was concerned was ridiculous. But sometimes, you just can't hold it in any longer.   
"Where are you going?" Jongin snapped, closing the door just before Taemin was about to open it. It was late, very late, maybe 2am. It was obvious where Taemin was going. It was obvious what he was about to do. Yet still Jongin felt the need to ask.   
"We've run out of money Newbie, you know that." Taemin replied, tapping his foot on the ground so Jongin would know he was impatient.   
"We still have a bit..." Jongin lied. They didn't. They had nothing. But surely they could just steal some food if they were desperate.   
Taemin laughed at him. "No we don't idiot. Plus the spice is really running out. Key's been hitting it hard lately. So fucking annoying."   
"I'll steal some money." Jongin replied.   
"Oh will you now? Because you're such an stealthy thief? Give me a break. You have the loudest footsteps ever, I don't know how you were ever good at ballet. You're like a fucking elephant. I hear you every night when you get up to pee. You have the bladder of a 90 year old by the way, it's worrying." Taemin rambled, reaching for the door again only to have Jongin grab the handle to hold it shut.   
"Taemin stop joking around I'm not in the mood." Jongin hissed.   
"Well I am," Taemin laughed, raising his eyebrows up and down, "Let me through."   
"No."   
Taemin sighed, he knew this wasn't going to end well. It wasn't like he wanted to go and sell himself either, in fact he really really really didn't, but he'd accepted that he had no choice in the matter. After his conversation with Key, he'd decided he needed to stop being so goddamn emotional and just try and separate the two- sex with strangers and sex with someone you loved. They needed to survive, and this was the only way he knew how. This was all he knew. And now he was so tired and just wanted to get out, do his thing, earn some cash so he could relax for a bit and smoke. That's all he wanted. Was that too much to ask?   
"Newbie, open the door." Taemin insisted.   
When Jongin didn't, Taemin was about to go nuts on him. He may have been smaller than Jongin, but he'd been on the streets a lot longer. He thought he could take him. But then he saw the broken, pained expression on Jongin's face and felt horribly guilty.   
"Hey please don't look at me like that," Taemin soothed, "I'm so sorry things have been difficult the last couple of days..."   
Jongin looked down at the floor, not wanting to make eye contact. He didn't want to be sweet-talked into letting Taemin go, but feared that was exactly what was about to happen.   
"Hey what if we have some fun tomorrow?" Taemin asked, touching Jongin's cheek to lift his head up.   
"Fun?" Jongin repeated, confused because for a second he thought (/hoped) Taemin meant sex.   
"Not that kind of fun you idiot!!" Taemin laughed, "I mean just fun. We haven't had fun in ages."   
"What do you mean?" Jongin asked. He was genuinely curious about what Taemin and his friends did for 'fun'. Other than getting high that was. Although as he was slowly realizing, drugs were actually used less for fun and more for practical *I want to forget about my life* type purposes.   
"I mean like, I'll earn a bit of money tonight and we'll do something fun tomorrow. Something small, I mean it'll have to be, but...we'll go to a party or something. We'll pretend I'm not a rent boy and we're not homeless. There's a fairground new in town that I used to go to all the time when I was little, and I know of a few nightclubs that don't, you know, know me as a rent boy, so I won't get raped or something as soon as I walk through the door." Taemin explained, laughing at his last comment because he was a comedic genius apparently.   
"I hate it so much when you say things like that." Jongin hissed.   
"I know, you're adorable." Taemin smirked, "But what do you think? We'll do that tomorrow, but you have to let me go right now."   
Jongin wasn't at all persuaded, and the look in his eyes said it all.   
Taemin was starting to get pissed. "I know where Key keeps his spare knife you know." he stated, only half joking.   
"Call me when you're safe." Jongin muttered in complete defeat, letting go of the handle and moving so Taemin could pass.   
"Good boy," Taemin said, patting Jongin on the head before slamming the door shut behind him.   
Jongin didn’t know if it was possible to hate a person you loved this much. 

\--- 

"Good morning sunshine," a soft voice chirped.   
Jongin opened his eyes to see a fuzzy looking Taemin leaning over him, waving some money in his face.   
"Eh?" Jongin moaned.   
"You've slept in really late. Aren't you excited for our happy happy day of fun? What's that thing from 'friends'? 'JOEY & JANICE'S DAY OF FUUUUUNN'? Well today it's NEWBIE & TAEMINNIE'S DAY OF FUUUUUUN." Taemin laughed.   
Jongin stared at him in complete confusion. He'd only just woken up for fuck's sake.   
"You're so airheaded. Don't you remember what I said last night?"   
"Oh....yeah..." Jongin mumbled, "I didn't think you were actually serious. I just thought you wanted me to let you out so..."   
"Well I did. Obviously. But of course I was serious. I'm not a liar, Newbie. Come on. Get up. I'll buy us breakfast."   
Taemin took Jongin to the same crappy café they'd been to once before. It was strange being back. So much had happened since then. It hadn't been that long time wise, but Jongin felt like a completely different person to the boy who'd come in a few months ago, nervously crushing upon this kind, mysterious blonde stranger.   
"So what do you want baby?" Taemin asked, standing at the counter.   
"Same as last time." Jongin smiled.   
"Mmm good choice, I was jelly that you had the grilled cheese."   
"Why didn't you ask to share?"   
"Awwww! You'd've share your grilled cheese with me?" Taemin cooed, fluttering his eyelashes.   
"Well no but it doesn't hurt to ask." Jongin smirked, making his way to their window table before Taemin had a chance to reply.   
Taemin ordered, then followed Jongin to his normal seat. Same as last time, he drew a little circle in the scummy window to see out of as well as some other doodles. Jongin joined in, because what the hell, nobody was going to care if the window had about 10 doodles of bumblenewbees and...   
"Did you just draw someone with a penis on his head?" Jongin laughed, rubbing out one of the more crude drawings Taemin had done.   
"It's a UNICORN you dirty minded freak," Taemin snapped, "Stop ruining my art! What's wrong with you!!"   
Jongin was about to say that hell, that was no unicorn, but then the waitress came and put their food in front of them and the smell was so enticing and he forgot how to speak.   
"Yours has more cheese than mine does." Taemin grumbled, peering over the table to compare their food.   
"Ugh you're so spoilt," Jongin sighed, swapping their plates and then digging in as fast as possible.   
"SLOW DOWN GOD." Taemin shrieked, "It's so embarrassing being out with you. You inhale your food."   
"I'm not the one who draws dodgy looking 'unicorns' thank you," Jongin scoffed, mouth too full to speak properly.   
They bickered and ate, pretty quickly because the food was so damn yummy, then stayed chatting for about an hour until Taemin pointed out that they were wasting their day sitting in a café.   
To Jongin's bemusement, Taemin hadn't been kidding when he'd said there was a fairground in town. He'd been pretty shocked when Taemin said he wanted to go, seeing as...wasn't it for little kids?...but apparently not.   
"Is candy floss for little kids?? Are fun rides for little kids?? Are winning loads of prizes on stupid games for little kids??" Taemin had said indignantly.   
"Um yes?" Jongin laughed, "Well they're not for rent boy's that’s for sure."   
"HEY" Taemin yelled, kicking Jongin in the shin.   
"Yeah ok I deserved that."   
So they made their way to the fairground. It was quite a walk but Taemin assured Jongin it would be worth it, and it actually was.   
Being homeless had made Jongin feel about 60 years old. He felt like he'd already lived a hundred lives and seen way too much, but being there with Taemin made all that go away, even if it was only for a few hours. They couldn't do a lot because money was running out fast and Taemin hadn't made as much as he'd hoped the previous night, but they did by the biggest bunch of candyfloss Jongin had ever seen, played a game or two (they didn't win anything, they both sucked), then sat and ate enjoying the pretty lights and the smell of cart food.   
It felt like they were proper lovers honestly, not just whatever they were. It was so easy being with Taemin like this, when he wasn't high, when they weren't thinking about tomorrow.   
"Before we go I really, really wanna go on the ferris wheel." Taemin said, "You know you say I'm not romantic?"   
"You're not romantic."   
"Well think again babybie, ferris wheel's are very romantic."   
So they did. Jongin couldn't believe how late it was, they'd missed lunch time completely but their tummies were so full of candy and fizzy drinks that hunger wasn't bothering them at all.   
Taemin had been right actually, it was pretty darn romantic to be on a ferris wheel. Because it was winter, the sun was setting even though it was only late afternoon so the light had this beautiful orange hue about it, making everything glow and twinkle.   
"It's really lovely isn't it?" Taemin sighed, once they were about half way around. The wheel was going really slowly but that was nice. It was relaxing.   
"Mmm," Jongin smiled, "This actually has been a really fun day."   
"You sound surprised? Didn't you think it'd be fun?" Taemin teased.   
"No," Jongin replied, "I thought it'd end with us yelling at each other."   
"Well it isn't over yet 'Bie, that could still happen." Taemin laughed.   
Jongin shrugged, knowing Taemin was only half joking. It probably would happen. Everything seemed to end in a fight. But right now at least, he could just enjoy the moment. All there was in that second was Taemin.   
Before Jongin knew it, he was leaning in and they were kissing. Taemin's mouth felt like home, it really did. It was as if they hadn't kissed in years, when in reality it had only been a few days. Both were so hungry for each other's mouth- it was like they'd forgotten how good this felt, how complete it made them.   
"That was like a movie or something," Taemin cooed, resting his forehead on Jongin's as the kiss came to a natural end.   
"Cus we're on a ferris wheel?" Jongin asked.   
"No, it just felt like it would be one of those kisses where the camera pans around and epic piano music is playing the background."   
"How many rom-com's do you watch exactly?" Jongin laughed.   
"I've watched a few."   
Jongin wrapped his arm around Taemin's shoulders as the wheel was almost coming to back down to the end. It was so peaceful, so relaxing, so-   
"You were right by the way," Taemin said out of nowhere.   
"Eh?"   
"It wasn't a unicorn. It was a dude with a penis on his head." 

\--- 

Jongin thought the day was over, but apparently it had only just begun. After the fairground, he was expecting them to just go home but Taemin had other ideas.   
"Fucking hell grandpa, it's not time to go back already. I'm calling Jong and Key and we'll go to a party or something, drink a lot and dance. Sounds fun right?" Taemin chirped.   
"You're weird. Spending all day acting like a 5 year old and then wanting to go out and get drunk at the end of it." Jongin commented.   
"It's not just about getting drunk. We can dance and make out too. It'll be nice." Taemin said, "Plus you can show me some of those moves you said you had."   
Jongin wasn't so sure, but the day had been going so well he didn't want it to end. "I have no moves." he admitted, "I can't even remember how to pirouette."   
Taemin laughed his head off, "Well GOOD. We're going to a club idiot, it's not the place for ballet dancing. They'll be no room for it anyway. The one I'm thinking we'll go to is pretty shitty honestly, smaller than The Illusion, but at least I haven't worked there so no one'll know I'm a rent boy."   
"Why do you call yourself a rent boy?" Jongin asked randomly. It was something that had been bothering him. "Why not just 'prostitute'?"   
"God idunno...it's just 'prostitute' sounds like it's your profession or something. It's not my profession. I just rent myself out sometimes for money. It's just to survive. It’s different." Taemin replied.   
Jongin didn't think it was all that different but nodded anyway. Taemin didn't like talking about his 'work' so he wouldn't've said anymore even if Jongin had asked.   
With that, Taemin called Jonghyun and Key so they could all go out together. It was actually getting pretty late, or at least it was very dark already. Something about the idea was making Jongin feel uneasy. He pushed the thoughts out though. This was 'Newbie & Taeminnie's Day of Fun' afterall.   
Taemin wasn't lying when he'd said the club was shitty and small. It was very run down, the walls were almost as crumbly as their derelict dump. The place was still packed though, nobody seemed to care.   
As soon as they got inside it was like every one of your senses were bombarded at once; the music was deafening, so loud that the base seemed to make the walls vibrate, the lights ridiculously bright and flashing, people everywhere grinding so close to each other you could hardly move and the smell of weed creeping into every breath you took. It wasn't the type of place that Jongin thought he'd find fun...but it actually really was. Although that might have had something to do with the fact that as soon as they'd arrived, Taemin had squeezed straight through the crowds and ordered them some vodka.   
Key and Jonghyun made their way towards some weird guy in the corner, exchanging money for some drug or other. As soon as Taemin saw them he squealed and ran over, snorted something, then came back to Jongin beaming.   
Jongin was going to tell him off but, the damage had already been done and he didn't want to argue. So he just drank some more vodka and let the music carry him away.   
They danced for a looooong time. Taemin had his arms wrapped around Jongin's shoulders, pulling him closer. The music echoed around them it was as if they didn't have a care in the world. Everyone was hot and sweaty, pressed far too close together, but at the same time it was magical. Jongin couldn't stop himself from drinking more. He didn't want to get drunk, but it was hard to say no. Especially as every now and again Taemin would run back to that weird guy in the corner and take something, gradually getting higher and higher as the night went on.   
"I'mma gonna get us more drinks," Taemin yelled, squeezing Jongin's crotch as a parting gift before slipping into the crowd.   
Jongin looked over the guy in the corner. Temptation was getting the better of him. The whole room smelt like smoke and drugs. It was so intoxicating and he was already pretty drunk. He knew it was a terrible idea and Taemin wouldn't approve. But then again Taemin wasn't the boss of him, he could do whatever he wanted. It wasn't like he was going to get addicted from one spliff was it? And it could make the night feel even better...   
"Hey can I have one?" Jongin asked, walking straight up the weird guy in the corner.   
"Sure" The guy said, pulling out tons of pills, spliffs and even a needle from inside of his pockets, "First one's free but then it's standard rate."   
"Free?" Jongin squeaked. He hadn’t expected that.   
"Yup" the guy said, handing him a pill and a spliff.   
"What is this? Spice?" Jongin asked, holding up the spliff.   
The guy just laughed at him and said, "Aww honey. It’s a bit stronger than that."   
Jongin lit it anyway. I mean Taemin, Jonghyun and Key had all smoked it and they seemed fine so it couldn't be that bad. He made his way back to the crowd, feeling a little disappointed because he didn't feel any different and the smoke was just making him want to cough. But as he waited for Taemin to come back with their drinks, taking drag after drag, the crowd was starting to blur and the music was becoming even more intense as the drug started to take effect.   
He hadn’t even realized Taemin'd come back until the blonde's arms were wrapped around his shoulders again. Luckily, Taemin didn't seem at all bothered that Jongin was smoking. He was too high himself to even properly notice. High, drunk, happy and in love. All their problems were forgotten.   
The place was starting to get so busy it was hard to move, bodies pressing against each other uncomfortably. Taemin was all Jongin could see though, even if his vision was blurry as hell. They were dancing so close to each other and every now and again Taemin would lean in to suck (a bit too hard) on Jongin's neck, leaving purple blotches in his wake.   
Jongin leaned down so they could kiss properly, and it was only then that Taemin seemed to notice Jongin was smoking something. His breath probably stank. But surprisingly the blonde didn't seem to care at all, and instead reached behind him to grab the hand rested on his butt to find there was a spliff placed in between two of Jongin's fingers.   
"Ohyounaughtyboy" Taemin laughed, guiding the hand up to his mouth so he could take a drag from the same spliff. He then leaned up and blew some of the smoke into Jongin's mouth, which would have been fucking disgusting if they weren't both so high. Jongin just found it a turn on.   
It was actually shocking how well Taemin could dance. Even though Jongin's eyesite was getting blurrier by the second, he could still tell that the blonde could really move. Not that he was 'dancing' as such, as opposed to just wiggling and swaying, but still. It was hot. And he was strangely graceful.   
As the songs carried on however, Taemin was clearly becoming less steady on his legs. He'd had god knows how many spliffs, a pill and a snort of something, so he was high as a kite. Jongin was also feeling a bit funny. He was drunk yes, but he'd *accidentally* asked for another spliff and whatever it was- it was strong. The smell was nothing like spice, much nicer but...overpowering. Taemin had one in between his fingers as well and was sharing it with Jongin occasionally, making it the third dose of the drug Jongin had inhaled that night. It was getting too much. The room was starting to spin in a way that wasn't fun, his eyes felt like they had to constantly strain to see anything clearly and everything was moving at the wrong speed. He couldn't remember which way was up and was even starting to feel angry for no reason other than that he was so disorientated.   
After the next song ended, Jongin was going to suggest going home before Taemin said, rather unelegantly- "be right back I need to pee" and then he was gone. Jongin tried to grab his hand but his reflexes were too slow and the blonde seemed to be moving in fast blurs.   
So Jongin waited for a bit, drank some more, watched as Jongkey sucked face, then started to get worried. And angry, for some reason, although that was just the drug. He just wanted to go home now. Everything was too much and he wasn't used to this. His head was pounding and he needed to be sick. Searching desperately for bleach blonde hair, he made his way through the crowd, barging through people because that was the only way it was possible to move. No sign of Taemin.   
Oh yeah. He went to the bathroom.   
Jongin was in such a daze he'd forgotten.   
Stumbling a little, but much more steady than Taemin had been at least, he started walking to the bathroom as quickly as he could. There was a small que waiting outside of angry, impatient, drunk people huffing that they'd been waiting for '10 fucking minutes already'.   
Jongin barged passed them without thinking and banged on the door with his fists.   
"TAEMIN?" He yelled. He couldn't even hear his own voice.   
No reply.   
Jongin pressed his ears up to the door, but everything was far too loud to hear what was going on inside. Behind him he heard someone groan- "Let's just go in the ladies for fucks sake" and the crowd of people waiting disburst, leaving Jongin to pound on the door some more alone.   
"TAEMIN ARE YOU IN THERE? FUCKING GET OUT. I WANNA GO HOME." Jongin shouted.   
Still no reply.   
Jongin was pissed now. Taemin was probably in there, smoking or popping pills, too high to stand and too stupid to realize he'd been holding everyone up.   
There was clearly no other way, so Jongin took a few steps back and ran at the door, which flew open with a loud crunch. He really shouldn't have done that as his shoulder was now killing him, but the pain soon disappeared when shock was the only emotion he could feel.   
He rushed inside, noticing all the cubicles were open except one, the distinctive sound of grunting and heavy breathing undoubtedly coming from inside it.   
no no no no no no no no no NO   
Jongin slammed the cubicle door open to see the blonde he'd been searching for, pressed against the back wall, his bare legs wrapped around some creep in a leather jacket who was pounding into him. Taemin's eyes were only half open, his arms draped lazily over the guy's shoulders, a spliff in between two of his fingers. He didn't even seem to realize anybody was there.   
Jongin was almost sick. It was the most horrifying, disturbing, terrible thing he'd ever seen.   
"GET OUT YOU BASTARD" he yelled, dragging the leather jacket guy away from Taemin by his hair and punching him straight on the nose. The guy looked shocked as hell, but tried to take a swing back. Jongin was took quick though. He may have been drunk but he still knew how to fight. He had his step brothers to thank for that.   
Taemin still didn't seem to notice anything was happening, as he let his body sink and crumple onto the floor. Jongin was literally beating the crap out of this leather jacket pervert, but Taemin just let his head fall back on the wall and took another drag. He was so tired and hardly remembered where he was. Everything was so loud...everywhere was so cold...   
"GET UP NOW" he heard, as he was lifted thrown into someone's arms.   
It was only then he strained his eyes to see Jongin, staring at him with a look filled with rage and hatred.   
"Heywhere'dthatguygo?" Taemin slurred, "Istillneedtogetpaid..."   
Jongin was livid. He'd never been so mad in his life. This was the worst experience he'd ever had, and surely nothing would top it. His head was spinning and he felt betrayed beyond belief. Before he knew it, hurtful, terrible words he didn't mean were escaping from his lips before he had a chance to stop them- "YOU SLUT!!!" he screamed, "DO YOU HATE ME OR SOMETHING???"   
"Ehhhh?" Taemin squeaked, as he felt his body being dragged away, "waitIneedmypants..."   
Jongin grabbed Taemin's discarded holey jeans and dressed the boy very roughly before hoisting Taemin up by his waist and storming out of there as fast as he could. Once back inside the club, he ran over to Key and started yelling inaudible things, Taemin still being half carried-half dragged on his arm.   
"God calm down Newbie, you're not making any sense." Key hissed.   
"WHERE'S JONGHYUN? WE NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE." Jongin screamed.   
"He's already gone home to puke," Key shrugged, glancing at the blonde on Jongin's shoulders, "And it looks like Taeminnie needs to do the same huh?"   
"He was being fucked in the bathroom." Jongin spat, "He needs sectioning, not home."   
Key's eyes widened, "Was he??? Here???"   
"LET'S JUST FUCKING GO OK????????" Jongin screamed, storming out of the club and not caring anymore if Key was following or not. He couldn't take this, he wanted to punch everyone and everything around him. He was senseless with fury and so hurt seeing Taemin like that...everything was wrong, everything was terrible, everything was...   
"WAIT FOR ME YOU JERK" Key yelled, "You don't even know the fucking way home idiot."   
They'd only been walking a few minutes, Key in front, Jongin dragging Taemin behind cursing every now and again, when the blonde started to become restless.   
"GerroffmeIcanwalkstopitgoaway..." Taemin struggled, clawing his way out of Jongin's grasp. It didn't work though, because Jongin grabbed him again and continued to drag. Taemin was a loose cannon, god knows where he'd go if Jongin let him loose.   
"ISAIDGETOFFMEICANWALK" Taemin screamed.   
He really shouldn't have done that.   
They were walking through a really bad side of town, going into an alleyway to take a shortcut. It was never a good idea to draw attention to yourself here. Especially if you were a prostitute.   
Out of nowhere, new voices could be heard in the darkness.   
"HEY" one of them yelled, "IS THAT KEY?"   
Key's whole body tensed and he put his hood up immediately, walking over to Jongin to do the same to Taemin. "Just keep walking" he whispered, "And whatever you do, don't turn around and don't look at them."   
Jongin did as he was told and kept walking down the alley, still holding Taemin up who had thankfully stopped struggling. Even though he didn't look back, he could tell they were being followed.   
"YOOOOOHOOOOOO" one of the voices yelled. Whoever it was, they were definitely male and definitely drunk. "IT'S RUDE TO IGNORE SOMEONE KIBUMMIE."   
Jongin put his head down and kept walking, picking up his pace to try and keep up with Key.   
"...WE KNOW IT’S YOU. COME ON BABY, DON’T BE COLD. I STILL NEED TO GIVE YOU YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR LAST TIME." another voice shouted. It was menacing and Jongin should have been terrified, but all he could feel was anger. He wanted to turn around and punch -no kill- all of whoever these barstards were.   
"DON'T BE SHY KEY, HOW MUCH ARE YOU TONIGHT? A DOLLAR? 2 DOLLARS?" One of the voices laughed. The footsteps were getting dangerously close.   
"HEY IS THAT TAEMIN?" The first voice yelled. Jongin gripped on tighter to the blonde, using all his willpower not to turn round and start fighting. "OH I THINK IT IS! IT'S OUR LUCKY NIGHT, 2 SLUTS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE."   
Jongin almost hit the roof, but Key saw his expression and gave him the 'if you do something I'll kill you' look, so Jongin tried to contain his rage and kept walking.   
Except the heckling didn't stop.   
"TAEMINNIIIIIIIEEE...HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN SO LONG. IS YOUR HAIR STILL BLONDE? TAKE THAT HOOD OFF, AND ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHILE YOUR AT IT."   
"WHO'S YOUR NEW FRIEND? HE KINDA LOOKS LIKE YOU. NOT AS PRETTY THOUGH."   
"COME ON, TURN AROUND, YOU WEREN'T SAYING NO LAST TIME."   
"HEY YOU WORTHLESS SLUTS STOP IGNORING US."   
That was it.   
Jongin couldn't take it anymore. He practically threw Taemin at Key before turning round and marching straight up to the ringleader, punching him in the eye and tossing him back against the wall.   
It was a really, really bad decision. Rage had overtaken him and he felt like he had no control over his fists. But upon turning, he'd noticed that there were actually 4 guys, not 3 like he'd thought. They were outnumbered and drunk, and there wasn't anyway this could end well.   
Within a second, Jongin felt excruciating blows to his stomach, his hair being pulled and his whole body being thrown to the ground. Taemin screamed in the background and he desperately tried to get up to see what was happening, but all his limbs were being pinned down.   
"GET OFF HIM!" He heard Key yell, as the feline boy went to throw one of the guys away from Jongin. Thankfully it worked, so at least Jongin now had one free arm to try and protect himself with. But his vision was still blurry and he could tell he was just punching into thin air.   
Another shriek was heard, definitely coming from Taemin again, so Jongin scrabbled away from the guy he was fighting to see the blonde being pinned against the wall of the alley. He dragged the man away by his hair, kicked him so he'd fall, then grabbed Taemin's hand and started to run.   
They were being chased manically down the alley and into an empty street. Key was right behind them, but Jongin could tell that he wasn't fast enough. He turned round as he heard a cry, seeing Key being grabbed and flung backwards into the grasp of 2 of the men.   
"RUN" Jongin shouted to Taemin, letting go of his hand to turn back and help Key.   
Of course Taemin didn't though. He may have been high but he knew what was happening. There was no way a fight 2 against 4 could ever end in their favor. So he stumbled back towards Jongin and tried to help him pull the guys off Key, only to be grabbed himself.   
Jongin was in total panic. By some miracle Key had been able to free himself, but now the group had swapped their attention to Taemin instead. The guys were like vultures surrounding the blonde, and Jongin was about to jump on one of them, when a terrible, heart wrenching scream erupted from of the guy's throats.   
Taemin was dropped, as the guy who'd screamed fell to the floor, clutching his stomach in agony. His friends bent over him, forgetting about Taemin just long enough for the blonde to escape and run back to Jongin.   
It was only then, Jongin knew what had happened. Key was standing motionless behind the fallen guy, a bloody knife in his hands, his face white as a ghost.   
Jongin grabbed him, knowing Key was too shocked by what he'd done to move, then dragged both Key and Taemin away from the men who were crowding around their stabbed friend.   
They ran and ran with no destination, only to get as far away from what had happened as possible. Jongin's heart was pounding so loud he couldn't hear anything else. All that mattered was running. Running so far away they would never be found. Running so fast they could never be followed.   
Thankfully Taemin wasn't so high he couldn't keep up, but Jongin still kept holding his hand just in case. Key had come out of his trance too so no longer needed to be dragged, and was running even faster than Jongin.   
"Stop, stop!" Jongin panted. He was getting the mother of all stitches, and surely they were far enough away now that nobody would find them.   
"WE CAN'T STOP!!!" Key yelled, although he paused anyway when Jongin halted.   
Jongin didn't get a chance to catch his breath though, because out of nowhere, Taemin was suddenly screaming at him- "WHYDIDYOUDOTHAT?!?! IT'SALLYOURFAULT!"   
"WHAT?" Jongin yelled back. It was foolish to be shouting so loudly but yelling was the only way he could get his voice to work.   
"KEYTOLDYOUTOKEEPYOURHEADDOWN! WHYDIDYOUSTARTAFIGHT?" Taemin half yelled-half slurred back.   
"ME!?!??!?!?!" Jongin screamed, "WHAT WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO?! THEY WERE TREATING YOU LIKE A CHEAP WHORE!"   
"IAMACHEAPWHORE" Taemin roared, "ANDNOWLOOKWHATYOUMADEKEYDO!!!"   
"I...I..." Key stuttered, his face still snowy white and glistened with sweat, "I had to...they were going to...they were going to..."   
Upon thinking about what had just happened Key lurched forward, clutching his stomach as he started to vomit. It was only then Jongin noticed just how bloody one of his hands was.   
"Where did you stab him?!?!??!?" Jongin yelled, turning away from Taemin to Key. It was no use trying to talk to the blonde when he was this high- he always got angry and incoherent. Although Jongin was being hypocrite to think that, seeing as the drugs had done the exact same thing to him, making him feel like an angry lunatic.   
Key couldn't talk for a second as more vomit kept coming. "I don't know!!" he managed to choke, "In his side...I think...I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!!!"   
"It's ok" Jongin lied, seeing Key was on the edge of a panic attack. "Let's just get home as fast as we can."   
Key nodded. He looked like he was about to faint honestly but started to run again anyway.   
Jongin followed him, grabbing Taemin's hand again, and feeling very grateful that at least Key knew the neighborhood well enough to know where home was even when it was this dark.   
"DO YOU HEAR THAT??" Key yelled, stopping suddenly and straining his ears.   
Sirens.   
The unmistakable sound of an ambulance could be heard, clear as day.   
"Oh my god" Key weezed, clutching at his throat as he felt it begin to close.   
"Calm down!!!!" Jongin yelled, extremely unhelpfully, "We just need to go home. Just get us home. Please. Come on."   
Key took a minute to try to steady his breathing before starting to run again. Jongin wondered if they were ever going to get home, but soon he began to recognize his surroundings. They squeezed round the back of the warehouse only a few moments later, running towards the derelict shithole they called home.   
Finally, they thundered up the stairs, Key still in front, ran down the corridor and banged the door open to see Jonghyun, Onew and Minho staring up at them wide-eyed.   
Jongin had never been so relieved to be 'home' in all his life. He slumped against the wall and slid down to the floor, watching as Key made his way over to Jonghyun's arms and started to sob. Taemin went to grab his sleeping bag before bringing it next to where Jongin sat, seeming to have forgotten that only moments ago he was blaming Jongin that tonight's events had been 'all his fault'.   
"What the fuck happened to guys????" Jonghyun exclaimed, clutching Key's back as the feline boy continued to cry.   
"Why are Key's hands so bloody??!?" Onew asked, running over to comfort Key as well, only to be shaken off.   
"What happened to your face??" Minho gasped, gawking at Jongin who probably looked very black and blue by now.   
Jongin said nothing. He was exhausted. He couldn't explain what had happened. He didn't even know himself. Everything was a fuzzy blur. The drugs were still raging in his system, making him feel all kinds of horrible things. And it wasn't just that he felt physically awful, his emotions felt all over the place too. He was still fuming, angrier than ever before- not just at the guys who'd attacked them, but also at Taemin for blaming him and at himself because deep down he knew Taemin was right. He should have listened to Key. He had started this. If he hadn't gotten so wasted, he wouldn't have been so angry and hed've had the willpower to just ignore those heckling jerks. Instead, he'd let his anger take over and it had ended up with someone getting stabbed.   
Stabbed.   
"...I didn't have a choice...I didn't know what to do...they were going to hurt Taemin...I wasn't thinking...I just reached for my knife and...and..." Jongin heard, snapping out of his trance as he realized how long he'd stayed quiet. Key was obviously trying to explain what had happened to a very confused looking Jonghyun, Onew and Minho, but failing because he was crying so hard.   
A small part of Jongin was shocked that stabbing someone was having this effect on Key. Not that he thought the boy was a monster, he'd just always presumed that he was hard as nails and had probably sliced someone open before.   
Apparently not. Taemin had been right- he really was all bark and no bite.   
"...they were yelling at us and...they wanted us to come over...then they called us worthless or something and Newbie went to punch one of them and then...and then...they were everywhere and...we tried to escape but they got me again...and then they got Taemin and I...I was so scared and I...I didn't know what to do...I didn't have a choice...I didn't...I didn’t..." Key wailed, hiccuping every few seconds.   
"Shh, it's ok, you're safe now, you're safe baby." Jonghyun hushed, rocking Key's body as he cried.   
Jongin watched as Jonghyun, Onew and Minho all crowded around Key, trying to understand what had happened and what they could do, then turned his attention to the blonde curled up on the floor next to him in a sleeping bag.   
"Areyouookayy?" Taemin mumbled, looking up at Jongin with half lidded eyes.   
"No," Jongin snapped. It was a stupid question. He was the opposite of ok in every way. In fact his whole insides were shaking and he needed something to calm his nerves, so he crawled over to the drug bag and lit up some spice before returning back to Taemin.   
"Thatsagoodidea," Taemin agreed, "Weneedtostaycalminsitutaionslikethis...gimmesomewillyou?"   
"No" Jongin snapped again, "You've had fucking enough."   
Taemin never took no for an answer, so he started to tug on Jongin's arm, bringing it down to his lips so he could tag a drag from the same spliff.   
Jongin let him take 2 puffs before pulling his hand away. It was his fucking spiff, and Taemin already looked strangely calm anyway.   
"Go to sleep." Jongin hissed, "We'll talk about what happened in the morning."   
"I'mnotthattired." Taemin groaned, leaning up to take another drag of Jongin's spliff.   
"Go to fucking sleep Taemin."   
The blonde gave up, deciding not to push. He could hardly even remember what had happened anyway. Some kind of fight? And now Key was crying in the corner? Why was that again? He supposed it didn't matter. If Jongin was being a meanie and wouldn't share his spice, then sleep was the best option anyway.   
Taemin stopped leaning up to try and steal drags, and instead settled himself laying on the ground, his head rested on Jongin's thighs. He was asleep in a matter of seconds, despite the loud talking and echoey sobs still coming from Key and the crowd trying to comfort him.   
Jongin tried to ignore them too, as he looked down at the sleeping blonde on his knees, wondering how on earth "Newbie & Taeminnie's Day of Fun" had turned into this nightmare.   
\--- 

Well :') I'm so sorry aha. I hope this didn't come as too much of a nasty shock D': Too much happened in this chapter and I'm not sure if it was clear at all o.O   
One of the things I don’t think I explained well was that Taemin does feel really bad about sleeping with other people, he just feels like he has no other choice and he's got to stop getting emotional about it.   
Hence the bathroom incident lololol /what am I doing to these boys please forgive me I'm nice I promise ;_;


	9. Lesson 9: C Is For Controlling

Jongin had only faked sleep that night. There was no way he was going to be able to calm himself down enough to actually get any shut eye, but he couldn't just sit there with his eyes wide open, as Key had stayed crying the whole night.   
Key never showed any signs of weakness so it was weird to see. The boy literally hadn't stopped sobbing for hours. In contrast, Taemin had fallen asleep straight away, then Onew and Minho soon got too tired to keep their eyes open, leaving only Jonghyun to comfort his lover. Jongin didn't want to embarrass them, so he pretended to be asleep.   
It was actually a good job he was just faking, because Taemin had lurched to be sick several times in the night, and if Jongin hadn't been awake to catch it in a bucket then that would have been awful to wake up to. The blonde went straight back to sleep every time though, still resting his head on Jongin's thighs. He looked strangely peaceful, like an innocent child just taking a nap.   
Jongin hadn't stopped thinking all night about his situation, about how he could get out of it. He was also torturing himself over the fact that he'd caused the catastrophe the night before. Taemin had been right. If he'd just kept his head down and not got so angry, then maybe none of it would have happened. Maybe they'd've jus been able to walk away and those creeps would have left them alone. Who knows.   
"Mmmmphhhmmmmmm" came the distinctive mumble Taemin always made when he was just waking up.   
Jongin looked down to see the blonde still resting on his lap, as a large yawn erupted from cracked, swollen lips. Taemin opened his eyes and squinted in the brightness, before stretching and crumpling his head back on Jongin's thighs again.   
"I'm so hungry..." Taemin moaned.   
Thinking about it, so was Jongin. They hadn't consumed anything except candy floss, alcohol and weed since breakfast the previous day.   
"Haven't you been to sleep?" Taemin asked, looking up at Jongin's tired eyes. He couldn't tell if they were just blue from being punched, or blue from dark circles.   
"No," Jongin replied, "I don't know how you can sleep after what happened last night."   
"What do you mean?" Taemin asked, sitting up, "What's done is done. Not sleeping isn't going to help anything."   
"What exactly did happen last night?" Another voice interrupted. Taemin and Jongin whipped their heads round to see Onew staring at them in confusion, "Key wasn't making any sense, crying so much, and Taemin was too high to do anything but sleep, and you looked practically catatonic." Onew commented.   
Jongin didn't have a chance to reply before Taemin was blabbering, "It was Newbie's fault," he stated, "Some perverts were yelling at us so 'Bie went to punch one of them and it started this big fight. The creeps got hold of me, so Key stabbed one of them. That's all that happened."   
Jongin turned to Taemin in shock, hurt and dumbfounded by that explanation.   
"Don't worry, I'd've done the same." Yet another new voice said. Apparently Minho had only been faking sleep too. "I'm sure it wasn't your fault Newbie, don't listen to him."   
"What it's not like I'm mad is it?" Taemin replied, turning back to Jongin "I know why you punched them, I'm just saying what happened."   
Jongin felt like his soul was being trampled on. He knew deep down Taemin was right, but the bluntness of his words were killing him.   
"Who knew you got so angry when you're high?" Taemin laughed, "You're like me."   
"Fuck off." Jongin hissed. He was not in the mood for how causally Taemin was acting. Especially after that bathroom incident, which he suspected the blonde didn't even remember.   
Taemin shrugged. "So do we have any food?" he asked to no one in particular.   
"I dunno. Key usually knows which bag it'd be in but I don't want to wake him up." Onew mumbled, looking to the corner of the room where Jonghyun and Key lay slumped together, finally asleep, "He's been crying all night. I've had to fake sleep the whole time."   
"I don't know why he's so upset about it," Taemin mused, "I mean if the guy dies, it's not like it's a big loss to the world is it? One less creep out there to not rape anyone. Who gives a shit?"   
Oh my god.   
"Are you still high?" Jongin hissed, "He's fucking traumatized!"   
"I know I know. It's just I don't think he should feel guilty. I'd've done it for any of you and not felt guilty." Taemin replied, getting up and searching through one of the bags. He pulled out half a loaf of bread and ripped it open, sighing when he found the first slice was all moldy. "I thought bread was supposed to keep for ages in the winter?"   
Jongin watched as Taemin threw the moldy slice out of the window, and dug into the next one down, handing a slice to Minho and Onew before giving the rest of the bag to Jongin.   
"...thanks." Jongin sighed, picking at the slightly-off bread. It was food at least. He was majorly regretting spending money on alcohol now.   
After they'd eaten, Onew seemed to want to know more about the events the night before. Taemin explained because Jongin couldn't bring himself to do it, except the blonde's version of the story was a bit off, seeing as he'd been so high. It didn't matter. What was done, was done. Talking about it wasn't going to make it any better.   
After some pointless 'explaining', still trying to be as quiet as possible as to not wake Jongkey up in the corner, Jongin interrupted Taemin impatiently. "We need to talk." he said.   
"Ok," Taemin replied, "What about?"   
"Not here."   
Jongin lead Taemin outside the room and into the corridor, down the stairs and out of the derelict building completely. He needed to get some air, and anywhere inside that dump smelled like spice.   
Once outside, Jongin sat himself down against the abandoned warehouse that the derelict building hid behind, and started to talk. "Last night. Do you remember what happened in the bathroom?" he asked coldly. He couldn't not mention it any longer. The image of Taemin pressed against the wall in the arms of another man was etched onto his eyelids. Every time he blinked he saw it flash in his face, taunting and mocking him.   
"Oh...yeah...um..." Taemin replied, suddenly looking very guilty, "...I'm sorry you had to see that."   
"You broke my heart." Jongin stated. He meant it. Seeing Taemin like that, it was as if the blonde had ripped his heart out of his chest, tore it in two, threw it on the ground then stamped on it over and over.   
"...I didn't mean to hurt you..." Taemin mumbled.   
"Why did you do it?" Jongin snapped, sharply, "I thought you said nobody knew you as a prostitute there."   
"...well I thought so but apparently not. That guy seemed to know exactly what I was and he came up to me and offered me a lot more than usual, it's not like I could say no is it?"   
Jongin was seething again, listening to Taemin try and justify what had happened. "Oh of course not Minnie," he said sarcastically, "It's impossible to say fucking no."   
"Don't be like that. We'd burned all the money I earned at the fair and then the club. It was just a quickie and I'd've been out of there in a couple of minutes without you having to know a thing."   
"Oh that makes me feel so much better." Jongin hissed, "You're so thoughtful, being fucked behind my back."   
"Stop it," Taemin snapped, "You knew who I was from the very first day we met. This is who I am Jongin, I'm a whore."   
"Stop calling yourself that." Jongin butted in.   
"No. It's true. You either love me as I am or you don't love me at all."   
"What the fuck?" Jongin hissed, "Wanting the person you love to not be a 'whore' is very fucking normal. How would you feel if I was out every night, getting as high as possible so I could forget about the fact strangers were fucking me? How would that make you feel???"   
"Not good, I know I know. But I wouldn't act how you're acting. I'd know it meant nothing and you were just trying to make money. I'd respect your decisions because you're not a child and you've been looking after yourself for a long time just fine. I wouldn't try and stop you because I'm not controlling." Taemin stated.   
"You think I'm controlling??" Jongin repeated, outraged. The nerve of this kid.   
"Yeah I think you're very fucking controlling, always wanting to keep tabs on me." Taemin argued.   
"I can't believe you. I have to get out of here." Jongin hissed. None of this was fair. He was actually being made out as the bad guy here.   
"Where are you going?" Taemin asked, shocked as Jongin started to get up and walk away.   
"None of your business." Jongin hissed, before turning behind the warehouse and disappearing. 

\---

Throughout the next few days, the atmosphere was tense. Really, really tense.   
Key was in pieces, a paranoid mess. He'd always been the type of person that put on a front to the world of being this cold, tough guy nobody dared to mess with. Yet in reality, he was soft, sensitive and thoughtful. He'd carried that knife around with him for years. He'd used it many times to threaten people, he'd even cut someone's cheek open. But he'd never stabbed anyone. He'd never been in so much panic that he thought that was the only way out. But in that moment, when he saw those vultures crowding around Taemin, he didn't know what else to do. In flash, he'd done it. And there was no going back. He couldn't stop thinking, what if the guy was dead? What if his friends told the cops it was some local rent boy who'd done it? He'd be found. He'd be sent to jail for life. Everything was over if that happened. He might never even see Jonghyun again.   
Jonghyun was desperate. He'd tried to comfort Key as best he could but it wasn't working. Everything was wrong. He felt annoyed that Newbie had supposedly started something, giving Key no choice but to use his knife, and terrible himself that he'd left the club early. He should have been there. He wasn't good for much, but at least he was strong. He could've pulled those creeps off Taemin, then Key would never have to have done what he did.   
Minho was stoned. Let's face it, that was often the case, but tension just made it worse. When the atmosphere is horrible, it's only natural to want to escape. It was the only way he knew how.   
Onew was worried. He knew he needed to go soon, after all he was still hiding from the crowd he used to be in, but how could he go leaving his friends in this state? He couldn't. So he was starting to think. If the cops did come for looking for Key, they'd have to move. It wasn’t a nice option. They had a roof for god's sake. But they couldn't stay here much longer if the police had a chance of finding them. The big question was- where the hell would they go?   
Taemin was still finding selling himself terribly hard, but he was doing it anyway because he'd resided himself to the fact he didn't have a choice. He was annoyed with Jongin, and was waiting for an apology that would clearly never come. As the days went on however, Taemin was starting to feel less angry, and just very sad and alone. He was a naturally stubborn, so he tried not to let it show, but he didn't know how much more of this he could take.   
Jongin had stopped talking to Taemin. He was livid, guilty, and ashamed. He'd even started having the odd spice now and again, although realized it was a terrible idea and was trying to stop before he ended up just like the rest of them. All he wanted to do was run away, save everyone, help...but he couldn't even look after himself, so what use was he going to be getting them out of this situation? But he had to. He had to find a way. They couldn't be stuck like this forever. He could hardly look at Taemin anymore. It just hurt too much, knowing where he'd been or where he was about to go.   
"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!" Taemin burst out on the third day. The silent treatment was driving him crazy. "I'm sorry ok?!?!?! I'm sorry about the bathroom thing, I'm sorry I blamed you for starting the fight, I'm sorry we're not together 'properly', I'm sorry I'm a whore, I'm sorry I keep calling myself a whore, I'm sorry I get high, I'm sorry I said you were controlling, I'M SORRY OK??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? JUST FOR FUCK'S SAKE STOP IGNORING ME."   
Wow.   
Jongin had literally only just got home after being out searching for food, to find Taemin alone and in tears, yelling bloody murder.   
"Hey it's ok, it's ok," Jongin soothed, rushing towards the distraught blonde boy and hugging him tightly.   
They hugged for a second, Taemin still sniffling, before Jongin pulled away. "You don't need to say sorry for all that. I haven’t exactly been a saint either."   
"Well true!!" Taemin agreed, wiping the tears away from his eyes, "You haven’t even been speaking to me these last few days!! It's been awful!!!"   
"I know...I know...I'm sorry. I just.."   
"You just what? You're disgusted by me?" Taemin snapped, his voice catching in his throat.   
"No!" Jongin shrieked, "Of course I'm not...I just can't take how you treat me sometimes."   
"How I treat you?" Taemin asked in confusion.   
"Yeah" Jongin nodded, "Like we're together but we're not, like you want me to look after you but god forbid I ever get 'possessive'. I'm just sick of this life."   
Taemin sighed, he was sick of it too. "I've been doing it a lot longer than you, I guess I just forget sometimes that this isn't normal."   
"It's really, really not normal." Jongin stated.   
"At least we're free."   
"But we're not! That's the thing! We can’t do anything. Especially you."   
Taemin sighed a second time. "I don't know how to make it better."   
"Me either." Jongin replied, "I'll figure it out though."   
"Will you?" Taemin said, laughing without humor.   
"Yeah. I'll get us out of this mess. I will. I promise." Jongin insisted. He meant it. Just because he didn't have the answers yet, didn't mean he was never going to.   
Taemin smiled because he'd forgotten what a pure little button Jongin was sometimes. He was so good, down to the core, even if he got carried away sometimes. Taemin knew deep down Jongin only wanted what was best for him.   
"You know I love you don't you?" Taemin asked, wrapping his arms around Jongin's waist to pull them closer.   
"Sometimes."   
"You only sometimes know?"   
"Mmm."   
"I'm sorry for that too then." Taemin whispered, "You mean so much to me, I don't wanna fight."   
"I know."   
"Well at least I made a good amount of money last night," Taemin shrugged, "I had two jobs instead of one so I won't have to do anything for the next few days, we can just live off what I made."   
Thank god, Jongin thought, although tried not to let the immense relief show in his face because it got on Taemin's nerves.   
"It's ok," Taemin laughed, "You can be relieved. I am too aha."   
Jongin sighed and bent down to bury his head in Taemin's shoulders. Everything about the blonde was so soft and comforting. He still couldn't get his head around the fact this sweet kid was a prostitute. 

\---

For Jongin and Taemin at least, the next few days were very different to the last ones. They were the best days Jongin had lived through since being on the streets actually. Taemin was often around and not going off to God knows where, he'd been right that he'd earned enough money for a few days so they ate semi-comfortably and Jongin wasn't constantly worried about what Taemin was doing.   
The problem was, he was getting far too attached already. They spent hours of the day together and you'd have thought they'd be sick of each other by now, but they weren't. Far from it. Being together when they weren't thinking about serious things was easy and fun. They just got on, like their personalities clicked.   
Plus whenever they were alone, things often got heated. It was hard to stop because before they knew it they were kissing, making out and then all of a sudden having sex and it just kind of happened. Taemin was still weird about sex. It made him emotional and yet he still seemed to want to do it. Jongin thought given Taemin's 'work' he'd be sick of anything sexual, but as the blonde kept reminding him- "It's not the same thing when you're doing it with someone you love."   
Not only was he emotional, but he was also shameless. Nothing made him embarrassed. Jongin could understand why, but it was still freaky, especially when-   
"Hey let's do it again." Taemin whispered, crawling towards Jongin flirtatiously.   
"What??" Jongin asked, looking pointedly to the corner of the room where a sleeping body lay peacefully.   
"Minho's asleep. He'll be knocked out for hours." Taemin shrugged, leaning in for a kiss but Jongin pulled away.   
"But he could wake up! At any moment!" Jongin pointed out, outraged by what the blonde was suggesting.   
"He won't mind." Taemin chirped, "It's not like he hasn't seen me naked plenty of times before is it?"   
"I hate you."   
"I know." Taemin laughed, "So...?"   
"No!!! You freak!" Jongin replied, "I'm not doing it while someone else is in the room!"   
"You're such a prude." Taemin said, "But that's ok. We'll just do it later."   
Taemin still cried after they'd done it, despite this being their 5th time now. It worried the crap out of Jongin but what could he do? Taemin wouldn't talk about it and the last thing he wanted to do was start another fight when these last few days had been so harmonious.   
So it had been 4 days of bliss. 4 days of just Jongin and Taemin as a couple. 4 days of no selling sex.   
But it couldn't last forever.   
Money was running out fast. Since the stabbing, Key especially had been hitting the spice hard. Plus, they literally had no food left. It was time, and Taemin knew it. Except he also knew how ridiculously attached Jongin had gotten to him over the last few days. Not that he minded, he was clingy as hell himself, it's just he knew it wasn't going to be easy to slip away without a fight. Which is why his plan was to not even tell Jongin, but to just go in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep and pray he could come up with a good enough lie if he wasn't back by morning.   
Plans don't often work out though.   
It was midnight, and just the two of them. They'd actually slept together only minutes before, but Jongin had fallen asleep straight after, relieved that Taemin wasn't crying for once. Except the only reason he wasn't crying was that he now had a job to do. There was no point in getting emotional about it. So he slipped his way out of Jongin's warm embrace, reclothed, lit some spice and was just about the grab the door handle when the collar of his coat was dragged backwards. It wasn't a hard drag, but it was forceful enough he couldn't squirm his way out.   
Sighing, he turned around to see a panicked looking Jongin, slipping on his boxers.   
Taemin reached for the door again, only to have Jongin barge directly in front of it to prevent him from going through.   
Taemin sighed a second time. "Come on now Newbie, we've been here before. Don't make this any harder than it already is."   
"I'm not," Jongin croaked, his voice still weird from having just woken up, "I just want to know where you're going. That's allowed isn't it?"   
"...I'm going to Heechul's. So it's safe ok? Now let me pass."   
"Heechul's." Jongin spat, remembering that creep who'd made Taemin trade 'something' for a shower, "Why him?"   
"Because he's nice. Because he pays me well. Because he lets me shower afterwards." Taemin stated, trying to keep his cool, "Let me go to work now Newbie."   
"My name is fucking Jongin. And don't call it 'work'." Jongin hissed. He couldn't believe this was happening all over again. He'd just got used to Taemin being only his, and now he was being torn away again. Everytime it happened Jongin felt worse. It wasn't getting easier or becoming normal. Jongin just felt like every single day he loved Taemin more and more, and the more he loved him, the harder it was to let him go like this.   
"It is work though." Taemin answered.   
"No it's not. It's nothing like work. Dressing like a slut then sitting in a car park getting high, before some sleazy bastard comes and picks you up, then laying on your back and letting him do whatever the fuck he wants with you, drowning the shame away in alcohol at the end isn't work. It's just letting yourself be abused." Jongin spat. He words were harsh, but only because he was so hurt. Sometimes anger is all that comes out when what we really feel is pain.   
Taemin stayed silent for a few moments, not knowing what to say and feeling himself getting mad too. What did Jongin think, that he enjoyed doing this? This was all he knew. They needed money. What was he suppose to do?   
"I'm not in the mood for your childishness tonight. Fuck off and let me through." he replied finally.   
"I'm not being childish!" Jongin shrieked, "I'm being...I'm being..."   
"Possessive?" Taemin interrupted.   
Ok now Jongin was really mad. "NO" he yelled, "Why do you always fucking say that? Wanting to protect you isn't being possessive."   
"Because you're fucking kidding yourself that's why. You're always like 'Where are you going? What are you doing?' I'm not yours Jongin! I can do whatever the fuck I want!" Taemin hissed, trying to get at the door again only to be shoved backwards.   
"YOU ARE MINE." Jongin yelled. It was one of those stupid thoughts that just pops out before you can stop them. Jongin's mouth had a nasty habit of doing that. When he was stressed, he didn't have a filter.   
"WHAT?" Taemin yelled. The outraged look on his face said it all.   
"No...I just mean...you should be mi-...I mean we should be together properly..." Jongin stuttered, knowing he'd crossed a line.   
"Stop fucking saying that. You just want to own me. I was right when I said you were controlling and it's fucking unacceptable." Taemin ranted.   
"Wanting the person you love not to sell himself isn't 'unacceptable'!! Wanting to know where you are because you're a fucking TERRIBLE judge of character isn't being controlling!"   
"YES IT FUCKING IS." Taemin screamed, "And you're right by the way, I am a terrible judge of character. I should have never given you that half a sandwich."   
"Wow." Jongin stated. He knew Taemin didn't mean it but that didn't make it hurt any less. "That's low, Taemin. Low."   
"No what's 'low' is your whole fucking attitude." Taemin spat, "I'm a rent boy!!! Get it through your thick head!! That's all I am! That's all I'll ever be."   
"You're not a rent boy to me." Jongin stated.   
"FOR FUCKS SAKE JUST ACCEPT IT." Taemin screamed. He was beyond frustrated. This was how life was, and as far as he was concerned Jongin was just being a ignorant, possessive child.   
"ACCEPT IT?? You want me just to be ok with this being our life??? FINE." Jongin yelled, storming over to the bag where they kept the money and pulling out their last dollar. "Maybe I should pay you for your services then huh? I owe you a lot seeing how many times we've done it the last few days" he added, chucking the note at Taemin's chest.   
Slap   
"How dare you." Taemin whispered, his voice menacingly quiet.   
Jongin cradelled his stinging cheek before turning to face Taemin again. He was about to apologize because he knew throwing money was a step too far, but didn't get a chance before Taemin was screaming again-"WHO PAYS FOR YOUR FOOD HUH NEWBIE? WHO LET'S YOU LIVE WITH HIM? WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO SURVIVE ON THE STREET? OH YEAH. ME. You're a fucking ungrateful twat."   
"Well at least I'm not a whore." Jongin mumbled.   
Ouch. Ouchhhh.   
It was a terrible thing to say. But his mouth was working without his brain's consent. He was so frustrated, he wasn't thinking clearly at all.   
"I HATE YOU" Taemin screamed, his eyes welling with tears, "AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING TO ENJOY IT WHEN HEECHUL FUCKS ME TONIGHT. BECAUSE AT LEAST I'LL KNOW IT'LL BE TORTURING YOU."   
"SHUT UP!!!!!" Jongin snapped, feeling his eyes also start to sting with tears. A huge lump was forming his throat and it was like his brain was going to burst.   
Taemin carried on though, knowing he was hitting a nerve- "I SHOULD TAPE IT. I'M SURE HE WON'T MIND. JUST SO YOU CAN SEE ALL THE FACES I PULL, THE NOISES I MAKE BECAUSE OH GOD IT FEELS SO GOO-"   
"SHUUUUTTT UPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jongin screamed, grabbing onto Taemin's shoulders and pushing when the blonde tried to escape out of the door again, "I'M NOT LETTING YOU GO."   
"YOU DON'T OWN ME. YOU DON'T CONTROL ME. I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT." Taemin continued to yell, struggling as he tried to reach the door.   
After a few moments of Jongin trying to forcibly hault Taemin, the blonde drew back. "You know I can make you move right?"   
Jongin laughed at him without humor, looking Taemin up and down pointedly. The boy was tiny in every respect. There was no way he could ever win against Jongin physically.   
"Did you just laugh at me?" Taemin hissed, "Don't you believe me? I've been on the streets a lot longer than you have Newbie."   
Jongin was unable to stop his eyes rolling because who was this boy kidding.   
"You cocky bastard." Taemin snapped, "Move or I'll make you."   
"Go on then." Jongin baited.   
So Taemin did. First he grabbed for the door handle again, and while Jongin was distracted trying to stand in front, Taemin kicked his groin and pulled his hair back. It was a trick that Key had taught him when he was knew to the streets- basically: distract and then go nuts.   
"OWW!" Jongin shrieked, his whole body being dragged back by his hair. It hurt a lot.   
Taemin thought he'd won and was feeling pretty damn pleased with himself, but Jongin was a lot quicker than he'd anticipated, and slammed the door shut again just before Taemin could slip out of it. The blonde was then pushed back into the middle of the small room, as Jongin settled himself guarding the door again.   
"Is that the best you've got?" Jongin asked.   
"No."   
Taemin then ran at Jongin, throwing his whole weight down and biting wherever he could reach. That was another trick Key had taught him- nobody ever expected you to bite.   
Jongin cried out in pain because holy hell were Taemin's teeth sharp, before chucking the boy off and grabbing his wrists so the blonde couldn't just hit him instead.   
Suddenly it was as if time stopped for both of them, as a wave of sadness and shame settled in the room. Jongin couldn't believe what was happening. Had their argument really just got so bad that it'd turned physical? Holy shit. This was awful.   
And it looked like Taemin was feeling the same way, as he stopped struggling and stared into Jongin's eyes, his expression only that of remorse.   
Jongin let go of Taemin's wrists and they both sank to the ground, utterly defeated. Not by each other, but by what had just happened.   
"I'm so sorry..." Jongin whispered, "I...I..just don't...please don't go."   
Taemin took a few moments to compose himself, a stray tear escaping from one of his eyes. He wiped it away and sighed heavily. "I have to." he said, and then he was gone.   
Jongin watched helplessly as his 'lover' left. He felt guilty as hell and was mortified by what had just happened. Some of the things he'd said were unforgivable. And how could he justify forcibly not letting Taemin leave? He couldn't. There was no justifying that.   
He let himself sink all the way down to the ground and finally released all the sobs collected in his throat. He shut his eyes, desperately trying not to think about where Taemin was, who he was with and what he was doing.   
\--- 

will you think i'm a terrible person if I say I really enjoyed writing this fight scene xD i think I must have a lot of pent up rage or something idk :') 

Anyhoo I'm really curious!! Who's side are you on aha? I mean like, do you think Tae has a point in that he's just trying to survive and Jongin is being way too possessive, or do you think Jongin is right in that anything is better than this and he's just trying to be protective? Sorry I'm just really interested in how it's coming across xD   
Okiekokie thankyooou and byebye for now ^^


	10. Lesson 10: Press It

Taemin felt terrible. Unsurprisingly, after the fight he'd had with Jongin his 'work' at Heechul's hadn't exactly gone smoothly. He was annoyed through the whole thing, and Heechul could obviously tell. It was awkward, uncomfortable and wrong. Plus the guilt afterwards was almost as bad as the actual thing. Taemin wanted to just feel angry...but he couldn't. He knew Jongin loved him. And even though he was still seething that he'd been called a 'whore' by the person who was suppose to love him, plus sick of being controlled...he could see Jongin's point.   
But did Jongin see his point? Did Jongin know how much he hated this, how much he loathed selling himself now? This was how he made a living, this was the only way he knew how to survive. And Jongin had the cheek to eat food Taemin bought with the 'whoreing' money and then bitch about it afterwards. It wasn't fair.   
Taemin went to a bar after Heechul's. He didn't get drunk because he didn't buy much, not wanting to waste the money. He only had one drink, but he felt like at least it calmed him a little.   
He made his way home as slowly as possible. It was about 3am. Heechul's hadn't taken long at all because Taemin just wanted to get it over and done with. He hadn't been paid as much as he would have liked, but after the show he'd put on, what could he expect.   
As he drew nearer, he was starting to feel uneasy. The homeless people who lived downstairs in the derelict house were running around haphazardly, yelling at each other. They were usually pretty mellow so it was weird to see. Taemin made his way upstairs and down the corridor to their room only to have another shock.   
It was completely fucking empty.   
"What the hell!?!?!!?" Taemin sqeaked, rushing inside to inspect the room. Where the hell was his stuff? His clothes? His food? His drugs?!?!   
Where was Jongin?   
"Oh Taemin thank god." A voice said, making Taemin jump and turn around to see Onew coming into the room.   
"WHERE'S NEWBIE??? AND WHERE THE FUCK IS MY STUFF?!?!!??" Taemin yelled, in total panic.   
"It's ok, it's ok." Onew soothed, "Don't freak out when I tell you this ok?"   
"WHAT????"   
"We can't stay here. Key, Jong, Minho and Newbie packed away all our stuff only a few minutes ago and they're waiting around the corner for us. We have to get the hell out of here now." Onew explained.   
"WHAT?? WHY???"   
"I heard news today that the cop's are arresting homeless people around here in connection to a stabbing. My friend told me only hours ago. We can't stay here, Taemin. If they find Key then he could go to prison for life." Onew said.   
"Oh my god" Taemin wheezed. He felt lightheaded like he was going to faint. This was his home. It may have been a shitty and crumbling, but it was safety.   
"Come on," Onew said, taking Taemin by the hand and leading him out, down the stairs and away from their little safe haven.   
Taemin was practically in tears when they reached the corner where his friends were waiting. Nothing mattered anymore. That huge big fight had been completely forgotten, it was as if it'd happened in another lifetime. As soon as he saw Jongin, he ran to him and wrapped his arms tightly around the teddy-bear like boy. Sobs escaped because how could he hold them in any longer. This was one of the worst nights ever.   
Jongin squeezed him back tightly, and as Taemin looked up at him he noticed just how much of a boy Jongin looked. They were all just kids after all. They may have been 'adults' but that didn't make any difference. In that moment, Taemin felt like they were all just children, lost and abandoned by the world.   
"Where are we going guys?" Key mumbled. It was only then Taemin noticed the tear tracks running down his friend's face.   
"I was thinking maybe under that bridge a few towns away? I think it's far enough and pretty hidden so the police won't look there." Onew mused, struggling to pick up one of the heavier bags. There were about 7 bags, mostly bin liners, full of all their junk. It was like their whole life had just been thrown to the curb.   
"No no no no" Minho groaned, "I don't wanna go there again. It's so fucking cold."   
"Everywhere's cold." Onew laughed.   
"I don't fucking care we just need to get out of here now!!" Key shrieked, before grabbing Jonghyun's hand and walking in a random direction.   
"Er, Bummie." Onew called, "That's not the way idiot."   
So they walked for a long time, mostly in stony silence to this old bridge that Onew used to sleep under eons ago. It was quite far and it took them at least 2 hours to walk there, but that was a good thing. The further the better.   
It was a dump. But at least it was quiet and sheltered enough that once you were under it the rain wouldn't get to you. It was fucking freezing though, Minho had been right. Not that their derelict home had been exactly warm, but at least it was inside. Here it was as if all the elements were trying to kill you. The wind rattled in your ears, the icy cold crept into your lungs and the dampness seeped it's way into your shoes.   
Still in silence, everybody still too sad to speak, they settled up 'camp' there. They first unpacked their sleeping bags (although there was really no point as the sun was almost rising) then lit a fire as well as some spice.   
Taemin even offered some to Jongin, which he hardly ever did, but these were extreme circumstances. Jongin only had a few drags. That stuff was not his friend and he knew it.   
"I'm really hungry," Jonghyun moaned. It was the first time he'd spoken that night.   
Key rummaged around in one of the bags and pulled out 3 sandwiches, splitting them in half so everyone got some. Taemin looked pointedly at Jongin whilst eating, shuffling closer to him on the ground to whisper, "You know I didn't mean what I said right? I'd never regret giving you that half a sandwich."   
"I know," Jongin soothed, "I didn't mean a thing I said either. I'm really sorry."   
"You did mean some things." Taemin pointed out.   
"Well maybe. But I shouldn't have said them. And I shouldn't have tried to stop you from going."   
"True." Taemin agreed, feeling horribly guilty when he saw one of the bite indents on Jongin's neck. He really had gone crazy with the biting. Jongin was wearing a big coat now but Taemin dreaded to think of how many marks there would be on his arms.   
"I'm sorry" Taemin mumbled, leaning in to Jongin's neck to 'kiss it better'.   
"S'fine," Jongin shrugged, lifting up the sleeves of Taemin's coat to inspect his wrists. Luckily they only looked a bit red, not bruised. "I'm so sorry Minnie."   
"S'fine," Taemin shrugged, copying Jongin.   
They stared at each other for a few seconds, the look saying everything that words couldn't: I love you.   
In situations like this, it was stupid to dwell on hopeless fights that didn't mean anything anyway.   
"Well I don't know about you guys but I'm fucking exhausted after that." Onew mumbled through a mouthful.   
"We should go to sleep," Minho nodded, "I know it's almost morning but we'll be safer sleeping in the day than at night around here anyway."   
So they all bundled down in their sleeping bags, Jonghyun and Key close together at one end, Minho and Onew in the middle, and Jongin and Taemin at the other end. They'd only been settled for a second before Taemin starting shivering so much it was almost unbearable.   
Jongin shuffled closer as an attempt to help warm him up, gesturing for Taemin to come inside his own when it was clear that wasn't going to work.   
"Noooo." Taemin whined.   
"Eh?"   
"We've just been fighting and I bit the crap out of you. Won't it be weird snuggling?"   
Jongin just laughed like the blonde had done to him so many times before. "God you're so sensitive," he teased, mocking how Taemin usually spoke to him, "Get in."   
"Ok," Taemin agreed, climbing out of his sleeping bag and squeezing into Jongin's. It was a tight fit as they were both wearing massive coats but the combined body heat meant it was definitely warmer.   
Jongin leaned in to kiss Taemin's forehead as he felt an arm drape around his waist. It was so comforting, and although he missed having a roof, he knew anywhere Taemin was equaled home.   
They hugged for a long time. Taemin was happy to find that it wasn't weird at all. Fights happen. You just have to get over them and move on. He'd thought Jongin had fallen asleep, but opened his eyes to see beautiful brown orbs staring into space.   
"What are you thinking about?" Taemin whispered, keeping his voice down as to not wake anyone else up.   
"How we can get out of this mess. How I need to find work anyway I can. How I need to get us a fucking roof. How I can keep us safe in a place like this. " Jongin replied.   
"Don't think about that stuff now." Taemin whispered. He thought it was odd that Jongin seemed to be taking all the responsibility onto himself. After all, wasn't Taemin the one supposed to be looking after Jongin? Wasn't Taemin the one who was suppose to be helping this street newbie? Apparently not. Recently it was like their roles had completely reversed. Taemin didn't think he had anything to teach Jongin anymore. Except maybe, how to not be a complete and total control freak.   
"Why?"   
"Because you look exhausted. Go to sleep now Bie." Taemin hushed, kissing the corner of Jongin's mouth as he watched those beautiful brown eyes close, and his lover drift off into dreamland. 

\--- 

Living under the bridge was awful. It was cramped, dirty, uncomfortable and freezing. Jongin thought they'd had it bad when they lived in that derelict building but compared to this, that was like a 5 star hotel. He found himself longing he was back there, wishing he was under a roof again, and even missing the stench of spice that he'd become so accustomed to.   
Things were just getting worse. Onew was familiar with the area but nobody else was. Which made making money very difficult. Jongin was searching for work, with absolutely no luck. Nobody wanted to take a chance on a boy who looked as rough as him, without a fixed address. Also the fact that (obviously) his father hadn't continued paying for college, so he was a drop out with no qualifications at all. That didn't help. Although for fucks sake, how many qualifications did you need to wash dishes? More than he had apparently.   
Onew was still in hiding, so was bringing in no money at all. He was thinking about running away again and everyone knew it, but Jonghyun kept taking him off for 'grown up talks' whatever the fuck that meant, presumably persuading him to stay together.   
Minho was occasionally getting some money. Nobody knew where it came from. They didn't ask.   
But mostly it was down to Taemin, Key and Jonghyun to provide a 'steady' source of income. But that wasn't going so well. For one thing, they had no idea where to go to try and rent themselves out, and what was even worse than that, no idea where they could buy drugs even if they had any money. Their stocks were running terribly low, making Minho irritable as hell, Key a neurotic mess and Taemin jittery and anxious most of the time. Being on a lower dosage was effecting them so much more than Jongin would have expected. It was weird to think how reliant their bodies had become to the drugs.   
And it wasn't just drugs running out of course. Food was also scarce. They'd probably all lost a few pounds in the first week already. Jongin worried about Taemin constantly given he was the skinniest, but the blonde always told him to 'stop being such a fucking nag' so what could he do.   
So night after night, the 3 rent boys snuck out (sometimes they got caught, sometimes they didn't) to try and find somewhere 'safe' they could sell themselves. It was scary as hell being in a new place and Taemin was especially finding it difficult. It was strange, he'd gotten so used to the crowd at The Illusion that it was no longer scary. Sure you got the odd pervert that looked mean or creepy, but mostly he had regular clients and he knew what he was doing with them. Here, he knew nobody.   
One night Key, Jonghyun and Taemin had arranged to secretly sneak out (to avoid a fight with Jongin and a lecture from Onew) to go and find somewhere they could wait for clients and make some money.   
They headed into town at around midnight, stopping when they found a club. They poked around a bit but this seemed like a nicer area in some ways -richer at least- and nobody was going to pick them up looking the way they did.   
"Shit we look fucking awful" Key hissed, turning to Taemin and licking his finger to rub some dirt off the blonde's cheek.   
"Eww!!" Taemin squirmed, "Get off! I don't want your germs!"   
"Stop wriggling you brat," Key said, still wiping.   
"Guys shut up" Jonghyun interrupted.   
Taemin followed his gaze to see what his friend was looking at. In the distance there was a small group of boys and girls, standing separately against the side of a huge building. A car pulled up and one of the figures got inside. It was clear that this was what they'd been searching for.   
"Hey do you think they're like us?" Taemin asked.   
"Of course they are idiot." Key replied, "You go home, me and Jong'll go check it out and then tell you about it tomorrow."   
Taemin laughed, "What was the point in me coming if you're just gonna treat me like a child? Come on, we need all the money we can get."   
Key begrudgingly agreed, and they made their way towards the little crowd. It was hella awkward because everyone kept staring at them seeing as they were new. (Key was paranoid that it was because of their appearances through, as they looked about 10 times more run down than anyone else waiting.) Jonghyun even struck up a conversation with a boy, who said his name was Baekhyun and that he was new at this, just doing it so he could make enough money to run away.   
"Hey you" a deep voice called from behind.   
Taemin stopped eavesdropping on Jonghyun's conversation and snapped his head around, thinking it was a potential client.   
The man who was walking towards him didn't look like the usual type of client though. He looked rich. Really rich. He was quite tall and muscular, and wore a huge fur coat Taemin prayed was fake. It probably wasn't though.   
"Er hi?" Taemin replied, trying to ignore the fact Key and Jonghyun had edged closer to him. He knew they were just being protective but my god, they were here to sell themselves, it's not like it was going to be safe was it?   
"I haven't seen you around here before." The man stated, looking passed Taemin to Jonghyun and Key, "Or you. Or you."   
"No...." Taemin mumbled, "We're new."   
"I see. Where about's are you from?"   
Taemin was about to answer but then Key cut in, "None of your business Sir" he snapped.   
The man cackled. It was a horrible noise.   
"So...are you um...looking for a ride?" Taemin asked, trying to sound as brave as possible. Maybe this wealthy guy could pay him well.   
The man cackled again, this time more hysterically. "With you?"   
"Yes?" Taemin replied, feeling a tiny bit insulted, "Isn’t that why you're speaking to me?"   
"Fuck off, you're wasting our time." Key interrupted, grabbing Taemin's shoulders to pull him away.   
"Fiesty aren't you?" The man laughed, eyeing Key up and down.   
Jonghyun snarled in response.   
"Oh god down boy." The man sniggered, "Don't worry. I'm not looking for that. I came because you're trespassing on my property."   
"We're what now???" Key hissed, looking around pointedly at all the other prostitutes waiting.   
"You're trespassing on my property." The man repeated, "They're not, because they're mine. The people you see here are all waiting to be picked up by their clients. They're not street whores like you searching for just anyone.""   
Ohhhhhhh.   
"Are you a fucking pimp!??!" Taemin squeaked. He'd always had a big mouth.   
The man cackled for a third time. "Well some people would say that."   
"Fuck off, we're out of here." Jonghyun snapped, putting his arms around Key and Taemin to lead them away.   
"I don't know why you're being so hostile." The man called, "I came to make you an offer."   
The 3 boys stopped dead in their tracks.   
"What kind of offer?" Key asked, shaking his way out of Jonghyun's grip.   
"The good kind." The man said, "You boys look like you could use a nice hot shower and a decent meal. If we get you cleaned up, I'm sure I could help you find clients."   
"And how much of our earnings would you get?" Key snapped.   
The man shrugged, "Details, details..."   
Key started to walk away again.   
"More than you earn now, I promise." The man called.   
Taemin grabbed Key's hand to drag him back. "Hey why don't we just see what this guy's offering." he whispered, "I want a shower...I want some food..."   
"No! He's a creep!!!" Key hissed, turning to Jonghyun for support but it didn't look like he was going to get any.   
"I want a shower too." Jonghyun murmured.   
"Oh fuck." Key spat.   
Taemin pulled away and made his way back to the man. "What would the deal be then?" he asked.   
The man smiled slyly, knowing he was winning. He'd been looking for some new meat for a while now, and these 3 boys were obviously young and attractive despite their rough appearance. "I'd make sure you were fed, washed and looked after. All of my workers are. Then I'd find you clients and you've give me a portion of your earnings. Sounds fair doesn't it?"   
Taemin wasn't sure if that sounded fair or not. He glanced behind him to see Key and Jonghyun shaking their heads.   
"Look honey," The man said, pulling out a business card and handing it to Taemin, "No need to make a decision now. Call me if you want."   
Taemin studied the card intently. It read- Choi Siwon, Scarlet Coast Hotel Owner, and then a phone number.   
"You own a hotel?" Taemin asked.   
"This one here." Siwon replied, pointing to the huge building they were standing up against, "That's why you're trespassing on my property."   
"Oh." Taemin murmured, "Ok then."   
Siwon then did something very unexpected, and pulled out his wallet, handing 100$ to Taemin out of nowhere.   
"What's this for?!" Taemin squeaked.   
"It's charity. Nobody's going to pick you up looking the way you do. Go have a hot bath and something to eat." Siwon stated, putting a hand up to one of Taemin's cheeks and rubbing the rest of the dirt away. "And remember who gave it to you" he added, before turning and swiftly walking away.   
"What a creep!" Key hissed, grabbing Taemin and pulling him away.   
"But look guys!!" Taemin exclaimed, handing Jonghyun the money.   
"HE GAVE YOU A HUNDRED DOLLARS??" Jonghyun yelled, "FOR NOTHING??"   
"Keep your voice down you idiot. He only did it so we'd think he was nice." Key hissed, turning to Taemin, "Now I'm warning you Minnie. Whatever you do, don't be the terrible judge of character we all know you are ok? That guy is clearly a creep."   
"Mmm" Taemin nodded. Except he couldn't stop staring at the money. Siwon had given him 100$ like it meant absolutely nothing. He must have been even more loaded than he looked.   
"Let's get out of here." Jonghyun said, shoving the note in his pocket "We'll go get some food and bring it back to the kids."   
"And some spice!!" Key reminded, "I fucking need it oh my god." 

\--- 

"Where the hell have you been!?!" Jongin yelled, as soon as he saw Taemin's silhouette coming towards the bridge. "I've been worried sick!!"   
Taemin dug his phone out of his coat pocket and noticed he had 11 missed calls, all from Bie.   
"Sorry," Taemin mumbled, "But good news. We have food."   
"AND DRUGS." Key squealed. He was high already.   
Jongin wanted to yell at Taemin, but he was desperately trying this 'less possessive' thing, so he bit his tongue. Also he was hungrier than ever, so being mad could wait.   
"Ohhhhh myyyy goooooddddd," Minho yelled, running strait to Key to get his hands on the spice. Onew was only a second after.   
Given Jongin was not addicted, he found it scary to think that even though they were all starving, spice was still more important apparently.   
After they'd gotten high enough to satisfy their cravings and dug into the food, Jongin turned to Taemin. "I haven’t seen you a lot today? Where have you been?"   
"Don't be a nag."   
Jongin rolled his eyes because oh god not this again. "I'm not being a nag you brat. I'm allowed to ask."   
"Ok sorry." Taemin replied, "I've been out looking for...work...What have you been up to?"   
"Same." Jongin said.   
Taemin giggled because it was funny to imagine Jongin looking for the same kind of work he was.   
"What's so funny?" Jongin asked.   
"No no I was just imagining you renting yourself out." Taemin laughed.   
"HA." Jongin snorted, "I was looking for proper work thank you Minnie. And why is that so funny anyway?"   
"You'd be the worst rent boy ever."   
"Would I? Am I not hot enough?" Jongin asked. A part of him felt like it was sick to be joking about this, but apparently it was happening. Plus he was kind of curious about what Taemin would say.   
"No you're plenty hot enough. It's just you're way too *cough* controlling and you'd be like 'WHAT? YOU'RE ONLY PAYING ME THIS MUCH?','WHAT? I HAVE TO LIE DOWN? YOU LIE DOWN BITCH.'" Taemin laughed, before rethinking and adding- "Actually no. You're also strangely polite during sex so maybe it'd be more like 'YOU LIE DOWN BITCH. PLEASE AND THANK YOU.' It's just funny to think about."   
"Wow you've thought this through." Jongin commented, before adding, "You don't think I could be submissive?"   
"No I don't. You're Mr Bossy Pants and you're uptight as hell. You probably couldn't unclench enough for him to get it in there anyway." Came the very elegant reply.   
"OH GOD THE IMAGE STOP IT" Jongin shrieked. "WHY ARE YOU PUTTING THESE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD."   
Taemin continued to laugh, "Awww I'm sorry did I just freak you out baby bear?"   
"YES. A LOT." Jongin yelled, "...But I have a punishment idea."   
"Oh do you now." Taemin replied, raising an eyebrow because hello.   
"Yeah not the 'good' kind of punishment. The shitty, cold, freezing your ass off in a river kind."   
"What the fuck are you talking about?"   
"We need to wash doofus." Jongin replied, "I want to be able to kiss you without holding my breath."   
"Fuck off," Taemin hissed, "Don't say things to me I've said to you. It's not classy."   
"Classy," Jongin scoffed, turning away from Taemin to the others, "Are any of you guys coming?"   
"Coming where?" Minho slurred. He was pretty high already and it was obvious he was going nowhere.   
"To that river/stream thing around the corner. I saw it when I was out today and it's pretty secluded. Me and Minnie are gonna go now and see if we can get clean...er." Jongin replied, grabbing a very pissed looking Taemin's hand.   
"Heck no!!" Key exclaimed, "There's no way in hell I'm bathing down there. I'll just hope a client is nice enough to let me shower at there's."   
"No client is gonna pick you up looking like that." Minho replied tactlessly.   
"Shut up. I'm not going." Key hissed.   
Unsurprisingly, the others decided they'd rather be stinky too, so Jongin and Taemin made there way the stream alone. Jongin had been right, it was pretty secluded as it was practically a ditch, with walls of grass and bushes sheltering it from either side. The bridge they were staying under was right on the edge of town, so it's surroundings were almost rural.   
"Get in" Jongin said, after he'd taken all his clothes off (except boxers). He started dipping a toe in the water but hell, it was freezing, so he took it out straight away.   
Taemin giggled, "You look so funny right now."   
"I want to be clean!!" Jongin snapped, trying again with dipping the toe in. This time he managed to plunge his whole foot in so the water came up to his knees, making goosebumps crawl on every corner of his skin. "Come on don't make me do this alone."   
"No it's funny to watch you like this." Taemin smirked, "You look like a drowned rat."   
"Thank you dear." Jongin replied, "But seriously get in."   
"No."   
"Get in."   
"Nope."   
"Don't make me drag you."   
"Nuh-uh."   
Jongin looked at Taemin with tired eyes. This wasn't exactly fun for him either but it had to be done. He bravely plunged in his second foot so he was now completely in the water. "See? It's not even that cold." he said, shivering.   
"You're lying." Taemin stated, "Your teeth are chattering."   
Splash   
"HEY!!!!" Taemin spluttered, as he spat out the water Jongin had just splattered in his face. "YOU'RE SUCH A CHILD."   
"I know," Jongin laughed, "But you're all wet now so there's no point staying dry is there?"   
"I didn't even bring a fucking change of clothes." Taemin hissed.   
"No but I did," Jongin smirked, gesturing to the bag he'd brought. "I'm more organized than you think right?"   
"What clothes did you bring?" Taemin queeried, "My other jeans are ripped. These are the only ones I have now."   
"I *borrowed* a pair of Key's."   
"He'll kill you for that."   
"I'll tell him it was you."   
Taemin grumbled in response, but Jongin just smiled at him, still shivering. "Come on stop stalling Minnie and just get in the water."   
"Fine." Taemin hissed, taking off his clothes as quick as he could (including his boxers) and running straight into the water. His theory was it was like ripping off a bandaid. The faster you did it, the less painful it would be. He was wrong. "FUCK!! IT'S SO COLD!!"   
"Why did you take your boxers off?!" Jongin shrieked, ignoring Taemin's whining.   
"...because that's how you bath?" Taemin replied, "Why didn't you take off yours?"   
"Because we're OUTSIDE you weirdo. I mean I know we're alone now but what would someone think if they saw two boys casually skinny dipping in a freezing stream?" Jongin yelled.   
"They'd think- there goes two homeless nobodies taking a bath. That's all. People don't pay attention to homeless strangers, they don't care about us." Taemin shrugged, before saying "You're very prudish you know. Besides, I don't have a change of boxers either so I don't wanna get mine all wet."   
"I brought you a change idiot. Do you think I'd bring you jeans and not underwear?"   
"Well I don't know." Taemin shrugged, "Sometimes I don't wear underwear anyway."   
"I know you don't." Jongin laughed, "Now come here."   
Taemin paddled his way towards Jongin warily because he didn't want to be splashed again. The water was so cold, and they shouldn't have been talking so much really. It wasn't practical to dilly dally around in a place like this.   
So Jongin set to work, washing himself and also Taemin when it was clear the blonde was going to do nothing but stand there and shiver. Taemin wouldn't admit it, because this was not exactly fun, but it did feel nice to have Jongin massage his back in the water.   
They got out as quickly as they could, and Jongin pulled a blanket out from the bag to use instead of a towel. Taemin was quite impressed actually, because Jongin had been pretty organized. He'd even brought soap.   
"Do you feel cleaner now?" Jongin asked triumphantly, once they'd both gotten fully dressed.   
"I feel colder."   
"Aw baby," Jongin cooed, "I'm sorry I made us do that but at least it's over now and we smell like stream water instead spice."   
"Did you bring any?" Taemin asked, rummaging through the bag. He was craving already and it had only been a few hours since he'd last had one.   
"No," Jongin replied worridly, "It's not good how much you rely on that stuff."   
"I know...I know..." Taemin murmured, "Let's go back now, I wanna have one."   
"Can't we stay for a while?" Jongin asked, sitting himself down on the grassy sidelines of the stream, "I like it when it's just me and you."   
"Me too," Taemin smiled, "But I'm getting antsy. I really need a drag."   
"5 minutes?"   
"Ok." Taemin shrugged, settling himself down next to Jongin and trying to make his body relax enough to forget about spice for a second.   
Jongin wrapped one of his arms around Taemin to pull him closer, and the blonde rested his head happily on Jongin's shoulder. They hadn't cuddled like this in a while because it was awkward to be lovey-dovey around the others.   
"I've been meaning to talk to you about...stuff." Jongin murmerd. He didn't want to spoil the evening but a lot of things had been on his mind, and they were alone so this was an opportunity.   
"Stuff?"   
"Yeah. I mean like, I'm searching for a job but it's not exactly going well. And even if I get one, I just feel so fucking worried. Like will I ever save up enough for us to be able to pay rent and live off it? And I really, really wanna go back to college...but that takes so much money and..." Jongin blabbered, trailing off at the end when he felt Taemin's whole body tense.   
"Oh god where the fuck did all that come from?" Taemin interrupted, snapping his head up, "I don't wanna think about that stuff right now."   
"We have to though Minnie, we have to get out of this situation." Jongin insisted.   
"...I guess." Taemin mumbled. He'd been stuck living like this for so long, it was hard to imagine a different life.   
"You can't give up hope. Just because life is like this right now doesn't mean it's always gonna be."   
"Mmm." Taemin replied.   
"I mean, if I can't make enough money, then I don't see us getting out of this mess without proper help you know?" Jongin continued, "And don't take this the wrong way, but no shelter or help service is gonna take a drug addicted prostitute."   
"Do you think I don't know that?" Taemin snapped, "I don't wanna be in a shelter anyway!! Not that there'd be any room even if they did take a 'drug addicted prostitute'." He knew that was what he was, but the description wasn't exactly flattering was it. He'd prefer to think of himself as a rent boy who occasionally dabbled in spice.   
"What? Why?" Jongin asked.   
"Because I want to be free!!!! At least I'm free now. That's all I want." Taemin replied.   
"You're not free Taemin. I don't know how many times I have to tell you. This life isn't freedom. Don't you want to dance? You used to have dreams." Jongin reminded, squeezing Taemin's shoulder because he knew this was a very touchy subject.   
"Yeah...in a perfect world." Taemin mumbled, "God I don't know. Too much has happened. I feel broken Jongin. In care, we were never free to do anything. I've been controlled my whole life and I'm sick of it. This is the closest I'm ever going to get to freedom."   
Jongin took a moment to think that through before replying. Taemin rarely ever said something so real and never talked about his time in care, so Jongin didn't want to accidentally say the wrong thing. "It's not baby. It's not. Life could be so much better than this." he said. It wasn't the best answer but at least it was something.   
"Mmm." Was all the reply that came.   
"I need you to try and smoke less of that stuff." Jongin stated. In his mind it related to this conversation because how were they ever going to return to a normal life, if Taemin was completely addicted to all kinds of drugs?   
"What?" Taemin squeaked, "Where did that come from!?"   
"It came from me wanting more for us than this. Do you remember ages ago when you got beaten? And I was being a baby and couldn't cope so I wanted to try some drugs and what did you tell me?" Jongin asked, wondering if Taemin would even have a clue what he was talking about.   
"I told you it wasn't good for you."   
"Yeah. And you didn't want me to get addicted like you because it messes you up right? I mean I know I've had a few spliffs since then. Whatever. But I'm not addicted. You really are though Minnie and it worries the crap out of me."   
"You're such a nag," Taemin sighed, "Drugs make life bearable."   
"Don't I make life bearable?" Jongin asked.   
"No."   
"Wow. Don't sugar coat it." Jongin replied. He couldn't help feeling offended. Taemin was the light of his life, no matter how much they fought or screamed at each other. Jongin could be insecure and sometimes it was painful to think that he loved Taemin more than Taemin loved him.   
"You know I don't mean it like that," Taemin soothed, "I love you. I love you more than anything. But drugs are reliable. People aren't."   
"What? I'll always be here for you!"   
"You might not have a choice. I could wake up one morning and you'd be gone. I'd have no idea where you went or who'd taken you or if I'd ever see you again. You could get beaten and who knows if you'd survive. It's happened before."   
"Oh Minnie" Jongin sighed. He'd never imagined Taemin having these thoughts. The blonde seemed away with the fairies and high a lot of the time so he didn't expect him to have fears like that. "I'm careful. That won't happen. I can look after myself now. You taught how to survive on the streets."   
Taemin smiled sadly. "Drugs will always be there to make me feel better though."   
"Except they don't baby. What once made you feel happy, you now need to take just to feel normal."   
Taemin felt tears start to sting in his eyes because Jongin was right. He'd been getting less and less high recently, and more and more craving just to feel average. "I'll think about what you said ok?"   
"Ok" Jongin replied, kissing the top of Taemin's head before stroking his hair. It was still all wet and it wasn't good to be out in the cold with such damp hair, so they made a move to go back to the bridge.   
As they walked, hand in hand, Jongin chattered away about nonsense knowing Taemin's mind wasn't there anymore. His body was craving the spice, and so the blonde was distracted. At least he'd gotten his point across though. Jongin was determined. He had to find work, he had to find help, and he had to persuade Taemin to take it. As he'd always thought, Taemin was far too lovely for this life. 

\--- 

That night, when everyone else was asleep, Taemin was way too restless to get any shut eye. He'd been thinking a lot about what Jongin had told him. Not about giving up the spice. Heck no. That was never going to happen as far as he was concerned. He needed it more than air. No, what he was worrying about was that shit, Jongin did have a point- Even if he got a job they still might not have enough to pay rent. So he'd just have to make more. That was the only way.   
He reached down to his coat pocket and pulled out the business card, staring at it for a good few minutes. That rich guy Siwon had made an offer hard to resist. He looked so wealthy, and he'd given Taemin 100$ as if it was absolutely nothing to him. His workers hadn't looked that bad either. They were all dressed in clean clothes and none of them had dirt on their faces.   
Maybe he could be more than a rent boy. Maybe he could be a classy 'escort' or whatever rich people called their whores. Maybe this was the road to money that could sustain them permanently. Maybe.   
He rummaged through his other pocket and pulled out his phone. Thank god, he still had 10% charge left. Just enough for one call.   
He took a deep breath, then pressed the number. 

\--- 

 

Deep breath and press your number riiiiiiiiiiight. Did you get it did you get it. …........ lol *tumbleweed* 

Sorry so much dialogue holy cow. I hope it's not too boring ;_; I'm turning this into a script, not a story and it must be annoying :')


	11. Lesson 11: No One Owns Taemin

Jongin was walking on air. He was so happy, he couldn't remember feeling like this. It was hope. He could see a brighter future.   
Today, he'd actually scored a job.   
Sure it was a crappy washing dishes, cleaning toilets in a chain restaurant type job. And it may have paid terribly. Less than the minimum wage, which wasn't even legal, but at least it was money. Money. Honestly he couldn't believe it. Especially as he'd been turned down the first time he'd applied. They said he wasn't qualified. He'd asked them how qualified you had to be to clean toilets. They'd told him more qualified than he was. He'd sworn under his breath. But luckily they hadn't heard, because next thing he knows he's getting a call asking if he's still interesting. And of course he's fucking interested. Apparently the guy who was suppose to get the job pulled out last minute, so walla, Jongin now had work.   
He couldn't wait to tell Taemin. In fact he'd tried to call but his phone was dead (it was really hard to find places to charge it) and Taemin hardly answered anyway. It was one of his most annoying traits, and Jongin yelled at him nonstop for it, but it didn't make any difference.   
So he'd practically ran home to the bridge like an over excited puppy.   
"TAEMINNIE!!" he called, seeing the back of the blonde, sitting down on the ground, his knees folded up to his chin. Nobody else was there which Jongin was very happy about. Just the two of them at last. "HEY DID YOU HEAR ME?" he exclaimed, plonking himself next to the blonde.   
Taemin tipped his head away to the side, as if he was hiding something but said meekly, "Hey Bie."   
"Are you ok?" Jongin asked, a little worried. Taemin was definitely acting strange. Stranger than usual.   
"Yeah, do you wanna tell me something?" Taemin asked. It was obvious Jongin had news. He didn't often come home yelling 'TAEMINNIE' at the top of his lungs.   
"I GOT A FUCKING JOB!!" Jongin squealed, "HOW AWESOME IS THAT??!"   
"That's really great," Taemin smiled, "I'm happy for you."   
"You're happy for me?!?" Jongin repeated, thinking that was probably the weirdest reaction ever. "I thought you'd be a bit more excited than you are?!"   
"Sorry..." Taemin mumbled, "I'm just tired..."   
"...Ok?" Jongin replied. He couldn't help feeling a bit offended, but tried not to let it show. He presumed Taemin had taken something before he got there. It always put him in a funny mood.   
"I'm going to bed." Taemin said out of nowhere.   
"It's really early?" Jongin asked, watching as the blonde got up. He was definitely angling his face weirdly, as if he was hiding something on his left hand side.   
"I know I'm just exhausted. I'm not working or anything tonight I just want to go to sleep." Taemin muttered, walking away as fast as he could and grabbing his sleeping bag, before plonking himself down in it and turning away.   
Ok now Jongin was worried. "Are you ok baby? You're acting really weird."   
"I'M FINE." Taemin snapped.   
"You're obviously not fine," Jongin commented, walking towards the blonde and kneeling down next to him. Taemin buried the left side of his face again suspiciously.   
"What are you hiding?" Jongin asked.   
"Nothing. Fuck off."   
Jongin gripped Taemin's face and turned it towards him, so he could inspect the side that was being so obviously hidden. He knew he shouldn't do it forcefully, but felt like he had no choice.   
"WHAT THE FUCK." Jongin yelled.   
The left side of Taemin's face was covered in bruises, starting from his lip and running all the way along his cheek bone to his eye. They looked fresh, like they'd only happened an hour ago.   
"It's nothing."   
"IT'S NOT FUCKING NOTHING!?!?!??! WHO DID THIS TO YOU!?" Jongin screamed.   
"Oh god Bie shut up...can't you see I'm exhausted? It doesn't matter. Just let me sleep please..." Taemin whined, shaking his head away from Jongin's iron grip.   
"NO" Jongin yelled, "TELL ME WHO DID THIS RIGHT. NOW."   
"…"   
"TAEMIN."   
"What you're gonna go and beat the shit out of them are you? Is that your genius plan Mr Protective?" Taemin asked, rolling his eyes.   
"Just. Tell. Me. Who. Did. It."   
Taemin sighed and sat up, giving up on any attempts to get any sleep. His coat and top rode up a tiny bit as he shifted position, revealing another new bruise which he quickly covered in the hope Jongin wouldn't notice. Except he wasn't fast enough.   
"What was that?!?" Jongin hissed, grabbing Taemin's top and lifting.   
"Stop it" Taemin struggled, "It's nothing. Stop it."   
Jongin didn't stop though, and lifted Taemin's top up to his neck, inspecting all the way down the blonde's chest and tummy. Multiple small reddish marks blemished the smooth skin there, all across his ribs and down to his hip bone.   
"OH MY GOD!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!" Jongin shouted, swiftly turning Taemin around so he could examine his back.   
Taemin continued to struggle but honestly he wasn't putting up much of a fight. He was so tired and the damage had already been done.   
"Oh shit," Taemin sighed in defeat, "Just promise me you won't get mad ok?"   
"I'm already mad!!"   
"Madder then."   
"No. I'm fucking promising nothing. Just tell me."   
Taemin grumbled but he knew Jongin was in one of those moods and he didn't have the strength to fight it. "I'm an idiot ok? It's probably my fault." he muttered.   
"WHAT???" Jongin yelled again, "HOW IS IT YOUR FAULT?"   
"I'm not telling you if you keep shouting at me like a lunatic." Taemin stated, removing Jongin's hands from his back and pulling his top down.   
"Fine. I'm calm see? I'm calm. Just tell me." Jongin hissed. He was talking through gritted teeth and it was clear he was the opposite of calm in every way, but at least he'd managed to stop yelling.   
"Well ok...so um...the other day I met this guy called Siwon. He offered me...work."   
"What kind of work?" Jongin snapped, annoyed he was only hearing about this now.   
"...the kind of work you don't like." Taemin mumbled.   
"He was a pimp???" Jongin gasped, the penny dropping.   
Taemin nodded.   
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE BEING HARASSED BY SOME PIMP??" Jongin yelled.   
Taemin rolled his eyes again, "Oh I don't know. Maybe because you act like a huge drama queen when anything like this happens."   
"So did he do this???" Jongin asked, ignoring Taemin's dig.   
"...not as such..."   
The blank look on Jongin's face said it all, so Taemin carried on.   
"Look ok. So I was tempted by his offer so I rang him up last night and one of his employees told me to come down to that big hotel in the center to check me out or whatever. So this morning I went down there and..."   
"YOU WENT TO A HOTEL? WHAT?????" Jongin yelled. This was unbelievable. How could Taemin put himself in danger like this? He was even more stupid than he looked.   
"Stop fucking yelling at me. I'm telling you what happened ok?" Taemin hissed.   
Jongin decided to shut up and try and calm down again because it was rare for Taemin to be open to talking about this stuff. He didn't want to throw a hissy fit when there was a chance Taemin was actually going to talk about something real.   
"Good boy," Taemin patronized, before continuing, "So long story short, I went to the hotel and was told to go up to the penthouse where I'd find someone to talk me through the deal. But when I got there it was basically an interview."   
"An interview?"   
"I know right. An 'escort' interview. Like what the fuck. What is there to say?- 'Why is it your dream job?' 'Oh well ever since I was little I've always dreamt of blowing random guys off everyday. It's just so fulfilling you know'." Taemin hissed, his voice dripping with sarcasm.   
"Then what happened?" Jongin urged. He didn't want Taemin to get carried away with useless details.   
"So I talked to this weird man about my...situation...and he said they could pay me well and get me all cleaned up, and in return they'd get 60% of my earnings."   
"MORE THAN HALF?" Jongin yelled.   
"Yeah. But anyway, it was a tempting offer even so, so I said sure, I'm in, whatever. And then!! The guy said 'great your first client is waiting downstairs in room 25'."   
"WHAT???"   
"I know! I was shocked too. Like what the hell. I mean that's waaay too quick right? And it was like the middle of the afternoon, not even the evening. So I was thinking shit this is weird, rich people must like to get off early. But what I didn't know, was that it wasn't a real client."   
"Eh?"   
"I know right!" Taemin said for the millionth time, "It was just some random guy testing to see how well of a job I did. It was part of the interview except I wasn't told it was fake. So I got in the hotel room, you know ready to do my thing, only to find shit loads of creepy ass stuff on the bed."   
"What kind of creepy ass stuff??" Jongin asked, confused. He genuinely didn't know.   
"God don't make me spell it out for you. You can imagine right? Chains, whips, gags, all that shit some people find a turn on."   
"Holy crap."   
"Yeah. And I mean I've done stuff with s&m before obviously but this was like a whole other level. Like the bed was literally covered in scary things and I was shiiiiiittting myself. So when the guy comes in I'm like, 'this isn't all for us right?' and he's all 'why does that bother you?' and I'm like 'yes it fucking bothers me!! I'm a human not a pet' and he fucking hits me!!" Taemin squealed, pointed at his eye,   
"Oh god," Jongin gasped. He didn't know much of this graphic explanation he could take. He'd asked for it but this was too much.   
"So then I'm like fuck ok. Better just get this over and done with right, so I start going to blow him off or whatever because that's what usually happens first...but then he's all insulted that I didn't ask permission and tries to tie me up?!? So I'm struggling and biting and whatever and I tell him I'm out and I don't wanna do this anymore. Then he beats me up a bit and tells me I 100% haven't got the job, chucks me out and tells me I'm just a street whore who'll never be anything else." Taemin hissed, before adding, "I don't wanna be a fucking 'escort' anyway."   
Jongin couldn't believe all that had happened today and he didn't even know. Taemin was so secretive and it scared the shit out of him. He still felt like the blonde was in his own little world, separate from anyone else- even him. "They could have killed you idiot!! How could you not tell me you were doing that??"   
Taemin just shrugged in response.   
"I don't want you doing this anymore." Jongin stated.   
"What?"   
"I'm telling you. You're not doing this anymore. I have a job now." Jongin replied. This was it, the last straw. That was the last horror story he could hear. He couldn't love a prostitute anymore. He couldn't watch as the person he cared for the most allowed themselves to be abused like this, without thinking of any consequences at all.   
Taemin gritted his teeth because he hated being told what to do. "No offense baby but you have a job doing what? Cleaning toilets and washing dishes? I mean well done and whatever but it's not gonna make us a lot is it? We're still gonna be living in this dump."   
"It'll buy us food, clothes, and a bath." Jongin stated.   
"And what will be left for my drugs?"   
"For fucks sake we've been over this." Jongin hissed, "You need to start cutting back on that stuff."   
"…"   
"I'm not fucking around with this. I'm serious. Honestly I'm surprised one of you hasn't died yet given how much you take. People overdose fatally everyday." Jongin snapped.   
It was brutal but true, and Taemin knew it so said nothing. Key had almost died once, so had Onew.   
"Look Taemin. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. You're not going to rent yourself out and you're going to stop taking that shit." Jongin stated.   
"What??" Taemin snapped. He was starting to feel his blood boil again. Jongin was doing everything he hated most in the world; being told what to do like he was a child, being controlled and being possessed. "I was honest with you and this is the reward I get?! You trying to tell me what I can and can't do?!"   
"Yes," Jongin replied simply, "You obviously can't look after yourself."   
"Fuck you. I can look after myself just fine. You have some nerve Newbie. I'd been taking care of myself years before I ever knew you, then I taught you how to survive on the streets. ME." Taemin replied, turning his back away from Jongin because he couldn't bare to look at him another second.   
"Oh please," Jongin scoffed, "You did teach me a lot, and I'll be eternally grateful, but you haven’t made it this far on your own. Key and Jonghyun practically treat you like you're their child."   
"It's called friendship idiot."   
"No it's not. Key tells you what to do just as much as I do, but you never call him 'possessive' or 'controlling' or accuse him that he's trying to 'own' you or whatever." Jongin hissed. He was sick of the double standard there was around here.   
"But I don’t have sex with Key." Taemin stated.   
Jongin took a moment to take that in because what the fuck. How random was this kid. "Eh??"   
"I mean, you and me have sex." Taemin repeated, as if that was a good enough explanation.   
"...Yeeeeaahhhh...?"   
"Well our relationship is completely different. I don't like to be controlled by people I sleep with." Taemin explained.   
Oh god. Jongin could see his point, Taemin was probably sick of being told what to do by his clients. No wonder he had a complex about it. Still, in Jongin's eyes this wasn't fair at all. He was only trying to look after Taemin and this was the thanks he got.   
"I'm not like your clients so stop treating me like one. I'm allowed to tell you what to do sometimes if it keeps you safe. That's what couples do." Jongin replied, trying to keep his voice level. He didn't want to lose his cool again and this to end up like that huge fight last time.   
"We’re not a couple." Taemin replied.   
"WHAT?" Jongin yelled. The keeping his voice level idea had only last two seconds. "OF COURSE WE ARE?"   
Taemin turned back to face Jongin, sighing because he hadn't meant to be blunt or cruel. This was how life was and the sooner Jongin excepted that, the better. "No we're not. I told you, we're best friends. But I can't be in a couple. Not with what I do. It's too hard."   
"WHAT???" Jongin yelled again, "We have sex!! All the fucking time! How are we not a couple?!?"   
"Yeah we have sex. But, hello, I also have sex with loads of other guys." Taemin shrugged, before adding, "Don't get me wrong, I want to with you though. It's meaningful with you."   
Jongin felt like he was going to explode. Taemin knew how to press every one of his buttons to make him as mad as possible in seconds. "You're so messed up," he snapped, "We are a couple you idiot. I love you and you love me, we spend hours of the day together, we kiss, have sex, we do everything a couple does. Don't give me that shit."   
"...and you tell me what I can and can't do like I'm a child." Taemin mumbled.   
"OH BOO HOO," Jongin yelled, "You don't fucking listen to me anyway!! I can't believe you went to that hotel today. I literally can't get over how stupid you are."   
"I'm not stupid." Taemin snapped, "I'm trying to take care of us."   
"NO YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE NOT THINKING AT ALL. USE YOUR BRAIN." Jongin shouted, then thought about it and added, "OR MAYBE YOU CAN'T BECAUSE IT'S GOT ALL SMOOSHED UP ON THE SPICE."   
"OH HERE WE GO. TELLING ME WHAT TO DO AGAIN. 'STOP WHORING TAEMIN', 'GIVE UP THE SPICE TAEMIN', 'SAY WE'RE A PROPERLY TOGETHER TAEMIN' BLAH BLAH BLAH." Taemin yelled back. He couldn't stay calm anymore.   
"Stop making me out like I'm a monster or something. You're just a stupid child who doesn't think anything through. And I'm not doing this shit anymore. I can't love you if I don't know if you're alive one minute to the next. It's killing me." Jongin replied honestly.   
"Are you giving me an ultimatum?" Taemin hissed. If there was one thing he hated more than being controlled, it was this.   
Actually that hadn't been Jongin's intention at all. He'd never leave, even if he thought he should. And he'd never make Taemin choose between drugs or him. But maybe it was the only way to convince Taemin to quit this destructive life. "Yes." Jongin stated simply.   
It was the wrong thing to say.   
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Taemin screamed in pure frustration, getting up and pushing passed Jongin with so much force he toppled over.   
"For fucks sake where the hell are you going?!?" Jongin called, scrabbling up to grab the blonde, who was now digging in the drug bag.   
To Jongin's horror, he watched as Taemin pulled out a needle and smirked knowingly as if he was well aware that what he was doing would drive Jongin crazy.   
He was right.   
"PUT THAT FUCKING DOWN." Jongin screamed, going to grab Taemin but he was too slow.   
Taemin cackled hysterically and ran away into the open grassy area surrounding the bridge.   
Jongin wasn't only mad at this point- he was also terrified. Taemin rarely stuck needles in his arms and it was really dangerous. He'd seen Minho and Onew do it before and collapse only moments later.   
"Put it down! I'm not kidding. You're only doing this because I told you not to." Jongin stated, slowly walking towards Taemin who was backing away, still smirking.   
"Damn right I am," Taemin replied, "I can do whatever the fuck I want and you can't do a thing to stop me."   
"You're a spiteful asshole." Jongin hissed, "Put it down or..."   
"OR WHAT? YOU'LL MAKE ME?" Taemin laughed, "LIKE YOU MADE ME STAY THAT TIME?"   
Jongin knew this was a control game, but he couldn't help himself. He charged forward and grabbed Taemin's arm, desperately trying to get the needle and chuck it away.   
Even though Jongin clearly had the upper hand strength wise, Taemin was not pathetic. He was fast and agile, and he squirmed his way out of Jongin's grasp easily and ran away a few paces again, laughing all the while. He was actually very hurt by what had happened, but a sick part of him was enjoying proving his point. Nobody could tell him what he could or couldn't do. He didn't belong to anyone.   
"DROP IT." Jongin yelled, chasing Taemin again. Except he was too slow, and the needle was already in the blonde's arm.   
Taemin yelped because fuck, he'd forgotten how much it hurt. At least it was over now and he'd won, so he discarded the needle on the floor and turned back to gloat.   
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Jongin shouted, "YOU'D REALLY HURT YOURSELF THIS MUCH JUST TO SPITE ME?"   
"Yup," Taemin replied, "See ya."   
With that, he started walking away triumphantly, feeling very pleased with himself that he'd taught Jongin a lesson. He'd won the fight, and that was pretty rare actually.   
Except it wasn't over yet apparently, because on seeing Taemin turn to leave, Jongin started to panic. Having just injected himself, whatever the drug was would soon kick in. And then what could happen? Could he find Taemin dead in a ditch the next morning?   
"Hey! You're not going anywhere!" Jongin hissed through gritted teeth, as he ran to Taemin and grabbed both of the blonde's arms to pull him back.   
Taemin struggled and screamed bloody murder again, but Jongin was wise to his tricks now. He wasn't going to let Taemin squirm his way out again. So he started to drag them both back to the bridge, until the biting started again.   
Of course.   
"What the hell!?!?" came another voice.   
Minho, Key and Jonghyun had just returned, utterly shocked to see Taemin and Jongin tearing into each other, yelling, screaming, hair pulling, biting...not the type of behavior you expect from 'lovers'.   
Minho ran to pull Jongin away, while Jonghyun restrained Taemin. Key just stood there and laughed, because honestly he found this hilarious. There hadn't been good gossip like this in ages.   
"You fight like girls." Key sniggered, watching as Jongin tried to calm down but Taemin still kept struggling.   
"SHUT UP" Taemin screamed, "HE STARTED IT."   
"Did you actually just say that?" Key tutted, "Oh my. Children, children, children, don't make me put you in time out."   
"FUCK OFF."   
"What the hell happened here?" Minho asked, releasing Jongin who'd managed to calm himself enough to be let go of.   
"HE STARTED IT. HE WANTS TO FUCKING OWN ME. SON OF A BITCH." Taemin screamed.   
Jongin just stood there, dumbfounded. It was like Taemin was just getting angrier, not like he was calming down at all. It was probably the drug kicking in.   
Amazingly, the little shit managed to squirm his way out of Jonghyun's grip as well but luckily he didn't start attacking again. He looked worryingly weird though, his eyes unfocusing horribly and his breathing shallow.   
Jongin was just about to apologize (even though he didn't believe he was the wrong one here, just so Taemin would stay and not do anything stupid) before the blonde did something very unexpected. He walked up to Jongin, smirking, before pushing him aside and grabbing the back of Minho's neck, pulling him down for a long, agonizing kiss, before looking back pointedly just to prove another point- we're not a couple.   
Minho just stood there wide eyed but what was he suppose to do. He didn't want to get in the middle of this craziness and he'd been taken completely off guard.   
Jongin felt like his heart had just been trampled on again. Anger was overtaking him and he just wanted to scream again, except he didn't get a chance to before Taemin was running away as fast as lightning. Jongin was about to chase after him, when his arms were held back by both Jonghyun and Minho. One of them (Jongin was too enraged to know who) said- "Just let him go, he needs to cool down."   
"WE CAN'T LET HIM GO!" Jongin screamed, "He stuck a needle in his arm 2 seconds ago!!!"   
"It's ok Jesus," Key sighed, "You're a bunch of fucking drama queens. Jong'll go after him."   
"Will I?" Jonghyun asked indignantly.   
"Yeah. I would but I'm fucking exhausted. Be a good puppy will you?" Key replied.   
Jonghyun grumbled back at his lover but went tearing after Taemin anyway.   
Jongin just watched, helplessly. But maybe it was a good thing he wasn't the one going after the blonde. Not after what had just happened. He was probably the last person Taemin wanted to see. 

\--- 

Taemin hardly felt like he was running at all. It was as if he was just gliding along, like his feet weren't even touching the ground. It felt fucking amazing actually- freeing. Drugs had that affect sometimes, when they weren't making you feel sick to your stomach or like you were going to die that was.   
He knew where he was going, he wasn't just running around aimlessly. No, he was teaching Jongin his most valuable lesson so far: No one owns Taemin.   
He ran into the center of town as fast as he could, aware that one of his friends was probably following but he soon shook them off. Taemin was fast and he could dodge a crowd. It wasn't like he didn't have any experience in being followed. He was stalked by clients all the time.   
It was starting to rain- just drizzles but it still wasn't nice. When he was a kid, Taemin loved the rain. The smell of freshness and the feel of drip drops on your skin. But now it only equaled being wet and cold. He had to get inside as quickly as possible.   
It didn't take long for him to reach his destination- the hotel. As soon as he did, he matched up to the front desk confidently, as the woman behind the desk raised an eyebrow.   
"I can do it now." Taemin mumbled. Shit his voice sounded weird, even to him, "I'm ready to do whatever crazy ass shit they want. Imma stop being a baby now. This is what I want."   
For a horrible second it was like the girl had no idea what was happening. This hotel was being used for two purposes after all; a real hotel, and a not so legal 'brothel'.   
She quickly composed herself though, and cleared her throat whispering a "keep your voice down and follow me."   
So Taemin did. He followed her right out of the grand foyer, into the lift and up to the 3rd floor, where she lead him to room 25 again, banged on the door, then left.   
Taemin stood awkwardly for a second, bruised, stoned and dripping water on the plush carpet.   
He jumped out of his skin when the door opened, to see the same 'interviewer' that'd chucked him out that day.   
"You again??" The man snapped, "I thought I told you there's no way in hell you got the job, street whore."   
"I'm here to try again. I'll do whatever you want." Taemin insisted. This was good pay back for Jongin. He'd hate Taemin doing this, almost as much as Taemin hated it himself.   
The man laughed dryly. "Well I suppose I have some free time," he sniggered, "I guess I could give you another chance. Don't expect me to go easy on you though, newbie."   
Taemin cringed at the use of Jongin's pet name. And also I mean for fucks sake, he'd been a rent boy for 3 years, he was hardly a newbie at sex.   
Except he was extremely inexperienced in the type this guy wanted. He knew it was probably suppose to be bad, seeing as the interviewer wanted to see how much you could cope with if a client sprung something. As he'd been told before up in that penthouse- "we only employ the best".   
Taemin wasn't the best and he knew it. But he could play dead and let this creep do whatever he wanted. He didn't mind being a ragdoll for a few hours. 

\---

Jongin let himself slump down on the grass, not caring he was getting soaked through from the rain. He was probably due another shower anyway so it'd do him good.   
Minho and Key had thankfully left him alone. They both looked really tired and said they just wanted to go to sleep, so they'd tucked themselves up under the bridge and everything was relatively peaceful.   
Everything except Jongin's mind. He was furious, outraged, worried and hurt. He couldn't stop replaying what had happened. Taemin was even more messed up than he'd thought. Not that he himself was exactly 'normal'. He knew he had some major issues. Whatever. It was small fry compared to Taemin's craziness.   
And how could Taemin kiss Minho like that in front of him. Asshole.   
"If it makes a difference, I'm on your side," a voice said from behind him.   
Apparently he hadn't been left alone long.   
Jongin snapped his head around to see Key standing above him, smoking a very damp looking cigarette.   
"Don't look so shocked," Key smirked, "I've always liked you, Newbie."   
Jongin could sense the sarcasm so he scoffed and looked away. He wasn't in the mood for Kim Kibum right now.   
Except Key didn't take the hint, and settled himself down next to Jongin on the ground. The rain was starting to fall a little heavier making the grass squelch beneath them.   
"Don't get me wrong," Key continued, ignoring the fact he was being ignored, "I love that kid, but he's always been like this. He's fucking crazy."   
Jongin thought Key was one to talk, but said nothing. This had never happened before. Key had never sat down to talk with Jongin. In fact Key hardly spoke to Jongin directly at all. Sure, they lived with each other now so it wasn't like they never talked, but it was no secret that Key still didn't trust Jongin. Key hardly trusted his own shadow though, so Jongin was no longer offended. Especially as he hadn't had a knife up held up to his throat in a while, that helped.   
But it wasn't like they were best buddies. Key pretty much lived a separate life and Jongin had no idea what it was like. Although most of the time, Jongin didn't even know what Taemin's life was like, so what could be expected.   
"Why are you being nice to me?" Jongin asked. He felt like the biggest idiot as soon as he'd said it. He was so awkward sometimes.   
Key laughed, "I'm not a monster, my god. You're sitting out here moping in the rain so I thought I'd come over. I can't sleep anyway. I'll try again when Jong comes back with Taemin."   
"But why do you agree with me?" Jongin asked.   
"Because I know what it's like to argue with Taemin. He's so fucking bratty and spiteful. He doesn't think things through and he'll trust anyone, which makes 'looking after' him hard work. He's a nightmare sometimes." Key replied, adding, "I love him though."   
"Me too," Jongin mumbled, "...You don't think I'm possessive do you?"   
Key laughed again, "You're asking me? How the fuck would I know. I don't know anything about you. But Taemin sure as hell thinks you are. Although Tae can't judge character so who knows?"   
"Shouldn't they be back now?" Jongin asked, "How long have they been gone?"   
"I dunno, 20 minutesish? I'll call Jonghyun."   
Jongin nodded. He was feeling far more worried than he was mad by now. Taemin had injected himself with something, and what if he'd overdosed? What if Jonghyun couldn't find him? What if he'd collapsed? What if some creep got hold of him? A lot could happen in 20 minutes.   
Key wasn't getting a reply from Jonghyun which was starting to make him worry that Taemin had gone and done something reckless as well.   
"Can't get hold of him, stupid idiot probably doesn't have an charge." Key hissed, "I'll try Taemin."   
No reply there either. But that was to be expected.   
Feeling really anxious now, Jongin, Key and Minho decided to go search for Taemin themselves, splitting up to cover more ground. Key went looking by the clubs they usually went to rent themselves out, Minho went searching in the rough side of town, and Jongin went into the center.   
It was hell. Even though it was night, it was still strangely busy and loud. No wonder Taemin had been able to slip out of Jonghyun's sight so easily. That didn't stop Jongin from feeling annoyed that he'd managed to lose the blonde so quickly though. Mainly he was just angry at himself though. He should've gone after Taemin. That idiot really can't look after himself.   
Jongin ran up and down streets aimlessly, yelling for Taemin but not expecting a reply. His mind was whirling, thinking terrible worst case scenario thoughts. As he'd said before, people died from drug overdoses everyday. And Taemin's little group of friends had been playing with death for far too long now. One of them was going to have to pay the price sooner or later...right?   
Jongin pushed the terrifying thoughts out and kept searching. Key called him and there was a moment of hope but it was just a 'have you found him yet?' call. And of course he hadn't. So he carried on looking, panicking, and was just about to call the police (which Taemin would kill him for, but it wasn't like he had a choice was it) when his phone rang again, this time from an unknown number.   
"Hello??"   
"Mm."   
"Taemin???"   
"Ye-"   
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?"   
"I..."   
Taemin trailed off. He sounded really weird. And not just high weird, sad weird. Like that time he'd called Jongin from an alley after that awful beating. This was an all too familiar feeling.   
"WHERE ARE YOU?" Jongin yelled. He needed to calm down but he'd never felt so scared.   
"I'm at the...hotel..." Taemin mumbled.   
"THE HOTEL??????" Jongin screeched, although he'd heard pefectly.   
"Mm."   
"WHY?? ARE YOU HURT??"   
"...no."   
"Fucking hell" Jongin hissed, "What part are you in? And why the fuck did you go back there? I thought they kicked you out today?"   
"I'm in room 25. I'm alone." Taemin murmured, "Just come get me."   
And then the line went dead.   
Jongin innerly cursed about 100 swear words that are two foul to repeat.   
At least Taemin wasn't dead.   
So he ran to the hotel as fast as he could, calling Key on the way that he'd found Taemin. When he got there, it took everything he had to not just barge in like a lunatic, screaming that this was a whore house, not a hotel and it was sick and wrong and should be shut down and he hated everything and wanted to kill everyone and that the love of his life was probably upstairs and broken and none of this was fair...But no. That would've gotten him nowhere. So he tiptoed inside and crouched low to the ground as he snuck passed the counter to the back of the foyer, before legging it up the stairs. For an expensive hotel, it didn't exactly have amazing security. Or maybe Jongin was just really good at this.   
When he reached floor 3, room 25, he hurled himself at the door with a loud crunch. Luckily it swung open immediately revealing-   
What the fuck.   
What he saw hurt his eyes.   
Taemin was lying on the bed, stark naked with his legs spread apart and tied to the footboard. He was staring up at the ceiling blankly, not daring to look at Jongin even though he was well aware of the other's presence. The suite's phone was still being cradled in his left hand, the cord strung out from the bedside table, while his right hand was clasped to the headboard.   
If Jongin thought seeing Taemin having sex in the bathroom was disturbing, then this was a whole other level. He even had some weird thing around his neck. Jongin didn't know what it was, but it looked freaky, painful and degrading.   
"That's the last time you're doing this." Jongin stated, walking towards the blonde to start untying him.   
Taemin was silent for a few moments, before whispering, "I know." A few sobs escaped straight after, because even though he thought he had no shame, this was mortifying. He was completely humiliated. After all, he'd done this. He'd wanted to teach Jongin a lesson, to prove he was free to do whatever he wanted. But in the end, he was only hurting himself.   
He didn't want to work here. The 'interviewer', if you can call him that, said he'd done so well the second time round, he'd got the job. Except he hadn't done well- he just hadn't stopped the guy from doing whatever he liked. He'd let himself be used as an object, not a person.   
This wasn't what Taemin wanted. This wasn't the life he wanted to live anymore. He just longed to be free. Why couldn't anyone understand that?   
But lying here clasped to the bed, it was obvious Jongin had a point. This wasn't freedom.   
Taemin hadn’t even noticed that he'd been untied. Jongin had even taken whatever it was around his neck off, and closed his legs up but he was still unaware. He was so deep in thought, that the only thing that brought him out of his mind was hearing that Jongin was crying too.   
Taemin reached up a hand to wipe away a stray tear, just as Jongin was going to come down for a hug.   
"No no no don't..." Taemin gasped, "I'm covered in...I'm not clean."   
Jongin did anyway. He was no longer mad. Well, a bit mad. But mostly just relieved Taemin hadn't overdosed and desperatly sad he'd found him in this state. Anger could wait.   
"Is that a bathroom?" Jongin asked, gesturing to what looked like a door leading to an onsuite.   
"Yeah" Taemin nodded, "...but I don't know if the guy's coming back or not? He left me suddenly and I don't...I don't know if he was planning on coming back to untie me or not?"   
"If he comes back I'll kill him," Jongin snapped, "I'm not scared of some hotel pervert."   
"Well you should be..." Taemin mumbled.   
Jongin ignored him and started to help Taemin up off the bed and towards the bathroom. There was no way in hell they could go without getting cleaned up. Taemin was a state of bruises and rope burn and other things.   
Luckily there was a really nice, big tub and even some bubble bath. Jongin knew they should be quick because rationally it would be very foolish to get caught, but he'd meant what he said. He wasn't afraid of that guy if he came back. A sick part of him even wanted him to so he could strangle him with his bare hands, but he pushed the thought out.   
So he tipped all the bubble bath in. Literally all of it, and ran the water till it was warm, whilst Taemin watched solumly, still naked, sitting on the toilet.   
Once the bath had filled up enough, Jongin helped Taemin in, which was harder than it sounds as Taemin was very shaky. Jongin wasn't sure if it was the bruises, the sex or the drug. Either way, he couldn't walk well, so Jongin had to practically lift him to get him in the water.   
They both washed Taemin off in silence. Jongin did his back and Taemin did his front. It was comforting and horrible at the same time. Mostly horrible though. Nobody wants to see the person they love looking like this.   
Just as Jongin was about to lift Taemin out, the blonde picked up some bubbles and wiped them off on Jongin's nose, smiling sadly. It was such a weird thing to do given the situation, but that was Taemin for you. He was messed up and cute in equal measure. One half of him was like an innocent child, the other a twisted crazy person.   
Jongin smiled back. It was a small smile, but it was all he could manage. He knew they would be ok though. This was the last time Taemin was ever doing this. That was the only good thing that had come out of tonight.   
So Jongin supported Taemin's weight and they both dried him off. Taemin couldn't bend well. It was shocking how bad he could move, and Jongin was contemplating suggesting the hospital but bit his tongue because he knew how that would go down.   
Next was clothes, so Jongin ran back into the bedroom to get them and dressed Taemin as quickly as possible. He then rummaged around in the mini fridge and stuffed as much food as he could inside his coat pockets, before hoisting Taemin up by his waist and half walking/half carrying him out of that room.   
At least they knew there wasn't a chance in hell Taemin would ever return.   
They had to creep down the stairs because they couldn't risk being spotted with no means to escape if they used to elevator. Once back in the foyer, Jongin put Taemin's hood up and strode them both out of there like he owned the place. That was a trick Key had taught him (probably the only useful thing Key'd ever said actually)- if you act like you belong, people will assume you do.   
As they walked home painfully slowly, Jongin couldn't help but wonder why Key hadn't come to see if Taemin was ok. He'd've thought after phoning him that Taemin was at the hotel, Key would've come immediately. But there was no sign. Nor of Minho, nor Jonghyun. And where the fuck had Onew been through all of this?   
Jongin didn't say anything because he didn't want to worry an already crushed looking Taemin. They just needed to get to the bridge as fast as possible, that was all that mattered.   
After a good 20 minutes of walking, they'd almost arrived. It was still raining and they were both drenched. Jongin was actually strangely looking forward to being in his uncomfy sleeping bag, Taemin lying safe next to him. All he wanted to do was sleep.   
Except as they were approaching the grassy area around their little bridge, Jongin heard horrible crys and muffled whines. He strained his eyes to see Key and Jonghyun standing outside in the rain, hugging each other in fits of sobs. Minho was standing right behind them as white as a ghost.   
Jongin picked Taemin up fully so he could run quicker towards them, completely panicked about what had happened to make them look like this. Were they just worried about Taemin? But hadn't Jongin called to say he'd found him...?   
"He's here!!" Jongin yelled, utterly confused.   
Key clawed himself out of Jonghyun's grasp and ran towards Jongin, tearing Taemin away to hug the blonde.   
"I'm fine? It's ok!" Taemin squeaked. He was being hugged so tightly it was hard to breath. Not that he wasn't flattered that they'd been so worried about him they'd started sobbing insanely, but he back now, so there was no need for this hysteria.   
"No...no..." Key hiccuped.   
Jonghyun crashed into Taemin not a moment later, so now the blonde was in a Jongkey sandwich.   
"I'm ok? I'm sorry I won't do that again..." Taemin gasped.   
"It's not...it's not you..." Key managed to say, before breaking down into tears again.   
It was clear neither Jonghyun or Key could speak properly, so Jongin turned to Minho, who was still standing completely rigid like a statue. "What the hell is going on?"   
Minho opened his mouth to try and talk but no words came out. His eyes were glazed over, as if he couldn't even see.   
After a few agonizing seconds, he managed to push out the words-   
"Onew's dead."   
\--- 

I'M SORRY 

I'M SORRY OK???   
;_;   
Don't hate me for doing this. 

I actually knew Onew was going to die from the beginning, hence why I only introduced him later on because I didn't want anyone to get attached to him. I'm the biggest hypocrite because I hate it when characters die … but Taemin and co really needed a wake up call and it had to be something really big. i'm still sorry though!!!


	12. Lesson 12: Student Becomes The Teacher

It had been a week since Onew's death and everyone was still in total shock. In some sick way, they should have been used to it. Death was everywhere in street life. They'd all known a person who'd died on the streets, but not such a close friend like Onew, not family. Nobody ever get's used to death anyway.   
Jongin couldn't get his head around it. What was getting to him the most was how it'd happened. Onew hadn't been beaten or stabbed. That scary crowd he was running from hadn't found him. He wasn't robbed or shot.   
He'd taken a tiny white pill. That's it.   
A pill he'd taken a hundred times, but it only took one time too many and it was all over.   
Jongin had only been yelling at Taemin the very day Onew died about the dangers of drug use, and yet still, he couldn't believe that one tiny little pill had cost a friend's life.   
It was a selfish thing to think and he knew it, but he couldn't help feeling terrified about the fact that it could have been Taemin. Onew was just unlucky. Sometimes drugs had 'good' effect's, sometimes bad, sometimes fatal, and there was no way of knowing. Taemin had injected himself with something that very day and he hadn't even collapsed. Onew had taken a pill and he'd died. There was no rationality to it. Sometimes it happened and sometimes it didn't. The only way to be safe was to not take anything at all.   
The grieving process, living on the streets, wasn't exactly 'normal'. Life had to carry on and if it didn't, you didn't eat. There was no option to deal with emotions properly. Not that it was healthy, but they just had to ignore them and carry on.   
In some ways it was like everything had changed, but in other ways things were freakishly normal. Key and Jonghyun still went out every night renting. Minho still did whatever the hell it was he did. This wasn't what Onew would have wanted.   
There were only two good things. One- Taemin had stopped renting himself out. In fact he'd stopped going anywhere. He curled himself up most days under the bridge, wallowing in sadness. Jongin hadn't talked to Taemin about that huge row they'd had. It didn't seem right. Onew's death overshadowed every other thing, so whatever issues they had could wait. It did leave Jongin the lurch though. He was still angry, hurt, confused. He had no idea if they were together, no idea what Taemin wanted from him, no idea about anything. They still acted like a couple. They cried on each others shoulders, they kept each other warm at night, they kissed. Nothing was concrete though. Nothing was spoken about.   
And the second good thing was that almost everyone was trying to cut down on the drugs. Astonishingly, Taemin had been first to suggest it and for the first few days at least, he seemed oddly motivated. He knew deep down Jongin had been right, and what had happened to Onew had only proved the point even more. Key and Jonghyun were also trying...but it wasn't going so well.   
Cutting an addiction was so much harder than Jongin would have ever expected. He'd've thought that after Onew died, they'd have all gone cold turkey. But even though they were trying, that hasn't happened at all. Despite Taemin being determined, he still couldn't last a morning without taking something. Key and Jonghyun lasted even less.   
Minho wasn't trying at all. He just wanted to forget about the pain of losing a friend. He'd long since given up that he'd ever be able to quit. Losing Onew to an overdose was terrifying, but when you're that dependant on something...it's still not enough to make you quit.   
So Jongin was finding it very hard to cope. The responsibility felt huge, and it was crushing him. He was trying his best to look after Taemin, who most of the time was a sweating, shivering mess as his body was craving so much, but it was becoming too much to deal with.   
Plus Jongin was also pissed as hell that Taemin had been right about his crappy job. It wasn't making them much at all. They had food now, yay, but he had no idea how long it was going to take to save enough to rent, and then how the fuck was he going to be able to consistently pay it month after month? Maybe it could work if they all got jobs, but Jonghyun and Key had been out looking for other work and they'd been turned down everytime. They looked awful, had no permanent residence, had no ID, no mode of transport to get them to and from work...it wasn't like they were any employers first choice.   
On the first night of the second week, Jongin couldn't sleep. It wasn't unusual. For the past few nights, at least somebody was keeping everyone up crying, or Taemin was shaking so much trying not to take anything, or Minho was snoring. Things hadn't exactly been peaceful. But tonight even though everything was quiet, he still couldn't sleep. He rolled over, expecting to find Taemin sleeping beside him, only to find an empty sleeping bag. He placed his hand down on it, hoping to feel warmth that would indicate Taemin had just been there, but it was stone cold.   
Jongin told himself that Taemin had probably just gone out to pee or something, but got up anyway because he was paranoid now. Everything made him anxious. He crept out from under the bridge and squinted in the dark, searching for the blonde with absolutely no luck. That was until, he glanced across to the road and saw two figures in the darkness. Thankfully they hadn't seemed to notice him so he ducked down and hid, hoping to eavesdrop.   
"Fuck Minho just give me some!!!!! I'll do anything. Anything." Came the distinctive whiney voice Taemin always used when he wanted something.   
Minho sighed, shaking his head, "What would Newbie say if he knew you were asking me this?"   
"I don't fucking care what Newbie thinks." Taemin hissed.   
"Well you should. You're treating him like shit you know." Minho replied.   
Taemin made a very annoyed grumbling noise and for a second Jongin wondered if he was going to hit Minho, but no fist came.   
"Look. You're just pissed because you're in withdrawal. Go sleep it off and you'll feel better in the morning." Minho stated.   
"NO I WON'T!!! I'LL WAKE UP A SHIVERING GROSS MESS. I feel like I'm going to die!!! Just give me some, for fucks sake, pleeeeaaaaassse!!!!" Taemin screeched.   
"No."   
"BUT YOU'RE TAKING THEM!?!?!?! HOW IS THIS FAIR!?!!?" Taemin screamed, lurching to try and get into Minho's pockets but he wasn't quick enough.   
"Because I've given up trying. I don't care what happens to me anymore. I really don't. But you haven't, I don't want you to end up like me. I don't want you to end up like...Onew." Minho sighed.   
It was really painful to hear Onew's name. Even Jongin winced, and he couldn't see Taemin's expression properly because of the darkness, but he presumed he did the same.   
"One spliff won't make me end up like Onew." Taemin hissed.   
"How do you know that? I bet he didn't think one pill would kill him. But it did."   
"STOP IT!!" Taemin screeched, "THIS IS SO UNFAIR!! MAYBE I DON'T CARE! MAYBE I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO ME EITHER!!"   
"You do," Minho sighed, backing away as Taemin started rooting around in his pockets again, "And Newbie does. You have someone who really loves you...what would he think if you just gave up after a week?"   
"I can't deal though..." Taemin mumbled. It was obvious he was playing the 'pity' card, which was used as a last resort so Jongin knew he must've been very desperate. Jongin thought about going up to them instead of just eavesdropping, but curiosity was overtaking him. He wanted to see what Taemin would choose without Jongin yelling at him.   
Minho wasn't falling for Taemin's pity card, and just stood there in silence.   
"...Fine. I'll go back inside." Taemin sighed in defeat. It was obvious he'd lost.   
"Good. And stop being such a wanker ok?" Minho commented.   
"Eh?"   
"I mean to Newbie. Stop it. When you kissed me the other day in front of him...that's really not cool, Minnie. He obviously loves you."   
"I know!!" Taemin snapped, before adding a softer, "I love him too."   
The conversation between the two of them seemed to end so abruptly, Jongin didn't get a chance to race back under the bridge before Taemin was walking straight towards him. He ducked down even further hoping he could hide (let's face it, Taemin wasn't the most observant person in the world so he thought he'd be fine) but apparently not-   
"Bie?" Taemin asked, peering down at Jongin, "Eavesdropping are we dear?"   
"Um...urrr..." Jongin stuttered, "I just needed a pee."   
"Mmm" Taemin replied, "Likely story."   
"Your cravings are really bad tonight?" Jongin asked, getting up and dusting himself off from the ground. He didn't give a shit if Taemin knew he'd been eavesdropping. It wasn't like anything was private around here anyway.   
Taemin didn't answer but instead started to follow Jongin as they made their way back to the bridge. Except when they got there, he didn't go under it as usual, but instead stopped out in the open.   
Jongin stayed with him, wondering why they weren't trying to go back to sleep, but it became obvious once he inspected Taemin's appearance more closely. He was already a sweating, shivering mess. No wonder he was begging Minho so badly.   
Jongin gestured for them both to sit down on the grass, thinking quiet company might be the only thing he could offer for any comfort. Once down on the ground, Taemin positioned himself in a very weird way, in between Jongin's legs, resting his back on Jongin's chest. They'd never 'hugged' like this before but Jongin supposed it was because Taemin didn't want him to see his face. He knew the blonde was embarrassed. He didn't think he needed to be, but he could understand why. *Although Taemin seemed more embarrassed about craving the drugs than he did having sex in a bathroom...but he was weird.*   
"Are you ok?" Jongin asked stupidly. He knew the answer already it's just the silence was deafening.   
"I just..I just don't know if I can do it...I feel like I'm going to die..." Taemin whispered.   
"You can do it. We'll get through it together. This is the way out. You feel like you're going to die now, but this is actually saving your life." Jongin replied. He felt like an idiot again because he was only stating the obvious.   
"I know that. I just..I'm not strong...I'm not strong enough...maybe I should just give up like Minho. Maybe I should just let the drugs kill me like...like...Onew..." Taemin whined.   
"Stop it!!!" Jongin snapped. He hated it when Taemin said things like that. "You don't mean that baby no. You are strong. You're so strong. You're way stronger than me."   
Taemin made a small noise Jongin thought could have been a laugh. "I'm not" he said simply.   
"Yes you are! You've been surviving on the streets for years. You're really strong." Jongin argued.   
"Not mentally."   
"No well...that's ok..." Jongin continued. He was blabbering but that's all he knew how to do. "After all you've been through...after everything that's happened...it's not like you're going to be completely mentally strong...but you're not weak either. Sometimes what doesn’t kill us makes stronger."   
"I hate it when people say that." Taemin stated.   
"Why?"   
"Because it's a load of bullshit. Sometimes what doesn't kill us just wears us down to the ground, making us become a shadow of the person we once were. That's what I am. I'm just a shadow of my former self. I'm broken."   
"No you're not. But even if you were, we're both strong enough to glue you back together." Jongin replied, pretending to be confident. He had no idea what Taemin would say to that, but the reply that came wasn't what he was expecting.   
"Ok."   
"Ok?"   
"Yeah. I'll...I'll keep trying. For us." Taemin nodded.   
Jongin hugged around Taemin's back a little tighter. His body temperature was burning up and yet he was still shivering. It must have felt awful.   
"...you don't think I treat you badly do you?" Taemin asked out of the blue.   
"Sometimes you treat me like shit." Jongin replied.   
"Yeah well sometimes you treat me like shit too," Taemin argued, "But I'm serious. I don't wanna be mean to you."   
Jongin laughed because sometimes he felt like he was talking to a 4 year old. "It's fine. I know our relationship is...complicated."   
"...at least I'm not a rent boy now. That should make things less complicated." Taemin commented.   
"Mmm." Jongin nodded. His head was screaming at him to ask the question that he'd wanted to all week but hadn't because Onew's death seemed far more important. It was too tempting not to ask it though. He couldn't hold it in any longer. "Are we together now...properly?"   
Taemin laughed and turned around to face Jongin. He wiped some sweat off his forehead before leaning in for a short, sweet kiss. "What's with you and this properly together thing?" He asked.   
"Nothing's with me. It's normal to want to be a couple with the person you love...." Jongin sighed.   
"You're right. I'm sorry." Taemin nodded, "Let's be properly together." 

\--- 

The next day Jongin felt like he was stupid to not feel happy. He should have felt like everything might get better; after all Taemin had told him they were properly together, wasn't renting himself out and was trying to cut down on drugs. And on top of that, Jongin had a job. Surely everything was bound to improve soon...right?   
He tried to tell himself all these positive things but as he was coming 'home' from work, he couldn't help feeling like a little black cloud was raining down on his head. It was almost like he didn't want to go back. He didn't want to see the mess Taemin was in, he didn't want to find Key or Jonghyun crying about Onew and he didn't want to see Minho ignoring the world.   
And Jongin was obviously not the only one having these thoughts. As soon as he ducked under the bridge, he could sense the atmosphere was heavy and cold. Everyone was there which was rare because it was late in the evening. Taemin was curled up in the corner and he still looked just as shaky as when Jongin had left him that morning. Jonghyun didn't look much better. Key and Minho seemed ok, but that probably had something to do with the spliff rested in between their fingers.   
"Don't worry." Key said, noticing Jongin's eyes on his hand, "I haven't let Taemin have any. The little shit's been begging all day."   
"I'm not a little shit!!" Taemin squeaked, "I'm trying ok?! I'm trying my best!"   
Jongin nodded and went to sit down next to him, wrapping an arm around him to which Taemin responded by slumping to the side so practically his whole weight was being supported by Jongin.   
"How was your day honey?" Taemin whispered. It was a strangely domestic thing to say and Jongin liked it. He could just picture a future where they had a proper house with curtains and an oven, and he'd come home from work to see Taemin in his dance practice clothes, all rosey from the exercise. Taemin would ask him 'how was your day honey?' and kiss him on the cheek and then they'd talk about how it had actually been a really good day. They would never argue and Jongin wouldn't get called possessive because there was no need to be. They were together and happy and...   
"You've been silent for like, 20 seconds..." Taemin commented, "What are you daydreaming about?"   
"Our future life," Jongin replied, "Me coming home to you in our nice house, which has curtains by the way, and you asking me 'how was your day' and me actually being able to say 'it was good baby how was yours?'"   
"Curtains," Taemin scoffed, "How fancy. And why am I the wife in this situation?"   
"You're not the wife?" Jongin replied.   
"Yes I am. You said you come home to me, like we're in some crappy 1950's movie or something. I bet in your mind I'm in a frilly apron cooking for you or something." Taemin rambled.   
"Wow. Cravings make you even grumpier than normal," Jongin teased, "You're in your practice clothes actually. But a frilly apron's fine too."   
"Practice clothes? What am I practicing?" Taemin asked.   
"Dance."   
"Oh..." Taemin mumbled, but then a smile crept on his lips. It was the first smile Jongin had seen all week. "That sounds nice actually."   
"AHHHHHHH!!!!"   
Suddenly both Jongin and Taemin jumped out of their skin as their cute little domestic conversation ended very abruptly. They snapped their heads away from each other to see Jonghyun screaming bloody murder, wrestling with Key and chucking the spliff that was in his hands down to the ground, stepping on it with a crunch.   
"GOD." Key yelled, "OVER REACTION MUCH?"   
"IT'S NOT AN OVERREACTION!!! I'M TRYING. TAEMIN'S TRYING. YOU SAID YOU WERE TRYING, SO WHY ARE YOU STILL SMOKING THAT SHIT?" Jonghyun screeched.   
"For fucks sake not here." Key hissed, "Not in front of the children."   
"What, you can have sex in front of us but you can't argue?" Taemin interrupted, a smirk forming on his lips.   
Jongin elbowed him in the ribs but actually Taemin did have a point. Some nights he'd heard awfully suspicious noises coming from where Jonghyun and Key slept. He'd chose to believe they were just sleep talking. They weren't.   
"Oh shut up you brat," Key snapped.   
"JUST IGNORE HIM!" Jonghyun yelled, grabbing Key's shoulders to turn him away from Taemin, "JUST FUCKING HEAR ME WHEN I SAY THIS OK? WE CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE."   
"Can't do what?" Key asked, shaking himself away and rolling his eyes. He loved Jonghyun but boy could he be overly emotional sometimes.   
"THIS! LIVE! WITHOUT ONEW!!" Jonghyun screeched.   
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Key hissed, "I mean I miss him like crazy too...but we survived just fine without him those weeks when he ran away. As long as we can scrape together enough money, we can live."   
"NO. That's not what I mean. LOOK AT US. Tae is a fucking MESS all the time trying to cut out the drugs. Me and you are not much better. Minho's given up on everything completely. Newbie...don't even get me started, he's the only 'normal' one here and even he's not coping. I don’t wanna do this anymore!! This isn't living! This is barely surviving! Onew wouldn't want us to wallow in this shit. Onew wouldn't want us to just take more and more drugs till we end up like HIM! DEAD! THAT'S WHERE WE'RE ALL GOING!! WE'LL ALL BE PUSHING DAISIES REALLY FUCKING SOON!" Jonghyun yelled, breaking down at the end when it all got too much.   
"Baby baby...shhh..." Key soothed, shuffling over to Jonghyun who was now having a full blown hissy fit.   
Jongin watched in shock because he couldn't believe those words had just come out of Jonghyun's mouth. He'd thought he was the only one who had thoughts like that and he'd have never expected Jonghyun to be the one to express them.   
"….I've been thinking about something for a while." Jongin butted in, feeling encouraged that he might have support for his thoughts now. Taemin looked up quizzically as everyone's attention transferred to Jongin. "We need other help. We can't do this on our own." he stated.   
Taemin narrowed his eyes and Jongin knew the blonde wouldn't like what he was about to suggest but that didn't matter. It was clear they couldn't get out of this situation themselves.   
"What are you talking about?" Minho asked. It was the first time he's spoken all evening and Jongin was surprised he was even conscious.   
"I'm talking about a shelter...a help service...a hostel...anywhere or anyone that could help us. I'm talking about an actual proper doctor type person who can help you guys quit this shit...I'm talking about looking for help."   
"People won't help us," Key laughed, "God you're naive. It'd be cute if it weren't so goddamn annoying."   
"Sorry baby but Key's right." Taemin interrupted, "Nobody will help us. Nobody's ever helped us. We went to a shelter before...but they wouldn't take us. They're all jam packed and we weren't needy enough apparently."   
"But so much has changed." Jongin argued, "Don't take this the wrong way but you were all a bunch of drug addicted 'whores' back then..."   
"Flattery will get you everywhere," Key laughed again, but stopped as soon as he saw the death stare Jonghyun was giving him.   
"Stop joking around!! Newbie...I mean Jongin...is right. We're not like we were. Everything's changed." Jonghyun cut in, "Or at least, I want everything to change."   
"Thanks," Jongin said. It was weird to hear his real name. Taemin was the only one who used it and even then it was rare. "We can't know for sure people still won't help...we have to keep trying."   
Jonghyun nodded in agreement and looked pointedly at the two sceptics- Key and Taemin. Everybody was ignoring Minho at this point. He was no use anyway.   
"Whatever. You can do whatever you want. Just don't come crying to me when your dreams of unicorns and rainbows fail." Key shrugged.   
"We're not dreaming about unicorns and rainbows! Wanting to live under a roof, not a bridge is really not that much to ask ok?" Jonghyun hissed.   
Jongin found it strangely comforting to watch Jongkey bicker. It was like he was watching himself and Taemin. Maybe they weren't that weird after all.   
"I'm sorry but I agree with Key..." Taemin mumbled, "Nobody's gonna help. We're just letting ourselves in for disappointment if we try. Nobody wants to help people like...us."   
Jongin didn't argue. He knew Taemin had pretty much given up hope that he'd ever have a normal life. Jongin hadn't though, and neither had Jonghyun apparently, which was bizarre and awesomely unexpected all at once. Jongin didn't care what the other's thought. There was only one thing that he was sure about; they needed help. 

\---

The next day was very eventful, but not in a bad way. The previous night Jongin had arranged to sneak out with Jonghyun at the crack of dawn and head to the next town across where they'd heard there was a shelter. Despite it being his idea, Jongin was actually not looking forward to going at all. He felt embarrassed that he had to go out looking for 'charity' but there was nothing else left to do.   
They caught a bus to get there as it was way too far to walk, and if they'd attempted going on foot it would have been closed anyway. They'd heard from a street 'friend' that if you didn't get there early, before 8, they'd shut their doors because it was too full.   
It took them an age to find the place, and Jongin was bricking it because both of their phones were completely dead (as well as having no credit) so neither of them had the time. But by some miracle, they arrived at 7:55.   
The building looked like any other in the neighborhood. It was run down and depressing but it had a roof, and that's all that mattered. Inside, there was a big open plan room filled with tables and chairs where loads of other people sat eating breakfast. There were 2 clear double doors at the back of the room leading to a corridor, presumably where the rooms were. Jongin felt like a failure if he was honest, but then he remembered that there's no shame in asking for help when you've done everything you can do. He just had to swallow his pride. It wasn't like he had a lot to begin with anyway.   
"Hello? I haven't seen you two around here before?"a kind voice said from behind them.   
Both Jongin and Jonghyun turned to see a short blonde woman walking towards them. She wore a old fashioned flowery dress that looked more like an 80 year old should be wearing it, and a big wooly cardigan.   
"Urrr...no...we..." Jongin stuttered.   
"We came from a few towns away for some help." Jonghyun butted in.   
Jongin breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn't doing this on his own.   
"Ah I see. We've been getting a lot of folks lately from other towns. All the other shelters have closed. They're full and they've got no staff and no money. Such a pity isn't it?" The woman blabbered, gesturing for them to all sit down at the only vacant table there was. "I'm Taeyeon," she said, holding out a hand, "I run this place. What are your names?"   
They told her, and she carried on. It was weird how nice she was being, like she didn't judge them for looking the way they did. Jongin hadn't been spoken to like this in a long time. Ever since he'd been on the streets, it was like he was either invisible or hated by everyone. He couldn't understand it. Just because he didn't have a home, didn't make him a second class citizen but that was how he was treated. No wonder Taemin always told him things like 'Nobody will help us', 'Nobody cares about us', blah blah blah. Jongin could easily see why he'd think that after the way people looked at him.   
"Are you looking for some breakfast, or somewhere to sleep? Or are you looking for a semi-permanent room?" Taeyeon asked.   
Jongin was in shock by how straightforward she was being. They told her they were looking for 'help' in any form, and she nodded sympathetically. They went on to say that there were 5 of them and they were trying to cut down on drugs, but it wasn't going well and they had no idea what to do. They didn't mention the fact that 3 of them were either still or former prostitutes, nor that Minho *occasionally* sold drugs, nor that their dead friend had been part of some very illegal operations with a bad crowd.   
Taeyeon listened attentively and she seemed genuinely empathetic. Upon hearing 'there's 5 of us' she took a sharp intake of breath.   
"Oh 5 of you?" She gasped, "I thought it was just the two of you. Damn. I was about to tell you that you'd got incredibly lucky because 2 of our rooms became free today, but we have no room for 5."   
"We don't mind sharing!" Jongin squeaked, far too quickly.   
Taeyeon laughed, "It's not policy, I'm sorry. One room per person. Anyway, when you see the size of them you'll be glad."   
Jongin asked if they could just 'bend the rules', but obviously the answer was no. There were 2 rooms for 2 people, and that was it. The good news was that once moved into the shelter, there would be support for addiction. Taeyeon said that if they agreed to the rules- no fighting, no drugs, no drink, be in no later than 8, then she could offer them the rooms and put the other 3 on a waiting list.   
"How long is the waiting list?" Jonghyun asked.   
"It depends, but it can be a long time I'm afraid. You're very lucky that 2 rooms are free." Taeyeon stated. "Look, you don't have to decide right now. Come back or call if you have a phone. I'll need to know by tomorrow morning though, or the rooms go to someone else."   
They talked for almost an hour about practicalities. Jongin tried to be as honest as possible but it was hard. He now knew how Taemin felt about opening up about his life.   
When it was time to leave, Jongin had to rush straight to work so didn't get a chance to talk to Jonghyun about what the hell they were going to do. No doubt when he came home tonight though, shit would go down. He wasn't looking forward to telling Taemin where they'd been. And he was also dreading the 'there's only 2 room's' conversation which was bound to create tension.   
Again, he felt like he should be happy- this was progress wasn’t it? And they'd been so lucky that 2 rooms were free at all. Except he wasn't. Not at all. That was until he decided to be Mr eavesdropper again at work. It was a habit he couldn't get out of. He was a chronic eavesdropper now. It passed the time and it was actually really amusing sometimes because people are stupid and talk about stupid things.   
Jongin was in the back of the kitchen, unseen putting away the dishes, when 2 other employees -both girls- came in and seemed completely unaware of Jongin's presence.   
"I can't get over it! Like when does an opportunity like this ever happen?" One of the girls squealed.   
Jongin hid himself behind the counter as the girls walked nearer.   
"Like never!" Girl number 2 replied, "SM as well?!?"   
"They're like the biggest company around right? I can't believe they'd have an open audition for backing dancers...I thought they already had a bunch of trainees for that?!" Girl 1 asked,   
"I bet it's a publicity stunt. But I'm still gonna go for it! I mean why not?" Girl 2 squealed.   
"YOU'RE going to do it?" Girl 1 said, "But dance is my thing?!"   
"Well I know...but I bet there'll be famous people there! What if I happen to just meet the man of my dreams? Would you deprive me of that?"   
"It doesn't even say who they want the backing dancers for. Come on...don't be my competition..."   
Girl 2 made a very annoyed huffing noise and Jongin heard the rustle of paper and distinctive clunk of the bin lid being shut.   
"HEY WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" Girl 1 shouted.   
"Because you never want me to do anything!! It's so unfair!" Girl 2 fought back.   
They talked/argued for an age and Jongin just had to stay hidden through the whole thing. As soon as they left through, curiosity was eating him up and he went straight to the bin and fished around to see the flyer they'd dropped in it.   
It read: Open Audition, Hiring 10 Backing Dancers, No formal training required, SM Entertainment.   
The audition date was in a month.   
In that moment Jongin felt like he must have been born under a lucky star. This was everything Taemin needed. Even though Jongin knew there was a very slim chance he'd get the job given how many people were bound to turn up, Taemin loved to dance. It was the only thing that truly made him happy -except Jongin- and maybe it would cheer him up or give him some kind of motivation that things could change.   
Or maybe he'd just laugh in Jongin's face as soon as he showed him the flyer, but Jongin would take the chance.   
At least he had a nice reason to go home now. 

\---

Jongin had only just arrived at the bridge and already he heard shouting. Lately their little group only seemed to have 2 methods of communication- crying or yelling. Jongin actually preferred crying.   
He got nearer and poked his head around so he could see what was going on before he actually made his way inside. Call him a coward, but you didn't want to get in the middle of a big Jongkey row. They made Jongin and Taemin's ones look quite tame.   
"...let's just wait for Bie to come home before we get into this..." Taemin murmured. He was still sitting in the corner. He looked depressed and worn down, but at least he didn't look high. Minho was also there and to Jongin's discomfort had a hand placed casually on Taemin's thigh. It was something Jongin was trying to be ok with. After all, it wasn't like Taemin was renting himself and it was only a few days ago they'd clarified their 'properly together' status so there was no need to be jealous. Except Jongin was jealous, because Jongin was always jealous and that's just who he was.   
Jonghyun and Key were standing in front, half obscuring Jongin's vision. Key had his 'don't give me that shit' face and Jonghyun looked as red as a beetroot.   
"FINE. GOD." Jonghyun yelled, turning to walk out from under the bridge only to bump right into Jongin.   
Taemin laughed when he saw what had happened, "What's with you are eavesdropping?"   
"Sorry." Jongin shrugged, making his way inside and ever so subtly positioning himself in between Taemin and Minho. "I heard yelling..."   
"Yeah. Jonghyun got back only 2 seconds ago and told us he had some 'good' news." Taemin said sarcastically, "You're a right sneaky little bastard aren't you?"   
"Who me?" Jongin sqeaked.   
"Yeah," Taemin nodded. He didn't seem annoyed despite what was coming out of his mouth. "Going out to that shelter this morning without even telling us! I mean...I know we said do whatever you like...but still. I'd have thought you'd've told us."   
"THAT'S WHAT I SAID." Key shrieked, "Telling other people personal things about our lives!!"   
Jongin didn't have a chance to reply before Jonghyun was yelling again, "WE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING PERSONAL. NOTHING ABOUT WHORES OR WHATEVER THE FUCK MINHO DOES THANK YOU VERY MUCH. DO YOU THINK WE'D BE THAT STUPID?"   
Key just rolled his eyes.   
"What was the 'good' thing about it though?" Minho butted in suddenly, turning to Jongin. Minho had a lot of experience watching Jongkey argue and it was always best to ignore them.   
"They have 2 rooms free." Jongin said simply. He felt like he hadn't given the news a big enough build up. It was probably the best news ever, and it needed a drum roll and then applause afterwards. Of course it was met with none of those things, only looks of confusion.   
Taemin was the first to reply, "...2 rooms? Just like that?"   
"Yeah. Apparently we're 'priority' cases now because we're so young and I told them you were trying to give up the drugs and it was making you sick." Jongin nodded.   
"HOW IS THAT NOT PERSONAL INFORMATION!" Key screamed, but shut up as soon as he got the look from both Minho and Jonghyun.   
Taemin was unable to speak, so Minho took over. "So...there's 2 rooms? 2 rooms that are just available?"   
"Yeah. Except they won't let us share. It's not 'policy' apparently and the lady said we can't bend the rules." Jongin replied.   
"Oh I don't want one then," Taemin interrupted very abruptly, "You and Jonghyun should get them seeing as you were the ones who went down there."   
Sadly Taemin's reaction hadn't surprised Jongin at all, but he still couldn't control the frown creeping onto his face. "Do you think I'd leave you idiot?"   
"No but I think you should," Taemin replied.   
Jongin didn't get a chance to argue before Key cut back in. "No, no, no, no. It's obvious who should get the rooms." he stated, "Taemin and Newbie should take them. That's the end of discussion."   
"I just said I don't want it!" Taemin hissed, "Stop mothering me!"   
"I'm not mothering you, you brat. I'm in charge and this is what's best ok?" Key snapped.   
"YOU'RE IN CHARGE?" Minho scoffed, "Oh sure."   
The bickering continued, and so Jongin turned his attention to the silent figure of Jonghyun who was in the corner looking thunderously at the ground.   
"HEY SHUT UP!" Jongin yelled over the top of all the fighting, "It should be Taemin and Jonghyun who get's the rooms."   
"WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING ME?" Taemin shouted.   
"Because you can't look after yourself!" Jongin snapped, "And it should be Jonghyun because he wants it really bad...and I have a job so at least I can support myself like that."   
Jonghyun smiled at Jongin appreciatively before saying, "No. Key was right. It should be you and Taemin. That's what Onew would have said."   
"I don't know whether to be insulted no one's chosen me..." Minho joked.   
"No shelter's gonna take you hunny." Key hissed, "You're a fucking drugged up mess and you're making no effort to give it up so don't give us that shit."   
"THIS IS ALL RIDICULOUS!!" Taemin yelled, "I'M THE ONE WHO DOESN'T WANT IT. I DON'T WANT IT OK?!?"   
With that, the blonde got up and ran straight out of the bridge, tripping over a bag on the way with the grace of a elephant. Jongin got up to run after him, noticing Key was about to do the same but couldn't because his wrist was being grabbed by Jonghyun.   
Luckily Taemin hadn't gone far, and was standing outside on the grassy areas surrounding, his arms folded and his fists clenched. The wind was blowing a gale and he looked so fragile standing there. It was no wonder they'd all suggested Taemin first.   
"I hate it when you say stuff like that!!" Taemin hissed, knowing Jongin was standing right behind him. "I've told you so many times I can look after myself!!"   
"I know. Sorry. You can." Jongin apologized, "I just don't know why you don't want the room?"   
"I WANT TO BE FREE!!" Taemin yelled, "I don’t want to be in 'care' all over again!!!!!"   
"It'll be nothing like being in care." Jongin stated, "It's only a room for the night. You can't stay there in the day. And they won't be 'looking after you'. We're adults. There'll just be support for...for addiction..."   
"I DON'T WANT SUPPORT! I CAN DO IT ON MY OWN! YOU TOLD ME I COULD!"   
"No but...maybe I was wrong. And that's not because I think you're weak. I don't. You're really strong. But nobody can be expected to do everything on their own. I mean, I probably wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for you right now. I couldn't have survived on the streets on my own."   
"Stop counseling me!" Taemin snapped, "I'm your teacher! It's not the other way around!"   
Jongin couldn't help but laugh, "Teacher," he scoffed, "Mm of course you are. No but I'm not counseling you, I'm just telling you the truth."   
"Whatever," Taemin mumbled, "It's all mute anyway because I'm not going."   
"Fine, then I'm not either." Jongin shrugged.   
"What?"   
"If you don't, I don't." Jongin clarified.   
"Don't play games with me!!" Taemin squeaked.   
"I'm not playing games with you."   
"You are!" Taemin hissed, "You're saying that if I don't accept one of the rooms then I'm screwing you over too! We're not joined at the hip! You can do whatever you want!"   
"For fucks sake." Jongin sighed, "Why are you being like this? This is good news. You don't want to be living under a bridge forever do you?"   
"...No."   
"Then what's the real reason you're saying no?" Jongin asked bluntly.   
Taemin stayed silent for a few moments because he didn't understand it himself. All he knew was that so much had changed and he couldn't take it. Only a few months ago he was a rent boy, living in a 'nice' derelict building with a roof, and Onew was still alive. All of a sudden he'd been torn from his 'home', lost a dear friend and been forced to give up drugs- the only thing that kept him going. Now he was being told to change again. It may have sounded like a good thing, sleeping in an actual room, but for Taemin change equaled bad.   
"What is it baby?" Jongin asked.   
"...I can't leave them..." Taemin mumbled.   
"But we've already put their names down on a waiting list...and it's not like you'll be leaving them. It's just you'll be sleeping somewhere else. They'll be fine." Jongin reasurred.   
"I know they'll be fine!!" Taemin snapped, "It's me who won't be fine!!"   
Jongin looked blank so Taemin carried on, "I don't want to leave them...even if it's only at night. I really think you and Jonghyun should get the rooms...I just can't take it...I'm not normal anymore."   
Jongin was starting to feel genuinely panicked because he hadn't expected it to be this hard to persuade Taemin to just for god's sake take the room. But then he remembered a flyer burning a hole in his pocket, and lifted it out to hand it to Taemin out of nowhere.   
Taemin stared at it for a good few seconds, confused as to what the hell Jongin was thinking changing the subject like this, until he realized what it was and a laugh bubbled up in his throat.   
"What is THIS?" he giggled.   
"Don't laugh!!" Jongin hissed. That wasn't the reaction he'd expected but Taemin's reactions were never what he expected.   
"Sorry it's just...really? You actually think I have a shot at this?" Taemin asked, "It'll just be a publicity stunt and hundreds of deluded fans'll audition *hoping* they can meet an idol or something."   
"I know that!" Jongin hissed, "But someone has to get the job. They're looking for 10 back up dancers! 10! Why couldn't one of them be you?"   
"They don't want an ex-whore, Bie." Taemin stated, before mumbling, "idiot" under his breath.   
"They won't know you were a who-, I mean rent boy." Jongin argued back, "Idiot!"   
"What if a client was there at the audition? What if I felt cravy and got all shivery? It'd be awful! What would I wear? Holey jeans and my 'slutty' tank top? What would I perform? Like really baby, think it through." Taemin blabbed. He'd thought he'd won but apparently not-   
"A client isn’t going to be there, that's ridiculous. And if you accept the room then they said they could give you something for the shivering, and we can get you new jeans idiot, and you can just make up a dance! I've seen you do it before when you thought no one was watching..." Jongin argued.   
Taemin sighed, "...I guess someone's got to get it..."   
"Yeah!!" Jongin exclaimed, "And how amazing would it be if it was you? You're freaking awesome and dancing, you really are!"   
Taemin's cheeks glowed bright red and he was about to say No I'm not stop it you're embarrassing me shut up blah blah blah when Jongin spoke again- "But you need to take the room. You'll be able to get some good night sleeps and they'll help with the craving thing and you'll be well enough to dance for the audition. This is our only chance baby, this is it."   
Taemin looked back at their bridge longinly. Jongin didn't know what he was thinking, whether it was guilt for contemplating leaving his friends behind, or worries for himself that he couldn't cope without them. Whatever it was though, it didn't matter, because after the pause he mumbled a quiet "Ok" and Jongin knew everything would be exactly that.   
\--- 

So this is officially a script now and I don't care. //except I do care, i'm quite ashamed of this chapter actually but … ;_;   
IT'S SO UNREALISTIC D: I KNOW THAT. I'M SORRY. Lol how to overuse caps.   
spoiler alert- taemin isn't going to become rich and famous aha please dont get your hopes up xD im never done torturing them o.o

oop one more thing~ xD do you think its right that Tae and Jongin get the rooms or do you think it should have been Jonghyun seeing as he went down there? Idk. I guesss they all need them. i'd love to hear any thoughts you might have so far~ x) byyyeeeee ^^


	13. Revision: I Dream Of Minho

After a lot of arguing, a decision had finally been made. Taemin and Jongin would get the rooms.   
Jongin wasn't so sure he deserved it really (after all he had a job and he wasn't trying to cut out drugs) but Key had 'put his foot down' and nobody argues with that. Or at least nobody wins against that.   
Key had said that quote- "Taemin's a wreck and he needs it more than any of us, and I'm not going with Jonghyun and Jonghyun isn't going without me, so Newbie should get the other one seeing as he'll adapt the best and can look after Taemin."   
Taemin had sworn a lot that he didn't need looking after, but after almost 2 weeks of trying *and failing* to cut out the drugs, it was obvious he was wrong.   
Minho had stayed silent throughout all of these discussions. A part of him was offended that he hadn't been offered, but then again what could he expect. He'd given up trying, so he was obviously not going to be included.   
'Moving day', if you can call it that, came around far too quickly for Taemin. He felt like he wasn't ready, and everything was happening too fast. Taeyeon had told them that if they weren’t in by 3 days, then they'd have to give the rooms to someone else. Taemin felt like he was deserting his family, the people who he loved most in the world and 3 days was not enough to say all the things he wanted to, so when the time came for 'final goodbyes', he had no idea what to say.   
"Why do you look so sad?" Jonghyun asked, "You're only sleeping somewhere else...it's not like you're moving to Hawaii is it?"   
"I don't know why you're being so cheerful about this. It was only a few days ago you were screaming at us." Taemin replied.   
"Yeah but...I just think everything's going to get better soon." Jonghyun smiled, "I mean you're our baby and you're going off to sleep in a nice warm bed and soon it'll be our turn because the waiting list can't be that long can it?...Oh and then you're going to ace that audition and become a backing dancer and then they'll love you so much they'll give you your own songs and you'll get super rich and you'll become a huge star right...and you'll probably dump Newbie because let's face it, you can do much better than him now-"   
"HEY." Jongin yelled.   
"...but I mean you'll stay friends, and then because you're the sweet little boy you are, you'll buy us the most ginormous mansion and we'll all live together, Minho can live in the basement or whatever, it'll be great." Jonghyun rambled, smiling widely at the end because he was pretty proud of himself for that.   
"WOW" Taemin laughed, "That's a vivid picture you painted there."   
"Why the fuck was I living the basement?" Minho cut in.   
"Why the fuck did he dump me??!" Jongin squeaked.   
Taemin just continued to laugh, feeling very grateful that Jonghyun was being the mood maker. It always used to be Onew.   
"When I'm rich and famous I'll dump all of your asses," Taemin smirked, "I'll buy a big fancy house and I'll never let any of you come around. Except Minho. He can have the basement."   
"Fuck off." Minho snapped.   
"You're all a bunch of idiots." Key interrupted. It was the first time he'd spoken that day to anyone but Jonghyun, and it was already 10am, "Have you got all your stuff packed?"   
Taemin nodded. It hadn't taken long. His 'stuff' consisted of a spare pair of holey jeans, some underwear, a toothbrush and toothpaste, a hairbrush, a few blankets, and a notebook.   
"What about you?" Key asked, turning to Jongin.   
"Like you care," Jongin scoffed.   
"I do care!" Key hissed, "I'm a lovely person!"   
"Yeah I've got all my stuff. It took hours to pack, you know. I don't know when the removal van is coming but I'm hoping pretty soon." Jongin laughed.   
"Stop it." Key snapped, "You're all just being stupid because you can't cope with real emotions so you're pretending to be jokey so you don't have to feel anything. Well I'm not like that!"   
"God and you call me overly emotional," Jonghyun said, rolling his eyes, "We'll see them tomorrow...right?"   
"Yeah." Jongin nodded, "Taeyeon said we'll be spending the whole day and night there today, to go over some stuff and 'settle in' or whatever, but then tomorrow things'll be as normal and we can only sleep there. So we'll come back in the day."   
"See?" Jonghyun said turning to Key, "It's a bit pathetic if we can't last a day without them..."   
"Whatever." Came the grumble in reply.   
"So anyway we should really get going...we have to catch the bus." Jongin said, wrapping an arm around Taemin's shoulders.   
Taemin shook himself out and went up to Minho, gave him a quick hug (although longer than Jongin would have liked), before doing the same to Jonghyun and pausing when he got to Key.   
"We'll be fine." Taemin reassured, opening his arms for a hug. Key glared at him for a second because he was still pretending to be grumpy, but didn't pull away when Taemin hugged him anyway.   
"I love you." Key whispered, so only Taemin could hear.   
"I know." Taemin replied, "I love you too."   
Jongin also said his goodbyes. Even though he hadn't know them half as long as Taemin had, he still felt like he was a part of this weird little family and goodbyes were never nice. Especially as he was still guilty because he didn't feel like he deserved a room...but the decision had been made and now they just had to go and do it.   
"Byeeeeeeeee losers" Taemin called, as he and Jongin started to walk away hand in hand.   
They didn't catch the reply, but presumed it had been swearing. It was always swearing. 

\---

Taemin was very quiet on the bus ride there. His mind was whirring all over the place about if this was the right thing to do or not. Regardless, it was happening, and it did mean a roof to sleep under tonight.   
Jongin could sense the worry coming from his lover, so rested a reassuring hand on his thigh and squeezed.   
"So are you looking forward to sleeping in a bed?" Jongin asked, trying to lighten the mood.   
"I slept in a bed only a few weeks ago..." Taemin mumbled.   
"Eh?"   
"At a clients." Taemin stated, "He had a scented candle next to the bed."   
"Lovely." Jongin snapped, sarcastically. He still hated it when Taemin mentioned anything to do with a prostitution. If he had it his way, they'd never speak of it again and it would turn into deep dark history that they'd eventually forget about completely. Except it hadn't been long ago at all Taemin was still selling himself every night, so it wasn't just going to go away like Jongin hoped.   
"Would you really dump me if you got famous?" Jongin asked, changing the subject.   
A smirk formed on Taemin's lips before he said, "Of course I would. I'd dump your ass in a second."   
"You couldn't do better than me." Jongin joked.   
"Yeah I could." Taemin argued, "Once I get my hair dyed all prettily I'll be way better looking than you. Plus you won't be able to keep up with me sexually."   
"Excuse me!" Jongin squeaked, turning around to see if anyone else had heard. Luckily the bus was relatively empty. "Keep your voice down, we're in public idiot."   
Taemin just laughed and whispered, "Well I mean...I'll get bored of you in the sack eventually. I've had a lot more experience so..."   
"Fuck off." Jongin hissed, knowing that wasn't the best comeback but he had nothing else. "I'm amazing in bed."   
"Well we've never had a bed so..." Taemin teased, "You might be amazing on the floor, who knows how you'll be in an actual bed."   
"I'll be good. Don't worry."   
"Whatever you say," Taemin shrugged, "But if you're not, it's over. No pressure."   
So that was how to get Taemin's mind off worrying apparently. Jongin changed the subject again because, even though he knew they were just joking around, a small insecure part of him did worry that he had no experience compared to Taemin, and what if one day he actually did get bored? Taemin was still so weird about sex as well. He didn't cry all the time afterwards anymore, but still often. It was something that Jongin thought would just go away by itself and it worried him that it hadn't. Sometimes Taemin was still a complete mystery to him. He could be so cocky, carefree and overconfident some of the time, then this little, innocent, vulnerable kid who was afraid of the world another. There were two Taemin's and you never knew which one you were going to get from one minute to the next.   
"Oh shit we're here!!!" Jongin squeaked, pressing the stop button just in time.   
Jongin grabbed Taemin's hand and their 2 bags, and practically dragged the shocked looking blonde out of the bus and down the road to where the shelter was. He didn't want to be late. Taeyeon had said to get there at 11am, and he wanted to make a good first impression. He didn't want her to think that they weren't taking this opportunity seriously.   
When they arrived, Taemin let go of Jongin's hand before walking through the doors.   
"What?" Jongin asked, reconnecting there fingers.   
"Get off," Taemin hissed, "I don't want to be labeled as the gay guy as soon as we walk through the door. You're so socially awkward sometimes."   
"We won't be labeled as the gay guys?" Jongin replied.   
"Well you might not be, but I will." Taemin stated, "I always fucking am and it's annoying. I mean I know I am gay, whatever. But people can be mean Jongin. You can get beaten up for that."   
"Nobody's going to beat you up here." Jongin stated, "Taeyeon said-"   
"I don't care what Taeyeon said. This isn't a safe place, Bie. Don't be naive." Taemin snapped, before adding, "And Key say's I'll trust anyone..."   
Jongin didn't reply, but instead rolled his eyes and shoved Taemin through the door because it was already 10:57.   
The main room looked just the same as it had last time. There were loads of chairs and tables and 2 huge double doors at the back. It was very run down and depressing, but the heating felt amazing. The only difference was that it was almost empty. There was 3 staff members talking in the corner, and Taeyeon sat alone doing some paperwork on one of the tables. She smiled kindly and they went to sit with her. She asked them a few questions and filled in some forms, saying they needed ID's. Taemin was polite throughout, if a little cagey but what could Jongin expect. He was also lying through his teeth as the 'prostitution' word was never mentioned. And when Taeyeon brought up drugs, he noticabley stiffened, but to Jongin's relief didn't argue when Taeyeon said they were going to do some tests and he'd need to see a doctor. She said they could give him some medicine that would reduce the cravings a little, and he'd nodded reluctantly but hadn't disagreed. She'd also mentioned therapy, to which Taemin's eyes had widened and it was obvious he was not ok with that, but he still didn't argue, so Jongin was feeling very relieved.   
After they'd talked about practicalities for almost an hour, she lead them through the big double doors and down the longest corridor Jongin had ever been in, stopping at door 16.   
"So this room is free, and also room 25 too. It's just down there." Taeyeon said, pointing further down the corridor, "Settle in and unpack and then come through to the kitchen when you're done. There are 3 bathrooms, and they're all at the end there."   
With that, she smiled and walked back the way they'd come, through the double doors and out. Taemin had been surprised that she'd left them so soon already. But then he remembered what Jongin had said- This wasn't anything like being in care. They were adults.   
"So are you gonna go in then?" Jongin asked, nudging Taemin to open the door to room 16.   
"Oh yeah..." Taemin nodded, taking a breath before he clutched on the handle and pushed.   
The room was absolutely tiny. It had a single bed to the right with a nightstand and an alarm clock next to it, facing a small window on the back wall. To the left there was a chest of drawers and chair.   
Jongin bounded in gleefully and jumped on the bed immediately, letting it bounce beneath him.   
"Oh my GOD." he sighed, letting his whole body fall flat and sink into the soft mattress. "IT'S A FUCKING BED."   
"It is indeed." Taemin nodded, perching himself beside Jongin on the edge of the bed.   
"You could seem a little happier." Jongin commented.   
"Sorry." Taemin mumbled, "I am happy...it's just talking to Taeyeon about all that shit doesn't put you in the best mood."   
"Key's right. You really are an ungrateful brat," Jongin teased, before kissing Taemin's cheek and getting up to look out the window. "Wow look at that view. Spectacular!"   
Taemin got up to see what Jongin was looking at, only to find that his outburst had been sarcasm when the 'view' was actually a brick wall. He should have expected it because the shelter was pressed tightly against another equally depressing looking building, but sometimes he couldn’t tell when Jongin was joking or not.   
"Wow" Taemin laughed, "That's some view. If you squint you can see the ocean."   
"Oh yeah!" Jongin exclaimed. He enjoyed it when Taemin played along. "So which room do you want?"   
"Are you sure we can't just share?" Taemin asked.   
"Nope." Jongin shrugged, "That's the rules. I don't think they want any funny business."   
"What, sex?"   
"Yeah."   
"Ohhh..." Taemin sighed, "Well we haven't seen the other room yet...maybe it has an even better view."   
It didn't. It had a worse view, looking out over road and some trash cans. But Jongin didn't care, so he took it. He was actually in the best mood he'd been in for months. Just the thought of being able to sleep in an actual bed tonight, safe in the warm was the best thing in the world. He wondered how he could have ever taken this for granted. He never would again.   
They 'unpacked', showered and had lunch, which consisted of sandwiches provided by the shelter. Then it was time for more discussions about work and college. They talked to another advisor, a man named Suho, who was friendly and said he dealt with getting people back into work. It took an age, and Taemin was obviously uncomfortable throughout. He hadn't even finished school before he'd been out on the streets selling himself. Being a rent boy was all he knew and 'hooker' doesn't sound good on a resume.   
Unbelievably, after all the talking it was already 6pm. The shelter was starting to fill up even though the doors technically didn't open till 6:30. There were men and women of all ages. Some of them looked really rough like they hadn't slept in a week, and some of them (presumably the residents of the shelter) looked a little better, like they'd showered at least.   
Jongin and Taemin sat next to each other, both equally embarrassed honestly. Jongin was feeling like he shouldn't be here, like these people were more needy than him. And Taemin was feeling like he'd forgotten what it was like to be new. Back 'home' at their derelict building, he knew practically everyone who lived on the streets.   
They got dinner, which smelt like heaven. It was a big bowl of noodles and probably the largest portion that Taemin had eaten...ever. He was feeling a little better for the food, watching as Jongin tucked in on the chair next to him, when suddenly they weren't alone.   
"Taemin! Fuck! Is that you?" A squeaky voice called, as a good looking boy with a high cheekbones came and perched on the seat opposite, dumping his food tray down with a clang.   
"Chen?" Taemin asked.   
"Yeah!!" Chen smiled, "It's me! I almost didn't recognize you, why are you here?"   
"Oh...we moved away cus...cus..." Key stabbed someone and the police were searching so what the fuck were we supposed to do "Cus we got sick of that derelict shithole." Taemin lied.   
"Ah. I hear you. I got sick of living in that car park." Chen nodded, "I just can't believe you're here! What are the odds?!"   
"It's not that weird." Taemin commented, "I mean, there are only like 2 shelters around these towns so..."   
Chen didn't get a chance to reply before Jongin interrupted with a loud cough.   
"Oh." Taemin said, as if he'd forgotten Jongin's presence, "This is Chen. Chen, this is Jongin."   
"Hi!" Chen said cheerfully, stretching out a hand, "You new?"   
"I'm not that new." Jongin replied.   
There was a moment of awkward silence (Jongin often created them), before Chen turned back to Taemin and spoke again- "So! Are you still renting?" he asked casually.   
"N-"   
"Oh my god do you remember that one time that freak with the mustache wanted a threesome? And then he didn't even pay us!" Chen laughed, as if reminiscing about prostitution was so hilarious.   
Usually Taemin would have felt the same and been happy to joke about it. Not this time though, as he was very aware of Jongin's presence and glanced at him warily to see his lover's face was sour like he'd just sucked a lemon.   
"Don't." Taemin snapped, turning back to Chen, "My boyfriend's a prude and he'll have a hissyfit if you talk about that shit."   
Jongin rolled his eyes but he knew Taemin was right. He would really like to ban the fucking 'P' word for life. He felt happy that he'd been referred to as 'boyfriend' though, that was a first.   
"You're together?...Wow. You've changed so much. I never thought I'd see the day when Taemin settles down. I mean you were even sluttier than me." Chen laughed.   
Taemin gave him daggers, "I'm serious. Jongin'll kill you if you keep talking about this. He's a lot more dangerous than he looks."   
Jongin nodded, and reached for one of the knives on the table, accidentally picking up a spoon instead.   
Chen just laughed. "Yeah you look real menacing," he teased, "It's ok. We don't have to talk about renting...How's Key? Jonghyun? Onew? Minho? See! I remember everyone."   
"...Key's fine." Taemin answered cagily, "Jonghyun's emotionally unstable but some things never change. Minho's a drug addicted drop out. And Onew's...Onew's...not doing so well..."   
"Oh?" Chen asked, "Why?"   
"He's dead."   
"Fucking hell." Chen gasped, his eyes widening to twice their original size, "I'm so sorry!!"   
Taemin shrugged because there was no way he was going to talk about this. "You didn't kill him."   
"Who did?"   
"A pill."   
"Oh shit," Chen sighed, "One of my friends died of an overdose too."   
Obviously this subject wasn't safe either, so Chen changed it again, recalling some incident in the past that had nothing to do with prostitution or dead friends. Taemin was talkative because it was nice to see an old friend, but suddenly paused when he recognized another figure in the room.   
In the corner, sitting next to 3 other men, was a face he'd never forget. He tried not to let it show, as he didn't want Jongin to know he knew anyone else here, but he wasn't doing a very good job of hiding it.   
"Hey what's wrong you just went all quiet?" Jongin asked.   
"Oh oh nothing..." Taemin lied, "I've just eaten too much."   
"Not used to it I bet," Chen laughed, "That's how I felt the first meal time here. It's like holy shit, actual food right?!"   
Taemin nodded and tried to keep his focus on the conversation, but his eyeline kept trailing back to the other figure in the corner. He wanted to get up and stick a fork in that bastard's eye, but that would only get him kicked out so he had to keep his cool and pretend he hadn't noticed.   
Jongin took over the conversation with Chen whilst Taemin sat silent through the rest of the meal. After they'd eaten, a fight broke out between 2 men, and it looked like everyone was either suppose to leave, or go to their rooms so Taemin made his way to number 16 as quickly as he could. Jongin stopped him just as he was about to slam the door.   
"Hey!! What's wrong with you??" Jongin asked, grabbing Taemin's arm to pull him back into the corridor.   
"Nothing. I'm tired. It's been a busy day." Taemin shrugged.   
"You're lying," Jongin tutted, "I know when you lie."   
"No you don't." Taemin argued, "Now stop worrying and just go and enjoy your bed ok?"   
"It's going to be weird not sleeping next to you."   
"You'll manage." Taemin said, patting Jongin on the head before ducking into his room and shutting the door as fast as he could. He let his body fall back on it a slide to the ground, hoping Jongin would just for fucks sake leave him alone so he could think. 

\---

The duvet was starchy and didn't smell nice, but it was like heaven to Jongin. He was tucked up in the warm, had a comfy pillow and mattress, there was a glass of water next to him, the room didn't smell like spice, he wasn't going to have to sleep with one eye open- it was the best feeling ever. And even though he felt a little worried about how weird Taemin had been at dinner, it wasn't unusual for Taemin to be weird, so he didn't think much of it. He was asleep in no time.   
Taemin on the other hand, lay awake for hours. He hadn't slept on his own in years, and it was really strange. He felt completely alone and unprotected, which he knew was illogical because hello, he was safe in a room right, but it didn't make any difference. And the bed was so weird and squishy. It was too squishy. He didn't like it. Honestly he'd rather sleep on the ground, then at least he'd feel more normal. None of this felt normal. He didn't know how he'd ever get used to it again. Of course it felt nice to be showered, and he kept trying to tell himself that he was safe here, but Key had trained him for years to be scared at night and it was hard to get out of that mentality. Plus the bastard he'd seen at dinner was the face he saw everytime he blinked. He kept wondering- What if that guy was here? What if he slept in the shelter too?   
Taemin scrunched his eyes tightly and attempted to rid his mind of all these horrible thoughts. He tried counting sheep, singing in his head, making up dances, anything to get his mind to settle down enough to sleep...   
...but then it was morning and he was awake...but not in the place he'd thought he was in...?   
"Jongin?" Taemin asked, opening his eyes to see his lover sleeping peacefully beside him. They were back in their derelict building, the familiar smell of spice in the air.   
"Hey bub" Jongin yawned, stretching his limbs out as far as they'd go and scootching over on the ground to snuggle into Taemin's neck.   
"Why are we here?" Taemin squeaked. He was so confused that he couldn't even remember where they were supposed to be.   
"What do you mean?" Jongin asked, "This is our home?"   
"Oh yeah..." Taemin nodded. Of course it was. They lived here. This was their nice little home.   
Jongin got up and walked to one of the smashed windows, peering out and sighing contentedly. "The ocean looks really nice today."   
"Ocean?!?" Taemin repeated, getting up himself to go and stand next to Jongin at the window, "What the fuck are you talking about?"   
"See? The ocean. We have the best view don't we?" Jongin smiled, leaning down for a short sweet kiss.   
Taemin just decided to go with it (even though he hadn't thought they lived by the sea) because maybe he was high. He turned around to go and sit back down but suddenly the room wasn't their derelict one at all. Instead, it was a plush hotel suite, with a big double bed in the middle and about 10 fluffy cushions on top.   
Taemin watched as Jongin squealed with delight, running to the bed and jumping down on it, before chucking one of the cushions at Taemin's head and gesturing for him to do the same.   
"What now?" Taemin squeaked, "We've only just got up?"   
"I know but I'm in the mood." Jongin smirked, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.   
"You look like such a pervert when you do that." Taemin commented, but he made his way to the bed anyway. As soon as his butt touched the mattress, he was flipped over onto his back, to be straddled by Jongin.   
Both his wrists were captured at it wasn't a nice feeling, but then Jongin leaned down for a kiss and he remembered it was only Bie, so why was he worrying?   
"You're oddly forceful this morning." Taemin commented, in between short but still rough kisses that were being planted on his lips and cheeks.   
"I just want you." Jongin stated, "That's allowed isn't it?"   
Taemin didn’t get a chance to reply, before his jeans were being ripped from his body so quickly one of the holes in them ripped even more. "Careful!" Taemin hissed, "They're my only pair."   
"What are you talking about?" Jongin laughed, "You've got loads of jeans."   
"Have I?"   
"Yeah..." Jongin said, as he made his way down to Taemin's crotch, "and loads of underwear...so you won't be needing these will you?"   
With that, Jongin tore of Taemin's boxers in one swift move and grinned up at him with a smirk.   
"Ur...um..." Taemin stuttered. This was weird. Jongin was never like this in bed. He was usually so sweet and always asked permission to do anything. It actually got annoying sometimes.   
"Ur...um..." Jongin repeated mockingly, "Spread."   
"What?!"   
"Spread your legs." Jongin ordered.   
"No." Taemin snapped, "I don't wanna do this. You're in a funny mood."   
"Well excuse me, but I'm paying you so you'll do whatever the fuck I tell you." Jongin hissed, grabbing Taemin's thighs to pull them apart. His nails dug in harshly to the soft skin making Taemin yelp beneath him. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't Jongin.   
"Bie? What the hell?" Taemin squeaked. He tried to wriggle his way out of Jongin's grip but ended up just having his wrists captured again.   
"You're mine Taemin." Jongin stated.   
"What?!?!?!" Taemin shrieked, still struggling.   
"You're MINE."   
"No!!" Taemin gasped, clamping his eyes shut as tears threatened to escape, "I'm no ones!" 

"What would Newbie think if he could see you right now?"   
Taemin snapped his eyes open to see Minho straddling him where Jongin had been only 2 seconds ago.   
"I thought...I thought you were Newbie?" Taemin squeaked.   
Minho smiled evilily upbove him, before looking down pointedly and laughing, "Wow you're hard already. You really are such a slut, Minnie."   
"Not anymore!" Taemin hissed, "Now get off!"   
"Get off?" Minho repeated, "Why would I do that? You're a whore. This is what whore's do."   
"I'm not a wh-. I'm not a rent boy anymor-" Taemin gasped, but didn't get a chance to finish before Minho was shoving his tongue down Taemin's throat, almost choking him.   
Suddenly it was like Taemin developed super strength, and managed to chuck Minho off, who flew across the room at an unbelievable speed. Taemin got up and ran to the door, not caring his bottom half was still naked. He needed to get out of this hotel room. He needed to go home...but where was that again?   
Before Minho could grab him, he rushed through the door and shut it as fast as possible, locking it behind him. He turned around, expected to be in a corridor of some sort, but instead got another nasty shock.   
This was a memory. He'd been here before.   
Taemin suddenly found himself in a dark alleyway around where they used to live. He glanced down, noticing that thankfully he was fully dressed again in his same holey jeans and *slutty* tank top. It was freezing, just as it had been that night.   
Taemin knew that he had to get home as quickly as possible. This was the bad side of town. He'd been dropped off here by a client only minutes before, and he was in a pissy mood because he hadn't been paid as much as he'd been promised. He hated it when clients lied.   
So now all he needed to do was go back to their derelict building, have some spice and then curl up in his sleeping bag and forget the world existed. Maybe he'd see Newbie the next day for one of their daily meetings. That was a nice thought. Newbie always gave him something to look forward to.   
"Hey!"   
Taemin jumped out of his skin as he felt a hand being placed on his shoulder. He turned round to see that bastard, the one from the dinner at the shelter, looking at him with a look he'd seen a thousand times before- lust. He was accompanied by 3 friends, and they looked so rough, like they were probably homeless themselves.   
"Fuck off!" Taemin snapped, "Leave me alone."   
"Aren't you a rent boy though?" One of the guys asked.   
"Not for you." Taemin hissed, "You couldn't fucking afford me. Go buy some food or something, don't waste your money on sex."   
"Is the whore really lecturing us?" The second guy laughed, "How do you know we're not millionaires?"   
"Because you look like shit." Taemin retorted, "Now fuck off."   
He, the bastard from dinner, grabbed one of Taemin's arms to prevent him from running away.   
"Awww I guess you're right," he cooed, "We may be dirt poor ourselves, but I'm sure we can afford you."   
"I'm not that cheap." Taemin stated. He was just about to use his other arm to hit this asshole, when it was grabbed by another guy.   
"Sure you are," One of the guys laughed, "Look at you."   
Taemin knew how this would end. It wasn't the first time this had happened and it probably wouldn't be the last. First he'd struggle for a bit and the guys would say horrible things like how he was some cheap slut who probably loved blowing people off for free, then he'd kick and scream but it would be no use and they'd take him by force and beat him up anyway.   
Sometimes it was better just to give in.   
He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, planning to give up. At least then it might be over quickly.   
"Ok," Taemin sighed, "What do you want me to do?"   
"What you're not even going to put up a fight?" One of the guys asked, tightening his grip on Taemin's arm.   
"That's no fun." Another one leered.   
"Come on," the first guy said again, "Struggle."   
So Taemin did. If they wanted a fight, they'd get one. First he tried the biting technique as that always seemed to work, but there was 4 on 1 and he wasn't strong or quick enough to get his mouth anywhere near them. He still didn't give up though and kicked and screamed, thrashing his whole weight around. It was no use, and they were obviously enjoying him struggling.   
Mercifully, Taemin managed to squirm one of his arms free, so at least he was a little less restrained. He went to hit one of them, his hand clenched into a tight fist, but he was too slow again.   
Everything went black.   
And then he waking up again, lying freezing in a dead-ended alleyway. He was actually glad they'd knocked him out. He had no idea what they'd done to him, but it had to have been pretty bad because his chest was covered in blood and there was no sign of his tank top.   
His jeans were half off and torn, but miraculously his phone was still inside one of the pockets. He'd have thought they'd have robbed him for sure, but apparently not.   
He knew he should call Key. That was the sensible thing to do. But for some reason Key's voice wasn’t the one he was desperate to hear. Before he knew it, his fingers were pressing a number and he was cradling the phone to his ear, praying that it didn't go to voicemail-   
"Taemin?" Jongin answered.   
Taemin sighed in relief but couldn't bring himself to speak. It was like his voice was completely dead. He was utterly worn out. Jongin's voice was so comforting though.   
"Taemin?? Taemin?? Are you there???"   
"Ye-" Taemin managed to stutter, before a hiccup erupted from his throat as he began to sob. He didn't know why he was crying. It wasn't like he hadn't been beaten up before.   
"What's happened? Are you ok? Where are you?" Jongin asked frantically.   
Taemin didn't reply and continued to sob and sniffle.   
"Taemin speak!" Jongin hissed, "You're scaring the shit out of me! Where are you?"   
"I...I'm fine..." Taemin mumbled, "I just wanted to hear your voice..." 

Taemin woke in complete panic, no idea where he was.   
But it was ok. He wasn't back in their derelict home, he wasn't with Minho in a lush hotel suite, he wasn't lying in an alley after the beating...he was nicely tucked up in a warm bed inside the shelter.   
He had no idea when he'd fallen asleep. Not that he was surprised that he'd had a nightmare, as giving up the drugs was fucking up his sleep something awful. Ever since he'd been taking less, he couldn't control the night terrors so he should have been used to bad dreams by now. He'd never dreamt of a memory though. And it had been so real, as if he was actually lying in that alleyway all over again. Seeing one of the guy's who'd beaten him at dinner had really shaken him. There was no way he could tell Jongin though, so he'd have to find a way to be ok with it on his own.   
He glanced at the clock and it read 2am. Fuck the rules, he thought, and got up, dressed himself in his jeans and coat, before grabbing the alarm clock and creeping out of his room and down to Jongin's.   
"Bie?" He whispered, knocking on the door as softly as he could.   
No reply, only snoring. Lazy fucker.   
"Bie!" Taemin called again, this time slightly louder.   
More snoring.   
"Jongin! Let me in!"   
Sounds of yawning and mattress creaking could be heard, before a very sleepy looking Jongin opened the door, rubbing his eyes like a 5 year old.   
Taemin barged his way in without so much as a 'hello' and plonked himself down on the bed, burying himself under the covers before Jongin had a chance to argue.   
"Hey this isn't your room..." Jongin moaned, his voice still groggy from sleep.   
"I know." Taemin snapped, "I had a nightmare. Don't be a goody two shoes and come to bed."   
Jongin chuckled as he perched down next to Taemin. There was no way 2 people could fit comfortably in these tiny beds. "And you're the one who told me I could manage without you...but look at you. You're such a baby."   
"I'm not," Taemin retorted.   
"Yes you are." Jongin teased, "Did ickle Taeminnie have a bad dweam?"   
"Yes." Taemin replied through gritted teeth. He was in no mood to be made fun of. The cravings were always worse at night, and even though nightmares were awful, being awake was just as bad. He felt cold and dizzy and like he'd literally murder someone to get his hands on a spliff.   
"Sorry bub" Jongin cooed, as he started to notice the state Taemin was in.   
He pushed Taemin's body so he'd roll onto his side, then laid down next to him to give him a spoon hug. It was the only way two people would fit.   
"What was your dream about?" He asked softly, leaning up to peck Taemin's earlobe.   
"It doesn't matter." Taemin mumbled, "Let's just go to sleep. I've brought my alarm so I'll wake up at 5 and go sneak back into my room so we won't get caught. I'm organized, see?"   
"Very organized," Jongin agreed, feeling like he was praising a child, "Wouldn't it help to tell me about it though...?"   
"Nope."   
"Please? I'm nosey."   
"You don't wanna know."   
"Come on..." Jongin whined, "What was it about?"   
Taemin rolled his eyes and grumbled, deciding to give up because he knew Jongin wasn't the type of person to let things drop. "We were back in our lovely derelict shithole except it had a view of the ocean, then you were in the mood and suddenly we were in a posh hotel suite. You had me pinned to the bed and said you'd paid me so I better do whatever you fucking say, then suddenly you were Minho, and he was calling me a slut because I was hard as fuck, so I ran out and then I was in an alleyway...and then I woke up." Taemin explained. He obviously couldn't tell Jongin about the memory brought on by seeing the guy at dinner. Jongin would go mental and probably beat the shit out of the bastard. Not that he didn't deserve it, but Jongin would get chucked out for fighting and it wasn't worth it.   
"You're right. I didn't wanna know." Jongin mumbled, "Why were you dreaming about Minho?"   
"THAT's what you took from that?" Taemin scoffed, "REALLY?"   
"Sorry." Jongin shrugged, "It was just a nightmare baby, it doesn't mean anything."   
"I know it doesn't." Taemin snapped, "Now are you gonna hug me and go to sleep or what?"   
"I'm already hugging you," Jongin laughed, "But I really don't think you should sleep here tonight, just on the off chance we get caught. How would that look?"   
"Oh my god you're such a goody goody," Taemin moaned, "I brought the alarm. Now just go to fucking sleep."   
Jongin grumbled but did as he was told. It was actually amazing sleeping next Taemin in a proper bed, even though they couldn't fit on it well. He let himself imagine they were in their own house again, all safe and cozy. It was such a nice thought. Maybe it would happen one day. Maybe. 

\---

Taemin had actually been pretty organized, and when his alarm went off at 5, squirmed his way out of Jongin's arms and raced down the corridor to his own room. He felt smug that they hadn't been caught and he'd make sure to rub it in Jongin's face later that he'd been right. Thankfully sleeping next to Jongin had been comforting enough that he hadn't had another nightmare, so he was feeling surprisingly well slept. Except he'd still kill for some spice, but that never changed. Soon he'd get the medicine that would help him, but he was even dreading that because it meant having to see a doctor. Taemin hated doctors and doctors hated Taemin.   
He couldn't think about that. And he also couldn't think about the advisor that was going to talk to him this evening about work opportunities. What the fuck was he going to say?- "I can do nothing. I'm qualified for nothing. Nobody is going to hire me. Do you want me to blow you off?"   
Yeahhhhhhh....no.   
God he wished he could get high. But he couldn't. So he'd just have to start the day and pretend he wasn't worried sick.   
First on the agenda was breakfast, and it was actually amazing to be able to eat proper food. But then the shelter shut for the day, and everyone was booted out in the cold again. It was ok. Taemin didn't mind. He was desperate to go back to the bridge and see everyone, even though it had only been 24 hours since he'd left. But it seemed like an eternity.   
Jongin had to go to work as normal, but he felt strangely cheerful. Something about sleeping in a bed will do that to you. Maybe he wouldn't have to work in this shitty chain restaurant much longer, maybe he'll be able to go back to college. That's what he kept telling himself at least.   
Lunch time was his only break and he got 15 minutes to scoff a sandwich and then get back to work. He usually didn't go into the actual restaurant to have his break, but instead ate outside because it was nice to get some air. Today though, one of the other employees called his name to say "There's a bunch of weirdos saying they know you".   
It doesn't take many guesses to figure out who.   
Jongin pushed open the kitchen doors and made his way into the restaurant, only to see Taemin, Minho, Jonghyun and Key sitting together in a booth, all smirking back at him.   
"What the hell are you guys doing here?" Jongin hissed. This was embarrassing as fuck. He was even in his 'uniform', which was so ugly and why were they humiliating him like this.   
"AWW" Taemin giggled, "You look so cute. Your ickle cheeks have gone wed."   
"Why are you here???" Jongin asked again.   
"We wanted food idiot." Key snapped, "Thought you'd be happier to see us. It's not nice to greet your friends -who've taken precious time out of their day to come and see you by the way- with a 'what the hell are you guys doing here?'"   
"But you're here to make fun of me." Jongin groaned.   
"True." Key laughed, "Aren't you going to take our order?"   
"I'm on a break." Jongin spat.   
Taemin scootched across on the booth to let Jongin sit down. It was only then Jongin noticed that Minho had a lazy arm wrapped around him. Jongin hated the amount of skinship those two still had. Did they really need to touch each other all the time, even when Jongin was there? Of course he knew nothing was going on, but still, he couldn't help how it made him feel.   
"Aren't you gonna sit with us?" Taemin smiled.   
"Mm." Jongin replied grumpily, plonking himself down next to the blonde. Minho removed the arm around Taemin's shoulders, noticing the death stare Jongin was giving him. He wasn't doing it on purpose, but Jongin could never control his expressions.   
"So!" Jonghyun smiled, "Taemin tells us you broke the rules and slept together anyway last night?"   
"Not slept together." Taemin interrupted, "Just slept in the same bed."   
"That's what I said," Jonghyun laughed, "I never knew you were such a rebel, Newbie."   
Jongin turned his death stare to Jonghyun instead. He really didn't know why they'd had to come to his work and embarrass him like this. They were a bunch of meanies.   
"Awhhh. Such a grumpy bear" Taemin cooed, pinching one of Jongin's cheeks playfully. It was Taemin's turn for the death stare now.   
"It was so weird you guys being gone last night..." Minho interrupted.   
"I know right." Taemin agreed, then said completely out of nowhere, "I had a sex dream about you last night."   
Minho's face when bright red, and he was about to squeak- why are you telling me this in front of your boyfriend you freak, when Taemin yelled "OW" as his foot had just been stamped on by a very pissed looking Jongin.   
"What was that for?" Taemin hissed, "I told you about it!"   
"It wasn't a sex dream!" Jongin snapped, then turned to Minho to explain, "He didn't have a sex dream about you. You were just being mean to him in bed."   
"Was I?" Minho asked, flustered. He had no idea what to say to that, and couldn't look Jongin in the eye if they were talking about this, so turned back to Taemin. "...That’s weird...I was never mean to you in bed."   
"I know, you were good," Taemin replied, "But people are often mean in dreams that aren't in real life."   
Jongin literally felt like he was about to die. Was his boyfriend seriously talking about sex with another man, to that other man, in front of him. Apparently so. "That's it. I'm going," he spat, getting up out of the booth.   
He'd only walked two paces before his body froze.   
Out of the window, getting out of a cab, was a face he'd never expected to see here. The man was dressed in a nice suit, a friendly smile on his lips. Jongin had never seen that smile before.   
"What is it?" Taemin asked, getting up to stand next to Jongin who was now as white as a ghost.   
"I...I..." Jongin stuttered, unable to find the words.   
Taemin followed Jongin's gaze out of the window to inspect what he was looking at. The man he saw looked oddly familiar, almost like an older version of....oh.   
"Who is that guy?!" Key asked. Everyone was gawping outside at the man now.   
"He's..." Jongin gasped, "He's my dad."   
\--- 

 

Dun dun duuuuuunnnnnn. 

Lol hi ;')   
So after the *shitfest* which was the last chapter (im sorry ;_;) hopefully this one's not aaaaaass bad D':  
We finaaallly know who beat taemin up xD //well sort of// that was looong overdue aha such a secretive little shit I/he is xD 

And lessons are overrrrrrrrr :D Time to move on to revision/practice tests/exams now :') I just felt that Taemin isn't really teaching Jongin anything anymore. *except maybe how to not be a controlling asshole but more of that is coming hahaaa*


	14. S Education: (M)ine

"Do you want me to go scare the shit out of him?" Key asked, reaching to his left coat pocket where he kept his knife, "Cus I will, you know I will."   
"No...no..." Jongin stuttered. He couldn't believe his eyes. He hadn't seen his father in so long, was it possible this was just a coincidental sighting? Surely not. Surely his father was here to try and find him. But why the hell would he now after so long? Jongin had always wondered if his father had bothered to look for him when he ran away. He'd always presumed not, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe he his dad had come here because he'd heard Jongin worked nearby...?   
Or maybe not.   
Because as his father got out of the cab in his expensive suit, his eyes trailed across to the restaurant, widening in shock when he saw Jongin staring back at him. It was obvious he wasn't expecting to see his son. He probably just had a meeting here. It was pure coincidence. He wasn't here for Jongin.   
"Are you...are you gonna go over there?!" Taemin squeaked, nudging Jongin's arm a couple of times to snap his lover out of the daze he was in.   
"I don't know...I don't think he's here for me..." Jongin gasped, but had no time to think about it because his father was walking towards him menacingly fast.   
Jongin felt torn in a million pieces. On one had he wanted to confront his father and hit him to the ground like he'd been beaten so many times by his step brothers, but on the other, he wanted to run up and hug him because he was his dad after all, and maybe he'd changed, maybe things would be different now. He was also contemplating being a coward and running away as fast as he could, because talking to him properly wouldn't change anything. But then again, if he did run, he might always wonder what would have happened if he'd only grown a pair.   
Jongin's father was now standing right outside the restaurant, his eyes locked on Jongin. Jongin knew what was expected of him, he knew his father wanted him to come outside. His dad hated making a scene.   
As he started walking out and towards his father, Jongin felt an icy cold shiver run down his spine. Every part of his mind was screaming at him this was a bad idea.   
"Jongin?" His father mouthed through the glass, his eyes narrowing into slits as Jongin trudged towards him, trying to seem as confident as possible. He didn't want to show his father an ounce of weakness.   
There was a moment of horrible silence, and Jongin contemplating taking it as an opportunity to punch him and get out all his rage, but then his father was speaking-   
"What the hell are you doing here?"   
Jongin almost choked on his own spit. Was that really all the hello he was going to get. Not- Are you ok?, Where are you living?, I'm sorry...but just-   
"What the hell am I doing here?!" Jongin repeated in disgust, "What the hell are you doing here?"   
"I had a meeting this side of town." Came the cold reply, as his father started looking him up and down,"Why are you dressed like that?"   
"Are you serious?" Jongin hissed, "We haven't seen each other in months and that's all you can say to me?"   
"You ran away from me, Jongin." His father stated, "Don't play the innocent lost child."   
"YOU TOLD ME TO RUN THE FUCK AWAY!" Jongin yelled, not caring they were in the middle of a busy path and onlookers were gawping at them shamelessly.   
"I was angry." His father replied, "I never expected you to actually do it."   
"YES YOU DID! That's what you always wanted! I bet you didn't even look for me, did you?"   
"We didn't think you wanted to be found."   
Jongin shoved his hands in his pockets to keep himself from punching.   
When he didn't reply, his father continued, "Where have you been anyway?"   
"I've been fucking homeless," Jongin hissed, "That's where I've 'been'."   
"You have?" His father asked. He genuinely looked shocked.   
"Of course! Where did you think I'd go?!" Jongin snapped.   
"Well I just thought you'd stay at a friends. What was that boys name...Kyung...soo?"   
Jongin gritted his teeth because Kyungsoo was a childhood friend he hadn't seen or spoken to for years. His father would have known that if he paid the blindest bit of attention to him.   
"Oh my god." Jongin moaned, "No I didn't stay with Kyungsoo."   
"So...you slept where?"   
"Where do you think?! On the street!" Jongin snapped, "In a derelict building! Wherever the fuck I can!!"   
His father let out a long sigh. He almost looked bored. "…What do you want me to say Jongin? Do you want money? Is that what you want?...You obviously can't take care of yourself."   
Ouchhh. Jongin now understood why Taemin hated it when people said that to him. It wasn't nice to be labeled as an incapable weakling.   
"No. I don't need anything from you. I'm fine on my own. I have people who actually care about me now." Jongin replied, looking to back to where Taemin, Key, Jonghyun and Minho stood. They were all still inside the restaurant, glaring at Jongin's father with the most hateful looks you can imagine.   
"What?" His father gasped, "Those street boys? You're with them?"   
Jongin wanted to throttle his father for the way he looked back at his friends, but instead took a deep breath and held it in. Fighting would get him nowhere. You can't have closure in life. It doesn't exist. You just have to find a way to move on anyway.   
"Goodbye Dad." Jongins said, swiftly turning and walking back to his family.   
Once inside the restaurant, he strided up to Taemin, feeling strangely triumphant that he'd managed to keep his cool, and kissed the blonde full on the mouth. His father watched from outside in horror, because he didn't even know his son was gay. Key gave him the finger, whilst Jonghyun and Minho continued glaring at him. Jongin didn't look back, but instead wrapped an arm around Taemin and gestured for the others to follow him, walking through the kitchens and out the back of the restaurant so they didn't have to go past his father to get out.   
In a strange way, the fact that he hadn't got any closure somehow felt ok. He hadn't lost his temper with his father, he hadn't really done anything. But his father wasn't in his life anymore, and that was ok. And even though he wanted to rub it in his dad's face that he could cope on his own, that he was going to be ok no matter what, he didn't live to please his father. He didn't live to please anyone. He'd be fine for him, and him alone, and didn't need to prove anything anymore. 

\---

"I can't BELIEVE you came out in front of your dad by snogging your ex-rent boy of a boyfriend." Jonghyun laughed. That was his greeting apparently.   
After seeing his father, Jongin'd had to finish his day at work but it had gone surprisingly quickly, then instead of going home to the shelter, he'd gone to pick up Taemin who he presumed would still be with the others. He was wrong.   
"Where's Tae?" Jongin asked.   
"He's with Minho." Key replied, "They'll be back in a bit. They just went off to get some food. Not drugs. Don't worry."   
"I'm not worried." Jongin snapped, "But why is Taemin getting the food with him? We'll have some at the shelter...?"   
"Oh well good for you!" Key laughed, "But we won't will we? Taemin's just being helpful. Fucking hell. You really are controlling."   
Jongin rolled his eyes because he wasn't about to be got at by Key as well as Taemin.   
"I bet you wanted to punch his face in." Jonghyun interrupted, still talking about Jongin's father.   
"Yeah I did."   
"Then why didn't you?" Jonghyun asked, "I'd've paid to see it. 'Homeless kid in funny uniform punches asshole Dad'. It'd go viral on youtube."   
"I guess I'm 'growing up'." Jongin shrugged. Even he was surprised he hadn't hit his father, given his fists had a mind of their own sometimes. As did his mouth. But he hadn't and that was something to be proud of.   
"Hey babybie," Taemin called.   
Jongin turned around to see his lover walking towards him, an arm wrapped around Minho's waist. They were each carrying a grocery bag and Jongin wondered where on earth they'd got the money from to buy all that food. Maybe cutting down on the drugs was giving them spare cash...?   
"Fuck you look different!" Jongin sqeaked, grabbing Taemin away from Minho to inspect his hair. It was much blonder like it had just been freshly dyed, and his bangs looked all jaggedy like he'd cut them himself with sheers.   
"Do you like it?" Taemin grinned, "I told you I'd be way hotter than you once I got my hair dyed all prettily."   
"You're such a brat!" Key hissed, "You didn't go with Minho to buy food at all did you? You just wanted to waste our money on hair dye!"   
"I didn't waste your money," Taemin smirked, "I wasted Bie's money."   
Jongin looked quizzically at the blonde before rummaging around in his pocket and finding that yes, indeed, Taemin had robbed him that lunch time.   
"Let's go." Jongin said, rolling his eyes. It wasn't the first time Taemin had taken money without asking and it wouldn't be the last. He didn't care.   
"You want to leave us already?" Jonghyun pouted.   
"No, but I'm starving and if we're not back at the shelter soon they'll lock it for the night." Jongin replied.   
"Well ok." Jonghyun replied, wrapping an arm around Key's shoulders.   
"Are we still on for tomorrow?" Taemin asked, turning to Minho.   
Jongin snapped his head to the side indignantly because he had no clue what they were talking about.   
"Sure." Minho smiled.   
"What are you guys doing tomorrow?" Jongin asked. His tone was way too sharp but he couldn't help it.   
"I'mma help Minho look from some 'real' work." Taemin said, "We've been having talks-"   
"Arguments." Minho interrupted.   
"...about how 'giving up' is not an option." Taemin replied, adding "I'm a good counselor."   
Jongin pulled a 'like hell you are' face but decided not to comment. It was great that Minho was thinking about trying again, but did Taemin really have to be the one to go with him? And did they always have to have an arm wrapped around each other?   
"See you losers" Taemin smirked, putting his arm around Minho to say goodbye before sticking his tongue out at Key. He then grabbed a very grumpy looking Jongin's hand to start walking to the bus where they'd catch it back to the shelter. He was completely oblivious to Jongin's emotions but that was often the case. Taemin was still really unaware a lot of the time.   
Except at dinner he did start to realize something was wrong because Jongin was oddly quiet. Chen sat with them like the night before, and he and Taemin chatted about all kinds of things (making sure none of them mentioned the P word) whilst Jongin sat in stony silence.   
When it was time to go to bed, Jongin gave Taemin a quick peck on the forehead before going to his room without so much as a 'goodnight'.   
There was definitely something weird going on. Taemin may have been unaware, but he wasn't blind.   
"Bie?" Taemin whispered, knocking on his boyfriend's door at around 1am. He'd waited a few hours so everyone would be asleep, that way they were less likely to get caught.   
Taemin was in an impatient mood so didn't wait to be asked in, and barged through the door without warning.   
Jongin wasn't asleep, which was weird because the first night here he'd slept like a baby. Instead, he was just lying on his bed still fully clothed, his arms crossed against his chest.   
"Did you have another nightmare?" Jongin asked, staring up at his lover wearily.   
"No." Taemin replied, "I'm here for you. You've been all grumpy and quiet. Is it cus of your dad?"   
"Yeah..." Jongin lied. Actually he was surprisingly ok after the uncomfortable encounter with his father. He'd moved on with his life, and it had only proved to him that his father didn't want him back, and that he didn't want to go back himself. Even though life was still so hard, he'd rather be here with Taemin than still under the thumb of a man who hated him.   
"Are you sure?" Taemin asked, "You seemed ok about it earlier. What changed?"   
"I've just had more time to think about it that's all..." Jongin mumbled.   
"You're lying. I know when you lie."   
"No you don't."   
"Yes I do." Taemin argued, "Now just tell me what's bugging you. It's bugging me that something's bugging you and it's bugging me even more that you won't tell me. I don’t like bugs."   
"Now you know how I feel." Jongin snapped. Taemin was always a secretive little *shit* about everything so he had some nerve.   
"Jongin."   
The tone of Taemin's voice changed like a switch, so Jongin decided to give in. He kind of wanted to tell Taemin what was on his mind anyway, but was worried he'd end up yelling.   
"It's just...I don't know why..." He started, pausing because he didn't want to say the wrong thing and start and argument.   
"...You don't know why...??" Taemin urged impatiently.   
"I don't know why you have to act the way you do around Minho all the time." Jongin blurted. It wasn't the subtle approach like he'd wanted but at least it was honest.   
Taemin looked blank for a few seconds and Jongin knew something bad was coming. But then the blonde laughed and rolled his eyes, as he plonked down on the bed and patted Jongin's knees.   
"Now now," Taemin smirked, "Jealousy can be cute but don't get possessive. You know how I feel about that."   
"I'm not..." Jongin insisted, "It's just you're really fucking touchy feely with him all the time. Shouldn't you be like that with me? Aren't I your boyfriend? Why do you need to be like it with him?"   
"Habit I guess." Taemin shrugged, "It's just always been that way...?"   
"Well can you stop it?" Jongin asked, "Because it gets on my nerves. And then you go out with him today without even telling me..."   
"I was helping him. He's my best friend. He's been going through shit since Onew died, you know that." Taemin sighed.   
"Hey I'm your best friend!" Jongin snapped, ignoring the last sentence completely.   
"No you're my loveeeerrrrrrrr" Taemin laughed, "It's better than being best friends with benefits though right?"   
"Don't joke." Jongin snapped, "I'm really serious."   
"...You're not telling me to stop are you?" Taemin asked, his tone changing from light to dark in a second again.   
"No I'm not telling you to do anything." Jongin replied, wary to get into a fight. "I'm asking you if you wouldn't mind pretty please not touching Minho every chance you get because I'm jealous as fuck ok??"   
"Ok. Since you asked so nicely." Taemin laughed, softening again. He leaned in to cup Jongin's face and bring their lips together. Taemin didn't mind being asked. It wasn't like being told what to do or being forced. Being asked was always ok. "You know you don't have to be insecure" he whispered, "I kind of like you."   
"Mm" Jongin mumbled. He'd decided there'd been enough talking. It was bad in some ways, but a sick part of him wanted to make every inch of Taemin his again after all that Minho contact.   
Sex always made him feel a little more secure, but it was never a long lasting effect because then Taemin would be back flirting with other guys, touching Minho and talking about renting constantly, which would drive Jongin crazy all over again. He knew it was pathetic, but he always felt like Taemin was never his enough. It probably had something to do with the fact he used to be a prostitute, and being in love with someone who had sex with other people was a hell he never wanted to live through again. He still hadn't got over it and it haunted him torturously whenever he thought about Taemin's past.   
"Let's have sex." Jongin announced randomly. Even though Taemin had said he'd stop all this Minho touching, Jongin was still feeling insecure and he was convinced this was the solution.   
Taemin laughed again, "Oooooh not a goody two shoes anymore are we? Wasn't it only last night you were bitching at me about getting caught...?"   
"I've changed my mind."   
"Such a rebel," Taemin smirked, "But I like a bad boy."   
"So can we?" Jongin asked impatiently.   
"Awwwh even when you're a bad boy you're still so polite about it." Taemin giggled.   
"Polite?"   
"Yeah. You're so cute- 'Lay down please', 'Spread your legs won't you dear?', 'Can I come inside now?', 'Slower or faster?', 'Is it ok if I touch here?'" he teased.   
Jongin hadn't appreciated the impersonations. "I'm not like that!"   
"Yes you are." Taemin giggled, noticing how red his lover's face was becoming, "But it's cute. Aw. Don't worry."   
Jongin wasn't in the mood to be called cute. He couldn't help wondering what Minho had been like with Taemin...Had he been soft and gentle about it too? Probably not. Maybe Minho had been better at sex than him. Maybe Taemin didn't like it as polite as he claimed.   
No no no.   
"Well I'm not in a 'polite' mood." Jongin hissed, "So lay the fuck down."   
"Oooooooohh" Taemin laughed, "Such foul language."   
But he did as he was told anyway, and as soon as he was lying flat on the bed Jongin jumped on top, pinning him down for a heated, messy kiss.   
Taemin let an accidental moan escape as he felt a knee pressed roughly against his crotch. He was actually enjoying this uninhibited version of Jongin quite a lot, but making fun of him was too tempting to resist.   
"Oh my" he teased, fluttering his eyelashes, "You're such a bad boy..."   
"Shut up!" Jongin snapped, he was so not ok with being mocked when they were just about to have sex, especially when he was feeling insecure anyway.   
Taemin was just about to not shut up, but had no choice because he was being kissed again. This time though, instead of parting his lips with his tongue, Jongin went straight for the kill and bit down on Taemin's bottom lip.   
It wasn't hard, but it was still enough to make Taemin realize Jongin was serious about this.   
"What's gotten into you?" Taemin asked, a little taken aback by this new side of Jongin he'd only met in dream form.   
"Nothing. I just want to-" Make you mine "I just want to do this ok?"   
"Ok" Taemin shrugged. Even though he thought Jongin was being weird, he was still excited. Sex with someone you love is always fun so why would this time be any different.   
In a flash, Taemin felt his jeans being yanked downwards and chucked to the ground, then his top being ripped from him only seconds later. Jongin looked down upon the naked form of his lover, satisfied, before it dawned on him that someone could walk in at any moment and he got up to put the chair against the door.   
"Holy shit you're fast!?" Taemin squeaked, as Jongin bounced back on top of him again like lightning, curling his right hand around Taemin's cock and pumping a few times.   
"Oh g-!!" Taemin cried again. Everything was happening at such a quick pace, he couldn't find time to compose himself. And then suddenly, Jongin was making his way downwards, and was just about to take Taemin into his mouth, when he was yanked off by his hair.   
"Forgetting something!" Taemin hissed, "Idiot."   
"What?" Jongin snapped.   
"Protection dear." Taemin replied, as he tried to sit up to get to one of Jongin's bags that was next to the bed.   
"No" Jongin said simply, pushing Taemin back down again.   
"Wha?"   
"No." Jongin repeated, this time a little too harshly.   
"What do you mean no?"   
"I mean I don't wanna use any today."   
Taemin just laughed and rolled his eyes, "It's not like we're doing it for my benefit is it? It's for your own good."   
Taemin hadn't seen the doctor yet. It was something he was dreading because on top of knowing he'd be asked a bunch of uncomfortable questions about drugs, there was also the 'what have I got' thing. He must have had something. It was a terrifying thought but something he'd had to come to terms with, being a prostitute and all.   
"...You're not ill. You probably don't have anything." Jongin snapped.   
"Did you pay attention in sex education at all, dummy?" Taemin replied, "Sometimes you don't get symptoms but it comes to bite you in the ass later in life...no pun intended."   
Jongin groaned in frustration, feeling that it was so unfair because he knew Taemin'd let some of his clients not use one. He bet Minho hadn't used one either in their de-cherrying sessions. The thought made him sick.   
"I'm not using one." Jongin said stubbornly.   
Taemin was just about to argue again and sit up, but the hands on his chest pressing him down were oddly forceful, and then a beautiful wave of pleasure hit him out of nowhere and he forgot what his name was, never mind about using protection.   
He glanced down with blurry eyes to see Jongin had indeed been serious about not using anything, and was doing all kinds of sinfully wonderful things with his tongue. He knew this was a terrible idea, but it felt so good that he couldn't stop himself bucking up into Jongin's welcoming mouth, whines of extacy escaping involuntarily.   
Jongin's lips closed around Taemin's cock tighter and the blonde let his eyes roll back, seeing stars. He could feel Jongin's strong tongue exploring it's surface and working greedily around the sensitive tip. And then suddenly, Jongin sucked his whole shaft practically down the back of his throat, and Taemin almost doubled over at the intensity of pleasure.   
Just as he felt like he was about to explode, Taemin felt Jongin's lips leave abruptly and say "Turn around", but before Taemin even had a chance to obey, he was being spun around on the bed so he was lying on his stomach.   
"Seriously...Bie...we should use one now!" Taemin managed to squeak.   
Jongin didn't listen. He was beyond caring and all he could think was that he wanted to fuck all those other men away. He wanted Taemin to forget about the fact he'd ever let anyone else inside of him other than Jongin. It wasn't right, but this was Jongin's only way of making himself feel less insecure.   
He grabbed underneath Taemin's chest to lift him up from lying, placing the blonde on all fours. It wasn't a position they did often, but he wasn't in a usual kind of mood and it felt right. Then, he slide both his hands up Taemin's thighs before probing insistently at his lover's entrance. Unsurprisingly, Taemin's hole was never hard to open, as it was always loose and stretched from years of abuse. The thought made Jongin sick again. So many thoughts did.   
Once inside, he scissored his fingers in and out a few times impatiently before spitting down liberally as a form of lubrication. When he thought Taemin was wet enough, he removed his fingers as quickly as he'd shoved them in, and undid his jeans roughly. He didn't even bother to take them off. As soon as his cock was free, he was so desperate to be inside that he spat down on his hand, coating himself in the glistening saliva before grabbing Taemin's hips and plunging deep inside.   
It wasn't how Jongin usually entered. There was no 'You ready baby?' or 'Can I?'. Taemin screamed at the intrusion because it was way too fast and dry. He'd found it fun at the beginning that Jongin seemed to be impatient and had dropped the polite act, but now he was feeling like this wasn't so nice after all. He didn't like being treated harshly by Jongin. Jongin was his soft teddy bear. Sure he could be controlling and possessive and Taemin hated that, but he was never rough with him when they were intimate.   
Today was the exception. Jongin wasn't even thinking straight. He grabbed Taemin's hips even harder, moving in and out roughly, making the blonde whimper and whine. He didn't know if the noises were pleasure or not, but they were way too loud. If they got caught they'd be in more than just trouble, they'd be back out on the street, so Jongin stopped thrusting and grabbed some of the duvet before shoving it in Taemin's mouth to drown out the noise.   
"MmmPHH!" Taemin moaned, spitting out the fabric, "You're going...too hard..."   
"Sorry" Jongin panted, as he tried to slow down. But then more and more images of Taemin with Minho or whoever else flashed in his mind and he couldn't contain his frustration. The more Jongin thought about it, the more frantic his thrusts became until he was pounding into Taemin so hard the blonde thought he might split in half.   
Jongin was beyond reason though. He wanted to fuck it all away. Fuck all the pain away. Fuck all the memories of Minho and all the creeps who'd Taemin had sold himself to. Taemin was his, only his, nobody else's. This would make it right.   
By this point Taemin was really not sure if he was enjoying this or not. In some ways, it was a sick turn on to be opened like this. He felt exposed and helpless, which wasn't something he'd usually enjoy because with a client it was terrifying if you felt like that. But this was only Jongin and that's what he kept telling himself.   
Taemin winced at a particularly deep thrust, gripping the sheets beneath him as he felt his arms start to give way. He came crashing down, his ass still high in the air as Jongin was keeping his hips in a iron like grip. This time it was Taemin who shoved some of the duvet into his mouth. He needed something to bite or he'd scream the place down.   
And then it all got too much. Jongin reached around and grabbed Taemin's cock, tugging on it only a few times in sync with the fast pace he was pounding. The double stimulation was overwhelming. Every fiber of Taemin's body was shaking with the thrill of it all, and he gave up entirely to Jongin's will as an intense pleasure radiated through his whole body as he climaxed all over the sheets beneath him.   
He let himself go limp, so Jongin was now pretty much holding all his weight up from his hips, as the aftershocks left his body to be replaced by a searing pain. His entrance felt strangely wetter than usual and he knew he was probably bleeding. Not that he wasn't used to it from his clients, but he'd never have thought Jongin would go so hard he'd actually tear something.   
"Ow!" Taemin hissed, "You're hurting me!"   
"S...sorry..." Jongin choked, and started to thrust lest furiously, trying to calm himself.   
It didn’t last long though, because soon he was thinking about all the other men that had hurt Taemin, all the other men that had been inside his lover, and jealousy was soon eating him up once more.   
Finally, Jongin's fucking accelerated to climax as his hard body seemed to almost seizure above Taemin. His eyes shut tightly as his body arched into a tightly muscled bow that quivered and shuddered as his cock pulsed deep inside, spilling it's hot load completely.   
Jongin let out a long moan of release and waited till he'd been totally milked, then collapsed forwards onto Taemin as his cock spasmed into stillness inside of the blonde.   
As Jongin came down from his high, a horrible guilty feeling was settling in his stomach. He pulled out gently and watched, mortified, as Taemin's butt sank down onto the bed. The blonde's whole body seemed to collapse in exhaustion, trails of creamy liquid with a hint of red seeping out of him slowly. Jongin had thought the sight would make him feel satisfied and secure...but it didn't at all. He just felt terribly remorseful. Taemin wasn't anymore 'his' than he had been before the sex. Nothing fulfilled that need he had to erase the memory that his lover was ever a whore.   
Taemin was also feeling like crap. He didn't fully understand why Jongin had taken it upon himself to act so weirdly, but he didn't like it one bit. Surely it hadn't just been because of the teasing...?Could touching Minho really push Jongin over the edge that much...? He hadn't got a fucking clue. All he knew was that he felt like shit, like he'd be 'claimed' or something. It was a feeling Taemin hated. He just wanted to be free, but Jongin seemed to want him all to himself. It was unnerving.   
"I...I'm sorry...I...Are you ok baby?" Jongin murmered, as Taemin stayed lying on his stomach, his face turned away to the wall.   
When Taemin didn't reply, Jongin twisted the blonde's head himself to inspect him. The look in Taemin's eyes wasn't something Jongin had ever seen before. It wasn't anger...it was more like...hurt?...confusion?   
"I gotta go." Taemin mumbled, sitting himself up abruptly before grabbing his jeans from the floor and pulling them on, not caring he'd probably leak cum all over them. It wasn't like his jeans weren’t used to it.   
"What...now...?" Jongin asked, "It's not 5 yet. We won't get caught. Don't you want to stay and...hug?"   
"No" Taemin snapped, "I'm tired. I wanna go to sleep."   
"Don't you wanna sleep here with me?" Jongin asked again, dumbly.   
"No." Came the cold reply, "I'll...I'll see you later."   
With that, Taemin shoved his top on and chucked the chair away from the door, before running down the corridor and away from what had just happened as quickly as he could.   
Once back in his own room, he let his body sink against the door as a tear escaped from his eyes. He often cried after sex with Jongin, but not like he was today. No, he usually cried because it felt nice and comforting and it made him emotional. But he what he was feeling right now was definitely not comfort. What he was feeling right now, was possessed. 

\---

Jongin woke up the next morning as guilt ridden as it was possible to feel. He'd acted like a crazy person the previous night, and he knew he'd really stepped over the line.   
Not only that, but he still felt terribly insecure. He wished he could just forget that Taemin ever used to sell himself, because the thought seemed to torture him more and more even though Taemin didn't do it anymore. And seeing him so cozy with Minho constantly just brought all the anger and frustration back up. He shouldn't have taken it out the way he did though. Taemin was right, maybe he really was controlling.   
He got up as quickly as he could and headed down to the main room, expecting to see Taemin already there eating. He needed to apologize as soon as possible.   
He scanned around the room, searching for that beautiful bleach blonde mop but there was no sign. It was weird. On the first 2 days Taemin had raced down to get breakfast before almost anybody else. The blonde was constantly hungry, and was always the first to accept any food being offered. Not today apparently.   
Jongin left the main room and went down to number 16, knocking on it softly. There was no reply so Jongin presumed Taemin was giving him the silent treatment. He deserved it.   
"Minnie?" He whispered, "Hey...can I come in?"   
Silence.   
"I'm really sorry about last night...I don’t know what got into me."   
Silence.   
"Taemin? Come on...don't be like this. I really am sorry."   
Silence.   
Getting worried, Jongin opened the door anyway, expecting to see Taemin still curled up in bed staring back at him grumpily. All he found however, was a note.   
Gone out with Minho like I told you. Don't be a baby about it. It's not like we're having sex. Come pick me up at the bridge after work.   
Fucking hell. Jongin scrunched the paper in his hand and chucked it back on the bed. He really wished Taemin would have waited to say goodbye, then at least he'd know on a scale of 1 to 10 just how pissed the blonde was. Probably very.   
So all Jongin could do was go to work as normal, and pretend Taemin wasn't out with Minho all day. They were probably having a great time without him, Jongin thought hatefully. Minho would probably have his arm around Taemin the whole time as they flirted non stop, making fun of stupid clingy Newbie.   
Jongin was just being paranoid and knew it, but it still didn't stop him from being in the worst mood the whole day. He'd *accidentally* dropped a plate in a woman's lap, got really stroppy with a co-worker and burnt his hand in the deep fat fryer because he was being so careless. If he kept this up he'd get fired, and that would be awful so he had to try and calm himself down.   
When the day was over, he did as he was told and went straight the bridge to meet with Taemin so they could go back to the shelter and eat. He was dreading seeing his boyfriend honestly, especially as his day had been so shitty, but he had to apologize. He didn't want to Taemin to be upset, that was the last thing he wanted.   
As he drew nearer though, curiosity was eating him up about what they'd be doing when he wasn't around. He shouldn't eavesdrop so often, it was a bad habit, but he thought it might make him feel better if he saw that they weren't all over each other at all, and all his fears and insecurities were unfounded.   
Boy was he wrong though. When he got up to the side of the bridge, he peered around to see underneath it, making sure he couldn't be seen. He wasn't the best spy, but there were loads of bushes around and it was pretty dark already so it wasn't hard to stay hidden.   
His heart sank when he saw Minho and Taemin, curled up together in the corner sharing a cigarette. Jonghyun and Key were also there, Jonghyun throwing a clean(ish) pair of jeans on whilst Key was rummaging through a bag.   
Jongin was about to barge in there, pissed, because hadn't Taemin said he wouldn't touch Minho anymore, when Key spoke and surely eavesdropping for a few more minutes wouldn't do any harm.   
"Where the fuck is it!?!" Key hissed, digging deeper into the bag.   
"Where the fuck is what?" Jonghyun asked.   
"The allcooohoooolll." Key whined, then saw the sharp look Jonghyun was giving him and added, "What it's not like it's drugs is it? I just need a little drink if I'm gonna get through tonight."   
"It's over here." Taemin mumbled, and Jongin watched as the blonde turned behind him to pull out a half drank bottle.   
"Shit how much have you had?!" Key snapped, snatching it away.   
"Not that much." Taemin shrugged, "Like you said, it's not like it's drugs...so I'm still being good."   
"Yeah I'm sure Newbie'd see it that way." Jonghyun interrupted sarcastically, taking the bottle away from Key once he'd had a few sips.   
"Why does everyone keep saying shit like that?" Taemin snapped, "He's not the goody goody saint you guys think he is. He drinks. He's smoked weed. So shut the fuck up...Jongin isn't the boss of me anyway. "   
"No I am." Key laughed, before turning back to Jonghyun, "Come on...give me some more. I really can't do tonight if I'm not at least a little drunk."   
"Then don't do tonight." Jonghyun snapped, "I don't want you going out with that jerk again."   
"What jerk?" Minho asked. He still had his arm wrapped around Taemin and it made Jongin sick so he had to create a 'they're just friends' mantra in his head to stop his fists going crazy.   
"The rich jerk I went out with last month. Don't you remember?" Key replied, as he pried the bottle out of his boyfriend's hands and took a few more sips.   
"...Vaguely?" Minho shrugged, "You go out with a lot of rich jerks."   
"No I don't." Key laughed, "I go out with a lot of jerks, but hardly any of them are rich. That's why I have to do tonight. I might be a millionaire by the end of it if I get him off enough."   
Jonghyun swore under his breath and grabbed the bottle back. "It's not worth it" he hissed.   
Jongin had no idea how Jonghyun and Key coped, being a couple and still renting themselves out. He knew they were very different people to him and it had almost become 'normal' for them, but still, he couldn't get his head around how their relationship worked.   
"Have you got a client tonight or are you just gonna see who picks you up?" Key asked, giving up on his attempts to steal the bottle back.   
"Client." Jonghyun mumbled.   
"Who?" Taemin interrupted nosily.   
"...Sekyung." Jonghyun mumbled.   
Key made a very loud grumble before hissing- "Ugh that bitch."   
"She's not a bitch." Jonghyun retorted, "She's-"   
"A girl!?" Taemin squeaked.   
"…Yeah?"   
"Huh" Taemin said. He almost looked offended. "No girl ever asked me."   
"You wouldn't even know what to do if one did." Key smirked.   
Taemin narrowed his eyes and folded his arms like a delinquent teenager. "Of course I would. I've topped before."   
"Oh really?" Jonghyun interrupted, "How many times?"   
"….3 times."   
"ONLY 3 TIMES? In all your years of renting...seriously?!" Jonghyun laughed, "Actually I bet they were all with Newbie anyway."   
"No" Taemin argued, "I've never topped with Bie. He claims he's all giving but actually he's just as greedy as every other bastard."   
"Trouble in paradise?" Key asked, rummaging through another one of the bags and pulling out some eyeliner. How he'd got his hands on that Jongin'd never know.   
"None of your fucking business." Taemin replied, his face going red as he sulked.   
"Leave him alone." Minho cut in, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and putting it up the blonde's lips. Taemin took a long, agonizing drag before puffing the smoke out in bursts.   
Jongin was furious. Not only were they indirectly kissing, but they'd also been talking about Taemin's past life as a prostitute and mentioned private things, bitching about how Jongin was greedy like the others. Was fucking all they talked about? And if he had to hear another person say 'renting' he was going to lose it.   
"Get up." Jongin announced, as he stormed under the bridge without warning. Taemin jumped to the side in surprise, untangling himself from Minho's embrace.   
"You're late." Taemin commented, "Did you get my note this morning?"   
"Yeah." Jongin snapped again, reaching down to the blonde and grabbing his arm to lift him up, "Come on. We're leaving."   
"Shit you're rude." Key laughed, "Not even a hello for any of us...?"   
Jongin glared at him murderously before starting to drag Taemin out by his arm.   
"Hey!" Taemin squirmed, "What the fuck...?"   
"I just want to go." Jongin snapped, "Ok?"   
Taemin rolled his eyes and snatched his arm away, walking back to where his bag had been dumped next to Minho. "Fine." he grumbled, "Bloody hell. You won't even let me get my fucking stuff."   
"Bye baby" Key called, as Taemin stormed out of the bridge back to Jongin without a word.   
The walk to the bus stop was done in absolute silence. Taemin was in front, because he didn't want Jongin to know how mad he was. He had no idea what had gotten into his lover, but he hated it and just wanted to punch his stupid face. Especially as Jongin's 'controlling' nature just seemed to be getting worse, not better. Taemin would have thought that everything would have been fixed as soon as he stopped renting, but that wasn't the case at all. He couldn't mention anything to do with it without Jongin going crazy. And now apparently he wasn't allowed to hug Minho either. It was pathetic and he was a free person who could do whatever the fuck he wanted.   
The actual bus ride there was deadly quiet as well. It was one of those horrible silences where you know something terrible is coming. The calm before the storm is sometimes worse than the storm itself, because anticipating the shit that's about to go down is hella unnerving. Jongin stared out of the window the whole time, still furious. And to think that he'd wanted to apologize so desperately this morning, when Taemin hadn't paid the blindest bit of attention to him asking nicely if he could stop being such a slut around Minho all the time, and stop talking about whoreing so fucking much. He was sick of this life. Why couldn't the past just die.   
When they got to the shelter, it was already dinner time. They were actually very lucky because if they'd been 2 minutes later the doors would have shut for the night and they'd have to go back to the bridge and sleep there. Taemin didn't eat with Jongin as usual, but instead went to sit next to Chen. He made a show of laughing ludicrously loud at Chen's jokes so Jongin could see what a wonderful time he was having without him.   
Jongin had also made a *kind of* friend at the shelter, so sat with him. He was a boy called Chanyeol and was unlike anyone Jongin had ever met, with a larger than life type personality. He was a bit of a thug honestly, but Jongin had met a lot worse and it was nice to have a friend that wasn’t in the prostitution obsessed world he'd found himself in.   
Taemin finished eating first. He always did. It was like he inhaled his food. After he was done, he stormed as fast as he could through the double doors and into the corridor leading to their rooms. Jongin presumed he'd gone back to his own to sulk, but he was wrong.   
Because Jongin finished only moments later, and huffed back to his room with the intention of going to sleep and forgetting today or yesterday ever happened, when he opened the door to find the blonde he was so mad at, sitting down on his bed, arms folded and facing the window.   
"I thought you'd gone to sleep." Jongin commented. It was a stupid first thing to say after such a long time of stony silence, but it was all he had.   
"I'm not tired." Taemin replied harshly.   
There was another moment of silence, before either dared to speak again.   
"So." Jongin snapped, "How was your day with Minho?"   
"Fucking terrible actually, thanks for asking." Taemin retorted, "He's a mess now Onew's gone. And no job'll take him. Obviously. Complete waste of a day."   
"Sorry to hear that." Jongin replied coldly.   
"No you're not." Taemin hissed, "You're probably happy he's having such a shitty time."   
"What?! I don't have anything against Minho."   
"Oh so it's just me then is it?"   
Jongin didn't know what to say to that. "...You know what it is."   
"Me hugging my friend? Or me being a whore? Or me talking about being a whore?"   
"Stop calling yourself that. You know I hate that."   
"Oh I'm sorry." Taemin said sarcastically, "What would you prefer..."   
"Nothing!" Jongin interrupted, "Let's just make a rule ok? No more W word, P word, R B word...let it fucking die already."   
Taemin laughed coldly, shaking his head in disbelief. "Are you seriously telling me what words I can and can't use?...So what about hooker? Gigolo? Escort? Are they banned to?"   
"Stop it." Jongin snapped, "Do you actually like deliberately tormenting me or something? Every other conversation it gets mentioned and you know how I feel about it."   
"What the fuck are you talking about? It hardly ever gets mentioned."   
"Are you kidding?" Jongin scoffed, "Only this afternoon you were all talking about it. And I saw you by the way, all cozy with Minho in the corner, after I asked you not to."   
"OK WOW." Taemin shouted, unable to keep his voice level any longer. "1- MY FRIENDS ARE STILL RENTING, IT'S GOING TO COME UP. AND I CAN TALK TO THEM ABOUT WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT. 2- WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU EAVESDROPPING SO MUCH?! 3- I WASN'T TOUCHING MINHO IN FRONT OF YOU, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? FRIENDS ARE ALLOWED TO HUG."   
"IT'S NOT HUGGING! The way you two act around each other makes me sick! It's like you're more of a couple with him than you are with me!?!"   
"Ughhh god I can't talk to you when you're like this." Taemin moaned, "If you could hear yourself right now seriously...you're acting like a possessive asshole."   
"And you're acting like a spiteful brat." Jongin snapped, "It's like you find it fun to make me jealous."   
"I DON'T FIND IT FUN, JONGIN. THIS ISN'T FUN." Taemin yelled again, "I HAVE A PAST, I HAVE FRIENDS. MY WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT."   
"Stop yelling." Jongin ordered, "If they find us fighting we could get in real trouble."   
"OH YELLING'S A PROBLEM? BUT HAVING SEX LAST NIGHT...THAT WAS FINE?"   
"I...I..." Jongin stuttered. He really wished they could just forget about the unfortunate events the night before. "I'm sorry about that...I was gonna apologize this morning but then you were gone..."   
"What the hell got into you anyway?" Taemin snapped, "Marking me as your territory like that. It's fucking sick. I thought you were different but you're just like all those other bastards."   
"WHAT?!" Jongin shrieked. It was his turn to lose the volume control on his voice.   
"YOU HEARD ME." Taemin yelled back, "And do you even know how stupid you were not to use anything?"   
"…"   
"Yeah exactly. If you caught something don't blame me. You deserve it."   
That was it. Jongin couldn't stand this anymore. "I DIDN'T DO...I WASN'T...I JUST WANT US TO BE TOGETHER PROPERLY. THAT'S ALL I WANT. I'M NOT TRYING TO...AHHHH....I JUST...!!!!" he screamed, so angry and overraught the words wouldn't come out.   
"NO. DON'T. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE DOING SO DON'T GIVE ME THAT 'PROPERLY TOGETHER' SHIT. WE'RE ALREADY A COUPLE JONGIN. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME ANYMORE YOURS THAN I ALREADY AM. CUMING IN MY ASS WON'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE." Taemin yelled, standing up off the bed and backing against the window so he'd be as far away from Jongin as possible.   
"I KNOW! I KNOW! I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT...I CAN'T TAKE THE THOUGHT OF YOU WITH ALL THOSE OTHER GUYS. I CAN'T TAKE YOU REMINDING ME ABOUT IT EVERY FUCKING DAY. I'M ALLOWED TO FEEL LIKE THIS, ANYONE WOULD." Jongin shouted back. He felt a lump start to form in his throat but swallowed it down because he didn't want to be weak and pathetic. He still honestly believed he was right.   
"NO THEY WOULDN'T. YOU'RE ASKING ME TO NOT BE ME. YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT MY PAST MAKES ME A HORRIBLE PERSON."   
"IT DOES THOUGH!" Jongin yelled, without really thinking.   
"WHAT?????"   
"No! I didn't mean....!" Jongin gasped, "I don't think you're a horrible person...but selling sex is horrible and..."   
"I'm done." Taemin cut in out of nowhere, and barged past Jongin out the door, running down the corridor and towards his room.   
The argument seemed to end way too abruptly and Jongin was in panic because he hadn't meant to imply Taemin was a bad person, he just always said the wrong thing in the heat of the moment. "Hey wait!" he called. Taemin didn't though, so Jongin chased him to his room as fast as he could.   
"What the fuck?" Jonin cursed, once they'd shut the door. "We're not done here. We need to talk this out."   
"No." Taemin said simply, grabbing one of his bags from the floor and dumping it on the bed, "I don't mean this conversation. I mean us."   
"WHAT?" Jongin yelled, turning white immediately.   
"YOU AND ME." Taemin shouted back, "IT'S OVER. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE."   
With that, he barged past Jongin again to get to the nightstand, opening the top drawer to pull out some jeans and underwear before chucking them inside the bag.   
Upon the realization that his lover was actually packing, Jongin grabbed the bag and emptied it's contents out on the bed. "For fucks sake! What the hell are you talking about? One argument doesn't mean it's over. You're just being melodramatic."   
"NO I'M NOT." Taemin screamed, grabbing the bag back and starting to repack again, "IT'S NOT ONE ARGUMENT. WE FIGHT ALL THE TIME ABOUT EXACTLY THIS AND I'M DONE. I'M DONE WITH IT. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY. GO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE WHO ISN'T DAMAGED GOODS. IT'S WHAT YOU WANT ISN'T IT? YOU WON'T HAVE TO USE PROTECTION WITH THEM. YOU CAN CUM IN THEIR ASS AS MUCH AS YOU WANT."   
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Jongin yelled, chucking Taemin's belongings out of the bag faster than the blonde could pack them in.   
"I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU NOT HAVING TO FUCK A WHORE ANYMORE. CONGRATULATIONS." Taemin screamed, pushing Jongin's chest so he lost balance and flew into the door.   
"STOP CALLING YOURSELF THAT!" Jongin yelled, as he scrambled back to Taemin and stole the bag away for the hundredth time, "YOU'RE NOT A WHORE. AND I FUCKING LOVE YOU OK? I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED OF THE PAST EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. I'M NOT ASKING FOR ANYTHING UNREASONABLE HERE."   
"YOU'RE ASKING ME TO NOT BE ME. YOU'RE ASKING ME TO PRETEND I WAS NEVER WHO I USED TO BE BECAUSE YOU'RE A PATHETIC CHILD WHO CAN'T DEAL WITH REAL LIFE AND WANTS EVERYTHING TO BE GLITTERY RAINBOWS." Taemin screeched. He'd gotten sick of not being allowed to pack, so gave up, picked up his coat and flung the door open.   
Once back in the corridor, he felt Jongin grab his arm but shook it away. He wasn't going to be controlled anymore.   
"Taemin please...no...let's just talk..." Jongin called, as Taemin started to run through the double doors and into the main room. Luckily it was empty as everyone was supposed to be asleep. The exit doors were also locked, so Taemin ran to a window and unbolted it. He was just about to pull himself up and out, when Jongin grabbed him again.   
"WILL YOU STOP IT ALREADY?" Taemin screamed, "I TOLD YOU. IT'S OVER."   
"Please...I'm sorry...don't go..." Jongin begged, "I love you."   
"WELL I DON'T LOVE YOU." Taemin shouted harshly. Except the sob that escaped straight after and the tears rolling down his cheeks contradicted his words.   
"Taemin..." Jongin gasped, but let go when it was clear he wasn't going to win this fight. Nobody was.   
Taemin climbed his way out of the window, ripping another hole in his jeans on his way down. Jongin looked into his lover's eyes pleedingly once more. They were as wet as his were.   
"Tell Taeyeon that Jonghyun, Key or Minho'll be moving in tomorrow." Taemin muttered, before he turned to leave, sculking through the night and into the shadows where he belonged. He felt like his world had just ended, like he'd never be whole again. At least he was free.   
\---

WELL  
I am a horrible horrible person for writing this, I know :') IMSORRY.   
Honestly I'm a little worried about how this chapter'll go down :') I've been trying to build the fight and break up for a while so it didn't come completely out of the blue but I think I failed ahaa. 

So I know I ask this basically every other chapter lol but who's side are you on NOW? xD I'm always like 'im on no one's blah blah blah' BUT NOT THIS TIME. Im definitely on Taemin's, but my friend was arguing Jongin's only acting this way cus Tae's so awful so :') anyway. Please don’t hate jongin, he's not horrible D': he's just messed up.


	15. Kim Kibum: New Newbie

"Bye baby" Key called, as Taemin stormed out of the bridge back to Jongin without a word. 

"Did Newbie seem even weirder than usual...?" Jonghyun asked, catching his boyfriend's eyes quizzically. 

"No." Key laughed, "He's always that weird." 

"Tae told me he's been pissy lately so that's probably it." Minho commented, "Apparently he's been telling him what to do a lot." 

"Huh. Well I know what that's like." Key replied, turning to Jonghyun pointedly. 

"Excuse me." Jonghyun scoffed, "I don't tell you want to do. If anything it's you who bosses me around." 

"And nags." Minho added unhelpfully. 

"Don't you have some drugs to sell or something, frog boy?" Key hissed. He didn't like it when Minho got in the middle of conversations he was having 'privately'. Except of course nothing was private around here. 

"Don't you have some rich jerk to go and...er...jerk off, cat boy?" Minho retorted. 

"Oh yeah I do actually." Key said, glancing down at his phone for the time but it was completely dead. 20% charge my ass. It went from 20 to nothing in no time and then turned itself off without warning. "...Does my eyeliner look ok?" he asked randomly, turning to Jonghyun. 

"It's a bit wonky." Jonghyun replied, "Where'd you get it anyway?" 

"Where do you think." Key smirked, "I stole it from a client. He was married and his wife had all her makeup laid out on the table so I accidentally took it." 

"Ugh god I think I'll leave you girls to it if you're gonna start talking about make up." Minho interrupted, putting out his cigarette on the ground. 

"Where are you going?" Key asked. Since Onew died, Minho had been staying in at night as opposed to his usual schedule of being out till the crack of dawn. 

"None of your business." Minho snapped, grabbing is jacket and taking off to god knows where. 

"Everyone's being so rude tonight..." Key tutted. He was glad to be alone with Jonghyun though, even though he really had to get going soon to meet his client. 

"Is this any better?" Key asked, as he tried to fix up his eyes. With only the reflection in his phone as a mirror, it was hard to make them even. 

"You look better without that stuff." Jonghyun said, kneeling down and using his thumb to wipe away some of the smudged makeup. 

"Maybe to you." Key replied, "But not to anyone else." 

"No one else matters." Jonghyun said simply, "Don't do tonight. Just stay in. I'll make enough with Sekyung so we won't have to worry for a couple of days." 

Key sighed. There were only a few clients of his Jonghyun really hated, but this rich jerk was one of them. He couldn't blame him. He hated a few of Jonghyun's as well. I mean he disliked all of them, but there was just something about certain ones that made his skin crawl even more than the others. Mostly though, they'd had to come to the terms with the fact their relationship wasn't exclusive. It had taken some time and they still fought often, but they'd both accepted that this was how life was. Sex with strangers meant nothing and even though the jealousy was hard sometimes, when you've been together as long as they had, you could be quite secure in the love you shared. 

It hadn't been like that at the beginning. Key rented himself out before any of the others did, and when Jonghyun found out he'd gone ballistic. But it was practical and it helped them survive. Soon Jonghyun was dipping his toe in too, then Taemin, and suddenly prostitution was not a big deal anymore. 

Newbie had changed that outlook a bit. Seeing a new person's reaction to their way of life was unsettling. He constantly seemed so shocked and horrified by how casually they talked about it, and sometimes it made Key think- wow this really is weird. There was nothing he could do about it for now though. 

"You're sweet but I want to. Tonight could really make us a lot and he's not thaaaat bad." Key replied, cupping Jonghyun's cheek in his right hand. 

Just before Jonghyun was about to argue, Key blobbed a tiny bit of the black eyeliner on his nose. 

"Heyyyy..." Jonghyun moaned, going cross eyed, "I need to look hot too you know..." 

Key smirked back, getting up and dusting down his jeans before running a hand through his hair as an attempt to brush it. 

He was about to turn and leave because there was no need for a goodbye, when Jonghyun grabbed his hand. "Don't have fun." he said. It was a little tradition they used to have but they hadn't said it in years. In the past, everytime either of them was going out to pick up a client, the other one would say 'don't have fun' as just a little reminder this was only for money. 

"Don't worry. I won't." Key smiled. "You either." 

"Never do." Jonghyun said, scrunching his nose playfully. 

"Liar." 

"Yeah well, I'm always thinking of you." 

"Liar." 

"Just go already." Jonghyun snapped, and reached behind Key, putting a hand on the small of his back to pull him in for a final kiss. "Be safe. And stab the guy in the eye if he tries any shit." 

Key winced at the word 'stab' because he still hadn't gotten over what had happened that awful night back at their derelict home. He managed to shake it off though. "And you say I nag" he muttered, before holding Jonghyun's hand for a second and then wondering away. 

Right. Time to flip personas. 

Key had three modes. The first- Rent boy Key, was pretty much his default. This Key was cold and heartless. He didn't take shit from his clients and if they tried anything he wasn't comfortable with, he'd threaten them and hope it'd be enough to make them stop. Rent boy Key wasn't scared of anyone. He was confident and fearless and he kept his guard up at all times. 

The second Key was the one he allowed his friends to see; the Key that wasn't secretive all the time, the Key that wanted to look after and protect the people he loved the most. This Key was really only showed to Minho, formally Onew and occasionally Newbie because even though Key would never admit it, the boy did have his good points despite the fact he was a socially awkward twat sometimes. Key didn't consider anyone else a friend, so the second Key was shown to no one else. 

And the last Key was a version of himself that only Jonghyun and Taemin knew. The real Kibum, as opposed to the role he played most of the time. This Key was allowed to be weak, and really there was nothing that Jonghyun and Taemin didn't know about him. He didn't hide his feelings, and trusted them both completely. They were more than just friends, and more than just family in some ways. They'd been with each other so long, Key was sure than nothing could ever tear them apart. 

But anyway, right now he had to be Key number one. Rent boy Key. This rich jerk (or to use his proper name- Kim Junsu) wasn't Key's worst client but that didn't mean he was nice either. He'd never beaten Key up, so that was nice, but there was definitely something off about him. There's no other way of saying it but that he was a creep. And he'd taken a strange liking to Key which was doubly weird. Especially as the first time they'd met, Key had been nothing but rude to him. But he seemed to like that. He was probably used to being treated like the king most of the time because of his wealth, so maybe it turned him on that Key wasn't like that. Who the fuck knows. There a weirder kinks. 

They'd arranged meet behind one of the main streets in town. Key was surprised because he'd thought it would be busy but actually it was really quiet and much darker than usual because the street lights were having a cow, flickering on and off sporadically. 

He didn't have the time so had no idea how long he'd been waiting but it seemed like an eternity. It was pissing him off. The waiting for a client to pick you up was almost as bad as the actual thing. It was cold and boring and he just wanted to get it over and done with already. At least Taemin didn't do this anymore. That was a nice thought. He'd always felt so guilty that he'd been the first one to rent himself out, and always wondered if he hadn't...would Taemin ever have done it either? But then how would they have made their money...? It wasn't like he had a choice. Eh. It was irrelevant now. Taemin was probably tucked up in the warm right now and he could be happy about that. 

Key was brought out of his thoughts suddenly, when he heard a cough to the side of him. It was one of those coughs that you can tell is fake, with the only purpose being to get your attention. For a second Key thought it was Junsu and was just about to tell him that was a really rude way of saying hello to his whore, but got a shock when it was in fact, a young teenager, walking towards him slowly. He was quite tall for his age and sickly thin, with a pointy face and dark eyes. 

"Fuck off home kid." Key hissed. It wasn't safe to be out here this late and this idiot could get himself in real trouble. 

The kid ignored him, and as he got closer Key noticed just how dirty his face was. His clothes didn't look much better, with mud and grit stains all down his ironically holey jeans. 

"Do you have any food...?" The boy asked. 

"No." Key snapped, "Now fuck off." It may have been harsh, but that’s just how Key communicated. Plus he really didn't want this kid to be around when Junsu got here, else the bastard might get it in his head that this kid was a rent boy too and take them both home. 

"Oh okay..." The boy mumbled, "Do you know where to get some?" 

"This late?" Key asked, "The trash. That's it. Now leave me alone." 

"The trash?" The boy repeated, ignoring the last comment, "Do people actually do that?" 

"If they're desperate enough." Key stated. 

"Have you?" The boy asked nosily. 

Key had, but wasn't in the mood for chit chatting and this boy was obviously a total moron. "Look." He snapped, "I have a knife and just because you're a toddler doesn't mean I won't use it ok? Now if you have a home, go there. And if you don't, fuck off somewhere light. Leave me alone or I'll make you." 

"Fuck you." The boy cursed, turning to walk away, then mumbled under his breath, "All I wanted was some fucking food..." 

Key was a little taken a back because he hadn't expected that swearing. It was strangely amusing and it made him like the kid more for the sass. At least he'd got the message. It really wasn't safe down here. 

Especially as not 2 seconds after the boy's figure had seeped into the darkness, but another person arrived. 

"How much are you tonight then, Bummie?" A spine tingly creepy voice asked, as Junsu revealed himself in a nice suit, the top few buttons undone. 

"Don't call me that asshole." Key hissed, "I only told you my real name so you'd shut up about it." 

"But Key is so impersonal." Junsu chuckled, "It's better with real names, Kibum." 

"Fuck off." Key spat. He wouldn't usually be this rude to a client but Junsu deserved it (and a weird part of him actually liked it) so Key took it as an opportunity to be mean. 

"...So?" Junsu asked. 

"So what." 

"So how much are you tonight? I thought you liked to be paid first...isn't that what you said last time?" 

"Oh yeah." Key said, surprised Junsu had remembered. Of course he preferred to be paid first, but it rarely happened. 

"Who are you?" A voice asked, making Key and Junsu jump as the kid wondered back into the dim light of the flickering street lamp again. 

"Ughhhhh god!" Key moaned, "I thought you'd gone!" 

"You never know who could be lurking in the shadows." The boy laughed. 

"Yeah. Quite." Key snapped, "An annoying brat like you who I'mma have to get a restraining order for." 

"Do you have any food Mr?" The boy asked, turning himself away form Key to Junsu. 

"No." Junsu laughed, looking the boy up and down with the kind of eyes Key hated. It was that look that said- you're not a person, you're just a toy. Key wanted to grab his knife right then and there. 

"Why are you looking at me like that...?" The boy squeaked. 

"He thinks you're a prostitute." Key replied plainly, "Now fuck off unless you want to be one." 

"A PROSTITUTE?" The boy yelled, "ME??? That's insulting!!" 

"Is it?" Junsu cut in, wondering to the kid and placing a hand on his cheek, to which the boy flinched away immediately. "There are worse things to be..." 

"No there aren't." The boy hissed, "I might be hungry but I'm not sinking that low. I'd rather starve than be one of them." 

Key laughed coldly but he wasn't offended. There was a time when he would have said exactly the same thing. If he could go back and tell his 16 year old self that in a few years he'd be selling himself casually, he'd have fainted. "Come on..." He said, and grabbed Junsu's arm before starting to drag him away. He didn't want Junsu to get it in his sick head that it would be fun to have both of them. 

"Let's just go...I'll be a good kitten," Key cooed, as he and Junsu walked a few paces down the road and to where he presumed one of Junsu's many cars would be parked. 

"Tch. I don't like my whores polite." Junsu sneered. 

"How do you like them?" Key asked, when he they reached the car- a big red one with tinted windows, Key didn't know what type it was. 

"Slutty." Junsu cackled, before getting in and gesturing for Key to do the same. 

Key had no idea where they were going. He'd gotten used to not asking. Sometimes the client got pissed if you asked. It was weird, like they didn't want you to have an opinion about anything. Still, it was usually some cheap motel room with stains on the curtains. Sometimes it was in some dark alleyway. Key hated that the most- uncomfortable, cold and unsanitary. Ugh. At least he knew he'd be going somewhere a bit nicer tonight. After all, Junsu was rich and even with a worthless prostitute, he still wasn't going to go somewhere that wasn't at least a little classy. 

In the end, they pulled up to a really large house on the edge of town. It wasn't big enough to call it a mansion but it wasn't far off. The side of the house was almost all glass, and everything about it looked ultra modern. 

When they got inside to the foyer, Key couldn't help but gawk at his surroundings. It hadn't been what he was expecting from the simple, glassy exterior as the decor was opulent and lush, with marble and strange Persian looking drapes hung around lavishly. Key thought it was a bit much. 

"Shit you have tacky taste." Key blurted. 

"I must do if I brought you home." Junsu smirked, "You don't like the décor?" 

"No, it's like your pretending to have style but you clearly don't. Nothing matches. And aren't you married? Like what the fuck are you doing taking me somewhere where there's so much glass. Do you want to get caught with a cheap rent boy?" Key asked. 

Junsu laughed heartily before starting to lead Key up the stairs. "Oh stop pretending you give a shit about my wife. This isn't the house we share together anyway. She doesn't even know I have this one." 

Key almost doubled over because he knew this guy was rich, but not that rich. "How many houses do you have exactly...?" 

"A couple more than the average person." Junsu laughed. 

"The average person has one." Key snapped. 

"And how many do you have Bummie?" Junsu asked. He was mocking Key because he knew full well he was homeless. 

"Oh I have dozens." Key said sarcastically, "I'm way richer than you. I just do this because I like blowing off rich jerks." 

"I bet you do." Junsu sniggered, pausing outside the bedroom door for a second before opening it proudly. "What else do you like to do to rich jerks?" 

Key couldn't reply for a second because the bedroom décor was even more hideous than the rest of this shithole. There was even a zebra print rug on the floor that looked alarmingly real. It made Key mad. He was all for weird fashion trends and expressing yourself through art, but not at the expense of another living being. That was just sick. Plus right now he couldn't help feeling a lot like that dead zebra corpse; used, abused and trampled on. 

"Hello? Bummie?" Junsu snapped, narrowing his eyes as he started to back Key against the wall. "It's rude to not answer a question you know." 

"I was just admiring your interior design." Key spat, as he tried not to feel intimidated. Junsu was always like this- all smirky and chatty but then as soon as he got in the bedroom, his switched to being just plain mean. 

"You like it?" Junsu sneered, "You want to be fucked on a zebra print carpet?" 

Key just shrugged, as he felt a hand slide under his top and move its way like a snake to his back, pulling him so close that their noses touched. It was apparent Junsu wanted an actual answer though, so Key made himself reply. "Whatever you say old man." 

Slap. 

It wasn't a hard hit. But it still got Key mad. It wasn't like he could do anything about it though. 

"I've changed my mind." Junsu hissed, "I do like my whores polite after all." 

"I'm gonna use my teeth on your dick." Key hissed. There was no way he was going to be a good little prostitute after being slapped. 

Slap. 

This time on the other cheek. At least he was making it even. 

So the night continued just how Key'd expected. This was nothing new to him. Actually nothing was new anymore, and he hardly ever got shocked when a client did something 'unpredictable'. Because nothing was unpredictable. He'd done everything, seen everything, and honestly as long as got paid he didn't give one flying fuck. 

He made sure to use some teeth on Junsu as promised, but the sick bastard seemed to enjoy it and just rammed even harder. But it was ok. Again, nothing Key hadn't coped with before. Plus whenever he was in uncomfortable, demoralizing situations he had this weird ability to go off into a fantasy world in his mind and forget some guy was shoving their dick down his throat. 

Annoyingly, Junsu had been serious about going at it on the zebra print rug. Key could deal with that too though, and just laid down submissively, pretending that it was Jonghyun on top of him and that he wasn't lying on the skin of a dead animal, but just a fluffy blanket in some log cabin. Cozy. 

He also tried ignored the fact Junsu was spanking him, instead reminding himself that a little pain was all worth it because hello money and maybe he'd get paid extra. Spanking was actually a pet hate of Key's though. He had no idea why someone would find it arousing to hurt someone, or be hurt themselves. Plus it made him feel like a toy again, and he wasn't a blow up doll, he was a human. His clients didn't care and he couldn't blame them. He was providing a service after all and who was he to judge what people liked. 

That didn’t stop him though. 

"Hey can you stop with the spanking you sleazy bastard?" Key mumbled. His face was pressed against the poor dead zebra so he couldn't speak clearly.  
"I'm sorry?!?" Junsu panted.  
"I said," Key snapped, craning his neck upwards, "Stop with the spanking. I don't want to leave this place all red and gross." 

"Shut up." Junsu hissed, pushing Key's head down again so he got a mouthful of fur, "I'm paying so I can do whatever the fuck I want." 

Key couldn't argue with that. Clients always thought that money gave them the right to do anything. Key wasn't sure if it did or not. 

Luckily, the session ended only an hour after it had begun. That was the nice thing about older guys. They didn't have as much stamina so even if it was bad, it was at least over quickly. 

As soon as the sex ended, Junsu was back to being his normal chatty weird self again. He actually let Key shower which was much needed, and Key made sure to steal a good amount of shampoo. Also some cologne because why not. He deserved to smell nice after that. 

"So I think I'm entitled to a few extra tips then aren't I?" Key said, as he wondered out of the bathroom, already fully clothed because he wasn't going to do a reverse strip tease thank you very much. 

"Extra tips?" Junsu laughed, "For what?" 

"Getting a mouthful of a corpse's fur." Key stated, looking down pitifully at the zebra print rug, "And not biting your dick off." 

"Oh well I suppose you do." Junsu smirked, reaching into the nightstand and pulling out his wallet, "Same time next month?" 

"Whatever" Key shrugged, trying to snatch the money only to have it yanked away. 

"What's the magic word?" Junsu smirked. 

"Fuck." Key snapped, reaching for the money again. 

"Nupe." 

"Octogenarian." 

"Nupe." 

"Viagra." 

"Nupe." 

"Ugh." Key moaned, "Please. Pretty please with a cherry on top won't you give your whore his money so he can go already and drown his shame in some cheap alcohol?" 

"Good kitty." Junsu sneered, handing Key the money. It was 300$ and a hell of a lot more than Key usually made, so it was worth swallowing the little bit of pride he had left. 

The arrangement was for Key to be dropped back where Junsu had picked him up, but annoyingly the lazy jerk got one of his staff to drive Key, claiming he was too tired. It was awkward as fuck because the poor guy knew exactly what Key was and exactly what he'd been doing but was too nice to say anything, so instead drove him back in total silence. Weirdly he had a name tag on, and it read 'Nam Woohyun'. Even though he didn't speak, Key thought he was sweet because he offered Key some mints and that never happened. 

"Thanks for the ride." Key said, laughing because what a thing to say, "I mean the car ride." 

Woohyun's eyes widened as he nodded and drove away as fast as possible. It Key chuckle because ahh to be young and innocent again. 

Cough. 

"Fucking hell!!" Key cursed, as he jumped out of his skin to see the same stupid idiot boy slumped on the pavement. "I thought I told you to go somewhere light. It's really fucking dangerous around here in the dark. Are you a total idiot?" 

"I don't know where else to go." The boy sulked. 

"Ugh god." Key moaned, "Are you homeless?" 

The boy didn't reply because he thought it was a stupid question. I mean hello, he was obviously homeless. No kid stays in a dark empty high street on his own, freezing cold and hungry if they had a choice in the matter. Instead he decided to ask a question back, because the penny had dropped as to what Key might have doing. "Are you a...prostitute?" He asked nosily. 

"What makes you say that?" Key smirked. 

"Well that guy came and picked you up and the same car dropped you off...and now you have wet hair like you showered...and that guy thought that I was one so..." The kid rambled. 

"Wow you really are a good detective." Key laughed 

"Why are you being mean to me?" The boy asked stroppily. 

Key laughed because for second this kid really sounded like Taemin. "I'm mean to everyone." 

"Well fine." The boy said, "Bye then." 

"Look." Key sighed, "What's your name?" 

"Sehun." 

"Hi Sehun. I'm Key." 

"That's weird." 

Key sighed again. What he was about to do went against everything he stood for; don't trust new people, don't help anyone you don't know, don't let a stranger know you're soft. 

"Come back with me and I'll get you some food." Key stated. 

"Food?" The boy squeaked. 

"It's what I just said isn't it?" Key snapped, "When did you last eat?" 

"This morning." 

"Oh that's not that bad." Key said, surprised. 

"I had a milkshake." 

"...a milkshake?" Key repeated, "That's a drink. Holy fuck you're dumb." 

"It was a lumpy milkshake...so it's kind of food." 

"Whatever." 

On the way back to the bridge Sehun told Key he was 15 years old (almost 16) and that he'd run away from home because quote- "I hate them all". When Key asked why, Sehun had stared at him with a look that said 'if I wanted to tell you, I would have told you' so Key let it go. This kid was actually a sassy little bastard but Key liked him for it. 

Key still didn't trust him though. Of course not. But he couldn't leave some kid out in the dark, scared, hungry and alone. That would make him a terrible person and Key was many things but he wasn't heartless. 

When they were drawing nearer, Key scanned the place for any signs of Jonghyun or Minho but it looked like they were still 0ut. Key was relieved because he didn't know how they'd react to him randomly bringing someone home, especially as it was probably the most out of character thing he could do. Plus, while Sehun seemed to putting on an act of being this brave sassy little shit, he was still just a kid and Minho and Jonghyun could be scary if you didn't know them. Not that Key was a cute little bundle of rainbows himself but appearance wise he didn't exactly look intimidating. It was annoying actually. Next to Jonghyun and Minho he felt like a weed most of the time, and was constantly told he was 'feminine' looking. At least he didn't feel so bad standing next to Taemin. You didn't get much prettier than that blonde brat. 

"This is where you live...?" Sehun asked, as they walked up to the bridge and ducked underneath, "Like you actually sleep here?" 

"Yup." Key replied, kicking some trash on the floor. "It's nice isn't it? Like the decor?" 

"It's eclectic." Sehun commented, examining the empty bottles among sleeping bags, clothes and garbage. "So...where's the food?" 

"Here." Key said, opening one of the carrier bags and handing the kid some water bottles and sandwiches. "They're 3 days old but it'll still be good. Plus I made a shit load tonight so I'll get us something yummy in the morning." 

"You'd do that for me?" Sehun asked, tucking in like a starving animal. 

"I'm surprising myself." Key laughed, "I'm not usually like this." 

Sehun was just about to reply, but was cut off when a loud shriek was heard from outside. Even Key was alarmed for a second before he recognized the voice. 

"YOU WERE RIGHT!" The voice screamed, and more stumbling footsteps were heard as whoever it was got nearer to the bridge. 

"Eh?" Key called, "Taemin is that you?" 

"WHO ELSE WOULD IT FUCKING BE." The blonde yelled back, "OF COURSE IT'S ME." 

Key sighed, wondering what on earth Taemin could be doing here at this time of night when he was supposed to be tucked up in bed at the shelter. He rolled his eyes, turning to Sehun and muttering "hang on a sec" before running out to see that yes, indeed, it was a very drunk looking Taemin staring back at him with tear streaked eyes. 

"Why aren't you at the shelter?" Key hissed, grabbing Taemin's waist to pull him inside. The blonde wasn't having it. He'd had enough of being dragged. 

"WHY AREN'T YOU OUT WITH THAT RICH JERK?" Taemin yelled back. 

"I was." Key snapped, "But I finished an hour ago...it's like 4am dummy. Now come on." 

"NO GET OFF. I DON'T NEED YOU GRABBING ME AS WELL." Taemin shouted, as his knees gave way and he allowed himself to sink onto the damp grass beneath them. 

"What...?" Key asked, utterly bewildered because he hadn't seen this version of his friend in a while. "What's happened? And what was I right about?" 

"Eh?!" 

"You came here screaming 'you're right'. I mean I know I'm right about a lot of things but I'm just wondering which one you were talking about..." Key said, crouching beside Taemin and wiping some of the stray blonde hairs that were falling in his friend's eyes. 

"RIGHT ABOUT BIE. THAT STUPID ASSHOLE. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET HIM COME LIVE WITH US. NEW PEOPLE ALWAYS SUCK AND I DON'T KNOW WHY I TRUSTED HIM. I'M REALLY FUCKING STUPID." 

"No, you're really fucking drunk." Key commented, "And don't be a drama queen. I mean I know I said a lot of shit about him but Newbie loves you. If you had a fight I'm sure it'll be better by the morning when you're not pissed." 

"I dumped his ass." Taemin snapped, "I never wanna see him again and I'm never going back to that shelter." 

"Well ok then." Key shrugged, "Whatever you say. But no offense, I don't think you're really thinking clearly right now..." 

Taemin was just about to yell back that he was thinking fine, thank you very much, when another thought dawned on Key- "How did you get here? And where the fuck is your stuff?" 

"I left my stuff there! You'll have to go get it for me in the morning. And I blew some creep off and got a lift in his car." Taemin said simply. 

"YOU DID WHAT?" Key gasped. No no no no this couldn't be happening. Taemin doesn't do shit like that anymore... 

"What was I supposed to do?" Taemin snapped, "No bus's run at 4am idiot and I fucking hate sleeping on the street." 

"Oh god." Key said, feeling horrified. He'd been so relieved when Taemin had stopped renting, and frankly it shocked him that his friend would go back to it so soon without so much a seconds thought. "Let's just get you inside ok?" 

"Mmm." 

Key helped lift Taemin up and they both stumbled under the bridge. Once inside, Taemin scrambled into Minho's empty sleeping bag and Key passed him a bottle of water which he didn't drink. 

It was really dark still, and Taemin was convinced they were alone, when someone coughed quietly in the corner. 

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!?!" Taemin yelled, as he jumped out of his skin when he didn't recognize the boy. 

Key just laughed and turned to Sehun who looked as freaked out as ever, "Don't worry. This is Taemin. He's just drunk. He's not gonna hurt you." 

"WHAT THE...!?!?!" Taemin yelled, "WHO THE HELL...!?! WHAT IN....!?!?! WHAT THE....!?!?! FUCKING WHAT!?!?!??!?!?" 

"Calm down oh my god." Key sighed, "This is Sehun. He was hungry so I took him back to give him some food ok? Now play nice. Just because I have a new baby doesn't mean I love you any less." 

Sehun looked utterly confused, eyeing the hot mess which was Taemin up and down warily. 

"SERIOUSLY?!" Taemin screamed, clambering out of Minho's sleeping back and chucking the water bottle down which spilled out all over floor. "AFTER THE SHIT YOU GAVE ME FOR BRINGING BIE HOME. AND YOU JUST RANDOMLY BRING THIS KID BACK? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" 

"Ughhh...go to sleep Minnie. I've had a long night and I'm not in the mood for your drama." Key moaned, trying not to take any notice because the blonde had always been an angry drunk and god knows what happened between him and Newbie to get him in this state. 

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU." Taemin carried on, "WHAT HAPPENED TO 'NO NEW PEOPLE', 'OUR GROUP IS FULL', 'DON'T HELP STRANGERS', BLAH BLAH BLAH. YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING HYPOCRITE." 

Ok now Key was a little mad but tried to keep his cool because this was so embarrassing in front someone they barely knew. 

"...Should I go...?" Sehun mumbled, eyes still wide as he stared at Taemin. 

"No." Key replied, turning back to Taemin, "Look. I judge people way better than you so this is different. And even if it wasn't, I'm in charge so I'm allowed to be a hypocrite ok?" 

"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THEY CAN BOSS ME AROUND?!" Taemin screeched, "YOU'RE NOT IN CHARGE!!! THE ONLY ONE OF US WHO ANYONE LISTENED TO AROUND HERE IS FUCKING DEAD." 

Ok now Key was a little more than just a little mad. "Taemin. Go to sleep." He ordered, but then added stupidly because he couldn't not say it- "I fucking raised you so actually that does give me the right to boss you around." 

Taemin's face went bright red and if this were a cartoon, steam would be coming out of his nose and ears right now. "YOU DIDN'T RAISE ME!" 

"YES I DID." Key yelled, his cool completely lost by this point, "WHO'S KNOWN YOU THE LONGEST? WHO TUCKED YOU INTO BED AT NIGHT WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? WHO DRIED YOUR TEARS WHEN YOU GOT BULLIED AT SCHOOL? WHO ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT? WHO STABBED SOMEONE FOR YOU?" 

Taemin didn't know how to reply to that because even though most of his rational sense was gone, Key did have a point that was hard to disagree with. When they were in care, even though Key was only a few years older, he had been more of a parent figure in Taemin's life than just a friend. It may have been unconventional and weird but that didn't mean it wasn't true. Taemin didn't care right now though. He was so mad that everyone thought they had a right to control him. People who claimed they 'loved' him, when really all they wanted to do was treat him like their pet. 

"I DON'T NEED YOU" Taemin shouted, "I CAN LOOK AFTER MYSELF." 

"No you can't." Key said, rolling his eyes, "If there's one thing me and that boyfriend of yours agree on it's that you'll never be able to survive on your own in this world." 

What came out of Taemin's mouth next was totally inaudible, incoherent screams before he grabbed one of the empty glass bottles and smashed it on the side of the bridge. 

Key glanced at Sehun to see the poor kid looked scared out of his skin. Although it was probably one of those situations like a car crash- you want to look away but you just can't. 

"Calm the fuck down..." Key started, walking slowly up to the blonde like you would an unpredictable animal. He reached out a hand to touch Taemin's arm only to have it yanked away. 

"DON'T TOUCH ME. I'LL SHOW YOU. I'LL SHOW ALL OF YOU!" Taemin screamed, before dropping the remains of the shattered bottle and running as fast as he could out of the bridge and back into the darkness. 

Key felt his blood boil with anger. If there was one thing that really pissed him off about Taemin, it was that anytime shit got real, the kid couldn't deal and would simply run away. It was pathetic. Key always faced situations head on. He didn't fuck around or play games. And he wasn't a coward like some people who thought the only way to deal with their problems was to avoid them. 

"YEAH THAT'S RIGHT." Key yelled after him, "FUCK OFF. RUN AWAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO." 

Except as soon as he'd said it he felt terrible. He shouldn't let his friend go off in that state, even if Taemin had really pissed him off. 

"Wait here." Key said, turning to Sehun as Taemin's figure got smaller and smaller as the blonde continued to run into the darkness. 

"...wait?" Sehun repeated. 

"Yeah. 2 guys'll probably come back here soon but don't worry about them. It'll just be my boyfriend and our friend. Just tell them I said you could stay and that I've gone looking for some crazy ass blonde kid. They'll know what you mean." 

"And if they don't...?" Sehun asked nervously. 

"Then they'll kill you for trespassing." Key said, rolling his eyes because he'd forgotten what it was like to babysit someone. 

With that, Key bundled up in another layer (2 coats now because it was fucking freezing) and ran out of the bridge hoping he wouldn't have been too slow to catch his deranged friend. He was angry obviously but worry always overtook that. Taemin wasn't that fast though, especially when drunk so he couldn't have gone that far...could he? 

\--- 

Jongin woke up in disbelief about what had happened. It was almost like the events the night before had just been a terrible nightmare, like he hadn't basically told Taemin he was a terrible human being, like Taemin hadn't screamed at him that he didn't love him anymore, like they hadn't ended it. 

In a deluded daze, Jongin had even stumbled into Taemin's room at 6am, hoping to see the blonde curled up under the covers. Except of course he wasn't there. It hadn't been a dream. All that greeted him was the wreck they'd left the night before, bags and clothes strewn all over haphazardly. In hindsight he probably should have let Taemin pack because the blonde left anyway with absolutely nothing. And how was he going to get back to the bridge if he didn't have any money? Jongin was worried sick about where Taemin might have ended up. He could be lying dead in a ditch for all Jongin knew. 

No. Of course not. He'd have found a way to get back to the bridge and he'd be fine. Key would have calmed him down and then Jongin would go see him and they'd kiss and make up and everything would go back to normal. It would just be a whole load of unnecessary drama they'd eventually forget about. 

Wrong. 

Jongin didn't even have breakfast. As soon as he saw Taemin's bed empty and realized that in fact what had happened had been real, he threw on some dirty clothes and ran out of the shelter hoping he wouldn't get a warning for A) yelling so much the night before and B) leaving before the shelter officially opened it's doors. 

He caught the bus and as it was driving along, couldn't help himself frantically scanning the side of the road for a blonde boy slumped on the curb somewhere. Of course there was no sign, and he didn't know if that was a good thing or not. 

When he got to the bridge, he knew something was off instantly. With every step he took walking nearer, his heart seemed to pound harder, the blood draining from his head. Something was weird. It was usually so loud as you got closer because at least someone would be talking or yelling. Not today though. All that greeted him was silence. 

And then a stranger. 

"Who the hell are you?!" Jongin asked sharply. He was in way too much of a state to be calm. 

Sehun stared up at him with wide eyes. Frankly he was a little scared of whoever this guy was. Not that Jongin's appearance was usually frightening, but the expression on his face right now meant business and he seemed to tower over Sehun who was huddled on the floor. 

"I'm Sehun." Sehun said, getting up so he wouldn't feel so intimidated. They actually weren't that dissimilar in height now Sehun was standing, but Jongin was still a bit scary. "...Key said I could sleep here for the night." 

"Key said you could sleep here?" Jongin repeated, astonished, "Key? Kim Kibum? Kind of looks like a cat?" 

"…he just said his name was Key..." Sehun mumbled, "But yeah..." 

"Okaaaay then." Jongin replied. He hadn't got time to worry about Key's out of character craziness. "Do you know where he is? Or where anyone who lives here is?" 

"No." Sehun said unhelpfully. 

Jongin sighed in defeat and was just about to take matters in his own hands and go into to town to scan the streets, before Sehun spoke again- "They're all looking for some blonde kid I think...but I don't know where they went." 

"Looking for some blonde kid?!?" Jongin repeated, alarm bells ringing in his head. 

"Yeah...Key took me back here last night and like, 2 seconds after some crazy drunk blonde boy shows up screaming about something to do with this 'Bie' guy or whatever. I don't know. Key went to look for him and then so did these other 2 guys when they got back...I thought they'd have found him by now...?" Sehun rambled. 

Jongin said nothing and just stared back in horror. It was like his worst fears were coming true and there was nothing he could do to turn back time. 

"Who are you anyway?" Sehun asked. 

"I'm...Bie." Jongin replied, surprising himself he could even speak because he was in such a panic. 

"Wow" Sehun said, his mouth forming a perfect circle, "Well that blonde boy is really, really pissed at you." 

\--- 

I've changed the ~format a little because a few of you guys said I should double space to make it clearer :)  
SO ANYWAy where has our little blonde brat run off to lolol? XD THAT IS THE QUESTION :') I mean I know but. It's fun to speculate :') I guess it's not that hard to guess though xD  
I hope you guys liked it from Key's pov and it wasn't too boring~ I still don't know why I made the rich jerk junsu o.O /hangsheadinshame and yay for Sehun xD i'd forgotten that he came into the story so late aha i have such a soft spot for him xD Anyway~ rambling xD bye <3 


	16. Fail: Hot (M)ess

The first day Taemin was missing Jongin was beside himself. He knew he couldn't lose it though. He couldn't let worry overtake his rationality. All that mattered was finding Taemin, and letting his anxiety get the better of him wasn't going to make that happen any faster. So he decided to try and keep calm and be practical, and met up with Jonghyun, Key and Minho to discuss what the fuck they were going to do. In the end, they all split up and strategically searched for the blonde anywhere they could. They looked all day and most of the night, but there was no sign. 

By the second day, Jongin was in full on panic mode. Screw being rational. Taemin was probably dead in a ditch somewhere and it was all his fault. If he hadn't been such a jerk then none of this would have happened. Taemin wouldn’t have gone and done something stupid. They wouldn't have broken up. Everything would be rainbows and daisies. It was all Jongin's fault and he had to fix it. But what if they found a body...? What if he stumbled down an alleyway and there Taemin was, the love of his life, lying cold and dead on the ground, forgotten by the world. Fucking hell. He had to stop himself from thinking worst case scenarios or he'd go insane. 

Key had wanted them to keep looking like the day before, but Jongin'd had enough of that shit so went to the police. He gave them Taemin's description as well as the only photo they had, a crappy polaroid they took at the fairground. It seemed like a lifetime ago. But the police really didn't seem to give a fuck that some homeless nobody hadn't been seen in 2 days. They told Jongin that they'd quote 'keep an eye out'. Jongin had screamed at them. He was lucky they hadn't put him in a cell. 

The searching continued hopelessly on the third day. Jongin hadn't been to work through all of this and knew he'd be fired soon if he kept this up. He just had to pray that his call in sick phone calls sounded realistic enough. Whatever happened though, he honestly didn't care anymore. Nothing mattered except finding that stupid blonde asshole. 

By the fourth day, the collective mood was really low. Sehun had moved into Taemin's room at the shelter given he was the youngest, but Jongin was hardly sleeping there. In fact he wasn't sleeping at all. When he wasn't out looking, he was back at the bridge waiting hopelessly because he was sure that's where Taemin would go first if he were to come back. 

The fifth day rolled around all too soon. Or was it the sixth...? Jongin was starting to lose count. He felt sick to the stomach and knew he should eat something but his body felt like it was in a constant state of agitation and anxiety. He was jittery all the time and the idea of food just made him want to puke. He'd even had some spice because Minho still kept some around for 'emergensies' but it hadn't done much to calm him down like he'd hoped. 

"You need to eat something." Key said, walking up to Jongin who was hunched on the ground outside the bridge, staring into the distance as if he thought Taemin was going to arrive any minute. 

"I'm not hungry." Jongin mumbled, "Besides, I need to go out looking again soon." 

"Jong and Minho are out looking. You should rest." Key replied. 

"I hate it when you're nice to me." Jongin snapped. It was strangely unnerving when Key decided to show his softer side and it made Jongin uncomfortable. 

"I'm not being nice to you." Key huffed, "I'm telling you to eat and sleep because you're not gonna be any use to us dead." 

Jongin cringed at the word dead and looked away. Knowing this was his fault and that Taemin could end up like Onew was probably the worst thought he'd ever had. 

"It's not your fault." Key sighed, "If anything it's my fault. I had a fight with him and then he ran off. This is just what he does." 

"It is my fault." Jongin mumbled, tears gathering in his eyes. "And he's probably already dead." 

"He's. Not. Dead." Key said through gritted teeth. The notion wasn't something Key could cope with so he refused to acknowledge it was even a possibility. "If anyone else fucking says that I'm gonna kill them. He's just a brat who runs away when shit gets real. And we'll find him. And everything will be FINE." 

"You don't know that..." Jongin whispered, "And you don't know what I did...what we fought about...what I said...what happened...everything's all fucked up now." 

"What the hell happened between you two?" Key asked. 

Jongin clamped his eyes shut as another tear threatened to escape. He really didn't want to cry in front of Key. Also there wasn't a chance in hell he was going to tell him everything that had happened. "I...I guess Taemin was just sick of being...I don't know...'controlled' or something..." He said cagily. That was it. He was definitely not prepared to say anything else. 

"What, and you control him?" Key urged, wanting more information. 

"That's what he says." 

"Huh. Well he's right." Key said simply. 

"How do you know?" Jongin snapped, "You don't know anything about our relationship." 

"I know enough." Key replied, "And it's still not your fault he ran off. I know as well as anyone loving someone who has sex with other people isn't easy." 

"...but you do it too." 

"So...?" Key said indignantly, "It doesn't make a difference. When, and I mean when, we find that brat you're gonna have to learn to let go of shit that doesn't concern you. If Taemin says he loves you then he does, and what happened for money doesn't make any difference. It's not who he is. It doesn't define him." 

"I know that." 

"Do you?" 

Jongin was just about to argue because this felt like a lecture, but then a figure was running towards them and for a beautiful moment Jongin was convinced it was Taemin. Of course it wasn't though, it was only Jonghyun and his heart sank for the millionth time, but then Jonghyun yelled- "I SAW HIM! THAT FUCKING BASTARD!" 

"What???!" Key sqeaked, as he and Jongin got up and huddled around Jonghyun desperately. "What do you mean? Where did you see him?!" 

"GOING INTO THAT FUCKING HOTEL. SIWON'S HOTEL." Jonghyun yelled, and upon seeing the horrified looks on his friends faces added, "I KNOW!! IDIOT!! I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM!" 

"I'll kill him." Key snapped. "How could he go back there?! That fucking id- hey where are you going?!?" 

Jongin wasn't listening. His legs working out of their own accord and he was already running. 

"HEY!" Key yelled, "YOU CAN'T GO DOWN THERE!" 

Jongin still didn't stop. His mind was in overdrive. He would have never, ever in a million years expected Taemin to go back there. It was the last place anyone would have looked for him because after what had happened there, surely Taemin would have to be insane to go back. But that's exactly what he was. He was fucking mental. And Jongin had tipped him over the edge. 

"STOP YOU IDIOT!" Jongin heard Key scream from behind him, "WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? TELL THEM YOU’RE A CLIENT? IT'S TOO DANGEROUS!" 

There wasn't a chance in hell Jongin was going to listen though. His insides felt like they were burning up on adrenaline and he'd never run so fast in his life. He felt angrier than ever, and not just with himself anymore. How could Taemin do this to him, to Key, to everyone? How could he put them through hell for almost a week if he was fine...or was he fine? What if those bastards who ran the hotel had hurt him again? Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit. 

Every bit of rational sense now gone, Jongin ran all the way into town in only 5 minutes. It wasn't like they were that far away but it was still shockingly fast and he felt very relieved he'd been quick enough that neither Key nor Jonghyun seemed to be following him. 

Without any kind of plan or forethought, as soon as he saw the hotel, he picked up the pace and barged past anyone who dared get in his way. He looked fucking crazy actually, as he hadn't showered or shaved and he'd been wearing the same clothes for a couple of days already. Passers by were staring at him unashamedly but who could blame them. 

As soon as he got inside the foyer he ran straight up to the front desk, pushing past a man who was talking to the receptionist and started to yell. "WHERE. THE. FUCK. IS. TAEMIN." he screamed. 

The woman at the desk stared back at him blankly, utterly dumbfounded at this homeless lunatic who dared enter a posh hotel that was obviously way to good for him. 

"Sir." The woman said, "I don't know who you're talking about. Now please leave." 

"OH YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT?" Jongin bellowed, "WELL LET ME REFRESH YOUR MEMORY. SKINNY. BLONDE. GAY AS FUCK. OH AND HE'S WORKING HERE AS ONE OF YOUR WHORES." 

There was total silence in the room, as everyone gawked in shock at the sudden outburst. A tiny part of Jongin's head was trying to tell him this was stupid, that the poor receptionist may not even know the hotel was being used for two purposes and yelling it in front of all these people was going to get him beaten...but he stamped that little voice out. Taemin might be upstairs having sex right now and goddamit he didn't care about anything else anymore. Taemin was his, whether they were together or not. 

"Security!!" The woman squealed, pressing a button on her desk a few times before gesturing for the onlookers to stay clear of Jongin because he was clearly deranged and dangerous. 

Jongin was half wishing he'd listened to that tiny voice now, but what was done was done and he only had two options; run or fight. 

Fighting it was then. 

Knowing security would be there to restrain him any second, he started to rush up to one of the grand staircases, screaming Taemin's name randomly, hoping that by some miracle the blonde would be in earshot and hear the commotion. That was if he was even here still, as Jongin hadn't paid enough attention to Jonghyun so he didn't know wether Taemin had been seen entering the hotel or leaving. He was a hot headed idiot honestly. 

"TAEEEMIIIIINNN!!" Jongin continued to scream, picking up the pace as he ran up the stairs. 

He'd managed to reach almost up to the third floor without being caught but then...uh oh. Jongin hadn't even noticed the security guards chasing him until one of them had his chubby hands firmly around Jongin's arm, pulling him down the stairs. The other one grabbed Jongin's other arm, and there was nothing he could do but scream as he was dragged downwards. He made sure to put on a good show though. "YOU'RE ALL SICK!!" he yelled, to the horror of some more onlookers, "THIS ISN'T A HOTEL. IT'S A WHORE HOUSE! A WHORE HOUSEEEE!!!" 

One of the guards clamped a hand around Jongin's mouth and he tried to bite (Taemin always said it worked) but not this time apparently. 

Jongin was totally freaking out by this point. He couldn't help feeling this weird sense of deja vu because his step brothers used to clamp hands over his mouth in exactly the same way. And now, instead of being dragged out into the foyer like he'd expected, the guards opened a side door at the bottom of the stairs and pulled him outside to the back of the hotel, which was basically just a narrow alleyway. 

Bad things happen in alleyways. Although Jongin had actually met Taemin for the first time in one, so maybe that only applied some of the time. It didn't matter. Something bad was about to happen right now and he knew it. I mean what was he fucking thinking, going all guns blazing like a mad man into an illegal secret brothel, revealing all it's secrets to god knows who. His punishment was coming and it wasn't going to involve writing lines that's for sure. 

"Stupid worthless junkie." One of the security guards hissed, grabbing Jongin by his collar and pressing him up against the side of the alley. Jongin probably could have fought him off, but then the second guy was clutching at his neck painfully tightly and he honestly thought they were going to kill him. 

"How does a bum like you know about the private escort service?" The other guard hissed, "It's not like you could ever afford it." 

"….I...I..." Jongin stuttered. He wasn't going to be able to say a word if they didn't loosen the grip on his neck. 

"You...You...?" One of them laughed mockingly, tightening his hands making Jongin gasp for air with no luck, "It doesn't matter anyway. Once we're done with you, you won't be able to speak...or walk." 

Jongin was actually terrified by this point. There was no way out and he was sure this was how he was going to die. He really was the most reckless idiot on the planet. What the fuck was he thinking, screaming like that in front of all those people? Did he think the receptionist was going to say 'Oh right this way sir. Your ex boyfriend is in room 24. You can drag him out, we don't care." Idiot idiot idiot idiot. That's what he was. Some impulsive, stupid, in love, son of a - 

"BITCH." The first guard said, as he let go of Jongin's neck only to pin him against the side of the alley by his hair and take a swing at his stomach. Jongin screamed in pain and it had only been one punch. But the guy was way stronger than he was used to fighting, way stronger than his step brothers. 

And then another punch, this time on the other side of his chest, where he felt a horrible crack as one of his ribs shattered. He was screaming inside his head, and probably out loud too except his ears were ringing so loud he couldn't hear a damn thing. It was a good job, because the guards seemed to be enjoying the beating and were commentating it with insults Jongin didn't want to hear. 

Jongin tried to fight back, he really did. He kept his hands clenched in fists the whole time and did manage to get the odd swing, but they were way too fast and strong for him. Not that he was pathetic, but he wasn't exactly built and these two enormous guys could have crushed him like a bug. And that's exactly what they were doing. 

Jongin didn't even know how he'd fallen, but now his head was being pressed onto the curb by a shoe at the back of his head. He felt the skin on side of his face slowly scratch off as he was being dragged across the pavement, trickles of blood falling onto the gravel. 

Another kick, this time to his back and he couldn't understand why he wasn't unconscious yet. In fact he longed for sweet mercy to just fucking come already. Maybe heaven would be nice. Maybe he'd sip tea all day with Onew and nobody would ever mention the W word. 

Actually he was probably going to hell, wasn't he. After the shit he'd pulled that night with Taemin, and screaming at the love of his life the following day...yeah that didn't look so good. If god existed, he'd probably be pissed. 

What was Jongin thinking. Here he was, being beaten to a pulp and all he could wish for was that death would take him quickly. If he died he'd never see Taemin again. That couldn't happen. This couldn't be how it ended. 

"AHHHHHH!!!" Jongin yelled, as he somehow managed to scramble up off the ground and kick one of the guards straight in the nuts. He was just about to run, feeling unbelievably pleased with himself, but nothing is ever that easy. 

As he turned, the other guard smacked him in the eye and he flew into the side of the alleyway once more, as the first guard decided to repay the favor and kicked Jongin down where the sun don't shine. 

Now completely paralyzed, Jongin watched as the second guard lifted up his fist and he was sure this was the end but then... 

"Hey we can't kill him!" The first guard said, "You know Siwon'll go to jail if they find another body around here." 

"Nobody's going to give a shit if this street scum dies." Came the grunt in reply, "I'm sure he doesn't have anyone who cares enough to look." 

"He does actually." Said another voice from behind the bodyguards. Jongin didn't know who it was because he couldn't see past them, but he'd recognize that beautiful soft voice anywhere. 

"What the hell do you want?" The first guard said, turning around to face the new arrival but still gripping onto Jongin so tightly there was no way he could squirm out, "This isn't any of your business. Go back to 'escorting' or whatever the fuck it is you do." 

"Yeah like that's gonna happen." Came the reply, before Taemin finally came into Jongin's line of vision, dressed in a expensive looking leather jacket, non-holey jeans and black boots with the highest heel Jongin had ever seen men's shoes. 

Taemin almost doubled over when he saw what a state his ex lover looked. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO IT HIM?!?!?" he screamed, barging his way between the two guards to Jongin who would have slumped down to the pavement if Taemin hadn't caught him. 

"You know this guy?" The first guard asked. 

"YES!!!!!" Taemin yelled, "WHY THE FUCK...WHAT THE HELL...?!" 

"We weren't gonna kill him god." The first guard replied, turning to the second, "New escorts are always fucking drama queens." 

"Oh my god." Taemin gasped. He wasn't paying attention anymore. All he could do was stare at Jongin's beaten up face. Sure he'd seen his lover with bruises before but this was a whole other level. What the fuck had Jongin been thinking, coming here. Taemin didn't even know how Jongin knew he'd gone back to the hotel in the first place. 

"Leave us alone. He's learned his lesson. I'll make sure he never comes here again." Taemin said, trying to sound authoritative when really his voice was shaking so much he sounded utterly pathetic. "I'll come back to work in a sec." 

Taemin had actually left a client mid-way when he heard shouting coming from his window. He hadn't realized it was Jongin of course, but he'd gone down to check anyway because he was paranoid. 

For a horrible moment Taemin was unsure if the guards would leave or not, but they had been told not to kill after all, so the first merely shrugged and said "Whatever. Just don't leave your client waiting or you'll be next." 

And they left casually like that through the back door of the hotel, slamming it with a horrible clang. It was as if Jongin meant nothing, as if beating someone to almost death wasn't a big deal in the slightest. 

"Oh god oh god oh god oh god..." Taemin whimpered, as he let himself sink to the floor, still clutching at Jongin's back to half hold him up. "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING??" 

"WhatthefuckwasIthinking...?" Jongin moaned, his eyes barely open, "Whatthefuckwereyouthinking...comingbackhere...whatthe...howthe...why...howcouldyoucomebackhere...howcouldyoudothistome...how..." 

"Oh god oh god oh god oh god." Taemin gasped, as a tear accidentally dropped onto Jongin's face, making him wince as the saltiness stang against the cuts on his face. 

This wasn't the time or the place to talk, so Taemin reached into his pocket and dialed 911. He had a 'no doctor' rule but there was an exception to everything. 

Jongin would always be his exception. 

\--- 

"LET GO OF ME. I'M GONNA KILL HIM. KILL HIM WITH MY BARE HANDS!" 

Taemin didn't need to turn around to know Key had just arrived. All he could do was stand there stiff like a statue in the hospital corridor, watching through the slit of glass in the door at Jongin's unconscious, beaten up body. He couldn't handle his emotions. He was still so angry and didn't want to feel guilty (after all nobody forced Jongin to go down to the hotel) yet guilt was the only emotion he could feel. He'd really fucked everything up. 

"YOU'VE REALLY FUCKED EVERYTHING UP." Key yelled again. 

This time Taemin did turn around but he wished he hadn't because Key took it as an opportunity to smack him over the head. 

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF THE HELL YOU JUST PUT US THROUGH??" Key shouted, this time taking smacks at Taemin's arms instead. 

"Ow!!" Taemin yelped, looking between Jonghyun and Minho for some help. It didn't look like he was going to get any. "It was only a week! God! I was gonna call you I really was." 

"OH YOU WERE GOING TO CALL US WERE YOU??" Key shrieked, "GEE MINNIE. THANKS. THANKS A LOT. THAT MAKES A WHOLE WEEK OF US THINKING YOU WERE DEAD ALL BETTER THEN." 

A few more smacks came but then thank god, Jonghyun did pull Key off because they were in a hospital corridor and even though it may have been deserted now, if a doctor came down and found 4 homeless kids yelling at each other they'd probably get kicked out. 

"GET OFF." Key snapped, struggled against Jonghyun, "LET ME STRANGLE HIM." 

"Fucking hell." Taemin hissed, rubbing his right arm indignantly. It didn't hurt that much but he wanted some sympathy because god, it had only been a week. And right now it was Jongin lying in a hospital bed, not him. Wasn't that more important. 

"How is he?" Minho asked, seemingly reading Taemin's mind as he peered through the glass in the door to Jongin's room, worriedly. 

"I dunno. I haven't spoken to the doctor." Taemin mumbled. 

"But didn't you ride in the ambulance with him...?" Minho asked. 

"...no." Taemin replied guilty. 

He couldn’t. He hadn't had a choice. When he heard the bodyguards beating the crap out of Jongin, he'd been with a client. If he hadn't finished it, he'd be the next one lying in the hospital bed. 

"Holy fuck Taemin." Minho sighed, giving him the judgey eyes. "Not cool. Really not cool." 

"What was I suppose to do!?!?" Taemin squeaked. 

"OH I DON'T KNOW." Key interrupted, screaming again, "MAYBE TELL US NEXT TIME YOU'RE GONNA SELL YOUR SOUL TO A WHORE HOUSE." 

There was a horrible moment of tension as a doctor walked past them and into Jongin's room. They all watched intently as the man injected him with something, presumably to wake him up after a few hours of sedation. 

Jongin really looked terrible. The whole left side of his face was covered in scratches and stitches, and one of his eyes had a bandage over it because the bruising was so bad. He also had one of his legs in cast (Taemin didn't know if it was broken or not) and some straps around his waist for his cracked ribs. It was hard to look at but Taemin was unable to tear his gaze away. 

"I'm just glad you're ok..." Jonghyun said, breaking the silence to wrap an arm around the blonde as they continued to stare at the sleeping form of Jongin. "And he'll be ok too. It's probably a lot worse than it looks." 

Taemin didn't say anything. He was sure it was as bad as it looked and there was nothing anyone could do about it. 

"Are you family?" A nurse asked from behind. Taemin hadn't even noticed her come up to them. 

"Yes." Key lied, "We're his...er...brothers." 

"He should be awake soon." The nurse replied. She didn't look like she believed them honestly but at least she was nice enough not to care. "Once the doctor comes out you can see him for a few minutes but then he'll need some rest." 

Key nodded as Taemin continued to stare blankly through the glass. He had no idea what to say, no idea where to begin. He could hardly even believe any of this was happening and a part of him wanted to scream and run away again because everything was too much. He didn't understand how he could feel so many things at once. He hated and loved Jongin in equal measure. He was still angrier with him than he'd ever been at anyone, yet strangely all he wanted to do was cry on Jongin's shoulders and hug him tightly, begging for forgiveness because this was all his fault. And on top of that, he didn't have much time to stay here anyway because he needed to get back to the hotel soon or he'd be fired...or worse. 

"You go in." Minho said, nudging Taemin's arm, "We'll wait out here and see him later." 

"Me?!" Taemin squeaked, "No let's all go in." 

"Don't be a coward." Minho snapped, "He'll want to see you. He's your boyfriend." 

"No he's not." Taemin mumbled stubbornly, but made his legs walk through the door anyway, making sure not to look any of his friends in the eye because he knew how pathetic he was being. He was sure this was a terrible idea though because he was in no state of mind to be able to talk to Jongin. They'd probably end up screaming at each other, crying or something equally horrible and Jongin needed rest after all, not his nut case ex boyfriend. 

\--- 

The sedative the doctors gave Jongin must have been pretty strong because it took him almost 20 minutes to wake up properly. He kept on making these weird moaning noises, and Taemin was convinced he'd woken several times because his eyes fluttered open, but then they'd fall shut again only a second after and Taemin would actually breathe a sigh of relief because he wasn't ready. He had no idea what he'd say. 

When Jongin finally did wake up, he'd honestly forgotten where he was or anything that had happened. He wasn't hurting that much because the painkillers were working their magic, so for a few blissful seconds, all he saw was Taemin's face and it was as if this was any other normal day. But then of course it all came flooding back to him as he started to realize that his surroundings were in fact, a hospital room. Plus the look on Taemin's face said it all- his eyes puffy from tears, his lips in a tight line as he stared quizzically, unsure if Jongin was properly awake or not. 

"Hey" Jongin croaked. 

Taemin eyes widened with the realization that he'd actually have to say something back. "Hey." 

"How long have I been out?" Jongin mumbled, trying and failing to sit up. 

"A few hours I think..." Taemin replied, "You fell unconscious and then the doctors gave you stuff for the pain when they bandaged you up...Are you...are you ok?" 

"Do I look ok?" Jongin snapped. 

"You look awful." 

Jongin shrugged, distracted for a second by Taemin's appearance because he wasn't used to seeing him in such new clothes. Despite the disheveled hair and puffy cried out face, Taemin looked really fucking good and it was annoying. He still had on that tight black leather jacket and honestly he looked like a hot piece of ass. It wasn't fair. 

"I hate that you look so good." Jongin groaned randomly. 

Taemin raised an eyebrow comically because he thought that was a really weird thing to say, but that was Jongin for you. Also the poor guy was still a bit groggy and if you think normal Jongin doesn't have a filter then this version literally had none. 

"Yeah well I have to look good. Siwon gives all his employees new clothes." Taemin replied, not looking Jongin in the eye when he said it. 

"What the fuck were you thinking, going back there?" Jongin hissed, "And how is it even possible they took you back?! Wasn't it only a few months ago I was untying you from a bed down there and you told me you'd never do that shit again?" 

"I met with Siwon and we made a deal..." Taemin said cagily. 

"A deal?!" 

"...he said if I worked for them for a while for free then they'd let me stay there, feed me, buy me new clothes and whatever...If I'm 'good' then they'll start paying me but only when I can prove to them I'm a good worker..." Taemin rambled. 

"FOR FREE?" Jongin half yelled/half croaked. 

"Well it's not really for free is it...? Because they give me a room and food and whatever in exchange for...um...services you know." Taemin argued. He knew he was never going to win this battle though. He was well aware he'd screwed everything up and he didn't need Jongin reminding him. 

"SO. Let me get this straight. You have sex with a bunch of random clients and all the hotel gives you in return is a room?!?!?!??!?!?!??!" Jongin gasped, trying to sit up again because for some reason it felt wrong to have a conversation like this lying down. 

Taemin tried to help him sit up, grabbing the pillows from behind to arrange them differently before mumbling- "And food...and a shower...and..." 

"Shut the fuck up." Jongin cut in sharply, huffing down on the pillows behind him angrily, "So do you feel free now? Is this freedom?" 

"Stop it." Taemin whispered because that was the ultimate sore spot and he couldn't take it, "I'm not the only one who's fucked everything up here. What the hell were you thinking going down there with no plan anyway?! What were you gonna do...drag me out kicking and screaming?" 

"If that's what it took then yeah." Jongin retorted, "I'd do anything to keep you safe. You know that." 

"How romantic." Taemin said sarcastically, "Anything except letting me do what I want." 

"REALLY." Jongin scoffed, raising his voice in frustration, "YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THE CHEEK TO GIVE ME SHIT RIGHT NOW? AFTER LETTING US THINK YOU WERE DEAD FOR ALMOST A WEEK WHEN REALLY YOU WERE IN A NICE SWANKY HOTEL LYING ON YOUR BACK ALL DAY BEING FUCKED?" 

"Look I'm sorry!!!" Taemin choked, "I didn't want you to think I was dead!! But nobody forced you to go down there and it's not like this is all my fault! Don't go acting like the innocent one here." 

"I can't believe you." Jongin said, clenching his fists into the sheets, "What I did and what you did are worlds apart." 

Taemin looked away stubbornly because he didn't think that was true at all. "...You know one day I'm gonna boss you around for months and then fuck you till you bleed and see how you like it." he muttered under his breath, just loud enough for Jongin to hear. 

"...does that mean that one day you see us getting back together?" Jongin asked, missing the point entirely. It was a ridiculously dumb thing to say but he couldn't help it. Even though he was beyond furious, still a big part of him just wanted wrap his arms around that stupid blonde and never let go. 

"Really Bie. That's what you took from that...?" Taemin replied, shaking his head in disbelief, "And no. But you'll prolly end up a lonely homeless dude and come to me as a client. I'll fuck anyone for the right amount, you know that." 

Ouuuuuuuchhhhhh. 

Jongin tried not to take it to heart. He knew Taemin well enough to understand that when he was hurt, he lashed out and wanted to hurt you even more, so tried not to let is sting as much as did. In some ways he felt like he deserved it anyway, but wished to god this torture would just end already. 

"Ugh god baby...don't be a bitch." Jongin moaned. He didn't know what else to say. 

"Don't call me that." Taemin said, stroppily. 

"Eh?" Jongin squeaked, presuming Taemin meant the word 'bitch'. 

"Don't call me baby. I'm not your baby anymore." 

Jongin thought he had some cheek to be talked to like this when he was lying in a hospital bed but all his fight was gone by this point. Plus he knew Taemin was just changing the subject because he couldn't deal when they were talking about real things. "Fine. God. I mean Minnie then." 

"That too." Taemin snapped back. He was being a child and knew it but this was how he dealt with horrible situations. 

"I'm not allowed to call you Minnie?!" Jongin squeaked. 

"Nope. If I'm not allowed to say w-h-o-r-e then you're not allowed to call me all your cutesie shit." Taemin hissed. He actually liked the many and various affectionate things Jongin called him but was still too mad. 

"That's hardly fair. You still call me Bie all the time." Jongin argued. 

"Cus that's your name." 

Jongin let out a strained laugh because sometimes it really was like everyone had forgotten his name actually wasn't Newbie. "I'm not even new anymore. I don't know why you guys still call me it." 

"Don't you like it?" 

"No...I don't mind I just..." Jongin trailed off, "...I guess I just can't believe you have the nerve to talk to me like this when I've been beaten up for you and I'm lying in a hospital bed." 

Taemin sighed back because deep down he knew he was only acting this way so they wouldn't have to talk about what happened. His methods of avoidance sucked. "Ok sorry." he mumbled, "It's just...this doesn't change anything...and I'm still...I'm still really mad..." 

"I know." Jongin sighed, "But you've had your little crazy week of hell and now you're gonna stop being an asshole and come back, right?" 

"I don't know..." Taemin replied honestly. 

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?" Jongin shouted, his voice raising again in horror. Surely Taemin wasn't going to keep working at the hotel...what?!?! No. This had just been some crazy week that didn't make any sense and they'd found him now, so everything would go back to normal. "YOU'RE NOT A PROSTITUTE ANYMORE! THIS WAS JUST A STUPID WEEK...THIS WAS JUST...EVERYTHING CAN GO BACK TO NORMAL NOW!!" 

"No it can't..." Taemin mumbled, "I...I need to be on my own for a bit. I need to get away from you and Key and everyone...I'm sorry I didn’t tell you where I was, I really am but...I need to look after myself for a while." 

"LOOK AFTER YOURSELF?" Jongin repeated, "HOW IS 'WORKING' AT THAT HOTEL LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF? THEY TREAT YOU LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT." 

"No. It's a job. I need to prove to the world...to myself...that I don't need anyone..." Taemin rambled, hardly making sense, "...And besides, as you've made it crystal clear about a thousand billion times before- you can't love a prostitute. So we're over." 

"Oh my god." Jongin gasped, thinking if he wasn't careful he'd be in a full blown panic attack. "Taemin. Listen to me. You can't go back there. It's like the most giant huge step backwards. Things were starting to get better weren’t they?...I mean at the shelter...I might be able to go back to college soon and maybe we could save enough to buy a trailer or something...come on...what the fuck are you thinking? You have nothing to prove." 

"I do." Taemin replied simply. 

"Don't do this to me." 

Taemin looked down because he felt tears start to sting in his eyes and didn't want to cry anymore than he already had today. "I'm not doing anything to you." he whispered, getting up to leave. "Just let me go. I want you to be happy." 

Jongin grabbed Taemin's wrists in panic to stop him from leaving. "You know I love you right?!?" he gasped, as a last desperate attempt to save what was left of their relationship. 

"Yeah I know you love me." Taemin replied, letting Jongin's hands drop from his wrists down to his fingers. He was going to say it back but felt like that would be cheap given the circumstances. He did though. But he was done with this life. He was done with being controlled, and he was done with being treated like a baby who couldn’t cope without his friends to watch over his every move. 

Maybe working at the hotel wasn't the freedom he dreamed of, but at least he was partially in control. At least that's what he thought anyway. Plus he was washed and clothed and fed and he didn't have to stay in some dank shelter like a reject from society. 

"Baby..." Jongin moaned, ignoring the fact he'd been told not to say that. "I won't control you anymore...you can't go back there." 

"Sorry." Taemin sighed, before clamping his eyes shut as a stray tear finally escaped and letting go of his ex lover's hand. 

Jongin watched, heart braking as Taemin rushed out of the door, past Key, Jonghyun and Minho who were all watching nosily from outside the hospital room. He had no strength to feel angry anymore. He couldn't even feel sad. He was so confused that nothing made sense anymore. Taemin's motives were a total mystery to him. He had no clue who's fault it was, no idea what to feel or think. All he could be, was numb. 

\--- 

Taemin visited Jongin every day for the following 2 weeks. They never spoke as Jongin was always asleep because Taemin came at very antisocial times, and most of the time wasn't even allowed in the room because it wasn't visiting hours. He had no choice to come at a better time though. His client schedule was tight and if he missed one, his boss would be insanely mad and he had to stay on his good side after the first two encounters being so bad. 

It didn't matter. He didn't want to speak anyway. He had nothing to say. The only point of his visits was to check Jongin was ok, and then he was gone. 

Even though Jongin hadn't seen Taemin, he knew the blonde kept coming back because Minho had told him. Not that Minho had much contact with Taemin either, but they'd spoken briefly and Taemin had told him that he needed 'space' and 'time to be on his own' whatever the fuck that meant. 

Jongin actually had a lot of others visitors too which was strange. He didn't think he had any friends honestly, but he was wrong, because even without his connection to Taemin, Minho and Jonghyun came to see him every single day. Key even came sometimes, although all he did was bitch and moan about Taemin. Jongin could tell he was just worried though. Behind those hurtful words was nothing but worry and even though Jongin knew Key the least well, he knew they had one thing in common which was their love for Taemin. 

Chanyeol, the friend he'd made at the shelter, also came to say hi as well. It was nice and strange because he hadn't thought they were that close but apparently they were better friends than he'd thought, because the kid came almost everyday. 

Even Sehun came a couple of times along with Key, who'd pretty much adopted him in some weird way. He was actually a nice kid even though he swore like a sailor and was possibly even more sarcastic than Key. Jongin was surprised to see him because he hadn't exactly made the best first impression but there you go. That wasn't unusual around here. You couldn't judge someone off the first encounter with them. 

Taeyeon visited too, but it was more of a 'tell us who did this to you' type thing and there was no way Jongin was going to be able to say anything without getting Taemin in trouble, so he kept his mouth shut and said he had no idea. Taeyeon could tell he was lying but couldn't do a damn thing about it. She said she'd try and take care of hospital bills but Jongin wasn't hopeful. There goes the tiny bit of savings he'd managed to scrape together from work. 

Everything was shit honestly. Jongin knew it was a selfish thing to think because he should be grateful, but it was like everyone was coming to visit him except the person he actually wanted to see. When Minho had told him Taemin was coming at night he'd almost hit the roof. He'd stayed up the next few nights but hadn't had any luck seeing the blonde. Taemin was sneakier than he thought. 

Every waking moment Jongin was torturing himself. Constant questions- What's Taemin doing right now? Who is he with? Why did he go back there? Is this my fault? Is this his fault? Will we ever get back together? Can I ever except who he is? 

It was hopeless, and by the 2nd week of being cooped up in bed, Jongin couldn't take it anymore. He discharged himself even though he was still ridiculously battered and it was a foolish thing to do. But he couldn't take it anymore. And it wasn't that bad anyway. Or at least that's what he told himself. Sure his cracked ribs still hurt when he turned and the side of his face was nothing but scratches but he could walk with crutches so he didn't need to be in hospital. They should give the bed to someone who actually deserved it. 

First on the agenda was going back to the shelter except a small part of Jongin actually didn't really want to. He kind of got what Taemin meant about living there making you feel like a failure and sometimes he thought maybe he'd be better off back at the bridge but that was stupid. He wasn't about to turn down a bed and a roof, hello. He may have been reckless but he wasn't stupid. 

Second on the agenda was a crazy plan he'd cooked up. He knew it was a stupid idea. Totally stupid. But when he was in bed obsessing over Taemin he'd had a lot of time to think, and a lot of time to replay the last conversation they had. It was annoying habit, almost as annoying as his eavesdropping one, but sometimes it had it's uses. And there was something Taemin had said which had given him a crazy idea. 

"...You'll prolly end up a lonely homeless dude and come to me as a client. I'll fuck anyone for the right amount, you know that." 

If Taemin wouldn't speak to him for free. Then maybe he could pay. 

"That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my life." Key snapped, "Those security guards really did beat the last bit of sense out of you didn't they?" 

"I know it sounds weird." Jongin sighed, "But he's always at that fucking hotel so what am I suppose to do...?" 

"Do what the rest of us are doing." Key hissed. 

"What...nothing?" Jongin snapped. 

"No. WAIT. PATIENT LIKE A CIRCLE. Idiot. Taemin's always been neurotic like this and you just don't know him as well as we do. I mean he's never pulled shit like this before but he's run away in the past and he always comes back, hanging his head in shame because he had a tantrum. He's a fucking child and he'll come back when he's ready. You can't force him." Key spat. His argument didn't sound as convincing as he'd have liked though. 

"I might not have known him as long as you guys but I know him just as well." Jongin snapped, "And I'm not gonna sit here doing nothing whilst my boyfriend is being voluntarily abused like a insane person." 

"Taemin is insane." Key hissed, "And he's not your boyfriend anymore." 

Jongin narrowed his good eye because he hadn't accepted that quite yet. They may have not been properly together but that didn't mean they didn't love each other even if things were totally screwed up. 

"I think it's a good idea." Interrupted Sehun. 

Jongin thought the kid was asleep but he was obviously just faking. The shelter was shut in the day and Jongin was still off work because of his injuries, so they'd both gone back to the bridge to kill time. Sehun would have done anyway, even without Jongin because Key was kind of teaching him the ropes, almost like Taemin had done for Jongin at the beginning. It was weird watching it happen to someone else. 

"Nobody asked you." Key snapped, "I thought you were sleeping." 

"I was." Sehun lied, "But I mean if I was Newbie-" 

"Jongin to you." Jongin corrected. He thought it was crazy that Sehun had started calling him Newbie. Like seriously. He wasn't even new. 

"If I was Jongin then I'd do anything to see my crazy boyfriend." Sehun retorted, "Although actually if I was you I'd probably dump his ass because I mean I know I don't know him, but since I've been around that kid has caused nothing but drama..." 

Jongin sighed because he didn't know if Sehun had just agreed with him or not. It didn’t matter. He could fight Key on his own. "Come on Key. Just give me some money. Jong, Minho, Chanyeol and Chen already gave me the little the have but it's still not enough and I can't ask anyone else." 

"How were you even planning on getting into the hotel as a client in the first place? They know who you are now dummy." Key snapped. 

"Minho said he'll sneak me in. He can pretend to be the client and let me in from the back alleyway." Jongin replied. 

"Oh you've thought this all out then have you?" Key said sarcastically. "Fucking hell. You have a death wish. If they catch you again they'll do more than just beat you up." 

"Aw. It's so sweet when you decide to care about me." Jongin smirked, "But no. Really. I won't get caught and this is the only way I can think of to see him...I can persuade him come back." 

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Key grumbled but honestly he couldn't think of a better way either. Not that he was at all convinced Jongin's powers of persuasion would do anything to get Taemin out of the funk he was in but he couldn't say no if there was even a tiny glimmer of hope. "Fine. Fuck. You're so annoying." He hissed, reaching into his shoes when he kept his money. It was safer than in a pocket or bag. 

"Thanks." Jongin said, as Key handed the last remains of what he made with Junsu. "Really. Thank you." 

"You better drag his skinny ass home." Key hissed, "And steal some food while you're at it." 

"Will it be enough?" Sehun asked, "How much does the hotel charge for...that kind of thing...?" 

"I don't know." Jongin shrugged, "But it better be." 

\--- 

Jongin was a genius even if he did say so himself. 

The plan (so far) had gone perfectly. Minho called up the hotel and requested a room at 8pm with a young, Asian, blonde, male escort (they were hoping Taemin was the only one) saying he'd pay at the desk on the day. He'd given a fake name and Jongin had suggested 'Kai'. It just came to him out of nowhere but he thought it was the type of bad boy name that might actually hire an escort so it'd do. 

They arrived at the hotel at 7:30. Jongin went round to the back alley dressed in a hoody and jeans, still wobbling about on crutches. It was incredibly unnerving to be back in the place he'd been beaten less than a month ago. If he squinted at the ground with his good eye he could still just about make out the blood stains. Lovely. 

Not 2 minutes after, Minho had banged open the back entrance and ushered Jongin inside, making sure to take the staircase and not the lift because it was quieter. Getting up 4 flights of stairs on crutches wasn't easy, but they made it up to the corridor where (hopefully) Taemin's room was with a minute to spare. 

"Ok." Minho whispered, "You go in, persuade that fucker to leave and I'll be hiding round there." 

"Round where?" Jongin asked, looking up and down the corridor to see absolutely no hiding places. 

"Ok I don't know yet. But I'm sneaky. Don't worry about me. The session ends in 20 minutes cus that's all our money would stretch to. I know right. Anyway...I'll come back then and you guys sneak out the back door to the alley while I go out the front pretending I've just have the time of my life." 

"Ew." Jongin hissed, an image flashing in his mind of Minho and Taemin yet again. He had to stop imaging that. "...Ok." 

It was a foolproof plan wasn't it? *cough* Anyway. It had worked this far so maybe karma wasn't a bitch after all. 

Jongin watched as Minho snuck down the corridor and turned left out of view. This hotel was so fucking fancy, no wonder Taemin liked it here. It would have been a nice place to be if it wasn't full of sex workers. Jongin shuddered. What was he doing loitering outside the door when he could get caught any moment. Hoodies don't make you invisible, idiot, he thought to himself. 

Ok showtime. 

Knock knock. 

"Oh shit is it 8 already?!" Came a squeak from inside. Jongin breathed a sigh of relief because it was definitely Taemin's voice. "Sorry sir!! Come in...I'm just in the bathroom. I'll be out in a sec." 

Asddfffhgsjsdgslhs;lfhlskdhgjkl. That's all Jongin could think as he twisted the door handle and wobbled his way into the room. It was huge, with a king sized bed dressed in gold satin sheets in the middle, and a large window with exotic red curtains to the right. There was a mini bar too, along with a tiny fridge filled with all kinds of goodies. To the left there was a door, presumably leading to the onsuit where Jongin could hear clatterings of some sort as Taemin got ready for his 'client'. 

Jongin felt the most out of place he'd ever felt. He glanced in the mirror situated above the bed and hardly recognized himself. He hadn't shaved, the side of his face was still a mess and he looked so weird walking on crutches. He looked fucking pathetic. Ugh. 

"Sorry...er....Kai is it?" Taemin called from inside the bathroom, "...I'll only be a sec. Help yourself to some drinks. Anything you like, it's all covered in the cost of the session." 

"Ok." Jongin mumbled back, not wanting to sound too much like himself. 

"Do you want me to get dressed?" Taemin asked, still totally oblivious as to who he was talking to, "I just showered so we can skip all that undressing stuff if you'd like..." 

"Get dressed." Jongin snapped, a little too harshly. This was way too real and he wasn't finding it fun at all to know what prostitute Taemin was like. In fact he didn't even want to sit down on the bed because it made him sick thinking of all the things that might have happened on it these past few weeks. His legs were really hurting though, so what could he do. The sheets would have been washed after all, right. This was a nice place. Ugh. It was still disgusting. 

Jongin settled down on the edge of the bed reluctantly, facing away from the bathroom and towards the window. He still had his hood up, so when Taemin finally did come out of the bathroom (fully clothed as he'd been told) he still had no idea it was Jongin waiting for him. 

"Oh you have crutches?" Taemin asked, making Jongin stiffen. He still didn't turn around to let Taemin see his face. He felt like he wasn't ready for some weird reason. He'd been so caught up in the plan to see Taemin, he hadn't actually thought that much about what he was going to say when he got here. Maybe Key was right and this had been a terrible idea. 

"Aww it's ok." Taemin said flirtatiously, and Jongin felt the bed dip slightly as Taemin sat down on the other side, "I don't mind doing all the work." 

Jongin didn't reply and instead went even stiffer. His upper half, not his downstairs thank you. 

"You're very quiet." Taemin commented, as he started to crawl over to Jongin on the bed. "That's ok too. Quiet is sexy." 

Jongin shuddered as he felt two thin fingers slide underneath his hoody as Taemin's hands started to glide across his back. 

"Are you cold?" Taemin asked, now dangerously close, "Don't worry. We'll get you all warmed up, Kai." 

For a weird moment Jongin had almost forgotten what he was suppose to be doing. This was horrifying and awful but hearing Taemin talk like this was turning him on and that was so sick he just wanted to ram his head against the wall. 

"Can I take this down?" Taemin whispered seductively, as he removed his hands from Jongin's back and up to his hood. He hadn't even taken it down halfway to know exactly who this 'client' really was. Jongin felt him freeze immediately and turned around to see the most shocked face on Taemin he'd ever seen. 

"BIE!?!?!?!?" Taemin screeched, jumping so far backwards he almost fell off the bed, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT?!" 

"Don't freak out!" Jongin started, "I just wanted to talk to you and you gave me no other-" 

"DON'T FREAK OUT?!" Taemin yelled, "REALLY, KAI, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!" 

"We haven't spoken in weeks Taemin!!" Jongin snapped, "What was I suppose to do!?" 

"DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY?!" Taemin yelled, "Holy crap! This is crazy, even for you. How the fuck did you even get in here?!" 

"Minho pretended to be 'Kai' and snuck me in." Jongin replied proudly, "And we spent all our fucking money on this so I hope you're grateful." 

"Grateful?" Taemin hissed, "No Bie. I'm not grateful. I just want to be left alone, god, why don't you get that?!" 

"Why don't you get that this isn't freedom!? Why don't you get that you need to get out of this shithole and come back home??" 

"NOWHERE IS FREEDOM." Taemin screamed, "NOT WITH YOU. NOT WITH MY FRIENDS. NOT IN THAT GODDAMN SHELTER. NOT ANYWHERE. AT LEAST I'M IN A NICE COZY BED HERE INSTEAD OF UNDER A FUCKING BRIDGE." 

"SO YOU'D RATHER BE HERE? HAVING SEX WITH STRANGERS ALL DAY SO YOU CAN HAVE A NICE HOT SHOWER AND SATIN SHEETS? IS IT REALLY WORTH IT?!" Jongin yelled back. He hadn't wanted this to turn into another screaming match but that's the only way they knew how to communicate lately. 

"Get out." Taemin snapped, getting up to grab one of Jongin's crutches and shove it in his face. "I told you. I don't want to talk. Now fuck off." 

"Would you talk to Kai like that?" Jongin scoffed, refusing to take the crutch out of Taemin's hands, "I'm paying for your time here so I can do whatever I want." 

"You're paying to have sex with me idiot, not to do whatever you want." Taemin argued, then smirked and added, "... I'd be happy to blow you off but if you just wanna stay here bitching at me then think again." 

"I'm good thanks." Jongin hissed, rolling his eyes and scootching across the bed to get away from Taemin and his sex eyes as possible. 

Taemin laughed because he knew he was making Jongin uncomfortable and was enjoying getting his own back. Talking was the last thing he wanted to do. He'd literally do anything else to avoid it. 

"Come on. I just want to talk. No yelling, no biting, no screaming at each other-" Jongin said plainly. 

"No fucking me so hard I can hardly walk the next day." Taemin inturupted stroppily. 

"Oh goduh. You're such a fucking drama queen." Jongin moaned, "I already said I was sorry for that. And you could walk just fine. Besides...it's not like you're not used to a bit of rough sex I mean come on..." 

"I just never expected it from you." Taemin hissed, "You were my big cuddly teddy bear." 

"I still am." 

"Mmm." 

"Well I never expected you'd go back to this." Jongin retorted, "You promised me you'd never do it again." 

Taemin snapped his head around and raised an eyebrow, crawling closer to Jongin on the bed so their noses were almost touching. "But don't you ever wonder...what I'm like..." he whispered, changing the subject yet again. 

"Stop it. Stop trying to distract me." Jongin ordered. Except he didn't pull away like he should have done. 

"Distract you?" Taemin asked innocently, making sure to exhale out into Jongin's open mouth, "You're the one who paid for sex, not talking...I'm doing exactly what I should be doing...." 

"Shut up." Jongin spat, still not pulling away, "Stop it Minnie I'm serious." 

"Minnie? Who's Minnie?" Taemin laughed, trailing one of his hands down to rest on Jongin's thigh, dangerously close to his crotch. "Come on Kai, let me give you your money's worth." 

"Stop it!!" Jongin repeated, "I don't wanna- ! Stop distracting me-!" 

But then- 

"Ohhhh gooodddddddddd..." came the most embarrassing moan he'd probably ever made, as Taemin when straight in for the kill and scrunched down on the growing bulge in Jongin's jeans. 

"You know I think you're kidding yourself." Taemin mused, as he started slide off the bed and onto the floor, positioning himself in between Jongin's knees. 

"Kidding myself?!" Jongin repeated, eyes wide in horror about what the hell was happening. 

"Yeah." Taemin nodded, "You didn't come here to talk at all, you just wanted to see what a session with me is really like." 

Jongin's jaw dropped as his mind went into overdrive, screaming because this was not how this was suppose to go. "No!" He spluttered, "I..." 

"Stop talking." Taemin snapped, as he leaned his head onto Jongin's knees seductively, "I thought I already told you I don't have anything to say." 

Jongin was just about to end whatever the hell Taemin had started, he really was...but he was weak and pathetic and couldn't seem to find the willpower to pull away. 

Taemin smirked because he knew everything that drove Jongin crazy and was planning on doing all of it- more pay back if you will. 

Tantalizingly slowly, he started gliding his hands along Jongin's thighs, spreading his legs so he could kneel in between them fully. He kept eye contact the whole time, staring confidently into Jongin's panicked eyes. When he got to Jongin's crotch, he scrunched one more time before undoing the fly quickly, scared that Jongin would pull away because he wasn't done with his torture quite yet. 

Jongin wasn't wearing any underwear so Taemin giggled in shock. "And you call me a slut!" he laughed. 

"I..." Jongin stuttered, "I hadn't got any clean..." 

"Yeah oh I'm sure that's the reason." Taemin smirked, allowing himself to stare at Jongin's errection unashamidley because he knew it would embarrass his ex lover. "You have a nice package there, Kai. Kind of reminds me of my ex." he added. 

"Oh god............................." Jongin moaned scrunching his eyes shut. What the hell was he doing. What the hell were they doing. This wasn't the plan. Why was he letting this happen. 

Oh yeah. Because he was horny, weak minded, idiot, that's why. 

"Ahhhh!!!" Jongin moaned again, as Taemin started blowing cool air lightly on the tip whilst simultaneously using his thumb to rub up and down the base. He knew exactly what Jongin liked, and exactly what to do get the reactions he wanted. He was going to embarrass the fuck out of his ex and enjoy every second of it. 

"Holy fuuuuuuuu" Jongin gasped, gripping the bed sheets underneath him when Taemin decided to lick all the way up, stopping at the tip to hollow his cheeks out and suck. 

Knowing all of Jongin's sensitive areas, Taemin continued on with his torture, swirling his tongue around the head before gripping it fully in his right hand and pumping up and down a few times before letting go and continuing to tease. He had expert precition at exactly where it felt best and worst. Blow jobs were his speciality after all. 

Jongin was actually sweating, watching in disbelief as Taemin worked beneath him. He cried out as the blonde slowly took him all the way inside his mouth until he was so far in, he could actually feel the back of Taemin's throat. It was like heaven and hell all at once. 

"Mmm." Taemin purred, pulling himself off and staring into Jongin's eyes once more. A tiny drop of precum had already leaked into his mouth and he made a show of licking his lips and swallowing it down. The sight drove Jongin crazy and Taemin was well aware, so grinned back innocently before taking Jongin back inside again. He made sure to use his teeth ever so lightly, just to cause that extra bit of friction that would make his ex moan even more. 

As he was getting closer, Jongin couldn't help but tangle his hands into Taemin's messy hair, guiding his head subconsciously. He shut his eyes and was in so much extacy he'd almost forgotten where they were, and that this wasn't just any other blowjob back when they were together. 

Taemin was now working like a pro, bobbing his head up and down rhythmically as Jongin kept accidentally thrusting in as the pressure built up. Taemin refused to gag though. He kept in control the whole time, and as Jongin got closer and closer, knew exactly what he was about to do- 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" 

"Hahahahhaha." Taemin giggled, as he was yanked off by his hair harshly and pushed away. He watched in amusement as Jongin scrambled to the other side of the bed in horror before bending over his crotch in pain. 

"DID YOU JUST...BITE ME?!?!??!" Jongin screeched, glancing from Taemin to his still crazy hard erection and back again. 

"Yup." Taemin chirped, "Just a bit of revenge, you know." 

"REVENGE?!" Jongin choked, "YOU LEFT TEETH MARKS!" 

Taemin got up and crawled across the bed to stare down intently at where these supposed teeth marks were, before looking up at Jongin with a raised eyebrow because he was just being a baby. Sure there were a few little tiny indents but it was nothing he didn't deserve. 

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!...YOU!!!!?!?" Jongin yelled in disbelief, pushing Taemin away again. 

"Aw babybie I'm sorry." Taemin cooed, "Come on. Let me finish you off. I promise I'll be good. No teeth." 

"No. You stay the fuck away from me." Jongin snapped, as he hopped over to his crutches and picked them up before storming into the bathroom to finish himself off. This was probably the most humiliating thing he'd ever done and he could even hear Taemin still giggling in the bedroom. 

When he was 'done', he washed his hands and splashed some cold water onto his face to calm himself down. Taemin was just lying on the bed casually reading a magazine when he finally came back in. 

"All done?" The blonde smirked, "Didn't take you long. You don't have as much stamina as you used to." 

"Fuckingbloodyshittinghellingfuck" Jongin cursed under his breath, before huffing and sitting back down on the corner of the bed, turned away from that smirking blonde idiot. He was sure his cheeks were bright red even though he didn't know how he had any blood left up there to be embarrassed. 

"Awwww don't be mad." Taemin laughed, scootching across to sit next to Jongin and wrap an arm around his shoulders, "You paid for a session with me. What did you expect?" 

Jongin let out a long sigh and decided to try and forget about what just happened and be the bigger person. Yes, he'd let himself be sinfully sidetracked but he wasn't going to leave here empty handed. He had to at least make some progress. "Look Tae. If you won't come back for me, at least do it for the others. They miss you like crazy." He said, defeated. 

"Ughhhh" Taemin groaned, "Are we still on this?! I miss them too, of course I do....But I can't come back yet...I...I need to be on my own for a while, I've told you a million times. Please Bie just let it go..." 

"But I don't understand." Jongin huffed, "Why do you need to be on your own?" 

"Because you guys think I'm this pathetic baby who needs bossing around 24/7 and I can't take it anymore. Besides, look around, it's a whole lot nicer than living under a bridge or in that shelter. I know they don't pay me but I'm living it up here honestly. Look at the fucking TV. They even wash my clothes, I mean what the hell. And that first time I was here when they tied me up...I was just being a stupid crybaby about it. I mean what kind of rent boy can't handle a bit of bondage right?" Taemin blabbed, as if he was making sense. 

"Ughhh!" Jongin groaned, just as Taemin had done a minute ago. He was starting to feel desperate because you can't win an argument with crazy person when their logic is so twisted. Not that it was going to stop him from trying though. "But you have to have sex with strangers! Is a big tv really worth it?! Don't you miss me? Don't you want to have sex with me?" 

"Well we just kinda did." Taemin shrugged, "I'm not saying I don't miss you guys. I'm saying leave me alone so I can deal with my shit in a comfy hotel bed ok? I don't know why you want to get back together so much anyway. We did nothing but scream at each other." 

Jongin felt his blood pressure rise because those words stung way more than they should have. "We didn't just scream at each other!" he argued. 

"Oh no you're right, we had sex too." Taemin scoffed, "Sex and screaming. Not exactly what you'd call a healthy relationship is it?!" 

Jongin turned around to face the blonde again, forgetting he was mad about the biting incident to plead with his puppy dog eyes. "I'm not leaving here without you." 

"Because you're a control freak." 

"Because I love you." 

"Mm." 

Jongin groaned in frustration and let himself fall back on the bed to stare up at the bumpy white ceiling. Their 20 minutes would surely be over soon and he'd achieved nothing. This hadn't been the plan at all. 

Taemin got up and walked to the wardrobe, pulling out an expensive looking plain black coat before rootling around in the mini fridge to stuff it's pockets with food. "Here you go." he said, handing the coat stuffed with snacks to Jongin, "They gave me all these new clothes so I could look like a classy escort instead of a cheap rent boy. This should fit you and you should take the food back to the others." 

"You're telling me to go?" Jongin squeaked, ignoring the coat that had just been dumped on his knees. 

"You're sessions over now Kai." Taemin replied, as he reached for one of Jongin's crutches and put it on top of the coat on his lap. 

Jongin wanted to shout the place down in frustration but that would only add to Taemin's 'all we do is scream at each other' theory so held it in. He got up reluctantly and walked to the door with as much dignity as he could muster after that humiliation session. His crotch still felt really sore but it looked like teeth marks on his dick was the only thing he'd have to remember Taemin by, so maybe he should be grateful. 

Taemin was just about to open the door when Jongin shut it, another weird plan forming in his mind. "Hey this is gonna sound really random but do you remember Newbie & Taeminnie's day of fun?" He asked. 

Taemin raised an eyebrow quizzically but then said, "Yeah of course. Didn't end so well though did it?" 

"No. But it started fun." Jongin pointed out. 

"Get to the point, Bie." 

"Well like...do they give you days off?" he asked, as if they were talking about any normal job. 

"Sometimes. I've only had one so far." Taemin shrugged, "Why?" 

"When's your next one?" 

"This Thursday." 

Phew, Jongin thought. He didn't go back to work till the week after. 

"So...can we meet up? Like I promise I won't make you talk, I just want to hang out. It'll be like a redo of Newbie & Taeminnie's day of fun where nobody ends up having sex in the bathroom or getting stabbed." Jongin said, trying to sound as casual as possibly when really he was dying inside. 

"What, even you and me can't have sex in the bathroom?" Taemin joked. 

"No well we can if you want to." Jongin blurted, "But you know what I mean...." 

"…I dunno..." Taemin muttered, "I er...won't it be weird...?" 

"Probably." Jongin shrugged, "But no weirder than this." 

"Well ok." Taemin agreed, "But only if you don't try and persuade me to come back else we'll end up screaming again and I might actually bite your dick off." 

"Deal." Jongin lied. There was no way he was giving up. They might not been together properly, but that didn't mean Taemin wasn't his and he wasn't going to let what belonged to him stay in this hell hole, even if it had clean sheets and a mini fridge. 

Taemin picked up the coat filled with snacks and handed it to Jongin before grabbing the door handle once more. As Jongin was about to leave, there was this weird moment when he really thought they were going to have a goodbye kiss. It was like it was just habit, and they both leaned in for a second before painfully remembering that they weren't a couple. 

"Be careful." Taemin said, as he opened the door and scanned the corridor to see if anyone was there. Minho was already waiting at the end of it, tapping his foot in agitation because it had been over 20 minutes now and it was terrifying to think they might get caught. 

"I'll see you on Thursday." Jongin nodded, before tearing himself away and reluctantly hobbling down the corridor to meet a very grumpy looking Minho. 

"Love you." Taemin whispered, too quiet for Jongin to hear. 

That was no doubt the strangest session he'd ever had, and as he shut the door and went back into his room, he couldn't help feeling more lonely than ever. 

But this is what he wanted, right? He tried to remind himself why he was doing this. In his twisted way, he truly believed this was all for the best, that he wasn't controlled here or treated like a child. He was just an employee, even if his job was sex. And that was ok. Because this was as free as he could be right now. 

Or was it? Maybe Bie had been right, maybe this wasn't freedom either. Maybe nowhere was freedom. He wasn't even getting paid for fucks sake. He was being treated like an factory farmed animal- fattened up so he'd give good meat. 

After a minute or so of horrible thoughts about what the fuck he was doing with his life, he glanced out of his window to see Jongin and Minho had (thank god) got away safely and were now dashing as quickly as they could given the crutches down the busy high street and back to the bridge, probably. Or maybe Jongin was going back to the shelter. 

Taemin wondered what Jongin would have to eat tonight, if he would sleep well, what he'd do tomorrow given he was still off work. Taemin hadn't asked him anything about how he was doing. Fuck. That was selfish. He hadn't even asked him how his leg was. Probably not good by the state he was walking. 

"Aghhhhh!!" Taemin grumbled to an empty room, slumping his whole body face down on the bed. 

His next client would be in soon but it wasn't like he needed to shower after just one blow job. God that reminded him, he probably shouldn't have bitten Jongin either should he? But the idiot deserved it after the way he'd treated him in bed right? 

Taemin had no idea. Everything was all fucked up and if this was freedom, he wasn't sure he wanted it anyway. 

\--- 

 

Oh taeminnie, you stupid stupid boy, this isn't freedom :') 

OK SO XD oh my.   
I'd really love to hear any thoughts you might have on this chapter lolol, the good the bad and the ugly. Especially the ugly ;D   
I KNOW IT'S TRIPPY AS FUCK. I'm not high I promise xD I just got carried away with beatings and blowjobs and I need to be stopped lol there should be a law against writing idols like this :')


	17. Lesson 8 Redo: Newbie & Taeminnie's Day Of Fun

Taemin arched his back as Minho slid a hand inside his holey jeans, making this distinctive groaning noise Jongin had heard a thousand times before. It sounded like torture right now though. 

"See this Bie?" Taemin said abruptly, disconnected his mouth from Minho's for just long enough to stare at Jongin as if he were a teacher giving a lecture. "This is how it's done. This is how you make out properly." 

Jongin couldn't speak. It wasn't that he had nothing to say, oh no- he had plenty, it was that he literally couldn't say a word. He couldn't move either. It was like he was glued to the spot, his mouth sewn shut. Inside his head he was swearing and screaming like he always did, but couldn't express a word. He had no choice but to just stare helplessly at what the fuck was happening without interfering. Now this really was a new kind of hell. 

"Taemin likes it when you squeeze here." Minho added 'helpfully', pointing to Taemin's left butt cheek, "You've been getting it all wrong." 

Taemin nodded critically before continuing the makeout session, clawing his way underneath Minho's top to reveal the muscular body underneath. 

"He's a lot more toned than you too." Taemin commented, turning to Jongin once more and running a slender hand up and down Minho's abs, "Nothing squishy about this tummy." 

"Thanks." Minho smiled, getting up to walk over to Jongin's statue-like figure and pull up his shirt embarrassingly. 

If this was real life Jongin would have punched him for sure, but right now there was nothing he could do. In fact he felt like he couldn't even breathe, which he should have been worried about but wasn't strangely. 

"Aww it IS squishy!" Minho laughed, poking Jongin's tummy, "I see why you call him your teddy bear." 

"But teddy bears aren't sexy right." Taemin smirked, "That's why we need to give him some lessons." 

"Haven't you taught him enough?" Minho asked, "You did fucking everything for him when he was new on the streets." 

"What can I say?" Taemin laughed, "I'm a very giving person. Now get your ass back here and have sex with me so we can show him how it's done." 

"Whatever." Minho shrugged, pulling Jongin's top down to walk back over Taemin, pushing the blonde down to the floor and kissing him roughly. 

Jongin's insides felt like they were going to explode but he still couldn’t do a damn thing. He was trying to move, he really was, but he couldn't even feel his body to get it to work. 

And things were just getting worse. 

"Bie, are you even paying attention at all?" Taemin snapped, removing his hands from inside Minho's jeans to pick up an empty bottle on the floor and throw it at Jongin. "You should be grateful I'm taking the time to give you more lessons." 

"Don't worry. He'll pay attention to this bit." Minho cut in, as he started to remove what was left of Taemin's jeans. "So." He said, turning back to Jongin, "This is how a real man gives a blowjob." 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

"First, don't go crazy with the licking. Like why the fuck do you do that?" Minho said. 

"I know right." Taemin nodded, "I've told him not to but the boy won't quit it. It's not a lollipop Bie, god." 

"Right." Minho agreed, "Then you do this." 

Jongin watched in absolute horror as Minho spat down a little on Taemin's er, whatever you want to call it, before taking the tip in his mouth and hollowing his cheeks out. 

"Oh gooodddd...." Taemin moaned, grasping at Minho's hair desperately before turning to face Jongin with half lidded eyes, his cheeks already flushed. He could barely get out the words but did it anyway, "See? Don't usually get an 'oh god' at the beginning right?" 

"Wowurleearrbadadthzz" Minho mumbled, before pulling off so he could speak properly. "Sorry. I said 'wow you really are bad at this'. Sometimes I only had to touch him and he was already cumming." 

"It's true." Taemin nodded casually, "Eh. I guess some people just have the knack. Poor old Bie. Awwww don't look at me like that baby. You can't be good at everything." 

"But what is he good at again?" Minho asked, in between light blows making Taemin's eyes flutter. 

"Good question." Taemin smirked. 

"Newbie! Wake the fuck up!" Sehun said, shaking Jongin's body, "Seriously, you're keeping everyone awake!" 

"Ummphheemppwhaa?" Jongin croaked, opening his good eye to see a blurry looking Sehun standing over him. 

"I said, you're keeping everyone awake with your moaning! The guy in the room next to me thought you were having sex." Sehun tutted, folding his arms like he was Key giving a scolding. 

Jongin hardly knew where he was. It was always like that when he first woke up. Since being homeless, it wasn't unusual to sleep somewhere random and forget, and even though he mostly slept at the shelter his brain still couldn't get out of the habit. Plus it was especially worse when he'd just had a nightmare. He'd had that nightmare a lot lately. For some reason he couldn't seem to shake it. 

"Sorry." Jongin yawned, scratching the sleep out of his eyes painfully, "I just er...had a weird dream." 

"Awww nightmare?" Sehun smirked, sitting himself down next to Jongin on the bed, uninvited. "And to think the first time I saw you I thought you were so hard." 

"Hard?" Jongin laughed, "Sorry. I shouldn't say shit like that in front of toddlers." 

"Hey I'm almost 16!" Sehun whispered, not wanting anyone who might go by to hear him say his real age because the door was wide open. They'd actually told the shelter he was 18 because else he'd have been put in care and that was the last thing he wanted. Key had agreed to lie for him because after being in care for so long as a child, he knew how horrible it could be and honestly felt like his life was better in some ways now. 

"What time is it?" Jongin asked, sitting up. Today was the day and there was no point in going back to sleep if it was almost morning. 

"Like...6?" Sehun shrugged, "What are you doing today? Gonna go back to the bridge with me and Key?" 

"I can't believe Key's actually nice to you." Jongin mumbled, getting momentarily sidetracked. 

"Yeah well I'm an adorable helpless 'toddler' as you guys keep saying and you're this stupid guy who keeps on getting beaten up and cries over blonde hookers." Sehun said brightly, unaware he was touching a sore spot. 

"Hey." Jongin snapped, "Shut up." 

"Sorry." Sehun shrugged, "So what are you doing today?" 

"Newbie & Taemi-" Jongin started, but then he realized that was the most embarrassing thing to call it and changed his mind, "I'm going out with Taemin." 

"Tch." Sehun scoffed, "Well I just hope for your sake he's not drunk again." 

\--- 

It seemed like Taemin was taking an age to get here. It didn't help that Jongin had arrived 20 minutes earlier than planned, because it felt like he'd been waiting on that park bench for an eternity. 

He couldn't stop bobbing his knee up and down either and he must've looked like a mess to anyone watching. It's just he felt so strangely anxious about today and even though he told himself there was no need, I mean this is only Taemin, he still couldn't stop feeling way more worried than he should have. There was pressure on today though. It had to go well. It couldn't end up another screaming/hair pulling/biting type event that might prove they really couldn't work things out. 

"So how's my favorite ex boyfriend?" came a familiar soft sing songy voice, as Taemin stood behind Jongin on the bench, peering over him so his face was upside down. It was a weird angle and an even weirder greeting but Jongin had learned not to expect anything else. Taemin never said hello or goodbye, it just wasn't something he did. 

"How many boyfriends have you had exactly?" Jongin asked, already knowing the answer. He really didn't like being referred to as 'ex' because as far as he was concerned they weren’t really broken up. It was all just a technicality or whatever. 

"Hmm....do you count Minho?" Taemin asked, as he walked around the bench and plonked himself down on it. 

"No." Jongin snapped. They hadn't even been talking for a minute and already Taemin was getting on his nerves. Deliberately. Ugh. 

"Well ok. Good point." Taemin shrugged, "Just you then. That makes you my favorite and my least favorite." 

"Well I'm fine." Jongin mumbled, rolling his eyes. "So how's my favorite pr- person?" he asked, trying to be witty but failing epicly because he couldn't bring himself to say the P word. 

"Your favorite pr-person?" Taemin laughed, "I'm ok. Kind of nervous about today weirdly." 

"Are you?" Jongin asked, surprised. He didn't think Taemin got nervous about anything. 

"Yeah. I just want it to go well you know? Like I don't want it to end up with us yelling at each other again." Taemin said simply. 

Jongin's lips turned up subconsciously because Taemin could be so adorable sometimes and it made his insides melt. "Ok well we'll make a rule." 

"Ughhhh another rule?" Taemin moaned. 

"No this is a good rule. You'll like this rule." 

"I don't like any rules." 

"But this is a no being mean to each other rule." Jongin said, before adding "If we had any money I'd get us a shame shame jar or something so every time we raised our voice we'd have to put however much in the jar but well, you know." 

"Hahahaha. We can't even afford the jar, never mind the money to put in it." Taemin giggled, "Yeah. Well ok. I'll just yell SHAME SHAME at you if you start screaming at me." 

"No but you have to quietly whisper shame shame." Jongin corrected, "Missing the point dear." 

"Ok deal." Taemin nodded, all of a sudden remembering he was suppose to ask about Jongin's leg. "You still look really bad. How's the leg?" 

"Thanks." Jongin said sarcastically, "Leg's ok." 

"Have you even shaved?" Taemin asked randomly, putting a hand up to Jongin's cheek to stroke the stubble, "Like I thought you'd have at least put in a bit effort to look nice for me." 

"HA." Jongin scoffed. Taemin had seen Jongin looking way worse than this and vice versa. I mean hello, they'd lived on the streets together for months without a shower or toilet. "My razor broke this morning. But I'm showered so I smell like a spring garden ok?" 

Taemin leaned in to Jongin's neck and for a beautiful second it was like they were going to kiss but of course they didn't. "Huh you do smell nice. Why are you wearing that shitty old coat though? I thought I gave you a new one the other day." 

"You did but I gave it to Sehun." 

"Sehun?" Taemin repeated, as if he had no clue who Jongin was talking about. 

"You know, that new kid Key took home. He's been hanging around with us a bit and he literally has nothing." 

"Huh. I didn't know I'd been replaced so soon." Taemin mumbled. 

"Shame shame!" Jongin whispered comically, "Hey no talking like that! That road leads to yelling and you know it." 

"Sorry. You're right. I'll stop being a baby." Taemin nodded. This time it was his turn for the corners of his mouth to turn upwards. Jongin was such a cutie bear sometimes. 

"Have you even accessorized?" Jongin gasped, suddenly noticing Taemin's hands which were covered in silver rings. He actually wasn't going to comment on Taemin's appearance because it was bugging him. The boy looked so fucking good and it was unfair. But he couldn't help himself because the kid just looked so different from how he was used to seeing him, dressed in the same leather jacket with a black polar neck underneath, black skinny jeans and huge shiny boots. 

"Yup." Taemin laughed, giving Jongin one of his hands to inspect the rings better. "I'm classy now right." 

"That hotel treats you like their fucking dress up doll." Jongin hissed. 

"SHAME SHAME." Taemin laughed, yanking his hand away. 

"Shame shame!!!" Jongin whispered, "You have to say it quietly it because yelling is a shame shame too! For fucks sakes, you're a dummy today." 

"I didn't get much sleep." Taemin replied, but then added when Jongin's eyes widened in disgust, "No no not because of work...because I was nervous." 

"Nightmares?" Jongin asked, genuinely curious. 

"Yeah." Taemin shrugged, "The usual. You know." 

"I know." 

There was a small pause before Taemin spoke again. "So what are we doing today then babybie?" he chirped. 

"Eh?" 

"Ow come on. Last time I planned everything. This time it's your job." 

"But this time we don’t have any money at all." Jongin said, "I just wanna hang out." 

"Tch. You're no fun. Don't you wanna do anything?" 

"I wanna do what we're doing." 

"Well I don't." Taemin argued, "Come on. Let's go window shopping or something. It's actually quite a nice day." 

"Window shopping?" Jongin repeated, laughing, "I don't need any windows, thanks." 

"And you call me the dummy." Taemin smirked, "No come on," he said, getting up and reaching out a hand, "Let's just walk around and play in the shops. It'll be fun." 

Jongin felt like Taemin was being a 5 year old again but nodded anyway. Sadly they couldn't actually hold hands because Jongin need his for the crutches but it didn't matter. Today was going surprisingly well so far. Although the first Newbie & Taeminnie's Day Of Fun had started off fine as well so maybe shit was coming. Who knows, hopefully not. 

Taemin took the lead and they went in a out of a few shops aimlessly on a busy high street. Jongin didn't see the point because they couldn't buy anything but it looked like Taemin was enjoying doing something different and 'normal' so he didn't say anything. 

Taemin then suggested they go into the arcade which Jongin thought was totally weird again because they wouldn't be able to play anything. 

"You doofus." Taemin tutted, already making his way into the arcade whilst Jongin stood outside. "When we were kids -we being me, Key and Jong- we used to hang around in arcades all the time. Sometimes people leave and the money is still in the game. Plus there's always unguarded snacks left around." 

"Ok." Jongin shrugged, "But if we do end up playing something, remember I could beat you in no time if I wasn't all beaten up and whatever." 

"How does a broken leg stop your hands from working?" Taemin laughed, "It didn't stop your dick the other day." 

"Shame shame!!!" 

Annoyingly, nobody had left their game unattended, but it was actually still kinda fun to browse through all the useless nic nacs near the door. It was embarrassing but Jongin found himself unable to stop staring at the blonde. It wasn't just that he looked good in his new clothes, it was more that he had a smile on his face playing with all the stupid gaming merchandise that Jongin hadn't seen in a while. Sure, Taemin smirked and laughed at him a lot but there hadn't been a moment where he'd seen that cute little innocent grin in a long time. 

"Take a picture. It'll last longer." Taemin mocked. "It's rude to stare you know." 

"Sorry." Jongin said, his cheeks glowing red as he turned away to bury himself in the angry birds plushies. 

"You're so sensitive my god!" Taemin laughed, "You can stare at me all you want, I'm just messing with you....hey LOOK!!" 

"Wha?" Jongin asked, peering round the plushies to see what Taemin was staring at. 

"It's you!" The blonde squeaked, picking up a tiny key chain in the shape of a bumblebee. 

"Oh god." Jongin laughed, knowing what Taemin meant instantly- Newbeeeeeeeeee. 

"I think I should change my mind about your spirit animal. It's not a bear after all, I mean look at this cute little piece of shit. Chubby and adorable with a huge stinger on his butt." Taemin giggled, staring intently at the little key chain. 

"I'm not chubby!" Jongin squeaked. 

"Oh ok Mr sensitive." Taemin smirked, "I don't mean chubby. I mean squishy. You know I think you're fucking adorable." 

"Adorable isn't sexy." Jongin mumbled. 

Taemin let out a huge laugh because he thought that was the most random thing to say ever. "Yeah well you're not adorable all the time." 

"Thanks." 

"Hey let's knick this." Taemin whispered, shoving the keychain into his pocket. 

"Isn't that a bit petty?" Jongin asked, "Like shouldn't we steal food if we're gonna steal anything?" 

"Fucking hell grandpa. It's a keychain. Lighten up." 

Actually somebody random had left a game unguarded with money still in it, so they did get to play at least one. It was a shooting game, not that much fun honestly. Jongin won. Taemin swore. And they left pretty speedily because Jongin was being a goody two shoes and couldn't help worrying they'd get caught for the bumblebee shape poking out of Taemin's pockets. When stealing weirdly shaped things it's foolish to wear such tight trousers. Nobody was looking at his pockets though, Jongin guessed. 

The morning seemed to flash by in a blur. It had actually been fun. They'd talked about nothing serious and that was always the way to go if they were going to actually get on. But that had been the deal for today after all- not persuading or telling Taemin to come back, just hanging out. 

The carefree atmosphere couldn't last forever though, because as the day was going on, Taemin was starting to become nervy and agitated and it was obvious why. 

Spice. 

He was still doing really well, honest, but he still couldn't get through the day without at least 2 spliffs or he'd turn into a craving, shivering mess. It was happening and they both knew it. He couldn't stay still, he wasn't walking quite straight and he felt sluggish and jittery all at once. How the hell that worked he didn't know. 

"It's nearly lunchtime." Jongin announced, hoping food might help. They were sitting outside on one of the bustling high streets, watching all the rich snobs walk by. Some of them smiled at Taemin in his fancy clothes but even though Jongin was right next to him and they were clearly together, it was as if he was invisible here. It was weird. He hadn't hung out in the expensive side of town in so long. 

"I'm not hungry." Taemin replied quietly, a shiver running down his spine. "Are you? Didn't....didn't you have breakfast at the shelter this morning?" 

"Yeah I did but it's not uncommon to feel hungry again for lunch." Jongin pointed out, "I have like, 5$...we should buy some food if we can." 

"N...n...ok." Taemin mumbled, "There's a McDonald's or something round the corner." 

In contrast from the rest of the day, they walked to get food in silence. It wasn't because they were mad at each other in anyway, it was just Taemin had zoned out by this point and Jongin understood. It was ok. At least he was keeping off that stuff. 

Taemin told Jongin to order whatever he wanted, that he wasn't hungry and he'd have room service tonight. He thought he'd be fine if he just took a few deep breaths and let it pass, but as Jongin was waiting in the long ass queue, Taemin was just feeling worse and worse. He thought he might be sick he was so withdrawn. He had no choice. 

The queue was still really long, so Taemin thought he'd be back in time anyway. He slipped through the crowd to the back of the restaurant, ducking into the bathroom to light the thing he craved so much. He always kept a few on him for emergencies, and this was definitely an emergency. 

The first drag was like heaven. The second also felt pretty damn good too. But as he took drag after drag even the spice was starting to make him feel ill. At least he'd stopped shivering. His body was responding gratefully and that had to be a good thing. But then- 

"REALLY?????" Came a yell, as the cubicle door banged open to reveal a very pissed looking Jongin. "WHAT'S WITH YOU AND BATHROOMS?" 

"At least I'm not having sex this time- HEY!!!!!" Taemin squealed, as Jongin snatched the spliff away and chucked it in the toilet. "Ughhh come on baby!! Don't be mad. You know I need it." 

"No you don't. You just want it." Jongin hissed, grabbing Taemin's wrist and pulling him out of the stall before someone else noticed what was happening. 

Jongin then lead the way outside grumpily, wishing he wasn't on crutches so he could at least storm with some dignity. He was so fucking pissed off though. One day. Just one day, that's all he wanted. No sex with strangers, no drugs, no screaming. Was that too much to ask for? 

"Bie slow dooooown." Taemin whined, "Fucking hell, how are you so fast even on crutches?" 

"Don't change the subject." Jongin hissed, ducking around a corner in the street so they wouldn't be overheard. 

"Look. I'm sorry. I'm sorry ok? But you know I need at least 2 a day else I'll go mental. I can't go cold turkey, it's too hard. And I didn't have anything this morning like I usually would because I didn't want to be all high and weird when I first saw you." Taemin explained. He was having a hard time though, because he still hadn't had enough of the drug to satisfy his body and he was feeling lightheaded again. 

Jongin just stood there, unconvinced and annoyed, so Taemin spoke again. "I need another one." he said plainly. 

"What?? You think I'm gonna let you have another one?" Jongin snapped, "No. You just had one. Fucking hell." 

"You didn't let me finish it." Taemin hissed, "Now are you gonna be a controlling asshole and scream at me, or are you gonna let me have it and then we'll carry on with our day?" 

Jongin had to really think that over. One half of him just wanted to yell some more but the other half was starting to think- maybe that was controlling. Maybe Taemin really was trying to cut the spice out and he should trust him that if he said he needed one, then he did. 

"...Ok." Jongin agreed reluctantly, watching as Taemin pulled out another spliff and lit it, slumping back against the brick wall behind them. 

Taemin smoked in silence, but only half of it because he'd already had half of the other one in the bathroom. It actually impressed Jongin that he was being so disciplined and made him think maybe Taemin didn't need babysitting as much as they all thought. 

For the next hour or so after lunch, Taemin was weird. It was to be expected, he was a little high and slurry from the spice. Jongin had seen him way worse though so it didn't get on his nerves that much. 

Thankfully, by mid afternoon the drugs were starting to wear off, leaving Taemin to be (almost) his normal cute self again. Jongin loved this Taemin, more than anything. Not that he was totally himself of course, because the effects of spice was still in his system. But he wasn't high and that was enough. 

Jongin was being a 'grandpa' again and suggested they go sit down in a park. His legs were hurting as they'd been walking all day and all he wanted to do was talk really. Taemin agreed even though he'd have rather kept browsing round shops. It was strangely peaceful though once they got sat down on the grass and Taemin found himself relaxing. He hadn't just sat outside with Jongin doing nothing in such a long time. They used to do this all the time when they lived back at the bridge, before Jongin found his job. Taemin almost missed it. 

The sun was out and it was actually warm enough to sit there without a coat or leather jacket. There hadn't been a moment of peace like this in so long. Jongin couldn't stop staring at Taemin again but this time he just let himself instead of feeling embarrassed. Sometimes he couldn't get over how in love he was with this blonde idiot. No matter how much they fought, how much they screamed at each other, it never made him love Taemin any less. 

"So how many people have you slept with since we've been broken up? Taemin joked, already knowing the answer but he couldn't resist asking. 

Jongin almost choked on his own spit, his cheeks burning. So much for a peaceful afternoon. He composed himself quickly though because he knew Taemin was just testing him. "Oh thousands, billions." he said sarcastically, "How many do you think, asshole? ...other than my right hand I mean." 

Taemin giggled like a schoolgirl. It was probably one of his favorite things to do to make Jongin go red. The idiot always looked so cute when he was embarrassed. "Really? I thought you'd have wanted to...you know...spread your seed around a bit." he teased. 

"Spread my seed around?" Jongin repeated, "Did you actually just say that?" 

"What?" Taemin laughed, "You've only been with me right? And it's hardly fair, losing it to a pr- person like me. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to do it with someone else." 

Jongin's heart sank for a second but then he remembered that this was Taemin and he knew exactly what the blonde was doing. Behind those smug mocking words was someone who actually cared deep down, and this was all just an act. 

"I'm not a slut like some people." Jongin retorted, keeping his cool. "Besides, you know I only wanna do it with you." 

"Aw. Thanks." Taemin replied. 

"You're not welcome." 

"...Well anyway I'm glad. It's icky to think of you with someone else." Taemin said. 

"Oh?" Jongin squeaked. It was so weird to hear Taemin say something like that. A part of him wanted to turn round and say 'well that's how I feel everyday' but it actually made him happy to hear those words so he bit his tongue and urged on for more. "Why?" 

"Because you're mine." Taemin replied, laughing his head off afterwards like he'd just said something hilarious. "Sorry. It's fun pretending to be you." 

"I'm not like that." Jongin huffed. He knew he was wrong though. 

"You are so like that." Taemin smirked, "Do you ever wonder what it'd be like if you were the slut and I was the controlling one?" 

"I'd like it if you called me 'yours' though." Jongin replied. He didn't know if he was ready to joke about this but Taemin didn't seem to realize. 

"You'd like it if I said you were mine?" Taemin repeated. 

"Yeah. That's just what I'm like." Jongin nodded. It was true. He'd love it if Taemin was just as possessive as he was. Then maybe he wouldn't feel so pathetic and clingy all the time. 

"Huh. I never realized that." Taemin said simply. 

"Well now you know." 

"I guess I do." 

"Look can we just be back together already?" Jongin blurted. He was well aware this was a shame shame topic but he'd lost the will to care. 

"Excuse me?" 

"Well I love you and I'm pretty sure you love me so what's the problem?" Jongin urged. 

Taemin sighed deeply and looked up at the blue sky, blinding himself from the sun. He wasn't mad, he just needed a second to think. Jongin was such a black and white thinker sometimes and this situation wasn't as simple for Taemin. Plus, he wasn't good at expressing his feelings without yelling or running away, so this was a first. "The problem is nothing's really changed has it?" he said eventually, looking back to Jongin sympathetically. 

"What do you mean?" Jongin asked, playing dumb. He didn't really give a shit if anything had changed or not, he just wanted them back together and Taemin away from that hotel. 

"...Well you're still controlling and I'm still...whatever it is I am...so how's it gonna work?" Taemin replied gently, knowing he was pressing sore buttons. 

"But I can try to stop being how I am though...poss...ess...ive...ness...wise...or whatever..." Jongin insisted. 

"Aw baby. I know. But it's who you are isn't it?" 

"People can change." 

"Can they?" 

"Yeah." Jongin insisted, "It's bullshit people can't. People change all the time, every day." 

"When did you get so wise." Taemin laughed. 

"I've always been this wise." 

"Well ok..." Taemin shrugged, "If you say you can try and be less...how you are...then maybe I can be less..." 

"Of a slut." Jongin blurted, meaning how Taemin acted around other guys- especially Minho, not just the whole prostitute thing. 

"Yeah." Taemin laughed, shaking his head in amusement. 

"And say the W word less." Jongin added tactlessly. 

Taemin took another deep breath but decided to agree anyway. "Ok. I'll say it less but if it comes up I don’t want you having a cow about it." 

"I won't have a cow." Jongin agreed. 

"We'll see then." Taemin said, making himself smile reassuringly. He still didn't know what to do if he was honest. Being at that hotel may have sucked in some ways, but it was a whole lot nicer than sleeping under a bridge in the cold or in that shelter he'd grown to hate. Plus there was always this nagging feeling still that he had something to prove, and that he hadn't proven it yet. 

"What does that mean?" Jongin asked sadly. The childish side of him was hoping Taemin would just say 'yeah, sure, I'll come back' but he should have known by now that wasn't going to happen. 

"It means, I can't make the decision right now baby. I still need time, just give me some time. Today isn't about getting back together is it? It's just about hanging out. That's all." 

"Ughhhhhh!!!" Jongin moaned, letting his back fall on the grass beneath them. This was frustrating as fuck. He had so many questions he wasn't allowed to ask, so many things he couldn't say else they'd end up screaming at each other. And a huge part of him was still really offended that Taemin had chosen a comfy hotel over him. Deep down he knew that wasn't the reason why Taemin'd left, but it still haunted him. "Sometimes it's like I love you more than you love me." he mumbled, staring blankly at the fluffy white clouds above them. 

"What?" 

"You heard me." Jongin muttered. 

"You're being stupid." Taemin tutted, settling himself on the ground next to Jongin so he could cloud watch too. "Shame shame." he added, jokingly. 

"No don't do that I'm serious." Jongin sulked. 

"Look." Taemin said, placing a hand on Jongin's cheek to turn his head so they faced each other. "I don't know why you're so insecure all the time." 

"Oh I don't know." Jongin said scarcastically, "Maybe cus you talk about sex with other guys all the time, maybe cus you never acted like we were together around people even when we were, maybe cus you wouldn't leave Minho alone even when I told you..." 

"Yeah alright ok you've made your point." Taemin cut in. "But for fucks sakes Bie, how many times do I have to reassure you? I've told you about a thousand billion times I love you, only you...god." 

"You haven't said it recently." Jongin retorted, turning his face away to stare up at the clouds again. 

"Haven't I?" 

"No. Last time I heard you were screaming at me that you didn’t love me anymore." 

"I was mad. You know how I get when I'm mad." 

"You turn into a spiteful bitch." Jongin blurted again. But he wished he hadn't as soon as he said it because when Taemin was being understanding there was no need to be like that. It was almost habit to be snippy though. 

"Mmm" was all the reply that came. 

An uncomfortable silence followed and Jongin thought he must've offended Taemin but it wasn't like that at all. Taemin knew he could be a bitch. Taemin knew he could be childish. Taemin knew he was a slut. It wasn't any of that, he'd accepted those things a long time ago. No, right now all he could think about was how to make it better. "Hey. Look at me you big baby." he said suddenly, twisting Jongin's face once more to turn to him. "I. Love. You." 

Jongin smiled, genuinely smiled, and took the sweet moment as an opportunity to press their foreheads together, Taemin's hand still resting on his cheek. They lay like that for a few moments, enjoying the feeling of closeness they hadn't had in so long. Jongin could feel Taemin's breath on his mouth and it was so enticing that he had to use all his willpower not to lean in further for a kiss. But that wasn't the deal today, so he resisted. 

Except Taemin didn't. 

Lips were on Jongin's within a second, the hand on his cheek moving to tangle itself into his hair, pulling them even closer. It was a beautiful moment and Jongin couldn't remember feeling so carefree or happy. Eagerness over took him, and then suddenly he was parting Taemin's lips with his tongue and being welcomed inside. 

The kiss lasted a long time, as neither of them had any willpower to stop now they'd started. If they weren't in a public place they'd have probably ripped each others clothes off then and there. Jongin had actually forgotten what Taemin's mouth felt like. He'd forgotten how good it felt to be connected. He'd forgotten how amazing it was to be able to touch the person you loved without imagining them with someone else. 

Taemin pulled away first, his eyes looking down so Jongin couldn't read the expression in them. He didn't want to lead Jongin on, he'd just got carried away in the moment. Plus it felt really weird to kiss someone he loved again. 

When Taemin finally did dare to look into Jongin's eyes, it was almost comical because the boy was sulking more than ever before. He even had a pout on his full lips, his eyes wide and puppy like. 

"Oh gawd." Taemin sighed, sitting up and looking around but luckily the park was pretty deserted. 

Jongin stayed laid down, staring up at him in confusion. Couldn't they just lie here kissing for the rest of the day? That's all he wanted to do honestly. 

"Come on, get up you sulky bastard." Taemin joked, picking himself up and dusting off his jeans. He reached down a hand but Jongin didn't take it. 

"Nooo." Jongin moaned, "Let's just stay here for the rest of the day...just you and me." 

"You're so boring." Taemin smirked, "Let's go to a party or something. I wanna dance." 

"Noooooo." Jongin moaned again, slapping Taemin's still outstretched hand away. "Clubs are always a bad idea, didn't you learn anything from last time? And look at me, idiot, I can hardly walk so I'll be no use dancing." 

"You're no use anyway." Taemin laughed. That wasn't strictly true though actually. Although Jongin wasn't as uninhibited as Taemin the boy could certainly move. "But I get your point...I guess clubs aren't the best idea." 

There was a moment of silence, Jongin still laid down sulkily on the floor whilst Taemin towered above him stubbornly, dithering about what they were going to do next. Dusk was coming as the sun was lowering itself in the sky and they both knew they day was almost over. It was sad. 

"Hey I have an idea, come on." Taemin said, reaching his hand down again. 

This time Jongin reluctantly took it, and begrudgingly followed Taemin out of the park and into town again. He had no idea where they were going but he didn't ask. It was nice just to walk in comfortable silence for a bit, with no pressure or obligations. It was strange because sometimes being with Taemin was so easy...when they weren't screaming at each other that was. 

Taemin lead the way to exactly where he said he wouldn't and Jongin was in total confusion because he'd thought they'd agreed that was a terrible idea. 

"Oh no no no." Taemin said, noticing Jongin's expression go from half-relaxed to annoyed in a second. "We're not going in, but the music is so loud that if you sit around the back you can hear it coming out of the vents. It's nice." 

"How do you know about that?" Jongin asked, as he continued to follow Taemin around the rundown club. 

"Well I'm not at that hotel aaaaaall the time and when I get an hour off or so I come down here sometimes..." 

"What do you do at that hotel to pass the time anyway?...I mean apart from..." Jongin asked, curiosity overtaking him. These last few weeks it was like he knew nothing about Taemin's life at all. It bugged him. He'd have actually liked to buy one of those trackers and attach it to the kid so he knew exactly where he was every second...but uh, that wasn't going to happen. 

"I watch TV...I go on youtube...I basically just pretend it's my house hahaa and yeah....netflix and chill you know?" Taemin rambled, adding "Oh and I shower. A lot." 

Once around the back of the building Taemin had indeed been right, the music was super loud and you could hear every lyric almost perfectly. It was actually way nicer than being inside, less hot and stuffy and kind of peaceful even if the view was basically a load of dumpsters. But if you squinted in between some tall buildings you could just make out the sun setting. 

"Things could be like that for us one day for real." Jongin said, sitting himself down against the brick wall whilst Taemin remained standing, swaying slightly to the music. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean...it's not that much to ask for Minnie....a bed, a roof, some netflix and chill..." Jongin continued. 

"It's a lot to ask for with no money." Taemin muttered. 

"But things could start to get better, things could start to change....if you come back." Jongin urged. 

"Better for you. Not better for me. Life never gets better for me." Taemin sighed, stopping his swaying to come and sit down, resting his head on Jongin's shoulders. 

"Better for us." Jongin insisted, "Just because it never has doesn't mean it never will." 

"Maybe. But I have nowhere now...I'm back to square one...if I leave the hotel now I have nothing." 

Jongin felt his blood pressure rise and bit his lip hard to stop himself saying something he'd regret- something like 'YOU HAVE ME IDIOT! AREN'T I ENOUGH? AND NO ONE FORCED YOU TO LEAVE THE SHELTER. NO ONE FORCED YOU TO ABANDON YOUR FRIENDS'…....buuuuut he didn't. He held it in. That would have been a hella shame shame and he wasn't going there today. 

"We'll figure it out." Jongin said finally, wrapping an arm around the blonde, "And I'll just pay for you with what I have from work." 

"Nooo." Taemin moaned, "I hate it when I have to sponge of you though. It's weird...you supporting me...it's weird." 

"No it's not? You paid for literally everything for me when I was new to the streets, before I got my shitty job...I'd've probably starved if it wasn't for you." Jongin insisted. 

"Yeah you were a bit pathetic." Taemin smirked, "Come on now Bie...let's not finish our day talking about serious shit. This isn't fun." 

"How much of the day is left?" Jongin asked sadly, watching as the sun disappeared behind the buildings as long shadows began to fall across the city. 

"I dunno..." Taemin mumbled, "Don't you have to go back to the shelter before it closes?" 

"No." Jongin stated, "By the time I get there it'll already be shut, so I'll prolly sleep at the bridge tonight with the others. Don't you have to go back to...uh...being a slut?" 

"No." Taemin replied, "I have the whole day off...that includes the night....I told you." 

Jongin's eyes widened in delight. "So that means you can stay? We could have Newbie & Taeminnie's night of fun as well?" 

Taemin smiled sadly, burying his head further into Jongin's neck. "I dunno. I don't really wanna have sex, honestly. It'll make it too hard to say goodbye. I just wanna go to sleep with you." 

"Tch. And you said I was boring." Jongin tutted, but then Taemin looked up at him and he noticed just how tired the kid looked. He guessed he probably wasn't getting that much sleep at the hotel despite the king sized bed. 

"Let's go back to the bridge then." Jongin suggested, "I don't wanna sleep on the street." 

"Me either but I can't face everyone....they're really pissed at me Bie, you don't even know." 

"They're not thaaaaaat pissed at you." Jongin reassured, squeezing Taemin's shoulders tighter. "No more pissed than me. Well I mean Key is probably more pissed than me but that's just Key. Minho and Jonghyun seem ok." 

"Are you kidding?" Taemin squeaked, "Minho's the worst- he's seething. It's just he's not the type to let it show so he just goes quiet. I've barely spoken to him since I left and when I do he replies with one syllable words. And Jong's only acting laidback so he won't rile up Key. No, they all hate me. I don’t blame 'em either." 

"They don't hate you, idiot. They're your best friends, they love you." Jongin said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. "Stop being a childish baby." 

"…Well ok...if you're sure..." Taemin sighed, "...But let's stay here for a while, my favorite song's just come on." 

"What's your favorite song?" Jongin asked, straining his ears to listen intently. 

"I haven't heard it yet." Taemin smiled, "But I have a good feeling about this next one." 

\--- 

Night had fallen by the time they arrived at the bridge. Even though Taemin had only been away a few weeks, things looked surprisingly different. The seasons were changing, and as spring was rolling around the grass was much taller and bushes more overgrown. 

That's why it took everyone a minute to realize Taemin was even there, huddled behind Jongin, staring at his feet intently. They were all outside the bridge instead of under it because they'd lit a fire to keep warm at night. Key spotted Taemin first. It was strange because the shocked look on his face almost appeared happy, but then it quickly deteriorated into anger. 

"OH LOOK WHO'S DECIDED TO GRACE US WITH HIS PRESENCE." Key announced, getting up from the ground and moving away from the fire to storm up to Jongin and Taemin. Except he didn't get far, as he hadn't even taken two paces before he lurched backwards as Jonghyun grasped hold of his coat. It was a good thing probably, because Key really wanted to slap some sense into that blonde idiot again and that wouldn't get them anywhere. 

"Why are you here?" Minho asked, somewhat sulkily from behind the fire. His figure looked all distorted because of the flames. He didn't bother to get up so they could see him better. Honestly it wasn't just Taemin he was annoyed with. Jongin was getting on his nerves too. The git had promised them he'd be able to persuade Taemin to come back, so they'd given him all their money –literally ever cent- only to find the plan hadn't worked and Taemin was staying in that hotel still. Resentment couldn't help but build up. He didn't have a shelter to go to at night. He didn't have a nice hotel bed to curl up in. Not that he'd switch places with either of them but still. It was annoying. 

"I've missed the shelter's closing time." Jongin shrugged, grabbing Taemin's hand to lead him closer, sitting them both down next to the fire. 

"And you?" Minho asked, looking pointedly at Taemin. 

"...I don't have to go back tonight so...I thought I'd....see you guys...yeahh..." Taemin mumbled, hardly making eye contact. 

"WELL HOW NICE OF YOU." Key butted in, "NOT TOO GOOD FOR US AFTER ALL THEN ARE YOU?" 

"Wha?" Taemin moaned. 

"Don't say 'wha' like a spazz." Key hissed, "Look at you in those fucking fancy clothes. Does it feel good knowing your friends are still rotting under a bridge?" 

Taemin didn't know what to say to that so he decided to keep his mouth shut. He knew Key was just letting off steam and that was ok. He'd be mad too if one of his friends ran off without telling him, making him worry for a week he might be dead. Yeah. He probably deserved this. 

"Let's not talk about this." Jongin inturupted, squeezing Taemin's hand, "It's getting late, let's just leave it alone." 

"LEAVE IT ALONE?" Key repeated indignantly, "What's got into you? You never leave ANYTHING alone, so don't tell me to go easy on him when you're the one who screams at him more than any of us. Fucking hell." 

"Um guys." Jonghyun cut in, looking pointedly behind him to see a sleeping figure in the opening of the bridge, "Not in front of the toddler." 

"He's asleep." Key hissed, "And he's almost 16, he won't mind if I strangle Taemin." 

"Umm...why is he sleeping here?" Jongin asked, thinking it was really odd Sehun was even here, wasn't he suppose to be back at the shelter? 

"There's this dude at the shelter giving him some trouble. I dunno." Jonghyun shrugged, "He wanted to sleep here and it's not like we're gonna say no is it?" 

"I can hear everything you guys are saying." Sehun murmered, stretching and getting up from his spot to walk towards where everyone sat around the fire. 

To Taemin's confusion, instead of sitting next to Key as expected, Sehun settled himself on the other side of Jongin, who smiled at him nurturingly and put a hand on the boy's back. Jongin never really showed skinship to anyone else but Taemin and for some reason it was annoying. Taemin also noticed that Jongin hadn't been lying when he said he gave the new coat to the kid. It was stupid to feel pissed about that and Taemin knew it, the boy probably needed it. Still, he couldn't help how he felt. 

"So you're the famous Taemin everyone won't shut up about then?" Sehun asked, noticing the eyes glaring at him from the other side of Jongin. Sehun didn't like Taemin one bit. Well you wouldn't if you were him. The only encounter he'd had with the blonde was a drunk version screaming at Key, then weeks of everyone obsessing over the idiot and the hell he'd put them through. 

"Famous." Taemin scoffed, "Mmm. And you're the er...new newbie then are you?" 

"Ummm..." Sehun mumbled, "...I guess?" 

"Sehun ran away from home, just like me." Jongin interrupted, sensing some weird tension in the air, "He's living at the shelter now in your old room." 

"Ok." Taemin shrugged. 

"So has his royal highness eaten?" Key interrupted, glaring at Taemin. "What about you?" he asked again, this time to Jongin. 

"We've both had breakfast and I had lunch but honestly I'm starving again...." Jongin said, "You got anything?" 

"Why else would I ask?" Key snapped, getting up and storming under the bridge for a few moments and coming out with some bottles –some water, some alcholic-, a cigarette packet and some chips. 

Jongin dived into the chips and Taemin took a cigarette because his appetite was really suppressed lately. He didn't know if it was the stress or the fact that he was back renting again but he wasn't in the mood for food lately. All he wanted was substances that would take his mind off everything. Food didn't do that. 

"You have to eat." Key said, breaking the silence that had fallen as everyone started munching. "You're even skinnier than the last time I saw you, how the fuck is that even possible. Aren't they feeding you at that hotel? We all thought you were living it up there." 

"They feed me." Taemin mumbled. "I get room service everyday...." 

"Tch." Key tutted, "And what are the clients like?" 

Both Minho and Jonghyun looked around to Jongin who had gone stiff at the mention of the word 'client'. It was no secret that Jongin didn't like them talking about this stuff but that wasn't going to stop Key. 

"They're...different." Taemin muttered, not looking anyone in the eye as he said it. 

"Different how?" Key pressed on. 

"They're....classier..." Taemin replied. 

"And?" 

"Older...mostly..." 

"And?" 

"GOD KEY WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?" Taemin screeched, "THEY'RE GREAT. I LOVE THEM. IT'S SOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER BEING FUCKED BY RICHER GUYS THAN IT IS BY BASTARDS WHO PICK US UP ON THE STREET. GOD. IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE BEEN HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE THERE EITHER IS IT? IT'S STILL PROSTITUTION. I STILL FUCKING HATE IT!!" 

With that, he stamped his foot like a two year old having a strop, threw the cigarette he was smoking into the fire and stormed under the bridge without another word. 

"Nice one Kibum." Jongin hissed, giving him the death stare before literally hopping to follow Taemin inside. He was strangely relieved to hear Taemin loose it like that though. In some ways it was a good thing that he hated it at the hotel just as much as anywhere else....then maybe he'd come back sooner. 

It took Jongin's eyes a second to adjust in the darkness once under the bridge. He could hear where the sobs were coming from though, so stumbled his way to the corner to see Taemin already hunched on the floor, knees pulled up to his chin, tears already streaking down his cheeks. 

"It's ok..." Jongin soothed, clutching at the back of the blonde's neck to bring him closer for a hug, "Everything'll be fine like you always tell me." 

"I don't...know..." Taemin sobbed, unable to find the words. He wasn't even sure himself why he was crying. Everything was just so messed up. He couldn't see the wood for the trees. "I told you...I wasn't ready...they all hate me..." he continued to babble, as Jongin started to kiss away the tears. 

"Don't be silly." Jongin hushed, "Shh, it's ok. Please stop crying baby, it's ok." 

Taemin didn't cry over nothing and Jongin hadn't seen him this upset since the first time they'd slept together. 

"I've really...I've really fucked up everything though Bie..." Taemin continued to wail, "I don't know what to do...I don't know what to do anymore..." 

"We'll work it out." Jongin reassured, resisting the temptation just to tell him what to do. "Come on baby please stop." 

Taemin didn't stop though. He couldn't. Tears kept coming and he had no control over them. They ended up hugging for almost 10 minutes, Taemin wailing something inaudible every now and again as Jongin tried to soothe him with comforting words. Jongin was even rocking him back and forth which was strangely calming and so Taemin began to try and get a hold of himself. "S...sorry...I don't know what's wrong with me..." he managed to choke, taking deep breaths to stop the never ending tears. 

Jongin stopped rocking and took Taemin's face in his hands, cupping what was left of those chubby cheeks. "Listen, things will start getting better soon. I promise." 

"Ok." Taemin nodded, looking down. He didn't believe it but he wasn't about to argue. 

Jongin then reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a crumpled up piece of paper, before smiling meekly and handing it over. He knew this probably wasn't the time to mention something so trivial but the day was almost over and it might give Taemin a laugh anyway. He sure needed it. 

"What's this?" Taemin sniffled, wiping his eyes before unscrunching the paper to see it was in fact the flyer for that stupid audition he'd completely forgotten about. A laugh bubbled up in his chest because he honestly thought Jongin was trying to be funny by giving it to him now, as something to cheer him up. 

"No no I'm serious...it might be good for you to go." Jongin insisted, "It's next week so...there's no more time to dither about it. Just do it." 

"Ahh babybie you're so naïve." Taemin said, shaking his head, "It's a publicity stunt and oh god...I don't even have to tell you how stupid it is..." 

"It doesn't matter if it's stupid. It might be...fun?" Jongin replied, smiling hopefully. 

Taemin sighed and looked back down at the flyer skeptically. "Just hold me." he said, putting it on the ground next to them. He was in no mood to think about tomorrow never mind next week. All he wanted to do was forget the world existed right now and snuggle. 

Jongin decided not to argue. It was probably a shitty time to bring something like that up anyway but at least Taemin wasn't crying anymore. So he did as he was told and scooched around, wrapping his arms around the blonde who buried into his neck gratefully. He wished he could just order Taemin around and tell him to stop being such a self destructive idiot but he knew he couldn't. And maybe a hug was enough. 

"Hey...can I come in?" A voice interrupted, as Jonghyun poked his head around the entrance. He looked worried, not annoyed. 

"Sure." Jongin replied, as Taemin uncurled himself from their hug. 

"You know Key's only giving you a hard time cus we were so worried right?" Jonghyun said, walking up to Taemin and crouching next to them on the ground, "It's just what he's like when he's hurt...it doesn't change anything. We all love you Minnie. This'll blow over just like everything else does." 

"I know." Taemin sighed, biting his lip so he wouldn't cry again. Man he was being pathetic tonight. In hindsight, he probably should have eaten something as his blood sugar wouldn't be helping matters because holy fuck, he felt like an emotional wreck. 

Jonghyun leaned in for a hug and Taemin found himself unable to stop the tears again because it was almost worse to have them being so nice to him after he'd put them through hell.   
Not a moment later, another figure wondered under the bridge, this time Minho, wondering what on earth was going on. Upon seeing the pitiful sight of his best friend sobbing on the ground, he couldn't stay mad anymore. "Hey...Minnie..." he whispered, settling himself down next to Jonghyun who was still hugging the crying blonde. 

"I'm really sorry..." Taemin wailed, "I didn't want you guys to think I was dead...I just didn't think at all..." 

"We know." Minho nodded, then added a jokey- "Not the brightest bulb on the shelf are you, dummy." 

Taemin hiccuped in reply, which was probably meant to be a laugh that didn't come out right, and let go of Jonghyun to this time hug Minho. 

Jongin watched calmly, and even though he did feel a pang of whatever that thing was Taemin called possessiveness, he let it go. Taemin could hug whoever he wanted and that was fine. He was clearly upset right now and needed his friends. Plus Jongin knew deep down, if he wanted to be together with Taemin, he'd have to be ok with this. 

"Ahem." came another voice, a fake cough if you will, as Key followed by Sehun entered the bridge as well. 

Key's face looked a lot softer than it had done when they'd both arrived but it didn't properly unfreeze until he saw just what a state Taemin was in. 

"Oh god baby.." he said, pushing Jongin out the way to get to Taemin. 

Jongin didn't care. He was used to Key's ways by now. 

"Don't have a tantrum about it." Key said, this time slapping Minho away from the blonde to hug him instead. "We all love you. We're just pissed at you. You understand." 

"Yeah...hhh." Taemin choked, drying his eyes on Key's shoulders subconsciously. 

There was a weird moment of tension and Jongin wondered if Taemin would ever stop crying, because in some ways the being nice to him only seemed to be making it worse. But then the sobbing dulled into quiet sniffles as the atmosphere calmed down. 

"I really miss Onew." Taemin mumbled abruptly. 

Everyone looked around at each other in sadness. When they were all together like this, the lack of Onew's presence was even more noticeable and it was always harder. 

"If he was here right now he'd tell you to buck up and stop being a cry baby." Key said, squeezing Taemin's shoulders tighter. 

"No he wouldn't." Minho interrupted, "He'd say 'food fixes everything' and use whatever money he had left to buy you some candy or something." 

"And if he didn't have any money he'd just make up a stupid song about toast." Jonghyun added, smiling as he reminisced because that actually had happened. 

Even Jongin missed Onew. He supposed he had no right to because he hadn't known him for long at all, but he still really missed his warmth and the fact he always put others over himself. It was no secret Taemin struggled with grief everyday, as did the rest of them. 

"It's late." Jonghyun announced, "And if Onew was here what he'd really say was that we should all just go to sleep." 

Key nodded in agreement, kissing the top of Taemin's head before putting an arm around his boyfriend as well. They had a quick –if slightly awkward from Jongin's and Sehun's point of veiw- group hug before deciding sleep was actually a very good idea because god knows how late it had gotten. 

"We haven't got enough sleeping bags." Key sighed, as everyone started to settle down in their usual spots on the ground, "So me and Jonghyun'll have to share and so will Tae and Jongin." He added. 

That was the first time Key had called Jongin anything but Newbie and it felt nice honestly. 

"I don't mind going without." Minho said, directing his comment at Taemin. "It's not that cold if you guys don't wanna share." 

"I don't mind." Taemin replied, eyeing Jongin with still watery eyes. 

In some ways Jongin felt kind of sad. He didn't want the day to end. There were so many unknowns about the future and the idea of tomorrow wasn't a nice one. It was heaven to be curled up next to Taemin again though, even if they weren’t necessarily back together and the bridge was still uncomfy as hell. 

It didn't matter. Taemin's hair smelt nice. His breathing tickled Jongin's neck. A bony arm rested around his waist. There was nothing else in that moment, nothing that mattered. 

"G'nightbie." came a mumbled from those cute, plump lips. "SorryIRuinedTodayByBeingSuchABaby." 

"You didn't." Jongin whispered back, as to not disturb the others. "We didn't scream at each other all day pretty much. I'd say it's gone well. No shame shame." 

Taemin let out a half hearted laugh and shut his eyes tightly. "See you in the morning." 

"Ok baby." 

Except he didn't. 

Jongin had expected as much, but it still felt painfully bittersweet when he woke up to find an empty spot where Taemin should have been. It felt horrible, it really did, but he knew this was the deal and he had to be ok with it somehow. Taemin must've decided to go back to the hotel, that he still had more thinking to do. And maybe Jongin could try and live with that. Yesterday had at least given him hope, if nothing else. Hope that even though Taemin was probably the most messed up cookie he'd ever met, at least they had a chance at working things out. 

What is that thing people say? If you love something you have to set them free? Jongin always thought that was a load of bullshit honestly. If you love something you should hold onto it tightly, never let it go and always make sure it loves you just as much as you love it. But that wasn't the case at all and he was slowly realizing it. 

If you love something, set it free 

If it comes back it's yours 

If it doesn't, it never was 

-Richard Bach 

\--- 

 

GaaHhhh! it's been a nightmare trying to get this chapter up D': my laptop's having the mother of all cows sgjhsdjkghskjdghsdg.


	18. Ex-am: (M)aybe Everything Would Be Ok

A/N- Sorry about the double double spacing. I don't know what the frack is going on with my laptop atm. i'll reupload it without the huge gap later~ sorry!! 

 

Taemin had never been the most decisive person in the world, but right now it was getting ridiculous. He couldn't decide what to do, had no idea which path to take, no idea where he'd end up, not a clue what he wanted. 

 

In situations like this in the past, he'd have always asked Onew for advice. Not that Onew was this all knowing saint or anything, but he did have a way of making you feel better about just about anything. Plus he was never the type to tell you what to do, only give you helpful suggestions. 

 

So right now Taemin was lying in his hotel bed, wide awake, muttering WWOD (what would Onew do) round and round, driving himself absolutely nuts. It was 4am and a client had only just left. It had been a 5 hour session, like holy fuck, Taemin was exhausted. Being a prostitute in a hotel was no nicer than it was on the streets. Well maybe it was a bit nicer- more sanitary at least. Still, he wasn't exactly living the dream. 

 

Tomorrow was that stupid audition Bie had been pushing him to go to. He still didn't know whether he was going to do it, but there was no time to decide. In some ways he did want to go. I mean he looked fucking great and when could he ever say that? Clean clothes, always showered, complexion of a god. They weren't going to know he was homeless and when was he ever going to get an opportunity like this again. Or was he even homeless? Did living in this hotel mean that he had a home now? It certainly didn't feel like it. The bridge felt more like home than this alien place. 

 

Deep down though he knew, Jongin's arms felt more like home than anywhere else in the world. But in Jongin's arms he was also not free. But dammit, he wasn't free here either. Renting himself out again, or 'escorting' as the hotel called it, was definitely not freedom in any way. But the alternative was being a broke ex-rent boy no one wanted to employ, living back on the streets again. 

 

Thoughts like this literally whirled around his head for hours. 4am turned to 5, to 6, to 7 and before he knew it 9am was rolling around and his next client would be in really fucking soon. On the streets he never got clients in the morning, only at night. Sex in the day wasn't something he was getting used to. Morning just wasn’t a sexy time to him, but the hotel charged less for day time sessions so he supposed that was the reason. Either way, it sucked. 

 

Fuck. The guy was going to be here soon and he was still laying in bed, unshowered from the night before. All he wanted to do was bury his head under the covers and pretend today wasn't happening. 

 

He was almost caving as well. The phone was right next to him and maybe Jongin was still at the shelter. Maybe he could call him. God he missed that idiot. Sure they had their problems but there was no one on earth he loved more. How he wished that big teddy bear was curled up next to him right now. How he wished they had no problems so they could just snuggle and mess around all day. And it would be so comforting to hear his stupid voice right now...but actually no. He knew how that phone call would go down- 

 

Hey Bie, it's me. 

 

Minnie?! Why haven't you got in touch with me all week??! 

 

I just needed time to er...think still...I miss you... 

 

For fucks sake! You do realize it's that audition today don't you? You're gonna go right? You have to go! 

 

Urrr yeah... 

 

What do you mean urrr yeah...Where are you? Are you still at the hotel? 

 

Mmm. 

 

I'm coming over. 

 

No! Remember what happened last time? ...Kai. 

 

You almost bit my dick off thanks. 

 

Yeah ringing Jongin was not a good idea. He had to make this decision himself. 

 

But oh god. The audition was at noon and if he had a chance of getting seen then he'd have to get there hours earlier. Which meant now. And if he did that then he'd have to ditch his client. And if he ditched his client Siwon would be maaaaaad. And if Siwon was mad he could get him thrown out, beaten up, or worse. 

 

Fuck. That was it. This is no life. This is not freedom. 

 

Taemin got up, determined, ran through the shower and then got dressed in his favorite of the hotel clothes (a black hoody, leather jacket, jeans and huge boots). He then rummaged around the bedside table for the only items in the room that actually belonged to him; his grey tank top, the coat with the broken zip, holey jeans, muddy sneakers and a little bumblebee keyring. Then, he grabbed a bag (not his, the hotel's) and chucked all his belongings inside as well as raiding the mini fridge and stealing some food too, then stared at himself in the mirror for a few seconds before putting his hood up and running out of that room so fast he hadn't got a chance to change his mind. 

 

He never looked back. 

 

\--- 

 

When Taemin arrived he was literally shaking. He'd had some spice so it wasn't the cravings, it was pure nerves. He'd never felt like this before. Even the first time he'd rented himself out he wasn't this nervous. Plus a huge part of him was screaming that this was a stupid, pointless thing to do and he'd just screwed everything up double by leaving the hotel. He shook those thoughts away though. Even if this audition went as badly as everything else in his life, he couldn't stay at that hotel forever. He didn't want to. He missed his friends too badly and whatever the hotel was, it wasn't worth it. 

 

The line seemed to be endless even though he'd got there a good 2 hours before the doors opened. There were boys and girls of all ages waiting around him. Most of them were fangirling/boying crazily and there Taemin was, trying to make himself invisible and keep hidden. He actually could blend in quite well because he didn’t look homeless at all since working at the hotel. He looked great actually, if a little skinnier but you couldn't tell in the leather jacket. He was grateful he was blending. It was always at the back of his mind that he could see a client anywhere and if they recognized him that could either be the most embarrassing thing ever or actually very dangerous. Some of his clients were really not the nicest of guys and also, prostitution wasn't legal the way he was doing it so... 

 

He couldn't think about that stuff now. He needed to get a hold of himself and do this for Jongin. Actually no, he wasn't doing this for anyone. Only himself. Because he wasn't worthless. Because his past didn't define his future. Maybe this was a stupid idea, but how would he know unless he tried? 

 

Taemin waited for almost 3 hours, biting his lip the whole time anxiously. It was an open audition so there was nothing official he had to provide in terms of identification (thank god) so when it was his turn, there was nothing to do but dance. He hadn't prepared anything but that didn't matter. They wanted to access raw talent and so that didn't mean the ability to follow choreography, it was just purely how your body moved. 

 

It was his turn. He only had 2 minutes to impress them. He felt like he was going to be sick then and there, desperately trying to calm himself down because this was stupid! He wasn't a shy person, and this morning he wasn't even going to go so why was he so nervous?! Oh because he was useless at everything but sex and he'd probably suck at this too. Pun intended. 

 

But then the music started and his whole body seemed to melt away. He relaxed immediately. It was a song he knew well, as song he'd imagined dances to in his head. He let his mind almost switch off, the doubts drift away and allowed his body to take control. It was like no one was watching and he almost forgot where he was. Dancing was better than spice. Better than sex. (Yes, even with Jongin.) Dancing was what he was meant to do, and for the first time in so long, he actually felt happy. 

 

"Ok that's enough." One of the judges said, an older looking man with a stern face. 

 

Taemin was a quivering mess again. 

 

"You're not what we're looking for, sorry." The man stated plainly, ushering on for the next person to come in. 

 

Taemin nodded, his heart sinking but what did he expect really. Hundreds of people had turned up and he had no training, nothing. It was ok. He still felt gutted though. Even though he thought the whole thing was stupid, it was human nature to get your hopes up. 

 

He was just about to go, still breaking his heart a little but trying to hold it together, when someone tapped him on the shoulder. 

 

For a horrible moment Taemin expected to turn around and see a client. Maybe a guy he'd been with recently because surely they'd have to have a little class to be around here. But it was just another one of the judges, this time a woman with a kind smile on her lips. 

 

"You're very talented." She said, whispering because someone was already having their audtion in the same room, "You're the best we've seen all day but your style is just not what we wanted." 

 

Taemin felt like he was going to cry because that was the first compliment he'd gotten (other than from Jongin but does your boyfriend really count) about anything in so long. "...thanks." he managed to stutter. 

 

"Look, here's my card and you should give me a call. I don't have any dancing jobs lately but there'll be some in the future and you never know. With some formal training you could be really, really good. What's your name?" 

 

Taemin was just about to say 'I don't have any money for training' but bit his tongue and instead simply smiled. "Thank you." he said again, taking the card out of the woman's hands. "I'm Lee Taemin." 

 

"It's nice to meet you Taemin." The woman said, and then she was gone. 

 

When Taemin got outside the building and around the corner, making sure he couldn't be seen, he allowed himself to break down into tears. It didn't matter he didn't get it, he didn't expect to. But holy shit, he'd actually been appreciated for doing something other than sex. This was what he loved. And he was sure of it now. Life suddenly became a little clearer; what he wanted, what was important, who was important. 

 

Maybe everything would be ok after all. 

 

\--- 

 

Jongin's schedules had been really erratic lately. He'd gone back to work which he fucking hated because it was a nightmare on crutches but at least he was getting them off soon. Still, hadn't Taeyeon said she was going to try and find a way of getting him enough loans so he could start studying again? It seemed to be taking forever ugh. And when he wasn't at work, the shelter wasn't the nicest place to be honestly, so he spent most of his free time at the bridge which also kinda sucked because it made him miss Taemin like crazy. 

 

It had only been a week since they'd last spoken but that still made Jongin worry. Especailly as anything could be happening at that hotel and he didn't have a clue. But he was trying, he really was. Trying to let go. Trying to stop being an interfering jerk. It was easier said than done. 

 

Anyway, he hadn't had the best day. He knew it was the audition and he was pretty sure Taemin wouldn't have gone. He'd almost tried to go round to the hotel to see him but getting in there was a serious stealthy operation and he wasn't prepared to do that again. Besides, it was Taemin's life and he wasn't in charge of it so there was nothing he could do. Still, it was annoying to think Taemin was probably going to turn down an opportunity like this. 

 

So Jongin was pretty much in a shitty mood, as he sat under the bridge in the evening by himself sulking. He'd gotten off work an hour ago and yet still no one was around. It wasn't that unusual but he didn't like being by himself. Call him a baby but living outside, even if the bridge was pretty secluded, still wasn't safe at all. There was strength in numbers, even if the numbers came in the shape of Kibum. 

 

Honestly Jongin had no idea where the other's were when they weren't at the bridge. He could guess but he never asked. He'd learned not to. People on the streets often got really pissy with him when he asked them what they'd been doing/where they were going. Probably because the answer was either embarrassing, depressing or illegal. 

 

"BIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" 

 

Jongin snapped out of his sulk in a second, feeling panicked because Taemin had obviously arrived, and why the fuck was he here? The first thing Jongin's mind went to was- it must be something bad, but then the smile on those plump lips and the way the blonde's eyes melted into crescents said otherwise. Taemin was happy. 

 

"Hey?!" Jongin squeaked, as the blonde bounced towards him and settled himself on the ground, almost uncomfortably close. "What are you doing here?!" 

 

Taemin ignored the question. "God I feel like I haven't seen you in about a year!" he exclaimed, wrapping his arms around Jongin's neck for a hug. 

 

"Are you high?" Jongin said, utterly bewildered. Seriously this kid was bipolar as fuck. 

 

"Nooooo I'm happy! I've had a good day! A GOOD day!! Like when have we ever had one of those?!" Taemin beamed, still hugging Jongin so his voice was painfully loud in his ear. 

 

"What happened? Did you actually go to the audition?" Jongin asked, pulling away so he could see Taemin's face which was still grinning like an idiot. 

 

"Yup!!" 

 

"AND??????? DID YOU GET IT??!?!" Jongin gasped, his head spinning with excitement because he couldn't believe it. 

 

There was a short pause, Taemin still smiling from ear to ear before he laughed and said- "NO!", before exploding into giggles. 

 

Jongin's face fell immediately. What the actual fuck. Taemin must really be high. "What do you mean no!??!" he gasped. 

 

"I mean..!" Taemin started, but couldn't finish because he was laughing too much, "I MEAN I didn't get it. OBVIOUSLY. Hundreds of people turned up Bie, HUNDREDS. It was crazy! And mostly screaming fans just wanting to get a glimpse of their idols who of course weren’t there. I barely danced for 2 minutes." 

 

"Then...then why the fuck are you happy?" Jongin asked, still totally confused. 

 

"Because it was fun...! Actually fun! For those 2 minutes I was really free. I was doing what I love. I wasn't a wh- you know, I wasn't a homeless nobody, I wasn't a drug addict, I wasn't mentally unstable, I wasn't yours, I was just ME. And it was so fucking weird to be back in the real world doing something other than prostituti- you know, to be appreciated for something that wasn't sex. This lady said I was actually good and gave me her card! Like she ACTUALLY SAID THAT. TO ME. ME." Taemin rambled, his voice shrill with excitement like he was a kid talking about Christmas. Today had been one of the most eye-opening experiences of his life. From a sleepless night selling sex in that scary hotel, to having no idea what he was going to do, then trying something and loving it so much he was sure he never wanted to look back. It didn't matter he didn't get it. It gave him hope that maybe one day he could do what he loved. And wasn't that freedom? 

 

Jongin honestly had no idea what to say so did nothing but grab the back of Taemin's neck to pull him in for a hug again. "I'm really happy you went." he whispered after a few minutes. 

 

"Me too. Thanks for suggesting it. I guess what they say is true right? That the people who love you know you better than you know yourself." Taemin smiled back. 

 

Jongin chuckled because he wasn't sure that was true at all. He still felt like he was learning new things about Taemin every time they were together and he'd need a million years to figure the kid out. "So...so...?" he started, pulling away from their hug once more. 

 

"...so what am I gonna do now?" Taemin said, finishing Jongin's sentence. 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"Look." 

 

Jongin followed Taemin's gaze to a posh looking bag dumped a few meters away, stuffed so full that clothes were actually spilling out. The bumblebee keyring was clipped to one of the handles. 

 

"Well I can't go back to the hotel now can I?" Taemin smirked, eyeing up Jongin's shocked expression. "I had to ditch a client to go to the audition so if I go back they'll be pissed as hell and probably beat the shit out of me. I wouldn't look as good on crutches as you do." 

 

"….So....So?" Jongin urged, wanting a definitive answer. 

 

"So so...I think I wanna...come back." Taemin smiled, "Here. With you. With everyone." 

 

"For real?!" Jongin gasped, because he wouldn't put it past Taemin to joke about this even though it would be cruel to do so. 

 

"Well I mean, if you'll have me." Taemin replied, "It's not like I have any money so I'm pretty much gonna have to be your gold digging, trophy wife type boyfriend." 

 

"Boyfriend?" Jongin squeaked. 

 

"Oh." Taemin said, suddenly looking flustered, "I mean...I dunno...I er...." 

 

Jongin felt his heart begin to sink from false hope but then Taemin put a hand on his cheek and for some reason it made it all better. Or at least a little better. 

 

"You still want me after the hell I've put you through?" Taemin said softly. 

 

"You still want me after the hell I've put you through?" Jongin asked. 

 

It wasn't like they both hadn't done some pretty terrible things to each other. And they weren’t just talking about the rough sex or the biting. The emotional abuse had been just as bad. But they were both trying. Really, really hard and that was all that mattered. 

 

"You know I love you right?" Taemin said suddenly after a short pause. 

 

"Yeah I know you love me." Jongin smiled. He almost leaned in but didn't want to push it. This all seemed way too easy after so long being apart and sometimes he found it hard to tell where Taemin's head was at. The kid could be declaring his love and still not want to get back together. Jongin just rolled with it now, and decided to let Taemin take the lead for once. 

 

"There's just one thing." Taemin carried on, "One thing that I need to know if we get back together like...properly..." 

 

"Properly." Jongin smirked, amusing himself at the use of the word that used to bug the blonde so much. "I'll do anything, you know that." 

 

"Oh you don't have to do anything. You just have to...be ok with stuff. My past basically. Like, cus I really can't do this if the things I've done, more specifically the people I've done, is gonna drive you crazy. Whether you like it or not it's part of who I am, you know?" Taemin explained, his eyebrows furrowing in worry. 

 

"I know. I love you. I love all of you." Jongin insisted. 

 

"No you don't." Taemin stated blankly. 

 

Jongin knew what he meant. "Well ok...I don’t...I'm not gonna pretend I'm ok with your past...honestly I'm still not...but I love you and I won't let it get to me I promise. I know we can be together 'properly' without you being 'mine'." 

 

"You know 'properly' is your catchphrase now." Taemin said, smiling. 

 

"Sorry." 

 

"Don't be." 

 

For a second Jongin wondered what the hell was going to happen next, if he'd said the right or wrong thing. He didn't want to lie and say he was 100% ok with Taemin's past, but now he was kind of wishing he had because at least then he knew they'd get back together for sure. 

 

"So...?" Jongin urged, "So are we...?" 

 

Taemin answered with a kiss. 

 

\--- 

 

It felt almost unreal to be sat outside the bridge with Taemin, talking about absolutely nothing as if things were back to normal. Jongin felt like the luckiest homeless boy alive right now to be able to be next to the one he loved. 

 

They talked about nothing and everything for a few hours after their reconciliation. Taemin still made sure not to talk about clients or prostitution and Jongin made sure not to tell him what to do so it was all good. In fact they'd been talking for so long, dusk had turned almost pitch black and the cold night air was making their breath turn to 'dragon smoke'. 

 

"Oh shit!" Taemin cursed, randomly. "Don't you have to go back to the shelter?" 

 

"I might leave there." Jongin shrugged casually. 

 

"WHATTT?" Taemin yelled. 

 

Jongin gave him the shame shame eyes before continuing, "No no I mean, your room has been given to Sehun so you can't stay there so...I might give my room to Minho and put myself on the waiting list." 

 

"What, just to be with me?" Taemin asked, scrunching his eyebrows again with more worry. 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"You're such an idiot." Taemin hissed, not appreciating the sentiment at all, "How are you gonna keep your job if you stink all the time living out here?" 

 

"Well I..." 

 

"And if you lose your job, what the hell are we gonna do?" 

 

"Well uh..." 

 

"Live off what Jong and Key make renting? Tch. I mean really, Bie, think it through." 

 

"Well I don't wanna live there if you're not there. It'd be awful to think I'm tucked up in bed in the warm and you're out here shivering your skinny ass off." Jongin insisted, "And things aren't going that great there honestly. Sure, I have a bed, yay...but this thing with loans for college is taking forever and I don't know if it's even gonna happen....!??!" 

 

"It'll happen." 

 

"But we're not NEEDY enough!!" Jongin hissed. 

 

"Wha?" 

 

"That’s what everyone keeps telling me! That I'm a young, fit and healthy guy so basically we're on no one's priority list. There's so many people who need help, Minnie...We only got the rooms in the first place because you needed help cutting down spice..." 

 

"Mmm." Taemin nodded. He had no solutions. "Do you see why I became a rent boy now?" 

 

"Yeah." Jongin said, rolling his eyes. 

 

"Look, let's not talk about this tonight. This is tomorrow's problem. Let's just go to sleep right now." Taemin replied, placing his hand on Jongin's cheek to cup it gently. 

 

Jongin twisted his head to connect their lips for about the 50th time that evening. Except it wasn't a short, sweet kiss like the others had been. This one was deep and involved hair grabbing and tongue. 

 

"Sleep?" Jongin gasped, short on breath as he pulled away. "Or...the other kind of sleep...?" 

 

"What's the other kind of sleep?" Taemin smirked, knowing full well what it was. 

 

"Sex." 

 

"Oh yeah." Taemin laughed, "We haven't done that properly in a while." 

 

"Break up blowjobs and biting don't count." Jongin agreed. 

 

"How is your little Bie?" Taemin asked, eyeing Jongin's crotch comically. 

 

"Fine." Jongin snapped, "You're gonna have to watch yourself next time I give you one you know." 

 

"Oooooohh...I'm so scare-" Taemin started, but was cut off as Jongin grabbed his hand and pulled him up so fast it winded him. 

 

Jongin was suddenly feeling very impatient. He'd waited a long time for what was coming and wasn't in the mood for any more talking. Taemin didn't mind. He felt almost as needy himself because being with someone you loved was so different, so just let himself be dragged, except paused as soon as they were just about to duck under the bridge. 

 

"Wha?" Jongin asked, trying to pull the blonde inside. 

 

"Nooo wait!" Came the pissy reply, as Taemin started taking off one of his shoes, followed by a sock which he dumped on the floor. "Key and everyone could come back anytime." he answered, upon seeing the bewildered look on Jongin's face. "I mean I don't care if they walk in on us but you said that's a turn off so." 

 

Jongin snorted, and grabbed Taemin's hand to pull him further inside. He was just about to push them both down to the ground when Taemin paused again. 

 

"Oh god what now?!" 

 

"You'll see." Taemin smirked, as he undid one of the sleeping bags and laid it flat on the ground, before doing the same to another one and placing it on top. It kiiiiiiind of looked like a bed. Kind of. 

 

Jongin raised an eyebrow because Taemin had never minded doing it on the ground before. 

 

"What? I'm classy now. The hotel gave me standards." Taemin retorted, his lips turning up to smirk. 

 

Jongin snorted yet again, running outside to the grass and plucking a few handfuls before coming back and chucking it all over their makeshift bed. "Rose petals." he announced, when Taemin looked back at him like he'd just gone insane. 

 

Taemin was about to argue, saying that prickly blades of grass were nothing like rose petals and that was a stupid thing to do, but then Jongin's impatience got the better of him and their mouths were connected again. 

 

Both sets of eyes now adjusted to the darkness, Jongin began laying Taemin beneath him on the sleeping bags, kissing all the way down his neck and unzipping his hoody before lifting up the top underneath. "Shit you look awful!" he gasped tactlessly, momentarily distracted as he noticed Taemin's rib bones poking out, "Have you actually lost weight?" 

 

"Well I er..." 

 

"Haven't you been getting room service?" 

 

"Yeah but I've been stressed you know..." 

 

"Ow god." Jongin moaned, suddenly feeling really sad. 

 

"No no no..." Taemin tutted, "Happy happy sex time. No thinking about sad shit right now." 

 

"...Ok..." Jongin agreed reluctantly. He'd try and fatten the kid up later. 

 

Taemin decided he was going to take charge next. He chucked his jeans and underwear off in one fast move, sending them flying across the ground to god knows where. Next, he ran his hands down Jongin's back, clawing at the annoying fabric and practically ripping it off his lover's body. 

 

Jongin was still a bit bruised but it was nothing too bad. Taemin still bent down to kiss one of the more purpley ones on his ribs though, before deciding they still weren't naked enough and finishing the job. 

 

Arms, lips and legs entwined around each other in a frenzy of desperation. It seemed like forever ago they were making love and neither one of them could physically feel the other enough to satisfy the needy craving that had grown so big since their separation. 

 

Jongin was still especially impatient though, and pushed Taemin to the ground to start making his way down to- 

 

"No no no let me do that to you." Taemin said, knowing exactly what Jongin was up to. 

 

"But that's not how we usually start things off?" Jongin squeaked. He wasn't about to say no though even though that might have been a bit selfish. 

 

"We've never had make up sex before so how do you know what's usual?" Taemin smirked, pushing Jongin's chest down so they flipped position. "Besides, I wanna make up for the biting incident." he added, fluttering his eyelashes with an evil grin on his face. 

 

"I don't belive you." Jongin mumbled. But he'd never been one to turn down a blowjob so didn't argue anymore than that. 

 

Taemin grinned up at him and slid his way down, going cross eyed as he stared at Jongin's cock happily. He knew it made his lover embarassed when he did stuff like that but that only added to the fun. 

 

The time though, Jongin didn't seem to care. When you know someone that well, your body almost becomes their body and it's not a big deal anymore. 

 

"Poor baby." Taemin cooed, giving the tip a quick peck as if he was kissing it better. 

 

"Did you just kiss it better?" Jongin laughed, reading Taemin's mind. 

 

Taemin didn't answer. And Jongin couldn't say anything else because then a hot tongue was working it's magic and he was rendered speechless. He'd forgotten what this felt like- being relaxed during sex and not trying to prove something. And before he knew it, Taemin was taking him all the way down his throat, hollowing out his cheeks and making very sure not to use any teeth. It felt so intense, so tingly, so hot, so 

 

"YOW!" 

 

"What?!" 

 

"That's worse than biting!!!" Jongin shrieked, scrambling away. 

 

"No it's not?" Taemin laughed, "It's nice. You do it to me all the time...?" 

 

"Yeah but...yeah but..." Jongin stuttered. There he was, being deep throated oh so nicely and before he knows it fingers are being shoved up his entrance with no warning. Taemin had never done that before and he really, really didn't like where this was going. 

 

"Awwwww." Taemin cooed, crawling towards Jongin to pull him back to their sleeping bags, "It'll be nice, come on...." 

 

"What will be nice...?!?!" Jongin asked, refusing to let the penny drop. 

 

"Isn't it obvious?...I wanna swap." Taemin said brightly, pushing Jongin back down again and wrapping a hand around his cock as a distraction technique. 

 

It worked for all of 5 seconds before Jongin was freaking out again. "Eh? You wanna swap?" he repeated. 

 

"Yeah. Swap so I'm on top." Taemin clarified, before laughing and adding "I'm a poet and I don't know it." 

 

"You're telling me this now?!" Jongin gasped, finding it very difficult to speak because Taemin was still stroking away playfully. 

 

"When else should I tell you?" 

 

"Urrr....before you get me all excited and ready to you know...!" Jongin exclaimed, wriggling away once more because he couldn't have this discussion whilst Taemin played with his cock like it was an inanimate object. 

 

"Well you're relaxed now so..." Taemin continued as he edged closer once more. 

 

"Do I look relaxed??" 

 

"Not really." Taemin laughed, shrugging his shoulders as he climbed back on top of Jongin, straddling him and bending down to nibble at his neck. 

 

Jongin didn't know what conclusion they'd come to but presumed he'd won seeing as that seemed to be the end of it. Just to make sure though, he flipped them over once more and decided to poke a finger up there himself. 

 

"Hey!!" Taemin squealed, "No! I mean it! I wanna top!" 

 

Ok so it hadn't been that easy. Things never were. And Jongin's impatience was getting unbearable now. "No!" he snapped. 

 

"You don't wanna?" Taemin whined, playing dumb to get what he wanted. 

 

"I think that's implied by the no." Jongin stated plainly. 

 

Taemin looked up at him with the biggest pout Jongin had ever seen, twisting his head to the side to kiss one of Jongin's hands which was holding him up. "You said I could once..." he insisted. 

 

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Came the strained moan in reply as Jongin pulled away to think. "Yeah when I was a virgin and didn't know what I was getting myself into." 

 

"You still don't know what you're getting yourself into! You've never bottomed...you might like it even better." Taemin insisted, getting a little frustrated now himself because he hadn't expected it to take this long. 

 

Jongin was sure that wasn't true so said nothing, instead giving Taemin his pleading puppy dog eye look because he'd been waiting for this for so long. 

 

"Aw don't give me that look." Taemin groaned, covering his eyes with both hands, "Jonghyun usually tops but he let's Key do it all the time." 

 

"How could you possibly know that?!" Jongin shrieked, his eyes widening because ew ew ew ew ew!! 

 

"What do you mean?" Taemin asked, still not uncovering his eyes, "We talk about sex all the time, you know that." 

 

"NOT SEX WITH EACH OTHER!!" Jongin shouted, but then remembered they weren’t suppose to be doing that so bit his tongue. 

 

"Um yes sex with each other." Taemin shrugged, not caring he'd just been yelled at because he was pretty much yell-desensitized by now. 

 

"So..." Jongin started, his eyes widening even further with a horrifying realization. "Have you told them stuff about our sex life?" 

 

"Uuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..." 

 

"Our private sex life?!" Jongin clarified. 

 

"Uuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........." 

 

Thwack. 

 

"Ow!" Taemin squeaked, rubbing his arm indignantly. "Look sorry, but god, it's not a big deal." 

 

"It is a big deal! That stuff's embarrassing and it's between you and me ONLY. What did you tell them?" Jongin continued, freaking out unashamedly by this point. 

 

"Not thaaaat much. Just that you er, have hairy legs." Taemin replied. He was lying. He'd told them a bunch of stuff. Ok, some of it was embarrassing but mostly it was just things he found cute or a little weird. Like how Jongin used to be so polite about it, how he had an odd licking kink...yeah. Nothing too bad. 

 

"Likely story." Jongin snapped, pulling his knees up to his chin because arguing naked was humiliating. And cold. 

 

"Oh come on don't be a grumpybie." Taemin sighed, crawling towards his sulking lover. 

 

"That sounds like you're calling me a dwarf from snow white." Jongin mumbled randomly. 

 

"Now look who's changing the subject." 

 

No reply. 

 

"OH COME ON BABY! I wanna top! Trust me. Be submissive. For once in your life, it's not gonna kill you." 

 

"Ughhhhhhhh..." Jongin moaned stubbornly. He could tell he was losing though. "...Only if you don't talk to anyone about sex anymore." 

 

"But that's still be controlling. Stop making deals." Taemin said plainly, "Let's just forget about that...Bie...come on....." 

 

"You know keeping saying 'come on' doesn't persuade me anymore." 

 

"Ugh." Taemin grumbled in defeat. He didn't want their getting back together sex to start off like this. He was stubborn but Jongin was even more so apparently. Fuck it. "Fine. God. Ok. Let's just finish what we started then." he said eventually, giving up and lying down. 

 

For a second Jongin was really shocked because Taemin had just given up like that. Oh crap now he was feeling guilty. Maybe he really was being selfish. And god, it wasn't like Taemin had told the world about their sex life, only Jongkey and *cough* Minho maybe. 

 

"Go on then." Jongin decided abruptly, "You can top." 

 

"Really?" Taemin chirped, his face lighting up immediately. 

 

"Yeahhh...." 

 

"Oh my god!" Taemin grinned, jumping on top of Jongin in a second before the idiot changed his mind. "You'll enjoy this. I promise." he added, bending down to kiss his lover's cheek. 

 

Jongin was not so sure but he was far past desperation by this point into just plain neediness so resigned himself to this inevitable fate. Not that he was happy about it. 

 

"You're gonna have to spread your legs for me dear." Taemin smirked, tickling down one of Jongin's thighs before leaning down to suck on the skin right next to his nipple. 

 

"Ok..." Jongin mumbled, clenching his eyes shut in embarrassment. Taemin's touches did feel nice, don't get him wrong, but the thought of what was coming was making it hard to relax. 

 

Except then Taemin did something very relaxing, knowing Jongin wouldn't be able to handle it, and ran his tongue all the way up his lover's cock, kissing the tip once more. Teasing drove Jongin mad but it was a good kind of crazy. 

 

"Can I?" Taemin asked, looking up and grinning. 

 

Jongin couldn't help but laugh because he knew he was being impersonated. "Just do what you have to do and don't commentate." he said eventually. 

 

Taemin grinned up cheekily again, but then the mood seemed to change suddenly. The arguing/joking around now long forgotten, Taemin bent up to kiss his lover one more time before opening him gently, all the while keeping their lips connected. 

 

It felt weird, Jongin wasn't going to lie, but it was also kind of nice. Or at least he felt close to Taemin and that's all he really wanted anyway. He tried to get his body to relax, or at least unclench, and it did feel strange to let Taemin take the lead but not the bad kind of strange. 

 

Realizing he'd forgotten something important, Taemin pulled his fingers out and crawled over to the bag he'd brought, coming back with a condom, which he slipped on with ease, and some lube. "This'll make it easier." he said, holding up the bottle, "You're all tight unlike um...me." 

 

Jongin rolled his eyes, starting to feel embarrassed all over again, and watched as Taemin coated his fingers in the sticky liquid. He put so much on they were dripping everywhere and it was gross as well as a weird turn on. 

 

"You really need that much?" Jongin laughed, eyeing up Taemin's crotch, "No offense babe but it's not that big." 

 

Taemin scoffed loudly before shrugging, "Do you really want to piss me off right now?" he joked, positioning his fingers back at Jongin's entrance. 

 

Jongin decided to shut up and Taemin didn't ask permission again, instead pushing 2 of his fingers in, much more easily this time. He shoved them up further, rather roughly honestly, and Jongin's eyes widened in horror but then almost doubled over when that spot was pressed and it was clear what Taemin was doing. 

 

Jongin had never felt anything like it. It was so weird to feel open and exposed like this, to be moaning unashamedly but never the less it was nice. Being connected to Taemin in anyway was nice. 

 

After a few intense minutes of prostate abuse, Taemin smiled up at him, removing his fingers and covering another part of himself in lube instead. Jongin stayed laying down, staring up at that beautiful blonde skinny minnie feeling far more relaxed by this point. 

 

Taemin bent over for one last kiss, simultaneously treating Jongin to a handjob, before deciding enough was enough and entering himself slowly inside. 

 

Surprisingly Jongin actually kind of liked it. He felt full and content and weirdly it was making him feel like Taemin was more 'his' than it had done when he was the one topping. 

 

Taemin was also relishing in euphoria. He felt so in control, like he couldn't get enough of this new world of bliss. He bent down, kissing in rhythm with every thrust as Jongin moaned beneath him, grasping at his hair so their mouths wouldn't disconnect. He started to go faster because he couldn't handle the slowness anymore, still making sure his hand was around Jongin's cock so they were experiencing equal pleasure. 

 

In fact Jongin was probably enjoying this even more than Taemin by now. The non stop abuse on his prostate was making it hard not to scream. He'd have never thought it would be like this and he never wanted it to end. 

 

Except it did end. Far, far too soon. Before he could control himself he was cumming, embarrassingly quickly actually it's just the double stimulation felt way too good. Taemin didn't seem to mind as he smiled and kept going, still littering kisses on Jongin's open mouth. 

 

Soon though it was his turn too, as his thrusts became even deeper, even faster, and so hard Jongin actually thought he was going to split in half. 

 

"Ohhh....Bi....e.....ahh...." came a strained whine as Taemin climaxed, a tiny bead of sweat dripping from his hair. He waited for a moment, milking the intense sensation before grinning widely and collapsing his weight on top of Jongin, who wrapped both arms around the skinny blonde. 

 

They lay for almost 5 minutes in total silence apart from heavy breathing and the odd contented hum. But then the peace ended as Taemin let out a small giggle. "Wow. We really have no stamina!" 

 

"I know right!" Jongin laughed, "That was shameful honestly." 

 

"It was over in like, 2 seconds." Taemin continued to giggle, "And I was literally having to hold it in not to cum as soon as I got inside you." 

 

"Thanks." Jongin scoffed, burying his head into messy *and slightly sweaty* blonde hair to hide the red on his cheeks. 

 

"So did you like it?" Taemin chirped, pecking his lover's chest for the hundreth time that night. Jongin just had such a pretty chest, who wouldn't want to kiss it. 

 

"Ummmmmmmmmm...." Jongin mumbled, "It was...ok?" 

 

"OK?!" Taemin shrieked, snapping his head up and almost headbutting Jongin in the process, "Tch. It was more than ok." 

 

"It was great." Jongin whispered, deciding not to mess around, "It was a lot better than I expected and I guess it's nice to be submissive sometimes?" 

 

Taemin smiled back cutely, "Yeah? So you wanna be the bottom from now on then?" 

 

"Um no. It's my turn next time." 

 

"Fair enough." Taemin shrugged, resting his head back on Jongin's chest again. 

 

It was getting rather chilly because the temperature was dropping as night drew on. It was probably past midnight already, Jongin had no idea. But the other's would be back soon and it would be embarrassing to be found naked like this. 

 

"Come on, we better get dressed." he said, patting Taemin on the butt before trying to sit up. 

 

"Noooooooooooooooooooooo." Taemin whined, pushing back down and leaning to the side to grab one of the unzipped sleeping bags, "That's what this is for. Like a duvet cover right?" 

 

"But what if the others come back?" Jongin asked, as Taemin chucked it over them both and settled himself down, half lying on Jongin's chest again. "We're still naked under here." 

 

"Everyone's naked under their clothes you prude." Taemin pointed out. "Now go to sleep babybie. I'll see you in the morning." 

 

"You will?" Jongin smiled. 

 

"I promise." 

 

\--- 

 

Lol hi :') i'm kind of a little worried about how this is gonna go down aha, cus I think I got your hopes up that taemin was gonna get that audition but nooooooooooooooooooo~ xD 

 

I just don't want this story to be a fairytale where everything just works out. I mean obviously i know it's totally unrealistic aha :') but at the same time I didn't want it to be 'easy' for them to get out of this situation. The whole point of the audition was to make taemin realize that he could be happy doing something he loved, that he was worth a lot more than he thinks. Yup :') 

 

And oh god I can only apologize because I suck at smut so much goddddduhhhh. This is embarrassing but what can I say xD It's like 90% dialogue and 10% what they're actually doing... :') and im sure littered with embarrassing spelling mistakes or missing words because I havent checked it properly -.- skim reading is never a good idea for me … never miiind.


	19. C: You Next Tuesday

(Warning: mentions of rape, strong*er* language //sry >/) 

Waking up next to Taemin was so nice it was almost unreal. It felt just like the old days when they were back at their derelict place and life was simpler. Tch. What was he thinking. Life had never been simple. 

The first thing he noticed was the breeze blowing Taemin's hair over his eyes. It wasn't actually that cold which was a nice change and the light wind felt refreshing. The second thing he noticed however was not so nice- Key's critical cat like eyes narrowing as he glared at Jongin from just outside the bridge. Everyone else was still sleeping, including Sehun which was a bit weird because that kid was suppose to be at the shelter, right? 

Jongin hadn't even heard them come back last night, he was so out of it. He hadn't slept well in weeks though being worried about Taemin, so last night was the first peaceful sleep he'd had in an age. Plus sex always made him sleep like a log. 

"So Taebie's back then ugh." Key commented, rolling his eyes as he walked under the bridge, still staring critically at Jongin. 

"Taebie?" Jongin repeated, but then he realized it was like Jongkey and snorted. "Shouldn't it be Taegin?" 

"Doesn't have a ring to it." Key hissed. "So when did this happen?!?" 

"This as in Taemin?" Jongin asked, "Well when a mummy loves a daddy-" 

"This as in Taemin coming back out of nowhere." Key snapped. He was so not in the mood to be made fun of right now. 

"He decided to leave the hotel yesterday....for good." Jongin said, looking down lovingly at the sleeping form of his lover curled on his chest. 

Actually Taemin wasn't asleep. He'd been faking for a good hour as he'd woken up crazy early because he was still on the hotel's schedule. It was almost like he had jet lag. He didn't open his eyes though because being back at the bridge wasn't the nicest. Instead, he let himself concentrate on the comfort of lying on Jongin's chest. His lover's heartbeat was all he could hear and it may have been cheesy but he could listen to that sound forever. Those rythmical little thumps were his whole world. 

Key made retching noises at Jongin's gooey face and rolled his eyes. "Well thank fucking god." he said, "I still don't know whether to hug him or hit him. I really thought I was seeing things when we came home last night and there you two were, cuddling like puppies." 

Jongin's cheeks blushed but if Key noticed, he didn't let on and instead pulled his morning spice out of his pocket and lit it. Key'd also cut it down to 2 a day. Well ok, it was probably more like 4 a day but that was still good comparatively. 

Jongin tried to ignore the stench it made and turned his head to the sleeping form of Sehun. "What's he doing here?" 

"Should say the same thing to you." Key retorted, "Like fuck, are you ever at the shelter?" 

Jongin ignored him. "No seriously. Like why is he sleeping here so much?" 

"I told you." Key hissed, taking another drag. Jongin just looked at him blankly so he continued, "There's this asshole down there threatening him and stuff. He's scared. I would be too." 

Jongin had forgotten about that. He felt sorry for the kid. Taemin had been right with what he'd said when they first arrived at the shelter- "This isn't a safe place". It wasn't. It was a whole lot safer than sleeping outside but that still didn't mean it wasn't full of ex criminals and other scary ass people. Not that it didn't have nice people there too. Chen and Chanyeol were both really good guys. But there were also some real creeps as well. Jongin was lucky. He kept his head down and tried not to look directly at anyone who was shady. Some of his stuff had gone missing but he'd let it go. That was the only way to deal with it. "What kinda threats?" he asked finally. 

"God I don't know do I?" Key hissed, "But Sehun's a pretty boy like Taemin and that's never a good thing. People think they're weak and pathetic so they take advantage." 

"You know I'm not asleep right?" Sehun interrupted, sitting up out of his sleeping bag so quickly it was almost comical. Especially because his hair was in total disarray from sleep. 

"When you've got your eyes shut and you're lying there like a baby, how the fuck are we suppose to know you're awake?" Key cussed, taking another long drag. 

Suddenly feeling embarrassed, Jongin pulled up the unzipped sleeping bag around him and Taemin to cover what was left of their bare chests. They hadn't known Sehun that long and it was embarrassing to think he might know the things they'd got up to the night before. Although privacy around here was a non existent thing so... 

"Who's been threatening you?" Jongin asked, "I might know him." 

"Just this guy and some of his friends..." Sehun shrugged cagily. He knew Jongin's reputation of having no self control and getting into fights and didn't want to poke the bear. 

"Descriptive." Jongin said scarcastically, "What does he look like?" 

"I dunno..." Sehun murmured, "He's kind of short...but stocky? Like muscley. He's got a shaved head and this weird tattoo on his neck...like a....a...?" 

"ANCHOR?" Taemin squeaked suddenly, sitting bolt upright just as Sehun had done a second ago, making Jongin jump out of his skin. 

"What's with you guys and faking sleep?!" Key interrupted. 

"Ur yeahhh...." Sehun replied, a little taken aback by the sudden outburst. 

"Baby for fuck's sake." Jongin scolded. Not the first words he'd've liked to have said the first morning they were back together but the covers had fallen so far down that the fact they were both shirtless and probably naked was so obvious it hurt. 

Taemin ignored him, too caught up in what Sehun was saying. He knew exactly who that asshole with the anchor tattoo was. It was the same asshole who'd beaten him that terrible night with a bunch of friends, leaving him in an alleyway to die. "What's he been doing?!?" Taemin asked, a little frantically. 

"He's been saying that I look too good to be there, saying that he's gonna show me what street life's really about...god I don't know. He said he knows where we live and he keeps sayin' he's gonna 'teach whores a lesson'. He's a fucking nut case." Sehun replied, wanting to avoid talking about this at all costs. 

"Hang on, you know this guy?" Jongin asked, sitting up himself to examine his lover's expression. 

"Ur...no..." Taemin lied, feeling like an idiot because he shouldn't have reacted like that or Jongin would know. And Jongin couldn't know. Because if Jongin knew then he'd do something stupid and the idiot was already on crutches, how many more beatings could his poor body take? 

"I've just seen him at the shelter." Taemin said again, deciding to end the conversation before he said anything else stupid and got up. 

"MINNIE!" Jongin yelled, "Cover your fucking self!!" 

Taemin just stood there, completely naked, looking down at Jongin with a raised eyebrow. Key burst out laughing, a little high from the spice he'd just had, whilst Sehun's eyes widened to double their size before looking away. 

"What? Key's seen me naked." Taemin shrugged, as he started to wonder out from under the bridge, "I need to pee..." 

"But Sehun hasn't!?!" Jongin hissed, grabbing a random pair of screwed up jeans and chucking them at him, rather too hard. 

"I have now." Sehun mumbled, still looking away. Fucking hell. This group was even crazier than he'd first thought and this Taemin kid was a total lunatic as far as Sehun was concerned. 

And that was how the morning started. Romantic right. 

Not long after, Jonghyun and Minho woke up and Taemin came back from wherever he'd decided to pee, and they'd all welcomed him back with semi-open arms. Jongin needed to be out of there really quickly because he had to get back to the shelter and shower before work. There wasn't any time to say all the things he wanted to. But that was ok. Because he felt strangely secure that Taemin would be here when he came back after work. He really trusted him that he wouldn't go and do something stupid. 

Taemin didn't feel the same. He knew Jongin too well by this point, and was 100% sure the idiot would take it upon himself to sort out Sehun's issues, so just before his lover left, pulled him aside for some much needed threatening. 

"Baby you know I love you blah blah blah, but you better not do anything stupid you hear me?" Taemin hissed, fully dressed now because he wasn't an animal, come on. 

"Says you." Jongin scoffed, kissing Taemin's forehead goodbye. "Sorry, I really got to go else I'll be late. Will you be ok? What are you doing today?" 

"Looking for non-slutty work whilst I still look decent from the hotel." Taemin replied, "Obviously. But no, you know what I mean. Sehun's a grown up and he can take care of himself. He doesn't need you being Mr knight in shining armor about it ok?" 

"Jealous?" Jongin smirked. 

"Fuck off." 

"Aww. Look it's fine. I'm sensible. Now I really gotta go. See you later." Jongin smiled, as he started to hobble away on his crutches at a surprisingly fast speed. "You better be here when I get back!" he called. 

Taemin sighed, watching as his cute little teddy bear bumblebie left, knowing in his gut that shit was coming. 

\--- 

Jongin had no intention of doing anything. He really didn't. 

People got threatened all the time around here and it wasn't a huge deal honestly. They were usually just false threats. Of course Jongin wanted to look out for Sehun, but right now there was no reason to believe the kid was in any real danger. 

So anyway. Jongin was in the best mood he'd been in for months. He wasn't even annoyed about going to work on crutches. His day was starting brightly, and he was feeling really positive for once. 

First he went back to the shelter to rush through the showers because he needed the sex off him before he started his day. Subconsciously he'd looked around to see if this anchor tattoo creep was around but it didn't look like he'd turned up. Eh. Jongin wasn't that bothered anyway. 

Next was work obviously. Nothing interesting to say there. Work was work was work and he hated it and it was boring as sin...but it made him enough to live off so what was he gonna do. He was actually the only homeless guy he knew who'd managed to score a job so he should have been very fucking grateful. He was really lucky in some ways. Anyway. Work still didn't ruin his mood. The previous night with Taemin was still fresh in his mind and the thought that he'd be able to come back to him tonight was everything he wanted. Plus he was getting his cast off real soon- another good thing. Dayum. Things were actually going well for a change. 

After work he rushed back to the shelter as quickly as he could, with the intention of getting out of this ridiculous uniform and grabbing something to eat before returning to the bridge where he'd sleep there with Taemin. He knew he'd been told not to but he really didn't feel comfortable sleeping in a bed knowing that his boyfriend was still out in the cold. He didn't know what to do about that honestly, because if he didn't sleep at the shelter regularly then they'd tell him he couldn't stay there and he'd be chucked out. If he was chucked out then he had no idea where he'd shower and keep up with basic hygiene and therefore probably lose his job. That couldn't happen. 

Ok well he hadn't thought it ok. But tonight at least, he wasn't gonna let Taemin sleep outside without him. 

So he was all set to leave. He'd got back in his normal clothes, his pockets were stuffed with food he wasn't allowed to take but never mind, and he had enough cash to get the bus, when something caught his attention. 

The main room where everybody ate was very busy as the shelter had already been open for an hour or so. But even though it was jampacked, he could still make out the shape of a man with a weird tattoo at the back of room, sitting with a group of equally rough looking guys, 'talking' to a younger boy. 

It had to be him. I mean come on, there weren't going to be two guys with anchor tattoos on their neck. And Jongin did kind of recognize him. Not that he'd ever paid much attention to the creep because the shelter was full of people like that and the less eye contact the better. Buuut he did seem to recall his face and figured he must have seen him around here before. 

He still didn't have any intention of going up to the guy, but curiosity was eating him, so he started to slowly wonder his way towards the back of the room, trying to blend in to the other crowds of people. It was almost like being in a school cafeteria. Everyone had their own group and no one mixed. Weird. 

As he got closer, he noticed the guy and his friends were actually laughing cruelly at this younger looking kid. Ok now Jongin was mad. It was obvious what was happening. They were just bullies. Fuck, this was exactly like high school. Except with knives and guns and the possibility of actually getting beaten to death. Nice. But anyway, Jongin couldn't just stand around and do nothing right? He may have been on crutches but he wasn't a pathetic weakling. He was getting them off soon anyway and his leg felt nearly all better. Yeah. He was strong. And if this creep was threatening Sehun, and now bullying some other kid, he had to do something. 

"Hey!" Jongin said, without another thought, walking straight up to the little group who were still sitting in the corner. 

The creep looked up at Jongin with some kind of weird smirk on his lips. It was the strangest expression and really not something Jongin was expecting. It was almost like the guy had wanted Jongin to come up to him. 

"Whatever you guys are doing, just stop it." Jongin snapped, turning to the younger boy who was obviously being picked on. "Are they bothering you?" he asked. 

"Ur...no...?" The kid said, his eyes wide like he didn't know what the right answer was. Or at least the answer that wouldn't get him beaten up. 

Jongin was just about to reply but was distracted by one of the guys, elbowing and muttering words to Mr Tattoo Creep- "Hey isn't he...isn't he that whore's boyfriend?" 

The kid took the change of subject as an opportunity to escape, and slipped away through the crowd behind them unnoticed. Jongin didn't care. He was way too distracted by what he'd just heard. 

"What did you say?!?" 

Most of the guys just laughed, except this tattooed freak who stayed smirking. "Jongin is it?" he asked boldly after a few seconds of the rest of the group sniggering loudly, "I was wondering when you'd grow a pair and face me." 

"The fuck?" Jongin hissed, totally confused. He was sure he'd never spoken to any of these guys before... 

The creep just continued to smirk, then gestured for his friends to leave with one quick flick of his wrist. This guy seemed to have some weird power over them and Jongin didn't like it one bit. 

"I don't even know you?" Jongin said loudly, once the two of them were alone. He had to speak up because the noise in the room of everyone chatting was making it really hard to hear properly. 

"Didn't your slut tell you about me?" came the sneer in reply, that enraging smirk still plastered on his lips. 

Jongin clenched his fists around his clutches so he wouldn't punch the guy then and there. It would be a stupid thing to do because they were totally overlooked here and you could get kicked out for fighting. He hated it when Taemin was talked about like that though. It happened more than he'd like to think. You couldn't be a prostitute for as long as Taemin had without gaining a reputation. And ok, Jongin called Taemin a slut all the time, whatever. It was one thing when he did it and a completely different thing when someone else did. 

"How do you know Taemin?" Jongin asked finally, through gritted teeth. 

"How do you think?" The man cackled, raising an eyebrow, "How do most people know whores?" 

Jongin took a deep breath and looked down to stop himself saying/doing something he'd regret. So he was a client. Fine. Ok. He could deal with that. Taemin had been with a lot of creeps. And this was a new era, and Jongin wasn't going to go crazy this time. No. He could control himself. "Look." he snapped, "Just leave Sehun alone and stop being such a fucking childish bully." 

The guy looked blank for a second before laughing his head off. "Oh ok!" he cackled, "Whatever you say, sir." 

Jongin narrowed his eyes before taking another breath. Fuck, he really needed a medal for not doing anything right now. But he was determined. So he just turned and started to walk away like that. 

Except he hadn't taken two paces before the guy was talking again- 

"How are his bruises clearing up?" 

Jongin froze. 

"What?" 

"His bruises." The guy repeated, smirking again because he knew he was getting to Jongin. "Left him in quite a state...although I can't really remember...we were all so fuckin' drunk." 

"You WHAT?" Jongin snapped, chucking his crutches down on the floor and storming back to the guy who was still slouching in his chair, smirking as if baiting Jongin like this was the most fun he'd had in years. 

"Awwwwwwwww." came the reply, dripping in sarcasm, "I thought he would have told you it was me who beat his skinny ass? He must not trust you. Either that or he thinks you're too much of weakling to do anything anyway." 

"WHAT?" Jongin yelled, glad for all the noise in the room because at least his outburst hadn't drawn too much attention. 

"Are you slow?" The guy sneered, "Me and my friends beat the shit out of your slut and you're not man enough to do anything about it?" 

Jongin's mind was in overdrive. This was probably the angriest he'd ever been and nothing was stopping him now. Because he knew. Everything was adding up. The way Taemin had been so alarmed to hear Sehun's description of this jerk, how he'd warned Jongin not to do anything. It was because Taemin knew him. Because this was one of the jerks who'd beaten his Taemin that awful night, leaving him to die in an alleyway. 

"YOU CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jongin screamed, jumping on the guy in a second who flew down to the floor with a horrible crunch as the chair splintered beneath them. Before he could stop himself Jongin was wrapping both hands around his neck, sucking the life out of him as hard as he could. He honestly wanted to kill him, to wipe that smirk off his face forever, and probably would have if not a second later he was being dragged off by several volunteers. 

It didn't stop him struggling. Or screaming. "HE RAPED MY BOYFRIEND!!" Jongin yelled hysterically, trying to break free. 

"Can you rape a whore??" The guy managed to choke out, still lying on the ground watching as Jongin struggled. He looked almost pleased with himself, like he'd enjoyed the torment. 

Jongin continued to scream inaudible things, still being dragged away violently because he honestly couldn't control himself. He'd never thought in a million years he'd actually be capable of murder, but right now that's all he wanted. Because he'd never be able to hurt that bastard enough. 

It was all too much. 

Jongin had never truly known hatred until that moment. 

\--- 

"Oh god, what are we going to do with you?" Taeyeon tutted, shaking her head in disappointment. 

Jongin didn't know. 

He'd always been impulsive, reckless even, but this was a whole new level. Seriously losing his shit like that in front of everyone, and literally trying to strangle someone to death really didn't look good. It didn't matter if the guy deserved it. All that was important was that Jongin's temper and his inability to control it had screwed things up again. 

And he knew what was coming. It was painfully clear. 

After the 'fight', if you could even call it that, he'd been dragged off to his room and locked in there to calm down. Once they'd deemed him no longer a danger, he was lead in silence to Taeyeon's office- which let's face it, was just a cupboard with a desk in it. 

He'd tried to explain what happened, that it wasn't his fault, that anyone would have lost it. He'd told her that this guy was most likely the devil reincarnated, that he'd beaten and probably raped Taemin, that he'd been threatening Sehun, that he was bullying some other kid when Jongin had come up to him. 

She'd listened sympathetically, asked if he wanted to press charges, and he of course said no. That wasn't an option they had. It never was. The police couldn't be involved in anything to do with Taemin or his friends. They'd done so much illegal shit, especially Minho, and ok it wasn't like there were wanted posters around but it was still way too risky to go to the police for help. 

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do. You have no proof, nothing, so I can't go to the police for you." Taeyeon sighed sadly, "If you're not willing to do it yourself then my hands are tied." 

"I know I know." Jongin mumbled. 

"So what are we going to do with you?" Taeyeon asked again, running a hand through her hair absentmindedly. She was obviously stressed and Jongin knew why. She was a nice lady and she didn't want to do what she was about to, but had no choice. 

"You're kicking me out." Jongin stated plainly. 

"Not kicking you out." Taeyeon sighed, "We'll still try and help in any way we can, finding you loans, government funding for college...but the rules are strict and you know that. I can't let someone sleep here who attempts to strangle someone." 

"Can't you just give me a warning?" Jongin asked, already knowing the answer. 

"You've had all your warnings. The first strike was letting someone sleep in your room –don't think we don't know about that-, the second was fighting with Taemin so loud the ceiling almost fell down, the third was when you constantly missed curfew and slept on the streets anyway, the fourth was stealing food, don't think we don't know about that either. And now this. It's not like we haven’t given you plenty chances." 

Jongin nodded, looking down at his hands intently. He didn't know if he wanted to scream or cry. Taemin was going to kill him. How the fuck was he going to shower, how the fuck was he going to keep his job? He'd wrecked it all because he'd allowed some creep to get to him. 

"Look, it's ok." Taeyeon said reassuringly. "This doesn't mean we won't help you. But you can't stay here anymore." 

"And what about that creep?! Does he just get away with everything?!" Jongin snapped. 

"Oh no, don’t worry. He's on his fifth strike too. He'll be asked to leave just the same as you." Taeyeon replied. 

For a moment Jongin felt relieved but then dread overtook him because that creep seemed to be a pretty powerful guy and rationally he didn't want to piss him off. But what the hell, he wasn't scared of some anchor tattoo freak. If he came anywhere near Taemin again he really would strangle him and not feel an iota of guilt. 

"I'm sorry, Jongin. I really am." Taeyeon sighed. 

"I know." 

\--- 

Taemin hadn't had the best day either. He'd been so naive, thinking that getting a job would be so much easier now he was fresh from the hotel, looking great. He was also on a confidence high from the audition, so really thought maybe it might not be so hard after all to get a normal shitty job. 

Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG. 

Fuck, he'd forgotten how demoralizing this was. The amount of questions employers asked. It's like, fucking hell, he wasn't trying to be an astronaut, why did they need to know so much personal information? Why did they need to know where he lived? Why did they need to know what his last job was? 

He'd even called the lady who'd given him a card but there was nothing avaliable. Not that he'd get it even if there was because having no training was a huge black mark on his forehead. 

But it had only been a day so, whatever. Taemin told himself to for fucks sake stop being a baby and just keep trying. Jongin had scored a job so why couldn't he. 

Except Jongin was still relatively new to the streets when he'd found work and it was so much easier if you weren’t chronically homeless. 

No. He just needed to shut the fuck up and deal with it. He'd be fine. They'd be fine. Everything would work out fine. 

So anyway, he'd come back to the bridge around 5pm and been happy to find everyone there. It was nice to be surrounded by people again. The hotel had been so lonely. He knew he'd chosen it, he'd wanted the alone time...but he was glad it was over. 

He was even weirdly relieved to be back at the bridge because at least it was familiar. Moving around wasn't something Taemin enjoyed, and even though he'd much rather be back at their derelict dump, the bridge was at least somewhere to call 'home'. 

"Hey why is your boyfriend calling me?" Minho asked abruptly, snapping Taemin out of his thoughts. 

"Cus you're the only one who's phone still works idiot." Taemin said, rolling his eyes. Crappy phones don't last forever and the ones he bought in the dark ages certainly hadn't. It was actually really fucking hard to have a phone anyway. Jongin still had his because he was the 'richest' from work and he could charge it at the shelter. But it wasn't like the rest of them had money to waste on such things. Except Minho. Cus, god, nobody knew where that kid got his money from and still no one dare asked. 

"Hello?" Minho answered, ignoring Taemin. 

"Gimmee." Taemin hissed, extending an arm out to grab the phone only to be shoved away. 

"He's calling me! Not you!" Minho snapped. 

"He's only calling you cus he can't call me!" Taemin huffed, still struggling to get at the phone. 

"Er...Minho?" Jongin sighed, knowing exactly what was happening on the other end. "Sorry but Minnie's right..." 

"UGh." Minho moaned, giving up and practically chucking the phone at Taemin. No one ever called him for him. 

"Hey Bie, what's up?" Taemin asked, adding "Why aren't you here yet?" before Jongin could reply. 

"I er..." 

"What?" 

"I er..." 

"What's wrong?!" 

"Please don't be mad ok?" 

"Jongin." 

"…TheAchorTattooGuyWasBullyingSomeOtherKidSoIWentUpToHimOnlyToTellHimToStopAndToLeaveSehunAloneTooButThenHeSays'IWasWonderingWhenYou'dBeManEnoughToFaceMe'AndAdmittedHeWasTheOneOfTheGuysWhoBeatYouAndHOWCOULDYOUNOTTELLMEAndFuckingHellSoILostMyShitAndTriedToKillHimCusYouKnowWellGodUmYou'dHaveDoneTheSameAndYeahSoTaeyeonKickedUsBothOutForFightingAndNowI'mSatOutsideTheShelterWithAllMyStuffAndIDon'tKnowWhatToFuckingDo." 

Taemin had to pause a minute to take all of that in before- 

"AHHHHHHHHHH! BIE!!!!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO ANYTHING!" 

"I know I know I know..." 

"Just wait fucking there." 

"O-" 

And the line went dead. 

\--- 

Jongin was still sitting outside the shelter, slumped on the curb, even though an hour had passed since Taemin's phone call. He felt like shit honestly. Absolute shit. All his stuff was beside him in bin bags, not that it was a lot but he couldn't cart it all the way back to the bridge himself so he was glad Taemin was coming. Although not at all looking forward to seeing him. Not only was he sure Taemin was mad, but he was also pretty angry himself that Taemin had lied to him about who this guy was for so long. And they'd only just got back together. This was not how it was suppose to go. Things were supposed to be getting better, not worse. 

"You are such a fucking idiot!" came a voice, definitely not Taemin's, as Jongin looked up to see Key, Jonghyun, Minho, Sehun and Taemin all storming down the street towards him. 

"Like what the hell?" Key snapped again, "How could you get yourself kicked out?! Do you know how stupid you've been? Don't you think about the consequences of any of your actions? Do you even think at all?" 

Jongin felt like he was being scolded by a parent but was momentarily distracted by what the hell they were all doing here. "Why's everyone come?" 

"To help you with your stuff you ungrateful twat." Key hissed, "And to restrain Taemin if necessary." 

Jongin glanced at Taemin worriedly. The blonde was tight lipped, arms folded and obviously seething. For a second Jongin almost thought he might hit him, it wasn't like that hadn't happened before. But then his face seemed to soften as he unfolded his arms and sighed, kneeling down on the ground to wrap both arms around his lover's neck. "We'll be ok, you big idiot." he whispered. 

Jongin almost cried because that was not the reaction he'd been expecting at all. 

"Wow I guess we all didn't need to come then..." Jonghyun mumbled to Minho, having exactly the same thoughts as Jongin. "We thought you'd be tearing the hell out of each other?" he added, this time directed to Jongin. 

"Well if Taemin won't do it, I will." Key cut in, smacking him round the head as Taemin pulled away. 

"Fucking hell." Jongin hissed, "How to kick a dog when he's down." 

"It's ok." Minho interrupted, "I'd've tried to strangle him too." 

"Me too. And Key would have got his knife out so don't listen to a word he sa- ow." Jonghyun added, cut off by his boyfriend's bony elbow in his ribs. 

The walk 'home' was silent and depressing. The only sound came from a few defeated sighs and the rustle of bin bags. 

Jongin didn't want to think about tomorrow right now. He didn’t want to have to face the fact he'd be washing in stream again, that he might lose his job, that everything was starting all over again. He had some savings but no where near enough to rent anywhere, or even stay in a motel for very long. 

No, it would be ok. Cus he'd been thinking of leaving the shelter anyway. He wanted to be with Taemin and that meant sleeping under a bridge so fine...except it wasn't just a bed the shelter provided. It was security, hygiene, food. Fucking hell. 

Unbelievably though, what was getting to him most about the situation was the fact Taemin hadn't told him about that guy sooner. Didn't he trust him? Or did he think that Jongin was so short tempered that he wouldn't have been able to handle himself and er, try and strangle the creep. Which was exactly what happened. Maybe Taemin had a point. 

"Hey." Jongin mumbled, grabbing his boyfriend's arm to drag him backwards so they wouldn't be overheard. 

"Mm?" 

"Did that guy...did he...what exactly happened that night? And why didn't you tell me that one of the guys who beat you was living with us at the shelter? Don't you trust me?" Jongin whispered, full of self doubt and insecurity. 

"Well it depends what you mean by trust." Taemin mumbled back. 

"What?" 

"Well I mean...Do I trust you with my life? Yes. Do I trust that you love me? Yes. Do I trust that if you found out something bad then you wouldn't go and do something stupid? No." Taemin replied. 

"You'd've have tried to strangle him too. If...if he'd hurt me." Jongin pointed out. "So it wasn't that stupid." 

"It was stupid to do it in front of everyone at the shelter." Taemin argued, "But I see your point." 

Jongin sighed in defeat. That was probably all the sense he was going to get. "And did he...?" he started, tentatively, "Did they...what happened that night? Like exactly. Did they...did they do more than just beat you up?" 

"Probably." Taemin shrugged, "But I was knocked out for most of it." 

Jongin took a deep breath and clenched his eyes shut. He couldn't even begin to think about what might have happened without having a full on hissyfit and he had to stay calm right now. But god, everytime he thought about that night he felt like the world was ending. He could remember everything about it. He still had the mental image of Taemin lying in that alleyway, covered in blood and bruises, his clothes almost completely torn off. He still remembered exactly how it felt. The panic. He hadn't even known Taemin that long when it had happened, but he'd felt weirdly attached to the kid from practically their first meeting so no wonder the event had mentally scarred him. 

"Hey stop thinking what you're thinking." Taemin said, interrupting Jongin's mind going dark. "People get beaten, raped, whatever all the time on the streets. Come on, you know that. It's just something we have to deal with and you can't dwell on it." 

"I just really love you ok?" Jongin murmered, looking down as they walked, wishing he wasn't on crutches so he could at least put an arm around his boyfriend. 

"I know, me too." Taemin sighed, reading Jongin's mind and wrapping an arm around instead. 

After a few moments of silence Jongin spoke again. "I really scared myself today." 

"Scared yourself?" Taemin repeated, confused. 

"Yeah." Jongin nodded, "I mean like, I actually could have killed him. I wanted to. I still want to. If he was here right now I'd do it and I probably wouldn't feel guilty either. Like what the fuck. Am I a psycho?" 

"No." Taemin laughed, "You're just very overprotective." 

Jongin didn't think it was overprotective to want to hurt someone that had most likely raped someone he loved but decided not to argue. "Have you ever wanted to kill someone before though? And thought you could actually do it?" 

"What other than you?" 

"I'm serious." 

"No but you shouldn't compare yourself to me." Taemin shrugged, "We're just wired different." 

"Eh?" 

"Well like I'm a flighter and you're a fighter." 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Jongin snapped, not in the mood for Taemin being cryptic right now. 

"God you're thick today. You know that thing! The fight or flight thing. It's like us." 

"How?" 

"I usually run away from problems and you usually fight without really thinking it through." Taemin explained simply. 

"Hm. I guess so." 

"...Look." Taemin sighed, squeezing Jongin's shoulders, "I'm probably capable of killing really...I think everyone is if they're pushed far enough. Key stabbed that guy and he might have died, we don't know." 

"That was self defense." Jongin pointed out, not feeling reassured at all. 

"True, but he still might have killed someone..." 

Jongin sighed and decided not to talk about it anymore. Sometimes it really worried him, how impulsive and hot headed he was. He really needed to get a handle on himself. Today aside, there'd been so many occasions where he'd lost it. And one day he might actually end up doing something really, really terrible. Talking about it wasn't going to help. 

They were now almost at the bridge. It was getting very dark so it much have been pretty late. Jongin was glad they'd all come to the shelter to get him. It hadn't been necessary because it wasn't like he had a lot of stuff but at the same time there was strength in numbers. And dammit, these guys were his family. 

"Do you smell burning?" Jonghyun asked suddenly, "Like, smoke?" 

Jongin did actually, but then Minho coughed and raised his hand which held a cigarette. Or spliff. But probably just a cigarette. 

The smoke didn't smell like cigarette smoke though. Eh. Maybe it was a drug. 

Except as they were drawing closer to the bridge, it was clear something was wrong. Key was the first to notice and ran up ahead of the others, ducking under it and shrieking as soon as he got inside. "WHAT. THE FUCK." 

Jonghyun was right behind him, followed by Minho and Sehun who ran underneath as well. 

Jongin could guess what had happened, and his suspicions were only confirmed as he and Taemin made their way under the bridge last, to be met with nothing but chaos. 

And not the type of organized chaos they'd left the place in. No, no, all their stuff was totally destroyed, some of it still smoldering from being set on fire. Their sleeping bags were burnt to a crisp, the bags they kept their clothes in torn to shreds. Their food had been trodden on and was smeared across the ground, the water and alcohol bottles all emptied or stolen. On the side wall were the words 'WHORES' written in red spray paint which hadn't dried properly so the words looked like they were dripping in blood. 

It was horrifying. Jongin felt like they'd been violated. And guilt ate him up immediately because shit, if he hadn't lost it then that guy wouldn't have been chucked out of the shelter either. It was obvious he and his friends had done it as revenge. They'd been threatening Sehun that they knew where he lived and now Jongin had pissed them off so bad, only adding fuel to the fire. 

"GOD!!! WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA GO NOW?!?!?!?!?" Key yelled, legit having a breakdown as his knees gave way and he sunk to the ground. Jonghyun tried to hug him but it was no use. 

"We'll just have to clean this place up?" Sehun said, as if that was obviously the simple solution. 

"Idiot! No!" Key wailed, "We can't stay here now...that's way too fucking dangerous!!" 

Jongin glanced at Taemin who's face just looked blank, until his eyes widened and he hopped across their trashed stuff to pick up a certain tiny bumble bee keyring which looked like it had been stamped on as it was cracked in two halves. 

Taemin felt his eyes well up as he stared at the pitiful looking thing, and knew it was ridiculous to feel sad about something so stupid but it meant a lot to him. 

"I told you things wouldn't get better." Taemin croaked, a sob escaping his lips straight after as he stared back into his boyfriend's eyes. 

"I'm sorry." Jongin whispered. 

"WELL YOU SHOULD BE!" Key screamed, "FUCK! CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ANYTHING ALONE?! AND NOW WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GONNA GO?!" 

"Look I'm sorry ok?! But you would have done exactly the same thing!" Jongin hissed, as Taemin trudged back to him and buried himself in Jongin's chest. 

Key was just about to shout something back when Jonghyun stopped him. "Fuck guys. Come on." he said sternly, "Let's just think. If Onew was here, what would he do?" 

"WWOD." Taemin murmured, although everyone ignored him because he still had his face pressed so tightly into Jongin's chest you couldn't understand a word. 

"He'd say we shoulds salvage what we can," Minho said, walking over to where his stuff laid trashed and rummaging through one of the destroyed bags, cursing when he realized all their remaining drugs were gone. "And then just get the fuck out of here, find somewhere quiet to sleep tonight and then search around for somewhere safer tomorrow." 

"ARHGHHJSGHJKH!!!" Key screeched again, "HOW ARE YOU ALL STAYING SO CALM?! NOW WE HAVE FUCKING NOTHING!!" 

"We have each other." Jonghyun pointed out. 

"And we still have Newbie's crap." Sehun added brightly, will all the charm of a child. "We can just wear his old gnarly clothes." 

Jongin shook his head in defeat, resting it on Taemin's who was still wordlessly buried in his chest. 

"Come on guys. Let's just sort through our shit and leave. I always hated this fucking bridge anyway." Minho announced, seemingly deciding to take charge if no one else was going to. 

So that's what they did. In silence. 

It was a useless task as everything was either ripped, trashed, torn or burnt. Taemin only saved 2 items; the cracked bumblebee keyring and some destroyed fabric from his old holey jeans because for some reason they made him sentimental. But no doubt the new ones from the hotel he was wearing right now would get holes in them eventually. 

After they were done, they started making their way out of the bridge and away, none of them looking back. They wouldn't miss the bridge. They'd miss the fact that it was in a pretty secluded place so they weren’t bothered there much, they'd miss the fact that it was somewhat sheltered, they'd miss the fact it was familiar. But that's all. It wasn't home, nowhere near. 

Minho took the lead even when walking so everyone just subconsciously followed him. Not that he had any clue where to go either but it wasn't like they were new to this area so there were a few places he could think of to spend the night. All of them were undesirable and unsheltered but what could he do? 

"HERE? REALLY?" Key started to yell, as Minho stopped walking and looked back at the others expectantly. 

They'd been walking down a dead ended street which lead onto the back of a multistorey car park. The plan had been to brake into it somehow so then at least they'd have some shelter but it didn't look like that was going to happen. 

"I guess we'll just have to sleep on the street tonight." Minho shrugged, dumping one of Jongin's bags down and sitting on it. It wasn't like there was anything breakable in there anyway. 

Key took it upon himself to kick the side of the building, before slouching to the ground and groaning loudly. He was so fucking tired and all he wanted to do was curl up in his sleeping bag under that bridge, wrapped in Jonghyun's arms and sleep forever. It wasn't too much to ask for was it? But NOOOO. Apparently everything was too much to ask for. 

Jongin and Taemin caught each others eyes as everyone else decided this was as good a spot as any and settled themselves down. The look said everything words couldn't; It's ok. 

Sleeping on the street wasn't fun. Concrete was, well, fucking hard and nowhere was clean. Still though, Taemin found himself thinking at least he wasn't at the hotel. It was a strange thought but the only comforting thing he could cling onto. He'd grown to hate it there, and no matter how cold or how hard the ground was, he'd much rather be out here with the only people who loved him than selling himself in a comfy bed. 

The same couldn't be said for Jongin, who wasn't coping with this at all. This had been the day from hell- finding out who beat Taemin, getting kicked out, being blamed for all their stuff being destroyed and ending up back on the streets. 

Now settled on the ground, he wrapped his arm around Taemin, leaning up against the building behind them. He was sure he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight but that shouldn't stop Taemin who could sleep practically anywhere. Jongin guessed he'd had a lot of practice. 

So Taemin was just about to settle himself down, half lying on Jongin's knees, his boyfriend's arm lazily draped around his shoulders, before Key inturrupted the silence once more- "Come on Minho. Empty those pockets." he hissed. 

"Eh?" Minho squeaked, moving away from Key's grabbing hands as quickly as possible. 

"Don't play dumb with me frog boy." Key snapped, "I know you keep a stash with you everywhere you go and I'm not in the mood." 

Minho groaned in annoyance. He'd thought this was coming as he was the only one who still carried a significant amount of drugs on him for *cough* emergencies like this one. That and whoever could pay, honestly. 

"Fucking hell Key, we can't waste them right now...we need money and maybe I can sell them." Minho snapped back. 

"Actually I could do with one." Jonghyun cut in, "I know we're trying to be good but I mean come on, extreme circumstances and all...I think we all deserve to get a little high after tonight." 

Minho groaned again but reluctantly agreed, handing out a spliff each to both Key and Jonghyun, before turning to Taemin expectantly. 

To everyone's surprise, Taemin shook his head. The initial shock of everything now gone, the blonde was feeling a little calmer and he knew if he took something he might actually feel worse. He wasn't craving right now so there was no need. Also he'd been thinking to himself more on the WWOD question, and now thought he knew the answer. Onew would say this wasn't the end of the world. Onew would say to keep going no matter what, to never give up. So that's what he had to do. 

"I'll have one." Said the person nobody expected. 

Taemin snapped his head up to look at his lover, shocked that Jongin would even consider it. 

"Um?" Minho mumbled, "...Ok?" 

"No no no!" Taemin cut in, sitting bolt upright off Jongin's knees to face him. "One bad day and you cave to spice? Seriously? That's not you, Bie." 

Jongin felt broken. "I just want to forget about what happened...I won't get addicted from just one. It's not like I'm you." He mumbled tactlessly. 

Taemin sighed and suddenly could see Jongin's point about well, everything. It was beyond frustrating to see the person you love go into self-destructive mode. And it did make you want to boss them around and just tell them what to do. Huh. Weird. 

"Hey get up." Taemin said, pulling Jongin up and walking a few paces down the dark street so they wouldn't be overheard, but not so far they were in any danger. 

"What?" Jongin mumbled sadly. 

"Everything will be ok." Taemin said, deciding it was his turn to be the grown up for once. "This is just a minor setback. Nothing we haven't dealt with before." 

"Exactly though..." Jongin groaned, "We've been through all this before...having to move...it's like everything is starting off all over again and I can't do it anymore...I'm tired..." 

"No." Taemin cut in, "Things are not at all like they were. We're different people now, we can cope better. We won't make the same mistakes." 

"But..." 

"No." Taemin said again. He wasn't done. "I'mma find a job soon I promise. A non whori-" 

"You can say it." 

"A non whoring job. And you're not gonna lose yours and if we put all our money together we can at least rent a trailer or something right? Like you always say? And Taeyeon said she won't stop helping us so there's that...and soon you'll be studying again and you can actually make something of your life. All the shit going on right now will just be a distant memory. We won't even be able to remember where the bridge was...we'll never have to walk down an alleyway again..." Taemin said, trailing off at the end because he lost his train of thought. But he'd gotten the point across. Kind of. 

Jongin smiled back meekly at the uncharacteristically rational version of Taemin that had decided to make an appearance tonight. There were probably 100 more versions of this kid yet to meet but he'd look forward to all of them. "When did you get so wise?" 

"I've always been this wise." 

Jongin leaned in for a hug but Taemin stepped back to pull something out of his pocket. 

"I know this is stupid and you better not laugh at me ok?" he said, passing Jongin half the cracked bumblebee keyring. 

"Why do I get the half with the stinger?" Jongin mumbled, staring at the destroyed, but still cute little object. 

"Cus you have a fat butt." Taemin replied, before leaning in for that hug and mumbling something else which was probably suppose to be 'And you've stung me before' if only his face wasn't pressed against Jongin's chest so tightly. 

Jongin shrugged and hugged back, clamping his eyes shut to forget where they were right now. 

"Hey are you guys coming back?" Called Sehun from down the street where they'd left the others. 

"Hang on a second god." Taemin huffed back, before cupping one of Jongin's cheeks and pulling him in to connect their lips. 

They wondered back to the little group and slumped themselves on the ground next to Jongkey who were already either asleep or high. It was strange but they'd never really looked homeless to Jongin before, in their derelict place or under the bridge. But here on the street was a whole other story. God he felt depressed right now. 

But then Taemin settled himself down lying with his head rested on Jongin's thighs as a pillow, and Jongin tried to remember what he'd said a few minutes ago. Maybe this wasn't the end of the world. It was still sucky, but maybe things would look brighter in the morning. 

Jongin let out a long sigh, letting his head fall against the building behind them, his hands absentmindedly stroking the masses of unruly blonde hair on his lap. Taemin was right. Things had changed. They were all different people now. Everything wasn't starting again. It couldn't be. 

\---

I hope this doesn't make me sound like a psycho but I think I'd lose my shit if I was Jongin and try and strangle that dude too? O.o I mean i know it was a stooopid thing to do it in front of everyone without thinking but I don’t think I'dve been able to control myself either~ Idk. i think everyone is capable of doing something awful if they're pushed far enough over the edge...xD maybe that’s just me :') but if this guy really did do all these horrible things to taemin I would have wanted to strangle him o.O //disclaimer- i am not cray cray 

Lol bits in this chapter are so awkward and confusing sorry about that! I didn't want to make the creepy guy like a person~ or give him a name or anything so I just ended up calling him things like 'the creep' or 'anchor tattoo dude' and its like really. emily. really. Could ya not think of smtg a leeetle more original. 

i have nothing against tattoos. Or anchors. Or freaks.  
… 

BUT NO xD the point of this chapter lol~ Is that they've changed so much from who they were, so they'll be ok even if their situation is equally shit. If that makes any sense. God. Idk.


	20. Suspended: Strip Taese

Operation find Taemin a job was a lot harder than it fucking sounds. 

It had been a week since they'd been forced to leave the bridge and life was so damn hard. Ok, not everything was bad; Jongin had got is crutches off and was managing to hold onto his job because Taeyeon was letting him shower at the shelter, even though he couldn’t stay there. Plus at night, Minho had found a way of breaking into the multi storey car park so at least they had a roof when it rained. Still, it was totally illegal to be in there so they had to wake up at 5am and pack up before they got caught. They also had to be very careful not to run into the creep from the shelter or any of his friends because they would surely be pissed that Jongin got them thrown out, and trashing the bridge was probably only the tip of the iceberg in terms of revenge. 

Not that Jongin was scared. If he was found, he was sure he could take that guy. The hatred he felt for that creep was like nothing he'd ever experienced. Still, it was better they weren't found. Jongin didn't want to do something he'd regret, something that would not only get him in serious trouble but probably the other's too. 

Anyway, Taemin's search for employment was becoming hopeless. No longer shiny and new from the hotel, he looked like a fucking wreck again honestly. All of his clothes had been destroyed at the bridge, and even though Jongin had got just enough to buy him a few new ones- they weren't exactly job interview ready. 

The thing Taemin hated the most was that they always asked you for your fixed address. Like, why did they need to know that? And why did you have to apply online? Why did they need to know stuff about you and your past? Why did they need proof of your identification? Like seriously, it was almost like the universe wanted him to fail. 

So Taemin was getting frantic. He needed to find something, something that wasn't selling himself but the temptation of prostitution was calling him all over again. Not that he was going to give in, but fuck, it would be so easy to just sleep with some random guy and then live comfortably for the next few days. But that wasn't him anymore. He'd learned his lesson from the hotel. 

That didn't mean he didn't have an idea though. An idea Jongin wouldn't like and an idea he certainly wasn't going to tell him about. Jongin was still a loose cannon. He couldn't be trusted in some ways, even if he was trying to change. He'd just blow up and they'd scream at each other again. Honesty wasn't worth it. 

Because this idea involved Heechul. Not for sex, just for help. Heechul had always been one of Taemin's nicer clients, and probably the richest too. Not that Taemin had spoken to him in months but they knew each other pretty well, well enough to ask for favors anyway. 

Heechul owned some bars, clubs, all kinds of weird places actually. And Taemin could be charming when he wanted to be, so maybe he could persuade Heechul to give him a chance. It was at least worth a shot. 

"Hey I need your phone." Taemin said, digging around in his boyfriend's back pocket one evening in the car park, without waiting for an answer. 

"You need my phone or you just wanna feel me up?" Jongin scoffed, but he didn't move away as Taemin continued to dig around. 

"Well both." Taemin smirked, grabbing Jongin's crotch and squeezing before continuing on with his search. 

"EW." Sehun interrupted, "Not in front of me. I'm a toddler." 

"You're only a toddler when it suits you." Taemin hissed, getting frustrated now because where the fuck was it. 

"You know I have other pockets not in my ass." Jongin sniggered. 

"You keep your phone up your ass?!" Taemin squeaked, "Now that's unsanitary." 

Jongin scoffed again then reached into to small, concealed pocket inside his coat and handed the phone to a very confused looking Taemin. 

"Oh you keep it in your boob pocket?" Taemin mused, "I'll know for next time." 

"Er...yeahh..." Jongin mumbled, there was really no point in trying to make sense of Taemin sometimes. "Who'd you wanna call?" 

"Ghostbusters." Taemin snapped sarcastically, as he started walking away with the crappy phone, "None of your damn business Mr nosey." 

Jongin wasn't really ok with not knowing who Taemin was calling but he was trying this not being controlling thing and all so he'd just have to put up with it. 

Once safely out of earshot, but still in the car park, Taemin pressed the number. He was nervous honestly, calling up an ex client after so long and asking for a favor. But this was the only idea he had so what else could he do? 

The phone only rang 2 times before it was answered. 

"Hello?" 

Taemin breathed a sigh of relief because he'd half expected Heechul to have changed his number, it had been so long. 

"Hi." he said, trying to sound his confident, prostitute self persona Heechul was used to. 

"Who is this?" 

"Oh." Taemin squeaked, "Sorry. It's me. It's Taemin." 

"Taemin!?!? I haven't spoken to you in almost a year!! Where the fuck have you been?" 

"Oh er...well I...I quit renting...so..." Taemin mumbled, trailing off at the end because he didn't want to tell this guy his life story, hello. 

"So you're not a rent boy anymore?" Heechul clarified, "Wow. You could have told me! I've missed my little Taeminnie! We used to see each other almost every week and then you leave without a word? I thought you were dead..." 

"Oh. Sorry." Taemin replied dumbly. Honestly he hadn't given a second's thought to how any of his regular clients would feel when he simply didn't turn up anymore. Oops. 

"So why are you calling?" Heechul asked, "I'm presuming this isn't just to catch up." 

"Ur well..." Taemin started, thinking he really should have planned this out before he called. "I kind of need a job..." 

"Well I suppose we could arrange another session...?" Heechul started, before Taemin interrupted again. 

"No no no...I mean, I don't do that shit anymore...I mean like a proper job...like not...sex." 

"Not...sex?" 

"Yeah." 

"Oh." Heechul said, pausing for a second. "But what else can you do?" 

Taemin felt tears start to collect in his eyes but swallowed them down. He wouldn't be a baby right now. "Well ur, I'm pretty. And I can be nice...so...like I could work in one of your bars maybe?" 

Heechul laughed on the other end. "Pretty and nice." he repeated, "Is that your resume?" 

"Oh come on Heechul!!" Taemin moaned, "You know me. Come on...I know I have some nerve-" 

"You have a lot of nerve actually." 

"Yeah...but please, you must have something. I don't have any other choice, I don't know anyone else that could employ me..." 

"Don't you have other ex clients that have businesses?" 

"None that are nice." Taemin replied, hoping flattery would get him everywhere. "Heechul, come on, we're friends aren't we?" 

"No Taemin we're not friends. Friend's don't leave for months without telling their friends." 

"I'm sorry..." Taemin whined, deciding to play the pity card because he was desperate now. "I need you to help me..." 

Heechul sighed loudly on the other end of the line, making horrible little crackling noises in Taemin's ear. "...You can dance right?" he said finally. 

"Dance?" Taemin repeated, dumbly. "Well I'm not trained but-" 

"I know you're not trained but I seem to remember you showing me some moves." Heechul stated, "And they were pretty good. And sexy." 

Taemin blushed. "Thanks." 

"So there's this gay nightclub, 'The Mist'. I only own 49% of it-" 

"Who owns the other 51%?" 

"You won't know him." 

"Ok..." 

"Well, I might be able to get you work there...maybe..." 

Taemin's heart was pumping so loud he thought it was going to pound out of his chest. "What? As a dancer?" 

"Yeah." 

"As a er...er...exotic dancer?" 

"As a stripper Taemin. For fucks sake, who are you? I've seen you naked, riding me, singing 2ne1's 'I am the best' and now you're shy?" 

Taemin blushed again, even redder. He did vaguely remember that incident but it was back in the days before he met Jongin when he was high all the time. All his memories from that era were fuzzy. "Nega che chalaga." he said, dumbly. 

"Indeed." 

"So...what? I just dance around and strip and you'll pay me?" Taemin clarified. 

"That is the job." 

"Well ok!! Oh my god! Thank you so much..." 

"One last thing." 

"What?" 

"Well you don't think I'm just going to give you it right? You'll have to do something for me." 

Taemin sighed, just as loudly as Heechul had done a couple of seconds ago, hoping the phone would crackle uncomfortably loud in his ear. "I told you, I'm not a rent boy anymore." 

"I know. But that doesn't mean you can't return the favor to an old friend right?" 

"So now we're friends?" 

"Taeminnie." 

Taemin sighed yet again. He really, really, really, really, really, (there aren't enough really's) didn't want to do this. Especially not as he knew if Jongin found he'd go absolutely nuts. "Not sex." Taemin said finally, "I'll blow you off or something, I'll do whatever kinky shit you want but no sex." 

There was another pause before Heechul laughed on the other end of the phone. "It's been a pleasure doing business with you old friend." 

"Mmm." Taemin mumbled, "When would you like to...er...interview me?" 

"Tomorrow. Do you have money to get a cab?" 

"No but my boyfriend does." Taemin blabbed, wishing he hadn't mentioned Jongin but it was force of habit. 

"You have a boyfriend? An actual real boyfriend?" 

"Yeah." 

"Do I know him?" 

"Yeah..." 

"Oh god...not that loser who came to shower at mine?" 

"Yeah..." 

More laughter, as Heechul almost wet himself on the other end. "REALLY? HIM? Oh my god, he looked like he wanted to kill me....I never saw you with the possessive type." 

"Yeah well." Taemin mumbled, "We're getting off topic." 

"Sorry. Ok then, see you tomorrow, my apartment, around...9pm?" 

"Ok." 

"Bye Taeminnie, it's been nice catching up." 

"Likewise." 

Taemin shut the phone off before Heechul had a chance to reply. That hadn't exactly gone as planned but at least it was something. And Jongin didn't have to know, did he? It wasn't going to hurt if he had to give one last blow job to an old friend. Or whatever Heechul was. Soon to be his boss, probably. Whatever. It didn't matter. And if it meant he had a job, it was well worth a bit of cum in his mouth. Sorry but, it wasn't like he wasn't used to the taste. Yeah, it'd be fine. All good. Yeah... 

Taemin had convinced himself pretty well that this was a good idea, so he shoved the phone in his pocket and started to make his way back to the other side of the car park where Jongin would no doubt be waiting impatiently. 

Jongin wasn't the only eavesdropper around though. 

Because little did Taemin know, Sehun, bless him, had been listening to that whole sweet little phone call only a few meters away from where Taemin had been standing, hidden behind a pillar. He hadn't even meant to eavesdrop. He'd only gone over to the other side of the car park to get some space from Key (who he considered a close friend but Jesus, that guy was way too much sometimes.) 

When Taemin had started talking on the phone, he'd been too intrigued not to listen. And now fuck, that psychopath was really thinking of giving someone a blowjob just for a job? He didn't know Taemin well granted, but he couldn't understand why everyone seemed to like him so much. The blonde seemed to have everyone, including Jongin, wrapped around his skinny little finger. As well as being annoying, it was just plain wrong. He was a liar and cheat as far as Sehun was concerned. 

Buuuuuuuuut it was none of his business after all. So even though he wanted to tell Jongin, even though he wanted to tell him that his pure little angel of a boyfriend was still making deals with the devil...he didn’t. He wasn't a snitch, and knew it would land him in shit most likely. So he did nothing. Nothing at all. 

"Why did you take so long?" Jongin asked stropily, as Taemin shoved the phone into his back pockets, squeezing one of his butt cheeks for good measure. 

Jongin couldn't resist, so took it out immediately to see who the last called number was. 

"Ow!" he squeaked, as Taemin punched him in the arm. 

"You're so fucking nosey." came the reply, as Taemin dragged them both down to the ground. "Seriously I have other friends. I can call whoever I want and I don't need to tell you about it." 

"Mhmm." Jongin mumbled, noticing the number had been deleted anyway. He didn't want to be controlling and he was working on it- he really was. But it was still hard to accept that he wasn't allowed to know every detail of Taemin's life. 

"You have other friends?" Minho interrupted, pouting comically. "And here's me thinking we were special." 

"I have loads of other friends." Taemin smirked back, ignoring Jongin who was sulking beside him "I'm a very loveable person." 

"Sure you are." came another mumbled voice, as Sehun trudged towards the little group. 

Taemin eyed him warily because he hadn't even known the kid was here, and he was coming from the same direction Taemin had only a few seconds ago. He couldn't have heard...could he? Nahhh. The little bastard would be ratting him out to Jongin right now if he had. 

Not that Taemin had anything against Sehun per se, but he couldn’t help feeling annoyed with the little brat who was just always around...And Key and Jongin seemed to think the sun shone out of his butt so that made him doubly irritating. But Taemin wasn't the jealous type so, whatever. 

\--- 

9pm came all too soon the following day. Taemin was dreading it but at the same time, it was only Heechul. They'd known each other for years and so Taemin was pretty confident nothing bad would happen. 

It had been quite a task to sneak out without raising suspicions. It wasn't like he could say 'I'm going for a job interview' because what kind of interview starts that late. But Taemin had played the 'don't be controlling' card and that always seemed to work at the moment. Jongin didn't want them to row and so he'd always mutter a few curse words under his breath and try and let it go. Poor baby. But Taemin really did have him wrapped around his little finger and was that really such a bad thing? 

He arrived at Heechul's a good 20 minutes late because he'd forgotten how far away it was. 

It was weird to see him again, like really weird. It made him feel like a prostitute again, and not the classy hotel kind, the street rent boy kind. It wasn't nice. 

Heechul hadn't changed one bit. He offered Taemin a drink and said they should catch up, to which Taemin told him the short and very vague version of what had happened the last few months ie- nothing to do with Jongin, hotels, beatings or whatever and basically just said he was desperate for a job and could they just get on with whatever the fuck this was already. 

Heechul had laughed at him because this kid always had so much nerve but didn't argue. He told Taemin he'd talked with his business associate (or Mr 51% as Taemin called him) and he'd said it was fine to employ another 'dancer', so Taemin could have the job. 

Not without showing his gratitude though, of course. 

This was Taemin's queue. 

Inside his head was literally screaming 'Bie's gonna hate you Bie's gonna hate you Bie's gonna hate you' bleh blahesjghsg. But Bie was never going to find out about this and what you don't know can't hurt you. 

So Taemin did what he did best, knelt down and acted like a slut for the next 20 minutes, sucking and licking and really going all out because he needed this job and, well, if this was how to get it then he was going to do it properly. 

Actually it didn't last 20 minutes. Barely 10. Heechul had always been a fast whatever you want to call it. Man, if Taemin had known it would be this easy to get a job from a client he'd have done it years ago. 

After brushing his teeth so get the ick out (Heechul kept spare toothbrushes for all his rent boys, how thoughtful) it was time to say goodbye. Taemin had only been there around 45 minutes but that was it apparently. 

"It's been nice catching up." Heechul smirked, opening the door and gesturing for Taemin to leave. 

"So what? I just...come to work....liker...er...Mon...day?" Taemin asked, refusing to go outside when as far as he was concerned they'd talked about nothing important. 

"Oh my god baby." Heechul laughed, "I keep forgetting this is your first proper job. No, come to the club on Saturday night and another worker'll show you what to do, train you a bit before you start, then you'll officially start working next week." 

"...Ok?" 

"And don't fuck it up, Taemin." Heechul said plainly. "And don't let any of your loser friends barge in there and mess everything up, it's not a cheap place and no offence but we're not looking for that kind of clientele." 

Taemin scoffed, and decided to step outside. For someone who sleeps with cheap street whores, Heechul was such a fucking snob. "Whatever you say, boss." 

"Ohh that's kinky." 

"Goodbye Heechul." 

"What do you say?" 

Taemin gritted his teeth but did manage to get the words out- "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." 

Well at least that was over. 

\--- 

"DOUBLE INCOME BABY!" Taemin squealed, as he arrived back at the car park with a huge grin on his face. 

It was the next day, and Taemin had been out for at least 6 hours going to fake interviews. He'd actually just been killing time doing nothing, but it wasn't like he had a choice. He couldn't have come home the night before and been like 'so I have a job now', without Jongin asking a gazillion questions about where he'd been so late blah blah blah. So he'd kept his cool, put on a poker face, and came back from Heechul's without saying a word about it. Then he'd woken up, kissed Jongin goodbye and told him that he was going to be out all day looking for work again... 

He didn't like lying. But he was pretty damn good at it actually. Jongin didn't suspect a thing and it hadn't been easy, but Taemin had done it. Everything was going to get so much better from now on. 

"Double income?" Jongin repeated, "What the fuck?" 

"WE'RE DINKS NOW!" Taemin squealed again, crashing himself down next to his lover. 

"Are you high?" 

Taemin pulled a face because why did he always think that. "You're such a fucking dummy sometimes." he tutted, "Duel income, no kids= Dink." 

"Ohhhhh......oh........oh?!" Jongin squeaked, the penny dropping at the end. "SERIOUSLY? WHAT LIKE, TODAY?" 

"YES TODAY!" Taemin laughed, "I got a job. A real job. A 9 to 5, get me a suit type job." 

"WAT??"" 

"Well no." Taemin smirked, "It's actually more like a 9-2am kind of job." 

Jongin's face went dark for a second, a horrible mixture of confusion and annoyance. "If you don't stop being cryptic right this second I swear to god I-" 

"I'm a bartender! God! So grumpy!" Taemin laughed. He was lying again, yes. So sue him. There was no way on earth he was telling his insecure, still a bit possessive, with a huge complex about prostitution boyfriend that he was not only going to be dancing in front of loads of horny men but also probably taking his clothes off. 

"A bartender???" Jongin repeated, "Like, you?!" 

"Yes dummy." Taemin nodded, "At that...er...ga...y....club? You know the one?" 

"Gay?" 

"YES. GOD. MR 'I REPEAT EVERYTHING YOU SAY WITH A WEIRD CONDESCENDING TONE OF VOICE.' JUST BE HAPPY FOR ME YOU IDIOT." Taemin yelled, shaking Jongin's shoulders comically. 

"Sorry!" Jongin laughed, "I just can't get over it?! Like, today....you...actually...found someone who would employ you? This isn't a joke and you're not high?" 

"Not a joke. Probably not high." Taemin confirmed. 

"Oh my god. I just...?!?!" Jongin spluttered. He was in total shock. This must be their lucky day or something. It was almost unbelievable. Except he did believe it. Taemin could tell him that pigs were flying and Minho was actually half frog and he'd believe it. "I'm just...so happy?!" 

"I know right." Taemin smiled, scooching closer and wrapping an arm around Jongin's shoulders to stroke his hair. It was disheveled and in complete disarray but Taemin found it adorable. He didn't even mind the stubble anymore. 

"Oh holy fuck." Jongin said, still in shock as he leaned in for a hug. "You know what this means?" 

"That we won't have to stay in this shit hole much longer." 

"Yeah..." 

"That we might actually be able to sleep in a fucking BED." 

"Yeah...!" 

Taemin smiled again and kissed his lover's slightly prickly cheek before somehow finding his mouth and slipping a tongue inside. He was so happy to be able to actually have good news for once and nothing was bringing him down. Nothing. 

\--- 

So as well as being a dink, Taemin was also now a twink. Fucking hell, he hated that word. Gay slang for, um, I dunno. Google it. 

Ok urban dictionary says "An attractive, boyish-looking, young gay man. The stereotypical twink is 18-22, slender with little or no body hair, often blonde, dresses in club wear even at 10:00 AM, and is not particularly intelligent. A twink is the gay answer to the blonde bimbo cheerleader." 

He'd been called it before, obviously, a lot actually, but he always ignored it because it was one of the many things that annoyed him. He'd rather be called a slut honestly. Well, maybe not. But either way, that's what his new boss referred to him as and it was really damn irritating. 

It was his first day and so he'd been through the 'training' if you could call it that. Basically this dweeb who was apparently his new boss just told him what to do, how to move, what he could expect. Taemin had no shame so stripping wasn't the problem, but it was kind of unnerving to be the only guy there with no muscles and rib bones that stuck out awkwardly. But some guys liked that, and Taemin had been with enough of them to know that he wasn't unattractive. Still, he knew some of the other guys there were making fun of him. But that was ok. Because he was getting paid for this and it wasn't sex. 

His first night went a little badly. He was awkward, nervous, obviously new and didn't know what he was doing. It was strange to be watched and not touched. It was strange to have loads of eyes on you but not to feel vulnerable. The good kind of strange he guessed, but still strange and something he was definitely not used to. 

The second night went a little better than the first. He found it easier to be flirtatious, easier to let the music carry him away, easier to relax. He caught on quick. He'd noticed what the other guys were doing and copied them. He felt less awkward and much less inhibited. 

By the third night, he was actually....enjoying it? The music, the flashing lights, the smoke, the dancing. All eyes on him because dammit, he may have been skinny but he was hot and knew it. This was so much better than prostitution, so much better than selling himself, so much better than being worthless. He was valuable here. And yes, he may have been dancing provocatively for older men and yes, Jongin wouldn't approve, and yes, it wasn't going to make him a millionaire but dammit, dancing was fun, being adored was fun, having people throwing money at you was fun....Fuck it. Taemin was enjoying this and he wasn't going to feel ashamed about it. 

Of course it was a little tricky to stay convincing that he was just a bartender. He came back to the car park, hot and sweaty from dancing and definitely not in appropriate clothes but again, he was a good liar. And plus it was payday soon and oh my god, he was actually going to get paid for something that wasn't degrading. Well it was a little degrading, but not to him. Hell, he was pretty much loving it. 

So he lied and he lied and he lied and he lied. Because every lie leads to another lie until you have that whole web analogy thing. He didn't even tell Key. Not that he thought Key would mind he was stripping, but it was risky to tell any of the others just in case it somehow made it's way back to Jongin. Which it wouldn't. Because Taemin was cunning and his lies were foolproof. 

\--- 

Jongin could hardly believe how their luck had changed. From only 3 weeks ago, feeling like he might die because of the bridge getting destroyed and them having to move. Plus the constant fear that now he wasn't living at the shelter he'd lose his job..to now this. A world where no worst case scenarios had happened at all. A world where he'd managed to hold onto his job, where Taemin actually had proper work. It was so fucking amazing it almost seemed too good to be true, like at any moment he'd wake up and find himself alone, with Taemin still working in that hotel or something, which was honestly his worst nightmare. 

 

But anyway, things were looking up. He was even starting to get used to Taemin not being around at night again. On the first day he hadn't felt that comfortable letting Taemin work in a bar, surrounded by guys who may well have been former clients, but as Taemin kept saying- Jongin worried for nothing. And he wasn't going to follow him or anything. He trusted Taemin. 

So Jongin was spending most of his nights with the others at the car park, mainly Sehun actually when he wasn't at the shelter himself. Because even though that guy was no longer a threat, Sehun still felt uncomfortable sleeping there. He felt vulnerable and alone and even though it was inside and warm, and a whole lot nicer than a car park/bridge/wherever, it was still better sleeping outside if that meant being surrounded by people who actually liked you, people who had your back. 

Jongin liked Sehun. He was very grown up for his age and honestly it sometimes felt like he was older than Jongin at times. It wasn't a chore to hang out with him, he didn't feel like he was babysitting. They had a surprising amount in common, had been through similar things and were fast becoming close friends. 

But on the fourth day however, he was beginning to miss Taemin too much. Call him a clingy baby but they really hadn't seen a lot of each other and four days seemed like a lot. Jongin was at work in the day and Taemin at night and they'd only crossed paths for a few hours in the early morning. They hadn't had sex either. And ok, they'd gone a lot longer than four days before but Jongin wanted it. 

It was around 11pm and Jongin decided enough was enough. Taemin had told him not to come down there but what harm was it going to do? Besides, he wanted to check out the club and see what Taemin looked like actually working. It wasn't like he was spying. He just missed his boyfriend and wanted to know where he worked. There was nothing wrong with that and Taemin wouldn't mind. 

So he left the car park pretty abruptly, to Sehun's disappointment because now he was stuck with the other's on his own and frankly, felt like Jongin was the only sane one there. Jongin had just shrugged at him. Taemin was his priority. 

So he arrived at the club at around 1am because it had taken a heck of a lot longer to get there than he'd thought. Especially as he'd got the address wrong. He didn't know if Taemin had given it to him wrong or if he'd just misremembered but whatever had happened, it was way off. He'd even had to ask some drunk guy for directions which was pretty mortifying but at least he'd found the place in the end. 

It wasn't what he was expecting. For some reason he'd imagined somewhere kind of rundown and cheap. But this actually looked quite expensive. I mean there were a few weirdos stumbling around outside, making out and smoking but mostly the place looked clean and just...not what he'd had in mind. 

But this was definitely the right place. The word "MIST" was lit up in huge gaudy flashing lights and there wasn't anyone of the female gender in sight. For some reason it made Jongin uncomfortable. Which was ridiculous. He was gay. Most of his friend's were gay. And yet still he felt weirded out by the whole thing. 

Once inside, the place was really, really busy. So many people were dancing and it was so full you could hardly move without getting pushed into someone else. 

And another thing surprised him. Strippers. A lot of them actually, all on raised platforms dotted around the room, moving provocatively as men leered and threw money at them. It icked Jongin out again. Fuck, he was being a prude tonight. 

He scanned around, trying to ignore the 'dancers' in search of the bar, presuming that's where Taemin would be. The blonde was nowhere to be seen through. But maybe he'd just gone to the bathroom? So Jongin stationed himself at the bar and waited for a couple of minutes, trying to blend into the crowd and ignore what was going on around him. 

After 5 minutes though, his patience was running out. He decided to go look again, making sure to keep his gaze at eye level so he wouldn't accidentally get a face full of some stripper's junk. It really was icky to him. Almost like prostitution, getting paid to do something degrading and slutty, turning perverts on and enjoying it- 

And then he saw him. 

Jongin was almost sick. There his boyfriend was, in the corner of the room, high on one of the platforms, smiling flirtatiously as he touched his crotch and swayed suggestively to the music as the men surrounding him eyed him up like he was a piece of meat. He was hardly wearing anything. Only some weird black shorts if you could call them that. Maybe they were just underwear. 

Jongin watched, frozen and totally horrified as Taemin continued to smile knowingly at one of the men in particular, leaning down towards him so the creep could stuff some notes into his 'shorts', so close to his crotch it was almost painful. 

Taemin was so thin, so vulnerable, surrounded by all these vultures and Jongin knew exactly what they were thinking, exactly what they wanted to do with his boyfriend. 

Anger bubbled up and before he knew it, he was storming to the corner of the room, shoving whoever dared get in his way aside until he was right next to the platform, looking up at his lover who didn't even notice he was there. 

The worst thing about it was Taemin was obviously enjoying himself. It wasn't just the dancing either, the kid was clearly high off the adoration he was being given, lapping up the attention like the whore he was. 

Jongin couldn't take it, so he reached up to the platform, grabbing Taemin's ankle and yanking it towards him so the blonde almost completely lost his balance. 

Taemin had no idea what had happened, so got the shock of his life when he turned around to see that the person who'd grabbed him and almost tripped him was in fact, a very, very, very, pissed looking Jongin. Even his nostrils were flaring like he was a bull about to charge. 

They stared at each other for a few horrible seconds before Jongin released Taemin's ankle and heaved himself up on the platform (difficult as his leg hadn't been out of the cast long), captured Taemin's wrists and dragged him down. 

A bodyguard made their way across the room, and was just about to punch Jongin's lights out because you were not allowed to touch one of the dancers like this, when Taemin squeaked at him "I know him! I'm fine!" as he continued to let himself be dragged through the crowd until they were out of the building. 

The cold night air made goosebumps rise all over Taemin's exposed skin but that was nothing compared to the icey look Jongin was giving him. 

"Stop stop stop!" Taemin shrieked, squirming out of Jongin's tight grip when they were around the side of the club. The drunk losers had gone by now and the night seemed strangely quiet apart from the muffled thuds of the music inside the club. 

"WHAT THE FUCK TAEMIN. YOU'RE SUCH A LIAR!" Jongin yelled, unable to control the volume of his voice. "LIKE SERIOUSLY. ALL THE SHIT YOU'VE SPUN ME THESE PAST FEW WEEKS. YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME THE RIGHT ADDRESS DID YOU?!?" 

Taemin took a few steps back, rubbing his arms guiltily. "Look!! God, sorry...but don't overreact!" 

"OVERREACT?" Jongin screamed, "I THINK I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD WHEN YOU FIND IT JUST SOOO EASY TO LIE TO ME." 

"I ONLY LIED CUS I KNEW THIS WAS HOW YOU'D REACT!" Taemin yelled, feeling mortified as well angry by this point. Fuck. Jongin hadn't changed. He still had no self control about anything. This was his job and sure he may have lied and that wasn't cool but he could get fucking fired over this and it would be all his stupid boyfriend's fault. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE ANYWAY?" he yelled again, before Jongin had a chance to reply. 

"I FUCKING MISSED YOU!" Jongin screamed. 

Taemin shook his head in disbelief as he stared at the ground in fury. "MISS ME?" he shouted suddenly, snapped his head up to face Jongin. "OR ARE YOU JUST CHECKING UP ON ME CUS YOU DON'T TRUST ME? IT'S MY LIFE BIE, NOT YOURS. I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT AND I DON'T NEED YOUR PERMISSION." 

"THIS AGAIN?!" Jongin yelled, clenching his fists. He hated that Taemin had labeled him as this possessive jerk because fuck, he was trying. But look where it had gotten him. If trusting Taemin meant that it was just easier for the blonde to lie to him then why did he bother? 

"YES THIS AGAI-" Taemin started, but was cut off as Jongin lost his temper big time. 

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TURN THIS ON ME." 

Taemin took another step back because that was probably the loudest he'd ever been yelled at and it was a bit scary honestly. "Shit Bie! Calm the fuck down!" 

Jongin took a deep breath and looked away because Taemin might have been an idiot but he was right. "I. Just. Can't. Take. You. Calling. Me. Controlling. One. More. Time." he hissed, barely getting the words out without shouting. 

Taemin rolled his eyes. "How many things are you gonna get a complex about, fucking hell." he mumbled. "First I can't say any words mentioning who I was, now I lie to you about one tiny little thing and you go fucking mental like I've done something awful." 

"Tiny little thing?" Jongin repeated in disgust, "TINY LITTLE THING?" 

"OH HERE COMES THE YELLING AGAIN." 

"AHHHH!!" Jongin screamed, feeling like a toddler having a tantrum. "LYING TO ME ISN'T TINY. AND HOLY FUCK. THIS IS ALMOST AS BAD AS PROSTITUTION. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME?" 

"Almost as bad as prostitution!?" Taemin laughed coldly, shaking his head again because what a ridiculous thing to say. "You're fucking insane. It's nothing like being a whore. It's just dancing." 

"How would you feel if I was up there practically naked, being watched by loads of perverts as they drooled over me? How would you feel if I was allowing them to touch me, to put money in my...whatever the fuck those things are-" Jongin said, gesturing to Taemin's shorts, "making other men want me, parading myself around like I'm a sex toy-" 

Taemin laughed again at that vivid description. "Nobody'd want your chubby butt in their face honey." he said bitchily. It may have been mean but Jongin deserved it after the way he'd acted tonight. 

"OH YEAH?" Jongin yelled again, because Taemin knew how to press every one of his buttons and it drove him crazy. If there was a sore spot you could guarantee he'd pour salt over the wound. "AND YOU THINK YOU'RE SO HOT? EVERYONE WANTS YOU? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A SLUT?" 

Taemin felt like he'd just been slapped in the face but swallowed the sting it made down, as more anger bubbled up. "WHAT?!" 

"DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME. I COULD TELL YOU WERE ENJOYING YOURSELF UP THERE." 

"I LIKE DANCING YOU JACKASS." Taemin screamed. He didn't need to explain himself. He had nothing to be ashamed of. 

"FUCK OFF. YOU LIKE BEING WATCHED. YOU LIKE BEING ADORED. YOU LIKE MAKING EVERYONE WANT YOUR SKINNY ASS. YOU'RE A FUCKING TEASE." Jongin yelled. He was hurt, angry, and pretty much beside himself at this point. He didn't even know what he was saying he was so mad. 

"AND WHAT? YOU JUST WANT ME ALL TO YOURSELF?" Taemin shouted, "HOW IS THAT NOT CONTROLLING!? HOW IS THAT NOT POSSESSIVE?! I'VE BEEN WITH HUNDREDS OF GUYS BIE, HUNDREDS. MOST OF THEM A LOT BETTER THAN YOU." 

Jongin had really never wanted to punch Taemin more so decided this was his queue to leave. He was totally overwrought and was really going to do something he regretted if he stayed around. He wasn't going to let one of their fights turn physical again. No. They'd changed. They weren't who they were and Jongin could control his emotions. So instead, he decided not to be a fighter anymore and take a leaf out of Taemin's book and flight instead. 

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?!" Taemin snapped, as Jongin turned to leave, storming down the dark, narrow street round the back of the club to get away from this mess. 

"I NEED TO COOL DOWN." Jongin yelled back, not turning around in case he changed his mind. 

"Fuck! You're gonna run away now!?" Taemin hissed, following Jongin even though he was barefoot and almost naked. "So you're a hypocrite as well as being a controlling, oversensitive asshole?" 

"JUST FUCK. OFF. TAEMIN." Jongin roared, continuing to storm down the street, very aware he was still being followed. 

"NO!" Taemin shouted, clutching at the loose fabric of Jongin's coat to pull him back. 

That was it. "I SAID FUCK OFF SLUT!" Jongin screamed, turning around to shove Taemin away. Except he pushed way harder than he'd intended and the blonde went flying into the side of the club's wall, slamming himself headfirst against the bricks with a horrible crunch. 

"OW!" Taemin cried, clutching at his forehead as blood started to drip down from a very nasty looking cut. 

"Oh my god!" Jongin gasped, shocked and terrified by what he'd done. "I'm so sorry! Minnie I-" 

"Don't touch me!" Taemin yelped, yanking himself away from Jongin and taking a few stumbling steps in the opposite direction, still holding the gash on his head as more blood trickled down his cheek. It hurt. Those bricks were jagged as fuck and Jongin had pushed him way too hard. He'd even scraped his shoulder on the wall too. 

"I'm sorry!!!!" Jongin shrieked, following Taemin anyway as the blonde continued to back away. "I didn't mean- !!" 

"Go away!" Taemin snapped, as he started to run away this time to get back into the club and clean himself up. 

Jongin didn't listen of course because there was no way he was leaving his boyfriend in this state. 

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!" Taemin yelled again. 

"I can't...I'm...I'm sorry!!" Jongin panted, as Taemin ran past a security guard and inside the club to get as far away as possible. 

Jongin was totally panicked now, and all he wanted to do was follow to check if Taemin was ok, but it was obvious that was not going to happen. The security guard was looking at him like he was some kind of wife beater or something. 

He had to go. There was no other option. There was no use fighting, no use to anything anymore. Fuck, what had he done...? Was this really the second time he'd made Taemin bleed? Was he a monster? He must be. 

Jongin burst into tears, slinking away into the darkness of night, having no idea where he'd go or what he'd do. He'd never felt so ashamed, so alone, so hopeless. And everything was suppose to be getting better, they were suppose to have changed, none of this was suppose to happen. 

How could he have lost it like that? How could he have said all those horrible things? Taemin meant the world to him. He loved him, but fuck, he also hated him sometimes and that wasn't ok. This was not a healthy relationship. This was not how love was meant to be. 

\--- 

Key had only been asleep for 10 minutes before Taemin came back. He'd just started a really nice dream as well, which never happened, and he was feeling strangely relaxed for once, snuggled next to Jonghyun under a mountain of coats. 

Key actually liked sleeping in the car park better than under the bridge. Sure it was fucking annoying that they had to be out so early in the morning but it was still a lot more sheltered and less drafty so maybe that creep had done them a favor by destroying their stuff. Ok, he wouldn't go that far, but life wasn't that bad comparatively. 

He'd been totally astounded that Taemin had managed to find work (although he didn't believe for a second the little shit was a bartender but who was he to interfere) and it gave him a little hope that maybe life could change after all. 

He hadn't even had to rent himself out for a whole week and let Jongin, Taemin and Minho pay for him for a change. He didn't feel guilty because he'd supported them for months and fuck, he was done playing mommy. Let someone else take care of him for once. 

Other than Jonghyun of course. Jonghyun always took care of him. 

"What are you doing back so early?" Key mumbled, half opening one lazy eye to see Taemin stumbling to where they all lay asleep, in the corner of the lot. 

Taemin was clearly making no effort to be quiet and slammed himself, as well as his bag, down on the floor, waking everyone up with a horrible echoed crunch. 

"Fucking hell!" Key squeaked, suddenly noticed the dried blood on his friend's forehead. "What the hell happened?!" 

"Bie fucking happened." Taemin hissed, pulling his knees up to his chin and looking away murderously. 

"What do you mean?" Key asked again, but was cut off by Minho. 

"Did he hit you?!" 

"No." Taemin snapped. He was still furious honestly. "He wanted to though." 

Jonghyun raised an eyebrow in suspicion because sometimes you couldn't trust a damn thing this kid said. "Then how'd you hurt your head?" 

"Shit it looks nasty!" Key interrupted, crawling towards Taemin on the floor to twist the blonde's head and examine the cut. 

Taemin just let him, wincing when Key decided to take it upon himself to get out the water bottles and start cleaning it. So much for not being mommy anymore. 

"How'd you hurt it idiot?!" Jonghyun repeated. 

"And where's Newbie now?" Sehun asked, the first time he'd spoken because he knew it was best not to get involved in such things. 

Taemin looked from Jonghyun to Sehun angrily. He didn't know why but he just wanted to take it all out on his friends. "'Newbie'" he scoffed, directing it at Sehun. "Why the fuck do you call him that?" 

"Excuse me?" Sehun squeaked. 

"You don't even know him. Fucking hell. Why are you even here? Didn't Bie sort out your little problem with that creep? Go back to the shelter and leave us the fuck alone." Taemin snapped, without really thinking. Sehun was getting on his nerves big time now though. 

"Wow ok wow..." Key tutted, pouring more water onto Taemin's head, making the blonde wince again when it stung. "Stop being such fucking children." 

Jonghyun rolled his eyes because was no one going to listen to him. "HOW. DID. YOU. HURT. YOUR. HEAD." 

"BIE. LOST. HIS. SHIT. AND. PUSHED. ME. INTO. A. WALL." Taemin yelled back, half mocking how he'd just been spoken to. 

"He what?!" Minho shrieked. He knew their arguments had got physical before but shit, this was actual blood. 

Taemin rolled his eyes in annoyance. "We just had a fight. Fucking hell." 

"And he pushed you?" Key asked, "On purpose? That fucking bastard!" 

"He pushed me on purpose." Taemin snapped, adding a guilty mumble of- "But he didn't mean for me to hit my head on the wall." 

"So it was an accident?" Jonghyun clarified. 

"Of course it was an accident." Sehun butted in, pissed from how Taemin had spoken to him only a few seconds ago. "Doesn't everyone call Taemin a drama queen for a reason?" 

Taemin almost lost his shit again but he wasn't going to scream at a toddler so instead gritted his teeth and pretended he hadn't heard. 

"But he still pushed you!" Key hissed, "Like, what have I always said? This is why you should listen to me. Newbie's always been a loose cannon waiting to blow up and now he's finally made you bleed, don't you get it now?" 

"Wow wow wow wow...let's hang on a minute." Jonghyun started, until this time it was Taemin who decided to be the interrupter- 

"It's not the first time he's made me bleed." he mumbled, regretting it as soon as he'd said it because they didn't need to know that. 

"What?!" Minho gasped. 

"UGH." Taemin groaned, "It doesn't fucking matter! God! Why are you interrogating me?!" 

"Um maybe cus your boyfriend and our supposed friend is beating you up?" Key snarled. 

"God guys, let's not overreact here. We know Newbie. He's a big old softy and for god's sake. It's late and we're all just tired, let's not turn this into something it's not when we've only heard one side of the story." Jonghyun announced, trying to sound as authoritative and rational as possible. 

"Are you calling me a liar?!" Taemin hissed. 

"That's exactly what he's calling you." Sehun mumbled. 

Ok that was it. 

"WILL YOU JUST FUCK. OFF?! AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS?!" Taemin yelled, "LIKE WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME? IS IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE A DELUDED HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH ON MY BOYFRIEND? WELL HE'S MINE YOU FREAK. DEAL WITH IT." 

"Obsessed with you?" Sehun repeated, almost wanting to laugh at how absurd that sounded. 

"YEAH. OBSESSED WITH ME. OBSESSED WITH BIE. OBSESSED WITH MAKING ME LOOK BAD. YOU FOLLOW HIM AROUND LIKE A LOST PUPPY AND IT MAKES ME SICK." Taemin screamed, "FUCKING LITTLE FREAK. JUST BACK THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM OK?! 

"WOW." Jonghyun cut in, scootching himself so he could sit between the two arguing boys. "Ok guys. Let's just...go to sleep...this is really fucking ridiculous. Newbie isn't a wife beater. Taemin doesn't really think Sehun is obsessed with him. Sehun can sleep where he wants. Ok. Now let's all just-" 

"Don't tell him what to do." Key snapped. 

Jonghyun rolled his eyes again. He really was stuck with a load of drama queens here, Sehun was right. 

Strangely, the talking seemed to end there out of nowhere and then it was like everyone was giving the silent treatment to everyone else and didn't know why. 

Jonghyun settled down in a different spot with Sehun in the corner and Taemin curled himself up against Minho, partly because he knew it would make Jongin jealous but also because they were best friends so. 

Key decided to sleep on the other side of Taemin, annoyed himself that their night had turned into this. He also felt betrayed because he'd warmed to Newbie a lot recently and this was the thanks he got. Taemin meant the world to him and if you messed with him, you messed with Key. 

\--- 

Jongin had been wondering around for hours, crying, and generally feeling like scum of the earth. He couldn't believe this had happened again. He'd thought they'd changed. He'd thought they didn't fight anymore, that they'd both grown up but obviously he couldn't have been more wrong. Because this was just how their relationship was. Fighting, sex, laughing, fighting, sex, laughing and repeat. That wasn't healthy. 

And he was still so angry which was probably the worst part about it. What are you suppose to do when you feel guilt and anger in equal measure? Do you say sorry? Do you yell some more? Do you hit something/someone. Jongin had no idea, no coping mechanisms, nothing. He was as screwed up as Taemin was and maybe that meant that they just weren't good for each other. 

But no, that was stupid. He wasn't giving up after one fight. He wouldn't give up after a hundred fights. It seemed like only yesterday he'd got Taemin back from that hotel and he was never, ever letting him go again. 

So after another hour of generally feeling sorry for himself, Jongin decided he was being a coward and needed to go back. He'd say sorry, make Taemin quit 'dancing' at the club because fuck, that was not ok, and they'd just have to find another way to make money. Yeah. That was his plan. 

When he finally arrived it was around 4am, and they'd have to get out of the car park soon anyway because they couldn't get caught there. 

Jongin slunk in, wondered towards the little group on the floor, hanging his head in shame. He was surprised to find everyone asleep, including Taemin, but not in their usual spots at all. 

Most nights, Jonghyun and Key slept close together, with Sehun (if he was there) in the middle, Taemin and Jongin next and Minho on the end. It was like an unspoken routine and they never did anything different. Jongin sometimes wondered how it had been when he wasn't around, if Taemin had slept curled next to Minho instead of him. Ew. 

Tonight however, it was totally different. Jonghyun was in one corner with Sehun, totally separate from where Key, Taemin (and to Jongin's distaste), Minho lay all cuddled up together. Since losing all their stuff at the bridge they'd only managed to buy a few necessities to replace it and that didn't mean sleeping bags so they were all just using clothes as covers. Still, Jongin could just about make out Taemin's arm wrapped around Minho's waist and he knew he shouldn't be like this but it did make him want to hit things again. 

"Baby?" Jongin whispered, tiptoeing towards Taemin and crouching down in the hope that he'd only wake his lover and not anyone else. "Minnie...?" 

"Ummphhuhhh." Taemin moaned, burying his head further into Minho's chest. 

"Hey wake up." Jongin whispered again, turning Taemin's face towards him to inspect his forehead which looked horrible frankly, but a whole lot better than it had done a few hours ago. Jongin thought he might actually vomit from the guilt. But he still felt angry. It was impossible. 

Taemin was just waking up, and Jongin felt a moment of relief but it was horribly short lived because not a second later, his wrist was being grabbed by someone he hadn't expected. 

"What do you want?" Minho snapped, moving Jongin's hand away from Taemin's face. 

Jongin and Minho had never, ever fought before so Jongin thought he might be tripping right now. "What the hell?" 

Taemin stared up at Jongin angrily, before burying himself back down into Minho's chest. 

"Hey Minnie what the fuck, get up." Jongin ordered, reaching down again to pull Taemin up. 

"Hey get off." Minho snapped. "He obviously doesn't want to talk." 

"Especially not to assholes who smash his head against a wall." Key hissed. Jongin hadn't even realized he'd woken up. 

"What?!" 

"You heard me." Key hissed, "He told us everything that happened and-" 

"For fucks sakes he didn't tell us anything." Jonghyun cut in from behind. 

Jongin was in total panic mode. "What...I?! Taemin?!" he gasped, as Minho got up to stand in between them. 

Taemin remained slumped on the ground, staring away sulkily as if he didn't care at all about what was going on. 

"What the fuck did you tell them?!" Jongin squeaked. The lack of privacy around here was getting to him big time. Whatever happened, it was between him and Taemin and no one else needed to know a damn thing. 

"He obviously doesn't want to speak to you right now. Give him some space." Minho said, folding his arms like a bodyguard. 

"Excuse me?!" Jongin hissed, leaning around Minho to get at Taemin only to be shoved backwards. "Did you just...!!?!" 

"I'm telling you to fuck off and give him some space." Minho snapped. He was just being protective of his best friend, and even though he did actually like Jongin, they were good friends after all, if what Taemin had said had been true then that was pretty unforgivable. 

"THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS MINHO." Jongin bellowed, "DON'T. INTERFERE." 

"Or what?!" Key cut in, "You'll hit him like you hit Taemin?" 

"WHAT?" Jongin yelled. 

"WOW. GUYS. NOT AGAIN GOD." Jonghyun shouted, standing himself in between Jongin and Minho just in case something happened. Sehun got up as well, positioning himself just behind Jongin, making it very clear who's side he was on. 

"TAEMIN." Jongin yelled, decided to try and ignore everyone else. "JUST GET UP AND SPEAK TO ME." 

Taemin ignored him and stayed on the ground, looking away. He was still so pissed that he really wasn’t thinking clearly at all. Plus it was almost morning and that was often a time where he craved spice the most. He was never his most rational when he was craving. 

"Oh my god?! What the hell is happening?!" Jongin groaned. He was about to try and step past Minho again when Jonghyun stopped him, not wanting this to break into a full on fight. 

"Come on guys, we're all friends here, let's just...calm down. We all need to be out of here soon anyway." Jonghyun said. 

"I'm not going anywhere without Taemin thanks." Jongin hissed. "And I didn't do whatever the fuck it is you think I did. We just had a fight. Which is none of any of your business by the way." 

"Whatever happened, it was clearly just an accident." Sehun butted in, unhelpfully. 

"Shut the fuck up." Taemin grumbled, the first time he'd spoken properly. 

"TAEMIN GET UP." Jongin screeched, loosing his patience now and barging past Jonghyun to be met by a very angry looking Minho again. 

That was it. 

Jongin took a swing, cracking his knuckles against Minho's jaw in one swift move. 

Everyone stared in shock, except Jonghyun who had now decided he needed to be the referee in this madness and grabbed Jongin by the arm to drag him off. 

Jongin could have fought back, and probably would have won, but honestly he didn't want to. He was out of control tonight and he didn't like this version of himself at all. Not one bit. 

\--- 

"Don't worry about the others." Jonghyun said kindly, patting a hand on Jongin's back as they sat on the curb just outside the car park. 

"They're all crazy." Sehun added, as he'd decided to come too, given he didn't want to spend a second longer in that crazy place with Taemin and his fan club. "We're on your side." 

Jongin said nothing, so Jonghyun continued. "We're on no one's side! There are no sides! We're all family after all and this is all totally ridiculous....We're just in a tough situation and we're bound to fight sometimes." 

Jongin said nothing again and stayed staring at the ground, feeling like he wanted it to swallow him up. 

"Don't feel bad." Jonghyun said again. "I used to be a nut case like you." 

Jongin looked away. That was not a helpful thing to say at all. 

"No no, don't get me wrong." Jonghyun explained, "I mean like, I used to be really all over the place emotion wise. I got into fights a lot and couldn't control the shit that was happening, even though I tried. And we all know what Key's like. You might not believe it now but Minho and Key used to argue all. the. time. It was exhausting. Friends fight and it might seem like a big deal now but it's really not." 

"Ok." Jongin murmered, too depressed to say anything else. 

"I'm gonna go in and help the guys pack away. We need to be out of here soon." Jonghyun said, getting up to dust himself off. "You cooled down enough now?" 

"No." Jongin mumbled, "I...you go." 

"Ok." Jonghyun shrugged, "We'll see you tonight then?" 

"Mm." 

"You coming Sehun?" Jonghyun asked, gesturing for the boy to get up and follow him back to the car park. 

"No I'll stay here for a bit." Sehun replied, eyeing up Jongin to ask if that was ok but getting nothing back. 

Jonghyun shrugged again and started walking away because Sehun was Key's responsibility after all, not his. He wasn't daddy and he'd done his best tonight and wasn't in the mood for anything else. Sometimes it was just better to let things go. 

Sehun turned to Jongin, who was still eyeing the pavement thunderously. 

There had been a burning question on Sehun's mind and now was his chance. I mean it was as good an opportunity as any and if he didn't ask now he might never have the guts to again. 

"Why do you like him?" 

Jongin looked up and frowned. He just wanted to be left alone honestly but didn't have the heart to tell Sehun to go away. "What?" 

"Why do you like him? Taemin?" Sehun pressed on. "He's horrible to you. He's horrible to everyone." 

Jongin shook his head and looked away, not in the mood to talk about this right now. 

"Just answer my question cus I don't get it. Like...you fight all the time? And I know I haven't exactly been around long but still...I just don't get it...he makes you miserable." 

Jongin rolled his eyes but Sehun couldn't see because he was still making sure to look away. "I'm not in the mood for this." he said finally after a lengthy pause. "My relationship with Taemin is my business and no one else's." 

"Please just tell me...?" Sehun insisted. "I'll feel better once I know..." 

Jongin sighed in frustration and turned back to face his friend. "He's the love of my life." he stated plainly, "And you just don't know him." 

"I know enough." 

"No you don't." 

"Yes I do!" Sehun snapped, "I know he yelled at Key for no reason, I know he said he'd quit whoring but didn't, I know he left without telling anyone, I know he let you believe he was dead for a whole week, I know you got beaten up for him and he still yelled at you, I know he lies...I know he gave some guy called Heechul a blowjob just to get this so called job-" 

"WHAT?" Jongin shouted, snapping his head up, "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" 

"...isn't that why you were fighting tonight?" Sehun asked, eyes wide because even though he disliked Taemin alot he hadn't meant to be a snitch. 

"I don't believe this." Jongin grunted, getting up and storming back in the direction of the car park, then changing his mind because how the fuck did Sehun know that anyway. 

"I heard him on the phone?" Sehun gasped, reading Jongin's mind. "He was talking to some guy called Heechul and it sounded like...he was agreeing to do stuff for a job?" 

"AHHH!!!" Jongin screamed, in total frustration like he might just lose it right then and there. He started running back towards the car park but then changed his mind yet again. He couldn't go back in there this mad, and they'd probably already gone anyway. 

So he didn't stop, he just ran. Away from Sehun, away from Minho, away from Taemin, away from their life, away from himself. This was the last straw and now he officially didn't know what to do or think anymore. 

\--- 

everybody hates each other mwuahahhahahahahhahahaa 

lol hi cutiebears~~!   
I hope this chapter didn't come too much out of the blue aha I think it did? O.o hehe so much for them staying calm and rational~ xD it didn't last long did it

ok so I know this question is getting old~ but who's side you ownnn? XD team taemin/key/minho or jongin/sehun/jonghyun? Im actually with jongin on this one so I must be cray. I just hate being lied to about important things.   
Not about unimportant things. Like if I ask you if I look fat in this YOU BETTER LIE AND SAY NO :')   
What am I saying.


	21. Recess: (M) Drunk

Taemin hadn't seen or spoken to Jongin for a whole day after the row. 

It wasn't like Jongin to simply run away, to disappear, to hide from his problems. It was always Taemin doing the running and it was unsettling to get a taste of his own medicine. 

Because it did feel horrible. However angry he was that Jongin had been an asshole, not knowing where he was, not knowing if he was safe, made Taemin do nothing but worry. 

Living on the streets, it wasn't like a normal situation where if you don't speak to your lover you don't think anything really bad has happened, you just presume they're grumpy or giving you the silent treatment. But you couldn't presume such things on the street. Life wasn't safe or easy and it was actually likely that Jongin got in a fight, was beaten, seriously hurt, anything. 

He wasn't though. He wasn't any of those things. He was drunk. 

Another thing that was unlike him, but he was in an uncharacteristically 'I want to give up' kind of mood. He hadn’t been to work. He hadn’t made up with Taemin. He hadn’t tried to go back to his friends. He was done. So much shit had happened and sometimes, all you want to do is give in. It's almost freeing. When you give up, you lose the will to care. When you lose the will to care, you don't worry anymore. And Jongin was so sick of worrying. And he knew that's all he'd do if Taemin carried on working at that club. So he was done, for now anyway. 

Thankfully Taemin wasn't though. He may have still been pissed but, on reflection he supposed it wasn't all Jongin's fault. Because Taemin shouldn't have lied. But then again, Jongin shouldn't have got so mad and pushed him. Buuut well, Taemin probably shouldn't have gone home like a crybaby and got everyone all riled up....but then Jongin shouldn't have punched Minho...but then Taemin should have talked to him because he probably only wanted to say sorry...Yeah. They were both idiots. 

It was around 3am and Taemin had just finished work. He would have even gone as far to say as he'd had a pretty good night, if it weren’t for the fact he'd been scanning around every 5 minutes incase Jongin decided to make an appearance. He didn't though, and Taemin was unsure if that was a good thing or not. He'd have to go looking for him tomorrow if he didn't show his face soon because shit was starting to get serious. 

So Taemin packed up his stuff, got dressed, splashed his face with cold water and left without a word to any of the other dancers because frankly, they were all mean. 

He hadn't hardly got 10 paces out the door before he heard a very distinctive whine and knew immediately who it had come from. 

His eyes squinted in the darkness, finally finding a very roughed up looking bumblebie, sitting with his back against the club's wall, a half drank bottle of something nasty in one hand, the other in his hair, almost tearing it out. He looked pitiful, he really did, and Taemin wasn't used to seeing his boyfriend like this. Jongin was always the strong one. Well sort of. 

"Bie?!" Taemin squeaked, wondering over slowly to his lover because he didn't want to startle him. It was like he was walking towards a skittish wild animal or something. 

Jongin lifted his head up slowly, his eyes half lidded as they met with Taemin's. 

They stared at each other for a good few seconds, before Taemin burst into laughter. 

The situation wasn't funny, so he had no idea why he found it so, but it was almost like some strange kind of release. Laughing and crying really aren't that different if you think about it. They're both just trying to get an emotion out of your system. And Taemin didn't want to cry anymore. No more tears. 

"Whyyy?????" Jongin slurred, "Whhhyy aree youoo?" 

"I dunno." Taemin shrugged, calming himself down. "You just...don't look like you right now. You look like a bum." 

"You're calling mee an asshole??" 

"No." Taemin scoffed, deciding to let go of any remaining anger he had about the incident he wouldn't mention. "Like a street bum you know? You look like a loser." 

"Thhhhankkkssszz." 

"S'ok." Taemin replied lightly, relief still flooding his system, as Jongin took another gulp of whatever his drink was. 

"You know alcohol isn't good for you." Taemin commented, "Is this all you've been doing? Drinking?" 

"Yooou can't tallkkkk toooo mee." Jongin snapped, not making any sense. 

"I can't talk to you?" 

"Youooou can't...tell me wot to doo...you and your sppiiiiceee. You're juuuzt as bad assmee." Jongin explained, frustrating himself that he couldn't get the words out properly. 

Taemin laughed again and took the bottle out of Jongin's hands, taking a swig from it himself. "I've been really worried about you." he said, after a couple of seconds. 

"Goood." Jongin hissed, "I'm alllwayys fuckin worried about yooou." 

"I know." Taemin nodded, "It's not nice is it?" 

"Noooooo. It driiives meee crzzzyy." Jongin moaned. 

"Is that why you got so mad at me?" Taemin asked, "Cus you're worried about me?" 

"YEahhhhhh." Jongin nodded, "You're noot saffe hereee..you're never safe....you're always...someone else's's's....never saafe...never miiinee..." 

"I don't understand a word you're saying baby." Taemin tutted. 

Jongin shrugged and tried to grab the bottle back, only to have it moved out of his reach. He could have got it forcefully but even in his drunken state thought that would be a bad idea. 

"Howzz you're headdd?" 

"My head?" Taemin repeated. It was really damn hard to understand anything. 

"S'what I just saaid idiot.." 

"It's fine." Taemin shrugged, turning his face and lifting up his fringe so Jongin could see. There were still 2 very visible cuts left by the bricks but they were scabbing over so it'd be ok. "If I have a scar I swear to god, I'mma bite your dick again." 

"Bitte myy dickk?" 

"Yeah." Taemin nodded. "Really hard this time." 

"Okkk." Jongin sighed, "That seems faaiir." 

Taemin laughed for a third time. "God Bie, why is it so hard to stay mad at you?" 

Jongin shrugged. "Izzz Minhoo really mad at mee tooo?" 

"Minho?" 

"S'what I just ssaiiidd id-" 

"Minho's not really mad at you." Taemin cut in, "He's just...a little...peeved. It's Key you should be worried about." 

"I alwayss worryyy abouut Key..." 

"We all do." 

"Yoooou knoww we have to stop doooiing thiss..." Jongin started, a little randomly. 

"Doing this?" 

"YEahhhhh...tearing the heeelll out of eachh otherr....I don't liike fighting anymorre..." 

"Did you ever like fighting?" Taemin scoffed. 

Jongin had to think about that for a second before he could answer. "...Sommetimmes it tuurns me oonn." 

Taemin laughed yet again. "Me too." 

"Buuutt noot liiike thiis." Jongin clarified. 

"No. This kind of fighting isn't fun." Taemin nodded, deciding now would be an ok time to wrap an arm around his big stupid drunk teddy. 

"I juzzt wanna giive upp." Jongin moaned, leaning his head on Taemin's shoulder as he clamped his eyes shut. "Giiive up with thiss shiit." 

"With what shit?" Taemin asked. 

"Thiss shiiit." 

Taemin rolled his eyes. "Come on." he said, patting Jongin on the shoulder a few times, "We should go back to the other's while you can still stand." 

"Buttt nooo...." Jongin wailed, "They alll haate me!" 

"Nobody hates you." 

"Yoooou hate me." 

"I don't hate you." 

"No?" 

"No." 

"Ok." 

Taemin rolled his eyes again. It was weird to talk to a drunk version of Jongin but, oddly this conversation was making way more sense than it should. "Do you hate me?" Taemin asked after a couple of seconds. 

"Sometimmmess." 

"What about right now?" 

"Nooo." Jongin said. "I loveee you right now." 

Taemin smiled and sighed. "Then let's go back." 

"NO!" Jongin cried, snatching the bottle away, "Get drunk with mee and we'll just forgett eeverything and giveup and havee sexx and driiink drunking..." 

"I don't think that’s a good idea." 

"Buttt it'll be niice. Yoou always want to forgett about your problemms so whhy can't I?" Jongin moaned. 

Taemin looked at the bottle, to Jongin, and back again. It was kind of tempting actually. If he got smashed too then they could have a fun time without thinking about their problems. But that wasn't a real kind of happiness and Taemin knew it. 

"We'll have drunk sex another time." he said plainly, "Not tonight." 

"Whhy??" 

"Cus if you weren’t drunk right now you wouldn't be acting like this and I don't wanna take advantage of you." Taemin stated, "Plus we haven't exactly made up have we? Cus you won't remember this tomorrow." 

"I'll renemmber." Jongin argued, "I'll renember everythiing." 

"Well whatever." Taemin shrugged, removing his arm from around Jongin's shoulders to stand up. "Come on now." 

Jongin let out a long strained moan but did as he was told. Even as drunk as he was, he knew Taemin was probably right. 

They walked back to the car park in relative silence. Taemin in front, Jongin stumbling behind still taking swigs out of his bottle. Occasionally Jongin would stumble, and so in the end Taemin took hold of his hand and walked him back like he was a child. Taemin had fleeting thoughts that maybe this was how Jongin felt when he was high on spice. Getting a taste of your own medicine is never nice. 

Taemin didn't know how the other's would react to Jongin's sudden appearance but what happened certainly wasn't what he was expecting. 

They stumbled inside, to be met with 4 pairs of wide eyes, and for a second Taemin really thought they might be angry, but then Key got up and ran towards them, taking Jongin's arm to help him down. 

"Fuck! Where the hell have you been?!" Key shrieked, "We've been so worried about you, asshole. Don't you care about us at all?!" 

Jongin looked up in confusion as both Key and Taemin lead him towards the little group on the ground and sat down. "Yooou've been woorriie-?" 

"Ugh he's pissed." Minho tutted, shaking his head. "You could have come back to at least apologize you know. Giving me a black eye really, really isn't cool." 

Taemin laughed, "Not cool Bie not cool." 

"Don't youoo think I'm a wiife beaterr?" 

"We did." Key hissed, before Jonghyun cut him off. 

"Nobody thinks you're a wife beater." he laughed, "Especially as Taemin isn't your wife. I'm pretty sure we've all seen his penis." 

"I'm pretty sure half the gay population has seen his penis." Sehun mumbled under his breath, so quiet that thankfully no one heard. 

"Buuttt don't yooou hate mee?" Jongin slurred. 

"We hate you a little bit." Minho nodded, "But I also hate Key a bit and often dislike Taemin and he's my best friend." 

"What?" Taemin squeaked. 

Minho shrugged, "You're all a bunch of drama queens." 

Jongin was just about to say something like 'I love you guyyszz' when vomit crept up his throat and he had to get up and run away so fast to not be sick in front of everyone right then and there. 

"Attractive." Taemin said, watching as his boyfriend was sick, thankfully a safe distance away. 

"Where'd you find him? What was he doing? Where's he been?" Key asked, tapping Taemin's knees. "Why haven't we seen him in a whole day?!" 

Taemin shrugged, "He's drunk. I can't get any sense out of him. I guess he just thought we all hated him and he was better off alone." 

"Well we're not ready to forgive him just yet." Minho stated. 

"Of course not." Key nodded, "But he's one of us, is he really that insecure that he doesn't know that?" 

"When you're all so mean to him, how can he not be insecure?" Sehun hissed, again under his breath so no one would hear. 

Taemin shrugged again. "He's very insecure." 

"Well that's still no excuse." Key snapped, "But honestly, it's fucking ridiculous. How long have we all been together anyway? I mean it's not like he's new anymore." 

Jongin stumbled back just in time to hear that last sentence, crashing himself on the ground next to Taemin. "I'm oldd?!" 

Key shook his head and tutted. "I guess your hangover will be your punishment." 

"Hanngoover?" 

"Go to sleep idiot." Taemin ordered, stretching out his legs in front of him and patting his thighs. "Pillow see?" 

"You'ree too booony." Jongin moaned, shaking his head manically. "I dunnwanna sleeep." 

"Well too bad. I'm the controlling one right now and I say you have to." Taemin snapped. 

Jonghyun and Key both sniggered, whilst Sehun and Minho remained in a state of annoyed silence. 

And that was how their night ended. Strangely anticlimatical and weird, especially after the huge fight, but that's just how things were sometimes. Especially around here, when fighting was as normal as breathing. 

Not for Sehun though. Jongin may have got used to this world, may have been desensitized to the craziness of being best friend's with prostitutes, screaming at each other every other day but Sehun certainly wasn't. 

He got no sleep that night. He thought he'd feel better now that Jongin was back, because he was the one he felt closest too but he didn't at all honestly. It made him sick having to watch him lie their, drunk as a skunk, with his head rested on Taemin's lap as if nothing had happened. It bewildered him how any of them could just move on from the fight, how Minho didn't seem as annoyed as he should have been that Jongin gave him a black eye, that even though Jongkey were on different sides they didn’t seem to care, how everybody still thought Taemin was the innocent one and that Jongin was the big bad wolf who lost his shit. It was so unfair, Sehun almost wanted to scream. He was so bitter too, he'd never lied, he'd never yelled at Jongin or Key or anyone and yet still, this Taemin kid got the best treatment out of everyone. 

They all fawned over him like he was a fucking fairy prince. "Aww poor ickle Taeminnie's so thiiin~", "Awww poor ickle Taeminnie can't find work~", "Awww poor ickle Taeminnie has a mean mean boyfriend who beats him up~" 

It was a load of bullshit and they all knew it and no one was saying a fucking thing. 

And all Taemin seemed to do was talk shit about Jongin, and yet here they were, cuddling as if everything was fine with the world. Sehun had to look away. He couldn't stare at it any longer. He couldn't watch as Taemin's eyes shut peacefully as he rested his back against the wall, his hands gently stroking Jongin's hair as the latter lay passed out on his thighs. He couldn't bare to see Jongin's hands clutching the fabric of Taemin's jeans so tightly, his fingers brushing against the skin made visible from all those stupid holes. 

HOW THE FUCK DID THAT KID HAVE SO MANY PAIRS OF HOLEY JEANS. IT WAS SO ANNOYING. 

Everything about Taemin was annoying. 

Ok, he knew what anyone would say if they heard his thoughts; that you obviously have a crush on Jongin and that's why you feel this way. 

BUT AHA. NO. UM. EXCUSE YOU. 

Whether Sehun had a crush on Jongin was neither here nor there. It didn't matter. Sehun was right. Taemin was an asshole. Jongin deserved better. And that's all there was to it. 

"Have you been up all night?" Key asked, the first one to open is blurry eyes and sit up. It was 5am and it would soon be time to get the fuck out of the car park before they were caught. Key was everyone's personal alarm clock because the kid didn't sleep long anyway. 

"…I couldn't...I'm just in a...bad mood." Sehun replied, honestly. Key was nice. Nice and crazy. He didn't have to lie to him. 

Key nodded, and rummaged around in 1 of the only 2 bags they had left, pulling out a bag of chips and some bread. "Yum yum." he said, handing the bread to Sehun before digging into the chips himself. "Breakfast." 

Sehun looked down at the bread distastefully and put it to the side. He wasn't hungry. He still felt sick. 

"I'll have it if you're not." Taemin said, reaching towards Sehun to get at the food. Except his arms weren't long enough and he couldn't move because a certain bumblebie was still passed out and snoring on his lap. "Gimmee will you?" he asked, blissfully unaware of Sehun's inner turmoil. 

Taemin hadn't spoken to Sehun since they fought because frankly, he had nothing to say. The kid was of no relevance to him and if he didn't get in his way, or in Jongin's way, then he didn't give a flying fuck. 

Sehun narrowed his eyes but did as he was told, and chucked the bread somewhere in Taemin's direction, rather carelessly. Taemin didn't notice and dug in happily, taking the most ginormous bites Sehun had ever seen, before rummaging in his pocket to pull out his morning spice. 

Sehun continued to watch with distaste, as the blonde took a long drag, shutting his eyes to savor the feeling before resting his back against the wall again. 

"It's rude to stare you know." Taemin said, his eyes still tight shut. 

Sehun had no idea how he knew he was watching but looked away immediately in embarrassment. That was until, another member of the group decided to wake up. 

"Oh...god...Taemin?" Jongin moaned, squinting his eyes as he looked up at his lover getting his spice fix. He couldn't remember a thing about last night, in fact he couldn't remember a thing about just about everything. "Oh my god...my head..." 

"Morning sunshine." Taemin smiled, his voice that weird high/melodic version of it's normal self. 

"What am I...why am I...oh my god my head..." Jongin moaned again, trying to lift himself up only to come crashing back down onto Taemin's thighs. He had the mother of hangovers and his head felt like it was going to explode at any moment 

Key laughed coldly to Sehun's side, shaking his head. "Karma's a bitch." 

"Eh?" Jongin squeaked. 

"This hangover is your punishment." Key replied, "Fuck, don't you remember last night at all?" 

Jongin shook his head and looked up at Taemin who was still puffing away like his life depended on it. "I thought...I thought you guys all hated me...?" 

"We do." Taemin smirked, "But we'll get over it." 

Jongin moaned again, this time making himself sit up properly. His head was still pounding, and spinning, and basically trying to torture him but his state mind was much worse. 

Sehun continued to watch as Taemin pulled a sympathetic face, taking one last drag and puffing out the smoke, before leaning in to kiss his lover sweetly. "Yack." he said, yanking himself away and pulling another face, this one not so nice. "Your breath smells like sick." 

Jongin cringed. "Your breath smells like spice." 

Sehun looked away again. It was nauseating how comfortable they were with each other. He really couldn't get over this. How they were screaming and hating each other one minute and now everything was fine again apparently. Or maybe not. 

"We need to talk." Jongin mumbled, dragging his heavy body off the ground and gesturing for Taemin to do the same. 

Taemin looked up at him with bored eyes, before stamping his spliff out on the ground. "It's not even 6 in the morning, I've just had my spice and you've got the hangover from hell. Let's just forget about what happened and move on." 

"I can't...I won't...no." Jongin moaned, trudging away from the little group and hoping Taemin would just make it easy for once and follow. 

"Bye then?!" Key said, looking at Sehun to roll his eyes. "He's always been so fucking rude." 

Sehun said nothing and watched as Taemin grumbled, packed up his stuff, and wondered away in the same direction after Jongin who was now long out of view. That was it then. That was all Sehun was going to know apparently. God, curse this fucking life. 

\--- 

An hour later, Taemin decided it was an ok time to talk. It may have been hideously early and the spice was still raging in his system, but at least he felt satisfied and not weird. 

They'd ended up on a park bench, not that far away from the shelter actually. Jongin was basically a zombie from his hangover and Taemin had been a bit high from the spice so they'd literally spent the last hour doing nothing but leaning on each other's shoulder, sitting on the bench, hoping that the world would stop spinning soon. 

"Ok ok we need to talk you're right." Taemin announced, sitting up off Jongin's shoulders and wiping his sleepy eyes. 

Jongin said nothing and just continued staring into space blankly. 

"Um earth to Bie?" Taemin snapped, "It's you who wanted to talk remember? 

"I just..." Jongin started, turning his head round, "I just don't know where to start." 

Taemin rolled his eyes. "Oh my god you're so emotional. There's nothing to say here. It's just like one of our normal fights right? You said things you didn't mean...I said things I didn't mean...you lost control..I ran away like a baby...nothing different has happened here." 

Jongin didn't think that was true in the slightest. "Um?" he squeaked, "I did mean the things I said. And for fucks sake, I lost it big time, bigger than before...I mean I even punched Minho?!" 

Taemin started giggling. "Yeah you did. I wish I taped it." 

"This isn't funny." Jongin snapped. 

"Ok sorry." Taemin shrugged, "But honestly I'm just glad you're back. You really made me worry these last few days, not seeing you. Just don't do that again and we'll be fine." 

"No we won't Taemin." Jongin hissed, loosing his patience. "Fuck, it's like you don't understand me at all. This IS a big deal. You lying to me all that time, you 'working' in that stupid fucking place, me losing it again, like...this isn't small fry. This is BIG fry. I wanted to hit you. Like I really did." 

"I know. I wanted to hit you too." Taemin stated blankly. 

"Well does that sound like a healthy relationship?!" 

Taemin laughed again. "NO." he shrieked, "But when has our relationship ever been healthy?!" 

"…never." Jongin mumbled, "And that's the point. Like sometimes...do you ever feel...like you hate me just a little bit?" 

Taemin pulled a face because he thought that was kind of a random thing to say. "Do I ever feel like I hate you?" he repeated. 

"Yeah." 

"No?" Taemin replied, "I get super angry with you cus you're a twat but I never haaaaate you." 

Jongin decided to ignore the 'cus you're a twat' and move on. "But honestly babe, I do. Sometimes I really, really hate you." 

"Do you?" 

"Yeah." Jongin sighed, "Like that can't be good right?!" 

Taemin sighed too. "Percentage wise, how much do you hate me?" 

"Eh?" 

"Like give me a number." 

"....10% hate." Jongin mumbled. 

"Well ok." Taemin shrugged, "I can live with that. 10% hate and 90% love isn't that bad." 

Jongin shook his head and looked away again. He was really, genuinely worried about this and Taemin didn't seem to get it at all. He didn't want this to be treated casually when it felt so big. 

"Look, Bie..." Taemin sighed, wrapping an arm around his lover. "You worry way too much, waaaaaay too much. Don’t overthink. Let's just move on." 

"I just feel like giving up though." Jongin mumbled. 

"Giving up with what?" 

"Caring." Jongin replied, "I just...can't do this anymore." 

"Then give up." Taemin announced. 

"What?!" 

"No, no I mean..." Taemin continued, pausing because he didn't want to get it out wrong. "I mean maybe giving up isn't such a bad idea. Give up worrying about me, about us, about every little thing. Give up trying to get us out of this situation and just let it be. What happens will happen and as long as we do all we can then we have no control over it right? So why worry about it? Just give up. Let go. Do whatever it is you have to do." 

Jongin took a minute to take all that in. Strangely, it did actually make sense. Maybe Taemin's casual attitude wasn't such a bad thing. "So...but then...what, you'll just carry on working at that place?" 

"Yeah." Taemin nodded, "Well it's a job right? And honestly it's kind of fun and I know you only think I like it cus 'I'm a slut' but-" 

"Sorry I keep calling you that." 

"S'ok. I've called you a lot worse." 

"Have you?" 

"Not to your face." 

"Carry on." Jongin hissed. 

"Well I don't just like it cus I get attention or whatever, it genuinely is kind of fun. It's dancing and...yeah...I like clubs so...yeah? I got my first pay check yesterday and it's a lot more than you make." Taemin added. 

"...but it's...I really hate it...I hate thinking of you...you're not safe..." 

"See? There you go worrying again. Just give up. And I'm not talking about drinking yourself silly I'm just talking about letting the little things go. Like me lying to you...you know...it's not that big a deal. You know why I did it." 

"I also know that you gave Heechul a blowjob." Jongin snapped. 

Taemin's eyes widened to double their size. "!!!!!!!!!!!! How do you know about that???!" 

"Sehun heard you." 

"UGHHHH!" Taemin yelled, "I hate that brat!!" 

Jongin raised an eyebrow. "He hates you too." 

"GOOD." Taemin hissed, "He fuckin' looooves you." 

"What?" 

Taemin shook his head because Jongin was blind as well as stupid. "He has a crush on you, you total moron." 

Despite the serious conversation Jongin couldn't help but smirk. "I like it when you get like this." 

"Wat?" 

"Jealous." Jongin clarified, "Now you know how I feel when you're all over Minho." 

Taemin said a few random curse words under his breath and decided they'd got terribly off topic and it was time to bring it back. "I'm sorry ok? I won't lie to you again." 

"I don't believe you." Jongin said honestly. 

"Well I don't believe that if I told you something bad, you wouldn't go off at me like a lunatic!" Taemin hissed, "So there." 

"I only went off at you cus you lied." 

"Bullshit." Taemin snapped, "You'd have been just as mad at me if I came and told you I'd got a stripping job from Heechul." 

"How can you know that?" Jongin hissed, "I might have been fine with it." 

"Would you?" Taemin probed, "And would you have been fine with me blowing him off for it?" 

"NOBODY would be fine with that. That's not being possessive. That's being human." Jongin snapped. Every time he thought about that he wanted to cry or scream. 

Taemin could see his point. "Well fine, ok fine, whatever, you win, I'm a bad bad baby, so spank me." 

"Later." Jongin mumbled, before adding, "So you really wanna keep working there?" 

"Yeah!" Taemin exclaimed, "Wouldn't you?! It's money and not the kind you're making, like actual money. Enough to get us away from the streets maybe. Plus it's nothing like renting and it's totally safe." 

"Totally safe?" Jongin repeated sarcastically. "Undressing yourself in front of perverts is totally safe?" 

"They're not all perverts." Taemin replied, "There's nothing wrong with liking sexy things, Bie, and you're being a fucking prude. You should be happy. I know I lied, let's just get over it and move on." 

Jongin said nothing and looked away, not convinced at all. 

"Fucks sake!" Taemin blurted, letting out a long sigh. "Just give up like we said, give up worrying and just trust me. I'm a grown up. I'm very capable and I can look after myself." 

Jongin continued his silence because all he wanted to do was argue and that would get them nowhere. 

"Hey..." Taemin continued, scooching closer on the bench and taking one of Jongin's hands in his, "Why don't you come down there tonight and you'll see how not bad it is." 

"That sounds like my worst nightmare." Jongin mumbled. 

"No it doesn't. It's a good idea. If you come down there with a clear, non judgey mind then you'll see there's nothing to be worried about. The guys says they want to check the place out too so you won't be on your own." Taemin replied, "I think they just wanna make fun of me though..." 

"You told them you're not a bartender then?" 

"Oh yeah. Well, I had to tell them the real reason you smashed my head into a wall right?" Taemin joked. 

Jongin's face went dark. "Don't say that. I didn't do that." 

"You kinda did." 

Jongin scrunched his eyes shut and looked away again. "I didn't!! I pushed you. I never meant-" 

"I know I know I know whatever." Taemin cut in, "Just come down there tonight...And be a grown up for once in your life." 

Jongin thought it was a bit rich that Taemin had accused him of being a child but ignored it. "I'll think about it." he murmured, after a couple of seconds of pretending to think about it, when really he was just feeling miserable and obsessing over the head thing. 

"Ugh. Ok." Taemin shrugged, getting up. "Come on, you need to go and shower and I need to....er...kill time till tonight." 

"Oh shit." Jongin cursed, realizing it was getting later and he really needed to get to work soon. He couldn't have another sick day. It was getting ridiculous. "Ok." 

"I'll see you tonight at the club?" Taemin asked, "And be on your best behavior?" 

"...maybe." Jongin mumbled, leaning down for a goodbye kiss only to have Taemin pull away. 

"You still smell like sick." he moaned, and their romantic discussion ended. 

\--- 

Jongin had thought a lot that day about whether he'd go to the club or not. The idea of seeing Taemin up there again, doing what he did best, wasn't a happy one. But then again the kid was making an effort and maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he should 'give up' in some ways. 

But going with the others would be hella awkward and it just sounded awful. Then again, it wasn't like he hadn't accepted that everybody had seen Taemin naked a long time ago. *And that everyone knew in depth about their sex life* so what did he have to lose? 

So Jongin went against his better judgment, and begrudgingly decided to try and be the bigger person and come down there, even though he was pretty sure it could only make him feel worse. But then again, he didn't think he could feel much worse. 

To Jongin's amusement, Sehun also decided to come along as well. It wasn't because he wanted to of course. Spending a few hours in a gay club watching some brat strip in front of his friends (who were pretty much just coming down there to make fun of him) didn't sound like a pleasant evening. But what sounded even worse was having to go back to the shelter or staying in that huge car park all by himself. He wasn't just being a scaredy cat. Anybody would be afraid to be on their own out at night, where anyone could find you. Even Taemin was better than no one for Sehun. 

On the way there, Jongin had *not so subtely* tried to strike up a conversation with Minho about nothing in particular, trying to assess just how pissed he was. He was quite pissed. His eye looked, well, not great and his sentences were short and sharp like they had been to Taemin when he'd just come back from the hotel. Jongin supposed he deserved it, and besides, Minho wasn't the type to hold grudges so he wasn't that worried. 

They arrived at the club around 10ish, so not that late. It was still surprisingly busy though. Taemin wasn't anywhere to be seen for the first few songs, so they all made their way to the bar and ordered only 1 drink between them because they hadn't brought enough money. Jongin didn't think he ought to drink anymore anyway, even though that’s all he wanted to do because getting smashed always made the world look rose tinted. 

And then there he was- on the same platform in the corner of the room, waving like a lunatic to Jongin and the others. He was more clothed this time around (thank god), wearing ridiculously tight fitting leather pants and a barely-there bright pink tank top with this weird black body harness over the top. 

Key burst out laughing and grabbed Jonghyun's hand, making beeline through the crowd to get to Taemin and generally poke fun. 

"YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS." was the first thing Jongin heard as he trudged towards them also, feeling like this was probably the worst idea Taemin had ever had. 

"LIKE SERIOUSLY. OH MY GOD. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING." Key yelled again, trying to make himself heard over the music. 

Taemin bent down on the platform and smiled cheekily. "Well it won't be staying on for long will it?" 

"CAN WE PUT MONEY IN YOUR G STRING?!" Jonghyun asked, giggly hysterically afterwards. 

Taemin rolled his eyes. "I DON'T HAVE A G STRING, YOU IDIOT....BUT YES YOU CAN PUT MONEY ANYWHERE YOU WANT." 

It was only then he seemed to notice Jongin. "Oh my god Bie you came!" 

"We'll retrain him if he goes nuts, don't worry." Key smirked, "There's 4 of us and only 1 of him." 

"4 of you!?" Taemin squeaked. 

"Yeah Sehun's around here somewhere." Key shrugged, looking around but not spotting the kid. "Now fucking come on, aren't you here to strip, not talk?!" 

Taemin snorted whilst Jongin folded his arms in disgust. "It's only 10, my god. Tonight hasn't even got started yet." he said, adding, "Go take Bie to the bar and get him a little tipsy will you? Then maybe he'll start getting happier." 

Jongin shook his head because he didn't like being talked about when he was standing right there. "We don't have enough money to get drunk you moron. And I thought coming here was suppose to make me feel better...." Jongin hissed, "But it's not." 

"Well you've only been here 5 minutes! And I can probably get you a discount- oh uhoh." Taemin replied, stopping suddenly when he noticed that one of the senior employees was looking at him critically and shaking his head. 

"Ok I got to go do something now, I can't just talk to you losers all night." Taemin said, standing himself up on the platform and gesturing for Jongin and the others to go away. "Just relax Bie for fucks sake!" he called, as Jongin trudged away to the bar grumpily. 

Taemin wasn't kidding when he said they'd be able to get a discount on the drinks so even though Jongin didn't think it was a good idea, he decided he couldn't face tonight without some help from alcohol. 

His first shot didn't do a damn thing, so he tried to keep his head down, not daring to look up and see whatever Taemin was doing in the corner of the room. From the corner of his eye he could just about make out Jonghyun and Key laughing, staring up at someone who he presumed must be Taemin. He still couldn't bring himself to watch. It wasn't possessiveness, it was just...ok he didn't know what it was. But it made him feel sick to think of so many perverts here, allowed to watch and touch something that should only be for him. 

He took another shot. This one worked a little better than the first, although let's face it, he certainly wasn't drunk enough yet. Curiosity was getting the better of him though, so even though he thought he shouldn't, every now and again he allowed himself to take tentative glances in the vague direction of Taemin, who was now shirtless and obviously having fun. 

Jongin drank another shot. That was the only way he could stop himself from screaming at someone or smashing things. 

And why not, he swigged another one down too. Just keep them coming, that was his motto tonight. 

He glanced over at Taemin again, analyzing the faces of the men staring at him, wondering if he knew any of them, and simultaneously plotting how he'd kill them if they dared to stick any money down in Taemin's underwear. 

Actually it was only Jonghyun who seemed to be doing that tonight. The kid seemed to be enjoying making fun of his friend waaay too much, but hey, Taemin deserved it as far as Jongin was concerned. 

At least Jongin was semi-pleased to see that no one seemed to be groping/touching/raping any of the strippers so that was a bonus. This place didn't seem aaaaaaas bad as he'd originally thought, so maybe Taemin did have a bit of sense to persuade him to come down here again and give the place a chance. Still though. His boyfriend was up there, enjoying being watched and generally slutting around and it wasn't ok. Jongin still wanted to hit things. 

By his 7th shot however, the world was looking like a much happier place. It might have been the alcohol easing his mind, or the fact that everything looked a little blurry, but this place really wasn't that bad. And maybe it was ok that Taemin was having fun...maybe. If no one touched him. Then it would be ok. 

Jongin was even finding himself getting a little turned on. It was sick sick sick sick sick sick sick but he couldn't help it. 

He'd long since given up trying not to stare at this point, so was unashamedly gawping at his lover from the bar, who was still topless but undoing his pants pretty quick. 

Minho, Key and Jonghyun were all standing amongst the other guys watching him, still pointing and laughing but Taemin didn't seem to mind at all. He really did look carefree, even though he kept eyeing Jongin up every now and then to check if everything was ok. But Jongin just remained drinking at the bar, crossing his legs to try and relieve the bulge that was fast growing. 

He honestly didn't know what was wrong with him. How could you feel so many things at once? Like he wanted to scream and hit things...but also that Taemin was a grown up and if he said he was happy then Jongin should accept that...and that stripping was sick...but it was also a real fucking turn on to think that all these other guys watching wanted him and only Jongin was going to get him. 

Oh holy fuck the bulge was big. 

And there Taemin was, blissfully unaware, removing his leather pants and flinging them to the side, running a hand through his sweaty hair as the flashing lights made his dewy skin glow. His body was moving so sensually to the beat of the deafeningly loud music as everyone stared in awe at this incredibly beautiful skinny boy. 

His plump lips were curving into a smile as his hands moved downwards, lacing themselves just underneath the hem of his- 

Ok Jongin had to look away because the bulge was going to be ridiculously obvious when he got up and he couldn't take another one of Key's snide remarks in the state he was in now. 

He drank another shot and shut his eyes, letting his head fall down on the bar to try and calm his nerves. 

"Well aren't you a good boy?!" 

Jongin nearly jumped out of his skin because he'd been so hypnotized, not realizing anyone was even behind him. 

"Fuck you look wasted!" Taemin laughed, now dressed in his normal clothes. "How many have you had?" 

"Waaa?" Jongin slurred, shocked by his own voice, "Nottt thaa manny." 

"Well I'm so proud of you." Taemin smiled, gesturing for the bartender to get him a shot too. "It wasn't so bad was it?" 

"How'ddd yoou get dressed so quiick?" Jongin asked, totally confused because he thought he'd only been watching Taemin slut around a second ago. 

Taemin laughed and chugged the shot down. "I think you passed out." he smirked, "Jonghyun's already been sick cus he drank too much and you're looking a little green yourself." 

"Whad time is it?" Jongin slurred. 

"Like 2am. My shift's just ended." Taemin shrugged, leaning past Jongin to get another shot. If everyone else was going to be drunk and happy it wasn't fair that he was still totally sober. Being sober with a bunch of drunk friends is never fun. 

"You lookeddd hot." Jongin said, out of the blue. 

"Did I?" Taemin laughed, "Did you want to kill Jonghyun for putting all those notes down my pants?" 

"Nooo." 

"AWww you've grown up so much since 3 nights ago!" Taemin giggled, slugging down another shot. "Let's dance before we leave." 

"No...n-" Jongin groaned, shaking his head as Taemin dragged him away. The room was spinning and he couldn't walk straight never mind dance. "Aren't yooou sick of danccing? Don't yooou waanna goo hoome?" 

"I'm never sick of dancing." Taemin smiled, adding "And we don't have a home to go to!" 

Jongin gave up the fight but still didn't dance. Instead he stumbled towards the edge of the club to try and hide the still very obvious bulge and also find somewhere to sit down cus, holy fuck was he drunk. 

He thought he'd probably passed out again, because when he woke up, the Taemin he saw was definitely not the one he'd thought was there. This Taemin was as smashed as he was. 

"BUMMBLEEEBIIIEEEE" he yelled, bouncing over to Jongin and throwing himself down on his lover's lap, "WANNA LAP DANCE?" 

Jongin shook his head and pushed him off, trying to stand up and get the hell home. 

"Ohh but you're haard ass fuckkkk babbyy." Taemin smirked, peering down at his boyfriend's crotch unashamedly. 

"Noooo I'm nooott." Jongin lied, grabbing Taemin's hand to drag them both home, only to have Sehun suddenly stand in his way. 

"Fuck!" The boy cursed, "AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT'S NOT TOTALLY PISSED?!" 

"Wheereee areee thee otherrz?" Jongin asked, as Taemin giggled wildly on his shoulder. 

Sehun looked behind his shoulder pointedly, to see an equally drunk looking Jonghyun, Key and Minho all 'dancing' when really they were just stumbling around and laughing hysterically. 

For some reason Jongin found it funny too. It's just the absurdity of tonight was weirdly amusing; blacking out now and again and waking up to find everyone, except poor Sehun, just as drunk as he was. 

Sehun rolled his eyes in annoyance and gestured everyone to follow him out. He was the youngest and the newest yet apparently the only one who was sensible enough not to get wasted. 

Jongin was off his head by the time they got home. Throughout the whole walk there, Taemin had decided to ride on his back cus he was 'too drunnk and tiireed' and it was only turning Jongin on more. 

When they finally made it to the car park, it was so obvious he had a boner the size of Wales (cus everything is the size of Wales idk why) that he probably would have died of embarrassment if he wasn't so drunk. 

Key couldn't stop pointing at it, whilst hysterical tears rolled down his cheeks as his whole body bent over in laughter. "What, 2 nights ago you beat him up cus he'sss a strippper and noww it tuurnnss you on!?" 

"I didddn't beat him!!" Jongin shrieked, sick of everyone saying that, "It was an acciideent!" 

"Cmmon wifee beaterr." Taemin smirked, before bursting out laughing like that was not a sick thing to joke about. "Lesss go upstaiirrs." 

Jongin raised an eyebrow cus 'upstairs' was kind of weird thing to call the upper floors of the car park but he knew exactly what Taemin meant and who was he to say no. 

"But we'll be able to hear...EWWwwww" Jonghyun moaned, collapsing on the ground next to an already unconscious Minho. "I dunn wanna hear yoour sex noises thass so gross!" 

"Then don't listennn." Taemin beamed, grabbing Jongin's hand to run away up the ramp to the next floor. 

Sehun watched bitterly, scanning around his friends, feeling like absolute shit. It really wasn't fun being the only sober one and he couldn't understand this stupid group. What, now Jongin was ok with Taemin working at that place? Had they all just fucking forgotten that only a few days ago everyone was screaming at each other? And now what, they all got drunk together and suddenly everyone was besties again? What. The. Fuck. And there he was, left completely in the dark, not understanding anything about what was happening. Was this just normal for them? To joke about wife beating and now they were gonna go have sex and everything would be fine in the morning? It wasn't ok. Sehun didn't understand, nor did he want to. 

\--- 

Jongin' d actually decided to go up 2 floors because being overheard would be horrible and he couldn't take it if by some miracle any of them actually remembered this the next morning. 

The incident of a few days ago now long forgotten, he was feeling high, buzzed and happy like nothing mattered in the world. Ah, being drunk was so nice sometimes. 

They'd never been this high up in the car park before because they always slept low down in case someone came in and they had to run the fuck away at top speed. The view was nice from up here- you could see so much of the city all lit up in bright shimmering lights. Maybe one of those lights would be their house one day... 

"TAEMIN GET THE FUCK DOWN!!!" Jongin screamed, running towards the blonde idiot who'd decided to climb the rail and was now teetering on the edge. 

"We're noooot thaat hiigh gawwwwd!" Taemin squealed, as he felt his whole body being dragged backwards. 

"I think yooou're even drunkker than me?!" Jongin slurred, "Yooou cuud kill yourssellff!" 

Taemin snorted and tried to get back to the rail, struggling as Jongin kept hold of his wrists tightly. "Nooo lemmee go I waanaa prettendd to flyy like a bumblebieeee..." 

"NOooo!!" Jongin half yelled- half choked, "I thoouguhhtt we'd come up here to doo it, not flyy?!"   
"Oh YEAH!" Taemin grinned, turning around brightly, "I FORGOT! WE HAVEN’T DUN IT IN AGES!" 

"cUS we keep fighttinnnng." Jongin pointed out. 

"No more tallking!!" Taemin snapped, dragging Jongin down to the ground by the collar of his coat. "I'mma top!" 

Jongin narrowed his eyes and was just about to complain when Taemin crashed their lips together, and forcefully undid his jeans to reveal the hardest, biggest boner you can imagine. 

"HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA." Taemin laughed, eyeing up Jongin's crotch like it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. "Yooou smasshh my head against the wall for stripping and now it turns yoou on!?" 

"I DIIIDN'T DOOO THAT!!" Jongin yelled, scrambling away, "I reallly will smash it if you keep saaaying that!" 

"HA." Taemin scoffed, "You're in deniall you wifee beaater." 

Jongin groaned in frustration and scrambled away even further as Taemin started to crawl towards him playfully. 

"I'mma show my dominance to you babybie." Taemin hissed, wiggling his eyebrows as he crawled, "I'mmmm not a pathetiic weakkling. I'mma make yoou bleed tonight." 

"Oh fuck OFf!" Jongin snapped, scrambling away. "Rockk paper scissors!" 

"You what?!" 

Jongin tried not to laugh as he looked at the most adorable confused face he'd ever seen. 

"The onlyy way to make it faiir." he clarified, "Rock paper scissors!" 

"Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh." Taemin nodded, sitting himself up like an obedient pupil and putting his hand out in a fist. "Ok~ Rooockpaperscissco-HEYYYY!" 

Jongin grinned manically, one of his hands outstretched in a scissor shape, the other going to grab Taemin's arm. 

"THAT'S CHEATING. WHAT THE FUCK!" Taemin squealed, as Jongin continued to giggle immaturely and pin his lover down on the ground. 

"RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPEEEEEEE!" Taemin screamed, except the laugh that escaped straight after made it very clear he wasn't scared. "RAAAA-" 

Jongin cut off the screaming with a kiss, releasing one of Taemin's wrists to squeeze down on his crotch, producing the most lovely moan he'd ever heard. Damn. It was such a shame he wouldn't remember this tomorrow. 

"NO!!" Taemin yelled, once their mouths disconnected. "This isn't fairr!!! We have to do the rock thing! The rock thing!!" 

Jongin groaned and sat up, still making sure Taemin was pinned beneath him. "Please Miiiiinniiee godd pleeeaaassseeeeee." he whined, looking down with a pout, hoping he'd be cute enough that they wouldn't have to play the stupid game he shouldn't have suggested. 

"NO!" Taemin yelled again, covering his eyes, "Don't pull that face on mee!" 

"UGGGHHHhhhhh..." Jongin groaned, but decided 50% was as good an odd as he wasn't going to get and stuck out his fist. "OK GO. Rock paper-" 

"You can top." Taemin interrupted, grinning mischievously as if this was his plan all along. "I just liiike it when you're desperate. And neeedy." 

Jongin couldn't even splutter out a reply, so instead decided to be the needy baby Taemin seemed to want, smiled, and ripped off Taemin's coat and top so fast it was a blur. 

"Teell mee how muchh you wanntt me." Taemin cooed, wrapping both hands around Jongin's neck to clutch as his thick, dark hair. "Telll mee how much you wanna be insidee of mee..." 

Jongin had never been much for dirty talk but he was as drunk as ever so most of his inhibitions were now gone. "I waanna split you in half." he mumbled, sucking at one of Taemin's nipples as he said it. 

"Split me in half." Taemin scoffed, "Your dick's not biig enough for- oh fucking hell!" he squeaked, as Jongin decided to cut off his insult by pressing Taemin's shoulders down so he was now staring right at Jongin's erection, his mouth inches away from the tip. 

Jongin looked down, scrunching his nose playfully as if he was egging Taemin on. 

"I guesss it is quiiiiite big..." Taemin said, going cross eyed as he stared at the huge cock, grazing his mouth. Jongin pressed himself a little further down, trying to part Taemin's lips but they weren't budging. 

"Owe please baby pleeeaase..." Jongin whined, still looking down to see Taemin staring up at him with evil eyes, his mouth remaining tight shut. 

"Beg." Taemin smirked, turning his head to the side so Jongin couldn't just shove it in their when he opened his mouth to talk. 

"Pleeeaase Minnie pleeeaase, I need you to suckk-" Jongin started, cut off when Taemin decided that was good enough and stuck out his tongue to lick the tip painfully slowly, all the while keeping eye contact. 

"More..." Jongin begged, "Pleaase." 

Taemin smiled and decided to be nice, opening is mouth a bit wider to take his lover inside. 

Jongin shivered above him. Taemin's mouth felt so warm, so wet, his lips creating the softest amount of friction, just enough to tantalize. 

Jongin watched, hypnotized, as his lover tightened his mouth and began to suck. Those beautiful plump, pink lips looked almost too good to be real as they moved up and down. 

Jongin pushed himself down further, unable to control himself, now so deep inside he could feel the back of Taemin's throat. He honestly never wanted this to end, and thought he might just burst then and there but- 

"Areeyisgsgjmmphhmaakeeemethejeghwoorklaazyysyghmpph?" Taemin mumbled, his words totally inaudible because of a certain cock shoved down his throat. 

"Wa?" Jongin asked, pulling up, feeling almost worried he'd done something wrong. 

"I saiddd." Taemin smirked, a string of saliva running from his mouth to Jongin's cock still left hanging. "Are youu gonna make me do all the work lazyy boy?" 

"Ohhh nuu." Jongin squeaked. "Cutt me some slaack. I'm too drunk to renemberr you." 

Taemin snorted again and wriggled himself upwards, Jongin still on top but now at least he didn't have an face full of cock. Jongin bent down to kiss him but Taemin pulled away. "No don't kiss maa lips. Kiss down therree." 

Jongin smirked before wriggling downwards and unbuckling Taemin's jeans to reveal his lover was just as hard as he was. He felt fingers entwine in his hair, as his head was guided to exactly where Taemin wanted it. Except he decided to be a little shit about it too and not open his mouth. 

"OHhhh GOD Biiiieee!" Taemin cried, "Open wideee for the plane for fucks sake!" 

"Beg." Jongin teased. 

"No stealling my ideaaas!" 

"Beg me or nothing." 

Taemin let out a very annoyed groan, still trying to push Jongin's head down but the latter was having none of it. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaase god open up you spiteful bastard!" he whined, bucking his hips up against Jongin's still tightly shut lips. 

For Taemin, that was begging, so Jongin obliged and opened his mouth, pretty much letting Taemin do whatever he wanted. He'd never had the blowjob skills his lover had but it didn't matter. As long as he opened his mouth, Taemin could really do what he wanted and he didn't care. Huh. Maybe he was a lazy lover. Oh well. 

"Ok enough of thisss." Jongin announced, sitting up to remove his lover's jeans fully and chuck them away. "Open wide for the plaane." 

Taemin pouted because he'd really been enjoying the mouth fucking but, well, apparently it was over. 

In a second, Jongin opened up Taemin's legs to probe insistently at his entrance which, let's face it, wasn't exactly tight and never hard to open. But Jongin was too drunk to care about the mental images of other men doing exactly the same thing as he was right now, so ignored it and carried on. 

"Hey wait wait wait wait Mr impatient!" Taemin squealed, as Jongin slid in two fingers with only a bit of spit as lube. "There's some stuff in ma baag..." 

"You carry lube everywhere you go?!" Jongin squeaked, getting up and rushing to where the bag had been dumped to fish around for it. He saw a pack of condoms too but decided against them. Again, he was too drunk to care. 

"Yoou never know when you're gonna need ittt." Taemin laughed, "But don'tt worry. I only need it with yooou." 

"I should fuckking hope so." Jongin hissed, lathering his cock in the sticky stuff and glooping some in Taemin's hole for good measure. Lube was a bottom's best friend apparently. 

"Oh maaaaannnnnn...." Taemin moaned, as Jongin stuck in 3 fingers all at once. "Just...that's enough...come innsiide..." 

"Beg." Jongin teased again. 

Taemin hit him round the head. 

"Who's the wife beater now?!" Jongin shrieked, positioning himself to enter and not giving his lover a chance to reply before his willpower disappeared and he plunged himself inside. 

"OH! FFF!!" Taemin gasped, his eyes rolling backwards as he grasped at Jongin's back to pull him down. He liked it when they hugged through sex. No idea why, it just wasn't something you ever did with a client so it felt special. 

Jongin liked it too. It gave him easier access to Taemin's neck so he started to nibble, bite and lick as he thrust, feeling Taemin's legs curl around his back. 

It felt like they hadn't done this in years, even though it had probably only been a few weeks. Man though, that was too long. Too long not to feel Taemin clench around him, to hear those beautiful moans escape those beautiful lips. Too long not to feel those nails digging into his back, to see those dark eyes blown and full of lust. 

"OW!!" Taemin cried suddenly. "Concrete!!" 

"Oh shit." Jongin cursed, pulling out and sitting them both up. He'd forgotten how hard the ground was in this car park and lying down on it whilst some guy twice your size fucks you can't be nice. "Sorry!" 

"Imma ride yoou." Taemin said, pushing Jongin down so now he was on the ground instead. 

Jongin smiled back up as Taemin sat down on him, entering himself so slowly that he was deeper inside than ever. Taemin bent down again to hug, connecting their lips as he rode, one hand stroking his own neglected cock whilst the other wrapped around his lover's neck. 

It was actually kind of painful to be the one lying on the concrete but Jongin ignored the scratches it was sure to be making on his back and concentrated on the immense pleasure building in his stomach. 

Soon though, the pain of the ground got too much so he decided it was best to switch positions again. 

"Standddupp." he mumbled, his lips still messily attached to the blonde. 

Taemin did as he was told and got up, before randomly wondering himself to the rail before Jongin had a chance to follow him. "Iwanna be fucked looking at the viieew." he said, leaning his elbows on the rail. 

The breeze gently rippled through his hair and Jongin thought he'd probably never seen anything more beautiful. Too bad he was still too horny to enjoy it. 

He positioned himself behind Taemin, entering again fast as his lover gripped onto the rail for dear life, making it literally rattle from the force of Jongin's thrusts. 

Drunk, make up sex in a car park didn't sound good but god, it was. 

Taemin screamed as Jongin plunged in still deeper, deciding the rail and taken enough abuse and bending his arms backwards to use Jongin's neck as support instead. He was going to blow soon and couldn't wait any longer, so almost fell over as he lost his balance trying to relieve his own cock. 

"Come here." Jongin said, out of breath and sweaty by this point. He pulled out once more and backed Taemin against the rail, kneeling down to give his lover a much needed treat. 

"Ohhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" Taemin cried, as Jongin took him back inside his mouth. "No buut I'm gonnaa--" 

Jongin just smiled into his lover's cock as creamy, warm liquid shot down his throat so fast it almost choked him. He didn't like the taste but knew it turned Taemin on when he swallowed it and, frankly, he had some making up to do so. 

He gave Taemin a minute to calm down as the blonde was still gasping for breath, high from the aftershocks, but then impatience overtook him and he couldn't hold onto it any longer. 

"Turnn rooundd." Jongin ordered, spinning his lover again to face the rail as he entered again, rather roughly. 

Taemin had really thought it was all over so got the shock of his life when he was being pounded again. He even thought he might be sick because the alcohol seemed to be wanting to come back up and they were so fucking high. 

Thankfully, Jongin came not a second later, deep inside Taemin, both not hardly realising that wasn't a good idea. 

Taemin let his legs give way, as Jongin held him up by his waist and dragged them both down to the cold, concrete floor where their stuff had been dumped. 

"Thaaat waas funn." Taemin sighed wearily, shutting his eyes as Jongin grabbed one of their coats to lay over them. "Doo youu lovee me more thaan 90% noww?" 

"Say waa?" Jongin asked, genuinely forgetting their previous conversation. 

"Youuu saidd. Thattt you hatte me 10%..." Taemin mumbled. 

Jongin shook his head in denial. "I neever said thatt." he replied, curling himself around Taemin's back to spoon. "I coulld never hatte yoou." 

"S'what yoo said." Taemin insisted. 

"Sorry..." Jongin mumbled, "I lovee you." 

"Mee too...G'nii." 

And their strange night ended like that; naked, cold, sweaty, covered in cum and completely wasted. It wasn't romantic. It wasn't pretty. Nothing in their life was romantic or pretty. But at least there was love. 

\--- 

Jongin woke up with a start, no idea why, only that there'd probably been a loud noise. He opened his eyes reluctantly, an immense stabbing pain throbbing in his head as he came to. 

He hardly even knew where he was. He vaguely remembered going to the club last night to check it out, half recalled Taemin getting drunk after work too...and now they were here? In the upper floor of the car park...naked? Ooer. 

Jongin yawned and stretched, before recurling himself around Taemin's pretty scratched up back as the blonde lay still asleep. The ground was so uncomfortable he wondered how they'd ever managed to have sex on it, but then he noticed trails of liquid dripping down from one of the railings and presumed they'd chosen to stand. Kinky. 

"Minnie...wake up." he mumbled, aware that they probably needed to get out of here real soon, although he had no idea what the time was. 

"Baby..." he said again, when his lover was clearly making no effort to wake up at all. 

He gave it a few seconds, drawing tiny circles on Taemin's back with his finger, before deciding they really, really needed to get going and sat up. His head pounded like nothing he'd ever felt as he changed positions, but he couldn't worry about that now. The needed to get out of here. 

"Hey get up sleepyhead." he said again, turning Taemin's body so he could see his face. He looked as bad as Jongin felt; blonde hair sticking up in all directions, huge dark rings under his eyes, his face as white as a ghost. 

"I don't feel too good." came a murmur from swollen lips, "I feel siickk." 

"I know, I know me too." Jongin croaked, crawling to Taemin's bag to see if there was a water bottle in there or something. There wasn't. How the fuck did he have lube and not water. Wasn't that more important. 

"Let's just stay here..." Taemin whined, his eyes remaining shut as he opened up his arms to gesture for Jongin to come back, "I don't care if we're found...people can just park around us." 

Jongin rolled his eyes and started to try and get dressed. "Oh yeah, sure, people are just gonna ignore two homeless lunatics, naked on the ground are they?" 

"Nobody gives a fuck about us." Taemin mumbled, eyes still tight shut as he pulled the coat over his shoulders. "If they call the cops then we'll worry about it." 

Jongin knew he was joking so didn't reply, and instead finished getting dressed before chucking a pair of holey jeans over the blonde, still acting asleep. 

"My back hurts." Taemin moaned, "I feel sick. I dun wanna get up..." 

Jongin sighed and sat himself down next to his lover, leaning in to kiss his forehead. "Sorry but you know we have to go." 

It was only then Taemin decided to open his eyes as a small smile crept onto his lips. "I know." he said, pulling himself up into Jongin's arms. "It's times like this I wish we had a home." 

"It's times like this I wish we could hold our drink." Jongin chuckled, "Isn't your boss gonna be pissed you got drunk straight after work last night?" 

Taemin stopped hugging for a second to pull away and look quizzically at his lover. "You just called it work without air quotes!" 

"Well I...." 

"Aww." Taemin cooed, before adding, "Was I right about last night then? Club's really not that bad is it?" 

Jongin looked away to give him a second to think. Even though he couldn’t remember last night that well, he did recall some of what happened before he got wasted. The club hadn't been as bad as he'd first thought, and even though he still really didn't like the idea, maybe he had overreacted about the whole stripping thing. Maybe. 

And Taemin was more capable than he gave him credit for. He wasn't a child. Heck, he'd been the one looking after Jongin for months when he was a proper newbie. 

All Taemin wanted was freedom, and the main thing that was becoming painfully apparent was that Jongin was holding him back. 

Because freedom isn't what you do, who you're with or where you are. Freedom is choice. And that's what Taemin needed right now. Choice. It wasn't going to be easy, and Jongin knew it, but maybe he could learn be ok with that. 

"I dunno..." Jongin mumbled, "I mean...yeahh I guess if you really want to..." 

"It's money Bie." Taemin interrupted, "Like maybe enough to get us out of this shithole money." 

Jongin nodded. 

Taemin smiled. "So you're not gonna be a wife beater if I keep working there then?" he smirked, cocking his head to the side playfully. 

"Stop it with that I'm serious." Jongin hissed. It was bad enough he was still 'Newbie' to everyone, never mind developing a new, even worse nickname. "If you say that one more time I'm gonna-" 

"Hit me?" Taemin grinned. 

Jongin pinched him. 

"Owowow ok ok!" Taemin squeaked, "Don't worry, I won't start calling you Bie-ter~" 

Jongin was just about to give him the look when another voice made him jump. 

"FUCKING HELL YOU TWO. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GET DRESSED." came the yell, as Key hollered at them from the other end of the floor by the ramp. "SERIOUSLY, I CALLED TO YOU GUYS AGES AGO." 

So that was the noise that woke Jongin up then. 

"IS TAEMIN STILL NAKED?!" Key screamed again, "OH MY GOD. PUT ON SOME CLOTHES YOU LAZY FUCKER. WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!" 

Taemin glanced at Jongin, to Key, to Jongin and then back to Key again who was already long gone. "Ok ok ok ok." he said, getting up on wobbly legs and stretching, "I guess we do need to go." 

Getting Taemin dressed took way longer than it should have done because the blonde was all over the place from his hangover, plus most of his clothes were scattered around everywhere (even his underwear was dangling over the rail, fuck knows how they got there) so they were another 5 whole minutes before they were actually ready to go. 

"Oop shit." Taemin cursed, stopping Jongin on the way out to pick up the bottle of lube. That wouldn't be a good thing to forget. "Hey where'd we put the condom?" he asked randomly, looking around the ground suspiciously. 

Jongin pretended not to hear and continued to walk away guiltily. He did half recall seeing a pack in Taemin's bag and deciding against them. But. Eh. Oh well. Taemin didn't have to know that. 

"We used one right?!" Taemin gasped, panicking as he searched and not even properly realizing that Jongin was already on the next floor down. "BIE!" 

Jongin continued walking because he thought he was less likely to get told off if he was back with the others. Taemin had no shame sure, but yelling at his boyfriend over not using protection would surely be embarrassing even for him, right? 

Wrong. 

"Took you long enough." Key hissed, as Jongin got down to the ground floor, "Where's the stripper?" 

"He's coming." Jongin replied, scanning around his friends because the sight was kind of comical actually. Everyone except Sehun looked like death; Key- even grumpier than usual, Jonghyun and Minho leaning on each other with their eyes closed, hardly standing up properly. Hangovers are a bitch for everyone. Sehun didn’t look much better though honestly, his lips in the tightest line Jongin'd ever seen. Jongin guessed he was lucky that he got to go to the shelter now and shower. That wasn't a luxury they all had. 

"BIE! ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF." Taemin yelled, finally catching up with them. "DID WE USE A CONDOM OR NOT." 

"Finally." Key said, shaking his head and putting an arm around Sehun to lead him away. "This isn't toddler appropriate." 

Minho and Jonghyun were right behind because they were far too hungover for drama and just wanted to be out of that fucking car park already. Jongin started walking after them too, pretty hastily, pretending he hadn't heard again. 

"Gawd you!!" Taemin hissed, following the little crowd outside to the street. 

Jongin took him aside as he watched the other's leave. They never said goodbye properly anyway. Everyday was the same and the routine never changed, so there was no need to have 'if they'd see each other later/what are you doing today' type conversations. Hi and goodbye's were also pretty pointless and a waste of time. 

"Will you shhh!!!!!!!!!!" Jongin hissed back, "Like do you want everyone to know what we were up to last night?" 

"They already know idiot." Taemin snapped, "And for god's sake, we've got to do better. We can't just get drunk and not use anything." 

"Why?!" Jongin asked, unable to help feeling a little offended. He was also very aware that they couldn't have an argument right now because he had to get to the shelter to clean himself up before work. 

Taemin shook his head because he'd forgotten what a dummy his boyfriend could be. "Because, hunny, your boyfriend's a slut who's slept around a lot and doesn't want you to catch anything." 

"But we did it before with no protection so...whatever you have I have probably. There's no point to it anymore." Jongin argued. 

"Oh my GOD." Taemin moaned, "It's like I'm talking to a retard right now. I worked at the hotel since then remember?! Besides, you might not have caught anything then, you don't know. Fuck. I'm trying to protect YOU here Bie." 

"Ok well sorry..." Jongin mumbled, "But we were both drunk so...s'not all my fault..." 

"Ugh." Taemin sighed, before turning to leave. "I'll see you tonight." 

"Will you?" Jongin asked, thinking that was kind of weird because lately by the time he was back from work, Taemin was already at the club so the only time they'd seen each other was in the early hours of the morning. 

"Yeah. I'm going in later tonight cus...I dunno...Mr 51% is checking the place out apparently and Heechul said he hardly ever comes so the place better be spotless." Taemin explained, adding "Apparently I'm a spot." 

"Who's Mr 51%?!" 

"The guy who owns 51% of the club, retard." Taemin snapped, "Now go away." 

Jongin leaned in for a kiss, only to be shoved back. He wasn't offended. He probably stank of alcohol, as did Taemin, and they had just been sort of rowing. He didn't know what to feel as he walked away, if that had gone well or not. His mind was all mushy and so was everything else in his life. It was good though right, that Taemin had a job and maybe it wasn't as bad as he'd first thought? And if he could be ok with it then maybe they'd stop arguing soon...and then they could just forget about the whole wall-smashing-wife-beating incident because no good could come from dwelling on that... 

The idea of Taemin dancing and undressing in front of perverts still turned Jongin's stomach but he was a grown up so, yeah, it'd be ok. And the other's really didn't seem thaaat mad at him about the whole wall/punching incident, even Minho, so maybe they could all just forget about it now.   
Yeah. Mmm. Things would be fine. They would. Yeahhh...He could do what Taemin said. He could 'give up' worrying about shit. That would make it better. 

After a few minutes of pointless convincing himself that everything was ok, he still didn't feel all that reassured honestly, but told himself that it was just because he was tired, hungover and not himself. Things were at least starting to get back to normal and he should be happy. And although he still couldn't help feeling uneasy about the future....that was just pointless worrying again wasn't it? 

\--- 

ugh im really ashamed of this chapter :( it's the worst one yet and sjkghsgh!! i tried but it just came out hardly making sense at all -.- im sure theres a billion mistakes and its rushed as hell ughhhhhh im really sorry, hopefully the next one will be better. 

so anyhoodle who is mr 51% lol can you guess? xD i'm very predictable ahaaa you can probably see where this is going but xD v serious shit going down in the next one ooer spoilers~ 

hehe ok xD i am the biggest tease there ever was :') 

byeeee~


	22. Last Aid: Sirens

It was one of those awful moments you know you'll remember forever, a moment when time seems to stop, as all your senses are bombarded with panic. It's the worst feeling you could ever imagine. 

And Jongin knew. He knew something terrible had happened. The look in Sehun's face, the tension in his body, the terrified scream that escaped his lips...it could only mean the worst. 

"JONGIN!" he called, rushing through the club to get to the bar, struggling to find his way past the busy crowd of people. "JONGIN!!!!!" 

Jongin turned around in a flash, all the blood draining from his head. He quickly glanced up at Taemin's platform in horror, desperately hoping to see his lover and silently dying inside when all he was greeted by was emptiness. 

There was no time to think, no time for words. Sehun grabbed his hand to pull him up, dragging them both back through the crowd the way he'd come. Jongin followed as best he could, regretting all the alcohol he'd drank because everything was a hazy blur and his reflexes were not what they should have been. 

Sehun lead him all the way to the back of the room, pushed a door which clearly said 'No Entry' and ran outside, turning a corner to the back alley of the club. 

It was then Jongin felt his whole world crumble, his voice catch in his throat, an inaudible scream echo from his lips. 

Key was there on the ground, in floods of tears, cradling the unconscious body of Taemin, blood dripping from his hands. 

"Did you call the ambulance?!" Key screeched, to which Sehun replied something Jongin didn't catch as their voices just sounded like muffled slurs. 

He ran up to his lover, falling to his knees beside him and clutching hold of his body as Key passed him to over. 

Taemin looked almost dead. But he wasn't. He definitely wasn't. His lips were parted, his mouth hanging open as he breathed. Jongin looked down to the side of his waist, just above his hip bone. He'd been stabbed- there was no other explanation. A bloody wound was seeping through his clothes, down Jongin's arm, staining them both in red. 

Jongin glanced up at Key who was still kneeling right next to them, tears streaming down his cheeks. "What happen-?!?!" he cried, still unable to hear his own voice as his heart was beating so loud it was deafening. 

"I don't know!!!!" Key screamed, looking up at Sehun. 

Sehun just stared down at them guiltily. This was all his fault. 

\--- 

48 hours earlier 

A week had passed since Jongin's decision to try and be ok with Taemin working at the club. Surprisingly, it was going well. They hadn't fought even once about the whole topic. Taemin had even refrained from calling Jongin a wife beater (most of the time) and Minho and Key had pretty much forgotten about the whole thing themselves. 

Taemin was enjoying work. He really was, like it sounds crazy, but when you're used to prostitution, dancing and stripping is like a walk in the park. Plus there was free drinks and great music, and he was getting paid. He'd made more in the first few weeks than he would have having sex with at least 10 guys. Fuck, had he been a cheap whore. He wouldn't dwell on it now. Life was getting better. 

He still hadn't met Mr 51%, but he was sure he would soon because apparently the dude wanted to be a lot more involved with the place. Heechul wasn't happy about it but there was nothing he could do. 

Of course, there were downsides to working at the club. Taemin hadn't seen a lot of Jongin honestly. It was tough having one of them working in the day and the other at night, but well, it was only temporary and soon they'd be out of that car park wouldn't they, so things were looking up. 

Some nights, Jongin and the others went down to the club to watch Taemin, drink cheaply and hang out somewhere that wasn't completely dank. Jongin didn't really like it though. It was still hella awkward for him to have to watch Taemin stripping when he wasn't drunk. And he didn't want to get wasted on a regular basis because then he'd be an alcoholic as well as a bum and that didn't look good. So still, most nights he spent back at the car park with Sehun, who still wasn't sleeping at the shelter. 

It may have sounded strange, but Sehun genuinely did feel safer on the streets than in the shelter. There were waaay too many shady characters there, not just the creep who'd beaten Taemin, and it was so scary that he was on his own. He'd really grown to trust this little group (or at least Key and Jongin) and being with them was better than being at the shelter, even if that meant no bed. It still sucked though. 

As the paychecks were rolling in however, things were already starting to improve. Everyone was living a little more comfortably, not scrounging around for money for food, clothes or *cough* spice and soon they'd have saved enough to get out of this shithole. 

It was the weekend, and Taemin's second paycheck had bought them a yummy yummy dinner of pizza and coke, which they'd taken back to the car park and were now pigging into like animals. 

"I'mreallyfuckingsickofthisplaceguys." Jonghyun mumbled randomly, his mouth full of pizza. 

"Chew, swallow, then try again baby." Key smirked, patting his boyfriend on the back patronizingly. 

"I said." Jonghyun continued, once all his food was gone. "I'm really fucking sick of this place. Like...can we just go to a motel tonight?" 

Key rolled his eyes. "We've been through this." he said plainly, "We can't piss away all our money on comfort now when we need to be saving it to get out of this place for good." 

Jongin nodded. It was unusual for him and Key to be on the same side, but on this occasion, the kid was right. "Yeah...we don't want to waste what we have right now if that means we won't be able to get a trailer or something. Short term pain, long term gain." 

"But haven't we had enough short term pain?" Taemin interrupted, sitting up from where he was lying, in between Jongin's legs. 

Jongin said nothing because didn't want to argue. The weekends were a rare opportunity to see his lover and they were too precious to spend bickering. 

"Exactly." Jonghyun agreed, before stuffing some more pizza in his mouth. "One night in a motel isn't going to make a difference to what we've saved...come on...I want a bed...like I really, really want a bed tonight." 

"We all want a bed." Key snapped, "But we have to be practical, don't we? Because what we reeallly want is to get out of here and that's not gonna happen if we waste a lot of cash fast ok?" 

"Ughhhh." Taemin groaned, slumping back down to lean his back on Jongin's stomach again. 

Jongin was glad Jongkey seemed to be doing the debating so he didn't have to. 

"What do you think Minho?" Jonghyun asked suddenly, "You should have the casting vote." 

"What about me?" Sehun cut in, "Do I get a say?" 

"Toddler's don't get a say, sorry." Key snapped, "Let the grown ups talk." 

Sehun rolled his eyes. He really wasn't that much younger than them, only a few years, yet they still kept treating him like he was a child. 

Minho took a long slow bite out of his slice before smiling evilily. He liked having the power and it rarely happened because Key and Taemin almost always got their way. Bunch of spoilt brats, the lot of them. 

"I think..." Minho started, pausing to let everyone hang on his words. 

"For fucks sake frog boy, spit it out." Key hissed. 

"Just for that." Minho smiled, "I agree with Jongtae. We should get a motel tonight." 

Key and Jongin both groaned simultaneously whilst Taemin, Jonghyun and even Sehun all looked pretty happy with themselves. 

"YAY!" Jonghyun burst out, getting up to start packing away their crap. "Let's go kiddies!" 

\--- 

The motel they chose was certainly nothing like the one Taemin had worked in. Siwon's hotel was grand, popular and expensive, whether this one was dank, dark and cheap as dirt. So exactly what they were looking for, pretty much. 

They only got 1 room to save on costs. Taemin paid, and it felt good to be able to give something back to the people who'd looked after him for so long. Money wasn't something he could ever imagine feeling possessive over. He didn't understand why 'normal people' were so weird about it. Or maybe he was the weird one. But the attitude some people had- that it was rude to ask and that they wouldn't share...it baffled him. People should look after each other, and the only reason money was valuable in any way was it gave you an ability to be able to do that. 

In some ways, having no money and living outside society had really changed his outlook on the world. Of course he wanted a home and the comfort of living, well, comfortably...but that's all. As long as everyone was healthy and happy, what was the point in wanting more? 

"Fuck! I thought there'd be twins in here but there's just a double?!" Key groaned, the first one to enter the dark, oddly smelling room. It was a shithole, but a far nicer shithole than the car park so Taemin was still really glad they'd come. It wasn't like one night was going to eat away at their savings, hello, Jongin and Key were just being paranoid. 

"It's a big double." Taemin said, almost tripping as Jonghyun pushed passed him like an excitable puppy and jumped on the bed, making the springs clang beneath him. Key was next, deciding to take advantage of the situation even though he still thought they shouldn't be there. But now they were here, there was no point in not enjoying it right? 

"It's not big." Key hissed, spreading all his limbs out as Jonghyun started to bury himself under the covers, still fully clothed. "No room for you fatties." 

"I'm not fat!" Taemin squeaked, "And I'm sure at least 4 of us can fit on that thing. Don't be selfish." 

"4!!!!!!?" Key repeated, his voice strangely shrill. "Um hello! Not will all the pizza you've been eating." 

"Minho, Jonghyun and Key should get the bed." Jongin said, "Seeing as they haven't lived at the shelter." 

"Ur I don't wanna sleep in the same bed as those 2 thanks. Ew." Minho said, dumping his stuff down on the ground. "I'll just sleep on the floor. Carpet's a lot nicer than concrete." 

"Weeeellll I guess that leaves me then." Taemin beamed, running up to the bed and throwing himself down so hard between his two friends, that they almost both fell off. "Ahhh...the three musketeers....together again...." he hummed, spreading out all four limbs just as Key had done a second ago, and not caring he was practically poking Jonghyun in the eye. 

Jongin burst out laughing, deciding to settle himself down on the floor, whilst Sehun remained standing, giving that stupidblondespoiltbrat evil eyes which thankfully, the idiot was completely oblivious to. 

Jonghyun didn't seem to mind Taemin's presence on the bed at all, and once he'd got the hand off his face decided to settle himself down again. Key was having none of it though. "Excuse ME." he yelled, practically kicking Taemin off, "You lived at the hotel!" 

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages ago though..." Taemin insisted, although his body was slowly sinking down the foot of the bed as Key hadn't stopped kicking. 

"Are you gonna let poor Newbie sleep on the floor all alone?!" Key argued. 

"Aww you do care." Jongin smirked, scrunching his nose cutely as Key looked down at him like he was a bug to squish. 

They ended up as expected- Key and Jonghyun on the bed, Minho, Jongin and Taemin on the floor. Sehun remained standing through all of this debate because really, he didn't want to get involved in their childish bickering. And they called him the toddler. He supposed it was a good thing that Taemin hadn't got his way for once though. 

"Aren't you gonna lie down?" Key asked, sitting up to look quizzically at poor Sehun. 

"Ur yeah." Sehun said awkwardly, no idea where to settle himself because so much of the floor space was already taken. 

For the first few hours everyone was kept awake by Jongkey smooching. It was very, very rude and creepy but nobody said anything cus Key got even pissier at night and starting something was never good idea. 

After the making out ended however, Jongin found himself still unable to catch any z's. He didn't know what it was, because the carpet really was a lot comfier than concrete, but the more he tried the harder it was. Eh, it was always like this the first night sleeping somewhere new. He had to get used to a place before he could fully relax, else he was just on red alert the whole night in case something awful happened. He knew nothing awful would happen here of course- they were safely tucked up in the warm after all, but his subconscious couldn't get out of the habit. 

So in the end, all he could do was watch Taemin sleeping peacefully beside him. Ok maybe not peacefully- the kid was wriggling about like he had ants in his pants but it was still cute to watch. 

"I can't sleep." Taemin announced, opening his eyes suddenly and startling Jongin because he'd really, really thought the kid was asleep. 

"Oh thank GOD." Another voice said, as Key sat bolt upright in bed, "I can't get fucking comfy!" 

"You're the one in the bed asshole." Minho snapped. Apparently he was awake too. 

"I know but it's weird!! It's too squishy and there's a spring impaling my side!" Key moaned, "And I don't know why but I can't get my body to relax." 

"I can't either." Sehun interrupted, unsurprising seeing as he was almost pressed into the wall behind Minho. 

Jonghyun remained snoring. 

"Well I can't lie here doing nothing anymore." Jongin said, stretching and sitting up as Taemin decided to do the same, settling himself down leaning on his boyfriend's chest. 

"It's practically a slumber party now." Taemin smiled, glancing at the clock. It was already 3am. "Let's have pillow fights and braid each others' hair." 

"God you're so gay." Key scoffed. 

Taemin shrugged. 

There was a moment of silence, everyone having no idea how to pass the time, feeling pretty grumpy that they were wasting this precious opportunity to get some sleep in the warm because their stupid bodies wouldn't play ball. 

"What would you guys do...if you won the lottery tomorrow?" Taemin asked, completely randomly. 

Minho and Key both exchanged amused glances before staring back at the blonde. 

"You know we're not actually having a slumber party." Key smirked. 

"No I know I know I was just thinking about this stuff earlier." Taemin said, "Like would you share it?" 

"Of course we'd share it!!" Key squealed. 

"Shhhhh..." Jongin hushed, eyeing up the still snoring figure of Jonghyun. 

"Aww you do care." Key mocked. 

Jongin rolled his eyes. 

"No but, fuck's sake Minnie, what kind of a question is that?" Key tutted. 

"It's a perfectly reasonable question." Taemin snapped, "...Like if I won the lottery...first I'd get us all a place and make sure we were safe and warm and whatever...then I'd probably want to help other homeless losers do the same..." 

"No you wouldn't!!" Minho laughed, creasing into himself with giggles, "You're a selfish brat, don't claim to be otherwise." 

Taemin knew he was just teasing but pretended to be annoyed anyway. "I would!!" he hissed, turning around to look at Jongin, "Tell them I would!" 

Jongin shrugged, "Yes Saint Taemin." 

"UGhhh." Taemin moaned, dumping himself back down on Jongin's chest, rather too hard. "God, I can't talk to you people." 

"Someone's stroppy tonight." Key smirked, pausing to think for a second. "Ok I'll play. If I won the lottery...I'd...get all of us out of this mess blah blah blah...and with the money that's left over...I'd build a huge rescue center for puppies." 

This time it was Jongin's turn to laugh. "HA. LIKE HELL YOU WOULD." 

"I would!!" Key argued, "I love dogs!" 

"You're way more selfish than Taemin is." Jongin stated. 

"Thanks babe." Taemin muttered sarcastically. 

"I'm not!" Key hissed, "I'm a lovely, giving person!" 

"Mmm." Jongin mumbled, "I think you'd be like a social media star or something, reviewing eyeliners and boring shit like that." 

"...Ok 1. how will winning the lottery turn me into that-" Key started. 

"Well do you have an iphone slash laptop slash camera?" Jongin interrupted. 

Minho decided to cut off this nonsense because if they weren’t careful this could go on forever. "Shut up guys and listen to me. OK. If I won the lottery...I'd get us out of this mess blah blah like Key said...then I'd buy a soccer team." 

"That's not very charitable." Taemin commented. 

"I'd buy a one legged soccer team ok?" Minho snapped. 

Taemin snorted at that random, slightly politically incorrect comment. 

"God that's boring anyway." Key cut in, "Isn't anyone gonna do something interesting?" 

"I'd travel all over the world." Jongin said, "I'd want to do everything, experience everything. That's not boring." 

"No it's stupid." Taemin teased, "No one can do everything." 

"Maybe no one's tried." Jongin smiled. 

"I think travelling would be fun." Sehun cut in. 

Taemin rolled his eyes before muttering "kiss ass" under his breath and turning back to Key. "So I guess we're all boring and we'd be selfish bastards with our money the-" he started, before Sehun realized what he'd just been called. 

He could have let it go. It wasn't like he hadn't mumbled a few snide, bitchy remarks about Taemin under his breath many times. But fuck, he could only hold so much in before he exploded. "What did you just call me?" 

Minho shuffled backwards away from Sehun comically, raising his hands because the tone of voice the kid had used meant business, and he was sitting directly in the firing line. Key also raised an eyebrow, looking past Taemin to Jongin who'd tensed up immediately. (Jonghyun was still snoring, bless him.) 

"I called you a kiss ass." Taemin smiled, adding a snide "Although I don't know why you'd want to be one anyway. I've kissed Bie's ass and it doesn't taste good." 

"Um....ur..." Jongin stuttered, unsure about whether to be offended or not but wanting to make light of the situation. With Jonghyun the peacemaker asleep, and Onew...well...dead...there was no one to break up a fight if it started. "My butt tastes fine thank you- like candy floss and rainbows." he said finally, attempting to cut the tension with a stupid comment. It didn't work. Taemin and Sehun continued staring at each other intently- a smug smirk on Taemin's lips, whilst Sehun's remained in a tight line. 

"So what would you do then?" Taemin bated, "What would you do if you won the lottery?" 

"Why do you care." Sehun hissed, "You only think about your fucking self." 

Taemin laughed coldly before replying. "Do I?" 

"Yeah." Sehun snapped, "It's like everyday is the Taemin show and all of us are just extras in your sick little games." 

"Oh my god." Taemin chuckled, refusing to let anything Sehun was saying get to him. "Why are you so obsessed with me?!" 

"Um guys-" Minho started. 

"OH HERE WE GO AGAIN." Sehun screeched, "Everyone's just so obsessed with YOU. It's all about YOU. Jongin beats YOU up, Key tells YOU what to do, I'm obsessed with YOU..." 

"I didn't beat anyone up!!!" Jongin cut in, missing the point entirely, he just really hated that this kept getting mentioned. "Taemin's bitten me a thousand times, even hit me, no one calls him a wife beater!" 

"Stay out of this baby." Taemin snapped, sitting up from leaning against Jongin's chest. 

"WELL EXACTLY." Sehun said shrilly, to Jongin- not Taemin, "Taemin's done way worse shit to you than you've ever done to him...but because he plays the weak and pathetic act everybody just ignores the fact he's an abusive, spiteful bastard." 

"OK WOW." Taemin cut in, still smirking even though that couldn't help but sting. He wasn't going to let Sehun know that though. 

"Stop it Sehun." Jongin said, "This is none of your business, we're all friends here so just stop it." 

Taemin giggled and turned back to face his lover. "Don't worry babe, he just wants to break us up so he can get in your pants." 

"WHAT?" Sehun yelled, his cheeks flushing the most awful shade of pink. 

Taemin smiled and leaned back into Jongin, nuzzling at his neck. "I bet you want to kiss him..." he cooed, pecking a wide-eyed looking Jongin's jawline, "I bet you want to touch him...." he continued, scrunching at Jongin's crotch with out warning. 

"Ok! That's enough!" Jongin squeaked, shuffling backwards and away from his boyfriend's groping hands. "Don't be a bitch, Minnie." 

"You're taking his side?" Taemin snapped. 

"Nooo." Jongin groaned, "I'm on your side. But for fucks sake, this is just stupid." 

"Is it?" Taemin asked, turning back to Sehun again, this time the smirk on his lips gone. "Because I've had just about enough of the weird looks you give me. Always fucking staring, judging...I know what you're thinking and I've had enough of it." 

"I don't fucking stare at you." Sehun scoffed, shaking his head. "You just like to think I do cus you're so self obsessed." 

"Ughh go back to the shelter you dumb toddler. You don't know a fucking thing about the real world." Taemin hissed. 

This really hit a nerve. Sehun had lived through a lot, A LOT, and yes he may have been a few years younger but that didn't mean he hadn't dealt with just as much shit. "ALL YOUR PAIN IS SELF INFLICTED." he started to yell, losing his cool and standing up, "YOU DO IT TO YOURSELF AND THEN MAKE EVERYONE FEEL SORRY FOR YOU AFTERWARDS." 

"SELF INFLICTED?!" Taemin screamed, also losing the volume control and getting up. "DO YOU THINK I WANTED TO BE HOMELESS? DO YOU THINK I WANTED TO SELL MYSELF? DO YOU THINK I WANTED TO RUN AWAY? DO YOU THINK I WANTED TO LIE? I DIDN'T HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE YOU IGNORANT BRAT. YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME, OR MY FRIEND'S, OR MY BOYFRIEND, OR MY LIFE." 

"MY MY MY MY MY." Sehun mocked, "YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU. ALWAYS THE TAEMIN SHOW." 

"ARGHH!" Taemin screeched, lurching forward with his fist in the air to do some serious damage, before both Jongin and Minho got up like lightning- Jongin holding Taemin back, and Minho standing in front of Sehun for double protection. 

"HE'S A PSYCHOPATH SEE!" Sehun screamed, no idea who he was talking to. "HE'S THE BEATER. HE'S THE WIFE BEATER!" 

Taemin had totally lost it by this point- the cool, calm, smirky version of himself now a distant memory. Jongin had to literally wrestle him out, while the blonde generally screamed and struggled, not caring he was actually taking his anger out on Jongin right now, not Sehun. 

"Will you calm down!!!" Jongin yelled, once they were out of the room and into the corridor, Taemin still doing everything he could to get back inside and teach that brat a lesson. 

"NO!" Taemin screamed, "LET GO OF ME! STOP CONTROLLING ME!!" 

Jongin would have rolled his eyes if he could have, still keeping an iron like grip around his boyfriend who wouldn't quit the struggling. 

"Seriously! Minnie!" Jongin squeaked, getting a face full of arm as Taemin almost broke free. 

It took a whole 3 minutes for the struggling to stop. Luckily Jongin was strong enough to hold onto him without getting too badly hurt himself, but still, like holy crap, one minute he was smirking and it was all fine and the next he was practically flying across the room at Sehun trying to rip his head off. 

"Calmed down enough for me to let you go?" Jongin asked, still with his arms wrapped around Taemin's body and arms. "Or are you just playing dead?" 

Taemin let out a long sigh as his body untensed. "I'm not playing dead." 

Only half of Jongin believed him but he let go anyway, and thankfully Taemin hadn't been lying. Jongin watched sympathetically, if slightly puzzled, as the blonde turned and looked away at the floor sulkily. 

Jongin honestly had no idea why he was so upset...it's not like Taemin cared about Sehun's opinions in the first place. But then again, morning was drawing closer and he always got antsy craving for spice. His hands would start to shake and he'd get a little sweaty without his daily fix still, so that was probably it. 

"You don't think that about me too do you?" Taemin asked suddenly, snapping his head up to face Jongin, water welling in his eyes. "You don't think I'm self obsessed, that I play the pity card, that it's always the Taemin show? You know I'm not selfish right? You do, don't you??" 

"Course I know." Jongin replied, smiling reassuringly and taking one of his lover's hands in his own. "I love you." 

"Only 90%!" Taemin sniffled, "Does the other 10% agree with Sehun??" 

Jongin chuckled, "Yeah, probably. But you were right when you said we shouldn't worry about that. Everyone has faults. There are loads of things I hate about myself too. Sehun doesn't know you like I do. He's only seen one side of you. He doesn't know what I know. He doesn't know how caring, thoughtful, giving, sweet... and just generally adorable you are, how much you love me and your friends, how you'd sacrifice yourself just to help us in anyway. He has no idea how long you looked after me and that you probably saved my life on multiple occasions..." 

"He only knows the horrible things I've done." Taemin croaked, the lump in his throat making his voice sound all weird. "He thinks I'm some lying, manipulative, crybaby whore. And I am, whatever....I just...would hate to think...you might ever think of me like that..." 

"I'd never." Jongin said simply, "I know we've said some horrible things to each other...but you're my everything, you know that." 

Taemin shut his eyes tight as a tear finally escaped and a small smile crept on his lips. "I don't deserve you." 

"Ha." Jongin scoffed, letting go of Taemin's hand to pull him in for a bear hug. "We deserve each other. That might not be a good thing." 

"It's a good thing." Taemin mumbled, his voice all muffled from being pressed into the crook of Jongin's neck. 

"You ok baby?" came another voice, as Key poked his head around the door, his arm outstretched holding an already lit spliff. "This might make you feel less...craycray." 

Taemin broke free of Jongin's hug as soon as he smelt the drug, rushing to Key gratefully and snatching away the spliff. 

It always deeply saddened Jongin to see how dependant Taemin still was on spice. He knew 2 a day was really good comparatively, but it was still too many. 

"Why not just have a cigarette?" Jongin asked, fishing around in his pocket to see if he had one handy. 

"Won't do it." Taemin mumbled, coming back to Jongin to continue their hug, spliff still in between his fingers. 

A quiet cough was heard behind Key as Sehun and Minho both peered around the door to gawp at what was going on. 

"Oh yeah." Key announced, stepping aside. "Sehun would like to say something." 

Sehun looked like he wanted to say something like a hole in the head, but decided to try and be the bigger person because he knew Taemin was never going to be. "Sorry I called you a spiteful ashole." he said, with all the sincerity of a cucumber. 

"And does Minnie have anything to say to Sehun?" Key asked, as if he was commentating. It was really fucking annoying. 

Taemin glared at him for a good few seconds before replying. "Seriously Key. Seriously. We're not your children." 

Key was about to argue when Jongin nudged Taemin's arm a few times because the sooner this was over, the quicker they could just all forget about it. 

Taemin's jaw clenched and for a horrible moment everyone really thought he was going to go off again...But he didn't. The spice was gently calming his nerves and so he supposed could try and be the bigger person too. "I'm sorry I called you a kiss ass." he said blankly, not meaning it. 

"Ok." Sehun snapped. 

"WEEELLL. That's all good then." Key exclaimed, clapping his hands together and gesturing for everyone to go back inside. 

Taemin wasn't going to follow but then again, he needed a shower and it would be stupid to waste this opportunity so what choice did he have. 

"How did he sleep through that?" Minho asked, peering down at Jonghyun, still apparently snoring. "He's a fucking insomniac most of the time yet now he can sleep through world war 3!?" 

"I'm not asleep." Jonghyun mumbled, opening one lazy eye. "Well I mean I was, but then I just faked it because you guys seemed to be handling everything fine." 

Key tutted and muttered something which half sounded like 'stupid dinosaur' before deciding he was going to be the first one to shower and sneaking away into the on suit. 

Once everyone was clean, they packed up all their stuff and left pretty grumpily because, well, the night hadn't exactly gone as planned. And now it was back to the daily grind and that was just depressing. Jongin kissed Taemin goodbye, Taemin watched him leave sulkily, and now all there was left to do was kill time until tonight. Great. 

\--- 

Because of the awkward events the night before, and the fact that Taemin seemed oddly fragile about it, everyone decided they'd hang out at the club that night. They hadn't been in a few days, mainly because Jongin couldn't handle it without getting a bit drunk and that was no good, but also because Taemin's boss didn't seem all that impressed that his homeless friends seemed to be hanging around an otherwise high class club. 

Sehun had said he wasn't going, that he'd rather stick a fork in his eye, but changed his mind at the last minute because as he watched everyone walk away, the car park became so big, so dark and he felt so alone it was unbearable. He could have gone to the shelter but he'd pretty much resided himself that he was never going back there. It was full of creeps who stole your stuff and threatened you and he wasn't safe. Although he wasn't safe anywhere. 

So at the last second he'd ran after them, deciding that a warm club amongst friends was a lot nicer than a cold car park on your own, even if that meant having to be near a certain blonde brat. 

Jongin was kind of snippy with him on the way there. It shouldn't have shocked him, because he was Taemin's boyfriend after all, but they had such an unbalanced relationship and talked so much shit about each other that Sehun couldn't help being surprised that Jongin would be so protective. 

"Do you think he'll mind that I'm coming too?" Sehun asked, unsubtley testing the water to see what Jongin thought about the whole thing. 

"No." Jongin said blunty, "He won't care." 

"...Ok good." 

"Look." Jongin said again, stopping in his tracks to let the other's go ahead so they could talk privately. "I don't want you going off at him like that again you understand?" 

"But-" 

"No. I know he's difficult but you don't know him and you have no right to say anything about him ok? So don't do it again." 

Sehun felt like he'd just been slapped and for the first time he sort of got what everyone meant about Jongin being scary sometimes. 

"Fine." Sehun mumbled, deciding not to argue because he'd long since given up. Everyone was on Taemin's side. Everyone thought the sun shone out of his behind. That's fine. That's just the way it was. Fine. Ahem. 

"Good." Jongin smiled, lightening up immediately. 

Taemin was already dancing by the time they arrived. Tonight he was wearing the same tight fitting leather pants, this time with a grey tank top and black choker. He looked like a fantasy, almost like he wasn't there. Sehun refused to make eye contact. 

The first half of the night was predictable, irritating, and quite frankly- dull as sin. 

Everyone did what they normally did as soon as they got to the club; Jongin- making himself a comfy spot at the bar, drinking until he didn't care that Taemin was slutting around, Jonghyun and Key dancing, snogging, and generally making fools of themselves, Minho occasionally with Jongin at the bar, occasionally being a hyung whore with some older guys he claimed were friends the other's didn't know, and poor old Sehun, camouflaging himself in the back corner, trying to look older than he was. Not that anyone seemed to care he was obviously underage though. It wasn't that kind of place. 

So the night was boring. Even Taemin found it a little laborious as the hours went on, even though he still loved the dancing. 

Taemin would have taken dull any day over what happened next though. 

It was about midnight and the club was buzzing- the busiest it would ever be. The music was deafeningly loud, the bass vibrating the walls. The lights were flashing so brightly Taemin could barely see the faces of the crowd from his platform, but that didn't mean someone hadn't spotted him. 

Siwon had to admit, he was strangely amused when he'd heard that Taemin, the cheap little street whore who'd run away, had dared to work at his bar. Then again, he presumed the blonde may not have known that Heechul owned only 49%, and that in fact it was Siwon who owned the other 51%. 

If he did in fact know, the nerve of this kid was baffling. It didn't matter. Taemin was a liability from day one; a liability who knew way too much. It was time to put this puppy down. 

The song ended, and Taemin hopped down from his platform to wipe the sweat away that was dripping down his back, and get a few gulps of water before he continued. Stripping was a lot more strenuous that he'd have ever thought- or maybe he was just unfit. 

Now on the ground, he thought about wandering over to Jongin briefly to say hi but decided against it. He might get in trouble. His boss's didn't like his friends hanging out here in the first place so it wouldn't look good if he kept going over to them and talking like he didn't even work here. 

He was just about to turn and lift himself back up on his platform, when he froze. It was honestly like it heart stopped for a second in shock, blood draining from his head as he stared into the eyes of the man he feared the most. No, not the creep from the shelter who'd beaten him, but a much more powerful man. 

"Hello Taemin." Siwon said, smiling sinisterly. 

Taemin was speechless. He thought about running, screaming or both but his voice was caught and his legs were shaking. 

"I'm guessing by the look on your face you didn't know I own this club?" Siwon asked calmly, picking some loose fluff off his expensive, long black coat. 

"You're Mr 51%??" Taemin squeaked. 

Siwon laughed coldly. "Is that what Heechul said?" he smirked, "Well I guess he wouldn't know we had...history now would he?" 

"N-no..." Taemin stuttered, backing away and bumping into someone dancing behind in the process. The next song had already started and everyone was cheering and screaming manically again. 

"Now where do you think you're going?" Siwon asked, grasping hold of one of Taemin's wrists, holding it so tightly he couldn't break free. 

"BIE!!!" Taemin screamed out of instinct, "BIIIIEEE!!!!!" 

Siwon simply laughed again. There was no way on gods earth Jongin was going to be able hear him all the way at the bar. 

"Say, Taemin..." Siwon said, as he started to drag the blonde off to the back of the club towards the exit. "Would you mind if I tell you a story?" 

Taemin was shitting himself in fear. He had no idea what to do, he wasn't prepared for this at all. He couldn't break free, he couldn't scream and nobody was paying them the blindest bit of attention because it was so busy. 

"Let's go somewhere quieter shall we?" Siwon said again, as Taemin started to struggle. Siwon grabbed his other wrist and pulled them both out the back door which clearly said 'no entry'. 

"BBIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!" Taemin screamed again, once they were outside, the cold night air making goosebumps rise on his bare skin. He knew it was no use, but he couldn't help trying. "HEEELLPP!! SOMEONE! HELLP!!" 

"Will you shut the fuck up street slut?" Siwon hissed, his calm voice now laced with venom, as he continued to drag a screaming, struggling Taemin round the corner to the back alley of the club. 

Once he thought they were secluded enough, he pinned the terrified blonde to the wall by his neck, clamping a hand around his mouth. Taemin bit him, which landed him a hard slap on the cheek as punishment. 

"Now now." Siwon said, calming himself. He didn't want to lose his cool and honestly, he enjoyed scaring the living daylights out of his victims. This wasn't the first time he'd killed someone who used to work for him. He couldn't risk the hotel being exposed for what it truly was. Besides, murder didn't faze him. As far as he was concerned, whores were disposable bodies. Plus the look in his victims eyes, the terrified quivering of their body- it was exhilarating. He had so much power, he was in total control. It made him feel like a god, and he was determined to enjoy every second of this. 

"Shh shhh, baby." he hushed, clamping his hand back against Taemin's mouth as the blonde tried to scream again, tears now streaking down his cheeks, getting Siwon's hand all wet. "It's ok, shhh, it'll all be over soon." he continued, "Why don't I tell you that story now, huh?" 

Taemin continued to gasp and cry. His usual struggling tactics were getting him nowhere and he could hardly breathe his neck was gripped so tightly. 

"Once upon a time...there was a little street boy named...?" Siwon started, pausing as if he wanted Taemin finish the sentence. 

"Named...Taeminnie." Siwon continued, "That's what Heechul calls you isn't it?" 

Still no reply obviously, only muffled screams as his mouth tried to open desperately around Siwon's hands. 

"Taeminnie was such a pitiful little thing when I met him and his friends. All homeless nobodies, no life, no future, living in the gutter probably." Siwon carried on, loosening his grip on Taemin's neck as the blonde's eyes started to roll backwards. "Stay with me now, baby, this isn't over just yet." 

Taemin continued to cry. 

"Taeminnie rejected my offer to come and work for me. It was such a shame. He'd have made me good money...such a nice piece of ass." Siwon smirked, "But then all of a sudden he turns up, claiming he's ready and he'll do whatever to prove it. So being the kind, generous person I am, I get one of my employees to interview him...and what happens next?" 

Taemin sobbed harder. 

"Oh that's right, Taeminnie calls his loser boyfriend because he can't handle a little bit of bondage." Siwon chuckled, "Saw you on the security cameras, rather funny actually." 

"Mmmppphhhuummpphh!!" Taemin mumbled. 

"What was that?" Siwon asked, removing his hand from Taemin's mouth only to shove it back when the blonde did nothing but scream. 

"Well anyway." Siwon continued, "Thought I'd never see Taeminnie again, thought he'd gone back to being a worthless street slut...but then what do I know? He's back again? This time, begging, pleading, me to take him in, saying he promises he'll be good, saying he can cope with anything now, that he's ready." 

More tears. 

"And so what can I say? I'm a big old softy. I can't resist him. He has the cutest little puppy dog eyes. So we make a deal. He works for me for nothing and he get's to stay. A very, very generous offer don't you think?" 

Tears, muffled screams, struggling, panic. 

Siwon nodded as if Taemin had just said something helpful. "Mm yes. I agree. So anyway, Taeminnie has great fun at the hotel. He has a lot of sex, sleeps a lot, watches tv, eats all our food, plays dress up in the new clothes we get him...he's living the life...and then what happens, but his stupid, interfering, lowlife of a boyfriend comes storming in the place like a lunatic, threatening to blow the whole operation." he continued, shaking his head. "I thought my bodyguards killed him, but he's alive isn't he?" 

Taemin tried to shake his head with no luck. 

"Anyway. It doesn't matter now does it? Because then what do you know, Taeminnie's gone again. He didn't even say goodbye. How do you think that made me feel huh? After I'd been so charitable, after I'd given him so much?" 

Taemin was getting so desperate, that the struggling was becoming even hard for Siwon to handle, so he decided enough was enough and pulled out a knife from his pocket, making Taemin freeze, going cross eyed as he stared at the blade in front of his face. 

"Good boy." Siwon smiled, running the knife over Taemin's cheek, so lightly it only broke the first layer of skin. "I'll tell you a secret now Taeminnie...this story doesn't have a happy ending." 

Taemin began to sob even harder (if that was possible) before Siwon removed the hand on his mouth to stroke his hair, as if he was comforting him, the blade lowered dangerously close to his neck. "Any last words?" 

"Please..." Taemin begged, looking up at the sky because he didn't want the last thing he saw to be Siwon's face. The stars were out tonight, so at least he could be one with them when he went. "Don't do this...you won't get away with it..." he continued. 

"Look at me when I'm talking to you whore." Siwon snapped, lifting the knife up to take another chunk out of Taemin's cheek. 

"My friend's...they'll kill you...they won't let you get away with this..." Taemin started, knowing it was useless. Siwon had probably got away with murder 100 times. This time was no different. 

"Awwhawwhaww...." Siwon cooed, half laughing, "Baby shhh, don't you know by now, no one cares about homeless people? You're all a bunch of worthless drug addicted whores...who's going to listen to you?" 

Taemin knew he was right, so looked back up at the stars again. This was it. This was how his story ended. It hadn't all been sad, right? There'd been happy times, with Key, with Minho, with Jonghyun...with Bie. And they'd be ok without him. They'd live on and they could be happy. He could die knowing that at least he was loved. And now he was going to go and be with Onew, and man did he want to see his friendly smile again, and give that big old grandpa a hug. 

\--- 

Sehun was so pissed out. This was the night that wouldn't die, like seriously. They'd been at the club for 3 hours already and he just desperately wanted to go to sleep. Except there was no way on earth that was going to happen here, where the music was so loud he could hardly even hear himself think. 

You wouldn't have thought a gay club would be so boring. But man, after a few nights here, it was all the same. Dancing, making out, getting drunk, stripping. Yawn. And it wasn't like he could hang out with Jongin to pass the time, because the guy was always drunk and in a bad mood when he came down here. The other's weren't any use either- Jonghyun and Key were always being coupley and icky and Minho wasn't interested in babysitting a toddler, so Sehun was on his own. 

He was so bored, he even succumbed to watching some of the dancers/strippers do their thing. Most of them looked so different to Taemin- big muscley guys with 6 packs and tanned, glowing skin. He guessed that's why Taemin got so much attention- because he was different maybe. Where the hell was that kid anyway? 

Sehun had glanced at Taemin's platform a few times in the last say, 10 minutes, and there was no sign. Which meant he'd either ditched or was taking the world's longest pee. Or maybe he was having sex in the bathroom- Sehun bet he'd done that before. Either way, it was weird. The strippers were allowed to get down from their platforms to get a drink in between songs cus it got hella hot underneath those lights but 10 minutes was a bit excessive. But why did Sehun care, it wasn't like Taemin meant anything to him. 

And yet, he couldn't help feeling uneasy. 

Ugh. Fuck it. 

"Hey Newb-Jongin." Sehun said, rushing up to the blonde's boyfriend who was slumped over on the bar, his head resting on the counter, eyes tight shut. "Wake up! Are you drunk again??" 

Jongin opened one lazy eye and yawned. "Ohh sorry..." he said, sitting up and rubbing at the back of his head, making all his hair stick up comically. 

"Where's Taemin?" Sehun snapped. 

"Huh?" Jongin asked, looking to the side at his boyfriend's platform. "I don't-" 

Sehun groaned- Jongin was clearly useless in this state. 

Next he wondered towards Jongkey- but didn't even get a chance to ask them before he was pushed aside by the fast growing crowd of people dancing, and noticed that the backdoor was swinging a little open. He'd never seen it open before. It had a 'no entry' sign on it and he hadn't even seen any staff use it. Weird. 

Curiosity killed the cat, he kept saying in his head. Yet his feet seemed to have other ideas, because he couldn't stop himself before he was peering his head out of it, to be met with nothing but darkness. 

....and then a noise. 

What the fuck was that. 

It sounded almost like muffled screaming, coming from round the corner where Sehun couldn't see. Oh god. He couldn't just walk away now, could he? It didn't even occur to him to go back and get other help, which would have obviously been the sensible thing to do. Nope, Sehun decided to take it upon himself to see what was up alone, and crept out of the door, walking close to the side of the club to peer around the back alley, hiding himself out of sight behind the corner. 

He had to stain his eyes in the darkness to see anything, but thankfully his ears were picking up all the information he needed. 

"Please..." a small, terrified voice begged, "Don't do this...you won't get away with it..." 

Sehun's eyes widened. Without a shadow of a doubt- that was Taemin's voice. 

"Look at me when I'm talking to you whore." another voice hissed. 

His eyes now adjusted to the darkness, Sehun could now dimly make out two 2 figures, both in silhouette- a tall beefy man pressing the other against the wall by his hair. There was a knife in his hands, dangerously close to the victim's neck. Taemin's neck. 

"My friend's...they'll kill you...they won't let you get away with this..." Taemin started, but was cut off by the sinister laughter of his attacker. 

Sehun didn't hear what the guy said next. His mind was in overdrive. He was so panicked he thought he might just faint right then and there. He knew he had to act fast, but what the FUCK was he supposed to do?? If he ran back into the club, it might already be too late, if he screamed, the guy might stab Taemin and anyway and run off, if he tried to fight the bastard off- he could end up getting them both killed. He was stuck. He had no plan, no clue what to do. He was useless. And oh my god, Taemin was going to die and it would be all his fault. He couldn't let that happen. 

"Please..." Taemin sobbed again, snapping Sehun out of his daze. 

He watched as the guy lowered the knife, tauntingly slowly, trailing it down Taemin's neck and chest, but not breaking any skin. It was almost as if he was enjoying making his victim as scared as possible, as he laughed coldly at Taemin's tears. 

And then the taunting was over. 

The man positioned the knife, right in the center of Taemin's chest, ready to plunge it deep inside. "Sweet dreams." he said, before- 

Sehun didn't know what happened. His legs worked out of instinct again, and suddenly he was screaming and running out from behind the corner, lunging himself at the man to push him away. 

For a beautiful second, Sehun thought he'd actually done it. There'd been no deafening scream, no bloodcurdling cry, only silence. 

But then it was almost as if time stopped. Taemin fell to the ground, clutching at his side, just above his hip bone as his hands started to stain with red. Sehun glanced at the man he'd pushed, who looked shocked beyond belief, the bloody knife still tight in his grip. 

Sehun knew this was the end for him too, and tried to prepare himself for the worst, when a voice was heard behind them. 

"Sehun? Are you down there?" 

Both Sehun and the man snapped their heads up to see a very confused looking Key, squinting his eyes to see into the dark alleyway. When Sehun looked back, the man was already gone, running through the night and into the shadows, the bloody knife leaving a trail of death in his wake. 

Sehun gasped in shock, dropping to his knees, and clutched at Taemin's now very unconscious body, trying to put pressure on the deep stab wound on the boy's side. He couldn't believe it. He really thought he'd been quick enough- but his reflexes were obviously as poor as his bravery. He was a coward. This was all his fault. 

"Sehun?!" Key squeaked, still no idea what was going on as he started to make his way down the alley. 

"I'M HERE!" Sehun cried, finally finding his voice, "KEY! HELP! OH MY GOD! HELP!!!!" 

Sehun heard manic footsteps as Key ran down to find him, screaming when he saw Taemin's dead-looking body. 

Sehun let Taemin go and fall into the arms of Key, who was now uncontrollably sobbing whilst trying to see if his friend was still breathing. "Call an ambulance for fucks sake!!" he screeched, glaring up at Sehun, "Then get Jongin!" 

Sehun watched frozen for a second before the words registered. He was so shocked and panicked, the world still seemed to be going at slow speed. 

"GO!" Key roared, and Sehun jumped into action, rushing down the alley, turning a corner and back through the exit door which was thankfully still swinging open. 

By dumb luck, Minho happened to be close by, so Sehun only had to bustle past a few hyper clubbers to get to him. "I NEED YOUR PHONE!" he yelled, not bothering to say why because it was so hard to be overheard as the music was still deafening. Minho pulled a puzzled face but fumbled for around for the only phone the group now owned, passing it to Sehun who ran away with it so quickly he didn't get a chance to question it. 

Once just outside the back exit, Sehun dialed the ambulance, his fingers literally shaking as he pressed the keys. His voice was hoarse as tried to explain as best he could what happened, and he could hardly even hear what the woman was saying on the other end because the phone was crackling so much. It was ok though, he'd got his point across- some kid had been stabbed around the back of The Mist. That was all there was to say. 

He could still hear Key crying further down in the alley, but didn't go back to check on what was happening. Getting Jongin was his next job. If Taemin really was dying, then he couldn't go without seeing his lover one last time. 

"JONGIN!" he called, rushing back into the club to get to the bar, struggling to find his way past the busy crowd of people. "JONGIN!!!!!" 

Jongin turned around in a flash, all the blood draining from his head. He may have been pretty drunk, but he knew something awful must have had happened. The terrified look on Sehun's face could only mean one thing- it was bad. He quickly glanced up at Taemin's platform in horror, desperately hoping to see his lover and silently dying inside when all he was greeted by was emptiness. 

There was no time to think, no time for words. Sehun grabbed his hand to pull him up, dragging them both back through the crowd the way he'd come. Jongin followed as best he could, regretting all the alcohol he'd drank because everything was a hazy blur and his reflexes were not what they should have been. 

Sehun lead him all the way to the back of the room, pushed the no entry door and ran outside, turning a corner to the back alley of the club. 

It was then that Jongin felt his whole world crumble, his voice catch in his throat, an inaudible scream echo from his lips. 

Key was still there on the ground, in floods of tears, cradling the unconscious body of Taemin, blood dripping from his hands. 

"Did you call the ambulance?!" Key screeched, his voice only sounding like a muffled slur to Jongin, who's heart was beating so loudly it was deafening. Sehun shrieked a reply but Jongin didn't hear that either. 

He ran up to his lover, falling to his knees beside him to clutch hold of his limp body as Key passed him over. 

Taemin looked almost dead. But he wasn't. He definitely wasn't. His lips were parted, his mouth hanging open as he breathed. Jongin looked down to the side of his waist, just above his hip bone. He'd been stabbed. There was no other explanation. A bloody wound was seeping through his clothes, down Jongin's arm, staining them both in red. 

Jongin glanced up at Key who was still kneeling right next to them, tears streaming down his cheeks. "What-?!?!" he cried, still unable to hear his own voice. 

"I don't know!" Key screamed, looking up at Sehun. 

Sehun just stared down at them guiltily. This was all his fault. If he'd acted quicker, if he'd tackled that bastard sooner, if he hadn't been such a fucking coward- maybe Taemin would be ok right now. 

Jongin didn't wait for an answer, and started to cradle Taemin's lifeless figure, rocking his body in fits of sobs, whispering his love in case this was the end. "Baby...baby...please..." he cried, pressing their forhead's together. "Please stay with me...please don't give up...please...Minnie...please..." 

Taemin was looking worse by the second, his side still seeping a horrible amount of blood. Key tore his shirt and wrapped the fabric around his hand, pressing it tightly against the wound to try and stop the blood loss. It wasn't working. The fabric was drenched within seconds. 

"Oh my god oh my god." Jongin sobbed, "Taemin...don't give up on me please I love you...don't die baby don't die...don't leave me...I need you...please..." 

It seemed like it took an eternity for the ambulance to arrive. In reality it had only been a couple of minutes until they heard sirens, yet those minutes felt like hours of probably the worst someone could ever feel. 

Jongin could hardly let Taemin go as the paramedics surrounded them. He was convinced Taemin's state was so far gone that he was going to die any second, and that his last moment would be in the arms of a stranger and not the person who loved him. 

Of course he did let him go, watching through a blur of tears as the love of his life was carried out of the alleyway and back round the club to where the ambulance was parked. A mask had already been placed on his face to help him breathe, bandages already being wrapped around his waist to stop the bleeding. 

Despite the huge crowd of panicked people that had come outside to gawp, Jongin and Key managed to desperately claw their way through, following Taemin as he was lifted into the ambulance. 

"Only room for one." One of the paramedics said, just as he was about to close the door. 

There was no time to debate, and even though Key wanted it to be him more than anything, he knew it wouldn’t be right, so shoved Jongin forward and watched in total despair as the crying boy got in the ambulance, the door slammed shut, and the vehicle drove away at the speed of light. 

Key collapsed into tears, hardly realizing that Jonghyun, Minho and Sehun had gathered behind him, all sobbing hysterically themselves. 

"He's gone...!!!" Key wailed, throwing himself at Jonghyun who was shaking uncontrollably. "He's gonna die!" 

"No..." Minho gasped, burying his face in his hands, "He can't..." 

"He is! That's it! It's over!" Key bawled, clamping his eyes shut as he clawed at Jonghyun's back, as if it was the only thing keeping him grounded to the earth. "It's over." he whispered finally. 

All that was left was the echo of sirens. 

\--- 

The End.

LOL  
just joking :') that would be evil even for me. 

well i'm finally caught up to what i've posted on asianfanfics~ so this will be the last daily update i'm sorry :( I'll update weekly from now on. I usuallllyyy put them up on a Saturday so i'll hopefully see you thenn!! <3  
hugs ;_;

oh buttt! i will still be updating everyday, just with another story. i wrote it before homelessons so it's um, abitrubbish, but why not upload it i guess xD It's called 'I'm A Cyborg But That's Ok'.

vague plot summery:   
This fic is inspired by the Park Chan Wook film "I'm a cyborg". It's centred around Taemin, a sweet kid who thinks he's a cyborg. He won't eat because he's scared that food will break his mechanisms, so he tries to charge himself via batteries. One day he accidentally electrocutes himself and get's put in a mental institution where he meets Jongin. Jongin is...complicated. His biggest fear is that he is going to fade into a dot, and he's a kleptomaniac as a result. Jongin doesn't just steal possessions though, he believes he can steal people's personalities as well. 

and i'll start putting that on here tomorrow xD ok enough shameless self promotions :') byeeeeee


	23. Results: No Plan

Traumatized is a word that gets constantly overused. In the past, Taemin himself had claimed he'd been just that. After all, everyone who's lived on the streets are going to be totally screwed up in at least one way or another and Taemin was no exception. He'd been beaten, raped, left in an alleyway to die and done multiple horrible things himself. He thought he was as messed up as it was possible to be. But he was wrong. Because he never even knew the meaning of that word until now. 

After his operation, he'd spent a whole day unconscious and in intensive care- no visitors allowed. When he woke up, he had no idea what had happened, where he was, or what was going on. It was strangely calming. For a beautiful second, he wasn't Taemin. He had no problems, no memories, nothing to scare him. 

Of course it couldn't last, as everything all came flooding back to him only a few moments later, making him feel like the world was ending once more. He should have been unbelievably relieved- he'd stared into the face of death and now here he was, very much alive, in surprisingly little pain because of the drugs. But he wasn't relieved. He was terrified. He felt like a shadow of his former self, like the blood he'd lost had taken with it his courage. 

Key was the first to come tearing into the room, throwing himself at the sleepy, dazed form of Taemin who was still having a hard time staying awake. 

"Be gentle for fucks sake!" Minho scolded, the second one to enter the room, reaching down to stroke the stray hairs out of Taemin's eyes. 

Jonghyun was just behind Key, trying his hardest not to cry (he pretty much hadn't stopped, even when the doctors had told them Taemin's condition wasn't fatal) as he pushed passed his lover to bend down for a hug too. 

"We thought we'd lost you." Minho whispered, unable to hold eye contact with his friend because this was all too much. 

"I thought I'd lost me too." Taemin barely croaked, surprising himself by the hoarseness of his own voice. His shouldn't have been. His throat felt like sandpaper. 

"How do you feel?" Key asked, "Does it hurt? Have they given you enough painkillers? Are you craving? Are you hungry? Thirsty?" he carried on, putting a hand on Taemin's forehead before turning to Jonghyun. "He looks cold doesn't he? Do you think he's cold?" 

"I'm fine." Taemin croaked again. "Where's Bie?" 

Jonghyun and Key both exchanged meaningful glances before staring back at their friend. 

Jongin was, frankly, not coping. He couldn’t hold it together. He was a total mess. When he'd heard Taemin was awake he'd broken down even more. How could he face him after getting so drunk that he hadn't even noticed Taemin was gone, even when Sehun had pointed it out? He was so guilty, so overraught, and he couldn't see his lover in this state. He had to be strong, he couldn’t go in there sobbing like a baby. Taemin was probably terrified, and Jongin needed to be there for him- not the other way around. 

"He's outside." Key replied, "He said he'll be in soon....he just needed a minute to...calm down." 

"Is he mad at me?" Taemin asked, genuinely confused. 

Minho chuckled. "Oh yeah. He's real pissed at you. How could you be so stupid, getting yourself stabbed like that. Fucking hell Minnie. Even he's not that crazy." 

"I wanna see him." Taemin said, ignoring his best friend's sarcasm. "Get his fat ass in here..." 

Key was about to argue because he still had so much to say, so many things they needed to talk about, and honestly he couldn't bare to leave Taemin out of his sight again...but then Jonghyun cut him off, as usual. 

"We'll go find him." he said, pulling a very reluctant Key and Minho out of the room and into the corridor, thinking it would be best to give the two some space. 

Jongin actually didn't take any finding. He was right outside the room, crouched against the wall, his head in his hands, hiding the non stop tears that never seemed to dry up. He felt like the most pathetic loser on the planet. 

"He wants to see you." Key snapped, looking down at his friend critically. "Don't be an idiot." 

"Ok." Jongin nodded, wiping his eyes and getting up shakily. He was split in half- one side wanting nothing more than to see his lover and the other wishing he could just run away. He couldn't be a coward though, so he bit his lip, swallowed down the lump in his throat, took a deep breath, and tried not to be offended when Jonghyun nudged his back and said "Fuck sake, what are you playing at? Get in there!" 

"Sorry." Jongin gulped, "I'll..." 

"Just get in there!" Minho hissed. 

Jongin nodded again, gripped hold of the door handle, and tried to prepare himself for what Taemin would look like when he entered. 

He obviously hadn't done a good job, because as soon as he saw his lover, the lump decided to come back up, and he had to bite his lip so hard not to start sobbing all over again. Taemin still looked half dead. In fact, probably more like 3 quarters dead. His was so pale, his cheeks covered in stitches from the slices Siwon had taken out of them, a large bandage wrapped around his side. 

As soon as Taemin saw his lover, a small smile crept on his lips, as he half heartedly lifted both arms up. Jongin didn't exactly look great himself. He was still wearing exactly the same clothes he'd worn to the club, his cheeks unshaved, his hair unbrushed, huge dark circles under his eyes, his whole face red and puffy from crying. 

Taemin cocked his head to the side, letting his arms fall back down on the bed when Jongin did nothing but stand there by the door like an idiot, still biting at his lip. 

"It's ok." Taemin said reassuringly. 

That was it. Jongin broke down again, burying his face in his hands once more- a useless task because there was no point in trying to be strong now. 

"Jongin..." Taemin whispered, opening up his arms again. "Come here..." 

Jongin did, rushing towards the bed and throwing himself down on the side of it, wailing unashamedly now on Taemin's shoulder as the blonde gently caressed his hair. 

"Shhh...shhh...it's ok." Taemin hushed, "Everything'll be o-" 

"No!" Jongin cried, clutching at Taemin's hospital gown for dear life, "Oh my god...I thought..." 

"I know." Taemin gulped, "Me too." 

Jongin continued to cry for a good few minutes, as Taemin remained stroking his hair and in general just try and stay calm himself. 

"I'm sorry." Jongin spluttered, sitting up to wipe his eyes, "I'm being such a baby...I just can't...I can't get over it...I was so scared...I..." 

"I know." Taemin said again. 

"...I thought you were dead..." Jongin continued, without pausing for breath, his voice catching as he said the D word. "I really thought..." 

"I'm not though." Taemin said, lifting his arm up again to cup one of his lover's cheeks. Jongin put a hand on Taemin's, nuzzling into the comfort he almost couldn't believe was real. A part of him thought he might just wake up at any moment to discover that this had all been a wonderful dream, when actually in reality Taemin was dead and- 

"You can't get rid of me that easily." Taemin said, half smiling. 

"I'm not ready to joke about this." Jongin mumbled, clamping his eyes shut. 

Taemin sighed, removing the hand from his lover's cheek because holding it up was making him ache. "It was definitely the worst episode of the Taemin show so far." 

Jongin shook his head because he felt like that comment was still trying to make light of the situation. There was nothing light about this. 

"But it wasn't the finale was it?" Taemin carried on, "It was just the er...big climax before everything starts getting better..." 

It was ludicrous that Taemin, in the awful state he was in, still feeling terrified, was trying to put on a brave face and comfort Jongin right now. It was exactly what Jongin hadn't wanted to happen. 

"How do you feel?" he asked, deciding to for fucks sakes man up. "Does it hurt a lot?" 

"No." Taemin replied, "I feel weird...drowsy...achey...but I can't actually feel my side at all." 

"That's the painkillers." Jongin said, "You might start feeling it when they put you on a lower dose." 

"Probably." Taemin shrugged, "Although a little bit of pain is the least of our worries, right?" 

Jongin took a sharp intake of breath and took Taemin's hand in his, trying to keep himself calm and not go into an emotional spin again. 

"Will you thank Sehun for me?" Taemin asked, out of the blue. 

"Thank him?" Jongin repeated, confused. He hadn't hardly spoken to Sehun since the incident. The kid was still racked with guilt, as was Jongin, and had been quiet as a mouse. 

"Yeah." Taemin nodded, "He pretty much saved my life." 

"What?!" 

"Well...if he hadn't pushed Siwon then the knife might have stabbed me somewhere a lot worse than my side right? It might have gone straight into my heart..." 

"Oh." Jongin said dumbly. "That's not what he told us." 

"No?" 

"No. He said he'd been a coward and that he'd got to you too late." 

Taemin rolled his eyes. "Well whatever. I know what happened." 

There was a short pause before Jongin couldn't hold it in any longer. "Oh god I'm so sorry!!" he wailed, hiding his face in his hands once more. 

"What?" Taemin squeaked, shocked by the sudden outburst. He tried to sit up but failed as any movement pulled on the stitches and felt very, very, weird. 

"It's all my fault!!" Jongin cried, "If I wasn't such a fucking possessive asshole then I'd be able to watch you dancing without getting myself wasted and if I hadn't been drunk then I would have noticed you were gone and if I'd noticed then Siwon wouldn't have found you and you wouldn't be lying here right now." 

"...True." Taemin stated blankly, pausing a second to compute that nonsense rambling. "But seriously, baby, no one could have predicted this...you didn't do anythi-" 

"Exactly!!" Jongin screeched, "I didn't do ANYTHING." 

"-wrong." Taemin finished, "You didn't do anything wrong." 

Jongin shook his head. "I'm just so sorry." 

"It's ok." Taemin said, making himself smile again reassuringly. 

Ok Jongin really needed to pull himself together. He wasn't going to allow Taemin make him feel better any fucking more, when it should be the other way around. 

"I promise I'll always look after you from now on." Jongin said, "I won't let anyone hurt you, I'll never let you out of my sight, I'll always protect you." 

Taemin smiled because even though he didn't want that, he knew it came from a good place. Plus right now, he definitely wasn't feeling like his normal carefree, freedom-craving self. He was scared out of his mind and quite frankly the notion that Jongin would always be there was very comforting. "Ok." he nodded. 

Jongin bent down to connect their lips, littering soft kisses all over Taemin's face before pulling apart. 

"I know I should leave you to get some rest...but..." Jongin started, wondering if this was an ok thing to mention or not. 

"...yeah?" Taemin urged. 

"Well...the police are gonna wanna talk to you real soon." Jongin said. 

Taemin tensed up immediately, so Jongin grabbed his hand again. "Have you already spoken to them?" he asked quietly, his voice strangely shaky. Anything to do with the cops gave Taemin high anxiety. 

"Yeah." Jongin nodded, "But here's the thing, the fuckers don’t seem to be taking anything we're saying seriously. Even Sehun who, hello, was a fucking witness. They won't listen to any of us that weren’t actually there when it happened and even with Sehun they're skeptical." 

Taemin didn't look surprised at all. 

"Hopefully they'll listen to you." Jongin carried on, "If you can just say-" 

"They won’t." Taemin butted in. 

Jongin pulled a face, urging for his lover to elaborate. 

"Look, Bie." Taemin sighed, "Siwon is an extremely rich, powerful man with hundred connections all over the place. Who knows if he's got influence in the police too...he might...anyway, it doesn’t matter. Nobody listens to us, you know that. We're street bums and as far as everyone is concerned we're totally untrustworthy and it doesn’t matter if we die cus we're not even human anyway. The sooner you accept that the happier you'll be." 

"ACCEPT IT?" Jongin yelled, "ACCEPT IT??!" 

Taemin cringed at the loud tone of voice, making Jongin feel like a monster. What the fuck was he doing, shouting at his lover in the hospital? He mentally scolded himself. 

"Sorry." Jongin tutted, biting the corner of his mouth in frustration, "It's just we need to try and get justice! I'm not accepting this. Siwon can't get away with what he did to you. You need to tell the police fucking everything." 

"Bie..." Taemin moaned. 

"No. Everything. Understand?" 

"But you don't get it..." Taemin muttered, his anxiety going up another notch. "I can't tell them everything. I can't tell them Siwon wanted to kill me cus I was a prostitute who willingly worked for him, which would mean the whole hotel was exposed, which would mean so many people would be after us...we'd create so many enemies...we just have to let it go." 

"We can't let it go! Someone tried to KILL you. They can't get away with that!" Jongin argued. 

Taemin shook his head. "I'm scared ok! I'm scared! I'm tired and broken and fucks sake just don't make me do anything..." 

Oh god, what the hell was Jongin doing. This shouldn't be Taemin's responsibility, the poor kid had been through enough. "Ok baby I'm sorry, it's ok." he said, heart sinking. "I won't force you into anything." 

"Ahem." came a fake cough from the door, as a nurse entered the room. "That's enough talking for today." 

Jongin swore under his breath. 

"You won't go will you?" Taemin asked, a little frantically, "You'll come back to see me later right?...You won't go do something stupid...?" 

"Of course not." Jongin lied, bending down to kiss the blonde's forehead, trying to soak up that Taemin smell before he left. "We'll all be right here, don't worry, nothing's gonna happen." 

"Ok." Taemin nodded. 

"Just get some rest." Jongin continued, unable to pull himself away despite the annoying foot tapping of the inpatient nurse. "Don't think about anything, just teddy bears and bumblebees ok?" 

"Ok." Taemin said again, making himself smile. 

He watched sadly as Jongin reluctantly left, and the nurse started to do her routine tests. Jongin could be so hot headed and reckless and Taemin always worried about it in the back of his mind. But he guessed he'd just have to trust him. Not that he could do anything about it anyway. He was so fucking tired. 

Yeah, it was ok... 

...teddy bears and bumblebies...teddy bears and bumblebies...teddy bears and bumble...bies... 

\--- 

Jongin's attitude flicked like a switch as he stormed out of the hospital room. Until this point, all that had mattered to him was that Taemin pulled through. Now though however, there was a new pressing issue to address. Call it what you like; justice, compensation, revenge. Whatever it was, it was important, and there was no way on god's earth Jongin was just going to sit by and 'accept' their situation. 

Of course he couldn't discuss it any further with an already distressed enough Taemin. No, he had to leave his boyfriend out of it this time.The last thing he wanted to do was scare the poor boy anymore. 

That didn't mean he was just going to sit around and do nothing. Siwon couldn't be allowed to get away with this. The cunt could just go on to do exactly the same thing to loads of other vulnerable people. It wasn't right. 

"Guys we need to talk." Jongin announced, gesturing for Minho, Jonghyun, Key and- "Not you." Jongin said again, as Sehun got up to come too. "This isn't child friendly." 

"I'm not a child!" Sehun hissed. "I'm only a few years-" 

"I'm not in the mood." Jongin spat, walking away briskly and hoping the other's would follow. He didn't mean to be horrible to his friend but honestly, the conversation he was planning to have was really not the type a toddler should be listening to. 

Once in a deserted corridor, everyone gathered around Jongin with puzzled looks on their faces, he started. "Ok here's the thing. Taemin said he's not gonna tell the police anything, saying we should just move on and ignore what happened. I don't wanna push him but I don't know what to fucking do. I mean, the cops, they're not taking us seriously at all...we need justice but...I don't know what to do. We need to work something out. The cunt could have killed our best friend and we have to do something right? Right?" 

After that lengthy explanation, Jongin really thought someone would have something to say, but the blank looks on his friends faces clearly stated otherwise. "Well??" Jongin urged, "What are we gonna do??" 

"Look..." Jonghyun started, "I know this is gonna be hard to hear but...Taemin's right on this one." 

"WHAT?" Jongin screeched, already losing the volume control on his voice. That was not the answer he'd been expecting at all. They were usually all so protective over Taemin, and now what, they didn't care?! 

"Cops are useless dumbass." Key snapped, "They hate us and we can't go to them anyway without being arrested ourselves. I hope you haven't forgotten that I stabbed someone. And I dread to think of all the shit this one's done." he continued, pointing to Minho, who immediately looked away in silence. 

"Fuck!" Jongin cursed, feeling like the world was against him. "So we're just pushovers are we?! We let the world shit on us and we don't do a damn thing?! NO! We've let too much go! That creep who beat Taemin, he's still out there, free to rape anyone else. And we're just gonna let Siwon go too? Everyone get's away with doing anything to us?! Is that how it is?!" 

"Of course not but..." Jonghyun started, "...going to the police for help is just not an op-" 

"Ok not the cops then." Jongin butted in, "We'll just have do something ourselves." 

"We all want Siwon dead just as much as you." Key snapped, "But we can't-" 

"NO!!!" Jongin interrupted yet again. "What the fuck Key? I thought you'd be on my side for once!! Don't you want to get revenge? Don't you want justice? This is for TAEMIN." 

"UGH." Key moaned, "YES. OF COURSE. Don't you think I'd love that? Don't you think it kills me that I can't strangle that bastard with my bare hands? IT DOES. IT KILLS ME. BUT WE CAN'T. It'll just end up getting us all killed, you have no clue about this stuff Newbie. You're still too new." 

"NO I'M NOT!" Jongin yelled, "I'M FUCKING OLD BIE. I know just as much about street life as you!" 

Key shook his head in disbelief. "You know nothing. You've been around 5 minutes compared to us." 

"AHHHH!" Jongin screamed, "SO THAT'S IT THEN? WE'RE GONNA DO NOTHING? TAEMIN GET'S STABBED AND THE CUNT JUST GETS TO WALK FREE? AND WHAT, WE'RE GONNA GET MINNIE OUT OF HOSPITAL, ALL OUR SAVINGS GONE FROM THE BILLS, AND TAKE HIM BACK TO THE CAR PARK ARE WE??? JUST START LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN LIKE NONE OF THIS HAPPENED? IS THAT YOUR GENIUS PLAN?" 

"Newbie." Jonghyun said sternly, "Calm the fuck d-" 

"We're never going back to that car park you idiot." Key butted in, "When Taemin get's out of hospital we'll have to move. It's not safe around here anymore with that creep after us and Siwon around as well." 

Jongin felt like his world was ending. "Move??" he repeated, "But...my job?! How long did it fucking take me to find it! I'll never find another one! And the shelter...we have connections here...we can't go...we need to stand up for ourselves and take control and..." 

"No." Key said simply. "We’re moving. The decision's been made and you're just gonna have to deal with it." 

There was no way in hell that was gonna happen. "MINHO?" Jongin screeched, turning to one member of the group who'd stayed silent throughout. "NOTHING TO SAY? AS PER FUCKING USUAL?" 

Minho nodded, and Jongin wanted to punch him again. 

"FUCK!" Jongin screamed in pure frustration, pushing past Jongkey and storming down the corridor away from his idiot friends. 

None of this was fair. This was beyond awful. All he wanted was justice- that's not an unreasonable thing to want. They couldn't be fucking pushovers. Not again. He couldn't bare to think of Siwon right now, sitting in a cozy armchair in his hotel, whilst whores do his dirty work as he counts the cash. He was probably sipping a martini, not a care in the world. He probably didn't feel an iota of guilt over what happened to Taemin. 

Jongin wanted to kill him in the nastiest way possible. Honestly, while Taemin had been in intensive care he wasn't ashamed to say he'd fantasized about numerous ways to execute someone in the most painful ways possible. There was nothing he wanted more right now than revenge. Nothing. And if the police weren’t gonna help, if his friends were going to be fucking useless, then it was just up to him wasn't it? He was on his own. 

Or maybe not. 

"Newbie." A familiar deep voice said. 

Jongin turned round to see a very stern looking Minho walking towards him, pulling him aside in the corridor he'd run off to so they wouldn't be overheard. Jongin had never seen Minho look this fierce. Although he'd been told (many times in fact) that Minho had a dark side, that he'd been in trouble with the cops before and he'd done some pretty illegal shit, it was hardly believable most of the time because the guy was so quiet and unassuming. Obviously he'd seen him angry. There was that *cough* incident we won't mention when Jongin punched him, but the look on his face now was something completely different, a whole new side to the guy Jongin had never seen before. 

"I agree with you." Minho said, his voice quiet and hushed. 

"What?" Jongin squeaked, "So why the fuck didn't you say an-" 

"Because, you retard, you can't just go around basically saying you're gonna take the law into your own hands and murder someone now can you?" Minho snapped bluntly. 

Jongin didn't know what to say to that. 

"The other's don't get it." Minho continued, "They've never have and they never will. Even when Onew was around, we let way too many things go. It's not ok. I can't stand by another time and let someone else fuck around with us." 

Jongin's mind was still in overdrive but at least he felt relieved that someone seemed to have sense. "Ok so...what do we do?" 

Minho shook his head as if that was the most stupid question he'd ever been asked. "Well there's only one thing we can do isn't there?" 

Jongin nodded. It was obvious. "But how?" he carried on, "How are we gonna...without getting caught...or killed ourselves...? We don't even have a weapon!" 

"Will you fucking keep your voice down!" Minho hissed, dragging Jongin further down the corridor as a nurse entered, eyeing up the two boys suspiciously. "Who says we don't have a weapon?" 

"Key's the only one with a-" Jongin started, pausing when Minho opened up his coat, revealing a very obvious knife-shaped bulge coming from his inside pocket. "Holy fuck man! How did you-" 

"What, you think Key's the only one who knows how to defend us?" Minho snapped, "Onew told us all to carry around a knife for protection but Taemin and Jonghyun refused. They're idiots." 

Jongin stayed silent. He was in way over his head. "So...we're really doing this?" he asked, for some reason losing all his balls with the reality of what they were planning. 

"It's what you want isn't it?" 

"Yeah." Jongin nodded. It was. Of course it was. 

"Ok then good." Minho confirmed, "Because you have to be really sure ok? You know what you're getting yourself into right? You have to be 100% sure." 

"...I'm sure." Jongin said. "100%." 

In reality he was probably only 90% sure but he'd claimed to only love Taemin 90% too so, it was a big number. The tiny amount of doubt in his mind needed to be stamped upon. 

"Ok then let's go." Minho said. 

"Now?!" Jongin gasped, "Like right now?" 

Minho rolled his eyes. "What's with you?!" he hissed, "Only a second ago you were practically going insane to get your hands on that cunt's neck and now you're having second thoughts?" 

"...No." Jongin retorted. "Of course not I...I just...I need to go say bye to Tae before we go." 

"Fine." Minho snapped, "Just hurry up. It's gonna get dark real soon." 

Jongin noded and turned, his heart already beating so loudly he felt like his whole body was pulsing on adrenaline. He was already late seeing Taemin and he couldn't just leave without saying goodbye. Not that he had a clue what to tell him/lie to him about. Fuck. Now he was the liar. 

"Minnie?" Jongin whispered, poking his head around the door. Key and Jonghyun were already there, squeezing themselves into the only chair in the room next to the bed. 

"Where the hell have you been!?" Taemin croaked. He was still not at all feeling like his usual free spirited, independent self and frankly just wanted Jongin glued to the side of his bed permanently. Clingy wasn't a word you'd ever use to describe Taemin usually, but after the scare he'd had there was no other one that applied. 

"Sorry baby." Jongin sighed, wondering up to the bed for a kiss. He glanced at Key and Jonghyun warily but their expressions gave nothing away. He presumed they hadn't informed Taemin about his hissy fit. Everyone had been told to keep stress away from the blonde and that information was definitely stressful. 

"How are you feeling now?" Jongin asked. 

"Lousy!!" Taemin shrieked, "I'm bored! I'm sick! I'm tired! I'm scared! I'm all on my own! I'm-" 

"Craving." Key interrupted. 

"Yeh!" Taemin wailed, "Fucking stupid lady nurse person caught me with spice and threw it out the fucking window! The window Bie! THE WINDOW!" 

Jongin bent down again for another kiss, only to be slapped away. It was clear the blonde was just having an all out tantrum now. "They won't even tell me how much longer I have to stay! I never thought I'd want to go back to that car park but FUCKKKK. I'd do anything for a fix oh my god...." 

"I'm so sorry hunny." Jongin sighed, "You'll feel better in the morning if you can just pull through th-" 

"No I won't!" Taemin screeched, continuing his strop unashamedly, "I'll feel worse in the morning!" 

"Baby..." 

"UGhhaahghhghghghhHH!HH!" came a very long, incoherent noise. It was becoming clear he wasn't going to calm down anytime soon. 

"Minnie listen. I'm sorry but I have to go." Jongin announced, getting up from his perch on the side of the bed. 

"Wat??!!" 

"The shelter's gonna shut soon for the night and I need to talk to Taeyeon about loans and government help and stuff...you know...for help paying all these hospital bills..." Jongin lied, impressing himself by how convincing he sounded. 

Taemin let out another incoherent whine before slamming his head back on the pillows behind him. "You have to go tonight? Can't it wait till tomorrow?!" 

"No." Jongin said simply. 

"Oh goduhhhhhhh." Taemin moaned, "All on my fucking own again...." 

"You have us." Key interrupted, "We're not going anywhere." 

"Oh great." Taemin muttered, still in a strop with the world. 

"I'll see you tomorrow morning." Jongin said, cupping his lover's face to kiss him again. Taemin didn't kiss back but at least he wasn't pulling away this time. 

"Don't be gone long yeah?!" he squeaked, cringing because he hated what a clingy baby he sounded. "Come straight back." 

"I will." Jongin nodded, "Love you." 

"Whatever." Taemin sulked, watching grumpily as his lover left. 

"Don't worry, you still have us." Jonghyun said reassuringly, putting a hand on Taemin's. 

Taemin turned to look at him, the hugest pout you can imagine plastered on his lips. It was comforting that they were there though. In the back of his mind, he couldn't help feeling extremely paranoid that at any moment Siwon was going to come thundering into his room to finish the job. 

"Where's Minho?" Taemin asked, suddenly remembering he hadn't seen his best friend in a good couple of hours too. 

Key and Jonghyun exchanged confused glances, having a silent conversation in their minds as something dawned on them, the penny seeming to drop. 

"I don't know." Key said suspiciously, continuing to glare at his boyfriend. 

"Stop talking to each other with your eyes!!" Taemin hissed, "I hate it when you guys do that!" 

His friends ignored him, still pondering on where the hell Minho could be and why Jongin left so abruptly. It was way too suspect. 

"Well." Key smiled, coming out of his trance and getting up. "We better let you get some rest for the night hadn't we?" 

"WHAT?" Taemin cried, "You just said you wouldn't leave me alone!!" 

"We're not." Jonghyun replied, "Sehun's here. He'll keep you company or just wait outside if you wanna sleep." 

"YOU'RE LEAVING TOO?" 

"No no, we're just gonna go look for Minho." Jonghyun continued, earning a glare from Key because that was not information Taemin needed to know. 

"Why? What's going on? Are you worried? How long's he been missing?" Taemin asked frantically. 

"No no of course not..." Key said soothingly, "He went to get food I think...I'm hungry too so...we'll see you in a tiny bit ok baby?" 

"On my own!" Taemin squeaked, more to himself than anyone else, "All on my own!!" 

"Sehun'll be right outside." Key insisted, bending down to kiss his friend's forehead. "Just relax and try and sleep. Everything's fine and we'll see you in the morning." 

And with that, they were gone. Taemin felt like screaming the place down. All alone. All a-fucking-lone. Some friends they were. 

\--- 

Jongin was in full on panic mode. He had no idea where they were going, what they were doing, what the fuck was happening basically. He was all fired up and ready though, ready for anything. Anger and rage burned in his system and this would make it right. The world would be a much better place when Siwon wasn't in it. 

The sun had almost set and dusk was fast becoming night. Jongin didn't know exactly what time it was but he was sure the hotel would be starting to get at it's busiest (with clients at least). Of course he hadn't a clue if Siwon would be around there or not. 

"So what are we doing?!" Jongin asked, following Minho as they thundered down the street, turning a corner into town. "What's the plan?" 

"There is no plan." Minho snapped. 

"What do you mean??" Jongin asked again, just wishing this could be over already. 

"I mean." Minho started, slowing down his pace just slightly, "That we're just gonna fucking end this ok?! We're gonna go in there, slit his throat, then get out. It's as simple as that." 

Ok what. Jongin was probably the most reckless person on the planet but even that sounded mental to him. "How do we even know he'll be there??" Jongin squeaked, struggling to keep up as Minho returned to charging down the street at a terrifying pace. 

"He'll be there." came the blank reply, as if that was all the explanation needed. 

"But how can you be-?" 

Minho rolled his eyes. "You weren’t the only one worried about Taemin when he used to work there." he retorted, as if Jongin had just asked another stupid question. "I used to come down to the hotel sometimes and just watch in case something happened. It's surprising what you can find out about the place from just looking at the outside. I learned Siwon's rhythms, when he comes, when he goes....he's often there this time of night." 

"And you never told me?!" Jongin exclaimed, shocked by that new information. "Did you not think to mention that?!" 

"What was I gonna say???" Minho argued, "That I've been sat outside a hotel for hours watching as guys come in and out, some of them probably just from fucking your boyfriend? Is that what you'd have wanted to hear?" 

Jongin groaned. "No." he mumbled. 

"Exactly." Minho snapped. 

There were a few moments of terrible silence, the only sound coming from traffic and loud footsteps. The streets going into town were strangely deserted and it only added to the eerie atmosphere. Jongin could hardly believe they were actually doing this. Obviously this was what he wanted, this was what needed to happen and he couldn't wait to rip that cunt's head off. But on the other hand...holy crap. They were actually on a murder mission with no plan. 

"You should put your hood up." Minho said, as they were drawing nearer to their destination. Jongin hadn't been here in such a long time. It was bringing so many bad memories up again, so many things he'd like to forget. Except he couldn't. Because he'd never be able to forget how broken he'd been when Taemin left him to work here. He'd never be able to forget the anger he'd felt, imagining all those other men touching what should only be for him. Just like he'd never be able to erase the image Taemin being fucked in the bathroom, Key stabbing one of the vultures who tried to attack them, the sight of his lover beaten in an alleyway, the smirk on the creep's lips from the shelter. 

Right now he supposed it was a good thing he couldn't forget all these terrible things, because anger was clouding his judgment and that was the only way he was going to be able to do this. The angrier Jongin was, the more impulsive and reckless he got, so he couldn't allow himself to calm down. If he did, there was no way in hell he'd ever think what they were doing was a good idea. 

"Ok." Minho said, interrupting Jongin's thoughts. They were now standing on the opposite side of the road, looking up at the grand hotel. Jongin dreaded to think of all the things going on in those rooms- men and women being abused, some willingly as Taemin had been, some most likely not. And he was sure Siwon was in there in his cozy office, watching his flat screen tv, not giving a moments thoughts to his workers. At least he'd be dead soon. 

Jongin took a step to cross the wide, dark street but Minho grabbed him to pull him back. "What the fuck are you doing!" he cursed, "We can't just go storming in there like you did before now can we!? You're lucky they didn't kill you." 

"Lucky." Jongin scoffed, "They beat the shit out of me." 

"Yeah well they stabbed your boyfriend so." Minho snapped, "You got off pretty well if you ask me." 

Jongin gritted his teeth. "So what the fuck are we doing now?!" 

"We need to get around the back." Minho replied, "We can enter through one of the staff exits if someone comes out." 

"Ok." Jongin nodded, diliberatly stamping on the tiny voice inside his head which was screaming at him that this was going to get them killed. But Minho was smart...wasn't he? Honestly Jongin was just starting to realize how little he knew the kid. Minho was so quiet most of the time, Jongin had presumed so many things about him that maybe weren’t true. 

"Have you ever done anything like this before...?" Jongin asked, as the two boys crept across the street and down the side of the hotel. They were lucky it was so unusually quiet tonight. Some nights they'd have been spotted within a second. 

"Have I ever killed someone?" Minho clarified, stopping Jongin when he heard a noise. It was nothing, so they carried on. 

"Yeah." Jongin whispered, "Like I'm sorry but this is probably the worst 'plan' I've ever heard." 

"I told you this isn't a plan!" Minho hissed, "And yes, ok? Yes. I've killed someone." 

Jongin gulped but decided not to ask anything more because he didn't want to let himself think again. He couldn't allow himself to be rational right now because rational Jongin wouldn't do this. 

Silence fell again as they arrived at one of the exit doors. As Minho had predicted, it couldn't be opened from the outside (there wasn't even a lock) so the next stage in their *ahem* stealthy operation was to simply wait till a member of staff opened it, and sneak in before it was shut. 

Let's just say, that didn't work. 

They'd only been waiting by the door a few minutes before a young woman came out of it, spotted them and instantly went to scream. After all the sight she saw- two tall, scruffy looking young men with their hoods up, both looking as if they wanted to kill someone, would give anyone the fright of their life. 

Now they'd been spotted, Jongin's first instinct was to run seeing as he couldn't punch a woman, (come on, he was not a wife beater) but Minho had other ideas. Within a second, he got out his knife, grabbed the woman and put a hand over her mouth to stop anymore screaming. 

"What the fuck are you doing!?!" Jongin gasped, totally shocked by what his friend had just done. The poor girl looked utterly terrified, and they weren't here to hurt innocent people. 

"I'm not gonna hurt her!" Minho hissed back. "Now for god's sake don't let the door shut!" 

Jongin took one last horrified glance at their captive before launching himself at the door, just in time. 

"It's ok." Minho said to the girl, still tight in his grip, "We won't hurt you, we just need your help." 

Jongin honestly thought he might be sick. This wasn't the deal. They weren't suppose to be involving anyone else. 

Ok but no. He was starting to think rationally again. He couldn't allow himself to lose his anger for even a second. Soon, it would all be worth it. Siwon would be dead. That was all that mattered. 

He had no time to persuade himself anymore, because suddenly Minho, still dragging the girl, charged into the door without warning. 

They entered into a narrow starewell, presumably only used by the staff because it looked very rundown, the usual lush décor of the hotel replaced by plain concrete. 

"Shhh shhh, it's ok, I promise we're not gonna do anything to you!!!" Minho whispered, as the girl started to struggle. 

"Just let her go for fucks sake!!" Jongin hissed. 

"No!" Minho half yelled, "We can't! We need someone to tell us where Siwon'll be, and if we do get caught then a hostage might be useful." 

"A HOSTAGE???" Jongin repeated, his anxiety going up to a whole other level. His heart was beating so loudly he was sure it was going to burst out of his chest at any moment. Were they being just as bad as Siwon right now?? 

No. Of course fucking not. They werent going to hurt this girl. Siwon was pure evil- killing him justified anything. 

"Now I'm gonna take my hand off your mouth now ok?" Minho said to the girl, "And I need you not to scream ok? We're not going to hurt you. We just need you to help us find Siwon." 

Jongin was sure the girl was going to scream. There was no way in hell, if he was her, he wouldn't have yelled the place down. But surprisingly, when Minho removed his hand, the girl remained silent. Instead, she stared straight into Jongin's eyes, the feared expression on her face now almost gone. 

"You want to find Siwon?" she repeated, her tone of voice far more authoritative than Jongin would have expected. "Why?" 

Minho loosened his grip on her arms, so now she was a good deal less restrained. She still didn't seem to be making an effort to struggle or break free. 

"We just need to find him." Jongin replied, "Can you help us?" 

"Are you trying to kill him?" The girl asked bluntly, looking away from Jongin to the knife in one of Minho's hands. "Because you won't, you'll just end up getting yourself killed." 

Jongin and Minho exchanged confused glances before either of them attempted to speak. It was only then Jongin noticed the girl's appearance. She had the classic little black dress, fishnet stockings, red lipstick type outfit on. She certainly didn't look like a maid or a receptionist. She looked like a whore. 

"Are you...er...are you um..." Jongin started, feeling pathetic as hell that even in a situation like this he couldn't bring himself to say the P word. 

"Are you a hooker?" Minho asked, finally releasing the girl completely. 

The girl just stood there, rubbing her arm indignantly. "I prefer escort." she corrected, "But yes." 

Minho and Jongin exchanged another glance before looking back at her again. "And I'm presuming you don't want to work here...? If you were sneaking out the back entrance...?" Jongin asked. 

"Oh well done Einstein." The girl said, folding her arms like a delinquent teenager. It would have almost been funny if the situation wasn't still so terrifying. It's just their hostage had turned into their ally in like, 2 seconds. 

"Do you know Taemin?" Jongin asked again, "He used to work he-" 

"Taemin?" The girl repeated, her face suddenly lighting up. "I know him!! We used to talk sometimes waiting for clients. Nice kid." 

Jongin and Minho looked at each other a third time. They had to stop doing this. "Ok well the thing is..." 

"Siwon killed him?" The girl interrupted, "Sorry to hear that." she continued, way too casually. "It's been happening a lot lately." 

"I'm sorry?!" Jongin gasped. 

"Whenever an escort tries to leave, they end up dead. I was only going outside to smoke." she said simply, rootling around in her bra to pull out some cigarettes, "I wouldn't be so stupid to try and escape.." 

Jongin resisted the temptation to glance at Minho again. "But you want to leave right? You don't wanna stay here?" 

"No one wants to stay here anymore." The girl replied, "We're practically prisoners." 

"So you'll help us then." Minho urged, "Just tell us where Siwon'll be right now." 

The girl merely laughed, "You're obviously lunatics. You can't just go in there and kill him. There's security everywhere." 

"Just watch us." Minho hissed, "We've snuck in here before and we can do it again." 

"Whatever you say." The girl shrugged, "All the offices are on the 10th floor. They're all labeled so it's obvious. He'll probably be somewhere around there right about now. Good luck I guess." 

Jongin was just about to splutter something like "thank you" when the girl interrupted him again. 

"Oh and if you do succeed, which you won't, do it in the nastiest way possible will you? Like twist the knife or something?" 

With that, the girl put a cigarette to her lips, walked out of the exit, and their brief encounter with a 'hostage' ended like that. It wasn't like there were going to stop her. 

Minho and Jongin stared at each yet again, both utterly dumbfounded by that bizarre encounter. Apparently they weren’t the only ones who'd like to see Siwon dead. 

At least they knew where to find the bastard now. 

\--- 

Taemin couldn't believe his friends, fucking ALL of them, had the cheek to leave him on his own. So much for 'we won't go anywhere', 'we're never letting you out of our sight's again', 'you're safe with us around' blah blah blah. Not that Taemin expected them to be here all the time but really, good god, was it too much to ask for them to just fucking stick around the first night he'd woken up?? Jongin was always so fucking clingy, and now Taemin was feeling the same suddenly he wasn't here? 

Deep down, Taemin knew his anger came more from fear than anything else. He still couldn't take his mind off Siwon, not even for a second. Every thought led back to him, and suddenly he was standing right back in that alleyway again, a knife to his throat, screaming hopelessly for friends that would never find him. 

He told himself he was being a baby, that he should just for fucks sakes get over it and move on. It wasn't like he hadn't lived through scary things before. But for some reason this event had been so much worse than anything he'd ever dealt with. Strangely he thought it might be because he had more to lose now than he had back when Jongin wasn't around. Now at least there was some small glimmer of hope for a brighter future, when back in the day's before Jongin, all there was to make him happy was spice. 

Oh god, don't mention spice. That was another thing he couldn't take his mind off. Spice and Siwon, Siwon and Spice, Spice and Siwon, Siwon and Spice...Ok happy thoughts, happy thoughts...Rainbows. Bumblebees. Teddy Bears...SPICESIWONSPICESIWON. 

Nothing worked. The only thing he thought would make him feel any better was seeing his friends, and they'd all buggered off. He was screwed. 

He glanced around the room, trying to find something that might take his mind off everything. There was a magazine on the table next to the chair but it was out of his reach. He still couldn't even twist without pulling on his stitches. 

In the end, he just shut his eyes in the hope that sleep would find him soon. It didn't. Images flashed in his mind of knives, blood, Jongin screaming and he was back in hell again, so he opened his eyes not 2 minutes after he'd shut them, giving up on all attempts of getting any shut- 

What the fuck was that. 

"Hello???" Taemin called frantically, seeing a shadow move behind the blinds hanging from the glass in the door. "Who's there??!?!" 

Every fiber in his body was shaking. It was past visiting hours so it couldn't be Jongin back, could it? No, it was Siwon. Definitely. He'd come to plunge another knife inside Taemin's chest and it would be all over. No one could stop him. This was truly it. 

"WHO'S THERE???" Taemin called again, this time his voice even more laced with panic as he tried to get up, failing miserably. 

The door opened with a creak, and he was just about to scream the place down when- 

"Sorry." Sehun said, poking his head around to stare at the terrified boy, "It's only me." 

Taemin let out the biggest sigh you can imagine and fell back down on the pillows behind him, immense relief flooding his system. 

"Sorry..." Sehun said again, tiptoeing into the room cautiously, "Did I scare you?" 

"No." Taemin lied, although he was sure it was obvious that he was petrified. He was sweating, his face was bright white and he was still shaking. Sehun would have to be blind not to notice. 

"Sorry." Sehun said for a third time, tentatively walking towards Taemin, a small paper bag in his hands. 

Taemin said nothing and tried to calm himself. At least it was nice to have another person in the room. He just couldn't bare to be on his own tonight, so even Sehun was better than no one. 

"I know visiting hours are over..." Sehun started, "But Key told me to stay out here while they were gone so...I hope that's ok..." 

"Where are they?" Taemin asked, eyeing up the paper bag in Sehun's hands warily. 

"Um...just to get food I think?" Sehun lied. He hadn't a clue himself that Jonghyun and Key were in fact, both on a witch hunt for Jongin and Minho, just in case they were about to do something stupid. He'd been kept in the dark just as much as Taemin had been. 

Taemin nodded even though he didn't believe that for a second. 

"Do you want me to go?" Sehun asked, sensing tension in the air, "I bet you just want some alone time huh?" 

"No!!" Taemin squeaked embarrassingly quickly, before composing himself and adding, "I mean...no...you can stay...if you want..." 

Sehun wasn't sure what to do so just stood there like a lemon. This was possibly one of the most awkward situations he'd ever been in. 

"What's in the bag?" Taemin asked nosily, staring down at Sehun's hands once more. 

"Oh!" Sehun exclaimed, just remembering himself, "I er...I got this for you." 

"For me?" Taemin repeated, extending a hand as Sehun passed it over. 

"I know it's stupid." Sehun said, his cheeks flushing, "But I know you like them so...I just saw it and thought why not..." 

Taemin raised an eyebrow and shook the bag before opening. He hadn't been given a present in...3 years? Maybe 4? They didn't do birthdays or Christmas. It wasn't nice remembering an occasion that's supposed to be happy, but in reality is just another hard day on the streets. 

Cautiously, Taemin opened the bag and peered inside, laughing when he saw what Sehun had bought him. It was a small, fuzzy, bumblebee plush toy with the words 'Get well soon & Bee Happy' on the tag. It had obviously been bought (not stolen) from the hospital's shop, and definitely intended to be given to a child, but Taemin didn’t mind. "Oh my god..." he laughed, taking out the cute little piece of crap to inspect it further. "You really bought this for me?" 

"Well I guess technically Key bought it..." Sehun mumbled, "Cus he paid. But I picked it out." 

Taemin nodded approvingly. "It's the picking out that counts." 

"I thought it was the thought that counts?" Sehun scoffed. 

Taemin shook his head in amusement, "And what was the thought that went behind this then?" he teased, "Sorry you got stabbed, have a bumblebee?" 

Sehun laughed for a moment, then suddenly remembered something and his face fell once more. Truth was, that was exactly what the crappy gift meant. He was sorry. Deeply sorry. If he'd been quicker or smarter or acting differently in...some way?...then Taemin might not be lying in a hospital bed right now. He was guilty as hell, especially as the two of them had never exactly been friends. 

"Have I said something wrong again?" Taemin asked, looking up at Sehun quizzically. He had no idea what was going on. 

"No...no...not at all..." Sehun muttered, "It's just that...well...I am sorry. I'm so sorry." 

"What?" Taemin said, "Why?" 

"Well it's kinda my fault you're here..." 

Taemin burst out laughing. "Oh, yeah, right." he giggled, "Cus you made me whore myself out in that hotel right? Sure. It's all your fault." 

Sehun shook his head. Even when Taemin was being nice he got on his nerves. "No. I really am serious." 

Taemin sighed and looked down at the little plush in his hands, fiddling with the fabric antenna for a moment before replying. "You saved my life. If you hadn't been there to push Siwon then fuck knows where he could have stabbed me. At least he only got my side...the blade could have gone anywhere...right through my...my..." Taemin couldn't finish the rest of the sentence, so started another train of thought. "...didn't Bie say thank you? I told him to tell you thanks." 

"I haven't spoken to him much honestly..." Sehun replied. He still felt immensely guilty but Taemin's kind words had soothed him at least a little. 

"How is he?" Taemin asked, a little abruptly. 

"How's Jongin?" Sehun repeated, confused. 

"Yeah." 

"Why are you asking me...?" 

"Well you two are close so..." Taemin mumbled, "And Bie's not honest with me sometimes. Not about this stuff anyway. He seems calm enough but I know what he's like. I bet as soon as he get's out of this hospital room he's a screaming, crazy mess am I right?" 

Sehun chuckled. "Yeah I guess...but he's ok I think...I haven't really spoken to any of them much though. They've all been kinda keeping me in the dark." 

"Cus you're a toddler." Taemin smirked. 

"I guess." 

There was a small, slightly awkward pause in the conversation so Sehun decided this was his queue to leave. Taemin looked beyond exhausted, and a nurse could come in at anytime and tell him off for being here. 

"Hey where are you going?" Taemin squeaked, "You don't have to go?" 

"Aren't you tired though?" Sehun asked, watching as Taemin tucked the little plush under the covers, in the crook of his arm. He genuinely looked like 12 year old boy. Never in a million years would anyone have thought, looking at Taemin now, that he could have ever been a homeless prostitute. He just looked like a sleepy child. 

"No." Taemin lied, adding, "I'm used to staying up at night." 

"...I bet you are." Sehun said, immediately regretting it. He couldn't help it. Being snide to Taemin was a reflex now. 

Taemin just laughed. "Hey can we make a deal?" he said suddenly. 

"Um...?" 

"Will you promise me that...you'll look out for Bie? While I'm in here? I know they're keeping you in the dark but come on, you're a sneaky boy, I bet you could find out something. I've just got this feeling...that they might be up to...I dunno...I don't want him doing something reckless..." Taemin rambled, adding an amused, "And in return I'll stop um, being a er...what did you call me...self obsessed, manipulative, abusive, asshole?" 

Sehun didn't know if it was ok to laugh or not, but by the look on Taemin's face he presumed yes. "Ok. I'll be your eyes and ears." 

Sehun decided to stay the night, slumped in the chair beside Taemin's bed. They didn't talk for much longer, but instead decided to get some much needed shut eye. Although Sehun's presence couldn't help being a little awkward (they weren’t friends after all), Taemin did feel a lot more relaxed knowing someone there. Relaxed enough to sleep anyway, and maybe the night terrors would be gone by morning... 

\--- 

Ohohoho helloo :')   
SO GOOD GOD I struggled with this chapter. Clearly lol. It's very anticlimactical (is that even a word) so I'm sorry about that.   
But anyway the whole jongin/minho murder mission thing left on kind of a cliff hanger I guess? I know they're being beyond cray cray to go down to the hotel with absolutely no plan, but it's just because they've been tipped over the edge and they're two reckless, furious, idiots needing revenge. (sorry I feel like I have to explain their motives more because it's very unclear D:) 

I don't know how many more chapters this fic'll have because my plans are still messed up but I do vaguely know what's happening now at least xDDD /calm 

Strange question I know but, who's your favorite character? (lol if u even have one wot am i saying) XD I'm really curious if there's someone you want to see more of or something! aha~ I haven't written ahead that much like I usually would so I might add more of a certain character in or whatever~ 

Ok that's enough rambling.   
Love you guys ;_;   
Byeyeyyeyeyeyeyyeyeeeeeeee <3 <3 <3


	24. How Not To: Kill Someone

The strange conversation with the girl had at least made one thing very clear. It wasn't just for Taemin they needed to do this. There were probably hundreds of sex workers here, kept against their will, in fear that if they left they'd be found and stabbed just as Taemin had been. It only egged Jongin on more. They needed to do this. Killing Siwon was the only way out. 

Without so much as a second's thought, as soon as the girl disappeared through the exit door, Jongin and Minho started thundering up the stairwell, stopping when they reached the 10th floor. This was it. They'd come this far and there was no turning back now. This may have been the most stupid, reckless, crazy thing they could do, but it was all they had. 

Cautiously Minho opened the door leading out of the stairwell, only a crack to stick his head out of just in case someone was there. Thankfully the hotel seemed very deserted tonight, and when he was sure the coast was clear, gestured for Jongin to follow him out and into the main corridor. 

The corridor looked just as any other did in the hotel. Granted, Jongin had only been here twice, but everywhere looked the same. Most of the décor was red and gold and everything looked shiny and polished. It was grand, but not out of the ordinary. It looked just as any other relatively expensive hotel should look. No one would have suspected the things that went on in these rooms. 

The corridor was long and Jongin was totally freaking out. Their 'plan' was seemingly becoming more and more insane by the second. If shit did go down, if they were spotted, then they had no easy way to escape. 

Jongin's breath caught as a man walked past them. He gave them a funny look but didn't seem too bothered by their presence, making Jongin presume he didn't work here. Maybe he was a client, just coming out of a session. Maybe he'd slept with Taemin. Asahjfglahgakjdghalkjdghta;ejkgt;asjegs;kjgsdg. 

"How do we-" Jongin was about to hiss, getting even more frantic that they were never going to find Siwon, and this was going to end up getting them killed for nothing. 

"Bingo." Minho announced. 

Jongin followed his friend's gaze to the end of the corridor, to a door that looked unlike any of the others, the words "Mr Choi Siwon" written on a very small plaque. It was so tucked away, so unassuming. It wasn't at all what Jongin had been expecting, seeing as he thought Siwon would have the grandest, most expensive office imaginable. But maybe that was just it. Maybe it wasn't suppose to be found. 

"Hey do you think there's...incriminating evidence in there?" Jongin whispered, the two of them slowing down as the walked up to the door. 

Minho stared at Jongin in annoyance. "We're not here to get information, idiot. We're here to kill the fucker." 

Jongin nodded. Of course they were. They'd been pushed over edge far too many times and now finally, justice was going to be there's. He couldn't lose sight of the goal here. Siwon might be right through those doors....and they were about to end this. Finally, they'd have the upper hand for once. They weren't going to let another bastard get away with hurting them. Siwon had tried to take his Taemin away forever. Siwon was a murderer; an evil, terrible, son of satan, power hungry cunt, who couldn't be allowed to live. And even if they died trying, it would be worth it. It would all be worth it to know that Siwon couldn't hurt another living soul again, to know that he'd died a horrible death, just like he deserved. 

Ohgodholyfuckingshittinghell. but no, what the hell was he thinking. If they died trying, he'd never see Taemin again. He'd brake all his promises- you can't protect someone from the grave. That was no victory. 

Fuck!!!!!! What the hell were they doing?!?! What the hell had they do- 

"Are you ready???!" Minho hissed, utterly dumbfounded by his friend, who was practically catatonic, staring at the door handle like it was going bite him. 

Jongin jumped out of his daze and tried to get a hold of himself. It was too late to back out now, however stupid they'd been. 

"Y-eahh-eah." Jongin gulped. 

"Good." Minho grunted, crouching down next to the door and gesturing for Jongin to do the same. He then reached into his coat to clutch hold of his knife, still keeping it well hidden of course. Now all there was to do was wait. 

"What if he's not even in there??" Jongin whispered, pressing his ear to the wall to desperately try and hear movement. "What if someone finds us before we find him?!?!?!" 

Minho gritted his teeth in frustration. Rage was obviously clouding his judgment even more than Jongin's at this point. "He's got to come out sometime." Minho hissed. "And when he does, we'll be read-" 

Footsteps and voices. 

The distinctive sound of definitely more than one person, were getting louder and louder by the second. The noises were obviously coming from inside the office, and they hadn't 'planned' for this scenario at all. Who were they kidding, they hadn't planned for any scenario. 

"Holy fuck!! He's not in there alone!" Jongin gasped, "My god Minho, we need to get out of here righ-" 

The door flew open making both boys fall backwards from where they were crouching. 

This was it. Minho scrambled up at lightning speed, still making sure he was well hidden round the corner, preparing himself for if Siwon came out. He gripped inside his coat, clutching at the knife ready to strike as soon as he saw movement but- 

No one came out. 

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" came a bellowed voice coming from inside, presumably Siwon. 

"Sir!" another voice squeaked- definitely male, and he sounded terrified. 

"NO!" I've heard enough! Get out!" Siwon ordered. 

"Please...sir...just listen, I had no choice but to cancel today's sessions..." 

"Agh!" Siwon groaned, and a loud bang was heard, almost like the sound of a heavy book being dropped on a desk. 

"We need to go over the finances sir, the hotel...it's loosing money and-" 

"AND WHO'S FAULT IS THAT." Siwon screamed, "IF YOU COULD JUST DO YOUR JOB PROPERLY." 

"Sir...!!" The other man pleaded. 

Jongin didn't catch whatever he said next. This was their chance. The door was still wide open, and even if there was someone else in there, they'd never ever have an opportunity like this again. 

Stealthily, the two boys got up and peered around the door into the office. Siwon was standing by a large desk, his back turned. A shorter, weedy looking man probably in his late 40's was standing beside him, also not paying the blindest bit attention to the doorway. The situation couldn't have been more perfect. 

Slowly, making sure not to make a sound, the two boys crouched down again and crept into the office. The room was in total disarray, paperwork everywhere, drawers left half open. Again, it wasn't at all what Jongin would have expected from a man who always looked pristine and neat in everyway. 

Still making sure not to make a sound, Minho crawled behind the side of the desk, gesturing for Jongin to follow. They weren't even 2 meters away from Siwon, and the man still had no idea. This couldn't have been going better. It was almost too good to be true. 

"Just get out of my sight." Siwon said, turning to face the shorter man, still oblivious to the fact they weren't alone. 

Jongin and Minho crept further around the desk as Siwon walked towards his colleague, towering over him intimidatingly. 

"I c-can't sir..." The man stuttered, "We have to sort this out right n-now..." 

Siwon made a strange groaning sound and smashed his fist against the desk, making both Minho and Jongin jump out of their skin. Luckily they still managed to keep mostly silent, despite the discarded paperwork rustling underneath them every time they crawled another inch around the desk. 

"FINE." Siwon practically yelled, after a long, agonizing pause. "Just for god's sake shut the door if you're not going to go." 

"Yes sir, sorry sir." The man agreed, and Jongin heard footsteps scurry across the room, the heavy door banging shut. 

Siwon sighed extremely loudly, before pulling out the large chair by his desk and huffing himself down on it grumpily. 

They were now not even a meter away, still crouching, hidden by the side of the desk. 

Jongin knew what was about to happen. They were so close, so tantalizingly close, and he was sure that Minho wasn't going to be able to resist, even though Siwon had company. 

He saw his friend's weight shift, as Minho reached for his knife a final time, only to have Jongin grab his arm. They couldn't do it with another man in the room surely, and even though it killed him, they'd have to be patient. Jongin really couldn't believe he was being the 'sensible' one right now. (If you can call braking into a hotel to try and murder someone with no plan sensible.) 

Minho glared at him but understood and tried to calm himself. He knew deep down Jongin was right. 

"...can't afford the hotel to be this empty!" Siwon hissed, snapping both boys out of their thoughts. 

"I know sir but...we had to cancel all the sessions today...we had no choice..." The man muttered, his voice still shaky as if he was barely holding his nerve. 

"A whole day!! Do you KNOW how much money we've lost?!" Siwon bellowed, "It's your job to make sure things like this don't happen!" 

"But sir...we had no choice, you know the police are sniffing around, they can't suspect a-" 

"Do you think I don't know that you ignorant toad?" Siwon carried on, cutting the man off mid flow. 

A horrible thought suddenly dawned upon Jongin. If they did die trying to kill the cunt- they'd have nothing to show for it. Fuck, that couldn't happen. 

Slowly and carefully, he shifted his weight just slightly so he could reach into his coat pocket. It created a horrible rustle but still, Siwon and the man seemed too caught up in their conversation to notice. 

"Phone." Jongin mouthed to Minho, who immediately knew what he was meant. 

God, he really hoped his crappy phone's voice recorder would be good enough. Well, it would just have to be wouldn't it. 

"...We...we...need to talk future plans though sir...." The man spluttered, just as Jongin hit the record button. 

"FUTURE PLANS?!" Siwon repeated, his voice like nails on a chalk board. "You mean to say this could go ON?" 

"...well y-yes...sir..." The man continued, "There's been too many suspect th-things going on...people are starting to wonder...there's been too many d-deaths around here...too many rumor-" 

"AND IT'S YOUR JOB. TO MAKE SURE. EVERYTHING IS COVERED UP." Siwon yelled, his fist slamming the desk again. 

There was a short pause before either spoke again. "...Do you hear that?" Siwon asked suddenly. 

Jongin and Minho both looked at each other in horror. 

"...What sir?" 

"EXACTLY." Siwon yelled again, "NOTHING. THE HOTEL'S FUCKING DESERTED." 

"B-but sir, we've been over this...it's for the best...for now..." 

"NO." Siwon screamed, "Enough of this! I've been running this hotel for 10 years without a hitch, and so help me god, I don't need you telling me when I should and shouldn't tell PAYING CLIENTS to leave." 

There was another pause and Jongin thought this hell may never end, before the man dared to speak again. "Ok sir...sorry sir...it's your decision." 

"Damn right it is." Siwon hissed. 

Jongin and Minho exchanged another glance, impatience over taking them because it was like this man would never fucking leave. They were so close to victory Jongin could almost taste it. 

But then another sudden thought dawned on him. They had evidence now. The recording on his phone couldn't be more incriminating. Maybe they didn't have to do this. 

No. Fuck it. The cunt deserved to die. That was all there was to i- 

Knock knock knock. 

"Get that will you?" Siwon ordered. 

Ok if Jongin thought his heart was beating loudly before, now he felt like it was trying to pound out of his chest. This was truly agonizing and probably the worst decision they'd ever made. Of course it was too good to be true that they were just going to sneak into Siwon's office and catch him alone. What the FUCK were they thinking?! 

Minho gestured for Jongin to shuffle a few inches round the desk as two other men entered the room. They looked nothing like the short, weedy man Siwon had been talking to thus far, but were both built like outhouses; huge, looming, security guards presumably. Jongin only caught a glimpse out of the corner of his eye, but now he was truly shitting himself. He couldn't have been pressed closer to Minho if he tried. They weren't going to be able to stay out of sight much longer with 4 sets of eyes in the room. And 4 against 2 was never going to end in their favor. To say Jongin felt panicked was the biggest understatement of the century. He was practically hyperventilating so had to put a hand over his mouth to hush the sound of frantic breathing. 

"We checked on the noise like you asked sir." One of the security guards announced, his voice low and gruff. "We found nothing." 

"Nothing?" Siwon repeated, "Are you sure? I could have sworn I heard a scream." 

Jongin bit on the cuff of his coat to drown out more of his frantic breathing sounds. He was sure they were talking about the scream their 'hostage' had made, and it was only a matter of time before they were caught. 

"100% sure Mr Choi." The other guard said, "We checked all the public and staff exists, there hasn't been any brake ins and no one is acting suspiciously." 

"You checked all of them?" Siwon asked, as if he was grilling his employees, "Are you absolutely sure you checked all of them?" It was obvious the cunt was in the worst mood possible. 

"Yes Mr Choi. All of them." 

Siwon grumbled, and Jongin was just about to breathe a sigh of relief, thinking he was going to dismiss his company, when he spoke again. 

"Well I'm glad you're here anyway." Siwon said, "I've been meaning to talk to you about the security around here and this seems like as good a time as any." 

Jongin almost screamed himself. Even Minho wasn't keeping his cool anymore, a bead of sweat dripping down from his forehead, his hands shaking around the knife. Both of their legs were now totally numb from the awkward crouching position they'd been forced to squat in, and neither could keep this up much longer. 

Jongin guessed the only option that remained was to fight their way out. He was good at fighting. Maybe they could do it. Maybe if they just- who the fuck was he kidding. Siwon may have a gun in his office, probably did, and in any case 4 against 2 were pretty terrible odds. 

So this was it. Jongin clutched hold of his phone again, going into contacts to send a quick message. Taemin's name was still 'Sex God', as the kid had labeled himself all those months ago. Or was it years ago? Jongin honestly didn't know. Of course Taemin didn't actually have a phone anymore, so it was a totally pointless task to try and send a message to him, but it would make Jongin feel better at least. 

'I love you' he typed hopelessly, signing himself as Bie on the end. He pressed send, knowing it would never arrive to anywhere but at least he'd said goodbye. 

He glanced up to look into Minho's eyes, knowing his friend was having exactly the same, horrible, remorseful thoughts as he was. 

"Sorry." Minho mouthed, feeling like this was all his fault. 

Jongin shook his head. It wasn't over yet after all. 

They stayed crouched, hiding away for another 10 minutes as the men around them talked. The conversation mostly consisted of Siwon, bitching and moaning that the hotel's security left a lot to be desired, and that he was the only one who could do a job properly around here. It seemed to be going on forever, and Jongin was loosing the will to cope, thinking it might be better to just jump out and then at least the torment of their uncertain fate would be over. 

And then a miracle happened. 

Ok, not a miracle maybe, but almost. 

Knock Knock. 

Siwon sighed, "Good god." he moaned, "I am popular today." 

Jongin didn't know who opened the door but presumed it wasn't Siwon. 

"Sorry to bother you sir." A female voice said, and the clinks of high heels were heard as she entered. 

Oh my god. It couldn't be...could it? The girl? 

Jongin plucked up all his courage and shuffled to the left, peering one eye out from the corner of the desk to see who'd entered. The girl spotted him immediately, her eyes flicking from the floor, and back up to Siwon like lightning. 

Minho glanced at Jongin in disbelief. Had their hostage really just come back to rescue them? 

"Sunyoung?" Siwon said sharply, "Why the hell aren't you with a client?" 

"The session finished sir." The girl- or should Jongin say, Sunyoung, replied. 

"Then what do you want?" Siwon snapped, "You know better than to disturb me in a meeting." 

"I'm here because of the commotion sir." she said, her voice still sounding strangely authoritative, just as it had before. She could even hold her nerve against Siwon, which was astoundingly impressive. 

Jongin felt as if he might be sick again. The bitch was probably here to rat them out, not save them. They didn't know her- why would she be kind to them? 

"Commotion?" Siwon questioned. 

"Yes sir. You must have heard the screaming a couple of minutes ago." 

"Was that you?" 

"Yes sir. Two men were waiting outside the staff exit when I went out to smoke. They ran off in-" the girl continued, and Jongin heard the clink of heels again as Sunyoung made her way to the window. "That direction." 

Siwon got up also, presumably to see better where Sunyoung was pointing. 

"Oh my!!" The girl cried, in a very obvious (at least to Jongin) fake-shocked voice. "I think I still see them!!" 

More footsteps were heard, as the two security guards as well as the weedy man Siwon had originally been speaking to, all dashed to window to catch a glimpse. 

This was their chance. She wasn't a bitch after all, she really was helping them. 

Minho was first to make the dash, hardly waiting a second before crawling, as fast as he possibly could, to the door still left wide open. The paper work on the floor rustled horribly beneath him, but thankfully Sunyoung was a very, very good distracter. 

"Don't you see that?? Over there! Look! Right there!!" She squealed, and Jongin made a run for it too, not daring to crawl as Minho had done in case the papers rustled any louder, but instead literally running out of the room as fast as he could. 

"Where??!" They heard Siwon bellow, his booming voice becoming quieter and quieter as the two boys raced down the corridor. 

Jongin barely caught what the girl said next, he was running so fast. It half sounded like "Ohh damn I think they've gone out of sight" but he couldn't make it out. 

They must have been born under a lucky star, because they managed to run down the corridor without bumping into a soul. Siwon had been right- the hotel was freakishly deserted tonight. If they'd tried this another night, they'd have been caught within moments of entering, just as Jongin had been the first time he tried to brake into this place. 

It didn't even take them 2 minutes to fly down the staff stairwell, barge out the door, and escape around the side of the hotel back into the night. 

The fresh air genuinely felt like bliss, but Jongin wasn't given a second to enjoy it because as soon as he stopped running, vomit crept up his throat, and he couldn't stop himself before he was being sick all over the pavement. 

Minho looked green himself, but luckily had a stronger stomach, even if he felt on the verge of a panic attack himself. 

"We're idiots!!" Jongin spluttered, once they were safely on the other side of the street, in the shadow of the building opposite. "What the FUCK were we thinking?!" 

"I'm sorry..." Minho gasped, "I wasn't- I just wanted it to be over!!!" 

Jongin shook his head and bent over, clutching at his stomach to try and catch his breath. He was panting so much and didn't know if it was from the running, or the fact he was still on the verge of hyperventilating. 

"If that girl hadn't-" Jongin started, "If she hadn't come in we'd be DEAD!!!" 

"I KNOW!" Minho shrieked, "I know!!! I just...FUCK! I can't believe that cunt is still alive!!" 

Jongin clamped his eyes shut. Not only could it have got them killed, but it'd been a complete waste of time on top of that. Siwon was still in there, breathing, heart beating, in no pain. They'd failed miserably and achieved fucking nothing. 

"Did you get that recording though?" Minho asked, seemingly having the same thoughts as Jongin. 

Oh yeah. Maybe their visit hadn't been worthless after all. Still, it was far from what they'd wanted. Seeing Siwon dead was the only thing that would come close to justice as far as Jongin was concerned. At least they hadn't come away totally empty handed though he supposed. 

"Yeah." Jongin nodded, getting out his phone, which was still open at the text he'd tried to send to Taemin. "I dunno what I recorded though...I wasn't listening clearly....my brain felt like mush." 

Minho understood. His mind was screaming the whole time they were in the office too. "Let's get out of here." he said, grabbing Jongin's arm to pull him in a random direction. They just needed to get as far away from this place as possible. 

Except they hadn't even been running for a minute before Jongin realized they were going in the opposite direction to the hospital, which was obviously where they needed to return to. They'd been at the hotel a lot longer that they'd thought- at least 2 hours, and it was already way past midnight. 

"HEY!" A loud voice was heard behind them, just as Jongin had stopped running to turn back the other way. For a terrible moment he thought it might be Siwon, but of course that was just paranoia. 

"YOU FOOLS!!" Came another voice, and Minho grabbed Jongin's arm again to drag him away when they both realized, pretty much at the same time, that the voice calling was not a threat. 

Well, not a big threat. 

"IDIOTS! IT'S US!!" Key screeched, as he and Jonghyun ran towards them down the dark, deserted street. 

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?!" Jonghyun yelled, practically the first time Jongin had ever heard him raise his voice. His expression looked unlike anything Jongin had seen on him either- the easy goingness out the window to be replaced by what can only be described as rage. "WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR HOURS! WHAT THE FUCK-!" 

"Calm down dear." Key snapped, "We've found them now." 

Minho and Jongin both exchanged a glance, something they would have to get out of the habit of doing but it was totally involuntary now. It may have only been a few hours, but Jongin felt like he'd been through a lifetime's worth of panic with that kid. 

"Where have you been?! Why did you leave like that?!" Key hissed, "Minnie's scared out of his mind, I hope you know. What kind of friends are you anyway- leaving him alone like that?!" 

"Er. You left him alone too-" Minho started, only to be cut off. 

"Only to search for you, you bastard-!" Key spat, to be interrupted himself. 

"We went to the hotel." Jongin piped up, honestly. "We're idiots ok?! We're idiots! But at least we did fucking something because you guys were just gonna-" 

"YOU WENT TO THE HOTEL!?!??"?" Key screamed, his cheeks flushing red with anger almost instantly. 

"Calm down dear." Jonghyun snapped, turning to face Minho with dark eyes. "I'd expect this kind of behavior from Newbie," he started, "but not from you. Jesus, Minho, thought you could control yourself nowadays?!" 

Jongin felt like they was being scolded by a parent, and by the angry look in Minho's eyes he presumed his friend felt the same. 

"YOU COULD HAVE GOT YOURSELF KILLED!" Key bellowed, "What were you THINKING??!" 

"We were THINKING it's better to die trying than to just do fucking NOTHING." Minho raged, "WE were actually doing something. WE actually care about justice. WE-" 

"...let's just go back to the hospital guys." Jongin cut in. He was so exhausted and overwrought from the ordeal that all he wanted to do was slink back into Taemin's arms in defeat, and forget about this terrible night forever. 

"Fine." Minho grumbled. 

Jonghyun and Key remained silent, but pushed themselves in front to lead the way back. Jongin knew they were right, he knew they'd been the biggest reckless moron's in the world to try and kill someone with no plan, but at least they were doing something. 

By the time they got back to the hospital, dawn was fast approaching and Jongin would have to run to the shelter soon to get cleaned up before work. He couldn't quite believe he still had to go in after everything that happened, but the amount of sick days he'd taken were getting pretty unbelievable and he couldn't keep it up. Plus with the hospital bills, and the fact that (obviously) Taemin didn't have a job anymore, they needed money now more than ever. 

When they arrived, Sehun was waiting outside Taemin's door as the blonde lay finally asleep. The look in the younger's eyes was almost as pissed as Jonghyun's had been. 

"Where the hell have you guys been?!" Sehun hissed, looking everyone, especially Jongin who still had a bit of sick on his collar, up and down. They looked like a bunch of ruffed up, sleep deprived, lunatics, which he guessed was exactly what they were but still. 

"How is he?" Jongin asked, peering through the blinds in the door, a wave of some kind of relief flooding over him as he gazed upon his lover. They'd both escaped the jaws death in the space of a couple of days. It was a miracle either of them were still breathing. 

And yet everyone was still breathing. Even Siwon. 

"He's terrified and wondering why his so called friends aren't around when he needs them." Sehun spat. 

Jongin raised an eyebrow because was this kid really sticking up for Taemin right now. "Like you care." he mumbled, tactlessly. Again, he didn't mean to be horrible but after the night he'd had who could expect him to have a filter. 

"Really Jongin?!" Sehun hissed, "You're giving me shit right now?! What the hell have you guys been doing? Why aren't you telling me anything? What's going on?!" 

Key sighed and rubbed his temple in frustration. This was the night that wouldn't die. "It's nothing. They're just idiots. It's over now. It's nothing you need to worry about." he said, trying to keep calm. He then decided that food was their next priority, put a hand around both Jonghyun and Sehun and walked away, glancing back at Minho with daggers. "You coming?!" 

Minho groaned, taking one last glance inside the room to where Taemin still lay asleep, before deciding to follow. 

Jongin was sure it was far too early for visiting hours, but frankly didn't give a shit, so turned the handle and crept inside, making very sure not to wake his snoring lover. He glanced at his reflection on one of the bars on Taemin's bed, innerly scolding himself because he had to put on a brave face. Taemin couldn't know a damn thing about what had gone on tonight. 

He almost looked like sleeping beauty, Jongin thought, as he slumped down in the chair, already prewarmed by Sehun. Well ok, he did if sleepy beauty was a dude with stiches all over his face, a nasty bandage wrapped around his side, masses of unruly blonde hair sticking up in all directions creating a weird kind of halo on the pillow. He still looked fucking terrible honestly, but Jongin tried to ignore that and just focus on how strangely peaceful Taemin was sleeping right now. 

There was an odd little bulge under the covers and curiosity was getting the better of Jongin, so he lent in to open the covers and inspect whatever the weird shape was. He'd been very careful and had only ever so slightly brushed against Taemin's arm as he did so, but the poor kid was obviously on edge even during sleep, and snapped his eyes open- about to scream. 

"It's me!!" Jongin squeaked, staring wide eyed into Taemin's equally startled orbs. "It's me baby! It's only me!" 

Taemin took a few seconds to just to blink, trying to calm his nerves before reaching up for a hug. 

"S-sorry." he croaked. "Did I make you jump?" 

Jongin chuckled halfheartedly, thinking that was a very weird thing for Taemin to be saying to him. "Er no." 

"You don't smell good." Taemin mumbled, his arms still tightly wrapped around Jongin's back. 

Jongin sighed but didn't let go. "You tell me that about 10 times a day." 

"It's true about 10 times a day." Taemin retorted, still clinging on. 

"Sorry." Jongin cringed. He could actually smell himself this time. He hadn't showered in a few days, and he'd sweated a bucket load that night from the nerves. He just hoped Taemin wouldn't notice that he was still a little jittery from the adrenaline. 

"You know sweat doesn’t actually smell." Taemin said randomly, their hug continuing throughout this weird wake up conversation. 

"No?" Jongin asked, moving to pull away, except the arms wrapped around his back were surprisingly resistant. 

"No." Taemin said, making sure his boyfriend couldn't escape. "It's the germs that live on the sweat that smells. Sweat itself it actually odorless." 

Jongin made a retching noise but shouldn't have done because he still felt like he could actually be sick again. "That's disgusting. So...I'm covered in germs right now am I?" 

"Yeah." Taemin mumbled, still the hug going on. "It's ok though. I'm kinda manky too." 

Jongin smiled and shut his eyes, residing himself that this hug would last forever. He could live with that. 

It was a whole 3 minutes before Taemin finally did let Jongin go, and although that may not sound long, when you're bending in the most awkward position possible it certainly feels like it. 

"Where did you go last night?" Taemin asked, furrowing his eyebrows, "You're not lying to me right?" 

"No course not." Jongin tutted, perching himself on the side of the bed instead of going back to the chair. "I went to the shelter to see Taeyeon, I told you." 

"And what did she say?" 

"What did she say bout what?" 

"Bout the money..." Taemin replied, "Duhbrain." 

"Oh oh yeah." Jongin stuttered, screaming IDIOT in his mind. "She said...she doesn't know yet. I'll have to talk to her some more about it." 

"Oh." Taemin said sadly. "So that might mean...all our savings...are really gone then...?" 

Jongin gulped. This was not Taemin's responsibility. All he needed to worry about was getting better. "No no baby, we'll figure something out." 

"Mmm..." Taemin grumbled, wriggling himself into a comfier position. He was feeling the pain in his side a lot more than yesterday. Hopefully a nurse would top up his drugs soon. 

"What's this?" Jongin asked nosily, pointing to the weird bulge under the covers. 

Taemin smirked, for a second returning to his usual self. "It's my penis." 

"Oh yeah." Jongin snorted, poking the bulge, which was nowhere near Taemin's crotch. 

"Yeah." Taemin nodded, "The doctors made a mistake when they were operating." he carried on, "They chopped it off and stuck it on my side." 

"Did they now." 

"Yeah." Taemin smirked, adding, "I'm lying." 

Jongin cracked up. God, he loved this kid so much. Seeing him was making the events of tonight seem even more mental. How could even think of jeopardizing their chances at happiness? If he'd died, that would be it right? 

"What's wrong?" Taemin asked. 

"Oh nothing." Jongin lied, making his face return back to happy again. 

"You know you can talk to me about serious shit." Taemin said, "I'm not how I used to be. I don't mind." 

"I know." 

"And you don't have to protect me or whatever. Getting stabbed doesn't effect my brain does it?" 

"Nope." 

"So..." 

"So nothing." Jongin said, smiling reassuringly. "Nothing's going on bub. Nothing except the fact that I need a fucking shower before work to get rid of the germs that are apparently having a party on my skin." 

"You're leaving!??!?!?!" Taemin gasped, glancing to the side quickly to look at the clock. "You have to go to work?! Today??!" 

"You know I do." Jongin sighed, "I haven't been in in a couple of days...they'll fire me if I take this many sick days." 

Taemin groaned. "Just quit. It's not like it's making us enough to get off the streets anyway. With my job down the drain...there's no point anymor-" 

"That's nonsense." Jongin snapped. His shitty job may not have been getting them enough money to sustain a place to live, but it was at least feeding them. "Now don't worry ok? I'll be back before you know it. The other's aren’t going anywhere." 

"Tch." Taemin spat. "That wasn't the case last night. Only Sehun was nice enough to stick around." 

Jongin replied with a strange look because that was probably the first time he'd heard Taemin say anything vaguely complimentary about Sehun- ever. 

"Don't leave me." Taemin said, after a pause, "I'll be mad if you do." 

Jongin groaned. It wasn't like he wanted to go. In fact, he felt fucking terrible about it. He didn't have a choice. "Then I suppose you'll have to be mad then." 

Taemin's face fell. "Asshole." 

"Love you." Jongin sighed, leaning in for a kiss he knew wouldn't be reciprocated. 

Just before leaving, he turned back, still too curious about the bulge to let it go. "What is that thing anyway?" 

Taemin smiled evilly. "You'll never know if you leave." 

Jongin pouted but decided to go, not even saying goodbye before he left. Taemin hardly ever used that word anyway, so he knew his boyfriend wouldn't be offended. Not about that anyway. 

\--- 

Jongin had thought about nothing else but Siwon at work that day. Granted, he was practically a zombie given he'd had no hours sleep, but it was like he was in that weird wired state you get in when you're past tired. It's like the degrees of exhaustion go- drowsy, sleepy, worn out, knackered, practically dead, then Jongin. 

He just couldn't get over how close they'd gotten. They'd been inches away from Siwon, inches away from victory. But in the end, it had been a disaster. Ok maybe not- a disaster would have probably been them either ending up dead, or beaten so badly that's where they where heading. They'd actually got off incredibly well, and Jongin should be counting his lucky stars right now. He wasn't though, he was just obsessing over the fact that Siwon still got to live after the hell he'd put them through. 

This couldn't be it. They couldn't just give up after one attempt, right? Maybe going down to the hotel on a spontaneous murder mission hadn't been the best idea ever, but at least it gave him a purpose. They still needed justice. They still needed revenge. 

So what could he do? Well, there were probably only 2 options weren't there; either try again to kill Siwon (and actually come up with a fucking plan this time thank you very much) or take the recording to the police, and let them deal with it. 

Neither sounded like very attractive options. If they tried to kill Siwon again, they might not be so lucky second time around. It was horribly risky, and it could end up with one of them dead very likely. On the other hand, it was what Jongin wanted most of all. And he had to admit, Taemin was right about the police. They could be fucking hopeless sometimes, and at least if Jongin tried to kill Siwon again, he was taking control back. It wasn't nice to think that once he handed the recording over to the police, it was then all in their hands. He'd have no say in what happened, he'd be powerless. 

Fuck. He was a control freak. 

Then again, the recording was very incriminating. It basically said that they were hiding things from the cops and mentioned clients. Come on, even an idiot officer couldn't ignore that evidence. Plus it didn't involve Taemin. His name wouldn't even have to be mentioned. It was obviously the right thing to do, wasn't it? And yet Jongin still couldn't help feeling like he wanted to take matters into his own hands. 

So throughout the long, boring, soul crushing day, these were the thoughts that were whirring round Jongin's head. Between washing dishes and burning himself on the deep fat fryer that was. 

By the time the day was over, he was mentally and physically exhausted. Frankly, he was about ready to stick his head in the oven because he just couldn't come to a fucking decision...but then another thought dawned on him. Kind of an eureka moment if you will. Maybe there was a third option. It didn't sound that great either honestly, but it might be the best he had. 

Money. 

They needed it more than ever at the moment, maybe even more than revenge. And Siwon was filthy rich. He didn’t just own the hotel or club Taemin worked at, but also many other various similar establishments. 

The recording had the potential to destroy him. Siwon might lose everything, go to prison, who knows. Jongin was sure that he'd want to do everything in his power not to let it get in the hands of the police- even give a shit load of cash to a bunch of homeless nobodies. 

Bribery suddenly sounded like a very good idea to Jongin- even though he hadn't a clue how they'd do it, but that wasn't his problem. Maybe Key'd know. Either way, fuck, he was a genius. This could be their easy way out. It would mean no more slogging away at a job he hated that was only barely making them enough to live off, no more Key or Jonghyun renting themselves, no more Minho selling shit, no more Taemin having to blow creeps off for work. It would mean a home, safety, food, a warm cuddly bed. It might even mean college. And soon. It was the answer. It was the quick fix. 

A sudden burst of energy rushed through Jongin as he thought about all these wonderful things. He felt refreshed just imagining their future life, what it might be like when everything was ok. 

This was it. Oh god, he couldn't wait to tell... 

Eh no. Maybe not. Couldn't tell Taemin else he'd have to mention where he'd got the recording and frankly, he wasn't as good a liar as the blonde. Maybe he'd just have to arrange it with Minho or something. Yeah. That was a better idea. 

\--- 

Taemin was in a foul mood again. His day had consisted of several checks with a nurse (who still wouldn't let him fucking smoke), a very uncomfortable bandage change, desperate attempts by jongkey to cheer him up (apparently Minho was asleep) and the news that he was going to be moved into a ward soon because he no longer needed his own room. 

Sehun had been waiting to talk to him privately all fucking day. He'd promised the kid he'd be his eyes and ears whilst Taemin was stuck here, and really needed to speak to him, but Jongkey seemed content in making it as difficult as possible. In between the nurse coming in and out, sleeping, and Jonghyun and Key time, Taemin had been totally unavailable. 

That was until now, that is. 

He knew he only had a few minutes. Key had popped to the bathroom, Jonghyun was out getting drinks, and it was now or never. 

Unlike the previous day when he'd scared poor Taemin shitless, he made very sure not to hover outside the door and dither, which created the most ominous shadows on the blinds. Instead, he banged on the door twice and marched inside, hoping that was a less-scary way of entering. 

"Oh thank god it's you." Taemin sighed, looking up from a magazine about cars. Yes, that's right- cars. The only other options were fashion or horses. "I can't stand another hour of jongkey...seriously...I can't take it anymore..." 

Sehun rolled his eyes. "You're so spoilt." he said plainly, sitting himself down on the chair next to the bed, "You have friends that want to sit with you all day and cheer you up, then do nothing but moan about them." 

Taemin snapped the magazine closed to stare at Sehun, his expression a mixture of amused and slightly irritated. "Well, you'd feel the same if you had to take hours of playing eye spy and rock paper scissors with two morons who treat you like you're made of bubble wrap." 

Sehun shrugged. "Whatever. I'm here cus-" 

"You wanted to check in on me." Taemin finished, reopening his magazine. "How thoughtful." 

Sehun rolled his eyes again. "No." he said, taking the magazine out of Taemin's hands because the kid wouldn't stop staring at it. He was only giving Sehun half of his attention and it was plainly obvious. "I came cus you were right. They're definitely up to something." 

"Oh?" Taemin squeaked, suddenly seeming interested in the conversation. 

"Yeah. They all came back here last night in the early hours of the morning, looking like death. It was obvious that Jjong and Key had been looking for Minho and your boyfriend and everyone seemed kind of pisssed off at each other. Or at least from the look's in their faces the night hadn't exactly gone well. There's no way in hell they could have been out getting food. I don't know anything cus they won't tell me...but come on, they must think we're fucking idiots not to notice something's going on." Sehun explained. 

Taemin pulled a knowing face. "That's exactly what they think." he agreed, "That you're a toddler and I'm a dumb blonde so we won't notice anything." 

Sehun nodded. 

"Bie even had the cheek to tell me that he was going to the shelter to talk to Taeyeon about money as an excuse." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." Taemin snapped, "But the fucker hardly remembered he'd even said that this morning, and when I asked him what Taeyeon had said, he was all like 'bout what'." 

"Idiot." Sehun hissed. 

"I know right." 

There was a few seconds of silence, as both boys had a mull over what they were going to do, if anything. 

"Well thanks." Taemin said, picking up his magazine again. "You've been very helpful." 

"That's it?!" Sehun squeaked, "Aren't we gonna do anything about it?" 

Taemin smiled and shook his head, still not making eye contact but instead flicking through the crappy magazine again. "Oh sweet naive child." he said, "Just leave it to me. Bie'll crack in no time." 

Sehun wasn't convinced. "No he won't!" he snapped, "I'm telling you, they're not letting on. They're up to something and it's serious and we should be worried about this!" 

"I am worried." Taemin stated blankly, licking his finger to turn a page, "Seriously, trust me. I'll yell at him and he'll fold like a cheap suit." 

Sehun took a short, sharp intake of breath to calm his nerves. Well ok then. "...And you'll tell me whatever you find out? You won't keep me in the dark too, right?!" 

"No of course not." Taemin replied, finally putting down the magazine. "You've helped me. I'll tell you anything you wanna know once I know, k?" 

"K." Sehun muttered, jumping as the door swung open to reveal Jonghyun, precariously balancing 4 cups of coffee in his hands. 

"Aww look you're bonding." he said, scrunching his nose playfully. 

Sehun and Taemin both gave him the death stare but he ignored them, instead passing Sehun one of the cups and resting the other 3 on the bedside table. Taemin was just about to reach and grab one when his hand was slapped away. 

"Not for you." Jonghyun scolded, "Nurse said you shouldn't have caffeine." 

Taemin looked like he was going to slap his friend. "CAFFIENE?" he repeated, "REALLY? You're telling me I can't have spice, I can't have cigarettes, and now I can't have fucking COFFEE?!" 

"That's exactly what I'm telling you." Jonghyun said, smiling innocently. "And don't think I don't know about that spliff Key snuck you in this morning. I'm not that stupid." he continued, turning to Sehun and adding. "I go out for a piss then come back and the whole room stinks of smoke and suddenly Taemin's all happy and mumbling about rainbows." 

Sehun snorted. "I'm outta here." he said, picking up his drink and deciding that was enough Taemin for one day. It wasn't like he hated the kid anymore or anything (not that he'd ever really hated him, hate's a strong word) but still, 10 minutes of Taemin time was enough to give him a headache. He still honestly didn’t understand why the others all loved the kid so much but it was something he'd decided just to try and be ok with. 

In any case, he'd done his job. He'd confirmed what they'd suspected, that the other's were definitely lying to them about something and now he guessed that's all he could do. And even though he highly doubted Taemin's powers of persuasions to get Jongin to crack, what the hell did he know. 

\--- 

Jongin was in a pretty good mood by the time he got back to the hospital. He'd come straight from work, and even though he did feel exhausted, smelt like junk food, and knew he'd get told off for stinking, he felt far from deflated because finally, he had a plan that might actually work. 

Bribery~ Ah~ Such a nice word~ 

"What's that face for?" Key snapped, the first one to see Jongin arrive. They'd all been not so politely asked to leave if they were all gonna drink coffee and Taemin wasn't allowed any, so were all hanging around in the corridor till they'd finished. 

"Face?" Jongin repeated. 

"Yeah the thing that's the front of your head, retard." Key snorted. 

"I just er...I'm just in a good mood." Jongin smiled. 

Minho, who'd finally made an appearance, was the first one to groan. "Good mood." he mumbled. "Fuck that." 

Jongin shrugged. He'd talk to them later about his ingenious idea and then they'd all be in a good mood, wouldn't they? But that could wait. Because now he was going to go in there and see his very much alive, beautiful, cute, adorable, love of his life....very angry looking...frowning...arms folded...giving him the death stare...boyfriend. 

"What's that face for?!" Jongin squeaked, as he shut the door into Taemin's room, remaining at the foot of the bed because the look in his lover's eyes was not something he'd expected. 

He'd been imagining coming back to the clingy, hold me, don't leave me, type version of Taemin but right now this kid looked fucking pissed. 

"Hello dear." Taemin said, no heart in his words as he unfolded his arms to cover up the little bumblebee plush that he was sure Jongin would make fun of him for. He really liked the cute little piece of crap and wasn't in the mood for it to be mocked, especially when there were other, pressing matters at hand. 

Jongin raised an eyebrow at that weird greeting, tentatively walking to towards Taemin and bending down for a kiss that never came. 

"What's up?" Jongin asked, plonking himself down on the side of the bed, accidentally squishing the mysterious bulge. 

"You tell me." Taemin said, "How was your day?" 

Jongin raised his eyebrow again. Taemin hardly ever asked him how his day was. This wasn't how their conversations usually went at all. "...Ok-" 

"Cus you look tired." Taemin cut him off. "Like you didn't sleep at all last night." 

"Well I-" 

"Did you talk to Taeyeon literally all night?" 

"Ur..." 

"Cus you came back here really early this morning...but surely you weren’t at the shelter that whole time right?" 

"I er-" 

"So what, you went back to the car park after did you? Then came here?" 

"No I-" 

"What did Taeyeon have to say anyway?" 

"She er-" 

"And if you were talking to her for a long time, how come you didn't get it sorted? Why do you need to speak to her again?" 

"WELL-" 

"What did she say EXACTLY? Does she-" 

"TAEMIN SHUT UP AND LET ME SPEAK." Jongin screeched, loosing his patience with all this ridiculous interrogating. "What's with you? I'm here now aren't I?" 

"And I should feel glad about that should I?" Taemin snapped, "You leave me practically all day yesterday, then all night last night, then claim you have to go to work-" 

"I was at work!!" 

"Well I should hope so." Taemin said, "Cus you sure as hell weren’t at the shelter last night, were you?" 

Jongin huffed extremely loudly, turning his face away so his expression couldn't be read. Fuck, he was trying to protect Taemin here, he didn't deserve to be interrogated. He didn't want to stress, freak out or scare his already traumatized enough boyfriend and come on, what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. 

"You're just gonna have to trust me ok? Everything's fine now." Jongin said, after a small tense pause. 

Taemin shook his head. "Do you remember how much shit you gave me for lying to you?" he asked, not blinking as he stared straight into Jongin's eyes. It was kind of freaky. 

"...that's different." Jongin mumbled. 

"How?" 

"Because." Jongin started, "Because you lied for selfish reasons." 

"Did I?" 

"Yeah." Jongin continued, really not wanting to go back over this because he knew it was only a matter of time before he was going to get called a wife beater again. "...you lied because you didn't want me to get mad at you about how you'd got your job." 

"Right." Taemin agreed, "And because if you found out I was dancing...er...provocatively...then you'd go nuts and smash my head into a wall." 

There it was. "Minnie, shut up. Seriously." 

Taemin laughed without humor. "And so now what, you're lying to me for non selfish reasons?" 

"Yeah." Jongin said. "Just cus...well you don't need to know about stressful shit and it's all over now so there's no point, k?" 

"Not k." 

"Ughhhhhhhhhh." Jongin groaned, standing up because perching on the side of the bed seemed wrong for this kind of conversation. 

"HEY!!" Taemin squealed suddenly, opening up his covers. "YOU FUCKING SQUISHED MY BUMBLEBEE!!" 

"Heh?!" Jongin gasped, shocked by that weird outburst. 

"My fucking bumblebee!" Taemin screeched, pulling out the little plushie which looked like it had just got liposuction. "YOU ASS PRINTED MY PRESENT." 

Jongin stretched a hand out to try and fix the weird little thing only to get slapped away, proving yet again that Taemin was way more of a wife beater than he'd ever been. "What the hell is that?" 

"It WAS a cute little get well soon gift from your bff Sehun." Taemin spat, "Now it's a painful reminder that my boyfriend's an ass." 

With that, he leant towards the drawers in the bedside table to get the stupid little toy out of his sight, but stopped because sudden movement like that pulled on his stitches and it hurt like fuck. 

"Heyyyy don't do that!" Jongin scolded, snatching the toy out of Taemin's hands to put it in the drawer himself. "You know you can't reach that way." 

Taemin nodded, his face screwed up in pain as tried to re-relax his body. He was starting to feel his side a lot more today. Yesterday it had been virtually numb from the drugs, but it seemed to be getting more and more uncomfortable by the hour. 

"You ok?" Jongin asked, rolling up his lover's hospital gown to inspect the bandages. Luckily he didn't see any red seeping through, thank god. 

"Mhm." Taemin mumbled. He didn't sound very convincing. 

"Aw hunny." Jongin sighed, putting a hand on Taemin's cheek, the side without the knife gashes. 

There were a few moments of peaceful calmness, and Jongin almost felt like he could fall asleep. After all he was running on empty, and it would be so nice to just sleep next to Taemin here in the warm. 

"Just tell me what’s been going on." Taemin said quietly, deciding to try and forget about the flattened plush because fucks sake, that wasn't the important thing here. 

Jongin had more internal dithers as he pulled up the chair and slumped down in it, so low he could rest his head on the back. 

"It's stressing me out more that you guys are up to something and..." 

"Ok." Jongin sighed, going against all his better judgement. "But you have to PROMISE me you won't get all, you know." 

"I won't get all you know." Taemin promised, obviously lying. 

"Ok." Jongin said again. Was he really just about to do this. Ah well, honesty was always the best policy...wasn't it? "We er...we went to er...we went to um...tryandkillsiwonlastnight." 

Taemin just looked blank for a good few seconds, and Jongin thought he may not have heard him properly, but apparently that wasn't the case. 

"YOU. WHAT?!?!?!?" Taemin screeched, his face turning white in horror after he'd processed that horrible information. 

"OK BABY OK. I KNOW IT WAS STUPID." Jongin half yelled- raising his hands up in defeat. What reaction had he expected though, really. 

"STUPID??" Taemin repeated, astonished, "WELL THAT'S THE FUCKING UNDERSTATEMENT OF A LIFETIME. YOU COULD HAVE GOT YOURSELF KILLED?! FUCK! I KNEW YOU'D DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS! FUCKKK!!! HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE RIGHT NOW?? HOW AREN'T YOU DEAD?!" 

"Because I'm smart!" Jongin snapped. 

What followed next could only be described as hysterical, mad, shrieking laughter. "YOU'RE SMART." Taemin mocked, "HA. YEAH. SURE. You're a fucking IDIOT Bie." 

"I'm not an id-!" 

"YOU ARE!! LIKE WHAT THE HELL? SO LAST NIGHT, YOU COME SAY BYE TO ME, LIE YOUR ASS OFF, THEN WHAT? YOU ALL GO OUT ON A SPUR OF THE MOMENT MURDER MISSION?" 

Jongin gritted his teeth. He wasn't just annoyed because this was exactly what he hadn't wanted to happen, but also they'd been told to keep stress away from Taemin, and right now the kid couldn't have looked more stressed out if he tried. "Taemin. Calm down." 

"NO! DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! DON'T TELL ME TO-!" 

"Shut up!" Jongin snapped, this time deciding he was going to be the interrupter. "Will you not just let me explain?! You promised me you wouldn't get all you know!!" 

Taemin clenched his fists in the duvet but decided that he at least owed Jongin a chance at an explanation, so pushed back against the pillows and tried to relax his tense body again. 

"Thank you." Jongin said, "Look ok. Just listen, it wasn't as crazy as it sounds. Ok well it was a bit crazy but...well...no one was doing anything were they? So what choice did we have? It wasn't all of us who tried, just me and Minho. Jonghyun and Key just went looking for us, I guess. And we didn't succeed...obviously. But we didn't die either so. I did it for you." 

After that ramble, it was the last comment that really seemed to aggravate Taemin, who couldn't restrain himself any longer and decided to interrupt again. "Bollocks." he snapped, "You did it for yourself." 

"No!" Jongin argued, "I wanted to protect you, I wanted to-" 

Taemin was so angry by this point, he was practically shaking. "Shut up. You just can't fucking control your anger. You've never been able to and one day it's gonna get you killed. If you were REALLY thinking about me, you'd have stuck a-fucking-round because I need you here, if you were REALLY thinking about me, you'd have never even considered putting yourself in jeopardy because you wouldn't risk me loosing you-" 

"No baby...that's not it..." Jongin muttered, unsure how to reply to that. He couldn't get his point across but really, cut him some slack. He'd had no sleep at all for 2 days. It was a miracle he was as coherent as he was. 

"After everything that's happened..." Taemin carried on, his eyes suddenly welling as if he was close to tears, "Do you think that what, I'd just be able to cope if you were gone? You think I'd just be able to move on? I CANT COPE WITH ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE OK? NOTHING. NOTHING!!!" he shrieked, getting hysterical again. 

"No...no...sorry...baby..." Jongin soothed, trying to be the bigger person and comfort his lover who was on the edge of a nervous break down. "I guess I just wasn't think-" 

"EXACTLY!" Taemin yelled, "You never think anything through and I'm sick of it!! Do you ever wonder why YOU'RE the one who's gotten beaten so many times? Why you're the one who was on crutches, why you're the one that got kicked out of the shelter? It's YOU. And I cant take it! You need to get a hold on yourself! Fucking hell! You're a control freak and yet you have no fucking control over YOURSELF." 

"Baby calm down...shh,...it's ok. It's ok. I'm sorry..." Jongin said, moving out of the chair to perch on the side of the bed again, laying a hand on one of Taemin's thighs. 

"I'm serious about this though Jongin!" Taemin carried on, his voice strained and weak. "If you don’t...if you don’t get a hold of yourself then...we're over. I just can't....I can't love someone this much who doesn’t think about what they're doing...about consequences about..." 

"I know, I'm sorry baby, it's ok." Jongin soothed hopelessly, his lover pretty much ignoring his words and carrying on spiraling downwards anyway. 

"...I'd rather we broke up than...me waking up one morning and you being dead cus you'd done something reckless. I can't take another Onew! I can't take it!!! I still miss him...so much..." 

It only took the mention of Onew's name for the sobs to finally escape, tears coming pouring down Taemin's cheeks faster than he could wipe them away. 

Jongin decided that, even though Taemin was probably very pissed at him right now, all he could do was give him a hug so that's exactly what he did. Luckily Taemin didn't pull away, but instead wrapped both arms around his stupid idiot teddy bear, grasping at the loose fabric of his sweatshirt as the tears kept coming. 

It took a good few minutes for Taemin to calm down. Everything had gotten too much for him to handle. It was crazy but all he wished for right now was a bit of normality. He'd honestly rather be back in their car park...or better still their derelict building, curled up in a sleeping bag, smoking some spice. Then at least their problems might not seem so overwhelming. 

"How are you really not dead right now though?" he sniffled, wiping his snot on Jongin's shoulder. 

"What?" 

"I mean..." Taemin croaked, sniffing again, "That no offense but you're not that smart baby...like how didn't you get caught?" 

Jongin sighed. "...a girl saved us." 

"A girl?" 

"Yeah." Jongin nodded, wondering if he should tell Taemin anymore about the situation in case the hysterics started again. "...we broke into the hotel...and er...well, a girl distracted Siwon and some security guards so we could get out." he said, honestly. "I think her name was er...Sunyoung?" 

"Sunyoung?" Taemin squeaked, drying his eyes on the bed covers, "I know her." 

"She said she used to talk to you whilst waiting for...you know." Jongin said. 

"Yeah." Taemin nodded sadly, "She's a nice kid." 

Jongin withheld a chuckle. "That's what she said about you." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." Jongin nodded, "I still don't really know why she helped though. I mean it's not like she knows us...." 

"I helped you and I didn't know you." Taemin said, gesturing for Jongin to pass him the tissue box, which again, was yet another item that was out of bending reach. 

"You did?" Jongin asked, dumbly, handing it over. 

"Yeah. I gave you that half a sandwich didn't I? But I didn't have to. I didn’t know you." Taemin replied, blowing his nose in the loudest, most over-dramatic way possible and chucking the tissue half way across the room, just for the hell of it. 

Jongin smiled and rested their foreheads together. "I guess you did. And now you're the fifth nice prostitute I know." 

"I'm sorry?" 

Jongin laughed again, "You know...ages ago...I said to you that I'd never met a nice prostitute before, and you said 'well how many prostitutes do you know', and I only knew you so." 

"...Yeahhh..." Taemin said blankly. 

"Well now I know you, Key, Jonghyun, Chen and that girl...so that's 5." Jongin smiled. 

"That's fast math." 

"I'm smart." 

Taemin shook his head and took another tissue, blowing his nose in an equally overdramatic way before chucking the tissue across the room again. Key'd pick them up later, probably. 

"...just promise me...that you won't try again." he said finally, "You have to promise me you won't go back there. You have to swear on your life that you won't try and kill him again. Ok?" 

Jongin sighed and looked away. Still, deep in his heart, he truly believed that killing Siwon was the right thing to do. But then again, he'd only been 90% sure about it in the first place...and he was pretty confident he loved Taemin more than 90% now so. You can't argue with math. 

"Yeah." he said simply, still a fraction of doubt in his mind, but he wouldn't worry Taemin with that now. 

"Ok." 

"Look, baby, there's something else though." he started, "Something good." 

Taemin pulled a face and scooched himself down so he was half lying. All this hysteria and panic was exhausting. 

"I er..." Jongin said, pulling out his phone. "Well I'll show you." 

Taemin made another equally confused face, not daring to say anything as Jongin pressed play on the recording. As soon as he heard Siwon's voice, he felt his heart start to pound and his chest feel like it was about to close in. Jongin stopped it immediately, feeling like the biggest fool in the world because OBVIOUSLY playing it was going to make Taemin terrified. 

"Sorry!!" he squeaked, "I didn't think...I just..." 

"You recorded him?!" Taemin spluttered, "Like...evidence?!" 

"Yeah." Jongin nodded, "And I mean I won't play you it but...it's pretty incriminating shit. Like...realllyyyy incriminating." 

"Oh my god?!" Taemin gasped, "That's...that's...really good then?!" 

"YEAH!" Jongin agreed, pleased with the reaction he was getting. "Really fucking good!" 

"So...we can go to the cops now and...I won't have to be involved?" 

"Well I-" 

"They won't even have to talk to me?!" Taemin carried on, his face suddenly lighting up. "We could bring Siwon down just with this...?!" 

"Well...yeah...we could..." Jongin mumbled, making his boyfriend very confused. "Or we could do something even better." 

"...b...better?" 

"Bribery." Jongin stated simply. "We could get money out of this, Minnie. Like a SHIT load of money...like this could be our easy way out...our quick fix..." 

Taemin's face fell, which was not at all the reaction Jongin'd been hoping for. "I dunno..." he mumbled quietly. 

"What!?" Jongin shrieked, "But don't you understand what I'm saying? Listen baby. This could...this could get us LOADS of money...like enough to get of the streets...enough to-" 

"But making deals with the devil is never a good idea..." Taemin cut in, "Like...it could backfire so easily." 

"Yeah...OR it could make us fucking RICH and we'd be off the streets in no time." 

Taemin shook his head. "Trust me, it's never that simple. And anyway...it's not the right thing to do." 

"WHA?" 

"Well...it's letting Siwon get away with it isn't it? How could we live with ourselves if we knew that we took the easy way out, and left all the other people still working at the hotel to rot there, or be stabbed themselves. How could we live with ourselves if we knew that we had the opportunity to stop him properly, and then he actually kills someone else...? What if it's Sunyoung...? She helped us and now we have to help her." 

Jongin let out a long, frustrated cry because why did Taemin have to be rational right now, of all times. They'd been through so much, didn't they deserve to just be happy, even if that meant being a little selfish?!? "But...but..." he stuttered, hopelessly. 

"Hunny." Taemin sighed, "I see your point it's just...we've been given a golden opportunity here to do the right thing." 

"The right thing?!" Jongin repeated, "The right thing is to get us off the streets!!" 

"Is it?" Taemin asked, "Or is that just the easy thing?" 

"The right thing can be the easy thing too!!" Jongin cried, "God...Minnie...that was really not what I expected you to say..." 

Taemin sighed. "Well it's not like we have to make a decision right now is it? At least let's sleep on it first." 

Jongin shook his head and looked away, feeling the lump from yesterday re-form in his throat. "No...I just...god...I just want this hell to be over..." 

"Me too." Taemin sighed, "But there are no quick fixes to homelessness." 

"This could be our quick fix!!" Jongin snapped. 

"You can't know that for sure." Taemin said. "It could go horribly wrong, seriously, you gotta think things through. The only thing we can be certain of is that if we give Siwon the recording in exchange for money...he won't change. He'll just be able to go on and kill other people." 

Jongin clamped his eyes shut and swallowed, hard. Fuck, now Taemin had decided to be a selfless saint, had he? "But but no!!" he argued, "I can't bare it!!! I promised myself...I promised myself that when we got you out of here we wouldn't just go back to the streets. I can't...I can't take you back to another car park or bridge or derelict shithole...!!!" 

"We'll be ok." Taemin said, suddenly returning to being the comforter not the comfortee. "S'not like we're not used to it." 

"But you JUST said you can't cope with anymore shit! And I can't either!!" Jongin wailed, "Don't you see? Neither of us are coping anymore...not that we ever were but...it's like one second you're having a breakdown, then I'm having a breakdown, and back again and it can't go on and oh my god I cant-" 

"Yeah well living on the streets doesn't always have to be like this." Taemin cut in. 

"You're wrong!" Jongin continued to shriek, "Living like this isn't even living..." 

"It is living." Taemin said, "It's like that Justin Bieber song." 

Jongin snapped his head up in annoyed confusion. He was practically having a mental breakdown here, this was not the time to be mentioning bieber. "What?!" 

Taemin laughed softly, "You know...that one..." he started, pausing so he could try and remember the lyrics, "As long as you love me, we could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be br-" 

"OH GOD." Jongin groaned, "That's possibly one of the sickest things I've ever heard." 

"Really?" 

"YEAH." he grimaced, "Some spoilt rich kid singing about how looooove makes everything better. LIKE SERIOUSLY. 'as long as you love me we could be starving'...what does that even fucking mean...he wouldn’t mind if he starved to death as long as he had a girlfriend? What a prick." 

Taemin snorted. "I think you're missing the point." 

"I'm not!" Jongin snapped, "Now stop interrupting this VERY important conversation with-" 

"No I mean you're missing my point. I only mentioned it cus, well even if it takes us a really long time to save up again...as long as we have each other, then it'll be ok. I just can't stand anything more bad happening to any of us. Which is why you have to keep your not being reckless promise." Taemin explained, scooching himself down further in bed so now he was practically lying down. This conversation was seemingly lasting forever, and he'd gone through so many emotions he felt like he'd been on a rollercoaster. 

"So...you'd be ok...if...what? It took us another year to save up enough? We only have my crappy job though...it's not like we have yours anymore." Jongin muttered, also loosing the will to carry on talking. 

"I dunno babe, I dunno." Taemin sighed, "I can't think anymore right now." 

Jongin was about to push on (even though he was equally as exhausted- he just really wanted a decision to be made because he couldn't bare anything being left uncertain) when a nurse interrupted them, coming in with a tray of food. 

She smiled, wheeled the tray passed Jongin to put it in front of Taemin, and helped the boy sit up more. Taemin gave her daggers. She'd been the one who chucked his spice out the window. 

"Someone's grumpy." she commented, placing down a napkin, "Enjoy your food." 

"Thanks." Taemin snapped moodily, although his face couldn't help but brighten a little when he saw the meal. Hospital food was really not as bad as people made it out to be. They gave you big portions and everything was hot and yummy and "Oh crap they've given me the raspberry flavor pudding." 

Jongin looked up in a sulk. He hadn't hardly even noticed the nurse leave, or the fact that Taemin was now digging in happily. 

"You want my pudding?" Taemin asked, "Will it cheer you up?" 

Truthfully Jongin did want his pudding, but it just seemed wrong to go from a conversation about their hopeless future- to pudding. 

"You sure?" Taemin asked, peeling back the lid. "You like the raspberry condoms." 

Jongin pulled another intensely disapproving face before snatching the little pot away. It was yummy though so. Yeah. 

Taemin gobbled practically all his meal in the time it took for Jongin to finish the dessert. He felt like a starving beast, but presumed that was a good sign. "You're not going anywhere tonight, are you?" he asked, mouth still full as he swallowed the last spoonful. 

"No." 

"So you'll stay here until morning? You won't go anywhere?" 

"I won't go anywhere." 

"Good." Taemin sighed, pushing the tray away and leaning back on his pillows again, placing a bony hand on his swelling tummy. 

Jongin decided he needed a hug after all that, so perched on the side of the bed, resting his head on Taemin's shoulders- his new favourite position. Seriously this kid was his comfort blanket sometimes, it was embarrassing. He honestly didn't know who looked after who the most, but then again maybe that's how it should be. Maybe their relationship was healthier than he thought. After all, it was a good thing that they both took care of each other, right? 

"Sorry I squished your bumblebee." Jongin mumbled, staring into space as Taemin entwined and then untwined their fingers. Jongin's hands were all sticky from pudding and ew. 

"S'ok." Taemin sighed. "You're the only Bie I need." 

\--- 

 

Lol so corny I know.   
SO YOU DESERVE A PUDDING/condom IF YOU GOT THROUGH ALL THAT DIAOLGUE D: holy mother of cheese did I go overboard aha. Hope it wasn't too boring !! I really like writing just lame conversations between taekai and yeah so this was a little self indulgent but anyway :') 

So what do you think they should do guyzzz? XD or what would you do if you were them? xD /which option I mean?   
1- try killing siwon again (uhoh)   
2- taking the recording to the cops (sensible lol)   
3- bribery (MONAY ;D) I'm really interested in what sounds best ahaha. XD   
I'd probably um, I dunno...take the...mone...y.?? Lol in this fic im basically jongin and its not ok o.O 

It was so fun to hear who your favourite characters were xD only ONE of you said bie. For SHAME. FOR SHAMME. Lol totally joking xD 

but anyway I'm in a big dither about what to do with this fic. I've already planned the ending and it probably only has like 2 chapters left but on the other hand ive still got a bunch of things I wanted to fit in but if im not careful it could just go on forever as could this sentence lol *sobs* but! After it's all over imma gonna do some little oneshots or short stories (havent quite decided) set a few years (weeks/days/i dunno) before homelessons is set. SO ONEW WILL BE ALIVE /cries. And taemin will be drugged up /yay 

Okiekokiepie~ thank you guys!!! bye bye bye <3 <3 

//p.s. sunyoung xD so random right xD the girl isn't gonna be like luna in anyway so I don't know why I gave her that name but … heh. I just think she's the most beautiful little pixie, luna that is, and yeah~ xD sorry aha my choices for characters are really odd I think


	25. Lecture: Bears Without Ears

Heechul didn't think he'd ever felt guilt before. He knew that sounded strange, but it just wasn't an emotion he'd ever experienced. He wasn't the type of person to get bogged down in mistakes he'd made. He'd accept them, then move on and that would be the end of it. Don't get him wrong, he knew he'd done some bad things in his life, some selfish things, some downright stupid things, but come on, everyone has. Maybe he was a shameless person, or maybe he just didn't have that much empathy. In any case, guilt was definitely not something he was used to. 

When he'd heard that Taemin, poor little street kid Taeminnie, had got stabbed at his bar, rumored to be by his business associate, he couldn't hardly get his head around it. Honestly, he didn't know much about Siwon other than that he was rich, a good businessman, and scary as fuck. But a lot of guys in suits were scary. Heechul could be scary when he wanted to be. And in the business world, nothing was personal. You didn't have to be nice or like each other, you just had to make each other rich. 

Well nothing had been proven, so maybe he shouldn't trust the rumors anyway. It wasn't like Siwon had been arrested, and a rumor is just a rumor. Still, it was a tad unsettling to think that he might be sharing a business with an attempted murderer. 

As for Taemin, Heechul wasn't sure what to do. Should he apologize? Nahh, Heechul hadn't stabbed him had he?...But also, fuck, it was kind of his responsibility to keep his workers safe and he definitely hadn't done that. And he'd known Taemin for years, he should have been nicer to the kid. He hadn't even been that charitable giving Taemin the job, making the kid suck him off for it. But he was a whore, hello, it wasn't like he wasn't used to it. Yeah, it was ok. Heechul wasn't a bad person. 

Who was he kidding. 

\--- 

Frustratingly, Jongin didn't have anymore time to discuss what they were going to do with Taemin because soon it was morning and time for work again. He'd actually overslept, so there wasn't even time for a 5 minute wake up conversation before he had to be outta there, leaving a very grumpy looking Taemin, who was dreading the day enough already without having Jongin gone as well. 

He was being moved into a ward today, something he was not looking forward to at all. It wasn't that he didn't like other people (normal people), it's just that often they didn't like him. Just because he was lying in a nice hospital bed, wearing the same gown everybody else wore, didn't mean he didn't feel...different. People who weren't homeless, who'd never been poor, who'd never had to deal with the shit he'd dealt with...they didn't understand. They were always unsympathetic, judgey, and he was used to being treated like a piece of dirt, not just by his former clients, but by the general public as well. 

It was funny, because he knew exactly what they thought, because as a kid, he'd thought exactly the same thing. Growing up in care, he hadn't exactly been well off, but that didn't mean he didn't look down on homeless bums if he walked past them on the streets. He'd always presume they were a bunch of drug addicted whores, and the most amusing thing was, a lot of them were. (A lot of them weren’t too, of course.) But on that alone, he'd judge them. And now look at him; an unemployed, ex prostitute, who still couldn't last the day without at least 2 spliffs. 

So anyway, he was pretty sure that he'd end up next to some snooty rich kid who'd come in to get their tonsils out. Aaaand that's exactly what happened. He was wheeled in on his bed (as he still couldn't get up because it involved bending and that hurt way too much) and the boy in the bed next door took one look at him and Minho who was trailing behind, and asked the nurse to shut the curtains inbetween them. He probably thought Minho was kinda scary looking, which in some ways Taemin guessed he was; tall, resting bitch face, wearing all black, dirty clothes, but it was still amusing. 

"Rude." Minho scoffed, just loud enough that the boy would be able to hear, but not so loud it sounded deliberate. 

"At least I only have one neighbor." Taemin shrugged, counting his blessings that he'd been put at the end of the ward. It was less overlooked than the other beds, which could only be a good thing what with Jongin and his daily/hourly hissy fits. 

"Well you won't be staying here much longer." Minho said, perching on the side of the bed. 

"I still can't even twist though." Taemin grumbled. "Besides, it's nicer being here." 

Minho raised an eyebrow. "I thought you hated it?" 

"Well I did..." Taemin carried on, "But then it kinda grows on you. You know, bed, food, warm, you guys fawning over me all the time...." And not having to face my problems when we go back to the streets. Except he didn't say that bit. 

"We always fawn over you." Minho laughed, "And yesterday you were screaming at Jongkey to leave you alone." 

"Well they've left me alone now haven't they?" Taemin smirked. 

"Will you keep it down." came an annoyed voice from the other side of the curtain. 

Minho and Taemin looked at each other darkly. 

"SO MINNIE." Minho screeched, raising his voice to a ridiculous level, "HOW YOU FEELIN THEN." 

"I'M GOOD THANKS." Taemin copied, unable to stop himself, "TICKLE IN MY THROAT THOUGH." 

"OH?" Minho asked, but was cut off by lots of fake, over the top coughing. 

A very loud, annoyed groan was heard from behind the curtain so they decided to quit it. There were more important things to do than piss off snooty neighbors anyway. 

"So Bie told me about your...little adventure..." Taemin started, lowering his voice and making sure not to say any details that might get overheard. Fuck, it was inconvenient being in a ward. 

Minho suddenly looked very uncomfortable. "Er...ye-ahh..." 

"It's ok." Taemin sighed, "I've already yelled at Bie, I'm not gonna yell at you too." 

Minho breathed a sigh of relief. He was glad Jongin was around sometimes, it made Taemin nicer to the rest of them. 

"He told me about the recording too." Taemin continued. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah. He thinks we should..." Taemin said, hushing his voice still quieter, "...bribe Siwon for money, but I don't...I mean it could go so badly and-" 

He wasn't given a chance to finish, because suddenly Minho's eyes widened and looked past the curtain to where Taemin couldn't see. He had no idea what on earth would make his friend's expression look like that, but what came was certainly not what he'd expected. 

"Sunyoung?" Taemin squeaked, as a pretty girl with long, brown hair and a miniskirt poked her head around the curtain. She looked a bit out of breath and worried, a frown creasing her forehead. 

"God I thought I'd never find you!!" 

Minho stood up and cleared his throat, unsure where to look, maybe not for the reason you'd expect. It wasn't just because his 'hostage' had walked in and frankly, that was awkward, but it was also because he'd had a serious sex dream about her the night before and that was just plain weird. Minho was bi, always had been, always would be. He'd done it with girls and guys and everything in-between. He shouldn't have been fazed, and didn't know why he was, but suddenly he was flustered and it was embarrassing. 

"Oh hi." Sunyoung said flatly, noticing Minho trying to blend into the wall. "Didn't die then?" 

"Nope." Minho mumbled, "Thanksbytheway..." 

Sunyoung rolled her eyes and turned to Taemin, who was equally startled, but none the less pleased by her sudden appearance. For the little time Taemin worked at the hotel, they'd seen a lot of each other and had become friends. It wasn't like they were close or anything, but at the same time it was nice she cared enough to visit. 

"How'd you know I was here?" Taemin asked, adding, "Is today your day off or something?" 

Sunyoung laughed because 'day off' sounded so bizarre, like she actually had a proper job. "Not my day off, just had a client cancel at the last minute. And I didn't know you were here, I just presumed because it's the only hospital near by and this idiot and his friend," she continued, pointing to Minho, "said you'd gotten stabbed." 

"That friend is my boyfriend." Taemin said blankly. 

"Sorry to hear that." Sunyoung said, making both Taemin and Minho hold in a snort. "So how are you...? I mean, I know we're not exactly besties but when I heard what happened...what Siwon...what he did to you...well I was worried you know?" 

Taemin cut her off. "I'm ok." he lied, "It's us who should be worried about you...still working there you know?" 

"Yeah well." she sighed, "I'm not the one in a hospital bed." 

"You shouldn't go back there." Minho cut in. He was going to stay silent as usual but for some reason the thought that their *hostage* was going to go back to the hotel gave him the shudders. 

Sunyoung merely laughed, "If that was an option, don't you think I'd have done it by now?" she said, shaking her head at the apparent stupidity of that comment. "Siwon would track me down and I'd end up where Taemin is or worse. Besides, I have nowhere to go, and no offense, but living on the streets really isn't my thing." 

"It's no one's thing." Taemin interrupted, unable to hold his amusement, "But believe me, living out here is better than being in that hotel." 

"Is it?" Sunyoung asked, eyeing Minho up and down. "Because you look terrible." 

Minho swallowed his offence because she was right. "It's still better than working for that cunt." he said simply. 

She laughed again. "That cunt." she repeated, "How eloquent. And I suppose you're gonna go back to try and kill him again are you?" 

"Shhhhh!!!!!" Taemin hissed, looking pointedly to the curtain. They could be so easily overheard, my god. "We need a fucking code word!" 

"Code word?" Minho repeated, in a hushed tone. 

"Yeah." Taemin whispered, "Murder- Mango, Siwon...er....-Strawberry...you get the picture. Fruit themed." 

Minho was about to argue that ridiculous concept, when he was cut off. 

"Ok." Sunyoung said, smirking, "And you gonna go back and mango strawberry then? Put him in the blender? Make a smoothie?" 

Minho shrugged, "It depends." he said vaguely, making it very clear that was all the information he was prepared to share. 

Sunyoung sighed and turned back to Taemin. "So I guess I'll see you round then." she said, "Sorry I can't stay longer, you know how it is. I'm just glad you're ok-ish at least." 

"Thanks." Taemin said back, "And thanks for rescuing this idiot and the other one. We really owe your ass." 

"You're welcome." Sunyoung smirked, and was just about to turn and leave when Minho stopped her. 

"So...that's it?" he asked, "You're just going back there now? You want Siw- Strawberry mangoed as much as we do and yet you're not gonna do anything about it?" 

"Pretty much." she said, "Why do you care anyway?" 

Minho cleared his throat and looked away awkwardly. "I don't." he lied. 

"Good." she said, and with that, she was gone. Taemin had a feeling they'd see her again though. 

"She's hot isn't she?" he said, turning to Minho, who was still looking at the empty space she'd been in. 

"What?" Minho squeaked, his voice unusually high. It was kind of funny. Taemin hadn't seen his friend flustered in a long time, not since the long lost days of Minkey fights. 

"Wat she is." Taemin replied, "Im 100% gay and even I'd do her." 

Minho gave him a tired look. "You're not 100% gay if you'd do a girl." 

"No?" 

"No." Minho snapped, "We've talked about this. No one's 100% gay or straight." 

"That's your opinion." Taemin stated, "I'd say I'm at least a good 98% gay, which is practically 100%, come on." 

"...but the 2% would fuck her?" Minho asked bluntly, making sure to keep his voice hushed and it's normal, low tone. For some reason his vocal cords wanted to go all squeaky and he wasn't going to give his friend the satisfaction of hearing that again. 

"The 2% would fuck anything." Taemin smirked, adding, "Cept you." 

Minho withheld the urge to snort again. "I'm too good for you now." 

"Probably." Taemin shrugged, lowering himself down on his pillows because he was getting tired. 

"I'll leave you to rest." Minho said, squeezing Taemin's leg before wondering towards the gap in the curtain. "Do you think she'll be ok?" he added, just before he left. 

"She's a lot smarter than me." Taemin said, "Besides, we're gonna do something about Strawberry soon...I dunno what but...something." 

"Ok." Minho sighed, before slipping out. 

Taemin lowered himself still further so now he was totally lied down. The only good thing about being in a ward was that at least there were people around pretty much all the time. It made him feel a little more secure than being in a room on his own, where he felt constantly paranoid that Siwon could just come in at anytime and make a smoothie out of him instead. 

So he shut his eyes and fumbled around under the covers for a certain liposuctioned plushie, before deciding that he was safe enough to try at get some sleep. 

\--- 

Whist Taemin may have had an unusual ability to take his mind off his problems and act as if everything was ok, Jongin certainly didn't. He was still in decision making hell, and nothing seemed to be working to take his mind off it. 

So he hadn't. Basically, he'd spent another whole day at work dithering about what he was going to do. And there was a clock ticking away in the back of his mind, as he was painfully aware that whilst he was taking his sweet time making this decision, Siwon was still out there, free to kill anyone else. 

By the end of the day he was exhausted again, but didn't allow himself to rest. This hell had to be over, and he needed to decide. 

He couldn't talk to Taemin again though. The kid had made his point the night before and he didn't want to bring anymore stress to his lover, who was frankly dealing with enough. Nope, this time it was time to take his problems to the cleverest person he knew, even if that person was a toddler. 

"Hey!" Jongin called, catching a glimpse of his friend ducking round a corridor in the hospital, next to Taemin's old room. When he'd arrived he'd almost had a heart attack because Taemin wasn't there, but then immediately remembered that he was being an idiot and had forgotten that his lover had been moved to a ward. Ugh. Tired Jongin was even more useless than regular Jongin. 

"Oh hey." Sehun called back, turning as soon as he heard a familiar voice. He'd been hovering around Taemin's old room because a) the corridor was deserted so he could catch up on some z's in a chair, and b) he knew Jongin'd probably forget that Tae had been moved and have a hissy fit. Nobody wanted that. 

He didn't actually spend all day at the hospital like the others did, because god it was boring, but always came back in the evening because Jongin would be there, and because dusk was not a time he wanted to be alone. 

"Taemin's been moved." he said, as Jongin got closer, "In case you forgot." 

"I did." Jongin replied, shaking his head, "3 second memory of a goldfish." 

"Goldfish don't actually have a 3 second memory." Sehun said, no idea why he'd chosen to add that. 

Jongin rolled his eyes because lately it was like his friends were trying to educate him. "Did you know sweat doesn't actually smell?" he retorted, as the two boys made their way to Taemin's new ward, stopping just outside to lean against the wall in the quiet. Neither were ready to face the blonde just yet. 

"...yours certainly does." Sehun scoffed. 

Jongin was past being offended. "Yeah well, it's the germs that live on me that stink so. Technically not me or my sweat." 

"Who the fuck told you that?" 

"Taemin." 

"Course he did." Sehun sighed, wondering why they were stood in the outside corridor talking about ridiculous 'fun' facts instead of going into the ward. "Aren't we...?" he started, making his way towards the double doors but stopping when Jongin made no effort to follow. 

"...not yet." Jongin mumbled, allowing his body to slump down to the ground, his back still leaning against the wall. He was so tired, he could actually feel his body trying to shut down. The sleep he was getting was certainly not enough, and with the whole murder mission disaster as well as work and having no clue what they were gonna do, it was no wonder he was exhausted. 

"What's up?" Sehun asked, crouching down next to his friend. The situation felt a little awkward honestly. They hadn't been alone together or even had a proper conversation since the stabbing. 

"Sorry I've been kinda pissy with you lately." Jongin said randomly. "You don't deserve it." 

"It's ok." Sehun shrugged, "You've not exactly had an easy time of it lately...what with the whole trying to kill Siwon fuck up." 

Jongin stared at his friend in shocked confusion, "How'd you know about that?!" 

"Taemin told me." Sehun said simply, "And that you got some kind of recording, and that you didn't know what to do with it, and that-" 

"Taemin told you?" Jongin repeated, "Wat?!" 

"Yeah." Sehun replied, looking away because drama was being made out of nothing. 

There was a short, weird pause as Jongin tried to get his head around that. "...Okaaaaaaay." he said finally, "So...what do you think we should do then?" 

Sehun pulled a face. He hadn't been included in anything in what felt like so long. "You're asking me?" 

"Yeah." Jongin replied, "You're probably the smartest one out of all of us." 

"Am I?" Sehun laughed, "I thought I was a dumb toddler?" 

"Well you are a toddler but you're not dumb." Jongin retorted, "Apparently I'm the biggest dummy." 

"Yeah?" 

"S'what Minnie says." 

"He's full of shit." Sehun scoffed. 

"I know." Jongin replied casually, "So what do you think?" 

"Well I mean, god strike me down for agreeing with Taemin but, yeah, you should take the recording to the cops." Sehun said, eyeing up his friend's face which fell as soon as he'd said the words. 

Deep down, well ok- not even that deep down, more like semi on the surface, Jongin knew that was the right thing to do. He just couldn't bare the thought that they'd been given an opportunity to get money...a lot of money...and that this may be their only chance at a quick fix. 

"But that means when Minnie gets out...we'll just have to go back to the streets..." Jongin mumbled. He wasn't really arguing, he knew it was futile. 

"Yeah." Sehun sighed, no idea what to say because nothing could make that better. "...we can still start saving again though...I mean it's not like you don't have your job and if the rest of us can find something it won't take thaaaat long to-" 

"If." Jongin stated, "If is a horrible word." 

"Yeah." Sehun agreed, "Along with 'maybe' and 'probably'." 

"Yeah." 

"Hey come on." Sehun said, getting up because crouching was making his legs go to sleep, "At least you know you're doing the right thing." 

"Yeah." Jongin said again sadly, as he also got up and they made their way into the ward. 

So that was it then, it was that simple apparently. They'd take the recording to the cops and hope to god that it would be enough to get Siwon put away. They'd have done the right thing, but they'd still be fucking homeless. God, Jongin didn't think he'd ever felt so depressed. Even a Taemin hug didn't cheer him up. 

\--- 

The next day came all too quickly, but at least Jongin had managed to get a good 6 hours sleep, which was still not enough to make him feel refreshed but it was a good deal more than he had been getting. So after work, he'd decided to go down to the police station alone, knowing that if Minho, Key or Jonghyun went anywhere near that place it could only lead to trouble. Plus Sehun was a toddler so, he didn't want involve the kid any further. 

In hindsight though, he really should have brought someone along because he hadn't the first clue what he was doing and he felt like a nervous wreck. It was ridiculous. He wasn’t a criminal. He hadn't done anything wrong. (Attempted murder isn't murder ok so shh. Besides, they didn't have to know that). It's just he'd heard so many horror stories about the cops, and how unsympathetic they could be to homeless losers. Minho had been in jail before, only for like, 2 months (petty theft not murder but it still meant he had a record), and Key had been very close a couple of times. Onew had been arrested, and Taemin caught once for soliciting (basically hanging around on street corners trying to sell himself). Jonghyun & Sehun were the only ones who hadn't had any experience and Jongin would like to keep it that way. 

He'd never been inside the station before. He hadn't a clue what to do and felt totally out of place. It was a lot busier than he'd been expecting and there wasn't much space to move around. At the front desk there was a long queue, surrounded by some benches and other work spaces. A lot of the people here weren't actually officers, but either members of the public or criminals themselves. On first scan, Jongin didn't recognize anyone, thank god. Again, not what he'd been expecting because the shelter was full of ex cons but there you go. 

He wasn't sure if he should just drop the phone off with an anonymous note, but was paranoid they wouldn't take it seriously and throw the thing out. So he decided to try and be brave and join the ever growing line, residing himself that he'd be here a while. 

As time went on and the queue gradually shortened, Jongin's anxiety was fast turning into just plain boredom. He almost felt sleepy again, but then forced himself to remember why he was doing this making the phone feel like it was burning a hole in his pocket, like it was this heavy bomb about to explode. He was being crazy. He was overtired and exhausted and he just needed to be patien-...Holy fuck? 

A new face caught his attention, someone he definitely recognized, and it shouldn't have surprised him but it did. A tall boy, pretty much taller than anyone else here, was just coming out of one of the back doors, past the queue and towards the exit. 

"Chanyeol?" Jongin called, trying to catch his friend's attention. He hadn't seen that kid in so long, not since he'd been in hospital. They'd met at the shelter and he was fun to hang out with but kind of ur, thuggish at times, and with everything that had happened it wasn't surprising they'd sort of lost touch. 

"Yo!" Chanyeol beamed, making a beeline towards Jongin, pushing his way past a few angry people lower down in the queue. "What are you doing here?!" 

"Um...er..." Jongin stuttered. 

Chanyeol laughed, "You don't have to tell me." he said, "I'm just getting out myself, finafuckingly." 

"Yeah!?" Jongin squeaked, moving a few paces as the line got shorter, "What have you been in for?" 

"Well..." Chanyeol smirked, "You know that whore hotel?" 

Jongin could hardly believe his ears. "...I'm familiar with it?!" 

"Well I know a guy who works there, Baekhyun, maybe you know him?" Chanyeol carried on. 

"Nope." 

Chanyeol shrugged, "I tried to brake in there to see him, it was a whole mess of crap, got caught, got sent here. I've been in prison for like, 4 months." 

"4 months?" Jongin repeated, astonished. That could so easily have been him, except probably much worse as attempted murder would have most likely got him killed, not just a few months in jail. 

"Yeah." Chanyeol beamed, "Got off really lightly right?! Thought it was gonna be a lot longer....anyway...nice seeing you but I really wanna get out of this place." 

Jongin nodded frantically and watched as his friend smiled again and started to wonder away. 

"Oh!" Chanyeol called, turning back as he remembered something. "Where you living now?" 

"...Ur..." Jongin stuttered again. He wasn't living anywhere. His nights had been spent mostly at the hospital, or just outside on the street when a nurse told him to leave. 

Chanyeol sighed, "Ahh I get you, it's ok. Well me and a few of my mates are sleeping round the back of train station...it's safe...ish...if you ever need a place feel free to come down there and hang." 

"Thanks." Jongin said, meaning it. 

Chanyeol smiled for a last time and then he was gone for good. He was a strange kid, like how the fuck could he take being in prison for 4 months so lightly. But then again it was only 4 months, Jongin guessed, and maybe that wasn't that bad. It was nice to bump into him again anyway, even if it had to be here. 

It was a whole 2o minutes of waiting before it was finally Jongin's turn. At least it gave him some more time to think, and man, even though this sucked he was sure it was the right thing to do now, especially after seeing Chanyeol. Taemin, Sunyoung, whoever this Baekhyun guy was, and so many other people had been screwed over by that bastard and even if it meant another year of being homeless, maybe that was ok. Maybe. 

He still hated that word. 

"Next." A grumpy looking man in his late 50's called, and Jongin made his way to the front desk, clutching at his jacket nervously. 

The man looked him up and down patronizingly, and Jongin felt like he was being judged horribly. Not that he looked that bad, or he didn't in his opinion anyway. Sure he stank of fast food but he couldn't help that, and he'd showered and shaved that morning so his appearance couldn't have been that bad right? So what if he was wearing a jacket that was 3 sizes too big, jeans that were kind of tatty and shoes that were worn out. It could be distressed chic, come on. Even when Taemin worked at the hotel he chose to wear holey jeans, so maybe this was just fashion, the cop didn't know. What the fuck was Jongin thinking. 

"So, what seems to be the problem?" The man asked, looking up at Jongin with bored eyes. 

Oh god it was really happening. 

"Um I er..." Jongins started, taking out his phone. "...There's a recording on here which proves that the hotel downtown is being used as an illegal brothel, and that the owner- Choi Siwon- is hiding things from, well, you guys." he said, trying to sound as authoritative as possible, and not like the lazy street bum this cop obviously thought he was. 

"...A recording?" The man repeated, raising an eyebrow in suspition, "And you took this did you?" 

"Ur...N-no." Jongin lied, "A friend did. A friend who works there." 

"As one of these supposed prostitutes?" The man asked plainly, jotting something down on a piece of paper. Jongin couldn't make it out. 

"No." Jongin lied again, "Just a maid." 

"Mm." The man mumbled, obviously not believing a word. "And what's your name?" 

"Kai." Jongin answered, a little too quickly, "Kim Kai." 

The man sighed and picked up the phone, looking past Jongin to the queue behind him of angry, impatient people tapping their feet. "Ok then 'Kim Kai'." he said, "We'll take a look at this recording later-" 

"No, listen to it now." Jongin butted in, wanting to make sure they'd actually do it. 

"In the meantime," the man carried on, ignoring Jongin's comment, "Wait here and I'll get someone who can talk to you properly." 

Jongin tried to stop him but the stupid son of a bitch was already walking away and he couldn't follow because of the glass division. Fuck it, he was outta here. There was no way in hell he was going to stick around to be questioned about how he got the recording, who he was or what he and his friends had to do with this. 

He'd done his job, he'd done all he could do. He wasn't going take the chance that he could end up like Chanyeol, in jail for doing fucking nothing. 

So Jongin raced out of there, slamming the doors open and practically sprinting down the street just in case he was being followed. He just had to pray to god that he'd done enough because if it wasn't, it was back to plan A which was the murder route, and as he was slowly realizing, he actually wasn't that smart after all. 

\--- 

Jongin felt like absolute death as he got back to the hospital. Exhaustion was a huge understatement. The 6 hours of sleep he gotten the previous night really hadn't touched the surface. He felt like he could sleep for 600 years at least, and still it wouldn't be long enough. At least he got to see Taemin now though. The day had been so long and lonely and he wanted to do was forget about the cops, Siwon, money, everyfuckingthing and just curl up in Taemin's arms and die quietly. At least for tonight. 

He almost had a heart attack when he arrived in his boyfriend's ward, to find the bed completely empty, the squished bumblebee plush on the floor. He honestly thought that something terrible must have happened and that was the only explanation, but then the snooty kid in the bed next-door chuckled and said lightly, "That scary cat boy took him off in a wheelchair." 

Jongin groaned. Taemin wasn't allowed out of his bed, and could still hardly twist so getting him in a wheelchair must have been quite an operation, especially without getting caught. It was obvious why they'd gone though, and Jongin knew exactly where they'd be. 

"It's been kinda quiet around here today cus there's been some emergencies, all the nurses have been busy." The boy commented, strangely helpfully, "I told them not to go but they didn't listen." 

"Thanks." Jongin huffed, storming off in the vague direction of the bathrooms. 

"Don't thank me." he heard the boy mumble, but didn't reply, "S'nice to get some bloody peace and quiet." 

It would have almost been funny if Jongin wasn't so tired and overwrought. The distinctive smell of smoke, high pitched giggling and coughing were so obviously coming from the disabled bathroom, he wondered how on earth they'd gotten away with it this far. 

Jongin banged on the door a few times half-yelling, "It's me dickhead" in the hope that would be enough. 

Key opened it sheepishly, only a crack but it was enough for Jongin to barge his way past anyway. 

If Taemin was usually a hot mess, then this was a whole other level. He wasn’t so much hot as kinda sweaty looking, and not so much of a mess as just this kind of weird tiny little creature, curled in a wheelchair, puffing and smiling like a lunatic. His hands were still shaking, his smile unhinged, his hospital gown half off. Jongin presumed they hadn't been here long, because his boyfriend definitely looked like he hadn't come down from his high yet. 

"Babybieeee." Taemin cooed, giggling afterwards, "So nice of you to join our partyyy." 

Jongin glared at Key angrily, but the latter just rolled his eyes. "What am I suppose to do?" he said, answering a silent question, "It makes him ill if he doesn't have at least 1." 

"We hadd tooo take out myy catheter." Taemin announced, smiling evilily, "Doooo you wanna kiss it beetter for meee?" 

Jongin turned his glare to Taemin who merely took another drag, looking back at his lover with innocent eyes. 

Jongin was so not in the mood for this. 

"God. I feel like I'm the only sensible one here." he huffed, grabbing the handles of Taemin's wheelchair. 

"SENSIBLE!" Taemin cried, pissing himself laughing, but then interrupting himself coughing out the smoke. 

"Look sorry, but fuck, we can't just let him go into withdrawal right? Not when his body is already fucked up enough by the wound." Key snapped, holding the door shut so Jongin couldn't get out. 

"Hey Bie!" Taemin giggled, grabbing his boyfriend's jeans to get his attention, "Why did the bee get married?" 

Jongin ignored him. "Oh yeah sure." he said to Key, shaking his head in disbelief, "Cus I'm sure getting high off spice is gonna help his recovery no end." 

"BECAUSE HE FOUND HIS HONEY." Taemin screamed, laughing hysterically afterwards like that was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. 

Key continued to not pay any attention. "You don't get it! You've never been addicted to anything. You don't understand what craving is like." 

"Hey hey Key." Taemin said, giving up on trying to get his boyfriend's attention, "What do you call bears without ears?" 

"I smoke, you idiot, I know what it's like craving cigarettes." Jongin snapped, taking the spliff out of Taemin's hands only for a second because as soon as he did the boy started screaming again, this time not with laughter. 

"Cigarettes are nothing like spliffs." Key argued. 

"I've had spliffs before! I know what they're like!" Jongin hissed. 

"But you don't know what craving them is li-" Key started, but stopped because Taemin started squealing again for attention. "WHAT IS IT MINNIE GOD?!" 

"What do you call bears without ears?" Taemin repeated, pleased his tactics were working. 

Jongin and Key both looked at each other in annoyance before glaring back down at the blonde. 

"B's." Taemin said, then started laughing shrilly again, the giggling fast turning into another coughing fit. 

"Does this look like it's good for him?" Jongin spat, turning back to Key angrily, "Does that look healthy to you?!" 

Key gritted his teeth. Jongin was never going to understand cravings and there was nothing he could do about it. "Whatever." he hissed, letting the door handle go as Jongin barged his way out, struggling to turn the wheelchair because Taemin had dropped his spliff and was now bending over to try and reach it. 

"Ow!" he cried suddenly, clutching at his side. 

"What?!" Key gasped, crouching to see what was wrong. 

Taemin whined and sat back up. Bending, twisting, turning and any kind of abrupt movement still really fucking hurt. Hence why he'd been told not to get out of bed. Hence why he was a fucking idiot. 

"See?!" Jongin snapped, as he rolled up his lover's robe to inspect the bandage. There was still no red seeping through so, well that had to be good right? 

Key gave him a very angry look before grabbing hold of the wheelchair handles himself and pushing Taemin away, leaving Jongin to pick up the spliff and flush it down the toilet. 

If he thought he was in a bad mood before, now he was practically seething. So much for crawling back into the arms of his lover and dying quietly. Obviously that was too much to ask for. 

When they got back to the ward they were met by a very angry looking nurse, who refrained from swearing at them and told Key to leave. She then helped Taemin back into bed, which was probably the most ungainly thing Jongin'd ever seen, limbs flying everywhere as Taemin was still high of his head. 

Jongin then had to sit through a half a fucking hour lecture about the dangers of drug use, how incredibly stupid they were, and that they were all probably going to die a horrible death from something Jongin wasn't paying attention to. 

When the nurse finally did leave, giving them all a warning that if they didn't behave she'd get them kicked out and forbidden from visiting, all Jongin could do was sit there blankly, worn out and defeated by this horrible day. 

Taemin was still giggly and high, by Jongin tried his best to ignore him. Thankfully both Jonghyun and Minho had arrived and were doing most of the work, making sure to keep the curtain closed so they weren't overlooked. The whole ward could probably hear Taemin clear as day though, as he wasn't making any effort to stay quiet. He'd come off his high soon though, Jongin supposed. They never lasted that long anymore- not even an hour. He basically just needed to take spice to feel normal nowadays, the high was just a very temporary side effect. 

"You look like death man." Jonghyun said, watching as Jongin remained blank, still slumped in the chair. "You should go get some sleep." 

"Where?" Jongin snapped. There was no way he was going to be able to rest here in the chair, with Taemin the way he was, and the only other options was to find a deserted corridor which he'd most likely get kicked out of, or go outside to the street. 

Jonghyun sighed and decided not to answer, "How'd today go? With the cops I mean? Did they listen to the recording?" 

"Not yet." Jongin mumbled, and was just about to elaborate when his blood pressure rose, as a face he'd never expected to see, poked his head around the curtain. 

Heechul. 

Jongin couldn't believe it. The fucking NERVE or some people. How could he even think of coming down here after the hell he'd put them through? Well ok, Jongin knew he hadn't stabbed Taemin, but still- it had to be at least 25% his fault right? 

Jongin really hated him. Hate's probably not a strong enough word. Ever since their first encounter when Taemin had 'done something' in exchange for a shower, he'd loathed the man. And now he was here, after everything that had happened, a balloon in one hand and some chocolates in the other. Was he fucking kidding. 

Jongin snapped. His patience had been tested enough today and he was all out of willpower. He didn't care anymore, and if he couldn't kill Siwon well then at least he could make this bastard suffer. 

"WOW HEY!" Minho yelled, grabbing his friend a second too late, because the deed had already been done. 

Heechul fell to the ground, clutching at his nose as blood started pouring. He didn't even look that surprised by the sudden outburst, almost as if he'd been expecting it. 

Jongin was just about to go in for another punch, but then he felt strong arms restraining his own as Minho grabbed him a second time, this time successfully. 

"Just get him out of here!" Jonghyun shrieked, helping Heechul up before opening the curtain and hoping a nurse wouldn't have noticed the yelling. 

He'd thought they'd got away with it but apparently not, because as soon as Minho wrestled Jongin behind the curtain and out of sight, shrill shouting was heard as one of the nurses told them to 'GET OUT NOW' and then the place became eerily quiet. 

Meanwhile Taemin had been watching all of this in silent amusement, distracting himself by the balloon in Heechul's hands. 

"Are you ok?" Jonghyun asked, grabbing a tissue from the bedside table and handing it to Heechul, who still didn't look all that phased honestly. 

Heechul nodded and held the tissue to his nose, handing the balloon to Taemin who just laughed. 

"You know you really should learn to control your pet." he spat, perching on the side of the bed as Jonghyun slumped down in the chair. "I only came to give you a fucking balloon." 

Taemin giggled, "That's a funny word." 

Heechul glanced at Jonghyun, "He high?" 

Jonghyun nodded, "Only a little." he said cagily. He didn't like Heechul much. None of them did. It wasn't like he was a horrible ex-client, and he supposed he'd been kind to Taemin most of the time. Still, he never liked any clients really, especially not any of Taemin's or Key's. Even though they'd been doing it for years, it was still weird and kind of disturbing to think of his friend and boyfriend, two people he'd known since he was 10, in that way. 

"Thanks for the ballloooon." Taemin smiled, "But why are you really really here?" 

Heechul rolled his eyes and took another tissue to mop the ever dripping stream of blood coming from his nose. "I'm really really here," he mocked, "because...well I guess I felt guilty didn't I?" 

Taemin laughed again, "You didn't stab me." 

"True but-" 

"Strawberry stabbed me." 

"Ur yeah." Heechul mumbled, turning to Jonghyun instead. "You guys could try and sue me you know, I mean Taemin was my employee and he got stabbed on my premises." 

Jonghyun pulled a face to express how stupid that sounded, "Oh yeah, us against you, I'm sure that would end well...us with no money, no lawyer...you with all the power and-" 

"Yeah yeah well." Heechul interrupted, "I still feel bad that you're getting nothing out of this." 

"Good." Jonghyun said bluntly, "And you'll just have take that guilt to your grave." 

"I'd like to offer you another job." Heechul said, turning away from Jonghyun to Taemin, who was continuing not to listen, instead keeping all his attention on the balloon. 

"A better job, not a stripping thing, and not working in that club, obviously." Heechul continued, taking the balloon away to get the boy's attention. 

"Will I have to suck you off again?" Taemin smirked, making Jonghyun feel a little sick. 

Heechul looked equally embarrassed, and he never felt shame so it was weird. "No." he said, guiltily, "I'm actually being charitable this time." 

"CHARITABLE." Taemin laughed, "You don't know the meaning of the-" 

"Taemin shut up." Jonghyun snapped, turning to Heechul, "What kind of job? Would you consider giving me one too?" 

"Well I er..." Heechul mumbled, "...maybe...?" 

Jonghyun's face lit up. "And Key...and Minho too?" 

"And Sehun!" Taemin squeaked, "Don't forget my bff!" 

"Well slow down there..." Heechul said, not making eye contact, "I'm running a business here, not a homeless outreach program, I don't have that many 'easy' jobs open..." 

"Just Key then." Jonghyun insisted. 

Heechul looked up at the ceiling and sighed, "I really only came down here to offer Taemin another job..." 

"Yeah but, come on, you must have something else...anything, it doesn't matter wh-" Jonghyun carried on, refusing to let this drop. 

"For Key though? I mean he has a bit of a reputation..." Heechul murmured. It wasn't like he knew any of Taemin's friends well, but Key had always come across as kind of bad tempered and snippy. He would probably be Heechul's last choice. 

"He's changed." Jonghyun lied, "Last time you met him...I dunno...he's not like that anymore." 

Heechul sighed again, this time louder. "...well maybe..." he said, "I guess I do kinda owe you guys..." 

"You do!!" Taemin cut in, "If you'd told me who Mr 51% woz in the first place none of this would have happened." 

Heechul had forgotten what it was like to be around high people. "Uh yeah." he said, turning back to Jonghyun. "So look, when Taemin's better, call me on this number," he continued, getting out a card, "And I promise I'll give him a job. Key too. Maybe." 

"God, thanks." Jonghyun said, staring down at the card like it was a golden ticket. If it meant Key never having to rent himself out again, then he supposed that's exactly what it was. 

"Bye Taeminnie, get well soon." Heechul said, giving him the chocolates and getting up. 

Taemin ripped into them immediately. He honestly hadn't been paying that much attention to what had been going on, but at least knew to say thank you for the gifts. "Thanks!" he said, "Bye!" 

"Bye." Heechul said, picking up another tissue to blot his nose with one last time. 

When he left, a strange silence fell as Taemin dug into the chocolates and Jonghyun continued to stare down at the card. My god, if Jongin managed to keep his job, if Key and Taemin got one themselves, if Siwon went to jail so they wouldn't have to move, then things might start actually getting better in a big way. It really was a golden ticket. 

\--- 

It was quite late, way past visiting hours anyway, but none the less everyone had managed to sneak back into Taemin's ward when the nurse's changed their shifts. Hidden behind the curtain, if they kept quiet, it actually wasn't that hard to stay inconspicuous. Especially as everyone else in the ward was scared shitless of the weird skinny blonde kid and all his crazy friends. Sometimes it helped to look a lot more menacing than you actually are. 

After Jongin had punched Heechul, he had to admit he did feel a little bit better. Unsurprisingly, he had so much pent up rage at the moment, and nothing to do with it. He still fantasized about plunging a knife into Siwon's chest but supposed seeing him rot in jail was just as good. Maybe. No, who was he kidding, it just wasn't. But they'd done the right thing blah blah blah so yeah. 

"Aww cheer up hunny." Taemin whispered, snapping everyone out of their weird sleepy daze. 

Jonghyun and Key were squeezing into the chair, both yawning and generally looking like they might fall asleep at anytime, Jongin was perching at the top of the bed, his head lazily resting on Taemin's shoulder as the blonde stuffed his face with chocolate, Minho was sitting at the foot of the bed, leaning over so far it was almost like he was gonna fall off, and Sehun, bless him, was sitting on the floor, wondering if the street was actually comfier than these cold hospital tiles. 

"Hmm?" Jongin asked, yawning before reaching over to pick at a half nibbled chocolate. Taemin didn't like the coffee ones but still insisted on trying them. One of his many annoying/adorable-depending-on-how-you-look-at-it qualities. 

"Cheer up." he said, "Today's been a good day." 

Jongin lifted his head up to give a look which said it all. "Oh yeah." he snapped sarcastically, "It's been just dandy. Working at a lower than minimum wage job I fucking hate, go to the station and running out of there so fast cus I was scared they were gonna arrest me infuckingstead, come back here to find my boyfriend high in the bathroom, then a lovely visit from a guy who's on the list of people I wouldn't mind strangling." 

"But he offered Tae another job." Jonghyun cut in, "And maybe Key." 

Key laughed softly, "Wouldn't it be funny if we ended up working together? And I got promoted and then I'd be your boss? Wouldn't that be funny?" 

Taemin, who had now totally come off his high, just stared back at his friend blankly. 

"Maybe." Jongin grumbled, slamming his head back on Taemin's shoulder in annoyance, "Maybe Key might get a job. And maybe even Taemin, we don't know anything for sure. And what if the cops don't listen to that recording? What if we have to move? What if-" 

"Bie." Taemin said firmly, "Don't look at this glass half empty. It's been a good day, things might be looking up." 

"Might." Jongin scoffed, grumbling a soft, "Might not" under his breath. 

Taemin rolled his eyes and looked back at Key. "He's grumpy." 

"I'd be grumpy too if I'd had the day he's had." Sehun said, wishing he hadn't because he always seemed to put his foot in it. 

Taemin was beyond caring. 

"But just imagine this." Jonghyun started, changing the subject pretty quick. "Imagine all of us, all with jobs, all healthy, happy, with a roof-" 

"I wanna tv that's right at the foot of the bed." Taemin cut in, "Like RIGHT at the foot, so the bed is like a mini cinema." 

"...ok." Jonghyun laughed, making sure to keep his voice quiet, "Well it could happen." 

"It could happen." Jongin mumbled. 

Everyone groaned. 

"I know what'll cheer you up." Taemin said, raising his shoulder up and down a couple of times so his boyfriend would have no choice but to lift his head up. "What do you call a bee who's having a bad hair day?" 

Key snorted, very loudly, so Jonghyun put a hand over his mouth. 

"...I dunno." Jongin sighed. 

"A frisbee." Taemin said, holding in laughter even though that was probably the lamest thing he'd ever said sober. 

"Wow." Sehun said, unable to stop himself being snide, "That's the worst joke I've ever heard." 

Jongin smiled weekly, but it had cheered him up a little he guessed. Not so much the stupid joke, as just Taemin being cute and not high. Maybe it hadn't been as bad a day as he thought, it's just everything looked bleek from where he was sitting now. And he really did hate those words, those horrible, uncertain words- maybe, if, might, could- you get the picture. 

\--- 

Lolol this chapter is sooo weird and I don't really know what to say about it aha o.O I seriously think I might have been high writing it and im sorry if it's boring your titties off. I promise there'll be some action soon! ive had a not nice stressful week (been put on new medicine to help relieve pain but it's been giving me hooorrriiible side effects D':) so maybe I was actually high? Hahaa xD sorry enough moaning o.O 

So good news (I hope xD) that this fic definitely has more than 2 chapters to go~ (im sorry for lying /im a horrible liar who lies). I've decided to go with my second, longer plan and just screw it bc there's still too many things I want to do with the characters and I cant pull myself away ahaha xD   
I just really hope it doesnt become kind of, er, worn out I guess? Idk. XD anyway. XD I feel like with jongin and taemin especially, if I left their relationship here I would be leaving a lot of loose ends, bc even though they seem solid enough, they've never really resolved their like, underlying issues I guess. //lol im getting technical watch out :') At the same time, I'm planning some more shit to go down and I really don't want what happens to seem kind of unforgivable? Jongin is just really messed up atm, like life is taking a tole on him and he's all depressed and shiz, even though things are getting better. Ok im being cryptic as hell and I'll stop now lol sorry xD 

Also just to pre-warn you, seeing as this fic won't die //lol// I'm not gonna be checking the chapters like I usually would. I don't know why lol I think there's something wrong with me xD but it takes me about double the time to check than it does to write and it's so exhausting aha. So I guess im just apologizing in advance if there's a billion mistakes or missing words D:

And oop tae's birthday tomorrow waaa *.* I've mentioned it a tiny bit in the next chapter it just didn't seem to fit in this one -.- tch I'm rubbish xD 

Okie I'll leave you with my favourite bee joke //which really has nothing to do with bees I just think its fking hilarious.   
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a bumble bee sitting next to him. "Are you a bumble bee?" asked the man, surprised.   
"Yes."   
"What are you doing at the movies?"   
The bumble bee replied, "Well, I liked the book." 

LOL. RIGHT. RIGHT.   
Ok bye ;_;   
Xxxx <3


	26. Playtime: (M) Death Spikes

A whole 2 effingbloodyshitting weeks after Jongin had taken the recording to the cops, Siwon was finally arrested. They'd only heard the news from Heechul, who had in fact decided to take a chance on Key and employ him for a trial period as a cleaner at one of his bars. 

They were all pleased and relieved of course (except Jongin, who still couldn't have been in a worse mood if he tried, and was genuinely thinking it would have been better if they'd just tried to kill the fucker again), except the good news couldn't help but be overshadowed by the fact that Taemin was getting out of hospital, and they were taking him back to the streets to god knows where. 

It was actually a bit too soon for Taemin to be getting out ideally, but the hospital bills were on another level (even with Taeyeon's help) and they couldn't cope. Especially as they desperately needed to buy supplies for when they properly returned to the streets, as up until now they'd been hanging around the hospital pretty much 24/7. 

Jongin was basically in a state the morning of Taemin's release. He hadn't got a plan, none of them had. Going back to the car park sounded like a horrible idea, especially as they were known to live there now by many and various other homeless losers, and that was never good. It might have been just paranoia talking again, but Jongin as well as the others were still scared shitless that Siwon might have connections that'd be after them. The more he thought about it, the more it became clear going back there wasn't an option. 

Key helped Taemin get dressed, only his bottom half because bending was still an issue. He didn't actually have a bandage anymore- just stitches, but they'd still been warned to make sure he didn't move suddenly or stretch much. The wound itself was surprisingly small, something that Taemin moaned about constantly because he wished he had a better 'war wound' to brag about. But in the end he'd said that he'd just have to settle for the gashes on his cheek, as well as the tiny little barely-there scar on his forehead left from the whole wife beating incident. God, Jongin really wished he'd stop bringing that up. Sometimes it was like every chance the kid got, he'd mention it, as if it had turned into a bad in-joke. It wasn't funny to Jongin. And although he supposed he probably deserved to feel guilty about it for a long time, he really wished the punishment would just end already. 

Taemin felt weird being in his normal clothes. As soon as Key put his worn out sneakers on, he felt back to his old self again, like nothing had changed and it was oddly unnerving. The reality of what was happening was only just hitting him; the fact that he'd be out in the cold again, back to normal, life goes on and whatever. He'd grown to feel quite safe at the hospital, but there was nothing safe about the streets. Only his friends, he guessed. As long as they were together, it'd be fine. Probably. 

"You ready?" Jongin asked, a little wearily, poking his head around the curtain and half expecting to see Taemin still naked and grumpy. 

"Yeah..." Taemin mumbled, picking up the last item on the bed- liposuctioned bumblebee, and shoving into a carrier bag to take with them. 

Key decided he need to be the one to break the tension for once. "God guys, you could look happier. Siwon's been arrested and Minnie's getting out of hospital, I have a job and when you're well enough," he said, turning to Taemin, "you will too so it's all good right? Right?" 

He didn't sound as convincing as he'd have liked. 

"Can you give us a sec?" Jongin asked, wondering towards the bed and slumping himself down next to his lover, a small bag in his hands. 

"...yeah?" Key said quizzically, "But we have to be out of here real soon." 

"I know." Jongin sighed, "This'll only take a sec." 

Key shrugged and walked off behind the curtain, not wanting to argue with an already depressed enough Jongin. They really did need to go soon though so. He didn't fancy being yelled at again by one of the overworked, underpaid nurses. 

"Wassup?" Taemin asked, trying to sound a lot more bright than he felt. 

"I got you something." Jongin replied, handing him the little bag, "I know it's your birthday around this time so..." 

Given Taemin was getting out and they'd thus far been sleeping under coats, Jongin had decided that he'd screw trying to save and had bought/stolen a few necessities with the help of the other's, such as some sleeping bags as well as this little birthday gift. He actually didn't know when Taemin's birthday was exactly, but knew it was around this time. 

Taemin tutted a few times before interrupting, "You know we don't do birthdays." he said disapprovingly. Honestly remembering what was supposed to be a happy day only made him feel worse about their situation. He'd rather they just forgot about it. 

"Yeah well don't think of it as a birthday gift then." Jongin replied, "Think of it as an IOU being repaid." 

"An IOU?" Taemin repeated, pulling another disapproving face but annoyingly he couldn't help himself feeling a little intrigued now. 

Jongin just stared at him blankly, so Taemin decided to open the bag, shocking himself by what was inside. "Fuck a phone, really?!" he squeaked, holding the box up to inspect it further, "What about saving up? Aren't you just suppose to be buying necessities?!" 

"Yeah well this is a necessity." Jongin said, taking the box out of Taemin's hands to get it open. "If something bad- I mean if you need to get hold of me when I'm not around, you're gonna need this. It's more important than a sleeping bag." 

Taemin sighed as Jongin passed him the phone, noticing that it'd already been programmed. "Was it expensive?" 

"Yes." Jongin said blankly, I mean he guessed it wasn't that expensive, but it was still more than they could afford. It was worth having to get Taemin out of hospital early for though. He knew that sounded crazy, but he just couldn't cope thinking that something terrible might happen, that Taemin would need him, that he wouldn't be there. 

Taemin smiled as he scrolled through the contacts. There were only 2- Minho and 'My Name Is Jongin'. He'd change it to Bumblebie later. It was more fitting. "Am I still Sex God in your phone?" 

"Yeah." Jongin replied, not wanting to get off topic. "And you can listen to music on it too so...you'll be less bored whilst you're still recovering." 

"Ok." Taemin smiled, "Sorry. It's a really good present." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." Taemin nodded, shutting his eyes as Jongin rested their foreheads together. "Hey we should take a picture." 

Jongin lifted his head up in confusion. "...Why?" 

"Cus we have like, no photos together. It's sad." Taemin replied, already holding the phone up so Jongin put it down again. 

"I look like shit though." he said bluntly. 

"Yeah so do I." Taemin chuckled. 

"You never look like shit." 

"Thanks." Taemin smirked, although knew that wasn't true, "Now come on, the phone is the IOU and the picture is my birthday present." 

Jongin sighed but decided to give in anyway, pulling a kind of small fake-smile as Taemin beamed like an idiot and took the picture. 

"Beautiful." he announced, "My new home screen." 

Jongin rolled his eyes, "When exactly is your birthday? Like what day?" 

Taemin laughed again and put the phone in his pocket, "I'll tell you when we're not homeless." 

"Ok." Jongin smiled. He could probably just ask Key or Jonghyun but that sounded like a better idea anyway. "Let's go baby." he said, getting up and outstretching a hand, which Taemin took happily. 

"Bye bed." Taemin mumbled, as the two of them walked out from behind the curtain and past all the other patients in the ward, most of them happy to see the blonde and his crazy boyfriend leave. 

Hopefully they wouldn't be back here in a long, long time. 

\--- 

Actually Taemin had forgotten a pair of underwear so they had to go back 10 minutes later but they supposed that didn't count. 

The day for Jongin was just like any other, slogging away at a job he hated, worrying himself sick over where they were all going to sleep that night. 

For Key, it was going surprisingly well. It was only his 3rd day working at a 'proper' job and even if it wasn't the nicest work let's face it, it made him feel useful and like they were actually getting somewhere. Plus knowing that soon they might at least be able to afford a trailer, was pretty fucking awesome. 

Given Taemin was still not well enough to take Heechul up on the offer of work, he along with Minho, Jonghyun and Sehun, decided to spend the day trying desperately to find somewhere safe to call their new spot. It was kind of an out of body experience for Taemin, like he couldn't get his head around what was happening. It didn't make sense for him to feel like this. He knew this would happen, and he'd tried to prepare himself that life wasn't going to change just like that. After all, he'd been the one telling Jongin that there was no quick fix, and just because the slow route was hard, it didn’t mean they couldn't do it. Still though, despite all this, it's strange how much you become accustomed to things in such a short time. He wasn't used to being out on the streets again and felt like a fish out of water, even if it had been barely a month. Weird. 

They searched everywhere; dumpsters, supermarket car parks, alleys, stairwells...nowhere looked even vaguely suitable. Everywhere they could find was way too overlooked somehow, and they'd be too vulnerable, even if they had each other. Onew had always taught them that it was safer to hide, even if that meant living somewhere horrible. And he was right. Being out in the open was never, ever good. It always lead to trouble. 

In the end, they gave up. So sue them, they'd been walking around all fucking day and it was getting them nowhere. Maybe they'd just sleep outside the hospital again, at least they knew the area. 

They met up with Jongin and Key around 6pm in a park, deflated and tired from the useless search. Key was in an unusually calm, good mood but as soon as he saw everyone's faces his heart couldn't help but sink a little. 

"God." he said, putting a lazy arm around Sehun's shoulders and squeezing, "What's with you guys?" 

No one replied. Instead, Jongin leant down a bit to rest his head on Taemin's shoulders, feeling like he might just fall asleep stood up, Minho looked away, avoiding eye contact, Jonghyun sighed and started fiddling with his coat, and Sehun scratched the back of his head, just longing for today to be over. 

"Wow. Talkative bunch." Key said sarcastically, "Come on. We'll be off the streets soon. We only have to last a bit longer." 

"We've been searching all day though..." Sehun moaned, "There's nowhere as good as the car park...maybe we should just go back-" 

"No." Key said bluntly. 

"But-" 

"No." Minho agreed, and that was the end of that apparently. 

"We could sleep here in the park." Taemin piped up, eyeing Jongin pointedly and smiling, "It's not the weekend after all." 

"Nah it's too out in the open." Jonghyun cut in, "We should just go back to the hospital." 

"They know we've been sleeping around the back though." Minho insisted, "They'll call the cops on us now we don't have a reason to be hanging around." 

Everyone collectively sighed, except Jongin, who'd basically been a zombie throughout this pointless conversation, but finally remembered he was being an idiot and that they did actually have somewhere to go. "Hey, fuck, I've just remembered." he said, lifting his head up off Taemin's shoulder and turning to his boyfriend. "You know Chanyeol?" 

"Not well." Taemin shrugged, "Only met him a few times at the shel-" 

"Well whatever." Jongin butted in, "I bumped into him when I went to give the recording to the cops a few weeks ago. He said he and a bunch of his mates had been hanging around behind the train station I think?" 

"What does he mean, behind?" Key asked warily. 

Jongin gave him bored eyes. "God I don't know do I? Haven't been catching many trains lately." 

Taemin sniggered. 

"Will he mind us crashing?" Jonghyun asked, "Like all of us? What are his friends like?" 

Jongin turned his bored eyes to Jonghyun. "I don't know, god. I literally just told you everything he told me. We only had like a 5 second conversation. Come on though, it's the best idea we've got." 

Taemin sniggered again, "Listen to Bie. He's smart." he said, a little too sarcastically as Jongin started walking off in the hope that everyone would follow. 

Luckily they did, if a little reluctantly. 

It took them fucking ages to find the station, given none of them had pretty much ever caught a train in their lives. It was getting dark by the time they reached there, and given it was summer, that showed just how late it was. Taemin hadn't got the clock on his phone set to the right time so he couldn't be sure, but judging by how tired he felt it was probably at least 11. He honestly didn't know how his body used to do it, being up all night renting and getting wasted. Although he'd spent a lot of the days unconscious so maybe that helped. 

When they arrived, it wasn't at all what they'd been hoping for. It was clear where Chanyeol had meant for them to go though. Around 'the back' consisted of a wide concrete space, presumably another car park it's just there was no evidence anyone actually used it, surrounded by a tall metal fence (with scary looking spikes, ouch). The only good thing about it was that the building it was behind had an overhang, so at least you wouldn't get wet if you slept directly underneath, depending on rain angles that was. Well it was summer so, it probably would be dry anyway. 

"How the FUCK are we gonna get through there?!" Key shrieked, his good mood long gone as he stared up at the metal fence, his eyes lingering on the spikes at the top. 

"Climb, dumbass." Minho smirked, and before everyone knew it, the kid launched himself upwards, climbed the bars with relative grace, hopped over the spikes and down all the way to the ground, making it look so easy Jongin kind of wanted to hit him again. Stupid athletically gifted show off. 

Jonghyun was next, copying exactly what Minho had done with a smile on his face, and hopping over with maybe not as much panache but at least he hadn't impaled himself on the spikes. 

"I really hate you guys." Key hissed, walking up the bars to see if they'd stretch enough for him to squeeze through that way. "How the fuck is Taemin gonna climb if he can't even bend?!" 

Jongin glanced at the blonde worriedly, but the kid didn't seem all that phazed. "Maybe I'm skinny enough to fit..." he said, wondering up to where Key was and poking a leg through. It was very clear that as thin as he was, that was never gonna happen. "I shouldn't have had all those fucking chocolates." he sighed, "We're screwed." 

"We're not." Jongin said, gesturing to his back, "I'll just give you a piggyback." 

Key and Taemin both looked at each other and back to Jongin again, their expressions exactly the same, saying that idea was a horrible one. 

"What if one of us goes up there to help, just in case?" Sehun piped up, "Then it could work. We just can't let Jongin loose his balance while they're up there." 

"But look!!" Key shrieked, "Look at those spikes of death!!" 

Minho rolled his eyes and backed up, running towards the fence again to pull himself up. Once he was at the top, it wasn't actually that hard to balance. For him anyway. 

Jongin didn't wait, and practically bulldozed his boyfriend as he backed into him, Taemin deciding just to go with it. If he could take a stab wound then he'd be able to cope with a few spikes surely. 

"God be careful!!!!" Key yelled, rather unhelpfully, as Jongin climbed with immense difficulty to the top, very grateful for Sehun's idea because without Minho up there too there'd be no way he could hold balance. 

Getting down was actually a lot easier than getting up because Jongin basically just jumped, hurting his knees no end because he hadn't bent them properly. A bit of bruising and a pulled muscle was surely better than the death spikes though he guessed. 

"Thanks." Taemin said casually, sliding off his boyfriend's back, "You make a good piggy." 

"UM HELLO." Key screamed, as Sehun took the plunge as well and successfully climbed over, making sure to chuck their bags over before he did so. It was lucky one of them had a brain. 

Jonghyun walked up to the fence and said something none of the other's heard, presumably trying to calm the ever panicked Kibum, who really looked like he was gonna kill them all. 

"I didn't sign up for this!!!" Key cried, "I didn't-" 

"Just do it you big baby." Taemin pushed, followed by a few chicken noises. 

"Come on Key." Sehun encouraged, cutting off the blonde's nonsense, "You can handle some spikes." 

Key looked from Taemin to Sehun murderously, screamed, stamped his foot, slammed his hand against the bars, then took a deep breath and chucked himself over, ripping his coat, as well as his jeans as one of the spikes scraped his leg. It wasn't hard. It didn't even draw blood, but it was still enough to freak him out. 

"I HATE YOU ALL." he yelled, once he'd got down and was safely in the arms of Jonghyun, who was finding it difficult to contain his amusement. "YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF RECKLESS STUPID-" 

"HEY!" a loud, threatening voice called, making everyone jump and snap their heads to the side, squinting into the darkness. "WHO'S THERE?!" the voice shouted again, and a torchlight came on, blinding everyone as it got brighter and brighter. 

Jongin was just about to grab Taemin and climb the fence again, horrified at whoever this person may be, when the torch lowered and he was met my none other than Chanyeol himself, beaming as soon as he saw his friend. 

"OH JONGIN!" he called, "SORRY! Didn't know it was you! Dude! Hi! Sorry! Must've scared the shit out of you!" 

A shorter, very pretty boy poked himself out from behind Chanyeol, a confused look on his face. 

"How'd the fuck you get in here?!" Chanyeol hollered, walking closer to the little group and lightheartedly patting Jongin's shoulder. 

"We er..." Jongin started, turning round to look at the fence. "Climbed over the death spikes." 

"You idiots." Chanyeol laughed, creasing over as he seemed to find that information way funnier than it actually was. "There's a load of bushes down there with a huge gap," he continued, pointing in the direction he'd just come from. "But anyway, yay, I didn't think you'd take my offer up." 

"We had nowhere else to go." Jongin sighed. 

"Oh that's flattering." Chanyeol scoffed, noticing the blonde next to his friend, "Oh hi Taemin, haven't seen you in a while." 

Taemin was just about to reply something like 'hi' when the pretty boy behind Chanyeol decided to cut in. "Do I know you?" 

"I used to be a whore at that hotel." Taemin replied, extremely bluntly, making Jongin glare at him murderously before realizing they were in public. 

"Oh." The boy said simply, "I guess I must've seen you round there...that's where I was working too but...well they've chucked all the escorts out now-" 

"Chucked you all out?" Minho piped up, "Like with nothing?" 

The boy nodded, "Yeah. I mean in some ways it's good I guess. The hotel's been under investigation since Siwon got arrested but it does mean a lot of us are left homeless..." 

"Fuck." Minho sighed, wondering where on earth Sunyoung might have gone. 

"Oh this is Baekhyun." Chanyeol said, gesturing to the boy, "And Baekhyun this is Jongin, Taemin, er..." 

"Minho, Key, Jonghyun, Sehun." Jongin finished, pointing to everyone. 

Baekhyun looked blank. "I'm never gonna remember that." 

"Don't worry." Taemin smirked, "If you need any help just call them what they look like- Newbie, Frog boy, Cat boy, Dino boy, Toddler." he said, pointing to everyone just as Jongin had done a second ago. 

Baekhyun's expression remained pretty blank before Chanyeol decided to end this madness. "So ok anyway..." he said, clapping his hands together as he started to wonder in the direction he'd come. The other's decided that was their queue to follow, and Chanyeol lead them towards a nook by the underhang of the station, cardboard spread out on the ground to cushion the hard concrete, bags and rubbish strewn around as well as some blankets. 

"There's usually more than just us." Chanyeol said, passing some cardboard to Key, who sighed loudly before chucking it on the ground. "I have a few other friends but they don't come down here all the time. Neither do we actually." 

"Will they mind us crashing here?" Sehun asked nervously. 

Chanyeol laughed, "No, they'll be fine with it." 

Sehun wasn't convinced but decided to just deal with it. He'd learned very quickly from Key not to trust new people, and although these guys seemed friendly enough, that didn't necessarily mean they were. 

There wasn't much talking after that. It was late and everyone was tired, especially Taemin, who was still finding it totally weird to be back on the streets again after a few weeks in a comfy hospital bed. 

Chanyeol offered them some spliffs (of something that definitely did not smell like spice) before settling down himself, but despite the longing looks pretty much everyone gave him, they all declined. They weren't about to fuck themselves up all over again, even though it was more than tempting. 

It took everyone an age to fall asleep. It always did the first night somewhere new. Plus there were horrible, eerie noises, and sometimes a train would go by and scare the living daylights out of them. Everytime Chanyeol just laughed- he'd got accustomed to the noise months ago. 

The cardboard underneath them kept squeaking too, which was probably the most irritating noise you can imagine when trying to get some sleep. Especially as Key had always been a wriggler so every 10 seconds it was like nails on a chalkboard. 

Taemin was the last one to fall asleep, or so he thought anyway. His heart was beating so loudly even though there was surely nothing to be frightened about. Everytime he shut his eyes though, he could see Siwon's face, the blade of the knife reflecting the moon's light only inches away from his neck. He'd coped well in the day but night is a horrible time, when there's nothing to distract you from your problems. 

Eventually however, exhaustion overtook him and he was finally asleep, his head firmly buried in Jongin's chest, his hands clawing at the fabric of his lover's coat. 

It was then that Jongin finally opened his eyes and decided he'd held enough emotion in, and now it was an ok time to cry. Yes, he was pathetic, but he'd been holding it together (kind of) for way too long and now, lying here with an obviously petrified, not ready to be out of hospital yet Taemin, was the last fucking straw. He'd broken his promise that he wouldn't take Taemin back to the streets after being stabbed and everything was wrong. 

Now, lying underneath the underhang of the train station on manky cardboard boxes, it was hard to see that anything would ever get better. It didn't matter that Siwon had been arrested, that Key had a job, that they might have significantly more money soon. The only thing he could see was right now, and right now sucked. The tears kept coming, and he had to bite his lip because if anyone heard him that would be so fucking embarrassing he might just- 

"Are you ok?" 

Jongin snapped his head up, wiped the tears away at the speed of light on the cuff of his coat, and pretended he had no idea what they were talking about. 

Key pulled a oddly sympathetic face, not an expression Jongin usually saw on his friend. 

"I'm fine." Jongin croaked. 

"You don't look fine." Key replied, "You woke me up with your wailing." 

"I wasn't wailing." Jongin lied, still trying desperatly to cover his face in case it was red and puffy from the tears. 

"You were." Key whispered, lowering his voice as Jonghyun stirred next to him, "What's up?" 

Jongin thought that was a stupid question so didn't reply. So many things were up, that he didn't know where to begin and Key should know that. 

"You know when we get off the streets I think you're gonna need serious therapy." Key commented, "Me too. All of us probably. I think we're all really fucking messed up." 

"Is that supposed to be helpful?" Jongin asked, techily. He wanted therapy like a hole in the head. 

"No. Sorry." Key sighed, "I just mean, well it's natural to feel how you're feeling." 

"...Thanks." 

"Things'll look better in the morning." Key added. 

Jongin highly doubted they would, and really hated it when people said that, but appreciated the sentiment anyway. "Ok." 

"Go to sleep now." Key said, "And stop wailing, it's annoying." 

"Ok." Jongin said again, adding, "Only if you stop wriggling." 

Key didn't reply, but after that the cardboard squeaking did get considerably quieter. Jongin also stopped sobbing, staring down at Taemin sleeping until he felt calm enough to try and get some z's himself. 

2 hours later, it was morningish and they were woken yet again by the horrible noises of a train, but this time it didn't just whizz past, but instead stopped at the station. Chanyeol got up first, telling everyone that they should really get out of here now but not to worry, because they could get out through the bushes and avoid the death spikes. 

They packed away in pretty much silence, all tired zombies from the lack of sleep, dreading that they'd probably have to come back here tonight. Taemin actually didn't do anything seeing as he couldn't bend well, so just stood there like a statue waiting for a goodbye kiss and their hell to start all over again. He thought he was probably feeling the most depressed out of all of them, but seeing Jongin's face it was clear that wasn't the case. 

"Oh cheer up babybie." he said, as they started to wonder away towards the bushes, "Didn't sleep so good?" 

"No." Jongin sighed, before grabbing Taemin's hand and dragging them both through the horrible prickles, getting leaves stuck in their hair as twigs snagged their clothes. It wasn't much better than the death spikes honestly. 

Chanyeol had agreed to show Jongin & Key the way to the shelter from here, so they were all about to leave when Taemin stopped his lover, pulling him in for a hug to whisper something nice in his ear. 

"What is a baby bee?" he asked, his arms tightly wrapped around Jongin's neck. 

Jongin refrained from rolling his eyes. "I dunno." 

"A little humbug." Taemin replied, pulling away to see the reaction. 

Jongin put on his best fake smile before remembering something. "Do you have money for lunch?" he asked, rootling around in his pocket and handing Taemin some coins. 

"I do now." 

With that, he kissed the corner of Taemin's mouth, and then he was gone, trudging away without looking back. He was honestly going to burst into tears if he did. 

\--- 

The next day went by in a hazy blur. It was still only Key's 4th day at his job so he was pumped for that, leaving Jonghyun, Taemin and Sehun to try and catch up on the sleep they'd missed that night. It was actually way easier sleeping in the day than it was at night. It may have been just as noisy but it didn't bother Taemin as much because it was like, safe noise, if that made any sense. 

Minho was off somewhere and nobody knew exactly what he was doing but they thought better not to ask. It wasn't that unusual for him to go off on his own, so no one thought much of it. 

By the time dusk arrived, they snuck back behind the bushes (avoiding the prickles as best they could) to be greeted by a cute little stray black and white cat, Chanyeol, a still very depressed looking Jongin, as well as 2 other guys. They were briefly introduced but didn't have time to say a proper greeting (not that any of them really wanted to) because then Baekhyun arrived, a large pizza box in his hands. 

Everyone dug in like starving beasts, leaving nothing left, but luckily Jongin'd had a lot of fast food that day at work so he was pretty full already. When Chanyeol offered them all a spliff again, he so almost took one. It would have been a terrible idea and unbelievably hypocritical so he didn't, but man did he want to get stoned/drunk/anything right now. 

"Hey you..." Taemin cooed, scootching to sit next to his boyfriend, pretty much the first words he'd said to him since this morning. "You ok baby?" 

"Mhm." Jongin mumbled. 

Taemin sighed and looked around, scanning for somewhere they could be alone. He was finally understanding Jongin's constant frustration that no where was private. Not that he minded being with his friends 24/7 (it would have been way worse on his own) but still, it couldn't help but get frustrating sometimes. 

He got up, reached out a hand which Jongin reluctantly took, and lead them both round to the bushes, dragging them both inside and out to the street leading to the station. 

"Where are we going?" Jongin groaned, struggling to take a bit of twig out of his hair. 

"Nowhere." Taemin said simply, grabbing the back of Jongin's neck to pull him down for an intense, if a little sloppy kiss. 

"What was that for?" Jongin asked, pulling away. The corners of his mouth couldn't help but twitch up at least a little though. 

"We haven't made out in ages..." Taemin said adding, "I've forgotten what your dick looks like." 

Jongin laughed softly, the first time he'd properly smiled in what felt like forever. "It looks like yours only bigger." 

"Harhar." Taemin scoffed, but his sarcasm was cut off by another kiss, this time involving tongue and hands running through his hair. 

Taemin hummed happily into Jongin's open mouth, wrapping his arms around his lover's waist to pull them closer. When the kiss ended, he slid a hand inside Jongin's shirt, feeling the soft, squishy tanned skin underneath, trying to find a heartbeat. 

"Hey that tickles!" Jongin squirmed, yanking backwards. 

"Oh my god you're such a baby." Taemin tutted, edging himself closer and leaning in, blowing ever so lightly on the crook of Jongin's neck- only making him squirm even more. 

"I'm just ticklish." Jongin shuddered, returning the favor by blowing directly in Taemin's face, making his fringe fly backwards. 

"Talking about blowing." Taemin grinned, resting his hands on the rim of Jongin's jeans, "You wanna treat?" 

Jongin stepped away again. "Yes." he said, "Obviously. Always. But you can hardly bend, idiot." 

"How does me giving you a blowjob involve bending?" 

"Depends on the position I guess...?" Jongin mulled, adding "I just don’t think you're well enough." 

Taemin rolled his eyes, "I'm well enough for you to fuck my mouth, Bie. God." 

"You're so unromantic." 

"You're such a girl." 

Now it was Jongin's turn to roll his eyes, "Don't you want one too?" 

"Well that's kinda why I'm offering to do it for you." Taemin smirked, although that was a lie. Really, he just being painfully naive in thinking a bj would cheer his stupid bumblebie up. "Tit for tat, you know." 

"Ok." Jongin chuckled, momentarily forgetting about the horrible mood he was in, "Where?" 

"Here?" Taemin replied, blankly. 

"Oh yeah here." Jongin scoffed, "So that some snooty business man can get off a train, go round the corner and see some gay homeless losers giving each other head." 

"That was graphic." 

"Not here." 

Taemin looked around, his eyes lingering on the hole in the bushes, "There?" 

Jongin tutted and rolled his eyes, "Yeah. So we can get impaled by branches and walked in on by-" 

It was too late. Taemin was already hard and honestly didn't give a flying fuck if they got caught, so pulled a reluctant Jongin back through the gap, stopping when they were half way inside. 

"But-" Jongin started, bending down as a twig tickled the back of his neck. 

Taemin mistook the gesture for an invitation so captured his lover's lips again, starting a very heavy make out session without warning. Selfishly, he wasn't just doing it to cheer Jongin up. He felt like they hadn't touched each other *properly* in years and he couldn't get enough. 

Jongin gave up trying to be sensible, too caught up in the moment. As soon as their lips disconnected, he trailed his tongue down Taemin's neck, pulling at the collar of the blonde's sweatshirt to nibble at his collarbone. 

"K that's enough." Taemin whined impatiently, running his hands through Jongin's hair to not so subtly guide him downwards. 

Jongin chuckled and knelt down, not an easy task with twigs everywhere threatening to impale him. Once on the ground, he ripped open his lover's jeans to reveal Taemin was harder than he'd probably ever seen him. "Aww look at you." Jongin cooed, just about to dive in when Taemin stopped him, pulling out a condom from his coat. He knew he didn't have anything awful (thank fucking god, dodged a huge bullet there) because they'd have found it at the hospital but still, they'd taken enough risks already and it wasn't worth it. 

"What flavor?" Jongin asked, as Taemin slid it on. 

"God I dunno," Taemin said, still full of impatience, "Taste it and you'll find out." 

Jongin shrugged, teased with a small blow of air and then went straight for the kill, taking all of Taemin's length into his mouth in one go. It actually wasn't that difficult and he didn't gag once. He'd got the knack of it now. And the low pitched, barely there, moaning noises his lover was making only proved that he was doing a good job. 

It took an embarrassingly short time for Taemin to cum, like- 3 minutes or something ridiculous. But he was just that desperate and needy. Jongin supposed it would have lasted longer if he'd teased but ain't nobody got time for that shit when you're kneeling in a hedgerow and anyone could walk in at any moment. 

After he was done, he rolled up Taemin's shirt to inspect the wound and kiss it better. It actually looked pretty good, and none of the stitches seemed to have pulled which was a fucking miracle. 

"My turn." Jongin squeaked, getting up hastily and forgetting about the neck-tickling twig. 

"Just snap it off!" Taemin laughed, reaching behind him to break the annoying little branch. 

Jongin had to help Taemin kneel because he had to keep his torso straight and it was hella awkward. "You sure you can do this?" Jongin asked nervously, to which Taemin just looked up at him with evil eyes, before undoing his jeans and giving a quick hand job before he started. 

Jongin's eyes rolled backwards. It was heaven, something he hadn't felt in so long. Taemin's soft hands curling around him, he never wanted it to end. 

But then it did end, as Taemin realized he was suppose to be giving a blowjob here, not whatever the hell he was doing. It was just so easy to get carried away admiring his lover's reactions. Jongin had such full, plump lips and when he was breathless it made them even more enticing. 

Deciding to take the plunge, Taemin stopped the handjob, kissed the little line of hairs running down from Jongin's tummy button, and went in for the kill. He'd only just hardly licked the tip, before a horrible noise was heard, making Jongin almost fall backwards into the hedge. 

"OH GOD MY EYES!?!" came a shriek, "GUYS SERIOUSLY!?!" 

"Oh shhhhhiiitt...!!!" Jongin gasped, dying inside as he zipped up his jeans, and lifted Taemin to drag them out, knowing full well that Minho had just arrived and probably seen something they'd never speak of again. 

Once out the other side of the bushes, Taemin started laughing his head off. "HAHAHA." he squealed, "Free porn! Free porn!" 

Jongin's bad mood seemed to come back like a switch had been flicked. He honestly wanted the ground to swallow him up, he was so mortified. "Please shut up." 

Taemin continued to laugh, "S'ok Minho! You're safe!" 

A few horrible trudging noises were heard, as Minho, along with...Sun...young...?...came squeezing through the gap, both with extremely judgey expressions on their faces. 

Jongin couldn't bare the embarrassment, so ran back through the bushes again, needing to walk it off. 

Taemin let him go without a fuss. He'd only piss him off if he followed, "Sorry." he said to Sunyoung, incincerly, "Didn't expect to see you here!" 

"What the hell?!" A voice came from behind, as Key spotted the little group, "Why's she here?!" 

Sunyoung cringed, as Minho gestured for her to follow them towards the little group, slumped on the ground below the underhang, still sitting on cardboard boxes. Everyone was there, including Chanyeol and Baekhyun, and it almost felt like a weird family gathering of dysfunctional distant relatives. 

"What do you mean why is she here?" Minho snapped, "I went to find her today." 

"You know she's here and she can talk for herself." Sunyoung cut in, turning to Key and adding, "I can go if you want?" 

"Oh no no." Key said quickly, "I'm just surprised, that's all." 

"Me too!" Taemin squeaked, "Thought being homeless wasn't your thing?" 

Sunyoung gave him daggers, "Yeah well. As you so cleverly pointed out, it's no one's thing." 

"Well you can stay with us as long as you like." Jonghyun smiled, scrounging around for the pizza box and opening it. It was empty so he sighed, "Want some crumbs?" 

"I'll pass." Sunyoung said, "But thanks." 

"Siwon really fucking screwed everyone over." Baekhyun mumbled, recognizing Sunyoung from the hotel too. He'd kind of kept to himself whilst working there so didn't really know her per se, but at the same time she was pretty hard to miss; stunning, always wearing revealing clothes, almost like a female version of Taemin if you catch my drift. "I guess everyone's been chucked out with nothing." 

"Yup." Sunyoung sighed sadly, and Minho reached over to put a hand on her shoulder, taking it away at the last second because he thought that might be weird. 

"We've never had a girl with us before." Jonghyun smiled, scooching over so the new arrivals could sit down on the cardboard instead of the concrete. 

"No?" Sunyoung asked. 

"Unless you count Taemin." Sehun muttered, so used to making snide remarks they were almost involuntary now. 

"You should probably cut your hair." Key said bluntly, to which Sunyoung gave him a horrified look. 

"No no, it's a good idea." Chanyeol cut in, "I knew a girl on the streets a couple of years back, it's tougher if you're pretty out here." 

Sunyoung turned her horrified look to him instead. 

"Alas, it's true." Taemin said, comically, "It's hard being beautiful." 

Minho rolled his eyes, "They're right though," he said, "Looking...the way you do...could cause trouble...it's better if you look kinda like a boy out here." 

"Kinda like a boy?!" Sunyoung repeated, "I don't wanna look like you guys!" 

"Thanks." Key laughed, but Jonghyun cut him off- "You don't need to look like us. We're just saying, you know, you look way too hot and way too much like a hooker to be sleeping rough. No offense." 

"None taken." Sunyoung said wearily. "Ok. I'll think about it..." 

"I can do it." Key said, making his hands into scissor shapes, "Cut it I mean. I'm kinda good at that type of thing. I cut Taemin and Jonghyun's hair." he added, proudly, "But Minho and Newbie won't let me anywhere near." 

Minho glanced at Sunyoung another time but she didn't seem to notice, "Yeah well, ok. Maybe..." 

"And you shouldn't wear those fishnets either." Taemin pointed out, "Like you're even turning me on a little right now and-" 

"Taemin!!" Minho hissed, reaching across to slap his friend's arm. 

Sunyoung laughed, "Don't worry." she said, turning to Minho. "When we worked at the hotel together we had a lot of these type of conversations." 

"What type of conversations?" Sehun asked nosily. 

"The type where Taemin says he'll turn straight for me." Sunyoung replied bluntly, "It's flattering really." 

Taemin giggled, very glad Jongin wasn't around to hear this conversation because it'd only piss him off more and probably start an argument. Taemin was still very aware that Jongin wanted to pretend that he'd never been a rent boy and that the breakup, as well as living at the hotel, hadn't really happened. It was frustrating. 

"...So I guess I'm just gonna...sleep here on the cardboard right...?" Sunyoung asked. She wasn't used to this and the thought made her stomach turn, but was at least grateful Minho had found her. Originally she was on her own, sleeping in a stairwell near the hotel. Nothing had happened but it was only a matter of time. 

"You can have this." Minho said, passing her a sleeping bag. "And this for a pillow," he said, scrunching up his jacket. 

"...thanks." 

Minho tried his best to smile. 

\--- 

It took an hour aimless of walking for Jongin to finally feel ready to come back. The crippling embarrassment was still fresh in his mind, but what could he do. All he wanted was a bit of privacy, that's not too much to ask for. But it was something that whilst they were homeless was never gonna happen, and he just had to accept that. 

Luckily by the time he got back, everyone had settled down for the night. Annoyingly Taemin had stationed himself in between Minho and, er, Sunyoung in his absence so he didn't hesitate to wake the blonde up. Call him selfish but he didn't want to sleep on his own tonight. He was hanging by a thread and that thread was Taemin. 

"Hmm?" Taemin croaked, as Jongin rested a hand on his arm. It would usually take a lot more than that to get the kid awake but he was sleeping very lightly at the moment, always ready in case something bad happened. 

"Move." Jongin hissed, struggling to balance, his feet either side of the blonde as he threatened to topple over on top of Minho. "Get up!" 

"You want me to finish your treat?" Taemin mumbled sleepily, sitting up as Jongin moved himself backwards so he wasn't in any danger of squishing someone. 

"No!" Jongin snapped, still keeping his voice hushed. He'd finished himself off in some public toilets. That's how fucking desperate he was. Ew. "I just wanna sleep!" 

"Awhawhaw." Taemin chuckled, struggling to get up because moving at strange angles still hurt. "Poor ickle babybumble can't sleep on his own..." 

Jongin thought Taemin was one to talk but said nothing, watching moodily as the blonde picked up the several coats he was sleeping under (they hadn't got enough sleeping bags to go round) and waddled his way towards their usual spot. 

"Why is Sunyoung here?" Jongin asked, as he settled down, scrunching up a bag as a pillow. 

Taemin did the same and laid the coats over them, turning onto his good side awkwardly to face his lover. "She's got nowhere to go." 

Jongin sighed. 

"What's the matter?" 

Jongin didn't want to say. It wasn't that he didn't like Sunyoung, he barely knew her and she'd saved their asses so they kinda owed her big time. It's just the thought of another mouth to feed felt very overwhelming. They only had 2 incomes, 3 if you could count Jonghyun occasionally renting, but Jongin didn't because he was rarely doing that anymore. It was really fucking hard to support 6, and now maybe 7 people on that. He knew Taemin might get a job soon and that'd help but still, it was just daunting. The pressure was becoming unbearable. 

Taemin wasn't aware of what was wrong but that didn't matter. He leaned in, pecking Jongin's lips a few times, placing a hand on his lover's cheek. Jongin leant their foreheads together as usual and shut his eyes, feeling warm breath on his chin every time the blonde exhaled. 

"Come here." Taemin said, rolling onto his back and wrapping an arm around Jongin's shoulders, who nuzzled himself closer into the nook of his lover's neck. 

It was usually the other way around, but tonight this felt right. 

Jongin fell to sleep being petted like a cat, Taemin's hands stroking his hair every few minutes until he was finally relaxed enough to drift off. 

Taemin knew he'd wake up with a tingly, dead arm the following morning because Jongin'd gone totally limp and he wasn't exactly light, but it was worth it. He hadn't seen his lover sleep this soundly in a long, long time. 

\--- 

So hello lovely bears!!! ~~ I promise this'll be the last uneventful chapter where nothing really happens xD I guess I'm just trying to build what's coming, how low Jongin's mood is and wotnot? I mean I suppose it can't be action all the time xD these poor babies need a break and a kitkat. :') 

I don't think that measly blowjob really deserves a M does it lololol? *cries* I haven't written anything smutty in ages but sex is harrd! /no pun intended/ *will someone please write the sex scenes for me? XD //i'm only half joking //no really. 

Oh also! D': In terms of their money situation I feel like I need to explain bc it's v unclear- (sorry about this xD)   
In the beginning *godcreatedlol* Taemin, Key and Jonghyun's renting was their only source of income. sometimes minho did dodgy deals but I didn't really go into that and I don’t think he did it often enough that it was a reliable source or anything o.O   
Then Jongin's job supported them along with key and jonghyun renting when taem quit.   
When tae got his stripping thang they were able to save up a significant amount, but then it all went boom when he got stabbed, even with taeyeon's help. //for some reason I've always imagined this fic set in Amerriiicaa? o.O idk why I know I haven't specified *ooops*//   
Anyhoo the money was running out and they still needed to buy supplies for properly going back to the streets, so took taem out of hospital early so they could buy important things and a phone lol.   
Now they'll be living off bie & key's jobs, and tae's when he's well enough, but with 3 incomes hopefully they'll be able to save a lot more than before.   
OK lol xD i'm sorry for that rambling. I just ugh I feel like it didn't make any sense at all the way i've written about money D; i'm really not the brightest. o.O   
Thank you for reading this nonsense ! <3 this fic has been going for 4 months and a bit I think but it feels like forever?! lol idk but anyway really thank you for sticking with it!!   
Byeyeyeyeyyeyeyeyeyeyee babies!  
Xxx <3


	27. Overtime: (M) Fate?

3 months later 

Taemin's recovery had been slower than expected, but as the weeks past he was gradually getting back to normal. He no longer needed to be as careful about bending and the like, and could finally take Heechul up on his offer of a 'proper' job. 

He didn't enjoy bartending as much as stripping. He wasn't good at it. Call him a freak but he actually hadn't minded taking his clothes off in front of perverts, it was only Jongin that had the problem with it. Plus there'd been nice music and he'd enjoyed the dancing. There was none of that here at the new bar he was working at. The typical customers were nothing like the ones at the gay club either- usually much older and more placid, which he supposed was a good thing but at the same time it was dull as sin. And even though Key was working at the same place, they hardly saw any of each other because he worked mostly in the day cleaning, and Taemin did the evening shift. 

It meant yet again, that Jongin and Taemin were hardly seeing any of each other at all. They spent half the night together, went to the shelter along with Key in the morning to clean up and whatnot, then said goodbye and that was it. It was terribly inconvenient and annoying but at least money was coming in, way faster than ever before. With 3 incomes, as well as Jonghyun occasionally renting, they'd honestly never been so rich. They were eating like frikken kings comparitively, take out every day split between 7 (9 when Chanyeol and Baekhyun were around) hungry mouths, and still had enough to save just a little every week. 

Still though, Jongin's bad mood was hanging around like a dark cloud over his head. It probably couldn't even be classified as a mood anymore, it was just his usual state. He wasn't depressed. He still had drive to get them out of this situation. But at the same time, life was so draining, wearing and they weren't getting anywhere fast enough to satisfy him. Taemin kept on repeating things like 'there's no quick fix', 'just keep going and everything will be fine eventually', but Jongin was loosing the will to wait. His impatience was making him miserable, and not seeing Taemin enough was only adding to that. 

Actually, scrap that, Taemin was annoying the fuck out of him. Sorry, but let's not sugar coat it. He loved the kid of course, couldn't be more in love with him if he tried, whatever, that wasn't the problem. Sunyoung was the problem. Ok not the only problem, just a little one on top of many other doozies, but it still couldn't help getting under Jongin's skin. 

Yes it sounded strange, but Taemin and Sunyoung were fast becoming close, and it was like the blonde had switched from the long lost days of Minho flirting, to constantly draping an arm around the girl, giggling and making crude jokes about how they wanted to rip each other's clothes off, that Taemin would go straight for her in a heartbeat, and that they had plans to run away together and have the most attractive babies on earth. And it bothered him, ok? It just did. And Taemin knew it did and yet still didn't make any effort to stop. 

Whatever. That was the least of their worries and Jongin knew he needed to stop being an insecure asshole because if he wasn't certain of Taemin's love for him by now, he'd never be. 

Plus Sunyoung and Minho were getting more and more sweet on each other by the day. It was obvious to everyone who wasn't them, but Jongin knew it was only a matter of time before they were doing it and maybe that'd make Taemin quit the obscene comments. Who was he kidding, then the blonde would probably just make even cruder jokes about threesomes. That was an image Jongin didn't need. 

It was Taemin's 4th week working at the bar and he was pretty much in the swing of things now, even if he kept dropping glasses and couldn't remember how the credit card thingy worked. He'd been shown like, 10 times, but for some reason kept getting the stupid buttons muddled up. The symbols were spazzy. It wasn't him. 

The bar was quiet tonight, like, reeeally quiet, like, is this a library quiet. There were only 4 people inside; a couple in the far corner, drinking and looking kind of wasted, a man in his late 50's in one of the booths, stuffing his face, and a new face Taemin'd never seen before, making his way towards a bar stool directly in front of him. 

He was obviously older than Taemin, maybe Heechul's age, quite attractive, and definitely not the type Taemin usually saw coming into this place. He was dressed in a suit, his tie loosened and the top few buttons undone, as if he'd been pulling at them from a stressful day in the office. 

"What can I get you sir?" Taemin asked, fumbling around for a glass. 

"A shot of anything strong." The man replied, "Really strong." 

Taemin stared at the bottles for a couple of seconds, no idea which one was the strongest so in the end just picking something random and clear (clear and deadly he'd been told), and pouring it into a shot glass, spilling a bit of liquid on the counter. 

"You're new at this aren't you?" The man asked, as Taemin passed him the drink. 

"No." Taemin lied, really not wanted to get into a conversation. 

"I haven't seen you around here before..." The man continued, ignoring Taemin's obvious discomfort, "But you look familiar...?" 

"Well I'm not new so." Taemin snapped, a little rudely, "You must just have forgotten me." 

"I never forget a face." The man smirked, taking a gulp of his clear/deadly drink. "Another." 

Taemin did as he was told and refilled, making sure not to spill any this time around. "Well if that's all, I'd better er..." he said, scanning around the practically empty bar for anything that might excuse him from talking. 

The man chuckled, chugging the shot down. "This place is always pretty quiet." he said, "That's why I come here. It's calming." 

"So is yoga." Taemin said, turning his back and pretending to wipe something with a tea towel. 

The man laughed again, his eyes trailing down to Taemin's ass. "I could have sworn I know you from somewhere...?" 

"You don't." Taemin said, turning back, smiling fakely, "You just think you do cus you're drunk." 

The man pulled an amused face, "I've only had 2 shots." 

"Yeah well. You said you wanted strong so I gave you strong." Taemin blabbed, turning around again to look busy. 

The man stayed silent for a good few minutes, and Taemin really thought that was the end of it, relieved the interrogation was over, but then- 

"Say, you didn't used to work at this club...did you?" The man asked, chugging down his 3rd shot, self poured as Taemin'd left the bottle on the side unattended. He really wasn't good at this. 

"I've never worked at a club in my life." Taemin said, tensing as he presumed the man meant Siwon's club, as it wasn't that far away from here. 

"No?" The man asked, "Cus a few towns away, there's this place, kinda rundown, called The Illusion..." 

Taemin snapped his head back in shock, words popping out before he could stop himself, "You know that place?" 

"Yeah." The man nodded, "I haven't lived here long, just moved a few weeks ag-" 

"Cool." Taemin interrupted, alarm bells ringing in his mind because this guy, whoever he was, was only moments away from realizing that he was talking to a prostitute, and that was never good. Not that he thought the guy would do anything terrible, he didn't look that type. It's just it would be fucking mortifying and even though he claimed he wasn't ashamed of his past, it's hard to not feel a bit embarrassed when people find out, especially as he didn't do it anymore. 

"Where are you going?" The man asked, as Taemin started dashing in front the bar and round the seats, the only way to get out. 

"Er, I just realized, I have to be somewhere." Taemin replied, and was so, so fucking close to this horrible conversation being over, when the stupid idiot man had a eureka moment. 

"Oh my god!" he squealed, making Taemin stop dead in his tracks, "You're a- I know where I've seen you!" 

Taemin turned around in defeat, his shoulders slumping over as he wondered back towards the man. "Just say it." 

The man burst out laughing, "God, don't be like that. There's no need to be ashame-" 

"I'm not ashamed." Taemin snapped, pulling himself up and crossing his arms. "I've got nothing be ashamed of." 

"Indeed you don't." The man said, smugly, "I remember you now, clear as day, sitting in the car park round the back, high I presume...you were there a lot, right?" 

"I was there sometimes." 

The man giggled, unusually shrilly, but it was probably because he'd helped himself to quite a few more shots. "And what...you don't do that anymore?" 

"Why are you interested?" Taemin hissed, deciding this man was more of an idiot than a threat, and returning to his original position the other side of the bar. 

"Why do you think." The man said, wiggling his eyebrows up and down like a pervert, then laughing again. 

"You're drunk as a skunk." Taemin commented, taking the bottle away from the man just as he was about to pour his 7th shot. 

"True." The man beamed, "But that doesn't mean I don't know what I want." 

Taemin couldn’t stop himself gagging. "Sorry. But. Never in a billion, million, trillion-" 

"That's offensive." The man laughed, but it appeared he'd taken no offense really, "Come on, I've had a very stressful day...and I promise, I never do this, it's just it must be fate me bumping into you like this right? Seeing as we both moved here fr-" 

"It's not fate." Taemin cut in, "It's a coincidence. And sorry but I don't do that anymore." 

A year ago he'd have done it in a heartbeat, but not now. That wasn't him anymore. He had a job, he had Jongin, he had everything to lose and nothing to gain. Well not nothing, I mean there was the money, but how much was this guy really offering anywa- 

"I'll pay you well." The man insisted, ignoring Taemin's attempts at declining, "I have a very good job, I mean I'm not the richest guy you'll ever meet but I'm definitely not po-" 

"Look, you creep, I said no ok?" Taemin hissed, losing his patience, "No means no. God! There aren't any fucking blurred lines here." 

The man shrugged, "Well ok...I guess it's not fate after all..." 

"Not fate." Taemin agreed, "No such thing." 

"Mm." The man said sadly, fumbling around for a business card and a pen, scribbling something down on it before sliding it across the bar to Taemin. "If you start believing in fate." he said before getting up, a twinkle in his eye as he winked. 

Taemin almost laughed as he watched the idiot walk away. What a jerk. What an amusing, idiot, jerk. The nerve of some people was incredible. 

He was just about to grab the card and throw it in the trash, when he noticed the number that had been written on it. 

Fucking 500$. 

That was a lot. A lot a lot. Like half of 1000 a lot. Taemin'd never been offered that much before, ever. 

Naahh, it didn't matter. It was never gonna happen. He'd made a promise to Jongin, as well as himself, that he'd never go down that road again and he wasn't about to make the same horrible mistakes again. It wasn't worth it, and even though it was very, very, very tempting, he knew it would probably end up just making him feel like shit. After not renting himself out in so long, not since the hotel, he'd be all rusty and it'd be weird. It was a terrible idea. 

And yet still, he couldn't seem to find the willpower to throw the card away. 

\--- 

Everyone was still awake when Taemin got back to the station, even Jongin, who was usually out like a light by the time he arrived. They were all sitting in a circle on the cardboard boxes, as if they were round an invisible campfire, laughing, smoking and just generally larking about. It wasn’t a sight Taemin had seen in a long, long time. 

It was only has he drew nearer he realized that in fact not everyone was happy. Jongin was next to Sehun, a little black cloud over his head as usual, and Sunyoung looked tenser than ever- but that was probably explained by the fact that Key was behind her with a pair of scissors, ready to cut into her beautiful long hair at any moment. 

"What's going on?" Taemin asked, squeezing himself into the circle the other side of Jongin, pecking his lover as a little greeting before turning to Key. 

"Hang on!" Key squeaked, clearly concentrating as he snipped another lock of hair, making Sunyoung wince. "Ok!" he smiled, turning back to Taemin, "You will NEVER guess what happened today. NEVER." 

Taemin turned to Jongin quizzically but the latter just shrugged. 

"Um...we won the lottery...?" Taemin asked, only half joking. 

Minho burst out laughing, "...It's gonna be a real let down now." 

"No it's not!" Key beamed, snipping some more hair off a little haphazardly, "It's fucking fate I tell you!! Like karma or some crazy shit like that! Ok so after work today I met this girl. She was nice, whatever, but anyway...we got talking and SHE SAID, her father was looking to sell his TRAILER, on the cheap, on the REAL cheap, like on the maybe we can afford it cheap-" 

"We can't afford it." Jongin cut in, "Stop making this out like it's something it's not." 

Key ignored him, "We only need $600 bucks and we're there. THERE. So maybe in a few months...you know...like not even that long away we can save-" 

"It'll have been sold by then." Jongin cut in again, "Seriously. Shut up. You're getting all our hopes up for nothing." 

"Newbie." Jonghyun said sternly, "This is good news, and we all need a bit of hope, right?" 

Taemin glanced at Jongin worridly, as the latter huffed and put his head down. It really did pain him to see his lover like this. It just wasn't like Jongin, but then again he supposed it made sense. The poor teddy bear had been brave for far too long, had been let down far too many times, and now he was- 

"I'm just so fucking desperate." Jongin mumbled, "I can't wait any longer. It's killing me." 

"It's killing all of us!" Key snapped, "But our luck's changing, really, today was like fucking destiny or somethi-" 

"Um excuse me!" Sunyoung squeaked, as Key took another chunk out of her hair, "Will you pay attention?!" 

"Oops." Key said, bringing his focus back to the task at hand. 

"So I guess the question is, how are we gonna make 600 bucks soon?" Minho piped up, as everyone fell silent, the mood drastically going downwards since Jongin's ray of sunshine comments. 

"I could see if I can find some clients who'll-" Jonghyun started, only for Key to cut him off. 

"That's a terrible idea." he snapped, "You never make that much, your clients are way too poor. You'd have to work loads to get anywhere near-" 

"How long do we have though?" Sehun asked, cutting Key off instead, "Like how much time before it's sold...?" 

Key shook his head in annoyance. "I don't know do I? I guess it depends who comes up with the money first...could be days, weeks, months, who knows? But god! Let's not let Newbie bring us down here...this is great new-" 

Another interrupter, as Jongin got up, sick of this pointless conversation and everyone acting like everything was fine, simple and easy when the reality was, this was just a stupid pipe dream and it was actually gonna take them another year in this shithole to make anywhere near enough. "Will you guys just stop it?! I can't take this!" he cried, storming away from the little group, everyone perplexed by that sudden outburst. 

Taemin wouldn't have usually followed him, knowing that most of the time when Jongin was in a state it was better to leave him to it, but this time was different. For months now, Jongin hadn't been right, he hadn't been himself. It couldn't go on. 

"No...Bie...stop!" Taemin called, running after him through the crack in the bushes to the street. It was pitch black as the street lamps were broken and the moon was hidden by clouds, making it very hard to see a damn thing. 

"I just need to walk it out!" Jongin shrieked, his voice far more distant than Taemin would've expected. Fuck that boy could run fast. 

"No! We'll walk it out together!" Taemin yelled to no direction in particular. 

A loud sigh was heard, followed by what sounded like a muffled hiccup as Jongin stopped, sat down on the curb and started to cry like the pathetic loser he was. 

Following the noises, Taemin ran down the street, eventually finding his boyfriend. When he saw the pitiful sight, he honestly had no idea what to do, so out of instinct crouched down for a hug, wrapping both arms around his lover's back. Jongin didn't make any effort to return the hug, instead trying desperately to wipe his eyes so's to keep a shred of pride. 

"Oh god hunny..." Taemin soothed, "I'm sorry...I didn't realize you were feeling this bad..." 

"I know!" Jongin shrieked, "You never fucking realize!" 

He wasn't really mad, it's just his emotions sometimes came out like this. 

"I'm sorry..." Taemin sighed, "I promise...this'll end soon. S'like what you always told me right?" 

"But it's n-not." Jongin sobbed, "I still c-can't get over it...how you g-got stabbed but then...we just had to take you back here..." 

"You know I don't give a shit about that." Taemin said, "Honestly babe, you just need to give it some time...I have a job, you have a job, Key has a job, things are going so well..." 

Jongin nodded meekly, still trying to wipe the ever flow of tears. 

"And this trailer...it's like what Key said isn't it...it could be fate." Taemin said, half joking. 

"You don't believe in fate." Jongin mumbled. 

"True." Taemin sighed, "...But I believe in you." 

Jongin tried his best to smile but honestly that statement just made him want to cry even harder. He didn't believe in himself anymore, and had no idea why Taemin would. 

"I love you ok?" Taemin whispered, taking his lover's hands away from his eyes so they could look at each other properly. 

"Ok." Jongin croaked, "I love you too I just-" 

"I know." Taemin sighed. 

They walked back in silence, Taemin with an arm around his lover's shoulder as Jongin still refused to stop wiping at his eyes, ashamed and embarassed even though it was just Taemin, and if you can't cry in front of your nearest and dearest than you can't cry in front of anyone. 

Holy shit, Taemin knew Jongin was feeling bad, but not this bad. He'd been a naive idiot but honestly he'd just thought his lover was in a bad mood lately. Clearly he'd been wrong, and now was the time to take the situation much more seriously. Jongin was so desperate, it was crushing him. The black cloud over his head these past months, hadn't been a black cloud at all, but a fucking hail storm with lightning and crazy shit electrocuting his poor mind as he slowly drove himself crazy. 

It was clear what Taemin had to do. 

They needed that trailer and they couldn't wait. Jongin couldn't wait. And if it was 600$ they needed, well then with 500$ they were almost there, right? 

\--- 

Taemin took a whole day to decide if he was actually going to go through with it, not wanting to be a hypocrite and jump into something reckless as Jongin would do. He'd predicted that he'd convince himself out of it, be sensible, blah blah blah, but actually the more he thought about it the more rational it seemed. 

Last night, the look in Jongin's eyes...it was some he'd never seen before. It made him realize that he'd been wrong to tell his lover that they couldn't have a quick fix. It was plainly obvious that Jongin couldn't hold on anymore, that he was beyond desperate and even a week more of homelessness was too much for him to handle. He was at breaking point, it was so clear now that Taemin wondered how he'd ever dismissed Jongin's feelings as nothing but a bad mood. These last few months, his lover was sinking and if they weren’t careful he was going to go under. Taemin knew that sounded dramatic, but you'd agree too if you'd seen Jongin's tear streaked face. 

Sometimes, you're between a rock and a hard place. There is no right decision, only a bad decision and a slightly worse one. Taemin decided to take the bad option, and say to himself (hopefully) for the last time: what he doesn't know won't hurt him. 

It wasn't like it would be any different. Taemin'd do his thing, one last time, get the 500 bucks, hope what they'd saved would be enough to top it up to 600 and they'd get the cheap ass trailer before it was sold. He had no idea how he'd explain spontaneously having the money, but presumed he'd just come up with a good lie later. Or make Key lie for him, Key was a good liar. It wasn't the best plan he'd ever come up with but desperate times call for desperate measures and honestly, this was the only thing he could think of. 

When Jongin'd been a stupid reckless asshole and gone to the hotel to mango Strawberry, he'd said that he'd done it for Taemin. Well now Taemin knew exactly what he'd meant. Sometimes you have to do something horrible, something you know your nearest and dearest wouldn't approve of, something they might hate you for. It was for the greater good. It was for Jongin. It was for the best. 

At work that evening, Taemin dialed the number on the card, his fingers strumming nervously on the bar like the nervous wreck he was. It was absolutely stupid to feel this way- fucks sake, it hadn't been thaaaat long since he'd last rented himself out. Except he'd really honestly thought that it would be the last time, and he was done with that life. Apparently not. Well this was the last time anyway so, it didn't matter. 

The man answered very quickly, shocking Taemin because he'd forgotten how to do this. It wasn't like you had to be subtle or anything, it's just he was so unused to talking to clients and being his rent boy self. He felt all rusty and weird. 

The man said to call him 'baby', even though his real name was Haneul but apparently he didn't like it. Yet another weird coincidence, having a name so similar to Heechul's. What the hell was with 'fate' today. Anyway, baby it was then. Fuck, it was so creepy because Taemin kept wanting to put a 'bie' on the end out of habit and that was just sick. 

They'd arranged to meet that evening after work, surprising Taemin because he really hadn't expected it to be that soon. Fucking hell, he didn't even have any lube on him, but then again he supposed Haneul must have got some if he was asking a hooker round. It wasn't like the guy sounded unexperienced. 

It was just so unnerving how fast this was happening, and now he was almost feeling like maybe he was being reckless and hadn't thought this through properly but that was just stupid. Jongin thought something through for about a minute and claimed he'd wasn't being hot headed so whatever. Taemin may have been a lot of things but a hypocrite wasn't one of them. This was a good bad decision and he was sure of it. 

Taemin worked mechanically that evening at work, not letting himself think about the next part of the night or what he would be doing, but simply being 'mindful' as it were, keeping his thoughts on the task at hand, which was basically serving no one. 

After his shift ended, it was around midnight, so he sent a cursory text to both Minho and Jongin (just in case one of them didn't have charge, which annoyingly was a lot of the time) saying two simple words: 

Working late. 

He knew his friend's would worry if he wasn't back but couldn't come up with a better excuse than that. He didn't know if it was even believable, as the bar shutted real soon, but whatever. He'd have to cover his tracks and think fast later if questions were asked. He couldn't worry about details right now. 

Haneul, or 'baby', didn't live that far away, but creepily he'd still sent a taxi to the bar to pick Taemin up. It was kind of a weird thing to do, but Taemin guessed this was what being a *slightly* higher class rent boy was like, getting picked up in a bar rather than at the back of a nightclub, high in a car park. He'd moved up in the world, heh. 

When he got to the apartment, he decided to try and shut his mind off and go into auto-pilot. Like clockwork, it was suddenly all coming back to him. He knew how to do this. He'd done it a billion times, and surely this time would be no different. 

"Hi." Taemin said calmly, smoothing out the crease on his forehead as Haneul opened the door. 

"You actually made it!" Haneul beamed, gesturing for Taemin to come inside, reaching a hand to take his jacket. 

"I called you, remember?" Taemin smirked, scanning the large, open plan room in front of him, his eyes lingering on the bed. 

"Yeah but you sounded really nervous." Haneul said, "So I figured...well seeing as you don't do this anymore." 

"I made an exception for you I guess." Taemin said, flirtatiously, slinking across to the bed. 

Haneul laughed, "You sound really different now!" 

Taemin tried not to blush. Would this guy just stop fucking analyzing him and get his dick out already. "So baby." he said, ignoring the comment, "How'd you wanna do this?" 

"Straight to business aren't you?" Haneul laughed again, "Almost like you wanna get this over and done with." 

"No. Slow's fine too." Taemin lied. Really, he just wanted this done as quick as fucking possible. 

"Good." Haneul smiled, wondering up to the bed before changing his mind. "Wanna drink?" 

Taemin was about to decline but actually alcohol sounded like a very good idea. "Yeah." 

"What do you want?" 

"Something strong. Very strong." Taemin replied, unintentionally copying their first meeting. 

Haneul laughed again. It was annoying sound and the more he did it, the more he got underneath Taemin's skin. 

They drank and talked about absolute nonsense for 10 whole fucking minutes. 10 FUCKING MINUTES. Taemin really deserved a tip for this service, he wasn't here to talk about the weather, hello. 

"So anyway yeah that's really interesting uhuh." Taemin butted in, not so subtly leaning towards his client as they perched on the bed. "Slow's been fun you know but...there's slow and then there's just...boring..." 

"You calling me boring?" Haneul laughed, "I'm anything but boring." 

"Why don't you show me how interesting you are then." Taemin said, trying to keep his voice stable as his heart started beating a little harder. He dragged one of his hands down to his client's crotch, massaging it a few times before gently starting to nibble at his neck, making Haneul moan all kinds of weird noises. He didn't sound like Jongin. He didn't feel like Jongin. He didn't smell like Jongin, and even though his cologne was a lot nicer than the germ sweat...it still felt very, very wrong. 

As things started heating up, Taemin felt himself unable to keep in control, his auto-pilot method failing him. He'd thought, once they got into things, that everything would be fine and habit would take over, but that wasn't happening at all. 

As Hanuel undressed him, his started feeling more and more anxious, trying desperately to calm himself with soothing thoughts- you've done this a thousand times before, it's no different, it'll soon be over, etc etc. Nothing was working. 

"Call me baby." Haneul ordered again, his cheeky persona long gone, as he lied a now very naked Taemin down on the bed underneath him, one rough hand spreading the blonde's legs as the other probed insistantly at his entrance, not bothering with any form of lube. 

"Yow!" Taemin screeched, moving away, "Ur...baby...I think you forgot-" 

Haneul rolled his eyes, shrugged and went into the kitchen (a very fucking weird place to keep lube if you ask Taemin) coming back with a practically empty bottle, and squirting hardly two drops of the sticky stuff onto his hands before going back to his insistent poking. 

It didn't feel nice. Taemin wouldn't have gone so far as to say it actually hurt, but it was definitely hella uncomfortable. And fuck, how fast had he got freaking undressed!? Wow holy shit! How fast could he put on a condom?! It was like this guy was moving sped up or something. His dick was so big too, bigger than Jongin's (sorry but it was) and really hairy and unattractive. Not that dick's are usually the most pretty of things let's face it but Taemin had grown quite fond of Jongin's. 

The cursory blowjob apparently skipped, Taemin was 100% not prepared for what happened next. If the fingering had felt uncomfortable, then some impatient, idiot dude sticking his cock up your ass with a single drop of lube was fucking excruciating. Taemin screamed, piercing loudly in the guy's ear, making him pull out all shocked like he didn't know what he'd done wrong. 

"Oh sorry, did that hurt?" 

"YES!!!" Taemin screeched, reaching out to the side to grab the almost empty bottle and squeeze the last couple of drops onto his hands, coating himself in the stuff before not so gently, plunging the guy's dick deep inside of him again. He knew it was better to enter slowly but he really had lost the will with this tonight, just wanting it over as quickly as possible now. 

It still hurt but he decided he'd just have to bare it, that this torture would be over soon and it would all be worth it in the end. He tried to put on a show, moan in the right ways even though they were totally fake of course. He even tried visualization, shutting his eyes for a second and imagining it was Jongin...but that was just weird. Nothing about this guy was like his bumblebie in anyway and he couldn't kid himself. 

"Call me baby!" Haneul gasped, about to cum, his face red as his thrusts became deeper. 

"Babybi-" Taemin squealed, lost in trying to visualize Jongin before he snapped himself out of it, opening his eyes to the horror of what was happening. 

Haneul climaxed not a moment later, milking himself inside before pulling out, ripping the condom off, chucking it away in the bin and smiling gleefully as if he thought he'd just given his whore the ride of his life. 

Meanwhile Taemin was left breathless, naked and sweaty on the bed, spread out staring at the ceiling, feeling like absolute trash. A fleeting thought popped into his head that it should have been him being thrown in the bin, not the soiled condom, but then he decided to stop being a baby, swallow the shame down and just get fucking dressed. 

It had been so much worse than Taemin thought though, not at all how it used to be. He'd changed so much since his former prostitution days, and it took doing it one last time for him to truly realize that. Because he didn't feel carefree or like it was no big deal...he felt like a cheater. Which again, was absolutely ridiculous. He hadn't cheated. Sex for money isn't cheating. It's work! It's practical. 

So why wouldn't that horrible guilty feeling in his tummy go away? Why did he feel like crying? Why did he feel like his good bad decision hadn't been the lesser of two evils after all? 

After he'd been paid- $500 as promised- he left without a word, hiding his fast welling eyes as he ran out of the apartment building and down the street, stopping at the corner to sob because what had he fucking done. He wasn't a prostitute anymore, he'd got so unused to this. No wonder Jongin fucking hated him doing it. It was so self destructive, so demeaning... 

He fumbled around for the note, staring at the money for a good few minutes to calm himself. He just needed to remember why he'd done this, who he'd done it for, why everything was going to be ok from now on. $500 is so much money, so much. It's worth doing what he just did. It's worth it. 

There was no need to act how he was right now, no need to be this upset over selling sex, something he'd done a billio- "OH SHUT UP!" he screamed out loud to an empty street, letting himself fall down to the pavement as tears came even harder. 

What had he done... 

\--- 

Everyone was fast asleep when he finally got back to the station. He'd spent the last hour wallowing in his own messed up head, but had decided that enough was enough and he needed to just fucking pull himself together. Except as soon as he saw Jongin curled up on the ground, his mouth twitching as he dreamt, all the emotion came right back up again. 

It was actually horribly unnerving how easy it had been to sneak up on them. Like he was only inches away and literally no one had made a peep, not even Sehun who was usually the lightest sleeper. They were so fucking vulnerable here, it was horrifying. He couldn't worry about that now. 

"Key!" he whispered, clambering carefully over Jonghyun's snoring form to get to the only one of his friend's that would understand. 

Key opened his eyes instantly, a panicked look on his face as he saw Taemin's tear streaked, puffy eyes. 

"What's wrong?!" he gasped, only to be shhhh'ed and dragged up, made to follow the blonde away from the group and through the bushes so they wouldn't be overheard. 

"What's happened?!" Key squeaked, once they were safely out of earshot from everyone asleep. 

It was then Taemin properly let himself break down, throwing himself at Key and crying unashamedly, as the latter just stood there, arms wrapped around his friend, in total shock. "Oh my god!!?! Key shrieked, "Minnie! Baby! What the hell?!!" 

Taemin continued to cry so Key pulled away, first inspecting the blonde's face, then his hands, and basically any inch of skin that was on show. "What the fuc-?!" he started, cut off as Taemin went to hug him again, more tears coming. 

"Seriously!!" Key almost yelled, panicking himself now, "What's happened? Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?! Is it Siw-?" 

"N-n-no." Taemin sobbed, still not releasing his friend, "I've done s-something awful..." 

"Did you kill someone?!" Key asked, not quite sure why his mind went there first but this reaction was like nothing he'd ever seen before. 

"NO!" Taemin shouted, directly into his friend's ear. He pulled away, fumbling around in his jacket for the money, shoving it in Key's hands before breaking down again. 

"Oh my god!!" Key squealed, "How did you-!?" 

"I WHORED." Taemin cried, "I DID IT AGAIN. EVEN THOUGH I PROMISED- EVEN THOUGH I-" he continued, unable to finish. 

Key stayed blank for a second, confused and honestly shocked that Taemin would be so upset over such a small thing. "...is that it?!" 

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IS THAT IT?!" Taemin screamed, scolding himself because he couldn't be that loud with the other's sleeping just through the bushes. 

"W-well sorry, baby, but..." Key started, putting an arm around his friend, "I just...from your reaction...I thought something awful must have happened..." 

"SOMETHING AWFU-" Taemin began, remembering to lower his voice, "Something awful has happened!!! I feel like dirt, oh my god, I don't know what's fucking wrong with m-" 

"Nothing's wrong with you." Key soothed, "Everything's fine, shhh, it's ok. This isn't a big deal-" 

"No!" Taemin cut in, sobbing a little more before continuing, "This guy...this guy offered me all that money and I thought it'd be worth it...but...it's not...it's not worth it...I feel like I've cheated...I feel like...god I feel aw-" 

"Now Taemin." Key said firmly, trying the tough love approach because this was getting ridiculous. "You haven't cheated, this is nothing like cheating. For heaven's sakes, what's gotten into you? You rented yourself out a ton of times when you were first dating Newbie...? And you never thought I was cheating on Jonghyun all those times I rented myself out did you?" 

"Well no." Taemin gasped, rubbing his eyes as still more tears came, "But it's different now...since the hotel...I've changed-" 

"You haven't." Key snapped, not at all meaning it as harshly as it came out. "You're making a bigger deal out of this than it is. Old you would've just shrugged and moved on and maybe that's a healthier attitude." 

Taemin nodded, trying to calm himself with no success. He knew that was true; he knew he needed to stop being so dramatic. But he couldn't help it. It didn't make any sense but it was as if he was only just realizing how bad his former life had really been. "...I just don't know why I feel so guilty." he cried, "Like I know if Bie found out he'd lose it and...he'd be so hurt and I...I feel like a sell out...so cheap..." 

"Newbie's wrong to think it's such a big deal though." Key cut in, trying to stop the babbling, "It's just sex, you know that." 

"I know I know!!" Taemin wept, "But it's like he's twisted my mind about it! Knowing how he'd feel is just making it even worse...all that slut shaming he did...fuck, what's wrong with me?! Now I'm even slut shaming myself?!" 

"No, baby, you're just exhausted, you've had a long night..." Key soothed, hopelessly. All his tactics were failing and he was running out of ideas. "Shhh, it's ok...I'd have done what you did too...$500 is so much Minnie, I'd have done exactly the same thing." 

Taemin nodded frantically, wiping his tears for the hundredth time as his eyes finally decided to stop leaking. 

They spent a few more minutes hugging in silence, before Key decided enough was enough and the best thing they could do was just both go to sleep. "Come on." he said, leading Taemin back to the crack in the bushes, "I'll just tell them it was me who rented myself for the money tomorrow morning. The only one I'll tell it was really you is Jonghyun, that's ok right?" 

"Yeah." Taemin mumbled, too sad express any gratitude. 

When they got back to the others, Taemin settled himself down next to Jongin straight away, staring at his lover's sleeping face for probably close to an hour before he decided to stir. 

"...Minnie?" Jongin croaked, his voice hoarse and dry. He only opened one lazy eye because it was already getting light. "Why'd you have to work late?" 

Taemin shrugged and turned around, not wanting his puffy face to give anything away. "Don't interrogate me." 

"I'm not." Jongin yawned, hardly batting an eyelid to that tetchy reply. 

"I broke some glasses so I had to do overtime ok?" Taemin said quickly, just thinking of that shitty answer then and there. 

"Ohh..." Jongin replied dumbly, shuffling over on the ground to spoon the blonde. Taemin really wished he wouldn't. Snuggling felt wrong. 

"You smell funny." Jongin mumbled, his voice hardly audible from being buried in a mass of unruly blonde hair. 

Taemin's eyes widened, very relieved he had his back to his lover, "Yeah well I er...I borrowed one of my collegue's jackets when it was windy today...his collongue is really strong..." 

"Ohh cool." Jongin said again, so sleepy he barely even registered that comment. "Night night baby." 

"It's almost morning." 

"We still..." yawn, "...have a few hours..." 

Taemin sighed, residing himself that the arms around his waist weren't going anywhere anytime soon. He wished he could enjoy the embrace but he couldn't, not after tonight. Comfort felt wrong, and Jongin's arms were only making him feel more guilty and ashamed. 

So many weird things had happened these last few days, so many coincidences, and as Taemin was starting to realize; if karma's a bitch, then fate was too. 

\--- 

Key put on the best show you can imagine the next morning. His fake story was so convincing, even Taemin wanted to believe it. 

When everyone woke up, he spun an elaborate lie about how he'd met this rich guy and had been offered money he couldn't refuse, handing Minho the $500 triumphantly. The poor frog boy looked like he was going to faint, almost unable to get his head around their new found luck. Even Sehun, who still disapproved wholeheartedly of the whole renting thing, couldn't contain his joy if this meant they had a hope of getting their hands on that trailer. 

Even Jongin was happy, if a little overwhelmed at the sudden, unexpected good news. And although it was a little strange that Jonghyun didn't seem all that bothered by the fact that Key'd randomly rented himself out, and Taemin was in a bit of a funny mood, he decided to take no notice. This was the fix they'd been looking for and after so long of feeling hopeless, he decided to just try and enjoy the moment. 

Taemin hadn't seen a smile on his lover so genuine in a long time. It made him think, maybe it was worth it after all. In the morning light, he was starting to see what a crazy drama queen he'd been about the whole thing. And although he still felt uneasy about it, it wasn't unlike him to overreact so he tried to convince himself that's all last night's emotions were. 

The group dispersed for the day in an unusual buzz of excitement, Key saying he'd call the trailer seller that day and put a down payment on it. 

Taemin tried to distract himself all day, spending half of it hanging around with Minho and Sunyoung, the other half back at the station on his own when he got tired. He didn't know where Jonghyun or Sehun had gone off to but it didn't matter. He wanted to be on his own. 

A skinny, small black and white cat, it's spine protruding and it's fur unkempt, was a regular visitor to their little patch below the underhang, usually found trying to scavenge any scraps of food they might have left. Taemin would have always claimed he was a dog person, but this tiny little cutie bear was changing his mind. He supposed liking cats or dogs wasn't mutually exclusive anyway. 

"Here...kitty...kitty..." Taemin cooed, crouching on the ground and edging himself closer to his hopefully new friend. He then tried to make those kissy noises cat's like but they just seemed to freak the poor thing out. 

After a couple of minutes of hopeless calling, Taemin gave up. He'd seen Sehun try and get the cat's attention before with no luck, and it was obvious the little kitty was scared shitless of them. Taemin thought he would be too, if he was that small. He was kind of scared of himself as it was. 

Whilst Taemin's day was spent wallowing, Jongin couldn't have been in a brighter mood. He felt a little unstable actually, his mood swinging one way to the other wildly. Whatever. Right now he was just so, so happy that soon they'd be out of this mess, that they wouldn't have to wait much longer. 

The day went by in a flash and he couldn't wait to get back to the others and see if Key had actually managed to see the trailer guy and confirm that they'd be able to buy it. With only $100 more to go, he figured it might only be a month or two and it could be there's, especially now they had 3 incomes. 

Taemin wasn't there when he got back. It was the usually routine, as Jongin arrived pretty late as the station was quite a walk away from the shelter, and shelter a considerable distance from where he worked, which meant a lot of time spent walking. Taemin was almost always at the bar working by the time he got back, hence why the only time they saw much of each other was in the early hours of the morning. 

Thankfully Key had good news, that he had in fact managed to persuade Mr Cheapasstrailerman (as he'd so affectionately been nicknamed by Taemin) to take the down payment, so providing they could come up with the money in 2 months- the trailer was there's. It was the best news they'd had in literally years, and strangely Jongin was actually feeling grateful for Key. If he hadn't slutted himself out, then this wouldn't have been possible. And even though it still freaked Jongin out to think that Key'd gone back to prostitution so easily after such a significant amount of time not, he had a lot to be thankful for so decided not to judge (that much). Key wasn't his problem anyway. Taemin was his problem. 

Talking about Taemin, it was getting late so he'd be back soon. 

Jongin decided to wait up because he didn't even feel that tired, he was so buzzed. It was just chemicals, but he still couldn't wait to take Taemin in his arms, kiss him, make love to him, and generally just bask in the wonderfulness of what was happening. 

Except nothing good happens after 2am. 

Jongin was sure Taemin should be back by now. His phone had lost charge so he had no idea if he'd had a 'working late' text again, he didn't even have the time. It was surprisingly hot weather though, so Taemin'd left his jacket behind, the one he usually kept his phone inside. Out of paranoia, Jongin started going through the pockets, hoping his lover hadn't been an idiot and left his phone behind. 

Luckily, no phone was found so Jongin presumed Taemin had taken it with him. Good because even if he couldn't get hold of Jongin, if there was an emergency he could still try Minho next. 

Jongin was just about to pull his hand out, satisfied it wasn't quite yet time to worry, when he felt a strange, screwed up piece of card in his lover's pocket. Curiosity got the better of him, so he pulled it out and uncreased it, staring blankly for a few moments at whatever the hell this thing could be. 

It read; '$500 it's fate' scribbled in blue ink, followed by a random number. 

It didn't take a second for the penny to drop. 

Jongin saw red. 

His blood pressure rose immediately, knowing exactly what this was, the evidence adding up in his mind like a flash; Taemin working late the night before, coming home smelling like...like the guy he'd fucked...the way his mood was off this morning when he should have been happy, the fact Jonghyun didn't seem as bothered as he should have that Key would go back to renting just like that. There was no doubt about it. No. Fucking. Doubt. 

Jongin felt venomous, the black cloud above his head now back and raging, electric pulses of lightning bursting forth as hurt and rage mixed together to form the most toxic, self destructive thoughts he'd ever experienced. 

He was standing on a knife edge, his mood swinging wildly in pain. HOW could Taemin do this to him, AGAIN? Didn't he know how much it hurt? Didn't he know how the images still haunted Jongin every single fucking night? Did he not understand by now how much Jongin loathed the thought that he ever used to sell himself?! Didn't he know it made him sick to the stomach, the thought of someone abusing him like that?! Did he think a fucking trailer was worth it?!? 

GOD WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM. Just when Jongin was at his lowest, when he was so FUCKING DONE with this life, Taemin goes and pulls something like this...!? FOR A TRAILER!? A FUCKING TRAILER?! 

It may have been crazy, but he felt so betrayed, like he'd been cheated on. All his insecurities bubbled up to haunt him, leering at him inside his own head- I bet Taemin liked it, I bet he wanted to do it, he's bored of you, you'll never be good enough, you'll never satisfy him... 

They were tortuous, absurd thoughts that he deep down knew were just pure insanity, but that didn't mean they hurt any less. 

Taemin was such a liar. After the hotel he PROMISED he'd never do it again. And after everything that had happened, all the terrible shit they'd been through since the hotel, Jongin had consoled himself with the fact that at least the renting part of their hell was over...but apparently no hell is ever over. 

And the nerve! THE FUCKING NERVE! Taemin always said Jongin was reckless, stupid, never thought about consequences and then he goes and does this?! His attitude hadn't fucking changed. He'd always been like this. He didn't care about Jongin's feelings at all; everything was so casual, so whatever. 

Well not anymore. 

"Dude are you ok?" Sehun asked worriedly, noticing Jongin's frozen form, staring down at the card like it was a bomb ready to explode. 

Jongin didn't reply. Instead, he screwed up the wretched piece of card again, threw it on the ground and raced away towards the bushes. He needed to be alone. He needed to think. He knew he was his own worst enemy when he was this upset, and being around anyone would only lead to a catastrophe. 

He'd only just managed to barge himself through the bushes, a scratch bleeding on his hand because he hadn't been careful, when fate decided to be a bitch again. 

There was Taemin, just coming home after walking around for the last few hours, still wallowing in his own sadness and unable to fully get over what he'd done. 

The blonde barely registered Jongin's furious expression, instead smiling meekly when he saw his lover, wondering towards him down the dark street. 

"Sorry I'm late..." he mumbled, reaching up for a hug which wasn't reciprocated. 

Jongin stayed rigid, still seething and trying desperately to hold it together and not break down into screams. 

"You ok babybie?" Taemin asked quietly, pulling away to inspect his boyfriend's face, confused as to why Jongin wouldn't even look at him. 

That was it. 

"No." Jongin said, through gritted teeth, taking a few steps backwards because he couldn't bare to be so close to someone who would hurt him like this. "No I'm not." 

\--- 

 

Heyy!~ I hope this chapter was slightly less boring aha o.o I don't think last week's went down very well ;_; I think maybe I let you guys down with the whole Siwon thing...i just really didn't want to go into his arrest or have the group involved in it because I just wanna keep them away from the cops at all times, but I think maybe I built things up and didn't deliver so I'm sorry D: god idk im rambling. 

I found this chapter so hard to write o.O I know im probably taking it much too seriously (lol) but Jongin's emotions are just wwwaayyy too similar to my own and I need to stop writing him like this. As a few of you guys know im very ill atm and have been for a long ass time (years not months) and it just gets unbearable sometimes and I feel like I can't put up with it another second.   
OK WOW now I'm playing the pity card. Taking lessons from taemin again lol. This has been a very depressing authors note please forgive me D:

So back to the story sorry! something big is coming aha! XD well kinda big lol I mean no ones getting stabbed again. I'd love to hear your thoughts :D whether you think tae did the right thing or not blah blah blah...xD Ive had this idea for soooo long now that to finally get their trailer tae would rent himself out but ive always chickened out because I felt like he's changed and he might not do that anymore but then again, desperate times call for desperate measures and Im just hella evil as you know by now LOL xD It shouldn't be emmiow it should be like emmiOOWWW xD idk...o.o 

Ok right that's enough pity carding! I'll lighten up I promise!  
Thank you and bye byeee xxx <3


	28. Self Defence: Blood Isn't Thicker Than Water

"What's wrong-?" Taemin started, his voice high with anxiety as he examined his lover's expression. 

Jongin couldn't even look at the blonde, keeping his eyeline staring into the distance down the dark, empty street, a tiny voice screaming in his head that he should run away and calm down before he did something he'd regret. 

Taemin took a few tentative steps closer, the blood draining from his head as he realized what must have happened. Jongin knew. There was no other explanation, no other plausible reason why he'd look so hurt, why he couldn't even make eye contact. 

"Baby..." Taemin continued, only to be cut off, not by words, but by the furious expression on Jongin's face as he finally plucked up the courage to stare directly into Taemin's wide eyes. 

"Did you call him that?" Jongin asked, after a tense pause. His voice was menacingly quiet. It was almost worse than shouting. 

"Did I call who what?" Taemin asked, playing dumb in the very unlikely event his lover was talking about something else. 

"Did you call the man you cheated on me with 'baby'?" Jongin hissed, his lips forming a tight line after that horrible sentence. 

Taemin had to pick up his jaw from the ground. "...ch-cheated on you with?" 

"Taemin I swear to god if you play innocent with me I'-" 

"I didn't cheat on you." Taemin cut in, not wanting to hear the end of that sentence, "Of course I fucking didn't. I just made a mistake...another mistake...and I shouldn't have done it. It wasn't worth the $500 and I know that now. I'm sorry, ok? But I did if for y-" 

Jongin could hardly bring himself to listen to that crazy rambling. "YOU-" he started to yell, then stopped himself, walked a few steps backwards again and tried desperately to find some chill. "You." he carried on, "Did fucking cheat on me-" 

"No I didn't!" Taemin shrieked, although even a small part of him had felt like it was cheating. But Key had reassured him that he was just being stupid to think that and now he could see how crazy he was being. He'd rented himself out a ton of times in the past when he and Jongin were together, so why the fuck should this time be any different? 

"But it's different!!" Jongin cried, as if reading Taemin's mind, "You know how much you hurt me when you left for that hotel!! You know what it did to me!! And then you PROMISED, you'd never, ever do it again...you've broken my trust a-fucking-gain! Like you always do, like you-" 

Ok now Taemin was starting to get a little mad himself. Up until this point, he'd mostly just felt apologetic, but bringing up the hotel was fucking low. "And why did I leave for the hotel, huh Jongin?" he asked, pet names now out the window because shit just got serious. 

"What?!" 

"I left you." Taemin snapped, his words so short and sharp they could cut glass, "Because you screamed at me for being a slut, told me I couldn't hug my best friend anymore, and fucked me so hard I bled." 

Jongin's eyes widened in horror. "That's so twisted!!!" he shrieked, "Stop making me out like I'm the bad guy all the fucking time!!!!" 

"What it's true though isn't it?!" 

Jongin gulped, taking another few steps back as he felt himself getting angrier and angrier. This was Taemin's fault, and it was being turned on him again. "WHY ARE YOU BRINGING UP THE PAST?!" he finally blew, "YOU'RE SO SELF FUCKING UNAWARE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT DID TO ME WHEN YOU ACTED LIKE WE WEREN'T EVEN TOGETHER, WHEN YOU RAN AWAY AND LET US THINK YOU WERE FUCKING DEAD FOR A WHOLE WEEK, WHEN YOU STAYED AT THAT HOTEL, BEING FUCKED BY 100 GUYS A DAY-" 

"OH BOO-HOO." Taemin started, "CUS YOU'RE SO INSECURE AND NEED TO BE PETTED AND WRAPPED IN BUBBLE-" but Jongin cut him off again, not wanting to get off topic from what he was actually seething about. 

"SHUT UP!!" he screamed, "THIS ISN'T ABOUT THAT!!! STOP SIDETRACKING ME LIKE YOU ALWAYS FUCKING DO!" 

Taemin laughed shrilly, having no idea why he found that funny it's just the hysterics had started and now he was practically delusional. This fight had gone from 0-100 in no time and he wasn't getting a chance to collect himself. 

"Why did you do it?" Jongin snapped, after a short pause, the insane giggles still echoing in his ears. "How could you do that to me again? After you know how low I've been lately...why would even thin-" 

"OH GOD CAN YOU HEAR YOURSELF?!" Taemin shrieked, "THAT'S WHY I DID IT, YOU FUCKING IDIOT. GOD YOU'RE SO DUMB IT HURTS. YOU'VE BEEN MOPING AROUND THE PLACE FOR FUCKING MONTHS, DEPRESSING THE SHIT OUT OF YOURSELF AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I DID IT? WE NEED A TRAILER, AND NOW WE'RE GONNA GET ONE. YAY." 

"AND YOU THINK THAT'S WORTH IT?! YOU THINK A TRAILER IS WORTH YOU DOING THE THING I HATE MOST IN THE WORLD?!!!" Jongin cried, bringing his hands up to his hair as if he was going to rip it all out. "You PROMISED you wouldn't do it anymore!!! You promised!!!" 

Taemin looked away, shaking his head manically in disbelief. It's not like he'd enjoyed it. He'd hated the whole fucking thing. He'd done it for the greater good, and Jongin was just pathetic and stupid that he couldn't see past his own insecurities. 

"You promised..." Jongin whined again, as tears started to well in his eyes. 

"STOP SAYING THAT." Taemin screamed, all of a sudden, "YOU BROKE PROMISES TOO. YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T TAKE ME BACK TO THE STREETS AFTER I GOT STABBED, BUT HERE WE FUCKING AR-" 

Jongin genuinely felt like he'd been slapped. There probably couldn't have been a sorer spot for Taemin to pour salt in. 

"YOU KNOW I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!!!!" Jongin screamed, the tears now flowing unashamedly, "YOU KNOW I TRIED! AND IF WE'D DONE WHAT I'D WANTED AT GOT THE BRIBE MONEY THEN MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE WORK-" 

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!" Taemin yelled, "NOW LOOK WHO'S BRINGING OTHER SHIT INTO THIS. THAT WOULD NEVER HAVE WORKED AND YOU KNOW IT. STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUP-" 

"I'M NOT STUPID!!" Jongin bellowed, the loudest he'd probably ever screamed in his life. 

There was a horrible moment of silence as both boys looked down to the ground, no idea what to say or do, or how this hell was ever going to end. They were both so, so hurt, not just by each other but by all the shit that had happened, past and present. It was overwhelming, and whilst they knew it wasn't right to take it out on each other, at times like this there's no room for rationality. 

"You know." Taemin started, his voice returning to a whisper, "When I did it...I was so fucking upset...you just have no idea. If you were a good boyfriend, if you really, really loved me, you'd have tried to comfort me and saw past your own selfish feelings, instead of yelling at me like-" 

"Comfort you!?" Jongin hissed, astounded Taemin would even dream of going there. He genuinely couldn't believe he was being made out as the big bad wolf, yet afuckinggain. "COMFORT YOU??? NO ONE FORCED YOU TO CHEA-!" 

"IT'S. NOT. CHEATING. YOU DUMB SON OF A BITCH." Taemin screamed, loosing any self control, so angry and hurt he was practically shaking. 

"IT IS." Jongin bellowed, before stupid words started spilling out of his mouth without consent. "I BET YOU ENJOYED IT YOU SLUT." 

Ok that was it. If things had been mean so far, now they just got plain nasty. 

"ENJOYED IT?!?" Taemin repeated, storming forward to where Jongin had backed away to, trying to make himself look much more threatening than he actually was. "TCH. YEAH. I DID." he continued, knowing the words would cut into his lover like a knife, "I WAS RELIEVED TO BE FUCKED BY SOMEONE WHO ISN'T A STUCK UP VIRGIN LIKE YOU." 

Jongin backed away again. He honestly couldn't tell if that was sarcasm or not, his insecurities were so deeply ingrained. 

"THAT'S RIGHT." Taemin carried on, knowing full well he was hitting a nerve. "I'M BORED OF YOU NOW. YOU DON-" 

"JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUPPPP!!!!!!!!!!" Jongin yelled manically, covering his ears as he took still more steps backwards, the blonde continuing to edge towards him. "FUCK. SEHUN WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU." 

Now it was Taemin's turn to feel slapped, as that sentence hurt way more than anything Jongin had ever said to him. "WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST RUN AWAY WITH HIM THEN!!" he screeched, tears welling as a lump formed in his throat, making it hard to push the words out. "GO AND JOIN AN I HATE TAEMIN CLUB. HOW MUCH IS THAT 10% NOW I WONDER?" 

"WHAT?" Jongin shouted, in total confusion. 

"THE 10% YOU HATE ME." Taemin shrieked, "I BET IT'S WAY MORE THAN THAT NOW. WELL THAT'S FINE. CUS I KINDA HATE YOU TOO." 

"AAAHHHH!!!!" Jongin screamed, bringing his hands up to pull his hair again as Taemin continued to back him down the street. They weren’t even on the pavement anymore, but instead practically in the middle of the dark, deserted road. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE MAD AT ME RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE THE ONE IN THE WRONG! STOP MAKING ME PITY YOU." 

"PITY ME?! PITY ME?!" Taemin repeated, laughing his head off again as hot, angry tears poured down his cheeks, "YOU'RE JUST SOME LOW LIFE CLINGY FUCKER I TOOK PITY ON. YOU'D BE NOTHING IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME. YOU'D BE DEAD IN AN ALLEYWAY." 

Jongin was bursting with fury, hurt and every other horrible emotion you can think of. He felt his fists curl so he shoved them in his pockets, knowing he was so close to losing it that anything could happen. 

"OH THERE'S THE LOOK." Taemin continued to scream. 

"WHAT?!" 

"THE LOOK YOU GET RIGHT BEFORE YOU SMASH MY HEAD INTO A-" Taemin started, twisting the invisible knife even further. 

"WILL YOU STOP. SAYING. THAT!!!!!!" 

"WHY? IT'S TRUE. I KNOW YOU WANNA HIT ME RIGHT NOW!" Taemin screeched, refusing to be intimidated by that horrifically loud tone of voice. "JUST DO IT. IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER." 

"FUCK OFF!!!" Jongin cried, backing away further as the muscle in his fist tenced. "STOP MESSING WITH MY HEAD!" 

"HIT ME." Taemin taunted, all reason now gone. He could hardly see, he was crying so much. 

"NO! FUCK OFF! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Jongin yelled, also starting to sob himself. 

"HIT ME!!!" Taemin continued, literally pushing Jongin a few inches back, making the latter almost stumble over. "JUST DO IT!!!" 

"AHHH!" Jongin screamed, this time pushing Taemin backwards, so hard the blonde actually did topple to the ground with a loud crunch. "OH YOU'D LIKE THAT WOULDN'T YOU? THEN YOU CAN GO BACK TO THE OTHERS LIKE A FUCKING CRYBABY AND I'LL LOOK LIKE THE BIG BAD WOLF AGAIN INSTEAD OF YOU. THEN YOU CAN MAKE SICK JOKES ABOUT WIFE BEATING FOR MONTHS JUST TO DOUBLE PUNISH M-" 

"AWW BOO HOO WAAA WAAA." Taemin wailed, still on the ground where he'd fallen. He brought his fists up to his eyes and started fake crying like a baby. "I'M POOR ICKLE BIE, I GET BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING, I-" 

"IT'S TRUE THOUGH!!" 

"NO IT'S NOT!" Taemin yelled, scrambling up and storming towards Jongin yet again, their faces only inches away from each other as the screaming match continued. "NO ONE FORCED YOU TO SMASH MY HE-" 

"I ONLY PUSHED YO-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"WHATEVER." Taemin spat, "I'VE SEEN THAT FACE ON YOU A HUNDRED TIMES AND I KNOW WHAT IT FUCKING MEANS. JUST DO IT YOU COWARD." 

Thwack. 

Taemin fell backwards to the ground again, clutching at his eye in pain as it tried to close, his lids fast gluing together with sticky tears. He'd never been punched so hard in his life, not in the eye anyway. The force made his insides shake violently and he thought he was going to be sick, although that was probably just the adrenaline. 

Despite the merciless taunting, he could hardly believe Jongin had actually done it. The shock of what had just happened made him feel so disoriented and he was left motionless on the ground, staring into nothingness as the awfulness of tonight tried to sink in. 

As for Jongin, all he could do was look down in horror, watching as Taemin made no effort to get up. His fist was still raised, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he bit down on his lip to try and contain a scream, so angry and ashamed that he'd allowed this to happen. 

And the most terrifying thing was, he almost wanted to hit him again. The rage built up in his fists hadn't even been the slightest bit relieved by just one punch. He wanted to go mental; kicking, punching, screaming bloody murder, just in the hope that he might finally be relieved from all the horrible emotions bottled up for so long. It was probably the most scary, disturbing thought he'd ever had. 

"Well there you go then." Taemin whispered darkly, his voice dripping with venom. "Feel better now?" 

Jongin took another few steps backwards, putting his hands up to his eyes as they started to flood with tears again. "I hate you!!" he wailed, through muffled sobs, feeling like he'd almost been pushed into turning into this monster. He didn't even know who he was anymore. This version of himself was truly a maniac. 

"Good." Taemin hissed, "I hate you too." 

Upon hearing those terrible words, Jongin let his legs give way, collapsing to the ground in floods of tears. He pulled his knees up to his chin, rocking himself as the sobs came even more furiously, echoing down the empty street. Their combined crying noises seemed even louder than the shouting. 

After a good 5 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing, the guilt finally sank in. For Jongin at least, this was the lowest he'd ever stooped. Sitting here crying in a dark street after just hitting the love of his life, made the whole world feel like it was crashing down. It was almost as if the future didn't exist, like all there was in the universe was darkness, whilst he was this forgotten soul just begging to be comforted. 

"...I'm so...so...rry." he choked, lifting his head up to look at the blonde, who was still slumped over only a meter away on the road, staring into space and clutching at his fast swelling eye. 

"Please...look at me..." he begged, the guilt eating him away. However angry he'd been, it didn't even compare to the immense despair he felt right now. "I didn't mean to...why did you make me...I didn't want...I'm so...I'm so sorry...Taemin..." he continued to blab, his voice hardly audible. 

Taemin looked down, refusing to acknowledge the words. Apart form his face, which was still pounding with the pain of Jongin's punch, he felt completely numb. 

"Minnie...!!" Jongin screeched, crawling forwards and throwing his upper half down on Taemin's lap, "I can't...I can't...cope..!" 

Taemin stayed still, frozen and unable to take in what was happening. He didn't know what to feel about anything that had happened; what he'd done, their unbelievably messy past, the awful things they'd said to each other, how out of control their relationship really was. 

"Oh god..." Jongin wailed, cluching at the loose fabric of Taemin's baggy grey top, as if it was the only thing keeping him grounded to the earth. "Ple..ee...ease..." he continued, wrapping his arms around the blonde as if he was a toddler having the world's biggest tantrum. That's honestly what he felt like though- like a hopeless child who'd lashed out and just wanted to be comforted, forgiven and told that everything was going to be ok. 

"We'll be ok won't we?!" he gasped hopelessly, sitting up to stare at his lover, who was so out of it by this point he couldn’t even string a sentence together. "I don't care that you...I don't care about anything any...more...I just want this hell to be...over...I can't...oh god I can't...Minnie I'm sorry..." 

That was it. No more words. Words were useless. He threw himself back at his lover again, wrapping his arms around the blonde so tightly it was almost painful for him, never mind Taemin. He never wanted to let go. 

After a few seconds of enforced hugging, he nuzzled into his lover's neck, planting little kisses in a trail up to Taemin's mouth, which was tight and motionless but it didn't stop him trying. 

He didn't know what the hell he was doing but honestly didn't care if he seemed clingy or desperate anymore. He was clingy. He was desperate. And all he needed right now was just anything, just a glimmer of hope that everything would be ok after one of the most horrible nights of his life. 

He stopped kissing, pulled away and allowed himself to stare at the still frozen Taemin, lowering the blonde's hands to inspect the damage. 

It was nasty. Jongin didn't know his own strength. In just a few short minutes the eye had already completely closed, glued together by trails of sticky tears. It was bright red and puffy, already blotches of purple coming through, a tiny bleeding scratch just below the socket made by his thumbnail. 

"Oh my god...Min-" Jongin started, horrifying himself as he tried to lean in and kiss it better. 

"No." Taemin said, the first time he'd spoken in what seemed like forever. 

Jongin threw himself back at the blonde like a deranged idiot, blabbering for forgiveness all over again. This time though, Taemin decided to snap out of his daze and struggled against the arms around him to get up, leaving Jongin on the floor to clutch at his legs. 

He was torn in two; one half wanting to succumb and just rock Jongin, whispering that another fight wasn't the end of the world. But the other half won. He was past angry, exhausted, in pain, and shivering not so much from the shock anymore, but from the fact that it was almost dawn and that meant spice. 

"I need to be alone right now." he whispered finally, struggling again to squirm out of the tight grip Jongin had on his legs. 

Finally he was free, running down dark road to god know's where, no plan in mind, just needing to escape this god awful situation. 

Jongin was left watching as his lover's silhouette seeped into the darkness, the fast footsteps sounding like torture as they rang in his ears. He let out a long, strained scream before deciding to give up, curling in on himself, not bothering to get off the road because if a car came and ran him over, he supposed he deserved it. 

\--- 

After Jongin's hasty storm off, everyone except Jonghyun and Key (who were waiting up for Taemin) decided to call it a night, refusing to let Jongin's unstable mood swings get them down. 

Even though Sehun was of course a little perturbed by the strangeness of his friend, he also decided to take no notice. The trailer news made him the happiest he'd felt in years, and they all had Key to thank for that he supposed. He owed this group a lot, but no one more than Key. 

He'd fallen to sleep way quicker than usual, not even that bothered by the squeaking cardboard or occasional trains whizzing by. 

It didn't last long. 

"JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUPPPP!!!!!!!!!!" 

Sehun woke up with a start, hearing muffled screams which sounded terrifyingly close. He glanced around at everyone worridly, surprised to find his friends were all still asleep. Even the little cat that had taken to hanging around with them wasn't batting an eyelid. 

"Hey stop it!" 

Another voice caught his attention so he squinted in the darkness, his eyes landing on Jonghyun and Key, who were right in front of the gap in the bushes, clearly having not so nice words. 

Sehun got up, stretched, and wondered towards his friends, confused as to what was going on but not all that worried really. Fights weren't unusual. 

"Was it you guys who screamed a second ago?" Sehun called. 

Jonghyun and Key stopped bickering as soon as they noticed their friend, both turning with sour expressions to face the younger. "No." Key snapped, "Go back to sleep." 

"What are you fighting about?" Sehun asked, taking no notice as he casually wiped the sleep out of his eyes. 

Key was just about to turn his death stare on, when another yell made them all jump, this one definitely coming from the other side of the hedge. 

"WILL YOU STOP. SAYING. THAT!!!!!!" 

Now standing closer to the scene of the crime, Sehun could tell clear as day who the voice was coming from- Jongin. 

"That's it!" Key announced, turning to go through the crack when Jonghyun stopped him. 

"No!" The dino boy snapped, holding his boyfriend's arm back, "Don't interfere! You know they hate that! Getting involved will only make it worse!" 

"What's going on?!" Sehun squeaked, casual attitude now gone as he started to feel properly worried. The background yelling was creating a horribly tense atmosphere and it didn't just sound like everyday bickering at all. 

"Newbie and Taemin are screaming at each other." Key hissed, "And this one wants to just let them rip each other to fucking pieces again." 

"I don't!!" Jonghyun insisted, "I just think whatever's happening is none of our business!" 

Key shook his head in annoyance but he did see his boyfriend's point. It wasn't a secret how much Jongin hated anyone interfering with his and Taemin's relationship, so maybe it would just make things worse. Still though, after seeing Taemin so fragile the previous night, crying over renting himself out again, he couldn't help feeling very protective. 

He was just about to cave (yes Key did give up sometimes, only to Jonghyun, didn't happen often), when an even louder, blood curdling scream was heard. 

"Ok you're right." Jonghyun said, nodding frantically as Key dived through the bushes. 

Sehun followed after them of course, in too much of a panic to care about the snags on his clothes from the prickles. 

When he got through to the street though, he had another nasty shock because no one was fucking there. All they was met by was an empty road, darkness seeping from both directions. The screams and shouts had sounded so loud, he'd just presumed that they'd be right there, and judging by the looks on his friend's faces they'd been thinking exactly the same. 

Sehun snapped his head around in horror as more loud rustles came from behind, breathing a huge sigh of relief when he realized it was only Minho coming to investigate the horrible noises himself. 

"What the fuck guys?" Minho groaned, his eyes squinty from sleep, "You woke me and Sunyoung up with your-!" 

"It wasn't us you retard!" Key hissed, turning himself around manically because everything had gone so quiet now that there was noise to follow. 

Minho looked very confused, looking over the top of Sehun's head to Jonghyun who muttered a quick, "Newbie and Taeminnie's World War 5" before deciding to take the plunge and storm off in a random direction. 

Key went the opposite way, as did Minho, leaving Sehun to stand blankly in the middle of the street, no clue who to follow. He hated it when they did this. They never seemed to talk any plan through. Most of the time, all that was needed was a quick glance and they were off, leaving Sehun in the lurch yet again. It was no wonder Jongin was so directionless with these guys as friends. 

After a few seconds of dithering, he decided Jonghyun was his best bet (so's not to be around the Taemin fan club) but that was obviously the wrong decision, because as soon as he started to run after his friend, another shout was heard, this time definitely Minho. 

"COME BACK HERE YOU IDIOTS" came the yell, and Sehun turned on his heel, running manically not even 200 meters to finally see Jongin in floors of tears, huddled on the ground in the middle of the road, looking in the worst state Sehun'd ever seen him in. 

It was so dark with the street lamps blown, he literally had to strain his eyes to see Minho try and lift Jongin up, the poor guy still wailing and mumbling inaudible words through the hysteric sobbing. 

"What's happened?!" Jonghyun gasped, finally catching up to them and putting an arm around Jongin, who shook him off and stumbled backwards. 

"Stop crying you idiot!" Key snapped, "Where's Taemin?!" 

"...he...he ran off..." Jongin managed to choke out, backing away as if he was about to dart off at any second. 

"Why?!" Key screeched, "What's happened?! Why were you screaming at each other!?" 

Jongin looked up to stare at him murderously, "Why do you fucking think!?" 

Key's eyes widened, as did Jonghyun's, leaving Minho and Sehun totally confused again. 

"What?!" Sehun squeaked, "What's happened?!" 

Nobody answered as a horrible silence fell, lasting barely 10 seconds but it felt like hours. Jongin looked down to the ground again in shame, the ever stream of tears still flowing as he replayed over and over what had just happened. 

"And where's Taemin now?" Minho urged, giving up on any hope of an explanation, "Which way did he go?" 

"I...don't...know..." Jongin sobbed. 

Minho made a very annoyed groan as if this was more of an inconvenience than it was an actual worry. The amount of fights these two had were getting so out of hand, even he felt like he needed a fucking break from them. "Shit. Ok. We'll go look for him." he said, turning to face Sehun, "You take Newbie back ok?" 

"No!!!" Jongin screeched, backing away another few steps, "I'm never-" 

"Don't be an idiot and just go back!" Key snapped. 

"NO!" Jongin yelled, "I...can't...I did...something...awful..." 

Sehun started fiddling with his jacket nervously, really not wanting to hear anything else. 

"What did you do?!" Key hissed, suddenly looking very much like the scary version of himself Jongin first met. "Did you hit him!?" 

Jongin started crying even harder, burying his head in his hands before mumbling something which vaguely sounded like "You'll know when you see him." 

Then, before anyone could stop him, he was gone, running away at the speed of light into the darkness, the loud echo of fast footsteps making the street seem even eerier somehow. 

Sehun was just about to charge after him, when Key grabbed his coat angrily, hissing- "Go. The. Fuck. Back" and running off himself in the opposite direction, presumably on a Taemin hunt. 

Sehun didn't want to argue. Plus he knew that sometimes it was best to just leave Jongin be when he was in a state, so reluctantly went back to a very sleepy looking Sunyoung, Chanyeol and Baekhyun and awkwardly explained that fights like this weren't uncommon and to just wait here till the others came back. 

He was lying though actually. Fights on this scale didn't happen often. Sure, they argued all the fucking time but not like this. Those awful shouts and screams...Sehun'd never heard anything like it. 

An hour past and all he could do was watch impatiently as the sun rose over the top the station- their queue to leave. He presumed everyone was still out looking for Taemin, which left him and Sunyoung to spend the day together. They were a weird couple. He hadn't warmed to her if he was honest. She was too much like Taemin sometimes, not that it mattered. 

He hoped Jongin was ok. Whatever happened, whether the argument had gotten physical or not, Sehun knew this situation wasn’t black and white. Jongin wasn't the bad guy he was made out to be and it annoyed Sehun that he was constantly labeled as the problem child, when as far as he could see the only one who was a problem, was Taemin. 

Once they all packed away, they decided to spend the morning in their usual park, presuming that if anyone were to want them- that's where they'd look first. They couldn't hang around the station in the day. It was totally illegal for them to be sleeping around the back in the first place, so it was only for nighttime, when hardly anyone was around. 

He had to admit, it was a quite tricky to pass the time with Sunyoung. She was blunt and a little cold, but then again so were half the people he'd met on the streets so. 

"...So." Sehun said, after an awkwardly long pause. "How's sleeping rough been so far...?" 

Sunyoung stared at him for a moment with bored eyes because that was one of the stupidest question's she'd ever been asked. "It's been a walk in the park." she said sarcastically, before realizing they were actually in a park and rolling her eyes at herself. "What about you?" 

Sehun cleared his throat, startled by the question even though he'd been the one to ask it. "Er...well ok I guess...could be worse if Key hadn't found me..." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah...." Sehun mumbled, "I was kinda on my own before that." 

"Being on your own sucks." Sunyoung agreed, "Before I worked at the hotel I was on my own too. Believe it or not, even working for a man like Siwon is better than being by yourself." 

Sehun wasn't sure he believed that but didn't argue. "I kinda get what you mean...like I don't think I'd have lasted long out here...if it wasn't for everyone." 

"No you probably wouldn't." Sunyoung said bluntly, "You're kind of weedy." 

"I'm 16!" Sehun snapped, "I'll bulk out!" 

"Taemin never did." Sunyoung commented, "And huh...I never realized you were that young. You don't seem it at all." 

"I don't feel it either." 

"How long have you been out here?" 

Sehun hated talking about the past...present...future...any of that shit if he was honest. Maybe he wasn't as different from Taemin as he thought. "...Only a year and a bit...I hadn't been on the streets that long before Key found me." 

"And why are you on the streets?" 

Sehun looked away uncomfortably, his eyes trailing across the grass to a cute little scene; a mother pushing a pram, the wind blowing her hair all over her face. She didn't seem bothered by it at all though, instead she was laughing, making her little girl giggle with her. It was beautiful. 

"Sorry. You don't have to tell me. I've always been a bit too straight forward. Just tell me to shut up and I will." Sunyoung said, trying to be kind even though her tone was brittle. That was just her though. 

"...No it's ok." Sehun mumbled, "I'm just another teen runaway. My story's boring. It's nothing special." 

"Bore me then." Sunyoung encouraged, yawning and lowering herself down on the bench, "If I fall asleep just poke my boob." 

Sehun laughed, "You sound like Taemin when you say shit like that." he said, although as he was slowly learning, Sunyoung did seem a whole lot nicer than the blonde even if she was just as blunt. 

"...you hate Taemin." 

"No I don't!" Sehun squeaked, "I just don't agree with him sometim-" 

"Well whatever." Sunyoung shrugged, "I'll take it as a compliment whether it's intended that way or not." 

Sehun shook his head and returned his gaze back to the mother, her hair now fully out of her face as she lifted the toddler out of the stroller and walked over to the play area. 

"...My life before was kinda similar to Jongin's..." Sehun started, "Maybe that's why we get on, I dunno...basically I just had a fucking screwed up family and I hate them all." 

"Good for you." Sunyoung butted in, no sarcasm in her words, "Blood isn't thicker than water." 

Sehun hummed in amusement, before pausing as he contemplated what to say. "...My dad gambles." he continued, hardly able to get the painful words out. "We used to be really rich, like reaaally rich- he was a real estate agent but then he lost fucking everything...our house, our car, even our dog!!" 

"You lost your puppy?!" 

"We couldn't afford to keep him!" Sehun yelped, shaking his head. As strange as it sounded, that was probably the thing he couldn't get over the most. "Anyway...as you can imagine...it put a lot of strain on the family. I have a sister who's older, already in college and she refused to speak to my father after he screwed everything up. It was like she disowned us I dunno....but I guess my dad deserved it. I didn't though. Anyway. He turned violent, he gambled more, I couldn't take it so I ran away and I haven't seen him in since." 

"...what about your mom?" Sunyoung asked, resting a hand on the boy's arm out of impulse. 

"...oh she died when I was little." Sehun said, forgetting to even mention that. Not having a mother was something he'd grown so used to. "So then I was raised by my grandma while my dad worked but well...she popped her clogs too." 

"Oh god." 

"Yeah." Sehun mumbled sadly, "Not the happiest, or most interesting of stories is it?" 

"No." Sunyoung agreed, her hand still resting on his arm. She wasn't good at offering comforting words, that just wasn't her thing. A hand would have to be enough. 

The more Sehun thought about his past, the more he understood how it had warped him. As much as you try not to let it, sometimes it's hard to not let the world change you. He supposed that was the reason that he saw Jongin's perspective so much more than the others. Their stories really weren't that different; no mother, hopeless father, ran away themselves to take back the control they so desperately needed as everything else in their life crumbled away. 

They continued to talk about nothing in particular for the next hour. The morning whizzed by a lot faster than Sehun would've thought seeing as he was hanging around with someone he seemingly had nothing in common with. She was a lot nicer than he'd first thought. 

As they'd predicted, around noon, they were met by a very het up looking Key, tired Jonghyun and annoyed Minho, who'd been out looking for Taemin this whole time, with absolutely no luck. 

Sehun couldn't help wondering why they weren't looking for Jongin too, although supposed that everyone was in the Taemin fan club and that'd be why. He didn't express his opinions. It wasn't yet time to worry, neither had been missing for even a day so far. If you freaked out everytime you didn't see your friend in a few hours- you'd basically be a hyperventilating mess 24/7. 

Reluctantly, Jonghyun (to Key's annoyance) took it upon himself to explain why 'poor old Newbie' was probably so upset, given that it was actually Taemin who'd rented himself out for the $500, not Key. 

Sehun felt like an absolute fool to be shocked, but he still couldn't help himself. In a strange way, that meant they all actually should be grateful to the blonde. He'd sacrificed himself for the greater good- or at least that was one way of looking at it. He was sure Jongin wouldn't have seen it that way and didn't blame him either. 

So after the shortest lunch break imaginable, it was back to the search. Sehun was told to stay behind and do fucking nothing yet again, which he wasn't as annoyed about as he'd have usually been because getting involved in this kind of drama wasn't his thing. Life or death matters- now they were important. Tantrums and the daily soap opera of Taebie's life- not so much. 

Besides, he was almost completely sure they'd arrive back at the station that night and there the two of them would be, cuddling like nothing had happened, making inappropriate jokes about wife beating and icky comments about each other's breath. 

That wasn't what happened. 

Sehun, along with Sunyoung had literally spent the whole rest of the day bored to death in the park keeping out of trouble, waiting for the others who came back at around dusk yet again- still no sign of the blonde idiot. 

Key was getting frantic that it had already been a day. After seeing Taemin so hysterical only 2 nights ago from renting himself out, and knowing full well how awful fights with Jongin could be, his mind was in overdrive thinking up worst case scenarios about what might have happened. 

The mood was horrible as they trudged back to the station. The plan was to get some food, make sure all their stuff was safe back where they'd left it by the underhang and be off again, continuing looking through the night if they had to. It might have been excessive but the paranoia that something terrible could have happened was too strong to override. 

Except they had no need to be paranoid. No fucking need. 

"Oh you've got to be kidding me!?!" Minho groaned, the first one to wrestle his way through the bushes, spotting immediately the blonde they'd all been searching for, snuggled in a sleeping bag below the underhang, the little black and white cat only inches away from his feet. 

"WHAT THE-?" Key shrieked, when he too made his way out and realized they'd been searching all day for fucking nothing. The cheek of this kid was just unbloodybelievable. 

"Don't wake him up!" Sunyoung scolded, tiptoeing her way towards the sleeping boy and peering downwards. 

Taemin was lying on his side, his face half buried in the sleeping bag with the bruise facing downwards so there was nothing to see. 

"I can't believe this." Key hissed, dumping his bag down with a crunch, almost wanting to wake his friend up as punishment for making them worry so fucking much. 

"Well now we know he's fine we should go look for Newbie." Jonghyun announced, rummaging around for a water bottle and glugging down a few gulps before handing it to Minho's outstretched hand. 

"Yeah." Sehun agreed, deciding this was the time to pluck up his opinions, "Like really guys, why have we just been searching for Tae-" 

"Because." Key hissed, "He's the vulnerable one. Newbie can be a fucking out of control maniac sometimes and he needs to be left alone when he gets angry like thi-" 

"No." Jonghyun said sternly, for some reason taking that comment much more personally than he should have. It might be hard to believe, but he'd been an 'out of control maniac' once. "Jongin's one of us too and we should be looking." 

"Yeah." Minho agreed, "Come on Key. One night of missed beauty sleep isn't the end of the world." 

Key made a strained yowl (again hoping that it'd wake Taemin, it didn't) but decided to give in. However much it annoyed him, Jongin was one of them, and they looked out for their own. 

Blood isn't thicker than water in their world. 

\--- 

 

Hey baby bears!  
So I hope this chapter wasn't a let down o.O I'm the worst for being like SOMETHING BIG IS COMING and then I give you quiet conversations in the park...:') 

But before that anyway lolol the most important question of all; 

TEAM TAEM OR TEAM BUMBLE? XD 

You must decide 

:')   
Hehe but no I'd love to hear literally any opinions you might have on anything lol xD like what do you think was the worst bit about it and is jongin really the problem child lolol? xD  
I just went cray with this fight really. I feel like every bad thing they could of said to each other just popped out but at least all the shiz is out in the open now I guess o.o *sobs* when writing I was like 'oh no he didn't!' Lolol that's when you know you've gone insane...xD but now im looking forward to writing key's reaction xD he's not gonna be a happy kitten when he finds tae with a owie that’s for sure o.o  
I suppose I'm a little worried about the whole Jongin hitting Taemin thing? Originally he was gonna hit him instead of the whole wall smashing incident but I backed out because I'm a chicken and made it an accident D; I really hope I haven't offended anyone with this trash! 

Oh and sorry about the bizarre change in tone with Sehun's bit :') I wanted to write a bit more of him for you guys that said he was your favorite but it feels random in a chapter like this lol let's pretend it's deliberate xD 

Thank you so so much for your lovely comments btw!! It's hard to explain how much it means to me aha I know that sounds weird but it really does. You're so sweet to me and I feel like this is a nice cozy little community now idek what I'm saying...xD <3   
Ok xD I'll buzz off ;D   
Bye bye!! <3


	29. Reflection: Owie's

Jongin was sure no one would find him here. He himself had once thought that he'd never, ever come back to this hellish place, that it was the last place he'd ever want to go. 

This was where everything changed. What happened here was the turning point of him going from barely coping, to life just getting too damn hard and him sinking under the pressure. 

If there was one thing Jongin hated most about himself, it was that he couldn't let things go. Not only did he hold onto horrible insecurities that wore him down non stop, he also mercilessly replayed incidents over in his mind, and all it did was torture him. 

What happened here was definitely the worst. In some strange way, it put things into perspective, but it also made him think that he'd really never be able to get over it. 

Because no matter how much he tried to forget, he could still remember every detail about that terrible night. He knew he'd been in a drunken haze and so some aspects were probably pure imagination, but they sure didn't seem like it; the way Key was sobbing, staring down at Taemin's body as his wound seeped in red, the deafening sound of sirens as his lover's limp figure was ripped away and dragged into the ambulance. 

Jongin had honestly thought Taemin was dead, about to die, and that it was the end of their tragic story. 

But it hadn't been. They'd been given a second chance, 'fate' or whatever you want to call it, had been kind to them for once. 

And then what does Jongin do...? Instead of feeling happy, relieved, joyful even...he's done. So fucking done with this horrible life. It made sense in some ways he supposed; almost losing the love of his life, being forced back out on the streets again, the daily grind seeming even worse than before. Those things didn't exactly add up to a stable person. It wasn't a mystery why he'd been unable to cope, that the stabbing had been the final straw. But it still didn't excuse what he'd done. 

He fucking hated feeling this angry and guilty at the same time. He wished, just for fucking once, that it was as simple as 'this was all Taemin's fault' or 'this was all his fault' but it was never like that, not for them anyway. 

And pathetically, all he wanted was a hug, just someone to tell him that he wasn't the most horrible person alive. He guessed it would be pointless as he wouldn't believe them anyway. 

So after his tears finally dried, all he could do was stare at the side of the grimey alley in dispair. The club had closed down since the stabbing because everyone was too scared to go there, and the place was eerily quiet, just the occasional hum of traffic rumbling in the background to keep him company. 

Jongin glanced to the side and squinted down at the ground. If you looked immensely carefully, you could still see the tiniest hint of red staining the concrete. 

This truly was the worst place to be on earth, but he felt like he deserved to be here. 

He didn't know when he'd fallen asleep, or even that he'd been unconscious, but he must have at least dozed off because out of nowhere he was suddenly was awoken by a very bright light, blinding his eyes as he squinted down the alley to where it was coming from. For a crazy moment he wondered if he was dead, if this was god or an angel come to take him off, maybe to be judged. He'd let them send him to hell without a fuss. 

"Oh god Newbie!" The angel called, as the light lowered and a familiar face came running down the back alley towards him, crouching down and removing the forgotten wine bottle in his hands. He'd been here all day, in a total daze so fuck knows how long it'd been there. At least it still sounded like it had liquid inside so he couldn't be that drunk. 

Jongin stared up, too shocked to speak. He couldn't believe he'd been found, or even that anyone had bothered to look for him. 

"Seriously!" Jonghyun scolded, towering over his friend and shaking his head, "Why the fuck would you come back here?!" 

Jongin opened his mouth to reply, only to leave it hanging because he couldn't find the words. 

Jonghyun shook his head in annoyance, "Get up Newbie now come on, everyone's been searching all fucking night for you." 

"Erryone?" Jongin murmered finally, refusing to lift himself up even with Jonghun grabbing both his arms to try and encourage them to get out of this hell hole. 

For some bizarre reason, Jonghyun'd just had a feeling that his friend would come back here. It had been a long shot, but it made sense in his mind so after searching a bunch of other places, he plucked up the courage and came down here just in case. Sometimes he saw a lot of himself in Jongin, not maybe his better qualities either. Plus he knew, as all of the other's did, that the poor guy hadn't been the same since the stabbing and given this was where it happened, it was almost like some weird holy ground or something. 

"Get up, come on now." Jonghyun tutted, trying to drag the boy up again. 

Jongin was having none of it. "No!!" he shrieked, squirming out of his friend's grip and slumping on the ground once more, curling away because as much as he wanted it, he didn't deserve kindness right now. 

"We need to get you back." Jonghyun ordered, "Whatever happened between you and Taemin, it's not the end of the world, fucking hell. Now don't be a drama queen and-" 

"It is the end of the world!!" Jongin screeched, much louder than he should have done, even making his own ears ring. 

Jonghyun sighed and looked up at the cloudless sky, calming himself for a moment as he stared up at the stars. It was funny (not the haha kind) because the night of the stabbing had been beautifully clear too, just like this one. The thought made him shudder. 

Giving up, he sat himself down next to his friend, creepily in almost the same spot Taemin had lain bleeding in. "It's not...Newbie...come on, calm down...you're just out of sorts recently." 

"Have you seen Taemin though?!" Jongin gasped, turning to face his friend, the most pained look on his face as his eyebrows creased, his mouth almost in a grimace. "He ran away from me...did he come back to you guys?!" 

"Yeah. He was back sleeping at the station when we left to go look for you." Jonghyun replied calmly, not wanting to get het up over nothing himself. 

"Then you know!!" Jongin cried, "So why the fuck do you care enough to come look for me?! Don't you hate me!?" 

Jonghyun had no freaking idea what to say to that so just stared at his friend blanky, one eyebrow raising involuntarily. 

"I HIT HIM!" Jongin screeched, "I AM A FUCKING WIFE BEATER. I'M AS BAD AS MY STEP BROTHER'S...I'M AS BAD AS SEHUN'S DAD...I'M AS BAD AS-" 

"Wowowowowowowowowow..." Jonghyun butted in, trying to take in that information. Suddenly the strange sleeping position Taemin was in, covering the side of his face made sense. "...You hit him? When you found out it was him that sold himself for the money?" 

"Yeah..." Jongin said, his eyes welling for the billionth time. It was a miracle he still had any water left in his body to come out. 

Jonghyun took another long, deep breath as he tried to compute that horrible information. "That's a really bad thing to do." he said bluntly, about to say something else when- 

"I KNOW!!! AND I KNOW YOU ALL HATE ME! AND I FUCKING DESERVE IT! I-" 

"...but you're not a bad person." he continued, ignoring the rambling screams of his friend, who was obviously still hysterical. 

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!" Jongin screeched, "HOW CAN YOU EVEN LOOK AT ME-" 

"Stop it." Jonghyun said firmly, deciding to take charge. Even though the news that yet another fight of there's had turned physical was horrible, and he did feel angry on Taemin's behalf, he was also very aware that nothing was black and white. His loyalties may have been torn, as knowing Taemin for as long as he had made it obviously hard for him not to want to take sides, but at the same time, Jongin was not a bad person. He'd been a very good friend, supported them when they needed it, always been there if something bad happened and whatever had gone down, it wasn't as simple as everyone else made it out to be. 

"Come back." Jonghyun said simply, after a minute of thinking and trying to ignore the weeping boy next to him. 

"No! I've fucked everything up! Everyone hates me and I don't blame them!" Jongin blabbed, still not daring to look at his friend. 

"No one hates you, come on, don't be an insecure idiot." Jonghyun insisted, trying to see past his friend's hands to make eye contact. "You made a mistake, but we're your friends so-" 

"You're not my friends!" Jongin blurted, "You guys only let me hang around cus I'm Taemin's baggage. You don't like me for me!" 

Ok what. Was this kid really that fucking insecure? "God Newbie!" Jonghyun gasped, honestly shocked the thought would even cross his mind. "That's not true at all! Of course we're your friends, even without Taemin. If you two broke up it'd make no diff-" 

"No!!!!!" Jongin inturrupted, snapping his head up to finally to face his bewildered friend. "Without Taemin, I'd have nothing. Nobody...!" 

Jonghyun shook his head manically, resting a hand on this stupid boy's shoulder and squeezing. "That's not true! Who got us to go to the shelter right? It was you! And if it weren't for Taemin you prolly wouldn't have got kicked out either just sayin. And when we weren’t renting that much, you bought all our fucking food! Not to mention you pushed everyone to cut down on all the shit we were taking...you might well have saved our lives. And it was you who met Chanyeol too, and without that we wouldn't even have a place to go now. You're valuable on your own, Jongin." 

Jongin looked away because he didn't believe that for a second. He was many things but valuable sure wasn't one of them. And why the fuck was Jonghyun being NICE to him right now? He was practically Taemin's fucking father...ok that didn't make any sense...but still it was crazy. And right now, he didn't deserve someone to be nice to him, to see his point of view. He'd made his bed and now he had to lie in it. 

"We're your friends." Jonghyun carried on, sensing a reply wasn't coming any time soon. "Come on, you know that. Even Key-" 

"Key probably wants to rip my head off." Jongin mumbled. 

"Yeah well he will when he finds out..." Jonghyun started, adding, "Minnie was covering the side of his face when we last saw him" when Jongin looked beyond confused. "....But that doesn't mean he'll hate you," he carried on, "That doesn't mean you're not one of us." 

"Why are you being nice to me right now?!" Jongin practically squeaked. 

Jonghyun sighed yet again. "...because I was you." 

"Huh?" 

Jonghyun laughed softly because the utterly bewildered expression on his friend's face was gold, "I wasn't always this even-keeled. Believe it or not out of me and Key, I used to be the nut case." 

"Wow." 

"I know right. I was an emotional wreck when we were in care as kids, and even worse when we were first out on the streets..." Jonghyun continued, adding a tactless, "I mean I never hit Key but...we used to argue a lot, like you guys do...well maybe not that much but-" 

Jongin cringed, scrunching his eyes shut becaue this was probably the worst pep talk he'd ever been given, despite the good intentions. 

"Ok I'm not getting my point across well but, seriously, I was crazy and really fucking unstable. I did a lot of things I regret; said a lot of bad shit, pushed Key and Taemin away...I know what it's like to feel like you have no one even when you don't." 

Jongin still said nothing, mulling over those kind words so Jonghyun carried on. 

"Onew kind saved me I guess. He had this easy going attitude about life and yeah...well you need someone like that for you." he said, pausing for a second because mentioning Onew was always hard. "And I know what Taemin's like. Don't get me wrong, I love him and Key more than anything but holy fuck is that kid difficult sometimes. It's not aaaaall your fault. You're not a bad person-" 

"I am though!!" Jongin interrupted, still unable to let the comforting words sink in, "When he got stabbed, I promised him I wouldn't take him back to the streets, I promised him I'd never let anyone else hurt him...but I'M hurting him...and he was fucking right, I've broken all my promises...you've no idea about some of this shit that's gone down between us...it's not just this one fight...it's...it's everything..." 

Jonghyun honestly didn't know what to say to that. In any case, it was apparent that Jongin wasn't calming down anytime soon so there was no point in talking anymore. 

The alley was still dark but it did feel like dawn was approaching soon, which was Jonghyun's queue to go back to the station. They'd arranged to meet in the morning just before they all had to be out of there, to see if anyone had found Jongin yet. Again, another annoying inconvenience created by the fact that hardly anyone had phones, and even the ones that did, often had no credit or charge. 

"I'm guessing you didn't go to work yesterday huh?" Jonghyun asked, deciding to get up because he couldn't sit on this cold concrete anymore. 

Jongin shook his head. 

"Well then come on. You need to fucking pull yourself together." Jonghyun snapped, deciding to take no nonsense and that the tough love approach was the only tactic he had left. "Here's what you're gonna do." he said, sounding so alarming like Key that it was almost scary. "You're gonna run to the shelter now and get cleaned up, fill the sink with cold water and stick your head in it to get rid of the hangover I'm guessing you have, then go to work and not think about anything for the whole fucking day." 

He paused for a reply that never came so just decided to carry on. 

"Then I'm gonna meet you at work after the day's over to make sure you come back with us, you and Taemin are gonna kiss and make up because this was just one of your usual fights, you're gonna stop walking around like eeyore all the time and get a fucking grip, and soon we'll be able to get that trailer, then everything will be GREAT. K?" 

There was another long pause and Jonghyun wondered if his friend had even taken in a word of that, but then Jongin nodded, shakily got up and bit his lip. He looked like a fucking 12 year old boy. It was always crazy to think that they were grown ups, when they looked and acted like this. 

"Do you want me to walk you to the shelter?" Jonghyun asked, as they both, if a little reluctantly on Jongin's part, made their way out of the alley and away from this horrible place. 

"...No I can go on my own." Jongin cringed, almost feeling embarrassed he was being mollycoddled like this. 

"Ok." Jonghyun nodded, pleased tough love had worked, "Go quick and you'll avoid bumping into Key." he added, meaning the shelter as those of them with jobs all still went there regularly to clean themselves up in the morning, despite the fact they were often turned away because of overcrowding. 

"Ok." Jongin mumbled, before trudging himself off in a vague direction, trying very hard to do what Jonghyun told him and just not think about anything. Holy shit had Key been right about him though; he really was a fucking maniac. 

\--- 

Jonghyun rushed back to the station as fast as he could, but even though he thought he'd been quick it was still practically fully light by the time he arrived. He just really, really needed to get there before the drama queens and Minho realized Taemin had been hit, and the shouting, over-reacting and general hysterics started. 

As much as he loved Key, there was no doubt that the guy had a tendency to be over the top about just about everything, especially where Taemin was concerned. It came from a good place but at the same time it wasn't easy to deal with. 

Unbelievably, when he got back only Taemin and Sunyoung were there, still snoozing in exactly the same spots he'd left them, the little cat there too, wondering around by the discarded food rubbish for scraps. 

It was really getting on towards the time they needed to go so Jonghyun decided to start packing up, hiding the stuff they kept there through the day in the bushes and chucking the stuff they needed to keep on them in a couple of bags. 

The peace was very short lived, as Key and Minho arrived not 2 minutes later, bitching that they'd been searching all night for fucking nothing. Key especially almost had a fit when Jonghyun said he'd found Newbie and that he was fine, and going back to work as normal today. That was not the news Key'd been expecting at all and the anticlimax was fucking aggravating. But I mean the guy had been spent the last day and a half hopelessly looking for friends, only to have one come back on his own and have the nerve just to go to sleep, and the other found by someone effing else. 

Will all the noise of bickering and packing away, it wasn't surprising that Taemin and Sunyoung both woke up, dozy and disorientated from exhaustion and heavy sleep. 

Taemin was so out of it in fact, that he'd forgotten why his eye wouldn't open and had a minor panic attack before remembering to cover it, turning away from his friends who were still too much in the midst of rowing to even notice he'd woken up. 

He sat up, making very sure to remain facing in the opposite direction from everyone, and started combing a hand through his thankfully grown-out, long, fringe to put it over his eye. It was fucking useless. 

"OH MORNING SUNSHINE." Key screeched, making the blonde jump out of his skin, "SLEPT WELL?!" 

Taemin turned around sheepishly, still making sure the other's could only see one half of his face. He didn't know why but this situation felt different from the whole wall smashing incident. He didn't want to do what Jongin said and run like a crybaby to the other's, making Bie out as the big bad wolf again. 

Actually, after he'd left Jongin crying in the road, his plan had been to just 'walk it off' as the latter always did to him, and do some serious thinking before coming back at a reasonable time. That hadn't happened at all. Instead, he'd spent the whole day smoking way more spice than he was allowed, not thinking about a damn thing, then finally realizing that fuck- the other's might be worried and he ought to get his ass back 'home'. 

"WE SPENT ALL FUCKING DAY LOOKING FOR YOU." Key continued to screech, "THEN COME BACK HERE LAST NIGHT AND YOU'RE ALL TUCKED UP LIKE EVERYTHING'S FUCKING FINE." 

"Sorry." Taemin said blankly, "...Where's Bie?" 

"WHERE'S BIE." Key repeated, full of outrage, "REALLY. ALL WE GET IS A 'SORRY' AND THEN IT'S STRAIGHT ONTO-" 

"Jongin's gone to work." Jonghyun said, cutting his lover off, "I found him in a state back where you were stabbed but *hopefully* talked him round." 

"You found him?!" came a startled voice from behind, as everyone turned, including Taemin out of pure shock, to see Sehun just arriving, "DAMN! We need to get fucking phones!!" 

"I told you to stick with me!" Key spat, "But then YOU ran off looking places on your own!" 

"...You were looking stupid places." Sehun mumbled, turning away from his nagging friend because he was so fucking sick of being treated like a child who needed babysitting. 

It was then that he caught a glimpse of the side of Taemin's face, as the blonde snapped his head away a second too late. "What the fuck happened to you?!?!" 

Jonghyun tensed immediately. "Nothing's happened." he said quickly, "Now it's gonna be morning soon so we need to get all the rest of our shit hidden ok?" 

Taemin turned away again hastily, bending over to get at his bag and chucking a few random items inside, some not even belonging to him, just to look busy. 

"What do you mean?" Key asked, ignoring Jonghyun and waltzing straight up to Taemin who immediately turned again, this time revealing some of his face to Minho who was the other side. With this many people around, it was going to be completley impossible to hide his face and he'd been a bigger idiot than Jongin to think he could actually do it with a bit of fringe covering. 

"Fuck! Minnie!!" Minho squeaked, his voice almost amusingly high pitched making Sunyoung hold in a snort, until he too stormed up to his friend and there was no point in hiding it anymore. 

Taemin was literally cornered, and there was nothing to do but to just give up and pray the yelling and drama would be over soon. He stared at both his friends head on, taking his fringe out of the side of his face pointedly and revealing what was probably the nastiest black eye he'd ever had. 

"That cunt." Key said darkly, not the response anyone was expecting as he grabbed the blonde's face and twisted it towards him, making Taemin roll his good eye indignantly because here comes the hysterics. 

Honestly he himself still had no clue what to feel about anything that had happened. He wasn't even all that mad, certainly not as mad as he thought he'd be anyway. It wasn't like he hadn't provoked Jongin an awful lot, or said some pretty awful things himself. Numbness was not something he was used to but it was certainly all he could feel right now. 

"I'LL KILL HIM!" Key screamed, "I CAN'T...I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY...?!" 

Minho shook his head in anger. "How the fuck did this even happen?! Did the idiot learn nothing from the wall smashing-?!" 

"GUYS." Jonghyun yelled over the top, "Let's not overreact he-" 

"OVERREACT?!" Key shrieked, manhandling the blonde to face his lover as if to present evidence, "DOES THIS LOOK MINOR TO YOU?!" 

"No." Jonghyun snapped, "But we know Jongin, and this was obviously just a terrible mis-" 

"NO! THAT'S IT. HE'S OUT." Key shouted, "I AM NOT HAVING A WIFE BEATER LIVING WITH US." 

Sunyoung glanced at Sehun worridly as the younger just stood there watching this crazy mess. It was so true that around here, nothing was private. Every problem was splattered out on the table for all to see. Their whole lives was like a car crash that anyone could just gawp at. It was horrible, and he didn't want to see his best friend being trashed like this anymore, nor did he want to believe that his best friend could have actually done that to Taemin. 

"Hey let's get out of here." Sunyoung said, grabbing Sehun's arm, "This isn't our business, let's just go to the park again." 

Sehun let himself be dragged out through the bushes and away, still hearing shouting even as they walked down the street and turned a corner away from the station. It was a good fucking job there were no houses around here, only buildings associated with the station and a few random offices, else nobody would get any fucking sleep. 

"God Key will you stop controlling me!" Taemin shrieked, yanking himself away from his friend, "I'll deal with my own crap ok?! I don't need you telling me what to do." 

"WHO PICKS UP THE PIECES THOUGH HUH MINNIE?" Key yelled, "WHO DRIES YOUR BOOBOOS AND TENDS TO YOUR CUTS AND DEALS WITH ALL YOUR SHIT? ME!" 

Taemin rolled his good eye again. 

"I want him gone." Key said, after a nasty pause, "I thought he'd changed, could handle his anger better now and whatever but this is unforgivable, you hear me?" 

"Baby." Jonghyun said calmly, taking a tentative step towards his lover, "It's not as simple as that and you know it. If Taemin says-" 

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Key shouted, "WHERE ARE YOUR FUCKING LOYALTIES?!" 

"My loyalties." Jonghyun started, thankfully still managing to keep his cool, "Are with our group. All of us. That includes Newbie just the fucking same and you know that." 

Key shook his head angrily, "Did. Did include Newbie. Even I never thought he was capable of...even I misjudged his character, thought he was an idiot but a nice idiot. Well THIS-" he continued, pointing directly at Taemin's swollen eye, his finger only a centimeter away from the blonde's face making him go cross eye-d, "THIS IS NOT THE WORK OF A NICE IDIOT. THIS IS THE WORK OF A GUY WITH SERIOUS FUCKING ANGER ISSUES." 

"Oh my goddddddddd..." Taemin moaned, turning to Minho for some support, and maybe a bit of rationality but it didn't look like he was going to get any. His best friend was just standing there, staring at his eye in disbelief. 

"I've just seen Newbie, he was half lying in an alleyway crying his eyes out over this." Jonghyun said sternly, "He's not a bad person, he's just messed up. Like I was." 

Key pulled face at how stupid that comment was. "That's bullshit." he said simply. 

"No it's not!" Jonghyun hissed, unable to keep it together completely anymore. "You know what I was like, how...emotionally unstable...I'm better now. But I wouldn't be if I hadn't had support from you guys. We can't abandon him cus of one little thing." 

"ONE LITTLE THING!" Key shrieked, the finger pointed to Taemin's eye back again so the blonde slapped him away and slunk towards Minho, who was still standing still and emotionless. "THIS IS NOT. ONE LITTLE THING." 

"Does anyone care what I think?" Taemin inturrupted. 

"NO!" both Jonghyun and Key yelled back, practically at the same time. It would have been funny if the situation wasn't so horrible. 

Taemin grumbled as his two friends continued to bicker, zoning out as he watched bright sun rays poke themselves above some trees in the distance. 

"GUYS." he yelled, trying to sound authoritative. "CAN WE CONTINUE THIS LOVELY DISCUSSION SOMEONE WHERE WE WON'T GET FUCKING CAUGHT?" 

Jonghyun and Key both snapped their heads back again, both simultaneously realizing that crap, it was fucking morning time now. 

The row momentarily paused, they finished packing up/hiding their stuff before trudging through the bushes to the now renamed, designated screaming street, and dumping everything down on the path. Luckily it was still early enough that no one was around. 

"So." Key said coldly, turning to Taemin and refusing to look at Jonghyun, "I guess we'd better get you to the shelter and clean that thing up then hadn't we?" 

Taemin shrugged, literally shrugged- his shoulders raising as if he was a delinquent teen. 

"Um guys this isn't over yet?!" Jonghyun called, as Key grabbed Taemin's arm to drag him off. 

"It is." Key spat, stopping in his tracks, "If Newbie dare's to show his face again I'll-" 

"You'll do nothing!!" Jonghyun cut in, "For once in your life Kibum, seriously, just don't interfere!" 

Key looked very offended but didn't quite no what to say to that, still appauled that his boyfriend was on the wrong side. "Well what does the statue over there think?" he hissed, staring up at Minho who was still stood in silence, his back to the bushes as if he was trying to camoflage himself. It wasn't working. 

"I don't know what to think." Minho said simply, making Key's face even more sour as he'd been sure the frog boy would be on their side. "I'm angry but that doesn't mean we should just chuck him out. Minnie's no angel either...and if you remember last time when he came back to us with his head all busted up he didn't exactly tell us the whole truth about how much of an accident it wa-" 

Taemin interrupted with a strained groan because he couldn't believe how he was being talked about right now. "UM EXCUSE ME." he shrieked, "You know I'm like, standing right here right?! And you know I'm capable of having opinions of my own right? Shit! You guys are even more controlling than Bie I just never fucking realized it!" 

"Tae..." Jonghyun started, apologetically. 

"No!" Taemin snapped, "Let me fucking finish! Holy CRAP! This is why Bie get's so fucking annoyed that nothing's private around here...my GOD. I don't even know what to think about it myself and you idiots have no idea what happened! I TOLD HIM TO HIT ME, PUSHED HIM, CALLED HIM A STUPID COWARD AND THEN SAID HE'D FEEL BETTER IF HE PUNCHED ME. OK? SO NOW YOU KNOW THE TRUTH, AND YOU CAN JUST GO AND GOSSIP ABOUT IT FOR HOURS IF YOU LIKE, MAKING ALL MY DECISIONS FOR ME, USING THE FACT THAT YOU 'LOOK AFTER ME' AS AN EXCUSE FOR FUCKING RUNNING MY LIFE." 

After that oddly insightful rant, Taemin was so done. He grabbed his bag, a few belongings falling out of it, including liposuctioned bee and holy crap was that embarrassing to pick up, then stormed down the street and away from these lunatics for some much needed fucking peace. 

He hadn't been lying when he'd said he didn't know what to think. Like he honestly had no idea what was the fuck was going on with his life at the moment. A part of him thought he might just wake up and that everything since the stabbing hadn’t really happened. Life didn't feel normal. So many things were changing; Key and him having steady jobs, Sunyoung living with them, Bie being a fucking mental depressed nut job, getting a trailer soon. Most of these things were good of course, it was just weird how different his life seemed in such a small space of time. 

But he supposed everything would get better once they finally got their trailer. Bie'd cheer the fuck up and stop moping for a start, and even though life still might be hard with 7 people squeezed in a tiny living space- at least they'd fucking have a living space. It was a dream come true and he couldn't let anything put a damper on that. 

But holy fuck did they get mad at each other the other night though. That was like a friggen out of body experience. Bie hadn't deserved all the shit he'd said to him. Yes the idiot may have acted like an insecure asshole yet again but that still didn't excuse taking everything out on him just for being upset. 

So whilst having all of these deepish thoughts, Taemin decided to run to some public toilets, covering his face the whole time just in case anyone gave him a strange look. Why he cared he didn't know, it wasn't like he hadn't been beaten up before and had suffered waaay worse bruises...but this puffy son of a bitch felt different. It was like a big ass shame shame right on his fucking eye just to remind him every second how screwed up his life really was. 

Luckily the bathroom was empty, the cubicle doors all left flying open, some clanging against the wall because it was breezy today and there was no glass on the windows. He glanced around the grimey and yet quite spacious room, thinking that if they were ever desperate when it snowed or something, this might actually not be a bad spot. What the fuck was he thinking, soon they'd have a trailer and so it was mute. Man it was hard to get out of the habit of thinking everything was going to turn into the worst case scenario. 

Tentatively Taemin wondered up to the sink to inspect the damage in the mirror, honestly shocking himself because it looked a lot worse than he'd expected. The eye still wouldn't open it was so puffy, purple blotches surrounding the whole socket. It was fucking disgusting actually because his tears had created a weird sticky glue and that was just manky. Oh god, now he was feeling guilty for yelling at Key. If he'd seen any of the others with a owie like this one he'd have gone just as mental. His friends only wanted what was best for him. That didn't mean they couldn't be annoying sometimes, but it did mean he shouldn't have been so hard on them. 

Ripping a few sheets of toilet paper from the roll, he wet some under the sink and started to blot the tear gloop away from his eye, making it look about 10 times better just from that. When they weren’t in the middle of a huge fight, he really ought to get Jongin to give him some self defense lessons. Be it painful, this punch was precisely located on his eye like it had been perfectly calculated out that way. Jongin had a lot of practice with hitting, coming from such a messed up fucking family, so that was probably why he was such an expert. In any case, Taemin could use some tips. His own biting methods were actually pretty sucky. 

He pulled a face at himself in the mirror because what he was thinking right now could only be described as madness. His thoughts were a mixture of mushy blurbles and utter nonsense, and all he could feel about them was numbness. He couldn't even find the strength to be upset over what happened. Being numb was actually strangely nice though he supposed. 

He asked himself, as he always did, WWOD (what would Onew do), but this time came up with nothing. Onew'd never renting himself out, got into a huge argument with his boyfriend or been hit by someone he loved. How the fuck did Taemin know what Onew would do? He was too numb to care. 

Then again, another thought popped into his mind that maybe he was asking himself the wrong question. He wasn't Onew, he was Taemin. 

So what would Taemin do? 

He almost laughed as he asked himself that ridiculous question, still staring at himself in the grimey mirror- his reflection looking more like a stranger than anyone he recognized. His blonde hair was growing out, the black eye obviously making his face look all weird...but it wasn't just that. There was definitely something else off about his demeanor in general. He wasn't himself, just like Bie wasn't either. 

Maybe it wasn't that surprising. They'd been through a lot these past few months, these past few years, maybe it was understandable everything seemed weird. 

So coming back to the important question; WWTD? 

Honestly he had no fucking idea. The only thing that was becoming clear was that whatever happened, they all just needed a break from this endless wave of stress. 

And what made them stressed? What drove them to this craziness? 

Oh joy, more questions. 

Well for a start, having no fucking money was quite stressful, but that was slowly getting better what with 3 of them now having incomes. And Minho was looking for work...but with a record it was almost impossible to find anything. Sunyoung hadn't started yet but it wasn't surprising because she was still kinda traumatized from the whole hotel embargo, and just trying to get used to street life. Sehun was too young and nobody fucking wanted him, which was stupid because he was brainy and conscientious but there you go- employers suck. And Jonghyun, well with Jonghyun it was just a fucking mystery. He had his issues sure but he was such a nice guy, however often people took one look at him and thought he was some kind of thug, dismissing him without a thought. Oh well, it looked like they'd have to settle for 3 low paid jobs for the moment, but that was ok- they were actually rich compared to how they used to be. 

Stress numero dos, was obviously their living situation, which thanks to renting and *cough* 'fate' was also gonna improve dramatically. Getting a trailer was a big first step to finally getting their hands on a real apartment or something. It meant a roof, a fixed address and maybe it was gonna be tight fitting 7 people in but what did it matter? 

Stress number 3 was, Taemin supposed, the whole renting issue. The fact that it always seemed to be lurking in the background, what with Jonghyun still occasionally shall we say 'dabbling' in it, and offers continuing to come in whether they liked it or not. You can't escape your past though, so there was nothing anyone could do about that. 

Oh and let's not forget spice; also something that was constantly on Taemin's mind. He hadn't a fucking clue how he was going to cut it down from 2 a day to 1. He could hardly cope with the cravings as it was. Sometimes he thought maybe it'd be better to just go cold turkey but there was no way in hell he could face that. It would probably make him too ill to function anyway, so wouldn't be worth it. 

And finally, the big whopper- poor old bumblebie, who still despite everything that had happened, Taemin loved with all his heart. Love didn't make things better though, it wasn't a cure for real problems. Sometimes Taemin wished they could just have a clean slate and re get to know each other. He'd do so many things different if he had a second chance at it...He'd tell him he loved him more, be kinder in general, more reassuring. They'd talk about their issues instead of having screaming matches and nothing would ever get physical. 

Whatever, you don't get a second chance do you? But it wasn't too late to do the right thing. It's never too late. 

\--- 

After having the longest pee of his life, splashing his face in cold water and making sure his eye didn't look thaaaaaat terrible, Taemin left the bathroom in a hurry, wanting to catch Jongin on his break which he knew was around this timeish. Because Jongin worked at a fast food restaurant, he didn't get a break at lunch, rather just before. He wasn't popular at work, or so he'd told Taemin, saying that all his coworkers thought he was drug addict and wouldn't speak to him. This meant he didn't have lunch inside, but rather around the back near the dumpsters whether it be wind, rain or snow. Pitiful really. 

Today was bright sunshine though, so if you could get over the trashy smell it was actually really nice to be outside. 

Taemin had to sneak through the restaurant to get to the back exit, which was very fucking awkward but luckily no one spotted him. Or at least nobody called him out on it. They probably knew him as just another one of Jongin's scaryass homeless friends, proving yet again, it was sometimes helpful to look intimidating even if you weren't. He bet the huge black eye only added to his street cred. 

When he opened the heavy, rusty door to the back, he scanned around, sighing in disappointment because the small, almost courtyard like area seemed completely deserted, other than the odd mouse scurrying away from the dustbins that was. It was a charming place, not. 

He was just about to give up and go back inside, when a very shocked voice called, as Jongin poked his head up from behind one of the bins, a chip hanging out of his mouth, his eyes wide and startled. 

There wasn't a fiber of his being that wasn't utterly astounded to see Taemin. He spat out the chip, coughed and watched in total disbelief as the blonde shut the door softly and wondered round the bin to sit on the ground next to his bag of fries, a very small, reassuring smile on his lips. 

"I-I-" Jongin stuttered, staring down at his boyfriend blankly as the latter helped himself to some food. 

"Aren't you gonna sit down?" Taemin asked, looking up, his mouth full of whatever it was he'd stolen. 

Jongin plonked himself down immediately, unable to take his eyes off the blonde. The bruise looked so bad, it made him want to start crying all over again but he held it in, swallowing the pain down with the last remains of chip. 

"Stop looking at me like that. It's like you've never seen a fucking bruise before." Taemin said, harsher than he'd meant it to come out. 

"S-sorry..." Jongin mumbled, looking away quickly, "I just...didn't expect to...see..." 

Taemin rolled his eyes. Whenever Jongin got nervous he started stuttering and yes they may have had a huge fight but there was no need be like this right now. "God Bie calm down." he scolded, "It's just me isn't it?!" 

Jongin nodded because words were failing him. 

"Look. I'm not mad." Taemin said, resting a hand on his lover's knee, which was bobbing up and down furiously, "I'm not really anything." 

"You're not anything?" 

"Yeah." Taemin replied, "I've been thinking useless thoughts and the only thing I can come up with is that we just all need a fucking break from this drama and stress." 

Jongin nodded again, still finding it very hard to compute that they were actually having a normal conversation. 

"I can't do this anymore, fighting so much, worrying about-" Taemin continued, when he was interrupted out of nowhere. 

"Does it hurt?" 

Taemin rolled his good eye and ignored the question. Of course it fucking hurt. 

"..We just have so much other stress and we're taking it out on each other and it's not ok." he carried on, whilst Jongin returned to staring at his swollen eye like it was hypnotizing him. "Are you even listening to a word I'm saying?!" 

Jongin tried to snap out of it. "...no." he said truthfully, "I just can't believe you're here and not yelling at me?" 

"Well that’s my point." Taemin replied, "I don't wanna yell anymore. I can't take the stress another second." 

"But aren't you mad at me?" Jongin insisted, actually missing the point, "...like I really hit you this time...fucking hard...why aren't you screaming right now..!?" 

"Well it wasn't all your fault really was it." Taemin said, deciding to put his rational hat on. "I did kinda provoke you a bit. I'm a little surprised you're not screaming at me." 

"Why would I be screaming at you?!" 

"Because I slept with someone else, dumbass." 

Jongin cringed, "Yeah well." he mumbled, "I think it all evens out." 

"What?" Taemin asked, this time his turn to be the dummy. 

"The bad shit we've done to each other...I think we're even." Jongin explained, still hardly taking his gaze off Taemin's bad eye, "Well maybe not...I've probably done worse...but..." 

"You haven't." Taemin cut in, trying to be nice. "I'd say we're pretty equal too." 

Jongin looked down as his felt the lump in his throat try and come back up. Fuck knows why but he was just unable to hold it together lately. 

"You've been weird ever since I got stabbed." Taemin said abruptly, scooching closer to his on the verge of tears boyfriend. 

"...I guess." Jongin mumbled, allowing the blonde to entwine their fingers. It felt so fucking nice and yet so wrong all at the same time. 

"You need a break more than any of us from this kind of stress." Taemin soothed, "I know why you got so mad at me...I know you haven't been coping." 

"Then why did you push me over the edge?" Jongin asked, the question popping out before he had a chance to stop it. 

"...I thought it was a good bad decision..." Taemin replied, "I thought anything'd be worth it to get that money." 

Jongin nodded sadly, "...Ok...k..." 

"Look at me." Taemin said, cupping his lover's cheeks to lift his head up. 

Jongin's eyes were full of water, his face puffy and his hair in total disarray but strangely he looked so beautiful. This poor little bear was so childlike sometimes, it was baffling. The expression on his face right now made it hard for Taemin to ever believe he could be capable of half the things he'd done. 

"...I guess my point is..." Taemin started, very unsure of how he was going to break this to those sorrowful puppy dog eyes, "...I think we should end it, Bie. I'm sorry." 

\--- 

Mwuahahaha bie was certainly not expecting that xD but I think you guys were lolol //i'm so predictable xD   
Please don't hate me for this though, I know this is a taekai fic but I hope I'm not the only one who thinks they're better as friends, for now at least. 

Also just let me apologise for any mistakes in the chapter aha I'm always paranoid I'll have made another name mix up booboo (curse siwon and sehun for having such similar names. Jongin and jonghyun is even worse xDD) I've had a lot of migraines this week ughhh they've been a bitch so checking wise I've just been like ...;_; 

Anyway xD Can you believe this fic already has over 200,000 words?! Waaaaaatttt? XD and I even googled because I'm just really dumb aha 'how many words in a novel' AND IT SAID 100,000. LOL I hit the roof anyway o.o I've already written the end. (hasn’t been checked obv lol that’s what takes the time for me xD I told you I was slow) so now I'm just playing around with ideas for a sequel bc I cant seem to put this down but it's gonna turn into a crappy soap opera if I'm not careful. Im just sliiightly worried about how it ends seeming too quiet hmm..idk there's been so much agro I didn’t want it to go out on a bang but at the same time...ok rambling.

Last week I asked you if you were team taem or team bie and thank you so much for replyingg! I thiiiink the results were pretty even which I was really happy about xD there wasn’t as much bie hate as I was expecting lolol. as for me, I'm on team kibumbum >:D IKNOW he's a naughty kitten but idk why I just love that overreacting idiot xD 

Anyhoo xD as always, comments are appreciated way more than you know and you're all such lovely sweetiebears ;_; I seriously get the biggest kick out of reading your opinions lol not even kidding.   
OKAY. Wow this has been long again o.O   
Buhbye babies <3 <3 <3


	30. Finals: Sugar Is Nice

Jongin yanked his face back in shock. That wasn't what he'd been expecting AT ALL. From everything Taemin had said, about relieving stress and what not blah blah blah, he'd just naively presumed the blonde had meant less arguing...but this?! Breaking up?! Ending it?! 

"Is this some kind of sick joke??!" Jongin spluttered, his eyes wide in horror. 

"No..no...listen." Taemin soothed, "This is a good thing." 

"A GOOD THING?!" Jongin repeated, his breath becoming shallower as he felt his chest trying to close in, "A GO-GOOD- THI-INGG?!?" 

"Calm down." Taemin said firmly, grabbing his lover's arm as Jongin tried to get up, feeling like he couldn’t sit still this anxious. 

After waiting a couple of seconds it was clear the poor guy wasn't going to come out of his spin any time soon, so Taemin continued. "I'm not saying I don’t love you I'm just saying we need to cool it." he insisted, trying to sound as soft as possible. "...Remember the olden days when we used to sit on that park bench for hours, back near our derelict place?" 

He didn't wait for an answer because Jongin was still in no state to give one. 

"And all we used to talk about was cartoons, and dancing, and make fun of the people we watched?" he continued, still not expecting any kind of reply as Jongin continued his shallow breathing fit, "Well that's the most fun I've ever had. Like I know that sounds lame and pathetic but-" 

"It doesn't!!" Jongin spluttered. 

"It does." Taemin said calmly, entwining their hands together again, "But I don’t care. Seriously, those meetings with you were the only thing that kept me going through the day." 

"Me too!!" Jongin cut in again, his voice high and frantic. 

"I know. So...well what I'm saying is...we should just go back to being friends." Taemin said, accidentally a little too bluntly, "Best friends like we were...it was better back then...we hardly ever fought..." 

"I don’t wanna be your friend!!" Jongin shrieked, practically on the verge of hyperventilating, "I wanna be your world!!" 

"...No one can be a person's whole world..." 

"You're my whole world!" Jongin cried, letting their hands fall apart and finally getting up, pacing around the small space in between the dumpsters. It was true. Taemin was literally all he had. Probably why the stabbing incident had screwed him up even more than it would just anybody; it hadn't 'only' meant losing the love of his life, it had meant losing his entire existence as well. 

"Well that’s not..." Taemin paused, trying to think of a better way to put it, "That’s not good!" he said, dumbly. 

"So what?!" Jongin gasped, "That's it?! The end?! Forever?!" 

"Well I don't know..." Taemin said quietly, "I guess we'll have to see how it goes..." 

"SEE HOW IT GOES?!" Jongin screamed, "ARE YOU REALLY GIVING ME ANOTHER 'MAYBE' ANSWER RIGHT NOW?!" 

"Look. All I know is that for now, we're not good for each other! We're just another huge stress and we both can't take anymore...I promise this is a good thing...I promise it's for the best..." 

That was it. Jongin fell to the ground again, clutching at his hair because he seriously wanted to rip it all out. From last night being found in that hell hole of an alleyway by Jonghyun, to just pulling himself together enough to face work and now THIS. What the hell was the world trying to do him? Did the whole universe just have this evil plan to try and make him snap?! Cus it was fucking working!!! 

"Bie..." Taemin sighed, shuffling across to where his *ex he supposed* lover was slumped and having a full on breakdown. "This...please don't be sad...please baby...I'm not saying this to hurt you...I promise this is a good thing...being friends is a good thing..." 

"NO!" Jongin shrieked, "I don't get why being friends would be any fucking different?! If I love you and you love me then it's no diff-" 

"It's different because there'll be no pressure." Taemin said simply, "No rules or obligations or 'oh no how will he react' or 'I can't say this or that', you know. We have to walk on eggshells with each other and it's no good..." 

"So basically you're just saying you wanna be free again and you can't, what, sell yourself and get wasted when I'm around?!" Jongin snapped, knowing that was a ridiculous thing to say even as the words spilled out. 

"No!!" came the indignant squeak in reply, "Of course the fuck not! I'm never selling myself EVER again! Don't be like that!!" 

Jongin scoffed but Taemin chose to ignore it and carried on. "I just MEAN...when we were friends it was simpler, less stressful, less pressure. We all need break and I can't think of another way of getting one. Us together as a couple...it's just too fucking intense!" 

Jongin made another long groaning noise before moodily turning his back on the blonde like a small child would. Now it was his turn to feel numb. He hadn't a clue what to think anymore, where his head was at, what the fuck was going on basically. He wanted to cry because if this was really it, well then that was just the end of the fucking world but his eyes seemed to have dried up at completely the wrong time. 

"When things are easier...maybe we'll try again." Taemin said, placing a hand on the sulking boy's back softly, "We're gonna move into that trailer soon and that'll make things easier for a start...then who knows what'll happen. Come on baby, please don't be mad....it's like..." he continued, struggling to find the right words, "Well more than anything, more than I wanna be your boyfriend or your lover or whatever...I just wanna be your friend. Fighting the way we do...loving and hating each other all at once...I can't do it anymore. I wanna be happy, I want us both to be happy. For now at least, this is the only way I can see that happening. I'm not saying it's forever." 

There was a short pause as Jongin was having great difficulty trying to take that information in. Everything went eerily quiet, the only noises coming from traffic and a few clangs through the door from the restaurant's kitchen. It was waaaay over Jongin's offical break time now but hopefully one his coworkers would just cover. 

"But if you love me...how can you be ok with ending it?! How can you be ok with the thought that...we'll be nothing more than friends?" Jongin asked finally, turning his head around to look at the blonde who still had a hand on his back, gently rubbing circles in the center of his spine. 

"You can love someone and also need space from them." Taemin replied simply. 

Jongin still couldn't quite get his head around that concept, but presumed it was a little like the whole 'if you love someone set them free' thing so tried his best to understand. 

"Look, I'm sorry." Taemin sighed, shuffling even closer and wrapping both arms around this stupid teddy bear. 

Jongin turned around, unable to resist succumbing to the hug even if it seemed like a goodbye one. His heart felt like it was literally breaking as, out of nothing but pure instinct, he rested their foreheads together, shutting his eyes as both sets of lips collided just a second later. It was so bittersweet, almost not even sweet and just bitter. Taemin felt like home, his soft warm mouth parting only the tiniest inch, allowing Jongin to come inside for the last time in what would seem like forever. 

Desperate for more, Jongin brought one hand up to the blonde's hair, running his fingers through the unruly tangles, the other hand firmly on Taemin's back, pulling them closer together. It was like he was mapping out every inch of his lover's body so's not forgot anything, trying hopelessly to make it last and savor the moment. 

His heart smashed as they pulled apart. All he could do was stare into Taemin's good eye, trying his best to now avoid the huge bruise, begging the lump in his throat to either allow him to cry or just go the fuck away. 

"I'm so sorry...about your eye..." he mumbled, after a minute which seemed more like an hour of staring at each other blankly. 

"S'ok." Taemin whispered back, "I'm sorry I broke my promise." 

"S'ok." Jongin murmered, although he still wasn't so sure it was. "...I'm sorry I yelled at you so much about it and didn't get you were so upset and everything..." 

A small smile crept on Taemin's lips because it was almost like this had turned into a little game. "S'ok." he said, but then suddenly remembered something very important to apologize about. "I'm sorry I said that thing about you breaking your promise that you wouldn't take me back to the streets...you know I don’t give a shit about that, I was just really mad." 

Jongin nodded gratefully, "And I was just mad when I said that Sehun was right about you...he's not...not at all...you know I didn't mean-" 

"I know." Taemin smiled, adding a slightly inappropriate half-jokey, "So we're good?" 

"I...I guess..." Jongin mumbled, adding because he couldn’t resist, "But if we're good then why can't we just stay together? Like just have another Newbie & Taeminnie's day of fun and fix ourselves like that?" 

Taemin rolled his good eye and got up, stretched and shook out his body because he'd gone all stiff. "We're not that good." he said, still half joking as he looked down at Jongin, who's demeanor was that of a broken child. "...come on, we've been over this enough now. You know we just need to break the cycle. I don't want this shit to happen again and neither do you." 

"It won't happen again." Jongin said dumbly, knowing he was lying. It always happened again. Fights were like breathing. 

"But it does." Taemin replied bluntly, "Every time. I'm so tired, Bie. Aren't you?" 

"...No." 

Taemin smiled. "Aw you cutie be-" 

"HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO FUCKING EAT A BAG OF CHIPS?!" came a loud yell as the door clanged open, making both boys jump out of their skin at they stared back at a random employee, her face red, her uniform stained in tomato ketchup. Or at least Taemin hoped it was tomato ketchup. 

"S-sorry!" Jongin squeaked, immediately getting up as the door slammed shut again. "I think I gotta go..." he said sadly, turning back to the blonde. 

"Are you gonna be ok?" Taemin asked, looking up at his friend's face who just looked like he'd been run over; huge dark circles, sullen cheeks, hair in total disarray. It was odd because at the start of this conversation he'd still been all puffy from crying, but now it was like his whole face had sunk with the weight of the world. 

Jongin didn't reply to the question, instead asking exactly the same. "Are you gonna be ok?" 

"Oh you know me." Taemin said, making himself smile again, "I'll have some spice and a cuddle with Sugar and everything'll be fine." 

"A cuddle with Sugar?" Jongin repeated, thinking he must be hearing things. 

"My cat." Taemin said simply, "You know, that little black and white baby that comes to steal scraps. She's my kitten now." 

"Is she...?" 

"Yeah." Taemin nodded, "I've called her Sugar. It's nice, right?" 

"...Because of sugar and spice and all things nice...?" Jongin asked, a little confused they were getting sidetracked like this so soon. He shouldn't have been. One minute they could be discussing war, the next lollipops with nothing in between. 

"Spice isn't nice." Taemin corrected. "Just Sugar." 

"...Ok." Jongin mumbled, as he started to back away towards the door. 

"You'll come back to the station tonight after work right...?" Taemin asked, stopping him with a hand on his jacket. 

"...I dunno." 

"Don't be an idiot." Taemin tutted, "I won't be there cus of work but I'mma make sure Jonghyun is ok?" 

"...But I bet Minho and Key are plotting my death..." Jongin groaned. 

"They're not." Taemin lied, "They don't love me that much." 

Jongin snorted but it came out weird because of the huge lump still in his throat. "Bye baby." he said sadly, as he opened the door, immediately scolding himself because they were broken up now...right? He was so fucking confused, broken, tired...he didn’t even know himself. 

\---- 

Whilst one couple's relationship was slowly crumbling, another's was just starting to blossom. 

Sunyoung couldn't get used to her short hair. She kept pulling at her shoulders subconsciously, expecting to find long locks to play with when all she was met by was air. It wasn't like Key had done a bad job or anything. Not that it was exactly chic but he hadn't given her a mushroom, which was what she'd been dreading. 

She couldn't adapt to her new clothes either. Literally nothing she was wearing right now, except her underwear, was her own. She'd left the hotel with only the clothes on her back. Strangely though, not feeling like herself was actually oddly freeing. 

Here she was, sitting on the curb of a run down street eating a bag of nachos for lunch with a bunch of homeless losers, and yet she was actually happier than she had been working at the hotel. 

She was wearing a pair of Taemin's holey jeans (which she had to fucking squeeze into by the way- that boy needed to eat some cake), one of Key's tops with the words 'BITE ME' written in huge letters across her boobs, a baggy jacket of Minho's with the sleeves down past her hands, and huge clown sneakers which didn't fit at all- also Taemin's. She had no make up on, obviously, and at first had honestly felt like a boy...but after so long of being objectified working for a man like Siwon, it was almost refreshing to feel unrestrained by conventions. Almost. 

Obviously the lifestyle wasn't treating her well, most nights she still found herself longing for the plush double bed in her hotel room. But surprisingly Taemin had been right when he'd said living out here was better than at that hell hole. Or at least it was, because she was surrounded by people who were (mostly) trustworthy. Trustworthy in this sense anyway. If Minho hadn't gone looking for her, she really dreaded what would have happened. 

The jobless crowd, or so they called themselves, often hung around with each other in the day, along with Taemin who worked in the evenings but fuck knows where the kid had run off to. After the fight that morning about Jongin's dire fate, everyone had dispersed; Sunyoung with Sehun, Minho with Jonghyun, but coincidentally had found each other again at lunch. 

Actually it wasn't that coincidental. Their daily routines didn't vary all that much as there were only a few spots they'd deemed safe enough to hang around in, thus you could pretty much guarantee everyone would only be in a few select places. 

"You done?" Minho asked, looking down at Sunyoung who was still sitting on the curb, his hands outstretched for the empty packet in front of her. 

"Oh yeah." she said, handing it to him and watching as he wondered to a trash can, smiling at her when he noticed she was looking. 

"I'm not a litterbug." he said, as if answering a question that hadn't been asked. 

"You are." Jonghyun corrected, turning to Sunyoung, "If you could've seen our derelict shithole...seriously...it was trash central." 

"Yeah well we were all a bunch of addicts back then weren't we?" Minho snapped, a little embarrassed he'd been so blunt around Sunyoung, whom he was still subconsciously trying to impress. 

"You're still a bunch of addicts." Sehun mumbled, the first time he'd spoken that whole morning. He wasn't even standing that close to them, instead leaning on the side of a building by the street, looking away and apparently in his own little world. 

"Worse addicts then." Minho insisted, perching himself beside Sunyoung on the curb whilst Jonghyun remained standing, picking at his nachos distastefully. 

"And we have Newbie to thank for that." Jonghyun piped up, receiving a short, sharp glance from both Minho and Sehun. "What, we do?! If he hadn't pushed Taemin so hard to give it up...then none of us probably would have." 

"It was Onew's death that got us to finally try." Minho cut in, "Not Newbie. Why are you sticking up for him anyway?" 

Sunyoung sighed as she noticed Sehun tense. The poor kid looked so crushed and who could blame him. Key, the guy who'd saved him, wanted Jongin, his best friend, out of the group forever after a horrible wife beating incident, that he didn't even know was forgivable anyway. 

"I'm sticking up for him because someone fucking needs to." Jonghyun hissed, sick and tired of this pointless debate. "Don't you remember when I was the nut case?" 

"You never hit anybody." Minho said. 

"Yeah well. That doesn't matter." Jonghyun insisted, "It still doesn't mean we should kick him out." 

"I know." Minho said, a little techily, "I never said we should kick him out, that was your boyfriend. I just think we shouldn't be sticking up for him right no-" 

"Will you guys shut up!!!" Sehun finally blew, "You're such fucking gossips! Nobody knows what happened and we don't deserve an opinion about it ok?! OK?!" 

With that, the kid went careering down the empty street, crossing the busy road at the end dangerously fast before he was almost out of sight. 

Jonghyun decided to take it upon himself to go after the kid, leaving Sunyoung and Minho sitting on the curb, confused and a little ashamed by the kid's outburst. 

There were a few moments of awkwardness so Minho took out a cigarette, offering the packet to Sunyoung who declined. She'd smoked a few times in the past, done a bit of weed and whatever but it wasn't her thing. Unlike most who used to it escape their problems, it actually had the opposite effect on her. Even when she drank, her mood became horribly low. 

"...So what do you think about what's happened?" Minho asked, deciding he wouldn't light the cigarette because else they'd be talking in a cloud of smoke and apparently that's rude according to Key. 

"...he literally just told us not to gossip." Sunyoung said sharply, although couldn't hide her amusement. 

"Well he's gone now hasn’t he?" Minho said, smiling cheekily. 

Sunyoung laughed. Minho was certainly not what she'd been expecting from their first few meetings. He'd so quickly changed from her initial first impression that he was nothing more than a reckless idiot, then to him being the quiet authoritative figure in the corner who didn't contribute all that much, to now this. She'd been wrong about what he was like. He was actually warm and a lot less harsh than she'd first thought, and although there was always this strange dark aura to him, it was clear he was actually quite soft. 

"I don’t know." Sunyoung said after a minute of thinking, "...I mean hitting Taemin is awful but he can be real difficult so..." 

"He can." Minho agreed. 

"And from what I've seen of...'Newbie'..." Sunyoung continued, lifting her hands up into air quotes, "...he's not a bad guy. So yeah. But anyway Sehun's right and it's none of our business." 

Minho pulled a face, "I think it's our business." he said, "I think everything you see or hear is your business." 

"...Really?" 

"Well...in a way." Minho replied, "Like if something bad is happening and you can stop it, even if it's not your problem then you're a dick if you just let it happen." 

"That's an interesting perspective." Sunyoung scoffed, pausing because mentioning Taemin so much was bringing up a burning question she'd wanted to ask for so long. "...Are you even gay?" 

If Minho had been drinking anything, he'd have spat it out all over her. As it was he practically spluttered out his own spit. "Where did that come from!?" 

Sunyoung burst out laughing, "Oh come on!" she pushed, "You can't blame me for wondering. Taemin told me you two had a thing so forgive me if I-" 

"We did not have a thing!!" Minho screeched, shaking his head in disbelief that his stupid best friend would go around telling people that. "Our 'thing' was no more than a couple of rounds of...well you know." 

"...I'd say that classifies as a thing." Sunyoung stated, her lips twitching up involuntarily at that over the top reaction. 

"Well it doesn't!!" Minho insisted, "No. Ew. I'd never, ever think of Taemin like that for real. Ew. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww." 

"It's a good job he can't hear you right now." Sunyoung continued to smirk. 

Minho decided to pull himself together. "...Sorry it's just. No. I love him as a friend and yeah we slept together a few times in the dark ages but that's it." 

"Ok." Sunyoung said, smiling innocently, "...I think I touched a nerve." 

"You didn't!" Minho squeaked, a little too quickly, his voice embarassingly high again. "...I just wouldn't want you to think, well you know." 

"What?" Sunyoung asked, playing dumb. 

"That I only swing one way." Minho said bluntly. "Cus I don't." 

"Ok." Sunyoung said again, looking away and grinning to herself because this was too funny. "...Thanks for coming to get me by the way." she said, after a short pause, "Have I ever really said that?" 

"...You said it at the time." Minho smiled, "But not since." 

"Well thanks." Sunyoung said, allowing herself to stare into his eyes, "Being hostage to two idiots was the best thing that's happened to me in a while." 

Minho smiled back, allowing himself to put that arm around her which now finally, didn't seem all that weird. 

\--- 

Sugar was waiting outside the bushes for Taemin when he got back after work around 1am. It actually made his insides feel like they were melting, seeing the little cat looking so pleased to see him. Her tail was literally quivering with excitement as she nose bunted his hands, rubbing all around his legs. She was exactly what he needed after such a horrible few days and he knew she felt the same. This was probably the highlight of her day, having fusses with him. Taemin wasn't ashamed to say it was the highlight of his, too. 

It was so odd how affectionate she'd become. It just went to show, if you're patient and don't push, then it'll all be alright in the end. Or at least that goes for making friends with antisocial kitties anyway. 

It hadn't been nice trying to explain his eye at work. He'd said that he'd fallen down which was possibly the worst lie he'd ever told and clearly no one believed him. He'd lied a lot recently though, so supposed you only have so many good ones in you. 

Everyone was sleeping in strangest arrangement he'd ever seen as he made his way through the tangled bushes towards the underhang. To his immense relief, Jongin was there with his head definitely not ripped off, but no one was sleeping in their usual places at all. 

He shouldn't have been surprised given the circumstances but it was still weird to see; Key on the far end curled up in a sleeping bag with Sehun to his left, Chanyeol and Baekhyun in the middle (who Taemin hadn't seen in fucking forever as they didn't always sleep here), followed by Sunyoung and Minho almost looking like they were cuddling under a mountain of coats. Holy crap were those two getting close fast. But every relationship happened kinda quickly out here, or in Taemin's experience anyway. They were with each other 24/7. You couldn't hide anything and had no choice but to let it all hang out. It meant you got to know each other fast and relationships became intense way too soon. 

Taemin felt a pang of pain as he looked still further left, a good few meters away from the rest of the group to where Jonghyun, and finally Jongin were both resting. It was kind of brutal how they'd been so obviously shoved to the corner and Taemin almost felt angry but then again, maybe it was actually guilt he should be feeling seeing as this was all over him really wasn't it? Damn. It was the fucking Taemin show. 

Picking up a discarded sleeping bag (not his own but nobody was gonna care), he had a dither about where he should settle himself, very grateful for Sugar still softly rubbing around his legs. Her purr was the loudest he'd ever heard. 

Reluctantly he wandered over to the gap in between the two groups and plonked himself down there, Sugar curling up at his feet. He hadn't realized until that point that Chanyeol was actually awake and staring at him in amusement, only just seeing the black eye as Taemin turned his phone on silent and the bright light illuminated his face. 

"Shhiiit!!" The boy gasped, startling Taemin who looked up in fear, blinking a few times. "What the fuck happened to your eye?!" 

Taemin shrugged, "You should see the other guy." he mumbled, making sure to keep his voice hushed. 

Chanyeol laughed softly. "That's nothing anyway." he snorted, then pulled up his coat all the way above his tummy button, revealing a bruise that did indeed make Taemin's owie look like fucking nothing. 

"Oh my god!" Taemin squeaked shrilly, "How'd that happen?!" 

Chanyeol shrugged just as the blonde had done to him. "Street life. You know." 

Taemin nodded. "...Say..." he started, unsure how to ask this, "...where do you two go when you're not around here? And like you had those other friends but they're not here a lot either...? What's the deal?" 

Chanyeol looked blank for a second making Taemin wonder if he'd just offended the kid but apparently not. "...We tend to not sleep in just one place, move about you know? It's safer if you owe people...money..." 

"You're in debt?" Taemin asked. It wasn't uncommon so he wasn't surprised. 

"A lot of debt." Chanyeol nodded, "A hell of a lot." 

"...ehh." Taemin sighed, not really knowing what to say to that. "You know we're gonna get this trailer soon, don't you?" 

"...Yeah?" 

"Well you two are welcome to come join us if you wanna." Taemin said, honestly meaning it. 

Chanyeol chuckled softly, "Naahh, it's ok. 9 people crammed in a trailer doesn't sound so much fun now does it?" 

"9's not that much different from 7." Taemin said, "And it's gotta be better than out here." 

"Yeah well no offense." Chanyeol said cheekily, "But me and Baek have been talking and we just can't take any more of your fucking drama." 

Taemin had to bite his lip not to cackle at that comment. "There's a lot of drama around here." 

"Yeah." Chanyeol agreed, "Hanging out with you guys is exhausting, I don't know how Jongin does it...no offence. But thanks for the offer though, maybe we'll come visit you in your 'mobile home'." 

"Mobile home." Taemin repeated, "How posh." 

"Right." 

Taemin went to sleep that night dreaming of showers and microwaves, no really, he was just imagining what the inside of their new little home would look like. The nice thoughts were almost making him feel better about the whole Jongin thing. Almost. 

He'd just have to try not to think about that, shut it out and move on because he was sure he was doing the right thing, and that taking a break from the intensity of their relationship was the only way to make this better. 

So why did he miss those cuddly arms, the smell of fast food and Jongin's soft breathing tickling the back of his neck? Why was it so fucking hard to lie here on his own? 

No. He wasn't alone. He had Sugar. 

\--- 

The next day was Saturday, so after the mandatory spice fix (Minho, Taemin, Jonghyun & Key all still needed a good wack of it to wake them up), nobody had anywhere they needed to be. 

The atmosphere couldn't have been tenser if it tried and Chanyeol and Baekhyun excused themselves within moments of waking up, sensing the horrible awkwardness in the air. 

Strangely, Sehun looked almost as upset as Jongin did, and both boys were very obviously avoiding eye contact with everyone else. Jongin actually looked on the verge of tears again, his lip wobbling every couple of minutes pitifully, but he kept his head down in the hope that no one would notice. 

Key was exactly the opposite, glaring at whoever dared to look at him murderously, especially Jonghyun and Jongin- the two J's most definitely in the dog house. But at least he seemed to have *sort of* accepted that they weren't kicking Bie out anytime soon so that was probably all anyone could hope for. Being outvoted by fucking everyone didn't exactly put you in a sunshiny mood though. 

Minho and Sunyoung chattered to themselves as everyone packed away, and apart from Sugar's loud hungry miow's everyone else stayed silent. 

Taemin felt exhausted by the last few days they'd had. He wasn't even that emotional about it, still in that weird numb state. All he knew was that the whole group just desperately needed a break from any kind of drama, and if being apart was the only way that was gonna happen, he'd just have to bare it. 

His eye fucking hurt too, more than yesterday, and he needed to get to a bathroom quick because instead of tears, sleep seemed to have glued it together all over again. God, being homeless was so gross sometimes. 

Once they were finally out of station and past the bushes onto the screaming street, Minho plucked up the courage to talk, oh so casually putting an arm around Sunyoung as he began. 

"So Key." he said, making everyone stop in their tracks because it was like a weird no speaking rule had just been broken. 

"What." Key snapped, clearly so not in the mood for whatever he was going to be nagged about. 

"This trailer." Minho announced, as everyone gathered around the two nosily, forming a circle bang in the middle of the road. It was a good job this street was quiet else they'd have been squashed like bugs 10 times by now. 

"What about it?" Key hissed. 

"Well I'm guessing we only have, what, a few weeks to go maybe and then we'll have enough? When do you get your paid?" he asked, turning to Taemin and then Jongin, who shuffled backwards and immediately looked away. 

"On Fridays." Taemin plucked up, "Bie too, but only every 2 weeks so..." 

"Well ok." Minho interrupted, "So that means maybe, what, 4 weeks and we might have enough?" 

"...Yeah, if we're really tight on food and er...spice and shit." Taemin nodded, as everyone else stayed silent. 

Jongin trailed his gaze up for a millisecond to look at the blonde, examining the black eye guiltily before turning away immediately when he noticed Key scowling at him. 

Minho tutted at the lack of communication, amusing seeing as he was usually the silent one. 

"Annoying isn't it?" Taemin sneered. 

"What?" 

"When people don't talk that much." The blonde smirked. 

Minho ignored him. "So don't you think we should go fucking see this place?" he snapped, directing it at Key, "Like we're about to spend everything cent we have on this place...we need to see it right?" 

"...The guy seems legit." Key mumbled, "But I guess you're right." 

"You GUESS I'm right?" Minho repeated, shaking his head in despair. His friends were fucking idiots this morning, even more than usual. "We're spending EVERYTHING we have on this, everything we've saved for months...what if it's a shithole?" 

"I saw a few pictures on his daughter's phone." Key replied, his eyes bored as he crossed his arms, "I don't wanna piss them off by seeming pushy." 

"Pushy is your middle name Kibum." Minho hissed. 

"...It has a fridge apparently." Key replied, as if that somehow made anything better. 

"Does it?" Taemin squeaked, "A real fridge?" 

"No a fairy fridge." Key hissed, "Yes a real fridge you twat. And a microwave. Apparently." 

"A MICROWAVE?" Taemin squealed, suddenly feeling over excited, "That works?!" 

"I DON'T KNOW." Key shouted, and the blonde decided to shut up cus it was obvious his friend was in an even crazier mood than usual. 

"Minho's right though." Jonghyun cut in, a ditch attempt to end this madness. "We need to see it, do you have the guy's number?" 

"I have his daughter's number." Key grumbled, still refusing to look at his boyfriend, and scrounging around in his pocket for a scrap piece of paper. "Gimme your phone." he said, to no one in particular, putting out a hand expectantly. 

Taemin was about to offer up his but Minho got there first, muttering a quiet "Don't go through the pictures" before dumping it in his friend's hand. 

Key pulled another bored face, replying an equally hushed "no one wants to see your nudes frog boy" before dialing and walking away a few paces because apparently conversations between him and trailer sellers were private. 

"What do you think it'll be like?" Sunyoung asked, as Key started talking, "Is it like, in a park or...? Is it one you can drive or...? How big do you think it'll be...?" 

"This is why we need to see the damn thing." Minho answered, "'Trailer' could mean anything and we don't wanna get our hopes up too soon." 

Taemin noticed Jongin cringe at that comment, and so desperately wanted to comfort the poor guy but decided against it. Space was for the best and he was still torn in two anyway, yet strangely the anger he felt was very little. It was more just the need for peace that was important now. 

"Hey how'd you think we're gonna take Sugar?!" Taemin gasped suddenly, a horrible thought dawning on him. "We don't have a cat carrier and she'll scratch the shit out of me if I try and hold her all the way." 

"...we're taking the cat?" Minho asked tactlessly, "Another mouth to feed, really Minnie?" 

"She's my kitten!" Taemin screeched, definitely not feeling numb about this issue, that's for sure. 

"...we could just put her in a cardboard box." Jongin piped up, the first time he'd spoken that morning. It made everyone twist their heads round in shock to look at him, making the situation even more awkward. "...or a crate." he added quietly. 

"Won't she suffocate?" Taemin asked. 

"Airholes idiot." Sehun snapped, the first time he'd spoken too and it received the same awkward reaction. "She won't like it but it won't hurt her." 

"Ok..." Taemin said reluctantly, looking back to where Sugar was washing a couple of meters away. He didn't know why he'd become so attached to her but it was almost as if she was the only thing in his life that wasn't utterly fucked up. 

"You do realize you've been replaced by a cat in like, a day." Sunyoung said bluntly, turning to Jongin with a blank expression on her face. 

Minho laughed, "Key'll buy a poodle next to replace Jjong." 

Both J's scowled as Key marched back, shoving the phone in the vague direction of Minho before turning to Taemin. "To answer your question, yes it has a microwave that works." he said, pausing for a second after as if that was bigger news than it actually was. Everyone's expectant looks said it all so he continued, "I didn't speak to to guy, just his daughter. But she told me the address so we can go look at it this afternoon." 

"Address!? So that means it's in a proper trailer park...?" Taemin practically squealed, only to be interrupted. 

"Won't we need a key?" Minho asked, "No offense but I don't think you'll do." 

"Er no..." Key mumbled, "Apparently thelockisn'tsogoodsoyoucanjustwalkin. But we can fix that!" 

"Okaaay..." Minho said, skeptically. "So we'll all meet later around 4 and go see it? Do you know anything else about it?" 

"...It's 25 years old apparently." Key said. 

"That's old for a trailer...right?" Taemin asked, all of a sudden feeling very worried about this deal himself. They'd all been so rash about this good news and now the reality of it was just starting to dawn. 

"That's like my age!" Key snapped. 

"I didn't say it's old for a person!" Taemin squeaked, "God! You have fucking pms today!" 

Key gave him a look which said; don't fucking push me right now, before folding his arms and huffing. 

"Old or not." Jonghyun cut in, "It has a roof and that's better than...not having a roof." 

"It does have a roof doesn't it?" Sunyoung asked tactlessly, regretting it as soon as Key turned his death stare to her instead. 

"Ur I think we all better go now." Jonghyun said quickly, breaking it up as usual. "Wanna hang out with me today?" he asked, turning to Jongin, then Sehun who both remained silent. 

"See you guys later." Minho said swiftly, putting an arm around Sunyoung again and walking off. Taemin felt like swearing as he watched his supposed bff leave just like that, but then again he guessed it was a good thing that at least 2 of them were in a happy-ish relationship. 

"Come on." Key hissed, grabbing Taemin's arm to drag him away as well, "Let's go clean up that fucking eye." 

Taemin let himself be dragged, looking back hopelessly at the little crowd left in the middle of the road, Sugar right behind them still washing. Standing there, Jongin looked so lost, so broken. He was just a little kid sometimes, it was the weirdest thing. Taemin missed him already. 

\--- 

As opposed to most days recently which had whizzed by almost too quickly, this one was a total drag. Whilst Sunyoung and Minho were off happily cozying around together and Taemin and Key having their little daddy daughter day out (wtf), it left Jonghyun, Jongin and Sehun completley stranded and boy was it awkward. 

Jonghyun was trying his best to brighten the mood, but even he was feeling a bit down seeing as Key was being so feffing tetchy with him. He was used it though, after all being with someone like Key wasn't always a smooth ride so he wasn't worried. They were solid, always had been, always would be and tiffs just happen sometimes. 

It was nothing like what Jongin was dealing with. What's that story again? About the wise man who built his house on the rock? Well it doesn't matter. Jongin was the fucking stupid idiot guy who'd built his whole world on the sand, and now it was crumbling. 

It wasn't like he didn't understand what Taemin meant about just being friends, how their relationship had become too intense and they needed to cool it. He got how that made sense...it's just it was the last thing he wanted when everything in his head was all mixed up, nothing was stable, everything was chaos. 

"...why did you do it?" Sehun asked, very suddenly, after a good hour of silence apart from the odd Jonghyun witter. 

They'd settled themselves on some steps in the town center, waiting anxiously for the afternoon to come when they'd be able to see their hopefully new home. It was busy and bustling but the hum of people was kind of nice in a way. It helped drown out the endless worrying. 

Jongin snapped his head up to Sehun, who was sitting a good few steps up, his head leaning on the metal pole acting as a banister. 

He had no idea what to say to his friend because what happened between him and Taemin, as he always said, was no one else's fucking business. But he supposed this occasion was a little different. Sehun was obviously going to have a complex about violence, as did Jongin, both coming from abusive homes. 

There was a long, ominous pause before Jongin finally decided he owed his friend an explanation, whether it was his business or not. "Because I'm a horrible person." he said bluntly, no sarcasm in his words even if that's how it came out. 

Jonghyun rolled his eyes, "Newbie, come on, we've been over this." 

"But why did you do it?" Sehun asked, remembering how he'd stuck by Jongin throughout the whole wall smashing stupidness, "...like it wasn't an accident this time right?" 

"No." Jongin said truthfully, turning away from his friend to stare into the distance. "I lost control and hit him. There's no story to this Sehun. I get it if you don't wanna be my friend anymore. I wouldn't either." 

Sehun rolled his eyes just as Jonghyun had done a few seconds ago. What was with this guy lately? "...Of course I'm not saying that." he tutted, shaking Jongin's shoulder so the guy would at least look at him whilst they were talking. "And come on there must be a story...It was Taemin who rented right? So that's why? Is that the only reason...like did he provoke you?" 

Sehun honestly didn't know why he felt so desperate for the details, it's just he couldn’t make sense of this at all. It was important to him that he got the story straight so he understood at least. He couldn't bare it if Jongin actually didn't have a reason and really was this out of control lunatic everyone seemed to make him out to be. 

"The 'story' is no one else's business!" Jongin snapped, "It doesn't matter ok? I don't care what you think of me...I'm done." 

"Well you should care what we think of you!" Jonghyun interrupted, half joking, "It's not just Taemin's opinion you should care about and maybe talking would help. The only person you ever open up to is Minnie and let's face it, he can be shit with this stuff sometimes." 

"He's not." Jongin snapped again, still refusing to make eye contact, "You don't know him like I do. He can actually be really wise about shit sometimes. And I don't need to use my friends as my therapist ok? I'm fucking fine." 

"You're not." Sehun pushed, "And we're not saying we want to be your therapist, we're just saying that you always tell us it's 'none of our fucking business' and then what are we suppose to think? And how are we suppose to help if you're not doing so good?" 

"Think anything." Jongin huffed, "I don't deserve your help. It's better not to talk." 

Jonghyun laughed, "And just deal with everything by yelling and fighting? GOD you sound so much like how I used to be..." 

Sehun suddenly felt intrigued, "How did you used to be? Like you always say shit like that but I can't imagine you nuttier than Key." 

"I was though." Jonghun said lightly, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and offering one to Sehun, who declined, and Jongin who gladly took one. "Growing up in care fucked me uupppp and when we were first on the streets, well that was it. I was a wreck and I used to say awwwwful things to both Taemin and Key, spend the days crying and getting wasted. Life seemed so hopeless and I was the oldest so it was like all the responsibility was on me to make life better but I was a fucking failure. But then we met Onew and it got a bit better." 

"...yeah?" Sehun asked. He always wished he'd been around to meet this Onew guy. It was like he was a legend or something. 

"Yup. He'd been sleeping rough a lot longer and knew how to survive so he helped look after us." Jonghyun continued, "It wasn't just that though. We became really close and he helped me...let go of all the shit that had happened." 

Sehun nodded and turned back to Jongin who'd stopped staring away and actually seemed like he was listening. Letting go was a foreign idea to Jongin but it sounded like heaven if only it were possible. 

"Please tell us what happened." Sehun said softly, and Jongin looked up towards him, a calmer expression on his face. 

Jongin sighed loudly and took a drag of his cigarette. He had no ifuckingdea how telling them embarrassing shit about private things was going to help him let go in anyway, but it was worth a shot. "He just...I dunno...well he told me to hit him." he started, bringing the cigarette up to his lips again quickly. 

"He what? That's so messed up!" Sehun squeaked, relief flooding over him because of COURSE Taemin was being Taemin and duuuuhhh Jongin wasn't a violent wife beater like his dad. 

"Yeah well he didn't mean it. He just gets like this when he's mad." Jongin mumbled. "So I'm still a fucking asshole to actually do it." 

"I bet he imitated you." Jonghyun cut in, unable to contain his amusement even though this conversation was on the heavy side. "Like I fucking hate it when he does that. The amount of times I've been in an argument with him...or actually no not even him. If say, me and Key are fighting about something and Tae just happens to be there, he'll watch like it's the most fascinating thing and imitate the things we say in a fake baby-voice. It drives me nuts." 

Jongin held in a snort. It was scary how well they knew each other. "He did that." he said, "He was all 'boo hoo I'm poor ickle bie' blah blah blah." 

"Ugh god." Sehun said, shaking his head. "So immature." 

"Well I wasn't exactly 'mature' myself." Jongin carried on, strangely finding it a lot easier than he'd thought to tell them about something which he'd presumed would be too painful to talk about. 

"I bet you weren't." Jonghyun interrupted again. "With your ridiculously loud shouts and attempts to pull out your own hair." 

Jongin stared in shock at that incredibly blunt statement. Apparently Taemin wasn't the only one they knew well. 

"Yeah right!" Sehun agreed, "Why do you do that?" 

"Do what?!" 

"When you get stressed you pull at your hair." 

"...Do I...?!" 

"All the time." Jonghyun cut in, "It's annoying." 

Jongin really hadn't even realized he did that, so did nothing but stare back at his friends blankly until Sehun interrupted the silence. 

"So how'd you leave it?" he asked, "With Taemin I mean?" 

Jongin suddenly looked uncomfortable again and almost went to his reflex answer of 'this is none of your business' but decided against it. "...We're over." he replied sadly, "For now anyway." 

"Oh man." Jonghyun sighed. "That sucks." 

"Yeah." 

"I think it's a good thing." Sehun piped up. 

"You would." Jongin muttered, a little grumpier than he'd intended it. It was bizarre because as much as he was all too aware of Taemin's flaws himself, he still felt very tetchy and overprotective nonetheless. 

"No no no." Sehun said quickly, "Space I mean...space is good." 

Now it was Jongin's turn to roll his eyes. "You sound like Taemin." 

"Well they're right." Jonghyun cut in again, "This might sound stalkerish of me but, well you two became so close waayy too fast and from the outside, your whole relationship has just looked like one disaster after another, in between small periods of time when you're unhealthily attached to each other." 

"That did sound stalkerish." Sehun commented, as Jongin stayed silent. 

"Don't get me wrong like I'm not saying you should break up for good or anything." Jonghyun carried on, "It's just space has it's plus sides." 

"But why..." Jongin started, wondering if he could say this, "Why does space have to mean not being together? Why is being friends any different if we still love each other? That just doesn't make sense to me." 

Jonghyun paused for a second to mull on that. "Being a couple and being friends is very different, like remember how you guys were before...? And anyway, right now, I think you could just use some good friends." 

Sehun nodded. 

The conversation trailed off into other things from there; the stupid hat some kid was wearing, how the steps were strangely comfier than the cardboard they slept on and how weird it would be to see their trailer this afternoon. 

It had been very, very weird for Jongin to talk about stuff like this with other people, people who weren't Taemin. And although he still felt extremely upset, the row did seem like a slightly smaller deal now- or at least not the complete end of the world anyway. Sometimes he guessed just letting even the smallest of your thoughts out, helps you see perspective or whatever that word is. It made him genuinely wonder, maybe letting go wouldn't be so hard after all. Or even if it would be hard, maybe he could do it. 

And how fucking great would that be? A world where his insecurities didn't haunt him, where he wasn't constantly tortured by the past, by everything they'd been through and by all his stupid complexes. It would exactly what he needed, what they needed. It would be freedom. 

\--- 

 

Waaawaaa boohoo ;_;   
And we only have 1 more chapter to go*sobs*; I'm still experimenting with a sequel though but idk!! I want the characters to grow and get better so there'd probably be less drama and I don't want it to become boring. If I don’t do a sequel I'll still post the little extras and maybe do a 2 years latrrrr. Sorry to be like this every week xD I'm always like 'idk wot im doin'~ it must be frustrating xD 

So I really hope I made Taemin's motives clear for this chapter!! o.o I want this break up to be seen as a good thing, even though I know it sucks! But although Jongin is in too much of a state to realize that at the moment, I think it'll allow him to heal better if he has less pressure (lol am I taking this too seriously again im sorry I cant help it xD sometimes I look back at my author's notes and just cringe though ahaaaxD) 

As allwayz, U guyz r so gr8 ;_; !! I honestly look forward to hearing from you every week, im really not just saying that~  
Byeeeeeeeeeeee <3   
*chaching lotto hip thrust* *or not* 

P.s. Sugar is my new favorite, xD it's gone from key to taemin to jongin to key to sehun to key and now the cat... I'm a favorite slut lolol, have any of yours changed? XD I'm gonna try and add a lot more of the others into the sequel if it happens. Im fed up of the taemin show lolol //whoamikidding


	31. Graduation: The Beginning

Taemin's morning had gone equally slowly, maybe even slower as there'd been no revelations on his part, that's for sure. He was still utterly exhausted so after he and Key'd been to a bathroom and unstuck his eyelid, they'd spent almost all of it half snoozing in a park. 

Actually Key interrupted the dozy peace every 10 minutes with the odd rant about how Jonghyun was an asshole for not siding with 'them', and when Taemin had tried to tell him that he wasn't mad anymore and just wanted everyone to be friends, it seemed to put Key in an even worse mood. 

It was ok. Taemin knew this was just Key's way of being protective, it was just what he'd always been like. There was probably no one on earth that would fight for him as much as Key would –well except Jongin maybe- and if anything, even though the stropping was wearing it came from love so he should be grateful. 

It was only for Minho and Sunyoung that the time whizzed by. It wasn't like they were serious (or at least for Sunyoung they weren’t, Minho pretty much had their wedding rings picked out) but they just got on so well that it didn't matter. In no time it was afternoon and everyone met up again as agreed, ready to inspect their new home and welcome in a better era. 

They arrived at the trailer park around 5, as it was a lot further away than expected. Only maybe a 45 minute walk but it was still way on the outskirts of town, in an almost semi-rural area. 

To say the park looked run down was a ginormous understatement. Most of the trailers were extremely dirty looking, the odd few even crumbling into ruins, with broken fences surrounding some, barbed wire others and occasionally just precarious piles of rocks creating barriers. 

Some of them looked ok though. There were a few that seemed like they'd been looked after, like they'd had time and money spent on them. Their paint looked newish and no windows were smashed, one of them even had a swing set in the front but it looked like it hadn’t been used in years. Taemin felt like jumping on it, he always loved swings when he was little, but thought that would probably be a bad idea. Better not piss off the neighbors before they'd even moved in right? 

So anyway, although some of them were nice, the taken care of looking ones were few and far between. Mostly, it was a bomb site. But a lot nicer bomb site than anywhere else they'd lived so it didn’t deter them. 

"Oh. Wow." were all the words Sehun could push out when they finally found their little spot of 'paradise', after a good 20 minutes of aimless wandering through the mess which was this place. 

Seeing it now, it was no wonder it had taken them such an age as it looked absolutely nothing like the picture Key had been shown, and all it's paint had been scratched off so there was no number on the side. 

On first impressions, it didn't look good. Size wise it was a lot smaller than they'd anticipated, especially Taemin who'd imagined something far bigger and was now feeling very relieved that Chanyeol said he and Baekhyun didn't want to come too. 

The size was the least of their worries though, what with most of the windows smashed, the walls peeling, the door hanging open off it's hinges and- 

"Was that a rat?!" Key squealed, jumping backwards onto Minho's foot. 

"Probably." Jonghyun shrugged, hopping over the makeshift rock fence, separating the small front garden like area from the track. Rubbish was scattered everywhere but some of it actually might be useful because there seemed to be a lot of scrap metal. 

"Sugar'll sort that out." Taemin piped up, trying to be helpful but only receiving the odd glare for his good intentions. 

"Aren't we gonna go in guys?!" Jonghyun urged, making his way through the grass, careful not to step on any metal and ignoring the rustling of rats until he was at the door. "It has a roof!" 

Taemin took a quick glance at everyone before following, letting his eyes linger on Jongin for a few moments before looking away as his ex noticed. It was sweet because Jongin actually made an effort to smile reassuringly back at him and it wasn't what Taemin had been expecting at all. It was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. 

Key barged his way in first, Taemin second to last. It was such a fucking squeeze with everyone inside, it was hard to move without bumping into someone. 

Unsurprisingly, everything inside was just as rundown as out. If the microwave worked, then Taemin was sure that would be the only thing that did. There were even cables hanging from the roof, and boy did it look unsafe. 

The best word to describe the place would probably be a tin can. The door opened to the living/kitchen area; to the left was a booth type thing to sit on with a tiny table in the middle, in front a grimy sink next to some cupboards and a worktop covered in dead bugs, then indeed- a fridge which looked about 100 years old. 

Taemin sqirmed his way past Minho to get to it, opening it up to find a not so friendly little spider dangling inside, making him yank himself backwards so hard he almost hit his head on the bathroom door. 

Yes. Bathroom. To the right of the entrance, there was the smallest room Taemin had ever seen, but inside it included a toilet, sink, and an effing shower. 

There was a little box on the wall, presumably the water tank's mechanisms so that was a plus. They'd put up with 1000 spiders in the fridge for running water. 

Then finally, to the far right there was another door leading to the back; a bedroom. And to say it was a bed-room was really very accurate because that's pretty much all it was. Taking up every inch of space and touching all four walls, was an actually quite large double bed, mattress and all, springs popping out at awkward angles. There was a small window the right of the little room that was completely smashed up and boarded so it was very dark but that didn't matter. 

After a good few minutes of shoving and squeezing past everyone trying to take the place in, someone finally spoke. 

"So er...well." Jonghyun said, plucking up the courage, "What do you think then guys?" 

Another few awkward moments of silence. 

"With a bit of paint and a some repairs..." he continued, not knowing what the end of that sentence was, "...And if the water tank works..." 

"It's a shithole." Sunyoung said bluntly, and Taemin almost sighed in relief because he was glad he wasn't the only one thinking that. 

He knew he was kind of being spoilt because man was this nicer than anywhere else they'd lived in fucking years, it's just when imagining the place he couldn't help getting his hopes up. The reality was quite a let down. 

"Not what I was imagining." Minho started, as if reading his mind, "Like where are the fucking curtains and little camper stove...?!" 

"This isn't the little house on the prairie." Sunyoung snapped, rolling her eyes, "But shit, I thought it would at least be a bit bigger? We're all gonna have to diet, seriously. Even you." she added, staring at the blonde pointedly. 

"Does it even have electricity though...?" Taemin asked, ignoring her and instead eyeing up the hanging wires above their head worriedly. 

"Stick your finger in a socket and find out." Key hissed, his bad mood still raging apparently. "Of course it fucking does. If the microwave works it does." 

Taemin squeezed past Sehun awkwardly to get at the kitchen area, flicking the plug behind the microwave to see if anything happened. Nothing did, but there was probably a box for the electricity as well that they'd have to try and work out, so it wasn't the end of the world. 

"Where are we even gonna sleep!?" Key shrieked, barging past everyone to the bedroom and standing on Minho's foot yet again, who held in the urge to shove him out the door. 

"...Well I guess Newbie and Ta-" Minho started, only to be cut off by Jonghyun widening his eyes and shaking his head manically as if that wouldn't make it even more awkward. "I mean the three Musketeers," he carried on quickly, (meaning Key, Jonghyun and Taemin), "Could sleep in bedroom and the rest of us could all just camp out here? If we got rid of this booth thing and the table then there's room for 4 people to lie down." 

Jongin stayed quiet throughout all this debate. A teeny tiny voice in his head was telling him that maybe it would just be better if he went away, then at least they'd have more room. But no. He was determined not to listen to that stupid side of himself anymore. These guys were still his family. It didn't matter that Key was crazy mad at him, it didn't matter that he wasn't with Taemin anymore...ok it did, it did a fucking lot but that's not the point. He belonged, and he wasn't so insecure he couldn't see that. 

"I'm kinda disappointed." Sehun sighed, scooching into the booth to save space, "This doesn't feel like a home." 

It was then that Key lost his shit big time and kicked one of the bottom cupboards so hard his foot literally went through. "This is NOT what I signed up for! This is not what the fucking picture looked like!" he cried, storming past Minho yet afuckinggain, then barging Taemin out the way to get to the door which he opened and slammed so hard the whole trailer reverberated. 

Everyone looked at each other for a moment before Jonghyun decided that was his queue and squeezed past everyone himself, out to where Key was stood at the bottom of the 'garden', his arms folded in a tight knot. 

"Bummie..." 

"Shut up!" Key snipped, yanking his shoulders away as he felt hands rest on them. He was utterly crushed by these last few days; Taemin being such a wreck after renting, then coming home with a fucking black eye, wanting Jongin out but not even having the support of Jonghyun who was suppose to back him up with everything. He almost felt betrayed. Jonghyun, Key, Taemin. They were the heart of the group and needed to stick by each other no matter what. Anyone who messed with that needed to expelled, not sympathized with. And now this, their new home which was suppose to be everything they'd dreamed about was actually a rusty old piece of shit. 

"It's not that bad." Jonghyun soothed, taking no offense to the shoulder yanking as he snuggled in for a back hug. Key didn't pull away this time. 

"I know but it's just...it's just...we deserve better!!" Key cried, clamping his eyes shut, "We've worked so hard for so long...and THIS is all we get? After everything that's happened..." 

"Shh I know." Jonghyun sighed, kissing his lover's shoulder, "But what were we expecting really, like we're still poor as shit and it's waaaaay nicer than a derelict shithole/bridge/carpark so..." 

"Yeah..." Key sighed, just slightly soothed by even the fewest of comforting words. "I'm still really pissed at you though, I hope you know that." 

"Don't worry, I know." Jonghyun scoffed, tightening his back hug. "I'm annoyed with you too." 

"Why are YOU annoyed with ME?!" Key squeaked, still not making an effort to pull away even though he was outraged. The contact was just too nice after such a horrible few days. 

"Cus you've been so fucking pissy with me and I don't deserve it." 

"You do!" Key hissed, shaking his head to an invisible audience, "You're standing up for a wife beater..." 

"Oh god not you too-" 

"...Someone who beats the shit out of OUR Taemin. Like what the fuck! Loyalties! Excuse me!" 

Jonghyun tutted and sighed, "First of all, Newbie didn't beat the shit out of anyone. And secondly, come on, you know why I empathize with him...he's like me. And it's not like he hasn't been a solid friend to us before this happened. You should cut the poor guy some slack. I thought you two got on better now?" 

"Yeah before he hit our best friend." Key snapped, "That kind of puts you off a person you know." 

Jonghyun sighed again and rested his head down on his lover's shoulder, still their back hug continuing throughout this bickering. "Well we're just gonna have to agree to disagree ok baby?" 

"I don't know if I can." Key huffed, "Seriously. I need to know you'll always have our back." 

Jonghyun couldn't help smiling at the phrase given their current position. "You know I will you big idiot." 

Key huffed again but didn't protest when Jonghyun leant around to plant a delicate kiss on the corner of his mouth. That was one of the good things about Key. However big of a state he was in, however crazy he seemed, it didn't usually take him too long to calm down and return back to the person Jonghyun loved most in the world. 

Jongin couldn't help himself watching from inside the trailer, staring in astonishment at the little scene in front of him. It was so weird to see a couple make up so quickly, to be able to argue and hug at the same time because both were so secure that everything was alright really. If only he and Taemin could get their shit together like that, be as stable. He guessed that's what they were trying with the whole break up thing; distance to make things less intense, more rational. Knowing they were doing the right thing still didn't make it hurt any less. 

One good thing though was that he actually wasn't feeling that bad about the place at all, or at least not disappointed like the other's anyway. It had a roof, running water, probably electricity so it meant a far easier life and waiting for something better just wasn't an option for Jongin. He was so desperate for somewhere to call home, that this was good enough...aaaas Taemin knew, which was why he'd rented himself out for this place. Oh god. 

A pang of guilt seeped into Jongin's heart at the thought. Even though it was surely a terrible thing to do, and Taemin had been completely wrong to break his promise like that, now Jongin's judgment wasn't clouded by rage it was easier to see why the blonde had done it. 

He knew if they had any hope of a future together as a couple, it wasn't just letting go of shit he had to work on, it was also forgiveness. And not just forgiving Taemin for the horrible things he'd done, but much more importantly, forgiving himself as well. But how the fuck was he ever going to forgive himself after the hell he'd put them through, the awful things he'd said, the fact that now everyday he had to look at a swollen eye he'd created? 

In the past when he'd hit his step brothers, when he'd seen their bruises afterwards he'd honestly felt satisfied. It wasn't often that he managed put a dent in one of them given two on one is never a fair fight, so on the rare occasion he'd actually won- he'd felt proud. 

Hitting, screaming, and just generally hurting someone you loved felt so different. He knew that would sound crazy to anyone, like- OF COURSE it would feel different but the thought just hadn't occurred to Jongin till now. The fights between him and Taemin hadn't gotten out any of his rage, they hadn't made him feel better in any way. They'd only made him a monster, just as bad as his step brothers, exactly who he didn't want to be. He didn't want to sting anyone anymore, and all he wanted was to go back to his true teddy bear self. 

\--- 

As Jongin was having meaningful, soul searching type thoughts, Taemin certainly wasn't. Sunyoung and him had shut themselves in the bedroom and were now bouncing haphazardly on the bed, making very sure to watch out for potential impalements from the loose springs. 

"Let's make a baby." Taemin grinned, very glad Jongin wasn't in earshot to hear that comment. He really had to stop saying shit like that but it was just such a habit to flirt with everything that moved. 

"Fuck, why are you so broody at the moment?!" Sunyoung retorted, "Besides, I don't like kids." 

"I'm not broody!!" Taemin squeaked, apparently taking offense to that first comment, "What the fuck? I'm a dude!" 

"I know but you and that cat..." Sunyoung started, pausing because saying something bad about Sugar meant the end of their friendship and she knew it. "...Well it's just like get a room...you treat her like your baby..." 

"Well she practically is." Taemin replied, not even a hint of sarcasm in his tone. 

Sunyoung gave him a blank, worn out look before, "Did you grow her in your tummy?" 

"YES." Taemin scowled. 

Rolling her eyes and deciding to give up, Sunyoung ended the conversation there before continuing to bounce, stopping suddenly when something small and creepy caught her attention. "AAHH!" she screeched, curling her legs up, "WAS THAT A COCKROACH?!" 

Minho came barging in not a second later, slamming the door open so hard one of the hinges broke. Not that it was properly screwed on anyway. "What's happened?! Are you guys ok?!" 

Taemin looked up at him with evil eyes, about to say something crude when he remembered the door was wide open now and Jongin would be able to hear everything. He really needed points for being a considerate little angel today. 

Minho knew exactly what the blonde was thinking so tutted at his friend, as he helped Sunyoung clamber off the bed and away from said cockroach. 

"Taemin seriously will you get off that thing." Sehun scolded, his nagging tone sounded so much like Key's normal voice it was creepy. He hadn't moved from his spot seated in the booth at the opposite end of the trailer, but could still see Taemin spread out on the mattress like an idiot. This place was so fucking tiny it was ridiculous. "You're gonna hurt yourself on one of those springs." 

"Oh my GOD." Taemin moaned, as Minho also helped him off too. Sehun was right though, the metal springs were poking up everywhere and they looked almost worse than the death spikes. Almost. 

Out of impulse Jongin almost blurted something like 'Fucks sake Minnie stop being a baby' but bit his tongue. It was already really hard getting out of the habit of talking to him like a boyfriend, and he often found himself forgetting for a millisecond and saying something hella inappropriate. 

Needing some air, he decided he'd had enough of the cramped trailer so started making his way to the door, only for it to swing open by Jonghyun and a slightly less grumpy looking Key, who scowled as soon as he saw Jongin. 

Sensing the tension, Jonghyun barged his way in first, smiling meekly as he cleared his throat. "So guys." he said, pausing to stare at Taemin who was now failing miserably at trying to get the spider out of the fridge, "...It's voting time." 

"Voting time?" Sehun repeated, scooching across as Sunyoung sat down in the booth next to him to create more standing space. There was hardly room to breathe with everyone inside the living/kitchen area at once. 

"To see if we're gonna spend everything on this place or wait for something better." Key clarified, adding a quiet, "duh" under his breath. 

Sehun nodded, "I vote no." he said, taking bluntness lessons from Sunyoung apparently. 

Jongin cringed at the doorway because that wasn't the answer he'd wanted or expected at all. Sure it was a shithole but it had a shower and fucking roof, hello. 

"Taemin didn't rent himself out again so we could just rot below the underhang any longer thank you." Sunyoung piped up, making Jongin cringe yet again, although at least she was talking sense. Taemin also felt very uncomfortable, glad his head was still in the fridge. 

"But Sun..." Minho started, embarrassing himself with a nickname the other's hadn't heard yet. "We're spending everything we have on this...if we've held out this long maybe we can wait just a bit longer...?" 

"No." Taemin snapped, finally catching the quick little spider and throwing the bastard out one of the smashed windows. "We can't wait. No more waiting." 

Jongin couldn't help but smile because he knew that was for him. 

"Yeah. We should take it." Jonghyun agreed, "I really don't see that there's anything to dither about here like...it's a home isn't it?" 

"But that's just it." Key interrupted, "It's not is it? I hate to say it but maybe the stupid frog is-" 

"Hey." Minho snapped. 

"-Right." Key finished, "I just don't know what to think anymore...it's not what I was hoping for..." 

"So you'd rather wash at the shelter and sleep behind a train station?" Sunyoung cut in, "This is madness!" 

"That's not what he's saying." Minho said, unusually softly. "It's just we can’t be rash and waste everything on something that's gonna fall apart-" 

"But my god guys think about it." Jonghyun interrupted, "What if we don't find anything better? I know it's not what we were hoping for but it's still a huge fucking step up and" blah blah blah. 

The bickering carried on for, no joke, around 30 minutes. With such different opinions and the feeling that their whole life rested on this one decision, it was turning into a fucking nightmare. 

"What do you think, Bie?" Taemin asked, extremely suddenly, making the whole room fall silent. 

Jongin looked up in shock, clearing his throat in the realization that he had the casting vote. Man, he didn't deserve it. 

"I don't think wife beater's really get a vote, do you?" Key spat, turning to Taemin with narrowed eyes. Apparently sweet conversations with Jonghyun only put him in a calm mood for all of 5 seconds. 

Taemin brushed the bitchiness off with a quick roll of his good eye, "No really." he insisted, "If me, Jonghyun and...er...'Sun'...want to get it and the rest of you cynics don't, then that leaves Bie as the only one who hasn't said anything and we should listen because he's fucking intelligent ok." 

Jonghyun had to hold in a snort because whilst that comment had clearly been intended as a compliment, it really sounded like a patronizing mother bigging up her retarded child. 

"So?" Taemin said, turning to Jongin and ignoring the funny looks he was receiving from just about everyone. 

For a second Jongin thought about bolting it. Being put on the spot like this when he was so obviously in the dog house was horribly unnerving. 

"...Well you all know what I want." he mumbled finally, having trouble holding eye contact with the blonde. 

Taemin nodded, returning the reassuring smile Jongin'd given him earlier, "That's it then. 4 against 3. We're getting this shithole." 

Key huffed loudly but surprisingly nobody disagreed. It was unusual and almost funny for Taemin to decide to take charge for once, but it didn't stop him being right. A close call like this didn't really have a right answer anyway, and everyone was torn in two no matter what side they were leaning towards. 

"So what number is it again?" Sunyoung asked, as the group's conversation diversified into other more mundane topics with the decision finalized. 

Jongin decided to slip out on the subject change. He was desperately trying not be a downer but his mind was just so messy. He was finding it hard to get anything straight; it's like this should have been one of the happiest days they'd had in forever and yet it was so screwed up by everything that had happened. 

At least a few things were clear. Like by some miracle, Taemin and his friendship hadn't been damaged beyond repair so he still had the person he loved the most by his side. And Jonghyun and Sehun's kind reassurances had at least made him feel a little better about life in general, and so he wasn't going to have another break down or anything. He still hated feeling like this though; so fuzzy and floopy and messed up. There was no proper word to describe it. It was if his brain was a doodle that went wrong, so someone just got a marker and started scribbling everything out until the page looked like Mr Messy. He guessed it would take time for it to untangle itself, but luckily they had plenty of that. Plus it wasn't like he was the same person that Taemin had found slumped in that alleyway. He'd learned a lot on the streets; mostly bad things, but there'd been some good too. Now he supposed he just had to learn how to filter out all the shit and only hold on to the good stuff. 

It was at that moment, that Jongin decided for the first time to try and actually let go, to leave all his mental baggage forgotten on the streets where it belonged. Everyone he loved was safe here, no one had been stabbed to death, no one was starving or freezing out in the cold, no one was selling themselves, no one was in prison. They'd made it out alive, well, most of them anyway. 

Of course anxieties and insecurities as deeply set as Jongin's don't just go away, and he wasn't so naive to think that they'd just go poof because he was ready to let them, but for the first time he could at least imagine the possibility that they would. Taemin had a point about this whole freedom thing. And whilst it may have meant something different to the blonde, it was still equally important for everyone to have their own form of freedom. 

Loud music was blaring from the trailer next door and it was strange to think they'd have actual neighbors soon. He hoped they weren't stuck up about homeless people. 

Although were they even homeless anymore? 

Fuck now that was an even stranger thought. He still felt homeless, messed up, whatever. But maybe he wasn't. At least he was on the path to something better now. 

He thought he'd escaped unnoticed but apparently not, as only a few minutes after he'd come outside, loud stumbling footsteps were heard as Taemin made his way out too. 

The front yard, if you could even call it that, was a total bomb site so Jongin had to stand right at the front, almost on the track to avoid tripping on any scrap metal. Taemin wasn't so cautious though and just came barging through, kicking anything that dared get in his way. 

"Hey you." he cooed, arriving to Jongin's right, his arms folded as the breeze gently blew his hair over his eyes, making wind chimes jingle somewhere near. 

Jongin looked down and made himself smile, so in need of a hug that it was hard not to throw himself at the blonde like a crazy person. "Hey." 

"It's amazing isn't it?" Taemin smiled, "This shithole's gonna be our shithole soon." 

"...Yeah." Jongin said, genuinely beyond relieved himself it's just he was so overwhelmed right now it was hard to show his true happiness. Expressing anything clearly when your emotions are this mixed up is almost impossible. "I feel kind of bad about...KeySe...Ho though." he added, his new ship name failing epicly. 

Taemin shrugged, knowing exactly what he meant. "The cynics'll soon get over it. They're being idiots living in a fairy world to think we'll be able to find anything better." 

"Living in a fairy world would be nice." Jongin blurted, wishing he hadn't because what the fuck was he saying. His brain really was Mr Messy today. 

Taemin laughed, mumbling, "gay" under his breath before doing something Jongin really, really hadn't expected and entwining their fingers together. "Friends hold hands." he said, answering the startled look on Jongin's face as he swung their arms back and forth. 

"I don't think they do Minnie." 

"Well maybe not just any old friends." Taemin insisted, "But best friends do." 

"...Minho's your best friend." Jongin blurted again, honestly feeling like he might just punch himself with these ridiculous comments. 

Taemin just continued to laugh. "He's been demoted." 

"What so it goes; Sugar, Me then Minho now?" Jongin asked, unable resist tightening their hands together. 

"Stop grinding my knuckles!" Taemin squeaked, pulling his hand away only to reconnect them a second later, "...and yeah pretty much. Although Sehun and me are becoming pretty close so." 

Jongin shook his head and looked off into the distance, nosily watching as an elderly man hobbled outside from his trailer to dump something in the trash. Oh scratch that, just in his yard too. 

"We're getting sidetracked but basically I just wanted to say..." Taemin started, making Jongin snap his head back, "That this is a new start for us, isn't it? For all of us." 

"Yeah." Jongin agreed, "I was just thinking that a second ago. Like, this is it; The End." 

"What are you talking about." Taemin scoffed, "There are no ending's in life, only beginnings." 

"Well ok." Jongin chuckled, letting himself smile and squeezing their fingers together a little tighter, making sure not to do any more knuckle grinding. 

"It's like, nothing really ends because life never ends...and everything can't come together all at once to make everything happy, good things always happen gradually right?" Taemin continued, not fully realizing that he and Jongin were on exactly the same page and there was no need for explanations. 

"I like it when you're in old wise man mode." Jongin blabbed, another comment he'd regret later. 

Taemin pulled his 4th evil face that day and pretended to stroke his imaginary beard. "I'm the brain and the beauty of this relationship." 

"...Then what am I?" 

"The stingerless bumblebie with a squishy butt." Taemin beamed, disconnecting their now very sweaty hands only to bend round and glance at Jongin's behind, patting it a few times for good measure. 

"Hey you're not allowed to do that anymore." Jongin tutted, grabbing Taemin's hand again as the blonde seemed momentarily distracted by something. 

"Do you hear that?" Taemin asked, after a couple of seconds of listening as the music humming from next door's trailer got a little louder. "I recognize it?" 

Jongin strained his ears too as he tried to pick out the lyrics, a small smile creeping onto his lips when he realized what the song was. "Newbie & Taeminnie's Day of fun redo." he announced, smiling even more at the confused look on his lov- friend's face. "Remember you took me to a club and I got annoyed because I thought shit was gonna go down but we actually just sat outside and listened to the music?" 

"Of course I remember." Taemin smirked, "I'd come off my high, hadn't I?" 

"Kind of." Jongin shrugged, adding a cheeky, "But I think you remember more than you let on from when you're high anyway." 

"Wot?" 

"You 'claim' you don't know what you've done when you're on spice but sometimes it's hard to believe you." Jongin teased. 

"...believe what you want." Taemin replied cooly, "I'm not a liar, Bie." 

Jongin almost wanted to groan at that comment but resisted the temptation, instead looking down at their connected hands swinging rather wistfully, really not wanting this tiny moment of normality to ever end. 

"Well it must be fate." Taemin said, coming back to the subject of the song still playing. 

"We don't believe in fate." 

"Is that the royal we?" Taemin scoffed, absentmindedly swaying his hips back and forth to the beat. 

"I think after everything that's gone down, we can both safely say none of it was 'meant to happen'." Jongin replied, joining Taemin in the hip swaying and making the blonde laugh because boy did he look like an idiot. 

"One day I'm gonna teach you how to dance." he said, moving to stand in front of Jongin and wrapping both arms around his neck, the latter returning by moving his hands to the blonde's hips. 

It felt so nice, Jongin almost didn't want to breathe, on edge that this beautiful moment might end at any time. 

"That is." Taemin carried on, "If you teach me how to punch." 

There it was. 

Jongin stopped swaying and but didn't remove his hands, suddenly looking down to the ground with guilt. As much as he was determined to move on, some things were still just too painful to be poked at so soon. 

Taemin rolled his good eye and leaned in closer, pulling Jongin's neck to rest their forehead's together. "Don't be a baby, babybie." 

"...but it's hard to look at you." Jongin mumbled, as Taemin's hands moved down to his hips to keep them both swaying. The song had changed by this point to something much more upbeat which didn't match the atmosphere at all. 

"Why?" Taemin asked cheekily, "I'm still gorgeous." 

"You're not." Jongin sighed, "Not with what I did to you." 

Taemin laughed, "I won't take offense to that." he said, but then noticed how sad the bear still looked and stopped joking around, "Sorry. I know you're trying to change. I can try too." 

He wasn't lying. He would try. He wasn't going to waste this time apart stagnating. And yes, he may have still been pretty self unaware sometimes, but he wasn't blind. He knew he had some serious issues, that he wasn't perfect, that maybe ok maybeeeeee he could be manipulative maybe sometimes maybe and that was something he could work on. AAand that Jongin, despite not being made out of china was still a lot more fragile than Taemin appreciated, and so constant remarks that pressed his buttons and riled up his insecurities weren’t the way to go. 

"You don't need to change." Jongin said finally, lifting his forehead up and jolting the blonde out of his thoughts. 

"Awhawww..." Taemin cooed, creasing again, "You don’t mean that but thank you." 

Jongin shrugged, "I guess I don't mean it." 

Taemin pulled them together again, changing position so one arm was around Jongin's neck, the other on his waist. It was an 'upy-downy hug' as he used to say as a child. "Let's just dance." he hummed, although let's face it, all they were doing was pointlessly swaying when really it was just an excuse to cuddle. "No more talking about deep shit tonight." 

"Ok." Jongin smiled, upy-downy hugging back and letting his body slowly melt into relaxation, being guided ever so gently by the blonde. "I wanna play on that swing set back there." he said, after a couple of moments of peaceful silence. They never lasted long. "Did you see it? It looked like it hadn't been used in yeaaars..." 

Taemin pretended he hadn't noticed it because teasing was more fun. "Such a child." he tutted, "I've no idea what you're talking about." 

"Liar liar pants on fire." Jongin scoffed, by this point losing the will to care that stupid things kept blurting out. "...Maybe we can actually get a shame shame jar now we're rich?" 

"RICH." Taemin repeated, way too loud in Jongin's ear. 

"You know what I mean." 

"I guess." Taemin shrugged, only just noticing the music had stopped and their swaying hadn't. "We're fucking millionaires compared to how we used to be…See? This is a new start. This is where our story really begins..." 

Jongin nodded, amused Taemin still felt he had to explain this point when they so obviously agreed with each other. It was cute, though. 

"...So everything that's happened is just the prologue nobody really gives a shit about. Nobody will remember this. Like in the future, we won't even be able to-" 

"I think I'll be able to remember." Jongin cut in, "I remember everything." 

"Yeah well fine, you'll remember, but you'll have moved on with your life so it won't hold you back. That's what letting go is...right?" 

Jongin smiled at those sweet, wise words. He really did love this version of Taemin whenever he decided to make an appearance. Among the blonde's many personality traits, this one was his favorite. It always seemed to make everything ok. This was the Taemin he craved, the comfort he always longed for. "I thought we weren’t talking about serious shit." 

"...I lied." Taemin smirked, "When you have an ass this hot it's hard for your pants not to permanently be on fire." 

"I see what you did there." 

After a few more moments of peaceful swaying (music now gone so they basically just looked like two lunatics in a yard filled with junk, hugging each other very strangely), Taemin pulled away, outstretching a hand as if he wanted it to be shook. 

Jongin just stared down at it blankly, slightly annoyed their hug had ended without warning because his middle name was clingy now and he'd accepted that a long time ago. 

"I'm Taemin." Taemin said brightly, hand still out as he stared up at a very confused looking Jongin, "It's nice to meet you." 

"What the fuck are you doing." Jongin said flatly, refusing to play whatever new, weird game this was. 

Taemin's face fell, mumbling a quick "just play along dickhead this is our new start" before brightening his expression again and beaming expectantly. 

Jongin rolled his eyes but decided to shake the idiot's hand anyway. He always had been a sucker for a cute smile, and that was one thing that would never change. 

"And what's your name?" Taemin continued, still insisting on playing this weird whatever it was. 

"I'm Bie." Jongin blurted, almost snorting afterwards because it was ridiculous but he felt like he'd introduce himself to anyone as that now. 

"That's an unusual name." Taemin said, their hands still connected even though the shaking had long stopped. 

"It is right?" Jongin smiled, "My best friend gave it to me." 

 

The Beginning. 

 

\--- 

 

Hey babiess!! ;_;  
Gawd I hope this wasn't too corny xD I tried really hard with this chapter given it's the last but I'm still not satisfied with it :') I just kept rewriting and rewriting because I felt like the tone needed to be just right but idk! Like I really wanted to get the balance between it being happy and hopeful but at the same time not go back on what I thought they'd really be feeling if that makes sense? Jongin's emotions especially are all over the place so I hope I made it clear D: He's really messed up still but at least he's out of his slump and can hope again~  
(also I should just apologize if it's checked badly! migraine's been a meanie this week *excusesexcuses*) 

O and I hope you guys won't be too upset that they're not a couple!! ;_; It's just halfway through writing this fic it dawned on me that I actually cared much more for the characters general wellbeing than the romance. I hope at least I've left it on a happy, uplifting note~  
And for Taebie, I feel like they got to know each other so unhealthily fast and their relationship got way too heavy way too soon so they really need a break from the intensity of it all. But now they're in a more settled living situation and are both making such efforts to grow and change, I know they'll be ok. 

I just can't believe this is the end ;_;  
I know it might sound crazy but one day it would just be like a dream come true to get this published! *.* like really my gawd~ xD  
But oh I do have the little extras written <3 They're really weird lol, one is about when I'm A Cyborg But That’s Ok Taemin meets Homelessons Taemin...idek :'), then there's one about their first night sleeping in the trailer and then the how I met ur minho flashbacks lolol. I still can't make up my mind with a sequel im so sorry someone slap me :') it would help if I could come up with some good trailer puns lolol xDD 

Well anyway xD if this really is the last I just wanna say thank you so so much for all the kind comments and everything!! ;_; life is really tough atm but they brighten my day no end <3  
*sorry no pity card* 

OK ;_; wow I'm rambling!! XD so anyhooo I'd loooove to hear anything you wanna say as always <3 even if you're pissed at me lol, that's ok ;D  
Bye bye sugar bears <3


	32. ExtraCred: I'm A Cyborg But That's Also Tae

(A/N: This is just a whole load of nonsense which won't make any sense at all if you haven't read my first fic so sorry about that!! xD but anyway! when homelessons taemin met cyborg taemin...o.o) 

Taemin ran through the park like lightning, so fast his heart was pumping in his ears. He was so fucking late and had no excuse either, or at least not one Jongin would understand; "I got held up puking cus I had 2 spliffs instead of 1 this morning", "Sugar had a runny eye and it could've been fatal so wtf was I suppose to do", "Sunyoung said I was broody again and we got into a huge fight about-" Nope. None of these would do. Besides, he didn't lie anymore, right? 

So he'd just have to reside himself that Jongin was gonna be pissed, but hopefully the bag of McDonald's in his hands would cushion the blow, that is if the poor bear wasn't still totally sick of junk food from work. But he'd bought a mcflurry too, and even had the courtesy to get it drizzled in raspberry syrup so he really deserved brownie points for that. Come on, you couldn't be mad at someone who brings you chips and ice cream. 

It was such a bitch that this park was so huge though, like who needs a grassy area this big? Stick a swing set and a bench in the middle of a garden and that’s what a park should be according to Taemin, not whatever the hell this labyrinth was. 

But at least he was almost there...or was he? 

The bench they'd arranged to meet on wasn't their usual, although no where around here was their usual as the trailer park was a whole lot further away from the station than any of them had predicted. Fuck, he might not be close at all, he might be seriously lost, he might get trapped wondering aimlessly in this scary park forever. Why weren't there any sign posts around here?! 

So freaking the fuck out over nothing, Taemin continued to race down the path with absolutely no direction, in too much of a crazy spin to realize he was being a drama queen. That was until, something stranger than himself caught his attention. 

On his hunt for anything to give him a notion of where they hell he was in this oversized maze, he couldn't help but notice a very weird looking boy, standing in front of a lamp post and seemingly...rowing with it? 

The boy had jet black, messy hair and was very slight, but still his cheeks were so plump and round that he could've passed for a 12 year old. Or maybe it was what he was wearing. He looked like he'd been dressed by his mother honestly; a stripey top 10 sizes too big, baggy jeans barely held up with a brown belt and some bright white sneakers. It was odd because despite all these things, he almost reminded Taemin of himself, or at least is younger, black haired innocent self anyway. 

Whatever. The loser was clearly a nut job and they couldn't take in anymore lost puppies. The trailer was jam packed as it was. 

He was just about to dismiss the freak and start running again, when the poor kid suddenly cried and kicked the lamp post in front of him, falling to his knees in fits of sobs. 

Taemin stopped running, sighed and turned back, shocked to see that in fact the strange boy seemed to have noticed him too. Going against all his better judgment, he slowly crept towards the kid, who was still slumped on the ground by the lamp post, giving Taemin the most confused and pained look imaginable. He was actually reminding Taemin of Jongin with that face now. 

"Er...hi..." Taemin said, staring down at the weirdo blankly, "You ok?" 

"No!" The boy shrieked, suddenly getting up and grabbing Taemin's arms as if he was pleading, a sob escaping straight after, "I...I...something awful has happened...something terrible...and the...and the..." he carried on, momentarily pausing as he turned to stare up at the lamp post, "...the FUCKING LIGHT won't even help!!!" 

Taemin almost laughed but held it in because this poor kid was obviously beside himself, and crazy or not he didn't deserve to be made fun of, especially if something awful really had happened. 

"...Are you homeless?" Taemin asked, as the weird boy's tears deteriorated into sniffles. 

"Homeless?" The boy squeaked, drying his eyes on his sleeve, "As in home-less?" 

"Yeah." 

"…Do I look homeless?" The boy asked, pure innocence in his eyes despite the blunt question. 

"….Well I dunno?" Taemin replied, looking the boy up and down and wanting to laugh again at the outfit. Despite looking weird though, it definitely wasn't his clothes that had made Taemin ask. The way the boy was acting, well...it was almost like he was high. 

"They're new." The boy announced, pointing to his sneakers proudly as he momentarily forgot what he was so upset about. 

"They're nice...?" 

The boy suddenly smiled, his cheeks puffing into cute little apples, "Do you want them?" he asked, noticing how manky this blonde stranger's shoes were. 

"I'm good." Taemin said, "...So what's the deal?...Where are your...um...parents?" 

The boy continued staring at Taemin's feet for a good few seconds before the question seemed to register. "I'm gay." he said brightly, answering the 'deal' question, "And my parents are at home...or at work...or maybe...not?" 

Ok now Taemin really did burst out laughing. "Fuck! Dude! What have you taken?!" 

"Taken?!" 

"Spice? Weed? Like what drugs are you ON?!" 

The boy thought about it for another few seconds, his gaze returning again to Taemin's worn out sneakers. "I had some paracetamol yesterday for a tummy ache?" he replied finally, smiling and adding, "I ate too many toffee candies..." 

"...I don't think that's it." Taemin sniggered, as the boy continued to eye up his shoes obsessively, "So what's wrong? Why were you so upset?" 

Like a switch had been flicked, the kid's demeanor changed from light to dark immediately, as if he'd just remembered all over again the hell that was happening. "I've lost-"he started, eyes rewelling and obviously unable to push the rest of the sentence out. 

"Your dog?" 

"No!" 

"Your phone?" 

"No!!" 

"Your wallet?" 

"No!!!" 

"Your favorite pair of socks...?!" 

"MY BUNNY." The boy finally screeched, breaking down all over again as he fell to his knees, a full on tantrum happening before Taemin's very eyes. 

Ok this kid was clearly insane, and in normal circumstances, Taemin would have probably just given up, shaking the poor dude off as just another homeless nut case. But not this time. There was just something intrinsically familiar about this kid which made him impossible to ignore. Plus, if Taemin'd lost Sugar he'd probably be breaking down just the same right now so he couldn't judge. "Ok so. Where did you last have him?" 

The boy stared up at Taemin, a sudden unexpected irritance in his eyes. "If I knew that I'd have him wouldn't I?!" 

Taemin shook his head in disbelief. High people were always so fucking annoying....oops. He probably couldn't judge there either. "I mean." he said sharply, "Where do you last remember having him?" 

"Oh." The boy replied blankly, pointing across the park to a bench in the distance, "Just over there." 

Taemin glanced at where the kid was pointing in utter bewilderment, "Why the hell do you bring your rabbit to the park..?" 

"I take my bunny to the park," the boy corrected, "Because the lights aren’t good company when I'm waiting for my boyfriend to come pick me up." 

Taemin had a hard time taking in that information, staring down at the black haired weirdo who was still slumped on the ground, but at least the tantrum seemed to be over. "...And why do you talk to lights?" 

The boy suddenly looked very embarrassed as he started fiddling with the laces on his sneakers. "I er...habit I guess," he mumbled, "I used to be a er...I mean I used to think I was a er..." 

"It's ok." Taemin shrugged, outstretching a hand to help lift the boy up, a small shiver running down his spine at the contact like he'd just touched a ghost. "I don't wanna know your life story." 

"Well good. It's boring anyway." 

"Dito." 

"So I guess I'll see you round then..." The boy said sadly, again seemingly to just reremember about the missing bunny. It was like he had the attention span of a 5 year old or something. 

"No no I'll help." Taemin piped up, deciding 'I was helping a kid find his rabbit' was actually an excuse even Jongin couldn't get mad at. If he believed him, that was. 

"You will?!" The boy squeaked, his face lighting up, "Ok!! Mission find Toki starts NOW!" 

Taemin nodded meekly, one eyebrow raising involuntarily as the boy got down on his hands and knees and started crawling aimlessly, every so often stopping at a lamp post to ask for it's help. 

Deciding just to go with it, Taemin started to follow, scanning all around for any signs of something small and hoppy. "So what does 'Toki' look like?" he asked, after a couple of minutes of poking his head inside bushes and getting twigs stuck in unholy places. 

"He's small..." The boy replied, still crawling around in front of Taemin as if that would actually help, "He's grey...he has a fluffy tail...he doesn't say much..." 

"Uhuh..." Taemin cut in, thinking it was probably a stupid thing to ask anyway. A bunny is a bunny is a bunny right? Although actually, if anyone dared to say Sugar looked like just any other cat, he'd probably rip their head off. "So you're waiting for your boyfriend?" he asked, as the kid finally stopped crawling and started staring up at the trees like there was a hope the bunny could have magically climbed up there. 

"…Yeahhhh..." The boy nodded, too distracted by his search to reply quickly, "...He's at college but his class over ran or something...I dunno...I wasn't really paying attention." 

"That's ok." Taemin chuckled, "It's in one ear and out the other with me too." he added, noticing the boy was still intently staring up at the tree branches. "Ur...I don't think bunny's can climb?" 

The boy snapped his head down to stare at Taemin like that was the most stupid thing anyone had ever said to him. "Of course they can't!" he squeaked, "I was playing catch with him!" 

"You were playing catch WITH him?!" Taemin gasped, suddenly feeling horrified that this kid was actually an insane bunny abusing freak. 

The boy was just about to reply when strange music came humming out of his pocket, lyrics which vaguely sounded like "My little pony, I used to wonder what friendship could be." 

Pulling out his phone, the boy literally tutted a few times when he saw who was calling him, glancing apologetically at Taemin before answering. 

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!" came a muffled shriek from the other end, just loud enough for Taemin to hear if he strained his ears. 

"Ow calm down Nini you're gonna hurt my eardrums." The boy replied casually, "Besides, that's not really the important question here is it? Didn't you get my text?" 

A long crackly sigh was heard from the other end, "Toki'll be fine!! He can take care of himself!" 

"He can't!" The boy snapped, "But's it's ok. I have a new friend who's helping me find him." 

Another crackly sigh, "Hunny I told you. You can't go around making friends with lights in public. We talked about this remember? It's fine at home but not-" 

"Oh no no no!" The boy cut in, "I mean a human friend." 

"A stranger!?" 

"Yeah." The boy said brightly, turning back to the dumbfounded, eavesdropping Taemin, "He's got really worn out sneakers and he asked me if I was homeless and on drugs." 

"Seriously!?!" came a gasp from the other end, "Do you want to give me a fucking heart attack?! Even lamp posts are better than weirdo strangers! What's with you today?!" 

Taemin couldn't help but laugh that he was being referred to as the weirdo stranger, deciding to walk off a few paces because he didn't want to be as bad as Jongin with the whole evestropping thing, plus the faster they found this stupid bunny, the faster he could get the frack out of here. 

The boy ended the phone call only a few moments later, muttering to himself that everyone nagged him when he could take care of himself. Taemin knew what that was like, although in this weirdo's case, couldn't help feeling that his friends were probably right. 

Deciding the stupid bunny was most likely not in a tree, the two of them made their way back to one of the open grassy areas, the kid getting more and more frantic as the time past. 

Taemin was just about to suggest re-ringing his boyfriend to come get him quicker, when by pure chance, a glint of sunlight bouncing off a beady black eye caught his attention. 

In the distance, reflecting the sunlight, was a very small fuzzy looking thing –not moving- just beside a trashcan. 

Before the kid even noticed what was happening and expecting the worst, Taemin's breath caught in his throat as he made a beeline towards the probably very dead little bunny. 

Getting closer though, it was becoming very clear that not only was this bunny not alive, but that it had never been so. 

"Oh my god REALLY?!" Taemin screeched, bending to pick up the little stuffed toy as the boy finally realized what was happening and ran towards him, a huge smile plastered on his face. 

"You found him!!!" The boy squealed, snatching the toy away before crashing into Taemin for a hug so tight it was suffocating. 

Taemin wanted to be mad, he really did, it's just it's very hard to get angry with someone who was this delusional...and cute. 

"Oh my god he needs a bath!!" The boy gasped, pulling away from the hug to inspect the little plush, turning it upside down and even looking inside it's ears for any signs of harm. "Thank you so so much!!" he beamed, remembering to be polite, "How can I ever repay you?!" 

"...Oh...ur...urrr....your happiness is enough..." Taemin stuttered, surprised he could even push words out he felt so speechless. 

"No!" The boy practically yelled, "I can't leave you with nothing!! I have to...ummm..." he carried on, looking down to his sneakers before ripping them off and shoving them at Taemin expectantly, leaving himself stood there in a pair of spongebob socks. 

"I don't want them!!" Taemin shrieked, dropping the sneakers in outrage. 

"Why?! Yours are all manky!" 

"I like them like this!!" 

The boy shook his head like he was the one talking to a mad person. "No you don't. Nobody would like them." he replied, then out of nowhere, as if that was a sufficient end to the conversation, turned on his heel and started skipping away, leaving Taemin and the dropped sneakers in his wake. 

"Hey!! No!!" Taemin yelled, picking up the shoes and running after him, "What's your boyfriend gonna say?!" 

The boy stopped skipping and went blank for a second as if seriously thinking that question through. "...Oh I dunno...probably something like 'where are your shoes?' It's ok. I have another pair at home. They have green laces." 

With that, he started bouncing off again, but this time Taemin decided not to follow, instead just staring in amazement at the oddly endearing weirdo he couldn't believe was real. 

"Hey what's your name?!" he called, purely being nosey because he was sure he'd never see the strange kid again. 

The boy turned but didn't stop skipping. "It's Taemin!!" he yelled, and then he was gone forever. 

\---

Hey loves   
Man!! It's been a hard week D': sorry to start off with that lol it just helps me to moan ;_;   
So this was very random aha and very badly written o.o sorry about that! Gawd I've missed writing cyborg taemin though :') he's such a squish ;_; I was gonna say he's my favorite taemin but idk I can't decide...:') //y am I so obsessed with having 2 have a favorite anyway   
I hope you're all doing ok!! And if you're not, I'm so sorry and big hugs <3   
Bye babies <3 xxx 

///thank you for saying I should do this vheabear <3


	33. Rules: Best Friends Don't

It took a whole 2 weeks of cleaning non stop to make the trailer even vaguely livable in. Even so, the place was still not exactly 1 star; the windows smashed, the yard a bigger junk heap than ever and all the doors still falling off their hinges. But at least no precarious wires were hanging from the ceiling anymore, ready to electrocute anyone at any moment, nor any dead cockroaches, rodents, or other creepy crawlies lying around the place. 

Jonghyun had even got the mattress sorted-ish by pulling out all the loose springs and using tape to cover the holes. He'd done a good job too, and with a blanket over it you could hardly tell it wasn't 100% fine, although anything felt amazing compared to squeaky cardboard on concrete. 

Although everyone was helping out, Key had done most of the work honestly, seeing as he'd got freakishly good at cleaning from working at the bar. Taemin was probably doing the least, no surprises there. In fact once he'd even almost blurted that that he 'couldn't possibly do anything too strenuous with an eye owie like this' but bit his tongue. Getting out of the habit of not making these kinds of 'jokes' was proving a lot tougher than he'd thought, but he'd get used to it eventually. 

The best news of all was probably that they had running water. Actually the taps in the kitchen didn't work as the pipes were busted but the bathroom, which let's face it, is way more important, worked fucking perfectly. 

It was such a luxury, something Taemin literally couldn't remember having, and although the pressure was zero to none and the hot water didn't always work, it was actually amazing. 

Electricity wise, they didn't have any so far but that'd be ok. They had no extra money for the bills in the first place. Besides, water trumps electricity. Taemin was a little annoyed that it meant no microwave though, although at least the spiders could keep residence in the fridge. 

All in all, things were going well and Jongin felt it. Their 'new start' was actually taking off with very little bumps and it was refreshing. In some ways, he was the happiest he'd been in a long time. Despite still feeling messy (and quite traumatized too honestly), things were already so much easier and he was the most hopeful he'd been since the stabbing. 

Belonging wise, he still struggled a little obviously but he wasn't going to give in to that doubt. Although Key was still totally giving him the cold shoulder, none of the other's were holding any kind of grudge and the friendship dynamic was returning back to normal pretty quickly, helped of course by the fact that depressive Jongin from the last couple of months had gone on vacation. Hopefully a permanent one. 

And another thing was, despite still longing to be a proper couple, Jongin did have to admit- he and Taemin were good as just friends. In some ways the blonde had been so right; their relationship was less intense and suffocating when they weren't lovers, that much had already been proven. It still broke Jongin's heart a little though, but it was ok. Best friends was ok. 

Of course it couldn't help but be hella awkward at times, especially as Jongin mostly often had mad moments and forgot they were apart. The amount of times they'd accidentally called each other pet names like- dear, hunny, babe or in Taemin's case 'babybie' was ridiculous. And it wasn't just that. They'd even kissed out of nothing but pure impulse, which was honestly mortifying since it happened in front of everyone. 

"God where have the lazy fuckers gone now?" Key snapped, shoving the trailer door open with a loud clang to chuck some rubbish out into the yard, some of it almost hitting Jongin who was sat outside having a much needed break. 

It was late afternoon on their official moving day, a Sunday so no one had the pressure of work. Taemin, Minho and Sunyoung had gone off somewhere to get food (fuck know's why that's a 3 person job), leaving Sehun, Key and the 2 J's to carry on working. 

In reality though, it was really only Key and Sehun who were doing anything. Jongin was exhausted from work and sleepless nights, and Jonghyun...well Jonghyun was just being lazy. 

"They've gone to get food." Jonghyun replied, wondering to the top of the yard to peer down the track. 

"Still?!" Key huffed, dumping some more crap by Jongin, who decided to move pretty quick as to not get buried. 

"Shouldn't they be back by now?" came a squeak of the inside the trailer, as Sehun poked his head out of one of the broken windows. 

"Hey don't do that!" Key scolded, "Do you want to slit your throat on jagged glass?" 

Sehun groaned but did as he was told. It wasn't worth the fight. 

"So are you two just gonna sit out here doing nothing then?" Key hissed, turning his attention back to the 2 J's, who were now both at the top of the yard, smoking cigarettes. 

"Sorry bub." Jonghyun sighed, deciding he'd had a long enough break and food wasn't coming any time soon. 

"Watoosh." Jongin mumbled, because boy was that guy whipped. Luckily Key didn't hear. 

He was just about to give up the hopeless wait for food and come help too when- "Yooohooooooo" came a familiar call from the distance, as a very chirpy looking Taemin practically skipped down the track, Sunyoung and Minho following not far behind, although they were walking like grownups. 

Taemin's owie had got a lot better in the last 2 weeks. It still looked a bit blotchy but it wasn't swollen anymore so he could open his eye just fine. Still, it was a constant painful reminder for not only Jongin, but for everyone else as well just how bad things had really been. 

"FOOD" came another squeal, this time from inside the trailer as a ravenous Sehun barged out past Key and flew towards the fast approaching Taemin like he hadn't eaten in months. "What the fuck is this?!" he cried, finally reaching the blonde only to find the bag he was carrying was full of half melted lollies and ice creams. 

"Awesome huh?" Taemin said, smiling proudly as he made his way towards Jongin, fishing around in the bag for a raspberry flavored ice pop and handing it to the confused bear triumphantly. 

"We told you to get REAL food Minnie." Key spat, snatching the bag away, "Fuck, if I find hair dye in here I'm gonna castrate you." 

"I didn’t buy them!!" Taemin squeaked, full of outrage as Jongin merely shrugged and dug into his ice pop. He hadn't had one in years. 

"What?" Key snapped, but thankfully Minho and Sunyong finally caught up, more bags in both their hands. 

"A kind old lady who lives in one of the trailers down there," Sunyoung explained, pointing in the direction they'd come from, "Just gave us a bunch of stuff for free." 

"She saw Sugar following us and came out to fuss her. Apparently she likes cats. Anyway, we got talking and I mentioned we hadn't got any food and wala!" Taemin cut in, beaming again before turning to Minho, "I told you Shugshug's useful." (Sugar- Shug- Shugshug, just go with it.) 

"...Okaaay." Key replied, this time snatching the rest of the bags away from Sunho to see what they'd got. 

A lot of it was unhelpful honestly; stuff you needed to heat, but some of it was good. Key was just surprised that they'd actually met a nice neighbor, as everyone they'd had contact with so far hadn't seemed friendly at all. Apparently moving up in the world from homeless bum status to trailer trash doesn't improve the likelihood that people'll be nice to you. 

Next door's trailer was probably the worst. They had good taste in music sure, but other than that they were a terrifying bunch, constantly screaming at each other as the songs blared. Ok maybe Key couldn't judge the shouting but it wasn't just that. They set fire to crap in their yard and constantly dumped trashed over the rock fence. It was just plain rude, and the weirdest thing was, none of them actually knew who was living there as they'd only caught the odd glimpse of random guys and girls, mostly at night. It was obvious they didn't like new people, again rude. Although Key supposed he couldn't really talk on the whole 'new people are always bad' thing either. But as Sehun and Sunyoung had proved, that was not always the case. 

They all dug into what they could like ravenous beasts. It probably only took Jongin a minute to chow down his ice pop, another to munch on a bag of chips. Taemin ate in even less time. 

It was funny because when food was around, the talking/bickering dramatically decreased. It was pretty much the only few moments of much needed silence they got, other than sleeping of course. 

After nomming, there were only a few more last minute fixes to do before they could all tuck down for an early night. 

Jongin almost felt like he was dreaming or tripping or something. It was like it was only just dawning on him that they were never gonna have to go back to any stations, car parks, bridges or derelict shitholes ever again. They had a fucking roof of their own and that was just so amazing that it actually felt unreal. (#blessed) 

Sadly Jongin's heart couldn't help but deflate a little though as he watched Taemin get up and stretch, knowing they wouldn’t be sleeping side by side tonight. 

But then something strange happened. 

After his stretch, the blonde picked up some of the dropped food wrappers from the ground mumbling "litterbugs" under his breath, announced that it was bedtime for him at least, then out of nothing but habit, bent down to where Jongin was sitting and kissed him full on the mouth before realizing goodnight kisses were not something best friend's do. 

"HA!" Sunyoung shrieked, pointing at Jongin's shocked face unashamedly, "LOL you two are fucking hilarious!" 

Taemin cleared his throat and stood back up again, smiling innocently before patting the still very startled Jongin on the head. "I have the memory of a goldfish." he said, as if that was a good enough explanation. 

Sehun was about to cut in with his fun fact that goldfish's have a much longer memory than people think, when Taemin decided that he actually was quite embarrassed and hopped around one of the rubbish heaps in the yard to get back inside the trailer. 

A little high and giddy, Jongin along with the other's decided to declare bed as well, their tummies full of a bizarre combination of food, their head's ready for the best night sleep of their lives. 

Except the first night in a new place is always hard, especially when you're used to having to sleep with one eye open. Subconsciously, new=unknown and that's always bad, so even if they were sleeping on the plushiest king sized bed in a palace, the first night would always be a struggle. 

Tonight was no exception. 

One of the main things they'd done to change the trailer was that they'd ripped out the booth and little table in the living space, seeing as it was going to be used as a bedroom for 4 people instead. With all that shit gone, it had actually made a huge difference, and although it may have still been a tight squeeze, there was now just enough room for everyone to lie down in relative comfort. 

Minho had taken the spot on the left, with Sunyoung and Sehun in the middle and Jongin on the right. They'd decided it that way because the middle spots were the warmest, but also because for some strange reason Jongin liked sleeping up against the wall. 

Sunyoung and Sehun really had got the better deal though, as not only were they in the center, but also lying on long cushions ripped out from the booth as like a makeshift mattress type affair. For them at least, it really was quite comfy, almost like sleeping on a lumpy bed. 

As for the 3 musketeers, they were all squished into the actual bedroom, sharing the mattress just like the olden days. Well ok, maybe not exactly like the olden days as when it had been just the 3 of them sleeping rough, they were certainly not cuddled up in a soft bed that's for sure. 

Taemin was finding it very weird. He'd expected it to feel normal, sleeping between his two friends like this, but it didn't at all. Maybe it was just new-place-itus playing havoc again. That, or Key's knee poking his back (that boy slept in the weirdest of positions sometimes), or Jonghyun's breath tickling his forehead. They were squished together like fucking burritos honestly. 

In some ways it was nice though; being snuggled close to two of the people he loved most in the world, warm, safe and sheltered from the cruel outside world. He still couldn't get to sleep though. 

There were weird noises coming from the yard- not alarming weird just different weird but it was still freaking him out. The rational side of his brain knew it was probably just the scurrying of rodents but at night, sometimes it's very hard to stay sane. Because the not so rational side was saying all kinds of crazy shit; maybe it's Siwon come looking for you, maybe it's that creep from the shelter. Or ever crazier thoughts like; what if Sugar really does have owners that want her back?! What if Bie's daddy decided to stop being a total asshole and came looking, and Bie went back to his family?! 

Tch. Night terrors are the worst. 

Taemin let out a long frustrated sigh, wrapped an arm around Jonghyun and snuggled in a bit closer, clamping his eyes shut tighter as he tried to recall the lyrics from his current favorite song. Honestly he didn’t pay much attention to the words though, it was the music he cared about. 

"Stop it!" a very annoyed grumble came from behind, as Key lightly slapped his back, "Shh!!" 

"Huh wha?" Taemin mumbled, totally confused. 

"Humming!" Key hissed, "It's fucking annoying! I can't sleep as it is!" 

"Sorry." Taemin said, unaware himself he was even doing that, "I'll get up and" yawn, "go see where Sugar is to settle myself." 

Key grunted a reply which Taemin didn't catch before he clambered out of the bed (with great difficulty by the way as the mattress was unstable as fuck) and made his way into the main room where everyone else lay seemingly peaceful. 

He'd been lying when he said he'd go find Sugar though. He knew exactly where she was, never went to sleep not knowing. In fact he desperately tried to keep her in at night (to Minho's immense annoyance), so had created a nice little bed out of some old ripped clothes for her in the kitchen sink. 

No, it was Jongin he'd got up to see. He knew he was being a pathetic baby but his body was just crying out for something normal and stable, and no one's arms felt more like home than Jongin's. 

"Baby." Taemin whispered, leaning down to wobble the bear's leg, cursing himself because that was another name best friend's don't usually call each other. 

It didn't take a second for Jongin to wake up, as he'd only just fallen asleep himself, suffering similar paranoid thoughts as Taemin had been. 

"Budge over will you?" The blonde asked, hardly giving Jongin a chance to obey before he was being squished even tighter to the wall as Taemin wriggled himself down, even having the cheek to steal some blanket. 

Satisfied he was comfy enough, Taemin then decided to sling a casual arm around his 'friend's' waist and clamp his eyes shut, leaving Jongin completely startled but at the same time innerly cheering because this was too good to be true. 

"Friend's snuggle." Taemin added, after a good few minutes of silent hugging, Jongin hardly daring to breath in case he somehow ruined this perfect moment. 

"Not like that." came another voice to Taemin's right, as Sehun shuffled closer to Sunyoung to get away from the annoying blonde who's foot was now poking his leg. 

"Oh sorry." Taemin mumbled, not even bothering to open an eye, "Did I wake you?" 

"Yes." Sehun hissed, but he was lying. He couldn't get to sleep either, and had spent all night just tossing and turning so far. 

"Well it's Sugar that's keeping me up." came another disgruntled voice, Minho this time. "Does she have to wash so fucking loud? Why does she need to stay in at night anyway?!" 

Taemin groaned and sat up to face his friend, a tiny involuntary whine escaping Jongin's lips as their contact broke. He knew their moment of bliss would only last seconds. 

"Because." Taemin snapped, "She could get run over or catnapped or trampled or eaten or anything out there!" 

Now it was Sunyong's turn to wake up. "Eaten?" she repeated, sitting up herself to stretch. 

"Not by a human." Taemin tutted, as if she was being the stupid one to question his comment, "Have you seen the size of her? She's fucking prey. Anything could get hold of-" 

"WILL. YOU. GUYS. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP?!" 

Everyone who wasn't already bolted to sit up, jumping out of their skin at that horrendously loud tone of voice coming from the bedroom. It even rivaled Jongin's decibel's. 

"I think Bummie's pissed." Taemin said flatly, right before the door in between the two rooms flew open to indeed reveal a furious looking Kibum storming in, followed by a very sleepy, yawning Jonghyun. 

"You." Key hissed, towering over everyone on the floor but directing his scolding mostly at Taemin, "Are gonna fucking kill me with your 'whispering' which is louder than most people fucking talk!!" 

Taemin wasn't fazed and just lied back down. "You weren't sleeping anyway." he shrugged, opening his arms as Sugar hopped down from her sink bed. The little kitty wasn't stupid though, and dismissed his offers of affection for the now very vacant bed, curling herself right in the middle in the comfiest catball possible. At least one of them was having a settled first night. 

Key was just about to carry on with his scolding when Jonghyun put a gentle hand on his shoulder. He always seemed to have a calming presence in situations like this. 

"None of use were gonna have a great night anyway, given it's the first." He said softly, settling himself on the floor and bringing Key down with him, both having a hard time finding any spare space. 

"Is it always like this?" Sunyoung asked, as Minho casually slung an arm around her shoulders, "Like do you ever get out of the homeless mindset?" 

"God I fuckin' hope so." Sehun cut in, "I couldn't bare being on edge like this for the rest of my life." 

Key tutted, "That's not gonna happen, stop depressing everyone!" 

"Well if we're not sleeping I need to smoke." Taemin announced, adding, "cigarettes not spice" when Jongin tenced next to him. 

Unsurprisingly, it was Minho who rummaged around in the bag he was using as a pillow to pull out a pack, 3 pairs of hands already outstretched expectantly. 

"Fuck, these are weird ones." Key moaned, first to get his hands on one of the weirdly shaped things. 

"My" cough, "dodgy friend gave them to me for cheap." Minho explained, handing the pack over to Taemin's grabbing hands. 

"Just how many of your 'other friends' aren't dodgy?" Jonghyun smirked, leaning to take a drag of Key's. 

Minho gave him daggers. It was beyond late and he was exhausted, so definitely not in the mood for any of their teasy crap right now. "Just be grateful I still bother to supply you guys with this shit ok?" he snapped, snatching the packet away from Taemin but not actually pulling out one for himself because he knew Sunyoung didn't like it. 

"We should tell scary stories to pass the time." Taemin piped up, sensing the mood was getting tense, "You know, like imagine we're at a campfire." he added, waving his lighter around haphazardly and momentarily blinding Sehun who still had the misfortune of being on his right. 

"We can't." Key cut in, looking at Sehun pointedly, "It'll scare the toddler." 

Sehun rolled his eyes. Like Minho, he too was so not in the mood for their jokey shit. He was always like this at night; the later it got, the less tolerance he had. Plus the smell of smoke was making him feel a little suffocated, what with Taemin sat right next to him puffing away happily. Thank god for Jongin who could tell it was bothering him and ever so often angled the blonde's face towards himself instead. 

Jongin would actually usually have joined in with the smoking but not tonight. He'd had enough in the day and could still taste tobacco on his teeth, even though he'd brushed them. 

"You're awfully quiet?" Taemin whispered, offering Jongin his cigarette which obviously got declined, "Doing a Minho impression?" 

Jongin smiled, "I'm just knackered...and in the dog house so you know." 

Taemin smiled too, but then pricked his ears up as his attention got caught by what Sunyoung had just said instead; "Well there's a story I wanna know," she started, "It's not a ghost story but...well I'm nosey and you guys hardly ever talk about the past...Like I know originally it was just," pause, "the 3 musketeers but then how did you guys meet Minho?" 

The poor frog boy immediately stiffened beside her, eying Key darkly for a second as if silently begging him not to grant Sunyoung her wish. 

"...Like everyone knows but me..." she continued, "and I know I haven't been with you guys that long but-" 

"I don't." both Jongin and Sehun interrupted, almost at exactly the same time. 

"What are you talking about?" Taemin squeaked, turning back to the silly bear, "We've told you about the past before!" 

"Not the gorey details." Jongin insisted, noticing Minho tense even more at the word 'gorey'. 

"I don't wanna tell it." Minho said firmly, "It's personal and private and...dark...and..." he continued, turning to Sunyoung, "I'll tell you when we're alone, maybe." 

"Goduh." Taemin moaned, "It's not like anything's private around here anyway is it? And hello. We were there. It's not just your story." 

Jongin wanted to argue and stick up for Minho because privacy was important, and no one got that better than he did. But then again, curiosity and just plain nosiness were just too hard to override so he stayed mute. 

"We could tell you how we met Onew." Jonghyun cut in lightly, "I mean it's not like he's here to tell us off about it right?" 

It was still too soon to say stuff like that so he immediately regretted it, very glad for Key's interruption; "How we met Onew is boring. Long story short; we were stupid children eating out of the trash, he found us one day with our head's in a dumpster and we all became bff's, the end." 

"That was riveting." Sunyoung said flatly, "No but I wanna know-" 

"Omg we should tell the story of how I met Bie!!!" Taemin suddenly squealed, "I've never told that one before!" 

Jongin couldn't help but snort as their meeting was neither interesting nor exactly story material. "What?" he scoffed, "You find me moping in an alleyway, give me half a sandwich, a week later we're bffs, the end?" 

Taemin's face fell at that description whilst Sehun and Jonghyun started sniggering. "Well if you tell it like that." he grumbled, about to elaborate when Sunyoung's frustration went up a notch, 

"No come on guuuyyys." she practically whined impatiently, "No offense but I'm really not interested in other stories." 

"And why the fuck not?" Key asked jokily, momentarily forgetting about his bad mood to tease some more. 

"Why do you think." Sunyoung replied, smiling shamelessly just as Taemin would have. 

Minho gulped, his cheeks lightly flushing with embarrassment. "I just don't..." he started, but it was clear by the 6 pairs of eyes staring at him expectantly that this was not a battle he was going to win. "Fine." he sighed, utterly defeated, his expression becoming even more serious as he turned back to face Sunyoung. "Just...just you have to realize that I was a different person back then..." he said worriedly, "Like I wasn't who I am now...I was..." 

"We were all different!" Taemin cut in brightly. 

"You weren't." Jonghyun commented, making the blonde pull a very confused face. "No really. You haven't changed since you were like 14." 

Taemin was about to argue when Key fake cleared his throat and decided to take charge of this ridiculous conversation. Someone had to else they'd always get sidetracked. "So we're really telling this then?" he asked, eyeing Minho for the go ahead one last time. 

The frog boy nodded meekly before looking down, dreading what Sunyoung especially might think of his former self. 

"Ok good." Key said, taking a deep breath, about to start when- 

"Why do you get to tell it?" Taemin interrupted, Jongin unable to hold in another snigger beside him because sometimes this idiot was just so fucking rude in the cutest way possible. 

"Because I'm in charge." Key said simply, smiling somewhat evilily before, "So once upon a time..." 

\--- 

Annyeong pussycats!

It's like taebie are still together isn't it I cant xD them as friends is weird to write and honestly it's like nothing's changed, they just don't kiss anymore xD well once I guess but shhh o.o 

So oh my gosh this was long!! xD it was only suppose to be a tiiiiiny bit of set up about their first night and then straight into froggy's story but nooo -.- so next time will be his actual backstory which really isn't that great honestly *sigh* but never mind o,o  
This has been checked in the worst way lolol I skimmed it and that's it so hopefully there's not too many mistakes!! O.o 

And about the sequel~ I will be writing more of this!!! XD I'm sorry ive been so indecisive and annoying but I've finally got a plan down so phew :') it's very centered around tackling taemin's drug problem aha //sorryspoilers// which I feel like I really slept on with this fic so far.  
The thang isss that my plan really isn't that long at all so idk if I'm gonna start it in a new story or just carry on here? O.o 

Anyhoo,  
Bye bye!! <3 <3

p.s.s.s. how are you guys?! <3 I miss you babies which I know is weird cus I havent even been away what on earth o.o


	34. How I Met: Your Minho Part 1

"So once upon a time there were three little pigs." Key said, amusing himself at his own apparently witty description, "And also grandpa Onew." 

"There aren't any grandpas in the three little pigs story." Sehun cut in, earning a very pissed glare before zipping his mouth. 

"Seriously." Key hissed, "If I get interrupted one more time Taemin's not the only one I'll castrate." 

Everyone shut up. 

"So me, Jjong, Tae and Onew were already together." Key started again, deciding to drop the fairytale theme because he was with a bunch of unimaginative idiots apparently. "It was before we'd even found our derilict shithole so we were literally living out on the streets, sometimes in alleys, sometimes stairwells...sometimes even worse places. We all were just children back then honestly, even Onew although he seemed like a grown up at the time. None of us except him had a clue what we were doing, we hadn't even starting renting yet-" 

"If you listen you can hear the violins." Jongin blurted, immediatly regretting it because with Key still barely talking to him, saying shit like that would only put him even more in the dog house. 

Taemin sniggered. It was as if those two had turned into naughty kids at the back of the classroom making inappropriate comments. Sehun almost wondered when the annoying raspberry blowing would start. 

"ANYWAY." Key carried on, trying his best to ignore the distractions, "We weren't as addicted to shit back then but that didn't mean we didn't need it to keep us going. It wasn't just spice either, we took a bunch of other stuff on a regular basic, mostly through Onew seeing as he had connections but-" 

"So wait what." Sehun cut in, "Did this saint Onew guy get you hooked on drugs?!" 

Everyone except Jongin and Sunyoung gave him a momentary stern look before Jonghyun decided to answer. "No...it wasn't like that...I mean, the three of us had tried some stuff before but being as poor as we were, it was hella hard to get our hands on anything. Especially as at that time our tactics for survival was basically to hide out, so we had no other friends or connections that'd give us them for free or on the cheap..." 

"So Onew had these connections/friends and could get his hands on the drugs more easily?" Sehun asked, earning a few more stares because no one liked what he was implying. 

"Onew was our fucking savior." Taemin hissed, jokey attitude now out the window. 

Jonghyun cut him off again though, wanting to keep the peace at all costs. "I suppose you could say Onew got us more addicted than we already were..." he said tentatively, "But you have to understand that drugs were the only thing that made life even vaguely bearable back then. If Onew hadn't have helped us get more, well then we'd have probably just ended up renting ourselves out even sooner. Really. Minnie's right. Onew wasn't perfect but he saved our lives." 

"Ok sorry." Sehun mumbled, very glad for Jongin's supportive hand reaching around Taemin to rest on his shoulder. He knew Onew would always be a touchy subject, so saying anything even a little critical about him was a no no. 

"ANYWAY." Key started again, "I actually remember this whole thing like it was fucking yesterday, it's weird how things stick. We'd just had a reeaaally bad few days, me and Jonghyun especially and we were in desperate need of just something, anything to make us feel mildly better." 

"Why had you had such a bad few days?" Sunyoung asked naively, the tense atmosphere falling again. 

Jonghyun plucked up the courage to be honest. "Well you know how we had to hide all our stuff in the bushes, cus if you don't like, every fucking thing gets stolen around here by other homeless losers?" 

"Yeah..." Sunyoung said blankly. 

"Well I was one of those other homeless losers." Jonghyun confessed guiltily, "Like we knew of this other group of guys who were sleeping rough not too far away and when we got desperate...not just for drugs by the way, we were actually fucking starving...well I used to nick their stuff. I'm not the stealthiest of thieves let's just put it that way. I got caught but managed to run off, thought I was safe and that we'd just move away but..." he continued, unable to get the rest out. 

"They found Key and beat the shit out of him instead." Taemin said bluntly, making both Sunyoung and Sehun clamp their hands over their mouths. 

"It's true." Key nodded, putting an arm around Jonghyun as the latter looked down to the floor solemnly, choking up at the memory. "Taemin's owie's nothing compared to what those cunts did to me. Mind you, I could still walk so. I guess it wasn't that bad." 

"It wasn't just that though." Taemin cut in, "I mean other shit happened that week too. At the start of it I got so high I started playing with traffic and Onew had to come rescue me." 

"Oh my god I remember that!" Key gasped, yet more vivid images flashing in his mind before he tried to compose himself, "Well yes anyway. It'd been the sucky week from hell and by the end of it, were all in desperate need of some...escape." 

\--- 

"I'm hungry!!" Taemin whined, slamming his head down on Key's shoulder, making the latter flinch as the blonde hit one of his bruises by accident. 

"Will you be careful idiot?!" Jonghyun hissed, clearly in one of his moods as he tore the kid away from his lover indignantly. 

Taemin whined again, this time turning to Onew, who was keeping watch a few meters away as the rest of them 'slept'. They'd opted for one of their less favorable spots tonight; a dark street too wide to be called an alley, with warehouses and factories either side providing the tiniest bit of warmth if you huddled close to them. They'd tried all their more usual places with no luck. It wasn't thaaaat bad here though Taemin supposed, but they were very out in the open so it was still pretty scary. 

"Jinkiiii..." Taemin called, getting up and wondering towards his friend who immediately put an arm around the blonde. 

"I told you not to call me that." Onew sighed, "It totally ruins my street cred." 

"Street cred." Taemin scoffed, cheekily sneaking a hand into one of his friend's pockets only to have it slapped away. 

"No." Onew said sternly, snapping his head to the side when he heard a strange noise. It was probably just a stray cat, so he continued, "And after what happened a few days ago you should try and go easy on that shit." 

"Ok ok..." Taemin moaned, "God. I think I've already been told off enough about that don't you?" 

Onew shook his head, "No you've got a good week of scolding left." 

The blonde shrugged, "You sure I couldn't just have a bit of spice?" he asked hopefully, casually trailing a hand to Onew's other pocket. "It's not like it's that harmful and I'm hungry...." he added, knowing full well that the drug suppressed appetite. 

Sometimes out here, it was actually easier to get your hands on cheap intoxicants that it was actual food. 

"Minnie I said no." Onew replied firmly, looking down at the blonde, who was a tiny bit shorter than him back then. "Go back to the others and try and get some sleep." he continued, when all Taemin did was mutter a few curse words under his breath. 

"I don't wanna go back to them!" Taemin hissed, glancing behind to where Jongkey had settled themselves, Key with his eyes clamped shut although it was clear he wasn't asleep, and Jonghyun staring into space moodily. "Come on...Onew...no one's gonna get to sleep tonight, not after the last few days we've had...we all deserve a treat...so why won't you gimee-?" 

"Minnie I don't even have any right now ok?" Onew snapped, unusually sharply it's just he was in withdrawal too. "I'll try and get some tomorrow." 

"No nooowww!" Taemin moaned, his cravings already bad enough they overtook any sense of rationality. 

\--- 

"K can we just skip this bit?" Sehun cut in, already annoyed at the past version of the blonde, even though the story had barely started. "We all know Taemin's gonna get his way in the end so why do we need all this boring intro?" 

Key tutted at yet another interruption, "I'm setting the scene ok?" 

"Well can you just skip to where the story actually starts? It's been set enough." Sehun pushed, earning yet another annoyed glare from Taemin. 

"Fine." Key shrugged, deciding the kid was probably right. "So anyway, as you guessed, Minnie did get his way in the end." 

"I'm very persuasive." Taemin smirked, leaning back against Jongin's chest to make himself more comfy. 

"Yeah that and after the week we'd had, no one had the strength to say no to you." Jonghyun said. 

"The plan was for Onew to go and see if one of his friends were around the local dealing areas alone, but given none of us were in any mood to sleep we all decided to tag along..." Key restarted. 

\--- 

"Fuck." Onew cursed, scanning around the small crowd gathered on a very dark, deserted street corner. "I don't know anyone here." 

Taemin groaned, "How is that possible?! You know everyone!" 

"I don't think we should be here anyway." Key cut in, his eyes lingering on a very shading looking man, a knife twirling in one hand, a bag of white powder in the other. 

Jonghyun just remained quiet next to him, his whole body lightly shaking from the jitters. 

"Ok you guys go stand over there." Onew ordered, pointing a few meters down the street, "I'll go see if I can make some...new friends." 

Taemin beamed as Jonghyun grabbed both his and Key's arms to pull them off, very glad as always that now Onew had joined them, he didn't have all the responsibility rested on him alone. 

Scanning around again, Onew made sure to do a few quick calculations on everyone his eyes landed upon. Some people were clearly just here to get high on the cheap, some to fight as there seemed to be a lot of screaming and yelling coming from the outskirts of the little crowd, and some obviously, to sell. 

Unlike Taemin, Onew prided himself on being a very good judge of character. He'd had a lot of bad experiences with people from his past, some he'd considered close friends, but those burns had only made him wiser to the flame. 

The most important thing to remember when approaching someone potentially very dangerous out here on the streets, is to never let your guard down even for a second. Anyone could be a potential threat, so you had to stay ready at all times. 

There were so many different characters out tonight that it was hard to pick one. But then he found his eyes linger on a somewhat unassuming figure, camouflaging himself back into the side of a building, his hands shoved inside his pockets, his back hunched over. 

There was a quietness to his aura which made Onew feel drawn to him immediately. He was clearly selling, which was odd as he was seemingly trying to blend into the background all at once. 

Onew took a deep breath, smiled, and boldly walked up to him. 

"Hi." he said, making the guy snap his head up and scowl, his eyes dark and far more menacing up close. 

Onew wasn't intimidated. Though tall, this guy was obviously just a kid- probably not that much older than Taemin. 

"How much are you selling for?" Onew asked brightly, although the answer didn't matter. He actually didn't have any money on him but this was how you played the game. A lot of dealers would start you off for free, get you hooked, then make you pay once you had no choice. 

The guy narrowed his eyes, hissing a quiet, "I'm not a whore" under his breath before trying to back away and forgetting he was in fact against a brick wall. 

Onew burst out laughing. "No!!" he shrieked, unable to control the giggling fit, "I mean drugs!" 

"Oh." The guy said, swallowing hard as he removed both hands from his pockets, a large array of powders, pills and spliffs in each of them. 

"Holy shit." Onew gasped, eyes widening. That was no what he'd been expecting at all. Such a large assortment must mean this kid was a lot more powerful than he looked. 

"They're not all mine." The guy blurted, obviously regretting it as he looked immediately embarrassed, "I mean I just sell them...then give the money back to my er...friend...boss...person...." 

"Aw." Onew cooed, "You're just a little fish." 

The guy scowled again and shoved the drugs back into his pockets, about to tell whoever this jerk was to go the fuck away when- 

"Hey you dropped one Mr!" Came a chirp from behind Onew, as Taemin bent down to 'helpfully' pick up a bag of white powder. Instead of giving it back to the guy though, he opened it up and stuck his finger inside, licking it and pulling the most disgusted face once he realized it was in fact cocaine. "Ewww! Spicy!! 

"Taemin!!!!!" Onew snapped, snatching the bag away from the blonde and yanking him up, before turning apologetically to the now very pissed looking dealer. 

Key and Jonghyun were just behind, all 3 of them having grown impatient with the long wait. 

"I told you idiots to stay over there!!" Onew hissed, looking pointedly at Key who frankly, should know better. 

Except the cat boy was utterly transfixed, his eyes staring in horror at the drug guy like he'd seen a ghost. 

"Wos going on?" Taemin squeaked, noticing the strangeness of his friend as well. 

Key continued his daze for a few moments before making himself snap out of it. "You." he started, unable to look away from the guy. "You were fucking there the other night...you're one of THEM." 

\--- 

So sorry for how short and shit this is! I couldn't get the full chapter up becos ive been hella sick this week ;_; but hopefully I'll finish it by next week ~  
Lots of love <3   
;_; x 

//i'm regretting killing off onew now ;_;


	35. How I Met: Your Minho Part 2

"Ok what's going on I'm totally confused." Sunyoung cut in, annoying the fuck out of Key again because the tension had been ruined just like that. 

"...I..." Minho began, but paused too long after as he couldn't find the words so Jonghyun took over. 

"Minho was part of the group that I stole from." he explained, "So the night they beat Key up out of 'revenge', he was there." 

"I didn't do anything though!" Minho squeaked, his voice that weird high version it got when he was anxious, "I couldn't do anything to stop them! I wanted to, I really did but I-" 

"No one blames you, it's ok." Jonghyun soothed, reaching to put a hand on his friend's shoulder. 

"So these guys...they were...your friends?" Sunyoung asked hesitantly, "...And you were selling drugs for them?" 

Minho nodded meekly. "You know what it's like to be on your own out there." he said quietly, "I...I knew they were awful but....but anyone's better than...being...alone..." 

\--- 

"What do you mean them?" Jonghyun hissed, immediately standing himself in front of both Key and Taemin and stretching up as tall as he could. Even so, this guy still towered over him. 

Seemingly realizing he was in danger, the guy made a move to go, only to be blocked by Onew, the calm, easy going greeting now replaced by fire in his eyes. 

"What's going on?!" Taemin gasped, the penny yet to drop, "Who are you?!" 

Now trapped and backed as far as it was possible to go against the brick wall behind him, there was nothing for the now very terrified looking guy to do but hope he could explain fast and pray it'd be enough to avoid the beating he saw coming. 

"I'm Minho." he said quickly, "I was there that night my friends attacked you but I wasn't involved, I didn't want them to do that to you-" he carried on, turning to Key with pleading eyes. 

That was when Jonghyun lost it. "YOU WERE THERE?" he screamed, making Onew grab both his arms quickly to stop a punch, "YOU'RE WITH THEM?!" 

"No!!...I mean yes but I...I didn't want them to hurt-!!" Minho shrieked, cut off by a fist flying into his jaw as Taemin took the liberty of defending Key's honor instead. 

\--- 

"Wait what?!" 

This time it was Jongin's turn to interrupt, utterly shocked that he'd never been told any of this before. The extent of his knowledge had been: "wed met Minho wen he woz dealin the end.' But this? Holy fuck? Their world was so much more messed up than he'd ever be able to get his head around. 

"Yeah I smacked him." Taemin said proudly, turning to Minho and smiling innocently. 

Sehun had to bite his lip very hard not to mutter the words 'wife beater' under his breath. 

"What?" Taemin smirked, when all the reply he got was a few confused faces, "I thought he'd beaten Key didn’t I? And Jonghyun would've done it if I hadn't." 

"Onew was restraining me." Jonghyun said blankly, although he knew full well Taemin was right. Fighting his way out of Onew's grip wouldn't exactly have been hard. 

"So then what happened?!" Sunyoung urged, just as annoyed as Key at this point that the story kept getting sidetracked. 

"Well if someone would just let me fuckin finish." Key spat. 

\--- 

"Fuck!! Listen!! It wasn't me you psychopath!" Minho screeched, holding his eye in pain but still unable to run away. 

In different circumstances he'd have just got out his knife but you couldn't do that here in one of the most popular dealing areas, where reputation is everything. Also often, when one guy pulls a knife, everyone does and it literally turns into a bloodbath. 

"He's right guys, fucking hell. Calm down." Key hissed, having great difficulty holding Taemin back as Onew continued restraining Jonghyun. "He was there but he didn't beat me." 

"That doesn't matter!" Jonghyun screeched, "He's one of them!" 

"Well." Key said calmly, an unexpected smirk forming on his bow shaped lips. "If he is one of them then he kind of owes us doesn't he?" 

"What??" Minho spluttered, just as confused as the rest of them at that weird statement. 

"Hand over your stash and we'll call it even." Key ordered, smiling coolly even though the expression hurt his still very swollen lips. 

Taemin's face lit up as he stopped struggling. "Yeah frog boy!! It's the least you can do!" 

\--- 

"Ok you did NOT already call him frog boy." Sehun butted in again, unable to stop himself. 

"I did!!" Taemin squeaked, "He looked even more like a frog back then! His face was smaller so his eyes looked bulbous as fuck!" 

"WILL YOU TWO JUST SSSHHHHH?!" Key screeched, finally his patience gone. 

Jonghyun decided to take over the story then, as his lover was obviously too annoyed to continue. 

\--- 

"I can't give you everything! What the fuck?!" Minho gasped, "Look I'm sorry you got hurt, I'm sorry ok? But I can't just-" 

"Not everything you cowardly shithead." Key spat, "Just what, say, 100$ worth?" 

"That seems fair." Taemin grinned, unsubtely sliding a hand into one of Minho's pockets and snatching away a few bags of various powders. 

Horrified and still very much cornered by 4 guys who could well be armed, Minho couldn't do anything but just let them rob him, praying that they wouldn't take everything and make him go back to his 'friends' empty handed. 

\--- 

"So you guys robbed him?!" Sunyoung screeched, "You just trapped him, intimidated him, and took everything?!" 

Minho couldn't help but feel a little emasculated by that description. "...They thought I was one of the guys who hurt Key though didn't they." he retorted, "I'd have done the same." 

"Yeah but fuck, are you guys the goodies or the baddies or what?!" Sunyoung shrieked, no less outraged as she turned to face Jonghyun for a better explanation. 

"No one's a goodie or a baddie." he scoffed, "Not around here anyway." 

"Speak for yourself!" Taemin cut in, momentarily sitting up from Jongin's chest to face Sunyoung, "I'm a fucking goodie but that doesn't mean I'm a pushover." 

Again, Sehun really wanted to mutter something like 'you're only a pushover when it suits you' but held it in with all his might. He really needed a medal for his self control tonight. 

"Look ok, so whether we were goodies or baddies, it doesn't matter. We'd taken his stuff and well yeah...then I guess you should take over." Jonghyun said, eyeing up Minho nervously who immediately looked 10x more uncomfortable even than he was already. 

"Well I ur well ok." he muttered, clearing his throat and wishing he could just camouflage himself again. "So after you guys ran off with like, a lot more than 100$ worth of shit by the way, I was left to go back to my friends, who I knew would probably rip my head off." he began, "Actually though, when I got back only our...ur...I guess leader was there, nasty piece of work, real scary guy. But I remember being relieved because at least I only had to face confessing to one person." he carried on, pausing because the memories where so clear it was haunting. "I'd expected him to be mad, you know, I'd lost a fucking lot, but I never would have been prepared for just how angry he'd be..." 

"What did he do?" Sunyoung asked quietly, after another lengthy pause. 

"He tried to kill me." Minho replied bluntly, making Taemin release what could only be described as a strained yowl. 

"WAT?!" The blonde gasped, "You never told us that!! You just said they kicked you out for it!!" 

Minho took yet another pause to try and calm his nerves, not caring he was frustrating the fuck out of his impatient friends, all equally shocked by this new information. 

"That's not even the worst part." he mumbled finally, making Jongin finally understand, something Minho had told him before flashing in his mind: 

"Yes ok? Yes I've killed someone." 

"What?!" Taemin squeaked, notcing Jongin's reaction and almost feeling a little jealous that he seemed to know what everyone else wanted to. 

Minho nodded sadly, looking down and unable to hold eye contact. This was the first time he'd probably explained what had happened, even to himself. 

When a memory is so horrible, sometimes it's easier just to block it out. Not today though, it was finally time. 

\--- 

"Ahh!!" Minho screamed, as his whole body was pushed down to the concrete, a strong leg pressed on his chest, keeping him in place. 

The man above him had the most terrifying look in his eyes Minho had ever seen. It was almost like he was gazing into pure hatred, the soul of demon. 

Truth was, the man wasn't actually pure evil. A horrible person yes, but right now what was possessing him wasn't lucifer, but heroin. 

"You worthless piece of shit!!" he bellowed, bending down to wrap both hands around Minho's neck, "I'll teach fucking lesson you hear me?!" 

Minho wasn't like Taemin. He didn't plead or beg, he didn't ask for mercy. 

"KILL ME THEN YOU COWARD." he screeched, having a hard time getting the words to come out as the hands around his neck got tighter. 

The man above him laughed hysterically at that outburst, taking down his guard only for a second to clutch hold of his knife, but Minho was too quick. 

In a flash, he seized both his attacker's arms, pushing them off him with a force even he didn't know was in him. Thank god for adrenaline. 

The man lost his balance and toppled to the ground so Minho grabbed the opportunity again, making an effort to run away when a hand clutched at his ankle and he too toppled over with a horrible crunch. 

Now wrestling frantically on the dirty ground, the man managed to gain the upper hand again and pulled out his knife, holding it up, ready to strike when- 

\--- 

"WHAT?!" Taemin practically screamed, clutching hold of Jongin's blanket so hard his nails dug through to the poor bear's leg. 

Minho couldn't finish so had to take another good 30 seconds pause, leaving the others to do nothing but stare impatiently through the agonizing wait. 

"When you're just about to die..." he said finally, "Something happens. I can't explain it. It's like you become superhuman or something." 

"...I didnt?!" Taemin squeaked, "I was just fucking blubbing like a baby!?" 

Sehun nodded. "It's true." 

"Yeah well I wasn't." Minho muttered, "I used all my strength to restrain his arm and twist it so the knife faced him instead." he carried on, Sunyoung putting a nervous hand on his shoulder as everyone realized what was coming. 

"I didn't even think I just..." Minho croaked, his voice cracking as tears welled although he wouldn't allow himself to cry. Minho never cried. 

"It's ok." Key said unusually soothingly, also shuffling across to put a hand on his friend's other shoulder. "I mean...I know what it's like to stab someone." he added sadly, "It's not wrong if it's self defense." 

"Yeah but..." Minho croaked, "Was it self defense? Like I think, I mean I don't know but I think I probably could have overpowered him, he was so high and delusional...like I just...I didn't think..." 

It was Jonghyun who decided to go in for the hug. "You can't torture yourself with thoughts like that man." he said, to a very embarrassed looking Minho. 

"Yeah." Taemin agreed, "Any of us would've done the same. Well I mean I'd've just cried but..." 

After a couple of minutes of deafening silence, it was Sehun who decided to pipe up. "So that's how you all met." he said quietly, "But that doesn't explain how you guys became friends?" 

"We became friends out of guilt." Taemin replied bluntly, "We found Minho only a week later, on his own, starving, craving, and basically on death's door. I asked if we could keep him, and we did." 

"Keep him." Minho grumbled, about to continue when the blonde cut him off. 

"What?" he said indignantly, "It's true. Even Onew wasn't convinced we should let you in, but after stealing half of your stash we couldn't just leave you stranded right?" 

"So it was more pity than guilt?" Jongin blurted, feeling like the biggest fool afterwards for being so unsubtle about his own insecurities. 

Don't get him wrong, he was feeling a bit better about the whole not belonging, 'only here because you're Taemin's baggage' thing but that didn't mean he wasn't still on edge about the whole issue. 

These things take time after all. Insecurities don't just go away like poof, however much he wished they did. 

Taemin sat up and turned back to face his ex, cocking his head to the side sympathetically. "It doesn't matter what it was; pity or guilt, it makes no difference. The reason you let a person in isn't the same reason you let them stay." 

Jongin smiled at those kind words. 

"Was it pity or guilt that made you guys take me in?!" Sehun suddenly squeaked, ruining the moment as well as missing the point entirely. 

"It was neither." Key smirked, "I let you come back with me cus your persistence was fucking annoying." 

"...And so what made you wanna keep me?" Sehun asked, apparently taking no offense because Key was obviously just messing with him. 

"And you call me self obsessed." Taemin muttered. 

"Cus you're smart and you keep Minnie in his place." Key answered, making Jonghyun nodd in approval beside him. 

Still depressed from the horrible memories, Minho decided to get up and wonder outside for some air at the subject change. 

Sunyoung thought it was very odd that everyone just let the poor guy leave, making no effort to go after him but then again she supposed they all knew each other so well, maybe it was for the best. That didn't mean she couldn't follow though. 

"So." Taemin announced, clapping his hands together like a school teacher as he once again sat up from Jongin's chest. "I think we all need a more cheerful bedtime story after than one right? 

"God isn't it morning yet?" Sehun moaned, glancing out of one of the windows and feeling immensely disappointed when all he saw were some twinkly stars and no sign of dawn. 

Taemin ignored him and cleared his throat. "Once upon a time there was a very handsome prince named Taemin, with golden hair as bright as the sun and..." 

Whilst Jongin laughed, the rest of his audience just seemed irritated. 

"...and a body so hot you could fry eggs on his abs." The blonde carried on, "One day, he was just coming home from er...whatever it is prince's do all day...when what did he see, but a diamond in the rough, a beautiful peasant boy begging in an alley-" 

"Peasant?!" Jongin shrieked, suddenly not finding it so funny, "Begging?!" 

Taemin smiled innocently, "I'm going for like a fairytale theme here like Key was." 

"Oh do shut up." Key snapped. 

\--- 

It took Sunyoung quite a few minutes to find Minho as the idiot had decided to wonder down the track for his fresh air, making it a good 10 trailers down from there's'. 

When she finally did catch up to him, it was like he almost didn't know how to react to the situation. He hadn't expected company, especially from her. 

"Are you ok?" Sunyoung asked meekly, hugging herself because it was actually surprisingly chilly when the wind blew. 

"Yeah." Minho said, wishing he had a jacket so that he could be chivalrous. Knowing her she'd probably just laugh at him and chuck it off anyway though. "Are you?" 

Sunyoung pulled a face, "Why would I not be ok?" 

"Well cus." Minho mumbled, "Cus well..." 

"Spit it out." 

"Cus I killed someone." 

Sunyoung pulled an even weirder face before rolling her eyes and walking a few paces closer to the stupid frog. "I'd have done the same." she said flatley, adding, "I'm not like Taemin either. And I seem to remember you trying to kill someone on our first meeting anyway. If it didn't put me off then it's not going to put me off now is it?" 

Minho couldn't stop his lips curling upwards just slightly. It only lasted for a second but Sunyoung still noticed. 

"Say..." she started, "What was the reason you wanted to find me? And then the reason you wanted to er, 'keep' me?" 

Minho allowed himself to smile properly. "I wanted to find you because you're badass as fuck and we could use someone like you around." he joked, then suddenly became more serious as he lowered his voice and said, "And I'm glad you stayed because I think I'm falling in love with you." 

After a couple of moments of blankness, Sunyoung burst out laughing. "You're such a fucking sweet talker!" she scoffed, "My god! Where do you get this stuff from?! I come out here to see if you're ok and suddenly you're telling me you looove me?!" 

"I'm serious!!" Minho squeaked, embarrassing himself yet again that his usually deep voice kept doing that. 

"Pah. That's what they all say." Sunyoung tutted, although a part of her couldn't help feeling warm and fuzzy. But it wasn't like Minho was the only man who'd ever declared their undying love for her. The other's were mainly ex clients of course, and none of those stories ended well. 

When the laughter settled to peace, they continued to stare down the never ending track, wondering it this night would ever end. 

Minho's expression had gotten serious again, so Sunyoung connected their hands. 

"I'm not much for comforting words." she said, as Minho looked at her quizzically. 

"I'm not much for words full stop." he replied. 

Sunyoung smiled again, not making any effort to pull away as Minho bent down for a soft, sweet kiss, hands still entwined as their tongues danced. 

"Let's go to bed." she said when they paused for breath, accidentally a little too seductively. 

The sight they were met by was nothing less than bizarre when they got back to the trailer. 

The room was eerily quiet apart from the odd snore and sniffle, everyone knocked out exactly where they'd left them; Taemin on his side, snuggling into Jongin cus that's what friends do apparently, Sehun next, his whole body distorted as he lay in what looked like the most uncomfortable position possible, and finally Jongkey, practically in a puppy pile, one of them (guess who) snoring his head off. 

"Maybe bedtime stories do work after all." Sunyoung whispered, "Even horrible ones about-" 

"Hey we can go in here." Minho said, already pushing the bedroom door open with a squeak, making Sugar who was still sprawled in the middle of the bed give him a very critical look like he'd just disturbed the queen. 

"Ok." Sunyoung smiled, creeping her way towards him and into the little room, Sugar hopping out just in time before the door shut softly behind them... 

\--- 

So hello sweet bears!   
This is the last little extra I'm gonna do, man I hope it wasn't super disappointing aha i'm thinking these extras maybe weren't such a great idea honestly but oh well o.o  
I've already written some of the sequel but I think i might take a break and write a lil short story before I carry on with it o.o I've started that too so hopefully it'll be up real soon xD IT'S NOT TAEKAI. THE HORROR !!! It does include one of them though :) 

So Sunho are a pretty cute couple xD to me anyway lolol :') there'll be quite a bit more of them i hope >:D /and of sekai ooooo love triangles teehee/   
but i guess it's still mostly the taemin show if i'm honest ... *sigh*   
Ok xD   
so i feel like this is goodbye but of course it's not!! xD I'LL BE BACK lol very soon i hope so SEE YOU THEn!   
hugs<3   
ps. to all of you who wish me get well soon or that comment anything, i just can't thank you enough <3 hearing you guys'z'z opinions about this fic made me want to carry on with it, i really think i'd have stopped at 12 chapters if you guys weren't so lovely >


	36. Beginnings: Trail (M)ix

So hey guys. It's been a minute. These last few months have not been greeeeeaaaat and the sequel I promised you clearly hasn't happened. Well actually I've written quite a few chapters but I don't even wanna tell you how cliché and depressing they are so I don't know what to do with them honestly. Anyway, sometimes I still get messages about this fic and it means such a lot to me to think that anyone would still think about me or this silly story. I made a few really good friends here and on aff and I feel like I kinda owe you guys an explanation for why I've been so absent. (idk if you've noticed but I started another fic which has now been deleted because it was sO bad xD lol my emo phase isn't goin away fast.)  

But to get to point omg. I wanted to just give you guys a little of the so called sequel, so here's the first bit. I'm really not sure if I'm going to carry on with this because my life is just so all over the place and my energy is really consumed between barely dealing with my health problems and trying to stay sane but maybe in a few months I will. I just always feel bad when I break promises like this one, even though I know it's silly and probably no one but me is worrying about it lolol.  

I really hope everyone is healthy and happy out there and if your last few months have been as bad as mine, I'm just so sorry; hang in there, you're a tough cookie, I'd hug you if I could.  

Em 

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Trail Mix, Chapter 1, Draft.  

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"Ok so I'm a really scary dude right? I'm bald and buff and I have a giant tattoo of a wasp on my neck." Jongin beamed, as Taemin did nothing but look him up and down, finding it very hard to imagine the giant squish which was this stupid bear as one of the many scary alleyway guys they'd encountered.  

 

"Picture it!" Jongin snapped, "God! Where's your imagination?!" 

 

"Well I dunno it's just hard to take you seriously when you're out here in your jimjams and a pair of iron man socks." Taemin retorted, fake yawning afterwards but really, it was way too early and cold out here in the front yard for this shit. He'd just come off his wake up spice fix (some things never change) so was no longer buzzed and just wanted to curl up back in bed.  

 

This was the arrangement though, so what could he do. With Jongin still working in the day, Taemin in the evening and night, 3am- 7am was their only real time together so it needed to be taken advantage of. Plus now that they actually had a place to stay, sleeping at unplanned, weird times wasn't a problem anymore, so catching up on rest was a lot easier. Just one of the many perks of having a permanent place to call home.  

 

"I've been thinking of getting a tattoo actually." Taemin mused, changing the subject just as Jongin was about to tackle him.  

 

"Have you?" His 'attacker' asked, stopping in his tracks because wtf.  

 

Taemin nodded, lifting up his tshirt and gesturing to his lower back, "Like a tramp stamp or something...it'll make me look harder." 

 

"Harder." Jongin snorted immaturley, "What would you get?" 

 

Taemin didn't really want to say and immediately regretting starting this conversation but oh well. "Like some sugar for Sugar and some honey for you or something god I dunno."  

 

Jongin burst out laughing, "Real hard Minnie, real hard. Sweet condiments always make me think of bad asses." He sniggered, making himself calm down before returning to his 'I'm gonna attack you' position. "Come on. This was your idea." He tutted, when Taemin gave him the bored eyes again. 

 

"I know but now we're actually doing it, it seems stupid." 

 

"It's not." Jongin insisted, "Self defense is important and Key's methods suck. So just be a good boy and beat the shit out of me ok?" 

 

"Fine." Taemin huffed, shrugging and putting up both hands into fists, just as Jongin had showed him in their first 'lesson'.  

 

"Ok 1, 2-" Jongin started, not bothering to get to 3 before he leapt into the air and tackled his ex to the floor in one easy move, pinning the poor blonde underneath him before Taemin even had a chance to throw one punch. 

 

"Are you KIDDING me?! I wasn't ready!!" Taemin screeched, "You can't fucking count you moron!"  

 

"Well you're not gonna be ready in the real world are you?!" Jongin shrieked, having a lot more difficulty than he'd thought keeping hold of the blonde because holy crap could that kid squirm.  

 

And then the biting started. 

 

"YOW!" Jongin cried, leaping off Taemin and cradling his right arm which now had a few nasty teeth indents in it. "I told you!! No biting!! It sucks!!" 

 

"It clearly doesn't." Taemin smirked, smiling evily and not making any effort to get up. With most of the junk and scrap metal cleared to the side, it was actually nice to be able to lay on the grass in front of their little trailer, knowing they wouldn't get kicked out any minute.  

 

"No!" Jongin snapped, "Bites are only good for minor booboos, not if you wanna give a proper big ass owie."  

 

"So fuckin bossy." Taemin tutted, reluctantly allowing his ex to help pull him up. 

 

Jongin sighed, "Come on Minnie take this seriously. This is important." 

 

The puppy dog eye card always worked so Taemin agreed. 

 

"OK." Jongin beamed again, "Let's try it again but turn away and let's see if you can get me off if I attack from behind." 

 

"Behind." Taemin smirked, his turn to be immature as he spun around and wiggled a few times, waiting to be pounced on.  

 

"Ok, 1, 2-" 

 

"3!!" Taemin yelled, turning back to this time be the attacker himself and throwing his whole body at Jongin just as the latter had done to him.  

 

His tactics didn't work as well though. Jongin neither fell to the ground, nor was unable to escape, but instead chucked him off so easily it was utterly mortifying.  

 

"HAHAHAHAHAHA." Came a new voice as Sehun poked his head out of the trailer's door, pissing himself laughing at the ridiculous sight he'd just had the luck of witnessing. Taemin making a fool out of himself=gold.  

 

"Yeah?!" Taemin yelled, getting up defensively and storming a few paces towards Sehun who was still casually hanging out of the trailer, smirking. "You think you can take me?! Come on! Let's go! Right now!" 

 

"My god." Sehun scoffed, the outraged look on the blonde idiot's face only making him more amused, "You're like one of those annoying little yappy dogs that has to keep asserting it's dominance when actually you couldn't squash a bug."  

 

Jongin accidentally let out a laugh at that strangely accurate description so Taemin turned his outrage to him instead. "Ok that's it. Prepare for the biggest fucking owie of your life." He hissed, rolling up invisible sleeves before putting both fists in the air.  

 

Sehun just sat himself down, wishing he had popcorn or something as, before Jongin even had the chance to brace himself, Taemin went into full on attack mode and the two of them fell to the ground in a fit of the most ridiculous 'wrestling' Sehun had ever seen.  

 

Half hearted punches were thrown from both sides but each just ended up hitting thin air. Mostly it was just manic scrabbling and there was clearly no winner. 

 

"I WIN." Taemin screamed, when as by sheer chance, he was the one who just happened to be on top. 

 

Jongin gave up in defeat, letting his body go limp underneath the blonde as Sehun started cackling again.  

 

"You smell really good??" Taemin said randomly, deciding to dismiss Sehun's prensese as nothing but an annoying toddler attention seeking. Plus he also didn't want to give the idiot the satisfaction of knowing he was getting to him.  

 

Jongin cleared his throat guiltily before chucking the blonde off him and getting up, very peaved because he was sure his jimjams would be covered in grass stains by now.  

 

"Like what is that?" Taemin continued, taking it upon himself to start sniffing all over Jongin's neck and shoulders, even having the cheek to lift one of the bear's arms up and stick his head in there too.  

 

"EW OH GOD. GET A FUCKING ROOM." Sehun cried, practically gagging as he decided that ok, he was done. Taemin ration over for the day.  

 

"It's so familiar?" Taemin asked, still buried into his ex's underarms before the latter yanked away.  

 

"It's yours ok?!" Jongin snapped, feeling his cheeks stain embarrassingly fast, "My soap ran out so I washed with your shit, god, sue me!"  

 

It was a lie though. He still had a good half a bottle left, he'd just wanted to smell like Taemin so yeah.  

 

"Calm down!" Taemin laughed, "You think I'm gonna be mad because you borrowed my soap?" 

 

"You get mad when I borrow your underwear." 

 

"Yeah but that's just gross. And I don't need your fat ass stretching them out." Taemin tutted, beaming as Sugar came scampering down the track towards them, his face soon falling when he realized she had a giant rat in her mouth. 

 

"Ow BAD kitty!!" Taemin scolded, storming to the little cat who immediately put her ears down. 

 

"I thought you wanted her to catch rats?" 

 

"I did." Taemin said indignantly, grabbing the poor kitty by the scruff of her neck to make her drop the poor prey, "But that was before she comes home everyday giving me dead things to clean up and with breath that smells like corpses." 

 

Jongin watched in amusement as Taemin continued to scold the bemused cat, picking her up before hopping over some of the rubbish that was left and barging past Sehun to get inside the trailer.  

 

"But you had chicken last night." Jongin pointed out, deciding to follow because it looked like that was the end of their self defense lesson apparently.  

 

It was so early, that when they got back inside everyone was still curled up asleep (or at least faking it); Sunyoung and Minho spread out on the floor whilst Jongkey remained snoring in the bedroom.  

 

"What's your point?" Taemin snapped, barging passed a perplexed looking Sehun again to get to the bathroom and dumping Sugar (who was yowling bloody murder) in the sink for a much needed bath. 

 

"Well you can't be annoyed at the poor kitten for having rat corpse breath if you have chicken corpse breath can you?" Jongin said blankly, "That's just hypocritical."  

 

Taemin turned to face his ex slowly, the most horrified look on his face as Sehun watched and sniggered from outside the door, Sugar still continuing to yowl as the water got her ears wet.  

 

Another strained yell came from the bedroom, presumably Key telling them to shut the ef up although no one was sure because with the water running, it was hard to hear anything clearly. Seriously though, when the water tank came on it was so loud that you could hear the annoying hum from a good few trailers down the track. Still not as irritating as the loud music and yelling coming from next door every morning, noon and night though.  

 

After Sugar had suffered her bath, it was Sehun who kindly reminded Jongin that it wasn't actually that early anymore and he needed to go earn some money.  

 

It was then that the stupid bear almost forgot about the break up yet again and went to kiss Taemin goodbye, remembering at the last second and pretending the gesture was actually for Sugar instead, who was still being held captive in the blonde's arms.  

 

"See you guys la-" he started, just about to walk out the door when- 

 

"GO ALREADY FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST LEAVE!!!" Came another yell, this time definitely Key, obviously still pissed they'd been being so loud. Having their own space had many perks but quiet mornings weren't one of them that's for sure.  

 

Taemin felt that horrible heart wrenching tug on his chest as he saw Jongin leave, finally releasing Sugar who was gonna have a fit if he didn't soon.  

 

He knew he was being irrational to dread the alone time of the daily grind like this. He shouldn't be feeling how he did. It wasn't what he'd thought would happen at all, and he certainly hadn't prepared himself for these kind of emotions.  

 

Honestly (and he knew this sounded kinda bad but eh) he'd really thought that it would be Jongin who wouldn't cope well with them apart whilst he'd be absolutely fine.  

 

Actually, the stupid bear was doing really fucking well in some ways. He had his moments obviously; he hadn't had a personality transplant or anything, but he was so much more stable than Taemin would have given him credit for. Changing their living situation had helped him tip the balance and he was definitely out of his slump, despite not quite being back to the innocent kid Taemin had met in that alleyway.  

 

Taemin on the other hand was still a wreck and really hadn't recovered from street life one little bit. Outwardly he was coping; after all Taemin was a pro at putting on a brave face, at making everything seem fine by hiding any real emotion under snarky comments and fake humor.  

 

Don't get him wrong, living in the trailer was a world away from being homeless but that didn't mean it wasn't still hard. And in weird way Taemin was actually feeling bored and...lonely?  

 

Bartending was miserable and often he found himself longing for the hot sweaty club he used to strip in but he wouldn't mention it because he knew how that would go down.  

 

Sometimes it just felt like the others had direction, places they wanted to go, whilst Taemin was still this lost little bunny, all alone with nothing but spice to comfort him.  

 

Such stupid, self pitying thoughts maybe but with Jongin and Sehun close to getting into the program which might potentially lead them to college, Minho and Sunyoung cozying up more and more and planning a life together, Key seemingly enjoying his side of working at the bar and Jonghyun's endless search for work continuing, it left Taemin feeling purposeless and in desperate need for the constant changing to stop.  

 

Today was no different. 

 

Everyone was out; Jongin and Key at work, Sehun at the shelter dealing with shit with Taeyeon (he'd started going there a lot more recently), Sunho and Jonghyun continuing the never ending job hunt (hopefully), leaving Taemin alone, standing in the middle of their trailer, staring blankly at all the empty packets of food and cigarettes.  

 

He tried to tell himself to stop being such a fuckin depressive. Comparatively, everything was rainbows and daisies now and he just had to keep reminding himself of how much they'd grown. Bie was never gonna come back beaten again, Key was never gonna have blood on his hands, Minho was never going to go on another murder mission, Siwon was rotting behind bars... 

 

Oh god, don't mention him. 

 

Taemin clamped his eyes shut as the soothing thoughts turned into horrible ones within a millisecond. If there was one thing he still truly couldn't get over; it was the night he'd been stabbed. The sheer terrifyingness of all those horrible emotions came back frighteningly often and there was nothing he could do about it. 

 

No more thinking. Time for some spice. 

 

"Don't look at me like that." He said flatly, watching as Sugar glared at him judgeingly from her kitchen sink bed. As you've probably cottoned onto by now- Taemin was only allowed 2 spliffs a day and never alone but he was utterly beyond caring.   

 

"I said stop it." He snapped, taking a blissful drag before walking up to the little cat to tickle her ears. "You're not allowed to judge your daddy like this ok? Stop giving me those eyes." He carried on firmly, although his insides started to melt as the gentle hum of purrs began filling up the trailer.  

 

"Yeah baby I know I know." He cooed, "Not a good idea to get high when no one's around...but I'm not on my own am I? I have you." 

 

Another drag as Sugar lent into the ear scratch.  

 

Taemin sighed, she was way too cute to stay mad at for long, and really he supposed he was only pissed at himself.   

 

At least the spice was helping the time to pass. It always seemed to make boring things interesting which was a plus too, especially when you were by yourself.  

 

The first spliff lasted him a whole hour- a long fucking time, maybe even a record, but he paced himself because he was still trying to be good. Undoubtedly if he told Bie that though he'd get no praise, only dirty looks and tellings off.  

 

He was going to stop there, honestly that was the plan but as you can imagine, when Taemin was high willpower was not a quality he possessed so one quickly became two, which quickly became three, until it snowballed so far that by mid afternoon he'd chainsmoked no less than six fucking spliffs.  

 

Even as high as he was by this point, he was still angry at himself that he'd lost control on this scale, totally in dread that he'd get caught by Bie...or even worse SEHUN and never hear the fucking end of it. He'd broken all his rules and he only had himself to blame. Well, himself and Sugar who should've bit him or something to stop this madness. Stupid cat.  

 

At 5pm exactly, the music started booming from next door's trailer yet again. Usually it wouldn't bother Taemin all that much, it was Key that got really pissed off with it, but today...well today let's face it, Taemin was not in a laid back mood.  

 

And another thing that was just fucking aggravating, was that they STILL hadn't hardly laid eyes on the bastards. Like what the hell, were they vampires? What the fuck was going on? 

 

That was it. Highs often took you in different directions but right now, all Taemin could feel was the impulsive need to be heard.  

 

He got up from lying on the bed way too fast, his head spinning a few times before he crashed back down, so almost hitting his head on the cupboards that it was terrifying.  

 

"Oopsies." He blurbled, lifting himself up shakily, honestly shocked he felt this weird vertical.  

 

After a couple of moments of trying to let his body acclimatize to the new position, he was finally able to stumble his way out of the trailer, the world still spinning just as badly as before but at least he was keeping upright.  

 

Mmm...it smelled like barbecue in the yard...and huh, the grass was so crunchy, how had he never noticed that before?...Why had he come outside again?  

 

"SUGARPLUM!" He suddenly shrieked, turning back and expecting to see Sugar even though she never came when called, "You disobedient little...!" He started, when the booming music got a little louder as if to be helpful and remind him what the heck he was doing. 

 

"Oh yeahhhh!!" He squealed, bolting to the rock dividers separating the two trailers and almost falling over again as he kept overestimating what his body could cope with.  

 

"HEY LOSERS!" He screamed, trying to kick one of the rocks down but only ending up stubbing his foot so hard tears welled in his eyes. "TURN IT FUCKIN DOWN YOU FUCKIN FUCKTARDS!" 

 

After pausing for all of 2 seconds, waiting for a reply that never came, he yelled again, "HEY! I KNOW YOU CAN FUCKING HEAR ME!" He shrieked, although that was a lie. With the volume of music at about 100 decibels, Taemin could hardly even hear himself.  

 

Getting frustrated, he kicked the rock fence again, stubbing his toe a second time in exactly the same place, making him cry out in agony.  

 

"Now look what you made me do!!" He started to wail, but it was clearly no use. The yelling was getting him nowhere and the only option he had left was to march in there himself and force them to turn it fucking down.  

 

So that's exactly what he tried to do, except he'd only just managed to pull himself barely half over the rocks before a familiar bear like figure caught his peripheral vision as Jongin came running down the track towards him, his expression a mixture of shock and confusion.  

 

"What the hell are you doing?!" he gasped, finally reaching the blonde who was still half dangling on the rocks separating the two trailers. "Get off there you psycho!"  

 

Taemin tried, he really did, it's just the world was still spinning at a terrifying pace so all he managed to do was slide further down, unable to find the ground with his feet.  

 

It didn't take long for Jongin to realize what state his ex was in. He'd seen those strange movements a thousand times before. He knew exactly what that wide eyed, barely there look meant.  

 

"Minnie!!" He hissed, grabbing Taemin's waist to pull him up and off the rocks, "What the fuck are you doing getting high in the day? What's wrong with you?!" 

 

Taemin smiled, his expression changing completely as he forgot about his anger towards the loud music, melting into Jongin's arms happily. "Whyyy aren't you at work?" He slurred, time moving at all the wrong speed as he felt himself being dragged inside by a now very, very grumpy looking bumblebie, who was obviously utterly dumbfounded that this was actually happening.  

 

"Get in there." Jongin snapped, practically throwing Taemin down on the bed before running to one of the kitchen cupboards, grabbing a paper cup and filling it with water from the bathroom sink. 

 

Taemin just started down at it blankly as Jongin tried to hand it over. He wasn't thirsty and the bastard hadn't even answered his question. "Whyy are you back from work already?"  

 

Jongin gave him daggers before giving up with the drink and setting it down on the grimey windowsill. "Because." He snapped, "It's fucking over you dickhead. It's 6pm. Fuck. How long have you been high? Where are the others?!"  

 

For some strange reason Taemin found Jongin's tone incredibly funny. There was just something about his cute little outraged face, the way his eyebrows furrowed to look like 2 little caterpillars, his plump lips fully in a pout, his hair sticking up in all directions like he's been electrocuted. The stupid work uniform only added to how comical the idiot looked, and within seconds, Taemin was exploding into hysterical, crazed giggles.  

 

Jongin just stood there watching, not at all in the mood to deal with high Taemin after a long day at work. "Minnie." He said sternly, "Where. Are. The. Others?"  

 

"I don't know!!" Taemin giggled, "They went looking for jobs but they haven't come back....maybe they've left us for good!!" 

 

Apparently the notion that they'd been abandoned by their friends was even more amusing than Jongin's pissed off face so the laugher continued, only getting more out of control as it carried on.  

 

Jongin groaned and picked up the cup of water again, sitting down on the bed next to his ex to try and tempt the idiot to drink it. Sometimes water helped when Taemin was high. It was rare, but worth a shot. Anything was worth a shot.  

 

"Drink it." Jongin ordered, putting the cup up to Taemin's lips who refused to obey, instead taking great pleasure in being difficult.  

 

"Do I look like I'm in the mood right now?" Jongin snapped, "Just do as you're fucking told for once in your life for gods sakes plea-" 

 

Very abruptly Taemin's laugher stopped and he took a long, large gulp of the liquid, his cheeks puffing out as he refused to swallow.  

 

"What are you...?" Jongin started, cut off as all the water in Taemin's mouth came spurting into his face, the blonde exploding into more crazed hysteria afterwards.  

 

"TAEMIN!" Jongin screeched, yanking backwards as the blonde leaned towards him, his tongue out as if he wanted to lick it all off.  

 

"It'll be tastier on your face." Taemin smirked, "You smell like chips and chicken corpses." 

 

Jongin gave him yet another dark look, his face still dripping wet. There was nothing to wipe it on so he just ended up drying himself on his shirt which needed the wash anyway.  

 

"Ugh." He groaned, backing up to get as far away from the lunatic who used to be Taemin as possible.  

 

Taemin whined as weight left the bed, confused himself that Jongin wasn't finding the situation as funny as he was. "Where are yooou going?" He squeaked, but his question was soon answered when Jongin got out his phone and wondered to the other end of the trailer, the only place they seemed to have signal.  

 

It was very handy that everyone had phones now, something that Jongin would never take for granted again. The annoying thing was though, you could never guarantee an answer.  

 

He tried Jonghyun first, given he was usually the most reliable. Nothing.  

 

Sehun next. Also nothing, although the kid had left a highly amusing 'hi this is Oh Sehun, I'm not here right now obviously so please leave a message after the beep" type recording which he'd no doubt get teased about mercilessly later when Taemin's high was long forgotten about.  

 

After Sehun it was Minho, no answer there too. Then Sunyoung and as you can guess, more hopeless ringing.  

 

Key was a last resort but Jongin tried anyway although he knew it was utterly pointless given the two of them really weren't on speaking terms and hardly even acknowledged each other's existence since moving into the trailer. It was a shame because Jongin actually considered Key a friend nowadays, but what could he expect. If roles had been reversed and Key'd been the one to hit Taemin (or any of the other's in fact), Jongin would be equally as icy towards him so he couldn't judge.  

 

"Babybiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Came a whine from the bedroom as Taemin practically melted off the bed and onto the floor, pointing at his foot with a huge pout on his lips. "I have another owie!!" 

 

Giving up with the phoning, Jongin turned back to the idiot, trying to calm himself because this was nothing that they hadn't dealt with 100 times before and he was determined not to lose his shit. High Taemin was just a part of life, and he'd accepted that a long time ago. "Do you?" He said flatly, watching as a very clumsy Taemin yanked off his right sneaker to reveal the mother of all bruises forming on his big toe, courtesy of kicking the rocks way too hard.  

 

"Shit you idiot!" Jongin gasped, rushing towards the blonde to inspect what the dummy had done to himself. "How did you-?" 

 

"You have to kiss it better." Taemin smiled, pout now gone as he held his foot up, so it was practically touching Jongin's lips.  

 

Ignoring him, Jongin got up again to distance himself because again, there was no use getting mad or trying to make any sense of anything when the kid was this high.  

 

"KISS IT BETTER!" Taemin shrieked, still holding his right leg high in the air and wiggling his toes indignantly, "Fuck! Don't you care?! I think it's broooken!!"  

 

"If you can wiggle it, it's not broken." Jongin snapped, crossing his arms like a school teacher.  

 

"Who told you that?!" 

 

"Sehun." 

 

"Tchh!!" Taemin scoffed, shakily getting up and having to literally grasp onto the kitchen counter for balance, "He's full of shit!" 

 

Jongin shook his head and reluctantly went to steady the blonde, supporting him by his waist again to lead him back to bed.  

 

Once again Taemin let himself melt into the contact, practically purring into his ex lover's arms.  

 

"Oh my god, how many have you had?" Jongin snapped, refusing to fall for the adorable noises escaping the blonde's lips, even though it was very fucking hard to stay stern with someone that you wanted so badly to hold yourself.  

 

"Oh I dunno...like...6ish?" 

 

"6!?" Jongin screeched, dropping the idiot down on the mattress and reluctantly settling next to him even though that probably wasn't the best idea.  

 

"I said ISH...it could've been less..."  

 

"Fuck!! I'm surprised you haven't been sick everywhere!"  

 

Taemin giggled again, "Don't get your knickers in a twist Bie, it's only spice...it's not like it's dangerous."  

 

Jongin gave him another dark look before opening up the covers and gesturing for the idiot to get inside.  

 

"Aww you're tucking me in are you?" Taemin cooed, shuffling towards his ex for a flirtatious hug.  

 

The closeness felt like absolute heaven, like harps and angels should be singing hallelujah in the background but still Jongin made himself pull away. None of this was real, despite how much he wanted it to be. Honestly though, even though it was shameful, Jongin loved it when Taemin's high's made him clingy. He judged himself terribly for feeling this way but he just couldn't help it. Anybody would be the same though, surely? If the person they longed for showered them with affection now and again, even if it was because of a drug...?  

 

Of course Taemin's high's didn't usually go in this direction. Usually they made him angry, weepy, or just plain mean. It was rare for them to make him like this and Jongin hated how much he couldn't resist those dark, innocent orbs when all he should be feeling was crippling worry.  

 

"Oh don't leeeeaaavve me...." Taemin moaned, arms outstretched as Jongin got off the bed again and backed away towards the other end of the trailer again for his phone, suddenly remembering he had to call in 'sick' to the bar for Taemin.  

 

It only took one press of a number; he'd always had Taemin's work on speed dile as left over paranoia wasn't something he'd managed to shake.  

 

Taemin continued to moan as Jongin started talking, flailing around on the bed like a beached whale. He only caught the odd word of the phone call; "Yeah...very sick....sudden stomach flu...vomiting everywhere...diarrhea...."  

 

"DIARRHEA?" Taemin screeched, earning a very angry look from his ex who started stuttering into the phone nervously, "Oh that was just....just the TV...sorry I-"  

 

After a couple more moments of talking and in Taemin's case, moaning, Jongin shut off the phone, throwing it down on the sleeping bags before storming back to the bedroom angrily and opening the covers again pointedly. "Just get in." He ordered, "I'm not fucking playing around anymore. What would we do if you got fired huh?! What would we do then?" 

 

"Oh I don't know." Taemin smirked, lifting his top above his hip bone, the scar oddly noticeable in this light, "I guess I'd have to go back to stripping..." He carried on, seductively smirking afterwards.  

 

Jongin took a long inhale of breath to calm his nerves (and his down below), reminding himself yet again that there was no point in getting mad, getting emotional, getting anything. In this state there was no reasoning with the idiot, nothing to do but to just swallow it down and discuss it in the morning. Fuck. He deserved a medal for his patience tonight.  

 

"Go to bed Minnie." He said finally, after a lengthy pause, "Just sleep it off ok?" 

 

Taemin thought about it for a moment, about to disobey and get up again as sleep was surely no fun, when a light bulb flashed in his mind and his face lit up. "Ok!" He hummed happily, crawling haphazardly across the bed to where Jongin had opened the covers and allowing himself to be 'tucked in' like the good baby bear he was. "I'll sleep if you sleep too." He grinned, staring up at his ex with twinkly eyes.  

 

"I stink." Jongin said flatly, but didn't lean away as Taemin reached up to pull him closer.  

 

"Only of hamburgers." Taemin cooed, arms now firmly wrapped around a very frozen looking Jongin's neck.  

 

"Yeah. Well." Jongin said, trying to keep his cool, "Like I said this morning, you can't moan at Sugar for smelling like rat corpse if you don't mind the smell of....other corpse."  

 

Taemin collapsed into giggles again, kicking his feet wildly as Jongin stayed rigid. "Well I'll..." He started, unable to finish through the insane laughing fit, "I'll make an exception just this once...!" He finally squealed, nuzzling so deeply into Jongin's neck it was like he was trying to inhale the poor bear. "You actually don't smell that bad!" 

 

"I do Taemin now just-" Jongin started, cut off as the laughing stopped like a switch had been flicked and another mood swing started.  

 

"Ugggggghhh!!!" Came a long groan, "You're so frustrating!! Just get into fucking bed with me, god?! It's not like I'm asking for a lot here!?" 

 

Totally torn and with no idea what to do, Jongin just stayed put perching on the side of the bed, wincing as he felt finger nails dig into his shoulders. He hadn't seen Taemin this high in a long fucking time and it was a culture shock to say the least.  

 

"Fine." He said eventually, making the blonde beam brightly again as if he'd been happy all along.  

 

Once under the covers and in a tight hug, there were a few moments of blissful silence and Jongin really thought they were through the worst, innerly cheering at himself for handling the situation so well. But he was wrong. They weren't even half way done.  

 

Lips came crashing against his so fast that he didn't even get a chance to push off the deranged blonde before he was being straddled, Taemin's hips grinding against his own in a fit of pure lust. 

 

The kiss lasted way longer than Jongin would ever admit, tongues dancing together in a frenzy of delusion, hands grasping every bare inch of skin they could reach. It was insane and wrong and Jongin knew this wasn't real, that this was just the high making Taemin act this way, yet still he couldn't find the willpower to pull away.  

 

He'd been dreaming about this moment for so many months, imagining how it would feel to hold Taemin properly again, to feel his soft skin, to hear his desperate moans...but not like this.  

 

"No!" He gasped, yanking backwards so hard he almost hit his head on the wall, "Minnie! Stop it! You're only doing this cus you're off you're head!"  

 

"Who cares?" Taemin grinned, clambering back on top of his ex with a surprising amount of coordination. 

 

"Me!!" Jongin screeched, turning his head to the side as lips came crashing towards him again, this time littering messy kisses all along his jawline before trailing down to his neck. 

 

In another moment of madness he allowed himself to shut his eyes, basking in the wonderful feeling of being wanted...needed...desired...before making himself snap out of it again.  

 

Shamefully he was already rock hard though, it was utterly mortifying. Taemin really was the best manipulator in the world, even when high. He'd always know exactly what buttons to press, exactly what drove Jongin crazy in the worst and best possible ways. None of it was deliberate of course, but it was still unsettling just how good the kid was at getting his own way, even in this state. 

 

"Minnie I...don't do this...not like this..." Jongin began, his words so halfhearted even he didn't believe them. 

 

"Shhh shh babybie, it's ok, you worry too much...let's just have a bit of fun..." Taemin purred, slipping a hand downwards and palming at Jongin's crotch clumsily as he continued to grind both their bodies together, almost slipping off a couple of times. 

 

"I don't want it to be like this tho-" Jongin murmured, stopping to gasp in ecstasy at one particularly sinful crotch grab, "It's...it's like I'd be taking advantage of you...you won't feel like this in the morning..."  

 

"UGH." Taemin groaned, mood switching again as he sat up stroppily, "What's WITH you?! Stop being such a fucking goody goody and bang the shit out of me OK?"  

 

Now it was Jongin's turn to get beyond frustrated. He wanted to say no, he wanted to push his ex lover away, to do the right thing and not be a fucking reckless idiot, but wanting to do something only gets you so far when the temptation and desire is this overwhelming.  

 

"Bie I swear to GOD if you don't say something I'm gonna rape your ass right now." Taemin said harshly, his fists clutching at the fabric of Jongin's uniform desperately.  

 

"Oh what the fuck-" Jongin started, unable to finish as the blonde misread the statement as consent and a plump set of needy lips came bulldozing down onto his own, a sloppy kiss feeling like it was almost suffocating him with pleasure. 

 

Willpower now out the window, Jongin began to rip Taemin's top off, but wasn't even given a second to feast his eyes on the blonde before the same was being done to him. 

 

"Oh my god I forgot how much I like your man boobs?!" Taemin squeaked, diving down to suck on a nipple, one hand still palming Jongin's crotch, the other clutching at his lover's hair manically.  

 

"I don't have man boobs!" Jongin shrieked, deciding to take charge and flip them over without warning. "And you saw me naked yesterday! Have you forgotten them already?!" 

 

It was true. Privacy was still incredibly lacking, especially as Taemin just didn't give one flying fuck about boundaries (as you probably know by this point) and would happily take a piss or even worse whilst anyone was showering. Except Sehun. 

 

"Yeah but I didn't get to appreciate them close up did I?" Taemin cooed, latching onto Jongin's right nipple again like it was the tastiest treat he'd ever sucked.  

 

Jongin ignored him because what did he expect when having sex with a high person really. And besides, it was becoming obvious that Taemin was fast becoming bored of the nipple obsession already, instead moving his attention further south to the huge bulge coming from Jongin's pants.  

 

Jongin pretended not to notice, deciding to be selfish and whip off the blonde's holey jeans instead, boxers and all leaving him completely naked and still giggling like a lunatic.  

 

Sadly again though, there was no time to take in the strangely arousing hot mess before Taemin decided he'd had enough of being passive and switched their positions yet again, returning to his favorite straddling one.  

 

Undressing Jongin took far longer because Taemin was determined to do it himself, swatting the poor bear's hands away whenever he tried to help and his coordination was totally off from the spice.  

 

Once both naked though, it was actually Jongin who remembered about condoms and lube and hastily got up, leaving a very perplexed looking Taemin to run to one of the kitchen cupboards and get them. (Yes kitchen. It wasn't like there was anywhere else.)  

 

Feeling now properly sick and so disorientated he almost didn't know what was happening, Taemin spread himself out on the mattress, content to let Jongin do whatever he wanted.  

 

Unaware to just how bad the spice's effects were getting, Jongin rushed like a lunatic to get the condoms on and Taemin thoroughly lubed up, in such an overexcited daze that he felt high himself.  

 

"Mmmm..." Taemin purred, shutting his eyes in delusional contentment as he felt fingers penetrate deep inside, his fingernails curling into Jongin's hair as the latter treated him to some serious double stimulation from a blowjob as well.  

 

He didn't know if it was just his heightened senses or what, but it felt so good that his body was practically spasming with pleasure within the first 2 minutes.  

 

And he had no time to compose himself as only a few moments later fingers and a warm mouth left him, as something else much larger stretched his hole as Jongin pushed his way inside, kissing every inch of skin he could reach.  

 

It honestly was blissful and Taemin just let himself enjoy the moment, his eyes still tight shut as all his senses were bombarded at once. The deep thrusts made his stomach feel like it was burning, the spice intensifying the feelings so much it was almost like euphoric torture.  

 

They came both only seconds apart, Taemin first, making him clench so hard around Jongin that it pushed him over the edge too.  

 

For those few moments of climax, nothing was wrong in the whole world. God, Jongin had missed this feeling so much- being this close, sharing something so special with the love of your life. It was the closest to heaven he'd ever reach.  

 

After a few more glorious pounds for good measure, he allowed himself to gaze down at the blonde happily, expecting to see the same big smile plastered on his lover's lips that he was sure was on his own. Except that wasn't the sight he was met by.  

 

Taemin, who's climax had ended a good few minutes before was still quivering very weirdly, his eyes remaining tight shut, almost like he was in pain.  

 

"Oh my god what?!" Jongin shrieked, pulling out in horror, horrible feelings of nostalgia and immense guilt settling in his chest at what a selfish bastard he'd been to take advantage of someone this fucked up. "Are you ok? Minnie?!" 

 

"Yeah yeah..." Taemin murmured, refusing to open his eyes because if he did he knew he'd be sick. The whole world felt like it was spinning, and he could feel his consciousness slipping away into dream land horribly fast. "I just feel....funny...." 

 

"Fuck!" Jongin gasped, "I'm so so sorry!! I-" 

 

"No no..." Taemin cut in, "It's not....a big deal...I'll just...sleep it off."  

 

"Ok?!" Jongin nodded, still in panic mode but there was nothing he could do now except wait and hope Taemin wouldn't look any worse in which case the only other option was 911.  

 

"I love you so so much, you know that don't you?" He gasped hopelessly, bending down to kiss the blonde's very hot, sweaty forehead.  

 

"I know." Taemin hummed, "Thanks." And then he was out like a light.  

 

\---  

 

Jongin hadn't felt this sick to the stomach in a long time. Snuggling next to Taemin after sex should have been all his dreams come true but that wasn't what it was like at all.  

 

He was left feeling like a monster again, cradling his lover who he honestly didn't know if was unconscious or just sleeping.  

 

As expected, Taemin lurched to be sick several times in the night however, which in a way was a relief because at least his body was trying to deal with the shit that'd been so recklessly forced upon it. 

 

Luckily Jongin hadn't even tried to fall asleep himself so managed to catch the last few incidents at least in an old washing up bowl. It was disgusting and weirdly de ja vu-ish. Back in their derelict shithole days, he'd spent his whole life catching Taemin sick.  

 

It was near 3am when the others finally returned, another huge relief because Jongin was beginning to seriously worry.  

 

He'd just cleaned up Taemin's forth vomiting spree (thankfully now all that was coming up was water so it hadn't taken long) when he heard his friend's distinctive voices outside and peered through a crack in the loose fabric they'd hung as curtains to see everyone walking towards the trailer slowly, solemn expressions on all of their faces.  

 

In yet another panic, Jongin splashed his face with cold water to get off as many blonde cooties as possible, before rushing into the bedroom and shoving on his discarded work uniform so fast that everything was inside out.  

 

Sehun was the first one to enter the trailer, making a loud gagging noise when the strong aroma of spice laced down his throat and into his lungs. 

 

"Fuck-!" He swore, about to carry on when Jongin burst in from the bedroom angrily.  

 

"Where the HELL have you guys been?! I fucking phoned you! And you! And you!! What even is the point in having-?!" 

 

 "Not now Jongin." Jonghyun said, unusually firmly as everyone made their way inside, cramming themselves into the living/kitchen space so tightly there wasn't hardly any room to breathe. 

 

"Where's Minnie?" Key asked harshly, squeezing past Jongin to get to the bedroom and scowling at him murderously when he saw what a wreck the blonde looked; still naked and covered in sweat and sick. "Fucking shitting hell."  

 

"He got really high today." Jongin said nervously, trying and failing to hide his guilt, "Like...scary high."  

 

"Yeah well that's the least of our worries." Sehun grumbled, as he too was pushed aside by Jonghyun who also made his way into the bedroom to examine Taemin, muttering a few hushed words to Key about the fact that they still couldn't keep their fucking eyes off the kid for a second.  

 

"Why? What's happened? Why the fuck are you guys so late?!" Jongin exclaimed, just noticing the tear streaks down both Sunyoung and Minho's faces.  

 

"Sunho had some very 'interesting' news for us tonight when we all met up to come back here." Key hissed, barging past Jongin yet again to get to the bathroom sink and wet a piece of tissue before running back to the blonde and dabbing his forehead with it.  

 

"Interesting?!" Jongin repeated, "What the fuck?!" 

 

Sunyoung looked down to the ground, only a few small sniffles heard before Key laughed in the most cold, crazed way Jongin had ever heard. "Frog boy's going to be a daddy!" He squealed, "Isn't that great?! Isn't that just WOOOOOONNNDERFULLLL? Aren't you just so SO happy?!" 

 

\--- 

 

So there you go *cries* 

Much love! Xx 


	37. Talks: Four Ex Prostitutes, An Ex Drug Dealer, A Toddler, And Whatever The F*ck Newbie Is

The next morning came around far too quickly. After absolutely no explanation or discussion the night before, Jongin had been told to just "fucking go to sleep" and that they'd talk the next morning, when everyone wasn't so exhausted and Taemin wasn't rolling around vomiting.  

 

Except of course they hadn't. Jongin needed to go to work, Taemin still hadn't stopped vomiting so needed to be looked after and everyone else had schedules of their own that needed to be dealt with, meaning that when the sun decided to finally poke it's unwelcome head up, everyone basically got ready for the day in a mechanical trance, the only difference being that Jonghyun opted to stay in the bedroom with Taemin, a cold flannel and a sick bowl at their side to prepare for the joyous day ahead.  

 

It was at lunchtime when Jongin was sitting eating chips by himself beside the back dumpsters when the news really hit him. They were going to have another mouth to feed, another thing to worry and look after, another giant weight they couldn't handle.  

 

It wasn't even like they could look after themselves properly, still, holy shit. Last night had been an even bigger, painful reminder of that. Leaving Taemin that morning had been even worse than finding him yesterday evening. The guilt was just unbearable and in a heartbeat, their whole world almost seemed just as fucked up as before. And Jesus, what the hell would drive Taemin to lose control like that with spice again? Was this their new problem to tackle, just another thing to deal with on the long never ending list of shit in their lives?   

 

No. 

 

Deep breaths. 

 

Chill, Jongin, chill.  

 

A minor setback is nothing. Shit happens. Jongin was stronger now, he wasn't going to break, not again. They could get through this, they could get through anything. He just needed a bit of bloody optimism for once in his fucking life so he wouldn't fall back into bad habits. Optimism or...denial. Maybe denial sounded easier thinking about it, let's go with that. 

 

On autopilot, but still freaking out if he was honest, he spent the rest of the day trying to avoid all these mixed up thoughts and stay in the moment. Therapists are always going on about mindfulness, right? So he was actually being healthy. Right. Right?  

 

After work was over, he rushed home the fastest ever to see Taemin, at the same time dreading what was coming even though he had no clue what to expect.  

 

He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not, but everyone was there when he arrived; Jonghyun on the phone calling in sick again for Taemin, who was curled up next to Key on the ground in their 'living space', shakily sipping a plastic cup filled with...Jongin had to crane his neck to see...Oh, just water, phew...Sehun was sitting on the work top in the kitchen, a solemn expression on his face as he stared down at his phone intently, like he was trying to escape himself inside it. Then lastly, the bedroom door was shut but not so quiet voices were heard coming from inside so Jongin presumed that's where Minho and Sunyoung were, understandably needing some space.  

 

"Hey." Jongin said quietly, trying not to disturb Jonghyun's phone call, as he crouched down next to Taemin and Key, putting a gentle hand on the blonde's thighs.  

 

"Hey." Taemin croaked, smiling halfheartedly as Key let out a pointed grumble and got up to get as far away from the Taebie disaster zone as possible.  

 

"How are you?" Jongin asked, settling himself down in Key's warm spot. His voice sounded far more short and sharp than he intended and he had no idea why. "Do you remember what happened last night?" He added, slightly more softly.  

 

Taemin nodded glumly, "I'm sorry...yeah. I don't know what the fuck got into me." 

 

"Aren't you mad?" Jongin asked warily, genuinely confused. 

 

"...No?" 

 

"But I...we..." Jongin gulped, lowering his voice to barely more than a whisper, "I was just so fucking selfish and I took advantage but I just couldn't control my-" 

 

"Oh my god Bie calm down." Taemin tutted, taking an agonizingly long sip of his water, "I thought it'd be you who'd be mad at me" sip, "Jesus." another sip, "This is refreshing." 

 

"What?"  

 

"The water." Taemin smirked, "Not the situation. But I suppose it is kinda refreshing that we're both sorry for once." 

 

"Heh?" 

 

"Keep up Bie, it's me who's been being sick all day, not you." 

 

"Yeah well I've had a few things on my mind ok." 

 

"Replaying last night?" Taemin smirked. 

 

Jongin shouldn't have been surprised that the idiot still had enough energy to be cocky but strangely he still was. "Oh yeah." He hissed, "Replaying the wonders of coming back to my boyfr- ex person high off his head for the millionth time, screaming at the neighbors and-" he continued, pausing to lower his voice yet again just in case the others weren't as busy as they looked, "And be seduced to-" 

 

"Seduced!!" Taemin giggled, accidentally dribbling some water down his chin at that ridiculous word.  

 

"...and then find out that...that...Sunyoung..."  

 

Taemin's laughing stopped. "Ok you're right."  

 

"So you know?" 

 

"Of course I fucking know. I've been awake all day haven't I?" 

 

"Well I don't know. I haven't been here." 

 

"No you haven't." Taemin mumbled, "Thought you might've stayed home from work to look after me honestly." 

 

Jongin's jaw hit the ground as he made himself lower his voice even further so now all that was escaping from his lips were a few garbled hissy sounds, "Minnie! What's gotten into you?! Obviously I wanted to but-" 

 

"I'm KIDDING." Taemin moaned, raising instead of quieting his voice, "Sorry. I just. I'm not myself." 

 

Jongin thought he was exactly himself and that was the problem but decided not to argue. "What got into you yesterday? Why did you-?" 

 

"I dunno Bie fucking hell, can you just not interrogate me for once? Can't we just say 'stupid Minnie' and just go into sweet, sweet denial? It's not like we don't have bigger problems than me falling off the spice wagon just once is it..." 

 

"I guess." Jongin grumbled, "But you're back on the 2 a day... 'spice wagon' now, aren't you?" 

 

"Of course. It was just a slip up." 

 

Jongin sighed and deliberately held eye contact for a few seconds too long just to see if the idiot was bluffing. It was no use, he couldn't tell anyway.  

 

"That's it." Another voice snapped, making Taebie, as well as everyone else snap their heads up to look at Key, who was standing in the middle of the trailer, his arms crossed, his expression sour. Even more than Jongin, who'd pretty much decided he'd like to settle for good old fashioned denial this time, Key couldn't sit on burning questions or unanswered problems, and now everyone was home he couldn't wait any longer. "You two!" he screeched, barging past Jonghyun (who had luckily finished his phone call) to get the bedroom door, and banging on it a few times loudly because enough was enough. 

 

"Fuck!" Minho swore, opening it angrily, "Can't we get a minutes peace?!" 

 

"You've had peace all fucking day!" Key hissed, peering behind his friend to see Sunyoung sitting on the corner of the bed, her knees pulled up to her chin as Sugar gently purred beside her. The little kitty had gotten so used to loud tones of voice by this point that she hardly batted an eyelid to yelling anymore. "You can't just drop a bomb like that on us last night and then not fucking explain yourself!" 

 

"EXPLAIN?!" Minho boomed, honestly shocking Jongin because he'd never seen the guy lose his shit like that so fast. "What do you want me to say?!" 

 

"Ok just stop it guys..." Jonghyun cut in, having great difficulty squeezing between the two boys as the space was so tight, "Let's not overreact here. We just need have a little talk...calmly."  

 

After hardly more than a second of calmness passed, Taemin decided to stick his nose where it didn't belong. He may have still felt totally shitty and 'hungover' but that didn't mean he still couldn't have an opinion. "Well I really don't think it's all that bad anyway." he announced, making everyone except Sehun, who constantly avoided eye contact with the blonde even after all this time, snap their heads to face him indignantly. "What?" he squeaked, "We've coped with a lot worse than a baby, think about it. Life was shit...and now it's still pretty shit. But another load of shit isn't going to make much of a difference to the overall shit."  

 

"Would you stop referring to the fetus as shit Minnie." Jongin muttered, although no one except Sehun caught it (he had an ear for muttering.) 

 

Minho shook his head back and forth manically, unable to say anything without screaming, as Sunyoung finally decided to get off the bed, crawling across it to stand by him, her lip wobbling just like yesterday. 

 

Jongin felt really fucking sorry for her and it was only at that moment that it dawned on him that really, this was none of their fucking business, and however desperately he wanted answers or some kind of explanation, it wasn't his place to have an opinion anyway.  

 

"Guys." he piped up, "If Minho and Sun don't wanna talk then they don't have to. It's really none of our busine-" 

 

"Newbie if you say that one more time I swear to god-" Key hissed, only to be interrupted himself. 

 

"Jesus will everyone just chill?" Taemin squeaked, shakily getting up and stumbling his way towards Sunyoung to wrap a skinny arm around her. "We'll be great uncles if-" 

 

"Are you keeping it?" 

 

Everyone stared at Sehun in shock at that blunt question, weirdly relieved that someone had the balls to ask it.  

 

"You don't have to answer that." Minho said to Sunyoung darkly, grabbing her hand, Taemin's arm still wrapped tightly around her shoulders. 

 

"No it's ok." she said, swallowing the lump in her throat and turning to face Sehun, "We don't know." 

 

"Well whatever you guys decide, it'll be ok." Jonghyun piped up, sitting himself on the ground next to Jongin as the discussion had got started apparently and his legs couldn't hold him up any longer. "We'll be here for you."  

 

"It's not a baby yet." Sehun cut in, making everyone stare at him again. "What? It's not. It's just cells."  

 

Taemin yawned, finding it difficult to stay on his feet so in the end just came stumbling back to the ground, squashing himself between the 2 J's awkwardly. "I hate to agree with the toddler but he's right." he said, pausing as everyone turned their heads towards him instead, "What? Just cus I think having a little Minho around would be fun doesn't mean I'm not practical."  

 

Key was unable to hold in a few curse words as he folded his arms into a tight knot, deciding he'd had enough of standing and slumped down on the ground next to Jonghyun too, which created a weird kind of semicircular group looking up expectantly at Sehun who was still perched on the kitchen worktop next to Sunho, standing awkwardly at the bedroom door.  

 

"The bottom line is whatever happens, we'll find a way to survive like we always do." Jonghyun piped up, after a heavy pause. 

 

"We won't!" Minho spat, not letting go of Sunyoung's hand as the lip wobbling got worse. She wanted to be strong and not cry but trying to hold it in was only making it worse. Jongin knew what that was like. "We can barely look after ourselves!" Minho continued, "I can't find a job, Sun can't either, we can't fucking rely on you guys forever can we?!"  

 

"Well Sunyoung can." Taemin cut in, adding a rather inappropriate and tactless, "Seeing as she saved Bie and your lives. But I don't know about you." 

 

"Shut the fuck up Taemin, this is serious." Sehun hissed, outraged that the blonde would think this was an ok time to tease. 

 

"We don't even have enough food half the time!" Minho cried, ignoring the two interrupting idiots, "And it's winter soon and we still don't have heating...And what if that cops find us? What if some of the not so legal things we've done get out?! What then?!" 

 

"Wowowowowow...you're being crazy-" Jonghyun started. 

 

"I'm being a realist!! Key stabbed someone! Jongin beat the shit out of SEVERAL people! I USED TO BE A...DRUG...SELLER...GIVER...." 

 

"Just say dealer Minho, Jesus." Taemin scoffed. 

 

Silence fell as no one had the answer to any of Minho's questions and none of them had a clue what to say or how to make it better. 

 

"And what if..." A quiet voice started, as Sunyoung finally found her voice and swallowed down the lump in her throat, "What if they take it away? It happens all the time right? What if social services come and-" 

 

"We would NEVER let that happen." Key cut in, his tone laced with venom at the subject of care. 

 

Sunyoung nodded as a tear finally threatened to escape, teetering on the end of her lower lashes almost mockingly. She was usually so strong, so unmoved by the world. You might even describe her as cold and a little cut off, and yet about this, she felt totally weak and pathetic.  

 

It was Sehun who went in for the hug next, unable to stand watching someone he cared for look like that.  

 

"The government gives mommies money sometimes." Taemin interrupted, handing his paper cup to Jongin pointedly as if not so subtly asking for a refill.  

 

Jongin rolled his eyes but got up anyway, squeezing past Sehun and Sunyoung awkwardly to get to the bathroom sink as the kitchen one was still faulty as fuck. 

 

"They do." Jonghyun agreed, "It's not like you're unfit parents. They can't just take someone's baby away cus they're poor." 

 

"But." Sunyoung whispered, "We're not fit parents. None of us are."  

 

"That's not true." Key cut in harshly, scootching his legs in as Jongin threatened to trip as he made his way back to the blonde, cup now refilled. "If, and I mean IF you have this baby, we'll love it and protect it like no one else would in the world."  

 

Taemin nodded enthusiastically, wishing he hadn't cus the action made his head spin even more. "We'll be fucking great daddies." He agreed, stopping as Jongin gave him a look and mumbled "Uncles, you twat" under his breath. 

 

"Uncles then." Taemin corrected himself, "Like, I know we're dysfunctional but we'd be fiercely protective wouldn't we? Like mommy tigers." 

 

"...Mommy tigers?" Jongin asked, unable to stop himself. 

 

"Yeah like...you know." Taemin answered, carrying on when it was obvious Jongin didn't. "It's like when I was little, I always wanted a mommy like a tiger cus they're so protective and strong and they'll rip anyone's head off if they dare mess with their cubbies."  

 

Jongin nodded. Weirdly, that made sense.  

 

Minho, who'd thus far gone back to his usual silent self, his face white as a ghost as this conversation continued, finally spoke again. "No." He said darkly, "Sun's right. We're not fit parents, none of us are. We're four ex prostitutes, an ex drug 'dealer', a toddler...and whatever the fuck Newbie is. We can't bring a perfect, innocent little baby into this horrible, horrible world just to screw it up."  

 

"Tch." Key tutted, a strange noise that really didn't fit the moment. "You sound just like them." He added, nodding to the door as if that made sense. 

 

"Heh." Sehun squeaked, just as confused as everyone else. 

 

"THEM." Key repeated indignantly, "Outside world people who think guys like us are worthless, no good creeps who deserve the life we live. They think just cus we've done bad things that makes us bad people." 

 

"It gets in your head and then you start believing it too." Jonghyun agreed, "Key's right. Just cus we've been through shit, just cus we've made mistakes, doesn't mean we're horrible."  

 

Sunyoung nodded and smiled meekly, somewhat reassured by those sweet words. Minho on the other hand, was not. "Look around Jonghyun. Horrible people or not, there's barely enough space for the seven of us as it is. We can't ask you guys to put up with-" 

 

"But I mean a baby is tiny though." Taemin cut in, earning a few more exasperated looks for his good intentions.  

 

"Their stuff isn't though is it, idiot." Sehun snapped, "And all they do is cry and poop and generally suck all your enery away."  

 

"That's all Minnie does anyway." Jongin blurted, earning a few glares himself. Damn. Hanging around with Taemin so much only made the inappropriate blurts worse. 

 

After a lengthy pause (this conversation seemed to be full of them), it was Key who eventually decided to take charge. "Look." He said, "If you decide to have the baby it's gonna be hard, really hard. There's no getting around that. It's gonna be stressful and we're gonna be broke beyond belief and kept up half the night worrying...but we'll stick together. And if one of you two even dares to suggest moving out I'll castrate both of you." 

 

Whilst Sunyoung tried to make herself smile again, Minho just stayed still and rigid.  

 

"You two should have the bedroom now." Taemin smiled, adding an evil, "As long as you don't mind the Taebie sex cooties." 

 

"REALLY?!" Jongin shrieked, unable to stop himself 'lightly' slapping the idiot's arm in soul crushing embarrassment, "What is WRONG with you?!" 

 

"What?" Sehun gasped, eyes darting from Taemin to Jongin and back again in horror. 

 

"Fucking sickos." Key muttered, although seeing as he'd been the one to re-cloth the blonde the night before, he'd already presumed as much.  

 

"Ok bed time!" Jonghyun squeaked, clapping his hands together and getting up to squeeze himself past everyone and into the bedroom, on a mission remove as much of his crap as possible so Sunho could sleep their instead. It had turned into the Jongkey cave since Taemin had opted to sleep in the living area recently, and those two weren't exactly the neatest of people.  

 

Unsatisfied that they'd got anything really sorted, but glad at least that the conversation seemed to be over, Jongin also got up, grabbing a still very shakey Taemin's hand, who unbelievably was probably craving again.  

 

Once Jonghyun had cleared most of the crap out of the bedroom (including liposuctioned bumble bee by the way, who still lived despite many accidental sit ons and a scratch attack by Sugar) he and Key settled themselves in Sunho's old place, whilst Sunyoung and Minho made their way into the bedroom hopefully to get some much needed space.  

 

Whilst Taemin was in the bathroom, presumably peeing, Sehun turned to Jongin abruptly, the same outraged look from earlier still plastered on his face. 

 

"Did you...did you two really sleep together last night?" He hissed, unable to stop himself even though he knew the question was hella inappropriate and the only answer he'd get back was "none of your business." It's just he couldn't believe it. When Taebie had broken up, he'd honestly been so relieved and now the idea that they were getting back together again so soon wasn't a happy one.  

 

"Uh...uh..." Jongin began to stutter, really not wanted to go to his usual answer because he was trying to change, but none the less feeling so ashamed it was mortifying.  

 

"Even though Taemin got so high?!" Sehun carried on, ignoring the voice screaming inside his head to just shut the fuck up. "Like, so you're just back together now like nothing's changed??" 

 

"Ur uh...no." Jongin mumbled, pained by his own answer but he knew it was the truth. "Why are you being so nosey? Why do you care?" He added dumbly, not meaning it as brutally as it came out.  

 

"I'm not! I don't!" Sehun squeaked, "I mean I do....I care about you and well..." 

 

"Well?" 

 

Sehun said nothing. He wanted to remind Jongin of just how horrible things had gotten when he was together with Taemin, but knew it wouldn't go down well. On top of the evening they'd had, it was not a good idea to start anything. "Nothing." He said eventually, looking down as Taemin came stumbling out of the bathroom, wittering that his hair would need dying 'super duper soon'.  

 

Everyone settled down to sleep soon after. To Jongin's delight, Taemin claimed the spot right next to him (previously Sehun's place), pushing the poor toddler closer to Jongkey who were already knocked out like they hadn't slept in years.  

 

It didn't take Jongin long to drift off, not what he'd expected after the few days they'd had but he was just so exhausted that his body seemed to take over. Plus they were safe here, all tucked away in their little trailer. There was no need to sleep with one eye open anymore, even on horrible days like today. 

 

It was Taemin and Sehun who couldn't seem to settle, not that they let each other know this of course as both of them faked for a good few hours.  

 

Sehun was worrying about a bunch of things, some stupid, most not.  

 

Despite not being sure, from the conversation they'd had tonight and knowing Sunyoung like he did, he presumed that the baby thing was happening and that was just something he couldn't get his head around, nor thought was a good idea obviously. And it wasn't just that. The idea of Taemin and Jongin getting back together wouldn't get out of his mind. It truly made him feel sick in a way he couldn't describe.  

 

Taemin on the other hand only had one thing on his mind, no prizes for guessing what. 

 

Seeing as he'd got so high the day before, he'd missed his usual daily fix today and now his routine was just horribly fucked up and he was getting more and more on edge by the second. Even he would have thought that, given how sick the drug had made him all day, it was crazy that he'd still be craving worse than ever but, that's just how addictions go he guessed. Your body doesn't listen to logic or reason, it only cares about the next fix.  

 

"Bie."  

 

No answer. 

 

"Get up you lazy fucker!" 

 

"Heh what?" Jongin moaned, opening one squinty eye to stare at the blonde who was leaning over him, jittering all over the place.  

 

"Babysit me will you?" Taemin whispered, wiggling an already rolled spliff in his ex's sleepy face. 

 

Jongin made himself jolt awake, dread filling his lungs at the prospect of dealing with another fucking thing tonight. "Minnie n0-" he started, but gave up the fight instantly and reluctantly followed as Taemin made his way outside to the yard, just about to light the spliff when Jongin snatched it away. 

 

"Wait till morning." He said simply, "If you have one now you'll only fuck yourself up more and mess with the 'routine'."  

 

Usually Taemin would have put up a fight but he knew deep down that Jongin was right. He hated feeling like this. Craving was just living through your body trying to torture you and he didn't want to make it worse by having one now, only to crave again when morning broke.  

 

"I dunno if I can wait though." He muttered, "I feel like shit Bie, like shit shit shit shit. There's no way I'll be able to sleep like this." 

 

"Yeah well let's just take your mind off it k?" Jongin suggested, half expecting a dirty look because he knew that suggestion wouldn't go down well. Nothing could take your mind off craving. Not an argument, news that one of your closest friends was gonna have a person growing inside her...probably not even a fucking meteor flattening your trailer.  

 

"Ugh." Taemin moaned, but surprisingly didn't disagree because he was so torn himself.  

 

"Let's just sit down and talk." Jongin said, slumping himself down on a small patch of grass and hoping Taemin would do the same, "It's not gonna be warm enough to sit out for much longer, we should enjoy it while it lasts."  

 

"Is that your genius plan to take my mind off spice?" Taemin snapped, "Talk about the weather?" 

 

"Not just the weather." Jongin scoffed, scootching across as the blonde reluctantly plonked down next to him, still quivering like crazy. "It's Christmas soon."  

 

"We don't do Christmas." Taemin mumbled grumpily. 

 

"No but we could." Jongin insisted, "Nobody made a rule saying that we weren't allowed a bit of Rudolf and shit did they? Santa loves druggies too..."  

 

Taemin tried to hold in a laugh. "It's like the holiday version of netflix and chill....Rudolf and shit. And I'm sure we'd all be on santa's fucking naughty list by now. Even Sehun goody suck up shoes." 

 

"Fuck that reminds me!!" Jongin practically squealed, making Taemin jump out of his skin as his ex's voice went up a decibel. 

 

"Sehun's shoes remind you-?" 

 

"No! Christmas!" Jongin smiled, "When's your birthday?! I've been meaning to ask for fucking ages!" 

 

Taemin shook his head back and forth and looked away. 

 

"No really!!" Jongin carried on, lowering his tone again so's not to get scolded by a very angry Key in the morning, "You said you'd tell me when we have a home!" 

 

"Do we have a home?" Taemin mumbled, half regretting not just caving to spice because this was not taking his mind off it at all.  

 

"Yeah?" Jongin said, literally moving to sit the other side of his ex in the hope they'd make eye contact, "Don't you feel like this trailer's home?" 

 

"I dunno." Taemin shrugged, "Kind of I guess." 

 

"Well then you have to tell me." Jongin insisted, "It's not fair. You know my birthday." 

 

"Yeah but I'm the cool mysterious one." Taemin replied, trying to stay grumpy but unable to stop a tiny smile creeping onto his lips because he amused himself apparently. 

 

"I saw that." Jongin scoffed, as Taemin wiped his expression back to sour again. "Come on, just tell me." 

 

"I'll tell you when Sun has her baby." Taemin replied, wrapping his hands around himself like he was cold, when it obviously wasn’t the barely even chilly night air that was making him shake.  

 

"Do you think she'll have it then?" Jongin asked, wishing he'd brought a blanket or something even though there was no way in hell that would help. 

 

"Yeah." Taemin nodded, "You could see it in her eyes. She's just scared shitless."  

 

"With good reason though." Jongin replied, "Fuck, if I was her, I really don't know what I'd do."  

 

"Well it's a good job you don't have ovaries then right?" Taemin smirked, "Else no offense but, you'd have got pregnant sooo many times by now."  

 

"Um. Ur." Jongin stuttered, "I think it would actually be you seeing as..." 

 

"You were selfish and usually topped?" Taemin finished bluntly, his smirk becoming wider. 

 

"Not selfish!" Jongin squeaked, "I let you top anytime you wanted to!!" 

 

Upon hearing that shameless lie, the smirk turned into a snort which deteriorated into light sniggering. "That's total and utter bullshit!" Taemin laughed, "I wanted to top loooaaads of times but you were always full of fake excuses; 'but Miiiinnniiiiieee it's my turn' or whatever."  

 

Jongin mumbled a few inaudible curses under his breath but didn't argue. Taemin was right.  

 

"Sorry." He said, after a few moments, the blonde's laughter stopping as the shaking restarted. "Next time, I'll let you top." He added, regretting it immediately because weren't they still broken up? Fuck knows. 

 

"Next time, ok, whatever." Taemin agreed, seemingly unfazed until another giant shiver ran down his spine and he clenched his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms because pain was a distraction, right.  

 

Jongin sighed, "It's getting really bad isn't it?..."  

 

"No." Taemin lied, "It's no worse than before. I'm fine." 

 

"You don't have to put on a brave face." 

 

"I'm not." Taemin hissed, although he could feel it getting more intense by the second. "It's just this talking isn't making me forget about it ok?"  

 

There was a small, dark pause and Jongin looked up to the sky, begging dawn to come soon so they could just get back into a somewhat peaceful routine and start the day a fresh.  

 

"Sorry." Taemin mumbled. 

 

Jongin sighed again, this time plucking up the courage to say something that might actually be helpful. "Hey do you remember like, aaaages ago, I think we were living under that god awful bridge, fuck, I can't even remember..." 

 

"Get to the point Bie." 

 

"Well you said you couldn't go cold turkey on spice because it was reliable, because you knew it would always make you feel better, and that it would always be there for you if...well if something bad happened to me or Key or anyone. You remember right?" 

 

"I remember." 

 

"Well nothing bad is gonna happen anymore is it? We're not out on the streets, no one's gonna beat the shit out of us here, or stab us while we're sleeping." Jongin carried on, regretting mentioning the word 'stab' as Taemin flinched. "Well basically what I'm say is-" 

 

"I know exactly what you're saying." Taemin hissed, snapping his head up to face the poor bear, "That I have no excuses anymore right?!" 

 

"No!!" 

 

"Just cus we're less likely to get killed doesn’t mean people are any more reliable than before. I mean what happens when you finally get into college?! What if one day your daddy comes and finds you again and-?"  

 

"My dad?!" Jongin repeated, totally taken aback by that ridiculously paranoid statement, "Fuck. Believe me, my dad NEVER wants to see me again. He's the last person in the world who-" 

 

"But if he did want you back." Taemin cut in, the shaking still getting progressively worse, "Would you forgive him? Wouldn't you want to go back and have an easy life?" 

 

"No!" Jongin gasped, "Holy shit where did this come from? Is this why you got so high? Freaky paranoia?? I'd never leave you EVER, you know that. Jesus, what's wrong with you?! You're my home, Taemin." 

 

"You can't make homes out of people." Taemin muttered, unclenching his hands as they were starting to go numb, and instead going back to fiddling with the drawstring on his pants. 

 

"That's your opinion." Jongin snapped, "Shit though. This isn't you. Spice is just making you paranoid."  

 

"I'm not paranoid!!"  

 

"You are!" Jongin insisted, "Your cravings are getting worse, not better. Don't you see?! This isn't what's supposed to happen!" 

 

Taemin gave his ex a very dirty look before shuffling a few inches away like a stubborn child. "We both apologized earlier, fucking hell, will you just leave it?! Why do we always need to have about 10 pointless conversations about one stupid fucking tiny thing?! I had ONE blip, made ONE mistake. God! You're such an over-reactor! Tomorrow I'll just go back to my normal 2 a day and everything'll be FINE." 

 

Jongin scooched closer, not at all convinced. "2 a day still isn't exactly good though is it?" He started, cut off by another very dirty glare. 

 

"Key, Jjong AND Minho still have 2 a day...sometimes even 3. I don't see you getting at them." Taemin hissed. 

 

"Yeah well they don't go mental and smoke 6 just like that do they?" Jongin muttered, "Besides, they're not my problem." 

 

"….And I am your problem?" 

 

"Well yeah." Jongin replied blankly, "You and Sehun are my problems...the others, not so much."  

 

"Me and Sehun?!" Taemin repeated indignantly, his annoyance going up yet another notch. 

 

"Don't be like that." Jongin tutted, "You know what I mean. You're the two I look after."  

 

"LOOK AFTER?!" Taemin screeched, really not caring that he'd probably woken up the whole trailer park, "I think we've all established that we look after you!"  

 

"Did." Jongin said calmly, "But now I think it's probably your turn, right?"  

 

Taemin shook his head in disbelief and looked away again, noticing the sky was gently transitioning from dark to a lighter blue. "You have some fucking nerve." He mumbled, as Jongin slung an arm around his still quivering shoulders. 

 

"Sorry." Came the slightly insincere reply.  

 

After a good few minutes of strangely peaceful silence, staring up at the slowly fading stars, Taemin decided to speak again, knowing that what he was going to say would prove his point exactly. "I'll try and cut down to one a day on spice, if you give up cigarettes."  

 

Jongin almost laughed before realizing the look on his ex's face was actually serious. "Um hello. You smoke cigarettes too." 

 

"Hardly ever. I'm only addicted to spice." 

 

"Hah." Jongin scoffed, "And I...No. My smoking habits are neither here nor there." 

 

"Aren't they? Or do you just think it'd be too hard? Do you just not feel able to have the one thing that keeps truly keeps you going taken away or-" 

 

"Ok you've proved your point." Jongin sighed, about to say something else but zipping his lips at the last moment. If they weren't careful, this conversation could go on forever and with Taemin craving, and Jongin so weary from the day they'd had- a fight was inevitable. That couldn't happen. So despite the fact that he wanted to push on, wanted to mention that a lady from the shelter had told him that his addict friends may never be able to give it up on their own without the help from a doctor and that was something very real to consider...he didn't. He shut his mouth, squeezed Taemin's shoulders tighter and listened to the annoying windchimes clanging in the distance, a barking dog seemingly aggravated by them too.  

 

"The shelter..." Taemin started randomly, and Jongin almost thought he was being physic and was about to ask about help with addiction but then- "How long do you really think it'll be before the funding comes in for you to go to college?"  

 

"I dunno?" Jongin shrugged, "I mean, Taeyeon always said I needed to prove to them I could hold a steady job and I've done that, and it's just however long the waiting list is I guess." 

 

"But an estimate." Taemin pushed, "Like...dates."  

 

"I just said I don't know." Jongin sighed, squeezing the shivering blonde's shoulders still tighter. 

 

"But...what...like are we thinking before or after Sunyoung has her baby?" 

 

"How long do babies grow for?" 

 

Taemin went quiet for a few seconds, the cogs in his brain slowly turning away. "I don't know...9 months? I think?" 

 

"Well...I mean I'm hoping before?" 

 

Taemin nodded sadly. Thoughts whirled around his head, just the same as they had for Jongin a second ago but he didn't express any of them. His fears about being left behind, about being abandoned...they were all fucking stupid and he knew it.  

 

"Hey..." Jongin cooed, pulling back to look at his friend in the eyes, "I don't like this. It's not like you to be...to be the insecure one." 

 

"Insecure one." Taemin repeated, "I'm not insecure." 

 

"Paranoid then." 

 

"That's the spice like you said." 

 

"Well whatever." Jongin tutted, "It's still weird." 

 

"You like it when I'm clingy though." Taemin retorted, resting his head down on Jongin's shoulders as he watched dawn finally creep through the fading stars.  

 

"This isn't clingyness." Jongin replied, "It's something else. But anyway, I don't like it when you're clingy. I like it when you're like how I am." 

 

"That's clingy." 

 

Jongin shrugged, smiled and leaned his own head down on Taemin's. There was no arguing with the truth.  

 

Almost half an hour passed of relatively peaceful silence, Taemin now a total zombie from the craving, just praying morning would brake soon so he could have his fix as normal. Except morning meant saying goodbye to Jongin cus the stubid bear'd have to go to work and that was just depressing. Fuck. He was clingy tonight.  

 

"I think I can have one now, huh?" Taemin asked, reaching across to Jongin's pocket where he presumed the spliff had been hidden. 

 

Jongin looked up and examined the sky, the stars now completely gone as the sun poked it's head up over the trailers opposite. 

 

"I guess." He shrugged, allowing the blonde to fish around for his spice without a fuss. "I'll babysit you before work but then no more till much later right? Jonghyun and the others won't be leaving you on your own today right?"  

 

Unable to help feeling a little patronized and annoyed, Taemin didn't reply. He couldn’t really be that pissed though. He wouldn't trust himself either after the other day.  

 

Unsurprisingly, his mood got a hell of a lot brighter with a few drags though, the shaking dramatically decreasing as he greedily devoured the drug.  

 

Jongin watched in glum acceptance. This was just how things were, and at the moment at least, changing wasn't an option, especially if that equaled a fight. Anything for an easy life, that was his motto at the moment.  

 

Sehun thought they were both idiots.  

 

He'd been listening (/eavesdropping/sticking his nose places it doesn't belong) throughout their whole conversation. It wasn't like he'd meant to. He wanted nothing more than to be able to fall peacefully asleep like the others but after the talk about Sunyoung's baby, had found it impossible to settle himself.  

 

In fact just before Taemin got up and woke Jongin, he was about to do exactly the same thing so's not to be on his own- something he still absolutely hated. But of course, the stupid blonde got there first. Even after all this time, he always, always, always got his own way and sometimes it felt like every time he did, it just pushed Sehun more to the side.  

 

He'd been spending a lot of time with Jongin at night lately when Taemin had been at work, but as soon as the kid came back at around 3am every morning after his shift was over- that would be it. 

 

Bye bye Sehun, thanks for the company, but a better offer has just arrived.  

 

\--- 

 

Jesus the dialogue tho. I really hope this wasn't insanely boring but I'm trying to set up new storylines (lol) and I think I got carried away. But neeever mind xD I mean I guess they're not really neeew but story wise, I really want to tackle Tae's drug problems in this sequel! It's been too long!  

ANyway. Pls don't come beating my head with a bible bc I mentioned somewhat sensitive things here o.o I don't want to offend anyone ofc but at the same time I can't avoid topics like this, even if this is just a silly fanfic o.o be nice aha, I've actually got some mean messages about things I've put in this fic before and it's really just not ok D:  

(sorry to write that, so many of you are so kind to me and I appreciate it so much!) 

So anyway, lots of love to you and thank you for managing to get through this oh man! Also as always pls forgive the many maaany mistakes ;_; and lastly, do you guys like the way the direction the sequel's heading so far or not so much? I promise I'm not fishing for compliments (lying), I'm just really curious because I know a few of you weren't too keen on the love triangle idea I had, nor about Sunyoung being pregnant but I guess we'll just see how it goes. Not sure when I'll get to update this next because I'm worried about the next few weeks energy wise but I'll be back soon.  

Thanks for reading this garble ;_; 


	38. Christmas Break: Jealous?

Christmas. It's a funny thing really. What started as Roman Pagans celebrating a period of lawlessness between December 17th-25th, turned into Christians deciding that they were going to celebrate some carpenter's birthday, to modern day Santa Claus having something to do with it, fuck knows what, to now Taemin, looking very fucking grumpy, staring at Jongin like he was trying to drill holes in that stupid bear's stupid brain.  

 

He'd been 2 hours late and it was Taemin's only night off. Which meant poor little sad Taeminnie had been standing outside in the freezing fucking cold (it was no longer even the tiniest bit warm outside, mild winter his ass) waiting, tapping his foot, and generally going into anxiety overdrive that something terrible had happened and somewhere in an alleyway his babybie had been beaten to a pulp by one of the many guys who had it in for them.  

 

Nobody else had given a shit. Not because they didn't care about Jongin, but because nowadays, 2 hours wasn't a long time and there wasn't a need to worry. Sehun had called him and left a message and although the idiot hadn't picked up, that wasn't uncommon.  

 

It was only Taemin who hadn't been able to take the not knowing, and who'd literally almost turned into a wife beater himself when the son of a bitch came back, 2 ginormous grocery bags filled with weird food items in each hand and a big smile on his face.  

 

"You know that sweet old lady who liked Sugar and gave you all those ice creams a while back?" He'd said, refusing to acknowledge his ex's death stares.  

 

"Invited us round for Christmas!" He'd continued, "Been talking to her for freaking hours!" 

 

Sehun had smiled and the two of them talked for fucking ages about missing the holidays blah blah blah and how nice it was that they finally had people looking out for them blahdifuckingblah and how wouldn't it be nice to have a yummy, hot Christmas dinner!! Wouldn't it be just loooooooovely to waste their money on presents and isn't it just DANDY how now they have a little home to themselves they can act like fucking normal, middle class twats who care about nothing more than- 

 

"Will you stop."  

 

"What?" 

 

"Fucking looking at me like that. Jesus Christ. I know you hate this stuff but having a bit of fun around the holidays ain't gonna kill you is it baby?" Jongin sighed, embarrassment settling at the word 'baby' but they all ignored it.  

 

"It's really nice of her to invite us all over." Sunyoung agreed flatly. "You should at least be happy about the prospect of hot food in a heated trailer."  

 

Taemin turned his death stare to her instead, "Your hormones are making you high."  

 

"So what, you're just gonna stay here and be a grinch while we're off eating yummy roast potatoes?" Sehun cut in cheekily, "Suits me."  

 

Minho rolled his eyes and pushed passed the toddler (who was on his normal counter side spot), to get to Sunyoung and just generally be nauseatingly close together. "Did you tell her about...?" He asked, turning to Jongin. 

 

"Yeah." Jongin replied, eyes darting to the already slightly noticeable bump, "Honestly, I think that's the only reason she was interested in talking to me for so long...she likes babies and it makes us a good charity case I guess."  

 

"Maybe if she dies she'll leave all the money to Sun's fetus." Taemin muttered, only to be slapped in the arm by Minho who gave him a very stern look and hissed, "That's a fucking terrible thing to say, what's got into you?" 

 

Jongkey, who were both sat lazily in the corner on a pile of sleeping bags and hadn't properly spoken pretty much at all throughout this ridiculously long Christmas fiasco, both reached out a foot to kick the base of Taemin's heels and get the blonde's attention. It really was freaky how in tune they were with each other sometimes. 

 

Taemin turned around, very grateful for the sour looks on his two oldest friend's faces. At least they got it. Not even Minho had been around long enough to know how horrible the holidays could be for homeless people and if you didn't get it, you didn't get it. It was gonna take more than a few months of living in a trailer for any of the 3 musketeers to even begin to feel ready to celebrate something which had been such a depressing strain ever since they could remember.  

 

Everyone tucked down weirdly that night. Sleeping arrangements may have seemed trivial but they almost always conveyed how everyone was feeling, whether it was consciously or not.  

 

Taemin settled in between Jonghyun and Key and the three of them took up the majority of the living space, pushing a disgruntled Jongin (who'd really expected Taemin to be a little happier at this nice news) and Sehun (who was just oh so fucking relieved that Taebie weren't snuggling and he'd actually managed to have a nice conversation with his best friend) right to the corner so they were almost pressed against each other and into the wall, leaving Sunyong and Minho in the bedroom, Sugar at their feet.  

 

To Sehun's delight, even though it was over a somewhat trivial thing, Taemin had decided to be Mr Ice Prince with everyone who wasn't Jonghyun and Key for the next week. This meant that when the annoying blonde eventually came home after work each night, Jongin hadn't ditched Sehun as he usually would to go and hang out with the idiot, but rather opted to give his ex some space and stay with his friend instead.  

 

It was so nice to not be left when a better offer came along for once. Although still, he often caught glimpses of the Taebie disaster zone cozying up together like nothing was wrong in the world. An arm squeeze here, a meaningful glance there, constantly sharing drinks, food and cigarettes all the fucking time, even when they were pissed at each other. But he guessed that they were just so used to being pissy at one another that it almost didn't even make a difference to how they treated each other anymore, even if Taemin was giving his ex the silent treatment. It was such a fucked up relationship, it was a wonder it had 'worked' for as long as it had.  

 

And ok, just listen. Sehun didn't want to be this judgmental nark that he'd apparently been labeled as but it was just so hard not to be aggravated by the whole breakup thing. Their relationship had always been a joke, everyone knew that. And it was so clear that at least Jongin seemed to be happier lately. Not that he was always rainbows and sunshines obviously, he had his moments, but he wasn't at all the same Jongin from the street and the reason for that was more than just 'not being homelesss'. It was not being with Taemin.   

 

So one thing Sehun really didn't get then, was that why, if it was so plainly obvious that he was happier away from the stupid blonde, did they end up snuggling together most nights like a couple? It was so ridiculous to Sehun. Jongin was better off without him, always had been, always would be. The fun they had was fake, they didn't have anything real, not like what he had with Jongin. Now that was true friendship.  

 

Sehun clamped his eyes shut, knowing exactly how his bitter thoughts would sound if anyone were unlucky enough to mindread them. It was so late, so cold, and all he needed was to go to sleep. Christmas wasn't far away and that would be fun, that's what he should be thinking about now, nice things to get him off to sleep, not crazy, resentful, stupid thoughts that made him sound like a childish nark.  

 

He sighed. He had to get a grip. There was no point acknowledging the truth if the truth was going to make him miserable. The truth being, quite possibly, that he was far too attached to his best friend and maybe that was the reason that he felt quite so venomous towards a certain blonde. The truth may have even been that a small part of him he would never speak of or even allow himself to think, wanted to kiss Jongin. But denial suited this situation better and he knew it. At least for tonight. At least so he could sleep.  

 

\--- 

 

December seemed to race by in a blur of bitter mornings and frozen pipes and before anyone knew it, it was Christmas eve. Sunyoung now had a proper bump which was just the strangest thing ever. The more pregnant she looked, the more real it felt.  

 

Jongin remained on an even keel though. He knew they were all still living close to the edge but at least no one was on the brink anymore, or so he thought anyway. Because whilst obviously being aware of his ex's moods, they'd really reached an impasse. Taemin's hatred of the bar and his lack of direction simply couldn't be fixed at the moment, and finding him something that he enjoyed i.e. dancing was a lot harder than it sounded. That is, if you don't count stripping. Which Jongin didn't. Because that wasn't dancing, that was slutting around.  

 

But either way that wasn't the biggest problem, or not according to Jongin anyway. The doozy was what it had always been, something that constantly lurked in the background; spice. They'd have to deal with it eventually but with Taemin so oddly fragile and needing his space, maybe now wasn't the time. And besides, Jongin didn't want to push for it anymore. He didn't want to be the controlling, helicopter boyfriend they all used to say he was...he was done with that side of himself and that was what everyone wanted, right? 

 

As for Sehun, well he was either doing an amazing job of hiding just how down he was or Jongin was just too caught up in his Taemin obsession to notice. It didn't matter. Sehun knew he was being stupid anyway. All the feelings of bitterness, unfairness and resentment just needed to be swallowed down with a few snide remarks and the odd past ripe banana.  

 

It wasn't all bad. Another small thing that altered their lives in December was actually a good thing; that sweet old lady, or Junghee as they'd been told to call her, had made it a regular thing to stop by and give them bags of food, even offering them inside her own little trailer when it was too cold to go without heating. It was so nice and so unexpected. They'd never been able to rely on the kindness of strangers even once when they were homeless, but now, even though they didn't need it as desperately, here they were getting a ton of charity from someone they barely knew.  

 

Sehun guessed that's what being in a community was like. People are nicer to you if they think you're one of them after all.  

 

"Jealous?" Jongin scoffed, making the poor toddler pull a very confused face beside him, only to realize the comment hadn't been directed at him. 

 

"Huh?" Taemin mumbled, unaware that he'd even been staring at Jongin and Sehun talk, he was so spaced out.  

 

"That Sugar lets me pick her up like this without scratching me to pieces. I swear I have a knack with this cat." Jongin smiled, arms so full of kitty that Taemin wondered how on earth he hadn't noticed that.  

 

Taemin shook his head but shakily lifted himself off the sleeping bag heap in the living space to wonder towards the tiny kitchen where his two friends had been talking. "I thought you meant of the toddler for a second." He said, unbelievably bluntly.  

 

Jongin creased into laugher, "Jealous cus I'm talking to Sehun and not you? Aw that'd be the best Christmas gift."  

 

"Um..." Sehun said, "I'm right here you know and we were kind of talking."  

 

Taemin's smirk fell to a tight line as he decided to ignore that comment, "Give me her." He ordered stroppily, basically manhandling Sugar away from his ex just to prove a point. "See?" He snapped, once he'd got her in a tight grip, "She's not scratching me either. She loves me more than you." 

 

"I don't doubt that." Jongin scoffed, rolling his eyes, "But the other day you were bitchin because she kept scratching you when you held her in certain positions, weren't you? Well she wasn't scratching me." 

 

"That's cus the stench of your sweat calms her." Taemin snapped, even though he knew that made no sense.  

 

Sehun felt his jaw tighten with the annoyance whilst Jongin just shrugged and casually sniffed one of his underarms, "Hey you wanna go outside for a sec?"  

 

Taemin narrowed his eyebrows and muttered an almost inaudible "why", but followed anyway as Jongin patted Sehun on the knees as if saying goodbye and lead the blonde just outside their trailer into the freezing cold yard.  

 

"I just wanted to check..." Jongin started, as his ex made a show of wrapping both arms around himself just to make sure it was known how cold he was, "Well you've been really quiet with me since I mentioned Christmas and well...I've been trying to give you some space and everything seeing as that's what we're trying at the moment and everything but I just, well I don't want you to think I don’t care or whatever." 

 

Taemin looked blank for a second before, "Ugh. I hate that you're like this now." 

 

"Excuse you?" 

 

"So fucking rational and nice and understanding and whatever. It's weird." Taemin replied honestly, "It's like you're the normal one and I'm the fucking psycho who gets high and in a mood over something so pathetic and I just...Jesus. I keep waiting for you to break down and it never seems to happen." 

 

Jongin couldn't help but laugh, "So you want me to break down just so you can be the strong one again?" 

 

"Well yeah ideally." Taemin replied, unable to stop his lips creeping up into a barely there smile, "Just a mini-fit, that's all I'm asking. Some hairpulling, a bit of yelling, just the odd wife bea-" 

 

Jongin's laughter fell flat as his ex literally bit his own tongue. "Don't."  

 

"Sorry." Taemin sighed. The whole owie incidents were still an incredible sore spot and he actually did make an effort not to mention them nowadays but sometimes it's hard to have a filter. "You know I've totally moved on fro-" 

 

"Yeah well I haven't." Jongin muttered, "So just don't."  

 

"I won't." Taemin sighed again, "And I'll try and lighten up ok? Will that make you happy? I mean I'm ok, ok? Just in a mood." 

 

"It worries me when you're in a mood." 

 

"Yeah well it worries me when you're in a mood too." Taemin tutted, "Even a happy one. But I'm fine and if I'm not don't worry, you'll be the first one to know, trust me."  

 

"Ha." Jongin scoffed.  

 

"Come on. Bed time now. If you're awake when Santa comes you won't get any presents." Taemin snipped. 

 

"I'm not getting any presents anyway. The food is all I care about." Jongin shrugged, "And I'm pretty sure-" 

 

"Minnie."  

 

Both boys jumped slightly at the intrusive new voice, poking it's head around the door of the trailer in the shape of Kibum. "A word." 

 

"Oh god what now." Taemin moaned, swiftly getting up without so much as a courtesy knee pat to follow his feline friend back inside the freezing-but-not-as-freezing-as-outside trailer. Jongin rolled his eyes. Being ditched wasn't fun.  

 

Strangely or not, Key literally grabbed Taemin's hand and squeezed them both past a perplexed looking Sehun to get to the bathroom, locking the door shut behind them and dragging Taemin to sit on the toilet as he towered over his friend, both arms folded.  

 

"If you have that rash again, I don't think we have any cream left." Taemin said flatly, only half joking before he realised that half was about to be stamped upon by a very serious looking Kibum. "What?"  

 

Key narrowed his eyes and jumped straight to the point. He wasn't one for playing games or cushioning the blow. If there was an issue, he'd go right out and say it. And right now, there was definitely a fucking issue.  

 

"Why were there 4 empty spliff packets under your stuff?" He asked simply. 

 

"Why were you looking through my stuff?" Taemin replied plainly, subconsciously folding his arms like a teenager who'd just had his diary read.  

 

"You answer my question, I'll answer yours." 

 

"They're old ok?" Taemin replied cooly, but it was painfully obvious that he wasn't telling the truth. Being surrounded by people who knew you inside out made it very difficult to lie sometimes, and although Taemin may have still considered himself a pro at it, there was no getting past this one.   

 

"Bullshit." Key scoffed, the questioning starting, even though he already knew all the answers. "What do you usually do with the packet after you've rolled?" 

 

"...I throw it away." Taemin grumbled, before adding a muttered, "Fucking interrogate me."   

 

Key tutted, "So you're telling me that you fished several days worth of packets out of the trash and then dumped them under your bag?" 

 

"Noooooooo." Taemin moaned, "I must have just had one or two extras, put the packets in my bag and then forgot about them ok? Then they must've fallen out." 

 

"You've really lost your touch." Key snapped, "I thought I taught you to lie better than this." 

 

"I'm not lying!" Taemin hissed, "I haven't OD'ed since-" 

 

"Since?!" Key cut in, momentarily panicked before- 

 

"Since you know when!!" Taemin hissed, "Since the night we found out about impending bump!" 

 

Key made a few fake retching noises at the thought, "Oh yeah. Then." 

 

"Look sorry ok, but it's not like you're doing that well on it either right?" 

 

"Thanks for the concern." Key hissed, "But I'm actually doing just fine. On 2 a day for more than a year now with hardly any slipups." 

 

Taemin rolled his eyes, "PAH. 'hardly any slipups' my ass." He scoffed, "You're loosing your lying touch too Bummie. I know when you and Jjong go out and get wasted, everyone does."  

 

"Not on spice. On alcohol"  

 

"WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL WITH SPICE?!" Taemin shrieked, frustration building before he made himself calm down because no one was allowed hear this conversation, "Fuck! It's-" 

 

"Illegal now. Did you know that?" 

 

"...What?"  

 

"Yeah." Key nodded, "Why do you think it takes longer for Minho to get it, huh?" 

 

"Well I don't know." Taemin muttered, "It's not like he's exactly mixing in dealing circles at the moment so how the fuck would I-" 

 

"Just stop Minnie." Key snapped, "You're not sidetracking me on this. No more upping the spice, understand? Shit. Remember when Onew died and we cut out all the other shit we were taking?" 

 

"I wasn't addicted to any of that other shit!" 

 

"Yeah well I was." Key hissed, about to continue when- 

 

"You weren’t! We used to try all kinds of shit but not regularly...nothing like what we did with spice!" 

 

"OK WHATEVER." Key groaned, slumping down to kneel on the ground, making Taemin momentarily find the situation funny because it was like he was on a toilet throne. The humor quickly wore off.  

 

"I just...I'm worried about you. And I'm sick of fucking worrying." Key carried on, "The cravings are getting better for most of us, or at least staying the same, but not for you. I don't get it." 

 

"They're not getting worse." Taemin lied, "It's just me. I'm just being a twat ok? You know what it's like, you're bored, you're down, spice is there to make you feel better. That's all it is."  

 

Key sighed. He did know what it was like. All too well. The comfort of drugs was something that was probably the hardest thing about them to resist. They made you feel better instantly, there was no denying that. "Short term pain, long term gain." 

 

Taemin nodded, knowing exactly what that meant. It might be a bitch to cope with the cravings now, but eventually you'd be free of them. "I'll be good, ok? You don't need to worry about me."  

 

"I don't trust you though." Key replied, honestly. 

 

"Well that's your problem."  

 

Although no conclusion had really been met, that was the end of the conversation apparently and Key was just about to turn the door handle to get out when Taemin grabbed his wrist.  

 

"You won't..." The blonde started, lowering his voice to nothing more than a whisper, "You won't tell Jongin about this will you?" 

 

Key pulled the most sarcastic face he could muster, "What, you think I'm gonna tell your violent, abusive ex that I caught you smoking more of the stuff he hates?" 

 

"Violent, abusive." Taemin repeated, his hands raising into air quotes, "Seriously, will you stop it with that?! He hit me once."  

 

"Yeah well I'm pretty sure he did other stuff too." Key hissed, narrowing his eyes when his friend was about to disagree because this wasn't an argument he was prepared to have. "I know more than you fucking think."  

 

Taemin just groaned as he let his friend leave, still sitting on the toilet like an idiot. It would actually be Christmas day soon, it'd gotten so late, and there was nothing to do but just go to fucking bed. And he'd do what he said. He'd be a good boy. He'd buck up and put on a smile for Jongin and not be a snide little bastard for Sehun and keep away from the spice for, well, everyone. There was no need to be worried about him, like god this really was the fucking Taemin show but not in a good way. He wasn't the center of the universe, they had bigger problems than him ODing or- 

 

Bang. 

 

"AHHHH!!!!" Taemin screamed, practically jumping out of his skin at that horribly loud thud, his mind immediately racing to crazy, worse case scenarios, the biggest of which being that Siwon was here with a gun, ready to blow his head off. 

 

"Sorry!" Came a squeak, as Jonghyun poked his head around the bathroom door barely a second later, "I dropped that chunk of wood covering the window...Jesus, you look terrified!!" 

 

Everyone, and I mean everyone; Sunyoung, Minho, Sehun, Key, Jongin and even Sugar also poked their heads around the door to gawp, making Taemin literally feel like he wanted the toilet to just flush him away.  

 

"CAN I NOT JUST HAVE A SHIT IN PRIVATE?" He screeched, getting up to slam the door in all of their stupid faces.  

 

He heard footsteps disperse, thank god, before letting his whole body fall to the ground, his insides shaking violently from the sheer panic that only one little bang had caused. He was so on edge, so ready for something terrible to happen and the slightest thing was enough to turn him into this mess. Jongin had been wrong. It was something more than paranoia, it was that awful feeling that you'd imagine a rabbit had, just before it knew the fox was about to come. Suspense. Anticipation. Fear.  

 

Knowing there was absolutely no way he could cave to spice right now to calm his nerves, Taemin made himself sit there for a good 5 minutes, eyes clamped shut, knees pulled up to his chin, trying and failing to steady his breathing and stop this ridiculous whatever it was. He heard a few muffled voices from outside and knew he was being talked about, but as the 5 minutes turned into 15, turned into 20...turned into 30, he could tell everyone had gone to bed.  

 

Except one.  

 

If he was honest, he'd known Jongin was just outside this whole time but wouldn't let himself acknowledge it because the embarrassment was just a little bit too much to take. The idiot bear probably had his ear pressed to the fucking wall just in case Taemin was, oh god, he didn't know, getting high on shampoo or something. He'd google if you could do that later.  

 

"...You ok in there?" Came a small whisper, after what seemed like forever and a day had passed of nothing but silence.  

 

Taemin took another deep breath, swallowed the fear down and got up to turn the door handle. "I'm fine." He said blankly, "Diarrhea."  

 

Jongin stayed silent for a second before, "You wanna go-?" 

 

"No." Taemin said, stepping outside and into the little corridor and noticing that everyone had tucked down to bed except Key, who was sitting up in his sleeping bag pretending to read a flyer. "Let's go to bed. It's only a few hours till morning." 

 

"Right." Jongin said, a little hesitantly, but he didn't argue as Taemin made his way to the living area, plopping himself down to settle for the last few hours of sleep in his usual spot next to his ex. 

 

"Merry Christmas." Came a small mutter, as 2 sets of brown eyes clamped together.  

 

Jongin opened his own in confusion. "Oh yeah." He whispered, "...Night Minnie." 

 

\--- 

 

There wasn't any time to think about anything the next morning, and honestly, everyone was far too caught up in the prospect of binging themselves silly on food so nobody mentioned Taemin's 'mini' freak out at a random noise the previous day. Not even Jongin, although that was more because he was really still attempting this space thing.  

 

As well as going to bed ludicrously late, everyone also woke up sinfully early but that was actually a good thing because at least they could all get the spice fixes out of the way before the day started.  

 

So after the daily hour and a bit of babysitting the blonde idiot outside in the yard, (he'd taken to singing carols at the top of his lungs today, out of tune), their first Christmas in forever could actually start.  

 

Taemin came down from his high shockingly quickly and as expected fell into a bit of a low which a shame. Even more than usual, no one ever knew which side of the blonde they were going to get next.  

 

At least Sehun seemed to be in a happier mood, given it was hard to stay glum when you know your belly is gonna be real full, real soon.  

 

Unsure if it was too early, the group arrived at Junghee's trailer at around noon. Surprisingly for some, most of them had actually put in a bit of effort to look nice for the occasion, or at least less loser-ish anyway.  

 

Jongin was wearing his least raggedy navy sweater, some jeans that weren't all that worn out, and sneakers which had seen better days but with only one pair, what could he do.  

 

Sunyoung even stole a bit of tinsel from one of the gaudy decorations in their next door neighbor's yard and had tied it round Sehun's neck which must've itched like shit but he didn't take it off.  

 

It was basically only Taemin and Key who looked like they'd just rolled out of bed. Which they had. Jongin honestly didn't know how the blonde could still look so attractive in hobo chic clothes, with unbrushed hair and huge dark circles but he guessed he must just have love goggles still because he had no such feelings for Key.  

 

"You've made an effort." Sehun said Jongin, just as they were walking up Junghee's yard towards the door.  

 

"I used that nice bar of soap too." Jongin replied, a little embarrassed, "Is it too much?" 

 

"Is being clean and wearing normal clothes too much?" Sehun clarified, laughing, "No, you look nice." 

 

Honestly, it felt good to be told his appearance was actually ok for once so he just smiled back.  

 

"Oh I'm so glad you made it! Come in, come in! Oh haven’t you gotten big? Didn't you wash your face? Care for a mince pie? Anyone like a drink? Make yourself at home!" Were the first blurble of words that Junghee said as she opened her door and welcomed them inside to the warmest, friendliest trailer Jongin'd ever seen. He didn't catch which comment was directed at which person but was far too distracted to worry about it by his surroundings.  

 

It was a murky, dark day –no snow but very cloudy- so the lights were all on in her trailer, making all the cute little decorations she had up twinkle and shine.  

 

"I haven’t had anyone around for Christmas since..." She carried on, her eyes trailing to a small picture frame on the windowsill; a woman holding a little boy. Jongin didn't ask as to not seem rude but kinda wished he had.  

 

"Thanks for having us round." Sunyoung said awkwardly, taking out a very small box of chocolates from her pocket and handing it to the sweet old woman; "I'm sorry we couldn't get you more."  

 

"Oh dear nonsense!" Junghee laughed, "Your presence is quite enough! Now sit down, get comfy or whatever! There's still a lot of cooking to do and I'm not used to catering for this many people...especially in such a tight space!"  

 

Whilst Jonghyun and Key decided to be helpful and squeeze themselves into the kitchen area to try and help boil potatoes and stir gravy, Taemin decided to grumpily cling to Sunyoung and Minho as to not be with the chirpy, chirpy children enjoying the festivities clearly way too much.  

 

Sehun was so relieved that for once he could actually have some alone time with his best friend that he didn't know where to begin.  

 

"God it smells like heaven in here." Jongin moaned, slouching down further on his side of the booth, his eyes darting from Taemin to the food being cooked and back again subconsciously. "Like I think my mouth is actually drooling. I feel like I have more saliva right now, is that even possible?"  

 

Sehun withheld a snort and nodded, letting his eyes wonder around the friendly little room, examining everything closely. He hadn't been in a 'home', like a proper home in a very long time. 

 

All the trailers around here were actually identical in layout, although they somewhat varied in size because some people had extensions. This one was slightly bigger and obviously it still had its living space intact, as there was no need to convert it into a bedroom.  

 

It was nice. In the far end where Sehun and Jongin sat on the booth there was a little table in front of them, just like the one they'd ripped out of their own. It had the cutest little tablecloth laid out with holly berries and mistletoe in a repeating design, and 8 tablemats squeezed so close together that they left no gaps.  

 

Moving down, was Taemin and Sunho seated on stools and right next to them was the tiniest little tree Sehun had ever seen, barely a few twigs- but it still had a funny looking fairy placed on top.  

 

Then was the kitchen, barely enough room for anyone to breath down there either, then 2 doors, presumably leading to a bedroom and bathroom, the same as in their trailer too.  

 

"It's a bit fancy in here." Jongin started to witter again, "Imagine if we could do our place up like this huh? Although I think I'd always go for a star on top of the tree, not a fairy, come on." 

 

Sehun laughed, "Always? So you'd permanently decorate the place for Christmas then?" 

 

"No I'd alternate holidays." Jongin smirked, "Like as soon as Christmas is over, bang some Easter eggs up, then when that's done, go straight onto...er...pumpkins...then back to trees again. We have a lot of missed festivals to make up. Not to mention birthdays."  

 

"You missed out Valentines day." Sehun blurted.  

 

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that one." Jongin shrugged, "Well I'm single aren't I, so I guess I'd just skip it."  

 

Sehun so almost said something like "are you", but didn't. He needed to get a fucking grip. "What were Christmas's like back when you were with your real family?" he asked, changing the subject pretty quick, "I mean...biological family."  

 

"They were ok." Jongin shrugged again, "When I was little me and my dad used to go round to my grandparent's home and they're a lot nicer than him so it was nice. But then they er, died, and when my dad got remarried...well...you know the story. I'm fucking cinderella."  

 

Sehun resisted the urge to snort and asked another question, "Did you have gifts?"  

 

"From my grandparents yeah." Jongin nodded, smirking and adding, "They bought me a pony and I named her buttercup. What about you?"   

 

Unable to help rolling his eyes because the pony answer sounded so much like something Taemin would say it was scary, Sehun just shrugged, "Sometimes my sister bought me crap, and my Nan did too before she...you know." 

 

"Yeah." Jongin sighed. "It's freaky how similar our backgrounds are sometimes." 

 

Sehun nodded, leaning back in the booth because it was actually really quite comfy.  

 

"What would you want for Christmas this year if you could?" Jongin asked, "And like. Don't say "an education" or "a house", like say some item of crap like any normal person."  

 

Sehun had to pause to think that through, not wanting to give a stupid answer. "I'd want a play station, if they still exist." He said, slightly shyly, "Or an xbox...or wii...I don't care. I just wanna waste my time playing video games and pretending real life doesn't exist." 

 

"Ok." Jongin laughed, "One day I promise I'll get you one." 

 

"You promise?" Sehun sniggered, "You don't mean that."  

 

"I do!!" Came the insistent reply, "I won't forget, seriously. But only if you let me play it."  

 

"That's selfish." 

 

"I'm not a saint."  

 

Sehun laughed some more before an idea dawned on him which would mean even more Taemin free Jongin time. "Hey this is gonna sound random..." He started, "But...do you wanna go see Chanyeol and Baek tomorrow and see how they are? I feel like we haven't seem them in forever." 

 

"I saw Chanyeol last week." Jongin said bluntly, "He told me they're doing ok...kinda."  

 

"What does 'kinda' mean?" 

 

"Kinda means they're still homeless." 

 

"Oh. Yeah." Sehun replied, a little dumbly. "But come on, it's Christmas and we should check in on them again."  

 

"Mmm." Jongin mumbled. It wasn't that he didn't want to, he really did in fact, it was just that Taemin probably wouldn't want to come and these days when they were both off work were precious time to spend together. Not to mention the fact that the blonde had been so off and weird lately.  

 

"I just dunno I mean..." Jongin said again, glancing towards his ex who actually had an ear pressed against impending bump, still scowling by the way. "I don't think I should-" 

 

"He has Jonghyun and Key to keep him company, come on, it's not like you need to be together all the time." Sehun blurted, cursing himself with how unsubtle he sounded, "I mean you space is what he wanted and he doesn't like it when you're clingy anyway, does he?" 

 

"Well no ugh." Jongin stammered, "But it's actually not me for once. He's been the clingy one lately. Kind of."  

 

"So what, he dumps your ass but then wants you to keep following him around like a lost puppy too?" Sehun blurted again, screaming 'IDIOT' inside his head but clearly ignoring himself as he carried on, "He can't have his cake and eat it too."  

 

Jongin pulled a disapproving face and started fiddling with one of the placemats. "It's not like that."  

 

"Then what's it like?" Sehun asked, before he could stop himself. Not that he really wanted to know he guessed but now this topic had been started there was no point in going back. Maybe his questions were finally gonna lead to some answers.  

 

"Heh?" Jongin squeaked. 

 

"Well like..." Sehun started, digging deep for the balls to say this. "Are you and Taemin really broken up though? Have you moved on at all? Will you ever move on? Is that even the point of this break up because from the outside it doesn't look like you're giving each other any space at all and I just don't get it?" 

 

The look on Jongin's face could only be described as 'stunned' to be confronted with all those personal questions, but shook it off and was about to reply when- 

 

"BIE!!"  

 

Another horrible, nails on a chalk board screech, just like the day before, was heard coming from one of the closed doors.  

 

Jongin snapped his head up in confusion, panicked to see Taemin was no longer sitting with Sunho but instead nowhere to be seen.  

 

He raced up, knocked over the little table supporting the tiny tree, trampled on Minho's foot and squished Key into the oven to get to the presumably bedroom door like lightning, only to open it and find the stupid blonde beaming at him, sitting on a plush bed, pointing to the corner of the room expectantly.  

 

"WHAT THE FUCK MINNIE?!" Jongin yelled, forgetting they weren't allowed to swear here and were supposed to be on their best behavior. "I thought something really bad had just happened!!" He scolded, lowering his voice and adding, "Who even said you could come in here?!" 

 

"Junghee did! God!" Taemin scoffed, "Don't be paranoid. I only wanted to show you this!"  

 

Jongin's gaze followed his still eagerly pointing ex's hand to a little stool in the corner of the room, the smallest TV Jongin had ever seen perched on top.  

 

So that was why the scowling had all of a sudden been replaced by whatever the fuck the goofy, smiley expression was on Taemin's face right now. Apparently it only took a TV for him to forget he was having a mental breakdown.  

 

"Look it's not even that fuzzy!" Taemin squealed, grabbing Jongin's hand to pull him down on the bed.  

 

Although the room was of a similar size to their bedroom, Junghee only had a single bed, giving the illusion that it was much more spacious than it was.  

 

"You're such a fucking child." Jongin snapped, but couldn’t stay mad for long, not when his ex was just so goddamn adorable.  

 

"There's a cooking show..." Taemin continued to burble, sliding a hand under Jongin's butt because the oaf was crushing the remote like lipsosuctioned bumble bee. "And they're showing you how to stuff crap up a dead bird's ass."  

 

"Uhuh..." 

 

"And there's," click, "a show where religious cult people sing hymns..." 

 

"Uhuh."  

 

"And a show where", click, "A cartoon reindeer gets bullied. I dunno."  

 

Jongin chuckled, "And which one do you wanna watch?"  

 

"Oh none of them, they're all shit." Taemin grinned, clicking the remote off, "I just haven't watched TV since-" 

 

There was the tiniest pause because they both knew the end of that sentence was 'the hotel'. In the spirit of moving on however, Jongin decided to try and not be a baby about it for once. He really was making an effort.  

 

"Sure you don't wanna watch the reindeer one?"  

 

"Nah. It looked too sad." 

 

"...a Christmas kids cartoon looked too sad...?" 

 

"Yeah!" Came the insistent reply, "Remind me to force you to watch fuckin' bambi when we get one of these things and then give me that look."  

 

"I've watched bambi." Jongin replied blankly. 

 

"And you weren't scarred for life?"  

 

"Not that I know of."  

 

"You're a monster." Taemin scoffed, but was obviously just joking so Jongin merely shrugged.  

 

"They're pixels on a screen...I'd be sad if it was a documentary but-" 

 

"Get your fat asses in here and eat!" Came a loud yell, presumably from Key, making Taebie's random conversation end faster than the TV had been switched off, as both boys ran to the door and scrambled out of the bedroom and into the main room. The tiny table has so much food on it that the table cloth was now completely covered. Sehun was actually having to hold his plate on his knees, not that he minded. It smelled like absolute heaven and Taemin almost wanted to cry because this just might have been a good idea after all, hadn't it? 

 

Fitting everyone around the table was almost impossible but by some miracle they managed it. Sunyoung, Minho, Jonghyun and Key were all squished into the booth, whilst Junghee and Sehun sat on 2 small fold away chairs pulled up out of nowhere, leaving Taemin and Jongin to squeeze onto a stool, both of their butt cheeks hanging off either end. It didn't matter. The food was so warm and so yummy and it made everyone forget about any problems they may have had, at least for the time it takes to chew.  

 

Junghee took the conversational lead because everyone else was too busy stuffing their faces. She was such a kind soul, batty as hell sure, but so caring none the less. Although she had the shock of her life when Jonghyun pecked Key on the lips and it was hilariously obvious that she hadn't realized any of them were gay. After the initial surprise though, she just started to laugh.  

 

"Ha!" Sunyoung snorted, pointing across the table to Taemin who'd literally had to undo his jeans because his tummy was swelling so much. "You look more knocked up than I do."  

 

Taemin grinned back at her, his cheeks flushed from the warmth, "Food babies are the best kind of baby."  

 

"And the least attractive." Key smirked, but then realized he had a pretty big one himself and shrugged, "I guess I'd rather be happy than thin though."  

 

"Do you remember what Onew used to say?" Jonghun laughed, "First we eat. Then we do everything else."  

 

"I love that." Key agreed, deciding his tummy actually wasn't 100% full and he could still cram in some more stuffing.  

 

After they ate, Jongin presumed that Junghee would be getting tired and would want some space from all the chaos, but apparently not. 

 

As soon as Sehun (who was the last one left standing, or should we say sitting, nomming on the last few scraps of whatever) put his fork down, the lady jumped up and went into her bedroom, coming back with a large box with a bow on top filled with seriously vintage baby clothes, all in light blues and greens.  

 

It was an exceptionally thoughtful and unnecessary gift, but despite the good intentions and obvious gratitude from Sunyoung, it did put the group into a somewhat solemn mood after the food high. Seeing actual tiny clothes made the situation even more horrifyingly real.  

 

Jongin really didn't want to think about the future right now, so not very much later decided to grab Taemin's hand and pull him outside into the yard. This was the moment he'd been looking forward to all day. Other than the food that was.  

 

"I got you something." 

 

Unsurprisingly, his ex didn't seem happy, or flattered, but rather scowled and looked back at the poor bear with eyes that weren’t so much annoyed, as bored.  

 

"Don't be like that. I spent like, almost nothing."  

 

"Oh gee thanks."  

 

"Will you stop being a dick?"  

 

Taemin noticeably thought about it. "Ok sorry."  

 

Jongin smiled, and backed up to lean on the small, neat fence separating Junghee's trailer from her next door neighbors. 

 

"What, you're trying to build suspense?" Taemin scoffed, subconsciously copying the body language of his ex, and leaning on the fence too.  

 

"Well did you get me something?" 

 

Taemin shook his head in despair. "You know I didn't."  

 

"Yeah well exactly. So my present is enjoying giving you your present. Suspense is all part of it."  

 

"Ok." Came the short but not at all snippy reply, "I'll wait." 

 

There was a small pause as the cool wind blew those goddamn annoying windchimes, making their drab surroundings seem a little eerie almost.  

 

"Ok suspense is overrated. Here ya go." Jongin shrugged, handing his ex a square shaped gift. It was pretty small, wrapped in cute Santa paper, no note.  

 

"You wrapped it?" Taemin asked, the tiniest hint of excitement hidden in his voice.  

 

"Duh." Jongin scoffed, adding a muttered, "be nice" as he watched his ex start to attack the paper open.  

 

Taemin had to laugh when he saw what was inside: a picture frame, a pretty nice one too- wood with bizarre little animals engraved in an unusual but beautiful style, containing the only photo Jongin and Taemin had ever taken with each other inside.  

 

It brought back a lot of strange memories and emotions honestly. There they were, just about to leave the hospital and go back to the streets, taking a crappy picture on a phone Jongin had just bought for Taemin with money that he should have spent getting sleeping bags. Except he'd been right of course, to go with the phone "in case something bad happened."  

 

Taemin was beaming in the picture, grinning like an idiot. Jongin, on the other hand, was smiling meekly, and really looked like he should have been the one who was just getting out of hospital.  

 

Strangely, the emotions it brought back weren't bad though. They may have had some truly awful times together, done unforgivable things to each other and said terrible words that should never have been said, but it didn't mean that they hadn't been very much in love. The picture demonstrated that perfectly. It really had captured a strange moment of fragility and truth, immortalizing the feelings that came with it through time.  

 

"Sorry...shouldn't I have put that picture in? I wasn't sure." Jongin said quietly, after a minute or so of carefully examining the blonde's odd reaction as he stared down at the gift. 

 

"I'm glad you did." Taemin said finally, turning away from the frame to look at his ex instead.  

 

Jongin thought he saw a glint of water in his friend's eyes but he could have imagined it.  

 

"We should take more pictures." Taemin announced, smiling abruptly before taking out his phone and holding it up in the air. 

 

Jongin shuffled closer, muttering a quick "yay this time it's me who looks good and you who doesn't" before Taemin smiled even wider, and snapped a photo.  

 

"Oh shit you're right." He said, showing Jongin the picture, "Let's take another one but this time try not to stand in my light."  

 

Jongin almost snorted, "Excuse you." 

 

"Your big ass face is casting a shadow onto mine! That's why I look like shit." 

 

"You don't look like shit." Jongin shrugged, doing as he was told, "You look like a beautiful person who didn't brush his teeth or hair this morning or wash his face or shower or-" 

 

"Yeah yeah. Thanks." Taemin laughed, before taking another picture, this one slightly more candid as he'd actually unintentionally managed to capture his amusement, before deciding he was happy enough with that one and putting his phone away.  

 

Jongin smiled, "Wanna go back inside?" 

 

"Nah let's just stay out here for a bit." Taemin replied, leaning back further against the fence like he was trying to make himself comfier, "I like it when it's just us."  

 

"Me too." Jongin agreed, subconsciously doing the same.  

 

\--- 

Lmao drama in the next chapter I promise. I hope this hasn't been boring so far, ugh, idk! and so many mistakes!!  

ALso.   

Questions you might but probably don't have; 

So Emily, why are you writing nonsense Christmas chapters in August?  

I'm not ok lmao. I wrote this last year in December! XD it feels so out of place doesn't it.  

Yes, yes it does. So then have you literally been writing the sequel since then? 

No I took the longest break ever and here we aree. I've only prewritten a tiny bit more than this.  

Oh cool. So do you have any idea where it's going after that? 

Yeah. 

You sure? 

Kinda. 

That's encouraging.  

Lmao ANYWAY. Talking to yourself is one of the first signs of madness right. But knowing you're mad is one of the signs that you're not right. RIghT. I have a toe in each camp.  

I'm going now :') 

Lots and lots of love and comments are always appreciated so much, so don't be shy and come say hi!  

/it rhymes.  

Bye 


	39. Bedtime: Trippin'

Spice before bed was never a good idea. The theory was that if you were craving so badly you simply couldn't last till the morning, it would be a good idea to have a spliff or two right before you go to sleep, thus satisfying your body's thirst but also avoiding any kind of high because you'd be dreaming.  

 

Unsurprisingly though, this theory never worked but it didn't stop Taemin from trying. Just because it hadn't been the best idea in the past, didn’t mean it wouldn't be ok now. Or at least that's what shaky/driven-crazy-by-cravings Taemin had told himself when he'd rolled a sneaky spliff after everyone had gone to bed that Christmas night, then chugged down a few sleeping pills stolen from Jonghyun just to make sure he would actually knock out.  

 

At first it had actually been really fucking cool. Trippy dreams can be fun. You could feel euphoric and blissful or insanely peaceful and floaty. It was a nice sensation and your body is responding gratefully to its crutch...But then the fun and games stop, the terrors flood in, and all that's left are delirious hallucinations which aren't so much of a party.  

 

What had been a nice, pleasant dream about lying in a meadow with dancing ladybirds flying around in pretty patterns, quickly deteriorated into a dark wood with wasps buzzing in his face and little did he know it, but back in the real world he wasn't even tucked up in bed anymore, rather half way down the track trying bat these invisible bugs away.  

 

It wasn't even that bad, just annoying, but quickly the unpleasant wasps turned into something far more real and frightening as his sleepy trip continued.  

 

"Ahh!" Taemin jumped, as he felt 2 pairs of hands clawing at his back, sharp fingernails indenting themselves into the soft flesh of his arms.  

 

He turned around, but failed to see his attackers in the darkness of the wood, so instead desperately tried to flee, crying and screaming with all his might to escape the never ending pull of hands.  

 

"Stop! Taemin! Stop!" A voice yelled, as he felt himself being restrained even more. He had no idea how the owners of these hands could know his name but it didn't matter right now. Panic was overtaking him and it was becoming more clear by the second that he couldn't squirm his way free, so he'd have to fight.  

 

Still unable to see who it was he was trying to hit, Taemin decided to basically go apeshit, and just struggle and flail as much as he possibly could, ignoring the yelps and yells around him because he didn't even know what they were. 

 

And then something even worse happened. Taemin caught the tiniest glimpse of a face attached to one of these sets of hands, his lungs filling with dread as he realized that it was in fact Siwon and the reality of the situation came crashing down around him.  

 

Before he knew it, terrible unearthly screams were escaping from his mouth as he thrashed, punched, kicked, bit, and basically did anything he could to ensure that his attackers, one of them most definitely Siwon, were in as much pain as he was.  

 

It seemed to be working because the shrieking and yelling was only becoming stronger, as if his attackers were just as scared as he was, but at the same time so was the grasping on his wrists and the hands pulling him backwards. He even felt someone grab his hair and it fucking hurt like shit but there was nothing he could but just carry on fighting, getting weaker and weaker as the pain on his head and arms went still further up.  

 

In the end, all he could do was surrender. He didn't know if it was too soon, if he should keep fighting, but he was in so much pain now and none of his efforts had seemed to weaken the baddies at all. All he'd managed to do was make them scream, and that didn't necessarily mean they were hurt. And he certainly was. Every muscle was sore, he felt chunks of his scalp missing and his whole body seemed to be draining of life.  

 

Thankfully or not, as soon as he let his body stop struggling, the hands around him seemed to grow gentler and he felt himself be half carried/half dragged through the darkness, quiet sobs escaping from his lips because the shoulder he was leaning on right now may well be Siwon's.  

 

Panicked shrieks continued to be heard but at least they were a little quieter now, and even though Taemin had no idea where he was being taken through this dark forest, he'd accepted his fate so still didn't even try and struggle.  

 

"...Should we call an ambulance?!" Came one of the voices, this one far clearer than any of the previous blurred yells.  

 

Taemin barely caught the reply: "No! Just lay him down! Over there! NO OVER THERE! FUCK SAKE MINHO JUST MOVE!"  

 

For some reason the world was becoming horribly bright, as if someone had just turned on the sun or something. Taemin squinted, reaching a hand out to try and touch a worried face hovering over him, to his relief, definitely not Siwon's. 

 

The person had such recognizable features and Taemin knew he was safe with this friend but couldn't bring a name to mind. Did it begin with K...? No. J?...No...B...? That sounded about right. 

 

\--- 

 

A very small, very stupid, but none the less very real part of Jongin's mind had gone into a slight overdrive on Christmas night, thinking that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be very long before he and Taemin would be back together. After their cute little gift giving session, they'd stayed chatting in the yard for a good hour, then spent the rest of the day inside Junghee's cozy trailer, before making their way, hand in hand, to their own and snuggling down for a good night's rest.  

 

Taemin had become more irritable as it got later and clearly he was craving, but Jongin didn't allow himself to worry about it too much. It wasn't in the routine to have a fix late, and ever since the idiotic neighbour yelling sex incident we won't mention a few months ago, to Jongin's knowledge at least, the blonde had kept to his word of no more than 2 a day. So it wasn't a concern.  

 

What was concerning however, was the weird noises, shuffles, and strange sounding bumps in the dead of night. Jongin opened his eyes, noticing that he wasn't the only one that had been disturbed by the weird sounds. Jonghyun was also awake, staring in confusion at figure lying next to Jongin –Taemin of course-, who was writhing about, sweating, his hands clenched into fists as he wacked them against the floor.  

 

There wasn't even a moment to take in what on earth had gotten into the blonde, although of course it was pretty obvious, before the kid opened his eyes, wide and sharp like a demon, got up as if he were possessed, and ran straight out of the door, stumbling over Key and Sehun and yet still managing to hold his balance.  

 

What happened next had been nothing short of awful. Obviously, Jongin and Jonghyun ran up to follow their deranged friend as fast as they could, Key and Sehun only seconds later as they groggily realized what was happening. But then it was all a blur and everything had happened so fast, and in such a frenzy that it hardly made any sense at all.  

 

Taemin, in his crazed, sleep walking state, was clearly unable to be woken up, and as soon as they managed to grab the lunatic a good few meters down the track, he started screaming bloody murder, throwing himself back and forth to break free. 

 

If Jongin had been less panicked, he might have tried speaking to his ex in a more calm voice, hoping that the soft tone may stop the blonde's hysteria, but in the heat of the moment, all he found himself managing to do was yell.  

 

And it wasn't just him. Minho had also made his way out of the trailer to come and try and help, but it was becoming clear that the more hands tried to restrain the kid, the more terrified he became, and the more the struggling continued.  

 

It got so bad, and Taemin was clearly so scared, that he resorted to trying to hit basically everyone who had their arms on him. Jongin and Jonghyun bared most of the punches, whilst still trying to desperately stop the blonde from running any further away. The idiot even managed to get a strangely accurate swing, directed straight in Key's jaw at one point, making the hysteria only go up a notch. The longer this went on, the tighter they had to hold on to the blonde, and it was obviously horribly painful for him but the kid just wouldn't stop.  

 

And then the screaming got even louder. Jongin saw it happen. A horrible flicker in his ex's eye told him all the information he needed. This hallucination, or whatever it was that was driving this insanity, was most likely to do with one of the things Taemin was most scared of in the world. He probably thought that he was about to be killed by Siwon, or taken by force by one of the awful men who'd actually done that. The look in his friend's face, that sheer terror in his eyes, the high pitched scream exploding from his mouth, it was getting all too intense and Jongin was genuinely about to go into a legit panic attack himself before- 

 

"That's it!!"  

 

Sehun, who'd lack of empathy for Taemin was actually of use in situations like this, deciding to take it upon himself to end this madness, bustled passed Jongin to get at the blonde and literally grabbed the idiot by his hair, making Taemin cry out in pain but miraculously, stop struggling. It didn't happen instantly. Jongin could tell there had been a moment of inner turmoil as the blonde couldn't decide whether it was time to give up. But obviously it was, because he allowed himself to be dragged back to the trailer with very little fuss considering the circumstances, tears now flooding down his cheeks.  

 

Everyone was still shrieking but Jongin didn't catch a word, just concentrating on getting the idiot inside and safe. When they were back, Key turned on the light and came rushing to Taemin's side to inspect his friend's face, but all that stared back was a very glassy expression, a wide open mouth, and drips of sweat creeping down his forehead.  

 

Knowing there was nothing he could do, Key then got up and basically started the hysteria all over again. The group continuously yelled at each other for a good half and hour, leaving Jongin to stare down in disbelief at his friend, wondering how on earth he hadn't noticed that things were this bad.  

 

\---  

 

Taemin sat up, yawned, stretched, and then slumped back down again because he was still too sleepy and the alarm on his phone hadn't gone off yet so he could still doze some more. He'd had the strangest dream last night, like, the strangest ever. And his head, really, really hurt. And thinking about it, so did his arms, like a few baby tigers had been batting them or something leaving scratches and bruises in their wake. It was odd, but not so odd that Taemin thought too much about it before attempting to slip back into dream world again.  

 

"Ahem."  

 

Ugh such an annoying noise. No prizes for guessing who made it.  

 

"What we're just gonna let him go back to sleep?!" Said the same voice, and Taemin opened one sleepy eye to see Sehun, staring down at him like an angry god. The room was so bright, it hurt his eyes and he wanted nothing more than to shut them tightly again but something about the way the toddler was looking at him wasn't...normal.  

 

Taemin sat up again, this time making his body stay in the position it so desperately didn't want to be in, and examined the 6 pairs of eyes who were all staring directly at him in stony silence. Everyone looked pissed. Very, very pissed. Some of the faces seemed to have a glint of worry behind the pissyness; Jongin and Key, some a hint of confusion; Jonghyun and Sunyoung, some just plain anger; Minho and Sehun.  

 

Taemin's mind went into overdrive. These were not looks that he was used to receiving. He was Taeminnie, cute little, sometimes makes an ass of himself poor little loveable Taeminnie. And of course he'd seen that look Jongin's face many times, Sehun's too, even Key's...but Minho? And why everyone? What could he have possibly done to ALL of them to make them look at him like this? He'd been asleep, hadn't he? What happened yesterday? It was Christmas, wasn't it? He hadn't done anything wrong there, had he? He'd been on his (mostly) best behavior and- 

 

"What's that on your jaw?" He asked suddenly, noticing the small line of bruises on Key's face.  

 

Nobody spoke for a good few seconds. It was like none of them knew where to begin, or at least nobody had the guts to find out what was going to happen when they did.  

 

"You fucking tried beat the shit out of ALL of us last night." Sehun hissed, taking the lead if no one else was going to. This was definitely one of many countless occasions when the Taemin fan club thing really didn't come in handy; he couldn't hold this on his own...but he could sure start it off.  

 

"Exaggeration." Sunyoung scoffed, walking forwards a little from her original spot, leaning on the bathroom door towards the little group standing in the living area, looking down at the blonde. 

 

"You weren't fucking there." Sehun hissed, not sure why he was annoyed with her as well, "You didn't see the fit he pulled or feel the punches he tried to throw." 

 

"I...er...what?!" Taemin asked, almost laughing afterwards, his eyes darting from Sehun to Jongin in some sort of confused amusement. He didn't really find the situation funny, but it was hard not to be utterly perplexed by this and sometimes that emotion came out with humor. Or at least it did for Taemin. 

 

"Look! He fucking finds it funny!" Sehun exclaimed, obviously totally outraged, "What is WRONG with you?! What is WRONG with everyone?! Why am I the only one speaking here?! Are you all too fucking afraid that what, he'll-" 

 

"Shut up Sehun." Jongin cut in, awfully sharply, making the poor toddler unable to control the flash of hurt that darted across his face. If he were a puppy, he'd probably have yelped. "You really don't remember?" Jongin continued, staring back at his ex, "Last night?...Getting high in the fucking middle of the ni-?" 

 

"And stealing Jonghyun's sleeping pills!" Key interrupted harshly, obviously unable to contain his frustration anymore, "That's right! You're fucking terrible and sneaking around these days, found the bottle under your PILLOW!"  

 

"I-?" Taemin gasped, unable to finish. 

 

"What?!" Minho snapped, also unable to stop his anger either now this had gotten started, "You think you can just get high before bed, knock yourself out and everything will be fine?! I ALWAYS TOLD YOU NEVER TO DO THAT!" 

 

Taemin's eyes widened in shock. Being shouted at like that, by Minho...it was so utterly bizarre that he didn't even know where to look, so found his eyes trailing back to Jongin. 

 

"Don't look at him! He's not your fucking security blanket!" Minho continued, "I'm so SICK of you not putting in any fucking effort to change! I AM! JONGHYUN AND KEY ARE! And look at Jongin! Fucking unrecognizable from the guy we knew on the streets!" 

 

Jongin shifted uncomfortably but didn't say anything because on the rare occasion that Minho actually decided to be talkative, it was unwise to interrupt him. Someone who didn't express their opinions often, needed to be heard when they did.  

 

"There's gonna be a baby around soon Minnie. A fucking child. And I'm sorry ok?! We're both sorry! But it's happening, and you're a fucking...a fucking...danger!"  

 

Taemin swallowed hard. He was a lot of things, but he wasn't a danger. To anyone. Especially not a baby. What the hell did Minho think, that was going to get high and put the kid in the oven?! "Well, this is all pretty rich." He said eventually, trying and failing to hide the hurt in his voice, "It's not like I'm the only loose cannon around here. None of you guys are exactly angels, even if you have changed. And I'm sorry...ok? I'm sorry for whatever happened last night. But jesus christ Minho, it's not like I'd ever do anything awful...it's not like I'd ever-" 

 

"Yeah well I don't trust you anymore." Came Minho's cold reply.  

 

The words cut into Taemin like glass. That was the third time he'd been told that in only a few months. Jongin, Key and now Minho. Was he really that fucking untrustworthy?  

 

"Look. We just..." Jonghyun butted in, trying to keep his calm although it was clear even he was having difficulty, "We just can't have this going on. Me and Key have been talking for a while about you and-" 

 

"About me?!" Taemin spluttered. 

 

"About how the rest of us seem to be coping and you're just not. How you've lost any kind of self control about spice. And how you're a fucking paranoid mess when the smallest thing happens." 

 

Taemin felt tears start to sting in his eyes. To say he was mortified would be a huge understatement. 

 

"If you ended up like Onew..." Jonghyun continued, his voice cracking, "Well it just doesn't even bare thinking about." 

 

"End up like Onew?!" Taemin repeated, his voice also horribly wobbly, "...You can't die from spice!" 

 

"No but you can get so high you go and chuck yourself under a bus." Key snapped. "Remember when me and you used to go playing in traffic and Onew had to come save us?!" 

 

Taemin did remember. All too well. 

 

"And it can make you so delirious that you don't have a fucking clue you're dreaming and try and beat the shit out of your friends when they try and take you back into your nice trailer." Sehun muttered.  

 

Taemin started to cry. 

 

Upon hearing actual, real sobs, Jongin couldn't stand it anymore and rushed to his ex's side, pulling him in for a hug that was obviously very much needed.  

 

Sehun was outraged, his disbelief going up even more as Key and Jonghyun also settled themselves down next to the blonde, Key rubbing the kid's back whilst Jonghyun rested a supportive hand on his thigh. Even Minho's glare seemed to be softening, and Sunyoung...well Sun just clearly didn't give a shit and wasn't too bothered about this whole thing but her usually emotionless expression was definitely laced with some kind of sympathy. It was disgusting. All the stupid blonde had to do was fucking shed one tiny crocodile tear and he was back playing the pity party again, making everyone comfort him. It made Sehun feel physically sick.  

 

"Look Minnie...it's ok....but maybe it's time to actually take some action now, you know?" Jonghyun whispered soothingly, making Taemin's tears flow even faster. 

 

"There's help at the shelter." Jongin cut in, "Like Taeyeon's told me lots of times that we can have the help of like, proper doctors and shit or-" 

 

"No!" Taemin wailed, covering his face with his hands as his ex started to rock him, "I can't see anyone! Just give me one more chance!"  

 

"What about just trying cold turkey then?" Jongin suggested, earning a few disapproving glares himself. 

   
"Impossible." Key spat, "Idiot. This isn't like your pathetic cigarette addiction. Giving up spice completely would make him really fucking ill. His body is dependent on it. No one could do it even if they were the most disciplined person in the world." 

 

Sehun didn't believe that for a second, but chose to keep his feelings to himself. A thought dawned on him that maybe the reason they were all being so soft on the blonde about this now was because they were all still majorly addicted themselves. The blind can't lead the blind after all.  

 

"Just..." Taemin sobbed, "Just give me ONE more chance. One more. That's all I'm asking. I'll prove to you that you can trust me...I'll go back to my normal 2 a day, I promise. Just god...don't push me further on this. Please. Just one more chance." 

 

More eyes softened and Sehun felt his blood pressure rise another notch. They were actually falling for it. Even Jongin, who really should have been the most able to see that the kid didn't mean it. 

 

Except Taemin did mean it. With every fiber of his being, he meant it. He wanted to be trusted. He wanted to be good. But wanting something so desperately can only get you so far, and good intentions are often just that; intentions. With no plan in place, even a small part of him could see that there was a possibility that he couldn't do it on his own anymore. Not that he could ever allow them to know that.  

 

"Please..." He started again, only to be cut off by Key. 

 

"Ok. One more chance. But don't fuck it up Minnie, and I swear to god, I'll be watching you like a hawk." 

 

Taemin stopped crying. Jongin sighed. Minho nodded. Sunyoung shrugged. Jonghyun continued to pat his friend's leg. Sehun felt rage burn in his chest.  

 

Wasn't it just so funny that the tears seemed to stop when he got what he wanted?  

 

So funny, and yet somehow, Sehun couldn't seem to see the humor.  

 

\---  

 

Unsurprisingly, Jongin and Sehun did not go and see Chanyeol and Baekhyun that boxing day, rather rescheduling to an indeterminate time that Sehun was convinced would never come. Jongin often popped to see Chanyeol out of the blue, so would probably just go one day alone, forgetting he'd ever said he'd go with his friend. Sehun had bigger things to worry about.  

 

The group's dynamic went back to normal in a heartbeat, the only difference being that Key did indeed keep his promise of keeping his eye on Taemin like a hawk.  Jongin also did, although that wasn't anything new. Taemin didn't seem to mind all that much either, which was slightly weird seeing as he valued his freedom very highly, although Sehun guessed he was used to being mollycoddled by Key so maybe nothing was anything new.  

 

As a week of Christmas break passed by however, everyone had to go back to work, making it very difficult to keep tabs on the blonde. In the day, when Jongin and Key were out at work, Sunyoung had taken to spending a lot of her time with Junghee, Minho doing whatever it was he did, leaving most of the watching to Sehun and Jonghyun.  

 

Except despite this still being the Taemin show, they did both have lives of their own. The world didn't revolve around the blonde, no matter how much he thought it did. Jonghyun was close to getting a job, actually. Nothing had been confirmed, but it was on a building site that desperately needed more man power, so the prospects looked hopeful. And as much as he cared for Taemin, this was the first work he'd been close to getting in god knows how long because every employer seemed to take one look at him and run. Which was ridiculous, as far as Key was concerned, because as he'd reassured his boyfriend many times "looking like the incredible hulk crossed with a dinosaur can only be a good thing." Employers didn't see it that way, which was why he couldn't let an opportunity like this pass by.  

 

Rambling aside, Sehun also had a life. Don't be surprised. He didn’t spend literally all his time pining for Jongin like a sad puppy or feeling bitter. A lot of his hours were actually spent studying, because he'd already received a few outlines of the course he'd soon be on from Taeyeon. He also helped out at the shelter sometimes, although that wasn't a joy, and searched for a part time job with the rest.  

 

Then of course, Taemin would be at work in the evening, and nobody was allowed to just casually hang around the bar spying, so that was more time left alone.  

 

Which was absolutely fucking fine, until it wasn't.  

 

3 weeks passed. Not a lot of time in the big scheme of things, but a lot of time if you're a certain blonde who's desperate to keep his promises. Nothing had changed inside his mind; the paranoia, the dread, the worry- they were all still there. But he'd been so fucking good with the spice, he deserved a medal.  

 

The eyes watching him were already becoming less intense, less strict, and he could tell his attempts at proving himself were working.  

 

Jongin'd even rescheduled him and Sehun's visit to Chanyeol, which only confirmed Taemin's predictions that he was less worried about now. It wasn't like no precautions had been made though. Jongin had subtly had a little word with Key (a very, very, very short word) asking him if he was going to be around on the Saturday Chanyeol was free. Key'd said that Jonghyun would be, if not him, and they'd gone their separate ways.  

 

Except lack of communication between them had in fact lead to a silly misunderstanding of which Saturday it even was. Neither knew, because neither bothered to confirm it. Well maybe 'bother' is the wrong word, 'wanted' is probably a better one. Both Jongin and Key really never wanted to speak to each other ever anymore and would have been quite relieved to never make eye contact again. It was a shame, but neither felt much remorse about the situation honestly.  

 

"Right, Sehun you ready?" Jongin called, tapping the bathroom door a few times before muttering, "How long does it take to fucking pee?"  

 

"You're going now? This early?" Taemin squeaked, ears pricking up from deep in the covers of his sleeping bag.  

 

"Yeah is that ok?" Jongin asked, slightly worriedly, "Key's just gone out for breakfast I think but they should be back really soon. He said they'd be here today." 

 

Taemin scoffed and shuffled upwards so his eyes could be seen poking out of the covers. He gave his ex and a very bored look which hopefully hid any sadness and embarrassment. 

 

Jongin muttered a quick, "moody" before stepping aside as Sehun appeared from the bathroom, hair brushed, washed and looking really rather good actually.  

 

"Come on." The toddler said, grabbing his friend's arm to pull him out the door, except Jongin paused, thinking maybe they should stay around until at least someone came back so the blonde wasn't on his own, even for the 10 minutes it would take Key and Jonghyun to get breakfast.  

 

"Fucking go!" Taemin hissed, burying himself deep in his sleeping bag again so all that could be seen was a few strands of bleach blonde hair poking out the top in different directions.  

 

Jongin gritted his teeth, sighed, and let Sehun drag him out the door. Now maybe it was him that was being the paranoid one. After all, it'd been a few weeks and the idiot was going to work as normal, so there was nothing to fucking worry about. And Sunyoung was probably at Junghee's right now anyway, it wasn't like that was far away. And Key would be back in no time and...yeah. No need to stress. 

 

Taemin remained silent as he heard them leave. In some ways, he truly felt relieved to have some proper alone time again, just him in the trailer and not at work, no one to bother or demand something of him for at least a few minutes. This nice feeling lasted all of 30 seconds as the despair returned, so instead of getting up to go and pee like his body was telling him to do, he sunk still further into his sleeping bag, shutting his eyes in the hope that he could imagine he was a bunny in a burrow, with no thoughts, no problems, and nothing to scare him but a fox.  

 

\---  

 

Chanyeol was waiting alone when Jongin and Sehun arrived at the designated meeting place they'd arranged- not behind the station, but by an old rundown street corner that Jongin vaguely remembered from their homeless days as somewhere relatively quiet. There were a few factories and warehouses around the place, no offices, and damp cardboard boxes lined one of the buildings next to a metal railing. It was depressing, but exactly the type of non descript area that was actually pretty safe for homeless losers. It wasn't an alleyway after all, and it was the perfect mix between being out in the open and yet also tucked away.  

 

"No Baek?" Jongin asked, his pace fastening as he clocked his friend and walked up for a bear hug.  

 

Chanyeol shook his head, giving Sehun a smile and a nod before turning back to Jongin, "He's...he's not feeling sociable." 

 

Jongin shrugged, only noticing now that they were this close just how run down his friend looked. And not just the normal homeless run down, the 'I haven't slept in days' run down and possibly even the 'I was beaten up last week' run down. "Ok, it's no worries." Jongin replied, slumping down on the curb like it was a comfy sofa, "Not to be a dick but you look kind of shit man." 

 

Chanyeol shrugged and gave another tired smile. He could never escape his easy going persona, even when times were this tough. "Oh you know, we don't all have comfy trailers to go back to at night."  

 

Jongin scoffed and was about to reply when a certain toddler cut him off. 

 

"Why'd you wanna meet here...instead of back at the station?" 

 

"We er...we're not there ever so much anymore. Like, well we're there sometimes. We're trying not to stay in the same place too much. Even more than usual." 

 

Sehun looked blank, "Why?" 

 

"Well you know how it is." Chanyeol shrugged. 

 

Jongin nodded, Sehun stayed silent. 

 

"How was your Christmas?" Jongin asked, changing the subject a little too hastily. 

 

"Oh great. We sang and had stuffing and roast veggies and-" 

 

"Ok ok." Jongin tutted, "I did offer for you to come round to us though, wise ass." 

 

"To spend it with some old lady in a tiny tin can?" Chanyeol asked, pulling out 3 cigarettes before putting 1 away when he remembered that Sehun didn't smoke.  

 

"She's really nice! And it was fucking warm. Stop turning down my charity!" 

 

Sehun might have thought Chanyeol would be offended at the world 'charity' but he seemed to find it just as amusing as it was intended, "Yeah well jokes aside, you're in no position to be handing out charity ok. How is everyone? How are you guys?" 

 

Jongin and Sehun looked at each other quickly before both shrugging at almost exactly the same time. Jongin then decided he'd done enough of the talking and lit his cigarette, waiting for someone else to say something instead. 

 

"We're ok." Sehun replied, "I mean. Sunyoung's still pregnant and-" 

 

"Shit I forgot about that." 

 

"And Key's still a lunatic and Taemin's still-" 

 

Jongin coughed out his smoke very unsubtly.  

 

"Blonde." Sehun finished, "And well, yeah. Jonghyun might be getting a job soon, construction work or something, I wasn't really listening but that's fucking awesome. And I'm studying like mad...it should really be soon that funding comes in for both of us to you know, start properly back into some kind of education...And that old lady, well she's nice. She helps us...Yeah. It's not all bad. It's good. I guess." 

 

Chanyeol didn't look very convinced after that somewhat lengthy explanation but he wasn't about to delve deeper. "Well good. That all sounds, good."  

 

"Are you still in a lot of debt?" Jongin cut in a little randomly, earning a very antsy look from Sehun.    
   
Chanyeol merely shrugged, his eyes somewhat tiring at that question, "Define 'a lot'."   
   
"Well more than you have or can get."  Jongin replied, taking another nervous drag of his cigarette.    
"Then yeah. A lot. A hell of a lot. But I guess it wouldn't even be that much to a normal person."    
   
Jongin sighed and leaned in closer to his friend, ear outstretched- if you can outstretch an ear.    
   
Chanyeol muttered something Sehun didn't catch, but presumed it was a figure because Jongin's eyes seemed to grow wider once he'd heard it. "Shit. That is a lot. A lot for homeless losers."   
   
"And trailer trash." Chanyeol pointed out.    
   
Jongin nodded sadly.    
   
"Is that why you're moving around so much then?" Sehun asked cautiously. "Who are these scary guys?" He didn't want to be overly nosey, even with a friend, but just couldn't help the questions lately. Homeless people were weird: oddly open about some things and incredibly secretive about others. Money was one of these others and so was location.    
   
"They er...they're dealers, mostly. Some of em Baek was even friends with. Kind of. They were working behind the scenes at that hotel...not as hookers-"    
   
Jongin scowled.   
   
"-but as staff who were definitely in on the whole secret brothel thing. Siwon may have been jailed, but a lot of angry people who worked there have got off relatively scot-free. Well I mean I say free, they all lost their jobs didn't they?"    
   
Both Sehun and Jongin were deep in horrible thoughts so Chanyeol carried on.   
   
"Look it's ok. It's not like we're saints either. We owe them stuff...I mean they think we owe them more than we actually do but granted, yeah, we got drugs from them we can't pay for and made promises we can't keep. Not to mention it's rumored that we're very friendly with the "snitch who got stabbed" and started the hotel's whole downfall..." He rambled, adding a quick, "Don't worry, they don't know it's Tae." When Jongin spluttered on smoke again in horror.    
   
"It sounds...really fucking unsafe out here." Sehun said dumbly, after a few seconds of nothing but silence and cigarettes.    
   
Chanyeol nodded, "Hence why we're trying to keep a low profile and not stay around too much in one place before we can pay em back."   
   
"And how are you gonna do that?" Sehun asked nervously.   
   
Chanyeol rolled his eyes, "We have our ways."   
   
Jongin shuddered and so Sehun quickly changed the subject. "We can give you some money."   
   
Chanyeol laughed, "No you can't. Even if Jonghyun does get a job, you need it to look after you and with the fetus growing maybe that won't even be enough. Besides, honestly, if we were gonna ask for favors- it wouldn't be money we'd want."    
   
Jongin scrunched his cigarette on the road and turned to his friend quizzically.   
   
"Well..." Chanyeol continued, glancing around nervously and lowering his voice even though there was no one in sight, "Since we've been moving so much, our friends have kind of...well, dispersed. It's really just me and Baek now."   
   
Jongin nodded as if he knew exactly where this was going. Sehun had no idea.   
   
"Well I mean, and this would be in a dire emergency ok...but can we...could we call on you guys? If things were getting...bad?"    
   
Sehun still wasn't quite sure what he meant because of course he could call, surely that was a given...?   
   
"Like you and Key...you're really good at fighting right?"    
   
Ohhhh. Sehun innerly slapped himself. Chanyeol wasn't talking about a comforting phone call or a nice trailer to have a cup of tea in, he was talking about man power. Sehun couldn't blame him. If something was about to go down, Sehun would want to know he had the back up of a group of pretty scary looking friends too, not just one scrawny boyfriend in the shape of Baekhyun. Still, he wasn't about to start making any promises.    
   
"Well I..." Jongin started, "I mean I'm ok at fighting I guess. Key's only good with a knife."   
   
"But Jonghyun and Minho right...they're clued up about this stuff too."    
   
Jongin shrugged. He supposed they were, although it was weird to think about when as far as he was concerned they were all still lost children who wouldn't dream of hurting a fly. But not so in reality and he couldn't be an idiot and deny the past or forget what he and his friends were capable of.   
   
"Yeah. You're right." He said firmly, "I'll ask 'em but I already know the answer. If you need...back up...then we'll be there."    
   
Sehun thought that was a very horrible thing to agree too...after all back up for what? Scary guys who wanted money? Angry dealers? Powerful ex hotel workers? With fists? Knives? Guns? Why the fuck was Jongin signing up to get involved with something nothing to do with him?   
   
"Thanks." Chanyeol said, extremely meaningfully, like a weight had just been lifted from his chest. "Like I mean, we're not gonna need you. Nothing's gonna happen. It's just really good to know that..."   
   
"You're not alone." Sehun finished, suddenly understanding.   
   
People stick together on the streets. If Key hadn't taken a chance on him, well then where the hell would he be right now? He'd have no back up, nothing. He might even be dead. Maybe it was right to get involved in some things, especially for a close friend that you owe a lot to. Maybe.   
   
The conversation deteriorated into much lighter, sillier topics after that. They got lunch- burgers and chips=heaven. Jongin paid happily, Chanyeol smiled even if it was a tired one, and Sehun tried not to be so serious.   
   
"Is it weird living with your ex?" Chanyeol had asked abruptly, in the middle of a conversation nothing to do with Taemin.   
   
Jongin half choked/ half swallowed on a huge mouthful of burger, "No. And he's not really my ex so much as my not currant."    
   
"I don't know what the fuck that means."   
   
Sehun didn't either.   
   
"It means that...well it means that I don't like the word ex much and honestly, it might not be that long before we're together again. I'm hoping. I mean it's not like we're seeing other people so whatever."    
   
Sehun had remained emotionless throughout this section of their conversation. He had nothing to say even to himself anymore, he was that fucking done with this subject.  

 

Luckily, they moved onto more palatable topics for the rest of the day, and time past so fucking quickly that nobody noticed that the lazy winter sun was already beginning to set.  

 

After eating another snack (Jongin was trying to fatten up his friend while he still had the chance), Chanyeol said he'd better be off and that he'd see them around. They didn't make plans but Jongin hoped it would be sooner rather than later. He often worried about the kid, and Baekhyun, how could you not? It was scary to think what still went on around here whilst he was tucked up safe in the trailer.  

 

"He'll be ok." Sehun reassured, just as they were turning to leave.  

 

"Yeah but it's weird isn't it?" Jongin replied, "Like we're all safe and cozy when nothing's changed for them."  

 

"We're not that safe and cozy." Sehun scoffed. 

 

"No?" 

 

"Well no. We're still freezing our butts off and Sun's still pregnant and half of are jobless and drug addicted so." 

 

Jongin's face fell. "Stop it. I'm not used to being the optimist."  

 

"I think your pessimism was just a phase." Sehun muttered, kicking a rock with his foot absentmindedly.  

 

"Well whatever. I just...I'm happier now. And once we've got a few things sorted...a few people sorted...well then we'll be ok. Everything's still totally different to how it was. I think." 

 

"You think?" 

 

"Well yeah. I mean is your tummy full now or what?" 

 

"My tummy's full."  

 

"Well there you go. We couldn't say that a few months ago." Jongin insisted, kicking the same rock which had now turned into a game they would play all the way home.  

 

It took a while for them to wander back. Neither were in a hurry, relaxed from a nice day. It wasn't even that cold, at least for this deep into Winter.  

 

Taemin was in the back of Jongin's mind, and he knew he'd probably get scowled at for staying out so long but it wasn't like the kid wouldn't have had company of his own, not that he probably even wanted it with how much they'd been spying on him lately.  

 

"Hey losers!" 

 

A familiar voice caught both boy's attention as they squinted into the sun to see Key and Jonghyun (...?...) making their way towards them, the entrance to the track of the trailer park in between the two groups.  

 

Jongin's tummy turned. "Shit?!" He called, "Why are you guys out here?"  

 

As the little groups got closer, it was only Sehun who noticed just how depressed Jonghyun looked. Jongin had other things on his mind. Key's body language was off too, his arm wrapped a little too tightly around his boyfriend's shoulder, his fingers scrunching at the fabric of Jonghyun's coat as if they were trying to sooth.  

 

His eyes were laced with nothing but annoyance as he adressed Jongin however, "What do you mean, why are we out here? Why are you out here?" 

 

"Cus ER, we went to see Chanyeol like I told you the other day, remember?!" Jongin hissed, a little too much venom escaping from his voice as he said it.  

 

Key rolled his eyes, "NEXT weekened. You said it was next weekend." 

 

"Um...no? No I didn't? I specifically said it was this one and then you said that either you or Jonghyun would be around?!" 

 

Both Sehun and Jonghyun glanced at each other nervously and started walking down the track. The bickering still carried on behind them as their friends followed, paying far more attention to the argument than getting home quickly.  

 

"Shit! Where the fuck did you think we were this morning?" Key spat, "Why didn't you call or something?" 

 

"You never pick up my calls idiot!" Jongin snapped, "And I thought you were out getting food...you often do that on a Saturday?!" 

 

"Often!? Um no...we did that like, twice?! You should have fucking called to confirm it."  

 

"Why is this my responsibility?! You could have called!" 

 

"I left first!" 

 

"That doesn't make a fucking dif-!" 

 

"Uh guys..." Sehun started worriedly, picking up his pace as a weird smell drifted its way down the track. Jonghyun seemed to notice it too.  

 

"-erence! It's not my fault that I don't keep tabs on everyone, every second of every day?! God I still get blamed for fucking everything!" 

 

"You asshole. You get blamed for what's your fault. I can't help that that's a lot." 

 

"But-" blah blah blah. 

 

"Fuck-" blah blah blah. 

 

"Dickhead-" blah blah blah... 

 

The bickering was becoming so intense and stupid, Sehun had no idea who was even speaking, not that it mattered. His and Jonghyun's attentions were firmly on finding out what the weird smell was, but as they were getting closer and it was becoming stronger, the realization only made him feel worse.  

 

"GUYS." Jonghyun yelled, realizing at almost the exact same time as his youngest friend that the offensive aroma was definitely smoke, and far too much to be coming from a cigarette or spliff. 

 

It was only when Jonghyun started running that the two bickering idiots seemed to notice themselves, both faces turning white with horror as they sprinted the final distance towards their little trailer.  

 

There was no doubt that the smoke was coming from inside it, great wafts of grey escaping from the broken bedroom window, although thankfully nowhere else so whatever it was couldn't have started long ago and hadn't seemed to have spread.  

 

"Taemin?!" Jongin screeched, the first one to barge in the door, Key straight after, "Oh my god, what the hell are you doing?!" 

 

\--- 

 

Pls forgive the amount of mistakes in this, I know there's probably so many and I really tried to check it but it was just giving me a migraine so it's probably very bad oh man. So many its in that sentence lmao 

But hello lovelies. 

I rly hope the story can sort of, get going now if you know what I mean. It's been slow so far...but now it's gonna speed up I hope! If you're still sticking with it, thank you, many hugs, much appreciate lol.  

Also Jongin and Taemin are nowhere near getting back together yet uhoh lol I don't wanna get your hopes up because it ain't gonna happen any time soon. Well I mean, maybe in a few chapters but a lot can happen in a chapter so it won't seem soon to me xD 

Idk how to end this, kisses? Hugs?  

Thanks for being here ~!


	40. World War Spice: Taemin's Mess

The strangest thing about the whole incident was that Taemin was actually not unconscious. Sprawled out and limp, laying in the middle of the floor yes, but his eyes were not totally shut, his mouth burbling incoherent words in between coughs.  

 

The flames were 100% coming from the bedroom, so Sehun tore in there as fast as he could, leaving Jongin, Key and Jonghyun to generally panic and gather hopelessly around their heavily intoxicated friend.  

 

Even though the fire wasn't even that big (or at least hadn't spread from the bed covers as Sehun soon discovered), it had still made the whole trailer so fucking smoky, it was hard to breathe. 

 

Whilst Jongin and Key both draped Taemin's rag doll like body out to the yard, Jonghyun ran into the bathroom to fill up Sugar's washing up bowl bed and chuck it over the flames, repeating the process a couple of times with the help of Sehun, who was using some large rags to cover the any bits of rebellious fire that hadn't been caught by the water. All that was left by the end was black, smoldering bedsheets and a mattress so singed that even Sugar wouldn't have tolerated sleeping on it. Sehun thought he was going to knock unconscious himself from all the smoke in his lungs, the cloth he'd tied to his mouth doing barely anything to shield him from the overwhelming fumes, so once he was that satisfied that the fire was completely out, ran outside to be met with nothing but chaos in the yard. 

 

A few neighbours opposite were glancing across nervously, one young woman even poking her head out a window curiously. None of them came over, not perhaps because they didn't care, but because they were scared to. This was a trailer park after all, and there may have been sweet old ladies around who gave out free ice creams and Christmas dinners, but there were also ex homeless drug addicts and prostitutes with knife shaped bulges in their pockets, and Sehun had to admit that he wouldn't have wanted to approach them either. 

 

"Shit! Shit! Oh god holy fuck!!" Jongin gasped, clearly on the verge of a panic attack, as memories of alleyways came back to haunt him. He clutched at Taemin's cheeks frantically whilst Key dashed back inside to get some water.  

 

"Minnie!? What were you thinking?!" he shrieked, pulling the blonde to a floppy sitting up position as Key returned to force a drink down the kid's throat. After a few gulps, the only reply that came was a tiny, innocent smile which made it clear that Taemin definitely wasn't as scared as his friends were, nor knew what the fuck was happening basically.  

 

"How did this even fucking happen?!" Sehun spluttered, also throwing himself down on the grass next to everyone.  

 

"Who cares?!" Jongin shrieked, "We need to get him to hospital or something!!" 

 

"No are you fucking kidding me?!" Key hissed, snatching the still slightly smiling Taemin away, who had thankfully stopped coughing by this point, "He's high as a kite but he's not hurt! They're not gonna be able to do anything and we'll just get in trouble!" 

 

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Jongin boomed, his voice raising to a level Sehun hadn't heard in a while. Scary Jongin was back then, he thought nervously, time to run for cover. 

 

"Uh guys I actually think-" Jonghyun started, examining Taemin's arm intently before rushing back inside the trailer to get some more water when it was obvious that he wasn't going to be heard over the yelling. 

 

Sehun shuffled around to see what his friend had noticed, taking a short intake of breath when he realised that Taemin actually did have quite a few small, but nasty burns on the back of his arms, which must have been touching the bed when he -Sehun didn't know- dropped his lighter and set it on fire?!  

 

"Don't make it out like I'm the one who doesn't care here!" Key shouted back, his voice also raising far higher than it had in a while. 

 

The two of them generally screamed at each other for a good few minutes, leaving Jonghyun and Sehun to do the majority of the work, both attempting to clean the back of the blonde's arms to prevent infection. It wasn't an easy task because Key kept moving him as the argument became even more heated. Sehun thought his brain was about to explode if the hysteria didn't stop soon, but luckily Jonghyun decided to end the madness. 

 

"SHUT. UP." he cut in loudly, "We should take him to Junghee's. Now. Right now. Hospital is not a good idea ok Jongin? Key's right on this. Now just shut the fuck up both of you and move!"  

 

Jongin was about to turn his screaming to Jonghyun instead, but the 3 pairs of eyes glaring at him to shut up overruled the voice in his head yelling that Taemin was his boyfriend, and he knew best. So he literally yanked the blonde away from Key and picked him up in an incredibly ungainly fashion, and started to storm down the track towards Junghee's.  

 

He tried to calm himself with every fast paced step he took, because it was terrifying how quickly he felt a rage coming and that was the last thing they needed. He reminded himself that although he may not have trusted Key, he did trust Jonghyun. And Taemin clearly wasn't in the terrible state he could have been, even if this was bringing back so many awful memories of bruises and stab wounds.  

 

They met a very confused looking Sunho on the way, but Jongin just barged straight past them without a word, leaving Sehun to garble an explanation he didn't understand himself. When they arrived at Junghee's, it was again Sehun who did most of the talking, whilst the rest of the group rushed through to the bedroom without hardly a word to check if this was ok. Of course it was ok though, Junghee had a heart of gold, and there's no room for politeness in situations like this.  

 

She was so kind in fact, that she said they could all stay the night whilst their trailer cleared of smoke. Sehun had no idea why the lady was always so nice to them but who was he to question a stranger's kindness, seeing as he probably wouldn't be alive right now if it weren’t for strangers.  

 

The night was long and horrible. Nobody slept obviously. Dealing with Taemin was like trying to take care of a coughing, spluttering, swearing child who didn't understand a word of what you were saying. Dealing with Key was hardly any better, as the guy was practically in hysterics over what could have happened if they hadn't arrived so soon after the fire had started. Jongin was equally bad too, although unsurprisingly his worry and panic was coming out as repressed rage. 

 

It was almost like a switch had been flicked, Sehun thought. Like the easy going, optimistic Jongin from earlier that day had just vanished in a heartbeat. It was terrifying how close to the edge they still lived, figuratively as well as literally. Sehun didn't know just how much of the bedroom had been damaged because the smoke had been too thick to properly see, but the physical incident was clearly not the main thing to worry about here. 

 

Sometimes, mental anguish is even worse than anything that actually happens in the real world. Jongin was probably the best example of this but it applied to everyone just the same. When everything was going as planned, he was fine, steady, on track. But when something went wrong to change that, his attitude also went with it. He'd coped well up to now with the issues they'd had to face since getting their trailer; Sun's pregnancy news, Key's constant jabs and Taemin's drug habits getting progressively worse. But now Sehun could see it in his eyes. Jongin was going. If he was pushed anymore, it was only a matter of time before he was going to crack just like before. 

 

It wasn't until almost 4am that Taemin seemed to start becoming 'normal' again, or at least semi-coherent that was, which sounds like a good thing but really wasn't. Because as soon as he started to become more aware, the blame game started.  

 

Junghee and Sunyoung had popped out to go and see if one of Junghee's friends who lived in another section of the park had anything for mild burns, leaving Key and Jongin in the bedroom babysitting the blonde, with Sehun, Minho an Jonghyun just outside the door, all watching this absolute train wreck.  

 

"I just can't believe this happened?!" Jongin shrieked, still not out of his panic, "Like I knew he was bad, but not this bad?! Not burn down our fucking home bad?!"  

 

Taemin garbled something which vaguely sounded like, "I just burned the bed!", before another coughing/phlegmy fit started.  

 

"You shouldn't have fucking left him that long!" Key hissed back, grabbing a tissue to wipe some sick off his own jeans. He was livid, so livid that Sehun was surprised his knife wasn't being thrown around.  

 

"REALLY KEY? REALLY? THIS AGAIN? CUS EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT ALL THE FUCKING TIME? For someone who claims he's in charge you do an awful lot of ignoring your responsibilities!"  

 

"Oh so Taemin's all my responsibility now?" Key snapped, "Typical Jongin. You're a possessive son of a bitch when everything's all daisies and rainbows but as soon as the kid shows his real colours, the abuse comes out and he's shipped back off to me aga-" 

 

"Wow what the hell?" Sehun cut in, squeezing himself in the tiny bedroom as an attempt to break up this ridiculous fight, "Why are you two blaming each other? Isn't this...er...I dunno...Taemin's fault?"  

 

Both Jongin and Key turned to face Sehun at exactly the same time, about to yell something equally as stupid as each other when Taemin started spluttering out a garbled reply himself. "Fuck off! Stupid toddler! Always trying to get me in trouble!"  

 

Sehun took a shaky breath, folded his arms and decided he needed to leave because his presence obviously wasn't helpful and he was going to blow his top if he had to stand there one more second listening to this insanity.  

 

Even though dawn was approaching and it was still freaking freezing outside, it was still better than having to watch everyone clean up Taemin's mess yet again.  

 

A sick thought dawned on Sehun that maybe it would have been a good thing if Taemin had been a little hurt in the fire, then at least he might learn his lesson. But of course he wouldn't. If Onew dying of an overdose wasn't enough to make him give up then a few burns wouldn't be, nor wrecking half their fucking trailer, nor tearing the group apart.  

 

Just another classic episode of the Taemin show as far as Sehun was concerned. Holy fuck, sometimes it was like nothing had changed.  

 

Another fleeting thought popped into his head that maybe he should just run away right now. Chanyeol and Baekhyun would probably let him hang around with them and then he could escape that idiot blonde forever.  

 

But that would never happen, would it? Sehun didn't have the guts to leave, did he? Singed or not, they had a fucking home here. And his friends, he couldn't cope without them, right? These were just stupid thoughts, created by lack of sleep and smoky lungs.... weren't they? 

 

\--- 

 

The tension the next day was something unlike Sehun had ever experienced. It wasn't just that no one was speaking or that every now and again Jongin or Key would shoot death stares at each other, or even that Taemin's sobbing, moaning and general hysterics were cutting though everyone like glass. No, the atmosphere was coming from something else. It felt like a strange pressure was surrounding the group, like all the emotion bottled down from the streets was finally going to explode at any minute. Sehun just had to pray that he wouldn't be around when that happened.  

 

As expected, Taemin had got off very lightly from the whole incident. He had a few burns and was obviously ill, but it could have been so, so much worse so at least that was a relief. The only explanation he'd been willing to give was quote, "I kept hearing noises and so I thought I would have just a tiny bit of, you know, spice to calm myself until you guys were back and it would have been fine!! Except I accidentally passed out and left a lit spliff or 2," (more like 5), "on the bed and it started whatever the fuck that fire was." 

 

Sunyoung had asked if anyone actually passes out on purpose, which Sehun thought was a good point. Taemin hadn't dignified that question with an answer. 

 

So, back to the day after.  

 

Key and Sunyoung had decided to stay babysitting the blonde at Junghee's, whilst the others (including a very, very het up looking Jongin), went back to access the damage to their own little home. 

 

What they were met by was pretty grim, but, Sehun supposed, not as grim as it could have been. The bedroom had been totally singed, the mattress now unusable, the walls stained in black. Liposuctioned bumble bee, who'd had the misfortune of being just by the bed when the fire started, was merely a pile of crumbly ashes. The bathroom, living area and kitchen had been untouched apart from black smoke stains, so at least there was that. Sehun dreaded to think what would have happened if they'd arrived home 10 minutes later. 

 

Everyone remained silent, solemn and pissed as they attempted to clean up and make the place liveable again. Sehun wasn't going to break the silence. He knew if anyone spoke, then something bad was going to happen. With tensions this high, opinions are never a good idea.  

 

Sadly though, Jonghyun hadn't seemed to get this memo.  

 

"Hey, what are you doing?!"  

 

Sehun snapped his head to the side from trying (and failing) to scrub the walls, convinced that the question had been directed at him. As soon as he saw what Jongin was doing however, the penny dropped. 

 

"Wowowowowow." Jonghyun said again, rushing to Jongin who was kneeling by Taemin's sleeping bag and rummaging through all of his ex boyfriend's belongings, pulling out as many spice packets and unrolled spliffs as he could find.   

 

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Jongin hissed, his teeth so gritted that he actually sounded like a snake. "I'm chucking it all away, every last drop of it. And if you guys had any fucking sense you'd do the same but give that you don't, I want you all to just get it all fucking out of his reach ok?" 

 

With that, he grabbed the enormous stash of drugs, got up and stormed passed Jonghyun to the bathroom where it was obvious what he was about to do.  

 

"Hey!" Minho gasped, "You can't just flush it! That's...that's like chucking money away!!" 

 

"Why you want me to give it to you?" Jongin snapped harshly, pausing holding the packets over the toilet menacingly. "Wasn't it only a minute ago that you were nagging him that he was a fucking 'danger' to you and your precious fetus?" 

 

Minho's face went sour. "I can sell them, you moron. You can't just get rid of goods like that."  

 

"Goods." Jongin scoffed, biting his tongue not to blurt something like- 'you still sound like a dealer' because he already had Key on his case and didn't need another one of Taemin's fan club after him too.  

 

"Just back away from the toilet Jongin." Jonghyun cut in, squeezing himself past Minho to get to the bathroom doorway.  

 

Jongin begrudgingly did as he was told, and passed the stash to Jonghyun, who stuffed it all into his coat pockets, trying to hide the greed that was clearly overcoming him.  

 

Nobody spoke another word, and as the tension started to build again, it was the first time Sehun had actually seriously contemplated leaving his friends for good. 

 

\--- 

 

"Sorry." 

 

"Hm?" 

 

"I said sorry." Taemin hummed, shuffling his chair around the table to be closer to his ex.  

 

It had been 4 days since the incident and they were all still guiltily taking Junghee's charity, except for Key and Jonghyun who remained sleeping in the non-singed living area. Right now though, literally everyone was crammed in Junghee's little space, eating slightly gone off ramen and rice.  

 

Taemin hadn't had control over his spice intake and had no idea that his precious stash had now been either sold, or 'stolen' by Jonghyun and Key to take themselves. He had his two a day fixes as normal (provided by Key) and nobody said anything about it because it was Jongin who wanted him to go cold turkey, so it was Jongin's responsibly to tell him about it. And up until now, the poor guy had been in no state to embark on a potentially very horrible fight with his ex. 

 

"It's fine. I've already said it's fine. Just drop it." Jongin whispered, eyeing around the group nervously in case their conversation was being eavesdropped. Luckily everyone seemed pretty engrossed in their food/Sun's bump to notice.  

 

"I know but like...you've been a really grumpy bear with me these last few days..." Taemin sighed, his lips forming a little pout, "And I know I deserve it. I know I really screwed up. But...well I don't like it when you go all quiet. I'd rather you just yelled at me."  

 

A coincidental noodle decided to be a bitch and slide down Jongin's air pipe, making him cough, splutter, and generally spit all over the place whilst Taemin just sat their blankly because he didn't know the Heimlich, did he?  

 

Once the semi-choking was over, Jongin got up, rolled his eyes at the attention his outburst had caused, grabbed Taemin's hand and lead them both outside, away from prying eyes.  

 

"Where are you-?" Taemin asked worriedly, as they weren't apparently stopping in the yard, but instead making their way down the track towards their own little trailer.  

 

Taemin hadn't seen the damage, nor did he want to. Plus it was so cold, the grass and mud below them was actually crunching with frost and ice.  

 

"I want to talk." Jongin said simply, "Just you and me."  

 

Taemin sighed. "I changed my mind. I think I like you better silent. I don't wanna lecture Bie. I said I was sorry and I really mean it."  

 

"Yeah and I forgive you. Whatever." Jongin replied, pausing when the blonde idiot had the nerve to roll his eyes, "It's not just talking I want anyway. I need to show you something." 

 

Unsurprisingly, giggling and manic eyebrow raising followed before they eventually got to their trailer, crept inside and the laughing stopped.  

 

"What, you're proving a point?" Taemin asked solemnly, wondering forwards to the destroyed bedroom, "I really AM sorry ok?!"  

 

"You don't get it." Jongin sighed, sitting down just next to Taemin's sleeping bag in the living space, "I'm not even mad about this. Nobody's as mad as they should be, honestly. We're just … I'm just ... really, really fucking worried about you."  

 

A small, barely there smile crept back onto the blonde's lips, "Aw...thanks. You know I worry about you too." 

 

"Take this seriously Minnie!" 

 

"I am!!"  

 

Jongin shook his head in frustration and decided to just stop fucking dilly dallying and get to the point.  

 

"I want you to go cold turkey." He said simply, getting up and folding his arms as Taemin made a strained groan at the other end of the trailer. "No. I'm really serious this time."  

 

"...I'll try and cut it down to just 1 a day from now on, k?" Taemin sighed, "We've talked so many times about cold turkey and I know I can't do it. Like, do you want me to have a break down?" 

 

It was Jongin's turn to let out a strained groan. "Do you want ME to have a break down?" 

 

Taemin laughed. Actually. Laughed. "What, you're saying if I don't quit spice, you're gonna go back to being psycho Bie from the streets again?" 

 

Jongin suppressed another groan. "You're so fucking tactless, my god." He hissed, "And yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. We're finally safe here and I need you to not screw it up, do you understand?" 

 

Something about that sentence dug into Taemin like a knife. He wasn't sure which part of it hurt so much- maybe the fact that Jongin thought the trailer park was 'safe' when it was far from that or maybe that the idiot seemed to be implying that their happiness all rode upon whether or not Taemin would 'screw it up', as if everything was always his damn fault and he was such a burden. Regardless, it stung like hell, and as soon as the words left Jongin's mouth he could tell he'd said the wrong thing.  

 

"Look. Sorry. I just. I need you to stop now. I know you're trying but lately it's just been one thing after another with it and I don't know why. Like...shouldn't it be easier to cut down on it now we're all safe and happy?" 

 

"Safe and happy?!" Taemin repeated. His eyebrows creased in a horrible frown Jongin hadn't seen in a while. "Just because everything's all dandy for you and Sehun doesn't mean it is for the rest of us Bie. And don't take this the wrong way, but I didn't see you this worried about spice when I was so high that suddenly you were attractive again and we did it on that bed." He continued to hiss, glancing behind him pointedly to the destroyed bedroom.  

 

Jongin was speechless for a few seconds but sadly it didn't last long enough for his brain to stop his mouth say something stupid. "God!! I don't get you! It's like you miss how it used to be or something! What's wrong with you?! I know you went through hell, everyone did! But why can't you just make it easy and be happy now?!"  

 

"Why can't I just be HAPPY now?!" Taemin screeched, "Um...I don't know?! Maybe cus I'm lonely as fuck, have no hope for a future, and I'm about to be ditched when you and Sehun go back to studying and leave all of us losers behind! Maybe cus every single fucking night I dream about Siwon's knife plunging deep into my side and all the creeps who'd like to see us dead?! Maybe cus soon we're gonna have another mouth to feed?! Maybe cus YOU made me give up the only job I ever liked! Maybe cus-" 

 

"What?!" Jongin gasped, despite knowing exactly what his ex meant, "You gave up stripping because you were STABBED Taemin. Are you seriously blaming me for that?!" 

 

"NO. Duhbrain." Taemin half scoffed/half yelled, "But if I'd said that I wanted to go back you'd have freaked the fuck out." 

 

"Of course I would have!" Jongin shrieked, "But I wouldn't have stopped you would I? You broke up with ME so you could do whatever the fuck you wanted anyway!" 

 

"That's not why I broke up with you, asshole!" 

 

A horrible silence fell like a heavy blanket, both sets of eyes filled with emotions that were terribly similar to ones they'd felt every single day in the past.  

 

"Look." Jongin sighed, "I don't wanna do this. I don't' wanna lose my shit again. I don't wanna fight with you. This isn't us anymore."  

 

Taemin refused to make eye contact so he continued. "I need you to stop with the spice. That's it, ok? Let's just not drag other stuff into this for once and just...just..." 

 

"I can’t though." Taemin muttered.  

 

"You can't, or you won't?" 

 

"I CAN'T." 

 

Jongin sighed yet again, knowing what he was about to say wouldn't go down well but this was so serious now that he had no choice. "You have to." He said simply, "I'm not asking you anymore. I'm telling you." 

 

As expected, the look on Taemin's face was one of utter outrage. If this was a live TV show or something, there'd be gasping in the fake audience as the tension built up again, before suddenly- 

 

"FUCK. OFF. BIE." Came a very loud screech, the blonde's cheeks flushing red with anger. "What, you're gonna MAKE me? What power do you have?! What the fuck are you gonna do?!" 

 

Jongin gulped. "Well I've already done it." 

 

"...What?!" Taemin snapped, except the penny dropped only a second later as his eyes trailed to his belongings on the floor, only to find them ransacked and dishevelled like someone had gone through everything. "You didn't." he gasped, rushing to the scene of the crime and tearing through his stuff to find any last traces of spice he could. "You...YOU?!" He screamed, his whole chest clamping as panic overtook him, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!" 

 

"I flushed it." Jongin lied, backing away a few inches, mainly because he wanted to keep himself calm and sometimes distance was the way to do that. Especially when you have a screaming blonde in your face. There was no way in hell he could tell Taemin that he'd given the drugs to the others. If the kid knew his friends had everything, then he'd just beg them until they gave it back. No. He needed to know it was gone. Gone for good and there was no getting it back, and no running to Minho for more. "The others agree with me too so. Don't think you can just go running to them and-" 

 

"KEY AGREES WITH YOU?" Taemin repeated, his eyes burning with rage, "SO YOU'RE LYING NOW TOO? REALLY?" 

 

"This is for you Taemin!" Jongin yelped, stumbling backwards as he was roughly pushed aside by the blonde who was now rushing to the kitchen to get his hands on something special of Jongin's to destroy.  

 

"You still think you're fucking in control?!" Taemin shrieked, so far beyond angry he didn't even know what he was saying, "I'm not the only one who relies on harmful things, Newbie!" 

 

"NEWBIE." Jongin scoffed, almost amused at the use of his former nickname. The humour didn't last long before he was blurting a stupid, "Yeah I rely on you and you're pretty harmful."  

 

"Fuck off you spiteful twat." Taemin hissed, rummaging through a kitchen cupboard to find- "AHA", he yelled in a crazed, triumphant tone, and pulled out Jongin's not so secret stash of cigarettes and wine bottles.  

 

"Hey!!" Jongin gasped, suddenly feeling the same horrible draining sensation Taemin had a few seconds ago. 

 

"SMOKING GIVES YOU CANCER." 

 

"What are you-?!" 

 

"IT MAKES YOU STINK!" 

 

"Hey stop tha-!" 

 

"IT MAKES YOUR TEETH TURN YELLOW."  

 

"TAEMIN STOP!"  

 

But it was too late. The packets were already floating in the toilet and there was nothing Jongin could do but watch in anger as his ex smiled and evilly pressed down the handle.  

 

"Right that’s it!" Jongin screeched, unable to control himself as he lurched forwards to grab the 2 wine bottles clutched precariously in his ex's left hand, genuinely terrified that he didn't know how to cope without them. It wasn't like they were easily replaceable. Cigarettes and alcohol were very fucking expensive. They were incredibly valuable and obviously still a huge crutch for Jongin, whether he liked it or not. "GIVE. ME. THOSE!" 

 

"Why?!" Taemin shrieked, clawing his way past the lunging Jongin as quickly as he could to avoid a good tackling. He wasn't as fast as he thought though, because not a second later he felt frenzied hands grab his wrists as a crazy, struggling, almost wrestling match started. If Sehun were there, he probably would have described it as funny.  

 

"YOU'RE SO. FUCKING. SPITEFUL." Jongin yelled, twisting the hand of Taemin's that was still clamped around the bottles, "THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME! IT'S YOU WHO HAS THE BIGGER PROBLEM!" 

 

"I KNOW!" Taemin yelled, his eyes clenching shut in pain as they both rammed into the kitchen cupboards with a horrible thud. "BUT DON'T FUCKING-" 

 

"OW!" 

 

"ACT LIKE-" 

 

"STOP STAMPING ON MY FOOD YOU PHYCOPATH!" 

 

"-LIKE JUST CUS I'M A SCREW UP, THAT YOU'RE A FUCKING SAINT." 

 

"I NEVER SAID I WAS!" 

 

Smash. 

 

It happened in an instant, the horrible noise of glass shattering ringing in both of their ears, one of the bottles destroyed on the floor whilst the other was still tight in Taemin's hand. 

 

Jongin didn't even know if it had been deliberate or not seeing as how madly they'd been struggling but all he saw was red, that horrible burning sensation he hated the most creeping from his heart to his fist. It was so utterly terrifying how close to the edge he was after rowing for hardly any time at all. He didn't know what to think. 

 

"Yeah well now you know I feel." Taemin hissed, reaching to his side to pick at a piece of glass that had splintered into his arm.  

 

After a bizarre and haunting moment of stillness, Jongin lunged for the other bottle. This time, because Taemin was caught off guard, he was unable to keep his balance and they both fell to the floor with a thud, both too angry to care that they were basically scrabbling around in a sea of spilt alcohol and shattered glass.  

 

"AH!! YOU'RE FUCKING HURTING ME!" Taemin screamed, feeling the sharp pang of fingernails digging into his flesh as Jongin tried to turn his arm the wrong way to grab the bottle.  

 

"FUCK!" Jongin yelled, as an angry foot came in contact with his groin, "WILL YOU JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKIN-" 

 

Unsurprisingly, Taemin took the opportunity of his ex's brief pain distraction, to forcefully smash the bottle on the kitchen work top above them, only to scream again himself when sharp splinters of glass shattered over them both like a sea of tiny needles.  

 

Jongin yelled out in pain as a few of the shards cut into the side of his face, whilst Taemin grabbed his arms because the combination of his burns and the glass felt like absolute agony.  

 

They both scrambled up as fast as they could, taking a few much needed steps backwards from each other, both faces screwed up in pain as glints of red blood dripped down from every tiny little wound. Had that really just happened? Over some cigarettes and wine bottles?! 

 

Silence followed for only a few moments before Jongin brought his hands up to his face to hide either the tears or scream that desperately wanted to escape. He made himself breathe deeply and think for a moment before doing anything else he'd regret, coming to a final conclusion that there was only one person on this earth who could push him to this edge so fast and right now he certainly didn't want to be anywhere near him.  

 

"Where the fuck are you going?!" Taemin squeaked in panic as Jongin suddenly barged past him towards the door. He tried to cling onto his ex's top but the fabric just slipped through his fingers. "You're running away now too!?"  

 

Jongin took another breath as he grasped hold of the door handle so tightly he was surprised it didn't just rip off. "I'm done. I'm leaving." He said darkly, "You can clean up your own mess." 

 

And with nothing more than a slam, Taemin was left alone once more in the middle of their trailer, staring down at all the bloody broken glass and wasted alcohol, knowing that this probably wasn't the mess Jongin was talking about.  

 

\--- 

 

This hasn't been checked well aha (don't I always say that at the end, but it's really true this time.)  

So spoilers, Jongin and Sehun might be about to take a little break //and probably not have a kit kat// from the rest of the group and I'm looking forward to writing it aha. 

 

In other news, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to update this as soon as usual. It might have to be a while.  

These past 2 weeks have been fucking insane for me. A lot of you guys know that I'm chronically ill, but I guess I rebelled a lot and now I'm kind of paying for it. I don't regret rebelling, kind of. I did some things I'm maybe not too proud of but we all have to forgive ourselves I guess...idk. In some ways I think my health isn't as bad as it was, I'm in less pain which is just freaking amazing but at the same time I know there's still a long road ahead of me until I'm recovered and I just have to deal with that. I don't have a lot of patience left, I guess.  

Why am I getting so personal here aha this is just a stupid A/N...anyway.  

Lots of love to you as always and thanks for reading my garbles <3

 

ps. i don't even have to ask you guys who's side you're on because this is basically all Taemin's fault isn't it :') poor bby, I ain't even mad. //says the one writing this lmao


	41. Revenge: Newbie & Taeminnie's Hospital Room Of Fun

Ramen long since digested, Sehun glanced out of one of the grubby windows at Junghee's nervously, wondering why on earth Jongin and Taemin had been talking so long, if they were fighting, kissing...making love... 

 

He glanced around the room, hoping to see equally worried expressions on his friends faces but of course no one even seemed to have noticed; Key and Jonghyun yawning lazily in the two little chairs surrounding the table, their bowls still in front of them, so empty it looked as if they'd been licked out, Junghee quietly talking to Sunyoung in the bedroom, and Minho doing his best to try and be helpful in the kitchen.  

 

He'd grown to love everyone here so much and yet still, in some weird way, just felt like running. It was all too crazy to live with people that had been through as much as this little group had, and sometimes he thought maybe that would never change.  

 

Broken out of his thoughts by the crunching of frosty grass outside, Sehun squinted in the darkness to see the friend he'd been looking for, angrily stomping towards Junghee's trailer, no Taemin in sight. Sehun innerly cheered because that face was certainly not a "I've just had sex" face so at least one possibility had been stricken from the list.  

 

Sadly, his cheering died instantly as soon as Jongin banged the door open and he saw just how much of a fucking wreck his best friend looked. The poor guy had several bleeding cuts on the right side of his face, a few tiny glints of sharp glass deeply imbedded in his skin. Beads of blood trickled down his forehead and cheeks, and his clothes were strangely drenched in liquid.  

 

Key was the first to speak. "Where's Minnie?" He hissed, standing up with an expression that clearly read 'not this a-fucking-gain'. "Did you hurt him?"  

 

Jongin stared back at him murderously, grabbing his coat from the floor and yanking it on with such a force Sehun was surprised it didn't rip. 

 

"I'm not even gonna fucking answer that." Came the very sharp reply, "And he's back at our trailer, probably. I don't know. I'm done caring." 

 

Key laughed somewhat bitterly, making Sehun wince. As much as he loved Key, he had to admit, the guy was so fucking aggravating sometimes. Him and Taemin together were an absolute nightmare and it wasn't just in Jongin's imagination that they ganged up on him. Sehun wasn't blind. He could see Key's flaws just as much as Taemin's, despite being far more tolerant of the cat boy than the blonde, obviously.  

 

"Wowowow..." Jonghyun interrupted, also standing up because sitting always felt wrong when stressed, "You two got in another fight? He didn't take the cold turkey idea well?"  

 

Jongin turned his murderous stare to Jonghyun instead. He'd only come back to get his coat, but of course an interrogation was unavoidable from these idiots who'd never let anything fucking go. "No. He didn't take it 'well'. So you guys were right. I hope you're happy. It's finally clear to me that he's never gonna change, so now I guess, we all agree."  

 

He was just about to turn around and get out of this stupid place, when Jonghyun spoke again quickly, "Hey, that's not true! Even Minnie can change eventually, we didn't mean-" 

 

"Yeah well eventually isn't fucking fast enough anymore." Jongin hissed, his patience for this conversation completely used up as he stormed towards the door, "And I'm not gonna be around to fucking see it anyway."  

 

With that, he opened and slammed the door shut, leaving several confused faces in his wake, only Sehun fully realising what his friend actually meant.  

 

\--- 

 

"Hey! Wait you idiot!" Sehun called, the bitter cold nipping at his exposed hands as he struggled to chuck his coat on fast enough.  

 

"Go back Sehun." Jongin called through the darkness of the track, "I'm not in the mood for a lecture."  

 

"No! I'm coming with you!" 

 

"No you're not. I wanna be alone." Jongin snapped, although Sehun could tell by the slightly slower trudging noises that his friend was actually slowing down to wait at the end of the track where the trailers ended.  

 

"No one wants to be alone." Sehun said simply, once they were face to face. It was still shockingly hard to see each other though as the moon was hidden by clouds and it wasn't like there were street lamps out here. "Besides..." he carried on, a little too cheerfully, "It's Taemin you're running away from, not me."  

 

"I'm not 'running' from anything." Jongin hissed, "I just need a break from being around...around..." 

 

"Taemin?" 

 

"Drugs. Fires. Cramped little tin can trailers. Key."  

 

"I thought you loved our cramped little tin can!" Sehun blurted, probably picking up on the wrong thing. 

 

"Yeah well I do...But I-" Jongin started, groaning half way through. "Fuck! I'm too tired for this. Just let me go. I need a break." 

 

Sehun nodded but still didn't let up the following as his friend turned on his heel and started walking away through a dark field (a short cut that lead closer to town.)  

 

"Don't you wanna talk it out?" Sehun asked quietly, after about 30 seconds which felt more like hours of silence. 

 

"You mean don't I wanna bitch it out?" Jongin hissed. "No. No I don't. And I don't know why you're still following me."  

 

"Well maybe I need a break from it all too!" Sehun snapped, unable to help feeling offended at how easily Jongin found it to push him away.  

 

"What from?!" Jongin scoffed, zipping up his coat a little further and shoving both hands deep inside his pockets to shield them somewhat from the icy wind. 

 

"Oh. Um I don't know. You're not the only one who finds certain people we live with difficult." 

 

"Yeah yeah." Came the grumble in reply, "Everyone knows you hate Taemin." 

 

"I don't." Sehun hissed, "I've never hated him. I dislike how he treats people. But that's not what I meant anyway." 

 

Curiosity got the better of Jongin so he slowed down the pace a little. 

 

"Well Key, I love him, he saved me and he does so much for us but he's not exactly easy, is he?! His only form of communication is sarcasm and he's far more controlling that you. Oh and let's face it, he's just plain mean sometimes. And I mean Sun is ok but Minho's been a fucking nightmare since the pregnancy news, being so OTT about everything. Then there's Jonghyun. He's so laid back sometimes it's painful. It gets on my nerves. I don't need to mention Taemin. And I probably shouldn't bitch about you to your face." 

 

"What have I done?!" Jongin squeaked. 

 

Sehun paused. This was a precious chance to express something real and he needed a second to collect himself so he didn't totally blow it. 

 

"You...you ignore me." He started, "You act like everything's AMAZING now just cus we're not homeless, which is fucking aggravating when life is still so hard. You indulge Taemin's every whim and always act like you're together even though you aren't. You switch from being optimistic, happy Jongin to angry, depressed Jongin in a heartbeat when anything goes wrong. And you...you have totally unrealistic expectations of how life is supposed to be or how people are supposed to feel and it ruins everything. AND you're obsessed with trying to fix Taemin. Which is never gonna happen." 

 

Jongin groaned again. "I hate it when you're so fucking honest."  

 

"Sorry. I guess." 

 

"It's ok." Jongin sighed, wincing as he tried to pick a piece of glass out of the side of his face. He didn't quite know what to say to all of that but a big part of him agreed with almost everything the toddler had said so what could he do. Plus, he was so done with arguing tonight, so done with arguing forever. "I just want us all to be happy now. But yeah I mean...I'm sorry for ignoring you. And, well, yeah. I'm sick of trying to fix Taemin too."  

 

"I mean what do you think will happen?" Sehun asked tentatively, "You think you can just fix him and then be happy, and it's that simple?" 

 

"Well he fixed me." 

 

"Pah!" Sehun scoffed, "No he didn't!" 

 

"He did." Jongin replied firmly, "You still have no fucking idea how much he looked after me in the past. At one point, he was the only person I had in the world."  

 

"Yeah but not anymore. You've got..." me, "All of us now. Including Chanyeol and Baek-" 

 

"That's where I'm going by the way." Jongin interrupted. 

 

"I thought so." 

 

"Oh? 

 

"Well yeah I just presumed. They're the only outside world people we know, right?" 

 

"We know Taeyeon." Jongin muttered, "You could probably go back to the shelter if you wanted, given you're so young and everyt-" 

 

It was Sehun's turn to groan. "I hated living there. You know that. Why are you always trying to force me away?" 

 

"I'm not!" Jongin hissed, "And I'm sorry if I'm not in the most 'tactful' mood right now, but it's been kind of a long day ok?!" 

 

Upon hearing that last sarcastic comment, something inside Sehun snapped. It was like everyone around him thought their problems were just sooo much bigger than his and that it gave them the right to treat him like he wasn't important, like he was just a secondary character in the Taemin show...or the Jongin show, or whoever's show it fucking was. He couldn't be a doormat anymore, concealing his feelings under a few muttered snide remarks.  

 

"UGH!" He shrieked, making Jongin stop dead in his tracks in shock because he'd never heard his friend raise his voice directly at him before, "I'm sick of this! I'm sick of you! I'm sick of Taemin and Key and everyone! I'm sick of having to sit back and watch as my best friend gets destroyed and manipulated yet AGAIN, whilst he pushes away the only person who's ever stuck with him through everything!!" 

 

The yelling had woken some dogs in one of the neighbouring trailer parks (they still had a way to go before they reached the city) and the horrible woofs only made the situation more mortifying and awkward. Sehun felt like he was about to die of embarrassment. He should have never let any of that stupid garble out. He shouldn't have been so fucking careless with his stupid feelings. He was a total idiot, the biggest moron- 

 

"I'm sorry."  

 

"...What?" 

 

"I'm sorry." Jongin repeated, sighing deeply before resting a hand on his friend's shoulders. "I've been a crap friend lately haven't I? Too obsessed with...other things I guess. I'm tired of it too." 

 

"Tired of...it?"  

 

"Taemin..." Jongin sighed, "You're right. Not about him being bad but about him...wearing me down. I just feel like I can't...I can't watch someone I love behave the way he is anymore and he won't let me help so I'm screwed. So I'm giving up. At least for tonight anyway."  

 

Sehun had to process that for a second before, "Does it have to be only tonight?" 

 

"What?" 

 

"Well like, do you wanna like, spend some time away...for...longer? With Chanyeol?" 

 

There was a moments pause as Jongin contemplated that question. Anger still pulsed in his veins from what had happened with Taemin, but he was thinking a little clearer just from the walk. Living with his ex, being so close and 'acting like a couple' even though they weren't, clearly wasn't helping anyone. And as much as it pained him, he desperately needed space from that kid or he was going to find himself back having a mental breakdown just like before.  

 

It was still so dark that Sehun couldn't read Jongin's expression but he presumed it was his usual "insert blank emoji here" thinking face. 

 

"Yeah." Was all the answer that was needed. 

 

\--- 

 

2 weeks later 

 

Taemin was sad. Two thoughts kept whirring around his brain, and neither of them nice.  

 

The first was probably the more rational, and came in the form of a question; "Did Jongin really chose homelessness over staying with me?" 

 

Then the second was probably just paranoia again: "If even Jongin's given up, then that mean's I'll be like this forever." 

 

It had been 20160 minutes. 336 hours. 14 days. 2 weeks. Now this, this was what being broken up with somebody really looked like. No "good morning babys" or "wanna snuggle" or even "where the fuck is my phone." Just silence. No communication. Nothing. 

 

Of course, both Jongin and Taemin knew vaguely that the other was 'ok', if 'ok' is the right word. Sehun had come back a few times, (mainly ordered by Key to do so) and he'd very unsubtly asked a bunch of prerehearsed questions about how the blonde was doing. And Taemin knew that Jongin was coping, because if he wasn't Sehun would have told Key, and Key would have told him so. At least they knew each other was still breathing. 

 

That didn't stop the worry. With Jongin back on the streets, Taemin's anxiety had only gone up, and it wasn't like he could go heavy on the spice to bring it back down anymore, what with all of his stash gone. Not that he'd managed cold turkey, obviously. Jongin had been insane to try and force him into that. He was still taking probably around 3 a day, all either 'borrowed' or begged for from his friends, who also needed some for themselves. Spice was scarce now. Taemin hadn't even realised because his stocks had been so high but it actually took Minho a long time to get the stuff. It had gone from being legal, to illegal in no time and that had made it so hard to come by because the companies who made it legally before, simply didn't anymore.  

 

And of course this angered Taemin. Jongin had only made things worse for him. But at the same time, did he really have anyone to blame but himself anymore? Probably not.  

 

For the first week, he'd done several things he wasn't proud of.  

 

He hadn't gone to work and had 9 missed calls on his phone, all from his boss. Even Heechul's guilt about the stabbing wouldn't protect him from getting fired for much longer. 

 

He'd yelled at Key. And Jonghyun, and Minho, and Sunyoung, several times. Several. Times. He hadn't meant to, but they kept denying him what he needed (spice) and were inadvertently siding with Jongin, for practically the first time ever. Jonghyun hadn't got the job he'd been expecting, so wasn't in his usual peacekeeping mindset either to smooth over any tension.  

 

He slept with someone. Not an ex client and not for money, but for himself. Because for several too many deluded moments he'd tricked himself into thinking it would make something, anything better. It hadn't.  

 

So after all this, by the second week, he was left with only 2 choices. Grow the fuck up, get his shit together and actually decide that hello; maybe the person who loved him most did have a point and it was time to give up spice. Or do nothing productive, wallow in paranoia, alienate his family, and probably go back to renting to pay for his spice addiction. 

 

Taemin cringed as he had these thoughts. He hadn't said the word 'renting' in his mind for such a long time. He suddenly got what Jongin meant about it being a strange word to call what he used to do, but no word in the English language was much better so it'd have to do.  

 

He'd could never go back to that, would never. And he could never push his friends away so far that he was estranged from them, despite his yearning for freedom.  

 

So did that really leave him with only one option? Had it come down to giving up spice, or losing everything he loved? Had his addiction got this bad, really?  

 

Well obviously denial was playing a huge part here; he may be able to dismiss setting fire to their home, and deluded hallucinations in the middle of the night, but the realisation that he was actually going to lose everyone if he didn't get his shit together wasn't something he could ignore.  

 

Jongin, the person who he was sure would never, ever, ever leave him no matter how many black eyes or terrible fights they had, was actually on the verge of giving up on him. Or was he? Was this just a 2 week long break and then in a couple of days, he'd be back, ready to carry on the fight against spice or whatever it was all over again?  

 

What if he did eventually give up though, for good? What if one day everyone gave up? Minho, Jonghyun...even Key? Would they all decide that he was a lost cause and leave too?  

 

Taemin cringed again, unable to quite handle the direction his thoughts were taking him in. It was so clear wasn't it? He didn't have either of these choices.  

 

Because he couldn't cut it down on his own anymore and certainly couldn't go cold turkey. He wanted to, he actually wanted to. But it was something he knew his body simply wouldn't be able to handle. The pain, the nausea, the paranoia, the shakes, the dizziness, the delusions, the sweating, the anger...withdrawal wasn't a copeable with.  

 

So where did that leave him? To stagnate? To do absolutely nothing and just passively see what happened? That wasn't in Taemin's nature. But then again, neither was reaching out for help.  

 

\--- 

 

Jongin hadn't intended to be gone for so long. 1 day, turned into 2, turned into 3, turned into a week, and before he knew it they'd been living rough again –relatively uneventfully, thank god- for 2 whole fucking weeks. He'd gone back to it like clockwork; the rhythm of things, the constantly moving about, the sleeping with one eye open, the aches in his back that never seemed to dull from sleeping on concrete, the smell of urine creeping up his nose when staying in some particularly unhygienic places, the terror he felt when he heard screams in the dead of night, the anxiety of showering at the shelter, knowing that maybe he'd run into someone they...knew. 

 

The four of them, (himself, Sehun, Chanyeol and Baekhyun that was) had kept moving to different places practically every night to avoid whoever it was they were avoiding. They'd only been back to the station once, but boi had that been a weird fucking feeling. To return to the place where he'd probably felt the worst he'd ever feel. To be back next to the designated screaming street, where he and Taemin had got into such a big fight, it'd ended up with one very nasty black eye and a whole lot of tears.  

 

Being back on the streets was awful, horrible, terrible...and yet it was his choice this time, wasn’t it? Because as he was quickly realising, black eyes and cuts from shattered wine bottles heal, but souls tend to not.  

 

The most disturbing thing was, he didn't want to go back. However awful it was out here, it was like he had this huge mental block about returning to the trailer, returning to Taemin, and having himself potentially lose it again. He hated, no- despised, the version of himself that got so angry, so frustrated, that yelled so much and wanted to hit everything. And with his ex still in gaga spice land, he knew that was the only version of himself that would dare to come to the surface if he returned. He couldn't take that.  

 

It was late evening, the time that these particular musings become worse. He'd finished his day at work, showered at the shelter, and had come back to a particularly worried looking Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Sehun in the quiet underpass that they'd be sleeping in that night.  

 

He'd asked Chanyeol what was up, but the guy couldn't even muster a half hearted, reassuring smile or excuse, so he hadn't pushed for a reason. Jongin was too tired to realise that maybe he should have, given the current 'running from scary people' circumstances.  

 

Everyone had tucked down in silence, and Jongin was just about to slip into dream world, when a phone buzzed. He squinted his eyes in the darkness to see Sehun, sitting bolt up right, looking down at his phone in confusion. The bright light of the screen illuminated the graffiti on the underpass wall behind him, and cast creepy shadows on his face.  

 

Jongin looked around, only to find that whilst Chanyeol was knocked out and totally unaware, Baekhyun was in fact wide awake, right at the far end of the underpass, presumably 'keeping watch'. It was unnerving that he felt a need to given they were so tucked away here, but Jongin dismissed it as street paranoia and turned to Sehun.  

 

"What's up? Who's messaging you?" 

 

Sehun furrowed his eyebrows, "Your ex boyfriend." 

 

Jongin sat up, his blood pressure going up a notch. "Taemin texted you?" 

 

"Unless you have any other ex's who know my number, then yes."  

 

Jongin not so politely snatched the phone away and looked down in shock and mild panic at the screen.  

 

From: Annoying brat 

 

Hi, it's Taemin...do you have my number in your phone? Idk if you'll even get this cus do you have charge now your sleeping rough again or what? Anyway. If you get this can you meet me tomorrow? And don't tell Bie ok, I don't want him a part of this.  

 

Jongin's mind went into overdrive. "Part of this?! Part of what?!"  

 

Sehun shrugged and snatched back his phone, "He used the wrong 'your' too."  

 

"What are you writing back?!" Jongin squeaked, leaning over his friend's shoulder impertinently. He couldn't quite believe that after 2 whole fucking weeks had passed, it wasn't even him that Taemin wanted to text. And the stress of whatever he could want to talk to the poor toddler about was an even worse thought. It made Jongin's chest feel like clamping shut. 

 

"Jesus! Calm down!" Sehun hissed, looking behind his shoulder at the very panicked bear, "I'm asking what it's about and what time. The idiot didn't specify."  

 

They waited for all of 10 seconds before a reply came. Taemin must have been hovering over his phone like a wasp.  

 

From: Annoying Brat 

It's about stuff from the shelter, and you know shit like that better than any of us. How bout at the edge of the trailer park? Just before my shift starts? It won't take long. 

 

Sehun raised an eyebrow sceptically. "So I guess he's going to work again then, if he wants to meet before..." 

 

Jongin shook his head, "Or maybe he just wants you to think that. I thought Key told you that he hadn't been going in?" 

 

"He did." Sehun shrugged, "But that was a few days ago. And who can trust a fucking thing that comes out of Taemin's mouth anyway." 

 

Jongin had lost the will to stick up for his ex. "True."  

 

Sehun texted back a polite but short "Ok" and then decided to stay up most of the rest of the night with Jongin, who was clearly too unsettled to sleep. Baekhyun didn't go back to his sleeping bag either, but instead nervously paced at the entrance to the underpass for hours, glancing back at Chanyeol who was still snoring with worried eyes.  

 

Despite Jongin being so spooked, Sehun actually wasn't worried about meeting with Taemin the next day. Whatever the blonde wanted to talk about, whether it was really stuff to do with the shelter or, more likely, an interrogation about how Jongin was doing, Sehun was beyond caring.  

 

Even just this short separation from the group had helped make him feel less bitter. He had his best friend's pretty much full attention now and even though the anxiety of being out on the streets was horrible, it was in some ways better in the short term than feeling torn apart permanently by resentment and, let's face it, jealousy. One short conversation with a stupid idiot blonde wasn't going to change that. 

 

\--- 

 

It was darker than Sehun had expected it to be, the sun hidden by gloomy clouds as dusk fell across the trailer park. He'd been waiting at the edge of a field, just where the track started to enter the park as arranged, for a full half an hour before the blonde decided to show up. Sehun hadn't expected any different, but it was still annoying. Until he saw his friend's face. 

 

"Shit. You look...ill?!" 

 

Taemin rolled his eyes as he trudged towards Sehun. He was wearing one of Jongin's large black hoody's, lazily slung over his smart work attire. His skin was much more translucent than it should be, a grey hue casting horrible sick shadows across his face. His eyes were sunken and panda like, his shoulders quivering in a light but none the less very noticeable fashion.  

 

"We ran out of spice this morning. I haven't had a fix for hours." Taemin muttered, eyes unfocused and dark, "Nobody's had any, not even Minho." 

 

"When can you get more?" Sehun asked, actually genuinely concerned because he hadn't expected this to be the Taemin that would turn up.  

 

"Tomorrow. Or the next day. Minho doesn't know yet."  

 

"Oh." Sehun said dumbly, "Fuck."  

 

"Yeah." Taemin nodded, and a moment of strange quivery silence followed before, "Anyway, thanks for coming. I'm surprised you did actually."  

 

"Why?"  

 

"Because you hate me." Came the shrug in response, and when the toddler frowned an added, "It's ok. I wouldn't like me that much either if I was you." 

 

"I don't hate you. I've never hated you. We've been over this before." Sehun tutted, "And it's not like you've ever really liked me, is it?" 

 

"True." Taemin agreed, sounded very much like Jongin from the previous night. His face went even darker for a second and Sehun presumed he was about to say something profound when, "I'm fucking gutted about lipsosuctioned bumble bee." 

 

"You what?" 

 

"That bumblebee toy you got me in the hospital. It was on the bed when I...er...set the thing on fire." 

 

"Ohhh." Sehun said, getting it, "I er, I can get you another one?" 

 

"Nah." Taemin sighed, "Serves me right, doesn't it."  

 

"Yes." 

 

Taemin shrugged.  

 

Sehun stood there awkwardly.  

 

Taemin shivered and fiddled with his fingers. 

 

Sehun got tired of waiting. "So what, you didn't really want to talk about shelter stuff and just wanna moan about plushies?"  

 

Another horrible shiver ran down Taemin's spine before he could compose himself and reply, "No. I actually. Well I actually wanna talk to you about...about..." 

 

"About..?" Sehun said, losing his patience. 

 

Taemin gulped, obviously having a very hard time spitting it out. "Help." 

 

"About help?" Sehun repeated. 

 

Taemin nodded, "Bie said to me a while ago...that there's...doctors...medicine...shit that's free and can help me." 

 

Sehun stayed silent so he carried on. 

 

"I like...well I have no fucking options left. I can't go on how I am, and I can't quit either. So where does that fucking leave me?" 

 

Sehun nodded. "Getting help." He agreed. He knew how hard this would be for Taemin to admit, especially to him. It was no secret that the kid absolutely despised doctors or anyone in the medical profession and had little to no trust for the people who worked at the shelter. But the kid was right, he had nowhere left to turn.   

 

"So...well, what do you think they can do?" 

 

"They can give you stuff to make the withdrawal a lot easier, like you said. They can monitor you and try and make it bearable. And you're right, yeah. Taeyeon's often told me and Jongin that there's a nurse that's often there and it's free. There's no waiting list, I don't think."  

 

Taemin nodded glumly. "Nurse, not doctor?" 

 

"Doctors are more expensive, I guess. But a nurse is still good...and I'm sure if it required a doctor...then they could find you one." 

 

Taemin shivered again, maybe this time more from the dread of actually having to see someone. "Yeah." 

 

"There are other types of doctors there though..." Sehun carried on, "Like...therapy and shit..." 

 

The look in Taemin's face said it all so he decided to shut his mouth. Reaching out for help with spice was a big step and the kid didn't need to be pushed.  

 

They talked for a good 10 minutes about the intricacies of going to the shelter for help with addiction. Sehun's knowledge of the subject, while limited, was a lot greater than Taemin's because of just how much time he'd ended up spending at that place so he was actually very useful. And it didn't begrudge him to help, especially as (mostly) Taemin was being tolerable today.  

 

"Can I ask you something though?" Sehun said, as their conversation dwindled to a pause. 

 

"Go on." 

 

"Why ask me about this shit? Why not Jongin? He's spent a lot of time at the shelter too, one way or another." 

 

Taemin pulled a face that made it clear that he thought the toddler was being utterly stupid to ask such an obvious question, but replied anyway. "Because I'm not fucking committing to this and if I decide I don't want to, then that'll lead to another fight and you know as well as me that Jongin can't fucking cope with that. If he could, he wouldn't have left with you." 

 

Sehun couldn't argue with that.  

 

"How's he doing, by the way?" 

 

There it was. "I told Jonghyun a few days ago when I popped back..."  

 

"Yeah I know but a lot can change in a few days, especially on the streets." 

 

"Amen to that." Sehun agreed, "And yeah, he's ok. He panicked the shit out when I told him you texted." 

 

Taemin rolled his eyes, "I told you not to tell him, but whatever. Why'd he freak?" 

 

Sehun shrugged, "I guess he thought it must be drama." 

 

"And there's been no sign of the scary guys after Chanyeol and Baek?" 

 

Sehun nodded.  

 

"Phew." 

 

"Yeah." 

 

Another pause, and Sehun really thought that their conversation was finally over when- "You know, if you..." Taemin started, only for his voice to die half way through as the shakes started again, "If you want to be with Jongin, don't let me stop you." 

 

Sehun almost choked on his own spit. "Excuse me?" 

 

"You heard me." Taemin said, composing the shakes, "If Bie wants to try it out with you...well I'm not gonna stand in your way am I? You'd probably be better for him than I am."  

 

Sehun's mind went into overdrive. He may not have been close to Taemin but that didn't mean he didn't know him well. A lot of what came out of this kid's mouth was a test, and a lot of the blunt words he spoke actually hid true feelings. "Jongin doesn't like me like that anyway so." Sehun muttered finally. 

 

"He could though." Taemin pressed on, "He's just been too me obsessed for too long to notice anyone else. Sorry. Don't look at me like that. Really it's ok. I just want him to be happy and I clearly don't make him happy, and if you do...well I just needed to say that you shouldn't let me stop you, ok?" 

 

"Ok." Sehun gulped, really not knowing how to take any of that. There was a glint of water in the blonde's eyes that betrayed the level-headedness of his words entirely and he was obviously swallowing down tears.  

 

Beep.  

 

Sehun sighed in relief at the interruption of his phone.  

 

"Fuck. I'm popular."  he said, before his heart dropped as he read the message.  

  

"What?" Taemin asked, a wave of horror coming over him too as he examined his friend's face. 

 

Sehun held up the phone. 

 

From: Jongin 

SOS. Underpass. Need guys. Not T or SY. Bring money. 

 

The message had obviously been written in a hurry, but it was clear to both of them what it meant; "scary guys caught up with Chanyeol and Baekhyun and we need more people with knives to come and be scary at the underpass but not Taemin or Sunyoung obviously. Also bring cash pls." 

 

It didn't take a second for both Sehun and Taemin to start running like lunatics down the track towards their little trailer, yelling out their friend's names in panic. Sehun didn't even try and argue the case that if something was going down, then Taemin probably shouldn't come. Of course he was coming, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop him. 

 

By some miracle, everyone was out in the yard around a fire lit bin, and it took no time at all for them to catch on to what was happening. Sehun thought his friends looked possibly the worst he'd ever seen them; craving, shivering messes. So not in the best state to deal with something, obviously. There was one good point about being withdrawn he guessed though, and that was irritability. It wasn't going to be hard to make any of these guys angry or violent, and if things got serious tonight then maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.  

 

"Why did the text say money?" Key hissed, running inside to get his spare knife and chuck it to Jonghyun. "You. You're not coming." He added, pointing directly at Taemin with eyes that were so commanding Sehun wondered how on earth the blonde was going to have the balls to disagree.  

 

"Fuck off." Came the all be it generic but firm reply. "And I don't know. I guess, what? Chanyeol's been found by one of the asses looking for him and they need to pay some shit off quick else nasty things are gonna start happening?" 

 

Sehun nodded. That's exactly what he'd been presuming too. "Let's just go. As quickly as we fucking can." 

 

Jonghyun and Taemin nodded whilst Sunyoung ran inside and brought back a small purse, and handed it to Minho.  

 

"Thanks." He said, and shoved it in his pocket casually, adding a, "There's a gun inside" when everyone stared in confusion. 

 

Sehun almost vomited. This was getting way too real, way too fast. He knew it was just precaution, after all; hopefully nothing had actually happened and Jongin was just texting because he was scared. But the message hadn't specified a damn thing. Things could be a lot worse than he thoughts and- 

 

"I said you're fucking staying! And you too toddler! No one younger than Minho is coming!"  

 

Sehun was jolted out of his thoughts by a very angry looking Key who was staring directly at him whilst simultaneously shoving Taemin inside the trailer and attempting to lock him in. Which was utterly pointless, because all the windows were shattered. 

 

They didn't have time to argue and even in Key's craving state he knew that, so bitterly gave up as Sehun took no notice, and Taemin rushed back outside and followed the little group storming down the track, fumbling with a knife that Minho had passed him.  

 

Given Taemin's recent paranoia and general anxiety, Sehun was surprised he was coping with this at all. But it was almost like situations like this were just normal to the kid, like he'd gone into autopilot. They all had. It was when the calm afterwards hit that the problems started. In a crisis, things worked like clockwork.  

 

"Try calling him again." Key hissed. To Sehun's surprise, he was taking the lead rather than Minho. 

 

Sehun stared down at his phone regretfully. He had so little charge left that the screen showed only a tiny battery icon. He hadn't been to the shelter that day to top it up.  

 

"Fuck." Key hissed, pulling out his own phone as the little group continued to storm forcefully through one of the fields leading to town.  

 

"He might not pick up for you." Taemin cut in, noticing the long pause, "I'll try-" 

 

"In a situation like this." Key spat, "He'd pick up for me." 

 

Taemin decided try calling anyway. Annoyingly though, the phone just rang and rang before a cute little voicemail message popped up that he hadn't heard before. He thought of leaving a message, but decided against it. A fleeting thought occurred that maybe Jongin would actually be more likely to pick up for Key than himself at the moment. 

 

"Which underpass is it?" Jonghyun asked, turning to Sehun abruptly, "You have a knife, right?" 

 

Sehun shook his head and replied to the first question, "The one near-ish to the station by that little river. The really long ass one, I don't know what neighbourhood it's in." 

 

Both Taemin and Minho seemed to understand, and ran to the front of the group along with Key to take the lead themselves. Jonghyun hung back, slipping the knife Key had given him to Sehun. "You should have this, just in case." 

 

"But what will you have?"  

 

"My wits." Jonghun laughed, slightly hysterically. Presumably that's how the stress was coming out.  

 

When they arrived at the underpass, Sehun almost had a heart attack because the place seemed totally deserted until he heard a quiet, "Round here!" and saw a very anxious looking Jongin poke a head out of the dark shadow of a nearby hedgerow. There were a few street lights around but the surrounding area was still very dark, clouds obstructing the stars and only the occasional illumination of bright headlights from the road over the underpass.  

 

The group hurried towards him, to be met by an even more het up looking Chanyeol, practically his whole body being eaten up by bushes. It was as good a hiding place as any.  

 

Taemin and Jongin didn't say a word to each other for hello, but the way their eyes met and softened said all that was needed.  

 

"What's going on?!" Key hissed, knife clutched tightly in his left hand.  

 

Chanyeol burst into tears. 

 

Jongin ignored him and swiftly lead the group out of the shadows and down the underpass to a heap of sleeping bags they'd called home for the last few nights. Above the heap, written in dripping black graffiti, were the words; "MONEY FOR WHORE" next to a smiley fucking face. A. Smiley. Fucking. Face.  

 

Sehun was having a Taemin moment, and honestly didn't understand for a good few seconds before Key started swearing his head off. 

 

"So what?! They've got Baekhyun?" Jonghun asked frantically. 

 

Chanyeol nodded, tears still flooding down his cheeks.  

 

Jongin took over. "We have an idea of where because Yeol knows where they hang-" 

 

"And who exactly is they?! You do realise we actually have no fucking clue." Minho snapped. 

 

Chanyeol swallowed hard, "They're just dealers but..." 

 

"But?" Minho urged. 

 

"But some of 'em used to work at the hotel. The main guy is called Donghae I think. He's the real scary dude according to Baek." Jongin cut in, eyeing Taemin nervously when the blonde's eyes widened in terror. "Which is why you should go home right now." 

 

Key nodded frantically, "Agreed. Taemin and Sehun, fucking get out of here. I'm not saying it again." 

 

"No no wait...what are you guys gonna do?!" Sehun squeaked, glancing nervously across all of his friends faces.  

 

Taemin looked like he was going to pass out at any second, his face white as a ghost, his shoulders still shaking horribly. To his left, Minho was obviously seething with anger, eyes dark and ready for anything. Key wasn't looking that much better than Taemin, withdrawal also making him shake. Jonghyun was clearly trying to stay calm and failing, his nostrils flaring as his breathing became shallow. Chanyeol had started sobbing again profusely. And lastly, Jongin's face was tight and ridged, like he was trying to repress himself from exploding.  

 

"This is too big for us!" Sehun shrieked, after no reply came, "We should go to the cops this time, like really!" 

 

Taemin made a strained whine but it was actually Chanyeol who attempted to reply, "If we go to the cops, we'll get sent to fucking prison ourselves!" 

 

To Sehun's surprise, even Jongin agreed. He shouldn't have been too shocked. Taemin was heavily involved in this himself, having worked and been instrumental in shutting down that hotel and so he was probably one of the most at risk for that possibility.  

 

"So ok." Minho said, taking control, "No cops. It's just us. How much do you still owe them?" 

 

"4 grand." Chanyeol spluttered, "But it's not just that. They fucking hate any of the ex hookers and basically anyone who wanted to see the hotel go down. That includes pretty much all of us and in some sick way it's like they think we owe them their jobs back or something..." 

 

Jongin carried on when it was clear Chanyeol couldn't. "It's not just us they're terrorising. Loads of sex workers from that place are now homeless and we've heard a bunch of horror stories from them about harassment and...other bad stuff." 

 

"When we bought drugs from them...we didn't know...we didn't know their connection..." Chanyeol spluttered. 

 

"So ok." Minho gulped, trying to get a handle on this. "How much we got?" 

 

Key rummaged around in his pockets and pulled out a sock, filled with all the money the group had saved. "Barely 200." He said grimly, "I'm guessing this won't be enough to hold them off a bit longer." 

 

Jongin shook his head.  

 

"I mean I could..." Jonghyun started, "I could take one for the team you know, go back to-" 

 

"You think you can find a client who's gonna pay you 4 grand tonight?!" Key snapped, "Idiot."  

 

"What if we just bluff it?" Taemin suggested hopefully. All eyes turned to him. 

 

"What do you mean?" Jongin asked, "Just say we have it and then hope they hand Baek over in one piece?" 

 

Chanyeol cringed. So did Sehun.  

 

"Well yeah. Kinda." Taemin replied, "I mean like, we could go there with our pathetic money sock and pretend there's a shit ton in there and hope it distracts them enough for us to fight our way out with Baekhyun." 

 

"That's gonna get someone killed." Key snapped, "And can I remind you two," he glanced at Sehun, "that you're both going home?!" 

 

Taemin was about to yell something when he noticed the stare that Jongin was giving him. 

 

"Yeah. You two go. You'll slow us down." Minho said in agreement.  

 

"We don't have time for this!" Chanyeol sobbed.  

 

Sehun looked at Taemin. Taemin looked at the ground. Jongin grabbed both of his friend's hands and squeezed. "I'll call when we're safe." The two boys left without another word. 

 

\--- 

 

"But we know them." Sunyoung said flatly, her voice level and unreadable.  

 

Her ability to stay cool was one of the things Sehun most respected about Sunyoung, but also couldn't help feeling uneasy about. She'd been through a lot in her short life, and trauma comes out very differently in different people he supposed. Still, she was hard to work out.  

 

"If they can't think of a plan, they'll go without one anyway. It's not like it's the first time something like this has happened." She continued, eyeing Taemin pointedly, "Remember when you were in the hospital and Jongin and Minho went on that ridiculous murder mission?"  

 

Taemin lurched to vomit. All he was bringing up was mucus, but it was still horribly unpleasant to watch. He was only looking sicker and sicker as time went on. When they'd arrived back at the trailer, he couldn't even tell Sunyoung what was going on, instead leaving Sehun to garble some kind of explanation whilst he rushed to the bathroom and heaved.  

 

"You're right." Sehun agreed, taking his attention away from the blonde, then added a quick, "They shouldn't have sent us away. You and me are probably the cleverest out of all of them and Taemin, well Taemin's been through enough on the streets to have common sense." 

 

Taemin nodded frantically, "We need to go-" 

 

"No." Sunyoung interrupted. "We need to stay. Stay and figure something out, and then if we haven't heard anything in 20 minutes, we go."  

 

Sehun eyed Taemin to catch a reaction but only vomit came, so the discussion started without him. 

 

\--- 

 

Sadly, Sunyoung did know them too well. They hadn't been able to come up with an adequate plan in the slightest, and as time was slipping through their fingers, just decided to go with a terrible one anyway.  

 

Their only advantage against Donghae and his gang, was that it was only Chanyeol and Baekhyun who were known about. The rest of them would be a surprise, and so it was very possible that Donghae would have underestimated how many men would be needed if this turned violent. Which everyone was still hoping it wouldn't of course. Making another deal was their best hope for no one ending up seriously hurt, and that's exactly what their pathetic excuse of a plan was. In short; make a deal for Baekhyun, and if that doesn't work, at least they have the advantage of surprise with a few more guys than expected. It was a shit plan, but it was all they had and time was racing fast.  

 

Jongin was shitting himself. He'd never been able to control his temper, and to have to face people like this, without losing it, was going to be near impossible.  

 

He and Chanyeol walked confidently out in the open, towards the large, abandoned warehouse that Donghae usually called base. They were right on the outskirts of town, not far from the trailer park honestly, vast fields stretching out behind them. The world seemed totally silent and isolating, despite the hum of traffic and a few dogs barking in the distance.  

 

Jongin wondered if Baekhyun was inside, already beaten to a bloody pulp. He probably was, but he was also probably breathing, so at least that was something. Nobody was going to trade money for a dead body.  

 

He squinted his eyes in the darkness, trying to see where Key, Minho and Jonghyun had positioned themselves but they'd obviously done a very good job at hiding because he couldn't trace them at all. It didn't matter. They were there, and that's all he needed to know.   

 

"Hey!" Chanyeol called out, his voice loud and fierce. The tears from earlier had long since dried and now all that replaced them were eyes like fire, as burning rage filled his lungs. Maybe Jongin should be more worried about his friend losing it too soon, than himself.  

 

There was short pause until shuffled footsteps and muffled voices were heard. The large entrance door to the warehouse slid across, revealing a small gap, just big enough for one person to come through.  

 

It took another second for someone to reveal themselves; a very creepy looking man who Jongin vaguely recognised, presumably from his many trips to that blasted hotel. In some ways he was surprised the guy had ended up here. Chanyeol had said that it had been impossible for people working there to be rehired elsewhere due to how much influence Siwon had, and also the stigma and suspicion of hiring someone who previously worked for such an establishment. But still. This guy didn't even look that run down for living out here. Although if he was a dealer now, maybe he wasn't doing too badly for himself after all. Jongin swallowed and tried to stop analysing.  

 

"So nice of you to show yourself!" The man said sarcastically, boldly walking forwards until he was only a few meters away from where Jongin and Chanyeol stood. "Wasn't sure you got my message, it's taken you a while. Oh well. It doesn't matter, your whore really is such good company."  

 

Jongin could feel Chanyeol shaking with anger next to him so grabbed the back of his coat. It was half a soothing gesture, and half a precaution in case the poor guy started to attack. It was very horrible to be back in this world again, to hear people he loved be called 'whores' and talked about like they were nothing more than objects. He could only imagine how Chanyeol must have been feeling and was sure he wouldn't be coping as well if it was Taemin who was in that dark warehouse.  

 

"Don't play with us Donghae. We're here to make a deal." Chanyeol spat. 

 

"Ahhh...straight to it aren't you?" Came the amused reply, "Aren't you gonna introduce me to your lowlife of a...do I know you?" 

 

Jongin's eyes narrowed. "No." He replied, as menacingly as he could.  

 

"Are you sure?" 

 

Jongin didn't reply. 

 

Donghae shrugged, "Oh well. Doesn't matter, at least for now. You want to make a deal then? Another one? Haven't we given you enough chances?" 

 

"You've given us no chances!" Chanyeol hissed. 

 

"Well I hardly think that's fair." Donghae shrugged, "We gave you plenty of chances not to buy our goods in the first place, didn't we? Then plenty of chances to pay it back with the help of your whore's services. Then a number of weeks to actually collect the money...Can you really blame us for taking what's yours, when you so easily took what's ours?" 

 

Jongin could sense he was talking way more about the hotel grudge than the actual money that was owed. "Baekhyun had nothing to do with the hotel's downfall." He blurted. Chanyeol clenched beside him.  

 

"And how do you know that?" Donghae snapped, his light hearted voice turning a little darker. 

 

"Because I've known Baekhyun for a long time." Jongin hissed, "And I know he did nothing. None of the sex workers did anything and you're deluded if you think they did."  

 

Donghae's face dropped, "You've clearly been getting your information from unreliable sources. Most of the whores who worked there wanted nothing more than an easy way out. They were always plotting against us, their kind employers who'd rescued them from a life of poverty, a life like this." He pointed behind him at the battered warehouse. "Siwon rescued most of them, worthless street whores. And now what? He has to pay just because one of them squealed? WE have to pay because we just happened to work there too?" 

 

"No one was forcing you to work there." Jongin said darkly, "And I think you're forgetting that once your precious," he could hardly bring himself to say the man's name, "Siwon 'rescued' those street kids, he then murdered them if they tried to leave. Is that what you call charity? If you were an employer, would you want to give someone like you a job? Someone who very likely knew about all the shady, disgusting things that went on in that building? Someone who did nothing to stop it? You're lucky they didn't throw you in jail with that son of a bitch too. You're all scum."  

 

After that slightly longer than needed explanation, Donghae smiled knowingly. Chanyeol tensed again as Jongin held his gaze. "I think I do know you." He said, slyly, "Were you the kid who tried to brake in, not once, but twice? Was that you, handsome?" 

 

Jongin refused to let himself be scared. He wasn't afraid of this loser. He'd handled bigger fish than this puny little clown. "Why? Does that intimidate you? Did you really think the hotel was impenetrable or something?" 

 

Donghae laughed bitterly and Jongin could tell his words had stung. "Right now, that doesn't matter." he said briskly. ('Doesn't matter' seemed to be his catch phrase or something.) "Right now, what matters is money."  

 

Chanyeol held up their pathetic money sock. This was where Taemin's suggestion came in handy. "I have some of it. Not all of it. I can get more."  

 

"How?" Donghae asked, "Wouldn't it just be easier to leave your whore here and have him work off the debt?" 

 

"Is that the deal you wanna make?" Jongin hissed, unable to stop himself. "Can't get any yourself so you need to kidnap ex rent boys?" 

 

Donghae laughed again. "I like you. You're reckless, it can be a good trait." He rummaged around in his pocket and pulled out a small hand gun. "Probably not against someone who would only take pleasure in blowing your brains out, though."  

 

"What do you WANT Donghae." Chanyeol boomed, "Just tell me the deal you're willing to make and let this fucking END."  

 

 "What I want," Donghae hissed, light heartedness gone again as it was replaced by fire, "Is my fucking life back. But seeing as I can't have that, I'll settle for worthless bastards like you paying." 

  

"But I just told you I can't- !" Chanyeol began. 

  

"Ah ah ah." Donghae hushed, "One more chance. One more deal. It's not like either of us want anyone to get hurt here is it?" 

  

A coincidental scream erupted from inside the warehouse. It went straight through Jongin, sending cold shivers down his spine. He felt both fists clench and he shoved them inside his pockets. It was never good to let the enemy know just how close you were to losing it.  

  

"48 hours, yeah? That's a very reasonable amount of time. I'm sure resourceful men such as yourselves will be able to get all the money by that time. And as an extra incentive, we'll keep your whore as collational in the meantime."  

  

Jongin saw Chanyeol's whole body twitch. Both of them were so on the cusp of exploding that it was terrifying. They had to stay calm. Blowing up would only lead to something awful. "No deal." Chanyeol hissed finally, "We give you this money now in exchange for Baekhyun. Then in a week, we give you the rest."  

  

"A week?!" Donghae laughed, "Just long enough for you to get your shit together and move, eh?" 

  

Jongin tried to keep his gaze steady, but out of the corner of his eyes saw a glint of Key, silently making his way closer to the entrance of the warehouse to peer around. Minho and Jonghyun were right behind him. They didn't go inside. Presumably, because there were way too many people around to just sneak in unnoticed.  

 

"Does it have to be a specific whore? Or will you take just any slut as collateral?" 

 

Jongin froze as a new voice melodically interrupted the discussion. He turned around in panic, just in time to see Taemin smile in a failed attempt to reassure him. There was a lot of vomit on the blonde's hoody and his shoulders were still shaking violently but apparently not so much that he couldn't keep a level head.  

 

Sehun was right next to Taemin, eyeing Jongin warily. His expression was obviously trying to convey that they had a plan and needed to be trusted, but that was very fucking difficult given the circumstances. Jongin couldn't handle it. 

 

"WHAT THE FUCK. ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Jongin screamed, "FUCKING RUN!" 

 

Taemin laughed and walked forwards, addressing Chanyeol. "Hold onto him will you? I'll deal with this."  

 

To Jongin's horror Chanyeol nodded and grabbed hold of his jacket. Apparently, anything was worth getting Baekhyun back. Even trading Taemin. 

 

"You got a spliff?" Taemin asked Donghae calmly. Beads of sweat were trickling down his forehead and he honestly looked like he was seconds away from passing out. But this was what Taemin did best; hide it, screw it, conceal don't feel as it were. He'd dealt with a billion creeps no different from whoever this loser was like a fucking pro and he could handle this, even craving as bad as he was.  

 

Donghae eyed him with a lot of interest. "You." 

 

Taemin smiled, "Yeah. Me. You got a spliff though seriously? I'm about to fucking conk out right now if I don't have one and it's not like a tiny bit of spice is gonna make a difference to," he turned to Chanyeol casually, "How much was it? 4 grand? You fucking need some self control." 

 

Jongin started struggling but stopped when Taemin's glare fixed on him pointedly.  

 

To everyone's mild surprise, Donghae pulled out a packet and lighter from his pocket and handed it to Taemin, who took it with a smile.  

 

"Thanks. Right." he said, taking a long drag. His hands started shaking less instantly. "I can think now. So yeah. You want me? I think honestly, I'd be better suited for whatever grudge you wanna settle. I'm more fun, too. Or at least, I presume I am from the noises through the walls." 

 

Donghae laughed darkly, "Yesung, get out here."  

 

Jongin watched as Key, Jonghyun and Minho darted back inside the bushes again as another young man came outside from the warehouse.  

 

"Do you recognise this blonde slut?" 

 

"Blonde slut." Taemin snorted, a little giddy and high. "I'm not even that fucking blonde anymore."  

 

Yesung nodded, "And him." he said, eyeing Jongin.  

 

"Right?" Donghae smirked, "Blonde, what's your name?" 

 

"Taemin." Taemin replied, "You wanna see my tummy and prove your suspicions are right?" 

 

Donghae looked baffled for a second but caught on quick. "Go on." 

 

"See?" Taemin said, pulling up his top to reveal the small but obvious scar on his side. "Siwon's present to me. Bet you want to stick a knife in the other side, right?" 

 

Donghae's smile dropped. "Deal." He said darkly, before raising his voice and adding, "BRING OUT THE WHORE. WE'RE SWAPPING." 

 

This was when shit hit the fan. Jongin lost it. What had before been mild struggling, turned into him literally punching Chanyeol on the nose to break free, before rushing towards his ex and hooking an arm around Taemin's neck to drag the kid backwards. There was no way in fucking hell, he was letting these creeps anywhere near the stupid blonde. No way in hell.  

 

2 more men burst out of the warehouse, carrying a very beaten and dazed looking Baekhyun, and Jonghyun and Key jumped them immediately. Screams and shouts erupted as the fighting began.  

 

Minho leapt forward, his gun pointed directly at Donghae's head, whilst Donghae raised his own and pointed it at Taemin who was still desperately struggling in Jongin's arms.  

 

Chanyeol took on Yesung and they both started wrestling down to the ground, ready to do some serious damage.  

 

And Sehun....Sehun waited for his signal. 

 

"Now!" Came a hushed female voice from inside the bushes, and Sehun ran into the fighting as fast as he could and screamed as loud as his lungs would possibly allow, "COPS!!! COPS!!"  

 

The very loud screech of sirens burst through the night air. They sounded insanely close, probably implausibly close if anyone was thinking clearly, but luckily nobody was.   

 

The noise disrupted the fighting instantly as hysteria broke out, both sides desperately trying to flee the scene and escape their probable capture.  

 

"THIS ISN'T OVER!" Donghae yelled, the first to turn and run, his minions following straight after, blood dripping from one of their knives.  

 

One of the last guys to flee attempted to drag Baekhyun with them, but Minho leapt on him faster than lightning, and shot the guy in the arm. Blood spurted out and the man screamed in pain, falling to the ground in agony. It was extremely disturbing, but nobody would allow sympathy or guilt. If roles were reversed, the man wouldn't have hesitated to shoot any of them somewhere fatal, so the group merely left him bleeding on the ground before escaping in the opposite direction across the field themselves.  

 

It was all such a terrifying blur, Jongin hadn't even realised that a few members of their group were missing until they were half way down the track and Sehun screamed behind them. 

 

He turned around, Taemin still clutched tightly in his arms, to squint and see that Key was still hardly past the bushes, dragging a very injured looking Jonghyun down the field. Sunyoung appeared out of nowhere right next to them to help. 

 

Everyone ran back as fast as they could.  

 

"No....run...the cops!" Jonghyun gasped, as the whole group swarmed around him. He was bleeding from his leg, a deep wound carved into one of his thighs. "I...I...I'll be fine. We need to get away!!" 

 

Key was crying so much he could hardly see, so Jongin took it upon himself to let Taemin go and lifted Jonghyun up with the help of Minho.  

 

"We need to get him to the hospital!" Sehun gasped, only to be cut off. 

 

"N-...just...we need to get as far away from the -OW!" Jonghyun shrieked, "Cops as possible!" 

 

"Just fucking be careful!! Don't touch his leg!!" Taemin hissed, his hand tightly intertwined with Key's.  

 

Sunyoung ripped a piece of fabric off her shirt, exposing some of her very swollen belly, and tied it around Jonghyun's fast bleeding leg. "There are no cops." She said flatly, glancing for a split second to the side where she'd dropped a small speaker. "We stole that thing before coming here. Idiots."  

 

Nobody had a chance to feel relieved, still intent on getting as far away from Donghae and his minions as possible. 

 

Sehun had already called the ambulance, so the group rushed back through the bushes; Chanyeol carrying a barely conscious Baekhyun, Jongin and Minho half carrying/half shielding Jonghyun from the twigs and thorns, Key and Taemin right behind with Sehun and Sunyoung at the rear. 

 

It wasn't long before they heard real sirens, which of course sounded barely anything like the fake ones. Jongin may have felt stupid for allowing himself to be fooled so easily but embarrassment was the last emotion on his mind.  

 

The paramedics seemed extremely puzzled to find not one, but 2 casualties as Sehun had only mentioned Jonghyun on the phone. None the less, they carried both injured boys into the ambulance- Baekhyun unable to even talk, Jonghyun wide awake but in such excruciating pain by this point that all he could do was cry.  

 

Jongin didn't remember exactly what happened next. Key and Taemin demanded they rode in the ambulance too, and literally shoved Chanyeol out of the way to get in, shutting the doors behind them before he could argue because there was only a 2 extras limit. In different circumstances, Jongin might have dragged Taemin out to stick up for Chanyeol, but he was in no mood to be nice to his friend after what had happened earlier. No mood at all.  

 

The rest of the night was a total blur. It may have been the adrenaline, the rage, or just plain panic clouding his vision, but Jongin genuinely couldn't even tell you how they got to the hospital so fast. Did they walk, run? Probably. There was so much shouting, so much hysteria...so much blood on his hands from Jonghyun's wound...so many bad memories already starting to form. He wanted the ground to swallow him up so he could hide there forever.  

 

"Do you think he'll be ok?" Sehun had asked, once they were all safely sat in a waiting room. 

 

Jongin clamped his eyes shut so Sunyoung replied, "He'll be fine. They both will. Don't worry." She said, glancing at a very frantic looking Chanyeol, "Jonghyun was only stabbed in his leg and we called the ambulance hella quick. I don't think he lost an extreme amount of blood. Baek just has some bruises." 

 

"And cracked ribs probably!" Chanyeol shrieked. 

 

Jongin somehow managed to zone out of the rest of that conversation too. He was actually beginning to feel lightheaded, dizziness over taking his vision as the room began to spin. 

 

"Hey...you don't look so good." Sehun mouthed, "Maybe you should put your head between your legs and-" 

 

It was too late. Jongin had already fainted. He didn't know that was even possible siting down, but was very grateful it was. 

 

\--- 

 

Jongin opened his blurry eyes and panicked for a second, forgetting completely where he was or what was happening. There was no one but Taemin in the very white, clean room he lay in. The blonde was smiling kindly, fanning him with a magazine. He looked down. He was still fully clothed, his top splattered with red. Everything came flooding back, as Taemin reached down for a hug.  

 

"How long was I out? How's Jonghyun?! Baekhyun?!" 

 

"You've been out all night." Taemin replied calmly, still not breaking away from the hug, "They put you on a drip because you'd gotten really dehydrated and you just slept through. Jonghyun's ok, as ok as someone can be who's just been stabbed in the leg. He's not gonna lose it, but the wound is pretty fucking deep. And Baek is, well, alive. He did crack a few ribs and one of them was threatening to tear a lung...fucking terrifying. They really did a number on him. Doctors say it looks hopeful that he'll be ok though."  

 

Jongin nodded as their hug broke and tried to sit up, with the intention of going to see his friends immediately. His dizziness was still shockingly bad however, so he just tumbled back down again.  

 

"Wowowow." Taemin said, putting a firm hand on his ex's chest, "Bit too soon for that, eh?"  

 

"No I need to-" 

 

"You need to calm down." Taemin said firmly, "Stress isn't helping this." 

 

"Says you!" 

 

"Yeah well." Came the mutter in reply, "After we knew Jonghyun was ok, Minho went out on a spice getting mission last night because well, you know how awful Key was and he couldn't cope with the worry of Jjong, and the craving too. So I've had my fix as well and I'm as steady as I'll ever be." 

 

Jongin rolled his eyes, "I thought you seemed surprisingly not shaky."  

 

"Right." Taemin agreed, "...You want me to go get Sehun...and the others maybe? They were worried about you." 

 

"Worried about me?" Jongin repeated, "Really, Taemin."  

 

"No no, they were. I mean they knew you'd just fainted but well-" 

 

"But nothing." Jongin snapped, a little appalled at himself right now for being such a fucking liability in a crisis like this, "And no. Can't you just stay? Or do you wanna get back to Jonghyun?" 

 

"I've been with Jonghyun most of the night. And I mean I can stay, yeah, but won't I just stress you out?" 

 

"No...?" 

 

Taemin pulled a face so Jongin elaborated. 

 

"Your company never stressed me out. Only our fights do." 

 

"What and you think after what happened last night, we're not gonna fight?" 

  

Jongin saw his point. There was a lot of things that shouldn't have happened, a lot of things they'd strongly disagree on. Mainly Taemin coming unplanned, and putting himself in such serious harm's way like that. Even if they had intended for the fake cops to break whatever it was up, it was still a totally absurd and reckless thing to do, even for Jongin's standards.  

  

"Good point."  Jongin sighed, "I really don't wanna fight with you right now." 

  

Taemin nodded and turned to leave, when a soft hand grabbed his wrist.  

  

"Well...let's just go on pause, yeah? Pause everything and just...just have Newbie and Taeminnie's hospital room of fun. I can't handle what happened last night right now or I'll explode."  

  

Taemin creased over. Not about the exploding part, but because hadn't heard that little saying in what felt like forever. "Sure. But the nurse'll be in soon so we better be quick."  

  

Jongin laughed too, a sound he hadn't heard himself make in a while either, and shuffled across on the bed to allow room for a certain skinny minnie.  

  

"So what did you talk to Sehun about?" he asked, as a casual arm was thrown around his shoulder. He felt himself melt into it just a little bit too much and it was embarrassing, so made himself retense. Taemin clearly noticed, smirked, and squeezed a little tighter. 

  

"If I'd wanted to tell you that, I wouldn't have put a "don't tell bie about this" in the text, now would I?"  

  

Jongin shrugged, "I dunno. I clearly don't understand you."   

  

Taemin sighed, "Shame shame. This road leads to fighting." 

  

Jongin rolled his eyes and swallowed down his curiosity. "How have the last two weeks been for you?" 

  

"...Oh grrrrreeeat." came the dripping in sarcasm reply, "I've been craving my head off, thanks by the way, had a few casual nervous breakdowns, a few psycho moments, the odd epiphany, screamed at a lot of people..." 

  

"The odd epiphany?" 

  

Taemin shrugged, "Well. Yeah. I guess. I mean if the love of your life choosing homelessness over you isn't a wake up call, then I don't know what the fuck is." 

 

Jongin felt his lip twitch up but didn't allow himself to smile. A snarky part of him may have wanted to reply "If burning down half the trailer isn't a wake up call", or if "beating the shit out of your friends in a hallucination isn't a wake up call", or even "if Onew dying..." but no. He was too pleased to have just been referred to as the love of Taemin's life to be a bitch about it.  

  

"I didn't choose homelessness over you." 

  

"You kinda did." 

  

"No I didn't. I chose it over fighting...struggling...how you get when you're high. That's not you." 

  

"Well ok." Taemin muttered, "Relieved to hear it. Did you have a lot of sex while you were gone?" 

  

Jongin groaned. "No. Did you?" 

  

"I had a bit of sex." Taemin shrugged. 

  

Jongin gritted his teeth. "If telling me that isn't a shame shame, I don't know what is."  

  

"Sorry." Taemin sighed, "I'm just messing with you." 

  

"Yeah well I'd really rather you didn't." Jongin snapped, despite being relieved because if Taemin was really messing with him, then maybe nothing had even happened. He couldn't think about that right now without going insane. 

  

"I thought maybe..." Taemin started, his voice now a lot less smug, "I thought maybe you and Sehun would have wanted to...I dunno." 

  

Jongin raised an eyebrow involuntarily. "You're mental." 

  

"Yeah well I know but I just...I wouldn't blame you if..." 

  

"No." Jongin cut in, "Stop it. I'm not getting into this. It's paranoia again ok."  

  

Taemin snapped out of it. "Ok." he said, back to a light hearted tone of voice within a second, "You still have bits of skin missing, you know. Sorry about the owies."  

  

Jongin reached up to touch the side of his own face, feeling the scabs and little peeling flecks of skin that still hadn't reattached properly. After a moment, Taemin peered round to examine them too, their faces only inches apart.  

  

If these were different circumstances, Jongin wouldn't have hesitated to kiss his ex, but it just didn't feel right. Not after last night, after the last few weeks they'd had, after the situation the whole group was in. It was a shame, but it was just how things were.  

  

"Did you not get any stitches?" 

  

"No, did you?" Jongin asked. 

  

Taemin pulled away and rolled up his sleeves, exposing the cuts and burns on his arms. "Does it look like I did?" 

  

Jongin's heart sank.  

  

"Oh no no, they don't even hurt. Don't pull that face." Taemin soothed, squeezing his ex's leg, "S'not like I don't deserve them, right?" 

  

"You don't deserve them."  

  

"Aw." came a coo in reply, "If we were together, I'd totally kiss you on the nose for that." 

  

"Yeah?" 

  

"Yeah." Taemin nodded, "Then I'd probably give you a head massage." 

  

Jongin snorted, "You gave me a head massage like, once in our entire relationship. You said my hair was greasy and that I had dandruff."  

  

Taemin recalled that incident but faked innocence. "I'd never say that. That's just mean. Unless it was true." 

  

"Yeah well I'm sure it was true. Before we got a shower anyway."  

  

Taemin shrugged. 

  

"So then what would you do next?" 

  

A smug smile appeared on the blonde's lips. "I dunno. I'm trying to keep it PG 13 here Bie. We don't want your mind over exerting itself and making you faint again, do we?" 

  

"I'm lying down. You can't faint lying down." 

  

"Bullshit. You fainting sitting down earlier." 

  

Jongin smiled.  

 

So did Taemin.  

 

They shared a hug that lasted a few seconds too short for either's satisfaction, before Taemin got up. "Right. I need to tell one of the nurses you're awake. And Sehun. He'll be worrying." 

  

"Ok." Jongin agreed, and watching his ex walk to the door before a pitiful thought dawned on him and he couldn't help but add- "You know, next time we talk, we're probably gonna fight." 

  

Taemin sighed and stopped dead in his tracks, his hand on the door handle. "I know." 

  

"It might be a nasty one...after what happened." Jongin said with dread, "After last night. After...everything." 

  

"I know." came another sad reply. Taemin still didn't turn around.  

  

"Just...just go easy on me, ok?" 

  

Taemin lowered his head, "I will. You too?" 

  

"Yeah." Jongin agreed. 

  

Taemin turned, walked back, and kissed his ex on the forehead, running a hand through the slightly-but-not-very greasy tangles in Jongin's hair. He whispered a quick, "Get some rest, silly bear" before leaving in silence, shutting the door softly behind him. 

  

Jongin sunk down in his bed, a strange feeling of calmness washing over him. Maybe it was really that simple, if they could just go easier on each other, if life could just go easier on all of them.  

  

\--- 

 

I really didn't know whether to add that random little conversation between Taebie at the end or not but eh, why not. It doesn't fit the mood of the chapter at all so I hope it doesn't feel totally out of place. Anyway. I really hope this makes sense and it's too implausible!  

I'd like to officially apologise to anyone who even vaguely likes super junior. Apparently those squishes are all doomed to be cast as baddies in my pathetic fanfiction, poor them :')

Hi to any new readers, although you probably won't be reading this seeing how long I ramble in chapters lollll xD I get a lil buzz every time someone subscribes, I really do, and you should see my eyes dilate when I get a little 'new comment' notification LOL. It's called a commentgasm and it's better than sex, I assure you. 

And love to old readers, sending big hugs and thanks so much for sticking with this still omg! >< 


	42. Help: Baby Blues

"So what now?"  

 

Everyone stared at Sunyoung blankly as she wondered towards Jonghyun's bed and scrolled through the paperwork attached to the footboard. Everybody except Chanyeol, who was obviously not going to leave Baekhyun's side for a little group chat, had decided to come and see a surprisingly bright looking Jonghyun who'd barely been awake an hour.  

 

Taemin and Key were perched protectively either side of the slightly high on meds dinosaur boy, whilst Jongin and Sehun were leaning on the wall by the door, with Minho stood next to the chair that Sunyoung had previously been sitting in. Jongin was, luckily, not feeling so lightheaded. After Taemin had left and got the nurse, it had only been an hour before they decided he was well enough to be off.  

 

"What do you mean, what now?" Taemin asked slightly dumbly, "I mean...we could go get some food. Minho you still have the money sock, right?" 

 

Minho nodded. Sunyoung rolled her eyes. "I mean what's next as in our lives, not what's next as in, dinner."  

 

"Dinner is a part of our lives." Taemin muttered, but shut up afterwards.  

 

"Well I think we should be celebrating!" Jonghyun beamed. His voice was so weird on the meds that he'd been given for the pain. He couldn't even sit up, his face as white as a ghost and yet there was a familiar twinkle in his eyes and smile on his lips. Jongin wondered how a serious an injury it would take to phase Jonghyun, and hoped he'd never find out.  

 

Key on the other hand, had barely said a word. Every so often his bottom lip would wobble, and he'd swallow. It was painfully obvious that he was holding back a tidal wave of tears. Jongin couldn't blame him. It had been a scary near miss. Key probably wasn't feeling that different to how Jongin had felt when Taemin had been in the hospital...after getting stabbed. Granted, the blonde's injuries had been a bit more serious given where the wound was, but that didn't mean Jonghyun hadn't come very near to death the previous night, and they should all cut the cat boy a whole lot of slack.  

 

"Donghae said 'this isn't over'." Minho said tightly, "So where does that leave us other than to find him before-" 

 

"Are you fucking kidding?" Key hissed, his voice low and dangerous. "Our only option is to fucking run. If they know where our trailer is...if they come back for Taemin or Jonghyun or any of us on whatever psycho revenge mission they've got going...if they..." 

 

"Wowowow." Sehun cut in. "They don't know where we live. And it's not just about the hotel, it's mainly about Chanyeol owing all that money, come on." 

 

"Don't be naïve." Sunyoung replied, dropping Jonghyun's notes down on the bed. "Donghae's clearly got a screw loose and-" 

 

"Did you recognise him?" 

 

Everyone glanced at Taemin in confusion before the penny dropped. "Yeah." Sunyoung replied, "He was one of Siwon's main guys. I don't know what his position was though."  

 

Taemin nodded. "Me either. But he was often in the office, right? So he must have been pretty important there? Fancy someone like that ending up homeless after the hotel collapsed? It doesn't make sense."  

 

"Well think about it." Sunyoung said, "People who were that invested in the hotel, well, they were just that...invested into it. He might have put everything he had into Siwon's business in the hope he'd be rewarded with more. And he probably would have if, well, we hadn't come along. It wasn't just us workers who stayed there, a few of the main business men lived in all those fancy penthouses up top, didn't they?" 

 

Taemin noticeably shuddered and blurted, "Yeah. I went in one, once." 

 

"When?" Jongin asked, unable to stop himself. 

 

"When you broke in there the first time and got beaten. They gave me a stern talking to up there." 

 

Jongin cringed. 

 

"So anyway, this is all by the by." Sunyoung snapped, "But we can't run, we've got too much here; jobs, the shelter, medical assistance for," she paused and pointed at her tummy, "this. Minho's right, we need to deal with him before he deals with us." 

 

"Um. Do you two need to get your heads checked?" Key hissed, "Or have you forgotten what very almost happened last night?!" 

 

Voices rose and a fight was just about to erupt when Jongin decided to say something unpredictable. "Key's right." he cut in, making everyone stop midway through their pointless sentences. "Not about running, but about not getting involved any further. Donghae is Chanyeol's problem, not ours. We do nothing."  

 

There was silence, before Taemin started laughing nervously. "Er Bie, that's-" 

 

"No." Jongin said firmly, "I'm not going through this again, none of us are. We escaped the streets, we escaped this life, and now it's time to fucking walk away. The stakes are too high. If we get any more involved, it could very likely end up with at least one of us dead. And after what Chanyeol did last night, honestly I'm not so sure we should be risking anything for him anyway." 

 

"Wait...what did he do last night?" Jonghyun cut in, voice still so bizarre from the meds it was almost funny.  

 

"He fucking manhandled the shit out of me before basically giving his consent for Taemin to swap places with Baekhyun. That's not ok." Jongin snapped, his eyes burning.  

 

"Yeah but." Taemin cut in, "I told him to grab you, didn't I? And it was my suggestion to swap...we were never gonna actually do it." 

 

"But he didn't know that did he?" Jongin hissed, "He was happy to hand you over in exchange for-" 

 

"Come on, you're telling us you wouldn't have struck the same deal if things were reversed and Baekhyun had offered himself to save a probably dying Taemin or Sehun?" Sunyoung cut in.  

 

Jongin gave her a glare. Sehun blushed that he'd been mentioned in that way. Taemin snorted.  

 

"I'm not debating this." Jongin said firmly, "Just let me be in charge for once ok? The stakes are too high here and if you don't agree with me, you're insane."  

 

Everyone looked around at each other sceptically, except Key whose gaze was firmly on the floor and Jonghyun who decided to take the silence as an opportunity to yawn.  

 

"Ok. You're right." Sunyoung announced finally. "We do nothing. There is too much at stake here and if we really don't think that he has a clue that we're at the trailer park, then I guess we don't have to do anything rash about dealing with him either."  

 

She glanced at Minho pointedly, and the two of them seemed to have a short conversation with their eyes.  

 

"Well." Taemin said, clapping his hands together and smiling in a somewhat forced manner. "I think we need food right? Anyone mind if I get high and then go get some?"  

 

The looks of annoyance said it all. 

 

"I'm joking, jesus!" Taemin scoffed. He squeezed Jonghyun's arm before hopping off the bed. "I'm in a pizza mood, is that ok?"  

 

There were a few murmurs of agreement before Minho handed the blonde some money and the whole group dispersed. Jongin walked back out into the corridor to get some air because the stress of everything wasn't doing his dizziness any good. He wondered how on earth Taemin was coping so well with it, but presumed that the kid was just zooped up on spice and fuck knows how he'd be when he started craving again.  

 

"I appreciated that, by the way." 

 

An unexpected voice spoke from behind and Jongin turned around to see a very solemn looking Key. His lips were tight, his jaw clenched, but his usually fierce eyes were gazing at Jongin with some kind of emotion he barely recognised on the cat boy. It was gratitude. 

 

"Oh. Er. No problem." Jongin said, a little too sharply. He hadn't intended it like that, it's just he had no idea how to not argue with Key anymore.  

 

"Question though." Key continued, "If we're wrong and it does look like Donghae knows where we are, if we were somehow in danger at the park...would you move?" 

 

"In a heartbeat." Jongin said truthfully, "But we're not. We're safe there." 

 

"Ok." Key gulped. The vulnerability he was showing was so alien to Jongin. The last time he'd seen it on Key was probably when Taemin had been stabbed. Which wasn't surprising. Jonghyun could have died the previous night. If there was anyone who knew what so almost losing someone who was everything to you was like, it was Jongin.  

 

"How are you doing, by the way?"  

 

Key narrowed his eyes in suspicion but replied an honest, "I feel like I'm permanently about to throw up." 

 

Jongin nodded. He wasn't sure if it was ok to carry on this conversation but decided to risk it anyway. "That's exactly how I felt...when..." 

 

"When Minnie got stabbed." Key finished, "Me too. You know I'm so fucking done with knives."  

 

There wasn't a hint of humour in his voice so Jongin didn't laugh and instead blurted a rather stupid, "You could always get a gun."  

 

"Expensive." Key mumbled, "And way too dangerous."  

 

Jongin nodded. It may have been weird to anyone else that someone who threw around their knife so often would be condemning guns, but he really had a point. If more guns had been involved the previous night, very few people on either side would have come out alive. It was a terrifying truth.  

 

"That feeling." Jongin started, "It'll go away soon. I found white toast really helped. They do some-" 

 

"I know." Key cut in, although there was no sharpness in his voice, "I ate a lot of that shit the last time we were here. But I mean what really helped for you was going on a murder mission, wasn't it?" 

 

Jongin wanted to deny it but had to sigh in defeat. If he was honest, trying to kill Siwon had helped a little to curb his rage. It had at least made himself feel like he was doing something for Taemin and gaining some form of justice. 

 

Key tried to smile. "You coming back with us tonight?" 

 

Jongin paused. He hadn't thought this through at all and he was very torn. "I don't know. Chanyeol will be here with Baek probably..." He said, thinking out loud, "And I don't really want to be with him anyway." 

 

"Understandable." Key agreed. It wasn't like he didn't know what it was like to hold a grudge.  

 

"I suppose I'll have to talk to Sehun...And I'm mean I'm sure you guys are safe down there but I probably should come back to check everything's ok..." 

 

"I'm not sure where we're staying tonight." Key said, "Or at least me and Taemin. Minho and Sun will probably go back to Junghee's. But me and Minnie were hoping to stay around here. If not, we'll go back to the trailer. And I'd rather you two went there too, honestly. But I understand if you don’t want to come back yet."  

 

"Why do you want us there?" 

 

"Cus then I'll know you're all safe." Key replied simply. "Or at least everyone will be together."  

 

Jongin felt a warm feeling in his tummy but decided not to let it show and make the situation awkward, so he merely nodded. 

 

"I'm not ready to go back." Came a small voice from behind as Sehun wondered towards them.  

 

Key immediately put an arm around the kid, "Why?" 

 

"Cus I'm just not ready for everything to go back to normal." he mumbled. 

 

Jongin sighed again, still torn. He felt the same, but in these circumstances, did feelings really matter.  

 

"Well ok then." Key mumbled, "You got charge on your phone?" 

 

"Yeah." Sehun replied. 

 

"And you two won't go anywhere near Donghae's area?" 

 

"Of course not." Jongin agreed. 

 

"Then just check in with me tomorrow." Key said, squeezing Sehun's shoulder and giving Jongin a quick nodd before wondering away towards Jonghyun's room again.  

 

"You sure you don't wanna go back to the trailer tonight?" Jongin asked. 

 

"I'm sure." Sehun replied, "Is that ok?" 

 

"Yeah. I don't either, really. I was just making sure." 

 

Taemin returned with food not long after, his face dropping when he realised he'd bought far too much because 2 members of the group were missing. After Sunyoung and Minho had gone, he and Key stayed there for as long as they could before a nurse chucked them out, then made their way back to their trailer in silence. They each had a spliff before bed to calm their nerves, before snuggling up close just like the old days, paranoia and loneliness hanging in the air as they drifted off into uncomfortable sleep. 

 

\---  

 

Taemin gulped and glanced at Key. He hated this place. Everything about it gave him the shivers; the rust, the grime, the inspirational posters, the higgledy-piggledy tables and chairs that made the entrance look more like a class room than a place for grownups, the smell of urine, the creeps. It was nothing if not rundown, and probably one of the most unwelcoming places Taemin could imagine. Yet still, a smile greeted him upon their arrival. 

 

"Oh hi! Long time no see! I'm so glad to see you!"  

 

Taemin tried to unclench as Taeyeon rushed towards him and Key at the doorway of the shelter. Key froze and clearly wasn't about to say hello, so Taemin decided he'd have to take the lead. 

 

"Er hi." He said sheepishly, "Sehun said to er...come down at around this time...is that ok?" He glanced at the clock on the wall but it was obviously wrong, reading 12 o clock when Taemin was pretty sure it was more like 5pm. It was a Sunday and the shelter would be open soon but Taemin had been told by Sehun to get there early to avoid the crowd. The shelter was apparently busy as ever lately, especially as it was so understaffed that it no longer opened its doors on Wednesdays or Thursdays, so the rest of the week it was humming with life. Taemin was glad Sehun had warned him about that. A crowd would not be a good idea with the way he was feeling.  

 

In hindsight, maybe he should have asked Sehun to come with him instead of Key, but he was honestly pretty hurt that the toddler and Jongin had chosen to continue their 'break' despite Jonghyun's stabbing.  

 

"Yes this is a good time." Taeyeon said kindly, putting down the stack of paperwork in her arms. It clearly wasn't a good time. There were staff members running about and screaming at each other, and everywhere looked like chaos. But Taemin was skittish and it seemed like Taeyeon knew this, so she didn't want to put him off. "Lovely to see you too, Kibum." 

 

"You too." Key said, extremely stiffly.  

 

As Taeyeon lead them to a quiet corner table, Taemin muttered in Key's ear to take the stick out of his ass, and the conversation started. It turned out that Sehun had in fact told Taeyeon to expect a visit from Taemin, and this had actually proved helpful because it meant she was prepared. She told them that it wasn't her that dealt with addiction, but rather a kind woman called Victoria, who was a nurse, and new to the shelter.  

 

"She could probably see you now."  

 

"Now?!" Taemin spluttered. That wasn't what he'd been expecting at all. Usually everything regarding the shelter involved a hell of a long waiting period. Everybody was more needy than them, and they never made it to the top of the priority list. Which was fair. They were healthy young men. But it was still very annoying. Fast wasn't much better however. 

 

"Yeah it must be your lucky day. " Taeyeon smiled, "She only comes in 2 days a week. I'm pretty sure she could fit you in for a word...shall I go and ask her? Would you like help from our services too, Kibum?" 

 

Taemin glanced at his friend nervously. It had barely been a week since Jonghyun had been in hospital and Key was extremely fragile. After hardly a pause however, he replied. "Yes." 

 

Taemin's jaw practically hit the ground as the three of them got up and Taeyeon lead them through a corridor and past some of the rooms that actually housed homeless losers. Taemin was lucky he was so distracted by Key's unexpected answer, because he didn't even notice that they were literally walking past his and Jongin's old rooms.  

 

"What do you mean, yes?!" he hissed, hoping to god that Taeyeon hadn't heard. 

 

"I mean that I'm going the same way as you, aren't I?" Key snapped, "It won't be long before I'm a paranoid mess either." 

 

"Well that's flattering." Taemin scoffed, before he was interrupted by Taeyeon, leading them into a very small, medical looking room with a kind faced nurse inside, presumably Victoria. 

 

It was Taemin's turn first. Confidentiality and all that.  

 

"No no...Key can stay." He'd said, but of course that wasn't policy so poor Taemin was left on his own with this stranger who probably judged him like fucking mad despite her smile. He knew he had to just swallow his stupid anxiety but the realness of this situation soon became too much. They hadn't been talking for even a minute before a minor panic attack started. A good 10 minutes past after that, Taemin hopelessly deep breathing into a paper bag, before he was actually able to speak.  

 

"So, Mr Lee." She said softly, "Is it alright if we start now? I just need to ask you a few questions."  

 

Taemin nodded and spluttered a quick, "Yeah." 

 

"What substances do you currently take on a regular basis?" 

 

"Just spice." Taemin muttered, not able to even look at her. He was perched on the most uncomfortable plastic chair but the firmness of it was the only thing that kept him calm. "And cigarettes sometimes I guess. I drink too."  

 

"Would you say you have a problem with alcohol then?" 

 

Taemin shook his head. "Just spice."  

 

"Ok." Victoria nodded. She jotted something down on a pad in front of her tiny desk. She hadn't even got a computer. "Spice, as you know, is a very harmful concoction of chemicals that can seriously damage a person's body, as well as their mind." 

 

Taemin nodded, but innerly was rolling his eyes. He knew this. Of course he knew this. 

 

"What are your symptoms when you're craving, Mr Lee? Do you hallucinate?" 

 

A cringe fell across Taemin's face. "Yeah. Well...I hallucinate when I'm high and when I'm craving. I shake a lot, I guess...and I get really...really paranoid."  

 

Victoria nodded. "Common side effects. Carry on."  

 

"I vomit a lot. And sweat. I become really angry and mean. Sometimes even violent." Taemin blurted. It felt so strange to say these things out loud, as if he'd never truly realised what was really happening to him until now.  

 

"I see." Victoria said, after a writing pause, "And are you around others who take a lot of spice too? Does your friend there...Kibum, was it-?" 

 

"Key." Taemin corrected. "And yeah. Most of my friends are addicted."  

 

Victoria sighed. "That's going to make it harder on you, if you're constantly surrounded by it." 

 

Taemin shrugged, "Nothing I can do about that." 

 

"It's ok. So when did you first become addicted?" 

 

Taemin thought about it for a second. "Well it was when I first started...first started..." 

 

"You can tell me, this is 100% confidential." Victoria said quietly.  

 

"...renting." Taemin finished, feeling another panic starting so he took a few more breaths out of his bag.  

 

"I beg your pardon?" Victoria asked, and added a slightly unprofessional, "I'm new to this job...sorry." 

 

"Oh. I mean..." whoring, "Prostitution." Taemin stuttered. "Me I mean. I used to be a er, prostitute."  

 

"Oh I see." Victoria replied, unfazed, "And how long ago was that?" 

 

"I started maybe 5 years ago? I haven't done it in a long time, not since," Jongin, "Since me and my friends got a trailer."  

 

Victoria nodded. "You've been through a lot Taemin. I don't want to scare you, but have you ever-" 

 

Don't say it. 

 

"-thought about-" 

 

Don't say it." 

 

"Therapy?" 

 

She said it. 

 

Taemin cringed for the millionth time. "I...I don't know. I don't think it would be a good idea." 

 

"Consider it, please." Victoria said kindly, "There's a waiting list. But for someone like you, someone who's had to cope with hell since you were very, very young, it might really help." 

 

Taemin had to admit, it did feel nice for the hell he'd been through to be acknowledged. That still didn't mean he was ready to just jump on board the therapy train though.  

 

Key's conversation was shorter than Taemin's had been. Taemin had tried to listen through the door, but to his annoyance, couldn't hear a damn thing. Key was talking quietly, mumbling and dodging questions probably. It was understandable, given the circumstances. They both deserved huge gold medals for even coming down to this horrible place, as far as Taemin was concerned. The memories this hallway alone were bringing back was enough to make the blonde want to run, crying and screeching from this place. But he hadn't. They hadn't. There was no running away today.  

 

Key hadn't spoken a word on the way back to the hospital. Contrary to his nature, Taemin hadn't even attempted to pry either. He was deep enough in his own thoughts, without the added complication of another person's who probably didn't want to share anything anyway.  

 

They made their way too Jonghyun's room, but Taemin decided only to stay for a few minutes because the poor dinosaur was sleeping, and the lack of noise and conversation wasn't helping to drown out his racing mental chatter. It wasn't that he was upset per se, more just churned up inside. There was a lot of dread for the future going on, a lot of "can I cope's" and a lot of unknowns. He couldn't deal with any of it right now, so he stepped out into the corridor and started to make his way to Baekhyun's ward instead, where he hoped there would be more going on to keep his mind off everything.  

 

Luckily for him, there was. Or at least there were people who were awake; which meant talking. Or even rowing. He'd take an argument over silence today.  

 

Sat uncomfortably beside Baekhyun's bed, was Sunyoung. She looked tired, but her eyes were alert, as they always were. Taemin thought that Sunyoung was probably the type not to get very much sleep. She gave this aura of being permanently together, awake, and prepared for the worst, but right now he could see a crack in that persona. Maybe it was the bump- pregnancy did weaken her badass status after all, or maybe it was just the week they'd all had. He hoped it was the latter.  

 

Honestly, he never allowed himself to truly examine her belly properly. It was like a ticking bomb in some ways, counting down the days to another uncertain aspect of the group's collective future. Right now however, he let his eyes dart to it and linger there for a good few seconds. He'd felt the baby inside ripple a while ago. He'd pressed his ear against it and heard some weird kind of bubbly noises as the life inside wriggled, too. It had grown a lot since then, and he'd never allowed himself to wholeheartedly appreciate the size of the thing, until now.  

 

"Jesus, Sun. You're huge, I didn't realise."  

 

Sunyoung put down a magazine that he hadn't noticed she was reading and looked up to examine the blonde who'd just entered. Baekhyun smiled wearily. 

 

There were no extra chairs, so Taemin plonked himself down a little less gently than he'd intended on the edge of the bed, still unashamedly staring at his friend's tummy whilst completely ignoring the one in bed.  

 

"Jesus, Minnie. You're tiny, I notice every day." Sunyoung smirked, attempting her best Taemin impression.  

 

"No no I just. It's like someone shoved a melon up your butt."  

 

Baekhyun snorted. "I think that happened to me once."  

 

Taemin turned to his battered friend. "How you feeling today?" 

 

The shrug was all that was needed. The poor guy obviously felt terrible, at least if looks were something to base that on, which Taemin realised they weren't.  

 

"And you?" Taemin asked. 

 

Sunyoung looked up from her magazine which she'd apparently gone back to. "Me? Why?" 

 

"I'm making conversation." Taemin replied simply, "And you look tired I guess." 

 

"Tired, big, and like I have a melon shoved up my ass." Sunyoung scoffed, "You do realise that's three insults in less than a minute."  

 

Taemin smiled, "Not insults, just observations." 

 

"Well I'm fine." Sunyoung said, in a way that conveyed crystal clearly that she was indeed not fine at all. "I've just come back from a lovely fight with Minho, to a hospital I hate, to a room with one of my beaten ex colleagues, to a hopeless future."  

 

Taemin cleared his throat and said rather hypocritically,  "Well, that was dramatic." 

 

"Is that all I am to you?" Baekhyun asked, also amused.  

 

Sunyoung shrugged, "Well, I wouldn't call us friends quite yet."  

 

"Why? We lived together, didn't we?" Baekhyun asked. His voice was so gritty and hoarse but none the less there was a tone of lightness to it. It was obvious he wasn't really offended.  

 

"As a matter of convenience, not as a matter of choice." Sunyoung said bluntly, "Although I'll always be grateful you and Chanyeol took us all in back then, of course." 

 

"If by 'took us all in' you mean, 'let us hang out with you behind a station on damp cardboard boxes', then you're welcome."  

 

Taemin snorted, but didn't interject. This was too entertaining to watch.  

 

"That's exactly what I mean." Sunyoung agreed, "And come on, we hardly said two words at each other in the hotel."  

 

This had been true. Whilst Taemin and Sunyoung talked often whilst working there, and to other workers who happened to be in rooms nearby, Baekhyun had always kept to himself. He'd never been chatty, not even when they'd lived together behind the station. 

 

"I didn't want to associate myself with that hotel, or anyone in it." Baekhyun said bluntly.  

 

"Well working there probably wasn't the best way to do that." Taemin scoffed, but bit his tongue because he really didn't want to take over this conversation.  

 

"I didn't have a choice in working there." Baekhyun replied calmly, but added a somewhat salty, "Unlike you."  

 

Taemin rolled his eyes, "Oh, ouch."  

 

"None of us had a choice in working there, though." Sunyoung said, uncharacteristically dumbly.  

 

"None of us had a choice in continuing to work there." Baekhyun corrected, "Quite a few of us had a choice in actually joining. But I didn't, I was fucking bullied into it by a bunch of my old supposed friends."  

 

"Ah." Sunyoung pursed her lips in thought. "Explains why you're not the best at making friends then, I suppose."  

 

"Excuse me!" Baekhyun scoffed, "I'm fine at making friends. I thought we were friends until you just referred to me as an ex colleague." 

 

"Apologies." Sunyoung smirked. She didn't look sorry at all. "I feel closer to you already."  

 

"Dito." Baekhyun nodded, then paused to glance at Taemin, "You're awfully quiet today."  

 

Taemin gave a tired smile, "You guys are entertaining, well, more entertaining than watching Jonghyun sleep anyway. It's kind of been an exhausting day, too." 

 

"Why?" Sunyoung asked, "Isn't it your day off?" 

 

"I er." Taemin paused, not knowing whether to be honest or not. "I went to get help. Me and Key did."  

 

Baekhyun shifted uncomfortably in his bed, whilst Sunyoung stayed blank, waiting for more.  

 

"Help with addiction." Taemin clarified, "At the shelter." 

 

There was a moments pause as that information sank in. "That must have been hard for you." Sunyoung said plainly.  

 

"It was."  

 

"And did they..." Baekhyun started, "Did they ask personal questions?" 

 

Taemin nodded. "Some."  

 

A shudder noticeably overtook Baekhyun at the thought. "About the past? Real personal stuff?" 

 

"Well, sort of. I mentioned that I used to rent and the poor lady didn't know what I meant."  

 

Sunyoung burst out laughing, "I bet she thought you were a landlord who accepted spice as currency." 

 

"Right. Embarrassing as fuck." Taemin shook his head in distain, adding a slightly unnecessary, "I've been spread out, stark naked, wearing fairy wings and yelling "lord of the elves take me now" and yet that embarrassed me, I must have issues."  

 

"We all do."  Baekhyun agreed. "Did that happen at the hotel?" 

 

"What do you think." 

 

Baekhyun smiled, "That's tiny compared to the humiliation of a water melon up your ass, though." 

 

Sunyoung made fake throwing up noises. "God, I remember this one guy." She started, shuddering just as Baekhyun had done, "He made me call him..." 

 

"What?" Taemin asked eagerly. 

 

Sunyoung shook her head, "You'll never know. It's too yucky to repeat." 

 

Taemin shrugged. It was weird being able to talk about his hotel days, or indeed any of the days when he'd been renting. With Jongin as a boyfriend, he'd gotten used to avoiding the topic, and rarely mentioned it when around Key or Jonghyun anymore because it wasn't oh so nice to think of a friend you've known since you were 10 like that. Talking so openly like this was actually very freeing. And a little sad. Remembering those days would always come with a pang of pain, even when they were joking.  

 

"Do you guys ever..." Taemin stopped, clamped his eyes shut and composed himself. "Think about your time there...? Or have, I don't know...nightmares?" 

 

Sunyoung sighed. "I try not to think about anything that happened before we got the trailer. And quite a lot since. But no, I don't have nightmares about it. I don't allow myself to."  

 

Taemin thought it must be nice to be that in control of your subconscious, but said nothing.  

 

"Well for me," Baekhyun started, "It's yes and yes. Most nights, actually." He glanced at Sunyoung pointedly. "Not all of us can be as mentally strong as some apparently."  

 

"I'll take that as a compliment even though I'm pretty sure you're patronizing me." Sunyoung replied calmly, "I just have an ability to shut things out. It's very helpful. It means that I don't have to..." She paused, clearly debating whether to continue. She did anyway. "...get high off my head on spice or buy so many drugs you end up owing, how much was it? 4 grand? How in the hell is that even possible."  

 

It wasn't a question so Baekhyun didn't answer. The truth was, it was actually very fucking possible. Drugs, or at least some drugs, were extremely expensive. And the buyer didn't always know the price, or just how much they owed until it was too late. No doubt Donghae had added extra fees on just to spite them, but even without the whole grudge thing, 4 grand actually wasn't such an unusually large amount to owe.  

 

"Look, sorry. I'm just weird." Sunyoung said, turning to Taemin. "You're the normal one. It's very understandable to be, well, pretty traumatized after what's happened. I would be too probably, if only I let myself stop and think about it for more than a second. But if I did that, I wouldn't be able to cope. So I don't. It might seem cold, but it's not. It's practical."  

 

"One day it's gonna come up and explode." Baekhyun said simply, shuffling himself again. He looked very uncomfortable and Taemin messing up his bedsheets probably wasn't helping. "I hope I'm not there when you finally let it all out."  

 

Sunyoung shrugged and peered down at her tummy. "I guess we'll just have to see." 

 

"Can I touch?" Baekhyun asked, his eyes lingering on her belly also. It was a slightly random thing to say at that precise moment, but Sunyoung nodded none the less. She practically had to peel away her tshirt which Taemin recognised as one of Minho's, because it clung so tightly to the bump.  

 

The fetus, or rather baby, wasn't wriggling, but it was still clear where a presumed arm or leg was jutting out. Her tummy looked uneven, like the kid preferred the left side to the right. Baekhyun placed a hand on it, and the living thing inside twitched slightly, making him smile. "It likes me."  

 

"It." Sunyoung laughed. "I think I just have wind."  

 

Taemin slid a hand on her bump too, without asking but it wasn't like she was going to care. He'd touched it before, but not recently, what with the whole "Taemin's a danger" thing. Also Sunyoung wasn't the type to enjoy parading her unborn child around like a circus attraction. She might be a former prostitute, but she had more class than that, thank you very much.  

 

"What was your fight with Minho about?" Taemin asked, removing his hand after a good few seconds. The baby was still and calm. 

 

"Hm?" Sunyoung seemed to be suddenly taken out of her thoughts. "Oh. Yes. It was about Junghee, actually. And money. Always money."  

 

Taemin cocked his head to the side in confusion.  

 

"Well I don't want to get into it really." Sunyoung said, clearly doing just that. "But we all know he brings in cash, don't we?" 

 

Taemin and Baekhyun both nodded and Sunyoung slipped down her tshirt again, covering her tummy. It was one of those weird things that was just accepted and never asked about. Taemin had a job, Key had a job, Jongin had a job, Sehun was trying to study, Jonghyun was constantly looking, Sunyoung basically took care of Junghee and was looked after by the woman in turn...but what did Minho do? It was better not to ask. The selling of drugs was history, according to him, but the guy still had a lot of connections to a lot of people. No one, including Taemin, wanted to know.  

 

"The stream of money's been slower, lately." Sunyoung said, "Not that it was ever high. You guys know how much is in the sock. But things have been especially tight lately. I'm worried. Junghee helps us out, I don't know what I'd do without her honestly. But soon..." Her eyes trailed down to 'it' again, "...We're going to have another mouth to feed. And Junghee can only do so much. Minho says I spend too much time with her, he says I should just accept her charity and spend my hours doing something to help us, instead of paying back the old woman for all her help. His pride is hurt when I ask him if we're going to be able to cope for the next week money wise, even for the smallest thing like bread or milk, et cetera. When I mention things like, say, that we might need to buy something for the baby to sleep in...well he goes into melt down. Junghee has an old laundry basket and the other day we spent a few hours padding it out with some foam. We even decorated it with these little felt bunnies that she had from an old craft set. I know it's pathetic, I know it's stupid, but I came back to the trailer all excited about it. It was the first time I've been able to feel anything other than dread for the baby, honestly. I showed it to Minho, expecting him to be happy too, but he flipped out. Not in a yelly way." She paused, looking at Taemin, "He's not like Jongin, as you know. He doesn't scream or shout. He went quiet, sour, bitter. He did that thing he does when he's very annoyed, where his reply to everything is this long, drawn out sigh. Then when he did dare to speak, it was short, one word answers. Things have been tense since then."  

 

There was a small pause as both boys tried to take in all of that. "I have this crate thing that Sugar used to sleep in." Taemin said, missing the point entirely it's just he needed to say this whilst he remembered. "It's pretty secure and a baby couldn't roll out of it. You could use that if your basket is no good."  

 

Sunyoung smiled wearily. "My basket is fine. It's deluxe. I'll show it to you later."  

 

Baekhyun wriggled again. "So what's he pissed at, specifically? Is it that you're spending too much time at Junghee's? Or that you're asking him about money and he feels pressure about it? Or that his pride is hurting because his future 'It' might have to sleep in an old laundry basket, instead of a princess cot?"  

 

"A princess cot." Taemin shuddered, "How tacky." 

 

"I don't know really." Sunyoung said honestly, "The baby news didn't hit him well, and I think he was expecting things to have changed more by now, our circumstances I mean. It's wishful thinking, but I think a part of him thought that we might even have somewhere to live by ourselves by the time the baby came. Or that he might have some kind of better source of income, or that I might, even. I don't know. I'm not inside his head." 

 

"You'd leave us, then, if you could?" Taemin asked, unable to stop a pout forming on his lips. "And here's me thinking it was gonna be like 3 men and a baby."  

 

"More like a bunch of drug addicts, a toddler, a wife beater, and a baby." Baekhyun said bluntly, amusing himself a little afterwards.  

 

"What, Bie's the wife beater I suppose?" Taemin asked. 

 

"Well he thumped you, didn't he?" 

 

Taemin shrugged.  

 

"Well anyway." Sunyoung cut in, sensing they were getting side tracked. "That's the situation. It is what it is." she paused, looking down at her tummy, "And there's nothing I can do about it so I'm not going to whine." 

 

"Sometimes whining is healthy." Taemin said, resting a bony hand on her knee. "I mean, not as much as I do, but sometimes it's good." 

 

Baekhyun nodded. "And if you ever need to explode, even if one of us is just an ex-colleague apparently, we'll be there." 

 

Sunyoung looked genuinely grateful as a moment of slightly awkward but none the less pleasant silence followed.  

 

"Do you know what type of it, It is yet?" Taemin asked softly.  

 

Sunyoung shook her head, knowing exactly what he meant. "No. I haven't had many ultrasounds. They're very expensive, hospital bills and all that." 

 

"Ah." Taemin nodded.  

 

"What do you want It to be?" Baekhun asked, "I mean It's gonna look like a frog regardless, what with Minho's genes, so either way you're screwed."  

 

Taemin snorted whilst Sunyoung thought about it. "I don't know. It's cliché to say but truly I just want a healthy baby, and maybe it'll come out with some magic beans or something." 

 

Baekhyun and Taemin both nodded. They could sure use a few of those. 

 

\--- 

Hey lovely bears~ So well. Lol. I've avoided the topic of Sun's bby for far too long so I'm bringing that storyline more to the forefront now. I really hope it won't be annoying. Eh. I guess we'll all see. Sorry for the slightly short chapter (I feel like nothing happened? Lmao) but I really wanted it to end neatly with that little conversation. Esp as it's poll time lollllllll. I know how lame this is, I know, ok, but pls vote just for funn. And maybe even comment name suggestions, that would be very helpful xD Some lovely person already said that she wanted the baby to be a girl to even everything out, and It's name to be Luna. Which I thought was freaking adorable, but we'll see aha xD  

I'm just itching to write Taemin- baby scenes honestly. I want to explore his nurturing side again.  And I'm also looking forward to writing some Sekai, don't hurt me, but it's coming.  

I hope this week's been kind to you guys, and if it hasn't, I'm really sorry. I'm not going to tell you 'it gets better' because quite frankly, it often doesn't. But one thing that always helps me is when I remember that there is as much of a possibility for things to go right as there are for things to go wrong. For a person like me, who usually worries beyond all reason that more bad things will happen, that thought helps to balance things out for me. There is so much good in the world, even when it's very hard to see.  

Lol idk why I'm rambling again  

Lots of loveeee


	43. Change: Finafuckinlly

A few weeks later 

 

"I feel...good." 

 

Key looked his boyfriend up and down sceptically. That wasn't the word he would have used. Jonghyun looked so fucking pitiful, it was bordering on hilarious. He was limping around like a 3-legged puppy, on crutches that were set at the wrong height. His leg was clearly still horribly painful and even though he was smiling, a wince crossed his face every time he had to put any weight on it. And it wasn't just the physical issue. The others might not be able to tell, but they didn't know Jonghun like Key did. He was nervy, on edge, and jumpy. It was natural and to be expected of course, but this was Jonghyun...it took a lot to unnerve the guy. Aside from Onew's death and Taemin's stabbing, he was the worst Key had seen him in a very long time.  

 

"I'm glad you feel it." Key said, unable to control the brittleness of his voice. He dumped some socks into the bag on the hospital bed in front of him. Packing away to come home is never fun. "Because you sure as hell don't look it."  

 

"Come on babe, I'm fine." Jonghyun sighed, limping towards his lover and leaning in for a kiss which was barely reciprocated. "I have 2 legs still. That means celebration."  

 

Key said nothing, and instead reached over to pack some more clothes into the bag. Some of them were still blood stained, even though the hospital staff had kindly said that they could get the red out. Some things never wash away apparently. "Jongin said he got us a taxi." 

 

"You what?"  

 

"Jongin." Key snapped, pretending that his boyfriend was thick just to curb his own frustration, "Said. He. Got. Us. A-" 

 

"Yeah yeah ok." Jonghyun rolled his eyes, "Aren't taxi's hella expensive? Why is he wasting his money on-" 

 

"Of course they are." Key cut in, "But unless you want to limp to the bus stop, I don't see how we're gonna get you home."  

 

"Ohhh..." Jonghyun nodded. "Hadn't thought about that. Good point. What do you want for dinner tonight?" 

 

Key stopped packing and looked up. If he believed in god, which of course he didn't, he'd be begging the merciful lord for some serenity right about now. Alas, all that met his gaze was the bumpy hospital ceiling.  

 

"I mean...I'm thinking we deserve a treat, or at least something greasy after all this hospital food. Not that it was bad, I suppose. But I miss the unhealthyness of take out." Jonghyun carried on, hobbling to the other side of the bed to make eye contact with his boyfriend. "What do you feel like? And don't look at me like that. Things are going back to normal. Food is normal. Have you had your fix today?"  

 

Key sighed. "Why? Do I look particularly irritated?"  

 

"Yeah and you just looked up to the ceiling." Jonghyun smirked, "That's how I know things are getting desperate."  

 

Key sighed for a second time. "Perch." He ordered, "I can't stand you limping around for another second. Just sit on that chair."  

 

Jonghyun raised an eyebrow but did as he was told anyway. It was even worse trying to watch the guy manoeuvre himself from standing to sitting, so Key looked away.  

 

"I'm glad you're bossing me around again, it's refreshing."  

 

"I always boss you around." 

 

"No, when I first got in here you were all "Ohhhhh Jonghyunniee what can I dooo for youu, is your leg comffyyy, can I fluff your pillowwwss, no Taemin you can't have the last cookieeee that's Jonghyun's oooh~" 

 

Key swallowed down a laugh,  

 

"I saw that." Jonghyun grinned, "And I'm glad that's over, anyway. It was nice to have you as a cute little cookie slave for a bit, but I'm happy things are going back to normal." 

 

"But you're not normal, not really." Key said simply. 

 

"No?" 

 

"No. You're...I can tell you're different. I mean not now, not when food is the only thing in your simple puppy brain." Key gestured to his own head, "But in general. You jumped earlier when I came into the room, just like Minnie would have."  

 

"Baby." Jonghyun said calmly, "I've just been stabbed."  

 

Key sighed for a third time. Maybe Jonghyun was right. Key was expecting too much too soon. It's just the thought of things truly 'going back to normal' as Jonghyun kept saying, was exactly what Key needed and the anxiety that it wasn't, made him shudder. The very cold hard truth, was that Key needed Jonghyun to be stable. There had been a time, back in the dark ages even before Onew, when the poor dino boy had been exactly the opposite of that in every way. And it had been hell. Jonghyun and Taemin were literally everything to Key. And with Taemin's issues at the moment basically taking over the blonde's mind most of the time, it was only Jonghyun who had been keeping Key on balance. These thoughts probably sounded terribly selfish, but it was just the truth. Key may have been the face of "in charge", but in reality, he leaned on others far too much for his own liking. Especially when those he leaned on, felt like they could crumple at any second. 

 

"Kibum." Jonghyun opened his arms in a very clear gesture and Key wandered over to him and knelt in front of the chair. "I know what you're thinking. Don't worry. I won't let you down. I'm strong. You're strong. We can lean on each other and nothing's going to break us."  

 

Key gulped back the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry." He said simply. 

 

"Why?" 

 

"Because I'm being selfish. I can't cope without you, I can barely cope with you."  

 

"You'd be fine without me." Jonghyun said firmly. 

 

Key smiled because the intention in that sentence was so sweet it made his insides hurt.  

 

"But you'll never have to be. I'm not gonna go nutty, I promise." Jonghyun crossed his eyes to break the tension and Key got up and went back to his packing. "We just need a bit of time, I guess." he carried on, "Minnie's gonna get this treatment tonight and so are you, right? I might even think about asking for some myself eventually. Then maybe someone will want to hire me, right?" 

 

Key gave his lover a pitiful look. 

 

"No no, it's ok, I'm over it." Jonghyun replied, referencing the last job that he'd so almost nearly got. It had been pretty crushing to find out he hadn't. "Being stabbed puts things like that into perspective." 

 

"Guys!!!"  

 

An excited squeal burst into the room, as Sehun threw open the door with so much force it banged on the wall. Jonghyun jumped out of his skin, and if he was honest, so did Key.  

 

"Oops. Sorry." The toddler said, shuffling himself inside and closing the door softly. He turned to Key, his face still beaming. "I just got a call!! From Taeyeon!! She said, oh my fucking god, she said the funding has finally come in for us, me and Jongin us, to go to fucking college!!! We've reached the top of the waiting list!! Fucking finally!!! Soon!!! She said meet her at the shelter toNIGHT to discuss!! It's gonna be so soon!! We might even- get THIS- get funding in for accommodation!! ACCOMMODATION!! That means somewhere warm which probably has BRICKS for walls!! Accommodation!!!!"  

 

After that somewhat lengthy babble, Key made himself smile widely. It may have been a slightly fake one, because trying to make himself excited right now was going to be hard, but the toddler deserved some happiness and enthusiasm.  

 

"Woooooop!!" Jonghyun shrieked, clapping his hands together in glee. He tried to get up but thought better of it when Key's glare caught his eye "Dude! I'm so happy for you! You deserve this!!" 

 

"I KNOW!" Sehun cried. The kid could hardly contain himself and literally looked like he was about to start jumping up and down. As it was, he rushed towards Jonghyun, and then Key, hugging them both ludicrously tightly before bounding back to the door. "I've got to go and tell Jongin!! I messaged him to meet me at the shelter tonight, but that's way too long to wait!!"  

 

Jonghyun laughed, whilst Key waved a goodbye and Sehun was off just like that, the room seeming oddly quiet after that loud interruption. 

 

"Well." Jonghyun said, obviously in slight shock. "I didn't expect that."  

 

"Me neither." Key said, dumping the last of their belongings into the bag. He thought of Taemin. The blonde wouldn't take this news well.  

 

"Dunno what Minnie's gonna be like when he finds out." Jonghyun murmured, obviously being a mind reader. "Aren't you going to the shelter tonight to get your first lot of magic pills too? I don't think it'd be a good idea to run into them."  

 

Key nodded. "We're going early though, before the shelter officially opens. We should be out before they arrive for any kind of meeting."  

 

"Ok good." Jonghyun decided this was his queue to actually get up, and shooed his boyfriend's help away because he was quite capable of going from sitting to standing with no assistance. Even if his leg did feel like it was pounding.  

 

"Smooth." Key said, smirking slightly. He put his arm around Jonghyun and gave his lover a swift kiss on the lips, then on the cheek, then accidentally on the earlobe.  

 

"Thanks." Jonghyun smiled, and the two of them made their way out of the little room, walking towards a future that, Key supposed, did at least have some hope in it to cling onto.  

 

\--- 

  

Sehun didn't think he'd ever felt more excited in his whole life. His insides felt like they were vibrating with adrenaline, the good kind, the kind that made you feel like you could climb mountains and run marathons just for fun. This was the news they'd been counting on for what seemed like forever. And finally, finally, his life was about to start.   

  

He'd rarely been to Jongin's work place, but knew the lay out just about well enough to sneak through to the back where the poor guy would probably be frying chips or something. Jongin was actually conveniently on his break, and was on his own out the back in some kind of little strange courtyard area with a bunch of dumpsters. Sehun didn't care about the bleak surroundings.   

  

"Jongin!!"  

  

Jongin jolted his head up in panic. Sehun seemed to have a knack for making people jump today. The smile on his face made Jongin relax immediately though.   

  

"News!!" Sehun spluttered, "I have news!!"   

  

Jongin scooched over to make room on the only clean bit of pavement for his friend to sit down. "Oh? Good news?"  

  

"Does this smile look like it would be good news?!" Sehun grinned even wider, making Jongin laugh. "We're at the top of the waiting list dude. The. Top. Of. The. Waiting. List."  

  

Jongin's face dropped in shock. "Are you serious?" He spluttered, clearly unable to get his head around that information. "This soon...now? Suddenly? Really?"   

  

The poor bear was obviously unable to compose a sentence so Sehun continued. "Yeah! Hell yeah! And it's not that soon, we've been waiting for a fucking age!"   

  

"Oh my god?! Oh my...god?!" Jongin gasped, "So...so...what does this mean?"  

  

Sehun creased over. "You're really dumb today."  

  

"I'm not I just can't even-"  

  

"It means that we're now firmly on this programme for 'under privileged young adults' to get back into education, with extremely low fees, and even...oh god this is the best part...possible accommodation!"   

  

"No! Really?!" Jongin gasped, his eyes widening. That hadn't been a bonus he'd been aware of.   

  

"I'm serious."   

  

For a second, Jongin really looked like he was going to faint from the shock. Then all of a sudden, the stupid bear got up and started literally bouncing up and down like a little kid on Christmas. "Sorry!" he spluttered, "I have too much excited energy right now, I need to get it out!!"   

  

Sehun lost all of his composure, got up himself, and started bouncing too, shaking his hands to try and make the happy chemicals a bit easier for his body to cope with too. Neither were used to feeling like this, and the sheer joy was almost too much to take. It wasn't just happiness. Relief can be an overwhelming emotion sometimes too, like a tidal wave of tension is escaping from every orifice of your body, leaving you free and weightless.   

  

Neither knew how it happened. The bouncing continued. Then suddenly it stopped. Sehun leaned in. Jongin leaned in. Sehun put his hands on Jongin's neck, probably. Jongin put his hands on Sehun's hips, probably. Then they kissed.  

  

It wasn't even a short one. It involved tongue, hair touching, and Sehun even started subconsciously smiling into it.  

  

But then a few more seconds past and reality hit, as it always did, like a fucking brick. Jongin's body seemed to almost freeze in their embrace, their mouths still connected, his hands still cupping Sehun's cheeks. They abruptly fell apart, Jongin taking a good firm step backwards, eyeing Sehun like he was some kind of bomb that was about to explode at any second.  

  

Sehun gulped, feeling the size of a mouse under his friend's appalled gaze. Scratch that, he probably felt even smaller than a mouse, probably more like a flee. A limping flee who couldn't jump. A blind, limping, flee who couldn't jump and was about to get flushed.  

  

What Sehun didn't know was that Jongin may have been appalled, but only at himself. He'd enjoyed that. A little too much. It had been spontaneous, free, and stressless. There hadn't been an ounce of tension in his body for those few seconds, and he hadn't felt carefree in a kiss for a very long time.  

  

"Er. I'm gonna go." Sehun said, cutting the atmosphere with a knife. "I er, Taeyeon er, she said to go to the shelter tonight...early if you can. Meet me there." He turned to leave, straightening himself up as a weak attempt to cling onto some dignity.  

 

Jongin grabbed his wrist. "Wait." 

 

Sehun paused, feeling tingles up his arm from the contact.  

 

Far more tentatively that the first time, Jongin leaned in for another kiss. He was testing the water, and they both knew it. It was like this was the first time the thought had even occurred to Jongin that he might want to try this with Sehun, or in fact anyone other than Taemin.  

 

It felt pretty good. Jongin parted Sehun's mouth, his tongue exploring and eager for the new experience. Sehun felt so different to Taemin, and Jongin couldn't help but compare. Both boys were on the very slim side of course, but Sehun was much sturdier and felt less like he was about to snap in half at a single touch. His back was firm in Jongin's arms, and his spine wasn't protruding as harshly, although maybe that was just the layers he was wearing. Sehun smelt different too. It was nice. It wasn't Taemin nice, but it was a lot nicer than Jongin would have expected. His hair was soft as well. It was thicker than Taemin's, Jongin noticed, as he ran his fingers through it softly. Also nice. Very nice. Not amazing, not ground breakingly, heart throbbingly, take me now, bend me backwards, I want to die in your arms nice. But nice. And different. And comforting. And easy. 

 

As they pulled away from each other, both smiled shyly. They'd been such good friends for such a long time now, so it was silly to feel so embarrassed, but both boys really didn't know where to look. This was all so new, so bizarre, and neither had a clue how to react, other than the stupid grin on either's faces.  

 

"I er...I'll see you later then? You better be getting back to work, right?" 

 

The realisation that he'd have to do overtime if someone caught him dillydallying like this jolted Jongin back into reality again. "Oh. Yes. Yeah. I'll see you tonight. Thanks. For this. I mean, coming to tell me the news, not- I mean, yes." 

 

Sehun smiled shyly again, squeezed his friends arm, and then left without another word.  

 

\---  

 

Taemin had only laid eyes on Jongin and Sehun a handful of times since Jonghyun had been in hospital. The whole group's movements had been erratic, and everybody's routine was off. It was to be expected, but also it was clearly not just the circumstances which had made Jongin and Sehun's presence much scarcer. The two of them, whilst not necessarily fully living out on the streets anymore now that they didn't have Chanyeol and Baekhyun as back up, were very rarely seen at the trailer park either. There was a heavy reluctance from either of them to get involved in any little drama the group had, and they were barely around- even at night.  

 

After Jongin got off work, he and Sehun would meet up, spend as much time as possible away from the park, then go back and catch a few measly hours of sleep and be off again without much of a word. Taemin worked nights at the bar, so they'd both had almost no contact with the blonde. 

 

Sunyoung and Minho were heavily occupied themselves, mostly even sleeping at Junghee's now if they were honest. And even Key hadn't been around because he'd been darting between work and the hospital like a headless chicken. The group was fracturing and everyone knew it. 

 

So in the days, Taemin had been mostly alone in their trailer. He felt avoided. How could he not? He was being avoided. He didn't blame Jongin, or Sehun for that matter. He knew he'd brought this on himself. If he was either of them, he'd want to get away from him too. Jongin, especially, had been put through enough. Taemin knew it was only the bear's self-preservation kicking in that made him want to escape the blonde, and their never-ending fights and drama. He knew this, his rationality was sure of it...and yet that didn't make Jongin's absence hurt any less, or soften much of the anger that came with it. 

 

Now Jonghyun was getting out of the hospital, Taemin wondered if things would change. He desperately hoped they would. Weeks felt like years, and he didn't think he could cope much longer without normality, even if that normality was as hard as it had been. Which it wouldn't be. He was trying to get clean now after all, wasn't he? Did Jongin even know about that? Sehun would have told him, surely. He had to know. So why hadn't he mentioned it? Was he that scared of the next time they saw each other? Did he think the fight would be that bad?  

 

Taemin was in tears when Jonghyun and Key got back to their trailer from the hospital. He hadn't meant to be so pathetic, but it wasn't long before him and Key would have to go to the shelter and get their first lot of treatment. It was scary in so many ways. Victoria had warned them that this wouldn't be easy, not that he'd expected it to be of course, but some of the things she'd said had scared the shit out of him. There were so many unknowns. If the medicine didn't help the cravings, he might have to be hospitalized. And then there was rehab. Forced rehab. Which would mean he'd be all alone, he'd be lost, he'd be caged. Sometimes he wondered, what the fuck had he started with trying to reach out for help? People use thing against you, they try and control you. What if he'd made a huge mistake by even starting this so called 'road to recovery'?  

 

He knew he just needed to remind himself of how awful things had got, how much of a danger he'd become, that he'd backed himself into this corner and had no other options, but the situation was still utterly terrifying. There was nothing he could do anyway, he supposed. You can't get off a rollercoaster when you've already got on it.  

 

It confused him that Key seemed in such a rush to get to the shelter. Victoria had said to arrive early, but not this early. And Jonghyun had just got back, shouldn't they stay a while to settle him in and check he'd be ok? Apparently not. Key wanted his magic pills and ain't nothing gonna stop him getting them. Whatever.  

 

Taemin managed to compose himself by the time they got there. His face still looked all puffy and red but he hoped that if anyone noticed, they'd just think he'd gone to a sauna or something. Sauna and then off to a homeless shelter, as you do, very normal.  

 

Key was in a better mood than Taemin would have thought, presumably because he was happy to have Jonghyun home. So as opposed to the last time they were here, he did all the talking and nodding so that Taemin didn't have to. It was a relief.  

 

The instructions they were given were extremely specific. They were to replace one spice fix a day with this medicine, and see what happened. If they were unable to do this, Victoria would know. (Apparently.) And then she would be forced to take some kind of more extreme approach, which neither Key nor Taemin dared to ask about. This was just the first, of a very, very, very long line of steps. Cutting an addiction was not an overnight thing, it was a process. Everything was a fucking process. Taemin swallowed down his bitterness. He should be grateful. He was grateful. He wouldn't let fear overtake his rationality, not this time.  

 

Their appointment had lasted a lot longer than they'd expected. Key kept eyeing the clock nervously, and Taemin presumed he was wanting to rush back to Jonghyun. Either that, or he was hungry. Thinking about it, so was Taemin. Maybe they could get something yummy before his shift started. He didn't fancy serving alcohol on an empty stomach tonight.  

 

"Come on, let's get out of here." Key said, once they were thoroughly done in the cramped little nurses room and speed walking down the hall towards the large entrance room.  

 

"Jonghyun will have coped without us, don't worry." Taemin replied, trying to sound reassuring. "If he's lonely, he can just call Minho and Sun."  

 

Key didn't reply. They both froze. 

 

Just outside the double doors, standing right in the middle of entrance room and very much blocking their way out was Jongin, Sehun, Taeyeon, and 2 unknown but very excited staff members hovering around them happily.  

 

"Fuck. Exactly who I wanted to avoid." Key grumbled, grabbing Taemin's wrist instinctively as the two of them paused to just stare. "Great. Just great. Fate fucking loves us today."  

 

When they opened the doors, it was only then that Taemin noticed just how odd Jongin and Sehun's body language was with each other. Jongin had an arm flung around the toddler's shoulders, not a particularly strange thing to do, but then Sehun himself had an arm around Jongin's waist, too, which was a little odd. A little too touchy. A little unnerving. Or was this paranoia? Taemin couldn't tell anymore.  

 

The beaming smile on Jongin's face disintegrated as soon as he looked up and saw his ex. There was this horrible awkward moment, a choice if you will, where both parties could have just quietly acknowledged each other's presence with a small nod, and gone their separate ways. It was a judgement call, and whilst Jongin's brain was telling him that the avoiding option was probably a good idea, his heart just wouldn't let him dismiss the blonde so readily, especially as it looked like Taemin had just come out of some kind of serious meeting.  

 

"Hey, why are you guys here?" Jongin asked, gesturing for his two friends to come over. He subconsciously removed his arm from Sehun's shoulder, and the toddler noticeably tensed. 

 

"Just come out of an appointment." Key said simply, his hand still on Taemin's wrist.  

 

"Ah, I hope it went well!" Taeyeon cut in. Her smile hadn't faded and it was obvious she was in blissful ignorance to the currant awkwardness of the situation.  

 

The staff member beside her, an elderly man who looked as if he may well have been homeless himself, spoke too, this time to Sehun. "I bet you want to tell your friends all about the good news!" 

 

"Ah of course!" Taeyeon agreed happily. She handed Jongin a hefty envelope which looked like it probably contained a laborious and huge form. "We'll leave you all to it. Lovely to see you again Taemin, Kibum."  

 

The tension only intensified when it was just the four of them left, standing silently in the middle of the entrance room. "What good news?" Taemin asked, his eyes darting between Jongin and Sehun. He prayed to buddha that his face didn't look puffy from earlier. There was no way these two were gonna believe it was just sauna induced.  

 

"We were officially accepted into that program today, the one that's gonna get us to college." Sehun said, knowing full well this was a sore spot. He glanced at Key. "Didn't you tell everyone?" 

 

Key's eyes narrowed at the plain ignorance of the poor toddler. "No. It must have escaped my mind."  

 

"Aw well." Sehun laughed nervously. "I hope your appointment went ok?" 

 

Whilst Key replied, Taemin and Jongin just stood there like lemons, staring at each other with a look that didn't quite convey what either felt. Taemin was trying desperately to appear serene, and not outwardly die on the outside as much as he was on the inside. And Jongin was attempting to appear ignorant to the other's pain, as not to embarrass or, more importantly, start the potential fight that was looming over their heads.  

 

"Can I see that?"  

 

Key and Sehun both stopped talking as soon as Taemin spoke, his arm outstretched for the envelope which was clearly marked 'confidential'.  

 

Jongin handed it over without a pause. "Taeyeon just gave it to us." he said quietly, watching as his ex ripped into it. "It's just details about-" 

 

"Accommodation?" Taemin's eyes widened as he examined the first page of the lengthy form inside.  

 

Jongin gulped. He was being an absolute dipshit, but genuinely had no idea how to react to this situation. The dread that it was going to start something nasty actually made him feel physically sick. "Yeah and other things do to with what courses we wanna take." he said quickly. "We don't know for sure about accommodation yet or if we'll get anywhere to stay."  

 

"Yes we do." Sehun said, "Taeyeon just told us-" He cut himself off as soon as Jongin's gaze met his. It was very similar to the one Key had been giving him a few seconds ago and he realized that the excitement was making him into an insensitive asshole himself, and shut up.  

 

Taemin felt a lump form in his throat as he continued to stare down at the form, blurry tears meaning he could only catch the odd word; "Housing", "Move date, "A year", "Depending on what course", "Funds". He didn't need to read anymore to get the gist.  

 

"How was Jonghyun when you took him back to the trailer?" Sehun asked, turning to Key as to not draw too much attention to the obvious meltdown that was happening inside of the blonde's head.  

 

Key replied and he and the toddler rebegan another short conversation. Again, neither Taemin or Jongin listened to a word. And then it started.  

 

"Why haven't you been around lately?" Taemin asked, snapping his head up from the form. The tears in his eyes were very apparent and there was no hiding them now. An annoying bead of liquid was even trying to teeter over the edge of his waterline mockingly. He wouldn't let it fall.  

 

Jongin's heart sank a little bit further down. The atmosphere had just become so cold and he felt like he was shrinking under Taemin's gaze. Fucking hell. He squared his shoulders, and ordered himself to grow a pair. "We have been around."  

 

"No you haven't." Came a very quick and sharp reply. "It's still like it was when you two took that 2 week vacation on the streets with Chanyeol."  

 

Jongin ignored the sarcasm intended on the word 'vacation', and cocked his head to the side in a gesture which clearly said that he wasn't about to have this conversation in front of Sehun and Key.  

 

Begrudgingly, Taemin did actually comply and followed Jongin a few meters to the right, where if they whispered, they probably wouldn't be overheard. Whispering seemed an unlikely voice level given the circumstances though.  

 

"I've been busy." Jongin muttered. Even he knew that sounded like a pathetic excuse. 

 

"Bullshit. Give me some credit, Bie. I understand why you want to avoid me, I really do. But when something like this happens," he lifted up the envelope pointedly, "I expect to be fucking told." 

 

"I was going to tell you! I found out this lunch time! And I was going to ask Key when your first appointment was too so I could, you know, at least wish you good luck or something. I just didn't realise it was so soon." 

 

Taemin shook his head and blurted a slightly inappropriate. "I thought that you might at least tell me that you were a little happy that I was trying to reach out for help." 

 

Jongin sighed. "If I'd told you 'well done' or whatever, it would have started something. You know it would have. You and me can't discuss anything to do with spice anymore, it's gotten that bad."  

 

There was a small part of Taemin that agreed with that but he tried not to let it show. "But I'm doing what you want. That should make you happy. That should make you want to talk to me."  

 

"I do want to talk to you!" Jongin snapped, "But that's not what we'd do! You said it yourself when I fainted. If we talk, we'll fight. Just like we're doing right now! Just like we always do!" He realised his voice was getting louder and hushed it down. "Look. I am happy. I am proud. I-" 

 

"Proud." Taemin scoffed. 

 

"Yes. Proud. I know how hard it must have been for you to even think about coming down here. But can you honestly say to me, that if we'd talked to each other these last weeks, if I'd said I was really happy you were reaching out or if we even dared to mention Jonghyun's incident, that it wouldn't have ended up with another screaming match? One thing always leads to another with us. Nothing's ever easy or simple. It's been healthier for you that I've been distant lately too, it's what you said we needed when we broke up and you were right." 

 

"It's not been fucking healthy for me Jongin, it's been the worst fucking wake up fucking call of my fucking life."  

 

"Has it? Worse than Onew overdosing? Worse than burning down half our trailer? Worse than-" 

 

Taemin's eyes burned with rage but he kept his voice level. "I love you more than anything, you stupid, insensitive cunt." He held Jongin's gaze furiously. "You literally chose homelessness over me because of spice and that's not a small deal, Bie. Don't fucking patronise me. And if I'd had to cope with being homeless and giving up spice, I would have fucking killed myself back then." 

 

Jongin gulped again. "Ok. I see your point." 

 

There was a moment of painfully chilling silence before either dared to speak. 

 

"If I do get..." Jongin started nervously. "If we do get accommodation, then you know I'd sneak you with me or not go at all. I'd never leave you properly." 

 

Taemin wanted to laugh. "Properly? So these last few weeks, what, they don't count as properly leaving, just semi?" 

 

Jongin gritted his teeth. "I don't know what they've been." He snapped, and paused for a moment before adding, "Self-preservation or something." 

 

Taemin knew what he meant. The fire, hallucinations and glass smashing incidents had been a living nightmare. If they'd kept going the way they had been, Jongin would have gone back to 'old psycho street Bie' in only a matter of time. He'd made the right choice by making himself distant. Whether it was a conscious decision or not, it had been necessary for his sanity and Taemin wasn't so self obsessed that he couldn't see that. "Fine. I get that. I do. I just miss you ok?" 

 

Jongin sighed. "I miss you too. A lot."  

 

"No you don't, you've been trying to shut me out of your head. I can tell."  

 

"Yeah well, you're pretty hard to shut out." Jongin said. It came out harshly and he didn't know why. Was there a part of him that resented not being able to cure his obsession with Taemin? Probably.  

 

The shelter had officially opened by this point and neither boys had noticed, despite the fact that the place had filled up massively in the short period of time they'd been talking. Key and Sehun were nowhere to be seen, but were probably both just waiting outside, wishing they were back at the trailer already. 

 

"How about we...how about we..." Jongin began, before Taemin put up a hand. 

 

"Stop stuttering, it's me."  

 

Jongin pulled himself together. "How about we arrange a place to meet and we just sit down and talk? Talk being the key word here. No yelling. Maybe it should be a public place."  

 

"You think I'll be too embarrassed in front of other people to cause a scene?" Taemin asked, unable to control the amused tone of his voice.  

 

"Well, yeah." Jongin said, "But it's not just you, is it?" 

 

"I'm glad you added that."  

 

Jongin nodded. Let's face it, he was the more shouty-yelly-screamy one when it came to talking about certain subjects. This wasn't all on Taemin and they both knew it. Was there was also a small part of him that had needed this break to partly get away from his own anger, too? Probably.  

 

"Ok." Taemin agreed, "We'll meet on my next day off, yeah? And will you just stop fucking avoiding me so much until then?"  

 

Jongin nodded again, and another painful silence followed. Both had no idea what the right way to end this stupid conversation was, but before either knew it, they were sneaking into the shadows at the back of the room for a hug.  

 

It was weird, given the circumstances, but everything about their relationship had always, and probably would always, be unconventional. Taemin felt a huge lump in his throat forming again from all the churned up feelings in his tummy, but was definitely not going to let it out. Jongin on the other hand, was so deep in thought that his mind almost wasn't there at all.  

 

They pulled apart.  

 

"One last thing." Taemin whispered. 

 

Jongin cocked his head to the side. 

 

"Well. Look. I understand if you wanna try it out with Sehun but just don't rub my face in it, ok? I don't wanna see anything, it's the least you can do."  

 

Jongin's eyes widened. He'd honestly forgotten the existence of the toddler since laying eyes on Taemin, despite the fact they'd kissed that afternoon. His mind was so full of other things it felt like his brain was literally pressing against his skull. "Heh?!" 

 

"I'm not stupid." Taemin replied, "And you're free to do whatever and whoever it is you want to. But it makes me feel sick so don't make me look at it."  

 

Jongin said nothing as the conversation came to an abrupt end, but the mortified look on his face explained all that was needed. Good. Taemin wanted him to at least feel a little bad if something was actually going on between him and Sehun. 

 

The room had filled up even more in the last few minutes. They both wanted to leave as quickly as possible, but as they were walking back through the entrance to leave, a hand grabbed Taemin's wrist.  

 

"Hey!" Jongin's booming voice was almost like a dog's bark as he grabbed Taemin's other wrist and yanked the blonde away from whoever this person was.  

 

The boy didn't have a face Jongin recognised; male, young, defined, with the odd bit of dirt smeared on one cheek. His clothes were grubby too, mud staining the length of his long, oversized coat. There was something about him which was oddly familiar to Taemin though.  

 

"S-Sorry." The boy said, noticeably flinching away from Jongin, his eyes addressing Taemin in an almost pleading manor. "I'm Jimin. You're Taemin, right?" 

 

Taemin nodded. 

 

"Oh good." The boy sighed, relieved. "Can we talk?" 

 

\---

lol hi Jimin 

(I can't write a proper A/N now because I'm short on time but I just wanted to post this chap rly quick and thank you for being here and I hope you don’t mind the sekai monstrosity and id love to hear what you think and thank u for voting last time and that's it!) 


	44. Moving On: Babies To Toast

"So you like to dance?"  

 

Jimin nodded back at Taemin nervously. It was obvious that he was trying not to look around or seem rude, but also obvious that he was failing. The place must have looked a sight, the people in it even worse; a dingy, cramped little half singed trailer with a bizarre assortment of belongings strewn everywhere, a cat balancing precariously on a ledge of one of the broken windows, the fridge door swinging open and containing nothing more than half folded clothes, a young women so pregnant that she could hardly fit through the impossibly narrow kitchen, a very scary looking guy hobbling around on crutches, an even scarier one with a knife shaped bulge in his pocket, and a blonde boy who appeared to be shaking ever so lightly, but was smiling none the less. 

 

To Key and Jongin's immense disapproval, Taemin had taken Jimin back to their trailer that night. As soon as Jimin had mentioned that Taeyeon had said he ought to talk to Taemin because they had so much in common (one of the things being a love for dance), Taemin had been pretty much sold on the kid.  

 

'Taemin's a bad judge of character' was all that Jongin could think. But he couldn't very well turn the new boy away, given that would make him the most hypocritical asshole ever. Wasn't he once the pathetic loser who'd been given half a sandwich and taken home against Key's wishes too? There was no way they could possibly take in another kid, and Taemin knew this surely, so Jongin guessed that the least they could do was offer him a drink and a chat. That didn't mean he was prepared to like it if Taemin wanted to make friends. 

 

After a somewhat lengthy and laborious conversation about similar interests, Jongin asked (or interrogated, it's a fine line) Jimin a few questions. Turned out, the kid had no one. Or so he said. Jongin wasn't sure if he believed the story that'd been spun, but who was he to judge.  

 

"I haven't been homeless long." 

 

"No?" Taemin asked, shakily handing Jimin a paper cup filled with water from the bathroom sink.  

 

Jimin shook his head, "It's only been a few months. I was sofa surfing before then."  

 

Taemin sighed, "Huh. I met Bie on his first day." 

 

A look of confusion flashed across Jimin's face but he said nothing and Jongin wasn't about to explain his pet name.  

 

Sehun joined in the conversation next. "Did you fall out with your friends then?" He asked, inquisitively. "I mean, is that why you had to give up sofa surfing?" 

 

"Nosey." Taemin scolded, but waited for a reply none the less. 

 

Jimin looked uncomfortable, shifted his weight, and accidentally scuffed up one of the sleeping bags on the ground, "Oh sorry!" 

 

"It's no problem." Sunyoung cut in, about to bend down and get it out of his way before she realised her belly was far too big for that now. Taemin did it for her.  

 

"Don't worry about answering." Sehun said. "Talking about the past is never nice. I shouldn't have asked." 

 

"No no, it's ok." Jimin sighed. "I've had bad experiences with friendships, I guess. It screws you up."  

 

Sehun nodded. He could relate to that.  

 

"So where did you say you were from again, specifically?" Jongin asked, a little sharply. 

 

"Be nice." Taemin scolded. 

 

Jongin glared at his ex. "I'm allowed to ask questions." 

 

Jimin laughed nervously. "I'm from a few towns away, a little village actually...you probably don't know it." 

 

"Try me." Jongin said simply.  

 

It was Sehun's turn to laugh because the stupid bear was just making what could have been a nice situation, unnecessarily awkward. And it seemed as if Key was only going to add to that.  

 

"We've been around, we know a lot of places." The feline boy cut in. "If it's around here, we'll know." 

 

Jimin blabbed back a mumbled place name which Key pretended to have heard of, before the subject was quickly changed again.  

 

They talked for a little longer, Taemin and Sehun doing most of the work with Sunyoung and Minho occasionally cutting in, Jonghyun adding a quick nod here and there, and Key and Jongin staying deadly silent.  

 

If Jongin was absolutely honest, Jimin did seem like a nice kid. And it'd be good for Taemin, and indeed Sehun, to have another friend. There was still something a bit random and suss about the guy though.  

 

Ring. 

 

Jongin's initial relief that his phone might be being psychic and making noise to give him an excuse to leave, soon vanished when he saw that an unknown number was calling him. Unknown numbers where never good news.  

 

He slipped outside, knowing nobody would miss the shady glances that he'd been contributing to the conversation, and took the call. 

 

"Hello?" 

 

There was an ominous crackle and his heart started to race a little, before a familiar voice replied. "Jongin, it's me, sorry, I'm having to use a payphone cus my one's dead."  

 

"What do you want Chanyeol?" Jongin sighed, hardly making any effort at all to control the briskness of his voice. He was understandably pissed but of course if there was actually a problem, he'd still want to know about it so they could help. Until that day however, Chanyeol was definitely high on his list of friends he wouldn't mind screaming at. 

 

"Dude. Come on." Came a moan from the other end of the line. "I just wanna talk. You haven't said a word to me since Baek's been in the hospital."  

 

"Yeah well I think you'd be the same if things were reversed. Is he ok?"  

 

"It'll still be a while before he gets out, broken ribs and all." Chanyeol sighed, "And yeah, you're probably right. But you would have done exactly the same if you were me."  

 

Jongin gritted his teeth. He'd been told that a few hundred times since the Donghae incident by Taemin himself and didn't like it one bit. "No I wouldn't." he snapped, "I wouldn't have given my consent for Baekhyun to be traded if Taemin had been in there, I'd have known that would have never worked." 

 

Chanyeol laughed on the other end. It wasn't even a mean kind of laugh; it was a tired, exasperated, 'dude can you hear yourself' kind of noise. "Jongin. Please. You think that but you would. It was probably stupid of me, you're right. Donghae could have just, I don't know, taken them both and I know that now because my brain isn't clouded and I'm not thinking that my boyfriend's dead. Rationally, I made a bad choice and I know that. But can you honestly say, that in that moment, if you really thought Taemin was dying in that warehouse, you wouldn't have traded anybody on earth for him to be saved?" 

 

Jongin sighed heavily in defeat but his annoyance only went up a notch because there was nothing he could say or do to disagree with that. He couldn't think of a single person he wouldn't have traded. It was kind of a sick thought, but Chanyeol was painfully right. "Ok yeah. I would have probably traded anyone."  

 

"And I wouldn't blame you." Chanyeol replied, unintentionally adding insult to injury. "Cus it's what anyone would do. Key would trade anyone for Jonghyun, Sun would trade anyone for Minho, you would trade anyone for Taemin, that's just how it is."  

 

Jongin thought that was a very cynical outlook on the world. "Key wouldn't trade anyone for Jonghyun though. He wouldn't trade Taemin." 

 

"Huh?" 

 

"Well I mean there are loads of different kinds of love, aren't there? You just mentioned couples but people love people in different ways. Just cus the type of love you feel for someone might be romantic, doesn't mean it's any greater than the love you'd feel for a friend."  

 

Chanyeol clearly thought about that for a second before replying. "That's deep. Ok. I get your point. But you get mine too, right?" 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"So we're ok?" 

 

It was Jongin's turn to laugh. Again, not a mean one, more a tired, irritated, "are you really that thick" kind of laugh. "Give me some time, I'm still mad."  

 

There was a crackly sigh. "I understand." 

 

"But if something happens." 

 

"I'll call you." 

 

"Good." 

 

"And you call me if something happens too?" 

 

"If you can help, sure."  

 

Chanyeol snorted.  

 

"Where are you sleeping?" 

 

"As close as to the hospital as I can. You?" 

 

"Back at the trailer. Kind of. Barely spending any time here honestly. I slept at work the other night." 

 

"Ah." 

 

"It you wanna come down here, you can if you really want to." 

 

More snorting. "You sound real welcoming."  

 

Jongin rolled his eyes. "Considering how pissed I am at you, this is very fucking welcoming." 

 

"Ok ok." There was a beep from the other end, a signal that time was running out. "I don't wanna intrude. Not with everything going on your end. Does Sun know when she's due yet? Baek's been asking about her."  

 

Jongin shuddered, "No I don't think so. And your time is gonna be up soon so we should say goodbye." 

 

Chanyeol sighed, "Yeah I know, well good luck and please don't be pissed at me much lo-" 

 

The line went dead. Another shudder ran through Jongin's body. Today had been too much; emotions ranging from overwhelming happiness when he'd found out they were at the top of the waiting list, to panic when seeing Taemin, weirdness at this new Jimin stranger and now just a horrible form of dread for what the hell was going to happen next. 

 

\--- 

 

It hadn't been a pleasant evening for Sunyoung either. After the stranger had left (who she'd actually rather liked despite his caginess), Key and Taemin had taken their magic pills and even though the consequences of craving wasn't as bad as usual, the two of them were still absolute nightmares to be around.  

 

Luckily, she had a key to Junghee's if she needed an escape. And it would be quiet as ever there because the kind old woman had gone away for a long weekend trip to...where had she said? One of her sisters? She had several, apparently, all of them a lot more well off than herself. Which wasn't hard. Her trailer may have been well maintained but it was hardly the Ritz.  

 

Junghee actually hadn't wanted to leave because the baby was literally due any day, a fact that Sunyoung had deliberately not told anyone else but her and Minho. If she'd been open about it, a huge fuss would have been made and that’s exactly the opposite of what she wanted. If she could have it her way, she'd just transform into a cat or something, and sneak away inside a dark little cupboard all on her own where nobody would disturb her, then have her kitten in peace and with no interference from anyone.  

 

Sunyoung didn't like to be told what to do. Polite suggestions were fine, but the idea that someone would dare to tell her how to raise her child in any way shape or form, made her want to scratch that imaginary person's eyes out. Whether they were a friend or a fucking doctor, it didn't matter. She knew that she was having this child in pretty horrible circumstances but she'd be damned if that meant people thought they knew better than her. She knew best. She would always know best. This was her child.  

 

Things were still a bit tense between her and Minho. There was just some kind of fundamental lack of understanding between the two of them lately. It wasn't a massive deal, they still felt a huge amount of love for each other. But it did make life a little quieter, when Taemin wasn't around that was.  

 

What she was about to do now was very sneaky and she knew it. Minho, (who was only in so early because he was scared of leaving his girlfriend alone so pregnant) had fallen asleep next to her in their very singed bedroom. The mattress was history. Now all there was to sleep on was a pile of old sofa cushions, which were strangely, surprisingly comfortable. But not for what she needed to do right now.  

 

In the living area, it was only Sehun who was asleep. Taemin could be heard vomiting in the bathroom, so that explained his absence. Key and Jonghyun had probably taken a very, very limpy walk to get some air in case that helped the craving, and Jongin was...? 

 

"Minnie will you just fucking aim for the toilet!!" 

 

...also in the bathroom with Taemin. Poor guy. But good for Sunyoung that everyone was distracted. She slipped out unnoticed, leaving a small note on the door which said "At Junghee's, knock before you enter."  

 

God, what she was doing would make everyone so mad if they knew. Eh. They didn't. So it was fine. And maybe this was just false labour, although that's not what her instincts were telling her.  

 

It was pitch black as she hobbled down the track, bending over half way as an intense wave of pain shot across her tummy. It didn't last long. She dealt with it, and kept walking.  

 

Women in Africa walk miles when they're in labour, she told herself, as she gritted her teeth and made a beeline for Junghee's trailer, fumbling with the key through her pain. She had her phone. If something went wrong she could simply call for help. She had towels. If there was a lot of yuckiness, it wasn't going to get on Junghee's precious rug. She'd read 2 books on giving birth. The breathing techniques had been memorized and prepared her for the pain. And she was alone. Finally, alone. There was no one Sunyoung could trust more than herself, and in situations like this one, that was actually a good thing.  

 

Labour is a private thing, or at least it is to Sunyoung, so we won't go into details about how the gruelling, 7 hours of intense contractions actually went. She'd been in worse pain, and that was her main comfort throughout most of it. At least contractions come in waves, she'd said to herself, at least the torture isn't constant...unlike a lot of suffering she'd been through in the past.  

 

Sunyoung was lucky, very lucky. It may have been unpleasant, but there'd been no complications. She honestly felt like a cave woman or something. It was as if generations of mothers behind her were roaring like lionesses through her veins in the sheer triumph of tonight. She'd done it. And she'd done it alone.  

 

Or had she? Was she ever going to be alone ever again?  

 

Through her tears, she could see a little being crying. Some tiny ugly frog, covered in blood, with wrinkly skin and tightly shut eyes. Adrenaline pumped through her veins and she grabbed the closest towel and wrapped her baby in it tightly, hardly bothering to clean any of the fluid away because warmth was the only important thing.  

 

Sunyoung hardly ever cried, but right now she could barely even see the little blob cradled in her arms. Sight hardly mattered. The overwhelming love for whatever this creature was and would become was quite enough to consume her whilst the tears kept coming.  

 

"We're in this together now." she sobbed, "I'll never leave you, sweet baby. You can always rely on me. You'll never be alone." 

 

\--- 

 

It had been a rough night for everyone. Admittedly only Sunyoung had actually pushed a human being out of her body, but Taemin didn't know that did he? So he was entitled to wake up after the measly 2 hours he'd managed to get of sleep, in a sulk.  

 

At least Jongin was there. It was the first time in a good number of weeks that Taemin had actually woken up to see his ex's familiar face. Jongin'd seriously helped him through the craving last night, held his imaginary hair back while he was puking as it were. They were only on 'pause' though and a storm might be coming. Especially with this 'talk' fast approaching, and the...oh shit don't even mention it...accommodation fucking form.  

 

Taemin felt his body shudder in his sleeping bag. Of course all he wanted was for Jongin to be happy, and studying was going to make him so. But it was just, holy fuck, a big step. A big step away from this life. A big step away from Taemin.  

 

Sighing, he sat up. The sun was barely rising, but the dawn light was actually very pretty. Maybe he'd hear from Jimin today. It was nice to find a new friend. He hadn't met anyone he'd clicked with since, well, since Jongin.  

 

Turning to his right, he noticed Key and Jonghyun snuggled up on the floor together too. Aw. Cute. He'd ignore the fact that Key was shaking, and that there was a shit ton of sweat dripping from his forehead. Taemin himself probably didn't look much better.  

 

Sehun was also snoozing, and Taemin's gaze fell on him next. Honestly, he wished happiness to the toddler, despite all the bad feeling that lingered. It was just way too hard thinking that something might happen between him and Jongin...that something may have already happened. Taemin shuddered again. And then the door to the bedroom burst open. 

 

"WHERE THE HELL IS SUN?!"  

 

"In there with you?" Taemin replied, extremely dumbly.  

 

Minho looked like he was about to throttle his friend.  

 

"What's going on?" Sehun yawned, as everyone else woke up far slower than they should have considering the volume of Minho's voice. "Hey, is that a note?" 

 

Taemin and Minho both snapped their heads towards where Sehun was looking to see a scrap of paper lazily stuck to the door.  

 

"Fucking hell!" Minho grumbled as he read what Sunyoung had written. "She's just at Junghee's. On her own. What an idiot."  

 

"Isn't she allowed to go to Junghee's on her own?"  

 

Minho turned to face Taemin thunderously. "She's due any fucking second. She shouldn't be anywhere on her own."  

 

"You what?!" It appeared Jonghyun had also come two.  

 

"You're all idiots." Minho snapped, throwing nothing more than his coat on over the grey top and boxers he'd worn to bed. He opened the door and stormed out without another word.  

 

In a more than just a little worried haze, everyone else proceeded to rush up themselves and also throw some kind of warm clothing over their sleeping attires. The trailer had no heating so luckily most of them wore proper clothes to bed, (even though they were also wrapped in a sleeping bag) except poor Key and Taemin who'd been having sweating/hot flushes the previous evening and were in nothing more than underwear. There wasn't any time to care if there really was something up with Sunyoung.  

 

Most of them barefooted and looking pretty ridiculous honestly, the little group legged it after Minho up the track and towards Junghee's. Taemin was in front, momentarily distracted from the intense craving, then Jongin and Sehun next, with Key helping a very wobbly, on crutches Jonghyun who'd insisted on coming too.  

 

Out of body experiences rarely happen in real life. Sometimes an event or emotion will be described as such, but the phrase is used more as an expression and what the person actually experiences is rarely anything that could literally be described as your mind leaving your body. But when Minho banged the door open and saw not one, but two beings, cuddling on the floor among a pile of bloody towels, he honestly felt like his soul had jumped out of his physical form and he was frozen, in complete shock.  

 

Sunyoung squinted because the open door was letting in an uncomfortable amount of light. And then she smiled. "Your little girl would like to meet you."  

 

Minho opened his mouth to speak but couldn't make a sound. Then Taemin appeared behind him.  

 

"Holy shiiiit!!!" the blonde screeched, unintentionally ruining whatever moment was happening but also luckily breaking Minho out of his trance. "A baby!! Guys!! A freaking baby!!"  

 

Sunyoung laughed and rolled her eyes wearily as the remaining 4 pairs of eyes gathered by the doorway behind Minho, still no one daring to come inside. The collective gasping noises were almost as loud as the music starting from a few trailers away.  

 

"Give us a moment, will you?"  

 

It was Taemin's turn to want to throttle Minho but of course he didn't disagree and backed away with the others into the middle of the yard, anticipation and disbelief swinging wildly in the air.  

 

Minho shut the door softly and the trailer was immediately 10 times dimmer because all the curtains were drawn. He tentatively walked forwards towards his little family and knelt next to them on the floor. His eyes were wide and kept darting uncontrollably from his little child, to Sunyoung, and back again.  

 

The baby was beautiful. Well. She wasn't. She was still covered in dried fluid, and her skin was still all wrinkled like a prune. But to Minho, she was the most perfect thing he'd ever seen.  

 

"Aren't you..." His stuttered, taking off his jacket and throwing it over Sun's shoulders. "Aren't you cold?!" She was only wearing a long sleeved top, her bottom half covered in a mass of towels, as was the baby.  

 

Sunyoung shrugged, "A little."  

 

"And you..." Minho cut himself off again. His emotions were all over the fucking place and he had to keep a lid on it. In some ways, he was actually very concerned and a bit angry that she'd take it upon herself to sneak off like this but at the same time...there was their child. Overwhelming senses of love and joy are hard to battle with.  

 

"Yes I did." Sunyoung finished, "Don't worry. It went fine." 

 

Minho almost choked on his own spit, about to argue when a little gurgle escaped from his daughter's lips. "Can I?" 

 

"Of course!" Sunyoung shakily handed their baby over, making sure not to let go of her neck until it was firmly secure in the crook of Minho's elbow.  

 

"Oh my god."  

 

"She's perfect, isn't she?" 

 

Minho couldn't reply anything other than a quick nod and gulp, swallowing away tears as he stared down at the little towely bundle of wriggling softness in his arms.  

 

"I cut the cord." Sunyoung said proudly, unwrapping a few layers to show Minho the baby's tummy. "And she has a diaper on. She's already peed."  

 

Minho nodded again, "No clothes?" 

 

"I left a sleeper up there." Sunyoung replied, pointing to a shelf in the corner of the room. "But I couldn't reach it. I've only been able to shuffle around on the floor since. Giving birth is a little tiring."  

 

Minho nodded for a third time, and shakily got up to get the sleeper, his baby still tight in his arms.  

 

It wasn't easy to dress the little squirmy thing, especially as Minho was pretty much in floods of tears by this point and couldn't see a damn thing. Sunyoung had to take over and after the little thing was dressed, proceeded to start breastfeeding.  

 

"She's already done this once."  

 

"She looks like a skinny baby." Minho managed to whisper. 

 

"Mm, right? I thought so too. This milk should fatten her up."  

 

There was a moment of peaceful silence as Minho watched his baby suckle. He reached over on impulse and kissed Sunyoung deeply before looking back at their daughter.  

 

"You won't be mad later, will you?" 

 

"I'm a little mad now, honestly." Minho replied. "But no. Of course I won't. I know you. I trust you." 

 

Sunyoung sighed in relief. "I'll remind you that you said that later."  

 

Minho nodded and they rested their foreheads together. "Do you think she looks like any of the names on our shortlist?" 

 

"No." Sunyoung said softly. "Do you?" 

 

"No." 

 

"I like Mei." 

 

Minho thought about it as he gazed back at their little girl. They'd come up with so many names these last 9 months and had a list longer than the freaking bible, but none sounded more perfect than that. "She looks like a Mei." 

 

Sunyoung smiled, and there was another blissful moment of peace before a small whine was heard outside.  

 

"Guys!! Please!! We're dying out here!!" 

 

Sunyoung laughed. "It's ok Taemin, you can come in now." 

 

The door burst open faster than lightning and everyone bustled inside; Taemin with a hand over his mouth, Jongin creeping as if any noise was going to wake the child who wasn't actually asleep, Sehun wide eyed and excitable, Key lip trembly and in disbelief, and Jonghyun, well, still hobbling on his crutches.  

 

"Oh my god boobs!!" Taemin blurted, collapsing himself next to Minho on the floor. He didn't know whether his shaking was from the craving now, or just the sheer excitement of it all. Probably both.  

 

"You gave birth on you own though?" Sehun asked, also settling down on the floor. The rest followed to create a little semi-circle around Sunyoung. "Did it just happen or did you plan it??" 

 

Key proceeded to lightly slap the toddler. "Yes it just flew out. Never mind that thing called labour, right Sun?" 

 

Sunyoung didn't get a chance to reply.  

 

"Did it hurt real bad?" Jonghyun asked, his eyes not even looking at her but rather transfixed on the little suckling baby. "Like stab you in the tummy, bad?" 

 

Sunyoung sighed. "Getting stabbed is probably worse, don't worry. But yes. It hurt. There are worse things though."  

 

"She's beautiful." Jongin cut in softly, unable to resist a subconscious urge to place a comforting hand on Taemin's back. He didn't know quite who the comfort was for.  

 

Luckily, Sehun was too absorbed in the baby to notice. 

 

"Does she look like a frog, do you think?" Sunyoung asked. 

 

Jongin shrugged, "It's hard to tell with your boob in the way."  

 

"Ah."  

 

There was another peaceful moment of slightly shivery silence before a few snuffly noises were heard as one of the group started to cry. 

 

"Sorry." Key hiccupped, wiping his eyes on Jonghyun's shoulder. His shivering hadn't stopped and it was obvious that the craving mixed with happy emotions were just getting a little too much. "I just...I just...she's so...the world is too horrible for her..." 

 

He had a point but everyone tried not to stare at him as not too embarrass and instead kept their attention on the baby.  

 

"When she's done, can I hold her?" Sehun asked. 

 

Sunyoung nodded and as if on cue, the bundle in her arms started to squirm and spit up. "She'll need to be burped first." 

 

"How do you know all this?"  

 

Sunyoung turned to Taemin with a look of utter distain. "Because I'm normal? After a baby's eaten they often get reflux. Also I've read a shit ton of baby books." 

 

"Ohh." 

 

"Can we swear around her?" Jongin interrupted, earning a look from Sunyoung himself. "I mean you just did but...don't be like that, you're not supposed to curse around kids." 

 

"She can't hold her neck up." Sunyoung tutted. "I doubt she's going to pick up anything." 

 

"I'd like it if you didn't swear." Minho said quietly. "Thanks." 

 

"That's gonna be hard for some of us." Jonghyun scoffed. Everyone glanced at Taemin who merely shrugged.  

 

After a lengthy burping session, Sehun finally got to hold her. He looked a little awkward and obviously didn't really know which position was best, but the little frog didn't cry thaaat much so overall it was a success.  

 

Jonghyun had the next cuddle. He was much better at it, strangely and the baby was less fussy in his arms. Key shook his head when Jonghyun tried to pass her along to him but didn't object to a quick pinch of her cheeks. And then it was Jongin's turn.  

 

The poor guy looked pretty goddamn terrified as the baby was passed over to him but actually did a better job than expected, fighting the urge to instinctively rock and sway because all eyes were on them and he didn't want to look like a gooey auntie, even if he felt like one.  

 

"Minnie?" He asked, after a few minutes of holding. He was already leaning his arms towards the blonde when Taemin yanked himself back.  

 

"Oh no no no no. I can't. I mean, I shouldn't. I mean, I'm good."  

 

"You'll be fine? You're not shaking that much anymore."  

 

Actually that was true. While he may have still be quivering, the distraction mixed with the pills had helped a little to curb Taemin's craving just the tiniest bit this morning. But it wasn't that he thought he was going to drop her or anything, it was more weird than that. More twisted. Because there was an oddly loud voice in that stupid head of his that said he shouldn't be touching something so precious and innocent. That he was a drug addicted former prostitute and therefore marked as somehow too impure to even be allowed to look at something so new, untouched, and beautiful. 

 

It was an utterly ridiculous thought process and Taemin knew it. But the voice was still too loud to shut out and he couldn't face up to it right now. "No. I don't want to."  

 

"Okaaay?" Jongin passed the fussy baby to her father instead.  

 

"We should go to the hospital now." Minho said, turning to Sunyoung. 

 

"Mm, you're probably right." 

 

"Why?" Taemin asked anxiously, "Isn't everything ok?" 

 

"Well yes as far as we can see but it's a good idea to check just in case." Sunyoung replied. "And get her weighed and whatnot. But I swear to god if they give me tips on motherhood I'm going to fucking-" 

 

"Ah!" Taemin shhed, "No cursing mommy!"  

 

The death stare said it all. "Call me that again and I'll end you."  

 

"Noted." 

 

Everyone was told to go by Minho, despite the offers to help get them ready for the hospital. It was obvious that he just wanted to be left alone with Sun and the baby though, and everyone could respect that. They were a family of 3 now. Or rather, 8. But 3 for a few hours, at least.  

 

On the way back to the trailer, Jonghyun lit up some spice. "Sorry." He said guilty, "I'll stop and have it out here. You two go ahead so you don't smell anything."  

 

"We only have to swap one of our fixes, for now." Key said hastily, "I'll have one too, then be good later ok? You too Minnie?" 

 

Taemin almost immediately reached out for a spliff on impulse but something inside him recoiled away. The pills were already helping the craving. Maybe he could put up with it a little longer. "No I can cope for a few more hours without thanks." He said, and made it up the track with Jongin and Sehun instead.  

 

It was painful as they first started walking because the smell was already drifting into Taemin's nostrils, intoxicating his mind at the mere thought of a fix.  

 

Jongin grabbed his hand. Sehun was there, and it was beyond awkward, but desperate times call for desperate measures. "What do you want for breakfast then Minnie?"  

 

He was going for the distraction technique again and Taemin apprecieted it.  

 

"What we go from babies, to breakfast?" Sehun said grottily, refusing to acknowledge the handholding. "Life changing experience to toast?" 

 

"Toast can be life changing." Taemin blurted. "Do you remember when those new loaves with the bits of fruit in them came out? They started buying them at our care home when I was like, 8, and they basically changed my life." 

 

Sehun did remember and also agreed, but chose not to reply. Babies to toast it was then. 

 

\--- 

 

The next week passed by in a blur of strangely peaceful tired days and endlessly long nights. The baby's presence basically overshadowed anything else that was going on. Which was good. Because Taemin wasn't constantly in deep paranoia or obsessing about the possibility of Jongin leaving, and this made him want to turn less to spice. He still couldn't sit still and found the craving almost intolerable at times, but had actually done what he'd been told by Victoria. And he also had a new friend, in the shape of Jimin, and that was doing him good as well. Mei liked Jimin, and so did Taemin. 

 

Key wasn't doing as well addiction wise, but he was still trying and that was the main thing. The baby arriving took up a lot of his mental space too, and that was helping him to fret less about Jonghyun because there's only so much a person can worry about at a time. In between working and helping to take care of a new born, his mind was full enough. 

 

Sehun was pretty shit with the baby. But it didn't matter. His life was going to start properly soon, and that was the main thing that was keeping him going. Distractions were everywhere and it helped him stop replaying the kiss with Jongin and getting his hopes too far up. Who was he kidding, they were already in the clouds, but he knew he was very likely being delusional. 

 

Sunyoung was in shock. She'd taken to motherhood like, well, not a duck to water. More like a pigeon crashing against window. Don't get her wrong, her baby, their baby, filled her heart and soul with an infinite amount of love every time she so much as thought about her. But there is such a thing as loving something too much. For Sunyoung, she felt this overwhelming need to protect her child from everything basically, and instead of being her usual calm, collected self, she was actually very anxious. Trailer parks were not safe. Although, in her experience, nowhere was. But at least help was everywhere. Junghee was back, and some nights when everyone couldn't take the constant crying, she went over to the kind old lady's trailer and stayed there instead. Junghee even helped with money for all the things Mei needed- diapers etc. Sunyoung didn't mind taking her charity, but probably wouldn't tell Minho anytime soon.  

 

So, everyone was just about coping. But distractions can't last for ever and before they could blink, it was Taemin's next off day, which meant talk time.  

 

There was a part of him which had even considered getting someone to come and babysit them so nothing escalated but of course that was a horrible idea. It was no secret that Jongin hated anyone noseying in on their business. It also sort of defeated the purpose of being able to control themselves on their own, if someone else was there. Besides, it would have to be someone neutral and there was no one unbiased enough. Key or Sehun would be an immediate no. Even Jonghyun was too close to Taemin, despite his tendencies to stick up for Jongin in the past. Minho and Sunyoung would be on his side too, probably. Huh. Taemin hadn't really accepted this before but maybe Jongin had a point about everyone being against him sometimes.  

 

They'd arranged to meet in town, early evening, in cheap café that was usually rather busy because more people meant better behaviour. Or at least that was the idea.  

 

"Fucking hell Bie, you could look happier to see me." 

 

Jongin was trudging down the street towards the café like he was going to a death sentence. His hands were firmly in his pockets, his shoulders slumped, and there were huge dark circles around his eyes but that was probably Mei's fault. He had shaved though so that was something. 

 

"I was happy to see you this morning."  

 

"You went to work at like, 6am. I didn't even see you."  

 

"No but I saw you. In about a billion layers in your sleeping bag, snoring."  

 

Taemin rolled his eyes and they both entered the little cafe. "I'm early, aren't you surprised?" 

 

"Yeah actually. I thought you might even bale."  

 

There wasn't a time to reply before a young waitress lead them to a table, which Taemin then rejected and swapped to one by the window.  

 

"So what do you want?" Jongin asked, eying down the menu nervously. "I'm not really that hungry." 

 

"Don't you at least want a drink so that when I say something horrible you can spurt it out in my face?" Taemin smiled innocently, his hands fiddling intently with the drawstring of his hoody. 

 

Jongin repressed a snort and when the waitress returned, ordered a diet coke. Taemin was not hungry either (lack of spice also meant lack of appetite) so got himself a hot chocolate.  

 

"Why diet?"  

 

"Huh?" 

 

"You ordered diet." Taemin said, "Like, why. You should go full sugar and calories and shit like it's only practical."  

 

"Coming from the guy who loves to call my ass fat."  

 

Taemin shrugged. "Your ass is perfectly proportioned ok, is that what you wanna hear?" 

 

"It is honestly."  

 

Taemin glanced out the window, nostalgia momentarily taking over him. "Do you remember the last time we were in a café like this?"  

 

"Of course I do." Jongin smiled at the thought. He'd been besotted by that beautiful blonde stranger from virtually their first meeting. "You drew a guy with a dick on his head in the condensation." 

 

"It was a unicorn, Bie. Jesus Christ."  

 

Jongin ignored him because the question had reminded him of something else. "...Do you ever think about our derelict shithole?" 

 

Taemin nodded, "All the time. You think it looks the same?"  

 

"I dunno. We could go back there one day and see." It was a few towns away but not so far that wasn't viable.  

 

"We could but, well don't you think it'd be depressing?" 

 

"Well. Yeah. I guess. But I mean, I don't know. We did fall in love there." 

 

"True." Taemin said casually, smiling curtly as the waitress returned with their drinks, his face immediately dropping as he noticed there weren't any marshmallows in his hot chocolate. "But we also screamed at each other a lot and scared ourselves shitless and Key stabbed-" He cut himself off. "Other stuff happened."  

 

Jongin sighed. "Also true." 

 

"So I think the small talk is over, right?" Taemin asked, burning his tongue on the first sip. "No yelling, just talking. Those are the only rules right?" 

 

A cringe darted across Jongin's face but he nodded none the less. This wasn't going to be easy for either of them, but the no yelling rule was especially an issue for him, let's face it. This had to go well though and pressure hung in the air horribly. They had to prove to each other that talking about stressful things didn't always lead to screaming or violence. If this went well, it'd be a huge turning point. If it didn't, Jongin dreaded to think what that would mean. 

 

"Hey it's ok." Taemin reassured. "We can do this." 

 

Jongin nodded a second time before gesturing for his ex to start. 

 

 And then the mood flicked like a switch.  

 

"I think it's really assy that you and Sehun just ran off to the streets after our last fight." Taemin said plainly, his lips immediately tighter. "I mean I know why you did, I get you couldn't deal with me. I know I was being real difficult. But it was still fucking shitty to just leave. What's going on between you two anyway?" 

 

Jongin had to take a minute. That was a lot to deal with on the first blow. "I didn't have a choice but to get away. Or at least, that's how it felt. I could feel myself turning, Minnie. You saw it in my eyes when we were fighting, I could tell. And with Sehun..." He paused as Taemin's eyes narrowed a little, genuinely afraid to tell the truth. He swallowed that fear. "...Well we kissed."  

 

An unexpected reaction erupted from the blonde's lips in the form of a laugh. "Sorry." he said, composing himself. "You just looked so scared to tell me that, it was funny. What do you think I'm gonna do? Tell you I hate you for kissing someone else?" 

 

"Well no but don't you even care?!" 

 

"Of course I fucking care." Taemin snapped, a little harsher than he'd intended, it's just that was such a stupid thing to ask from his point of view. "I love you. You think it doesn't hurt to imagine you with someone else? Someone else like Sehun?" He paused to make hurling noises. "But I'd be the biggest hypocrite in the world if I got mad about it wouldn't I, come on. I have no right to be angry. It's not like you're cheating." 

 

"It felt like it was cheating." Jongin grumbled. 

 

"Why?" 

 

"Why do you think!" Jongin retorted, his voice getting a little shrill already so he brought it back down and took a breath. "Because I've clearly still got the Taemin show on repeat in my fucking head haven't I?" 

 

"The Taemin show." Came a snort, "We need to let that analogy die." 

 

"I wish I could but it's just too fitting."  

 

Taemin shook his head in annoyance. "So do you wanna kiss him again? Do you wanna fuck him?" 

 

Jongin took an embarrassed sip of his coke. "I don't know."  

 

It was painfully obvious that wasn't the answer Taemin had wanted so they both fell silent for a second before, "I hope he has bad breath." Came a bitter mumble, "And I hope he smells as bad as you did when we were first on the streets. And I hope-" 

 

"Can you not?" 

 

Taemin rolled his eyes, but mainly at himself. Being a bitch wasn't going to solve anything. "Fine. This isn't about him. I still think you should apologise for leaving so suddenly though. And throwing out all my spice."  

 

Jongin's blood pressure went up a notch. "Didn't you see me lose it?!" He hissed, trying to keep his voice level and succeeding only by the skin of his teeth. "I had to get out of there! I had to get away or else I was going to fucking lose it again! I'd lost my patience ok? I couldn't take you getting high one more fucking second. If I hadn't left, then...then eventually I...I don't know what I'd do!" 

 

"What you worry you'd thump me again?"  

 

There was horrible pause.  

 

"Yes." Jongin snapped, his teeth so gritted he could barely get that out. "Yes ok? I worry about it. I'd be crazy not to. It's one of my fucking biggest regrets and you know that." 

 

Taemin sighed. "I did bite you a lot when we were together too though." he said, in a cheap attempt to be nice.  

 

"I appreciate that." Jongin replied saltily. "And I am sorry, ok? I'm sorry for just leaving, but I think you know why I had to. And I'm sorry for throwing away all your spice, I just couldn't cope with it anymore."  

 

Taemin sighed again because he was feeling an urge to knit pick and that would get them about as far as the previous bitchiness. "Ok. I accept that. I do understand why. And I get that you couldn't cope...I mean I had just set fire to the mattress. I'm sorry for smashing your stuff, too."  

 

The both took a shaky sip of their drinks to calm their nerves. This could be going better, but it could also be going a lot worse, so for now things were still ok.  

 

Jongin took the lead next. "You shouldn't have come to Donghae's that night. It was one of the most stupid fucking things you've ever done. It was me stupid." 

 

"I know." Taemin replied simply. He'd been waiting for this. "But it worked, didn't it? You were getting nowhere."  

 

"We were trying to strike up a deal!" Jongin hissed, "Which is a much less risky approach than offering to fucking swap yourself!! What the hell would you have done if the sirens hadn't fooled them?!" 

 

"Bie, are you really lecturing me about risky plans right now?" 

 

Jongin took another sip because he was about to start yelling. "Yes I fucking am." he said eventually, "It was pure idiocy and you scared the living shit out of me. I want you to promise right now you'll never do anything like that ever again."  

 

"And you'll just take my word for it? You'll believe my promise?"  

 

That was a good point. "Well I don't know. But it would make me feel better." 

 

"Look." Taemin sighed. "You're right, it was hella risky. The whole situation was. But it wasn't just me. Sun and Sehun were there too." 

 

"Neither of them were thinking of trading themselves." 

 

"Maybe not but..." Taemin trailed off. "Look, I want to give you that promise but I can't. If any one of you guys are in danger, I'm gonna put myself on the line. You'd have offered to trade yourself for me."  

 

"But it was Baekhyun in there, not me." Jongin blurted. 

 

Taemin couldn't help but laugh again. "Well that's pretty selfish."  

 

"I know but. Well it's true ok?! How could you even think about risking yourself like that? Don't you know what that would do to me?" 

 

"That's also pretty selfish." Taemin scoffed, but softened his gaze when Jongin looked genuinely hurt. "Look. Sorry. I am sorry. I know that must've scared the shit out of you. I know I've been scaring you a lot lately, getting high so much... I can't promise you that I would never risk myself, but I can promise you that I'll be more careful. And I can promise it would only be life or death circumstances." 

 

"Which we'll never be in again." Jongin added, less than satisfied but he wouldn't push. Taemin was just being honest.  

 

There was a very small moment of calm agreement, before another section of the conversation was forced to start. It was a topic they'd both been dreading. 

 

"So college then."  

 

"Yeah." Jongin sighed.  

 

"When is it?" 

 

"I don't know." 

 

"Where will you be staying?" 

 

"I don't know." 

 

"Do you think it'll be far away?" 

 

"I don't...know."  

 

Taemin cursed incoherently and took another sip.  

 

"We've only talked to Taeyeon once about it and that was just confirming things really. I haven't even been through the forms yet." 

 

"Why? You've had them for like, 2 weeks? Don't you want things to start moving as quickly as possible?" 

 

"Well not when you're like this, no."  

 

"So what, I'm holding you back?"  

 

"No no no...I just mean. Well come on." Jongin paused as if it was obvious. It clearly wasn’t so he carried on. "I go away for a bit, you freak out and then the Donghae thing happens. Things are fragile at the moment, I don't have to explain this. Sun's just had a baby. You've only just begun giving up spice for good and you're..." 

 

"I'm?" Taemin asked, his voice steady even though this part of the conversation was probably the worst yet. 

 

"Still a mess." Jongin finished. "Let's face it, as much as I want college, it's a shitty time for me to potentially leave or at least be pretty damn distracted." 

 

Taemin wanted to agree with him. The selfish side of him wanted to nod, sip, and play the passive "ok if that's what you think is best" card, which would make Jongin think he was in control when really he was just doing exactly what Taemin wanted: staying. But that would be totally wrong and Taemin may have been used to getting what he wanted through manipulation, but there was a line he wouldn't cross and this was it. "No. I don't need you." He said finally. 

 

"Excuse me?" 

 

"I said I don't need you, or at least not anymore. Nobody needs you. I'll be able to cope. We all will, with addiction and Sun and the baby and everything. And nobody's planning to run into Donghae or any other creeps ever again. You need to go and do whatever it is you need to do and start a new life. It wouldn't be selfish to leave."  

 

Taemin looked down because he didn't want Jongin to read his expression which basically gave everything away about how sad it made him to think about Jongin starting a new life without him.  

 

"You're still paranoid."  

 

"Huh?" 

 

"I said, you're still paranoid." Jongin repeated, reaching over the table to take one of Taemin's hands in his. "I appreciate you saying that, all of that, I really do. But you went 'start a new life' and that's just crazy. We had our new beginning when we got our trailer and I know things haven't exactly been amazing since then but...well, this isn't another start. When I go to college or whatever, even if I do have to go away, that's not me leaving you behind for a better life."  

 

"Mm." Taemin mumbled. He wanted to yank his hand away and disagree but couldn't find the will. Deep down, past his paranoia and pride, he knew Jongin was right.  

 

"Thank you though." Jongin said quickly. 

 

"Look at the form when we get home." 

 

"I will."  

 

Taemin's mug was already empty but he still felt strangely parched, so stole a sip of Jongin's coke. The shakes were starting again. 

 

"Look I know we have to go soon." Jongin said. "But I can't not ask...This Jimin guy. Why do you trust him? He came out of fucking nowhere."  

 

Taemin frowned. "He came out of the shelter, just like Chanyeol and Baekhyun did and you trusted them just fine."  

 

"I know but." You're a terrible judge of character. "But that was a gradual friendship thing wasn't it? Like I didn't go from nothing with them to inviting them round and talking about dance for hours."  

 

Taemin smirked. "What like I did with you?" 

 

"Huh?" 

 

"Well we went from 0-100 pretty quick didn't we?" Taemin replied honestly.  

 

"Actually no." Came an unintended snap. "You didn't even properly invite me round to our derelict place, I just had to take you there cus you were so fucking beaten and it was after a good few weeks-" 

 

"It wasn't weeks!" 

 

"It was! We'd met on that park bench fucking every day for an age!" 

 

"An age!" Taemin snorted so loudly that a few other diners glanced at them. "You're delusional."  

 

Jongin shrugged. "Whatever. I still wouldn't trust whoever he is just like that." 

 

"Don't be jelly. He's a kid, Bie." Taemin sighed. "Just like Sehun. Just like you were."  

 

"Fine." Jongin grumbled. This conversation had gone on long enough. "You want the end of my coke?" 

 

Taemin thought about it. "Just leave me the ice cubes to suck." 

 

"K." Jongin downed the last few gulps in one before sliding the glass across the table to his ex.  

 

It was only after a few minutes of pointless witter that they realised the 'talk' they'd been so nervous about had actually ended. And neither had yelled once. Or even fought, really, at least for their standards.  

 

"You know I'm really looking forward to getting to know you without spice." Jongin said softly.  

 

"Me too." Taemin agreed. He didn't even know himself without the added toxicity of drugs. "Do you think I'm actually a very laidback person?" 

 

It was Jongin's turn to snort. "Getting clean can't change your personality." he joked.   

 

"You never know." Taemin smiled. "Maybe I'll wake up one morning and my hair won't even be blonde and I won't shave and I'll be this cool, rugged, TaeMAN who don't need no spice."  

 

"You barely need to shave anyway." Jongin laughed. "I think you could go a month and all you'd have is a bit of fluff."  

 

"That's insulting."  

 

"Sorry." 

 

The waitress came a few minutes later with the bill. Taemin paid because he had change and they left soon after. The evening had been a very important turning point and both felt pretty damn proud of themselves. And a little lonely. Because walking home side by side after a lengthy heart to heart, only made them want to cling to each other more. But times were changing. Things were getting better. And Taemin had been right. They could cope without each other now, and that was okay.  

 

\--- 

 

Wooooooop! No screaming! lol. and a baaaaabyy. I wanted to get this chapter out yesterday along with Tae's MV but a migraine prevented that sigh. It's been a tough week. I've written a lot because in other ways I haven't been able to be active and yeah, I've ended up with two alternate plots for the rest of this sequel. I have no idea which one to choose because one of them feels a little unrealistic but the other one is just majorly depressing and yeaaaah. I feel like it's my catchphrase or something but I actually do want good things for them and I promise i'm nice lol.  

So the name Mei has literally no meaning behind it, I just really like it :') I thought it fitted in the group nicely aha I hope it's not bothersome. I really enjoy writing Sunyoung. She's like a less neurotic version of Taemin to me aha. Well sort of.  

Would love to hear anything you wanna say as always. I'm majorly debating just telling you guys the plots of the alternate things I have planned so you might be able to help me choose but Im not gonna for now cus spoilers lol.  

Wishing you a very peaceful rest of the week. Thanks for being here, it means a lot to me.  

<3 


	45. Awkward Triangles: SeTaeBie

A week past. Having a new born around was actually getting harder to cope with because lack of sleep tends to catch up with you. Although it wasn't like this group wasn't very used to nights awake and involving a lot of screaming...and vomiting, so they were all coping as much as was possible. 

 

Jongin had kept his promise and was avoiding Taemin a hell of a lot less. Because he didn't need to. They'd had their talk. It had gone well. And for once, he was actually pretty damn confident that they wouldn't fight. He could tell how hard Taemin was trying with giving up spice, and that only made him surer of this. That's not to say things were totally back to normal in terms of their relationship, (although what exactly was normal for them, Jongin didn't know) but things were definitely improving and that was a start.  

 

He'd even filled in the form which set the whole college process properly into motion. It'd made Taemin shriek with laughter when he'd heard what subjects Jongin was wanting to study; criminology and sociology, but who the fuck cares what stupid blonde's think. Plus laughter was a better reaction than tears, so that was something too. 

 

Sehun was on the path to studying English or even ethics, and was also feeling very positive about that. Which was good. Because everything else on the other hand, he was feeling pretty negative about.  

 

The. Baby. Wouldn’t. Stop. Crying. And of course, Sehun hadn't fantasized about putting the poor little darling in a Moses basket and dumping it in a river. Or taping its mouth shut. Or chopping off his own ears so he couldn't hear anymore. Or indeed dumping a dirty nappy on Taemin's head. Of course not. Those things had never crossed his mind even twice.  

 

What definitely had crossed his mind though, was Jongin. Where the fuck did he stand and what the shitting hell was going on? So now Taebie were besties again? Had that kiss just been forgotten forever? Was Sehun just a nice little 10 second experiment and now it was over before anything had even begun? Is that how it was? He was So Done caring. Or at least, he wished he was. 

 

It was a boring Friday evening. After Jongin had got off from work, he and Sehun had met up to run through some more details with Taeyeon and drop off their forms. They'd been given the go ahead right then and there for accommodation, and told that they'd probably be staying in small student rooms with others who were involved in the same programme. The nearest appropriate college was about an hour's drive away. Moot, as of course none of them even knew how to steer a car. Jongin figured an hour's drive meant around a 2 hours bus ride. The place wasn't exactly on mars. But it wasn't exactly next door, either.  

 

Jimin was actually at the shelter too and to Jongin's dismay, he and Sehun started a conversation. It wasn't that Jongin didn't like the kid. But frankly, he was a complication they didn't need and there was still something a little fishy about him. Everyone but Key seemed to like the dude though, so what could Jongin do. The three of them trudged back to their trailer talking about nonsense.  

 

When they arrived, the three musketeers were all sat solemnly in the front of the yard; Taemin and Key on the edge, both with their head's leaning on a mopey looking Jonghyun's shoulders.  

 

It didn't take long for Jongin to figure out why. Along with the constant baby crying, there were also horribly loud voices coming from inside the trailer.  

 

"It's not us for once." Taemin said, addressing his ex before glancing past Sehun to Jimin and smiling. "Oh hey you, haven't been around these last few days?" 

 

Jimin shrugged, "Sorry. I met up with a few old friends." 

 

"I thought you didn't know anyone else on the streets?" Jongin asked, before he could stop himself. 

 

Jimin laughed nervously. "They're not really street friends."  

 

"What's going on in there?" Sehun asked to no one in particular, his eyes fixed on a few blurry movements in one of the cracked windows.  

 

"Sun and Minho are having marital difficulties." Taemin replied. "I hear the postman's comin' with divorce papers soon." 

 

"I didn't know they were married?" Jimin asked. He hadn't known the blonde long enough to get if he was joking or not. 

 

Jonghyun snorted. "They're not." 

 

"I think it's money related." Key sighed, craning his neck back as if it was stiff from all that head leaning. "I mean Minho can be such a shady bastard, let's face it. I'm with Sun."  

 

Taemin nodded casually. "Me too."   

  

"Um?" Jongin couldn't help but interject. "You guys literally don't know anything. Let's not take sides here ok?"   

  

Taemin raised an eyebrow and muttered a quick "touched a nerve", but luckily no one argued.   

  

They waited for another 20 minutes talking about absolutely nothing and getting hungrier and hungrier by the second. It was Taemin's off night, and things like this always seemed to happen when he'd been looking forward to snuggling back in his sleeping bag with a pizza or something. Annoying.   

  

Jonghyun and Key gave up the wait after that and announced they were going, adding a half hearted invitation for Taemin and Sehun to come along too if they wanted, which was declined by both. Once they were out of sight (it took a while with Jonghyun still hobbling around on his crutches), Jongin decided he was done waiting too.  

  

"I think this has gone on long enough. We've got to do something."  

 

Taemin nodded, got up, stretched, and took the initiative himself. 

 

"Mommy!" he called, knowing full well Sunyoung hated being called that by anyone. "Daddy! Please stop fighting! I'm only a few weeks old and therapy is even more expensive for babies!"  

 

 The shouting paused for a second in obvious confusion and Taemin took the silence as an opportunity to interfere even more, and marched into the trailer himself, Jongin, Sehun and Jimin right behind.  

 

Sunyoung was giving them all death stares as they entered, whilst Minho just looked mortified. Mei still screamed in her basket.  

 

It was actually a pretty horrible sight to see and Jongin couldn't help but feel very sad. Their trailer was a total dump, it's usual paraphernalia also cluttered up with baby things too. There was barely any floor space and a very cramped and stressful place to be. It was no wonder Sunho were taking it out on each other. It didn't matter what it was about. They both looked fucking shattered.  

 

"Hey do you guys, uh, do you guys want us to take her off your hands for a while?" 

 

Taemin, who had still been voicing the baby's opinion, stopped his gibberish to stare blankly at his ex. 

 

"Like, do you guys wanna go take a walk and get some air? Nobody's given you a break since Mei's been born and well, we're here, aren't we?" 

 

Sunyoung folded her arms tightly. "Don't take this the wrong way Jongin, but I wouldn't trust you two," she glanced at Taemin pointedly, "with a rat."  

 

Taemin seemed to take a bit of offence to this. After all, he looked after Sugar just fine and he wasn't a danger anymore, was he? Was he...? Sure he was still craving like mad but he was being good wasn't he? And it was only the spice that made him untrustworthy right?  

 

Luckily, Sehun cut in before he had a chance to voice any of these questions. "Yeah but it's not just those two is it. I'm here. You trust me, don't you?"  

 

Jimin let his presence sink into the shadows.  

 

If these were usual circumstances, there'd be no way in hell either Sunyoung or Minho would even consider leaving their child alone with anyone but Junghee or Jonghyun. (Although even Junghee was getting too old, in Minho's opinion, to be able to handle a new born and Jonghun was too laid back.) But Sehun did have a point. The toddler may have been the youngest out of their little group but he was very trustworthy and responsible. He actually might have been the cleverest one out of all of them too, although no one would admit that. 

 

"An hour." Sunyoung said firmly. "One hour. There's expressed milk in Junghee's freezer. I don't know if she's in right now but you know where her key is."  

 

Sehun nodded, and suddenly the room became a hell of a lot quieter as the two parents left, whilst everyone else stared blankly at the little bundle of crying responsibility that they'd have to deal with for the next hopefully uneventful 60 minutes. 

 

 

\--- 

 

"I'm so shit with her." Sehun said, after hardly any time at all of enforced rocking. The poor baby wouldn't stop crying and she was getting his shoulder all wet with yucky tears. "Jimin, do you know anything about babies?" 

 

"You're not supposed to swear." Jongin cut in, before Jimin even had a chance to reply. He manhandled the little child from Sehun to try and rock her himself and although the crying may have been less loud, it was still pretty nails on a chalkboard-y.  

 

"You could try singing to her." Jimin suggested. "Like, our voices can't be very soothing right now?" 

 

Jongin made a face which clearly said that there was no way in hell he was singing, so Sehun decided to have a lame attempt at 'soft kitty', which only ended up with more screaming.  

 

"Well this has been fun." Jimin said. He'd last 5 minutes.  

 

Taemin sighed and gave his new friend a quick hug, Jongin noticed, then arranged to meet the kid for lunch the following day. How lovely.  

 

And then the awkwardness hit. Taemin, Sehun and Jongin hadn't been alone together in quite a while. Or at least not since the Segin kiss fiasco. Luckily, the distraction of Mei was enough to keep everyone at least semi able to cope with the weirdness of the situation. Sort of.  

 

"Hey, you try." Jongin said, Mei already outstretched in his hands to pass over to the blonde, who recoiled away like she was a bomb.  

 

"Er no. I don't hold her, remember?"  

 

Jongin paused before rocking the baby close again. "Wait...you have held her though, right?"  

 

Taemin looked to Sehun nervously as if asking for help, but of course he wasn't going to get any. "No I just....I mean, not yet."  

 

"But she's almost 2 weeks old!" Jongin gasped, "She won't even be a new born much longer!" 

 

Taemin frowned. "I'll be good when she's like, 5, and she's into my little pony or something. Until then...well you heard Sun. She wouldn't trust either of us with a rat."  

 

Sehun sniggered and earnt himself a glare from Jongin, who couldn't help but snap back a quick, "She only meant cus we fight, not cus we're intrinsically not trustworthy." 

 

"You sure bout that?" Taemin scoffed, taking a few steps back again when it looked like Jongin might try and hand her over again. "You could literally rugby throw that child at me Bie, and I won't fucking catch her."  

 

Sehun groaned. "Give her here." 

 

"No!" Jongin snapped. He didn't quite know why he felt like he had something to prove here but dammit, he was trustworthy and it wasn't fair that he'd been labelled as a flake. "Shh, baby, it's ok." he said, continuing the hopeless rocking, "Please stop crying or I'm gonna have to rugby style throw you at a blonde dude."  

 

"Could she not just want boob? Like, shouldn't we be feeding her? Didn't Sun say there was milk at Junghee's?" Taemin asked, glancing at Sehun to add, "Go get it, will you?"  

 

"Er, I don't think it's a good idea to leave you two alone with her." Sehun said nervously, his eyes darting to a scowling Jongin. "I mean, Sun said..." 

 

"Fuck off." Taemin said flatly.  

 

Sehun glanced at Jongin again. The bear was still scowling. Sehun slammed the door on his way out. 

 

"Thank god he's gone." Taemin sighed. He wondered to the freezer (which doubled up as a cupboard) to get a clean bottle and diaper. "Maybe she's peed. We should change her thingy." 

 

"You should be nicer to him." Jongin replied shortly. "And don't you just have to change them if they poop?" 

 

Taemin pulled a face as he started to clear a little spot on the floor to lay down a blanket. "Wouldn't you be crying if you had a nappy full of pee?"  

 

Jongin shrugged and gently put Mei down on the blanket. "Not crying. But I see your point. Go on then." 

 

"Huh?" 

 

"Change her diaper." 

 

"Um no." Taemin snapped, "What did I just say about not holding her." 

 

"But this isn't holding her. And I literally don't know how."  

 

Taemin almost said no, but the stupid bear had already undressed her legs and she'd be getting cold so someone had to fucking do it. "Jesus Christ." he grumbled, but couldn't help melting just a liiiiitle bit as her chubby legs kicked around. It was his first time changing a diaper too, but the process was hardly rocket science so the thing went on without much of a fuss. Mei had indeed peed, and did actually cry a little less after her changing so Taemin felt pretty damn pleased with himself. Couldn't take care of a rat his ass.  

 

Jongin picked her up again. "Is Sehun even coming back?"  

 

"Why, want another snog?" Taemin asked, his voice loud because the water was running as he tried to rinse off his hands.  

 

The door banged open to reveal a very annoyed (and also blushing) Sehun, who'd obviously been eavesdropping.  

 

"Speak of the devil." Taemin said, unfazed.  

 

Sehun muttered something inaudible before decanting some barely defrosted milk into the bottle Taemin had found. He passed it over to Jongin seeing as the guy had pretty much made it clear that Mei was staying in his arms. Not just possessive with blondes apparently.  

 

"Aww, she was hungry. See! I'm the baby whisperer!" Taemin grinned. Mei hadn't needed to be asked twice about feeding and she was already drinking away like a starved little beast. "She doesn't even mind that the nipple isn't a nipple." 

 

Jongin hummed in agreement and the 3 of them stayed silent for a good couple of minutes, watching as the little baby enjoyed her milk. It was peaceful at the beginning, but as the quietness continued, the awkwardness started to build rapidly again until it was so intense that Sehun almost felt like he needed to blurt out something very inappropriate just so someone was talking. As it was, Taemin seemed to be having the exact same feelings. 

 

"So, have you two fucked yet?" 

 

It was clearly a joke, but the horrified expression on Jongin's face made it crystal clear that he not only didn't find it funny, but that he also wished the ground would swallow him up any second.  

 

Sehun just looked like he was going to be sick.  

 

"What?" Taemin laughed, "This is already the most awkward situation ever, it’s not like I can make it worse. Why not just say what we're all thinking?" There was a tinge of nervousness in his tone which betrayed the cockiness of his words and he prayed that it wasn't too noticeable. If he was honest, he knew he was being hella inappropriate but there was just this insatiable urge for details, some kind of morbid curiosity if you will, screaming inside the back of his mind. He needed to know. And this was as golden an opportunity as any. 

 

"No one was thinking that." Jongin snapped. He glanced at Sehun apologetically, but the toddler just looked away, still mortified. "Stop being a bitch." 

 

"I'm not!!" Taemin squeaked, shuffling himself on the ground so he wasn't so close to where the toddler was sitting. "And I thought you said we couldn't swear. Bitch is swearing."  

 

Jongin rolled his eyes. "Let's just drop it. She's almost done with the bottle and maybe she'll sleep after this." 

 

There was silence for all of 30 seconds before Taemin decided dropping it was not an option. "I won't be mad if you have. That's not why I was asking."  

 

"No, you just want to make us feel bad." Jongin said simply. "You know we haven't, and you're trying to manipulate us into feeling guilty." 

 

Taemin couldn't help but agree. "And is it working?" 

 

"A little." Jongin shrugged.  

 

They both glanced at Sehun again who was staring murderously at the door.  

 

Another pause followed. Taemin broke it again. "Did you feel that weird little bump on one of Bie's teeth then?" He asked, his gaze still on the poor toddler, "When you're kissing I mean. It's odd, isn't it? Which one was it again?" He turned to Jongin. "One of your molars?" 

 

"Minnie." Jongin snapped, but Taemin turned back to Sehun and carried on. 

 

"And does the stubble bother you? It always bothered me. I mean who wants to get prickled right? Nobody likes that." 

 

Sehun kept his stare firmly on the door.  

 

"His skin's really soft underneath though, isn't it? Like a baby's butt. I bet his skin is even softer than Mei's-" 

 

"Will you shut the fuck up?!"  

 

Taemin did, and actually felt himself draw back a little from the anger contained beneath the toddler's eyes.  

 

"Is this fun for you?! Do you just take joy in tormenting people?! I helped you Taemin. When you needed info on all that shelter stuff, who was there for you? Me. And this is how you repay me? Is life just a fucking game to you? Do other people's feelings mean nothing or are they just totally insignificant compared to yours? Because we're just secondary characters, right? It's the Taemin Show, so why would some guy like me matter? I'm just the rebound, aren't I?" He turned to Jongin furiously. "I'm nothing, just some experiment to keep you occupied while waiting for Taemin to get his shit together. I'm nothing more than a minor complication. That's it, isn't it?" 

 

Jongin opened his mouth to reply but was cut off as Sehun decided that he couldn't stand to be in the trailer a second longer with either of them, and ran out the door with a slam. Mei started crying again.  

 

"I didn't mean-" Taemin began, but was cut off as Jongin turned to him in outrage.  

 

"Here."  

 

"What?!" 

 

But it was too late. The poor screaming baby had already been practically "rugby thrown" into Taemin's arms and there was nothing he could do but hold onto her in shock as Jongin got up and grabbed the door handle.  

 

"Don't move. I'll be back in literally 1 minute." 

 

"Hey, you can't leave us!! I can't deal with her on my o-!!" Taemin shrieked, cut off as the door banged shut a second time.  

 

Silence fell again, except for the constant wails coming from the little bundle in Taemin's arms. He looked down at her in disbelief, unable to quite grasp the idea that he was actually holding her, or anything that had just happened for that matter.  

 

He'd been joking. It hadn't been serious. It'd been teasing. And ok, maybe there was an ulterior motive because curiosity was killing him and yes, Jongin was probably right, he did want them to feel guilty...but he hadn't been trying to cause anyone pain? Did Sehun actually...love Jongin? No. Fucking hell no. It had to just be a little crush. They'd only kissed, there were no deep feelings going on were there? They'd been nothing more than friends for too long.... 

 

Taemin gulped as nostalgic paranoia crept into his mouth and iced his lungs. He felt shaky, so he got up as carefully as he could and popped one of his "anti-craving magic pills" as Jonghyun so fondly called them. It would be his "allowed" spice time soon but of course there was no way on gods earth he was going to have a fix with Mei in his arms. He wasn't a danger. He was trustworthy. And he could wait the "literal minute" Jongin would be without doing anything stupid.  

 

\---  

 

"Sehun, wait!"  

 

"No!" Screamed the toddler, his angry footsteps creating loud thudding noises up the track. "Fuck off! I want to be alone!" 

 

"No one wants to be alone!" Jongin called, "Isn't that what you always say?!" 

 

"I'm serious! Go back! You can't leave Taemin alone with Mei." 

 

"Then you'll just have to stop won't you? Because I'm not letting you leave in the state you're in."  

 

Sehun slowed down to a very begrudging stop, before turning to his friend angrily; tears welling in his eyes, both fists clenched, and his breathing rapid.  

 

"Jesus Christ." Jongin said sympathetically, "He really riled you up didn't he? You've gotta take no notice. It's just what he does. He wasn't trying to hurt you."  

 

Sehun stared back in utter disbelief. "Are you actually defending him right now?!" 

 

"Oh god no!" Jongin replied quickly. "I'm just trying to make you feel better by explaining...he's actually upset and it just comes out like thi-" 

 

Sehun raised a hand to cut him off. "He's upset?! So we're sympathizing with him now? You're SO easily manipulated Jongin, fuck! What's wrong with you?!" 

 

"Nothing's wrong with me! I just know him inside out so I understand him better than you!" 

 

"No, no you don't." Sehun hissed. "I'm not new anymore. I've known him for a long time ok? I just don't see him through whatever sick love goggles you do!"  

 

"Well that's a bit stupid." 

 

"Huh?" 

 

"I obviously know how flawed he is. I obviously know how toxic we can be together. Else we'd be together, wouldn't we? I'm well aware he's not perfect. I see him for who he really is."  

 

Sehun shook his head in furious disbelief. "Can you honestly say to me, that if he asked you if you wanted to get back together right this second, that you'd say no?!"   

 

Jongin had to think about it. There was a big part of him that agreed. If Taemin wanted to start their relationship again, he probably wouldn't have the willpower to say no. The idea that they could be together, properly, that they could kiss and touch and laugh and just drown in each other's love was an incredibly enticing thought. But then self-preservation kicked in. And the need to protect one's self is such a powerful instinct that this time, was actually the loudest voice inside his head. Because in reality, he knew that Taemin was still horribly unstable no matter how well he was doing cutting out spice. The likelihood that they'd tear each other to pieces if their relationship became any more intense was very probable. Jongin simply couldn't stand that idea.  

 

"If he wanted to get back together with me, I'd say no."  

 

Sehun burst out laughing. It was fake and hysterical, but better than tears. "No you wouldn't!" 

 

"I would." Jongin said sternly. "I honestly would."  

 

The crazed laughter continued. "And what about me then?! What was that kiss? Did you know that then? Is the experiment over?" 

 

Jongin gritted his teeth. "I'm not planning this out Sehun! I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you! It was as simple as that! I'm not sat there on my break at work thinking 'ooh how can I get some now that Minnie's not an option anymore' am I? It was a spontaneous thing and I fucking enjoyed it, ok?!" 

 

Sehun stopped laughing as an undeniable urge overtook him. He grabbed Jongin's cheeks, and connected their mouths in a heated moment of even more spontaneity. It was a crazy thing to do, but he just couldn't help himself. And halfway through their pretty long second kiss, he realised that Jongin was in fact pulling him closer too, caught up in a moment of freedom and impulse himself.  

 

They broke apart.  

 

A small gurgle erupted from the gloom of the track, and both boys snapped their heads to the right to see a shaky looking Taemin walking towards them slowly, Mei still tight in his arms.   

 

Jongin felt like screaming, as a horrible, mortified pit opened up in his stomach. Had Taemin seen that? He had to have, right? Had he heard any of the conversation beforehand? Surely not, he was too far away, wasn't he? What if he had? Would he go nuts? Would he cry? Would he- 

 

"She pooped."  

 

"Huh?!" Jongin's voice was freakishly high.  

 

"I said she pooped." Taemin replied, wondering still closer. His face gave away nothing of what he may or may not have seen or heard. "And I'm too shaky to deal with it. If Sun or Minho comes back and they see me, alone, and craving like this with her they'll go ballistic. One of you needs to take her so I can have my fix."  

 

Jongin nodded a few times unnaturally quickly and immediately grabbed the baby from his ex, eyeing the blonde worriedly but still getting nothing back.  

 

"And I'm sorry." Taemin said, turning to Sehun.  

 

The toddler froze.  

 

"I shouldn't have been like that back there. In the trailer I mean. I was just messing around but it clearly hurt you so, I'll try not to be such a bitch next time."  

 

Sehun actually found it pretty hard to hold the blonde's gaze but mumbled back a quick, "Thank you, apology accepted."  

 

The three of them rushed back to the trailer in silence, very relieved to find that no one had returned yet to find the place empty. Taemin popped out the front to have his fix (but only had half because he just wanted to satisfy his craving, not actually get high), and was also very relieved to see Jonghyun and Key's figures immerging from the fog. The three of them seemed to have a rather serious, hushed talk, before coming back inside to a poo-less diapered baby, and a very awkward looking Sehun and Jongin. 

 

It wasn't long before Sunyoung and Minho returned, thank god. The break seemed to have done them good, or at least they weren't screaming at each other anymore.  

 

"Thank you so much for that." Sunyoung said, holding Mei so close that she was almost squishing the poor thing. "Was she good? Did she cry a lot? Did she take her bottle?" 

 

Minho bent down to sniff his child's diaper. "You changed her?"  

 

"Twice." Jongin nodded. "Taemin once. Me the second time. And yes she was good, and yes she cried, and yes she took her bottle."  

 

"You changed her?" Key couldn't help but sneer at the blonde. "Really?" 

 

"Only when she'd peed." Taemin said. His face still gave away nothing of what he might be feeling. "I saved the good stuff for Bie." He turned to Sunyoung. "Who was it who couldn't be trusted with a rat again?" 

 

Sunyoung shrugged. "Not you guys, apparently." 

 

Taemin smiled curtly. "Apology accepted." 

 

\--- 

 

Hello darlings! So this chapter is basically the calm before the shit storm. I've gone for an in between of both of the alternates I mentioned last A/N and I'm a little happier with it now phew. 

Also, ain't minnie being a calm lil thing? XD be proud! Not just of him, but of me for not giving into fighting temptation and letting them 'grow' lmaoo i'll stop i sound like an idiot. Sekai needs to end soon tho I'm sorry but it does. my taekai feels are itching away and it's been too long since I wrote them being cute. Well, not next chapter lol. But sOOn. Kind of xD  

Thanks so much again for sticking with it this far. I really do love hearing from you and I missed it a lot in that hiatus. <3 


	46. Traitor: Priorities Made Clear

The next few days past in a blur. Sehun felt like he was living in a weird dream. Not a nightmare, but not a happy dream either, just some kind of trippy middle ground where nothing is certain.  

 

The experiment, or whatever the hell you want to call it, was actually carrying on. For real. And while he was aware that nothing was official and everything was still up in the air, butterflies still flew in his tummy every time they kissed.  

 

Planning college was bringing them even closer. Sehun visited Jongin on his breaks at work every day, and they talked, ate, and even studied on days where the bear had more time to spare. Which granted, wasn't very often, but it was still amazing.  

 

Hanging out together was so easy, and Sehun could tell that Jongin felt it too. They say the best relationships start off as true friendships, and it was hard for Sehun not to get his hopes up.  

 

So why wasn't this just an altogether good dream, you might ask? Because there was a complication. No prizes for guessing what. Or rather, no prizes for guessing who.  

 

Taemin had appeared surprisingly serene throughout the next few days. What he was or wasn't aware of, neither Sehun nor Jongin knew, but that didn't stop the poor bear speculating endlessly. His obsession with the blonde was something that never went away apparently, and it was painful to watch. He was obviously racked with guilt, and something inside of him was definitely torn in two. The guy could hardly even make a decision about which type of pizza topping he wanted, his mind was so split.  

 

And it wasn't just that. Because whether it was consciously or not, Taemin and Jongin still acted like a couple no matter what. It was something Sehun had never been able to understand; the way they could be on a huge break, or recovering from a terrible fight, or even annoyed with each at the time, and still act the way you would towards no one else but your lover. It was like being together was their default. The constant touches, the complete lack of boundaries, the pet names, the in jokes, even the way they looked at each other...it was all too much. And Sehun was pretty sure at this point, that neither of them even realised they were like this. It was painfully obvious to someone who was actually trying to 'date' one of them though.  

 

"Just go with the pineapple, for fucks sake Bie."  

 

Jongin started chewing the side of his lip as he stared down at the menu on his phone. "Not a good idea." 

 

"Why?" 

 

"You know why!" 

 

Taemin snorted, and when everyone else looked at him in confusion, mumbled a quick, "Gives him wind." 

 

Sehun tried not to let his annoyance show. He hated it when the blonde had an off day. They always made a special occasion out of it because it was the only evening everyone had together. It was also usually pizza day, if they had enough coupons that was.  

 

"Why don't you just get what you always do?" Jonghyun asked. Mei was being gently rocked in his arms. It was the first time she'd stopped crying in hours. She was often peaceful around him. 

 

Taemin answered for his ex. "He's bored of peppers." 

 

Key groaned.  

 

"We should go over to Junghee's and ask if she wants some food too." Sunyoung said randomly, ignoring the annoyed stare Minho was giving her. It was no secret that he wanted the old lady to be less involved which was probably stupid, but Sehun could empathise.  

 

"Yeah and Jimin just texted asking if he can come over." Taemin said, staring down at his phone. "We should order some extra if we have enough in the sock, he might not have eaten all day."  

 

"Yeah lets." Sehun agreed. Having Jimin around might mean a more distracted blonde which could only be a good thing. He hoped his ulterior motive hadn't come across as obvious as he feared it had. 

 

"Can we just hurry up and order?" Key whined. Craving was only adding to his hanger tonight.  

 

Everyone turned to Jongin again, who sighed, put his phone down, and said on impulse, "I'll have what Minnie's having."  

 

Taemin nodded in agreement. "Good choice."  

 

They ordered the food to be delivered to Junghee's trailer. Jimin arrived soon after, and the evening began semi normally. The semi being because nothing was ever 100% normal with this group.  

 

Jimin was extra nervy, Sehun noticed. Not that weird he supposed. The kid was homeless and being permanently stressed just came with that. It was still obviously on a different scale tonight though. He was a lot less chatty, not that he was all that talkative to begin with, and there was a strange kind of expression on his face that resembled something that could only be described as...guilt? Eh. It wasn't a big deal. Sehun had never been the best at reading people, so it was probably nothing. Jimin was a nice kid. There was no need for suspicion.  

 

Sehun was actually pretty proud of himself for being able to keep a lid on his jealousy through yet another night of watching Taebie –no, he would not use their couple name, he meant Taemin and Jongin- act more or less the same as they always did. (At one point, Taemin even had the cheek to swap slices with the bear, claiming all of his were burnt, then moaning that there was gross Jongin drool all over the cheese.) But Sehun knew that if he could just put up with it a little longer, surely with time, it'd have to go away. College would help with that, he figured. So would Jimin. He could wait until then.  

 

"Hey is it ok if I pop out for some air?"  

 

"Sure." Taemin smiled. He was slouching as low as it was possible to be in the booth, his buttons undone to expose a fast swelling tummy. His appetite was slowly returning and that had to be a good thing. "Want me to come with you?" 

 

"No, it's fine." Jimin said quickly, "I just need a bit of quiet."  

 

Taemin shrugged and Sehun watched in mild confusion as the kid snuck out of the trailer, unnoticed by anyone else but himself and the blonde. The rest of the group's attentions were far too consumed by either fussing over Mei who was a constant source of endless entertainment apparently, or gorging themselves silly on what was left of the pizza. Sehun couldn't blame them for pigging out so much while they had the chance. Money was even tighter at the moment, what with diapers and bottles and all, so when a plentiful amount of food was available, you damn well ate it all.   

 

"You're going too?" Taemin asked. 

 

Sehun gave the blonde a look, his hand already on the door knob. "I just need a pee, Jesus." Although that was a lie. He actually needed a number 2 and had been hoping to sneak off unnoticed himself. He didn't like going in other people's toilets. It felt uncomfortable. But now the stupid blonde had noticed it would look weird to go back to their trailer just for a pee. He huffed, and made a beeline for Junghee's little bathroom instead.  

 

It was actually a lot nicer than their bathroom so he wasn't too bitter about it in the end. It was so quiet too. Her walls must be thicker than theirs because if there had been that many people in the living area back at their trailer, then you would have been able to hear every word in the toilet too. But here it was peaceful.  

 

Sehun stayed on the loo for a good minute longer than he needed to, enjoying the alone time, before getting up, washing his hands, and opening the window a crack because he'd be mortified if anyone detected anything. He was just about to brace himself to leave, when he paused.  

 

Jimin was on the phone. With the window open, Sehun could hear every word. He told himself to just ignore the kid and stop being so nosey, but curiosity wouldn't let him turn away. He didn't even have to strain his ears to hear what the kid was saying. 

 

"Yeah, it's as good an opportunity as you're gonna get I think." Jimin said nervously. There was a trace of panic in his voice and he was speaking too fast. "Yeah. Yeah. Mmhm." Pause. "Well everyone's out at this old lady's trailer so, there's will be empty." Pause. "Yeah, the money's in a sock like I said. It's under the red sleeping bag I think. You'll only take what they owe though, right?" Pause. "Ok. Yeah." Pause. "I understand." Pause. "Thanks Donghae." 

 

Sehun's eyes widened in terror as his mind started to go into some sort of terrified overdrive where thoughts come too fast to process them. There was no time to feel betrayed or bitter or angry. Something was horrible happening, and he needed to run out right now and tell the others.  

 

Except his mind froze his feet. For a moment, he screamed inside, scolding himself because what the hell was he doing?! But then his thoughts slowed down to pace in which he could listen to them, and he realised that this wasn't as simple as just going out there and yelling. 

 

He needed to get everyone out as fast as possible, without telling them why. Because Donghae was coming, and if someone who had more testosterone than sense like Jongin or Minho knew that, then they'd never agree to run, but instead stay and fight. And if Taemin knew that Jimin had betrayed them, he'd be distraught and unreasonable and probably scratch the kid's eyes out. Which would waste time. And if Key knew that the creep was coming to presumably wreck the shit out of their trailer, then he'd want to go and at least grab the money sock which could land him in a world of trouble if he was still there when Donghae arrived. Then again, what did Donghae actually want? Judging from the phone call, he'd told Jimin that the group owed him money, and to give him an address to retrieve it. But they didn't owe him money. This wasn't about money, it went far deeper than that. Donghae's pure goal was to make them suffer like they'd supposedly done to him. He wasn't an evil mastermind, but he was insane. So maybe Donghae wasn't going to their trailer at all, and would turn up here at Junghee's instead, armed and ready for a fight. Which would mean they'd have to leave through the back to escape him, and leg it down an unpathed field in the hope nobody would be coming from that direction.  

 

This wasn't going to be easy but there was no time to waste. Sehun banged open door, very relieved to see that Jimin was still outside although not on the phone anymore, and took a large inhale of breath before attempting to yell over the top of everyone's nonsense chatter- 

 

"Close the door toddler. Your shit stinks."  

 

No prizes for guessing who said that. Sehun ignored the stupid idiot. "Guys! Guys listen to me!! FUCKING SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!" 

 

Everyone turned to their friend in shock, except Sunyoung, who was too busy trying to boob her baby. 

 

"I know how this is gonna sound ok but you all need to just fucking trust me and we need to get out of here right now through the back ok like grab your coats and just leave and I'll explain later ok that includes you too Junghee like everyone just get out right now ok!?" 

 

Sehun hadn't even drawn breath, and was already dragging a very confused looking Jongin's arm towards the backdoor, which was blocked by a tiny table because nobody ever used it. Fields stretched further than the eye could see out the back so there was no point in ever going out there.   

 

"Ur, why are-?" Sunyoung started, but was cut off as Key stood up, his expression even more critical than usual. 

 

"Tell us what's going on right this second Sehun." 

 

Taemin scurried to the window to look out at Jimin. Nobody else moved an inch.  

 

Sehun had a bitter thought that if it were the blonde that had just ran out of the bathroom yelling for everyone to follow him and leave, no questions would have been asked. But even he knew that wasn't true. Everybody may still have doted on Taemin but hardly any of them actually trusted his judgement. That was one area Sehun actually had the upper hand in.  

 

"Key." Sehun said firmly. "I need you to trust me. I know you trust me. We're not safe here. We're. Not. Safe." 

 

There was a moment's hesitation in Key's eyes before he nodded sharply, picked up the old tote bag that was used to hold all of Mei's crap, and glared at Minho to help him get Jonghyun up on his crutches. Everyone else moved silently except Junghee, who was obviously confused and going into panic mode, and Taemin, who was still staring out the window. 

 

"Taemin! Come on!" Jongin snapped, grabbing the blonde's arm just as Sehun had done to him a second ago.  

 

"We should go get-" 

 

"No." Sehun cut in darkly. He stood between the blonde and the front door, then turned to Key to try and convey some kind of message to trust him on this, too.  

 

Key grabbed the arm of Taemin's that Jongin wasn't and they both dragged the idiot backwards. What was happening hadn't sunk in, thank god, but it was seeming like everyone had suddenly realised that they really shouldn't have been so quick to trust someone new.  

 

"But, we haven't got all of Mei's stuff!" Sunyoung gasped, baby still latched onto her chest. Minho dragged her towards the backdoor.  

 

It was struggle getting everyone out, and took far longer than it should have, especially with Junghee's constant questions and Jonghyun fumbling around on crutches. There was a sense of such confusion in the air but Sehun was confident he was doing the right thing by not saying what he'd heard, and simply getting them all the fuck out of there. He knew all too well that at least one of them would be stupid enough to want to stay behind and fight. He wasn't prepared to let that happen. 

 

"We're going down there?! Seriously?!" Junghee shrieked, "That field leads to the complete opposite direction to town!" 

 

"Fucking shut up!!" Sehun hissed. He'd regret talking to an old lady like that later, but right now swearing at her was the only way to shock her into silence. 

 

Everyone was going far too slow. Minho, Sunyoung and Mei were at the front, legging it down the bumpy track the fastest, but still not fast enough. Then was Junghee and Jongin, with Key and Taemin either side of Jonghyun just behind, trying desperately to help the poor dino boy on those stupid crutches. Sehun was at the rear, hoping his nagging presence would force everyone to speed up. The way they were heading was horribly dark but he was sure their backs would still be pretty visible because of the lights coming from the trailer park behind them. If Donghae arrived, he'd be able to see them escaping. 

 

"Will you hurry up!!" 

 

"We're trying!" Key hissed, cut off by an angry Taemin glancing back at Sehun and hissing himself- 

 

"Would help if you'd tell us what we're running from or where we're fucking going!!"  

 

"We're not going anywhere, we're just not staying here!!" Sehun snapped back.  

 

His tone had been far too loud. Far too loud.  

 

There were voices and footsteps from behind them. He turned and before he knew it, was met by a panting Jimin followed by Donghae and one of his minions. There were other people gathering in the distance, presumably more members of Donghae's gang, but Sehun couldn't make them out. 

 

Everything that happened next was so fast and simultaneous, that if you blinked, you'd miss it. 

 

 Sehun was roughly grabbed by Donghae. Jimin screamed something which vaguely sounded like "What the hell are you doing?!", before the minion Sehun recognised now as a man that had been called Yesung back at their first meeting, punched him right on the nose so hard the kid fell flat on his face. Sehun struggled, but felt a knife press against his back and froze. Yesung dragged Taemin away from helping Jonghyun, despite the fact that Key lunged towards him with an unsuccessful knife attempt himself.  

 

Up ahead, Jongin realised what was happening seconds too late to do anything but scream, and Minho yelled at Junghee and Sunyoung to keep running, which they did.  

 

Then time slowed. There was horrible pause as Donghae laughed. The other members of his group were making their way towards them, but it would take at least a minute because they were still a way across the field. That meant 60 seconds of time when they weren't outnumbered. 60 seconds to escape.  

 

"Relax!" Donghae had the yell of a madman. "If we wanted to kill you, we would have done it already." He turned to Yesung in amusement. "I seem to have picked up the wrong slut, I just reached for the closest skinny one. Care to swap?" 

 

Sehun felt himself being shoved into Taemin as the latter was pulled back to his previous captor. Yesung had a larger knife behind him, or so it felt from the tip of the blade that was pressing into his back.  

 

Jongin lurched forward, terrified, but Minho and Key restrained him.  

 

And then Taemin did what Taemin did best. He started to manipulate. "If you're not going to kill us then what the fuck do you want?! You might as well just get it over and done with!" 

 

Sehun's heart felt like it stopped as the blonde backed himself into Donghae slowly, giving the creep ample opportunity to plunge the knife deep into his back. Jongin, Key and Jonghyun all screamed in sheer terror, and Minho lunged forward, only to stop himself when Taemin laughed shrilly.  

 

It had been a test, of course. Because Donghae had been telling the truth. He didn't want to kill, and that much had just been proved. "You're a psychopath." He hissed to Taemin, as the blonde continued to laugh in such an unhinged fashion, Sehun really wondered whether he actually was. "I might not wanna kill you but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to hurt you."  

 

Donghae brought the knife up to Taemin's right cheek and slashed it in one go. The blonde cried out in pain, but the insane laughter returned only seconds later, blood dripping down his face and into his open mouth. Sehun was pretty sure that the boy had lost it, and it was clear by the horrified expressions on everyone's faces that they all felt the same.  

 

Jongin started to lunge towards them again, but Minho stopped him. It wouldn't be a good idea to test whether Donghae was willing to kill Taemin again.  

 

"Just tell us what you want!" Key boomed. He was staring at Donghae with a look so murderous it was a surprise the stare alone wasn't enough to finish the creep off. 

 

"I want justice!" Donghae yelled, his grip on Taemin becoming even tighter. Yesung still hadn't let go of Sehun and the rest of their gang were continuing to approach from behind. "So this slut's gonna come with me, aren't you slut?" He turned Taemin's bloody cheek towards him and the blonde spat in his face. "Yeah spit all you like, you disgusting rent boy. You're gonna come to the cops and confess everything you've got away with, right this second. You're gonna rot in jail, just like Siwon is, and if anyone tries to stop us, this one's gonna pay." He gestured to Sehun who felt himself freeze a little more in Yesung's tight hold.  

 

"WAIT. WHAT?!" Jongin was the first one to scream before panic, confusion and shock broke out and everyone began yelling at the same time. Sehun glanced at Taemin who was still insanely laughing, and was about to cry out himself before- 

 

"Fine! Who cares?! Let's go! I'll do whatever it is you fucking want!"  

 

Donghae grabbed Taemin's hair in frustration which only made the blonde's giggles more hysterical. "Is this a joke to you? You find this funny?!" 

 

"No I just, well YES!" The blonde could hardly make himself understood through the laughter. "It's just oh my GOD, this is fucking ridiculous! Life just...hates us! I think we're cursed! It's HILAAARIOUS. YES. LET'S GO TO THE COPS. I SURVIVED SIWON'S STABBING JUST SO I COULD ROT IN JAIL!" 

 

"You're insane-" Donghae started, only to be cut off by a crazed bear in the shape of Jongin, finally breaking free from Minho's grip and lunging himself towards Taemin and the creep.  

 

The gamble was huge, because it was again, a test of whether Donghae would actually rather stab Taemin than let him go. But thankfully he either wasn't willing or his reflexes were too slow, because Jongin managed to rip Taemin away, twist Donghae's knife wielding arm backwards, and punch the asshole hard, sending him flying to the ground.  

 

But the gamble wasn't over. Because Sehun was still captured, and it'd been made crystal clear that his life was disposable if Taemin didn't come quietly. They'd all just been told this. So Jongin knew this. And yet still, had chosen to rescue the blonde instead of Sehun, which in turn put the toddler at even more risk.  

 

Key was on the case. Whilst Jongin dealt with Donghae (he'd managed to get the knife off the creep when he'd been down from the punching and was now pretty much beating the living shit out of him), Key got out his own knife and instead of lunging towards Yesung, actually ran to Donghae instead and put a knife to his throat. Jongin made himself pull away from the beating because there was no point in Key threatening to kill a man who was already dead.  

 

"You think I won't?" Key said, staring up at Yesung darkly. Donghae was lying virtually unconscious and didn't even flinch as the blade pressed into his neck, breaking the top layer of skin.  

 

Horrifyingly, the rest of his gang were approaching only meters away, but all of them were going at a slow place because even they weren't so stupid to think that Key wouldn't slit their leader's throat at the first sign of attack. Minho placed himself between the two groups, his own knife raised menacingly. Jongin remained stood, protecting Key's back as the feline boy crouched and kept his knife steady at Donghae's throat. Jonghyun stayed in the background, both hands firmly locked on Taemin, who was still in hysterics. And Sehun remained frozen, the blade at his back only inches away from killing him, so terrified that he could barely hear a sound.  

 

Yesung released him.  

 

Jongin ran forward instantly and grabbed Sehun, before practically chucking him towards Jonghyun and Taemin in the background, and ordering the 3 of them not to move. If anyone tried to run, then the vultures who'd gathered could easily just grab one of them and then they'd be utterly screwed.  

 

Key addressed Yesung. "Here's what's gonna happen. We're gonna go, and you're gonna let us. We're taking Donghae but we're gonna leave him 5 fields up, alive, and you can do whatever you want with him. I'm personally going to slice his throat open if even one of you looks like you're gonna interfere. None of you are ever gonna bother us again. Whatever personal vendetta your crazy leader has, is not yours. Walk away, or he'll die."  

 

There were shuffles and mumbles but nobody outwardly said anything. Sehun had no idea how many people were around, they all seemed to seep menacingly into the darkness. Maybe 10? Whatever it was, they were horribly outnumbered. He had no idea how a frantically withdrawn Key was managing to stay so in control, but couldn't even express how relieved he was that at least someone seemed to be handling this.   

 

Finally, Yesung made a quick, tight lipped nod, and stepped a few paces back. Both Jongin and Minho went to drag Donghae up, whilst Key kept the knife steady at his throat. They all shuffled backwards to where Jonghyun, Taemin and Sehun were standing. Nobody made a move towards them. 

 

Taemin, who'd finally stopped his craziness and was now shaking profusely again, muttered a quick word of 'help me' to Sehun. It was only from watching that the todller realised what the blonde wanted, and they both attempted to pick Jonghyun up (who wasn't light, ok) because they'd all be able to get away faster if one of them wasn't limping like shit. All the running before had clearly done Jonghyun's leg no good at all so this was really the only option for a quick getaway.  

 

The group began to run. To everyone's immense relief, no footsteps could be heard following them. The only sounds were coming from their own heavy pants and frantic running.  

 

"Kill him!"  

 

Nobody replied a word as everyone tried desperately to keep their pace. It wasn't easy to be fast whilst running through pitch black with a hell of a lot of extra weight for some.  

 

When they reached the fifth field, Jongin yelled again.  

 

"I said kill him!!"  

 

"No!" Key hissed back. "Are you crazy?! Did you see how many guys there were back there? They'd all be against us!" 

 

Jongin and Minho dumped Donghae down with a thud. "They're against us anyway because of him!"  

 

"No!" Key snapped, "They're following orders. It's only personal between Donghae and Taemin and we've proved we can deal with that twice now! He's clearly a mad man and all those guys back there probably know it. But if we kill him, they'll ALL have personal reasons to hurt us. Do you ever think anything through at all?!"  

 

Jongin's chest was literally rising and falling with red hot rage. He looked like he was about to explode, or at least turn into the hulk. Sehun had heard of his anger obviously, and had even witnessed it himself a handful of times. But he'd never truly understood it until now. The poor guy had been pushed to the brink again, and was honestly prepared to do anything. As well as anger, there was this horrible unhinged look in his eyes, like he was about to snap any second. A part of Sehun was surprised that Jongin'd had the willpower not to just beat the guy to death back there when he had a chance. But if he didn't calm down soon, they were going to be in deep shit. Every second that passed was a second that the gang behind would be catching up to them. They couldn't waste any more time. 

 

"Bie." 

 

Taemin's voice was soft and oddly calm, a totally different version of himself from the 'psycho' he'd been in Donghae's grip. He grabbed Jongin's arm and dragged them both a few meters away for the shortest pep talk ever, lasting barely 10 seconds.  

 

What Taemin had said, Sehun would never know. One thing he was sure of though, is that he wouldn't have had the guts to say it.  

 

Whatever it had been, Jongin wasn't yelling anymore, so it must have at least worked a little. 

 

"Ok let's leave him and get the fuck out of here!" Jonghyun hissed.  

 

"Wait." Taemin said, manhandling the knife out of Key's hands. 

 

Sehun's heart was in his mouth again as the blonde bent over Donghae. For a second, he really thought- 

 

"There." Taemin said, with a sick form of triumph. He'd slashed one of Donghae's bruised cheeks in the exact same way the creep had done to him. "I hope it scars."  

 

"Let's go!!" Jonghyun really looked like he was seconds away from shitting himself so everyone complied.  

 

This time, it was Key and Minho who took over carrying him. Fuck knows where his crutches had been abandoned but he probably wouldn't have been able to walk even with them.  

 

"Call Sun." Minho ordered, to no one in particular.  

 

Jongin had charge on his phone but was in no state to speak calmly, so shoved the phone at Taemin.  

 

The blonde could hardly dial through the shakes.  

 

"OH THANK GOD!!" Sunyoung's voice came booming through the other end and probably burst one of Taemin's eardrums.  

 

"Where are you?! Are you safe?! Is Mei ok?! Is Junghee still with you?" 

 

"Yes yes we're fine! But what about you?! What happened?! Is Donghae-" 

 

"No time." Taemin hissed. "We're ok. Just tell us where you are." He was having to hold the phone a good few inches away from his ear because she was talking so loud. Sehun wondered if it was even on speaker, but given the circumstances thought even Taemin wasn't so stupid as to risk being overheard by doing that.   

 

Annoyingly it was then that Sunyoung decided to quieten her tone so nothing else could be heard. Sehun couldn't even strain his ears and attempt to listen because his head hurt so much. And while we're moaning, there was also a huge stitch developing in his side. And he felt like he was going to be sick any second. And one of his arms was burning where Yesung had been holding it. There was nothing he wouldn't give to be back at their trailer right now. But they couldn't go back there, or at least not tonight. 

 

"Ok, ok. Yeah. Yeah. Got it. Minho's fine. Yeah. Ok. See you soon."  

 

"Where is she?!" Minho gasped.  

 

"They're waiting by a row of houses in the middle of fucking nowhere. But she said if we pass a wood by a big barn with a bright security light then we're close." Taemin said. "Junghee's called someone, one of her sisters I think. They're gonna pick her up."  

 

"And she hasn't called the cops?" Key asked frantically. 

 

"No."  

 

"Thank fucking god." 

 

They slowed down the pace after the phone call. No one was following, so it was pointless to keep running. Sehun kept looking behind at Jongin, trying to examine the bear's face, but all he was met by was darkness- literally and metaphorically. There was nothing he could do, nothing he even wanted to do. Jongin had unwittingly shown who he prioritised in full colour tonight, and that person wasn't Sehun.  

 

It didn't take them all that long to reach the barn with the security light after that. The row of houses ahead were indeed obvious, and thankfully, so were Sunyoung and baby Mei.  

 

Minho rushed towards them first, accidentally putting Jonghyun down with far too much of a thud. He embraced Sunyoung so tightly it was a wonder the baby in between them didn't get completely squished, but for once Mei didn't make a sound.  

 

Sunyoung turned to hug Taemin next, then Sehun. Which, if Sehun was going to be extremely bitter, showed her priorities pretty clearly too, didn't it?  

 

Junghee had knocked on one of the houses door's and was waiting inside, with a stiff drink, for her sister, apparently. The old lady had been shaken to the core, and was apparently pretty furious too. Which was understandable. She'd been chased out of her home with absolutely no explanation, then told she wasn't allowed to do anything about it by calling the police. They'd have to leave without her.  

 

"Where now?" Jonghyun asked finally, after the group had finished their reuniting. 

 

Everyone looked at Key, except Jongin, who was still staring blankly into the darkness.  

 

"Well we need to get as far away from here as possible. At least for a few nights. No work. No getting in touch with the shelter about forms and shit. We just need to lie low until we know it's safe to come back."  

 

Sehun gulped.  

 

"Anyone have money?" 

 

Everyone then turned to Minho. Except Jongin.  

 

"I have a bit." Minho said cagily. 

 

"Enough for a bus?" Key asked. 

 

"Enough for a bus and some diapers. That's it."  

 

"Ok." Key frowned. "Tonight, we'll just have to knock on the house Junghee did and beg charity at least for Sun and Mei, then head off in the morning somewhere 'safe'." 

 

"Where?" Taemin asked. 

 

"Home." Key said simply. "Our first." 

 

\--- 

 

So. Hi. Slightly short chapter and honestly it's been a pretty ill week so i havent checked it well and I'm not too happy with it. But I really wanted to post at least something today and the next bit didn't seem to fit with it somehow. so anyhoo! Yes, I made sweet little donghae totally cray cray in this fic. And I know, Jongin is an idiot, and a bit of a hypocrite seeing as he was so annoyed with Chanyeol in the past for doing not such a dissimilar thing. i may or may not have done that on purpose lolol xD But at least now Sehun can hopefully realise that, holy shit, taem is number one and will always be number one. he needs to let go of jongin. that poor toddler lol i love him i swear, why do i do this.  

i reeeeeeaaally hope this isn't just stupidly unrealistic and ugh, I went back and forth with what happens next i really did. But yes bear with me pls. Thanks so much for being here again <3 

Ps. This lovely person, HoshiMoon, has begun translating the fic into Russian, if anyone is interested.  

Pss. Old subscribers who've stuck around this long, god i love you guys! It always makes me so happy to see regular ppl who are always so kind and supportive. and to new ones who are just starting, hi, welcum, don’t be shy and pls say hi! (lol this is a fanfic, not a cult i swear anyway) 


	47. Playing: The Blame Game

It was only in the early hours of the morning, as they walked through an unfamiliar town, that the events of the previous night started to sink in for Sehun. He didn't think he'd ever felt this much despair in his whole life, although probably had if he thought about it long enough. Which he wouldn't. Because being so close to life improving considerably, only to have it ripped away in one night, was the most painful thing he could deal with right now, never mind bringing past shit into it. 

  

Key had reassured him profusely that they "weren’t running" and wherever they were heading, some derelict shithole apparently, was just a temporary place to hide before they figured out what to do. But it didn't feel like that. It felt like hell. It felt like surrendering to the streets all over again. And this time he wouldn't have the energy or the will to get out.   

  

After they'd got to the row of houses, Sunyoung had indeed begged the charity of the one Junghee had seeked refuge in. None of the others were even invited in for a drink, but that wasn't surprising. They probably all looked like terrifying thugs themselves. Maybe the residents even thought that Sun was running away from them, who knows. Even Minho wasn't let inside.   

  

Junghee had, apparently, had a huge argument with Sunyoung that night over calling the police. Sunyoung had won, fuck knows how. Which was good, in some ways, but Sehun was beginning to think that getting the cops involved might be their only option left. Or at least his only option. But of course, it was too risky. This group had done too much shit. Shit Sehun wasn't even aware of and shit he didn't want to be. However bitter he was, the police still wasn't an option. He couldn’t possibly betray them like that.  

 

Because of the huge row, Junghee had left with her sister without a word. It was pretty horrible, and Sehun's faith in humanity cracked a little more. The stupid old bat should have at least offered to take Sun and Mei with her. She may have been pissed, but it wasn't right just to leave them. Although deep down, Sehun knew it wasn't just anger that had made the old woman flee so quickly. She was terrified. And not just of Donghae or the guys who'd chased her, but also of them, the group of young men she'd invited into her home so many times. It wasn't hard for Sehun to admit that his friends were scary. Or at least not anymore. Jongin the teddy bear had wanted to kill someone last night. There was no denying that they were dangerous, even if it didn't feel that way from the inside.  

 

Sunyoung was pretty distraught the whole journey to wherever Key was planning on taking them. Sehun didn't know where they were going either. He'd only managed to catch the words "derelict shithole" until he'd overheard Taemin, Key and Jonghyun having some kind of weird intense conversation on the bus.  

 

"I don't wanna go back there." The blonde had hissed. "And I don't think it's a good idea for him-" he glanced back at Jongin, who still had barely said a word, "Either."  

 

"But we know people there." Key had snapped. "All those homeless losers downstairs, they probably took over the whole place when we left. And I know we weren't close with them but they weren't horrible, they'll let us squat in our old room. It's the only place far away enough with a roof that I can think of. We had a good deal there." 

 

"Yeah until you stabbed someone." The mumble from Taemin's lips was almost inaudible but Sehun caught it anyway. 

 

Key hit him around the head, hard. "For you, brat." 

 

"And that was a long time ago." Jonghyun said firmly. "There won't be people looking anymore; cops or otherwise. And we won't be recognised with our hoods up anyway. It's a good place to lie low for a while." 

 

"What do you mean, a while?" Sehun was glad Taemin had asked for specifics because he hadn't got the guts to. 

 

"A few days, max." Key replied. "Just till we figure out if it's safe to go back to the trailer. We're all gonna have to call in sick to work. Heechul isn't going to fire you, don't worry."  

 

"And our medicine?!" 

 

Sehun hadn't even considered that. They'd have to be without their "anti craving magic pills" for however long it took to get back.  

 

Taemin carried on, "We have an appointment tomorrow at the shelter! And what are Bie and Sehun gonna-" 

 

"Just shut UP!"  

 

The whole bus fell silent. Not that there were many passengers other than them, but it was still a noticeable change.  

 

Key narrowed his eyes at Taemin and Sehun couldn't help wonder if he was going to hit him properly, just the way Jongin had. He didn't. Of course. "Just trust me ok?! I don't know what else to do!"  

 

Taemin gulped, nodded, and turned to Jonghyun. "Is your leg ok without crutches?" 

 

Jonghyun shrugged. The answer was an obvious "no" but he wasn't about to add insult to injury. "It's fine Minnie don't worry. I just need to rest it."  

 

Taemin huffed, got up from his seat beside his two oldest friends and stumbled down the bus to sit next to Jongin. He had to pass Sehun on the way and scowled horribly at the toddler for eavesdropping so much, before beginning to whisper to his ex so no one would overhear. Jongin didn't even look up.  

 

Mei was, luckily, constipated, so hadn't been the pooping machine she usually was. But after the bus the next stop was most definitely diapers. The new surroundings were totally strange and unfamiliar to Sehun. It was a very rundown area and dark alleys seemed to hide behind every corner. Taemin was obviously finding it horrible to be here too. The blonde kept scanning the place in paranoia and was clearly examining the faces around for people he knew. Or had slept with, probably. Sehun cringed at the thought and wondered if Jongin was doing the same.  

 

They spent every last drop of money they had at the nearest corner shop. Their purchases consisted of diapers, wipes, a large $1 tablecloth which would double up as a blanket (the residents from the night before had given Sun a few warm things too), some water, a loaf of bread, and a sticky bandage for Taemin's bloody cheek.  

 

The walk to the actual place they were going, this derelict shithole or whatever, was a horribly long one. The group stayed mostly silent, and Sehun contemplated everything in a hopeless way. He wanted to talk to Jongin. He needed his best friend. He needed a hug. He needed to let all of the horrible emotion spill out to someone who understood. But he couldn't, or rather, wouldn't. Sehun wasn't the one Jongin had wanted to save, and that had been painfully clear the previous night when the idiot lunged to pull Taemin away, without sparing a thought for what might happen to Sehun if he did so. It was intensely painful, but at least everyone knew where they stood now.  

 

"It's round here. Sun. Stop." Key ordered. The whole group had fallen to a halt except Sunyoung who'd been too busy obsessing over if there was a food bank near. Minho grabbed her jacket to hold her back.  

 

"It's a warehouse?" Sehun blurted. 

 

"No it's behind." Key said coldly. "Just follow me. There'll probably be a ton of other people there but just let me and Jjong do the talking."  

 

Sehun had to take a moment when he saw the building. Derelict was an understatement. It was practically a ruin. The walls were crumbling. There was rot, dust, and stained concrete everywhere you looked. Rubbish, smashed glass and empty cans were strewn all around. 

 

Sunyoung held Mei uncomfortably close. Minho stood protectively in front. Taemin took Jongin's hand in his. Sehun held back tears. 

   
There were a lot of people, as Key had said, but they seemed friendly enough oddly. Jonghyun did most of the talking. It was more "catching up" than anything else because the guy seemed to know everyone pretty well. Or at least, well enough that asking for their old room back for a few nights wasn't that big of an issue.  

 

"It's the one down the hall at the end." Key said sharply, as the group made their way up the stairs. "You gotta mind for a hole in the floor though, it's obvious."  

 

It was indeed obvious. Sehun skirted past it awkwardly. And then they opened a creaky door to the largish, rather empty room the group had called home for quite a while. There were a few sleeping bags beneath the cracked window, and the odd bit of rubbish but it wasn't as bad as downstairs. Jonghyun had been told that the people who now occupied it weren't there all the time, and weren't the scary type anyway, so not to worry about sharing if it was only for a few days. 

 

As soon as they entered; Jongin went to the window and gazed out glassily, Jonghyun let himself collapse on the floor in a spot he looked oddly at home in, Key got out their bread and started handing it to everyone, Minho started spreading the tablecloth to use as a mat for Mei, Sehun stood awkwardly watching, and Taemin began the hysterics again. 

 

"It's...it's exactly the fucking same!!" he laughed. The giggles coming from his mouth were humourless and sounded unhinged again. "It's like...it's like nothing's changed at all! Fucking hell!" He bent down to examine the corner of the room. "I swear that feather was always there! Bie! Look! That feather was always there right!!" 

 

The bear just kept staring out of the window, practically catatonic. 

 

"Hang on." Sehun cut in. "I thought you guys lived here in the dark ages? Jongin was with you?" 

 

"Yeah of course. Bie's been with us since the dark ages." Taemin snorted. Laughter erupted straight after. "He's not a fucking newbie anymore! Shit!! What the fuck is even happening right now?! Is Onew just gonna walk in and-" 

 

He cut himself off, sank to the floor next to Minho, and stared at the door blankly. His giggles still echoed creepily although now all that could be heard was Mei's gurgles.  

 

"WWOD." Jonghyun muttered, after a good few minutes. 

 

Sehun was totally confused again, but didn't bother to ask this time.  

 

"Let's just go to sleep." Minho said, putting an arm around both Sunyoung and Taemin sadly. "We need the rest after yesterday and it'll be safer in the day. Plan time later."  

 

Everyone murmured a quick agreement, except Jongin who was still staring out of the window.  

 

Strangely, it was Sunyoung who decided to try and make him feel better. "Come over here will you Jongin? Mei's all fussy and she likes it when you sway her that way you were doing the other night." 

 

 

Jongin turned around blankly and walked towards the little baby on the mat. He picked her up in an almost robotic type way, and made his way back to the window, swaying ever so softly. The gurgling noticeably quietened. "I'll stay up with her. You guys just sleep."  

 

Sunyoung hesitated but in the end, Jongin had proved several times that he was good with Mei. She nodded and scrabbled onto the table cloth herself for a clean place to lie. Minho did the same. He shut his eyes but wouldn't go to sleep himself.  

 

"I don't like it here. I miss him." Came a small murmur from Taemin's lips. He was still sitting by Sun and Minho, but his stare was directed at Key.  

 

It was Jonghyun who replied. "Come here."  

 

Sehun watched as Taemin scrabbled across the floor haphazardly. Jonghyun opened his arms to the blonde, and the two of them tucked down. Key stayed rigid for a minute or so before joining them. 

 

Sehun had no idea what to do, where to put himself or basically what the hell was going on. The calm after the storm is often the worst part, as they say, and now he felt truly alone. This experience had taught him so many things. That people never change. That life will always try and drag you back down again. That Taemin had Jonghyun, Key and Jongin. That Jongin had Taemin. That Sunyoung had Minho. That everybody had somebody who prioritized them. Except him. He couldn't believe it'd taken him this long to realise that it wasn't actually Jongin who was the bottom of the pile, it was him.  

 

Fuck knows how because he had his eyes shut, but Key must have noticed something bad was happening in Sehun's brain because after a few more minutes passed, the cat boy craned his neck up to inspect the toddler. "You. Sleep. Don't think about anything. Thinking's for later."  

 

Sehun said nothing and took one last glance at Jongin by the window, who was still swaying non stop with Mei in his arms. Then he tucked down himself, closed his eyes, and pretended the concrete felt like their trailer.  

 

\--- 

 

Everyone was weird. This wasn't the first time something horrible like this had happened, nor the first time someone had crumbled because of it. But it was unusual to say the least, that practically everyone was falling apart or behaving horribly uncharacteristic at the same time.  

 

Only Key and Jonghyun had actually manged to get a few hours of sleep. Mei was unsettled and cold, so Sunyoung and Minho were not able to get any rest. Jongin was still catatonic by the window. Sehun was utterly traumatized and unable to keep in control of his mind. And Taemin was going from grumpy and incredibly agitated, to finding the whole situation hilarious again.  

 

They say things are "the last straw", but for this little group, Sehun feared this actually was. It was like their trailer had been sat on a metaphorical cliff edge, and every time something bad happened they were all pushed further and further to breaking point. Jongin had gone. Sehun could already see that and had no idea if it was temporary or not. Taemin was more of an unhinged mess than he'd been in a very long time. Sunyoung was a fucking anxious ball of stress. Minho was plotting and it was painfully obvious. It might be time to just give up. Accept that the streets always found a way to pull them back, accept that the past was going to haunt them forever. Maybe it'd be freeing not to care anymore. Maybe Sehun was just going to become mad too, and turn into some spice addicted drop out who didn't give a shit anymore. Maybe he'd rent himself out. Maybe he'd eat out of the trash. Maybe- 

 

"Will you stop being so fucking melodramatic, my god." 

 

Sehun snapped his neck up to see Key coming two. It was probably around early afternoon by now. 6 hours had passed of trying to sleep.  

 

"I didn't even say anything." 

 

"The look on your face said it for you." Key said sharply. He nudged Jonghyun's shoulders a few times to wake the poor dino boy up, before glancing round the room to analyse each of his friends. "Jesus Christ. Look at you all. Buck the hell up! There's no time for sulking right now. Nothing profound has happened here, for fucks sake! We got away from something awful again, go us. And Donghae's just a mad man. We don't need to fear him in the long run and we're going to figure out a plan to go back right now ok? We're not stuck here. A few hours of being fucking homeless again won't kill any of you."  

 

No one replied, or even bothered to look up. The first hint of noise was made by Taemin shuffling himself across the room on his hands and knees towards Jongin, who remained stood at the window. Jongin didn't even look down as his ex grabbed one of his legs for some strange kind of comfort.  

 

"Fucking hell!" Key screeched, "What's WITH you guys?!" There was a pause as if he was actually waiting for a reply. Nothing came, so he turned to his boyfriend. "Jong, can you hobble downstairs and beg the losers down there for some spice? We need to not be craving if we're gonna think straight."  

 

Jonghyun looked at his leg apologetically. "I don't think I can babe. It's seized."  

 

Minho got up. "I'm on it."  

 

The door made a horrible thud as he left.  

 

Key gritted his teeth. "Well in the meantime, let's all just not have a cow about the situation ok?! Nothing's happened and you're all fucking scaring me. Minnie, stop clawing at Newbie's leg and come here, you're not 12." 

 

There was an uncomfortable pause before Taemin did as he was told and crawled back over to Key, mood swing changing to hysterics again as he laughed and muttered, "Newbie, holy fuck!" His eyes glazed over again as soon as he reached the spot next to his friend. 

 

"How's Mei doing? Are you ok, Sun?!" Key asked, turning his attention elsewhere.  

 

"I'm not staying here with her tonight." Sunyoung said quietly. She was clawing onto her baby like Taemin had been at Jongin's leg.  

 

Key made a strained moan. "We won't need to. Or maybe we will, but just for one night, jesus! She's got diapers, blankets and your boobs. We can survive for a few more hours. Can we just stop acting like we're never going back or something?! Nothing's happened here-" 

 

"WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT?!"  

 

Sehun cringed. He'd been waiting for the moment Jongin would blow, but hadn't expected it to happen so soon.  

 

Taemin started to laugh nervously. His shakes were beginning to get a whole new level bad, but they still didn't stop the inappropriate comments. "Uhoh, hold onto your hats, folks." 

 

"SHUT UP!" Jongin yelled. He turned to back to Key. "SOMETHING HAS FUCKING HAPPENED. A LITERAL INSANE PERSON AND ALL HIS SCARY ASS FOLLOWERS ARE PROBABLY WAITING BACK AT OUR HOME RIGHT FUCKING NOW. WE CAN'T GO TO THE COPS, WE CAN'T GO TO THE SHELETER, WE CAN'T GET HELP FROM ANYONE OFFICAL. WE'RE STUCK. STUCK HERE. AGAIN. RIGHT WHERE WE FUCKING STARTED." 

 

"Jongin." Jonghyun said firmly. Dead leg or not, the guy made himself stand and hobble towards his friend. "Don't speak to Key like that and calm the fuck down."  

 

For a weird moment, Sehun thought Jongin was actually going to raise his fist but of course he didn't. The poor guy just backed himself right into the corner and sank to the floor in despair. "We were so close." he said murderously. "So close to things actually getting better." 

 

"Oh my GOD." Key screeched, about to continue when Minho barged through the door.  

 

Taemin looked up eagerly but his expression soon fell as all that was in his friend's hands were a few half empty wine bottles. "No spice." he said bitterly. "But they gave us these."  

 

None of the cravers reached out a hand because alcohol wasn't going to help their spice withdrawal. Jongin, however, did take a few swigs. Hopefully it'd calm his nerves if nothing else.  

 

Key took a shaky breath. "Ok he's the deal. Donghae is crazy. He wanted, what, Minnie to go and confess all the shit we've done so the cops would come and lock us all up? And that would be his sick form of justice, cus he wants to ruin our lives like we supposedly ruined his and Siwon's? Jesus, you'd have thought the two of them were lovers or something."  

 

Taemin made a retching noise. Sehun didn't know if it was a conveniently placed real one or a sign of his disgust.  

 

"So all we need to do is properly deal with Donghae and everything'll go back to normal." Key continued. 

 

"I told you we should have killed him." Jongin said darkly. 

 

Key looked up at the ceiling and paused to stop himself doing something he'd regret. "Just drink your fucking drink ok Jongin?!" 

 

There was a silence before a thought dawned on Sehun. He hadn't spoken or even been addressed since the conversation had started but bitterness wasn't going to ask this question for him. "Why can't we just go to the cops, though?" 

 

Everyone stared at him in stony disbelief, like he was the most stupid person on the planet.  

 

"No I mean, I know you just said we couldn't but. Well we did with Siwon right?" 

 

"Anonymously and we had evidence which didn't involve us." Jonghyun explained. "Come on Sehun, you're smart, think about. We go to the cops and tell them what? Donghae's being mean? Donghae's annoyed because he has a vendetta against one of the whores and the guys who tried to kill his boss and got his precious hotel shut down? If we lied, Donghae would just rat on us anyway. And ok, we might be able to get around that by saying that it's him who's lying instead, but it's not just that. Cops are never an option for losers like us. There's too much dark shit in our past to even risk going to them. We can't let anything be traced back to us when it comes to the police. Even someone as innocent as you could get into serious trouble messing with this shit."  

 

Sehun tried to take that in but he still didn't understand fully, and before he knew it, he was blurting things. "But why can't one of us just go and, well, you know, put themselves on the line?! Tell them Donghae has seriously threatened them and the truth about why...just not involving anyone else. That could work."  

 

"Yeah but that person could go to jail themselves depending on who it was and depending on what Donghae came back with. Look, it's just no-" Jonghyun started, only to be rudely cut off. 

 

"You were talking about me just then, weren't you?"  

 

Sehun turned to Taemin, who's mood swings seemed to have stopped momentarily on red hot anger. "I wasn't talking about anyone specific."  

 

"Yes you were." Taemin stood up, fists clenched, arms trembly, eyes narrowed. "You want me to go to the cops and tell them it's all my fault Donghae's being a psycho and risk them finding out I worked at the hotel, right?!"  

 

"Taemin sit down." Key cut in sharply. He wasn't given a chance to continue. 

 

"That's not what I was saying, idiot." Sehun hissed through gritted teeth. He felt anger rise deep inside himself too. "Although this is your fault."  

 

The sentence hadn't meant to come across as toxic as it did. There was a moment of deadly silence, before something seemed to break inside Taemin just like it had for Jongin. Instead of yelling though, the blonde meerly slumped down to the floor without a word, his face covered by his knees which were pulled all the way to his chin.  

 

There was a small collective sigh of relief that Taemin hadn't just gone nuts, when Jongin stepped forward and decided to break it. "Minnie's not going to the cops." He said sharply, his stare unintentionally harsh as he directed the comment at Sehun. "That's not a debate."  

 

The calmness ended. It had taken a lot for Sehun to blow, but the condescending look Jongin was giving him right now really was 'the last straw'. "You FUCKING asshole!" He screeched, thoughts exploding as words before he could stop them. "That's not what I meant, don't you understand me at all?! And when will you EVER learn?! I'm done with you Jongin. I'm done! You fucking chose him over me for the last time!" 

 

"I what-?" 

 

"Let me finish!" Sehun boomed. "I could have DIED back there, because of you!" 

 

Jongin's face was one of utter disbelief. "What?!" 

 

"I SAID LET ME FINISH!" Sehun was practically screaming now. "Donghae had said that I was the collateral, and when you ripped Taemin away you didn't even THINK that I was still there with a knife to my back, ready to be done with! As soon as you'd got Taemin, they could have stabbed me right then and there! But of course that didn't even occur to you did it?! As long as Taemin was safe, that's it right?! My safety never even crossed your mind!!" 

 

Jongin opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He looked like a stunned goldfish, and it would have been funny in other circumstances. As it was, not even Taemin could see any humour in the situation. Mei started crying again, but otherwise the room was deadly silent.  

 

"I'm done." Sehun hissed, through such gritted teeth that it looked unnatural. He stormed out to god knows where with a terrible thud of the door, making everyone jump. 

 

There was a quick moment of indecision, where nobody knew who exactly should go after the poor kid. Key was just about to get up and take the initiative himself, when Taemin kicked one of  Jongin's legs and bear unfroze, nodded, and ran out instead.  

 

Silence fell once again for a good few minutes, before Sunyoung shuffled over to Jonghyun because the guy had a knack for calming down Mei. She quietened a little after barely 10 seconds of being in his arms. "I know this is probably a horrible a time to ask but I can't hold onto it anymore." she said quietly. Everyone waited, expecting something a little more profound than the question that came. "Where do I go for a pee?"  

 

Key sighed. "I'll show you. It's just down the street."  

 

Sunyoung hesitated but agreed and the two of them left, leaving only Taemin, Minho, and Jonghyun rocking Mei.  

 

"Did Jongin really do that?" Jonghyun asked, turning to Taemin. The blonde scooched towards him, as did Minho. "Chose you over Sehun I mean?" 

 

The depression mood swing seemed to be hitting again so Taemin just nodded sadly.  

 

"I didn't even realise." Jonghyun looked down at Mei for some comfort. "Everything happened too fast."  

 

"He's right though, you know." Taemin whispered. His gaze was also on the little wriggly baby. "Sehun I mean. This is my fault, isn't it? If I hadn't worked at the hotel then I wouldn't have been stabbed and Siwon wouldn't have gone to jail and Donghae and so many others wouldn't have lost their jobs and nobody would have any reason to hate us." 

 

Minho put a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder. "If you hadn't worked at the hotel then I wouldn't have gone on a murder mission with your boyfriend and we wouldn't have met Sun and this little one," his eyes fell on his daughter also, "wouldn't even exist."  

 

Taemin reached out a hand to touch one of Mei's cheeks on impulse, but stopped himself half way. He still only held or touched her if absolutely necessary. 

 

"You want?" Jonghyun asked, arms already outstretched to pass the baby across.  

 

Taemin recoiled back but it was too late. Mei was already snug in his arms, and he wasn't even mad about it. She wasn't a heavy baby, quite the contrary in fact, but her resting weight was just enough to fully ground him. He felt a small hint of craziness leave his mind, and the mood swings drifted away for just long enough for him to be able to think. "I'm gonna go to the cops."  

 

Both Jonghyun and Minho snapped their gooey eyes away from Mei and hardened them in shock at their friend.  

 

"Um, what were we just talking about Minnie?" Minho asked. 

 

"No I know. I just don't see another way out of this. We can't go back unless he's behind bars. And we need to go back. Our life is there. Running isn't an option this time; not when Bie and Sehun are just about to go to college, not when me and Key are actually making progress with spice, not when a good portion of us have steady jobs, not when this little one," his eyes darted down to Mei again, "Needs an auntie who loves her and a trailer to call home. We need to go back. And Key was right, we will." 

 

"Taemin." Jonghyun said darkly. "If you go to the cops, there's a big chance they could arrest you too." His face was genuinely terrified at the thought. Other than Key, Taemin was his closest person. It had and would always be just the three of them against the world.  Since before he could remember, before Onew, before spice, before homelessness, it had always been his job to look after them. Admitedly, he hadn't done a very good job, but the thought of allowing someone so dear to him to potentially rot in jail made his toes curl.  

 

"I know. But there's too much at stake here if I don't." Taemin held Mei a little closer. "I can try and bend the truth...and Junghee could get involved too, they'll trust her more than me. And if he tries to drag any of you guys down, which he probably will, then it'll just have to be mine and Junghee's word against his. I think that's good odds. Like we said, he's crazy."  

 

"Good odds?!" Jonghyun spluttered. "Even if what you say is true and we can get Junghee to bend the truth about why Donghae's after us, there's still a huge possibility that they'll find out that you knew about the hotel and worked there. We can't risk that."  

 

"Yeah but if that's the case then they'd also find out that Donghae worked there too. He'd go down for longer than I would."  

 

Minho and Jonghyun glanced at each other in terror.  

 

"No. You've been hysterical for most of the day." Minho said finally. "This is an incredibly risky and uncharacteristic decision that you wouldn't be making if you weren't so out of it."  

 

"Agreed." Jonghyun said firmly. "And you're not in charge here. Key and Jongin will never agree to this." 

 

Taemin rolled his eyes like a teenager. "Unless you have any better ideas, then this is what I'm doing."  

 

Minho and Jonghyun glanced at each other again. They had a 2 second conversation with their eyes before turning back to the blonde. 

 

"Give us till tomorrow morning." Jonghyun said. It was an order and Taemin knew better than to disobey, so stayed silent. "And don't mention a word of this to Key or Jongin or anyone, ok? We don't need any more hissy fits."  

 

"Ok. Tomorrow morning." Taemin sighed. He meant it. "But that means we'll have to stay here another night. Sun's gonna hate that."  

 

"Sun's gonna hate what?" A familiar female voice interrupted. Her and Key came barging through the door.  

 

"Nothing." Minho said, putting an arm around his girlfriend as she slumped next to him. "Only that we might need to sleep here for just one more night."  

 

Key tutted. "No. We'll come up with something before then." He turned to Jonghyun, "No sign of Newbie or the toddler?" 

 

"Why is it that he's suddenly Newbie when we're back here, but at the trailer you're fine to call him Jongin?" Taemin asked. 

 

"Force of habit." Key shrugged. "Now. Let's restart the plan talk and if 'Jongin' and Sehun aren't back in a few hours, we go out looking."  

 

\--- 

 

It took longer than it should have for Jongin to catch up with Sehun. Neither of them were thinking clearly, so it didn't even occur to Sehun that he didn't know this neighbourhood and could get himself seriously lost. And Jongin wasn't his usual fast paced self either. His mind was actually working slower than his legs and when he saw Sehun cutting corners, it took him a good few seconds to work out exactly which way to go.  

 

Lack of sleep was obviously playing a huge part in both their lack of awareness, but it was more than that for Jongin. He felt like he was in a daze and it was beyond frustrating. If guilt wasn't now eating him up, he could have probably stayed back at their derelict place staring out of that window for days. This hadn't happened before. It wasn't like Jongin to just want to recoil. People react to hardships in different ways of course, but he'd always been the screaming and shouting type. But that wasn't an option anymore. Because screamy shouty Jongin was also violent scary Jongin. It was better to internalise stress than it was to take it out on those you loved, or at least that's what his subconscious seemed to be going for.  

 

Whatever was happening in his mind, it didn't matter right now. Sehun was very almost his boyfriend. They'd been inseparable for the past few weeks, and in a split second of panic, Jongin had done something unintentionally awful. He was in fact, just as bad as Chanyeol was. Chanyeol had agreed for Taemin to trade himself for Baekhyun. And Jongin had gone pretty ballistic about it. Chanyeol had used the excuse that in the moment when you think the person you love the most is in mortal danger, you don't think rationally, and it's forgivable to do literally anything to get them out of harm's way. Jongin had disagreed because even in terrible, panicked situations, it's still possible to think at least a little rationally, especially when it comes to betraying a friend. But now look what he'd done. He was a complete hypocrite. Sehun had been right. Taemin's welfare was the only thing on Jongin's mind when Donghae and Yesung had both the blonde and the toddler captured. Panic had overtaken him, and as soon as he'd seen an opportunity for Taemin to be saved, he'd grabbed it. The thought hadn't even occurred to him, although he had no idea why because it had just been made crystal clear, that doing so would indirectly put Sehun in even more danger than he was already. Taemin had been the only thing on Jongin's mind. It wasn't rational. It wasn't calculated. And it wasn't right.  

 

"Please! Sehun!"  

 

Jongin had so almost caught up to his friend. They were both out of breath, and it was utterly pointless to keep the chase up any longer. Sehun knew this, despite the fact that he wanted to run as far away from everything as possible.  

 

As the toddler slowed, Jongin hesitated to come any closer than he was. They were standing in a quiet residential street. Middle class looking houses stretched out in either direction, making them both feel terribly out of place.  

 

"I'm so sorry...I didn't even...I wasn't even...I didn't even realise I'd done-" 

 

"Exactly!" Sehun turned around to face his friend, tears streaming down both cheeks. The look in his eyes made Jongin want to cry too. "I know you weren't thinking! I know you didn't do it on purpose! I know you care about me! But that doesn't make a fucking difference! Nothing you can say will ever make a difference! I'll never be as important as he is to you, and that's it!"  

 

Jongin wanted to argue. He wanted to disagree, and say that of course Sehun was just as important as Taemin, that they were best friends, that what had happened had just been a momentary crazy moment and it meant absolutely nothing...but he couldn't. Because deep down, even he knew that would be lying. And Sehun deserved the truth.  

 

"I've been into you for a really long time, Jongin. Do you even know that?" Sehun asked. He was still crying, but less so.  

 

Jongin shook his head.  

 

Sehun nodded. "I thought so. You've always been so fucking oblivious to me. And that was ok. I'd accepted it, kind of. But then you kissed me and gave me a sick sense of false hope. Have we been together or not these last few weeks?!" 

 

Jongin opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.  

 

"Yeah exactly, you don't even know yourself. Well this is it, Jongin, you've made your choice. I'll always be second priority and I realise that now. Moving isn't going to change it. College isn't going to change it. Taemin will always be number one, won't he?" 

 

There was a moment of horrible silence. "Sehun...you're my best friend I-" 

 

"No." Sehun raised a hand. "Answer my question."  

 

Jongin gulped and squeezed his eyes tightly shut. The desire not to hurt his friend was outweighed by his duty to be truthful, to himself as well as Sehun. "Yes." He said quietly. "Taemin will always be number one." 

 

Sehun looked stony for all of 3 seconds before bringing his hands up to his face to clear away the tears. He'd always known, deep down. And now the time for crying was over. He could move on from Jongin for good.  

 

"I'm so sorry." Jongin hadn't seemed to get the no crying memo and tears started to fall from his eyes instead. "I care about you so much Sehun...but I've been so so stupid...I didn't mean to, I don't know, give you false hope or...I didn't even think about-" 

 

It took a lot of strength for Sehun to hold up another hand and say, "I know. It's ok. It's done." 

 

"I just...I just can't believe how unaware I've been like...I don't even know myself what I want or what's for the best or what the hell I'm doing like I just don't-!!" 

 

"Jongin." Sehun said firmly. "It's. Done. At least everyone's on the same page now." 

 

Except they weren't. Sehun may have come to the realisation that it would never work with Jongin. But Jongin had no idea what page he was on really, never mind Taemin. "Are we...are we gonna not even be friends?!" 

 

Sehun sighed and felt a huge lump return to his throat. "I'm gonna need time to deal with this." 

 

Jongin nodded a few times too quickly, and dried his face on his sleeve. There was a pause, before the two best friends walked a few steps forward and into the last embrace they'd have in a while.  

 

"You mean so much to me Sehun, we've been through so much together." Jongin mumbled, his voice almost inaudible because his lips were pressed so tightly to Sehun's shoulders.  

 

Sehun said nothing. He wasn't about to get into theatrics and whilst he knew it was true that he did mean a lot to Jongin, and that the stupid bear just wanted him to know that, he also knew that he'd never mean as much as Taemin did, and that, was finally, okay.  

 

\---  

 

Taemin woke up in a very familiar position. He was lying mostly on his tummy, with his face buried in Key's chest, (because using a friend as a pillow is very normal when sleeping on concrete) and there was bead of embarrassing drool dribbling down his chin. He'd slept surprisingly soundly after their lengthy chat the previous afternoon about what on earth they were going to do. Mainly because, even though nobody had come up with anything useful, he was actually content in going to the cops for once. Because it would make things right. Because it was the only option. Because his friends needed him.  

 

Before he even opened his eyes, he mulled on what excuse he would give to leave. He'd have to be careful not to let any emotion show, which was going to be hard. Especially as those such as Key and Jongin could read him like a book. Although Jongin wasn't up to reading anything, including people, so probably wouldn't notice. He and Sehun had come back only an hour after they'd left, both silent and teary. Then Taemin was pretty sure Jongin had spent most of the night up with Mei and Sunyoung, although when the blonde did finally manage to sit up and open his eyes, everyone was actually fast asleep.  

 

Except one, who was nowhere to be seen.  

 

"Hey where's Jonghyun?" Taemin asked, shaking Key's arm a few times to wake the guy up.  

 

"He said he'd gone to pee an hour ago." Another voice answered- Sunyoung, who had actually just been resting her eyes. This group's history with faking sleep continued on apparently.  

 

"An hour ago?" Alarm bells rang in Taemin's head. Minho sat straight up.  

 

"What's going on?" Key asked sleepily, but it was too late. Taemin and Minho were already getting up, dusting themselves off and heading for the door.  

 

"Nothing. Jjong said he had constipation last night so we'll just go check on him." Taemin blurted, "I need a shit too and Minho needs to find us all some spice, yeah?" He turned to his friend who muttered in agreement. "We'll only be a sec." 

 

"Ok?" Key said, still in the grog from sleep. His withdrawal probably wasn't helping him wake up.  

 

"Don't go finding any scary fuckers!" Sunyoung called, nervousness very apparent in her voice. "Spice isn't worth it!" 

 

"I won't!" Minho called back, himself and the blonde already half way down the corridor.  

 

"He wouldn't have, would he?!" Taemin squeaked, as they barged past some of the homeless losers downstairs. He'd have to forget about spice.  

 

Minho didn't reply and they just kept thundering down the street, very much in the opposite direction to the toilets. "If he has, I'll kill him." 

 

\--- 

Oooooooh what has jonghyun done? Is it obvious lol I can never tell myself. Anyway, next chap starts off depressing but promise things will get lighter and fluffier again soon. or at least not as miserable as it has been. This sequel is a rollarcoaster and honestly if this were a proper book or something, we'd be nearing the end, but im not sure im gonna do that, I still have ideas so we'll have to see what feels right ahaaa   

God I really hope this makes sense. I've had such a 'busy' week, or at least for me I have (appointments, appointments, kitty to vets (she's fine it's ok but I freaked out), boys, anxiety, appointments) so this hasn't been as checked as i would like...but don’t I always say that? XD  

Lots of love to you gentle person reading this <3 

 

Ps. I'll be nicer to sehun soon 

Pss. im not done with jimin :3 


	48. Growing Up: Just Keep Going

2 weeks later  

  

It was weird being home. Their ordeal back into homelessness had lasted only a few days, yet it seemed to have left everything different. A part of their group was missing, and there wasn't a moment that went by where the lack of his presence didn't leave a huge, gaping hole in everyone's hearts.   

  

To say that Key hadn't taken it well, was a giant understatement. The guy was in tatters. And not the screaming, crying, hysterical kind of tatters you might expect. Instead, he was silent, cold, and on the edge of numb. He'd barely spoken. Taemin was the only person he'd talk to, and even then it wasn't like they were having big heart to hearts. 

  

When he'd heard what Jonghyun had done, it was actually anger that overwhelmed any other emotions of panic or fear. Jonghyun may have gone to the cops himself for the greater good, but to do it without telling anyone, to just run off and make a huge, horrible decision like that on his fucking own...it was just terrible.  

  

Don't get Key wrong. The reason's Jonghyun had given on the phone just before he'd been arrested were logical, reasonable, incredibly kind and even heroic. Quote: "Babe, think about it! This is the only fast way we can get back to life and we need fast. And I'm the only one with nothing to lose. Minnie was thinking of doing it but you know we couldn't let that happen. You and him have jobs, I don't. You and him are also making great progress cutting down spice, I'm not. And I've never done anything actually terrible either have I? Sure there's probably some bad shit on my record, whatever. Stealing some shit, beating up a couple of guys and being a hooker isn't gonna get me locked up for very long. But if Minnie turned in Donghae, then he himself would get implicated in everything to do with the hotel. If you did, well you fucking stabbed someone Key. I know it's doubtful they'd know about that but we can't risk anyone ever catching drift of it even so. And if Minho did, then he's been involved in dealing and come on, that's gonna be on their radar. Besides he has Mei and we can't let her grow up with a daddy in prison. Given lying about our identity isn't an option, at least lying about the situation is. One of Donghae's minions literally stabbed my leg. I can go to the cops about that, I don't even have to mention the hotel. And if we get Junghee's word on the subject too, then that's even more 'proof'. No cop is gonna believe a word Donghae spouts about Taemin, he'll just sound like fucking mad man. I can just say he stabbed me because of beef to do with owing money...it's plausible, Chanyeol and Baek got drugs off him for crying out loud. I've thought this out, Key. The worst that can happen is I'll go to prison for a few months. That's way better than the alternate which is being too scared to go home and ending up back at our derelict shithole again, this time with a baby that'll probably get taken away. Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Don't cry. Baby. It'll be ok..." 

  

Key hadn't been able to argue very much more as hot angry tears had burned their way down his face. Everything Jonghyun had said he agreed with. The plan had indeed been thought out and probably was the only quick solution. But that still didn't make it better. That still didn't change the fact that he hadn't told anyone. That he'd probably have to go to jail for fuck knows how long. That they'd be apart and Key honestly didn't know how he was going to cope. 

  

Because it had only been 2 weeks, the verdict wasn't known. Junghee had got involved like they were hoping, thank god. She felt guilty for leaving Sun and Mei, probably, and was also just relieved that they were going to the cops at all. The group told her what to say, without telling her that it was in fact, mostly lies. Or at least bent truth where people like Taemin and things like the hotel were never mentioned (and slightly farfetched but believable reasons as to why Donghae might spout a load of bullshit.) She focused solely on backing Jonghyun's story about why he was stabbed and why they'd chased the group out of her trailer, and thankfully that seemed to be enough so far. Especially as a few neighbors from the trailer park had actually called the cops after noticing some 'hooligans' attempting to trash both Junghee's and the group's trailers. Obviously their trailer's being in a pretty bad state wasn't good, but the fact that more people had gone to the police over Donghae only made their story more credible.  

  

So it was looking like Donghae and a few of his associates would at least go down. But Jonghyun's fate was very much up in the air still. He'd been arrested. He'd been truthful about who he was and did indeed have an outstanding record. Mostly theft as he'd said, although there were a few cases of assault from back when he was psycho Jonghyun before Onew had cooled him down a bit. That was going to be an issue. But this was the only way. Lying about his identity would never have worked in the long run. So now it was just a waiting game.  

  

There was one glimmer of hope. Upon arriving back, Jongin and Sehun went straight to the shelter; a) to commiserate with Taeyeon, and b) to ask about more information about timings for college. The news had been shocking but good. Probably. It would only be 1 month until their induction. That wasn't any time at all to help the group re-settle into normal patterns again. Not that 'normal' was exactly a tangible goal now anyway. The seasons were changing. The clock had struck 12. Whatever analogy you want to use for it, everything was different again.  

 

Their trailer was a wreck to start with and it hadn't been that long before some neighbors intervened, so there wasn't actually that much to deal with back at there's. Junghee's on the other hand, was usually kept spotless, so hers had been dramatically turned upside down and that, really, was a task. Sunyoung and somewhat begrudgingly Minho, did the majority of the work. Which was the final chink in the chain for Junghee to ask Sun to be her official cleaner/helper person. The pay was obviously terrible. Junghee was poor herself. But it was noticeable that even in the relatively short time they'd known her, she'd gotten less able in her old age. This ordeal with Donghae had probably only added to that. Frail elderly people should never be involved in such things, although, who should. 

 

Jongin had been surprised by how Taemin seemed to be coping with everything. Not that he'd told him about college being so near yet, what a conversation that would be. But the blonde was as close to Jonghyun as Key was practically. And Taemin wasn't hysterical. Or numb like Key. Or even being a moody bitch. He actually seemed to have made it his mission in life to cheer Key up and the two of them were pretty much glued together for the first, at least 5 days of being back. Jongin didn't know if that was secretly because Taemin needed comfort himself, and didn't want to turn to Jongin because of the whole Sehun issue, so was clinging to Key and using trying to cheer the guy up as an excuse to be around someone he felt safe with, or whether he was just coping with everything well. Only time would tell, he guessed.  

 

With Sehun, he was determined to give the kid some space to be mad at him. It was only fair. He had accidentally chosen Taemin over the poor toddler in what could have been an utter catastrophe. He had to be patient and wait it out, even if it did kill him to have his best friend so angry and hurt. And the cold hard truth had been exposed, for everyone to see, including himself, whether he liked it or not. Taemin would always be number 1, and there was nothing he could do about that any more but accept it. Which was almost freeing. If he wasn't so terrified. Because Jongin knew deep in his heart that he was still mentally sitting on a knife edge. He'd literally wanted to beat Donghae to death. And yes, the creep probably deserved it, but that really wasn't the point. When they'd got back to their derelict shithole, he'd felt so unbelievably hopeless, that awful thoughts he wouldn't even dare to explain kept popping into his head, and it had taken all his willpower to internalize and not just go absolutely fucking nuts. If he was still that unstable, how was anything ever going to work? With college? With Taemin? With life? He wasn't prepared to answer these questions, or at least not this week. But it was however, time to tell the truth. And today seemed as good as any.  

 

"Look sorry Heechul, sorry." Taemin bit the corner of his lip as he listened to the reply. The phone was held so lazily in his hands and Sehun couldn't help obsessing over whether it was going to be dropped or not. "Yeah, I understand that. But I haven't been on a fucking vacation." Another pause. Taemin held up his hand as Key started to mouth 'I don't need babysitting' even though that was a lie. "No no, but no offense Heechul, you still owe me just a little bit don't you? Another day off isn't going to kill anyone."  

 

There was yelling on the other end of the line, that much was clear. Taemin pulled the phone away from his ear and rolled his eyes. He wasn't scared of Heechul firing him, or indeed stabbing him for his sheer disrespect, so what the fuck was there to be scared of? Leaving a withdrawn and lonely Key just wasn't an option tonight and yes, he'd only been into work a handful of times since being back, but for fucks sake, he worked in a bar. Someone else could just pore the fucking drinks.  

 

"I didn't ask you do to that." Key said darkly, when Taemin finally put the phone down. He got up from where he was slouched on the ground, barged past Sehun and rummaged around in the now very broken cupboards for a cigarette.  

 

"I know but. Well it'll be no fun around here without me." Taemin glanced at Sehun and blurted. "The toddler won't be much company."  

 

Sehun wasn't quite ready for jabs like that but decided to be the bigger man and swallow it down.  

 

"Sun and Mei will be back soon." Key said emotionlessly. He glanced out of one of the cracked windows. Dusk was already blanketing the outside and the world looked and felt very cold. No matter what he was saying, he was glad Taemin wasn't working. 2 musketeers were better than none.  

 

"Will they?" Taemin asked, he also peered out. "She's practically living at Junghee's since we've been back."  

 

Key looked around their trailer in disgust. "I don't blame her. Mei shouldn't be here when it's in this state.  

 

Taemin nodded in begrudging agreement. Although the damage was more noticeable at Junghee's, seeing as her trailer had been spotless to begin with, they had made more of an effort to clean it faster. And Mei was safer there. Which meant Sun was always there. Minho, on the other hand, did his own thing.  

 

The door swung open. "Hey." Jongin's voice made everyone jump. "Sorry, that's exactly what I didn't want to happen." 

 

Taemin pulled a face. "Then you might think twice before creeping up the track like the fucking child catcher."  

 

Jongin withheld a snort. It was probably the first time he'd felt the urge to laugh since they'd been home, but he wasn't about to let it out in front of Key or Sehun who obviously were not ready for humor. "I wasn't creeping. I was walking softly."  

 

"Same difference." Taemin perched himself on the kitchen counter by Key, whilst Jongin tentatively slumped himself nearish-but-not-too-near Sehun on the floor where all the sleeping bags were strewn.  

 

"Aren't you gonna ask me why I'm early?"  

 

Taemin sighed in the most condescending way he could muster. "Why are you early."   

 

"Cus I did overtime."  

 

"That was a fascinating story."  

 

"...Cus my boss said I had to." 

 

"You've got us all on the edge of our seats." 

 

"...Cus they're gonna be understaffed soon." 

 

"We can hardly take the suspense." 

 

"Cus I quit."  

 

Taemin opened his mouth in shock before the penny dropped. Key remained silent except for his smoking. Sehun tried not to let the Taebie conversation annoy him too much (although it was very fucking hard) and concentrated on the actual information.  

 

"Is it ok if we talk? If we all talk?" Jongin gave a pointed side eye to Key, who looked away immediately.  

 

Taemin frowned. "You've chosen now to make the big announcement you're leaving soon?" He shook his head in despair. "At least wait until everyone gets back." He winced, as did pretty much the entire trailer. Everyone didn't include Jonghyun and that was too painful to acknowledge.  

 

"Sun and Minho are never here." Jongin said simply. "Not that I blame them."  

 

"And I suppose you didn't wanna tell me on my own? In case I went nuts?"  

 

It was Jongin's turn to frown, and also feel horribly embarrassed. He glanced at Sehun apologetically. The toddler looked away just as Key had. "You're never on your own though."  

 

A small scoff erupted from Key's lips because he knew exactly what that meant, and he may have been fragile but still had his pride after all, so swiftly walked himself into the bedroom. The door didn't quite 'slam' behind him but it was very almost.  

 

Sehun also took his queue to leave and wondered towards the front door instead, planning on going to Junghee's. There was no point in Jongin telling him something he knew was happening. Of course Jongin had quit. He couldn't go to college miles away and keep his job here. A walking commute would have been impossible even for Super Bie. 

 

The room fell silent. It wasn't awkward, rather, heavy. With Taemin having been glued to Key, this was the first time they'd been properly alone together since being back. And everything had changed, as everyone was painfully aware of.   

 

Taemin walked to freezer and popped one of his pills, staying with his back turned for a good few moments too long to collect himself. He'd seen this coming, of course he had. There was no point in getting, whatever it was he would usually get. Unsurprisingly, that thought didn't comfort him all that much though.  

 

"Did you know?" Jongin shuffled himself across on the sleeping bags, allowing a little nook in the corner for Taemin to plonk himself down in and avoid anywhere Sehun's stuff might be. It wouldn't be a good idea to accidentally squish one of the toddler's belongings.  

 

"I suspected it but I wasn't sure." Taemin said softly. "I didn't wanna think about it cus, well, what Key's been going through is more important."  

 

Jongin nodded. It was weird, but sitting so close to each other was making his heart tug in the strangest way. Dusk was fading to night and the light was incredibly dim. The place should have seemed extremely gloomy but it didn't feel like that at all. In fact the whole mood wasn't something he'd been expecting in the slightest. He'd been dreading this conversation so much but now it was actually happening, calm seemed to be descending. "What about what you're going through?"  

 

Taemin shrugged. "I don't have a right to claim I'm going through anything anymore. Jonghyun turned himself in for me. Key's gonna lose contact with the love of his life for at least 6 months. How I feel doesn't matter. My "stupid, self obsessed, hysterics and dramas" as Sehun would call them, have no fucking place anymore." 

 

Jongin tried to take all of that in. He couldn't tell whether the information he'd just been given was good or not. "So does that mean you're coping...or just swallowing it down?"  

 

A small laugh erupted from the blonde's lips and he pulled his knees up to his chin. "A bit of both."  

 

"I just can't believe you're sticking with the cutting down spice thing through all this." Jongin said. He wished he hadn’t as Taemin's face darkened. 

 

"One of the reasons Jonghyun's doing this is because he doesn't want to see that happen. He wants me to get better."  

 

"Yeah." 

 

"I thought about just giving up trying, when we were back at our derelict place though."  

 

"So did I."  

 

"I know." Taemin put a lazy hand on Jongin's knee. "You were crazy catatonic and then just plain psycho street Bie." 

 

No offense was taken. "You were crazy hysterical and then just plain freaking out Minnie."  

 

There was a hum of agreement. "I guess that's just what homelessness does to us. Even for only 2 fucking days, we both went totally mental. Does it scare you how close to the edge we both are? Like right now, we're sitting here in the dark, and Jonghyun's probably gonna go to jail soon, and Key's probably meltdowning in the bedroom, and Sehun might be pissed at you forever, and Sun has practically fucking up'ed and left, and you're about tell me that college is really close and that's why you quit today. The only thing that's keeping either of us this side of sanity, is...what? Our trailer? That no one actually died this time? That we know we're gonna be able to eat tonight? That I'm not high as fucking kite all the time? Hope? What is it? Why aren't we screaming and shouting? Why aren't we taking it out on each other? Why aren't...I don't know...-" 

 

Jongin cut him off with the biggest bear hug in the world. Words couldn't even express how many times in the last 2 weeks he'd asked himself exactly the same questions. Everything Taemin had just expressed, he'd thought a billion times too. And it fucking baffled him. "I guess...everything's just different now."  

 

"But is that good?" Taemin buried his whole face in Jongin's shoulder so the words were muffled. The hug was so tight, and so fucking comforting, neither were sure they'd ever let go.  

 

"I don't know. I haven't been thinking it is, honestly. I've been wondering if, well if I could even cope with life at all given I'm this close to the fucking edge...but now...I'm not sure." There was a pause. "I mean maybe it is a good thing. Maybe we just have to accept that when one awful thing too many happens, we brake. But that before, we were just permanently broken so it didn't even seem like a change when something terrible happened." 

 

There was a small nod still buried in Jongin's shoulder. "So you think that...what? This is just the stage we're at in de-crazying ourselves? Like we'd fallen off the edge before. But now we're just close to it? And you think that, what? We'll get further away from it eventually if we just keep going?" 

 

Jongin hadn't consciously thought any of that but he wholeheartedly agreed now the words had been said. "Yeah. If we just keep going." 

 

Taemin nodded again before whispering an almost inaudible and slightly random, "It's what Onew would have wanted." 

 

"It's what Jonghyun does want."  

 

The grip on each other became tighter. "So when is it, then?"  

 

"A month, pretty much."  

 

"Okay."  

 

"Do you want me to stay?"  

 

There was a chuckle and no answer was needed. Of course Taemin wanted him to stay. They'd been through this. It was stupid to even ask. But staying wasn't an option. Keeping going, was. "Are you coping or swallowing though?" 

 

Jongin's mind went blank, and then down inappropriate alleys before he realized what the hay his ex was talking about. "Well I guess I have been swallowing all the shit down. It was scary how I felt back at our derelict place. Scary what I wanted to do to Donghae. But I must be coping better than I think I am else, well, this calm conversation wouldn’t be happening would it?"  

 

"Nope. We're doing better than we think we are." Taemin agreed. "Do you think this hug's gone on long enough?" 

 

"Not really. But you can pull away if you want to."  

 

Taemin didn’t. "How much do you think we'll see of each other when you're away?"  

 

"I don't know. Weekends depending on your shifts?" 

 

"Yeah."  

 

Jongin's heart sank before another question was asked slightly out of the blue. 

 

"If we keep going, like you said, and get further and further away from the 'edge'...do you think we'll ever reach a point where..." Taemin paused to reshuffle his position in the hug. "Where we'll wanna try again?" He wriggled again and then added a jokey, "Or are you still hung up on Sehun?" 

 

The sink in Jongin's heart rose a little. "You know the answer to that Minnie."  

 

"Down boy." Taemin laughed. He made his voice return to serious again. "But do you honestly really think that you and me could ever be together and it won't end up getting too intense and horrible?" 

 

Jongin hugged harder. "I honestly really don't know. But I'm also just a little honestly really done caring. And a lot's changed. We've changed." 

 

"Ok." Taemin finally broke their hug and pulled back. There was a hint of water in his eyes that Jongin hadn't expected. "Then we just keep going and see what happens."  

 

Jongin smiled sadly. "I like that plan."  

 

"And if either of us falls off the edge again..." 

 

"Then the other one'll be there to pick them back up." 

 

"Or yell at them." 

 

"Either way." 

 

\--- 

 

Today was D day. As in, decision day. As in, soon they would know the fate of one of their best friend's day.  

 

Everyone had gathered around the floor in a semicircle. Key's phone was placed ominously in the middle and it was a wonder the thing didn't burst into flames from all the sets of eyes staring at it. Jongin had Mei in his arms by choice, seeing as he was actually one of the best at keeping her calm now. Especially in Jonghyun's absence. Sunyoung sat beside him, with Sehun next, then Key and of course the Taemin glue, and lastly Minho. No one knew what time Jonghyun would be allowed to call, but they were in it for the long haul. This was the moment of truth and it didn't matter how long it took to wait for the news.  

 

An hour past.  

 

"God I wish we were just fucking there with him."  

 

It was Sunyoung who broke the silence first. She'd only said what everyone was thinking but that didn't stop the annoyed glances coming her way. It was just too painful to think that Jonghyun was dealing with this only with Junghee's help. Because of course they couldn't be there with him. Or at least, most of them couldn't. Taemin, Key, Minho and even probably Jongin and Sunyoung casually going down to his hearing would only lead to trouble. Sehun hadn't done anything illegal, nor had he any connections to the hotel, so in that regard he could have gone for moral support, but in Jonghyun's last phone call to Key (there had only been 2 and 3 freaking weeks had past by this point), he'd told everyone to make sure no one came, even those who could. His motives were unclear. Maybe the presence of one of his friends would make him emotional. Maybe he thought Donghae might try and spin lies about whoever decided to show up. Maybe he felt embarrassed about the so called issues of assaults from his past that were going to be mentioned. It didn’t matter. They respected his wishes.  

 

"Junghee'll look after him, I guess."  

 

The death stares turned to Sehun instead. Only Sunyoung looked like she agreed. "Yeah." She said. "Junghee's supportive and kind. If the worst happens...well...well...well at least she'll be there. Also, just a reminder, that we have to remember not to say anything about anything when he rings ok? The call will be being recorded I'm guessing and I don't want one of you dummies accidentally slipping something." 

 

"Sun." It was Jongin. He'd noticed Key's face darken, and Taemin's fist clench on the fabric of his top. "Kindly shut up."  

 

Sunyoung did, and as if on cue, the phone started to ring. 

 

It had barely even chirped once before Key's hand leapt out to grab it. His face immediately undarkened and instead molded into frantic panic, both eyebrows raised to the heavens. "Hello? Hello?"  

 

"Hey babe." Jonghyun's voice was tired, raspy and inaudible to everyone else.  

 

"Put it on speaker!!" Taemin shrieked, and in a moment of madness tried to grab the phone himself, only to be slapped away.  

 

Surprisingly, Key did as he'd been told though. 

 

"Can everyone hear m-?" Jonghyun started to ask. Taemin cut him off. 

 

"What's the news?! Are you ok?! How did it go?!"  

 

There was a small pause and everyone basically felt their blood draining from their heads, but then came a sigh and a quiet, "It went good."  

 

Key looked like he was about to vomit. "What do you mean?!" 

 

"Well, Donghae's going down. The cops didn't believe a word he was saying about all the 'lying whores', he sounded fucking insane."  

 

Although that was good, frankly, nobody gave a shit right now. "And what about you?!" Key gasped. 

 

There was another sigh, but this time it was much longer so made the line crackle terribly. "Can you take me off speaker for a sec baby?" 

 

"No!" Taemin was practically yelling, so Jongin bent around Minho to put a firm hand on his knee. "What's happened? How long have you got and what for?!" 

 

Sigh number three. "I've got a good 6 to 8 months, like we expected. Could be less on good behavior though." 

 

Everyone glanced at Key in horror, but the guy merely swallowed down the bile in his throat and hardened his eyes. "How much less." He said. It came out so brittle and forced that the sentence barely sounded like a question at all.  

 

"5 months."  

 

Key swallowed again. "Fine."  

 

"Fine?!" Taemin was already crying. "But I thought you might not...what the fuck?! How long ago was it that you did all that shit?! They're still holding a grudge cus you stole a bit of cash when we were homeless?!"  

 

"It's not the theft." Jonghyun said guiltily. "Assault is serious, Minnie. Running from the law is too. You know how I was back then. I put people in hospital. Bad people, sure, people who messed around with us, yeah, but what I did still isn't right. This isn't that long."  

 

"But you were like...19!!" Taemin screamed. "Sure you went a bit nuts over stuff but...but...!!" 

 

"Minnie." Jonghyun's tone was firm. "What would Onew do."  

 

Taemin looked like he was about to explode, but instead of staying there and screaming, he decided to take his tantrum elsewhere. Having a fit here was only going to make things worse for Key. He got up and ran into the bedroom to calm down. Jongin with Mei still tight in his arms, was right behind.  

 

"Baby will you put me off speaker now? I don't have long left and I wanna speak to you alone."  

 

Key's expression was still cold as ice and it seemed as if he was frozen, so Sunyoung grabbed the phone instead. "We all love you so much Jonghyun." She said quickly. "Mei misses you." 

 

Jonghyun laughed sadly. "Show her my picture so she doesn't forget me."  

 

"I will." Sunyoung replied. She pressed the button to cancel speaker and shoved the phone at Key, who took it emotionlessly, got up and made his way outside to the track.  

 

"We alone now?" 

 

"Mm." 

 

"It's ok baby, you can cry."  

 

Key felt his lip wobble.  

 

"Hey, it won't be so bad. It's only a few months. And it's warm in prison. And maybe I'll make new friends. And there's free food. And maybe I'll get even buffer. And a tattoo, you know, that's cool. And apparently there might even be help for losers who are addicted to shit, that'd be good." 

 

The stupid idiot was literally making jail sound like some kind of summer camp, but as much as Key wanted to yell at him, all that could escape from his lips were gasps and wails as hot, cascading tears flooded their way down his cheeks.  

 

"Really, I know we've never been apart for that long but-" 

 

"We've never been apart for a week!" 

 

"Yeah well I know, but I know you can manage. You still have Minnie. You're strong, Key." 

 

The sobs made it hard for Key to reply, but he tried his best. "I don’t care about me! I care about you! What if YOU don't cope! What if you get beaten or raped or...god I don't know! Onew is dead! He was the one who saved you when you were psycho all those years ago, not me! What if jail changes you back...what if it's too much...what if-" 

 

"Baby, baby, shh." Jonghyun started to cry too. It wasn't that he agreed with Key's fears though, quite the contrary. It was just the emotions were getting too much. "Please, please calm down," hiccup, "I'll be fine. I promise I'll be fine. I'm strong now. I'm really strong."  

 

Key took a few seconds to compose himself enough to speak again. "But I won't be there to look after you!"  

 

Only laughter mixed with sobs could be heard. "I thought I looked after you. And besides, Minnie's stronger now too so he can be the new me." 

 

Key wanted to roll his eyes and snip something sarcastic back, but the lump in his throat wouldn't allow lightness to this situation.  

 

"But look, babe." Jonghyun made himself stop crying with every ounce of willpower he had. "Our time is gonna be up soon so I gotta say this quick, but I really want you to start thinking about the future more now."  

 

Confusion darted across Key's face, and although Jonghyun obviously couldn't see it, he knew his lover well enough to presume the look was there. 

 

"Well things are really changing and, well, I've been thinking that we need to let it. Currently we've had what, your job, Minnie's job and Jongin's. So 3 incomes spread between 7 adults and one baby. And I know Minho brings in money sometimes and kind of takes care of himself and I know Junghee helps out sometimes with Meimei but-" 

 

"Get to the point!" Key managed to choke out. He was in slight disbelief that the stupid dino had chosen this moment to discuss money issues. 

 

"I'm just saying, well that's all different now. It's changed like, in the blink of an eye. Jongin and Sehun's accommodation is going to be funded when they get to college. I'm out of the picture for the next 6 or so months. Sun and Mei are practically living at Junghee's now. Minho with them, sort of. So most of the time, it's just going to be you and Minnie in the trailer, supporting yourselves. That's two incomes supporting two people. Don't you see what I'm saying here?"  

 

Key did see what he was saying, but he didn't like it one bit. "Sun doesn't live with Junghee!!" He snapped, "And just cus the old woman's giving her money now, doesn't mean she won't need help from us!" 

 

"I know I know...but you have to admit. Money wise things are looking up."  

 

"Oh my god." Key wanted to scream. Jonghyun had many good qualities and his ability to see the bright side in the face of pure horror was one of them. On some occasions however, it was very fucking aggravating. "I'm not having this conversation right now!"  

 

"Ok ok, but just think about it. If Sun's ok, then you and Minnie might not have to stay in that trailer anymore."  

 

"Shut up Jonghyun!" It was all getting too much. The changes. The emotions. Everything. 

 

"Sorry. Baby. Don't start crying again. I have to go really soon."  

 

Key desperately tried to pull himself together but for the remaining minute of their phone call, all he could do was cry, whilst Jonghyun whispered soothing if slightly hopeless words in his ear. "When...when's your next phone call?"  

 

"I don't know honey. But it shouldn't be that long. And I can write too I think."  

 

"Write?!" 

 

"Yeah yeah I think so."  

 

"Okay..." 

 

There was huge sigh and Jonghyun's voice cracked as he said, "I really have to go now."  

 

"Okay." Key nodded as if they were actually talking, when really all that was in his view was an endless, foggy track.  

 

"Is Minnie there? Sehun?"  

 

Key turned around to glance back at their trailer. Sehun was indeed looking out of one of the cracked windows with a face of deep concern. "Yeah." He managed to croak, salty tears running into his mouth as he spoke. "I'll be fine." 

 

"Ok. Me too. I love you. I'll speak to you soon. Don't worry 'bout a thing."  

 

"I love you." 

 

The line went dead. It was obvious, to Key at least, that despite his levelheaded words, Jonghyun was probably having the biggest sob in the world right now, still clinging onto the phone desperately. He wouldn't let himself imagine that image, and instead turned around to see a very worried looking Sehun walking towards him nervously.  

 

Key blinked a few times, broke down again, and the toddler came rushing in for a bear hug.  

 

"He'll be ok. He's really strong."  

 

Key nodded a few times into Sehun's shoulder.  

 

"The time'll pass faster than you think. He'll be back safe in no time."  

 

More crying, more nodding. 

 

"Everything's gonna be ok now. Donghae's away, Siwon's away. No one's out to get us. We're safe."  

 

Sehun, bless him, stayed outside and did Taemin's glue job for a good 20 minutes before Key had calmed down enough to go back inside.  

 

Taemin on the other hand, took even longer to sooth, and Jongin and poor little Mei were in the bedroom for probably an hour more. 

 

"I just can't get over the fact that it's all my fault." Taemin's eyes had been clamped shut but he made himself open them to look down at the little bundle in his arms. After he'd stopped the hysterics, Jongin had passed Mei over to him because despite his continuing reluctance to hold her, she honestly was the most soothing little being imaginable. In some weird way, her sheer existence put things into perspective and made the whole world seem like a less scary place. 

  

"But it's not." Jongin sighed. "It's not your fault Siwon tried to stab you. It's not your fault we got the hotel shut down. It's not your fault that an insane person got a grudge and tried to make us pay. It's not your fault that Jonghyun loves you. It's not your fault that he did bad things in his past which have come to the surface because of all this stuff which isn't your fault." 

 

"But I was the start of this, Bie. It was my choice to work for that hotel. That was and will always be, my fault." Taemin shut his eyes again and added a quick, "Jesus I can see why Sehun thinks you're under my voodoo spell or something. How can you vouch for me even in situations like this?" 

 

Jongin's expression was suddenly very serious. He put a firm hand on his ex's shoulder and made the blonde look up to face him. "Listen to me. You can't control everything. God knows, I've had to learn that the hard way. Yes you've made mistakes. So have I. Real talk, but I could say exactly the same thing you right now. Cus why did you go and work at that hotel?" 

 

There was a pause.  

 

"...Cus we had a fight. And then me and Key had a fight." 

 

"Yeah. And I was being a fucking asshole back then, wasn't I?" 

 

"Yeah. But so was I." 

 

"Well yeah." Jongin said, as if that was obvious. "But what I'm saying is, well, everything just leads to everything like dominos falling. You only have control over your domino and the domino directly after it. What happens 100 dominos from yours, couldn't be your fault, could it? You're not in control."  

 

Strangely that stupid analogy made a lot of sense.  

 

Jongin carried on. "Look, I'm probably never gonna be able to forgive myself for some of things I've said and done. But it's not healthy to be that way and I don't want that for you. Jonghyun's a grown up. He may act like a puppy but he's not one. He's made of steel. And you've got to forgive yourself." 

 

Taemin took a moment to process that. The pep talk had been much needed, but he did honestly feel like Jongin's words were far too kind and mostly undeserved. Sehun really did have a point about the bear's love goggles or whatever he called them.  

 

"I think he'll really be ok." Jongin whispered, misunderstanding the silence for worry, instead of guilt. "Like do you ever have that weird thing, when you see like, someone looking at us, and then you realize, oh man, we do actually look like scary street losers still and we're not just little lost lambs?" 

 

"...Huh?" 

 

Jongin cringed. "Like you know...to me and you, Jonghyun is just, well, Key's cuddly dino puppy who keeps you warm at night when we're pissed at each other." 

 

Taemin snorted. Mei pulled a perfectly timed 'I've got wind' face in his arms. 

 

"But to other people, people who don't know him, he's this scary looking, tattooed, pretty damn muscly, full grown man, who hangs around with a lot of people with knife shaped bulges in their pockets, smokes weed, and can't get a job."  

 

Taemin wanted to laugh at that horrifyingly accurate description, but thinking about how hard Jonghyun's constant struggles for work had been just hurt too much. The guy'd had it so tough, it was no wonder he'd never felt able to give up spice thus far. And it was definitely no wonder that he'd thought he was the one that was disposable enough to get sent to jail. Taemin welled up again but wouldn't let it out. He couldn't be a baby again today. Key was outside and needed him. Jongin was putting on a brave face and trying to be the stable one but it was clearly just an act. And there was a real fucking baby in his arms. Now was the time to deal with the situation they were in, not wallow in it. 'Just keep going' as Jongin had told him before. Just keep going.  

 

"Thanks for this." Taemin said, willing his voice to stay level and calm. "What do you think people see when they look at me?"  

 

Jongin sighed. "You don't want me to answer that." 

 

"Why?" 

 

"Well I'm thinking they think you're this ludicrously pretty, impossibly skinny, stupid dumb blonde." 

 

"Ah." Taemin probably agreed with that. Strangers often treated him as if they thought he was far more brainless and naïve than he actually was.  

 

"But that's not how we see you, so it's fine." Jongin said quickly.  

 

"I think how you guys see me would probably be worse than how strangers do, but I don't care." Taemin shrugged. "Aren't you gonna ask me how I think strangers look at you?" 

 

"I don't wanna know."  

 

Taemin selectively misheard that. "I think when they first see you they're put off by the resting bitch face, but you kind of have that rugged, I didn't shave but I'm still hot anyway appeal, so I'm sure some people think you're attractive." 

 

"Thanks." 

 

"Yeah. Although when you're in your work uniform, you just look kind of pathetic so." 

 

Jongin probably agreed with that too. Mei conveniently farted.  

 

"Ah." It took Taemin about 2 seconds to pass the baby over. The conversation had come to a stop, and the time for taking his mind off things was over. "I better go and see how Key is. Thanks for this Jongin, really." 

 

Jongin raised an eyebrow at the use of his actual name.  

 

"I wanted it to sound sincere." Taemin said, answering a question that had never been asked. He was already getting up off the cushions that lay in place of the mattress. "Saying 'thanks Bie' sounds too casual. Right. I'm going."  

 

Jongin nodded, and didn't bother to even peek out of the door when Taemin opened it. He didn't want to see if Key was inside or not, if he still had that lost, dark, hopeless look on his face, if as soon as Taemin saw it the blonde broke down again. The plan was to keep going regardless, and he was determined to do that. Although he'd need to get out of this room soon, the fart was on a whole other level today and she'd need boobing soon.  

 

Jonghyun, in his opinion, was a hero. Despite being told of the guy's past, it was hard for Jongin to imagine his friend as anything other than the stable, strong, easy going person he'd come to know. He'd be ok, he would. And if he wasn't, Jongin would be there for him to pick up the pieces, just as the dino boy had been there for him when he was crying in that alleyway. 

 

\---  

 

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo exhausted lol, or not lol, cri maybe. I guess I'm not in that much pain though so I shouldn't be moaning. Anyhoo, I haven't written much at all this week and I've tried to check this and make it flow but it doesn't, really. so pls bear with the shit until we get back to the good stuff! I lost a whole bunch of subscribers last week, I mean, only 10ish I guess, but it was like bam bam bam bam gone the day after I uploaded. It was probably a coincidence but I did wonder if I'd written anything last chapter which could be offensive but then I thought, hell, this whole fic could be offensive so I'm doin ok xD wishing you guys love and don't panic, but it's almost december which means it's almost christmas which means yikes. I wonder if I should write something seasonal into this fic, but I did already do that once and it was a bit eh, so eh.  

Thanks so much for being lovely and here and gentle hugs to all of you <3  


	49. Keep Calm: Rat To Hedgehog

"Taemin please you've got to believe me, I didn't know. I thought you guys owed him money. And I owed him for shit too, and he said that he'd beat me or worse if I didn't do what he asked me. Please, I know you must hate me so much but I really didn't-" 

 

Jimin's apology messages always seemed to get cut off. They were usually just the same explanation worded in a different way, and none of them made Taemin any less mad.  

 

"I'm so sorry, I really never wanted any of this to happen. He lied to me big time. I was just supposed to make friends with you to find out where you lived...but then well, we actually became friends for real and I wanted to back out but I just couldn't. I didn't know what he was going to do to me if I didn't tell him what he wanted to know and I-" 

 

"I really was your friend, Taemin. I know that sounds so hollow now like, I know it does but...please, I promise that me liking hanging out together wasn't a lie. And I really thought he just wanted to I don't know, repossess your trailer or something?! Steal the money sock?! I thought it was just about money! I thought he just wanted to take what he was owed...if I thought-" 

 

"Please call back, I'm so so sorry like I can't even explain it. I know you'll probably never forgive me but I just need you to know that, that I didn’t...I didn't want any of this to happen! If I thought you were in danger from him too like...I mean fuck's sake, you guys have a baby, obviously I wouldn't have gone along with him...I just-" 

 

There'd been more, many more, but they're all too boring to repeat. Taemin had no intention of ever replying because he had no intention of ever seeing the stupid kid again. Because even though he did actually believe Jimin that the idiot hadn't fully known how crazy Donghae was or indeed what he actually wanted, that didn't mean that what the kid did wasn't still totally unforgivable. And it wasn't just the morality that made Taemin so mad either. It had looked and felt like Jimin was actually starting to become a real friend. They had a lot in common, or so it seemed, and really had genuine fun together. Taemin hadn't felt that with anyone in a long time, not since Jongin and he first knew each other. To then be betrayed by someone that he'd actually let in, wasn't something he could forgive lightly. 

  

2 weeks had past since Jonghyun's sentence. Which meant only another 2 weeks until college. Life was still changing rapidly for everyone, but strangely enough, there was a sense of some kind of strength in the air reforming. It was especially weird how one minute this group could be crashing down into a pit of despair, but then somehow found the will to pick themselves up and dust themselves off again. Practice makes perfect as they say, and they all had more than enough experience dealing with aftermaths. 

 

Weirdly, the person who was coping the least was not actually Key. Nope, Key was only the second least coping. The worst one of the lot of them was actually Sehun. Which in a way, wasn't actually that weird. Key had the constant support and devotion from Taemin to keep him going, whereas Sehun still felt pretty alone, and being isolated is always a huge challenge. Don't get him wrong, he was looking forward to college more than every Christmas, birthday or fancy celebration you can imagine. But all that stuff with Donghae had truly shaken him to the core. Plus, he was still absolutely seething with Jongin, no matter how hard he tried to let it go. In usual circumstances, he'd just run to Key for some support, but that obviously wasn't an option this time. The guy was going through enough. And also, it hadn't just been Taemin who'd found Jimin's betrayal hard. Sehun had been becoming close with the kid too, so that was one less friend on the list. Sun was always caught up with Mei, and the tension between her and Minho was also getting a little worse since everything so it wasn't like Sehun could talk to her. And who else was there? Chanyeol? Baekhyun? He hadn't seen them since Jongin got so pissed at Yeol for prioritising Baekhyun's welfare over Taemin's. The irony was almost funny, but unsurprisingly, Sehun didn't find it so.  

 

"Have you seen my grey sweatshirt?"  

 

Everyone ignored him. Not deliberately of course, but no one was paying attention to anything other than what they were doing; Minho and Sunyoung having harsh words in the bedroom (this time it seemed to be about a job opportunity that Junghee had mentioned which didn't require ID or references- Sun wanted Minho to consider it, Minho wouldn't), Key leaning on the kitchen work top, writing a letter to Jonghyun in the worst handwriting Sehun had ever seen (he'd just come back from work and hadn't said a word to anyone beforehand), and lastly Taemin in the living area, multitasking comforting Mei, and staring down at his phone in horror. Jongin was still at work (it was his official last day after his two week notice) and would be back soon, not that his presence would make much of a difference seeing as Sehun really wasn't in the mood for his apologies. But he did need someone to help him find his sweatshirt.  

 

"Hey, Taemin. Move your ass for a sec will you? I think you're sitting on my stuff."  

 

Taemin didn't move, or even acknowledge that the toddler was speaking. His phone was apparently, far more interesting.  

 

"Taemin! Don't you have to go to the bar soon anyway?!" 

 

The blonde looked up wearily. "Yeah. But I just..." he shuffled to the side so Sehun could get to what was underneath him. Sadly, nothing but some dirty socks and a towel were lurking there. "Will you pop outside with me for a sec?"  

 

Sehun pulled a suspicious face. "Why." 

 

Taemin held up his phone. It was another message from Jimin: 

 

I'm coming over. I need to at least say sorry in person. Jongin and Key work right, so they won't be there? And I know you probably need to go to the bar yourself soon but it'll only take a few minutes. Please at least hear me out. 

 

Sehun's eyes widened. The message had been sent 10 minutes ago, meaning he was very likely already near. If Key saw him, that would be very, very, very bad. If Jongin came home whilst he was here, that would also be very, very, very bad. Sehun didn't know who Jimin should be more frightened of, honestly.  

 

"Key, will you take Mei for a sec so we can just-" 

 

Key looked up at Taemin with harsh eyes. "Can't you see I'm busy?" 

 

Taemin cringed, glanced towards the shut bedroom door where an argument was still clearly going on behind it, then grabbed Mei's coat and the biggest, fluffiest towel they owned to wrap her up in. It was cold outside and the little button was still on the skinny side, so didn't have a good layer of fat to keep her warm. "Let's meet him at the top of the track and tell him to fuck off, then come straight back."  

 

"Ok." Sehun nodded once. Grudges and bitterness could wait. They couldn't have Jongin or Key losing it. As much as Jimin had hurt them, he didn't want the guy to pay thaaaat much. With Key's knife wielding tendencies and Jongin's uncontrollable fists, the poor kid wouldn't stand a chance at getting away without at least one pretty bad owie. Nobody needed that. Especially with college drawing near. It sounded selfish, but if Jongin got in trouble for losing his shit, then that could jeopardise everything. No. That wasn't going to happen. They just needed to get Jimin as far away as possible.  

 

"If they come out," Taemin glanced at the bedroom door, "tell 'em we've gone up to Junghee's for some more milk ok?"  

 

Key gave a very sharp nod without bothering to even look up, before Sehun, Taemin and Mei rushed outside without another word.  

 

"You want me to hold her?" 

 

"No." Taemin said shortly. It was so bitterly cold that his breath created that cool dragon effect. "If she's in my arms, I'll be less likely to attack him myself."  

 

Sehun couldn't help agreeing with that. 

 

"Also, you're shit with her." 

 

Sehun agreed with that, too. 

 

It didn't take any time at all for both of them to leg it up the track. At first it looked like Jimin either hadn't arrived yet, or was a no show because fog stretched out in every direction, leaving the fields beyond a mystery. Buuut then a small figure appeared, hunched over and trudging towards them guiltily, and Taemin really was glad he had Mei else Sehun would have to be restraining him, too.  

 

"Oh god, you came-" 

 

"Only to tell you to fuck the hell off." Taemin snapped. "Bie'll be home soon from work and Key's already back. You don't want to see what they can do."  

 

Sehun, who was actually surprised by how not mad he was at Jimin since the kid looked so genuinely sorry, decided they needed some cover, so dragged Taemin's arm and lead the little group behind a bushy area next to one of the first trailers. At least now if Jongin appeared just as suddenly as Jimin had, the stupid bear was unlikely to be observant enough to spot them.  

 

"I'm sorry. I really will go in a sec I just-" 

 

"No! You'll go now!" Mei started to fuss in Taemin's arms. She clearly didn't like the tone of voice he was using. "If Jongin spots you, well, he's not the cuddly teddy bear he looks, believe me!"  

 

If Jimin was a puppy, which was a pretty accurate description of him right now honestly, then his ears would be flat, his tail between his legs, and his eyes all puss in boots-y. Sehun could believe he was thinking this, but he actually felt sorry for the kid. If everything else he'd told them about himself apart from Donghae had been true, then he really had no one. And he was still homeless. And he was just a kid. Shit.  

 

"I know he's not." Jimin gulped, "I heard on the grapevine that...well that Jongin did a pretty damn good job teaching Donghae a lesson."  

 

Taemin seemed to take a lot of offense at this. "Jongin was not 'teaching him a lesson' you childish cunt!"  

 

Sehun wanted very much to cover Mei's ears, then realised she was barely 3 months old.  

 

"What he did was self defence! Donghae had a knife at my back, you idiot. He could have killed me. His minion could have killed Sehun. If Jongin gave him a few owies, then it was because he had no choice. But don't get me wrong, with you, it would be a choice and I'm sure he'd enjoy teaching you a lesson."  

 

It was sort of a bluff, or at least Sehun thought it was. Jongin's actions weren't calculated and if he saw Jimin, his actions wouldn't have been a choice and he wouldn't have enjoyed losing it. But clearly Taemin didn't want Jimin to know that of course. Making Jongin seem like a scary bodyguard instead of the unstable, overemotional kid he was, was far more likely to make Jimin go faster.  

 

"Look, Taemin, Sehun, I'm so sorry. I can’t even explain to you how sorry I am. I never wanted any of this to happen. Donghae lied to me and I didn't have a choice anyway...I...well you know what it's like to be alone out here!!" 

 

Sehun glanced at Taemin, who refused to make eye contact and instead stared down at Mei. It may have been imagined, but Sehun thought he saw the blonde's expression soften just the slightest amount. After all, they both definitely knew what it was like to be alone out on the streets. It was hard not to want to forgive that excuse.  

 

"You just need to leave." Taemin said quietly. "I get that you didn't know. I understand that. But this was bigger than you'll ever be able to understand. It's not just Jonghyun. We have a fucking child to look after and you knew that."  

 

Jimin was on the verge of tears as his eyes fell on Mei also. "I know. I really just thought it was about money. I didn't think she was in danger."  

 

Sehun's ears pricked up. "Ur, guys."  

 

There was the distinctive sound of crunching footsteps on the track. Jongin's figure was barely visible from behind the bushes, but there was no doubt that it was him. 

 

Jimin literally turned white. "Ok. I've got to go." He glanced at Sehun, then Taemin one last time, before slipping away in the opposite direction he'd come to get as far away from the soon to be very angry bear as possible.  

 

Sehun felt a tug on his heart as he watched the kid go. He was about to say something, fuck knows what, when it seemed Taemin was having the same strange, sympathetic feelings. "Where are you sleeping tonight?" 

 

Jimin stopped dead. "Huh?"  

 

"Sleeping. Tonight. Where?" 

 

"In that park by the river, probably."  

 

Taemin mulled on it for a second. "Don't. There's a stairwell in that big apartment, near the cheap café. It'll be way safer." 

 

There was a hint of a small, grateful smile on Jimin's lips. "Thanks." 

 

"Fuck off." 

 

Jimin did.  

 

"Hey what the hell are you two doing behind there?!" 

 

Sehun and Taemin snapped their heads back to see Jongin, who'd decided to be observant today, staring at them with a look of total confusion.  

 

"We're making out." Taemin replied quickly. They both made their way through the bushes and back into the open, trying to smooth out whatever guilty expressions were left on their faces. 

 

"Making out with Meimei in your arms?"  

 

"Oh yeah cus that's what would be weird." Taemin rolled his eyes.  

 

Sehun gave the blonde a dark look. Jongin seemed to notice something else. 

 

"Hey who's that?" His eyes were squinted into the distance, presumably at Jimin's figure seeping into the fog. His face fell. They'd been so close. So fucking close. "Is that-" 

 

"No." Taemin said, shoving Mei into Jongin's arms as the worst tactic in the world to get him to not do anything. "Now let's get this one home, she's cold." 

 

"Have you two just been speaking to-?!" 

 

"No." Taemin lied again. "Bie. I'm not in the mood. We're going back to the trailer." 

 

Sehun actually felt himself cringe as Jongin's angry stare found him instead. "Was that Jimin?!" 

 

Taemin wasn't having it. "Bie, I swear to GOD, if you don't drop it I'm gonna-" 

 

Jongin was about to start yelling, and probably chuck Mei back at Taemin, and probably run into the fog after Jimin, and probably hit him, and probably yell even more. But then he noticed Sehun's cringe. And it wasn't just a casual notice, it was a 'holy shit I'm a monster if my best friend looks at me like that' type realisation. Taemin was too used to Jongin's hissy fits to be reacting in the same way. The blonde was clearly just losing his patience and preparing himself for the worst. But that look in Sehun's eyes was not a look he ever wanted to see again. He'd let that poor toddler down too many times and couldn't do it again. They were off to college soon. That meant keeping calm and carrying on, not losing it and going nuts.  

 

"What, that's it?" Taemin almost laughed as Jongin, Mei still tight in his arms, started storming down the track towards their trailer instead of into the fog. "Wow. You've grown dude, you've grown."  

 

Sehun breathed a sigh of relief. He'd understood. Jongin had noticed. That was for him.  

 

\--- 

 

Despite not doing anything, Jongin was in a foul mood for days over the fact that Jimin had dared to show his face. He was also pretty outraged that both Taemin and Sehun would be prepared to hear the guy out, even for a minute. Like how fucking long had grudges been held against Jongin in the past?! And yet there they were, apparently telling him not to go and scream at someone who'd contributed in their best friend going to jail?! It wasn't ok. But he still wouldn't do anything. Keeping Sehun on an even keel was more important than seeking vengeance on a dumb kid, and the toddler clearly wanted nothing but peace. So peace was what he was going to get. Hopefully. And anyway, if Jimin decided to show his face again, Key would probably be around, and then Jongin wouldn't have to worry about payback because there was no one on earth more pissed than Key at the moment.  

 

It was so weird without Jonghyun around. They'd been given a list of visiting dates, and the first one was coming up in a month. No one knew yet who'd be able to go. Obviously, everyone was chomping at the fucking bit to speak to the poor guy, but actually physically going to down to a jail when you're probably going to be spotted by at least one criminal who knows stuff, is very risky business.  

 

They'd only received one letter so far as it had only been 3 weeks. It was in two parts, one section for Key, and the other for 'Minnie and the other losers'. Charming, really. The note was written on the tiniest scrap of paper, in the worst handwriting Jongin had ever seen. Worse than Key's. Probably even worse than Taemin's. Lack of education will do that to you, he guessed. It was a miracle they could even write in general. Just another tick on the long list of why it was hard to find work when you've lived the life they had. There was hardly any punctuation either, and Jongin couldn't help obsessing over it. Not that his writing skills were exactly on point, but he had at least had a few more years of school under his belt. 

 

Minnie hey. I miss you a lot already. All of you. If you write back tell me how key really is. I know he'll probably be being a nightmare to live with but you just gotta cut him some slack yeah? Im fine. Really I am. No one has beaten me up yet lol. Altho don’t tell key this but there are some scary ass fuckers who keep stealing my shit. Its lonely. Altho my roommate isnt that bad. He snores but then so do you and jongin and sun and sehun. Oddly minho doesn’t right? If your reading this frog boy im proud of your nose. Im really bored. Its kind of like that homeless boredom cept with a roof. They make us do stuff but a lot of the time we're just in our cells and its not what I expected like. I can see why so many guys have even bigger muscles than me here. I'll probably be ripped as hell when I get out. Look forward to that. Hows giving up spice going? You're being good arent you? Theres all kinds of shit that gets passed on around here. I saw someone with cocaine, fuckk knows how he got that in here. Wont say more. This'll probably be read. But anyway. College is in a week or so right? Gonna have a going away party for them? Will you be ok without your ickle babybie? Lol. Sorry if you're reading this jongin. Has key talked to you about what I talked to him about? If he hasn’t I'll be pissed. Basically I think this group is splitting so much already then why not just like not piss about with it. Sun and mei you guys should move in with junghee for reals. Then minnie, you and key should leave the trailer for good. Jongin and sehun you'll be cosy at college I hope. Then minho, stop being a prick, and do whatever your woman wants ok. Sorry sun. Lady. Do whatever your lady wants. Idk why woman is offensive but there you go. Right. Im going. This is too long already. Give meimei a big hug and kiss from her favorite uncle. I miss her. Make sure she doesn’t forget me. And guys I love you all ok? and minnie be strong for key and don’t worry. the three musketeers will be back together soon xxx 

 

There was a tiny doodle at the end of 3 little stick men holding hands in the gayest way you can imagine 3 little stick men holding hands. One was buff, one was skinny, and one had whiskers and little kitty ears. It made Taemin cry, Sunyoung well up, Minho frown and Jongin and Sehun start thinking intently about the whole 'splitting' idea. College really was only a week now. It had crept up on all of them so fast, and the timing was really, horrible. It felt like the group needed far more time to adjust since Jonghyun's sentence. But that wasn't going to happen. And holy fuck, the guy couldn't have been more right. Jongin had no idea why it hadn't occurred to him until this point, but if Sun and Mei really were to move in with Junghee (Minho was the barrier there, fuck knows what he'd do), then it really might just end up with Taemin and Key alone in the trailer, supporting themselves. That would mean they might not even have to be in the trailer anymore. Holy. Fuck. 

 

"So do you want a party then?"  

 

"Huh?"  

 

"A party. 'Member in Jjong's letter?"  

 

"He was joking, Taemin." Jongin rolled his eyes and shuffled on the booth in Junghee's trailer. It was back to being near spotless again, thank god. The table in the living area was perfect for sorting out remaining paper work and provisional studying, and Junghee hadn't minded letting both Sehun and Jongin use it whenever they needed to. She really was a terribly kind lady, despite her flaws.  

 

"He wasn't. You don't get his tone in writing, but I do. That wasn't jokey writing."  

 

Jongin glanced passed Taemin, who was swinging his legs lazily from on top of the kitchen counter, to Sunyoung, who had Mei in one arm and was trying to heat up lasagne with the other. Junghee had popped out for some groceries, whilst Minho was...wherever Minho was, Sehun was at the shelter, and Key was at work. It was pretty much midday and the food smell was wafting into Jongin's nose torturously, so he put his pen down and got up to rummage for some noms himself.  

 

"I think some kind of send off would be a nice idea." Sunyoung said, ignoring Jongin's look and turning to Taemin instead. "Hold her for a sec while I check if it's cooked, yeah?" 

 

Taemin didn't hesitate. He could hold her without feeling too weird now. "Remember when you said you wouldn't trust us with a rat? And now you're just casually passing her over to me like it's nothing? I gotta say, I'm smug." 

 

"I'm glad you are." Sunyoung said flatly. The microwaved lasagne was clearly not hot, so she shoved it back in again. "And I'd trust you alone with a, I don't know, hedgehog now you're being so good with spice and all."  

 

"Graduated to a hedgehog?! Already?!" Taemin snorted, "Hear that Bie?!" 

 

Jongin rolled his eyes and barged past to the fridge, hoping to find something yummy in there. A yoghurt was the only thing even vaguely tempting, so he started nomming on that without a word. 

 

"Why's he so grumpy?" Sunyoung asked, talking about Jongin even though her eyeline was intent on the microwave.  

 

"He's still pissed cus Jimin came to apologise that night."  

 

"Ohhh." A ping was heard, Sunyoung rechecked, then put the stupid lasagne back in again. "Sehun mentioned that. He said he actually felt bad for the guy." 

 

Jongin almost choked on his yoghurt. "He said what?!" 

 

"Yeah." Sunyoung said casually. She glanced back at Taemin as Mei started to fuss. "Don't hold her like that Minnie, you know she spits up when she's on her side." 

 

Taemin did know, and now had regurgitated breast milk all over his chest. Lovely.  

 

"Sehun said he felt bad for Jimin?!"  

 

It was Sunyong's turn to roll her eyes. "Don't be a drama queen Jongin. It's Donghae you're really mad at." 

 

"Um no." Jongin scoffed. "I can be mad at both of them." He looked accusingly at Taemin before huffing back down on the booth again. "You don't feel bad for him, do you?!" 

 

Taemin shrugged. "I feel bad enough for him that I didn't want you to go beat the shit out of his squishy lil face."  

 

Jongin's expression went dark. "I wouldn't have done that. But yelling at him would have been cathartic." 

 

"Well I'm sure Sehun appreciated that you didn't." Taemin replied. "And I don't know how I feel. He's just a kid who didn't know what was really happening. But he's also a dumb cunt for going along with what he did. It doesn't really matter anyway, now does it? Jonghyun isn't going to get released no matter what I feel."  

 

There was a sad pause. Mei spat up again, breaking the tension thank god, and Sunyoung's lasagne pinged for a final time. It still was only warm (Junghee's microwave really had seen better days) but it'd do.  

 

"So do you want a party?" Taemin asked. He and Sunyoung also made their way to sit on the booth, squishing Jongin in the middle. Mei was old enough to at least hold her neck up now, so she enjoyed the change of scenery from the kitchen, and stared at all the bits and bobs on the table with wide eyes.  

 

"No." Jongin said bluntly. "It doesn't feel right to celebrate this. Not after everything that's happened. And it'll just..." 

 

"What?" 

 

"Make me cry. Make you cry." He turned to Sunyoung. "Even make you cry probably."  

 

"You think I like you that much?" 

 

Jongin shrugged. "I don't know about me, but I think you like Sehun that much." 

 

Sunyoung smiled. Jongin turned back to Taemin expectantly. 

 

"But it'll feel so anticlimactical if one morning you and Sehun just pack up and leave..." Taemin said. There was a twinge of some kind of deep, desperate sadness in his voice but luckily it disappeared in the next sentence. "And honestly I think we do have things to celebrate, Jonghyun or not. Like none of us being dead. Like me and Key both cutting it down to only one spliff a day, despite everything that's happened. Like Meimei being born and us coping with it pretty much, or at least not accidentally putting her in the freezer. I don't want you to go just...like it's not a big deal you know? It is a big deal." 

 

Jongin felt a lump form in this throat, but pushed it down and turned back to Sunyoung, who clearly wasn't enjoying her lasagne at all. "We don't have to call it a party, anyway." She said, mouth full to the brim. "Just a gathering, you know? We could invite Chanyeol and Baek and Taeyeon, even. People who you might not see so often." 

 

"This all sounds emotional and smooshy." Jongin groaned. "Sehun won't like it either."  

 

"What won't Sehun like?" 

 

The door pushed gently open to reveal the toddler. Taemin muttered something under his breath which vaguely sounded like "eavesdrop much", but no one heard except Mei who couldn’t understand a word anyway. 

 

"A gathering." Sunyoung answered, before Jongin could. "Of our friends, to send you off to college."  

 

Sehun frowned. "What like a party?" 

 

"No no." Sunyoung replied. She got up and handed him her lukewarm lasagne. "A gathering. You hungry?" 

 

"Yeah actually." Sehun took it and sat down in her warm spot, barely realising he was squeezed next to Jongin whom he'd still barely spoken to in a while. "Sounds nice, I guess. We could invite Chanyeol and Baek." 

 

Sunyoung looked smug.  

 

"Mommy I think she wants boob." Taemin was staring intently down at Mei, who was attempting to suckle the wet patch on his chest.  

 

Sunyoung's face fell, but she took her baby anyway. Mei always wanted boob. 

 

"Why are you back so early?" Jongin asked Sehun tentatively. He wondered if casual questions were appropriate given their on eggshells friendship but it was too late now. "Thought you were sorting last details out with Taeyeon?" 

 

Sehun suddenly looked very guilty, and a penny dropped for Taemin. That morning, the toddler had packed food and a blanket in his bag. Why the fuck would he do that if he was just going to see Taeyeon? It didn't matter. If Sehun wanted to forgive Jimin, then Sehun was allowed to as far as Taemin was concerned. Although that's not how Jongin would feel, so the conversation was better to move on pretty quick.  

 

"Didn't you say this morning that Taeyeon had to cut things short today cus of a meeting?"  

 

"Oh yeah." Sehun said, very grateful. "Yeah she's a busy...bee."  

 

Taemin snorted. Jongin cringed. Mei started boobing. Sunyoung took their talk to mean that a gathering, was indeed happening. 

 

\--- 

 

Goodness the weekend seems to roll around fast doesn't it? I'm really trying to get a chapter up every saturday or sunday atm but it comes so quick! This week's been awful actually. We got some very bad family news and yeah, awful, but anyway. Writing cheers me up and so do you guys. It's funny how much has changed since I first started writing this and i feel like i've grown with the characters in some weird way. (lol sappy i know, moving on)

So yas there will be a 'party' / 'gathering' / 'whatever you wanna call it'. Also didn't jongin do well lol they're being so damned mature at the moment. Well, comparatively anyway. I'm looking forward to writing the last newbie and taeminnie's day of fun soon :3 and i'm totally ready to forgive jimin lol idk how it's coming across but i want to pet him and tuck him up and pet him some more anywaaayy

So much love guys!!! <3 


	50. Bie & (M)innie's Afternoon Of Fun: That Time We Kissed

Hey baby. I don't even know what to reply I'm so fucking pissed at you. i miss you so much. Like I miss you so so so much. But im still angry. I wish there'd been another fucking way and I just...i don’t even know what to write! If this gets read by a police guy, fuck you. Fuck all of you!! Jonghyun I just. I need you back. And I can tell you're lying to me too by the way. Don’t give me this 'everyones so much nicer than you'd have thought' shit. You're locked up with a bunch of criminals, asshole. How stupid do you think I fucking am. If they harm one precious hair on your head tell them you have a very very scary 7 ft boyfriend (yeah I can see you smiling in my head at this right now, don’t patronize me) that will find them when they get out. And now im guessing you don’t want me to go into graphic details about what I'd do to them because this'll be read. WELL FUCK YOU COP READER GUY. And stop cringing jonghyun. Holy fuck we know each other too well like I could literally just have a conversation with you but in my mind because I know exactly what you'd say and how you'd react to everything. Jesus christ. And no I cant build myself a 'robo puppy dino boy'. Don’t joke with me jonghyun, not in the fucking mood. God this was supposed to be a love letter. Something to, idk, keep you going when you're all alone in your cell what the fuck am I doing. Altho you said you have a roommate right? And he's not so bad? Im gonna read the note you sent to Minnie too, just in case you were more honest in that one. Don’t think you can fool me. God. I'll stop. Im sorry. I don’t know why im like this. I don’t even have to say it but will anyway, I love you so much, words arent fucking enough. In my head im pressing our foreheads together and its adorable. Ignore that crinkly patch on the page, im not crying. I'll find a way to come see you, believe me. Stay strong for me like I know you can. these months will pass fast even tho I know they feel like a lifetime now. I dont know how to end this. I hope youre thinking of me in the shower if you know what I mean lol, are you smiling, I hope you are. Don’t cry. Sleep well tonight honey. Stay away from anyone creepy. Don’t try and make friends with any more losers, we got enough of them here. I love you. 

 

"You done?" Taemin may or may not have been reading over Key's shoulder, who's reply to Jonghyun's first note was the biggest fucking garble ever written, but at least it was heartfelt.  

 

"How long have you been standing there?"  

 

"Long enough to skim everything." Taemin replied honestly. He perched next to Key on the counter in their trailer, even though there was barely enough room for one butt, never mind two. "Surprised you didn't notice me honestly. Guess you were in the writing zone."  

 

"Mm." Key folded up the scrap of paper and roughly shoved it in an envelope. "Was it ok?"  

 

"It was a bit snippy at the beginning but he'll be used to that." 

 

Key shrugged. "Have you replied yet? You wanna stick your note in this envelope too?"  

 

"That sounds dirty." Sunyoung interrupted, as she barged through the door. She was holding the weirdest looking long piece of fabric in her hands and 2 markers.  

 

"Oh jesus." Key groaned, noticing the stuff. "I thought you said this wasn't a party." 

 

"It’s not." Sunyoung tutted. 

 

"Then why the banner?!" 

 

"Because." She shoved the markers at Taemin, and the fabric at Key. "Junghee thought it would be a nice touch to make the meaning of this 'gathering' obvious. It wasn't my idea. Now hurry the fuck up. Sehun and Jongin'll be home soon. How long does if fucking take to borrow suitcases anyway?"  

 

"I don't know why they didn't just shove their stuff in tote bags." Taemin sighed. He dug in his pocket for the note he'd written to Jonghyun, shoved it at Key, then popped the lid off the red marker. Red was Jongin's favourite colour. He didn't know what Sehun's was, but the other pen was in green, so that'd have to do.  

 

"Right." Sunyoung agreed. "When do you think they'll be leaving? Has Jongin told you?" 

 

Taemin shook his head. He'd honestly been avoiding Jongin one to one because really couldn't face a date being put to it. "No but induction is in 4 days so..." 

 

"Ah. So like, in 3 days? To give them a chance to settle in?" 

 

"I'm guessing." 

 

Sunyoung cocked her head to the side, her expression one of sympathy. "Sorry. Shouldn't have mentioned that."  

 

"It's fine." Taemin refused to be pitied and instead started doodling on the banner. "I'm fine." He wasn't lying either. It may have been daunting, but the distraction of trying to keep Key afloat, helping Sun with Mei, work and also dealing with continuous withdrawal had been so much to occupy his mind that he hadn't been able to obsess over the fact that in a few days, Jongin wouldn't be there when he came back. There wouldn't be a comforting sleepy bear's presence in the morning and there wouldn't be anyone to laugh with until cola came out of his nose. There wouldn't be someone to hug the tightest when the smallest thing went wrong and there wouldn't be anyone to overreact when it did either. There wouldn't be the ease of knowing his best friend was always right by his side, no matter what. There wouldn't be the safeness of knowing someone big and scary and ready to snap was always going to be right there whenever he needed help. See, when Taemin actually thought about it, he wanted to cry. But that didn't change the fact that he was fine. He was, fine. Change was good. And this was all he'd ever wanted for Jongin. A fresh start, new opportunities, hope for a brighter future. And let's not be melodramatic here and cut the smoosh. Jongin wasn't dying. He was going into higher education. No, Taemin was fine. Taemin. Was. Fine. 

 

"That looks shit."  

 

"Thanks." 

 

"I'm only being honest." 

 

Taemin leaned back and stared at his half of the banner. Key was right. It really did look shit.  

 

"You used to be good at drawing, where did the talent go?"  

 

Taemin snorted. "You must be feeling better if you can bitch about my art skills." 

 

"I can bitch about your art skills and still not feel better." 

 

"Whatever." 

 

The door opened again. This time, it was Minho, with a very ridiculous looking Mei in his arms. The little baby had no smart clothes, although neither did any of them other than for work, but he'd obviously tried to dress her up for the occasion. Her outfit consisted of a 2 sizes too big sleeper and coat (it was still cold as hell outside) with an absurdly long ribbon attached to the little fake pocket (babies don't need real pockets) and a wreath of itchy tinsel worn as a headband.  

 

"What the fuck have you done to her."  

 

Minho looked down at his daughter, to Taemin, and back again. He removed the tinsel, and tried again. "Jongin and Sehun'll be here any minute. Everyone's back at Junghee's waiting except all the important fucking people ie you guys."  

 

"Hear that?" Sunyoung asked, as they all packed up their stuff to leave. The banner would have to do. "We're important." 

 

Junghee's yard looked a sight. The kind old lady had been very sweet to let them use her trailer instead of there's because it was bigger, but none the less everyone was just gathered outside in the yard anyway. And everyone was a loose term. Junghee was there obviously, along with Taeyeon and another employee from the shelter Taemin recognised a little. Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and one of their friend's Kris, who had also been occasionally living behind the station when they were there, had also managed to come, thank god. And that was it, other than Key, Minho, Sun, Mei, and Taemin of course. Even little Sugar had decided to make an appearance, and was rubbing around Chanyeol's legs happily. It was a very small gathering and only close friends were allowed. It would have been complete, if 2 weren't missing. But 1 of those 2 would be back before they knew it, and that was enough to know, at least for right now.  

 

"Sun, Taemin, hey!"  

 

Baekhyun bounded, or rather, boundy-hobbled towards them eagerly, and accidentally thudded against the "bin of fire" placed in the centre of the yard for warmth. He wasn't the eager type usually, so it made Taemin feel fuzzy. It was actually pretty appalling how long it had been since they'd seen each other. "I met Mei!" he squeaked, facing Sunyoung as he gave Taemin a quick hug. "She's ADORABLE."  

 

Sunyoung snorted. "Didn't know you'd be so into babies."  

 

"Well I'm not. But, you know, I felt her kick in your tummy didn't I? She's one of the family." 

 

Taemin felt fuzzy again. "Did you hold her?" 

 

"Nah." Baekhyun pulled a face. "But 'Yeol did. And stuck that cute little decoration on her head." He glanced behind them to inspect Mei, who was still tight in her father's arms as Minho made 'conversation' with Kris and Taeyeon. "Hey...where'd it go?" 

 

There wasn't time to reply. Key was struggling to hang up the 'banner' on the outside of Junghee's front door so Taemin had to go help, Mei had a poop explosion, there was an abnormally large gush of wind which blew the bin fire out, and before they knew it, along came Jongin and Sehun. They were trudging up the track so gloomily until they saw their little group of friends. The reaction was sweet, really. Jongin looked totally confused as to what the hell was even going on until he read the banner, and Sehun smiled genuinely for the first time in a good few weeks.  

 

"Is this a...party?" Jongin asked, still utterly perplexed even though the banner spoke volumes. "And is that a dick below the word 'losers'?"  

 

Taemin withheld a snort. "No and yes." He glanced at Key. "At least someone appreciates my art skills." 

 

"I didn't say I appreciated it." Jongin blurted. "And if it's not a party, what is it?" 

 

"A gathering." 

 

"Ah." 

 

Sehun asked the next question. "Whose idea was this?"  

 

"Mine." Taemin replied, before Sunyoung had the chance. "Sort of. She helped."  

 

Sehun rolled his eyes before his attention was diverted, as Junghee brought out snacks. Everyone sort of split off into mini groups after that. Jongin, surprisingly, decided to at least momentarily drop his grudge with Chanyeol and spent almost half of the time talking with him. Sehun occasionally darted between chatting to them, and also with Key who seemed to be having somewhat deep conversations with Taeyeon and the other shelter employee. Taemin, Sunyoung, Baekhyun and Mei sectioned themselves off and even took to the comfort of Junghee's trailer at one point (the fire bin outside= not warm enough for a baby and 3 people with more bone than fat.) Minho had seemed to take to this Kris guy and they were having a few *cough* shady words in the corner of the yard. Junghee flitted between everyone, passing drinks and snacks and basically being the sweet mother hen that she was. 

 

Topics of conversation varied. Jonghyun was mentioned a lot. Taemin was asked profusely if he was ok. Mei was doted upon no end. Jongin and Sehun were interrogated about classes and studies and potential on the side jobs. A very typical afternoon indeed. But then it was getting late, and the more, shall we say, respectable guests either got tired or had to leave. The group then consisted of our lot with the addition of Chanyeol, Baek, and Kris who, without fear of being overheard by Junghee or shelter workers, were very damn intrigued to know about the gory details of the night with Donghae.  

 

"Ok so spill." Chanyeol beamed. His eyes glinted with cheeky school boy wonder in the light of the now fully blazing fire bin. They'd had to move it to the yard of their own trailer, as to not disturb a tired Junghee, or a fraught Sunyoung who was trying her best to put Mei to sleep there too. 

 

Unsurprisingly, the sun had gone down, and the alcohol bottles had risen, so Jongin took a nice long swig before replying. "Don't think we should get into this." He glanced nervously at Sehun. "It's kind of..." 

 

"Traumatic? Horrific? Disturbing? Devastating? Terrifying?" Taemin cut in. He smiled fakely at Chanyeol. "Want me to elaborate?" 

 

"Well yeah." Chanyeol said honestly. "There hasn't been good gossip like this in ages." 

 

Everyone glanced at Key nervously, worried that the light term of 'gossip' used to describe an event that almost killed two of his friends and got his boyfriend thrown into jail, wouldn't go down well. But luckily the cat boy was already pretty tipsy, so merely shrugged it off.  

 

"Sorry. I think that was tactless." Chanyeol said. Baekhyun snorted beside him. "But I mean...this Jimin kid. That must have been a fucking shock. You were close to him, weren't you Taemin?" 

 

Taemin didn't know what to say to that. He had been becoming close to Jimin, and had to admit it had been really horrible to feel so betrayed. But strangely enough, he was actually coping with that too. He wasn't as sad about losing Jimin as he should have been, and thought maybe again, it was connected to being on less spice. Cutting down the drugs had made him less irrational in *some* ways. And it's funny because obviously the only reason he'd ever turned to them in the first place, was to help him cope with life, but then they actually made it harder to cope with anything in the end. Actually, that's not that funny.  

 

"Minnie?" Jongin nudged his ex's arm. "You've been silent for like, 30 seconds."  

 

"Oh." Taemin felt red flush his cheeks and turned back to Chanyeol. "Yeah I was close to him I guess. Or at least getting close. It was a shock. But I'm fine. I'm actually...fine." 

 

"Who are you and what have you done to Taeminnie?" 

 

"Touche." 

 

"And what about you, Sehun?" As Chanyeol turned his attention to the toddler, so did everyone else. 

 

"What about me?"  

 

"Well it was a near death experience for you too right? And you were also friends with Jimin?" Chanyeol paused awkwardly. "I'm gonna shut up now." 

 

"Good idea." Baekhyun said, patronizingly patting his boyfriend's knee. "We did see Jimin the other night though." 

 

"Where?" Sehun suddenly looked interested.  

 

"Down by some stairwell I think all on his own. Right pitiful sight. The loser's gotta find himself some friends who aren't insane."  

 

Taemin laughed. "That's not an easy thing to do out here." 

 

"Good point-" Baekhyun smirked. He was about to continue when his peripheral vision caught Jongin's expression. "Maybe we shouldn't talk about traitors anymore, I think your boyfriend's about to have a hernia." 

 

Taemin glanced at Jongin automatically. "Mm." He hummed, before realising the b word. "Also we haven't been together in like, a year."  

 

"Oh yeah I always forget."  

 

There was pause, before Key made this weird little tipsy laugh because something had amused him apparently, and everyone decided another change of subject was required.  

 

"So Minho, you can be honest. That old lady seemed nice and all but it's gotta be annoying having her around all the time right?" 

 

Minho gave Chanyeol a dark look, took a swig out of his drink, but then actually replied. "It is."  

 

Chanyeol nodded and turned to his friend, Kris, who'd apparently zoned out. "Same thing happened to you right, back in the day? You take someone's charity and then it feels like you can't get rid of em."  

 

"That's not how it is." Minho said quietly. "Sun's just too..." He cut himself off. Personal issues he had with his girlfriend were exactly that. Personal.  

 

"Well I think it's super rude of you to be this nosey." Taemin said plainly. He was obviously joking but there was some truth behind it. "I think it's my turn anyway. How's the debt going?"  

 

"As in, have we paid it off yet?" Baekhyun asked. 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"Well no." Came the short and not very sweet reply. Taemin went blank so he continued. "I mean Donghae being locked up has helped, thanks by the way, but he isn't the only person we owe money to." 

 

"You two need to get your shit together." Jongin said, very unhelpfully.  

 

"What like you?" Chanyeol joked. 

 

"Pretty much." 

 

Taemin smiled in amusement before his eyeline caught Sehun, and he realised the toddler had gone almost as quiet as Minho was usually.  

 

Baekhyun seemed to notice too. "So Sehun, what are you doing tomorrow? You wanna hang out?" 

 

Sehun frowned as if that was a very stupid question indeed. "I'm finishing packing. Duh." 

 

Taemin frowned too. "You still have 2 days to pack and what is there anyway? Sleeping bags and socks? There's no need to rush it tomorrow." 

 

There was a pause as a look of confusion and worry darted across Sehun's face. He glanced at Jongin, who glanced at Taemin, who glanced at Key, who really was too drunk at this point to glance at anyone.  

 

"Er Minnie." Jongin said nervously, "We leave in 2 days, not 3. Tomorrow is our last chance to get everything organised. I thought you knew that." 

 

We've already talked about how weird it is that a person can go from being perfectly ok and coping, to absolutely 100% not dealing and feeling like the whole world is spinning out of control in the blink of an eye. But it truly was the reality that the whole group's mindset was facing at the moment, and right now, Taemin couldn't escape the dread crawling into his body. He didn't know what it was. Rationally, 2 days instead of 3 made no difference. But thinking logically didn't make the blood drain any less from his head, his knuckles turn any less white, and his chest not feel like it was closing in with panic.  

 

"What?!" He squeaked, "But I thought...I thought it was 3? The calendar on your phone...it has a little red marker on 3 days away I swear!!" 

 

"Yeah cus that's induction." Jongin said quickly. "But we need to go the day before to unpack and settle in...I thought you knew that?" 

 

Taemin's eyes widened and he got up in horror. "HOW COULD I KNOW THAT IF YOU DON'T TELL ME?!" 

 

"I-I-" 

 

"SO TOMORROW, WHAT? YOU'RE GONNA SPEND THE WHOLE TIME PACKING AND THEN JUST GO AND THAT'S IT?!" 

 

"Minnie I-" 

 

"WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME? WERE YOU EVEN GONNA MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT AT ALL OR WAS I JUST GONNA WAKE UP AND YOU'D BE GONE?!" 

 

"Taemin!!" Jongin got up too and put both hands on the blonde's shoulders, only to be shaken off immediately. "You're being ridiculous!" 

 

"I'M BEING NORMAL!" Taemin screeched, "WHAT IS IT YOU ALWAYS USED TO SAY? 'IT'S NORMAL TO FEEL JELOUS WHEN BLAH BLAH BLAH', WELL IT'S NORMAL TO FEEL UPSET WHEN YOUR BOYFR-" he shook his head once in despair, "EX BOYFRIEND ROOMATE FRIEND BIE PERSON IDIOT DOESN'T TELL YOU WHEN THEY'RE PERMENENTLY LEAVING!!"  

 

With that, the blonde kicked the little stool he'd been sitting on, barged past a very anxious (and frankly mortified) looking Jongin, and started power walking down the track like a fucking bulldozer.  

 

"Well at least we have dirt to talk about now." Chanyeol smirked. He turned to Baekhyun, just as Jongin started going after Taemin himself. The last thing the bear heard was Key's drunk laughter before he seeped into the darkness on a blonde hunt.  

 

"Minnie! Minnie! Will you fucking stop?!"  

 

Taemin wasn't even running so it didn't take any time at all to catch up with him. Even so, as soon as Jongin did, the blonde just kept going.  

 

"I feel like all I do is chase people these days!" Jongin moaned, "Jesus! Will you just-" he ran ahead and blocked the blonde's way, outstretching both hands to firmly place on his ex's shoulders. "Will you just talk to me? Why are you so upset? You knew it was in a few days!"  

 

"I thought it was 3 days!!" Taemin hissed, about to shake Jongin off again when the bear sighed deeply.  

 

"I had a feeling you did." 

 

"What?!" 

 

"Well I mean I didn't know, but well, I haven't exactly been concrete about telling you all the details have I? So I was worried you might be hazy on dates and stuff. But then I thought that might actually be a good thing." 

 

"Why the fuck would you think that?!" 

 

Jongin let his arms fall from Taemin's shoulders and down to his sides. "Well I figured it might make things easier. I don't want us dreading a date or anything you know? I mean I- I-" 

 

"Stop stuttering!" 

 

"I just...I just didn't want to make a big deal out of this. What is it YOU used to say to me? Don't be melodramatic? I'm not dying. I'm not going away 'permanently'!"  

 

Taemin made a noise that was the very definition of the word 'huff'. "But this is a big deal though. It's...I don't know...it's just now this is happening it's not what I thought it should be! This stupid going away party-" 

 

"Gathering." 

 

"I'll fucking cut you." Taemin snapped. He carried on none the less. "-It's like it's not enough! There should be something big happening...something good...there should be fireworks sending you off...there should be..." 

 

Jongin kissed him.  

 

As their mouths connected, a sense of calm seemed to fall for the smallest split of a second. Taemin's hands grasped subconsciously at Jongin's coat, crinkling the fabric in his fists. Two warm hands were placed on both of his cheeks, and their two bodies merged. It was over in the blink of an eye, but it had been wonderful while it lasted. 

 

"Why did you do that?" Taemin asked quietly. Their faces were still so close together that Jongin's hot breath tickled his cupids bow.  

 

"I just wanted to." Came the whisper in reply. "And because us together...is something...good."  

 

A small smile crept onto Taemin's lips but he made it disappear. "You sure about that?" 

 

"No." Jongin's mouth curved up also. "But I'm sure I'm done caring."  

 

Taemin connected their lips again. It was a craving he'd been without for so long, and now he'd felt the feeling only Jongin gave him again, he really didn't want to let it go. "I'd hoped...I don't know..." He trailed off, mouths still only inches apart, arms in a blissful tangle around each other. "...That maybe once you were all ready we could spend some time together? Some proper alone time like we haven't in a while...?" 

 

"Newbie and Taeminnie's day of fun again?"  

 

Taemin snorted. 

 

"That was way too close to my ear." 

 

"Sorry." It was as insincere an apology as they get. "But like, if you're packing and stuff tomorrow, then going the day after...I dunno it just throws off everything. My goodbye rhythm is all wrong now." 

 

"Your goodbye rhythm?"  

 

"Well yeah like I needed another day to psych myself up for it."  

 

Jongin sighed. "I get it. Well, tomorrow...if we get up hella early and if you help me then maybe we could sort out everything I need to sort, pop to the shelter and whatever in the morning. Then the afternoon before you go to work is ours."  

 

"Newbie and Taeminnie's afternoon of fun?" 

 

"Yeah." 

 

A solemn look struck across the blonde's face as he thought about it. "I guess that'll have to do." 

 

"I'm sorry I wasn't clearer about all of this." 

 

"You should be." 

 

Instead of a kiss, the hug they were currently in intensified from comfortably together to on the cusp of squishing. "When it does come for me to actually go," Jongin whispered, "I'm not going to say goodbye to you ok?" 

 

Taemin clamped his eyes shut. He knew exactly what that meant. When it really was go time and Jongin and Sehun were about to catch a coach or whatever to the train or whatever, then Sun, Key and Minho would probably gather for one last hug and farewell. It would not be a good idea for Taemin to be heavily involved in that, when emotions may potentially be running very high. "I get it." 

 

"Then tomorrow afternoon, ok? We'll do something nice. Just nice. Any ideas?" 

 

"We could sit on a park bench."  

 

Jongin nodded. "Good plan." 

 

\---  

 

They didn't actually sit on a park bench and Taemin didn't actually help Jongin get anything sorted but neither mattered. It had been a slightly topsy turvy morning. Key had woken up with the worst hangover on god's earth. He hadn't even drank thaaat much, although depression and constant withdrawal were probably adding to the alcohol's effects so maybe that's why he felt so bad. In any case, Taemin decided to call in sick for him (Heechul hadn't got the guts to fire Key either, thank god) and stayed around the trailer to hold his hair back as he puked. Not that his hair was long enough to need holding, but it's the sentiment that counts.  

 

Apparently, Minho had seemed to 'hit it off' with Kris the previous night, and after Chanyeol and Baekhyun said their goodbyes, the two of them stayed talking around the bin fire for hours. Suss, if you ask Taemin. Sunyoung clearly thought the same. Her and Minho had a row which lasted from exactly 9:03 to 11:01. 2 hours give or take minutes. That's a long ass time, especially when you've got a newborn around. Which they didn't, because Mei'd been shipped off to Junghee's while they fought. Not ideal. Not nice. None of Taemin's business.  

 

It was very early indeed that Jongin and Sehun left for the shelter to sort out the last bits and bobs with Taeyeon. Taemin wasn't entirely sure what they were doing, but didn't ask. He wondered if things were still super awkward between his ex and the toddler. He hoped they weren't. He hoped they could still be friends. He hoped Sehun was ok. He also wondered if Jongin was as happy as he was about the kiss last night that probably meant nothing. Knowing Jongin as he did, that wondering only lasted seconds. The guy had probably been up all night like a fucking school girl dreaming about her crush. Taemin wouldn't massage his ego thinking about it. The notion that they were both stable enough to be back together still seemed slightly out of reach. It was moot anyway. College isn't the time Jongin should feel pinned down by his unstable, still very drug addicted ex.  

 

"What are you gonna do this afternoon?" Jongin asked, glancing at Sehun whilst simultaneously turning the trailer upside down in the hunt for an object he wouldn't tell anyone about. "Jesus, Key, will you move?" 

 

It was now noon, and Key had been lying in the same spot for 3 hours feeling like death. From the look on his face, it was a wonder the cat boy hadn't sliced Jongin open right then and there.  

 

Taemin laughed nervously. "You're still packing?! Like, we own nothing Bie. We literally own nothing. Whatever's left, who gives a shit?" 

 

"It's important." Jongin huffed. He whirled around Taemin to get behind Key, making very sure to tread a good 5 inch radius around the guy. "And every piece of nothing is fucking unfindable in this baby stuff slash drug packet slash clothes everywhere trailer!" 

 

Sehun rolled his eyes. "I don't know what I'm doing. Baekhyun said if I wanted to hang out I could go find them...so I might do that."  

 

Key seemed to prick his ears up at the answer. "Where did you get off to last night after the 'gathering' huh toddler?" 

 

A sudden guilty expression flashed across Sehun's face. He composed himself instantly however, as if it was never there. "I went for a late night walk to clear my head." 

 

"What needed clearing from it?" Key asked, in that condescending-suspicious tone only he could.  

 

"Oh I don't know." Sehun said sarcastically. "Life changing things happening tomorrow. Was almost stabbed a few weeks ago. One of our closest friends in jail. The usual, the usual." 

 

"Don't be a brat." Key snapped. "You sound like Minnie." 

 

Both the blonde and the toddler glanced at each other pointedly- Taemin with a raised eyebrow, Sehun a look of utter distain.  

 

"Anyway no," Key carried on, "Chanyeol and Baekhyun are....great. But how about, I don't know, me, you and Sun get some food and watch something at Junghee's? I'm not up to doing anything but your last day should be nice and, well, Chanyeol and Baek...they're not the best role models." 

 

Jongin snorted very loudly but decided to bite his lip not to say 'how are any of us any better' because Key clearly wasn't in the mood to be pressed and he didn't fancy a knife flying at his dick. 

 

"Chanyeol and Baek are good guys." Sehun said plainly. "They may be idiots sometimes but they look out for me. And no offence." He glanced out of the window in case Sun was back from Junghee's and could overhear them from the yard. "But I don't really fancy spending the rest of the day with a hungover you, a moody pissed out Sun ranting about Minho, and a fussy Meimei."  

 

Key shrugged and grabbed a jacket to lie over his face. "I see your point." 

 

Taemin also saw his point, but it was a little different from the one Key had. Maybe it was only apparent to him, but it felt kind of obvious that the toddler hadn't just gone for a casual stroll the previous evening, and also had no intention of meeting up with Yeol or Baek today. He was probably going to see Jimin. Which, if Taemin was completely honest, wasn't that bad really. Sure, the guy had betrayed them and was a cunt because of it. But he was also a homeless kid who had no one. A homeless, likeable, kid who had no one. Again, none of Taemin's business. He just hoped neither Jongin or Key would be bright enough to catch on. 

 

"Can we go now?" 

 

Jongin groaned. He was now in the bedroom, standing on the sofa cushions (which replaced the singed mattress we won't mention), still looking for whatever it was he was looking for. "Fine. Yeah. Let's go."  

 

"You got money?"  

 

"Er." The pocket search lasted at least 30 seconds. "No." 

 

Taemin sighed and got down on his hands and knees to find the sock beneath their pile of sleeping bags, pulling out a good $20. "Leggo."  

 

"So park bench ammirite?" Jongin asked, just as they reached the end of the track.  

 

Taemin shook his head, grabbed the bear's hand in his, and smiled. "Change of plan." 

 

Jongin beamed. It was cute.  

 

"Member our first day of fun when we went to that fair?" Taemin asked, as they set off in the vague direction of town. 

 

"There's a fair around?" 

 

"No."  

 

Jongin's smile faded. "You got my hopes up there." 

 

"Let me finish." Taemin cuffed a rock with his shoe. "And do you remember the second day of fun when we went to that arcade?"  

 

"Course I do. Now is this gonna turn into a montage or are you gonna tell me where we're going?" 

 

Taemin smirked. "I'm just asking to remind you that all we seem to do on these days is stuff for little kids." 

 

"What's wrong with that?" 

 

"Well nothing. Everyone still likes stuff they did when they were a kid, even if they don't admit it." 

 

"Agreed." Jongin nodded once, before kicking the same rock and sending it flying off in front of them like a pebble skipping on water. "But seriously Minnie, where are you taking me."  

 

"You'll see." Taemin replied, his nose crinkling like a cutesy-kawaii-aegyo-filled school girl in a Japanese uniform that everyone wants to shake. 

 

Jongin shrugged. He was in this for the ride. "I don't care anyway. I think we could have fun in a ditch."  

 

"We have had fun in a ditch." Taemin scoffed. "And under a bridge. And freezing our asses off in a car park. And-" 

 

"Yeah ok. Those times weren't exactly what I'd call fun."  

 

"No but there was fun in them." Taemin insisted. They'd caught up to the rock, so he kicked it out in front again. "If you looked hard enough for it."  

 

"True." Jongin shrugged. "Really really really hard."  

 

"Yeah well you're not gonna have to look that hard for it today."  

 

Jongin sent the rock flying again.  

 

"It's like we're going to disneyland, but here."  

 

"I think I'd rather just hang on a bench."  

 

Taemin took no notice, and the two of them kept talking about nonsense until they reached town. Which, from the trailer park, was quite a long walk at the slow pace they were going. But it was nice. Time was on their side today. Tomorrow didn't exist. The clock had metaphorically stopped for a few hours, and living in the moment was all there was. Jongin hadn't been lying when he'd said that they could have fun in a ditch. It may have been 'lame' or 'corny' or just plain sad, but the alone time he'd spent with Taemin, just hanging out like this, being friends and not stressing about the future, really had been the most fun he'd ever had in his life. It was also probably the only thing that had kept him going through endless dark months on the streets. However hard their relationship had become, the good it did would never be spoiled.  

 

"Ok we're near." Taemin said happily.  

 

Jongin frowned. Instead of going directly into town, they seemed to be keeping to the outskirts. The place was that weird in between of country side and buildings merging together. Nothing interesting ever happened here. "Disney land here we come." 

 

"Right." 

 

"You're the Minnie to my Mickey." Jongin blurted. He wished he hadn't because the look his ex was giving him made his insides blush, never mind his cheeks. 

 

The two of them only wondered for 2 more minutes until Taemin stopped, smiled, pointed and said, "It's through there."  

 

Another frown crossed Jongin's face as he stared into the distance at what appeared to be a grassy slope leading to nowhere. There were quite a few trees behind said slope, but not so many that you could call it a wood. A large fence obstructed their way. "Are you gonna chloroform me or something?"  

 

"Nah." Taemin started picking up the pace eagerly. "But that's a good idea for the future, maybe. Can you get through or are you too fat?" 

 

Jongin stuck an arm through the fence as soon as they reached it. "Too fat."  

 

"Well at least there are no death spikes this time."  

 

It was true. This fence was a lot smaller and a lot friendlier than the last one they'd climbed. Still, this wasn't exactly what Jongin would call disney land. Yet.  

 

"Oh my god!!"  

 

"I know RIGHT!"  

 

Now standing a few meters away from the fence on the other side, what appeared down the slope had become clearly visible. It was like a scene out of an old children's book; autumn leaves scattered gracefully over and around a small, delicate stream ideal for pooh sticks. Above, there was a long rope attached to one of the biggest branches of a sturdy looking tree, with a tire dangling invitingly at the end. If it wasn't so bitterly cold, Jongin would have very much liked to sleep here under the stars. Although outside sleeping was something he wasn't prepared to try again in a very long time.  

 

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Taemin beamed, "Imagine what it's like in the snow with this slope and everything. You could sleigh down it. Damn. I wish we had something like this near when I was a kid."  

 

"I can't believe you're just telling me about this place now?!" Jongin practically squeaked. He grabbed his best friend's hand and the two of them roughly clambered down to the stream.  

 

"I only found out about it last week." Taemin said, slightly grumpily. "Key took me down here. Apparently, this was the spot he and Jjong used to come down to on their avoiding everyone else walks."  

 

"Rude." 

 

"That's what I thought." Taemin bent down to the water and dipped a finger in. "But he doesn't have anyone to come here with now so he finally told me about it."  

 

A shudder crept down Jongin's spine. 

 

"What?" 

 

The bear clamped his eyes shut. "I dunno I was just imagining the sloppy kisses they gave each other down here and what if...ewww. Pass the brain bleach."  

 

Taemin snorted. "Prude."  

 

Jongin shook it off. "So who gets the first go on the swing?"  

 

"Me." Taemin said brightly. "Key wouldn't let me on it before, I'm dying." 

 

"Why wouldn't he let you use it?" 

 

"Cus apparently it looks 'unsafe' and he said I could brake something." 

 

Jongin hopped on a little rock over the stream to get a closer look at the rope. "It looks ok? I mean how much do you weigh? Do scales even register you?" 

 

Taemin frowned. "You skinny shaming, huh fatty?" 

 

"Just get on the swing." 

 

It was harder than it looked to get a good leg up to the tire. Jongin's knee helped, as did his shoulders, but even so it was a struggle to get the blonde situated. Once he was however, it was totally worth the pain. The rope seemed to be holding up just fine (stupid Key) and it was really easy to get a lot of momentum going so it felt more like flying than the most expensive rollercoaster in the world. "This. Is. Awesome!!!"  

 

"You look like an idiot." 

 

"Yeah but it feels so good, look how high I can make it go!"  

 

Jongin stood back, and watched in mild alarm as his ex swung backwards and forwards, giggling like a 12 year old. "Be careful yeah?" 

 

"I am!!" 

 

"You don't look it." Jongin stepped forward. "Want me to spin you?" 

 

Taemin stopped his momentum and let the tire come to a halt. "Hell yeah!"  

 

"Ok I take that back." Jongin said, as he attempted to turn the bottom of the tire a few hundred times, "You're not light at all." 

 

"It's all that junk food you bring home from work." Taemin scoffed, "What will we eat now we don't have all the freebies you take home?"  

 

Jongin shrugged, "Apples?" 

 

"We won't be that desperate." Taemin wriggled uncomfortably in the tire. "Ok enough spinning, let it go!"  

 

Jongin did, and the poor blonde idiot went round and round at the speed of light, still laughing shrilly but less so towards the end.  

 

"Bie, help! I'm gonna barf."  

 

"Want a leg down?" 

 

"Yeah. Oh god."  

 

It was even harder getting Taemin down, dizziness probably not helping either's coordination. But once safely on the side of the stream, he collapsed in a heap of lightheaded euphoria. "Your turn!" 

 

Jongin leapt up unaided (not as gracefully as Minho would have, but impressive all the same) and had a good long go on it himself. "Jesus, you can see over the slope if you swing high enough!" 

 

"Right!" Taemin laughed. "Be careful though!" 

 

"Says you."   

 

Taemin ignored him and started playing with the pebbles in the stream. "What do you think college is gonna be like?"  

 

Jongin stopped swinging and just let himself dangle. "What do you mean?" 

 

"Well like, you've got accommodation there right? But you're also in this programme funded by the government? So does that mean you'll be with other people in similar situations?" 

 

 "I think so." Jongin replied. "Honestly I'm not sure. Sehun read more of the info than I did. But yeah, probably. I'll still hopefully find a job on the side there." 

 

"Good luck with that." 

 

"No no I mean, thanks." Jongin rolled his eyes. "But going to college looks really good to employers doesn't it? And I have ID now. So I don't think it'll be as hard to get one." 

 

Taemin nodded. "How big will your room be?"  

 

"Somewhere between tiny and minuscule." Jongin laughed. "Or at least that's what Taeyeon said. You'll see it soon I'm sure." 

 

"Dunno how we're gonna pay for me visiting back and forth a lot though."  

 

"We'll get around it." Jongin looked down sadly. "Hey, what happened to fun fun swing time? Don't worry about tomorrow right now. You wanna come up here too?" 

 

"What together?" 

 

"Yeah."  

 

"Key wouldn't approve of that." Taemin smiled evilly. "So yes."  

 

Getting two people balanced on a tire rope swing was exactly as hard as it sounds. In the end, Jongin had to teeter himself backwards at a very bizarre angle, whilst Taemin clambered on the top because obviously not even he was skinny enough to fit inside the hole as well. 

 

"This was a bad idea." Jongin felt himself wobble. 

 

"Yeah." Taemin agreed. "So swing your legs then, I want at least one good ride."  

 

"That sounds dirty."  

 

A snigger escaped from the blonde's lips and before Jongin knew it, the idiot was leaning backwards to start the momentum off again. "Weeeeeeeee!!" 

 

"Holy fuck!"  

 

It was very fucking dangerous. 10/10 would not recommend. But also, if Jongin turned off the part of his brain screaming that they were about to fall into a rocky stream, very fun indeed.  

 

"Kiss me you fool!" Taemin squealed.   

 

"What, really-?" 

 

Their lips connected before the sentence ended, Jongin craning his neck upwards like a giraffe, Taemin bending down precariously yet still managing to somehow cling onto the rope for dear life. Hair was flying in both of their faces as a gush of wind carried the swing even higher. It was a fucking blissful moment, one that really only happens in books and movies, but then of course, it had to end.  

 

"Oh shit!" Taemin screeched. The kiss had completely fucked up their balance to say the least, and the idiot's butt was slipping fast from his insecure perch on top of the tire. Jongin tried lean up in the hope that he could grab the idiot's butt and push him back on, but in the end it was no use at all, and Taemin came crashing down with a terrible splashy crunch.  

 

It would have been a lot *lot* worse if Jongin hadn't grabbed one of his arms mid-fall, but even so there were now several nasty scrapes on the arm the idiot had fallen on, as well as a few on his leg.  

 

"Oh god!!"  

 

"It's ok! I'm ok!" 

 

"What the hell was that!"  

 

"I fell!"  

 

Jongin gritted his teeth as he jumped down next to his ex in the middle of the stream, both of them soaking wet and getting more and more cold by the second. Luckily Taemin's injuries really weren't that serious. It was his arm which had copped most of the blow and he could walk perfectly fine, so getting them to the dry side wasn't an issue. What was an issue however, was the rest of the fucking day. 

 

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit."  

 

"You're gonna have more cuts than skin soon!" Jongin scolded. "We need to get them sorted right now." 

 

Taemin groaned, "Plasters?" 

 

"Yeah. A lot of fucking plasters. Big ones. And antiseptic. And dry socks." 

 

Another groan. "But this is your last day!! We can't waste time on comfort! I wanted to go to a club!! Or a party! Or-or-" 

 

"Clubs are overrated, you know that."  

 

"I know but-" 

 

"Minnie for fuck's sake!"  

 

Jongin was already dragging Taemin's good arm towards the slope, and there was no use fighting it. Back to the trailer to get dry and owie-less it was then. They both just had to hope no one else would be there to slow them down, so they could at least squeeze in one more activity before Taemin had to go to work. Although honestly, he wasn't prepared to miss Jongin's last night to tend to drunk guys at Heechul's dingy bar anyway, so calling in sick it was then. 

 

Meanwhile, Sehun was also having a mini adventure of his own, this one involving a lot less bickering and a lot more searching. Jimin didn't have a working phone. It was so. Fucking. Annoying. The guy used payphones for getting in touch with others, but then how was anyone supposed to get in touch with him? Well, exactly. They couldn't. The only solution was an endlessly long walk, systematically going through every possible sleeping place the kid used. Luckily for Sehun at least, Jimin didn't stray far from the outskirts of town, so there was no need going into the centre. It was still a long fucking treck though. He wasn't in the stairwell. He wasn't near the river by the underpass. He wasn't slumped in that corner alley or even hiding out near the busses. He wasn't anywhere to be seen. But then something occurred to Sehun and he smiled, shook his head at his own stupidity, and made a beeline for exactly where Jimin, was.  

 

"Oh shit!"  

 

"That's a nice greeting." 

 

"No no no!" Jimin called nervously. The kid got up like lighting from where he was sitting on those unsettlingly familiar damp cardboard boxes. He seemed to be guarding everyone's stuff as the kid was alone, yet also surrounded by a ton of bags, bottles, coats, sleeping bags and other weird paraphernalia. A train whizzed by and screeched so loudly it almost took Sehun's breath away. He hadn't been here, behind the station, in a very long time.  

 

"I didn't say shit because I saw you!" Jimin clarified anxiously, "I just meant to phone you earlier seeing as it's your last day around here, right?" 

 

"Right." 

 

"I wanted to say goodbye and all." 

 

Sehun sighed. "I see Chanyeol took you under his wing then?"  

 

A look of embarrassment flashed over the kid's face. "Well, he's not a chicken, so, I don't really feel the wing, but yeah I mean, he's really nice, let's me stay here and I guard the stuff when they're not around." 

 

Sehun frowned. "It's changed around here." He said wistfully, "We used to have to hide our shit in the bushes and we couldn't hang out here in the day." 

 

"Yeah well no one's checking up on this place anymore. Trains barely even stop here, you noticed?" 

 

Sehun looked to the side, past the death spiked fence and towards the tracks ahead. Not a single soul was waiting to catch a train, and the little board which would usually show times in neon orange was black and empty. "Creepy." 

 

"It is." Jimin agreed. "Even creepier at night. Although I'm sure you remember."  

 

A pang of heart wrenching sadness tugged in Sehun's chest. He did remember. All too well. And this hell may have been over for him, but it was only just starting for poor lost souls like Jimin. "Are you...shaking?" 

 

Jimin glanced down at his hands, another look of crushing embarrassment on his soft features. "Uh...Baekhyun gave me something earlier. It was hours ago...but I didn't like it. I mean, I did at the time, it made me forget, but ever since I've felt all...funny." 

 

Sehun shook his head in despair and the two of them made their way back to the cardboard on the ground, both leaning back against the red brick building behind them. "I kinda wish you'd seen what I'd seen." 

 

"Huh?" 

 

"Well if you had, you'd be even less likely to wanna try that stuff...whatever Baek gave you."  

 

Jimin still looked confused.  

 

"Sorry." Sehun sighed. "I'm being cryptic but, well I guess I forget that we still don't really know each other that well and you don't even know Tae properly either." The guilt was obvious in Jimin's eyes but Sehun ignored it and carried on. "Like before the Donghae stuff happened-" 

 

"I'm so sorry..." 

 

"I know, what's done is done. Well before that...we really only hung out and had fun together didn't we? Taemin didn't tell you anything that serious, and I know I didn't, so you don't really know how...god I don't know...I just feel like if you knew more about what had happened to us then maybe you wouldn’t make the same mistakes we did, or maybe you could better protect yourself from all the creeps who want to hurt you out here, or maybe you could find some help faster or-" 

 

"Hey. It's ok. I'll be ok." Jimin put a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder. "I know what you mean, and I appreciate it I really do. I want your advice...I mean you have a lot more experience with this homeless thing than I do, right?" 

   

On impulse, Sehun put a cold hand over Jimin's. "I guess I do." He glanced over to the bushes which separated where they sat, from the designated screaming street. "Hey you know over there..." 

 

Jimin followed his friend's gaze. 

 

"Well that's the street where Jongin and Taemin had one of their worst fights ever. It ended really badly and was about...well I can't even remember. But here's lesson number one ok, don't let the streets suck your soul so badly that all that's left of you is anger. And then don't take that anger out on the people you love the most."  

 

"That's deep." Jimin said quietly. 

 

Sehun laughed. "Lesson two. Leave drugs alone. Really, dig up every shred of willpower inside you not to take them, they're toxic. And if you can't, cus believe me, I know it's hard and I've felt the temptation and I've seen how easy it is to give into them, well if you can't...never, ever get them from people you don't know. But seriously, don't do them. Taemin, Key, Jjong, Minho- they're all so fucked up. And a little white pill killed one of their best friends back in the day, back when I wasn't even there. Did you know that?" 

 

Jimin looked horrified. "I had no idea." 

 

"Well yeah. Apparently, it was sudden as fuck. Just poof, he's gone. It happens. It happens all the time. They've never got over it."  

 

"I'll dig up every shred of willpower."  

 

"Good." Sehun smiled. "You hungry? I brought food." 

 

"Fuck really?" 

 

"Yeah." Sehun rummaged around in his rucksack and pulled out a carrier bag filled with 2 water bottles, both for Jimin, and 3 sandwiches, one for him, and two for Jimin.  

 

"Can I ask you something?" Jimin said softly, he stopped nibbling at his sandwich just long enough to push the words out.  

 

"Sure." 

 

"Why are you so nice to me?" It was an awkward question but needed to be said. "Like...well when I betrayed you all those weeks ago, well understandably Taemin just dropped me like that and yet you didn't? Why? Do you feel sorry for me? Or are you just more forgiving than him?" 

 

Sehun smiled because this conversation was making him nostalgic. "Both. I do feel sorry for you, I'd be a heartless bastard not to. And I am more forgiving than Taemin, but honestly, he has dealt with more creeps and people who've hurt him in the past so it's not surprising. But it's not just that. I like you, Jimin. And I believed you when you said in all those cringy apology messages that you actually did genuinely enjoy hanging out with us and just didn't know what you were getting into. I believe you and I believe in you." 

 

The words hadn't meant to be soppy or sentimental, but Jimin basically broke down in tears upon hearing them. It was so unexpected and Sehun honestly didn't know how to react at first, but made himself bend in for a hug as soon as his brain kicked in.  

 

"S-sorry. I'm such a fucking idiot." 

 

"No it's ok, I feel like crying too." 

 

Jimin wiped his tears and pulled away, embarrassment levels going up a gear. "When can I next see you?" 

 

Sehun sighed, "I don't know honestly. It shouldn't be that long. 2 weeks maybe. Jongin wants to come back the first weekend we get a chance to and so do I."  

 

Jimin nodded, "I hope it goes well there."  

 

"Thanks. It will. And I hope it goes...not terribly...here too. You've got the number for the shelter right? It doesn't open every day anymore and there aren't any beds at the moment but-" 

 

"Yeah, I've got them, I know the place. It's fine."  

 

"Ok." Sehun took a big bite of his sandwich and watched as Jimin did the same. "These are good, aren’t they?" 

 

"They're great."  

 

"I don't like the little seeds in the bread though, they get in your teeth." 

 

Jimin seemed to think about that before replying. "Mm, they do add texture though." 

 

"True, true." Sehun agreed. "You want the same or different next time?" 

 

Jimin thought about this, also. "The same." He smiled.  

 

\---  

 

On their way back to the trailer to sort out Taemin's owies, Jongin spotted a little girl aged around 6, holding her mother's hand. It was such a cute little scene, the girl was dangling an old fashioned ragdoll in the hand that wasn’t in her mothers, and kept stopping every now and again to jump over cracks in the pavement.  

 

"Hey do you think Mei'll grow up to look a bit like that?"  

 

Taemin hadn't registered the girl because he'd been too busy rambling about some idiot from work, but now it was mentioned did see Jongin's point. "Yeah actually. Same shaped face right?" 

 

"Yeah and the mushroom hair." 

 

Taemin smiled, before another slightly less cute thought occurred to him. "You think Sun and Minho are turning into us?" 

 

Jongin sighed, "I dunno. I mean I don't even know what they fight about really." 

 

"Money. Junghee being too involved. Sun not wanting Meimei to live in our shithole for much longer." Taemin replied casually.  

 

"How do you that?" 

 

"Cus I listen." Came the indignant reply. "And cus Sun talks to me." 

 

"But Minho doesn't?" 

 

"Not about this stuff." Taemin shrugged. "I guess he's like you."  

 

Jongin knew what that meant. Whether Taemin had been quite happy to tell the world intimate details of their relationship when they were together, Jongin on the other hand rarely felt comfortable sharing anything. "Private stuff is meant to be private." 

 

"Yeah but there's private and then there's private. Between friends, nothing should be TMI." Taemin replied. "We'll always disagree on this."  

 

"Agreed."  

 

It wasn't long before the two of them reached an empty trailer. Everyone else was either at Junghee's or out with Jimin or doing whatever it is they do. Which was good. Because Jongin didn't fancy the jokey, inappropriate comments about wife beating or 'what did you do it him now' that he'd been dreading. Phew.  

 

"There, that's good enough isn't it?"  

 

Jongin examined Taemin's battered arm, now covered in peeling bandages, and nodded. "You forgot your leg though." 

 

"My leg's fine. My jeans protected it."  

 

"What about where the holes are."  

 

Taemin rolled his eyes like a teenager and started re-plastering. "So where do you wanna go next? We can't spend the rest of the day back here doing nothing." 

 

"Why?" Jongin had already settled himself down on the spread out sofa cushions in the bedroom, and was ready to make himself comfortable. If he was honest, his idea of a great rest of the day would be snuggling on these cushions, pressed so tightly against his ex that no air could seep between them, talking about absolute nonsense and basically doing nothing until they fell asleep dreaming about the time they were kissing on a rope swing. Also some sex would be nice. But that wasn't on the cards, obviously. They weren't together, and doing that, well, it wouldn't make it any easier to leave tomorrow if they had to wake up naked in each other's arms, would it? 

 

"Why?!" Taemin repeated indignantly. He was already putting the plasters and bandages back in the freezer. "Because today needs to be special! Now get off your ass and let's go do something fun! I have $20 saved for this!"  

 

Jongin sank lower on his cushions, "But Minnie, isn't this nice? Just us in the trailer alone?" 

 

"You coming on to me?" 

 

"No. I just think well, the swing was fun wasn't it? Until you almost killed yourself." 

 

Taemin snorted. 

 

"So that's our fun thing. And this can be our relaxing thing. Tell me honestly, is there anything you can think of that's better than snuggling on these sofa cushions right now?"  

 

"Snuggling on a bed would be nicer." Taemin huffed. "In the warm."  

 

Jongin frowned, thought about it, then smiled. "Ok." He said, getting up and putting his coat back on. "We have $20. That'll be enough for 1 night in a shitty b&b. Let's go find somewhere warm with a bed."  

 

"Really? Don't you think that's a waste of money?"  

 

"Don't you think spending it on drinks at a club would be too?" 

 

"Says the resident alcoholic." Taemin joked. He took Jongin's outstretched hand. "Leggo."  

 

It may have been a shitty b&b but there was no doubt that it was 100 times nicer than their trailer. It was warm, it had a bed, the windows weren't cracked (although one was boarded up) and there were no holes in the roof or rat droppings on the floorboards. The light bulb had blown however, and night was fast approaching so it was painfully dark, but it wasn't like they weren’t used to that. For $20, there really was nothing much to complain about.  

 

"Didn't I tell you?!" Jongin was already under the covers, squeezing himself onto the left side of the single bed to make room for his ex.  

 

"It's only half past eight." Taemin scoffed, as he attempted to climb in. "We don't need to go to bed just ye- ohhhhh." His train of thought was totally lost as he sank down into the mattress. His body hadn't felt the comfort of a real mattress since last Christmas when he'd sat on Junghee's to watch tv. "I feel like I'm lying on a cloud." 

 

"Me too. A spikey cloud though. Like I think there's a loose spring somewhere poking my butt."  

 

Taemin ignored him and sank lower into the bed, his hair fanning out around his head on the pillow. Suddenly and magically, he felt so, so tired. It was almost as if his body hadn't quite noticed before just how in need it was of comfort. "This is so nice."  

 

"You can go to sleep, if you want." 

 

"Really?" Taemin's voice was quiet and drowsy already.  

 

"Yeah."  

 

"But I don't want to miss your last-" 

 

Jongin smiled reassuringly and that was all the persuading Taemin needed. The silly bear had been right- there wasn't anything more Taemin wanted than this. And now was the time to shut his heavy eyes, sink into the crinkly sheets and soft, if springy, mattress, and dream about that time they kissed on a rope swing. 

 

\---  

 

It was at three am, after a good seven and a half hours of sleep, that they both lost their willpower and made love. Come on, it was bound to happen, wasn't it? Not even a saint could have resisted after being parted for so long.  

 

To say Jongin enjoyed it, was a huge understatement. He let instinct control his actions, as did Taemin, and they barely spoke throughout. As soon as the blonde opened his eyes from the best sleep he'd had in weeks, and caught Jongin's brown orbs staring back at him in the darkness, there was no need for words. The hot, spine tingling breath on his cupid's bow was enough to tell him exactly what was about to happen. And boy, did it happen.  

 

Within seconds, mouths crashed together, body's tangled, clothes were flung away and protection slipped on, before really nothing mattered in the world anymore. For both of them, one inside the other, pounding mercilessly through the night, it was like a huge volcano of love was trying to erupt around them. There was euphoria in the air that felt almost overwhelmingly torturous but oh, was it blissful, was it like tasting forbidden fruits, was it something that could only be described as making love and nothing else.  

 

But then morning came, as it always does. Neither had slept since their lengthy 3am goodbye, and neither wanted to ever leave this bed, each other's arms, or face reality again. But that wasn't just keeping going, which was the only plan anybody had at the moment, so both pulled themselves just about together, yawned, stretched, and rolled over to face their ex, or lover, or friend, or something else entirely.  

 

"Morning." Taemin was the first one to speak. His voice was hoarse and croaky. It was barely 6am.  

 

"I don't know what to do about today." Jongin whispered. Taemin felt the arm that was wrapped around his waist tighten. "Shall I just call the whole thing off? Say I'll miss induction and go in a few more days?" 

 

Taemin laughed quietly, "And prolong this saying goodbye agony? No thanks."  

 

"Last night wasn't agony."  

 

"No it wasn't." 

 

"It was great."  

 

Another laugh as Jongin's lips pouted pitifully. "It was great. But today will be great too. You'll get to see your new place, you'll get to meet new friends. This isn't a sad day."  

 

Despite his calm words, Taemin's croaky voice cracked on the word 'sad', making Jongin squeeze his waist even tighter. "You know I'm not saying goodbye to you today when we go back and see the others, right?" 

 

Taemin nodded. He totally understood. "Yeah. This was our goodbye. No one needs to see either of us ugly sobbing like grannies."  

 

Jongin couldn't help but smile at that weird description. "I'll text you as soon as I know when I'm coming back, yeah?"  

 

"Yeah. Text me when you get there, even." 

 

"Ok."  

 

"Don't forget." 

 

"I won't."  

 

Taemin leant in for the shortest, sweetest kiss he could muster. "It's time to get up, babybie."  

 

"Ok." Jongin said again. The both sat up and smiled. "What do you want for breakfast?" 

 

\---  

 

Wow, such a long chapter! I haven't posted one this lengthy in a minute. So sorry again for the poorly checkedness. I know it's littered with mistakes but I really wanted to get it up early so it would be there for the weekend. Gosh, it's been another super tough week. But I appreciate you guys' support so much. Would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter I really would. Do you think Taemin and Jongin are mature enough to try their relationship again or not? Do we like Jimin and Sehun together? Are we sad the group is splitting or are we just fine? Lol, so many questions, but I'm genuinely interested. I've really missed writing fluff like this. It cheers me up to imagine them swinging on a tire lmao.  

Totally don't know when this is ending by the way. It *should* be soon as I've said, but I also have so many more ideas and I feel like this baby isn't done yet lol. We shall see! Thanks so much for still being here after all this time, big hugs <3 


	51. Goodbyes: And Then There Were Two

"Where the fuck is he!! We have to catch the fucking coach in an hour and we have to catch a bus to get to the coach and we have to walk to catch the bus!!"  

 

Sehun was not a happy bunny, to say the least. He, Key, Minho, Sunyoung and Mei were all waiting nervously outside in the yard, bags packed and already on the track to be off.  

 

"Oh how unlike Jongin and Taemin to be unreliable." Key's voice was dripping in sarcasm. "Don't worry, they'll be here soon."  

 

A small part of Sehun wanted to scream that he was actually more worried about Jongin having a mad moment and deciding to stay here with Taemin for good, but said nothing because even he knew the bear wasn't that stupid.  

 

"Hey, that's them, that's them!" Sunyoung must have had eyesight better than a hawk to spot the two tiny figures, running like the clappers down the track towards them. As they got closer, Sehun's heart couldn't help but sink a little when he saw how dishevelled Jongin's appearance was. They needed to look smart, respectable and exactly like the type of students who deserved what they were being given, not like they'd just spent the night in a cheap motel with a rent boy. 

 

"It's ok! I'll change my clothes! I'll brush my hair!!" Jongin called, still running haphazardly towards the little group but apparently reading Sehun's mind as he did so.  

 

"We got held up!" Taemin said helpfully. They'd almost reached the trailer now. "But we've still got plent-" 

 

"What the fuck happened to your arm." Key was the first one to notice as the idiots finally reached their friends. Jongin dashed into the trailer to change without a word, while Taemin just shrugged.  

 

"I scraped myself."  

 

"Clearly." Key glanced down in annoyance at one of the gashes on the blonde's knee, clearly visible now the plaster was peeling off through his holey jeans. "I hope you cleaned them." 

 

"I did!"  

 

Key looked away grumpily. The guy had no tolerance at the moment, which wasn't a surprise. He'd been dreading today a lot too. Having to say goodbye to Sehun, the sassy kid who'd asked him if anyone ever got desperate enough to eat out the trash that first night they met, who was the only truly sensible person around here, who was simply a true, true friend, was not going to be easy to say the least. Even saying goodbye to Jongin was going to be hard, although he'd never admit it. Who was going to look after Taemin when he couldn't? Sure, Jongin had his bad points, many, many bad points, but he was fiercely protective, caring and compassionate. It was going to be hard dealing without both of them.  

 

A frantic voice could be heard from inside the trailer. "Ok I'm done, I'm done!"  

 

"Your top's backwards!" Sunyoung called. She could clearly see the idiot through one of the cracked windows.  

 

Sehun groaned.  

 

"Aw look, Sugar's here to say goodbye too!" Taemin bent down to pick up his little cat and passed her along to Sehun, who'd rather not have kitty fur all over his clothes, but appreciated the gesture all the same.  

 

And then, finally, Jongin was done. "Ok. Phew. Sorry guys. Sorry Sehun. Sorry." He stumbled a little as he hopped out of the trailer and back into the yard.  

 

"Will you calm down?" Key snipped, "Saying goodbye isn't gonna take long and then you'll both be off in plenty of time."  

 

"Ok." Jongin agreed, before a small moment of slightly apprehensive silence fell over the group.  

 

Minho glanced at Sunyoung, Sunyoung glanced at Sehun, Sehun glanced at Key, Key glanced at Taemin, Taemin looked down at Sugar, and nobody glanced at Jongin but that was probably a good thing because the bear felt a lump form in his throat which he'd rather wasn't noticed.  

 

"So, Sehun, I hope you manage to get better sleep now you're not in the same tiny trailer as our lil one." The most unexpected voice broke the pause; deep, calm, and belonging to Minho. He reached in for a short hug, patted Sehun on the back a couple of times for good measure, then turned to Jongin. "It's a shame you're leaving. Who will I go on murder missions with?"  

 

Jongin swallowed his lump down as a laugh erupted from his throat instead. "I thought it was too soon to joke about that?" 

 

"Nah." Minho shook his head and also went in for another bear hug with the, er, bear. "It's history."  

 

Jongin smiled and the two of them carried on a small conversation as Sunyoung passed Mei over to her boyfriend, so she could hug Sehun instead. "Love you, toddler. Don't fuck it up." 

 

"I won't." Sehun laughed, "You either. Show Mei my picture every day."  

 

"And mine!" Jongin cut in, finished with his conversation with Minho. He leant down to hug Sunyoung too.  

 

"We need to take more pictures." Sunyoung scoffed. "The only ones I have on my phone was that night when Tae drew a scary face on my belly and you all wanted to pose with it."  

 

"Don't show her those." Jongin agreed, pulling away. "They'll give her nightmares for weeks." 

 

As they continued to talk, Sehun turned to Key, who now looked very teary and was obviously having a hard time keeping it together.  

 

"Don't say anything mushy," came a firm snap, "I can't handle it if you say something heartfelt. Just give me a hug and go." 

 

Sehun nodded, stepped forward, and felt his friend's two arms wrap around him so tightly he may well be bruised after this. Both boys clamped their eyes shut, holding back tears and failing epically, before Sehun couldn't resist at least a quick word of his gratitude. "Thanks for taking me home, Key."  

 

Key started wailing, hit Sehun's arm, kissed his cheek, and shrieked something which vaguely sounded like, "I told you not to say anything mushy," before he backed away and picked up Sugar to calm himself down.  

 

Sehun turned to Taemin, who gave a small, but genuine smile. "I'll look after him."  

 

"Thanks."  

 

"I hope college is awesome."  

 

"Thanks."  

 

"And I should tell you one more time, like, I'm still so grateful you helped me out with all that shelter stuff before." 

 

"Thanks." Sehun shook his head because he was being an idiot. "I mean, you're welcome, I mean, it's nothing...no problem." 

 

Taemin snorted at the sheer awkwardness. "Will you miss me?" He beamed.  

 

Sehun rolled his eyes. "More than you'll ever know."  

 

Taemin was just about to snort again when his attention was diverted to where Key was still snivelling. Jongin was also having his most awkward goodbye with the cat boy, but their words were too hushed for anyone else to overhear. 

 

"If it looks like he's going downhill, or if it looks like the craving's getting worse, or if you can't cope, call me. I'm not going to Timbuctoo and I'll be hear faster than you can say 'newbie'."  

 

Key nodded, his expression serious if still weepy, his eyes soft. "Take care of yourself Jongin."  

 

"You too."  

 

"Alright then!" Sunyoung clapped her hands together like a school teacher. "You guys reeeeaally might need to get going soon." 

 

Jongin and Sehun both nodded, wondered over to Minho who still had Meimei tucked under one arm and said their quick goodbyes to the little baby, then picked up the very empty suitcases at the end of the yard.  

 

Before finally leaving, Jongin couldn’t resist turning to Taemin. "See you." 

 

"Bye, loser."  

 

They both smiled, looked away, and did exactly what they'd planned to do, which was now what it would always be- to just keep going. 

 

\---  

 

Prison wasn't very much like summer camp. Some of the elements were the same; masses of people cramped together in tiny rooms, repetitive food, vigorous exercising, boredom to last for days and loneliness to last for even more. But there were some big key differences too; no sing songs, no camp fires, no finger painting with your bestie or exploring the wilderness. In fact, if Jonghyun had to be completely honest with himself, he might even say prison was nothing like summer camp at all.  

 

Key and the other's letters helped a little, but not a lot. Loneliness was something Jonghyun thought he'd become accustomed to, but in reality, he hadn't even known the half of it. Coping without Key was a lot harder than he'd anticipated. Prior to now, the two of them had been practically joined at the hip and being separated like this for months on end was a shock to the system to say the least. He missed those cherub lips, that laugh which still rang in his ears late at night, those slanted cat like eyes, the feeling of knowing someone was there who would always, always have his back no matter what. He missed his lover, he missed his friend, he missed the guy that scolded and shrieked and mooded and mothered and generally created mischief wherever he went. He missed every side of Key and every version of him that had ever been.  

 

But, things could have been worse. A lot worse. Jonghyun had witnessed and heard about some truly horrific things that went on in here, so was very grateful that no one seemed to be bothering him. It helped that he looked kinda scary. Although still limping, he had a few tattoos including one of a skull, he'd learnt on the streets never to smile or make eye contact, and his muscles were obvious even through the orange jumpsuit. His cell mate, who actually wasn't that bad if a little weird, was sickly thin and weedy. Body wise, he reminded Jonghyun of Taemin, who, as we could all have guessed, wouldn't have lasted a day in the place. The blonde may have been street savvy but he wasn't equipped for dealing with prison, that's for sure.  

 

"Jjong...is that you?" 

 

If it hadn't been for the use of his nickname, and the obvious enthusiasm of whoever was speaking, Jonghyun wouldn't have even bothered turning around. He was sat in the corner of the large 'recreation room', which basically consisted of a few plastic chairs and a tv with only 3 channels available. There were 4 other men seated on the far side talking, but Jonghyun knew none of them. All he wanted to do was make the most of the 15 minutes of quiet time he'd get before the morning chores, but it looked like that wasn't going to happen. 

 

"Chen?" 

 

"Hey!! Yeah!! It is you!!"  

 

A familiar face came bounding towards him from the open double doors and pulled up a plastic chair to the right. Luckily, the 4 other men in the room were talking far too intently to notice. 

 

Chen was someone that, if Jonghyun didn't have the memory of a fucking elephant, he might not even recall. They knew each other in the dark ages, before Sunyoung, before Sehun, even before a certain Newbie. He'd been a rent boy just like them, living in the same area, sharing the same clients, but never joined the inner circle or anything. Chen had his own friends. Still, he'd been a nice passer byer. Taemin had seen him a couple of times at the shelter back when he and Jongin had stayed there for the shortest time in history, and that was the last they'd heard of him. Jonghyun thought fondly of the kid, so was very glad to see him, but also, very not.  

 

"What the fuck are you doing here?"  

 

Chen laughed, then shrugged. On closer inspection, the guy looked terrible. He had a oldish purply bruise on his cheek, a fat lip, and two scabby scratches on his forehead. "Oh nice to see you too Jjong. S'been a while!"  

 

"You look awful! Who gave you that?!" 

 

Chen laughed again, like it was actually funny. "What my Harry Potter scar? You think it suits me?" 

 

Jonghyun shook his head in despair. "This your first day or something? Why haven't I seen you around?" 

 

"I've been in er...solitary for a bit. I got crazy and yeah, they lock you in a room on your own if you get like that."  

 

"Like what?" 

 

Chen pulled a face which clearly indicated that he was about to dodge the question, "Well you know, you know." 

 

"By your 'Harry Potter scar' I can guess."  

 

Chen nodded curtly. "So what are you in for? God, how long's it been? Last time I saw any of you guys it was like...3 years ago? At that godforsaken shelter? And Onew had just-" 

 

Jongin sighed. "Yeah. A lot's changed since then. But I'm in for theft. And er, assault. In the past, though."  

 

"Ah." Chen shuffled his chair closer. "I was about to say, like I know we've only been talking for 10 seconds but you seem a lot more mellow than you did." 

 

Jonghyun decided to take that as a compliment. "What about you?" 

 

"Smuggling drugs." Chen said bluntly. "Or should I say, helping to. I haven't even left the country or nothing but I was involved and...well you know how tight they're getting with this kind of thing. It's not like I made money off it, I'm not a fucking dealer I just-" 

 

Jonghyun held his hand up. "I get it. You do what you have to do for a fix or to help someone you love get theirs." 

 

Chen nodded. 

 

"You doing ok with the withdrawal in here?" 

 

"Not having to." Chen suddenly leaned even closer and lowered his voice to a hushed whisper. "This place is crawling with shit if you know who to go for it. Want me to hook you up?"  

 

Jonghyun smiled wearily. "I only do spice now, and I know who to get hold of that from so don't worry." 

 

"You ONLY do spice?!" 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"Jesus Christ." Chen looked genuinely shocked. "You?!" 

 

Jonghyun winked. "People change." 

 

"Touche." There was a small pause. "Well how are the others? Key? Tae? Froggo? Don't tell me they're just doing spice."  

 

"Actually Key and Tae are trying pretty damn hard to get clean."  

 

"No way." 

 

"Yeah. Although not sure what's gonna happen when Victoria, that's their nurse, tries to push therapy again but there you go."  

 

Chen couldn't have looked more in disbelief if he tried. "But Froggo though, surely he's not-" 

 

"No. Minho's not clean. I don't know what he takes or doesn’t take although it can't be a lot because he's not all over the place like when you knew him. He has a girlfriend and a baby now so I guess-" 

 

"He has a baby?!" Chen's voiced raised a couple of hundred decibels. "On the streets?!" 

 

"No no no no..." Jonghun sighed because what he was about to say *almost* felt like bragging. "We got a trailer now. A few of us have jobs, like, real ones."  

 

The offence in Chen's face was apparent, but being the laid back soul he was, quickly brushed it off. "Wow. Things have changed so much for you guys. You've really got your shit together man."  

 

Jonghyun looked around at their surrounding's pointedly. "Oh yeah, real together."  

 

"You know what I mean. You're still with Key, I'm guessing?" 

 

"Course." 

 

Chen smiled, "Yeah. Even back then when you were a nutter I knew you two would last."  

 

Jonghyun decided to take that as a compliment too.  

 

"And is Taemin still with...god, what was his name? I met him once at the shelter, real moody type he was-" 

 

"Jongin. And yes, well, no. I mean, they were together for a long time and I think one day they probably will be again. He and this kid I don't think you've ever met, Sehun, they went off to college about a week ago."  

 

"No shit?!"  

 

"Yup." 

 

"Jesus, your group knows how to live. Going places, getting jobs, therapy and getting clean and shit." 

 

Jonghyun rolled his eyes at the misunderstanding. "Only three of us had jobs, there's been no therapy and none of us are totally clean yet...except the ones that never took anything to begin with."  

 

"Yeah yeah well. You've still all come such a long way since I last saw Tae..." 

 

"Yeah." Jonghyun said, smiling. "We have." He put a hand on his old friend's shoulder. "But what about you? Apart from being here, what's happened with you and everyone?"  

 

Chen sighed. "It's just me and Yixing now. We don't rent as much anymore but we're still on the streets. The shelter thing...well let's just say it didn't work out. No one's dead though so, that's something."  

 

Jonghyun leant in for a very short hug (it wouldn't have been good to show any PDA when there were others in the room) and Chen looked as if he appreciated it.  

 

"I gotta say, I'm just relieved to see a familiar face in here."  

 

"Me too." Jonghyun agreed. "We'll stick together. And I have a cellmate who's not that bad either, I'll introduce you. I mean he's weird. But he won't bite." 

 

Chen gave a tired smile, "Deal." 

 

\--- 

 

"Jongin for fuck's sake, get off your phone."  

 

If his head wasn't screwed on today, Jongin might have mistaken the scolding voice for Key but of course it was just Sehun doing his best unintentional imitation. Their rooms were only 3 doors apart which both were very grateful about, despite the ongoing friction between them. Their 'dorm', if you could even call it that, actually was a good 15 minute bus ride from the actual college. It was totally funded by the organisation which shelter's like there's supported, trying to get homeless young people back into education, and because of this they obviously didn't have the money to rent anywhere closer. But it honestly felt like living in a castle for Jongin and Sehun, and they imagined that all of the other students in this programme probably felt the same. When you're used to derelict shitholes, dingy bridges, depressing carparks and, dare we say it, singed trailers, then this creaky old building was practically five star.  

 

The rooms were all exactly the same. Jongin had only been into 3 (his own, Sehun's, and a new friend they'd made) but there wasn't a single difference between them. They each had a small single bed (comfy, no springs jutting out, clean), a wooden desk by a frosted window (practical, sturdy, not horrible looking) and a large set of drawers (could hold a lot more clothes than anyone here owned, that's for sure.) The walls were grey and the carpet had so many stains on it that the original colour was a full on Sherlock mystery, but none the less it was exactly what Jongin and Sehun and so many others needed. Which, in a big way, made the guilt quite hard to deal with. 

 

"Yeah yeah, I'll be done in a sec, I just need to say goodbye-" 

 

"He'll understand if you don’t!" Sehun hissed. Again, his tone sounded alarmingly like Key. "Class starts in 20 fucking minutes and it takes that fucking long to get there!" 

 

"Ok ok." Jongin got up off his bed, shoved his phone in his pocket, and prayed Taemin wouldn't be too offended that their good morning messages had been cut short yet again. Today was important because as they'd only been here a week, this was the first day an assignment would be handed out. It wouldn't be a good idea to miss details about what to do. Especially as, if he was honest, Jongin was already struggling.  

 

"You got your books?" Sehun asked, arms folded as he stood between Jongin and the corridor.  

 

The stupid bear blushed, rummaged through a pile of dirty laundry for his bag, and the two of them made their way to class like the good little students they were. 

 

\--- 

 

Peace, quiet, tranquillity; all nice words, all words Taemin had been dreaming of for a long number of years, but now he was actually having a taste of them, would frankly rather not.  

 

It was so quiet in the trailer. So. Quiet. Key worked in the day, Taemin at night, so it was very fucking annoying that their paths didn't cross often. Sunyoung was occupied constantly by Mei at Junghee's, who wasn't looking well these days so needed all the help she could get, and Minho had never around much to begin with. It had almost been nice for the first day, key word being almost here. Because Taemin just simply wasn't used to this. Homelessness was lonely in general, sure, but he'd been one of the lucky ones. He'd never been Jimin, out there on his own. He'd always been surrounded by at least 2 of his nearest and dearest pretty much 24/7.  

 

On the first day Jongin arrived there, the bear had thankfully remembered to text a quick, "got here safe" and a few half hearted kisses, but other than morning messages, their contact had been limited. What did Taemin expect? Jongin was rushed off his feet, and it wasn't like he'd forgotten about them. Heck, he'd even had the guts to message Key. It had been funny actually, or rather, the expression on Key's face had been when the text came through.  

 

But anyway, it wasn't like a lot of time had past. A week is nothing on the scale of things, and certainly not long enough for Taemin to adjust to the change. Time heals all wounds, as they say, and that's probably all he needed. And in a few months, Jonghyun would be home, and then the three musketeers would be back together again. That's really the only thing that truly mattered, and Taemin would honestly try to work on his aversion to being alone until then.  

 

His phone started to ring. It was odd. Nobody usually called him at this time, because everyone who was close enough to have his number, knew that it took a good 20 minutes to get ready for work and another good half an hour to get there, so didn't bother him in the evening. The sun had already set hours ago and Taemin was actually running late tonight. It was inconvenient already, but then he saw the name 'Bie', and picked up immediately.  

 

"What's wrong?" 

 

Sniffling was heard on the other end of the line and instantly Taemin went into panic mode. Within a second, his heart rate sped up and the oxygen inside his lungs started to thin.  

 

"I'm- I'm fine-" came a small, stuttering voice, "I know you have to g-go- I know you'll have to be at the bar- I just-" 

 

"What's happened?! Someone hurt you?? Did you get in a fight??" Taemin was literally shaking already. Worst case scenarios, memories from the streets and several awful possibilities flashed into his mind like a horror movie on fast forward.  

 

"N-n-no." Jongin was clearly trying to calm himself down enough to speak properly. "I-I- it's not a big deal. N-nothing bad has happened I- I just-"  

 

"What?!"  

 

"I- I'm a failure!! I can't do this! I'm too stupid!! Everything's too hard!! I'm gonna blow it all! Th-this opportunity, th- this-" 

 

Taemin zoned out after that for a good 30 seconds. Jongin wasn't hurt. He wasn't lying in some alleyway bleeding. He hadn't beaten anyone and nobody had beaten him. He wasn't in a rage. He wasn't sobbing because something had happened to Sehun. Nobody was out to get him. Nothing terrible was happening. He was safe, tucked away up there, worrying about something understandable but small. It was ok. He was ok.  

 

"M-minnie?? You there??" 

 

"Yeah." Taemin took a deep breath, sat himself down on the kitchen work top, and tried to steady his heart rate. "You scared the shit out of me."  

 

"Sorry." Jongin sniffled again. "I'm just having a cow here. I- I really don't know what to do Minnie, I- I'm too stupid for this!!"  

 

Taemin sighed. "You're not stupid. I mean, you are, about some things. But there's a difference between being life stupid and being textbook stupid. Sometimes you're life stupid, but you're not textbook stupid." 

 

There was a pause as the cogs in Jongin's brain turned. "You didn't see me today though. It's been The Worst! Everyone else in my class was just getting on with the work and I don't even know how they knew what to do?! I'm so lost. I'm can't get anything to sink in. Sehun's already doing his assignments right now and he's got more than me, but he's getting through it faster. He's not struggling at all! And we made this friend, or rather, I did, he's called Ravi and he doesn't come across as smart like, he really doesn't, but he's not even finding his course hard at all like-" 

 

"Bie. Slow the fuck down." Taemin's voice was snappy but it was the only way he could get the words out. "Listen, you're so much more capable than you think you are ok? Look how much you've coped with. I bet more than half of the people on this programme can't even begin to imagine the things you've dealt with." Jongin started to interrupt but Taemin spoke over him. "I'm not done. Now look ok? I know you're worried that you're gonna fuck this up. I know how important this is and I know you know that too. That's the reason you're so worried. It's too important. You gotta chill, Bie, ok? This is coming from me. Be nice to yourself. Ask if you need help. Fuck, get Sehun to do it for you! Just don't give up and don't think for one second that you're not up to this. You are up to this Jongin, I know you are."  

 

There was a long, crackly sigh from the other end. Another sniffle followed, then a quick, "I wish you were here to hug me."  

 

Taemin scoffed, "Don't be a baby. You're not on your own there. Go hug Sehun. Or...Ravi."  

 

Jongin let out a small laugh. "This is harder than I thought it would be." 

 

"What's this?" 

 

"Being here. Away from you guys. Learning new things. Adulting."  

 

"Isn't it a walk in the park compared to living on the streets?" 

 

Another sigh, "Yeah. But I just want life to be really easy. Like...really really easy. Just for a little while you know?" 

 

"I know." Taemin sighed. "It'll get easier. You'll settle in. It'll become normal. I want easy too."  

 

There was a small pause before Jongin decided to switch roles and become the nurturer instead. "Have you eaten?"  

 

Taemin rolled his eyes, "Yeah. And if you've stopped having a cow, then I need to get my ass into work."  

 

A huff was heard, "What did you have?" 

 

"Toast." 

 

"We don't have a toaster." 

 

"Sun made me it at Junghee's."  

 

"You're lying." 

 

Taemin groaned, "I'm going. Are you gonna be ok? Have you eaten?" 

 

"Not yet. But I think the guys are going for food now...but I need to stay here and study."  

 

"The guys." Taemin repeated, rolling his eyes. "Go eat. Then study." 

 

"Ok..." 

 

"And Bie?"  

 

"M?" 

 

"I believe in you." 

 

"Thanks." The barely there smile on Jongin's lips could be heard in his voice.  

 

"Bye loser." 

 

"Bye." 

 

As soon as Taemin hung up, he himself felt so desperately sad. Could he have just said- "Yes! You're stupid! Come home and snuggle in our cozy little trailer and never ever leave me ever again!" Well, he could have, but it wouldn't have got them very far would it. He looked around. Their trailer was falling to fucking pieces. It was going to snow soon, and Taemin had a feeling that when it did, Sunyoung would probably never bring Mei back here ever again. The blanket of fluffy white stuff would be the icing on the cake as it were, the frosty last straw if you will, the...oh Taemin couldn't think of anymore metaphors. But the bad weather coming had the potential to seriously damage things around here (a weather warning had been issued) and with holes in the roof already, it was doubtful that their little trailer was going to be able to cope with it well. Taemin sighed. He needed to be getting to work and sitting here on the kitchen counter wasn't going to make that happen any faster. Key would be home any minute, and he'd get an earful if he wasn't ready. He decided to buck up. Soon, they'd find a way to go see Jjong. Soon, Victoria was going to help them with the next step in their withdrawal journey. Soon, Jongin would be visiting or Taemin would be going up there to nose about. Soon.  

 

\--- 

 

A text came the next morning. It was far more cheerful, but honestly shocked Taemin's socks off.  

 

From Bie:  

I ate and then studied last night. Be proud. Food was good. We had ramen. Sehun said he'd found a weekend job at the mall- he'll send back money soon. I'll look too as soon as I get the chance. We'll get you guys out of that trailer asap. Be good. 

 

The 'be good' on the end was a little unnecessary if you ask Taemin, but it wasn't what had stumped him. Sehun had found a job...already?! All fucking ready?! He'd literally been there a week. Was it really that easy to find work when you're showered, have ID, and attend a college that makes you look good? And why the sudden pressure to get them moved? Was Jongin suddenly turning into Jonghyun? Were the 2 J's telepathically communicating between them on a mission to change everything even more?!  

 

"What's that face for?"  

 

Taemin shoved his phone in Key's face. 

 

"Huh." Key finished chewing his mouthful of cereal before replying anything else. How he could keep his balance so gracefully while eating on the cluttered kitchen worktop was a mystery to them all. "First Jonghyun, now Newbie."  

 

"Right!" Taemin's tone was appropriately shrill, and bothered a sleeping Sugar who had been snoozing in the sink. "It's like everyone just wants everything to change. Can't we just stay put for a while?" 

 

Key looked around and shrugged. "With all this snow coming, I'm not sure I want to."  

 

"Yeah but...Well, what will Sun and Mei do if we leave? Where else has low enough rent that we could even consider being able to sustain living? No one's selling trailers around here, it's not like we can just buy a better one in this park is it? And we can't move further away cus we'd lose our jobs and no one is going to employ us but Heechul. Fucking Sehun. How the shitting hell did he manage to score a job after just a week! It's not fair Key, I'm telling you, it's not fair."  

 

If he didn't know annoyed Taemin would be if his lips curved up, Key might have even smiled at the jealous tone the blonde was using. As it was, all he did was shrug again. "We need to talk to Minho." He said, finishing his last spoonful. "We need to know how much he's actually bringing in. Then we need to see how much Junghee's giving Sun for all the help. Honestly though Minnie...it's looking more and more likely that it's just gonna be me and you supporting ourselves soon isn't it? Everyone's so inde-fucking-pendant these days. And we both have jobs, don't we? I mean, shitty paying ones sure. But if Sehun really does send what he's making back...which he shouldn't, he should save it for after college when no one's supporting them...but if he does, and if Jongin gets one, well, that's all extra isn't it? I've been thinking a lot about this." 

 

Taemin sighed deeply. "It's gonna be really weird if we're not even living with Minho or Sun though."  

 

Key nodded. "It's already like that though, isn't it?"  

 

Taemin sighed again. It was already like that, but it wasn't official yet, and that made all the difference. 'Officially', the 5 of them still lived together in this little trailer. That was good. That was safe and stable and normal. Having only 2...wasn't.  

 

"Look. Don't think about this today. I'm going to work now but on my break, I'll meet you at the shelter for our talk with Victoria, yeah? And in couple of days, so help me god, we're going to visit Jjong. That's all you need to be worrying about for now." Key got up from his perch, kissed the top of Taemin's head like he was a parent comforting-but-at-the-same-time-dismissing his 6 year old, and slung on his coat. "What are you doing today while I'm gone?"  

 

"I dunno. I'll think of something."  

 

"Ok." Key had already grabbed the door handle. "Be good." 

 

\--- 

 

This chapter feels very short compared to the last one doesn't it :') but hopefully it's not as rubbish as I think it is, oh man. Times are really changing for these guys, as it is for me, I hope. I sort of wish I'd made their group goodbye longer, but somehow smooshy sentimentality didn't feel right. Key was right i think, lol, the best way to say goodbye is just to give someone a hug and go.  

"bye losers" 

Xx 

 

(ps~ I'm still in the biggest dither about what to do for the rest of this fic. Someone, anyone, will you pls make the decision for me xD) 

(pss~ 10 points to gryffindor if you remember chen, 10 more points if you remember jongin picking up a spoon as a weapon the first time they met, lol, even I didn't, I just had to go back and read what the hay I'd first written about chen at the shelter)  


	52. to my friends

there is nothing i can say that will make what has happened feel any less heartbreaking, but when tragedies like this take place, i think it's only right to reach my hand out to all of you dear friends and say this; 

 

you are not alone. 

 

today has been an agonisingly painful reminder, that behind those smiling eyes and curved lips, a soul can lurk filled with deep, desperate and invisible sorrow. if any one of you dear people feel the same, which i know is likely as illnesses like depression are only becoming more common by the day, then please, please know that i and so many others are with you, we care about you, we feel your pain, we share it and we cry with with you. 

 

in the UK, samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. in the US, the national suicide prevention lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. in Australia, the crisis support service lifeline is 13 11 14. other international suicide helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.

 

sending big, huge hugs to you all and so sorry to not have replied to some comments or messages quite yet, i'll be back here soon, 'just keeping going'. 

 

i really, truly hope you are all coping with life, and i'm really, truly here if you're not.

 

i'm so sorry this message is so lacking. i'm sure jonghyun would have tried to save anyone too, if he could. 


	53. Hope Dominoes: Precious Puppy

(a/n; hey beauties, just a quick note before the chapter to starts- I couldn't upload this last week because it seemed so inappropriate. I'm sure so many of you still feel heartbroken and in shock, and I'd like to deeply thank you for your messages to me- I'm very sorry I'm not replying fast at the moment, too! There's a lot of jonghyun in this chapter, murphy's law isn't it? It's odd how that boy always inspired the same sort of characters for me to write- just sweet hearted, over emotional kids that seem to get the short end of the straw so very often. In my first fic, he was the last to leave the institution and he always got thrown in the 'green rooms' for causing scenes. In this one, it was onew who saved him from slowly unravelling on the streets. In the one that I've now deleted (it honestly was rubbish), he was the comforting presence in the cell next door. Sorry. the last thing I want to do is wallow in self indulgence. I hope you guys will be able to continue enjoying this fic for what it is, I feel like we've all been through so much together- I started in march 2016! Lots of love and hugs, your friend emily) 

 

Sometimes things in life just start to go right. It doesn't happen very often and should never be counted on, but sometimes, just sometimes, a good domino will fall and land on you. A domino of promise, a domino of optimism, a domino of hope- whatever domino it is, it's good, and it's a sign that 'keeping going' is actually working for you. Today, that domino fell on Taemin.   

  

"After your session with Victoria, come and talk to me ok?"  

  

Taeyeon's soft voice was laced with even more warmth than usual today.   

  

"Ok?" Taemin replied. He couldn't muster a proper smile but did none the less make the corners of his mouth curve upwards. Whatever she wanted to say to him would have to wait. The meeting he was about to have about the next steps in trying to fight his withdrawal wasn't going to be fun, but it was very important.   

  

Annoyingly, it didn't go too well. Victoria's only goal throughout the whole session was to push the idea of therapy (Key said his meeting was exactly the same) and given neither were ready for that, it had pretty much been a waste of time. Because Taemin wasn't ready for that, was he? He'd come this far with giving up spice. He was only on 1 a day now and the craving may have still been terrible, but he was dealing with it. So what would be the point? Would it help him get over some of his demons? Not likely. Would it help him to feel less anxious and more motivated? Probably not. Would it calm him down and stop the night terrors? Maybe...he guessed. Would it help him be able to come to terms with Onew and feel less scared and neurotic all the time? Possibly...  

  

But it was moot. Because he wasn't ready. He. Wasn't. Ready. Stuff from his childhood would probably get mentioned, stuff he'd pushed down until it barely even existed in his world anymore. There was no point in digging up trauma from the past, no point in talking. Taemin wasn't ready. Taemin. Wasn't. Ready.   

  

"Hey you ready?"  

  

"Ye-" Taemin cut himself off as he remembered that actually no, he'd agreed to talk to Taeyeon before he left the shelter. "Er, you go back to work. I'll meet you at the trailer later."  

  

"I can wait?" Key asked.  

  

Taemin shook his head. A good few minutes before, he'd spotted Jimin sneaking into one of the extra office rooms. It wouldn't be a good idea for Key to be hanging around when there was a possibility that they could cross paths. "Nah, I might be a while. I dunno what she wants to talk about. You go and can you get me some food?"   

  

Key rummaged around in his pockets and a surprised smile crept on his face when he realised that actually, yes, he did have enough on him to get them something yummy tonight. "Go straight back home when you're done here."  

  

"I will."  Taemin rolled his eyes as he watched his friend leave, before turning out of the foyer on a hunt to find Taeyeon, who would probably be in her little boxy office.  

 

When he opened the door, another eyeroll couldn't help but creep onto his face. She wasn't alone. There were 4 other young (very young) guys in there with her, one of them being the certain traitor he'd spotted earlier. "This looks like the worst intervention of my life." 

 

Taeyeon merely laughed, while Jimin seemed to sink lower in his plastic chair, and the other 3 boys looked away nervously, their faces shy and uneasy. Good. Taemin was obviously older and scarier than whoever the fuck these new kids were, and it was about time he got treated with some respect around here. For once, he could be the intimidating one, and that wasn't an opportunity he was about to pass up. 

 

"Thanks for coming." Taeyeon said, her eyes darting invitingly to the little stool by her desk given all of the plastic chairs were taken. Taemin chose to stand. "This won't take long. But I had an idea and, well, it was Jimin coming the other day that really got me thinking about it."  

 

Jimin gave an awkward smile, which Taemin didn't reciprocate. It wasn't like he wished harm on the kid or anything, but being friendly enough to make nice just wasn't on the cards yet.  

 

"This is...how do you pronounce your name again sorry?" Taeyeon turned to the first of the new boys- a spotty but pretty looking kid with hair that covered his eyes.  

 

"Like the letter V," came the quiet reply. "It's just what people call me." 

 

Taeyeon smiled dismissively before moving on, "And this is Jungkook and Hoseok. They're new to the streets and we're trying to get them some rooms here but, well, the waiting list just seems to be getting longer."  

 

Taemin nodded sharply, determined not to ask questions like "How old are you guys?! Where have you been sleeping?! What have you been taking?! Do you know some loser called Chanyeol?!" which would make him sound like an anxious mother and mess up his street cred entirely.  

 

"Well it's just you've come such a long way, Taemin." Taeyeon continued, "And I know you sort of took Jimin under your wing-" 

 

"Past tense." Taemin interrupted grumpily. 

 

Jimin cringed and Taeyeon tutted, "It doesn't matter. You're going to like this idea and I'm just going to get to the point. You boys all have one thing in common, and it's rare, you know? It's important. It brings people together. It gives people something to enjoy when everything else is so, well, horrible." 

 

The 3 new kids all seemed very confused, as did Jimin, as was Taemin.  

 

"Dance." Taeyeon said simply. "I'm thinking of applying for permission to open the shelter 2 days a week, in the daytime, for some sort of club or class to take place." She turned to V randomly, "Taemin here, he's very good, I've seen him." She glanced back at Taemin, "Where was it you used to work?"  

 

Taemin's cheeks went the brightest shade of red instantly. It was a blush to rival the mother of blushes and would definitely be depleting his street cred. "Um, that place by er, the strip-" 

 

"Oh oh oh yes I forgot." Taeyeon's face also went a little pink. "I er, well, I've seen you, and you really are very talented, plus you have experience working in...that area. So I was thinking you could lead and be the teacher sort of. You don't work in the day so it wouldn't be inconvenient, would it?" 

 

Taemin's mind was whirling about replaying that sentence and didn't get a chance to reply before she was carrying on. 

 

"Jimin here, you could be his helper? I know you said you'd taken lessons as a child?" 

 

Jimin gave a small guilty nod.  

 

"We get so many teens and young people coming here, ones that aren't even homeless but are just so poor and in terrible situations. Regardless of whether they have a 'passion for dance' or not, it might be really good to at least try and give them a safe place to go in the day and a fun purpose for going there. What do you all think?" 

 

The one called Hoseok grinned, "I think it's great!" He clapped his hands together enthusiastically. "I'd go! I can move. Not that these two can, but it's ok, I can make up for it. We'll recruit some other losers- I mean, it'll be warm here, won't it?!" 

 

"Actually the boiler's been playing up for months." Taeyeon muttered under her breath. "But it's a lot less cold than outside!"  

 

Hoseok laughed and the 2 of them, with occasional murmurs from Jimin and hums of agreement from the 2 other kids, continued a happy discussion on the subject. 

 

Taemin's mind was in total overdrive. A strange feeling of hope was settling in his tummy, while apprehension and nervousness swam in his throat. It was a good idea. It was practical, and there was no doubt that people would come- after all, it would be nicer than the streets or even their god awful home situations probably. But to make the purpose a dance class? Would it actually bring joy to anyone or just be a complete and total waste of time? And did Taeyeon actually trust him enough to lead this thing? Give him a key to the shelter and make him in charge of a group of teens? Had he come that far? Wasn't he still an addict? Wasn't he still only trustworthy with a rat, or a hedgehog, or whatever it was Sun said last time? Maybe not. Maybe all this work he'd been doing to prove that he was capable, to make himself capable, was actually paying off?  

 

"We can't pay you of course." Taeyeon said, turning to Taemin blankly. "It would be purely charitable and run by volunteers. I'm sure you presumed that already, I just thought I should make it clear." 

 

Taemin nodded. Of course he'd presumed that.  

 

"But if you're all positive, well, I can start to write up a letter to my boss proposing this idea? I really don't think, if we can manage to just use the foyer as the dance room, that there will be much extra expense. Taemin? What do you think? You in?"  

 

The apprehension and nerves in his throat settled down with one easy swallow. "Yeah. I'm in." 

 

 

\--- 

 

Sometimes things in life just go wrong. It happens more often than it should and usually can't be predicted, like a domino falling from behind and knocking you down out of nowhere A domino of uncertainty, a domino of anger, a domino of mistrust- whatever domino it is, it's bad, and it's a sign that whatever situation you're in now, isn't working. Today, that domino fell on Sunyoung.   

 

Taemin rushed back to the trailer from his talk at the shelter in a fit of actual excitement. He knew Key would probably still be at work, but was hoping to find some yummy food left out for him, and maybe take it to Junghee's to eat with some company.  

 

What he found, wasn't what he'd expected.  

 

"Sun? Are you ok??"  

 

As soon as he opened the door to their little trailer, a wall of baby cries hit him, followed by the sight of Sunyoung hunched over on the floor in fits of sobs. Mei was in her make-shift basket right next to her mother, screaming bloody murder. The baby was only half dressed and diapers, wipes and other related paraphernalia were strewn all around haphazardly.  

 

"She won't stop! She won't stop!!" Sunyoung wailed, "She's cold! But she won't let me dress her and she won't stop!!"  

 

Totally unsure of how to react to this situation, Taemin took the initiative and knelt next to the little basket on the floor to pick up the screaming half dressed thing, only to find that the poop explosion beneath her was a mess to rival messes. "Er." He put her back down again, before grabbing the wipes. "Shhh, shh little Meimei, your momma's having a minor breakdown, will you stop crying honey?"   

 

Sunyoung wailed something which vaguely sounded like, "this isn't a joke!" before scrabbling to the side and basically throwing Mei's discarded diaper and sleeper at the blonde. "Just deal with her!!" With that, she stormed into the bedroom and continued to sob.  

 

It took Taemin far longer than it should have to change the little baby; she really wasn't making it easy today. The high pitched crying was on another level and she was obviously very upset about something or another, but from what Taemin could tell, she wasn't that cold and she had milk on her chin so she probably wasn't hungry. They must have been fighting, he thought, as his heart sank a little. Mei hated fighting and it was actually incredible how intuitive she was about it. Loud tones of voice didn't upset her; you could squeal and should joyfully all you wanted and she wouldn't bat an eyelid. But if you raised your voice in anger, she would start crying almost instantly. To get her this unsettled, there must have been a pretty big fight.  

 

Once Mei was dressed and Taemin was no longer covered in poop, he gently picked her up and rocked her a good couple of times, whispering sorrowful words of "I know baby, Jonghyun would do it better," and "it's ok little Meimei, your mommy and daddy love each other really." He then decided that she was as calm as she was going to be (the screaming had stopped, now all that was left was annoying whimpering) and gently knocked on the bedroom door where Sunyoung was still obviously in pieces.  

 

"What happened Sun?"  

 

Sunyoung didn't even turn around from where she was slumped on the battered cushions when he opened the door. "Is she clean?"  

 

"Yeah." Taemin looked down at the little wriggling thing in his arms. "Ish."  

 

"Give her here."  

 

Taemin did, and watched in mild amusement at how incredibly tightly Sunyoung held the whimpering baby, when only minutes ago it looked like she might chuck her out of a window. (exaggeration, probably)  

 

"What did he do?"  

 

Sunyoung sighed, "I don't know and that's the problem." She wiped her eyes on Mei's blanket before turning around. "It was bad, Taemin. Really really bad."  

 

Taemin felt a horribly familiar feeling sink into his chest. He'd been where Sunyoung was right now a thousand billion times, crying in the corner over a huge, nasty fight with the one he loved most in the world. Except it was harder for her, it was harder for them. They were a little unit of three, not two. Having Mei in the mix only added to the sorrow.  

 

"You wanna just ditch him and go out with me?" He asked, trying to cheer her up and failing epically. 

 

"I'm starting to think that's not such a bad idea." 

 

Taemin sighed, "Nah. We'd be no good together really. Who would be the flower and who would be the gardener?" 

 

A sad smile crept onto Sunyoung's lips. "Mei would be the flower. We'd both be gardeners." 

 

Taemin nodded. "So what happened? Do you wanna talk about it? Sometimes bitching about our loved ones in healthy. Key and Jonghyun moan about each other all the time and they're the most stable couple we've got." 

 

Sunyoung said nothing, so Taemin continued. "I'll go first if you like, start the ball rolling and all. Minho's a shady bastard, isn't he? And his head's too small for his body. And what's up with that look he thinks is scary?"  

 

Another sad smile crept onto her lips. "He's your best friend." 

 

"We don't talk as much as we used to." Taemin shrugged. "He's getting more secretive again lately."  

 

Sunyoung nodded. "That's it." She said, smile gone. "The secrets, the not knowing where he is, the not knowing if he's safe, the not knowing...anything! And he's so fucking entitled! You wouldn't even believe the things he says about Junghee sometimes Minnie. He thinks she's an interfering witch who's trying to adopt me and Mei to fill some kind of creepy hole that her own children didn't. It hurts his pride so much when he finds out that she's given me money, but what am I supposed to do? What he brings in is totally unreliable! Sometimes it's loads and sustains us for a month, and other times it's barely anything- you know, you've seen it!" 

 

Taemin opened his mouth to agree but it looked like the flood gates weren't shut yet. 

 

"-And he's just so fucking arrogant! He thinks it's fine that he's secretive, he thinks I'm being over anxious or nosey or I don't even know what he thinks, but whatever it is, it's totally fucking messed up! He wants nothing more than for us to all live together as a three, so what the fuck he doing?! How is he making that happen? Where does he go at night when he's not here, Taemin? Where?!"  

 

Taemin wanted to answer something reassuring like; "Oh, well you can trust him to make good choices" or "I'm sure whatever's going on isn't dodgy." But they would both know in an instant that those words would be totally hollow, and lies didn't fix anything. He kept his mouth shut and started to think instead. 

 

"Don't do anything though." Sunyoung said, knowing very well her friend was plotting, "WWOD."  

 

Taemin rolled his eyes, "You didn't even know Onew. You have no idea what he would have done." 

 

"No but I can guess, from the way you talk about him. And the answer is nothing. Nothing."  

 

Taemin disagreed wholeheartedly, and pulled a face to show it. Onew would have fucking tried to fix the situation for his friend. The guy couldn't bear to see anyone he loved so upset, and if Sunyoung really needed to know what Minho was up to, then that's what he would have found out.  

 

"Seriously, Minnie, I don't need you to meddle in this." 

 

"I won't." The look on his face stated otherwise, and they both knew it. "Now how bout I take Meimei off your hands for the rest of the day?" 

 

Sunyoung scowled. 

 

"To Junghee's." Taemin clarified, "Until Key gets back from work. Jesus. I think I can be trusted with more than a hedgehog now, don't you?" 

 

The scowl faded. "I'd trust you with a goat now."  

 

Taemin smiled. "I'll take that." 

 

\--- 

 

Today was the day. The 'so help me god' day, the 'we're just going to fucking do it' day, the 'I don't even care if they arrest me' day. 

 

Both dressed in long black hoodies and big coats, Key had honestly thought about trying to fashion himself and Taemin some kind of prosthetic nose or something. It was overcautious. Probably. Because it wasn't like they were going to the prison back in their derelict shithole's town. And it wasn't like they were going to have to show ID just to visit some random guy in some random jail. There were risks involved, yes. But they were all abstract and unlikely; what if some police guy has transferred there from the towns we've rented in and recognises us? What if there are ex clients or street creeps there as inmates? It was paranoia, that's what it fucking was. But a prosthetic nose would have made Key feel a little better.  

 

"You ready??" 

 

"Hang on." Taemin said. He was staring down at his phone with a frown. "Bie's pissed we didn't give him the heads up that we're doing it today." 

 

Key rolled his eyes. "I don't care." He grabbed the blonde's arm to drag him out of their trailer and down the track.  

 

There was a good reason for not telling the others of their plans to visit Jonghyun today. Everyone would have wanted to come along, and that wasn't a good idea. Having a load of rough losers coming in, making a scene, crying, being generally themselves, would not *repeat not* be incognito. And to be quite frank, if Key was really honest, he wanted some fucking alone time with his partner and everyone else would interfere. Believe it or not, Taemin didn't count as everyone in this scenario.  

 

It took a lot longer than they'd thought it would to get there. Jonghyun was expected them- they'd exchanged many letters by this point and the visiting hours were strict and set at very specific times. Which only made Key more stressed, because holy fuck what if they were late? What if jjong was just waiting there for them and they never showed up and he'd have to go back to his cell alone and probably cry and then they'd arrive but the stupid fucking police guys wouldn't let them in and then taemin would cry and then key would cry it would all go to fucking hell.  

 

A bony arm wrapped around his shoulders. "You ok?"  

 

"Mm." Key shook it off. They were almost there, and now was the time to pull himself together, to fucking man the hell up, to put on a brave face for the one he loved most in the world, to be the strong one, the capable one, the I'm-not-going-to-break-down-on-you one. 

 

That didn't quite go as planned.  

 

When they arrived, there was a long wait in a long queue to even get into the visiting room- which was a large boxy grey space containing about 50 tables and chairs that reminded Key of the shelter's foyer. Luckily Taemin was paying attention today, and had eavesdropped a conversation between another visitor and one of the wardens about what was expected. They hadn't got long, only 20 minutes or so. Touching was permitted, but only to a degree obviously. A short hug was fine, as was handholding. They would be watched closely by the guards. 

 

Then finally, they reached the top of the queue, and their number was called.  

 

Key genuinely felt like he was almost too lightheaded to enter the huge room, and even more unable to scan around to actually find his lover.  

 

"He's there! There!!" Taemin's voice was squeaky, and suddenly distant, as the blonde made a rushed beeline towards a little table in the far corner containing the one, the only- Jonghyun, who looked weary as ever but was smiling none the less.  

 

Key hadn't expected to be like this. He'd wanted to be the one who was running over there faster than lightning, the one who was throwing their arms around the missing musketeer and sobbing and kissing his cheek and- 

 

"47! That's enough contact!" A guard called their number from overhead, and was looking sternly at Taemin who backed off immediately.  

 

And then it was Key's turn. The closer he got, the more he felt his heart sink. His eyes couldn't blink as they examined every inch of his lover's face. Jonghyun looked so tired. Almost as tired as he did back in their homeless days. He had a small lumpy bruise on his cheek that was obviously at least a week old, and his lips were cracked and a bloody. Key burst into tears.  

 

"Hey hey hey-" Jonghyun slipped around the table and walked a few (probably frowned upon) paces towards his lover, before throwing one arm around Key's waist, the other clutching at the back of his neck. "I've missed you. Oh my god Key, I've missed you."  

 

Key continued to cry, motionless, for a good 30 seconds or so before the guard yelled, "47!" again and they were forced to break their embrace. Jonghyun kept hold of one of his hands as they made their way back to the table, Key and Taemin seated one side, Jonghyun on the other.  

 

Unable to speak and totally overcome with emotion, Key was actually very grateful for Taemin's blabbermouth today. "You look terrible!! God, it's so weird without you at home Jonghyun. Are you ok?? Your last letter was vague. What's this about Chen here?? How's the food? Are you skinnier? Do they think you're being good so you'll be out faster?" 

 

Jonghyun laughed and looked down, trying to compose himself also. "That's a lot of question's Minnie." He took one of the blonde's hands in his also. 

 

"Sorry." Taemin muttered. "I just can't believe how long it's been. It feels like forever! Two months? Three? How many??" 

 

"It's been 76 days." Key could barely manage to push the words out. His eyes were still transfixed on Jonghyun's bruise, his knuckles white in his lover's hand. "Two and a half months." 

 

Jonghyun was about to reply something jokey like, "Aw baby counted the days" but didn't get a chance to because now Key had managed to find his voice, more words were spilling out.  

 

"You told me you were fine. You said the food was good. You said that you'd been eating. You said that you'd been sleeping. You said no one was pushing you around."  

 

A small, almost humorous gulp drift down Jonghyun's adam's apple. "Babe-" 

 

"Were you lying to make me feel better or has it just been an exceptionally bad week? I'm not mad. I just want to know."   

 

Another gulp, then an additional sigh. "I wasn't lying. It's really not so bad here. I know I don't look great-" 

 

"I've seen you unconscious and stark naked in a derelict shithole, covered in a pool of dirt, vomit and cum." Key's voice was steady and quiet. "But right now, you look worse."  

 

Taemin couldn't help but laugh. "I remember that." He glanced at Jonghyun, then back at Key. "Your memory's fucked."  

 

Key scowled. "No." His eyes found their connected hands. "You look so tired today. Tireder than I've seen you in a long time." 

 

"Yeah well, I am tired." Jonghyun squeezed both Taemin's and Key's fingers. "But Minnie's right. I sure as hell don't look as bad as I did then, thank god. And I don't feel it either. You don't have to worry baby. It's honestly not that ba-" 

 

Key gave a sassy cuss and roll of his eyes, "How did you get that owie?"  

 

"What, this little thing?" Jonghyun pointed at his cheek bruise as if it was nothing more than a pimple. "Would you believe me if I told you I fell down?"  

 

While Taemin gave a small nervous laugh, Key continued to scowl. "I thought you were supposed to be avoiding trouble. I thought you were supposed to be on your best behaviour to get out sooner. I though-" 

 

Jonghyun groaned, "Baby. Fucking hell. This is the first time we've seen each other in-" 

 

"76 days." 

 

"Yeah, and for god's sake, I know you're pissed, I know you're worried, but can you not like just tell me you love me and adore me and that I'm the most precious puppy on the planet please? Like, seriously." 

 

No one had a knack for defrosting the ice king that was Key like Jonghyun. There was barely a moment's pause, before something inside the feline like boy seemed melt away, and the scowl was replaced by a far calmer expression. "Ok." He sighed, "I love you and adore you and you're the most precious puppy." 

 

"On the planet." Taemin added helpfully.  

 

Jonghyun smiled. "Thanks. I needed that. And my bruise is no worries. There was a small...kerfuffle-" 

 

"Kerfuffle." Taemin scoffed, "That's the name of my next cat." 

 

"-And I happened to get involved and I happened to get this owie. Some jerk was picking on my cell mate so I had to stick up for him. He's like you Taemin." Jonghyun's eyes darted to the blonde, "Skinny and hopeless." 

 

"Thanks."  

 

Jonghyun shrugged, "It won't have damaged my good behaviour that much." 

 

"That much?" Key asked, scowl returning a little. 

 

Jonghyun sighed, "Can we talk about something else? Something nice? I don't wanna waste our 20 minutes talking about prison life. I wanna hear about you guys. How's everyone and everything at home? You getting the fuck out of that trailer yet?"  

 

Both Key and Taemin looked at each other sceptically, before turning back to the Most Precious Puppy. Taemin spoke first. "No, we haven't. Although that storm's coming soon so...yay. Sun and Mei are hardly spending any time with us, as expected, and I dunno about Minho. Gonna follow him tonight I think." 

 

"You what?"  

 

Key also looked confused. 

 

"Yeah. Sun asked me too. Well. She didn't. She asked me not to. But I could tell she actually did want me to. And I mean, it's Minho, right? I wanna know what the loser's up to."  

 

Jonghyun frowned. "That's a horrible idea. Don't meddle. We can trust Minho and we don't need to know what he's doing."  

 

"I know we can trust him." Taemin replied simply. "I'm just curious."  

 

Jonghyun exchanged a look with his lover which said all it needed to; 'don't let him do that' and the conversation moved swiftly along.  

 

"Has Jongin or Sehun found themselves jobs on the side yet?"  

 

"Yeah." Taemin grumbled a little. "Sehun has." 

 

"Is he gonna send back money?" 

 

"He shouldn't." Key interrupted. "They need it there. Accomodation and food are the only things being provided. They're gonna need other stuff too like clothes...I dunno." 

 

Jonghyun laughed, "Oh yeah. Cus like, you know Newbie and his ever-changing fashion sense right? Gotta keep up with the trends." 

 

Key rolled his eyes for the billionth time. "It's not just for now they should keep it. What happens when college is over and they can't get a 'proper' job. They're gonna need enough saved for the first few rents."  

 

Jonghyun and Taemin exchanged a glance before Jonghyun spoke. "We're a group, Key. We may not all live together anymore but that doesn't mean anything's really changed. We're still a unit and family's support each other. Right now, they're cozy and warm and you two are stuck in a fucking half burnt trailer, freezing your skinny asses, waiting for a storm to rip the roof off. Let them send whatever they can back, and get the fuck out of there."  

 

His words were said in a tone that Jonghyun only used for serious things. It was commanding and authoritative, and hard to disagree with. 

 

"Ok." Key said quietly. "You're right. As soon as we can, we'll try and find somewhere else."  

 

Jonghyun smiled, his easy going nature back in an instant. "Good good. You bring a picture of Mei?"  

 

"Oh yeah." Key rummaged in his coat and pulled out his phone. "I took a shit ton."  

 

"Holy fuck." Jonghyun's eyes lit up as he scrolled through the images. "She's grown so much. She's fatter!!"  

 

"Heavier too." Taemin said, stating the obvious. "It's like holding a fucking brick now. A squishy brick."  

 

"She's even cuter than I remember." Jonghyun's voice was suddenly very sad. "Aw. I miss her. I hope she remembers me when I get out." 

 

"She won't." Key said bluntly. "But she'll fall in love with you all over again." 

 

Jonghyun smiled and glanced at the large clock ticking ominously in the other corner of the room. "We don't have long left." He turned to Taemin. "Sorry, Minnie, but would you give us the rest of the time alone?" 

 

Taemin sighed, feeling the grip around his hand squeeze even tighter. "Ok. I love you. And adore you. And you're precious and all that shit."  

 

Jonghyun got up and hugged his oldest friend, whispering in the blonde's ear; "Be good."  

 

Taemin sighed again, tried to swallow the lump in his throat, and left the lovers to it.  

 

The atmosphere suddenly became very heavy. Jonghyun grabbed both of his lover's hands across the table, and they held each other's gaze for at least 10 seconds before either spoke again. 

 

"How is he really?" 

 

Key gave a small, reassuring smile. "He's actually ok. Being good. We both are." 

 

"And what's the next step?" 

 

"Cold turkey."  

 

Jonghyun winced. "You gonna be able to handle that?" 

 

"No." Key said simply. "And I'm not going to try, at least, not for now. Taemin is. I'll be there for him. And when you get back, you can be there for me."  

 

Jonghyun nodded. "Good plan."  

 

"And when we're both clean, we can be there for you." 

 

There was a small pause in which both raised their eyebrows. "Yeah well, maybe." Jonghyun said finally. "I think I'd put money that Minho could quit spice better than I could though." 

 

Key shook his head and was just about to say how stupid that was, when the guard at the far door hollered "47 TIMES UP" and both he and his lover winced.  

 

And then Jonghyun leaned across the table, took one of Key's cheeks in his, and kissed the living shit out of his very wide eyed boyfriend- tongues and all.  

 

It wasn't a very sensible thing to do. Contact like this was extremely frowned upon, as they'd overheard at the beginning, and it really wasn't a good idea to be seen as this obviously gay in front of a room full of prisoners. But Jonghyun was beyond caring. And, for the 10 seconds that his mind was all fuzzy and in love, so was Key.  

 

But then 2 rather hefty guards were making a beeline towards them, and Key made himself jerk away.  

 

"Hey! That's quite enough!" The older one said, in a tone so condescending it was a wonder either of them held their sass. "Quite enough! Quite enough!" The younger one repeated. It was comical, until they both put a firm hand on each of Jonghyun's arms and started dragging him away. 

 

Key was, honestly, close to losing his shit. There was a split second moment of craziness where he genuinely considered attacking both of the cops. But then as instinctively as ever, Jonghyun craned his neck back, playfully winked, and smiled that crooked boyish smirk that used to be a staple of his back when they were teens. It was hard not to melt at that winning, if cocky, grin.  

 

Key watched, still and slightly calmer, as they lead Jonghyun out of the doors and back to his cell, probably, before making his way towards the exist where Taemin would be waiting eagerly.  

 

"Did he snog you?"  

 

Key tutted and made the stupid blonde put his hood up as they walked through the foyer and to the safety of outside. The sooner they were away from this place, the better.  

 

"No. It's frowned upon, remember?" 

 

"Yeah but your lip gloss is all smudgy. You look like you have shiny cheek."  

 

Although impressed with his observational skills, Key made himself frown. "It's Vaseline, you idiot. Now let's get our butts home."  

 

\--- 


	54. The Storm: Goody Tae Shoes

Global warming was an actual bitch. And also, while we're on the subject, very very stupidly named if you ask Taemin. Because fuck, if it made everywhere sunny and like shitting Tahiti twenty four fucking seven, would that really be so bad? No. The answer is no. Sorry polar bears, but it's true. This though; the extremes of temperature in either direction getting progressively worse year upon year upon year...wasn't even funny. It. Wasn't. Even. Funny.  

 

Taemin should be grateful really. This was the worst winter they'd experienced in fuck knows how long, and they weren't homeless for it. Some of them were even by radiators right now, probably- Jongin, Sehun, maybe even Jonghyun (although his radiator was probably behind a few locked bars, so that really wasn't something to envy). And thank god for people like Junghee's sister, who actually had a house and was letting Junghee as well as Sun an Mei sleep there until the storm passed.  

 

Key and Taemin on the other hand, were a fucking pitiful sight. Where Minho was, neither knew, but that was the usual story wasn't it? The lights had blown, so it was pitch black, and both boys were huddled together like penguins in the middle of the floor in the living space, sharing a mountain of blankets, towels and sleeping bags for warmth. Taemin had two hats on, three pairs of socks, a pair of gloves, a scarf, two coats, one pair of not very holey jeans...and he was still fucking cold.  

 

"Right!" Key got up, which made all of the precariously balanced covers the two of them were under fall to the floor. "I've had enough! We're breaking into Junghee's! She won't care!"  

 

"Her heater's out though too, isn't it?" 

 

"I don't know." Key grabbed Taemin's arm to drag the blonde up to his feet. "But she doesn't have any fucking holes in her roof, or windows, and I swear to god these drafts are gonna be the death of me."  

 

Taemin rolled his eyes but didn't argue as the dragging continued out to the yard, and indeed down the track until they both reached a very dark looking Junghee's trailer.  

 

"The key's under the flower pot. No, not that one, the other one. No! The other other one!"  

 

The cold only made Key's nagging tone more annoying, but they found the stupid thing in the end and were able to unlock her little place without too much trouble. It was so fucking typical, Taemin thought bitterly as he undid the zip of his outer coat layer, that Heechul would decide to close the bar for a bit of cold weather and 'oncoming storms', when the jerk didn't hardly close the place for christmas.  

 

"Right." That seemed to be Key's catchphrase tonight. "You think she'll mind if we sleep in her bed? Or do you want the futon?" 

 

Taemin glanced between the cold looking old-ladyish bedroom and the uncomfy, somewhat wonky futon that Sun had been occupying in the living area, a basket right next to it. The place had turned into baby paradise and everything around was linked to Mei in some way it seemed. Cute really, but there was hardly any space to move. "Ur yeah. I'll take the futon."  

 

"K." Key chucked off his shoes before carefully placing them by the door (and scolding himself for not doing that sooner as Junghee didn't like mess) before wondering into the bedroom, removing all of the musky smelling cushions off her bed, and climbing in with all his clothes on. "If you get cold just come in here, there's room for two if we squish," was the last thing Taemin heard before the snoring commenced.  

 

Taemin looked back at the futon, sighed, and was just about to tuck himself down too, when he heard the distinctive sound of frosty grass crunching outside. Glancing out of the window, he saw a very disgruntled looking Minho, walking as fast as he could down the track, presumably towards their own trailer. Sensible, Taemin thought to himself. The wind was far too bitter to be out tonight and the stupid frog boy hadn't even got a hat on.  

 

There was a moment of indecision where Taemin really did contemplate just going back to his futon and tucking himself down for the night. Minho wasn't going to be up to anything interesting was he? The guy had just come back and was probably just going to try and get some sleep. Although really, Taemin did want a word with him. And they were very rarely alone together lately; this might be a golden opportunity. It wasn't like Sun and Mei were around to interrupt them, and Key was totally knocked out for the night.  

 

Taemin didn't have to dither for much longer, as the decision was made for him. It had only been a minute since Minho had walked by, but there he was again, crunching the frosty grass under his big black boots, coming back the way he came. He was carrying his rucksack this time, presumably the item he'd come back to get, and did indeed have a hat on now. Sensible. Very sensible. But what Taemin was about to do, probably wasn't.  

 

As quiet as he possibly could, the blonde crept towards the front door and opened it slowly, making a terrible creak. He glanced back at Key, who was thankfully still snoring away, and ducked out into the cold before he could tell himself this wasn't a good idea. 

 

The weather seemed to be getting worse by the minute. The power and chill of the wind almost shocked him as he practically tiptoed down the track, making very sure to avoid any particularly icy areas of grass. He wasn't worried he'd slip- it was the noise which was the problem. How was stealthy following ever going to work when mere footsteps gave him away?  

 

Luckily, the whole world seemed to be creating so much noise that he didn't have to be very careful to keep quiet. Minho was a good few yards up ahead, in fact Taemin could barely see him through the twists and turns of the dark field they were heading. Down here, even if Taemin were to tread on the crunchiest stick or fall flat on his face, the deafening rustle of angry leaves and branches clattering against each other would surely drown out any of his clumsiness. Taemin wasn't scared. A bad storm was building at that was very clear, but they'd dealt with enough wind and snow on the streets not to be phased by things like this anymore.  

 

He had to concentrate. They were headed to town it seemed, but in a slightly different way to usual and it would not *repeat not* be a good idea to get lost. Taemin pondered on simply yelling out to his friend, it wasn't like Minho would be that mad, but then no mysteries would be uncovered and nothing would ever get solved. That wouldn't do at all.  

 

It was actually quite an effort to keep up with the frog boy's long legs, but Taemin managed it. When they reached town, it was definitely an area that wasn't very familiar. The streets were bare, which probably had more to do with the storm than the lack of inhabitants. It still felt like a creepy, oddly quiet place though. The eeriness lasted all the way until Minho ducked round a very unsuspected bend in a thin, sheltered street, and loud voices, shouting, and even what sounded like cheering could suddenly be heard through the wind.  

 

This was when Taemin did actually start to feel a little hesitant. He didn't really know what he'd expected, but going down dark thin alleyways, from dark thin streets, in an area he didn't recognise, wasn't it. Nothing good happened in places like this, that's for sure. But Minho would know that. Minho would know exactly what was happening and where he was headed. And Taemin trusted Minho, so didn't need to feel worried. Right?  

 

Fuck, what if he was dealing again? That would be bad. What if he was working for other's who dealt? That would be worse. What if he was in debt himself and doing something really dodgy for creeps to pay it off? That would be really really bad.  

 

The cheering was getting louder. It was a strange noise; excited but laced with anger. Every sound made Taemin's tummy turn, even his own footsteps. It was less stormy down this twisty, turny alley. The wind wasn't howling like it had been out in the open, and the rooves from up above sheltered it from any sleet or snow. His breath was creating beautiful smoky patterns in the air which lingered for almost too long in the stillness. It was unsettling and nerve wracking and weird. Everything about this was weird.  

 

Up ahead, Minho was slowing down. Taemin watched, feeling totally perplexed, as his friend turned to the right and opened a small, heavy door as casually as though it were his own house. The cheering and yells got immediately louder as the entry opened, then died down again when it clanged shut. Taemin waited twenty seconds, took a shaky breath, contemplating running away, and then ran the remaining steps towards the door and opened it in one swift move himself.  

 

His senses were met by a bombardment of things. The cheering was deafening. It was like a deep roar of ten lions or hyenas or some other ferocious animal in a frenzy. The smell of steamy hot, slightly off meat trailed into his nose and made him feel physically sick. There were people everywhere, a huge crowd in front of him, mainly of young men dressed very badly (a lot of them looked homeless) and although many were moving, there seemed to be a concentrated number in the centre of the room watching something that was out of Taemin's sight. He couldn't tell how big the room was as the corners were totally black, but it was a very, very tall place, at least double story, with a horrible squeaky fan on the ceiling. Under his feet, broken glass and spice packets crunched under his feet. A needle glimmered just a few meters from the doorway. Taemin hadn't been in a place like this in a while.  

 

"What you betting?"  

 

Someone was speaking to him. Shit.  

 

"Oh uhh." Taemin turned around to see big, muscly guy in black looking down at him critically. In the man's hand, was a clipboard. A fucking clipboard. Hilarious. "I er, I'm not?"  

 

The guy huffed, "You a participant?" 

 

Taemin frowned like an idiot. 

 

The guy huffed again, "Spectators are over there." He pointed towards the far left hand corner of the room where the crowd was concentrated. "But you should consider partaking though- the crowd loves skinny ones."  

 

"Thanks, I'll think about it." Taemin made himself smile. The penny still hadn't dropped, but he knew blagging was the only thing to do in situations like this.  

 

Before the guy could say anything else, Taemin made his way passed a seemingly endless number of bustling men (and the odd woman, but there really weren't many) towards the corner he'd been directed to. And then he stopped dead.  

 

What the crowd were all looking and cheering at had finally become clear, and on the side lines, standing as casually again as if it were their own house, was Minho, Kris...and Jimin. 

 

"Sick" was the only word that came to Taemin's mind, and that was coming from a former rent boy. The centre of this place was a ring- a fucking fighting ring. Currently, there were two young men scrabbling around on the floor, tearing the living hell out of each other while the crowd roared and leered over them like vultures. There were several big guys trying to control the growing number of people from totally inclosing in on the circular ring that was marked out for fighting. It seemed to be an impossible task.  

 

Minho and Kris were watching with stony expressions, next to a bunch of other men with clipboards and bags of money strewn almost carelessly on the dusty ground. Betting. They were betting. The sick bastards were making money off homeless kids fighting each other. And then there was Jimin, waiting patiently in the wings, who was one of those homeless kids. What the actual fuck. 

 

Wasn't it only a few days ago that they'd agreed to do this dance thing at the shelter? Had he already been involved in this beforehand? Did Sehun know? Taemin shook his head at himself. Of course Sehun didn't fucking know. Did Baek? Did Chanyeol? He couldn't assume anything. The only thing that was certain, was that Minho knew, Minho was here, and Minho was clearly fucking fine with it.  

 

The two boys fighting on the ground were now covered in dirt and blood. One of them looked a lot worse than the other, and was clearly losing. It was odd, because he was the more toned one, but it seemed like his technique was all off. He could have done with a lesson or two from Jongin. 

 

A bell rang, and the crowd went nuts. Minho shook his head in annoyance, gestured firmly to a man behind him and went back to watching. It was all so alien to Taemin but he thought he could work out what was happening- the fight was obviously over and Minho hadn't won anything, but was planning to gamble again on the next one. Although thinking about it, maybe he was actually more involved than that, and was giving the go ahead to a clipboard guy to raise the stakes. It was all so confusing. And there was only one way to make it clear before the next match started. 

 

Taemin took down his hood, squeezed himself between the men in front, stepped firmly into the centre of the ring (making sure to avoid one of the big guys trying to push everyone back) and walked straight up to Minho, smiling in the harshest way possible. "Fancy seeing you here!" 

 

The stupid frog boy, Kris, and Jimin all stared at the blonde with wide eyes and open mouths. Minho grabbed Taemin's arm in one swift move and dragged him behind the white markings on the ground, back into the side lines where he belonged. The dumbfounded expression had been replaced by anger now. "What the fuck Minnie! You follow me here?!" 

 

"No I come here often." Taemin shook off the grip on his arm. "I have a black belt in lying to my friends, didn't you know?" 

 

Minho scowled. "It's not what it looks like." 

 

"What, that you're involved in some kind of sick ring pitching homeless losers against each other?"  

 

The scowl became even more intense. "Go home. Go home right fucking now. I don't have to explain myself to you or anyone else." 

 

"If by anyone else, you mean Sun, the woman you supposedly love, the mother of your child, then I'm thinking you actually do have to explain yourself to her." 

 

If Minho were Jongin, the yelling would have started right about then. Then Taemin would have probably started shouting himself, then not before long they'd start tearing into each other physically and there'd be no need for the crowd to watch what was going on in the ring, because a perfectly good bitch fight would be starting right here on the side lines. As it was, Minho was not Jongin, and did nothing but stare down at Taemin with such fire in his eyes, that there was nothing much to do but turn away.  

 

And that was when Taemin noticed exactly who was going to be involved in the next fight. He felt his arm grabbed again by Minho- a warning to not interfere, before Jimin and some other kid of a similar height and build made their way into the circle.  

 

Was this how Bie had felt? A strange question popped into Taemin's head as his tummy lurched. Was this what it was like watching someone you care about abuse themselves voluntarily? Because Taemin did care about Jimin, didn't he? Or did he? Yes, he did. The kid was a traitor and a liar, but Sehun had forgiven him. And maybe that was enough, at least for right now. 

 

"You've got to fucking do something!" Taemin said, turning around to Minho who still had a firm grip on his arm. "Help him!!"  

 

Minho rolled his eyes, "It doesn't look like he needs any."  

 

Taemin turned back to the match. Jimin was dodging punches and lunging kicks with, well, Taemin wouldn't go as far to say 'precision', but the kid wasn't doing half bad. He already had a bleeding scratch on his forehead, but the opposition looked worse. That expression on his face though; the same scared wide eyes he always had, just showed that no matter how good his physique was, he still needed someone to rescue him from this. 

 

"Minnie! Stop it!" Minho tightened his grip on the blonde's arm. "He's fine! He's not a pathetic little puppy like Newbie was and he doesn't need saving!"  

 

Taemin could have taken offense to that, but chose not to. All his brain was capable of right now was shock, and seeing as he couldn't move to do anything about it, watching was his only option. 

 

Jimin was good though. It was surprising. He didn't seem the aggressive type at all usually, and yet here he was really holding his own. The whole thing was still so uncomfortable, but seeing him winning did at least make Taemin's panic level go down. He watched the match, silent and in disbelief, all the way till the very end when that horrible loud bell rang, and the leering deteriorated into a low hum of noise.  

 

Taemin kept his eyes firmly on Jimin, who was now splattered in tiny beads of blood- most not his own.  

 

"You did great."  

 

It was Kris, that shady shady bastard, pulling the kid off and back into the side lines. Minho released the grip he had on Taemin's arm, and the two of them made their way closer to eavesdrop.   

 

"I- I- will I have made anything?" Jimin asked, so out of breath he could barely get the words out. 

 

"Course." Kris nodded once and nudged a clipboard guy to the right. "Winner needs his pay."  

 

"You were much better than I expected, well done." Minho cut in, striding the final distance towards his two friends and patting the bleeding one on the back.  

 

"Did you bet on me?"  

 

"Yeah." Minho said casually, "Not much, cus I thought you'd be rubbish, but you won back what I lost on the last one."  

 

Jimin tried to smile but it came out as more of a grimace. He then sighed deeply and looked away, his eyes catching Taemin for the first time since the fight. "Oh uh...I didn't think you'd be here?!" 

 

Taemin wanted to laugh, but he was still feeling too horrified. "How long have you been doing this?!" 

 

"This was my first." Jimin swallowed down some blood or bile or vomit in his throat. "I did good though? And I'm getting pa-" 

 

His sentence was interrupted by one of the clipboard guys in black, shoving a small brown bag in his face. "It's not a lot cus you're new. Come back and it'll grow."  

 

Jimin nodded a couple of times and quickly glanced into the bag, his face lighting up as he saw the contents. "30 bucks! That's loads!"  

 

"Keep it to yourself yeah?" Minho hissed, gesturing into his coat as if Jimin would have the same invisible pockets he did for hiding items. Fucking idiot, the kid was wearing a hoody.  

 

"Let's go back to Chanyeol's." Kris said hastily. He put an arm around Jimin and suddenly Taemin felt very overprotective, which was really ridiculous but true.  

 

"I just need to make sure that boy's ok...the one I er, beat up. Where is he?" Jimin started looking around in every direction, but a new match had already started and if anything, the crowd was even more closely packed than before.  

 

"He'll be fine." Minho said firmly. "He has his own friends, they can look after him. You didn't break any bones."  

 

Taemin cringed and followed his little group of "friends" (yes, the quotation marks are very necessary, because only one of them really classified as a friend (froggo, obviously) and right now it really didn't feel like it) through the bustling crowd and back the way they came into the night. 

 

It seemed as if Kris and Jimin were going to make their way down the left end of the alley, and Minho to the right, the way he'd come.  

 

Taemin was just about to follow the stupid frog and lecture the fuck out of him on their way home, when Jimin started to speak again.  

 

"Er, you won't tell Sehun about this will you?"  

 

"Why? You think he wouldn't approve?" Taemin asked, voice dripping in sarcasm.  

 

"Please, Taemin. I'm just trying to get by. It's not like you of all people can be judgemental is it?"  

 

For a second, tumbleweed floated in Taemin's head and he had no idea what the kid was talking about. But then- 

 

"Sehun told me a bit about you guys' past." Jimin continued, "I know what you used to be. This is no different from that, so you can't judge me." 

 

Taemin narrowed his eyes like a cat. The sheer cheek of this idiot was fucking astounding honestly. He felt Minho tap his shoulder impatiently from behind, and Kris stare at him in boredom from in front, but there was no way he was letting that comment go. "Jimin. Let me make one thing clear, ok? You are a fucking dumb kid, nothing more, nothing less. I am freaking veteran of the streets, and basically know everything there is to know about how to get by out here. Getting into organised fights is a Very Bad idea. And don't you dare think you know anything about me, or my past, because the toddler you have a crush on said I was a whore. Now fuck off home."  

 

Jimin gulped down a bit of, probably bile, again, looked very sheepish, and turned back to Kris without a word. Good. Let the idiot sulk. He fucking deserved it after tonight. And besides, the kid was wrong in every way. Taemin used to make love for a living, not fights. Except with Jongin. But Jimin didn't know that.  

 

"You. You have a lot of explaining to do." Taemin hissed, turning on his heel to face Minho.  

 

The frog boy groaned as the two of them started walking down the narrow alley. A light dusting of snow was trying to settle in a thin line on the pavement. It was sheltered here, but Taemin was sure that once they were out in the open, the storm would be blowing an absolute gale.  

 

"I have nothing to explain. I've done nothing wrong. Just because you've turned into a goody two shoes since-" 

 

"Excuse fucking me." Taemin snapped, "Just because I don't rent anymore doesn't make me square." 

 

"No but Jongin's influence does. Not that I'm saying that's a bad thing. It's just old you wouldn't have given a shit about traitors fighting idiots for money and you wouldn't have batted an eyelid if I wanted to bet on it." 

 

"So that's why you don't care that dumb kids like Jimin might get really really hurt? Cus they're idiots and traitors and-" 

 

Minho groaned again. "I don't care," he said, enunciating every word with force, "Because I'm not their fucking father. I have a child at home, and it doesn't matter to me how she gets fed, as long as she fucking does." 

 

Taemin snorted. "She gets fed through Sun's tits, you moron. It like, couldn't be more free if it fucking tried. So is this what you do then? You come down here everyday and bet?" 

 

Minho looked as if his friend had gone totally insane. "Everyday? Of course I don't. I have a whole life, Taemin. A whole life outside you, a whole life outside our 'group', fuck, even a whole life outside Sun and Mei and the old witch we apparently live with now." 

 

Taemin slapped Minho's arm. "She's a kind old lady who just wants to help!" 

 

"She's an interfering bitch who tries to turn Sun against me so she gets to live with a free carer for the rest of her life!" 

 

"She pays Sun!" 

 

"HARDLY ANYTHING!" 

 

"SHE DOESN'T HAVE HARDLY ANYTH-!" 

 

The yelling stopped as soon as the two of them reached the end of the alley and back into a wide snow covered street that was definitely the opposite of sheltered. The wind was practically as loud as their voices had been here, and the force of it felt like it was going to drag Taemin upwards. Minho grabbed the blonde's hand and the two of them walked as carefully as they could next to the side of the tall buildings on the right side of the road. 

 

"Jesus Christ! It's mental out here!" Taemin shrieked. Except the weather still wouldn't put this conversation off. "So if you're not there all the time, where are you?!" 

 

Another groan. "I told you! I do a lot of stuff, I know a lot of people! I know ways to get by! But I swear, and I've told Sun this a thousand times too, I'm not involved with creeps who deal anymore, I'm not!"  

 

The two of them were now battling to get back on the track home and Taemin had to practically scream to be heard over the wind. "I believe you! But you're still a shady bastard and one day it's gonna bite you or someone we love on the ass!" 

 

"It won't!" Minho's tone was as absolute as it gets. "I promise it won't!"  

 

\--- 

 

I'm kind of annoyed because there was supposed to be more to this chapter but I've had so many migraines these last two weeks that I just couldn't check the rest and bleh! Life is not fun at the moment. But it's gonna get a little better for these guys. and then a little worse. and then a little better again! :D lol, you know how it goes.  

 

Doesn't it feel like a long time since I updated omg two weeks is forever in fanfic years. I've made a decision about where I'm going with it now though which is good. Well, kind of anyway, it's always kind of. My energy is being taken other shit lately so it might take me a while but I do hope you'll stick around <3 im rather fond of you guys ;) I know this fic is really changing in tone and idk, I hope it wont ever become boring, I want to end it on a high note if that makes sense. 

 

Anyhoo, so, minho gambles. Lol. I wonder what else he does :3 any of you guys know? :') and jimin, oh that poor squish.  

 

It's funny, I just read this AN back and I sound so bloody cheerful when really most of today has been spent in tears. Writing is weird, isn't it. We can come across however we want to. Bleh. I'm sending so much love to whoever's beautiful eyes read this. I feel like I want to mention Jonghyun, but then I don't, so just, be well my loves xx 


	55. Bye Bye Trailer: Hello Bley

It was almost getting light by the time Taemin and Minho reached the trailer park. They'd had to give up their journey half way through and hunch low in a field like fucking scared little bunnies. Snow had covered their entire surroundings by the time they set off again, and they were both pretty frozen to the core. It sort of reminded Taemin of that homeless kind of cold; the type of chill that creeps into your lungs and down to the tip of your toes until your whole body feels like ice. Sometimes he used to wake up, even in their derelict shithole days, with a body so frozen and numb it was a wonder he managed to move at all. Yeah. It hadn't been nice.  

 

"Where the fucking shitting hell have you two been?!"  

 

It was Key's voice.  

 

"Don't you check you phone?! Don't you ever fucking check your phone?!?" 

 

"I left a note!" Taemin squeaked, a little perplexed at the hysteria as he and Minho both finally made it to Junghee's. "Why are you just waiting outside?" 

 

Key looked like he was about to slap the blonde. "I'm not 'just waiting outside' you fucking moron. I don't know if you noticed but there was a fucking terrible storm last night and I was worried you might be hurt or worse! And also, oh yeah, um, a tree branch fell on the roof of our trailer. Merry Christmas!"  

 

Both Taemin and Minho looked around like idiots. There had been quite a bit of damage to the place and everywhere looked even more haphazardly like a rubbish tip than usual. "How bad is it?"  

 

"As bad as it fucking sounds! A tree branch fell on the roof!" 

 

Taemin and Minho then looked at each other, back at Key, and the three of them made their way up the track and towards their own little home in a daze of frozen feet and confusion. 

 

"Ohhh...oh shit."  

 

"Fuck."  

 

"I told you!"  

 

Their trailer had been through a lot, granted; endless numbers of fights, the first half of Sun's labour, mattresses being set on fit inside it, quite a lot of jongkey/sunho and even taebie sex, christmas and birthdays- most of which they didn't celebrate, a leaky shower rotting holes in the walls, rats and mice nibbling away at the flooring...and now this. A tree branch. A very very large tree branch, fallen from one of the oaks which settled very near to the outskirts of their patch and must have been ripped away in a gust of wind and hurled at their trailer with a horribly large amount of force. It was, as Key had said, exactly as bad as it sounded. The roof which had been holey and crumbly anyway, now had a giant 'dip' in it. There was no way it would be safe to sleep under that in a million years. It looked as if it would collapse at the slightest touch. 

 

"Taemin, will you cut that out?"  

 

Taemin decided to listen to Key this time, and stepped away from where he was attempting to test the sturdiness of the outer wall by giving it 'gentle' nudges.  

 

"Well, it did well, I guess." Minho sighed, "But the thing's buggered now."  

 

"Yeah." Key said sadly, "Very fucking buggered." 

 

"I'm not as sad as I thought I'd be?" Taemin cut in, cocking his head the side as he stepped back to examine the damage better. The three of them stood in silence for a good minute before anyone spoke again.  

 

"It's been a long time coming." Minho said. "And I mean, it doesn't real feel like home anymore."  

 

"Yeah cus you're never here." Key snapped, "It feels like home for us two." 

 

Taemin pulled a face, "Now Bie and Jjong aren't here, it doesn't really." 

 

Key sighed. "I guess we'd better pack are stuff up. If we even can." 

 

"What? Just like that?" 

 

"Yeah. Take it to Junghee's for a bit while she and Sun are away at her sisters. Good job no trees fell on her's." 

 

"The roof wouldn't have collapsed like this even if it had." Minho said bitterly. "I don't think this shithole had long left, even if the tree hadn't finished it off." 

 

"Probably not." Key sighed, "It's a shame we can't sell it now though." 

 

"We can sell it's parts." Taemin said helpfully. "Might give us enough for first rent, maybe." 

 

Key nodded. "Maybe." 

 

The three of them continued to stare in a strangely hypnotised daze for far longer than they should have, before Minho decided to go and dangerously rummage inside for the money sock, Key went back to Junghee's to get some bags, and Taemin decided to make a phone call.  

 

"Jesus, Minnie, it's so early." 

 

"Hello to you too." 

 

"Sorry." Jongin yawned. His voice was still slow and sleepy and Taemin could just imagine him all cozy in the warm, snuggled in a duvet, clutching his phone to his right ear as his eyes clamped shut to block out the light. It was a nice image. "You ok?" 

 

"Not really. I mean, I am, I guess. Our trailer's wrecked."  

 

"The storm?" Jongin's voice was more alert in an instant, "No one's hurt, right? You all stayed at Junghee's??" 

 

"Yeah yeah, no one's hurt. It's just...wow. The roof's on the verge of collapsing."  

 

Jongin let out a sigh. "It was anyway."  

 

"Yeah I know, I know." Taemin rolled his eyes. "But shit, this is it now, really it. The end of an era."  

 

"And towards a better one." Wriggling was heard and it was clear that Jongin was trying to switch hands to hold the phone. "I've got an interview today. It's for a cleaning job at the mall- Sehun found out about it for me. I'm gonna get it." 

 

"That's a tad over confident."  

 

"Yeah well, I'm gonna be charming as hell. But anyway, I'll send back money as soon as I can." 

 

"Ok." 

 

There was a small pause. 

 

"Come stay with me." 

 

"What?" 

 

"Well, I know there's your work and everything and it's impractical...but like, Heechul isn't gonna fire you if you take a few days-" 

 

Taemin laughed. "We always say that, but one day, I'm pretty sure he will. Even Heechul's guilt has limits."  

 

"Yeah but-" 

 

"I said I'd visit soon right?" 

 

"I know but-" 

 

"I couldn't leave Key for any more than a few days anyway." 

 

"Take him with you!" 

 

"He's not gonna wanna come to a college Bie. Sehun's all he cares about and the toddler wants to come down to see Jimin right? So there'd be no point in him going." 

 

Jongin groaned, "You're fucking aggravating."  

 

"I know." Taemin smiled wearily. "If you wanna see me so bad, why can't you get your ass here this weekend?" 

 

Jongin huffed. "Cus I might have a job to do by then! And also," another huff, "I really want you to see the place! Meet my new friends and shit too. Don't you want to?"  

 

"I just wanna see you. I don't give two flying fucks about meeting anyone or seeing your cosy little college room with twinkle lights probably hung over the bed."  

 

"Yeah well." Jongin cleared his throat. "As flattered as I am, I really want you to come up here and see everything. It'll feel more real if you do. Surely you can come on your night off next week and then call in sick the next day...surely you can-" 

 

Taemin cut the blabber off with a deep sigh. "Yeah. Ok. I'll stay up there with you for a bit."  

 

Jongin 'whooped'.  

 

"Have you er, I dunno, mentioned me?" 

 

A light chuckle was heard which deteriorated into snorts. "You think I just sit around talking about you all day?" 

 

Taemin rolled his eyes, "No I just -well maybe- but I mean, like, have you told your new 'friends' that you have this whole family still living back at a trailer park or will it come as a surprise that I exist?"  

 

"Oh, a total surprise." There was a pause and Taemin presumed Jongin had also rolled his eyes. "Fucking hell, no, of course I mentioned you. "My crazy ex" and all that. Look, it'll be great. Don't overthink anything. And pack lightly ok? I'm not allowed to just casually invite people to stay so you gotta be incognito." 

 

"I'm good at that." 

 

"Yeah yeah."  

 

Taemin sighed. "I gotta go." 

 

"Why?" 

 

"Minho's yelling at me to come help him get some bags out of the trailer. We've got to get our stuff out asap else it might get pinched." 

 

"Ok." Jongin also sighed. "Hope you sleep well at Junghee's tonight."  

 

"Yeah." 

 

"And we'll get you guys a place to rent super soon ok?"  

 

"Yeah." 

 

"Cheer up baby." 

 

Taemin smiled. "Bye loser." 

 

"Bye." 

 

\--- 

 

It really was odd how frankly not upset anyone was about the demise of their little trailer. It was like they were all the fucking sheer embodiment of the words 'keep calm and carry on'. Bizarre, especially for this group. But then, it had been expected for such a long time, and sometimes when things are anticipated, it makes the end results rather anticlimactical.  

 

After the bad weather and storms had past, Junghee, Sun and Mei came back to a very crowded trailer. Taemin didn't tell Sunyoung about where Minho had been a couple of nights ago, nor had he mentioned Jimin's involvement to anyone. It was for the best. He was seeing Jimin soon at the shelter. Taeyeon's class idea was becoming a hit already (there was even a fucking sign up sheet, like it was some kind of after school club, fucking hilarious) and they were reaching a limit in spaces already- even though there hadn't even been a session yet. It wasn't that surprising, Taemin guessed. Back when he was homeless, he'd have signed up for just about anything to spend some time safe and warm.  

 

There was so many things whirring around his head but he couldn't think of any of them today. He wouldn't address when he was going to tell Sun and he wouldn't worry about what else it was Minho might be doing and he wouldn't think about being nervous to be leading the class and he wouldn't obsess over if Jonghyun was doing ok today and he wouldn't stress about what was going to happen when he cut down spice even more and he wouldn't even allow himself to ponder whether going to see Jongin would be hella traumatic or not. Nope. None of that stuff was going to be on his mind today. Because Key had taken the day off and Minho was actually here for once and Sun was home with Mei and they were all, as complete as the group could be at the moment, going to look at a little bedsit which was pretty much the only cheap enough first rent option.  

 

It was only for Taemin and Key they were looking, seeing as Sunyoung had pretty much made it clear that she was just fine playing happy families back at the trailer park with Junghee. Minho was stuck with her, and not them, so he didn't have much of a choice in that matter. Although suspicions lurked at the back of Taemin's mind that sometimes the guy took himself off to a cheap motel and slept there if he had the choice. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered right now except looking at this place. God, he wished Jonghyun was here to help make the decision, to know if they could afford it, to fucking adult. Even more, he wished Onew was here to put an arm around him and Key and make it feel like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and not theirs'. He wished Jongin was here too, well, the bear wouldn't have adulted any better than him, but there was nothing on earth more comforting than a firm hand from a bumblebie resting on his shoulder. And lastly, fuck, he even wished Sehun was around to be sensible. He may not have particularly enjoyed the toddler's company, but even Taemin had to admit, there was no one more trustworthy than that kid. It was a shame. But he couldn't wallow. He wouldn't wallow. 

 

"Would you stop sulking? Fucking hell." Sunyoung pulled a very disapproving face at the blonde before shoving Mei in his arms so she could get the baby's bag packed to leave. "Today is a happy day, an exciting day! A day you've probably been dreaming about for years!"  

 

Key grumbled. "IF we have enough money and IF the place isn't even worse than our trailer." 

 

"If if if." Sunyoung repeated, glancing at Taemin again critically, who was resting Mei on his hip as casually as she would. "You sound like Jongin." 

 

Key gave her the 'look'. "Never say that to me ever again." 

 

Sunyoung smiled. "I won't."  

 

"Come on then!" Minho was already waiting by the door, tapping his foot in annoyance. "I wanna see this dump."  

 

Taemin hoisted Mei on his hip even higher, deciding it actually felt good to be trusted enough to hold her for the journey, and made his way outside.  

 

The four of them chatted about absolute nonsense on the way there. It wasn't far. The location was good actually; directly in town rather than on the outskirts, and much closer to the bar and the shelter. It would be nice to be, well, not 'out in the sticks' anymore, although maybe a little scarier to be back living in the bustle of the city. Although more people could actually mean safer in a lot of circumstances. What was Taemin even thinking? He had to get out of the homeless mindset.  

 

"You the guys who wanna be lookin around?"  

 

A short, balding, bored looking man in his late 50s was waiting for them outside the block of flats. It was a tall building, maybe 10 stories, with so many windows it would probably take a good hour to count them all with any accuracy. It may have looked run down and worn out but it wasn't a dump. Or at least not compared to their derelict shithole, which was really the last proper experience of brick walls Taemin had. (Excluding the hotel, because that doesn't count, ok.)   

 

"Yeah." It was Key who replied. "We spoke on the phone?"  

 

The man nodded, boredom still very evident in his eyes. That was, until the unobservant idiot noticed the wriggly little thing dangling from Taemin's hip. "Aw!" He sounded like a moron. "Cute!" He glanced at Sunyoung, then back at Mei, conclusions jumping that she must be the mother. "How old?"  

 

"5 months." Taemin replied for her, unsure of why he felt the need to interrupt.  

 

The man continued his cooing before the answer seemed to sink in. "Well, I'm sure your Mommy and Daddy are going to like the bedsit aren't they? Yes they are, yes they are." He had the nerve to pinch her cheek, and it was making Taemin very uncomfortable (especially as the idiot obviously thought he was the father) so shoved Mei into Minho's arms instead.  

 

Key rolled his eyes, "Yes. Babies are cute. Now can we see this place or what?" 

 

The man straightened up and suddenly the bored eyes returned. "Ah yes. It's er, right this way." 

 

Taemin realised he was holding his breath with anxiety half way up the stairs (elevator was out of order) and was so anxious that he was actually blinking too often, a nervous tick he'd developed as a child. But this place, this run down apartment block- it wasn't like their trailer park. It was actually, well, maintained in some way or another. And it wasn't like he was expecting something lush or fancy, so why did he fear so much that the place they might not even be able to afford was going to be a dump? There was nothing to fear, disappointment wasn't on the cards, and yet here he was, shitting himself.  

 

"It's this one." The man said, nodding lazily towards the first grungy, grey door next to the stairwell on floor five. While he was rummaging around for the key, Taemin glanced at each one of his friends nervously, who all looked just about as anxious as he did. Even Mei.  

 

The door opened, and one after another, they all stepped inside. 

 

"So this is..."  

 

"The living area, the bedroom, and also the kitchen. Convenient to have them all in one room, don't you think?"  

 

Key stared at the man darkly. That wasn't how he would have ended the sentence, but then again, the smaller this place was the more hope they had to afford it. And boy, was it small. "Why are you smiling?"  

 

Everyone glanced at Taemin. "It's nicer than I expected."  

 

Sunyoung creased her eyebrows together. "It is?" 

 

"Well yeah." Taemin said, nervousness draining as some kind of nicer feeling settled in his chest. He stepped further into the room (which was bigger than their trailer's living area) and started inspecting the floorboards. "There's no mould or rat droppings, see?" He got up and reached to touch the ceiling. "The roof isn't crumbling, is it?" He ran to the window on the far right. "No smashes here." He walked two paces over to the tiny kitchen section (consisting of a tiny sink, fridge, and oven), "Jesus I think this stuff works."  

 

Sunyoung smiled and also started inspecting, whilst Key and Minho just looked uncomfortable.  

 

"I'll leave you to it for a minute." The man said, obviously wanting to be rid of them as fast as possible. "I'll be just outside, come and get me when you're done." He shuffled out the door comically fast.  

 

"Thank god." Key's voice was a little too loud for the thiness of the walls but Taemin was beyond caring.  

 

"This is so different from when we came to look at our trailer right? It's great, right? Great?"  

 

Key started to inspect himself. Taemin was right, this was a very different experience from seeing their trailer for the first time, but he still couldn't help feeling uneasy. The concept of 'things being better than expected' was quite alien to Key and his critical eyes scanned around meticulously. There was a lot of dust, dirt and grime on the window sill and the wall behind them with the door had a strange, greenish stain on it. In fact, he couldn't even properly make out what colour the walls were to begin with- grey or dark blue? It was very in between. The kitchen in front had a lot of imperfections and had obviously been well loved, shall we say, with one of the cupboards falling off it's hinges and rust lining the sink's every orifice. Then to the left, away from the window, was a large space ready for a double bed, probably. There was nothing much wrong with that corner of the room except for a wonky pipe leading down from the ceiling, oh and there was a bit of damp too. Key innerly slapped himself. This place was fucking amazing.  

 

"It's good yeah? It is, isn't it?" Taemin was staring eagerly at his friend, as was everyone else.  

 

Key paused before nodding. "It's good."  

 

A sigh of relief spread through the room. 

 

"Well honestly, I'm a little jealous." Sunyoung said, she had Mei back in her arms now. "This might even be nicer than Junghee's trailer."  

 

Minho coughed very very unsubtly, before Taemin spoke. "You want it? Cus we can always-" 

 

"Move in with Junghee' yourselves?" Sunyoung laughed shrilly, very much ignoring the death stares from her boyfriend. "No, our home is there with her. For now at least, we're happy."  

 

Taemin and Key caught each other's eyes for the splittest of a second, their gazes saying exactly what words couldn't; that she may have adopted Junghee as an honorary mother and her home may be there but Minho's certainly wasn't and fuck, it was tearing them apart. Now wasn't the time for that.  

 

"What colour are the walls?" Sunyoung asked, totally oblivious.  

 

Key shrugged, "Bluey grey." 

 

"Bley." Taemin corrected. 

 

"Ah."  

 

"So like," Taemin turned to Key. "We just have to talk costs with that dude right? Then it's ok? You're in for this right? We have enough in the sock?" His tone was almost like a child asking their parent for reassurance but Key really did have the authority here, so maybe that wasn't so weird. 

 

"If we have enough then yeah. This is ok."  

 

Taemin made a small 'eeeeee' sound of desperate anxiety mixed with excitement, and then continued to look around the place; scrutinizing every inch with a fine tooth comb.  

 

The little group spent more than half an hour making their final decisions. The bathroom wasn't too bad either- very very very small, with a toilet obviously, shower, and teeny tiny sink. It was grimy yes and the tiles on the floor were crumbling away to dust, but at least it had tiles to crumble.  

 

As Key and Minho played grown up and went outside to talk to the man (who was probably dying of boredom out there) about rent, Taemin, Sun and Mei stayed behind inspecting the place further. Given the alone time, Taemin very much considered asking Sun about how it was going with Minho, and maybe even spilling the beans on that fighting place. Buuuut it wasn't the time, as he'd thought earlier. Really, it wasn't the time.  

 

"Well?!"  

 

Key's expression as he and Minho trudged back into the bedsit gave nothing away. "Mr Kwon-" 

 

"That's the dude's name." Minho mouthed, as if Taemin wouldn't have got that.  

 

"-Is considering our offer of first rent. He says if no one else comes along, we can have it. I told him we're both employed so should be able to sustain...some kind of amount."  

 

Taemin made the same nervous/excited "eeeeee" sound again, whilst Sunyoung decided to actually speak. "Yeah and I mean, now Minnie's planning on going cold turkey that'll be one less expense won't it?" 

 

The comment was clearly a joke, but everyone, including her own child (although on Mei it was probably a coincidence) gave her a very tired stare.  

 

"Jesus." She hoisted her baby further up her hip. "Just listing positives."  

 

As soon as they got outside, Taemin rang Jongin and Key rang Sehun. Both picked up which was a minor miracle as class had started for the day, and both were practically itching for every detail of the place. While Taemin gave a pretty good description, Key simply said it was 'small and bley' which really, summed the room up pretty well. Hopefully it would be their home soon. Hopefully they would be happier here. Hopefully the three musketeers would be able to enjoy it together in hopefully not too long at all. Only time would tell, they guessed, but hope would carry them through till then. 

 

\--- 

 

It's been over two weeks guys!! Maybe even over three. Ugh. Is anyone still here? :' ) sob. I'm getting so many less comments these days. It's ok, like, I won't stop writing because I am determined to finish this *properly* for me if no one else, but I hope you know that i really do appreciate the feedback if there's anything you ever wanna say, no matter how silly. Lol, i promise this isn't passive aggressiveness xD 

one of the reasons the chapters are going up so slowly is because in the slot i would usually check, I am actually doing something else rather more interesting :0 I'll tell you about it later, pinkie promise.  

next chapter involves quite a bit of flashback so I'm happy about that because it's something i wanted to do for ages; go into taemin's childhood a little.  

this fic will come to an end eventually, but until then, I'll be here, tiptaptyping away. Sending a lot of love to anyone reading my rambles, and if there's anything you would particularly like to see happen before the end of this story, a cute lil moment with taemin and mei maybe or more jongkey or just anything at all, do tell me, i'd be really interested to hear that. 

<3 


	56. The Three Musketeers: Twelve

There were a lot of things Taemin liked about being twelve. There was the obvious size advantage- most kids his age were small and he was even smaller, so going unnoticed and sneaking around to create mischief wasn't hard. It was also a great in betweeny age. He wasn't a child and he wasn't a teenager, just somewhere in the middle. He could play the 'I'm not a kid anymore' card when it suited him, but also the 'I'm only twelve' card when it suited him more. Yes, being twelve had it's good points, but also, and perhaps more crucially, being twelve sucked.  

 

"Hey that's mine! That's mine!!"  

 

The bastard had done it again; stolen Taemin's yoghurt pudding, the one with the crispy cereal chunks one side that you had to pour into the creaminess the other. It was the treat Taemin looked forward to all week, and the five minutes it took to eat it were the only tolerable five minutes in this hell hole they called a care home.  

 

Usually, he might have been more laid back about Jaz, one of the older, tougher kids who often pushed him around stealing it. Usually he might not have even yelled for it back and he certainly wouldn't have jumped across the table, knocking over every plastic cup of water as he did so, and leap onto said pudding stealer with his hands in tight fists. Today wasn't a usual kind of day though, so he did all of those things. His pudding was now long gone- on the floor with the cups probably, or maybe on one of the other kid's heads. It wasn't about the pudding anymore. He was so tired of being pushed around; by the adults, by the kids, by everyone who wasn't Jonghyun or Key. This was a case of moral justice, of him standing up for himself, of finally coming out on top for once. 

 

That didn't quite go to plan.  

 

"Oh hell."  

 

That was one of the more disinterested social workers. 

 

"He's gone nuts again." 

 

That was the cleaner. 

 

"Skinny Minnie's gone wild!! Skinny Minnie's lost it!!" 

 

Those were the taunts, followed by several sniggers, of other children watching in glee as Taemin wrapped his bony arms around Jaz the pudding stealer's neck as they wrestled pointlessly on the floor. 

 

"Kill him! Kill him!!" 

 

That was Jonghyun. 

 

"Miss Park."  

 

The room went silent. That, that horrifying voice, the voice nobody ever wanted to hear, was the sound of the head care worker, Mr Gyo, entering the dining area after presumably hearing a commotion from that dreadful office he never came out of. Everyone pretty much thought he was a vampire by this point. He always stayed in and never smiled and there were always horror stories being whispered in the shadows of the abuse he covered up, abuse Taemin had seen with his very eyes, abuse everyone wondered how the head care worker, who was supposed to oversee everything, could have ever possibly missed.  

 

"Miss Park," he repeated, eyes narrowing into slits. Miss Park was one of the more feeble social workers, disinterested mostly, but not unkind. She had the misfortune of having dinner time supervision duty, which was arguably even worse than bedtime control. Today, she definitely didn't have a handle on the kids, or her fear of Mr Gyo. 

 

"Y-yes, Mr Gyo?" 

 

"Would you care to explain why one of the children under your supervision is scrambling around on the floor, attempting to strangle another one of the children under your supervision?"  

 

The room was deathly quiet. Taemin didn't move an inch, and neither did Jaz the pudding stealer beneath him.  

 

"I-I- A small incident over yoghurt I think sir," Miss Park said quietly, shooing one of the other children back to their seats around the long plastic table.  

 

"I see." Mr Gyo's eyes scanned across every single child in the room, stopping harshly on Taemin and Jaz. "I think it would be best if I had a word to straighten them out, hm? Mind following me into my office, boys?"  

 

Taemin glanced over at Jonghyun in horror, who did nothing but stand there, wide eyed and in panic of what to do.  

 

"Now please," Mr Gyo insisted, and promptly turned on his heel, expecting both boys to follow.  

 

Jaz scrambled up first and practically dragged Taemin to his feet before shoving him towards the door. "Thanks a lot, skinny. We're in for it now," he said coldly, as the two of them hurried down the corridor in Mr Gyo's wake.  

 

Taemin had never been 'told off' in the head office before. Key had (fuck knows where he was right now) but hadn't spoke of the experience, or at least not to Taemin. The uncertainty of what was about to happen was only making it worse. Would he yell? Would he demand a punishment? Taemin had no idea. The only thing he knew for certain, was that he was about 10 minutes away from pissing himself in fear. Now, getting beaten up by Jaz and his mates afterwards didn't even seem so bad.  

 

When they entered the office, Mr Gyo was perched sinisterly at the front of his desk. Taemin and Jaz stood themselves in the middle of the room, hands fiddling in front of them, eye levels down. It was only then that Taemin realised just how incredibly small they both were next to a grown up, even Jaz.  

 

And then it started. "I've had just about enough of you." The words came out laced with venom and although Mr Gyo wasn't shouting, his tone was far scarier quiet. "Always causing trouble, always getting in everyone's way. Never a day goes by when one of the members of staff don't have problems with you!"  

 

Taemin cringed, instinctively thinking that he was the one being addressed. But then somehow, a little voice inside his head told him to be brave and look up, and he realised that Mr Gyo's eyeline was definitely not directed at him.  

 

"You're a worthless brat, and you know what worthless brats like you become?" 

 

Jaz started to cry. Taemin had never seen him cry. It was, in a way, kinda neat. But also, fucking terrifying.  

 

"Scum. You grow up to be scum! Sleeping rough, getting into fights, taking drugs until one day you overdose and your cold hard body is left lifeless on the streets for a rubbish man to collect."  

 

Jaz started to edge backwards as Mr Gyo stood up and moved closer. Starting to panic, Taemin did the same until both boys were pressed against the back wall, their looming care worker standing tall above them.  

 

"I have no hope for you, either of you." Mr Gyo's eyes darted to Taemin in an instant, then back to Jaz. "You're too old to change, and nobody cares anyway. You've made your bed, you've picked your side, and I'm so SICK of trying to deal with little SHITS," he slapped Jaz across the face, hard, "like you!" 

 

Jaz started wailing. 

 

"Shut up! Aren't you the bully here? Do you want to seem weak in front of this little thing?"  

 

Taemin's breath caught as he felt his hair being grabbed and his whole body be swung in front of Jaz, as if to prove a point. "You two want to fight each other now?! Over yoghurt, was it?!" The grip on Taemin's hair became tighter and he accidentally let out a shriek when some strands pulled out. Luckily, Mr Gyo ignored him. "Not so brave now, are we Jaz?! Are we?!" He glanced at Taemin, "Yoghurt doesn't seem so important now does it?!" 

 

Taemin shook his head, wincing as his hair was released and he was flung back to the wall with a thud.  

 

"Let me make this clear," Mr Gyo said darkly. "Nobody in this shithole gives one flying fuck about you two weak, pathetic, brats. We know what you will become, we've seen it a thousand times and there's no hope for either of you. So give up. Give. Up. Stop the fight, or the fight will be stopped for you, do you understand?" 

 

Jaz mumbled a quick agreement through his tears, whilst Taemin nodded ridiculously fast.  

 

"Good." Mr Gyo smiled pleasantly as if nothing had happened at all. "You may go." 

 

Both boys rushed to the door, Jaz first, then Taemin.  

 

"Oh, and Mr Lee?" 

 

Taemin stopped dead in his tracks.  

 

"These belong to you." 

 

There was nothing but a few locks of pulled out hair in Mr Gyo's outstretched hand. Taemin reached out for them on impulse, only to have the hand flip, and all of the locks fall like feathers to the ground.  

 

Taemin ran out of the door, tears burning in his eyes. He knew what was coming; later, Jaz would have recovered from his crying and his embarrassment would be taken out on Taemin or maybe if he was lucky, some other equally skinny weakling. It didn't matter right now. All he needed was a hug. He wanted his mom. He wanted a mom. A dad would do too. There wasn't either here, but at least there was the next best thing. 

 

"Key!! Key!!"  

 

Taemin stormed into the room his fellow musketeer shared with Jonghyun and another one of the other older boys, and panicked for a good few seconds when he couldn't see his friend.  

 

But then there was a wriggle from under the messy covers of the bottom bunk, and a quiet "Minnie?"  

 

Taemin threw himself onto the bed and practically wrestled with the duvet to get himself inside it, his whole body shaking with sobs.  

 

"Wh-what happened?" 

 

"Why weren't you at dinner!!" Taemin wailed accusingly, as two long thin arms wrapped themselves around him; one on his back, one cradling his head.  

 

"I told the bitch I was sick." Key whispered, "I didn't feel like eating." 

 

"You're not fat!" Taemin hissed.  

 

Key laughed without humour, and wrapped his arms around the younger even tighter. "You get in a fight?" 

 

"Mr Gyo told me and Jaz off in his office!!"  

 

That was when Key's whole body really tensed. Taemin couldn't see his face as under this amount of covers they were both pretty much in total darkness, but he could imagine what expression was on it; anger. "Did he hurt you?"  

 

"He pulled out some of my hair." Taemin wiped his tears on Key's sleeve. "And he slapped Jaz on the face. But it wasn't that. The things he said...it was so horrible..."  

 

If it was possible, Key tensed even more. "That's what he does. He gets inside your head. He wants to break your spirit. Fear is the only disciplinary technique the psychopath has, and it's not just fear of himself. It's fear of the future, it's fear of ourselves. He wants us to feel hopeless and downtrodden and lost. We're easier to handle like that."  

 

"But it's kinda true though, isn't it?" Taemin wept, "We are hopeless! We are brats!! We're never gonna be anything! The future is gonna be just as horrible as it is now!"  

 

"No." Key snapped. "You know the plan, Minnie. Me and Jjong are gonna look after you. We're all gonna look after each other." 

 

"You're only two years older than me!!" 

 

"Jonghyun is three."  

 

Taemin started to wail again and Key moaned in frustration.  

 

"Minnie, stop it. I promise you. I won't let any more bad things happen to us." 

 

There were a few more moments of crying, weeping and general sobbing, before Taemin made himself speak. "You promise?" 

 

"Yeah. Of course." Key gave his friend one more squeeze before throwing the covers off them both. "Now let's see how much hair he pulled out." 

 

"You have an owie too?" Taemin reached up to touch a little swollen bruise on the side of Key's jaw, noticeable now in the light. It wasn't there when they'd come home from school, so must have happened since being back here.  

 

"It's nothing." Key snapped, batting the hand away before attempting to inspect the top of Taemin's head. "He didn't pull much. Good job you have a lot of hair." 

 

"I wanna dye it, one day."  

 

"Do you?" Key rolled his eyes before curiosity overtook him. "What colour?" 

 

"Blue."  

 

"Oh. Well that'll be nice."  

 

Taemin smiled.  

 

Key frowned. "Now we won't tell Jjong about just how mean Mr Gyo was to you, will we?" 

 

"No."  

 

"Else he'll go what?" 

 

"Nuts." 

 

"Correct."  

 

Taemin sighed, as did Key, and the two of them tucked down on the bottom bunk for a good hour before it would be bedtime. The rooms were divided by gender and age and it was always something Taemin resented. He wished every night he could share with Jonghyun and Key and not the whiny babies he was with.  

 

Things got bad for them after that, or worse, shall we say. Looking back, our Taemin, the Taemin who is 24 going on 25 and is just about to move into his first proper apartment, might even say that the incident over pudding had been the beginning of the end of their time in care. Neither he or Key told Jonghyun about 'just how horrible Mr Gyo had been' but it didn't make the blindest bit of difference. The dino boy was unhinging, Key was falling apart, and Taemin was just starting to really, properly, lose his hope. At age twelve.  

 

And that was the thought he woke up to. But then another followed, which was something along the lines of that if going to therapy (as Victoria kept pushing) meant having to delve deeper into his past, then there was no way he was prepared to do that. There would just have to be another way to make him less anxious and on edge, another way to finally rid himself from that god awful dependency on spice.  

 

Which reminded him, it was morning, and today was a big day. It was maybe finding out if they'd got the apartment for sure day, it was possibly cutting down from one spliff to half day, and it was definitely go to the shelter and start actually giving something back to the place that had helped them so much day.  

 

"Which day you coming?" 

 

It was a text from Jongin. The poor bear just wouldn't let the idea go, but that was ok. It was sweet really, except Taemin did kind of feel dread having to go up there himself. It would be so much easier for the idiot to just come down, wouldn't it? Then there would be no new people to face. But that's what Jongin wanted, wasn't it? For Taemin to meet his new friends and see the world he was living in now. Bleh. It didn't sound fun, but it was the least Taemin could do.  

 

The morning past very, very quickly. Having to stay at Junghee's was an actual bitch and honestly, Taemin could see why Minho got so pissed off at her sometimes. It sounded so ungrateful, but she really could be very annoying and she did seem to smother Sun and Mei like nothing else. Taemin still couldn't face telling them about when he'd followed Minho, and was beginning to wonder if he ever would. It was tough to know where his loyalties lied. He'd always thought it would be with Sunyoung, but Minho was one of his oldest friends and that made everything seem way too complicated. Maybe Jonghyun had been right to tell him not to interfere.  

 

So anyway, the morning past in a blur and they still hadn't heard back from the guy about the apartment. Which was driving Taemin insane, so he didn't manage to only have half a spliff either. It was annoying, but it got him through the hours until lunch. And then finally, it was show time.  

 

Jimin kept giving him guilty looks when he arrived at the shelter, a whole ten minutes early thank you very much. Honestly, Taemin felt pretty smug about it. He didn't care what the kid knew, he didn't care if Sehun had told him any of the gorey details of their past. He wasn't going to allow himself to feel embarrassed or ashamed if some idiot who got themselves into organised fights, knew a bad thing or two about him. Jimin's opinion frankly didn't matter.  

 

The class went really ok. And for his first time being semi in charge and almost 'responsible', Taemin didn't do that bad a job either. He'd prepared things before hand, and some of the kids who attended did actually want to pay attention. Of course, there were a lot who were just there for the warmth and free snacks. Taemin didn't begrudge them that, and left them to it in the corner. But for those who actually were interested, who actually did give a damn about what they were here for, well, he was patient, kind and he'd go as far as to even say- fun. Yeah. Taemin can be fun even when he's being responsible; it was news to him too. Not to say there wasn't yelling. Not to say a casual fight or two didn't break out. Not to say there wasn't a girl crying in the corner. No, there were all of these things too. But they also danced a bit. And laughed. And were warm. And, or at least Taemin hoped this, had their minds all taken away from the horror of everyday life, at least for an hour or two. That was the point in all this, as Taeyeon had said; a break from the streets. A nice, safe, break.  

 

"Yo, why aren't you replying to my messages?"  

 

Taemin's heart sank when he saw the message. Not because he minded Jongin's nagging, but because it was 4pm now and he'd hoped there would be a text from Key or Sun to say that the apartment was a go ahead.  

 

"Bye...Taemin, was it?" 

 

Taemin looked up to see the girl who'd been crying make her way out of the shelter and back into the cold. In a few moments once everything was locked up, he'd be doing the same. "Yeah. Thanks for coming. See you next week?" 

 

"Hopefully," the girl said, smiling meekly. She left without another word.  

 

Taemin looked back at his phone and started to type. 

 

"It's been a super busy fucking day, mom. Jesus. I'm just leaving the shelter from my, er, class thing."  

 

It didn't take a minute for Jongin to reply. "Mom. Lol. And !!! How did it go??" 

 

"It was ok. Good I think."  

 

"Just good??" 

 

"IT WAS AMAZING AND SPECTACULAR AND- we can't all be prima ballerinas like you Bie."  

 

There was a slightly longer pause for Jongin's reply, and it amused Taemin. "Well ahem. Yeah. So did you manage to go cold turkey today? Have you heard back from the guy about the flat? When are you coming up here babe?"  

 

Taemin took a deep breath before starting to type again. "No cold turkey. Couldn't even do half today, too anxious. Haven't heard back yet. I'm gonna talk to heechul tonight and see ok?"  

 

Another fast reply. "Ok. Call me later?" 

 

"Why you being so clingy?" 

 

"I just miss you." 

 

"Ok. I'll call you x" 

 

The last thing Jongin sent was a thumbs up emoji. Pretty classless if you ask Taemin, but there you go.  

 

Next on the agenda for the day was, as always, work. It was really ok too. Even though they still hadn't heard about the apartment, he felt positive that they had good chances, and the dancing from earlier had surprisingly long lasting effects. Serotonin, was it? Exercise is supposed to boost some kind of happy chemical in your brain? Taemin barely went to school, so didn't quite know if he was on the right lines but did vaguely recall hearing something like that before. Eh. It was probably just as simple as that dancing put in him in a good mood. Doing things you like will often have that effect. It sounded obvious, but it was something he needed to remember.  

 

Luckily, Heechul agreed to give him a few days off "to actually find themselves a place to live", or at least that's what Taemin had said. Mentioning that they were quite happy crashing at an old lady's and that he really only wanted the time off to go visit his ex at college, wouldn't have gone down as well.  

 

On the way home, he momentarily thought about popping off to the station to visit Chanyeol and, more importantly, see if Jimin was staying away from that god awful fighting ring. He didn't though. He was tired and hungry, and the idea of coming back to a warm trailer and telling his friends about his day whilst cuddling a chubby Meimei was a more appealing thought than traipsing downtown to a dark, scary train station.  

 

His good mood disappeared as he turned the corner of the track and entered the trailer park. Yelling could be heard, and whilst that wasn't an uncommon thing, whilst the noise could have been coming from any trailer and anyone living in the park, he knew. He just knew. It was there's, it was them. Why was it always fucking them? 

 

As Taemin drew closer, he saw that Key was waiting outside Junghee's, bundled up in a million coats, smoking a cigarette. He smiled an exhausted smile at the blonde, and they both casually ignored the screaming mixed with an infant crying coming from the trailer behind.  

 

"You want the good news, or the bad news?" 

 

Taemin thought about it. "The good news." 

 

"We got the flat." 

 

For a moment, Taemin could hardly register the words. "We...did?!" 

 

"Yeah." Key took another drag. "And I would have rung you, but shit has been going on, which brings me to the bad news-" 

 

"Wait." Taemin clamped his eyes shut. "I need ten seconds to process the good news." 

 

Key sighed, and put an arm around his friend. "Ok." 

 

"1,2,3,4,5...6-" 

 

"5 was an oddly long second." 

 

Taemin ignored him. "-7,8,9....10." He took a deep breath. "I can't believe we're finally getting a place Key...this is..." 

 

"Everything we've ever dreamed about?" 

 

"Well I wouldn't go that far."  

 

Key couldn't help but laugh, cut off by a wince as another particularly loud shout was heard behind them. "It hasn't hit me yet. Like, it doesn't feel real. I think it only will when Jjong comes home." 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"And you know, I think that guy only gave it to us cus of Mei. I guess he thought she was moving in too. He had another offer I think, but chose us. Ain't that just weird? We actually got chosen?"  

 

Taemin smiled. "Weird." 

 

Key sighed. "You ready for the bad news now or?" 

 

"I don't think I need it. I mean, Sun and Minho are fighting again right? And it's bad?" 

 

"It's worse." Key took yet another drag, coughed a little, then continued. "Minho and Sun started fighting, then Junghee came home and got involved." 

 

Taemin's eyes widened, "Junghee?" 

 

"Yeah. And guess what?" 

 

"What?" 

 

"Guess." 

 

Taemin frowned. "Is this how you guys used to gossip about me and Jongin's fights?"  

 

Key snorted, then narrowed his feline eyes. "Only the ones where he didn't hit you."  

 

Taemin chose to ignore that. "Seriously, what happened?" 

 

"Junghee told Minho that he better not think about coming back here. That he wasn't 'welcome' in her home anymore." 

 

"Oh shit." 

 

Key nodded. "I heard every word. Minho got so mad you know, so fucking mad. Like, he literally picked up Mei and left."  

 

"Shit!" 

 

"Yeah. Then Sun goes NUTS and I mean, nuts. Like, you never take a mumma bear's baby right?" 

 

"Not unless you have a death wish." 

 

Key nodded again. "So then I persuade Junghee to come out with me right. Wasn't that a joy. Listening to an old lady whine for hours. Anyway, we come back to more yelling. They're both back and Minho is apparently packing anything that belongs to him, so fucking childish like, when does he even stay here anyway, then says he's leaving for a few days. They've been rowing for an hour back in the trailer." 

 

"And where's Junghee?" 

 

"She's gone to a friend's, she's still in the park. But we're gonna get fucking kicked out at this rate, even Sun you know?" 

 

"She wouldn't kick Sun and Mei out." 

 

Key shrugged. "You're probably right. But us-" 

 

"What have we done?!" 

 

"Well nothing, but I mean it's a good fucking job we've got that apartment, that's all I'm saying."  

 

Taemin groaned, slamming his head down on Key's shoulder. "...do you ever think...I dunno...I feel all weird asking this but like, is Minho a good father?" 

 

Key sighed. "I don't know. He tries. He's good when he's here."  

 

"Yeah. But he's never here, is he?" 

 

"No." Key lit up another cigarette. "Sun does do most of it on her own."  

 

"Yeah." Taemin sighed. "I should help out more. I'm here in the day...like, why aren't I doing more?" 

 

"Because she 'wouldn't trust you with a rat'." 

 

"That's changed. It's a goat now." 

 

Key shrugged. "Until it's a baby, you're screwed." 

 

Taemin nodded. "I'm going up to see Bie tomorrow." 

 

"Tomorrow?" 

 

"Yeah I think so. That ok?"  

 

Key sighed. "I guess, but it'll mean I have to clear up the mess here."  

 

"They can clear up their own mess." 

 

"You couldn't."  

 

Taemin chose to ignore that, too. "Shall we go in there and take Mei to Junghee's friend's while they're still fighting?" 

 

Key looked back at the trailer wistfully. "I think that's a good idea." 

 

\---  

 

hey loves, sorry for the horrible checking. I know I always say that but really, I'm always sorry aha. So i hope this flashback was ok, because many more are to come :') or at least, a few more. Some lovely person suggested I include onew in one and yes, uh, i always regret writing him out so soon. i'll def try and squeeze him in.  

It's been another horrible week honestly. i don't know why I always feel the need to ramble in the authors notes about my personal life but I guess it's cathartic somehow, to imagine a lil group of people reading this and maybe understanding. My grandfather died on sunday evening. It really feels like life won't ever be the same again, and i guess, in many ways, it won't. Writing is always a solid distraction for me though and so I'll still be here, tiptapping away. 

sorry, let's move on. Next chap will be about taem going to visit jongin and something I think we've been waiting for a long time finally happens so I'm happy about that. Bring on the return of taebie and all that :')  

i'm so glad some of you are still here  


	57. Foreverish: He Was In Love

Taemin was actually quite a bit more than nervous to see Jongin. And Sehun. And whoever their new friends were. And wherever they now lived. And wherever they usually spent their time. And whatever it was they did there. And- you get the picture. He didn't know exactly why he felt this way. It hadn't been that long since they'd seen each other really, but it felt like foreeeevverrrr. Texting and phone calls just weren't the same. Honestly, it probably wasn't even that though. Because deep down, there was a little nagging voice of insecurity that wondered if Jongin's life was so fucking amazing now, that he didn't need Taemin anymore. Ridiculous, utterly preposterous, downright paranoia, but the voice was still there.  

 

There was also the issue of meeting new people which Taemin was usually very good at but for some reason, he really, really didn't want to be introduced to anyone new. It wasn't so much jealousy as just this bizarre feeling of abnormality. For so long, it had just been him and Jongin and, well, let's face it, his friends. His. It was only Chanyeol that only Jongin was close to. And Sehun, Taemin supposed, but the toddler didn't really count. It was going to be weird then wasn't it, to be introduced to a bunch of Jongin's new people, friends that only he knew. Taemin didn't know why it bothered him, but it did a bit. 

 

The train journey was longer than he thought it would be, and more expensive. He worried a lot on the way there about how Mei was doing, if she was upset because her mummy and daddy were fighting, if she knew more than they thought she did, if she was going to grow up in a sad or happy home. How old was she now? 6 months ish? She'd grown a fucking ton lately.  

 

The bus to the actual college was a much quicker ride. They'd arranged to meet there instead of where Jongin was actually staying because Taemin's navigational skills left a lot to be desired and it was easier to find a huge college than it was to find a random block of student housing. All nerves left him, as soon as he saw that smile. 

 

"Minnie! Over here! Minnie!!"  

 

Taemin barely had time to blink before two long arms were engulfing him in a massive bear hug. 

 

"I feel like I haven't seen you in years, oh my god!" 

 

Taemin pulled away to examine his best friend's appearance. "Me too, man you look good!" It wasn't a lie. The bear was very cleanly shaved, and it even looked like he had a fucking shirt on beneath his coat. 

 

Jongin smirked a little, residing himself that an arm around the shoulder was as much PDA that was appropriate out here on the green, which basically every window of the whole college looked out upon. He decided to steer them towards a bench underneath a very bare leaved tree for just slightly more privacy. "I have first period free, so I'll take you back to the dorms now but then I gotta be off again this afternoon, is that ok?" 

 

"Yeah yeah." Taemin was barely listening. The surroundings were a lot to take in; all the young people chatting and laughing and making their way to class and all the old architecture of the building and the sheer magnitude of the place. "It's fucking huge here, so much bigger than I expected?" 

 

"Yeah me too," Jongin agreed. "But don't pay attention to the building yeah, I'm the interesting thing here."  

 

Taemin stopped gawping and looked back his ex, smiling. "Sorry. It's just kinda overwhelming." 

 

"It is. 'Member when I called you in tears?"  

 

"Yeah?" 

 

"Well now you know why." 

 

"You called me in tears because you thought you were a dumb fuck."  

 

Jongin snorted. "True, but I was also kinda overwhelmed because it's kinda overwhelming here." He glanced at Taemin's bag. "You haven't packed much? Why didn't you bring the big rucksack?" 

 

"Minho's using it." Taemin shifted uncomfortably on the bench. "I'll tell you later. Besides, I'm only staying for a few days right?" 

 

"That's what you think. I'm secretly planning on kidnapping you."  

 

"Good luck with that." 

 

Jongin was just about to snap something witty, when he noticed something else. "Feeling shaky today?" 

 

"Oh yeah." Taemin looked down at his hands, which were quivering ever so lightly. Trust Jongin to notice something so small. "I'm trying to be good. I only had half a spliff this morning."  

 

"That's really fucking good." 

 

"I know. But it's making me..." 

 

"Feel shit?" 

 

"Yah." 

 

"And anxious?" 

 

"Yah." 

 

Jongin sighed. "You know we really need to talk about what the fuck Victoria really wants to do next and shit-" 

 

Taemin groaned and glanced at his imaginary watch. "It's literally been 3 minutes and you're already nagging me?" 

 

"I'd say 3 minutes is pretty good."  

 

Taemin rolled his eyes. "Let's just talk about fun stuff. I wanna tell you about the class yesterday at the shelter with all those new kids and Jimi-" 

 

Jongin's eyes narrowed a little. "3 minutes and we're already bringing up traitors?" 

 

"Oh boy. Just wait until I tell you what he's been up to with Minho." 

 

Basically, the two of them gossiped like school girls for 20 fucking minutes on that little bench, far too engrossed in the conversation to be bothered that they really ought to be heading back to the dorms. That was until- 

 

"Shit Taemin, the time!"  

 

Taemin checked his imaginary watch again. "It's hair past mole, relax." 

 

Jongin got up and gestured for the blonde to do the same. "I need to take you back while it's still not busy. I bet Ravi's there right now actually, I really want you to meet him." 

 

Taemin pulled a face of utter distaste. "Can't it just be me and you? Only me and you? No offense Bie but I really don't feel like playing nice with a bunch of your underprivileged loser friends." 

 

A rather snorty laugh bubbled up in Jongin's throat. "Did I want to play nice when you took me back to our derelict shithole and Key held a knife up to my throat huh? No. But I did." 

 

Taemin got up and continued to sulk. "When will you let that go," he said grumpily. "He didn't even break the top layer of skin." 

 

"It was traumatic." 

 

"Yeah yeah..." 

 

For no reason at all, they held hands on the walk back to the bus station. Taemin was reminded of the last time they'd seen each other and walked exactly like this; connected and at peace. He wondered, for more than a split second but not so long that it could be called a moment, if they were actually ready to get back together 'properly' soon. He hoped they were, but dismissed the thought all the same. They were leading different lives at the moment, and nobody needed the added complication of re-starting something which could potentially turn very stressful. It was better like this, just walking hand in hand, chatting about nothing. Better at least, for now. 

 

"So this is it." Jongin pointed expectantly at a very wide, very dull and very old, red bricked building in the middle of a rather wide, rather dull and rather old road. It had probably once been quite grand, but years of weather and less than satisfactory maintenance had created what stood today, which was a pretty dreary sight honestly. Although a lot nicer than their trailer and a hell of a lot nicer than the street, so it was a huge step up for Jongin at least.  

 

Upon entering, Taemin noticed just how freaking warm it was. There was a large corridor which stretched out in front and on one side had the majority of doors leading to rooms, and the other a few windows and a huge, long radiator. Bliss, as far as he was concerned.  

 

At the bottom of the corridor was a large staircase, and he followed Jongin up it to the third floor (there were four, apparently). It was then that the grumpiness hit, as he and the bear immediately came into collision with a smiling, goofy guy named Ravi.  

 

"Oh hi! Was wondering when you were gonna show up! We need to get to class in like- oh hey!" The dork noticed Taemin. "So I guess you're the friend we've heard so much about?" 

 

Another set of prying eyes was also hovering behind Ravi, obviously wanting an introduction too, but Taemin was far too sickly amused that Jongin probably hadn't told them that 'friend' didn't cover half of it.  

 

"No I'm the overly involved ex who's here to judge you all." Taemin smiled serenely and it was clear that no one knew whether to laugh or not. Thankfully Jongin broke the tension with a quick, "idiot" and "come I wanna show you my room" and the little group of now four, followed him a few paces down the hall.  

 

Taemin didn't get a chance to even take in the surroundings before the Ravi guy was speaking again. "Jongin didn't tell us you used to date." 

 

The other guy sniggered.  

 

"Hiding things are we J?" Ravi continued, smirking at Jongin knowingly. 

 

"J?" Taemin repeated, before he could stop himself. He turned to Jongin. "I thought you said you'd mentioned your 'crazy ex' and all that." 

 

"You're the crazy ex??" Ravi almost couldn't hide the glee on his face. Gossip was fun after all. "So the best friend and the crazy ex are the same person?! Jongin, really, what have you been telling us." 

 

Jongin did his best to swallow down all of the embarrassment because he really hadn't expected that conclusion to be drawn so soon. But yes, they were right, he had accidentally been giving the impression that his bff and ex were two different people. It hadn't happened on purpose and he hadn't thought it was a big deal, but now, apparently, it was.  

 

"Oh my." Taemin rubbed his hands together knowingly and slumped down on the tiny unmade bed. This was a far more interesting introduction than he'd been anticipating. "So what did the idiot say about the crazy ex then?"  

 

The quieter boy who'd been hovering around the door frame decided to speak. "Not much, only that he'd set their trailer on fire once getting high. Oh and that he was the love of his life."  

 

Taemin scrunched his nose and glanced at up Jongin, who was doing a very good impression of Minho and trying to make himself blend into the walls. "How sweet."  

 

"Yeah but we've heard a lot about the best friend." Ravi cut in, smirking. He turned to the boy by the door frame. "What was it he said Sungwoon? About braking through a fence and finding a-?" 

 

"Tire swing?" Sungwoon said, also smirking, very much at Jongin. 

 

Now if Taemin was old street Taemin, then he would have said something like, 'But Bie, you didn't care to mention that we fucked in a cheap motel that night?' But alas, he was not old street Taemin, he was new soon to be apartment Taemin, and years of experience told him that Jongin had been teased enough. "Well, I'm glad at least it's been cleared up now," he said, deliberately finishing the conversation. Jongin noticeably untensed even if he did still look mortified. "So why are you guys staying here anyway?"  

 

"Well, to study," Ravi said dumbly, before realising what the question had actually been asking. "Ohh. I mean, I was homeless myself and Sungwoon was living with his grandma but then she passed away and they had no money so...yeah. You won't find anyone who didn't used to be needy around here."  

 

A part of Taemin wanted to sneer at that because he was almost 99% sure that anyone Jongin made friends with around here would probably not have been through half of what he had, but decided against it. Needy is needy is needy and it wasn't a competition.  

 

"Sorry to cut this short but we really should get going to class soon guys," Sungwoon cut in. He glanced at Taemin and smiled. "I guess we'll see you tonight, if you're staying for a few days?"  

 

Taemin nodded. 

 

"Nice to finally meet the crazy ex!" Ravi chirped, as he followed Sungwoon out of the room.  

 

Jongin was still looking mortified as he pulled on his coat to leave too. "I can't bring you anywhere," he muttered, battling with the zip.  

 

Taemin got up from his perch on the bed to try and help with the stupid thing. "I could've spilled a ton of beans there, you're lucky I said as little as I did." 

 

Jongin shrugged. "True. What are you gonna do this afternoon while I'm out?" 

 

"Oh you know." Taemin paused because he couldn't concentrate on the conversation and trying to fix the zip at the same time. "I heard those college parties were pretty good." 

 

Jongin frowned. 

 

"I'm joking." Taemin tutted, biting the side of his lip in concentration. "I think I might sleep actually, I'm really fucking tired and your bed looks comfy.  

 

Jongin stopped frowning. "It is," he said, sighing. "If you want food there's some snacks in the drawer too ok?" 

 

"K." Taemin gave up with the zip and stepped back. He hadn't fixed it, quite the contrary. It had even more fabric jarred inside the mechanism than before. "I like the undone look."  

 

Jongin looked down, oddly amused. "Me too." He leaned in on impulse and kissed Taemin's forehead. "I'll be back when you wake up." 

 

It didn't take Taemin even two minutes to fall asleep, which had to be a record, especially when sleeping somewhere unfamiliar and potentially dangerous. Except of course here, lying in Jongin's dorm with the doors locked and the windows shut wasn't potentially dangerous. It's just usually it was hard to turn off the subconscious part of his brain screaming that it was. Not today though apparently, tiredness had taken over in an instant.  

 

The dream started off nice. Jonghyun and Key were there and they were lightly bickering in such a way that told Taemin neither actually cared about the conversation at all. It was almost like relaxing white noise. Jongkey squabbles were practically the soundtrack of his childhood after all. And then Onew came in. Where were they again? Ah yes, their first home all together, their derelict shithole. It was summer, and the air was hotter than it had been all year so far. Taemin noticed the beads of sweat dripping down Onew's forehead, like tiny little raindrops on a window pane. One of them was red.  

 

Hang on, this all sounded very familiar. It all felt very familiar. No. This was supposed to be a nice dream. This was a nice dream, wasn't it? 

 

"Holy shit, you're bleeding!" Key stopped his bickering as soon as he noticed the blood dripping down his friend's forehead.  

 

"It's nothing," Onew said unusually sharply, batting the hand that was attempting to crane his head to the light of one of the cracked windows.  

 

"It looks bad," Key sighed, ignoring him. "Who did this? Those creeps from the other night?" 

 

Taemin shuddered, barely even able to keep track of the conversation because of numerous worst case scenarios darting through his brain. The other night had been one of many occasions where Onew had been running away from some guys he owed money to, and they'd just happened to be caught up in it. It had been a minor miracle that they'd escaped as safely as they had, and another encounter with the same group would almost certainly not end as well.  

 

"No," Onew snapped. His demeanour was very unlike him; moody and guarded. "Other creeps. I told you I was in shit Key, deep shit. From more than one set of losers."  

 

This was when Taemin decided to interject. It was also when he realised where he was sitting, and just how utterly and completely stoned he was.  

 

"But I th-" he started, only to stop midway through the sentence as vomit crept up his throat. He swallowed it down and tried again. "But I thought that you'd paid off those other guys..." 

 

Both Onew and Key looked at him for barely five seconds, before dismissing the comment and going back to their own conversation as if he hadn't said anything at all. 

 

A deep, exasperated laugh was heard beside him from the friend he was currently leaning on- Minho, who often took up this spot in the darkest corner of the room with him. They would sit, talk, get high, get low, space out, cuddle, and just do anything to pass the time when one wasn't out doing his own business and the other wasn't out renting.  

 

"Didn't catch a word of that Minnie," Minho chuckled. "You sound like a whale or something."  

 

Taemin frowned, or at least, tried to frown. He hated it when this happened. That weird concoction of drugs had turned him into a fucking zombie again. He could think, or at least, he could almost think, but his words, actions and facial expressions came out slow and slurred, like he wasn't in control of them at all. He'd seen Jonghyun like this, many many times, but usually didn't mix these kinds of drugs himself. It was, for want of a better word, a fucking nuisance.  

 

"But Onew I- listen to me!" Taemin gasped, frustrating himself endlessly as he lurched his body forward to a crawling position, only to splat face down on the concrete.  

 

Minho tried to pull him up from behind, before Onew decided to drop the moody act and lifted the blonde all the way to an almost standing position by his wrists. He then dragged him casually to the other end of the room where all the bags were strewn haphazardly. It was comfier there. 

 

"Water bottles are in the blue one." Key said, settling himself down next to them. Jonghyun was just behind, lighting up some spice. The room was already starting to stink of the stuff, although Taemin wondered if it ever didn't stink of it. He thought his nose may just have become immune.  

 

"Can you understand me now?" he asked, a little frantically.  

 

Onew merely chuckled and pressed a water bottle to his lips. "No idea what you're trying to say there Minnie. Just sleep it off."  

 

"I'm not sleepy!" 

 

Jonghyun snorted. "He said he's not sleepy." 

 

"Yeah we got that." Key snapped, bending to reach a cigarette packet. If he lit one up, it was gonna get so smoky in here that Taemin might just be sick. Although he was probably going to be anyway so, maybe the sooner the better. 

 

"Just rest now," Onew said, patting his knees as if they were a pillow.  

 

"You're all sweaty and gross," Taemin blabbed, but he sank his head down onto them none the less. 

 

Jonghyun laughed again, in between splutters and coughs of smoke. "I think he said you're something and gross." 

 

Onew decided to ignore that and turned back to Key, the serious conversation seeming to restart. Taemin shut his eyes in despair, residing himself that listening was as good a contribution as he was able to give right now. 

 

"How bad is though Jinki?" Key asked nervously. "Like, how far do you think they'd go?" 

 

Taemin felt Onew shrug and a soft, absentminded hand be placed on his head. His hair was so greasy because he hadn't been with a client in three days so there'd been no one to ask for a shower. Onew didn't seem to mind though, and two seconds later started gently stroking the strands between his fingers. Huh. Maybe Taemin was a little sleepy after all. 

 

"I don't know. But it's not for me I worry. The other night you know? That came so close to one of us getting hurt. They could find out where I live if I'm not careful. And that means finding out where you guys live." 

 

Key sighed. "But don't you think you're been a teensy bit paranoid? They just want what they’re owed right? They're just thugs. They wouldn't..." 

 

"It's deeper than that. I used to be one of them, didn't I? It's personal Key, this is all personal." 

 

Taemin heard a few shuffles and presumed that Jonghyun and Minho were edging themselves closer, trying to be part of the conversation themselves. "So what, you think they'd take one of us hostage?" 

 

Jonghyun was clearly joking, but it was neither tasteful nor funny. 

 

"Well see this is what I'm saying," Key said. "They're not master criminals are they? Even if it is personal." 

 

Onew sighed deeply, his hair stroking on Taemin's head becoming almost robotically rhythmical. "I don't know, that's the thing, I don't know anything. There's only one thing I can be sure of, and that is that I couldn't fucking bear it if anything happened to you guys because of me."  

 

An uncomfortable silence followed because no one liked what that implied. This wasn't the first time the notion that Onew would have to run away to protect those he loved had been insinuated. It made everyone pretty horrified honestly.  

 

"Well you're just gonna have to be real careful about not being followed or leading anyone back here, aren't you?" Key said, a little harshly. "And none of us are planning to make friends with anyone new, so that won't be a danger. We keep to ourselves, we're not about to bring anyone who could be anyone back here. We're safe, so don't worry. Here is safe." 

 

Although Onew was arguably the one in charge, even he knew not to disagree with that. If he'd said anything about his doubts, about how dangerous the crowd he'd previously been in really were, about how it was a very real possibility that he'd have to leave the group- at least for a little while, then a huge fight would have probably started. Jonghyun would have taken Key's side even though he was probably too high on spice by this point to even know what they were talking about. Taemin would have gone into an anxious state, too intoxicated to be understood but not out of it enough that he couldn't understand. And Minho would have sat grumpily in the corner, silent and brooding, until he'd assessed the situation long enough to also take Key's side and then Onew would have no choice but to either listen to them, or take matters into his own hands anyway.  

 

Deep down, every single one of them knew that was the only conclusion a fight or even 'heated discussion' would ever come to, so no one spoke for a good hour until it was dusk.  

 

Minho got up. "I'm off for the night," he said causally. "Want anything before I go?" 

 

Jonghyun, who had settled himself down quite nicely by Taemin's feet, mumbled a quick "just empty your pockets," and on this occasion, Minho did. But only one pocket, which just contained a few spice packets and a teaspoonish of white powder in a clear plastic bag.  

 

"Any of you guys renting tonight?" 

 

"Noooooo," Taemin moaned, eyes still clamped shut as his head rested on Onew's thighs. "It's too hot..." 

 

"I still have no idea what you're saying," Minho sighed.  

 

"He said it's too hot I think," Key said, getting up and ruffling his hair. Unlike Taemin, he'd showered the night before and wasn't looking all that bad comparatively. "Yeah I'm coming. It might be hot as fuck but so am I, right?" He smirked a little to himself. "And we only have ten bucks left."  

 

Jonghyun moaned in disagreement, but luckily was too far gone to put up much of a fight about it. 

 

"Be safe, guys," Onew said, as Minho and Key left without another word. He bent his head down to look at the sleeping blonde on his lap. "You still awake, huh Minnie?" 

 

"Yeahh?" Taemin murmured, although it was almost a lie as sleep was really trying to dust his eyes with heaviness. 

 

Onew chuckled, the hair stroking returning. "You know...if...if I ever have to go, I'll always come back eventually. I'll always find you guys."  

 

"But you're not planning on anything right?" 

 

Onew laughed again. "I don't know what you just said and it looks like Jonghyun's knocking out too so I can't ask one of your musketeer translators." His light hearted words deteriorated into a deep sigh. "I've taught you guys well though, haven't I," he carried on. It wasn't a question and Taemin was so drowsy that he wouldn't have been able to answer the simple 'yes' needed, anyway. "You guys don't need me anymore, so if, I don't know, if I had to leave for any reason at all, then it would be ok. Jonghyun's a lot stronger now. Key knows his way around better than anyone. Minho's so much more capable now he has actual friends looking out for him and you? Taeminnie? You still awake?" 

 

The snore in response made him smile a third time.  

 

"Well, I know things aren't so great for you right now, but things aren't always going to be like this. You're not that clueless kid straight out of care, eating out of the trash anymore. And even if you were, well, you're not on your own, and that's the main thing right?" 

 

That's the main thing, right? 

 

The main thing, right? 

 

Right? 

 

Taemin? 

 

Taemin can you hear me? 

 

Wake up! 

 

"Taemin, jesus, you're sobbing."  

 

It was Sehun. He was looking down at his friend with the most puzzled expression ever, a tissue dangling slightly mockingly in his hand over the blonde's face.  

 

Taemin had been weeping, shouting out and even screaming the odd word in his sleep. It had been disturbing the whole fucking corridor.  

 

"Jongin sent me, he said he was gonna be late coming back cus class ran over and he wanted me to check you weren't-" Sehun paused as if to find a different sentence to the one he'd had planned. He couldn't, so just carried on anyway. "Setting fire to the dorms? Fucking the pillows? Adopting stray cats? Getting high off glue sticks?" 

 

Taemin sat up and glared murderously at the toddler, before yanking the tissue away to dry the beads of salty liquid scattered all over his cheeks. How embarrassing. And he was shaking too. Fucking hell. Where was that half a spice packet again? 

 

"Maybe getting high off glue sticks wouldn't be such a bad idea," he said darkly. He glanced out of the tiny window. It was already pitch black. "Fucking hell, what time is it? How long have I been sleeping?!" 

 

"Well, all afternoon I guess." Sehun shrugged. "It's not that late. 5:30ish I think." 

 

Taemin groaned. "I'm supposed to be going out for a dinner 'with the guys' tonight." He looked at Sehun pleadingly. "Get me out of it?" 

 

"How?" The toddler laughed. "Come on, be sociable for Jongin. Suck it up. You're good at that." 

 

Taemin raised an eyebrow. "You know, I think college has changed you." 

 

"Already?" 

 

"Yeah. If anything, you're more annoying." 

 

Sehun smiled. "What was that dream about anyway?" 

 

Taemin shrugged. "Why?" 

 

"Cus you were really fucking crying so it must have been serious. And I know it may come as a shock to some, but I actually do care about you just a little bit."  

 

Taemin feigned said shock before deciding to dignify that with a reply. "Well yeah. Just nightmares, I guess. Remembering stuff. From back...back when Onew was just about to leave." 

 

"Ah," Sehun sighed. "I wish I'd met him." 

 

"He'd have liked you." 

 

"Really?" Sehun didn't want to show it, but that was probably the nicest thing the blonde had ever said to him given how highly he knew everyone thought of Onew.  

 

"Yeah. He'd have thought you were smart. He was too, kinda. Smarter than any of us, that's for sure. Although I guess that wasn't hard." Taemin sighed and stretched, his eyes lingering on the door. He needed a pee, but that would involve going down the corridor and that would involve potential run ins with one of Jongin's new friends and that would involve a situation that might be aggravating. Oh, how he did wish to just curl up in box with his bumblebie and no one else and not be disturbed for a year. Sugar would be allowed in sometimes and so would Meimei if she hadn't just pooped, but otherwise it would just be the two of them and the outside world wouldn't exist. What a nice fantasy. He snapped himself out of it. 

 

"How's college been for you, so far?"  

 

"So we're small talking now?" Sehun asked, obviously amused after the lengthy pause. 

 

"What? We're friends?" 

 

Sehun shrugged. "It's been good. Class is good. It's warm. There are nice people. Although there are some shitty ones too." 

 

"You just described the entire population of the earth."  

 

Sehun hummed in agreement. "I miss you guys though, it's kinda weird. And I've already got some money for you to take back, by the way. To help with rent and all that." 

 

There was a slight moment of awkwardness and Taemin really didn't know why. Money had always been something their group shared. No one was possessive over it. Which was the way it should be, at least according to Taemin. When Key had first started renting all those years ago, he had basically paid for everything for everyone. Then when Minho came along, he helped too. By the time Bie was in their group, Taemin had already taken up renting himself and he supported the bear for a considerable amount of time before the poor idiot managed to score a job. Everyone had pitched in to help Sehun and Sun. So it was just natural then wasn't it, for this kind of arrangement to continue. But weirdly, it was making Taemin a bit uncomfortable. Sehun and Jongin should be saving up for themselves at this point. Their future wasn't stable quite just yet and they needed to squirrel away anything they could for after college. Not that he'd not accept the money, he wouldn't go that far. But it was something to be aware of. 

 

Loud footsteps were heard from outside before the door banged open to the only person Taemin was actually happy to see; a very out of breath looking Jongin. "Fuck, I'm so much later than I thought I'd be- hey what's wrong?" 

 

Taemin shrugged, figuring his tear streaks must still be pretty visible. "Nightmares." 

 

Jongin nodded knowingly, before glancing at Sehun, murmuring a quick "thanks for babysitting him" and then barging past to grab his hair brush which was lying flat on the bedside table. When Taemin looked at him judgingly, he smiled. "What? I wanna look nice. We're going to an actual restaurant tonight Minnie, not some dank fast food joint." 

 

Taemin sighed. "I miss where you used to work." 

 

"No you don't." 

 

"I miss the free burgers."  

 

Jongin snorted. With the three of them all crammed in his little room, it was beginning to feel as cramped as their trailer. And then another face decided to intrude. 

 

"You ready Jongin?" Ravi asked. He was standing in the doorway, tapping his imaginary wrist watch. "The buses only run half hourly till 6 so we better get our asses moving." 

 

"Bus?" Taemin made his eyes look as pitiful as possible as he whined at his ex. "Can't we go somewhere walkable and near?" 

 

"This is near." Jongin rolled his eyes, finished brushing his hair (which looked worse than it did to begin with, at least from Taemin's point of view, he liked his bumblebie unkempt) and ushered the blonde and toddler out of the door with Ravi. "Now lighten up and be nice," he muttered as they all waked down the corridor. It was clear who that order was for.  

 

Taemin met two more friends on the bus and the remaining one at the restaurant. Altogether there were eight of them, which seemed like a lot before he remembered that's how many (should) be back at home. He decided he liked Ravi. And Sungwoon. They seemed to be the closest ones to Jongin too, which was kind of nice. Then obviously there was Sehun, no need to talk about him. And that left three others which, honestly, Taemin didn't take to. They were loud and boisterous and yeah, was Taemin turning into a grandpa? Or was seeing Jongin's new life just a lot to take in? Or was he feeling, lol, what was that word? Possessive? Maybe. Either way, it didn't matter. He wasn't enjoying this but he'd suck it up. As Sehun had so eloquently said before, he was good at that.  

 

Jongin hadn't been lying when he'd said the place wasn't a crappy fast food joint. Not that it was the ritz, it was still on the far cheaper end of restaurants, but Taemin really hadn't eaten in a place like this in years. It was nice. Very nice. Even the menu was making him drool. 

 

"You wanna drink, Minnie?" 

 

Taemin glanced at the drink section because so far he'd been far too indulged with the main courses. And the desserts. "Uhh, what are you having?" 

 

Jongin shrugged. They'd all had to squeeze themselves into a booth made for six, with two chairs placed at the end. It was tight, but luckily Taemin had Jongin on one side and Sehun on the other. For once, he was actually glad of the toddler's presence.  

 

"Well I don't think it's worth buying anything alcoholic, seeing as I've got all the beer you want under my bed," Ravi cut in, smirking. "I say we say we just get a jug of water for the group and order more food. Yanoo, priorities."  

 

There was a small moment of bickering. Two of the three Taemin hadn't taken to moaned that they wanted to get drunk here thank you very much, but in the end Ravi won. And then the interrogation started. 

 

"So," the third of the three said. Taemin really should have paid attention to their names. "Jongin really wanted us to meet you...but he hasn't said much about what you actually do. Are you trying to study too? From the trailer park, is it?" 

 

Taemin gave Jongin a thorough side eye because this is exactly what he hadn't wanted. God, he was actually turning into the stupid bear; not wanting to get into personal things or awkward details. Even light conversation always lead to things that were private. Although let's face it, private things were often painful things and Taemin had never been one to talk 'serious' with strangers. He'd much rather discuss the ins and outs of different lube brands than talk about the ol' trailer or anything real.  

 

"I work at a bar," he said simply, slurping the glass of water Sungwoon had so nicely poured.  

 

"Ohh I think Jongin mentioned that. We were all shocked weren't we?" Three turned to Two. "Cus like, what kind of homeless kid gets employed somewhere presentable?" 

 

"The kind of homeless kid who guilted his boss when he got stabbed," Taemin said bluntly. He took another sip as the table went silent. 

 

"You what?"  

 

Taemin turned to Jongin. "You didn't mention that?" 

 

Jongin looked down, the same uncomfortable expression from earlier returning, only worse. "It's not the kind of thing you blurt."  

 

"Well I had a mate, back on the streets, who died of a beating," Ravi interrupted. "A knife was involved, although he wasn't actually stabbed. I wasn't there, but it must have been so-" 

 

"Er, can we not go down the 'bad stories from our past' rout?" Sungwoon asked. "Really not in the mood tonight." 

 

Ravi laughed. "Ok, no stab talk."  

 

However three turned back to Taemin, obviously still curious. "But how did some cunt stabbing you guilt your boss?" He asked, a little too loudly. 

 

Sungwoon moaned. "Please, this is a nice place. Can we cut out the casual 'cunts'?"  

 

Three shrugged. 

 

Taemin smiled, drawing breath as he was about to say; 'well when that boss just happens to be a former client who just happens to own 49% of the strip club that the cunt who stabbed me owns the rest of, then guilt isn't that hard to encourage.' Except before he could push the words out, his peripheral vision caught Jongin again, who was continuing to die of embarrassment. Or shame. Or just a horrible mixture of emotions while thinking about the past. Taemin couldn't tell, and honestly it did bother him a bit, but he decided not to let it show. Tonight was not about spilling the beans to a bunch of strangers. Tonight was about meeting Jongin's new people, being introduced to Jongin's new life, and, most importantly, showing just how much they'd grown to each other. 

 

"My boss was linked to the guy who stabbed me. I got injured while working for them both and yeah, he felt bad about it I guess. Which he should have done," Taemin said finally. 

 

Jongin breathed a sigh of relief. And then Ravi started to talk about a dream he'd had which involved a ton of bananas growing wings and taking over the planet, queue the flying penis jokes, and the evening actually continued without much of a hitch.  

 

Taemin decided to try his very-utmost-extremely-good best to not only be 'nice', but to also, well, be the type of boyfriend Jongin would be proud to introduce to people. The type who didn't casually blurt out inappropriate innuendos about their sex life, the type who wasn't high all the time and didn't enjoy making the other jealous. They weren't together. And Taemin was ok with that, it was for the best after all. But just because their relationship wasn't official, it didn't mean there weren't still things to prove.  

 

Sneaking back to the dorms was a bother. They'd passed curfew, and that meant that the social worker who was overseeing the accommodation was waiting and pissed. Taemin had to wait outside for a good twenty minutes, hidden behind the corner, and then be ushered in sneakily once the coast was clear. It was 1am by the time he and Jongin were back in that tiny little room, getting undressed and ready for bed like the good boys they were. Kind of.  

 

"You were different tonight," Jongin said, in the most hushed tone he could muster. Not that the corridors were all that quiet, it housed a load of 'underprivileged young men' after all. But it would still be awkward if anyone who wasn't friendly or just wanted to get someone in trouble, found that two voices were coming from one of the rooms this late.  

 

"I was being nice, like you told me," Taemin replied softly. He whipped off his coat and let it fall to the floor before digging around in his bag for the grey sweater he'd taken to wearing at night. It was Jonghyun's.  

 

Jongin shook his head before chucking his own coat off too. "It was more than that. I mean, you weren't yourself really."  

 

"I was being nice." 

 

"Yeah." Jongin rolled his eyes at the look he was being given. "No I mean, you are nice. But I dunno, you were sidestepping questions and-" 

 

"I always used to sidestep questions." 

 

"Not about gossipy things. Not about-" 

 

"Things that make you uncomfortable?" 

 

Jongin thought about that for a minute, before sitting on the bed and taking off his shoes. "I guess. So what, you were just trying to not rub me up the wrong way?" 

 

Taemin snorted. "I always try not to do that," he said, winking. "But yeah I guess. Stop overanalysing me Bie."  

 

"Sorry I just..." There was another short thinking pause. "I just would hate you to, I dunno, think you'd have to change yourself or...I dunno. I don't want you to have to tip toe around me. I want you to be yourself." 

 

Taemin sighed, also sitting himself down on the bed. But not before he'd stripped down to nothing but his boxers. "When I'm myself, or at least, when I'm my old self...I do rub you up the wrong way." He laughed a little at the phrase before continuing. "I mean, I do sometimes anyway. I just want you to know that, I dunno, I won't embarrass you and I can be trusted to, well, not be a burden in your new life."  

 

"But I know that already," Jongin said simply. "Why would I have invited you up here if I didn't want everyone to meet you?" 

 

"I dunno," Taemin shrugged. "All I know is that several times today, I looked at you and you were..." 

 

"What?" 

 

"Ashamed." 

 

Jongin frowned. Really frowned. His eyebrows creased like caterpillars trying to kiss and his forehead crinkled. "Don't be an idiot." 

 

"I'm not. You were. When the past was mentioned, specifically my or our past, I saw that look in your eyes. The 'please don't mention renting or stripping or fighting else I'll die' look."  

 

The frown intensified. "That was not the look." 

 

Taemin shrugged as Jongin decided to, rather grumpily, strip down himself until both idiots were perched on the side of the bed, in nothing but their boxers. The radiators were blaring, so lack of heat wasn't an issue.  

 

"Look, Bie. It's ok. It's ok if you were feeling ashamed. I know my past bothers you, it always has and it always will-" 

 

Jongin opened his mouth to disagree, before deciding not to lie to himself. 

 

"And yeah, I wish it didn't. Whatever. I can suck it up. At least for a few hours playing nice with your new friends right? That's all I'm doing. I'm on my best behaviour, I'm not 'changing'. I couldn't if I wanted to. I mean, I'm not saying I'm how I was. I'm less of a nut case now, right?" 

 

"Right." 

 

"Yeah. But like, I know I'm not normal. But I want to be. At least for the few hours you need me to be."  

 

Jongin looked down at his hands a little sulkily. "I don't want you to ever be normal though. I've always loved you just how you are." 

 

Taemin cocked his head to the side and smiled. "I know that. But you've also hated me quite a bit." 

 

Small, unexpected tears seemed to well in the bear's eyes from that comment. It hadn't been Taemin's intention at all to say something upsetting, but it did just show how raw everything still was. 

 

"Aw, babybie. It's ok." Taemin wrapped an arm around the stupid teddy bear. 

 

"Well it's not, really." Jongin took a deep breath as if he was preparing himself for the next part of this apparent heart to heart. "Sometimes I- I still feel so so angry Minnie. Like, something little will just happen and I'll have been fine only minutes before but then it's like all the pain from the streets rushes back and I just get so mad and..." He trailed off. "I never wanna be scary street Bie ever again. However much I hated you, I hated him a hundred times more." 

 

It had been rather painful to hear that also, but Taemin made himself nod and squeeze Jongin's shoulders even tighter. And then a stupid little voice inside his head wanted to ask a stupid little question, and stupid little things often get their way.  

 

"What are the main things you like, can't get over...? Is anything, I don't know, my fault?" 

 

Jongin looked up to face the blonde, their faces only inches apart, water welling in both sets of eyes. "No. Nothing's your fault. You saved me back then." He paused to think. "The main thing that still haunts me is that night you got stabbed. Which wasn't your fault. But it was kinda mine, you know," he held up a hand as Taemin started to argue, "no listen, if I hadn't been so drunk then I'd have been paying attention to you dancing and that cunt wouldn't have been able to drag you round the back alley. I don't wanna hear it. It's true. And I just have to live with that. But it's hard, you know? I almost lost you forever because I was too much of a possessive asshole to watch you strip sober."  

 

Taemin was about to speak again but it seemed the flood gates had opened and weren't going to be shut anytime soon.  

 

"And then after, when we had to go back to the streets from the hospital, that was my lowest point, ever, I hope. I was so broken. I mean, that’s when I," he noticeably had difficulty pushing the words out again, "...hit you, right?" 

 

Taemin moved his squeezing hand up to play with Jongin's hair. "Around that time yeah," he said calmly. "Hey, its ok. I mean we got our trailer straight after, right?" 

 

"Yeah. The years have really blended though you know. I don't even know how long we've known each other." 

 

"Oh, foreverish, I'd say." It had almost been four years. 

 

 Jongin smiled sadly. "Foreverish sounds right to me." He leaned his head back to enjoy the hand running through his hair. "But what about you? I mean, I think I know the answer already but..." 

 

Taemin sighed. "Yeah, you do." 

 

No more words were needed. It was so, painfully obvious that the answer was 'Onew'. The kind of grief Taemin felt would probably never be tamed. Next to losing him, the beatings and the abuse felt like a tiny needle compared to knife.  

 

"Look, I know we're not together, 'properly'..." 

 

Taemin laughed softly. 

 

"But can we pretend we are? Just for right now? Can I kiss you and can you hold me and can we just stay like this, for a while?" 

 

A crystal clear thought dawned on Taemin and suddenly the clouds in his head decided to part. The thing he wanted most in the world was sitting right in front of him and dammit, the time for waiting was over. "You know what?" he said, resting their foreheads together. "No. I don't think we should even pretend anymore." 

 

For a moment Jongin was only confused and pulled himself backwards. But then he saw the look in his lover's eyes and knew exactly what that meant; let's not pretend to be together, let's just be together.  

 

He leaned forwards again, eyes welling as he shut them tight, arms outstretched for the love of his life to fill them. One hand grasped several locks of barely bleach blonde hair, guiding Taemin's head as they kissed, whilst the other wrapped tightly around his lover's waist, pulling them as close together as two bodies could possibly be. 

 

Taemin's mind was spinning, but those doubt clouds had already left completely. Love is foolish, and he would just accept that now. It wasn't the right time to get back together; he hadn't yet fully given up spice and was still a total anxious mess a lot of the time, Jongin was miles away at college and was obviously having difficulties coping with his own issues. But it didn't matter anymore. They'd both come so far. Just like Taemin wasn't the same kid Onew had found eating out of the trash, Jongin wasn't the same boy Taemin had found slumped in an alley, desperate for half a sandwich. Things weren't perfect. They weren't perfect. This wasn't the best time. But dammit, Taemin was tired of being sensible and he was in love. Right now and foreverish, he was in love.  

 

\---  

 

Spoiler alert guys; this is it, they're together, and I have no plans in breaking them up again. It's gonna be freaking adorable *I hope* 

Lol, I'm such a flake because I had absolutely no plans to get them back together properly in this specific chapter. Like at the beginning when I explained why they still weren't together, I was satisfied with leaving it so. But then after jongin said his little pitiful 'can u kiss me and hold me and pretend' or whatever he said, something inside me just clicked right there as it did with taemin and I felt like the writers in 'friends' who draaaagged out that whole ross and rachel thing (it tortured me for 10 seasons) and I was just like no. No more. If I have to change what I already have planned for them to just for gods sake be together, then I will. It was time. It is time.  

Sorry, what a ramble.  

But now at least they can give their relationship a proper go again, a proper reboot :3 I'm sure it wont be plain sailing all the time lol maybe some fights will come, I dont even know yet myself but I'm very much hoping for no more owies or screaming.  

i hope these flashbacks aren't too boring, i felt like this one draggeed on a little but I just needed to write more onew >< 

Really also hope that you guys are ok, I appreciated the messages of condolence so very very much. Thank you for taking care of me. 

On sunday I'm going to see my coisin's three month old baby and I'm so excited so will probably get home and write a ton of mei chapters lol pls dread them. 

and that is all  

So much love to you <3  


	58. (M)issing In Action: Family Matters

The sex that night had been great, even if Taemin did say so himself. They'd tried to be quiet, really they had, but as it went on euphoria got the better of them both and they ended up just- 

 

"Oh FUCkkkkk!! Bie! I'm gonna fucking cum all over your fucking- FUcK."  

 

Taemin couldn't hold it anymore. His gasps turned into full on screams as he rode, finger nails digging into the soft flesh of Jongin's chest beneath him. 

 

"Minnie will you keep it down?!" came a hiss from below. Except only a second later he was biting his lip to contain a loud moan of ecstasy himself.   

 

"OH FUCK! YES! YES! I'm gonna-"  

 

"Shh! Shut up!" but then, "ohh my god Minnie I-" 

 

Taemin came crashing down as he came, his lips cutting off another moan threatening to escape, his fists capturing two handfuls of rich brown hair. Jongin kept pounding and it was making his whole body shake from the aftershocks, but even so, he never wanted it stop. The messy kissing dulled out yet another desperately sinful groan, and then the thrusts became so fierce he thought he was about to split in two... 

 

You get the picture. It hadn't been as romantic and soft as their parting sex, the day of the cute little rope swing. No, it hadn't been like that at all. It had been desperate, wild, messy, untamed, rough, and oh, so right. Both were totally uninhibited, totally comfortable and totally, well, horny. Really fucking horny. And it felt so good. And they just loved each other completely. And honestly, there's nothing else to say about it.  

 

"Biee, it's time to wake up sleepy head."  

 

They'd fallen asleep cuddling but had woken up in a slightly less cute position.  Jongin was practically smooshed into the wall, his head laying sideways on the pillow, mouth open and drooling. Taemin himself had woken with one leg dangling off the bed on the opposite side, the other lying all twisted over his ex. Who now, oh, wasn't his ex. Jongin was his boyfriend again, his lover, his partner, his soulmate. Whatever you wanted to call it, the words were all music in Taemin's head.  

 

There was a long drawn out yawn before Jongin even opened his squinty eyes. "Let's not wake up," he hummed, wriggling himself to nuzzle in the crook of his lover's neck.  

 

Taemin took a shaky fistful of hair and started to play with it gently before replying. "You'll be late for class," he said softly, although the idea of staying here all day, cuddling and at peace, was oh so very tempting.  

 

"Right now, I don't feel like I care about anything," Jongin mumbled, his voice almost inaudible because his lips were pressed so tightly against Taemin's chest. "The world could literally be ending outside and I'd be quite happy to just stay here." 

 

Taemin let out a small laugh. "You don't mean that." 

 

"I do." 

 

"So all our friends could be being eaten by virus infected zombies and you'd just be find to stay in this lil room cuddling?" 

 

"Yup." 

 

"Even if it meant the apocalypse?"  

 

"Yup." 

 

"Well." Taemin didn't quite know how to reply to that. "I guess we better stay here then."  

 

Jongin nuzzled in even closer, wrapping both arms around his lover tightly, and they both basked in the warmth of each other's bodies for another good fifteen minutes before the warmth turned into uncomfortable heat, and the sounds of people going down the corridor to leave became louder.  

 

"Right." Taemin decided to make the call and sat straight up. "Get up, you lazy bastard. We can be adorable later. Is there anywhere round here I can hide to have my fix?"  

 

Jongin groaned. He'd been fully aware of the quivering as they'd been hugging and the blonde's body temperature was obviously too high, but still, how he longed for a day when spice wasn't first on the agenda every morning. "We really need a talk soon about how we're gonna get you down from half to nothing." 

 

"What do you mean, we?" Taemin dragged his body out of the bed, stretched in all his naked glory, scratched his tummy, and then decided to throw on some clothes. "It's something I need to sort with Victoria, isn’t it? She's gonna get me off to a proper doctor's surgery soon." 

 

Jongin raised an eyebrow. "And you're ok with that?" 

 

"Well no, but it's gotta be done hasn't it?" 

 

"Mm." Jongin sighed. "I just don't feel like she's helping you enough. It's taking so long, you know?" 

 

Taemin frowned before throwing a pair of screwed up jeans onto the bed. "Is this how it's gonna be? We're back together now so you can nag as much as you want?" 

 

Jongin shrugged, dismissing the jeans on top of him. "I worry."  

 

"I know," Taemin said. He was already rolling a spliff on the little set of drawers next to the bed. "But I got it under control. I'm getting better." He paused for a moment to lean across and kiss his lover.  

 

Jongin nodded and they both held the position a few seconds longer than was quite normal, noses still brushing against each other, before Taemin pulled back and returned to his rolling. 

 

"I forgot what it's like to kiss you while we're actually together," Jongin whispered.  

 

Taemin smiled but didn't look up. "Is it much different to when we kissed while weren't actually together?" 

 

"Yeah." Jongin decided to get up too and snuggled into the blonde one more time for a back hug, before actually deciding to get dressed himself. "It feels more...more like home."  

 

The door burst open. Luckily, Jongin had started reclothing his bottom half first so had his boxers all the way up, but even so; rude.  

 

"Oh. Sorry." Sehun stepped into the room sheepishly and shut the door behind him. "Honestly though Jongin, we have locks for a reason." 

 

"People also usually knock for a reason," Taemin snapped, and then accidentally let himself blab "you're lucky you didn't walk in on the blow job I was giving a second ago" which was classless as well as unnecessary and if it hadn't been before his spice fix, he'd have probably filtered it out. As much as Sehun annoyed him, he didn't want to actually hurt the toddler and Taebie being an official 'thing' again was probably best kept on the down low.  

 

"He's joking," Jongin said quickly, chucking on his shirt at the speed of light. "Why aren't you at class yet?" 

 

"Could ask the same to you," Sehun replied a little grumpily. "But I guess I already know from all the noise last night." 

 

Taemin made a very deliberate coughing noise while Jongin just stood there awkwardly.  

 

Sehun rolled his eyes. "It's fine. But no, I just got off the phone with Key." 

 

Both listener's expressions suddenly became very serious, so Sehun continued. "I couldn't get him to make much sense, but it looks like things are getting more bad than we thought between Sun and Minho." 

 

"Why the fuck didn't he call me?" Taemin asked, a little outraged as he dug around in his bag for his phone.  

 

"He did. I guess you two were too busy to notice." Sehun rolled his eyes a second time. "But don't worry. Or at least, Key told me not to. But he said he might need a second or third pair of hands down there soon."  

 

Jongin glanced at Taemin sadly. He definitely didn't want their 'few days' to turn into 'barely one day' but if it had to, then he guessed it had to.  

 

"Come on, I'll tell you the rest on the way to class," Sehun said, ushering Jongin out of the door. "Then you can gossip about it to Tae later or something, I dunno. We seriously gotta go."  

 

Jongin took one last glance at his lover, muttering that there was a park just up the road he might be able to find somewhere to smoke in, and decided against a goodbye kiss.  

 

Taemin watched a little sadly, but what could he do. This was life, or at least, this was their life. They had classes and friends and responsibilities and things that were always going to get in the way. But that was ok. It really was. Because unlike before, when it felt like all the world was trying to do was rip them apart, now the tables had turned. Their little corner of the world was no longer trying to rip them apart, it was trying to rip itself apart. And they were going to help put it back together, piece by piece, until everything around them was whole again. 

 

\--- 

 

Sehun and Jongin didn't get to "gossip" as much as they'd have liked to on the way to class because it turned out Ravi was also running late, and tagged along with them. It wasn't like they could just casually discuss Sun and Minho's 'marital' *cough* issues in front of a stranger. Well, they could, but it wouldn't be a very nice thing to do so they didn't. Family matters were kept in the family as it were.  

 

The only vague gist of it Sehun managed to convey, was that Key was feeling pretty overwhelmed having to deal with so much tension without Jonghyun or Taemin, so the blonde 'better get his skinny ass back here soon' and also that it was worrying him that he actually had no clue where Minho was. Which wasn't uncommon, but under the circumstances, was a little more unnerving than usual.  

 

Concerning the whole issue of Sun/Minho fights, Jongin was worried about neither of these things. Key was a big boy and could handle whatever tension there was around and, in any case, Jonghyun would be getting out soon and that would make everything better (and mean that he could have Taemin all to himself, yay). And then there was Minho's absence, which was so the norm by this point that it wasn't a big concern at all. What he was worried about however, was the same thing that Taemin was; Mei.  

 

Always at the back of his mind, was this horrible nagging question; what would happen to her if things got really bad? And not just if Sun and Minho broke up bad (which from Jongin's point of view didn't seem likely even at this point, after all; his and Taemin's relationship had survived a lot more than just a few trailer squabbles) but what if social services came knocking on their door? It was a constant fear. Not that Junghee's trailer wasn't a whole lot nicer than there's had been, but they were still dirt poor right? What if a neighbour complained about the fighting and people got suspicious? What if the cops came sniffing around after Jonghyun was released and found Minho and Sun screaming at each other one day? It was probably paranoia, but everyone worried about it, especially when a lot of fighting was going on.  

 

Thinking back, if Taemin had been a girl (sorry but Jongin just couldn't put himself in that role for this hypothetical scenario) then an accidental pregnancy could and would have happened many *many* times back on the streets. And it would have been awful. Like yeah, Jongin would have loved his kid or even someone else's if it came out of Taemin, whatever. But just imagine it. Adding a child to that hell; the violence and the drugs and the sheer poverty of it all. Taemin wouldn't have been able to deal and all the responsibility would have fallen on Jongin's shoulders, who would probably have crumbled under the weight. It was unthinkable and horrible and they simply wouldn't have coped.  

 

So yeah, Jongin knew none of them were living in those conditions anymore but he still did really admire Sun and Minho for dealing the way they had done with the news. It was only recently that things were starting to break down, which for the amount of strain the two of them were under, was pretty impressive if you ask Jongin. He knew they'd be ok. It was Mei who was the issue. Keeping her with them and keeping her safe was surely always the main priority.  

 

The morning past pretty uneventfully and that was always a good thing. If he was honest, Jongin's mind wasn't there in the moment at all and he probably hadn't learned half of what he was supposed to, but he could catch up later. After spending rather a long time obsessing over worst case Mei scenarios, he'd been firm with himself and forced his brain to think about nicer things. Nicer blonde things.  

 

Had last night even really happened, or had it all been some wonderful dream? He'd had no 'getting back together' expectations of this little visit- he knew their circumstances at the moment would make it difficult so he hadn't allowed himself to even fantasize about it. Oh, how he regretted that. He could have been daydreaming about this for weeks. Eh, never mind. Sometimes spontaneity is better. If he'd been hoping that they'd finally decide to make it official again, then he might have made an awkward ass out of himself. It happened. So everything had probably worked out for the best.  

 

Ahh, hadn't Taemin's hair smelt nice? Answer; yes, yes it had. And had he put on a little weight around his tummy lately? Possibly. There was definitely a bit more meat between his hip bones. Hadn't it felt amazing to kiss him again 'properly'? Holly hell, better than anything. Although his bottom lip had been slightly cracked- Jongin should remind him to vaseline that. And he needed to buy some new underwear. Actually, so did Jongin. Jesus, mustn't think like Key. 

 

So anyway, another little chunk of the morning had passed thinking nice thoughts. But then it was lunch time, his tummy was rumbling, and, as it always did, insecurity started to hit.  

 

On the bus ride back to the dorms he had an unwelcome thought; a trigger as it were. It started off as a jokey 'I hope my room isn't set on fire yet' and turned into a slightly more alarming 'I wonder when our first fight will be' before gradually deteriorating into 'what if I get really really really hella scary mad'. 

 

Only yesterday had he been telling Taemin how angry he still got sometimes. What if he really wasn't as better as they thought? What if, now they were together again, things got all pressurized and intense again? What if he got mad? What if it didn't work out...again?! What if they broke up? Things had been going so well for such a long time now, he hadn't let himself consider these possibilities. But now it was actually happening, now the thing he wanted most in the world was a reality again, it was an all too scary thought. What if Taemin relapsed with his spice? What if living miles away from each other now meant it couldn't work? What if Jongin's jealousy reared its ugly head? What if- what if- he daren't even think it, but what if he hit Taemin again?!" 

 

"Dude, you've literally gone white." Ravi's concerned voice broke him out of his thoughts. "This is our stop and- aw look, he's waiting for you!" 

 

Outside the window, was very chill looking Taemin, leaning on the bus post and talking to Sungwoon. They'd obviously been waiting there to walk Jongin home from the stop and honestly, if that ain't the cutest, Jongin didn't know what was. He made himself relax. 

 

"Hey you," the blonde cooed, as Jongin and Ravi made their way off the bus.  

 

Jongin hesitated for a moment when he reached his lover, unsure whether a kiss was ok or not in front of new people, but thankfully it looked as if Taemin was going to take the lead. The blonde leaned up for the sweetest little peck on the lips, then put a lazy arm around the bear and smiled.  

 

"Sungwoon here's been telling me about the first night you arrived," he said knowingly. "Had an upset tummy, did we Bie?" 

 

Jongin cringed and the four of them started wondering back to the dorms for lunch. He hadn't anticipated Taemin's small visit to involve so much embarrassment but there you go, what did it even matter.  

 

"Hey I've been meaning to ask," Ravi said, turning to the blonde. "What's up with this 'bie' name? Like, is it a sex thing?"  

 

Taemin smirked. "Yeah," he said casually, with absolutely no sign that he was joking on his expression.  

 

Jongin rolled his eyes and was about to correct the idiot but then decided against it. 'Newbie' was just Taemin and his little cute thing and nobody needed to know about it or potentially make fun of it.  

 

Lunch was good and the four of them chatted about nonsense with relative ease. Taemin had noticeably relaxed since the previous night and it seemed as if he was already warming to the new people. Or at least to Ravi and Sungwoon. The other's he'd been introduced to at dinner maybe hadn't gone down so well. Jongin wasn't bothered. He was just happy that Taemin was playing nice and not seeming to find doing so too difficult.  

 

When it was time to go back to class, it was Jongin who leaned down for the goodbye peck, which was actually more of a proper kiss although tongues weren't permitted in this amount of public. Shame. No doubt he'd get made fun of later by Ravi, but the thought didn't bother him. In fact, even all of his worries from earlier seemed to have helped by just seeing Taemin again. Whatever happened, whether it was things in or out of their control, one thing would always be true; he loved Taemin, and Taemin loved him. Right now, that was the only thing that could reassure him. 

 

Concentration was better in the afternoon, although he was basically counting the minutes until the lecture was over and he could go back to see the blonde. They needed to spend every minute possible together of this short little visit, surely.  

 

Luckily, his afternoon lecture was only two hours and so he was done by 4oclock. That meant the rest of the day together and, apart from his crappy little Saturday job at the mall tomorrow, a good chunk of time spent over the weekend before Taemin needed to get home. He'd dread the 'going home' bit another time, and just concentrate on the 'a good chunk of time' bit now.  

 

They played video games from 4 till 6. It was a complete and total waste of time, but holy hell had it been fun. Back at the trailer, none of them had computers or smart phones any expensive shit like that obviously, but here in the dorms everyone was supplied with a laptop for work. 'For work', yeah, well, video games improved hand eye coordination and reflexes and other things like that probably so.  

 

"Shit Bie shit what the fuck is your stupid dinosaur thing doing!"  

 

"It's a dragon, Taemin. Now, hey, no! You're doing it wron...DID YOU JUST FUCKING KILL MY DINOSAUR?"  

 

Taemin burst out laughing, his fingers slamming against the keyboard manically. Sungwoon had ever so kindly lent them an extra laptop so they could joint play, and would surely not appreciate that.  

 

"I bet they think we're doing it again. These walls are pretty thin," the blonde sniggered. "Your poor dinosaur Bie, your poor dinosaur."  

 

"I swear, you cheated," Jongin hissed. "And we're playing on the same fucking side anyway like, could you not aim for the baddies or something? Did you have to aim at my dinosa- dragon?!"  

 

At 6:15, their bickering was cut off by a phone ringing. The ringtone was 2ne1's 'I am the best', meaning it was definitely not Jongin's.  

 

With the game nicely paused, Taemin glanced down at the screen and groaned. "I better take this," he sighed, clicking the little green icon. Before he could even say hello, Key was speaking.  

 

"I need you to come back right now."  

 

"Huh? Right now?"  

 

"As in right this minute," Key hissed. "Get up, pack your bag, jump on a train, and get your ass down here. Bring Sehun back too if you can. And Jongin, I don't care." 

 

Taemin stood up, heart thumping in dread and started to reply when Key cut him off yet again.  

 

"Don't panic," came a very controlled voice. "Just do as you're told. I need you back here."  

 

"W-what's going on? Is Jonghyun ok?" 

 

Jongin stood up too, obviously going into slight panic mode himself, and gestured for Taemin to put the phone on speaker, which the blonde reluctantly did.  

 

Key's voice came blaring into the room. "Jonghyun's fine. It's about Junghee. And Sun and Minho. And Mei." As if by magic, the sound of an infant crying was heard in the background. "I'm all alone with her and I can't handle it," he carried on.  

 

"What?! Where's Sun?!" 

 

"Sun's in A&E. We think Junghee had a stroke or something, the doctors don't even know yet. It only happened at lunch time today." 

 

Taemin went white, as did Jongin, and the two of them stared at each other in horror for a good few seconds before replying. Junghee's health had been deteriorating lately, hence she'd started paying Sun as her carer, but to actually have a stroke just totally out of the blue? It was terrifying.  

 

"Where's Minho though? Won't he be back soon?"  

 

It was Jongin who'd spoken, so Key grumbled a quick "should've known you were listening" before actually replying. "That's the thing. As I told Sehun this morning, wish you'd have picked up by the way Minnie, we pretty much haven't seen him since the big fight. I haven't got a fucking clue where he is and he's not answering his phone. Bastard."  

 

Mei started crying even more in the background, before the sound of Key putting down the phone was heard followed by a few coos of "shh shh, it's ok honey, Kibummie didn't mean it, your daddy will be home soon." More scuffling noises, and the phone was picked up again. "And that's not even the worst part." 

 

Taemin and Jongin glanced at each other in horror again. 

 

"Before Junghee's incident this morning, one of her neighbours came round -one of her friendly ones- and told us that one of her less so friendly ones had made a complaint to the authorities about how many 'disturbances' go on round here. Last thing we need is fucking cops or worse, social shitting services sniffing around here. And I feel it coming, Minnie, I really do."  

 

Taemin was already packing, leaving Jongin to clutch hold of the phone hopelessly. 

 

"I just need as many of you down here as possible. Someone's gotta to help me with Mei while Sun is stuck at A&E, god knows how long she'll be there, hopefully only today and tomorrow, and someone needs to come search for Minho in some of the more er, shady parts of town. And also, it'd be very fucking helpful if someone could get us into our fucking flat, Mei included, so she's not around if anyone official decides to pop in for a nice little chat. Got it?"  

 

"Got it!" Taemin called back. The receiver went dead.  

 

"Fuck," Jongin said blankly, dropping the phone down absentmindedly on the bed as his boyfriend whirred around him, throwing toothbrushes and underwear into a bag.  

 

"You have work tomorrow, right?" Taemin asked, his tone still frantic. 

 

Jongin nodded. It was going to be hard to get out of it seeing as this was only his second week there, but he thought he could probably call in sick once. Maybe.  

 

"And what about Sehun's weekend job?"  

 

"It's tomorrow and Sunday," Jongin replied, biting his lip. "We'll just have to say it's a family emergency or something. 

 

"Well it is," Taemin agreed, barging past Jongin for a discarded sock by the door. They'd have to remember to have tidier sex next time. Clothes everywhere was not good for fast packing.  

 

Jongin took a sharp breath. "Do you think Junghee's gonna be alright?"  

 

Taemin cringed and apparently started throwing Jongin's clothes in another bag. "Right now, I'm actually more concerned about Minho. It might be like him to not come home, but to not answer his phone for almost three whole days? Especially after a big fight when he knows we'll all be worrying about him? He's not like that. He's never like that." 

 

Jongin took another sharp breath. "Do you think social services would really take Mei?" 

 

"No," Taemin said quickly. "Not if Sun's around. You can't take away someone's child for being poor." But he sounded unsure himself. "Now go and get Sehun."  

 

Jongin made himself jump into action. "Right." He grabbed Taemin's wrist before leaving, kissed the blonde on the lips for the shortest split of a second, then hurled down the corridor on a Sehun hunt. This was not how he'd wanted their weekend to end (before it had even started) but alas, a family emergency was calling again. Frankly, he was just glad he had one to call in the first place.  

 

\---  

 

In a very sick way, it felt *kind of* exhilarating to be racing back to the trailer park like the clappers; running to catch buses and trains left right and centre. Sehun felt like he hadn't been back to their little home in years, when in reality it had only been a few short months. Although he had to remind himself that they weren't actually going to their little home. Their little home now had a tree branch threatening to collapse its roof and was entirely inhospitable. Junghee's was their first stop. Or the hospital. Or the flat. Or off looking for Minho. Maybe it was best to ask. 

 

"So what's the plan guys?" 

 

Taemin, who had his head smooshed against the train window and was pretending to cat nap, opened one eye. Jongin, who was sitting next to him and staring blankly down at his phone, decided to actually reply.  

 

"Well Key said Sun was probably gonna be at the hospital for a day or two, depending on how Junghee is, so I guess priority number one is that someone needs to go back and help him out with Meimei. Any volunteers?" 

 

Sehun looked at Taemin, Taemin's open eye glared at Jongin, and Jongin glanced hopelessly between the two of them.  

 

"Ok well then who wants to go and move all of ours and Mei's crap into the bedsit? And who wants to go on a Minho hunt?"  

 

Both Taemin and Sehun were about to reply, when Jongin had another thought and cut them off. 

 

"Actually, I think it ought to be who goes on the Minho hunt. So it's up to you two what you wanna do."  

 

The rationale was that Minho may be hiding out somewhere potentially dangerous, or be in trouble himself, so Jongin would feel far happier going himself than letting his boyfriend or toddler off their leashes. 

 

Taemin opened his other eye to stare condescendingly at the bear. "Er, wise guy, I should be the one that goes looking for Minho. Who followed him the other day? Me. Who could go down to Chanyeol's and ask Jimin about it? Me. Who knows their way around the best-?" 

 

"Yeah we get your point Minnie," Jongin grumbled. 

 

Taemin ignored him. "-Me. So I should go on the Minho hunt, you should get the apartment sorted -you're strongish and domestic so that should suit you fine- and Sehun should go and help take care of Mei at Junghee's cus he's responsible and doesn't get on Key's nerves." The smug smile on the blonde's face made it clear he thought that was decision made.  

 

"Er wise guy," Jongin snapped. "That ain't happening. Sehun should go help with Mei, you should get the apartment sorted, and I should go look for Minho." 

 

There was a brief moment of awkward stand off. Was this about to be their first fight? They hadn't dealt with this kind of pressure in a while and now was the time to choose. How were they gonna deal with it? Was Jongin gonna 'put his foot down' and was Taemin gonna listen? Was Jongin gonna yell if Taemin didn't? Was Jongin being overprotective or, what's that word, controlling? Could Taemin be trusted to not put himself at risk if a situation got dangerous? 

 

Sehun coughed awkwardly, bringing both boys out of their heads. "I kinda think Taemin should look for Minho," he put in, sheepishly looking at Jongin. "I mean, it's logical. He knows more about where the guy goes than you do." 

 

Taemin took a deep breath. Instead of looking smug, he smiled reassuringly and placed a comforting hand on the bear's knee. "I won't get myself into trouble," he said quietly. "You can trust me to look after myself."  

 

"Yeah and besides," Sehun continued, lightening the mood with an airy tone. "Minho probably just have the hang over from hell in a cheap motel. There's no need to assume the worst."  

 

Jongin took a large inhale of breath himself. It was logical, but it didn't mean he had to like it. On the other hand, this time, it was clear who had to back down. "Fine," he grumbled. "Minnie searches. Sehun Mei's. I get the flat set up with all our shit." He huffed again before muttering, "and somehow it'll all be my fault when everything goes wrong." 

 

The mutter made both Taemin and Sehun glance at each other in tired amusement, before the communal sulking started and they all rode the rest of the journey in relative silence. When they finally reached the station, it was already pitch black. Which, in a way, was handy. Because darkness was the perfect weather for spotting a rare and illusive species called the Chanbaekmin.  

 

"Ok. I'mma just gonna go check round the back and see if anyone around has seen him," Taemin said, dismissing his two friends with a wave. The quicker Jongin was out of here and nowhere near a potential Jimin run in, the better.  

 

"No hang on," Jongin said. He was already walking ahead to exactly where he shouldn't. "I wanna see if Chanyeol's here too. Haven't seen him in a-" 

 

He paused as he turned the corner from the main station building and made his way around the back. The bushes which used to separate the horrible concrete wasteland where they used to sleep, from the 'designated screaming street', had been pruned to within an inch of their life. It wasn't hard to see through them to view exactly who was on the other side.  

 

Both Taemin and Sehun caught up with him in an instant, and then something rather unexpected happened. Jimin turned around from where he was standing (and smoking) with Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and a random woman they didn't know, noticed the three of them staring through the bushes, and instead of skulking away in fear when he saw Jongin, actually did exactly the fucking opposite.  

 

"Sehun!" the kid called. "Over here!!"  

 

When Sehun didn't react quick enough, still nervous about the angry bear next to him, Jimin decided to bound towards them himself.  

 

The kid was clearly intoxicated with something. It was obvious just from the way he was pushing himself frantically through the bushes. He wasn't totally out of it or anything and could make himself understood, but those dilated eyes and that haphazard way of moving spoke for itself.  

 

As soon as he reached them, he gasped a quick "so happy you're here" and then wrapped his arms tightly around Sehun, ignoring Taemin and Jongin's presence completely. Not a moment later, Chanyeol and Baekhyun caught up with him and thankfully tore Jongin's attention from what the actual fuck was happening.  

 

"Jongin!" Chanyeol beamed, going in for a hug with the bear himself. "Holy shit man, didn't know you were coming back so soon?"  

 

"We've only just arrived," Jongin said flatly, his gaze trailing a couple of meters away to where Sehun had dragged Jimin to. They were still hugging and it was fucking weird.  

 

"We came back cus Minho hasn't been seen in a couple of days, you have any idea where he might be?" Taemin cut in, deliberately standing himself in front of Jongin's eyeline. "Like, have you been down to that fighting ring or?" 

 

Baekhyun snorted beside Chanyeol, rolling his eyes. "Yeah like we go down there. Fucking hell. No. Even your boy Jimminie there's too chicken for that scene now.  And we haven't seen Minho. Kris'll be the guy you wanna ask though." 

 

Chanyeol nodded. "There are a few spots you can check to find him; dealing areas, gambling joints, the usual. He comes down here often too so if we see either of them, we'll get in touch." 

 

Taemin sighed at the initial defeat. A part of him had been hoping that they'd arrive at the station and there Minho would be, laughing and joking as if everyone was making a big deal over nothing. "Ok," he said, glancing at Jongin again, who was looking over the top of his head murderously at Jimin. "We better go, sorry to not stay and catch up." He grabbed his lover's hand and started to drag the idiot away. "C'mon Bie, don't get all weird."  

 

Jongin shot him a shady glance and refused to let himself be lead like a dog. Until Sehun was coming too, there was no way he was leaving. Basically, if he actually were a puppy, then he'd be hunching his back right now as Taemin pulled on his leash.  

 

"See you really really soon then yeah?" Jimin asked, still embraced in a tight Sehun hug. The kid was off his head, there was no doubt about that.  

 

"Yeah," Sehun said, squeezing one more time. "As soon as we get all this stuff sorted, I'll come straight back here." He rushed over to Jongin also.  

 

"And oh I'll see you at the shelter class next week Tae, won't I?" Jimin called, his over-familiar tone like nails on a chalkboard.  

 

That was when Jongin minorly snapped. Minorly being because all he actually did was storm forwards, lift poor Jimin up by the collar of his jacket, and hiss a very menacing "I'm watching you, traitor" before both Chanyeol and Taemin jumped forwards to pull the idiot backwards.  

 

"Er, bye!" Sehun said nervously, as he took over the dragging from Chanyeol and the three of them made their way as far from a potential Jongin-losing-his-temper incident as possible.  

 

Taemin couldn't help but laugh as they made their way down the designated screaming street and towards a block offices leading to the bus station. It was a very inappropriate reaction but if you'd seen the look on Jimin's face as they'd left, you'd be laughing too.  

 

"Don't," Jongin grumbled. His hands were firmly in his pockets and it was clear sulkybie was making a guest appearance. "I fucking hate that guy." He glanced at Sehun. "You two looked awfully cosy." 

 

Sehun shrugged. "We're friends," he said. "And he didn't mean what happened before...he didn't mean-" 

 

"To almost get me and you killed," Taemin jumped in, laughing again afterwards. "Sorry. I'm not helping." He put an arm around Jongin's waist. "Jimin's no threat, Bie. Just a stupid child."  

 

"He's not that young," came an almost inaudible grumble. 

 

"He's younger than the toddler here so that practically makes him an infant." Taemin smirked. "Jesus, I'm starting to feel old."  

 

"You are old," Sehun said flatly. 

 

And with that, Taemin smiled, gave Jongin's waist a quick squeeze because he didn't really feel ok to kiss in front of Sehun yet, and then started off on a Minho hunt.  

 

"I'll come find you when I'm done moving all the stuff!" Jongin called, slightly annoyed by the brisk goodbye. "And make sure your phone's not on silent! Make sure you have charge and credit!" 

 

Taemin didn't call back but it was obvious he'd heard them because of the head shaking. His silhouette seeped into the shadows only moments later, and Sehun had to practically drag Jongin away again to further their journey to the bus station. Next stop; Key.  

 

\--- 

 

Hey beauties! it's been two whole weeks goodness lol I usually only leave it one but I just couldn't get this chapter checked fast enough for some reason. Ive kind of been busy i guess, or at least, spending a lot of energy on other more important stuff aha (I know, is there anything more important than taekai, methinks not) but anyway I'm bacccccc and I hope this chapter was ok. A lot of mei coming up soon hopefully. some shit going down also. Not major shit. Minor shit. But still shit. Ive missed the drama, honestly. Not sure when I'll be able to update next but I always love hearing from you guys <3  

Sending lotsa hugs  


	59. The Good, The Bad: And The Brother

Key was pretty sure that Mei's crying could be heard from about five trailers away, and that wasn't an exaggeration. He found himself thinking that in some ways it was a wonder nobody had complained about them before, especially since having Mei. Busy bodies just love to interfere with children, don't they? He forced the thoughts out. The only important thing right now was getting Mei out of here and safe and sound in their flat for when Mummy came back from the hospital. And Junghee would be fine, wouldn't she? Sure, she was frail. Sure, she'd been going downhill. But she wasn't that old and she was a tough lady. He wouldn't allow himself to think anything else on the subject.  

 

Fucking hell though, where was Taemin? Where were the others? How long did it take on the train to get back here again? An hour and a half? Two hours? Key was so tired, he couldn't even remember. It was getting late though, and as every minute passed it seemed like Mei was just getting fussier. He wasn't good at this. She didn't like the way he held her and his soothing tones didn't stop her crying. Jonghyun was so much better with her. Even Jongin had the knack, sometimes at least. But not Key. He just wasn't any good.  

 

"What the hell took you guys so long?!" His anxiety only seemed to come out as anger when Sehun and Jongin barged into Junghee's little trailer, to be greeted by nothing but a huge mess, a crying Mei, and a very harassed looking Kibum. "Why isn't Minnie here?!"  

 

"He's gone out looking for Minho," Jongin said, immediately taking the screaming baby out of his friend's arms to rock her himself. Despite the constant screaming, pooping and whining, he'd missed Mei a lot. She was that cute, it was hard not to.  

 

Sehun came over to where Key was standing in the kitchen and hugged him tightly. As he let go, he asked, "any news from Sun yet?" 

 

Key nodded. "Heard from her a half hour ago ish. They still don't know if it was a stroke or not but that's what's being presumed. Junghee's real sick, Sehun. Real sick." His eyes widened a little at the toddler as if to convey some unsayable message. It filled both Jongin and Sehun's heart with dread, but then again, that was the intention.  

 

Once Jongin had got Mei semi-calm, he passed her over to Sehun and started to really thoroughly pack up all her stuff. The goal was to make the place look as if a baby had never even lived here. Bottles, diapers, pacifiers, clothes- everything got thrown into the largest bag they owned in a mess of unorganized baby crap. It wasn't how Sun would have done it, but then again, Sun wasn't here.  

 

"There's a shit ton of expressed milk in the freezer," Key said, rummaging around for it himself. "And some formula in the cupboard." Except Mei was already being weened so lack of milk really wasn't an issue at this stage. She was already seven months and a chunk at that.  

 

It wasn't long before Jongin had managed to (bar the odd sock) collect every Mei related item visible to the naked eye. If there was some baby sick on a cushion or drool on the side, they'd have to deal with it later. "Right. I'll take these bags, and while I'm gone you guys should pack up some of Minnie and your," he glanced at Key, "clothes and whatever and then we're out of here. Once everything is in the flat, I'll go out and find wherever the hell Taemin's got to." 

 

"Has he texted yet?" Sehun asked dumbly. 

 

"Would I be looking this anxious if he had?"  

 

"Good point."  

 

\--- 

 

Taemin had a much more interesting job than babysitting or moving bags and honestly, he was pretty happy that he'd been trusted enough to do it. Although maybe trusted was the wrong word. "Not seen as too pathetic" might fit better.  

 

He went to the fighting ring first, not that he actually expected Minho to be there, but he was also kind of hoping to run into Kris too who might be able provide useful information. Or not. Neither were anywhere to be seen.  

 

As Taemin was going to the next spot, he found himself wondering if this was the hell he and Jongin had put the rest of the group through over and over again back when they had their fights. It was an unsettling thought but he couldn't deny that there had been many occasions where either or both had run away screaming and it had been up to the rest of the group to find and piece them back together. Yikes. Minho really was earned the same treatment. Taemin just hoped that he was hiding out somewhere more obvious than a certain hotel we won't mention. 

 

After hitting all the gambling joints he could think of, hope was starting to slowly slip away. It was starting to get really fucking late, and the only places left were the, shall we say, more risky ones.  

 

So like the sensible/scared little bunny he was, Taemin sat on a bench in the middle of nowhere, texted Jongin to come meet him asap and waited for some much needed back up. There was no way in hell he was prepared to go down to the dealing hotspots alone. Not at this time of night. Not unarmed. Not shaking like the obvious addict he was. He may have thought of himself as far bigger and tougher than he once was but deep down, he was painfully aware of how easy a target he still was.  

 

"Oh thank god you're still here," came a panting voice through the darkness. Jongin had been running so fast that his hair had stuck to his forehead from sweat. It wasn't a good look. "So I guess you've had no luck at all?" 

 

Taemin pulled his very best sarcastic face. "Oh yeah he's right here next to me, didn't you recognise him invisible?"  

 

Jongin pulled this "-_-" face in response and the two of them set off, hoods up and eyes down, to what was known as the red district.  

 

It felt just like the old days. Like it really did, more than it had in years, and suddenly Taemin was back to his street mindset in a second. There they both were, very much together as a couple again, slinking down dark alleys and quiet corners in a desperate attempt to be unseen and not attract any unwanted attention. Their mission tonight wasn't drugs or renting or a place to sleep or even food- it was finding a missing friend. But it felt the same. It really felt the same.  

 

"I'm having de ja vu," Jongin muttered, as they were slowly approaching a park at the edge of town. It looked deserted now, but they both knew that as soon as they turned the corner, there would be men and women lined up like dolls ready to be rented for the night. Then further along, quite a number of dealers and the odd scary guy to keep everyone in check. There might even be a few scouters (or pimps) looking to pick up new meat to sell. It was a sick place, but it made money and out here, that's all that really mattered.  

 

Taemin hummed in agreement. "You're reading my mind," he said darkly. "It's like everything's exactly the same except-" 

 

"We smell better?"  

 

"Well you certainly do." Taemin snorted. "I didn't smell that bad even back then." 

 

Jongin rolled his eyes. "You didn't have to kiss you."  

 

Taemin ignored that and decided they ought to stay on topic. "Ok you just let me do the talking," he said as they turned the corner. Sure enough, the sight they were met by was exactly what had been expected; rows of rent boys and girls followed by a large group of (probably) dealers.  

 

Without waiting for a reply, Taemin walked up boldy to a young scruffy looking guy, leaning in the very same suggestive way that Taemin once would have when trying to attract clients. He'd chosen this dude because a) he didn't look that high b) he was wearing minimal clothes and probably wasn't armed and c) he looked kinda nervy so was likely to still be new at this.  

 

"Hi," Taemin said casually. Jongin was lurking slightly menacingly behind him, so he turned around and gestured for the bear to take down his hood. He faced the kid again. "This'll only take a sec. We're not looking to rent you or anything, just wondering if you've seen," he pulled out his phone and showed a picture of Minho, "this froggy looking idiot right here."  

 

The guy leaned in for a second, inspecting the picture with distaste before shrugging. "I dunno honestly. I see a lot of people. Might need something to jog my memory."  

 

Taemin laughed. "If you think we're gonna pay you just so you can lie to us, you're sorely mistaken. How old are you? 18? How long have you been at this? A year? Maybe less? I know you, jackass. I was you. Now have you seen my friend or what?"  

 

Jongin stood tall behind him, deliberately re-menacing himself. The poor guy they were interrogating noticeably stiffened. "I ain't seen him. I don't come down here much, only when shit gets desperate. But I know someone who is here all the time, that guy," he pointed towards a beefy man who was currently standing in the dealing section. "If your friend has been down here, he'll probably know." 

 

Taemin smiled curtly. "Pay the kid Bie."  

 

Jongin fumbled around in his pockets and pulled out a few bucks. Nothing much, but enough to show their gratitude.  

 

"Oh...thanks," the guys said, shocked and a little sheepish as he hastily took the notes. 

 

"You know the shelter's started taking some younger people in for a few hours in the day time on Wednesdays. I'll be there if you wanna come and say hi," Taemin said finally. He didn't wait for a reply before grabbing Jongin's hand to go talk to whoever this other person was. They had a job to do after all, and as much as Taemin wanted to stop and chat and basically makes sure all the kids who'd been exactly like him were ok, that wasn't going to find Minho any faster.  

 

"I'll take over now," Jongin said quietly, before putting a firm arm around the blonde. While Taemin may have been the better one to deal with prostitutes, he was far too much of an easy target to be casually talking to dealers. It was situations like this where scarybie actually came in handy.  

 

The beefy guy was selling to someone as they walked over, so they both loitered casually for a few minutes before swooping in when the transaction had finished.  

 

"New here?" The guy asked, before either could even speak. His voice was laced with suspicion but the potential sale clearly overrode it and he added, "Want me to hook you up?" 

 

"We're good," Jongin said flatly. "Just wanted to ask if you'd seen our friend. That guy back there said you're the one to ask." 

 

"I can give you a pretty good deal," he carried on, eyes locked only on Taemin as he dismissed Jongin completely. It was actually remarkable how quickly he'd spotted the tell-tale signs of withdrawal. "Looks like you could use it, blondie."  

 

Jongin narrowed his eyes and tightened his grip around Taemin's shoulders. "We're not interested," he said through gritted teeth. He held up the phone. "Have you seen this man?"  

 

The guy glanced at the image for barely two seconds before turning his attention back to Taemin. "Sure nothing strikes your fancy? I've got all kinds and if you can't pay now, we can always strike a deal." And then he crossed the line. "A pretty looking thing like you? I'm sure you'll have no problems working off your debt, if you know what I mean."  

 

When he winked, Jongin grabbed him by the collar of his coat. "Listen here you sick bastard," he hissed, eyes narrowing with rage. "If you don't answer our question I'm gonna-" 

 

The man laughed as a few of his probable friends started to turn from the deals they were making to watch the commotion. Any number of these men could be armed and if he was honest, Taemin was about ready to shit himself.  

 

Jongin backed down as his peripheral vision also caught sight of just how many eyes were glaring their way. Even his hot-headedness wasn't so stupid as to think starting something here was a good idea.  

 

"That's right," the guy said with a smirk. "You just scurry off now." He winked at Taemin again. "But if you need anything blondie, you know where to look."  

 

There was a momentary second where Jongin really considered grabbing the bastard again, but then (thank god) two thin arms were dragging him away. "C'mon Bie, Minho's obviously not here..." 

 

"Hey did you say Minho?"  

 

A deep, slightly recognisable sounding voice made both of them snap their heads to the right. Facing them was a tall young man that neither had ever seen before, but something about him was so familiar that it was almost creepy. He was stood on the outskirts of the dealing section and was literally holding up a finger to the client he was making wait. He had a small face and big eyes, with a mouth that made his whole face resemble that of a...frog.  

 

Taemin held his phone up on impulse. "Have you seen our friend?" 

 

The guy examined the image for a moment before widening his eyes. "Is that a kid?" 

 

Taemin looked down at the image which had been taken only a week after Mei had been born. Minho was looking very serene, standing in the kitchen of Junghee's trailer, arms cradling his new little baby. The group didn't really 'do' pictures often, so this one was a very rare gem. "Er yeah. That's his daughter," Taemin said nervously. He glanced up at Jongin who was frowning. 

 

"Do you know him?" The bear asked, his right hand enclosing over the phone so Taemin would know to put it away.  

 

"Uh yeah," the man gulped. "We go way back. He came around here just last night asking me for, er, directions. You needn't worry about him. I'm sure he'll be back soon."  

 

Jongin's frown turned into a full on grimace. "Who are you?"  

 

"Uh, I'm Minseok," came the cagey reply. "Guess he's never mentioned me?" 

 

When neither Jongin nor Taemin made any effort to reply, the guy carried on. "Can't you see the family resemblance?"  

 

The penny dropped for both of them with a horrible thud, and then Taemin was practically screeching. "What the fuck?! Where is he?! If you don't tell us right now I'm gonna-!" 

 

This time it was Jongin who started dragging, as more eyes darted their way. If anything, being here on the outskirts where the park seemed to seep into nothing but darkness, was even more terrifying than the centre of it all.  

 

"You ain't gotta worry!" the man, or should we say "Minho's brother" called. "Sure he'll be back in a few days!"  

 

He yelled a few more senseless reassurances but neither caught a word because of how fast they were trying to get away.  

 

\--- 

 

"So I'm guessing you had no luck?" 

 

Jongin glanced to the side nervously, while Taemin pulled the most condescending face he could muster at the poor toddler. "Oh didn't you know? Minho's turned invisible now," he said flatly, storming past Sehun into the apartment to get his hands on a little fussy Meimei.  

 

Key was beaming when they entered. Like, actually beaming. His smile couldn't have been wider if it tried and the expression was certainly not what they'd been expecting. Even Sehun had a strange look of distracted happiness on his face, despite the lack of Minho and the chaotic mess around them which was their new flat.  

 

"What?" Jongin asked, as the door shut behind him. "Have you heard from him?" 

 

Key shook his head. "Not Minho." He glanced pointedly at Taemin, who's penny finally dropped. 

 

"Shit really!!" The blonde shrieked, making the fussy baby he was cradling even fussier. He handed her over to Jongin so his arms were free to hug Key. "When?! What day?!" 

 

"Friday." Key had tears running down his cheeks. "This time next week, he'll be home."  

 

It was obvious what they were talking about so Jongin merely smiled. There was no need to cut in and say how unbelievably ecstatic he was that finally, fucking finally, poor old Jonghyun was going to be free. It wasn't necessary to yell out how utterly amazing it would be to have him back or  jump up and down with happiness. Relief was the only emotion appropriate, and for that all he needed to do was smile.  

 

Sehun and Jongin decided to leave the two musketeers (and Mei) for a few minutes to cry, hug, and generally have that moment for, well, a moment. They slipped outside and into the spacious grey corridor, to talk about the issue at hand.  

 

"I think we ran into Minho's brother," Jongin said bluntly. "He seemed to know where the idiot was, but wouldn't tell us. We couldn't weedle it out of him because shit man, there were so many creeps around there." 

 

Sehun's eyes widened. "Minho's brother?!" He paused for a second to let that sink in. "Did you even know he had one?"  

 

Jongin shrugged. "There's a lot I don't know about Minho."  

 

There was another short pause before, "but like, does that mean he's ok? If he's been to see his, er, brother? Like is this guy on the streets too or?" 

 

"I don't know. It certainly looked like it. I mean Minho's family broke down right? That's all I know. So I guess it's possible."  

 

"Weird that we wouldn't know about the brother though. Like, really weird." 

 

"Is it? What do we actually know about Minho?" 

 

Sehun thought about it. "That he fell in with a really rough dealing crowd on the streets who once beat Key, that he was forced to," Sehun lowered his voice, "kill the leader out of self-defence...that he was on his own when the three musketeers and Onew found him and they stole from him, then got guilty and eventually took him in, and what...?" 

 

Jongin was looking at him with bored eyes. "I mean old stuff," he clarified. "As in why he's homeless et cetera. Jesus it's like you memorised that." 

 

"Oh." Sehun smiled in embarrassment. "Well like you said, we don't know. Maybe the others will."  

 

Jongin very much doubted that (if Key or Jonghyun knew anything, they would have told Taemin who would have told him) but nodded none the less. "Let's just not do anything rash," he said firmly. "I know it might sound cold, but our priority right now isn't finding Minho. It's making sure Mei is safe and out of er, nosey-bastards-who-might-call-the-authorities way, and be there for Sun and Junghee right?" 

 

"Right," Sehun agreed. "I still think Minho might just be hungover in a cheap motel." 

 

Jongin sighed. "Let's hope so."  

 

\--- 

 

Uhhhhhhhh hi beauties. It feels like it's been a while again. My health is playing up so much recently. mostly my fault. I've been pushing it a lot but the pain levels have been pretty fucking intense. Hopefully i'll magically stumble upon a pot of willpower soon and that'll help me not over do it lol. Moving on.  

i'm kind of, idk, a little annoyed with myself over the next chapter after this one because I feel like its really rubbish. Might have to make some changes and take the story in a different direction, not sure. i just really don't want this to become the dreaded B word. As in boring. Sob. Anyone have any theories about where our darling lil frog boy may have run off to? I'd love to hear lol. Actually I'm totally comment fishing right now because man, I'm getting so few these days and it's ok like i really appreciate that this even still gets read but I do love hearing from you guys a lot so if you have a little something to say, pls do 

so anyhoo, can you tell i'm trying to find non violent ways to bring scarybie back. What is wrong with me oh god lol. I pinkie promise he wont take it out on taem so it's fiiiiiine. It's fine. O.o I'm also trying to find excuses to write more Mei. idk. If you know me you know I have two weaknesses; cats and babies. Hence sugar and meimei. Except the two of them are never even in it anymore. This must change :') 

As always sending love and hugs to you lovely person reading this  

(we're at over 400,000 words now oh. em. geeeee)

<3 


	60. Playing: Mommies And Daddies

"Do you believe in god?" 

 

Taemin groaned, then wriggled, then sat up, then laughed. "You know I don't," he forgot to whisper, glancing over to where Sehun and Key were sprawled over each other in the spot that would *hopefully* soon have a mattress in it. 

 

After concluding that there was no point in carrying on looking for Minho that night, the four of them had decided to tuck down until news was heard from Sun at the hospital. It was now 5am, and after the race to get home, Jimin encounter, hopeless search and move into the flat, everyone was totally exhausted. But thankfully it was the weekend so Key would only have to go to work for a few hours in the day- Taemin at night, so they could fit sleep around that. And Sun would surely be back by Monday when Jongin and Sehun would have to leg it back to college, so everything would be fine. Probably. 

 

"Why the weird question?" Taemin asked, lying himself back down again. He couldn't get comfy on the floor, especially with Jongin's knee digging into his leg and Mei fussing in her make-shift basket in the corner. They'd tried to swaddle her and it hadn't gone well. She was totally off routine so it was a miracle she was as settled as she was. 

 

"It's not that weird a question for 5am I don't think," Jongin sighed. He shifted himself closer and wrapped a lazy arm around the blonde. "My mind always gets wired this time of night." 

 

"Day," Taemin corrected. "And yeah. 'Member when 5am meant "get your ass out of the car park" time?" 

 

"That was more like 5:30," Jongin said, no idea why he'd felt the need to be pernickety. He shrugged. "This flat is really nice." 

 

Taemin's eyes widened. "Oh god, this is the first time you're even seeing it right?" 

 

"Yup." 

 

"Holy shit." It was Taemin's turn to sigh. "Honestly, this isn't how I expected our first night in a proper roof shaped place to be like." 

 

Jongin smiled. "Well in a weird kind of strange way it's nice. If all had gone to plan, you'd have been having your first night here with Key alone. I'm glad I get to be here." 

 

"Me too." But then a horrible thought dawned on Taemin. "I really hope Junghee's gonna be ok." 

 

"Me too," Jongin agreed. "That's why I asked you that weird question." 

 

Taemin raised an eyebrow. 

 

"Well she's pretty er, religiousy sometimes right? She has that big old bible sitting ominously on the little side table." 

 

"Ominously," Taemin repeated, amused. "That's a big college word. What's your point?" 

 

Jongin paused for an uncomfortable second and then lowered his voice even more. "Do you think if she dies, she'll go to heaven?" 

 

"No." 

 

Jongin frowned. "Cus you don't believe in it?" 

 

"Yeah," Taemin replied bluntly. "But even if I did, I don't think she'd go there. You either. Or Key or Jonghyun or anyone I've ever met. I certainly wouldn't." 

 

"Why?" 

 

"Cus we're all sinners Bie." Taemin burst out laughing before remembering that others were actually trying to sleep and stuffing a blanket in his mouth. "Jesus I don't know. I just don't. I wouldn't want to anyway- wouldn't know anybody there." 

 

Jongin rolled his eyes. "I think this is a conversation better suited to Sehun." 

 

Taemin smiled. "I agree. Now let's sleep, fuck knows when Sun's gonna call." 

 

The two of them tucked right down, both strangely calm despite, well, everything. It was actually bizarre how laid back Taemin was feeling. With Minho fuck knows where, Sun held up with poor Junghee at the hospital and worries that they have to be really fucking super carful about not drawing attention to Mei, he should have been a nervous wreck reaching desperately for some spice. But he wasn't even shaking that badly right now. Was it the news that Jonghyun was getting out in less than a week? Was it Jongin's comforting presence behind him and the fact that finally they were together and dare he say it so early on, happy? Was it that this little tiny bedsit didn't actually suck? No. Weirdly, Taemin didn't think it was any of these outer-influence things. Although they were obviously contributing, it felt more than that. He felt (just a little) stronger from the inside. 

 

And it was a good job, too. 

 

It was now 7am, and everyone woke up with a start to horrifically loud door banging. Key jumped up like lightning, instinctively grabbed his coat from the side (which had his knife in one of the pockets) and opened the door cautiously, only for it to fly open in his face to reveal a very angry looking Sunyoung. 

 

"I've just fucking been to the trailer park!" She screeched, barging past Taemin and Jongin on the floor to get to her crying, half unswaddled baby. "My phone's shitting dead!" She picked up Mei and held her ridiculously tightly to her chest. "Junghee's fucking terrible and the doctors are being hopeless!" She kicked off her shoes. "I'm fucking freezing!" She wrinkled her nose. "And why the shitting hell have you left my baby in a dirty diaper?!" 

 

A look of blank faces was the only response she got until Taemin decided to yawn and murmur, "I thought there was a weird smell." 

 

Key shook his head a couple of times to wake up before taking three steps across to the 'kitchen' to get her a drink of water. They'd moved here in such a rush last night that he could literally only find one paper cup but he guessed sharing wasn't that gross. They probably all had each other's germs anyway. 

 

"Start from the beginning," Sehun said, helping her off with her coat. It was central heated as fuck in the building (yay) and everyone else had stripped down to nothing but t shirts and boxers for sleeping. 'Cept Taemin who was probably wearing nothing under that blanket, but everyone was pretty used to that by now. 

 

Sunyoung took a deep breath. She looked beyond exhausted. "I'm so tired that when I left the hospital I just instinctively went back to Junghee's trailer even though you," she glanced at Key, "told me to come here." She turned her stare to Jongin. "Nice job with packing by the way." It was sarcasm. "Anyway I dunno, I'm just done in for. Junghee's bad guys and," there was a small pause as words left her, "I can't believe this is happening just when," another pause, "Minho's fucked off and," pause, "if she doesn't make it I," pause, swallow, deep breath, "don't know what I'll do." 

 

Jongin glanced at Taemin nervously, his eyes asking for a weird kind of permission to spill the beans. Key caught sight of the look and jumped in himself. 

 

"Taebie had no luck looking for the jackass but they did run into someone who might know where he is." 

 

Sunyoung frowned. 

 

"Minseok," Jongin jumped in. 

 

It was clear Sunyoung knew exactly who that was from her eyes. 

 

"We went down to the red district last night and he said Minho had come there and that he'd be back in a few days or something," Jongin carried on. "Have you er, have you ever met this guy?" 

 

Poor Sunyoung merely gritted her teeth in a mixture of frustration, exhaustion and anger. "That idiot," she said bitterly. She squeezed Mei, passed her along to (shockingly) Taemin, and downed her drink. "Did you bring some clean clothes from Junghee's?" 

 

The question had been directed to no one in particular so Jongin replied. "Uh yeah. In one of those bags." 

 

She immediately started on a hunt for them. 

 

"Eer, what's going on?" Taemin asked nervously. "Sun? Do you know where he's gone?" 

 

"Yes," she snapped, clearly attempting to pack. "He'll be trying to find one of his psychopathic family members." She went back to the sink to spramp her face in water, dried it on her sleeve, then returned to the bag. "It'll take me no time at all to bring him back and then I'll be home again for Junghee and Mummy again to," she whirled herself round to Mei who was staring at her with wide eyes in Taemin's arms, "you little one." She turned her glare back to Jongin. "You say Minseok was hanging around the red district?" 

 

"Uh yeah but-" 

 

Sehun cut in. "Sun don't you think you should chill for a sec? You look so tired and surely-" 

 

"No." She already had her fingers on the door handle. "This has gone on long enough. Look after her." Her eyes darted to Mei. "Go visit Junghee tomorrow morning. I'll be back in a day." 

 

The door slammed shut without another word. 

 

"Should we go after her?!" Taemin squeaked, cradling Mei tighter as the little thing started to cry. 

 

"No," Key said sharply. "She needs to find him." 

 

\--- 

 

Sun's absence turned from a day to the whole weekend. Which was fine, Taemin guessed, if that's what it took to sort out their mess. Still, the timing couldn't have been worse. Well it could have, things can always get worse. But no, optimism please. 

 

First on the agenda was going to visit Junghee which they all reluctantly did after getting a few more hours sleep. Being back in a hospital again was fucking horrible honestly and Taemin could tell that Jongin especially was having a hard time dealing. It was ok. They just had to be there for the kind (if annoying at times) old lady who'd been there so much for them. She really had taken Sunyoung especially in like a daughter, and after all that terrible stuff with Donghae, plus letting them crash with her after their own trailer's storm incident, they majorly owed her. 

 

It was absolutely horrible seeing her so ill and so out of it. Key had to leave only 20 minutes from arriving to get his butt to work and everyone found themselves envying him. Which was, Taemin supposed, very cowardly and selfish. But they all manned up anyway and stayed for at least another good two hours, before Mei was getting so fussy that she was actually causing a disturbance to the ward. And also it was the afternoon now and everyone was underslept and incredibly hangry. 

 

They told her Sun would be back super soon, that she'd just 'popped off' to find that 'no good boyfriend' of hers and not to worry about a thing until they visited tomorrow. There'd been no doubt in Taemin's mind that Sun would only be a day, so at that time, they were telling the truth. 

 

Sehun left straight away to find them some food, leaving Jongin and Taemin to make their way back to the flat with Meimei alone. They were literally talking about nothing as they walked side by side, Jongin with his hands stuffed in his pockets, his coat undone because of the warm rays of spring, Taemin carrying Mei on his hip because she apparently wanted nothing to do with her sling which was admittedly several sizes too small, when something occurred to Taemin and he stopped dead in his tracks, overwhelmed by the sudden realization. 

 

"What?" Jongin asked, tiredly turning from a few paces in front to stare at the blonde. 

 

"We have Mei," Taemin said, looking down at the little baby as if she were a bomb. "Alone." 

 

"Yeaaaaahh..." Jongin said, as if he was talking to a very very stupid person. But then the sentiment started to sink in. He chuckled. "We're trusted now, right?" 

 

Taemin started to walk again, hoisting Mei even higher on his hip. "I honestly can't believe it," he said in disbelief. "Like, Sun just casually left her with Key right and that's not very weird. But then Key just left her with Sehun and us...and then Sehun just vamoosed his butt to get sandwiches and, wala. It's just us two! Nobodies batted an eyelid!" 

 

Jongin grinned. "You know what?" He took his hands out of his pockets and placed them on both hips. "I really don't feel like sandwiches, do you?" 

 

"That was a weird thing to say." 

 

"Mm." He started walking away. 

 

"Err...what the hell are you doing?!" 

 

"Leaving!" Jongin called, now a good few paces away. That boy could walk fast. "I'mma get us some fries or something instead, you just make your way home and I'll meet you there!" 

 

Taemin burst out laughing, knowing exactly what the stupid bear was doing; finding a stupid excuse to leave Mei alone with Taemin for a bit. "Really, Bie?! This is how you show me that I'm trusted now?!" 

 

Jongin started jogging away. "See you back home loser!" 

 

"You're the loser!" Taemin yelled, but he was laughing too much to project the words out properly. Holy hell was today a weird day. 

 

\--- 

 

Sunyoung didn't come home that night. Key had tried to get hold of her a couple of time via phone, but the only response he got back was a mere; 

 

I'm ok. Don't worry. How's Mei? How's Junghee? 

 

To which he replied; 

 

You're not. I am. She's fine. She's no worse. 

 

He was beginning to actually get properly annoyed honestly. The last week's events were a little much to take all in one go; huge Sunho fight and Minho fucking off to god knows where, Taemin going up to visit Jongin for the first time at college, Junghee's incident and Key being left a-fucking-lone with a teething Mei, dragging Taemin back only to find that Taebie was most definitely a thing again (ugh), rushing to move into their new flat because of scary neighbours complaining and obviously the news that Jonghyun was getting out in now only five days. Which was good news of course, absolutely fucking amazing fantabulous awesome news. But it was just a lot ok? A lot for a week. And plus, he knew it sounded ridiculous, but he'd had this image of what things were going to be like when Jjong finally did get out and things weren't going to that plan. Minho, Sun, Mei and Junghee were supposed to be playing happy families back at the park and Jongin and Sehun would have fucked off to college so it would just be Key and Taemin in the flat to welcome Jonghyun home. The three musketeers back together again, just the way it should be. Not that Key didn't like having the others around, that's not what he meant. He'd just imagined the situation playing out differently. 

 

"Hey what are you doing?" 

 

"Er, packing?" Jongin said, confused, glancing at Taemin for some weird kind of reassurance. 

 

Key narrowed his feline eyes. "Why?" 

 

"Because it's Sunday? Because me and Sehun have to get back to college tomorrow whether Minho's returned from his vacation or not?" The last sentence was probably unnecessarily bitchy but Jongin couldn't help it. 

 

"You knew they could only stay the weekend," Taemin pointed out. Mei was lying heavy on his chest as he leaned against the kitchen counter. He really had turned into Head NannyTM 

 

Key turned his glare to the blonde, then decided to overreact. "I'm exhausted, my god! I'm allowed to forget things." He picked up his coat. "If you two," his eyes darted from Sehun to Jongin and back again, "aren't gonna be around for long then it's only fair you look after her today! I'm leaving. Taemin? You coming?!" 

 

"Nahh I wanna spend today with Bie." 

 

As you can probably imagine, this only annoyed Key more. "Sehun then?!" 

 

Sehun decided that spending the day with a grumpy overtired Key was a lesser evil so nodded. The two of them left with heavy footsteps and a slam of the door. 

 

Taemin smiled. Jongin shrugged. And they both realised that yet again, the two of them had been left alone with a baby without a second thought. It was nice. 

 

"You know we better go visit Junghee again later," Jongin said softly. He stopped packing and shuffled over to sit on the floor by the window. If you stretched up, even seated you could still manage to see out of it and in any case, the warmth of spring was spilling into the room directly from it so who wouldn't want to sit near. Taemin decided to come and join him. 

 

"She'll be annoyed that Sun's not back yet." 

 

"Mm," Jongin agreed. "You think she'll be back tomorrow? What will you do if she's not?" He glanced at the sleeping baby in the blonde's arms. 

 

Taemin shrugged. "I think she will be back even if she hasn't managed to find Minho. She'll want to be there for Junghee if nothing else. And I can't see her wanting to be away from Mei for long." He paused and thought for a second. "But if she doesn't, honestly, I don't really mind. I know Key's sick of it already but I like playing mommies and daddies for a bit, especially now we've got this place." 

 

Jongin wrinkled his nose at the cuteness of that sentence. "You're good with her, like you really are. Who'd have thought that airheaded blonde badass I met in that alleyway would be such soft lil marshmallow?" 

 

Taemin snorted. "I could take offence to that on so many levels." He smiled. "But I won't. You wanna hold her for a bit? I feel like I've been kinda hogging all the good baby bits and letting you guys do the rest." 

 

"You are," Jongin agreed, reaching out his hands to pick her up. She was heavy and light all at the same time and even though she was way passed the stage where her neck had no strength, her sleepiness right now meant that her head lolled backwards like a ragdoll. "I feel like Key's been doing all the diapers and sick and whatever. No wonder he's pissed." 

 

"I think he's just feeling the pressure you know, what with Jonghyun coming home soon." 

 

"Mm." Jongin sighed. "I'm gutted I won't be here for that." And then he had another thought involving Key. "Hey does he even know we're back together?" 

 

"Who Jonghyun?" Taemin laughed and leaned backwards as the sun reappeared from behind a cloud. Golden rays streamed through into the room and it was strangely magical for a second. "No lol." 

 

"Key you dipshit," Jongin tutted. "Like, he must've realised right?" 

 

"I dunno. Probably. Although I mean we haven't kissed or anything in front of him I don't think so maybe not. Still don't know if that's ok in terms of Sehun by the way but eh." 

 

"I think it is. Sehun's pretty over me." 

 

Taemin snorted. "You're such a fuckin bighead. 'Sehun's over you'. He was never under you Bie." 

 

Jongin chose to ignore that with a roll of his eyes. "But like, you think Key'll mind? As in, that we're back together again for reals?" 

 

"Why because he's my overprotective father and you're the no good leather wearing bad boy on a motorbike?" 

 

"Uhhhh...?" 

 

"He won't give a flying fuck," Taemin clarified. "He knows you're not scarybie anymore and I'm not sluttyminnie so there'll be no issue between us. It's all good, don't worry." 

 

Jongin let out a long exasperated sigh. "Oh I just love that we can joke about that stuff now." 

 

"It's been a minute baby." 

 

Jongin scoffed and as if on cue, Mei started to wake up. "She want milk do you think?" 

 

Taemin nodded and got up to start making some. They hadn't unpacked yet so he had to rummage around in one of the bags. The whole process took way longer than it should have and by the time the milk was ready, the poor kid had fallen to sleep again. 

 

"Uhuh," Jongin said, holding Mei back an inch as Taemin reached over for her. "You should never wake a sleeping baby right?" 

 

"But she's hungry and this stuff'll go cold," came a slightly annoyed nag. "Pass her over." 

 

When Jongin didn't, Taemin folded his arms like a school teacher. "What's more important to you huh? Food or sleep?" 

 

"Depends whether I'm hungry or sleepy." 

 

"Well exactly. And she's hungry." Taemin smiled and then deliberately coughed loudly, waking up Meimei with a start. He shoved the bottle in her face faster than a cry was possible, making Jongin honestly have to admire the skill. 

 

"You take her," he said softly, handing the baby over. "I need to finish getting all my stuff together. Like we literally only packed for the weekend but it's everywhere." 

 

"I wish you didn't have to go," Taemin said quietly, his eyes fixed on the heavy little lump in his arms. She was definitely hungry. 

 

"Yeah I know it's shit timing what with Junghee poorly and Minho and Sun awol and-" 

 

"No I mean." Taemin sighed. "Well I guess I kind of got used to what it was like with you away and everything but this week has been like a little taster of us really together and it's been nice and I don't really want it to end." 

 

Jongin felt his heart momentarily melt, then break, then glue back together, then break again. He stopped collecting his stuff and sank back to the floor by the window, hugging the blonde's back as Mei continued to feed in those soft skinny arms. 

 

"College won't last forever babe," he said quietly, reassuring himself as much as Taemin. "And now money's just a little better, we can make the journey up and down more often right?" 

 

"Right." Taemin sighed again. He wanted to hug back but obviously couldn't whilst feeding Mei, so instead he just leant his back into the spoon. 

 

"How long have we been together huh?" 

 

Taemin smiled. "Foreverish." 

 

"Mmm," Jongin hummed. "And how long will we be together?" 

 

"Foreverish?" 

 

"Exactly." 

 

\--- 

 

Jongin and Sehun left early the next morning. They wouldn't make it back in time for any lectures before lunch but it was better than the alternative, which would have been setting off the night before. Neither wanted to go a second earlier than they had to. 

 

The apartment felt very quiet that day. With Jongin and Sehun gone, Key at work, Sun still on a Minho hunt (she'd texted last night that it was taking longer than expected (…) but she'd be back asap (…)) Taemin was left all on his own with Mei. 

 

Luckily the novelty of finally being trusted to look after her on his own hadn't worn off yet, and also there was a lot to keep him busy so it wasn’t that much of a problem really. He'd had his morning fix (only half, be proud pls) while Key was still there so he was as crave-less as he was going to be. And then next on the list of jobs was tackling the mess which was their little apartment. He didn't know if Mei was going to live here permanently but as it was now, here was the safest place so organising her stuff was a must. He made a mental note to try and keep all their crap a little neater so if the situation ever occurred that they had to move somewhere in a hella rush again, all their belongings wouldn't all be mishmashed together like it was now. 

 

After the organising, it was time to feed Mei, then plan out Wednesday's activity for the 'shelter kids' as he thought of them in his mind, and then ring Victoria because she wanted an update on how he was doing. It had been a productive, more or less neuroticless morning. And then the phone rang. 

 

All that could be heard on the other end was sobbing. 

 

"Sun?? Are you ok?" 

 

More tears, then quick hiccup before- "No! He's gone insane! In-fucking-sane!" 

 

Taemin's eyes widened. "Who what?" He said dumbly. "Minho's gone nuts? Where are you guys? How'd you find him? Is he stoned or-?" 

 

There were a few more sobbing noises followed by a very exasperated sigh. "He's not high, just very fucking stupid. And I'm at his uncle's right now hiding in the bathroom so I don't get overheard. Although I wouldn't put it past them to have CCTV in here or at least some creepy peeping holes, sick bastards." 

 

There wasn't an inch of that sentence that Taemin understood, so he merely stammered for a few moments over the word "uncle" before she continued. 

 

"Look," Sunyoung gasped, obviously trying to get herself together enough to actually explain. "He found Minseok because he wanted the address for the, quote, 'only relative who'll speak to us'. I knew this would happen one day, he's been blathering about needing their help for weeks and-" 

 

"Wait what? Who's help?" 

 

"His family's help. His crazy fucking rich as fuck pretty much an insane abusive cult of a family." 

 

As if on cue, Mei started to cry in the background so Taemin put the phone on speaker to go comfort her. "So like, they're bad? Real bad?" 

 

"Real fucking bad Taemin," Sunyoung agreed. "The way Minho used to tell me about them, I was fucking horrified. So now basically I think he must have gone totally shitting insane to even think of running back to them for 'safety' or whatever. He's totally convinced that Mei's gonna get taken away if we don't get our shit together soon and he won't even consider taking any more help from Junghee so this is apparently the only option. He's a paranoid mess and oh my god I'm just. So. Tired." 

 

Taemin's brows furrowed into caterpillars at those two last strained words. A lot of people say they're tired and have no idea what the word actually fucking means. Just right there, he'd heard it in her voice. She was tired. She was through. She was done. She was exhausted and weak and the so called tiredness she felt was routed deep from literally years of being worn down by just about everything. Taemin knew what that was like. 

 

"Let's swap ok?" He said finally, putting the phone back to his ear as Mei settled down again. "You come back, Mei and Junghee need you, and I'll get Heechul to give me some leave now and come up and get Minho to uncrazy himself then we'll all be home again in time for Jjong and everything'll be just fine." 

 

There was a long, drawn out crackly sigh. "That's really sweet of you Minnie but..." 

 

"What, you're gonna say you're the only one who can persuade him? You're the only one he told about his past so it's too personal for us? That's shit. I know he trusts you most, but it's not like me and him are strangers. I was the guy's best friend for fucking years before Bie came along. I know him, and I'll bring him back for you." 

 

Taemin really didn't know what reply he was expecting to that but it wasn't the one that came. 

 

"Ok," Sun said simply. "Here's the address. You'll need to catch the train in a few hours..." 

 

\--- 

 

Oh my gosh it's been a minute. A whole month! Which I know isn't very long but well, it feels it to me :' ) I've missed you guys. Big things have been happening for me. The funding came through for this hospital I've been on the waiting list for and it's really huge news. I'm gonna be an inpatient there in a few months and yeahhh. Scared and happy in equal measure. Well probably like 60% scared and 40% happy but for me, that's really good lmao i think my spirit animal must be a bunny or something, always worried about the next fox out to eat me : D joy. I'm getting off topic. and its very not big news so idk why im writing it here but I passed by theory driving test yesterday so now only the practical to go and I'll be able to driiiiiive like a proper adult. I know. 

anyway. moving on to the actually effing fic which was what I actually want to talk about. ive been very hesitant to even post this chapter because I don’t like it at all. It's so long winded and doesn't really get to the point. Filler if you will. Sigh lol. Next one will hopfully be better. Tbhhhh I just wanted to write a lot of taebie playing cute mommies and daddies and mmmm. it's got old now lol. Next one the minho issue will finally be resolved I hope and maybe even jjong coming back depending on how far I get. I also really want to write some of jongkey's background and them in general so maybe that too. Honestly I still have so many ideas (and loove hearing your suggestions too) but as always, it's just running away from me. This fic is truly a monster now lol. Two years and counting. 

lots of love to anyone reading this. If you have anything to say, pls do. Requests of things you want me to write about, characters you wanna see more of, what your favourite colour is, why the holy fuck I decided to start this chapter with taemin not believing in god when the real boi is a very good lil catholic. Idkidkidk 

Hugs 

<3


	61. Honourable Mentions: Pushy Saints

After getting off the phone to Sun, it hardly took any time at all to pack. The address she’d given him for Minho’s supposed uncle wasn’t very far away, an hour or so by train, and it wasn’t like Taemin expected to be there long so he basically just brought a spare pair of clothes and a random toothbrush (probably his own, it was a bitch that so many of them used blue ones). 

 

All he had to do then was wait for Key to come home from work to babysit poor lil Mei until Sun officially got her ass back home, then give Heechul a quick ring to ask for another day or two leave. Which honestly, he wasn’t too happy about doing but it wasn’t like he hadn’t done it a million times before for the numerous family disasters that inevitably seemed to occur so why would this time be any different? Heechul’s guilt over Taemin’s stabbing was, thus far, not fading fast and it was very fucking useful in terms of not getting fired. 

 

Except it seemed, even stabbing remorse had its charitable limits. 

 

“Really, Taemin?” There was deep sigh. “How many days of leave have I given you this year? Wasn’t it only a month or so ago I was letting you off the hook to find somewhere to live? Wasn’t it only last fucking week you needed leave to move in or look after your friend's kid or, holy shit even I can’t remember the excuse.” 

 

Taemin frowned. That was not the easy going reaction he’d been expecting. “Two days Heechul please, just two days. It’s a real emergency and I’ll be back in no time.” 

 

“It’s always an emergency,” Heechul said flatly. “And honesty I’m tired of my workers thinking I’m just a pushover.” 

 

It was a good job this was a phone call because the eye roll that followed was extreme. “It’s always an emergency because it’s always an emergency. In case you haven’t noticed, I still live with a bunch of drug addicts, one in prison and one totally awol. That’s not exactly a stable situation. And come on, no one thinks that.” 

 

“You do.” 

 

“I only do cus we’ve known each other forever.” 

 

“And because you’re gonna milk this stabbing thing till the end.” 

 

“True.” 

 

Heechul sighed. “Fine." 

 

Taemin exhaled in relief until the 'but' came. 

 

“-But I want you to do something for me.” 

 

There was the slightly disturbing trace of a smirk in his voice which made Taemin’s spine crawl. “Uh, boss. You do know I don’t rent anymore.” 

 

Heechul chuckled. “Of course I do, you moron. Wouldn’t want that nasty boyfriend of yours beating you again over it right?” 

 

Taemin rolled his eyes a second time. Holy fuck did word get around back then. You have one bad owie on your eye and suddenly your boyfriend’s labelled as the biggest wife beater around. “He’s not like that.” 

 

“Whatever,” Heechul dismissed. “But no, obviously I’m not asking for sex. I have other younger blondies for that now.” 

 

The hint of smirk returned to his voice as did Taemin’s back crawling. 

 

“I just wonder if you’ll go to a dinner with me, you know. I’ll buy you something nice and you can act like the good little polite boy I’ve watched you pretend to be so many times. It’s kinda important actually, lots of potential business clients will be attending and I need to look good so I need a plus one to reflect that.” 

 

Once the shock had worn off, Taemin couldn’t help but feel, well, kinda flattered. But then again, that was the intention. “Uh so let me get this straight, you just want me to come be your date in front of some hoity toity business men and then you’ll let me have a couple of days more leave?” 

 

Heechul made a vague agreeing sound before the rambling started again. “I would ask one of the new kids,” (and by that Taemin was pretty sure he meant new rent boys) “but they’re all too fucking young and stupid. Plus I mean, like you said, we’ve known each other for a long time and contrary to popular belief, I do actually trust you not to uh, say something very stupid.” (And by that Taemin was pretty sure he meant incriminating. It wasn’t like Heechul was an angel and rather a lot of people knew it). “So what do you say? Will you be my escort for a dinner date?” 

 

Escort. 

 

Escort. 

 

Oh he really shouldn’t have said that. 

 

Shit. 

 

Taemin started fumbling over his words. Honestly he’d been just about to agree because it sounded like such a small deal and why the fuck not, riiiight untiiiill Heechul had gone and used the E word. Because no. Just no. Escort was another word for prostitute, or at least that’s what Jongin would say. Sure, it was harmless and innocent and nothing at all would happen but his poor overprotective bumblebie definitely wouldn’t see it that way. The bear may have not been scarybie anymore or even mildlyunhingedbie but he hadn’t had a total personality transplant. This wouldn’t go down well. 

 

“Uh, you’ve been silent for a while there Taemin.” 

 

“I just er, I just don’t er...” His stupid brain was honestly going into panic mode. “I just feel like er, can I not just work some overtime?” 

 

"No," came the simple reply. "This is the deal I'm offering. Not even really sure why you'd want to say no. I'll buy you a nice outfit and we'll get your hair dyed all prettily again, thought you'd love the idea to be honest." 

 

There was a crunch on the door before Key came storming into the room. Taemin was so out of it, he hadn't even heard his friend come up the corridor even though the walls of this place were crazy thin. 

 

"Er, fine. Deal," he replied, basically just so he could put the phone down and not have to have an awkward conversation in front of Key. He'd deal with the repercussions of that decision later. What was important now, was bringing Minho home. 

 

Heechul made a happy "mm" sound on the other end, and then the line went dead. 

 

"Who you making deals with?" Key asked warily. He was already tending to Mei's diaper on the floor. It was no freaking wonder he got sick of the poor lil baby when that was his permanent role as babysitter. 

 

"Our boss," Taemin said honestly. "It's no biggie," he added, when Key gave him daggers. "So uh, you sure you don't wanna come with? When Sun arrives you'll be officially off baby duty for good." 

 

Key's daggers continued. "No. I think if I saw Minho, I'd hit him. Plus if you're longer than expected, you won't be back in time for Jjong to get out and-" 

 

"We'll sure as hell be back for Friday." 

 

"Well I hope so," came a rather snippy snap. 

 

Taemin rolled his eyes for the millionth time, went over to kiss a chubby baby's cheeks, squeezed one of Key's shoulders, grabbed his bag from the floor and was out and on a mission in less than four steps. 

 

\--- 

 

When you think of the word 'cult', a few images might come to mind; groups of men in dark red robes underground, chanting around a orb which may or may not see the future, bored sixteen year old emo kids in their friend's basement plotting over conspiracy theories, total religious nutters taking their beliefs to the extreme and trying convert anything that moves or damn you to hell, a group of hot hippie vampires who suck the sap out of plants rather than people, a few old batshit scientists fussing over ufos or finding the magical elixirs for eternal life... 

 

Honestly, Taemin had no idea what to expect. He'd been hoping for the fourth option, vampires that is. Hot ones. But to his total and utter dismay, it seemed as if the third was a more likely contestant. Just what he fucking needed. Conversion therapy, wouldn't that be hilarious. Or maybe there'd be some oogly boogly priest there to hypnotise the gay away instead. He'd honestly like to see them try. 

 

So what gave him hints that it may be option three you might ask? The setting? The house? The fucking huge ginormous jesusy cross on the church like building next door? It may have been a mixture of the three. Taemin wasn't even sure how he'd describe the little town Sun's address had lead him to. It was probably more like a village thinking about the size. And everywhere was quiet, almost unsettlingly so, with large box shaped hedges surrounding the houses and flower beds all in perfect rows. Everything was uniform, even the houses themselves which were, by the way, fucking huge. Taemin hadn't expected Minho to have come from money but in some ways it made sense. Money and drugs often came together and no one had been quite under the spell of intoxicants as much as he had in the past. 

 

"Who are you?" 

 

Taemin gulped, his fist still in the air from knocking. A young woman in probably her mid twenties had opened the door. She didn't look scary or crazy or perverted or whatever it was Sun had said on the phone. Taemin decided to smile. 

 

"I'm looking for Minho," he said, deliberately dodging the question as he was unsure if his identity was wise to give. Which was probably paranoia on toast but you can't blame him for being suspicious. "I'm just a friend from-" 

 

The woman's face fell. "Oh. You're like her." 

 

"Excuse me?" 

 

"Can't remember her name. Sun something. Skinny girl that left this morning. You're here to take him away too, aren't you?" 

 

"Er-" 

 

"Well I'm sorry, we're not interested," the woman snapped, attempting to close the door except Taemin had his foot in it within a second. Was this bitch really not gonna let him in? 

 

Politeness faded. "Look lady," he said darkly. "If Minho's told you anything even vaguely true about his life these past few years then you'll know the company he's been keeping aren't the sort of people you wanna mess with." 

 

The woman just blinked for more than a moment but she did look at least a little freaked. Good. "Was that a threat?" she said finally. "Because there's a very good neighbourhood watch scheme here and-" 

 

Taemin burst out laughing. He'd had enough of this shit. "MINHO!" he yelled, barging past the woman and into the house. "UNLESS YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD, PLEASE GET YOUR FAT ASS TO THE DOOR SO WE CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF-" 

 

Three things happened. A very old, very slow but very big dog came trundling down the corridor barking to investigate the intruder, an elderly man in robes opened a shut door angrily from the right, then smoothed out his expression as soon as he saw Taemin, and low and fucking behold only the idiot himself Minho came running down the stairway in a fit of panic in front of him. 

 

Taemin smiled again. "Good doggy," he said, bending down to fuss the so called guard dog, who was still barking away. 

 

The elderly man spoke before Minho had a chance to. "Another one of your old friends?" he said pleasantly, as if Taemin hadn't just shoved past his probably daughter and intruded his house screaming profanity. "How nice of him to come and visit." 

 

Taemin merely stared at Minho blankly. A part of him just wanted to grab the asshole right then and there, drag him kicking and screaming into a garbage bag and get them both the fuck out of here. As it was, all he could was obsess over the shirt his friend was wearing. It was yellow. Yellow. Never once in their how many years of friendship ( ? many ok) had he seen Minho wear anything that wasn't at least 80% black. The guy lived in leather jackets and hoodies so it was a big fucking culture shock to say the least to see him in whatever the hell that was. 

 

"Jia, will you fetch us some tea? Some special tea?" the elderly man asked, turning his attention to the young woman Taemin had pushed aside. She was still standing by the open doorway fuming but did as she was told. 

 

Before Minho could speak again, the old man continued. "Won't you two come into my office? I'm sure you have a lot to be catching up with." 

 

Taemin frowned. Catching up with? Old friends? How fucking long did this dipshit think Minho had been here? He'd literally been gone like two and a half weeks. What a deluded senile moron. 

 

The office was large, sparse and very much mirrored the outside of the building in its orderliness. The only weird item was a strange smelling plant pot on his desk growing so large that it's stems were actually creeping onto the table itself. If Taemin were really into conspiracy theories, he'd think they were growing pot or something. 

 

"Uh, this is my Uncle," Minho finally said, sitting himself down on one of the chairs opposite the desk. Taemin did the same. "He er-" 

 

"Yes yes," the elderly uncle said, not letting Minho speak yet again. It was no fucking wonder the guy didn't talk much if this was how he was brought up. "I'm Minho's Uncle, founder of the little village you see here. It's very harmonious isn't it? How do you like the neighbourhood?" 

 

Taemin was momentarily speechless. "Uh, nice," he said finally, jumping as Jia came back into the room with their tea. Fucking hell that was quick. 

 

The man smiled. "Yes, we think so. There's nothing like a nice bit of peace and tranquillity away from the sins of modern day life is there?" 

 

Sins. Touche. 

 

"I er, yeah," Taemin replied, still stunned. He turned towards Minho instead. "Can we have a word in private?" 

 

The uncle interrupted yet again. "Actually Minho's expecting a very special guest in," he glanced at his watch, "oh less than an hour now!" The man got up and opened the door, gesturing for his nephew to leave. "You go on and continue getting ready eh? I'll entertain your guest until later." 

 

To Taemin's legit horror, Minho did as he was told, just as Jia had, without a word. This was not the defiant frog boy Taemin knew. 

 

"So, which one are you then?" the uncle asked, settling himself down behind the desk again. His demeanour had shifted just the slightest bit and judgement lingered menacingly behind his sunken eyes. 

 

Taemin took an absentminded sip of tea to give him a second before replying. He really got what Sunyoung had said on the phone about feeling like there'd be peep holes in the wall or something. It was so fucking quiet. 

 

"I'm just a friend from the streets," he said finally. "A hooker friend. A gay hooker addict friend. A gay hooker addict friend who lost his virginity to your saint of a nephew." He took another sip of tea. "Sorry was that oversharing?" 

 

The uncle chuckled darkly. "Not at all," he said, reaching for Taemin's cup to pour in some more liquid. "Of course I already knew about Minho's, shall we say, less so honourable past. But it's not for me to judge, of course. That's up to Him." 

 

"Of course." 

 

"I'm presuming you're not here for any honourable reasons yourself?" 

 

Taemin snorted. "If by honourable you mean, devoting my life to Christianity, then that'd be a no." 

 

The uncle chuckled again. "Oh we're not Christians," he said with a tinge of darkness. "But I mean, you wouldn't be interested in learning a little about us before you talk to Minho? It might interest you. You said you were an addict, no?" 

 

"Was that before or after I said that I sold my body to other men for money?" Taemin smirked. A sick part of him was enjoying getting to the old man a little bit too much. 

 

"You're witty," came the tired reply. "You know, I've met so many souls like you. All lost. All desperate. All using remarks like that to shield themselves from the self hatred they feel inside." 

 

"I'll let you in on a little secret," Taemin said. "That's probably true. But I can tell you right now, indoctrinating people into believing in imaginary friends isn't the best way to help someone's mental health." He was getting side tracked. "Seriously, I just want a minute to talk to my friend. Who's this visitor?" 

 

"His mother." 

 

Taemin had to pick his jaw up from the ground. 

 

"Mm," the uncle carried on. "They haven't seen each other in a good five years. But I suppose He spoke to her, taught her the magic of forgiveness and all that." 

 

"Forgiveness?" 

 

"Even when Minho was in the family, he was hardly an honourable member. Then when he left, he more or less broke her heart." 

 

"Did he now." 

 

"Look," the uncle said firmly. "All I'm asking is that you'll open your mind. Look around, it's lovely here isn't it? You said so yourself. A world away from the streets." 

 

"We're not homeless anymore." 

 

"But still living in the dirt, or at least that's what I've been told." 

 

Taemin frowned. Their apartment was not dirt. Junghee's was not dirt. Even their fucking ruined trailer was not dirt. "You've been given misinformation. We're all fine. Minho's fine. We're getting clean. We're looking after his baby. We're happy." 

 

The uncle shrugged. "Again, not for me to judge." He glanced at the ceiling. "But if that's really the case, if Minho is honestly fine and happy and doesn't fear that his daughter may be taken away from him and the poverty he talks so bitterly about, then why is he here?" 

 

"Because he's an idiot," Taemin snapped. He was starting to get a very bad headache. "And because he's an addict who can't get a job that's not hella shady. Drugs mess with your mind, just like believing in fairies does. You understand." 

 

The uncle chuckled then shrugged. "There are good and bad drugs, just like there are good and bad so called 'fairies'." 

 

That was not the reply Taemin had been expecting. He glanced at the plant on the desk. He looked down at his tea in horror. He got up and ran to the window overlooking all those rows of plants so neat outside. And then he collapsed. 

 

\--- 

 

Hallucinations can be fun ok. Taemin had experienced his own fair share of pretty groovy ones back on the streets and although they often ended badly, they usually started out as strangely awesome. Not this one though. From the second he went down, his mind started racing into the most horrible dark corners of his mind to drag up nothing but angst. 

 

Flashbacks, torturous images of future fears, horrifying insecurities- you name it, he thought about it. Tears were flooded down his cheeks when he finally came two. 

 

"Oh my god Minnie I'm so sorry, are you ok? Can you hear me?" 

 

Taemin could, but found himself completely unable to reply for a good few minutes. He seemed to by lying down on some kind of horribly uncomfortable mattress in some dingy old fashioned room with, thank god, only Minho standing over him. The frog boy looked just about as horrified as Taemin felt. 

 

"The fuck just happen?" 

 

"Oh god," Minho said grimly, handing his friend a glass of water. 

 

Taemin shakily sat up but didn't take a sip. There was no way in hell he was eating or drinking anything here again. 

 

"I'm so so sorry Minnie like, I had no idea that the tea was-" 

 

"Drugged?" 

 

Minho cringed and sat down on the bed. He looked utterly defeated. "Yeah. I mean, there's often a little something laced in the food but never usually in the drinks. It didn't even cross my mind. And anyway, the stuff they use- it's just a mild hallucinogenic to make susceptible idiots think they're having a religious experience. I've never seen it knock a person out before." 

 

Taemin pulled the most murderous face he could muster. His head was still thumping, his tummy churning, his vision starry and light sensitive, his ears ringing. Bad mood was an understatement. "Well it's a fucking honour to be the first." He swore several times under his breath. "I'm taking medication you know, twat. Helps with the spice craving and all that but you know what Victoria said the number one rule in taking it is?" 

 

Minho gulped. 

 

"DON'T MIX IT WITH OTHER DRUGS." 

 

"Look I'm sorry!! Believe me, I am! I had no idea they'd give you anything. I had no idea you'd even come! When Sun left this morning and said you'd be taking her place I honestly thought she was kidding!" 

 

Taemin clenched his fists. "You're being such a child holy fucking fuck. You know I've actually never had less respect for you and given the positions I've seen you in, that's really saying something." 

 

Minho's face turned stony as he swallowed several lumps of emotion down. "Don't lash out at me, I'm not in the mood. I appreciate you coming up here and I know you think I'm being crazy but-" 

 

"You're not in the mood? YOU'RE not in the mood? Do you think I was in the mood to come up here to an insane fucking cult and get drugged? Do you think Sun was in the mood to leave her child and sick practically mother to come up here to find you too? Do you think Key was in the mood to look after your child on his own because mommy and daddy were awol? Do you think Bie and Sehun were in the mood to come back from college and move us all into that tiny apartment ridiculously quickly cus Mei didn't have anyone else to protect her from-" 

 

"Oh shut the fuck up saint Taemin," Minho hissed, nostrils flaring as an inch of that so called flaming charisma threatened to escape. "Do you think I want to be up here? Do you think I wanted to beg my loser of a brother for the address to my psychopath of an uncle? No. No I fucking didn't. I wasn't 'in the mood' for that either. But I had no fucking choice. Do you have any idea how terrifying it was finding out about that threat one of Junghee's neighbours made? If I don't do something fast, if I don't make somewhere secure for Mei quickly, then there's a very real chance she'll be taken away from us Taemin. Don't you see that?" 

 

Taemin laughed. "Your paranoia is worse than mine oh my god. Mei's going nowhere. We've got her in the apartment right now and it was more the fighting between you and Sun that the lady complained about wasn't it? And besides look around idiot, does this place look secure?" 

 

Minho swallowed down his rage again. "No, dipshit," he hissed. "But it does look very fucking rich doesn't it?" 

 

"So you're just after their money? And you think it's gonna come with no creepy strings attached? Look around Minho." 

 

"I'm prepared to do whatever it takes," came the hiss in reply. "If I can somehow help them, spread the word or whatever, act like I belong again and want forgiveness, then they might just find it in their cold dead hearts to help 'get me back on my feet' or whatever. I know this is a small town but they have influence here. It's not just that they could give me money. They might even be able to find me a job and a place. Mei would never have to live in a shithole of a trailer park again and we would never have to fear that she'd get taken and-" 

 

"Wow," Taemin interrupted, holding up a hand. "You've really sold this to yourself haven't you?" 

 

"I've thought it through." 

 

"You've thought out nothing," Taemin snapped. He paused for a second, deliberating whether to start with some uber tough love or not. It seemed to be the only option left. "You know what I think?" 

 

Minho just stared into space. 

 

"I think you're a coward. It may not look like it, but this is actually the easy option for you. Running back to your psycho family begging for money may not be fun, but it's a whole lot easier than tackling addiction, reluctance to leave the shady life of the streets behind and that weird fucking issue you have with kind strangers wanting to help. You can't get your life together, although let's face it when have you ever really tried, and you're shit scared that Mei's gonna be taken away or that Sun's gonna leave because she has Junghee after all, why would she need you? So you run back to wherever here is, claiming you're the brave victim in all of this who's been pushed to his last resort. It's absolute fucking bullshit. You're the problem here Minho. Not Junghee, not the trailer, not those shady creeps you do deals with, not drugs, not even that bitch who complained about us. You. And honestly this was the worst plan in the shitting world. Thinking lunitics like your uncle will want to help you and expect nothing in return. I mean come on, surely you don't want Mei anywhere near these freaks. Jesus, I can see why you ran away from this like-" 

 

Taemin's flow cut off as Minho's blank stare turned fierce. That rant, while probably mostly true, had not been appreciated. "I didn't run away from them," came a low grumble. "They kicked me out." 

 

Taemin frowned. "You wanted to stay with them?" 

 

Minho laughed darkly. "Of course I fucking didn't! My own parents are 10 times worse than my uncle. But that doesn't mean I wanted things to turn out as they did. That doesn't mean I wanted to be ostracised from everything I ever knew, estranged from everyone who ever supposedly loved me and cast aside to rot on the streets." 

 

Taemin's frown continued on in confusion. "So uh, what you mean?" 

 

There was a groan before it seemed as if some kind of invisible wall fell down around Minho's ears. He sighed deeply. "You wanna hear about my life?" 

 

A reply wasn't needed. He began. 

 

"My childhood was horrible but back then, I didn't know that I was unhappy. I know that's a stupid thing to say probably like, if you don't know you're unhappy then you're happy right? Well wrong. I was brainwashed. I was taught to be a certain way, to shut up, to not overthink, to not question. So I didn't. I was compliant. I was the perfect son. I was respectful to the bubble I grew up in. I thought the way my parents acted was normal. I thought hating the sinners of the outside world was perfectly fine and I never gave two seconds of worry to the fact that some of those weird hallucinations my brother was having were making him sick. Or that my mother told me I could never leave or that my father said we were the superior ones. It all seemed fine and right and normal. Until it didn't." He shook his head angrily. "I was 15 when my brother got caught kissing another boy. They told him that if he didn't take this and that remedy to 'cure' his urges then they'd have no choice but to try 'harsher methods'. Which they did. And then he ran." 

 

The very judgmental part of Taemin wanted to interrupt something snarky like "and these are the people you think will help keep Mei safe" but decided to zip it. 

 

"Basically, I was horrified. I hadn't witnessed any such abuse up until that point but I guess as you get older, your eyes start to open and that's when the questions start and yeah, that was the beginning of the end. After my brother left, I was angry. I started rebelling in minor ways which they didn't take seriously until I told them that I was like him. Except I wasn't, of course. Sure I'm bi like, I've never been one to care about genitals –you know that- but at that time I was pretty much just saying it to see if they'd actually choose Him over another one of their children. Which they did." He scrunched his eyes as if remembering something intensely painful, then swallowed again. "Things turned real nasty after that. I won't go into details because there's just no point. All you need to know is that they cast me aside like trash. I ran to streets to be with my brother, who is probably more messed up than me to be honest, but it was better than staying at home anyway. We both got into that dealing crowd, the one that beat Key with that cunt who I was forced to-" the end of that sentence was 'kill' and they both knew it, but chose to move on. "And then, thank god, Onew took me in." 

 

Taemin would overlook the fact that to his memory, it had actually been him that had asked if they could quote 'keep the frog boy'. "So...what happened to your brother?" 

 

"He stayed in that sick dealing crowd. I didn't care to be honest. It sounds cold, but the idiot was still keeping in touch with my uncle and that just made me sick so I wanted nothing to do with him." 

 

"Not anymore it seems." 

 

"Oh holy fucking shit Taemin you don't get it at all!" Minho got up, slammed his fist against the wall and then kicked the side of the bed. It was an unusually theatrical outburst. "I hate being back here! I hate that I had to run to my lowlife of a brother for the address of my psychotic uncle and I hate that he's making me see my mother! OBVIOUSLY I'm not planning on bringing Mei anywhere near these creeps. But if I can persuade them I've changed, if I can swallow my pride and make it look like I'm one of them again then, well then there's a chance they could actually help me make something of my life, and Sun's, and Mei's. Financial security, finally. Under the circumstances I'm in: broke, living with a toxic old bat who's turning my partner against me, 'addicted' to street life as you said and scared out of my mind that Mei's gonna get taken...don't you think this is the best bad option I've got?" 

 

Taemin sighed. His dizziness had faded and at last he felt well enough to get up so he stood himself by the tiny window, gazing down at all those weird rows of plants. "No I don't," he said finally. "I think it's the easiest bad option. Minho-" He turned to face his friend directly, but the frog boy wouldn't make eye contact. "You know I don't understand you a lot of the time but I do, at least, know you. And we're not all that different honestly. I used to run away when I was scared too." 

 

Minho made a rather sarcastic 'heh' sound which Taemin ignored. 

 

"But then Bie came along." 

 

"Oh yeah, saint Jongin." 

 

It was Taemin's turn to 'heh'. "No not saint Jongin. Pushy Jongin. Believe me, even now I'd never sugar coat our relationship but you have to admit; he was the one who pushed me to get out of the streets, to seek help, get clean, stop renting, all that stuff. Sun's not like that for you and nor should she be. She's suffered just the same herself so it would be unrealistic to think that she'd be that person, pushing you to change, encouraging you when you're broken, steering you in the right direction when you're lost-" 

 

Minho put up a hand. "Look that's all very poetic and all Minnie but I literally have no idea what you're trying to-" 

 

"Well if you let me fucking finish," came a snap. Taemin recomposed himself. "What I'm saying is that I can be that person for you. If you come back, I promise I'll be your best friend again. We've been drifting apart for a really long time Minho and I know it's my fault. Saint Jongin kind of took over my life and all that didn't he? But I'm doing a bit better now. I can be there for you. I can be the pushy person you need keeping you away from the streets and helping you with craving and-" 

 

"Stop." 

 

Minho's eyes were clenched tight. Taemin couldn't read his friend's expression. Sadness? Anger? Resentment? Fear? It was all a murky grey area of something bad. 

 

The door burst open. It was Jia. 

 

"Oh. You're awake," she said saltily, eyes narrowing slightly on Taemin. "Good." She glanced at Minho blankly. "Your mother's been waiting downstairs for 20 minutes already and I'm not sure she's going to stay much longer if you don't come and greet her." 

 

Taemin continued to try and read his friend's expression with absolutely no luck. After an agonizingly painful few seconds, he finally spoke. 

 

"I'll be down in a minute." 

 

Heart sinking, the two friends caught each other's eyes for a split second before that was it. Taemin was gone, out of the room and down the stairs and through the corridor and back to the garden in a woosh of soul crushing disappointment. 

 

He didn't care about trying to spot Minho's mother. He didn't even slam the door on his way out or stamp on a few flower beds. His mind was far too busy whirring with anger, resentment and this weird horrible sinking feeling which preyed upon dark thoughts saying that he didn't even know his friend at all. 

 

He was practically in tears, almost at the end of the street, when fast footsteps were heard getting louder behind him. He whirled around, ready to fight or scream or do something seriously damaging if the person following happened to be trying to make him stay. But instead he just jumped back in shock. 

 

Minho didn't smile, but the look in his eyes said all that was needed; let's go home. 

 

\--- 

 

Hey my darlings <3 I hope this chapter wasn't too disappointing. Initially i had slightly mean intentions of bashing religion in general but then i just thought, no. be nice lol. So I made it more about minho than about what his 'crazy cult of a family' is actually really like. I'll leave that to your wonderful imagination i think xD sorry. Welp. 

Not so fun fact about me; most of my dad's side of family are either vicars or missionaries. they're northern irish too so as you can imagine, it's pretty hardcore shit. Yup. i come from crazy :D literally if they could hear all the jesus related profanity i use I think they'd get my spot in hell truly warmed up lmao. 

let's move on xD 

i hope everyone's doing ok! my week's been kinda tough. It was my birthday last sunday and I did actually get to do something really nice but pushed it energy wise a bit too much. I'll stop complaining. 

Not gonna lie, im really looking forward to writing heechul and taeminnie's date of disaster. And jonghyun will be home super soon. phew. Honestly I'm still not sure how long this has left. Idk if it's coming across how I'm intending but i feel like taemin's doing really freaking well and i definitely want to leave him that way. So we shall just see. 

Thanks so much for reading <3 love to you all. 

(sorry for all the errors)


	62. Home: But Gucci Slippers Though

"How 'bout this one?" 

 

Taemin turned his attention from the lavender colored silk shirt he'd been admiring to the gaudy, pinstriped jacket Heechul was holding up for him. It was, for want of a better word; vile, and there was no way in hell he'd ever be seen dead in it. 

 

"I take it from your expression you're not one for stripes." 

 

Taemin smiled. "Let me put it this way." He cleared his throat. "No." 

 

Heechul sighed. He'd got somewhere to be in half an hour and this was taking far too long. "Well what do you want to wear then? Just pick something expensive. Anything. I don't even care anymore." 

 

Taemin looked around. Everything in this store was expensive so that wasn't going to be hard. Huge flashy designer names hung over all the rails and there wasn't an inch of wall not covered in something horribly tacky. Most of the items had 'made in a sweatshop by underage kids paid less than the minimum wage' written all over them and the ridiculous price tags only reflected that. Then again, there were some neat slippers. 

 

"I want those." 

 

Heechul followed Taemin's eyeline towards the darkest, most undesirable corner of the shop. He burst out laughing. "No." 

 

"You said choose, I've chosen," Taemin insisted, strutting towards the slippers. Upon closer inspection, they really were hideous. But there was something kinda cool about them too. The fur lining (holy fuck he hoped it was fake) stuck out of the inside and round the heel like a yeti had been skinned. The black leather on top was so shiny that it was almost uncomfortable to look at. And then there was this weird gold bar on top which was as totally unnecessary as the things themselves. Also, they were gucci. 

 

Heechul groaned. "Fine. Take them. But you're not wearing them with me." His patience seemingly had finally withered and he marched up to the counter, making the server there jump. "Find this blonde a really fancy looking suit, will you? Black. Tailored. Tight fitting. Size extra extra extra small." 

 

Taemin scoffed as the poor young woman went scurrying off and continued browsing to pass the time. It actually physically nauseated him walking past all the price tags on some of this shit. 

 

"Great," Heechul snatched the outfit the lady had brought back and shoved it at Taemin to 'measure up'. "Good. It fits. Now no time for gift wrapping. Just get it in a bag and we're outta here." 

 

\--- 

 

Friday was looming and honestly, Key almost couldn't handle the pressure. Which just to be even more ridiculous, wasn't even there. Minho was back now, safe and sound (well sort of, more on that later), there was no need for the apartment to be spotless and it wasn't like Jonghyun was gonna care that they hadn't managed to get a mattress yet. Literally, there was no reason at all why Key should be feeling the way he was right now. Junghee was stable in hospital, he didn't even have to look after Mei because Sun was back on Mommy duty and Taemin seemed to more or less be taking care of himself too. 

 

Seriously though, the pressure was getting too much. And he was worried. So, so very worried that Jonghyun wouldn't be ok, that this wouldn't be the perfect happy ending they'd all been dreaming about. Because of course, it wasn't an ending. Sure Jonghyun may have only had 7 months in prison but couldn't that shit traumatize a person? Worse than er, being homeless for a good chunk of life? He'd seemed ok on their short visits so maybe this was just pure paranoia. But then it boiled down to the question of just what Jonghyun would do now. Heechul had out and out said that he wasn't 'running and outreach program' and wouldn't employ him, and now the guy had a record surely it would be even harder to find work. That was an issue. A big ass issue. 

 

"You think Bie'll be able to come down next week to see Jjong?" 

 

Key hadn't even noticed Taemin come into their apartment so was even more taken aback by the blonde's appearance than he should have been. "Shit! Why the fuck do you look so good?" 

 

Taemin smirked. "Just been out with Heechul getting dolled up for that dinner." He pulled out his phone to inspect himself in the screen. "Shit I do look good." 

 

"What's with the hair?" Key asked, still in mild shock. 

 

"What do you mean, what's with the hair? They styled it back. Don't you like my forehead?" 

 

"No it's just so blonde though like, pass me some shades will you." 

 

Taemin tutted and stopped inspecting himself, attempting to twirl instead. "Don't concentrate on the hair, concentrate on the shoes." 

 

"Oh holy mother of god." Key made lurching noises. 

 

"I know," Taemin laughed, flexing his gucci slippers. "They're so nasty." 

 

Key was done fawning. "Are you even planning to tell Jongin about this thing or what?" 

 

"Since when do you care if I tell Jongin things or not." 

 

"Since day one when I was already tired of cleaning up your relationship mess." 

 

"Point taken." Taemin paused for a second, mulling it through. He honestly had been planning to tell Jongin about the dinner. It would probably be fine if he could word it in a way that didn't include any of the following triggers; escorting, deals or repaying favors. He'd just have to say something vague like "Heechul wanted me to go to this event with him as a guest last minute" or "I'm the only guy Heechul can trust to go to business dinners with and not fuck it up." Yeah. Because neither of those things were lying, they just weren't telling the whole truth which was that Heechul had basically backed Taemin into a corner and said if he didn't act as an escort then he'd be fired if he took anymore leave. Which er, wouldn't go down so well with a certain bumblebie. 

 

"I actually was," Taemin finally replied. "It'll be fine." 

 

"You sure 'bout that?" Key's expression was expertly condescending. "Because the dinner's on Friday night and it's Thursday today. And in case you've forgotten, a certain friend of ours is also getting out of jail tomorrow so it's not like you're gonna have a lot of time for arguments with that stupid boyfriend of yours. It's basically tell him today or don't bother telling him at all." 

 

Taemin frowned. "It's not like I'm asking his permission to do it," he said indignantly. "You're making way too big a deal out of this." 

 

"I just don't want anything to go wrong tomorrow ok!" Key snapped. There it was. "Tomorrow has to go fucking perfect ok? Jjong has to come home to a settled, happy household you got it? I've already had a word with Sun and Minho about it-" 

 

"Oh I bet that went down well." 

 

"-And they said they'd 'put their differences aside' and 'not mention the running back to the cult thing' so it could be a peaceful fucking day-" 

 

Taemin rolled his eyes at that. They were staying at Junghee's so literally weren't even gonna be here for his initial homecoming. And it's not like the dino boy would be expecting his friends to have all had personality transplants. Some form of yelling was a part of this group's every day and surely Jonghyun would just be glad for a bit of normality. 

 

"-And now I'm telling you that I don't want any moping or any drama or any 'uhoh I didn't realize Heechul actually does want sex' hissy fits." 

 

The snort that followed was pretty extra. "Key, will you just fucking chill? Jonghyun's not made of porcelain. And like nothing's gonna happen. I'll tell Bie today if that makes you happy but he's gonna be fine with it and seriously, tomorrow will be ok. Not perfect. Because that's just weird. But ok." 

 

Key noticeably tried to unclench. "I'll chill," he said quietly. "But I really really just want everything to go smoothly. I mean it's the first time he'll have even seen this place." 

 

Taemin nodded. "I know. And it will Key, it will. Now let's talk about my slippers again yeah?" 

 

\--- 

 

Jongin's good day had deteriorated within the last hour. It had started out great- the news that Minho was back was fucking fabulous and he still hadn't quite recovered from the fact that it had all pretty much been down to Taemin. Then thinking that Jonghyun would be home tomorrow was fucking incredible too. His studies were going well too like, he was well on track for his first exam and that was actually something he could deal with. Plus he'd had a giant burger for lunch with Sungwoon and he couldn't have been more full if he tried. Hunger was never something he'd miss and the lack of it always put him in a happy mood. 

 

So all in all, it had been a good day, but then in private study/video gaming time Sehun had come knock knock knocking on his door all anxious and worried and interrogatory. It was about Jimin, which to be frank like, why the fuck would he be telling Jongin about him. Jongin didn't give two shits about the kid. Let him rot on the streets. Let him overdose. Let him die. Ok ok ok maybe those things were a bit excessive and maybe that was just scarybie talking but holy shit, did he hate that guy. The traitor had literally almost got both Taemin and Sehun killed with his stupidity. And sure he 'hadn't meant it' and 'didn't know what he was doing' but no, ok, no. That wasn't an excuse when his mistakes had almost cost Jongin two of the people he cared most about in the world. So yeah. Rant over. But it was pretty damn hard to have sympathy for the cunt, so it was pretty damn hard to listen to Sehun ramble on for an hour and a half about how he could get in touch with him or 'can you ask Taemin to check behind the station' or 'what if he's gone to that fighting ring' blah blah blah. Doesn't exactly put you in the best mood. And then the phone rang. 

 

"This is a weird time to call." 

 

It was 6pm which was dinner time for Jongin and get ready for work at the bar for Taemin. 

 

"That's a nice hello. Can't I call you at this time? You can eat while we talk if you like." 

 

"I'm still full from lunch." 

 

"What did you have?" 

 

"A burger." 

 

"Was it nice?" 

 

"Yeah." 

 

Taemin snorted. "Oh god, haven't I just caught you in the best mood." 

 

Jongin sighed and decided to get up from his tiny desk (where his back was aching from the long ass toddler conversation) to slump down lazily on his bed. "Sorry," he sighed. "I'll lighten up. Just had an annoying conversation with Sehun." 

 

"He's good at those." 

 

"Mm." Jongin literally dug himself under the covers. "How was your day baby?" 

 

"Fine. Boring. Visited Junghee for a bit, went er, shopping. Haven't talking to Minho much but hopefully will tomorrow when he comes over to see Jonghyun." 

 

Jonghyun sighed. "I wish I could come back for that." 

 

"It's not a big deal," Taemin said lightly. "Jonghyun'll just wanna snuggle with Key the whole day probably. It'll be better you and Sehun come back when he's actually in the mood to be sociable." 

 

"You're probably right. Still sucks though." 

 

"Mm." It was Taemin's turn to sigh. The conversation so far hadn't gone as sweetly as he'd hoped and Jongin certainly wasn't buttered up yet for not so great news. 

 

"What did you buy?" 

 

"Huh?" 

 

"You said you went shopping," Jongin said. "Like, just for groceries or did you actually get something nice?" 

 

"Er, nice things," Taemin replied. "Actually oh my god. I found these slippers, cheap as fuck don't worry, but they're hideous Bie fuck you're gonna love 'em." 

 

Jongin laughed. "I'm sure I will." 

 

"I actually uh, got my hair dyed too." 

 

There was a crackly pause. "Really? Like, at a place instead of doing it yourself?" 

 

"Yeah at a place. It's called the hairdressers Bie." Taemin rolled his eyes. "But yeah. Heechul paid." 

 

Another pause. "Why?" 

 

"Cus uh, he wants his employees to look good." 

 

More pauses, length of which correlated with the amount of suspicion building. 

 

"Jesus Bie I can literally hear the cogs turning in your brain." 

 

"No no I just," pause, "I don't get it. Why would he want his workers super smart all of a sudden?" 

 

"Well uh, this is why I'm ringing you to be honest." 

 

"Uhoh." 

 

"Tch don't uhoh it's like nothing." 

 

"Fucking hell." 

 

"Quit it Bie, it's seriously nothing. Heechul just asked if I could be his plus one at this business event and I said I would. That's literally it. He got my hair dyed and bought me a nice suit for it today cus it's not like we own anything formal right? That's it, honestly, that's it." 

 

The was loud groan on the other end. "Why does it fill me with dread when you continuously say something's it?" 

 

"Cus you have a suspicious personality?" 

 

Jongin frowned and Taemin could almost see the expression in his mind. "Is he paying you?" 

 

"Uh, yeah." 

 

"So it's not like a friendly arrangement thing then, it's a deal." 

 

"What do you mean?" 

 

"I mean like, this is the guy who made you trade yourself for showers so forgive me if I don't trust him to make fair or trustworthy arrangements." 

 

"Uhoh." Taemin made his mind zip into action before this got any worse. "Look baby," 

 

"Don't baby me when you're trying to butter me up." 

 

"Look Kim Jongin," Taemin scoffed. "Yes he's paying me to come with him to dinner. I'm the only employee he trusts and with good fucking reason. It's so fine, you know? It's so fine. I'm just gonna get dressed up, go out with him, stuff my face with tiny food on cocktail sticks, be hella adorable and likeable and good for business then come the fuck straight home." 

 

It was clear how uncomfortable this made Jongin just by the breathy crackles on the phone. Taemin could just imagine him right now, laying on his dorm bed, fists digging into the sheets to try and relieve some of the horrible agitation he felt, clutching the phone so tightly it was a wonder the thing didn't crack. But then there was a sigh, rustle of covers, and a quiet "ok." 

 

"Really?" 

 

"Yeah. Just call me before you go and when you get back in." 

 

"It might be pretty late." 

 

"I don't care, just do it." 

 

"Ok." 

 

"…" 

 

"You're taking this awfully well." 

 

"Am I?" 

 

"Well sort of. I think Key was scared you'd get mad." 

 

"What's there to get mad over?" 

 

Taemin snorted for the millionth time. "That sounds like a trick question. I'm gonna go. You alright though babe? Can I call you baby now I'm not trying to butter you up?" 

 

"I'd still prefer Kim Jongin." 

 

"Bye loser." 

 

"Bye." 

 

Taemin hung up. Why did he feel like that had gone too well? 

 

\--- 

 

Taemin didn't get the early night he'd wanted that evening because Minho had popped round, stinking of alcohol and mostly out of his fucking mind. Although it was nothing particularly new, it was still painful to see and early next morning before Jonghyun came home, Taemin vowed to himself to ring Victoria and properly discuss help for his friend, who in his opinion was finally ready to accept it. If it was even available of course, which Taemin desperately hoped it was. Now was the time to make good on his promise to the frog boy; that if Minho came home and attempted to get clean, then Taemin would be properly there for him to help. 

 

It was a genuinely astonishing fact that the blonde was the 'cleanest' out of the original group. Minho was probably doing the worst, having so much difficultly cutting ties with the streets altogether. Taemin was sure that if he looked in his bag there would still be a multitude of smokeable substances in there. Then it was probably Jonghyun, although fuck knows how jail would have affected that. He'd said in a note that spice wasn't that hard to get so presumably he was still on that, but obviously his intake had dramatically decreased since their initial street days so hopefully that was still the case now. Then Key came next. He was down to one and a half spliffs per day, half early morning, the whole late at night. There wasn't a hope in hell, according to him, that he'd ever be able to go to sleep without it but he was intent on cutting out the half at the beginning of his day none the less. And lastly Taemin, who was shockingly down to only half a spliff per day in the morning. The evening fixes had been completely eradicated for him and if he could only get that one gone, he'd be clean. He'd actually be clean. Even now, the notion sort of didn't seem real, but he was living on the hope that one day it would be his reality. That he'd wake up and his first thought would be of his day, or his lover, or god dammit his cat, and not of how fast he could get that fix down him. 

 

"Get up! Get your ass up right now! He'll be here in less than half an hour!" 

 

Taemin opened his bleary eyes with a jolt. He wasn't even in the 'bedroom' section of their tiny little apartment, but instead just laid out, limbs everywhere next to the window. Key must have, ever so sweetly, covered him in blankets the night before. If only the expression on the cat boy's face was as nurturing right now. 

 

"Get. Your. Ass. Up," came another hiss. "Seriously Taemin. I've been up since six, I've cleaned, I've been to see Sun, I've got groceries-" 

 

"And a balloon," Taemin said unhelpfully, noticing the thing bobbing up and down in the corner. It was presumably a welcome home one which was pretty cute to be honest. 

 

"-And you've somehow managed to sleep through the whole fucking thing!" 

 

"Well I was up late with Minho wasn't I? Not all of us have the luxury of early nights. He came back here conked out of his mind and we went walking up and down the neighborhood trying to walk it off after my shift." 

 

"Whatever saint Taemin," Key hissed. "Just please for god's sake, get dressed. And tidy your crap pile, will you?" 

 

Taemin decided to do as he was told. His crap pile was pretty magnificent and without any proper cupboard storage, simply had to be shoved under a few coats and blankets in the corner of the room. It mainly consisted of old spice packets, dirty laundry, a few magazine's he'd pinched from work and some stuffed animals, most of which were either teddy bears or bumble bees. Sugar liked to sleep with them too so it wasn't like they hadn't got a purpose. 

 

"Thank you," Key said, a little less sharply once the pile had been hidden and the blonde was wearing clothes. They'd both gone for the most decent things they owned; Taemin a pair of his least holey jeans with crisp white tee, Key some tight fitting black pants and a (mostly) unwrinkled oversized shirt. 

 

"I still feel like we should have gone to pick him up," Taemin said, absentmindedly dragging some more crap to another corner of the room and throwing a towel over the heap. The place was going to be ridiculously precarious because pretty much all their unsightly junk was hidden in unstable piles at the edges of the room and even the slightest knock would most likely topple them over. Joy. 

 

"Me too," Key sighed. "But he didn't want us to come back to that place and for that I'm grateful." 

 

"Mm," Taemin agreed, deciding to bite the bullet and ask a stupid question. "What if he's really traumatized?" 

 

"What more than he was already?" Key joked, then suddenly his smile dropped as an apparent dark thought crossed his mind. "It doesn't matter. If he's broken, we'll piece him back together." 

 

"Ok." 

 

They cleared away the rest of the junk in relative silence. Jongin texted twice, the first- "Is he there yet?" And the second- "Did you get my message?" Lmao. Taemin hated inpatient texters so chose to ignore them both. 

 

It was forty five minutes later than the estimated time that the familiar sound of footsteps came pit pattering down the corridor. 

 

Key realized first, his ears almost pricking up like a dog. Then suddenly he was gone, flinging the door open with a thud and rushing out towards the figure trudging towards their little apartment outside. 

 

It was quite a beautiful moment to witness honestly. Taemin peered round the door frame just in time to witness Jonghyun, finally Jonghyun, drop his two rucksacks to the ground and prepare himself for the Key shaped bulldozer which was fast approaching. Arms wide and outstretched, the start of the hug that followed was more like a tackle than a show of actual affection, making both of them stumble with the sheer force of it. But then as moments passed and the initial shock of seeing each other deteriorated into a tight clutch of sobbed "I love you's" and "I've missed you so much's", the mood drastically changed to the sweetest, clingiest type of love Taemin had ever seen. Jonghyun started to kiss Key's tears away. Key remained clutching so tightly to his lover it was almost heartbreaking. Then Jonghyun started to smile through his sobs. Then so did Key. Then so did Taemin. 

 

It was only after a good couple few minutes of grasping at each other and an absurdly loud hiccup on Taemin's part, that Jonghyun even seemed to realize that the blonde was watching them. 

 

"Minnie!" He called, eyes widening as he made one hand pull away from Key and open wide- a clear invitation to join the hug. 

 

Key did the same and Taemin didn't hesitate for a second, quite happy to be engulfed in the middle of this rather too emotional friend sandwich. 

 

The sweet reunion lasted for another good minute and a half after that, everyone squeezing everyone. But then Jonghyun kissed a random part of Taemin's face (probably meant to be his cheek but in the haphazard hug it ended up more like eyebrow) and they all broke apart. 

 

Key finally took a moment to look his lover up and down, then frowned. "You look like absolute shit." 

 

Jonghyun beamed. "I know. Will you help me with my bags? They feel like lead." 

 

"What with those muscles?!" Taemin cut in, unable to resist squeezing one of them. "Did you like, do nothing but work out?" 

 

The laugh that followed was a bit too forced to be comfortable. "Pretty much. Got some new tattoos as well, wanna see?" 

 

Taemin didn't get a chance to scoff before Key was shrieking in outrage. "Prison tattoos! Really?! How fucking sanitary!" 

 

"I'm fine," Jonghyun chuckled, again the laughter was way too forced. "And they're only small ones." 

 

"Whatever," came the peeved reply as Key picked up one of the bags, ushering Taemin to do the same. "Let's show you the apartment before we get into tattoos ok?" 

 

"Oh shit yeah," Jonghyun said, wide eyed as he followed the two of them down the corridor and back to their little bedsit. 

 

There was silence as they entered and Jonghyun inspected the surroundings. Not quite the reaction Taemin'd been hoping for but then an even weirder one came- laughter. And a lot of it. 

 

"God it's like a tiny little pixie place or like we're borrowers or something!" Jonghyun went over to the kitchen to continue his hysteria. "Is this smaller than our derelict shithole? Fuck! I think it is!" 

 

"Well I'm not sure size really matters," Key said, making Jonghyun laugh even more because apparently that's an innuendo. "It has running water and everything works and it's warm and it doesn't leak and we're safe and-" 

 

Jonghyun's foot accidentally nudged one of the precarious piles of hidden junk, which obviously came crashing down. 

 

"And it contains a few dozen piles of crap?" He finished, smirking before reaching down to pick up a tiny stray sock. It was Mei's and his face fell. 

 

"She's almost one now right?" 

 

Taemin and Key glanced at each other in worry before either replied. 

 

"Yeah," Key said softly. "Sun and Minho are coming over with her later." 

 

"Oh." 

 

Taemin and Key exchanged another look because the mood change had been pretty damn drastic. 

 

"She's missed you," Taemin put in. "I can tell." 

 

"She won't even be able to remember me," Jonghyun said quietly. He turned to the window, his face long and sunken but then in the splittest second, clapped his hands and shook it off. 

 

"Jesus look at me whining!" He finally noticed the slippers. "Minnie what the fuck have you got on your feet?" 

 

\--- 

 

So guys holy shit has it been a while! I hope you're still there sob. Pls don't forget about me lol. 

I especially feel bad because there are a few lovely pms I haven't replied to yet and I just can't with myself. Very super sorry! Ya'll know who you are! 

Anyhoo. Good evening though. Crap on a cracker, what an amazing fucking dance it has. Koharu is an actual wizard. And obviously, I can't mention it without saying just how touching it is, how much we all miss him and how horribly it stings to see a chair missing. I don't believe in the afterlife so it feels as if I have absolutely nothing comforting to offer on the subject- only that maybe jonghyun's terrible tragedy will perhaps in turn save a life. I so desperately hope it will. 

Sorry. I wasn't going to mention it because it's not my place so that's all I'll say. 

As always, I hope you guys are ok and I hope this chap wasn't too boring. Taemin and heechul's date should be fun to write lol looking forward to that. And yes methinks jongin did take it too well lmao, answering myself, real cool. I'm so happy jjong's back too even if he's weird. I've missed writing him a lot. 

Sending hugs 

<3


End file.
